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1 The Newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society Volume 34 Issue 15 | Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Favourite Albums and Songs of How to Pull an Allnighter Top Wayz to Conduct an Interview 2013

Page 7 Page 13 Page 15 facebook.com/TheIronWarrior twitter.com/TheIronWarrior iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca Aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan

Francis R. Malasig/EPA/Landov Typhoon Haiyan makes landfall in the Phillippines.

Nina Feng The area most particularly affected by of the globe in the form of supplies, aid Forces’ Disaster Assistance Response 3B Environmental the storm was the province of Leyte, on personnel, and monetary donations, Team (DART) were also deployed and Samar Island. Parts of its capital, Tacloban sometimes highlighting political tensions will not return for a number of months. Typhoon Haiyan made landfall in the City, were completely washed away. The and competitiveness, especially in the Their duties include providing clean Philippines on November 7, leaving total number of confirmed fatalities sums cases of China, and the United States. water, medical assistance, and rescue cataclysmic destruction in its wake, before to over 5,000 people, with an estimated Canada allocated an initial $5 million, with work. Immigration applications and visa heading north to Vietnam. With wind 18,000 more injured. Billions of dollars another $15 million for UN and Red Cross extensions from those personally affected speeds of up to 315 km/h, it was classified worth of agriculture and infrastructure organizations as needed. In addition, by the events will also be prioritized and as a Category 5 super typhoon, setting the were destroyed in the Philippines, and the government pledged to match every treated compassionately. record for the strongest tropical cyclone surrounding countries such as China and dollar donated by its citizens to registered Many obstacles have been faced, to make landfall and the fourth most Vietnam. Canadian charities until December 9. powerful observed to date. Foreign aid is coming from all parts Some members of the Canadian Armed Continued on Page 2 at TYPHOON EngHack!

Clarisse Schneider breaks, and fresh pots of coffee. at Square, Co-founder of FreePoint Inc, Boy Mohammad. Good Morning is a 2A Software After working all night, the teams set and previous Senior Software Engineer at personalized, user-friendly day-at-a-glance up to demo for our lovely judges: Chris Google. service that integrates weather, events, On November 9, 100 hardcore hackers Vandevelde, a 4A Systems Design student The judges visited every team and came and news into one customized experience embarked on an endeavour of epic with a specialty in Android development together to choose their top 8 teams, who with email notifications, accessibility from proportions: to design digital solutions to and previous co-ops at Canopy Labs then publicly presented their product in any web browser, and a native iOS app. student problems in 24 hours. and Square; Lucas Wojciechowski, a 3B more detail. After much deliberation, the top The algorithms take into account weather Running from 7PM on Saturday to 7PM Software Engineering Student and front- three teams and honourable mentions were statistics to calculate daily weather, highlight on Sunday, students broke up into groups of end wizard with previous co-ops at Twitter announced and various prizes distributed major upcoming events in your calendars, one to four people to code a unique project and Inkling; Vinit Kudva, a Software (including Nerf guns and plush geese!). and display daily news that interests you. which would benefit their peers on campus. Engineering graduate, recurring judge for The first-place team’s hack, Good In second place was uWallet, an Android The lengthy competition was punctuated by Software Fourth-Year Design Projects, Morning, is the brainchild of 1A software app created by 1A software engineering goofy Minute to Win It games, swag drops and current Enflick Software Developer; students Sameer Qadri, Geoffrey (courtesy of Google), much-needed food and Marcelo Cortes, a Software Engineer Yu, Hicham Abou-Jaoude, and Jami Continued on Page 7 at ENGHACK The Iron Warrior 2 Editorial wednesday, November 27, 2013 Letter From the Editor

Thank You and Don’t Forget to be Awesome The Newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society meetings due to scheduling conflicts with accomplish next term. a class. I will personally remember these last Editor-in-Chief Alexander lee Alexander Lee Editor-in-chief I also have some awards to mention. three months as some of the best months Every term, we give out two awards. The of my life. This was the first time I took on Iron Pen Award goes to the person who such a large responsibility, and I can only Assistant Editor wrote the most number of words in the pa- hope that I shouldered it admirably. One Farzi Yusufali Hello readers, per in the term. The Editor’s Award goes thing I know I could have improved on It’s been a long road with many ups and to those people who have helped me the during the term was communication with Layout Editors downs, but we’ve arrived at the final issue most this term. EngSoc. I know scheduling conflicts kept Nancy Hui of The Iron Warrior this term. I’d like to The Iron Pen Award this term goes to me from being able to go to meetings, but Kevin Liang thank all my staff for all their hard work newcomer Alex Toth! Nancy Hui was in I could have found other ways to keep in writing articles and copy editing. They’ve the lead for most of the term, but despite touch with them. Their input and advice Copy Editors been an invaluable help to me this term, an impressive 2000 words coming from could have made this term much easier, Nancy Hui and without them, there would not be a Nancy this issue, Alex delivered a 3055 and Hopefully this will not be the end, but Jessica Keung newspaper. word monster to me this issue, which just a beginning as I pursue bigger and better Kyla Rodgers I’d like to thank Jacob Terry and Farzi barely placed him over Nancy in word things next term, and I hope to stay in- Leah Kristufek Yusufali for all their help this term, espe- count. Congrats to Alex! volved in the engineering community. Jacob Terry cially early. They helped me to iron out the The Editor’s Award this year goes to Jes- All that said, these last several days have kinks in our publishing schedule this term, sica Keung! She’s been very helpful this been rather trying to me. My godmother Photo Editor and Jacob was the one who suggested term, writing several articles and starting passed away early last week, and naturally Kyla Rodgers printing the election issue. Farzi has been a new humour column called How to Talk I needed to attend the funeral. This meant invaluable in helping me to catch mistakes to… which will hopefully be a worthy suc- I would be home from Thursday night Advertising Manager in the issues. cessor to the vaunted TopZ (with a Z). She to Friday morning. While I do not regret Alex Toth I’d also like to thank Nancy Hui, Nina has also been my representative at said this decision, it did put me behind, both Jessica Keung Feng, and Vince Magas as well as all my EngSoc meetings which I couldn’t attend, in schoolwork and on the paper. Again Nissrine Bouslama other copy editors for all the work they did has done virtually every edition of the Iron though, no regrets here. While it’s impor- catching grammar and spelling errors and Inquisition this term, and has been here tant to learn from every experience in your Circulation Managers making sure that articles were printed as for the majority of production weekends. life, it’s more important to know what you Meagan Cardno error free as possible. Thanks for being such a big help and for learned in those experiences. I had lost Thank you to the many who contribut- doing basically anything I needed you to. my grandfather and my godmother, both Web Editors ed to the paper this term. Your words and I would also like to announce the new of whom I was very close to, within the Nancy Hui thoughts are the heart of the paper, and I EIC for the Summer 2014 term: Nina span of months. But I do not wish they did Vince Magas hope those thoughts have informed many, Feng! Nina has been with the paper since not pass away. I miss them, but they both and made them think. 1A, and was one of the most prolific con- lived very full lives, and I am happy for Staff Writers I would like to thank both Mary and the tributors to the paper this term. She also the time I was able to spend with them. Alex Toth EngSoc execs this term for basically man- has layout experience and knows how the Change is nessecary in life, even if some- Brian So aging the paper’s finances. Mary has been paper will run. I’m sure you will do a great times we would wish it wasn’t. And the Cameron Soltys an invaluable help by delivering invoices job in Summer 2014 Nina, and if you need lessons I learned from this last week I will Edward Blake to advertisers and informing me about im- help, don’t hesitate to ask me or any of the keep with me for the rest of my days. Elizabeth Salsberg portant things like signing cheques and other previous EICs and others. Thank you for being here throughout Jacob Terry alerting me that Plant Ops wanted to put I also want to give a shout-out to Spens- the term reading my ramblings about re- Meagan Cardno up the boards in the room. I know the Eng- er Good, the incoming EIC for next term. cent events and about life and challenges. Myles Tan Soc execs were very busy, and my only Circumstances allowed him to turn up for I hope it didn’t bore too much. Thank you Nancy Hui regret is that the one time they all handed several meetings this term and to write sev- readers for continuing to pick up and read Nina Feng in their reports on time was a week that eral articles, even though he’s offstream The Iron Warrior. It means a lot to us and Vincent Magas wasn’t a publishing weekend. Well, that this term. I’m sure he’ll do an amazing after all, we are proving a service to you, Wade Wilson and also that I couldn’t attend any EngSoc job and I look forward to see what he will and we are thankful you appreciate it. Kevin Liang

Contributors Typhoon Haiyan Linked to Catherine Declaro Kristina Lee Megan McNeil Climate Change Orysia Soroka Peter Robertson Continued from Page 1 at TYPHOON More casualties were sustained and the a hunger strike in an attempt to push for Yasser Al-Khder general health and well-being of the meaningful results. He has since been Clarisse Schneider however. The large amount of damage citizens was threatened. Military presence joined by tens of other people, including Kirusha Sri to the infrastructure had essentially shut was increased as a result, and martial law American delegates and environmental Rachel Pautler down all utilities and systems in the area. was considered. Aside from the delivery of organizations. Himesh Patel Planes could not be operated in darkness, relief, clean-up and body recovery efforts The rebuilding and recovery from such Zach Waterfield and supplies were not readily distributed had to be conducted, with body identifying a disaster will take years. Thousands of due to closed airports. Hospitals were for the thousands that were missing. Filipino citizens have lost their entire not operating at full capacity. With the Climatologists and scientists attribute livelihoods, with no quick fix to regain ADVISORY BOARD sudden lack of life’s necessities, citizens the remarkable force of the storm to what once was theirs. The psychological became desperate and reports of violence climate change, an issue that many toll from such a loss will also need to be Off-Stream Editor-in-Chief and looting were widespread, especially believe has yet to be addressed in a attended to in the long run. In the meantime, Spenser Good in Tacloban City. Relief convoys were real way. At the 2013 United Nations this and other similar occurrences ambushed, rice warehouses raided and Climate Change Conference, Filipino have helped to spur discussions on the Executive Members stores looted in acts of self-preservation. lead climate negotiator Yeb Saño declared prevention of future catastrophes. Catherine Declaro Brendan O’Hanlon Advertise With Us! Annamaria Reda Students-at-Large Want to reach a wide, intelligent audience which includes students, faculty and staff at the University? Liz Celentano Kelsey Waugh We are the official newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society representing the entire undergraduate engineering student body of over 6000 students. The Iron Warrior is a forum for thought-provoking and informative articles published by the Engineering Society. Views expressed in The Our newspaper is distributed all across campus and is the perfect medium to Iron Warrior are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Engineering Society. advertise your event, employer information session, service, etc. The Iron Warrior encourages submissions from students, faculty and members of the university community. Submissions should reflect the concerns and intellectual standards of the university in general. The au- For more information, please visit iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca/advertising or contact thor's name and phone number should be included. All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the property of The us at [email protected], 519-888-4567, Ext. 32693 Iron Warrior, which reserves the right to refuse publication of material which it deems unsuitable. The Iron Warrior also reserves the right to edit grammar, spelling and text that do not meet university standards. Authors will be notified of any major changes that may be required. Frosh Issue Deadline: Tuesday, August 20 at 6:00 p.m. for publication on Tuesday, August 27, 2013 Mail should be addressed to The Iron Warrior, Engineering Society, Send your submissions to [email protected] E2 2349A, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G1. Our phone number is (519) 888-4567 x32693. E-mail can be sent to iwarrior@. uwaterloo.ca The Iron Warrior Wednesday, November 27, 2013 News 3 In Defense of Happily Ever After

Kirusha Sri screaming, you ask yourself if you should be of this life by now. placement already exists- a doppelganger that 3N Electrical basking in some kind of glory. Unlike a roll- You wonder how everyone else does it- this you won’t meet. Life is going to go on when ercoaster, you’ve been on this ride for years. dark art, staying. How did they do it? Most at- you hand in your ID. It’s 1:28 a.m. You can hear all 3 clocks in Time has hardened you, but now you sec- tempts left you with a sour aftertaste. At least Even though it seems to always be new by the apartment tick. The reset button is going to ond guess some of your active loathing. But you can blame change on the grand calendar, now you know it isn’t really in some ways. be hit soon and the alarm will sound, but this then you don’t. Tough times have taught you but that doesn’t justify people drifting, cit- The front desk assistant may have a different time you don’t have enough time this time. things though. You think of all the friendships ies changing, restaurants closing, and your name; your extension may be a different set F***. Your relationship with the reset button that would never have happened if you hadn’t favourite colleagues moving on to new and of four digits- you have to look yourself up in wasn’t always like this. It used to be a refresh shared the same quicksand. delightful positions. These are the curses of Outlook or check your email signature to find instead of a hard reboot. There is an art to the restart. There is a new- lingering too long. it. Perhaps you’ve hit that point where there You are better off now than you were then. ness that comes from buying furniture on Kijiji Settling down, that’s something that even isn’t one place to call home. No matter where This is fact, even if you haven’t had a legal and finding housing on short notice. Meeting if you think about seems like something that you are, you are going to be missing someone amount of sleep in days. Moving 12 times in 5 up with a friend for a meal last minute in a city happens to other people. But you have to ad- or some get together. That’s alright though, years is what your adventures have amounted you are only in for the night isn’t too much mit that you have a few homebody tendencies: time can be made. Impressive distances can to. You get an email that indicates that you are of a stretch of the imagination. You hope their staying in can be appealing considering you be travelled. in your homestretch now: your class is going number hasn’t changed as often as yours has. can now afford a legitimate Netflix account Perhaps happily ever after will be knowing on the IRS countdown clock come winter. All There is beauty in transience. Friendships and premium ice cream. That said you still get when to stay and when to go. It will be figur- of a sudden you are flooded with signs that go from new, to newly old. Goodbye and hello a kick out of getting a good deal at the grocery ing out how not to be a workaholic. It will be your days are numbered. are what you know. Less is more: packing the store. You are living in the better side of town knowing when to chase something and when Apparently this ride is going to be over contents of your life in six hour or less isn’t now, your roommate is nice and you have pat- to cut your losses. It will be long drives and soon. Just like when going that last hill of a unheard of in your circle. Belongings change terns. You’ve learned the names of the people short conversations. It will be apologizing, roller coaster ride and you see the operator hands but memories are there for as long as you work with and you see your name and getting up at odd hours, and assembling IKEA and a line of people that are waiting to get you need them. They compensate for the extension on a staff list. You don’t let that go furniture. It will be fantastic to have control of on. While you’ve spent the past few years chaos. You’d have thought we’d be masters to your head because you know that your re- the reset button. Particle Accelerators Not Just for Understanding the Universe

behaved, because visible light was reflected Impressionist artist Vincent van Gogh. Due create a detailed, coloured imaged of a peasant Cameron Soltys by the droplets while x-rays from traditional to his abject poverty, van Gogh would often woman hidden under “Patch of Grass.” The 1A Mechanical sources such as medical devices were too paint over his paintings to save canvas. team hopes that this same technique can be weak to produce a high quality image. While previous attempts were made to reveal used again to reveal more lost paintings, and The team at the Advanced Photon Source the hidden paintings using medical X-rays, to authenticate other possible van Goghs. measured the x-rays entering the engine, the resulting images were low in quality and The possibilities with particle accelerators Particle accelerators are well know for and those which reached the other side. The monochrome. are endless. Even as bigger and bigger their part in the making of groundbreaking differences were indicative of the distribution But by using the X-ray emissions from the synchrotrons are built to push forward our scientific discoveries. The Large Hadron of fuel in the cylinder, so using the data from Dorris III particle accelerator in Hamburg, understanding of reality, the smaller ones are Collider, for instance, is famous for proving their highly-sensitive recording devices the Germany, a team of museum curators, helping in their own ways to make the world the existence of the once-elusive Higgs- researchers managed to produce extremely physicists, and art historians managed to a little better, or a little more beautiful. Boson particle. But these synchrotrons, as high quality images of the gas cloud. they are often referred to as, can be used for The experiment is already yielding results. much more practical applications, such as For instance, the images show that fuel improving engine efficiency or discovering injectors suck in corrosive waste gases from new masterpieces. the cylinder as they close, which could effect In 2008, researchers used the X-rays their life-span and long term effectiveness. emitted from the particle accelerator at the Manufacturers are now using this revelation Advanced Photon Source near Chicago, to make better, more efficient fuel injectors. Illinois, to study the performance of fuel Another novel, and perhaps more injections systems for combustion engines. innovative, use of the X-rays from Until this experiment, there was little data on synchrotrons has been helping to discover how the fuel cloud released by fuel injectors lost masterpieces painted by Dutch post- The Iron Warrior 4 Opinion wednesday, November 27, 2013 Point vs. Counterpoint

POINT Should the government subsidize Renewable COUNTERPOINT Energy R&D?

Nancy Hui the wages of its stockpeople and cashiers with minimal immediate profit or ap- Kevin Liang 3B Civil so they could actually make a living off plication also rely on government aid to 4A Chemical of their menial jobs, but clearly human compete domestically. Waiting until we Although it is tempting to leave renew- collectivism is the stuff of science fiction are financially forced to study renewable rural and remote locations, far from peak able resource research and development movies. It is foolish to leave renewable sources of energy poses a greater burden demand. The long transmission distances in the invisible hands of the free market, energy development to the whims of the to consumers than planning for the de- further increases electricity costs. it is insufficient to properly achieve a sus- private sector. velopment of future energy sources post- The Ontario Green Energy Act, intro- tainable hold in the energy industry. Not only is it important to begin de- peak oil. duced in 2009 by former premier Dalton In theory, cancelling government subsi- veloping renewable energy now before McGuinty, promised to create 50,000 dies for sustainable energy research and the eve of the impending oil crash, but It is widely accepted that conventional jobs. However, it was reported by Jim Mc- development would be more efficient: it subsidies can also be used to reduce the energy sources are in need of improve- Carter, Ontario’s former Auditor General would reduce taxpayer burden, transfer price of renewable energy. This serves ment and reform. However, renewable en- that only 30,000 jobs were created with a the financial burden of science into the multiple purposes: reduced prices can ergy has yet to break through the market large majority belonging in construction, private sector, and allocate funds more ef- help the renewable energy industry gain a as dominate energy providers even with lasting only one to three years. Further- fectively based on demand. hold in the energy market and fund future generous government subsidies. Renew- more, McCarter noted that, “studies in However, the renewable energy indus- development independently, and also help able energy technology is unreliable and other countries have shown that for each try is currently not as feasible nor profit- consumers by exposing them to similarly does not meet current energy needs. While job created through renewable energy able as traditional nuclear generation or priced options to non-renewable energy. the cost of all energy production is sub- programs, about two to four jobs are often fossil fuel extraction, and is seen mostly Furthermore, renewable energy is not sidized in Canada, special treatment is lost in other sectors of the economy be- as a niche product for holier-than-thou the only subsidized industry: for example, given to renewable sources. cause of higher electricity prices.” sustainability yuppies. How would this Canadian milk farmers, Canadian film Energy utilities in Canada are purchas- Utilities across Europe began closing attract backing from the private sector? projects, and the Canadian Space Agency ing energy from renewable providers at a fossil-fuel power plants because they were Sustainable energy research and infra- (CSA) are all heavily subsidized by the premium compared to the current market less profitable than the highly subsidized structure requires large amounts of capi- government. But nobody singles them out price. Through the Feed-In Tariff (FIT) renewable energy producers. This in- tal, which investors are usually reluctant for criticism. Even Harper’s conservatives program, different levels of tariff are set cluded the closing of 50 GWs of gas-fired to donate. We can see a similar inves- approve of funding small business own- for electricity from various renewable plants, which is making a huge entrance tor bias in startup culture: do you ever ers. In fact, the federal government might sources. This means that the Ontario Pow- as the next viable energy source in North wonder why software startups get all the even be lauded for supporting domes- er Authority will pay different rates for America. The intermittent nature of wind buzz? Angel investors are more interested tic agriculture, funding local artists, and energy depending on its renewable source. and solar power generation means that in supporting small software-based start- building the Canadarm. Subsidizing re- According to the OPA FIT price schedule buffers such as on-off gas plants are re- ups because there is less financial risk in- newable energy is no different: subsidies for 2014, it is willing to pay 11.5₵/kWh quired to meet grid demand. volved. Meanwhile, nobody is offering to are useful in funding struggling startups for energy from on-shore wind projects In a twisted fate of free market eco- take up Elon Musk’s hyperloop design be- and employing Canadians. while paying 29.1₵/kWh for energy from nomics, the EU issued a call for reform cause it costs too much money. Similarly, Subsidies are not only used for industry solar projects. The program arbitrarily to high subsidies for renewable energy who today would volunteer funds to build projects, but for research too. If you’re ap- awards subsidies to different technologies, on November 5, 2013. The press release an experimental wind farm or research plying for grad studies, you’ve probably instead of according to their cost-effec- called for more “back-up capacities for re- paving highways with solar panels? Even heard of NSERC. It would be a crush- tiveness. In contrast, Ontario households newable energy, mostly fossil fuel energy a large company is unlikely to find this ing blow if you heard your own field of currently pay 7.2₵/kWh during off-peak which is produced when there is no sun kind of research immediately lucrative. study was suddenly at a disadvantage for times. There will no doubt be an increase or wind.” The communication also stated One might argue that eventually the cost acquiring funding now. One could argue in energy prices as the Ontario energy mix that financial support for renewable en- of renewable energy will exceed that of that investing in renewable energy now shifts towards renewable sources. Europe ergy should limited to what is necessary. oil, such that it would be more financially has few immediate applications, but hon- is a perfect example of this. Since 2008, Energy subsidies undermine the work- advantageous to fund sustainable energy estly, most academic studies are years electricity prices have raised just under ing of the free market and should be elimi- initiatives instead of pay-rising costs for from real-world implementation. Limit- 20% for households and just over 20% for nated for all sources to ensure that the best limited supplies of fossil fuels. However, ing research funding to immediately prof- businesses, according to Eurostat, because and most efficient energy provider wins that would pose an undue burden on con- itable projects would drastically limit the of similar programs. out. The supply and demand for energy sumers: the point where the costs of the field of proposals and stifle innovation. In addition, wind power tends to be should determine the price of the com- energy types become equal is likely to be It would also totally wipe out the CSA, produced at times when it is least needed. modity. It is clear that government inter- extremely high. It’s like delaying action quantum physics, and treatments for rare According to a 2013 study by the Fraser vention in an area this complex has unpre- against global warming: why wait until diseases. Institute, eighty percent of wind power dictable results. Even with the rising cost consumers can actually feel the pinch of Proponents of removing energy subsi- generated in Ontario is so far out of phase of oil and the falling cost of renewable en- elevated temperatures (or fuel prices) in- dies have too much faith in the free mar- with demand that the entire output is sur- ergy, there is still doubt that wind and so- stead of acting proactively? ket to fulfill the needs of its consumers. plus and is exported at a substantial loss. lar energy will ever reach grid parity in the Speaking of proactive investment, how In summary, it’s unfair to single out The conservative study estimates “that the long term. Regardless of any government often does the private sector prioritize our government sustainable energy subsidies province has already lost close to $2-bil- incentives, this will only happen with the collective future over quarterly profit? If for cancellation when many other forms lion on such exports.” Moreover, wind technology is ready to supply what the that were the case Wal-Mart would raise of research, development, and commerce and solar facilities are generally built in market demands. Thoughts on PEOSC

Zach Waterfield delegates were taken to a lunch at Queens your presentations and his ability to engage that set him so far apart from most speak- 2N Electrical Park, hosted by PEO. During this lunch we an audience is astonishing. ers at a conference like this is his ability to heard the MMP for Scarborough Soo Wong. The second speaker that really stood out make the audience laugh. He has so many Two weekends ago was the annual Pro- Soo Wong is the Parliamentary Assistant to was Jackie Lee, she is by far the most suc- jokes and funny stories packed into his in- fessional Engineers of Ontario Student Con- Brad Duguid, the Minister of training Col- cessful and accomplished person I have formative presentation that makes the expe- ference (PEOSC) held by York University. leges and Universities and also holds many ever met. Jackie is a grad of Waterloo and rience so much better. He shares real world Waterloo Engineering took eight delegates, positions on different committees through- currently runs a company named ‘Recruit experiences that made him who he is today. with both VP Externals. This is an annual out the provincial government. She is a very my Friends’ of which she is the founder of. I would recommend anyone reading this conference run by Engineering Student So- strong advocate for healthy living for her Recruit my Friends is a leader for Engineer- article look up all three of the speakers I cieties’ Council of Ontario (ESSCO). This patrons as she is a trained nurse and her talk ing Recruiting for new and recent graduate have talked about, they all have amazing conference is a place for brilliant engineer- about all of her advocacies was very inspi- engineers as well as coops in the software stores and inspirational lives. ing minds to share ideas and reflect on cur- rational. industry. With a team of 50 Engineering Tal- Then came Saturday night, for the Satur- rent engineering issues. The goal of this Saturday was by far the best and most ent Managers, she refers engineers through day night event we went to Second City, a conference is to aid in the professional de- informational day of the conference. There a network of connections to start-ups across comedy club/theatre. It was an absolutely velopment and success of student leaders by were 8 speakers in total, and I have to say, Toronto, Vancouver, New York, Boston and hilarious show and was an amazing pick by featuring industry professionals, renowned it was the best line up of speakers at a con- Silicon Valley. Jackie invests in many com- the organizers. keynote speaks and professional develop- ference I have ever experienced. There were panies around North America and is a very Overall this conference was a very re- ment workshops. three speakers that really stood out for me. goal driven person. She is striving to be the warding experience. I would like to thank The theme of the conference this year was This first one is Jim Gray; he is a Senior As- world’s youngest female Billionaire. She Dean Sullivan for helping fund the trip for “Engineers Changing the World”, and to go sociate for Sussex Strategy, which is one was a very inspirational speaker and I will the delegates and our VP Ex’s Leila Meema- along with this theme there were many in- of Canada’s leading government relations definitely be following her from now on. Coleman and Kristina Lee for taking our 8 dustry professionals on hand to speak and firms. He is an accomplished speaker, writer And finally there was Drew Dudley. This delegates. I would also like to congratulate share their experiences. and presentation skills coach. He spoke on guy is amazing; he is a speaker that talks York University on a great job planning the To start off the conference roughly 15 presentation skills and ways to improve about Leadership Development. The things conference. The Iron Warrior Wednesday, November 27, 2013 Miscellaneous 5 Fall Break Survey Results

distribution over the disciplines and would you reschedule those two days. problem, and I’m inclined to agree with the graduating year of the students who The top three answers were starting that comment. Perhaps the solution is Yasser Al-Khder President responded, so I’d say it’s a pretty good O-week two days earlier (32%), at the not simply giving the students a break in sample. end of the term pushing back the start of the middle of the term. Maybe we need The majority of the students think a exams (22%), and eliminating two days to review how students are treated here, break would be a good idea, with 66% from O-week. The first two options are especially in first year. So this is it. My 20th and last exec of the responses saying that they would tough to implement (think about ending So what are we doing next? Well, we’re report in the Iron Warrior. Well then, let’s like a reading week, and 65% - 75% exams on the 24th of December), leaving presenting the results to the Dean and get to it. said that a fall break would help them us with shortening O-week as the most see what comments she has. But more Hey Everyone!! The term’s coming academically, and improve their mental viable solution. Funnily enough, a lot importantly, we want to push forward to an end, and soon we will be writing health. Also, 65% of you said that a fall of you commented NOT to shorten with another survey and ask a bigger, exams trying to prove that we actually break would help the first year students. Frosh Week. So we definitely don’t have more important question; how can we learned something in the past 3 months. “Great!! The students want it!! Let’s consensus there. improve students’ mental health? If you read my report last issue, you’d get to it!!”. Well it’s not that simple, The second reason came from the Well that’s all I have. It’s been a know that there are talks of implementing imaginary student I created just to make comments. I was bored…I mean pleasure representing you guys for the a 2-day break in the fall term. You’d also point, for two major reasons. dedicated enough to go through every last 32 months. Honestly, it’ll be a huge know that we released a survey to see If you read/filled out the survey, single comment from that survey. The relief. But I have a feeling that after the what you guys think of this idea. Well, you’d remember a questions stating that one thing that stood out is how much first sense of relief I’ll start missing it like I’m here to tell you about the results of those two days have to be rescheduled years were for the idea because of the crazy. the survey. somewhere in the term. Otherwise amount of schoolwork they have. I don’t Allyson Francis and her executive will First of all, I want to say thank we might not meet the accreditation know about you, but taking two days off be your exec for the next 16 months. I you to everyone who filled out the requirements, and the professors will not in the middle of the term may not solve am very excited to see what they will do. survey. We got over 2000 responses!! have enough time to complete what they the problem. One of the comments called Thank you, TWO THOUSAND!! We had a good have to teach. So we asked you where it “a Band-Aid solution to much bigger Yasser. Peace Up! B-Town Down!

opening very soon. If you’re looking • Outreach current Student Life Commissioner and Catherine to take up a leadership position, get For a complete list of directorships, the incoming VP Internal! You’ve been Declaro more involved in extra-curricular you can check out the EngSoc website. so helpful this term, and I love that VP Internal activities, or have an idea for an If you don’t see something you like, you’re always looking for more ways to event or service that you think could feel free to suggest an idea for a new help out. You’re going to do a fantastic benefit undergraduate engineers, you directorship. job as VPI J Well B-Soc, it has truly been a should apply! Directors work with the On that note, I’d like to use the rest of Thank you to my amazing team pleasure serving you as VP Internal! executives and commissioners to run my report to say a few thank yous! of execs! I’ve learned so much from Last week was a more reflective article, specific events and services. Some of Thank you to all my lovely directors working with you and am so happy we which in hindsight probably would’ve the directorships include: who have kicked ass this term (and the ended up together. You were always been better to use for this issue… oh • Santa Claus Parade winter term as well)! Honestly, you supportive, challenging, and put in well! They don’t say #yoloswag for • Resume Critiques guys did everything and I just sat back so much to improve the engineering nothing! • Year Spirit and watched it all happen. Thank you student body’s experience. Last week I encouraged all you to • TalEng so much for being so passionate and Anyways, to all you engineers, I wish get involved (or at least try it!) and one • EngPlay doing an amazing job running your you all the best with your exams and of the best ways to start is by running • Athletics directorships. whatever next term brings! a directorship! Applications will be • Music (i.e. Coffee House) Thank you to Mat Tremblay, my We out. Final Update WiE and Movember

replacing light switches that don’t func- tion properly, repairing the fridge behind Peter Robertson Kristina lee VP Finance the bar, as well as anything else students VP External suggest needs doing. If you have any sug- gestions on what could be repaired in POETS, please contact us at vpfinance@ At the final EngSoc Council Meeting engsoc.uwaterloo.ca. This past weekend was the National of the term last Wednesday, Council ap- As we are now approaching the end Conference on Women in Engineering proved the allocations seen in the table of the term, my duties as VP Finance are (NCWiE) hosted by the University of below as proposed by the ECIF Com- coming to an end. I leave you in good British Columbia (UBC). There were two mittee. There were no changes made to hands with Melissa Ferguson and I’m full days of sessions with four main focus what the Committee recommended. The sure she will do an even better job than I areas: Diversity, Careers, Outreach, and items that show $0 as a proposed cost have. If you have any questions regarding Communication. Attending the conference Fownes Brewing did not specify what the cost would be. the finances of the Engineering Society were seven delegates representing the POETS Renovations is purposely a broad please stop by the Orifice and talk to ei- Waterloo Engineering Society who were You can still win one of these item so that any renovations that are re- ther myself, the ASoc VP Finance Kevin able to meet and network with over 150 Movember Patches! quired may be completed. This will likely McNamara in the Winter, or Melissa next engineering students from across Canada. include such things as a new projector, summer. We want to hear from you! The conference offered opportunities for delegates to discuss ideas from the four focus areas during sessions. The Chairs of NCWiE did a fantastic job of showing off what the West, and Vancouver, has to offer. Movember is almost done but alas, there is still time to donate! Keep your eye out for the Movember auction where you could win a Movember patch to add to your collection. A big thank you to the two Movember Directors who have spent their time taking photos of moustaches and making hot chocolate! Global Engineering Award What’s your story? Here’s an opportunity for you to win one of three prizes of $5000, $3000, or $2000. All you need to do is share your story about what you want to accomplish with your engineering degree and showcase it in a 2-6 minute video. This is my last IW article as exec. Thank Waterloo Engineering Society you everyone and it was an amazing Finalized ECIF Committee allocations for the coming term. experience representing you and running Outreach programs! The Iron Warrior 6 Engineering Society wednesday, November 27, 2013 Fall 2013 WEEF Update

Himesh Patel funding, we would like to thank you for WEEF Director submitting a proposal, but sadly not eve- rything can be funded. I encourage you to As the Fall 2013 term wraps up, it has apply next term during Winter 2014. been another eventful term of WEEF al- Looking at the participation rate, con- locations. This term, we had $244,412 of gratulations to the 1A Architecture and proposals and $60,000 to give out. I would Management Engineering Classes for like to thank all the Class WEEF reps who having 100% Participation Rate, with an came out to the two weeks of meetings overall rate of 87.45%! I am very pleased as they spent numerous hours to figure with the continual donations by the un- out the proposal allocations. The Fund- dergraduate students of the Faculty of En- ing Council deliberated for over 3 hours gineering. Your contributions help fund (with a dinner break) trying to figure out numerous initiatives and WEEF would allocations with 15 faculty proposals, 25 be not possible without you guys so make student team proposals and a smattering sure to view the Funding Allocations to of miscellaneous proposals on the table. see the results of where the money is be- In the end, they finally came to a decision ing spent. which met the 70%-30% department-stu- Last on the agenda is to say good-bye. dent team split. This funding will be very Although it was short-lived, it was a ful- beneficial to provide equipment for the filling experience here at the WEEF of- departments and resources for the student fice. I’ve learned many things and had the teams as they continue their success. great opportunity to be a part of some- To all that have received funding, con- thing very substantial to the Faculty of gratulations and be sure to check your Engineering. Thank you to my assistant emails and the WEEF website (weef.uwa- directors for all the help. I wish Steven terloo.ca/proposals.php) early Decem- Buckley all the best as he continues my ber for the results of the allocations. The work as the next WEEF Director. Funding Allocations will be approved by If you have any questions, feel free to Waterloo Engineering Endowment Fund the Board of Directors on Tuesday, No- email [email protected] and always re- vember 26th. To those that did not receive member, WEEF IS GOOD! 1A Architecture showed 100% WEEF donation participation. Goodbye

Kenth will be your new B-Soc VP Ed. Before my term is up, I have a few a lot from your suggestions; feedback Orysia Soroka & I am very excited and confident that more tips I have some last pieces of and questions, and faculty employees Megan Mcneil she will do a great job representing advice I would like to share with you. For are always interested in hearing student VPs Education the student body on all of your needs. your next term, make sure you check the opinions. I am sure you will find out a lot more exam bank for practice midterms. There Good luck on final exams everyone! about her once she is on term, but she is were many submissions this term and I And have a great break before your Hi Everyone! This last article is bitter extremely approachable and friendly, so strongly recommend you check it out to coop term begins. sweet, and will be the last one I will do not hesitate to contact her at the same help you prepare for your exams. Also, PEACE. ever write to you as VP Education. My VP Education email, vpeducation.b@ never hesitate to email Permeg or any of Meagan and Orysia, term has come to an end, and Permeg engsoc.uwaterloo.ca the exec if you have questions! We learn Vice Presidents Education adslktamnz;xvd;lasf Something somewhat more coherent

WWO MANY SUCH

This morning I had a bagel. MM, bagels.

NASA I don’t even know. Canadian Hero Joins Waterloo Music Program

Merry Minstrel Waterloo. Looking back now on that will certainly be the first University in the performers out there: the stage isn’t limited E# Medieval Studies space-to-ground downlink the University whole world to have a professor in its to this world, it goes out there to the stars, had with a smiling Chris Hadfield up in music program that will teach guitarists out out there in space! Once again diving into Time to start those vocal warm-ups and the ISS, we think it would’ve been even there how to keep their guitar plectrums the treasure trove that is YouTube, one restring those guitars, the great Colonel more awesome if he performed a little handy and how not to lose them! After does not simply realize how cool Chris Hadfield is coming to Waterloo’s Music performance for us! We are however all, Chris Hadfield had to deal with guitar Hadfield is until you have seen all of his Program! Chris Hadfield, the famous very happy with the series of insightful picks threatening to float away from him music-related videos out in space! This ISS Commander, has been described as and interesting videos up there floating in while onboard the ISS. Hadfield’s in-depth man not only brought a guitar to space but a Canadian hero, bringing pride through YouTube. If you haven’t seen the videos of knowledge of physics will certainly be a even had a series he hosed out on the ISS to many Canadians across the globe. His yourself, you need to get yourself to a great asset to those taking any Recording & called “Music Mondays”. There’s nothing endeavors has landed him not only in computer of some sort and watch a few! We Music Production courses on campus. For cooler than a Rockin’ Canadian Astronaut the hearts of many Waterloo engineering especially recommended the unbelievable those of you who don’t know, this man had in outer space. students, but also in the hearts of many Space Oddity cover which we mentioned his own recording space up on the Space The University of Waterloo is extremely Waterloo music students! No one can earlier and Chris Hadfield’s duet with the Station! Surely his knowledge of dealing excited to see this Canadian hero join the doubt the unparalleled skills of this Barenaked Ladies and the Wexford Gleeks with those pesky acoustic and microphone school as one of its professors. The music legendary Canadian. After all who can of “I.S.S (Is Somebody Singing)”. placing problems must be superior to program will be brought to new heights, the boast performing David Bowie’s Space There is no doubt about Hadfield’s anyone out there! possibilities are endless. Forget about the Oddity out there in space itself? ability to take music to a whole new level Chris Hadfield’s coolness factor is sky being the limit for this extraordinary This is not the first of Hadfield’s and will definitely revolutionize the way certainly out of this world. The Canadian man proved that even space itself can’t involvement with the University of Waterloo’s music program is run. Waterloo hero made a point to be noted by all stop music from reaching beyond! Google’s New Satellite A Mystery

Clark. criticism, especially since the satellite at least some indication as to what they met both these criteria.” 3A Systems Design began growing exponentially in size. plan to do with the satellite. However a While there is still little information Since the first pieces were launched last spokeswoman for the only authority in about the purpose of the Goon, speculation Technology giant Google Inc. has month from a previously-unknown space a position to request answers, the UN’s has run wild. One of the most popular begun construction of a massive satellite centre in Moscow, Idaho, the Goon has International Telecommunications Union, theories is that the satellite is a large data in geosynchronous orbit above Sydney, grown to nearly one tenth the size of the claims that they had no legal right to do centre, which will get its power from the Nova Scotia. Google has not yet revealed moon and shows no signs of slowing so. She told the New Zealand Herald that tidal forces between itself and the Earth, a purpose for the satellite, which has been down. “two things are needed for an organization and cool itself using icy comets that given the nickname “the Goon.” As rockets bound for the Goon continue to [obtain an orbit]. They need need to become trapped in orbit around it. Others The secrecy with which Google has to launch, there has been a global request the orbit, and then fill it within a suggest that the Goon is nothing more shrouded the project has drawn some public outcry that Google should give reasonable amount of time. Google has than a publicity stunt. The Misappropriation of EIC Pockets 5 Dollars from “Nerd Culture” IW Funds

Pussy Riot glasses are, look how quirky they are, 3eDGY5mE late. According to the judge, “it may be the $5 3B Purrfection look how exotic their whiteboard work 2z hYPOCRISY dollars now, what’s stopping them him to take is. As if polite society would ever accept another 5, 10, 20, or even hundreds more dol- The vast majority of the population has engineers amongst the ranks of the elite. After the fiasco in the past month with lars spent on this sweet addiction. You do get never used a programmable calculator Do you notice that most members of the 750,000 going missing, the University of Water- the drift but is this fair or unfair but still an even before but that doesn’t stop them from federal government have a background loo has ordered an audit of every business entity darker truth has arisen. calling themselves “nerd” whether in law or business or politics? Real that resides within campus. After this 2 week The EIC is not who he actually he said he is. implicitly or implicitly. I’m lookin’ at nerds are OPPRESSED by artsies. They long audit, it has come to light almost every After a deep investigation into his background, YOU, T-Swizzle, and YOU, who matched misappropriate our language: who uses penny was accounted but there was some mon- in actuality, the EIC is a KGB sleeper agent the Star Wars prequel trilogy once, and “troll” to denote a convincing yet deliberate ey that is unaccounted for from the Iron Warrior and the theory is that he was assigned a 20 year YOU, who can’t even be bothered to figure inflammatory comment anymore? They Engineering Newspaper financial books. The mission to gain knowledge and insight into the out how to write your name in Sindarin misappropriate our dress: big glasses amount was a large sum of $5 dollars, taken and Canadian Culture, infiltrate the government Tengwar by first principles but still got and “geek” slogan shirts. This is our used by the Editor in Chief to supply his addic- and steal states secrets. This has caused alarm your “serenity” in “elvish” on your arm. I culture, not your costume! Mostly they tion of Arizona Ice teas. Due to the nature of the bells to go off at parliament hill and Harper is hope that tattooist wrote “lembas” instead. misappropriate our work and turn it into crime, the EIC was given academic probation as accusing Russia and cutting all ties to them ac- “Nerd” used to be a term of social disgrace, cheap memes, sensationalist news articles, well as a fine of $500 charged by the courts. cordingly. The agent is being currently held in and now our culture is subject to both and hollow declarations that you “fucking Currently, the EIC is filing for an appeal be- Guantanamo Bay, which the Americans have marginalization and misappropriation love science.” cause the severity of his punishment for this happily provided access to in order to question I blame Big Bang Theory for its Well, no, fuck you. You don’t love crime is unjust for he has no current priors but and gain more information. So remember, trust portrayal of academics. Non-nerds subject science. Take your arts privilege and fuck they have been denied. The basis for this judg- no one, even your closest friend may not be who us to exotification: look how trendy their off. ment is they cannot allow such crimes to esca- you think he/she is. TThehe TTinin SSoldieroldier 2 What sound doeswedne thes foday,x really JULY 18, ma 2012ke? LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Writing at Three in the Morning Ellen Page Fan Club

When one is too tired to write a joke at four, not three) stumbled upon the I JUST WANT 6 editorial, what does one do? Instead he magical world of shibe and super shibe. Doge HOURS just finds random pictures of dogs on And promptly detested it. But how can WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME 2ZZZZZZZZZZ the internet. And this is how this tired he stop? How can he stop? Such con- YOU GOT SLEEP? editor (who is actually writing this fuse. So not sleep. Many sadnesses. Pony Pit Maggie Maclean Rainbow Dash Pinkie Pie Applejack Elliot Cass

Shibe Many Confuses So Manies Wow

Formatting issues everywhere Re start what is wrong?

Download Pussy Riot

Go Ahead and Touch Trish Not-Below-the-Belt

Homeless in Harvard Young Lisa !

Future Day in the Past Shadowcat

We Must Go Deeper Dominick Cobb Arthur knowyourmeme. Saito I actually hate this meme so much. You don’t even know. Much mad. dne Robert Fischer Maurice Fischer

Assorted Junk From Last Time Out of Ideas

Honorable Mention TOPZ ILL MISS YOU!!!

The Tin Soldier is not a forum for thought-provoking and informative articles, and has no association what- so-ever with the Society of the Travelling Pants. Views expressed in The Tin Soldier are not those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Chuck Nor- ris. The Tin Soldier encourages submissions from stu- dents, faculty and members of the Non-Existent Action Committee. Submissions should reflect the concerns and intellectual standards of the The Society of the Travelling Pants in general. The author's name and phone number should be included, except if they are non-existent. This information may or may not be posted on our website. All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the property of The Tin Soldier, which reserves the right to refuse publication of material which it deems too suit- able. However we’re so desperate for content that we’ll likely take it (but we might just send it to Imprint). The Tin Soldier also reserves the right to edit grammar, spell- ing and text that do not meet university standards, but engineers suck at english so it’s a low standard. Mail should be addressed to PJ Katie, c/o YTV Cana- da, P.O.Box 7500, Paris, Ontario, N2L 3W7. We do not currently have a phone, however you may redirect all inquiries to Kickoff’s, as we’re likely there. We don’t have a fax number as no one uses faxes anymore.

u/schootingstarr Hue...IN SPACE! (This is not a blatant attempt to fill space) The Tin soldier I think I heard it barks. Or maybe it Meows. Maybe. 3 Switchblades Potty Parity They’re Still Sharp We Demand It

sliding knives. The blade is housed in its and hearts of many. handle and upon the release of the mecha- So why are switchblades so special? Merry Minstrel Pussy Riot E# Medieval Studies nism, flip or slide out and lock in place. Well maybe because they’re illegal to car- 3B Purrfection The blades themselves are usually made of ry around, and paraphrasing the Canadian different alloys depending on required use Criminal Code: “a knife that has a blade Hit- OW that hurt or strength. The handles themselves vary that opens automatically by gravity or in material greatly from the classic wooden centrifugal force or by hand pressure ap- The male washroom facilities in CPH They’re pointy, they’re sharp, they may handle to the more modern glass-filled ny- plied to a button, spring or other device in are more extensive than the female or may not be serrated and they can cer- lon or anodized aluminum handles. or attached to the handle of the knife” and washroom facilities. There are approxi- tainly be fun to play with! That’s right The earliest switchblades date all the something else along those lines. Anything mately 4 urinals, 3 sinks, and 3 stalls in we’re talking about knives in the Tin Sol- way back to the mid-1700s. The first fold- illegal tends to catch people’s interest, for the male washroom on the third floor, dier issue of Hit Replay! However, we’re ing spring-loaded blades were used for better or for worse. Another reason tends and only 2 sinks and 2 stalls in the fe- not just talking about any kind of knife. bayonets on flintlock pistols and coach to be the all so great magic of Hollywood male washroom. Furthermore, females This is not your typical butcher’s knife for guns. These were the type you’d see in old and of course books! How often have we take longer to use the toilets. Now, the your beefy needs or your happy crack-that- wild-west movies or a la Assassin’s Creed seen some cool, biker gang member sport a gender disparity in engineering might coconut machete-of-the-exotic! No, we’re 3 type heists. It was in the 19th century road-worn switchblade and have it out right mean that only 20% of my class are talking about switchblades, of the Pony- that these knives gained popularity in the before a brawl? It’s also not hard to notice women, but what does this mean for boy, Sodapop & Darry from The Outsid- market. The American Civil War saw to the that switchblades have a certain allure to future students? How welcoming does ers type. The type of hot blades that you’ll mass production of pistols equipped with them, with their durable steel blades, fine it look when, on the floor plans, they find in the middle of a Greasers vs. Socials spring-operated knives. By 1890 these handles, and notoriously devious instant notice how inadequate the female fa- type of gang fight, or perhaps your typical knives stuck with people (both figuratively flip-open action. They’re just begging to cilities are in comparison to the male everyday carry for a hardcore biker. These and literally) and sales continued to rise. be held in your hand right? facilities? It’s an awful example of the lovely knives have made a comeback and It wasn’t until 1892 when a man named Surely with the return of switchblades to propagation of the uneven gender split are trending once again! George Shrade, developed and patented the the scene we’ll find ourselves in potential- in STEM. I recommend tearing out the Switchblades have that magical charac- switchblade knife design which we would ly pointy predicaments! So stay sharp and bathrooms and installing marble tile, teristic of flipping open at the touch ofa come to know as the modern switchblade. keep on the look-out for these little beasts! plush velvet couches, toilet paper made switch or button (hence “switchblade”). The next century, as many know cemented Never know when you’ll find yourself face of silk, and basin-style sinks for both Typically they are spring loaded folding or the place of switchblades in the pockets to face, with one. genders.

openmarket.org oddballdailiy.org beehiveblog.net Don’t mess. My Little Pony Muralists Win Prestigious Art Award

took hours to compose, inspired by a tel- dolls. It was some of the greatest work nized in this year’s selection.” evision program targeted towards young I’ve ever done and I keep that Pinkie Pie One might expect it to trouble Musad Elliot Cass 4A Fine Arts girls who play with popular pony dolls, in my office, but it was very emotionally that these murals are generally erased “it is the artist, and not the subject, which draining. By the end of the experience I within a day, but according to him, “the is depicted. And no work in recent memo- was so depressed that I had to abandon institute actually felt that their imperma- ry can compare to how tragic and somber my plan to start a fanfic blog. It was just nence was what cinched the win. Therein Coming as a surprise to many, the this depiction is.” totally exhausting.” Although Musad’s lies the subtle hope in this work. Like the QNC muralists infamous for plastering Admirer though he is, Musad describes relationship with Pinkie Pie is strictly mandala which reminds us that all is im- the whiteboard-walls with pictures of himself only as a “weekend Brony,” un- academic, he said that an artist he met on permanent and to not hold onto even that characters from the children’s cartoon able to commit to the performance art his excursion had chosen Twilight Spar- which is beautiful and took painstaking My Little Pony have been awarded the which many have begun practicing. kle to be his “waifu”. When asked why effort, these murals remind us that even prestigious “Aristotle Award” from the “Sure, every now and again I like to get this gentleman in particular was not given life’s most tragic realities are also imper- KW Art commission. Commission direc- my hands dirty, bust out my fedora, and the Aristotle, Musad said “although I ad- manent.” tor Umar Musad said the murals were perform street art, but I lack the courage mire the depth and intensity of his per- Although the artists themselves were selected due to their “unparalleled ability of some of these full-time artists. I once sonal work, the public is honestly not initially interested in commenting, they to induce a sense of great pathos”. When attended a ‘meetup’ where we went to ready for it. I don’t think I was. But rest later declined after realizing that it would the spectator observes these works which Toys R Us and purchased My Little Pony assured, he is among the muralists recog- necessitate being in direct sunlight.

Hasbro Studios WHY ARE THESE TOP SEARCHES FOR ‘PINK’ AND ‘TWILIGHT’???? 4 40. Emailsubjectprefix(abbv.) 39. Whereonegetsastiff drink 38. USislandterritory(abbv.) 37. Nothers 35. Importancerequiringswiftaction 34. Onecardgame? 32. Toronto __Commission 30. Dr. McCoy’s nickname 27. Usescissors 25. Usemoporbroom 22. Walking limb 19. Santa’s helper 18. Very highrankinthenavy 16. Totals ingroupsoffive 14. Eureka! 13. Princessirritant 11. Afterthoughonletter(abbv.) 9 Horsepower(abbv.) 8. Growolder 7. Largest typeoftoothedwhale 1. TheScottishplay ACROSS The Tin TribunalUnfunny, 2A Humourishard “If ATree Falls inaForest, doesitmakeasound?” “I AMBUSYBUILDINGABRIDGEOUTOFSTICKS. ITISNOT GO- ING WELL.ERGO IAMTOO BUSYTO MAKEAQUESTION.COME What doesthat have to dowithacrossword? Old andtired, 1AOverused 3A What? 3A What? “(4)” Does Tin Rust? Does Tin during crime badminton 70. Hellishdenizen 69. Bother 68. 66. Moralintegrity 64. 61. Hairstylingproduct 58. BetweenSEandS 57. Zodiaclion 56. Stickyblackorganic substances 55. Stateofthe___ 54. Reference 51. Unconsciousabed 50. Ableto 47. Likeametaphor? 46. Tree fluids 45. BookofSamuel(abbv.) 44. Lettersfrom___Jima 43. Plutonium(abbr.) 42. Still 41. Era Used intennisandlacrosse,butnot Excuse that places oneelsewhere 3B Purrfection Pussy Riot UP WITHONEYOURSELF.”” “How doesonegetoutofanouthouse?” “No way, you’re stuckinhere too?” Help I’m stuckinatoilet,2CHelp Lighting upina toilet,4EResigned Is ithescarfha nal shape 67. Type ofbread 66. Possesses 65. Mortaltransgression 64. Notgood 63. Whatagamerdoestodeadbody 62. Boredom 61. Organ producinggametes 60. Bendinthearm 59. GreenNickelodeonawardsubstance 58. Witch huntlocation 53. Emergency room(abbv.) 52. CA city 49. Tech supportdepartment(abbv.) 48. Scalenotebeforefa 36. Noisemadebysmalldogs 35. 33. Notfalse 32. “Your,” speakingarchaically 31. Rag 30. Leancutofchicken 29. CapitalofOntario 28. Ignorant 27. Officeworker’s personalspace 26. Babybottletip 25. Bawls 24. Origins 23. Betweeneastandnortheast(abbv.) 22. Fallentreetrunk Service 21 ForeignAgricultural 20. Functionstr__ 19. 17. 51,inancientRome 15. USlanguagefordeaf(abbv.) 13. Parent/teachergroup(abbv.) 12. LaBoeuf 11. Two, together tree 10. Stereotypicaltropicaltree 9. Personincharge, e.g.ofadepartment 6. Thulium(abbv.) 5 Before 4. Plea 3. Accountant(abbv.) 2. Like DOWN 73. Insultinverse 72. Kittennoise 71. Frywithfat Constellation __Majoror___Minor Deformation thatwillreturntoorigi- t makeshehipster?Orerha “WHY DO PEOPLE STILL LIKEADVICEANIMALS?” “WHY “What isthemosteffective waytosoul?” “What Better Jokes, 2AHumour Cuban Pete, 3BRumba Beat intentionally screwedup. mally columnsarenotsupposedtobe was supposed to be intentional, and nor Thisisalsowhathap- columns, likethisone,exceptone . g n ing, orelseyougetsomereallyawkward i c a p spac- line up screw to not it’s s important why is e n pens whenyouscrewuplinespacing. i This l p u what happenswhenyouscrew s i s i h back intoregularwords. T switch Let’s working. really isnt thing jsdnf m,sbgdfsn/...Okthisgibberish jasklra dfg.ksfut.jsmndfsgndsg;sdgkjsg. uasdg kasuejasfgbxjasuekxvbjsbdnfdk- lyIliketostartgibbersishwithanA, adsr;l Apparent- msdn. mxgvn lasfl;kjagslh k kxfm asd hasdflkjats,mklfas. mak. Tkl. / ,.amnf ;ruewdfsgskljdasklrwzmnzf;lskfj ;lskdjgt,m.nasdk;j oiuasfklj;lasghalskf sggab,.sgkjlsgou slja;s fdgjsdnsa;kjgitremnsdg.,nasf;kjdsgput dfsggsdgoug sdfg,ntwasfl;jgsdgkjhasfjsdgoiu flkj sri kaklerxiezxgfhagasdurzgf- THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK.Or (This mayornotbethesame spacefiller aswasusedinthelast I’m suretherearelongercaptions not. Mightaswellkeepgoing,but adsfqrwoiu aldfkraeklzcfd- a minutetocheckinthebookof records... Ohwait.It’s notthere. I’m alsotryingtobreakarecord Tin Soldier. Doesthatmakeyou needed... CanImakeit?- PACEFAWING POLARBEAR!!! out there.OnlyTwo morelines won’t makeitthough.Giveme want togocheck?Ihopenot.) for longestcaption.Iprobably Empty Space.Empty 3D CoherentSense Bladruaglh S***. t makeshecarf? The TinSoldier littlebigfun.org - The Iron Warrior Wednesday, November 27, 2013 Engineering Society 7 EngHack Success! uwDNA Team at Biomod

Continued from Page 7 at ENGHACK humans, zombies can see zombies), safe Rachel Pautler system can be used to connect zones, and game challenges in real-time. uwDNA Team Lead nanoparticles that would not normally students Seikun Kambashi, Scott So, Jessica Tagging is also incorporated with barcode be able to be combined. This has a broad Wu and Andy Zhang. This app allows scanning, converting humans into zombies The University of Waterloo Designed range of applications, but the application Waterloo students to conveniently access with cool sounds and visual effects. Nanoscale Assembly Team (uwDNA) being focused on is cancer imaging. With their WatCard balance and transaction Other highlights include WatNotes, a site competed in the International Biomolecular a combination of nanoparticles, the DNA history to help them keep track of their with access to class notes, previous midterm Design Competition (Biomod) on walker will selectively bind to the cancer money. and final exams submitted by classmates November 1 as the only Canadian team. cells and provide high contrast images of In third place was Outbreak, an iOS and from the University of Waterloo (.watnotes. This was the first time the team had gone tumours. Android app created by 2A Mechatronics info); a working Facebook-triggered shock to competition, and exceeded expectations For next year’s competition, the team and ECE students Karym Kawambwa, bracelet for the easily distracted; TedWalks, for a new team by being awarded a bronze plans on extending the DNA walker project Nv Bhargava, Sunaal Philip Mathew, and an app that gives you the shortest indoor path project award. to add different nanoparticles to each Prateek Madhikar to act as a supplement between any two buildings on campus to uwDNA was formed just over a year ago vertex, with applications such as Boron to the infamous Humans vs. Zombies on keep you warm and safe from geese (http:// with the goal of creating a student team Neutron Capture Therapy or drug delivery. campus. The signup process is completely skoushan.com/tedwalks/); an amazingly focusing on the biological applications of New projects are also being investigated automated, notifying new players of their addicting bloons app for iOS; and a longest- nanotechnology. The team’s current project such as DNA single electron transistors, or status as a human or zombie, and the path-finding robot to beat you at Tron. involves the use of a self-assembled DNA nano-pores for DNA sequencing. interactive map allows players to view their Stay tuned for another hackathon next triangular walker, which can bond to three For more information about the team, teammates’ positions (Humans can see term! nanoparticles. This nanomanufacturing check out their website http://uwdna.ca/.

EngHack this term was a rousing success. Clarissse Schneider An Update from the Wild West

the conference and the league with 34 the Blues. The Sharks have had a strong Colorado, Phoenix, Minnesota and LA Elizabeth points. St. Louis has gotten off to a phe- team throughout the past several seasons. are knotted up at 32 points apiece. Colo- Salsberg nomenal start, right on the heels of the In spite of their excellent season records, rado has certainly been a pleasant surprise 2a Nanotechnology Hawks’. This is hugely thanks to the fierce- San Jose has generally become significant- this season and LA is certainly always dan- ly good play of forwards Alexander Steen ly weaker come playoff time. If they can gerous. Phoenix and Minnesota have sev- The Benchwarmer Report and David Backes, but the play of D Alex get through to the playoffs, don’t rule them eral talented players each and could just Pietrangelo and goaltending of Jaroslav out of going deep in the postseason. Ana- easily appear in the playoff picture. It’s all It’s been hard to keep up with all the late- Halak (12 wins to date) are certainly not to heim suffers from much the same problem, going to depend on how the teams cope night, quality hockey that’s been going on be overlooked. Overall, the Blues have re- having been narrowly beaten by the De- with the long road ahead. thus far this season. Here is a brief sum- ally come into their own as a team. Expect troit Red Wings in seven games in the first With competition this tight, even a short mary to bring you up to speed on all you them to continue their winning ways down round last year. Though they won’t face losing streak could kill a team’s playoff need to know about the wild, wild Western the line—the real test will be the playoffs, the Wings this time around, rest assured hopes—and reawaken those of another. If Conference. as they will likely face teams with recent that equally dangerous competition will be you’re not on a school term or if your fa- As it stands, the defending Cup champi- playoff experience. readily available, as will some seriously vourite team is in a hole, take advantage ons, the Chicago Blackhawks, stand atop San Jose and Anaheim are right behind exciting hockey! of the excellent Western late-night hockey! How to Pull an Allnighter

what you need to know. Try to collect as work that into your schedule. I follow wind is usually quickly followed by “the many resources as you can to complete the 50/10 rule: work for 50 minutes, rest bonk” or “hitting the wall” in the early Kevin Liang 4A Chemical that assignment or study for that exam. for 10 minutes. This technique works afternoon. It is very easy to take a nap This includes getting notes for lectures because it breaks up long study sessions at this point but try your best to not give you’ve missed, assignment solutions from into more manageable 1 hour chunks. submission. This seemingly harmless nap the solution manual or classmates, and Covering an entire course in a single 8 will destroy your circadian rhythm having Assignments are due, deadlines are help from other procrastinators. Working hour session might seem like a daunting you wake up in the middle of the night. Do approaching, finals are imminent; and with fellow all-nighters will help motivate task when viewed from afar, but this not go back to sleep until the night. Some you’ve slacked off all term. That’s OK you and keep you from being distracted. technique breaks up long study sessions people make the mistake of allowing because this article will help you through Try to concentrate on specific tasks that into more manageable 1 hour chunks. themselves only 8 hours of sleep after an it. With extensive experience in cramming need to complete by morning. Attainable Fifty minutes is an acceptable amount of all-nighter, but you’ve accumulated sleep and all-nighters (that’s how I got to fourth and measureable goals with a time limit time for uninterrupted work and a ten- debt. You’ll need at least 12 hours of sleep year), I am going to layout the steps to take are ideal, the more specific the better. minute break is just enough to restore to recover from the all-nighter and reset when it’s crunch time. For example, set a goal of completing a your drive. It is just as important to only your circadian rhythm. A quick recovery The first step of pulling an all-nighter is chapter an hour and make adjustments if work for the scheduled amount of time from an all-nighter is arguably even more procrastination. There are endless ways of you can’t keep up with that rate. If you’ve as it is to take the scheduled amount of important than the all-nighter itself. After achieving this. Facebook, Youtube, Reddit, missed out on a lot of class, you might feel time off. The 50/10 rule works because it trying so hard to get caught up, you don’t video games, Breaking Bad marathon, that you need to study the entire course; allows you to take a break before you feel want to miss more class. cook extravagant meals, play sports, I’ve found it best to start at the end of the burnt out and feel like you deserve a really If you do end up finishing your work clean your house, catch up on all the web course. One of the hardest parts of studying big break from all the hard work. During in the early morning with enough time comics. Everyone has their own vice but for a course where you missed the majority the 50 minute study period, you are not to sneak in a quick nap before the exam, when you pull an all-nighter you need to of the lectures is to know what topics to allowed texting, eating, or Facebook, in sleep with your lights on. Again, it is procrastinate even more than usual. If you cover. Most engineering and math courses fact anything not directly related to your important to keep your circadian rhythm do not complete this step, you will fail. build on material from the week before. studies is forbidden. It’s not too hard synced with the rising of the sun. Closing You would have already completed your Starting from the end of the course will hold out on these things for 50 minutes. all your blinds, turning off your lights, assignments and finished studying. The tell you know what you don’t know. There You can also combine this technique with and ridding your entire room of light will added pressure of upcoming deadlines will be certain concepts that you will not your goals where you complete a specific prepare your body for a full night of sleep is what makes all-nighter so effective. If fully understand until you have the base task during each study period. Using this when you can’t spare the time. If you have there is no urgency, there is no motivation, knowledge first. When this happens, move technique, the night just flies by. less than 4 hours to sleep, sleeping with and necessity, for an all-nighter. Believe it back a chapter. Through this method, Sometime in the early morning, usually the lights on will ensure that you do not or not, there are people who have made it you will cover the more advanced topics right when the sun comes up, you might over sleep the exam. through a Waterloo Engineering education first which will make understanding the experience a second wind. You’ve fought All-nighters suck, a lot. So make sure without having to go through the trial of simpler concepts easier. through an entire night of sleep and it is you only use these tips when they are an all-nighter, and they’ve done this by You should also be rewarding yourself now around the time when your body absolute necessary. If you do have to pull avoiding step one like the plague. by taking frequent, but short, breaks. It’s usually wakes up. Your circadian rhythm one, just do it - but always remember that Once you’ve completed step one, nearly impossible to study for an entire is a very powerful mechanism that dictates the first step towards an all-nighter is lots deliberately or not, you need to know night without a break, so make sure to your sleep cycles. However, the second and lots of procrastination. The Iron Warrior 8 Science and Technology wednesday, November 27, 2013 The Warsaw Climate Change Conference

ences between richer and poorer countries, was hoped that the GCF would be capital- countries walking out during discussions especially in the wake of Typhoon Haiyan. ized with the discussions of in COP 19, but for the loss and damage compensations in NinA FENG Discussions for a measure to compensate little headway was made in the financial protest. Furthermore, when the last day of 2A2T En Mviroanagemenmentntal for natural disasters, in the form of a fund discussions. negotiations came around and things still to be delegated according to need, were The hefty disagreements and lack of pro- weren’t looking up, several environmen- The LFeafyortn Thoightulygh reviewts conducted. It is often developing countries gress set the stage for acts of civil disobedi- tal organizations such as WWF, Friends of who contribute the least to environmen- ence amongst many of those present in the the Earth, and Greenpeace also walked out. The 2013 United Nations Climate Change tal problems who end up being affected decision-making process. Filipino delegate It is hoped that 2014 will bring more dia- Conference just wrapped up in Warsaw, Po- by it the most. A push for discussions on and climate negotiator Yeb Saño imposed a logue, and that enforceable regulations can land. Like too many environmental con- a climate change compensation for such hunger strike upon himself for the duration be established by 2015. ferences with a heavy political/economic countries has been a issue for many years, of the COP, in solidarity with those who Overall, the goal of the conference (and presence (so just about all of them), little with few results. The Green Climate Fund were suffering in the Philippines from the all other COP conferences for that matter) in terms of tangible conclusions and plans (GCF) was established in the UNFCCC in typhoon, in an attempt to facilitate mean- is to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. UN- were made. The meetings marked the 19th order to transfer monetary aid from devel- ingful discussion. He was since joined by FCCC executives hope to ensure that peak annual Conference of the Parties (COP 19), oped countries to developing ones, to help environmentalists of several nations and emissions occur in this decade and that hu- formed after the United Nations Framework in imposing adaptive infrastructure, archi- faiths, American students, European ac- mans achieve zero net emissions in the near Convention on Climate Change (UNFC- tecture, and mitigation processes in order to tivists, and members of various organiza- future. Environmental legislation that is CC), an environmental treaty from 1992. It help combat the effects of climate change. tions. The pressure was added when Wael both binding and enforceable is crucial in also served as the 9th meeting of the parties However, as the majority of the money Hmaidan, president of the Climate Action guaranteeing a quality future for human be- involved in the 1997 Kyoto Protocol, from (roughly $100 billion/year by 2020) would network, joined in as well. Despite this, ings and the entire planet. However, it still which Canada was so infamously removed most likely come from the richer countries, countries like Australia were still stubborn seems like money disputes and economic by the Harper government in 2012. those countries have subsequently proposed in avoiding financial commitments, result- gain will always stand in the way of solid The negotiations highlighted the differ- less substantial alternatives to the plan. It ing in the delegates from 132 developing decisions in the environmental area. Marketing Yourself

out what skills and experiences you want example, you may have a resume geared to- to let the Internet do some job searching Elizabeth to share with your prospective employers. wards research positions and perhaps one for for you. Your LinkedIn profile should look Salsberg Have some interests and hobbies ready to computer programming-related positions. as much like your resume as possible. Of 2a Nanotechnology go, or any other special skills to separate you Again, try to ‘personalize’ your resume for course, you can add all of your experience from those thousands of other job seekers. each employer if you can. This may be dif- and skills, etc. you don’t have to restrict your The Networking Engineer Although you may have a wealth of expe- ficult if you are firing off resumes like tor- profile for a specific employer since you rience and skills to choose from, remember pedoes, but it is definitely worth it. To save don’t know who could be looking. Twitter It seems fitting to wrap up this term’s col- that employers are often only after particular time, be smart and just change up the very and Facebook are okay too, just use them umn with an overview of the most important skills or experience in more specific posi- first section. If an employer is clearly look- wisely and keep it professional. Joining in- part of your networking and job searching tions—so choose carefully and be comfort- ing for a specific skill, make sure to put that terest groups on these sites is another good self. After exams, consider these tips on how able presenting and elaborating on your first. Briefly mention related experience at way to go. Sharing your knowledge and ex- to go about marketing yourself before your choices. the top as well, if applicable. This makes the pertise in these groups or forums not only next job search, be it a co-op placement or a Once you know which of your experi- employer want to keep reading—and hope- helps others, but for all you know, a recruiter permanent, full-time position. ences you’d like to market, the next step is fully call you for an interview. just happens to be in that group as well. The first key element is being able to customizing your resume. Naturally, you LinkedIn is another useful tool for market- These basic marketing strategies should market yourself to yourself—after all, no- will have different resumes for the each of ing yourself. Even if you are currently in a help get you started. Good luck in your next body knows you better than you do. Figure the skill sets you are trying to market. For position you are happy with, it never hurts job search and see you all next term! Pea Coats Threads from the Past

to be more aesthetically pleasing. The pea only appeared in navy or midnight blue. at sea, but as time went on pea coats were coat became very popular and inspired Nowadays it is common to see them in a made from a variety of materials. Vincent Magas 2A Management many other classic coats which were main- variety of colours. Often characterized by In recent years the pea coat has made a ly worn by men of the 19th century. Casual broad lapels, the double breasted fronts also resurgence in fashion. It’s simply a clas- loungewear for men, especially of the up- sport large buttons (made from a variety of sic, and it’s trending once again! Just take Hit Replay per classes, included the pea coat. materials ranging from plastic to wood). a walk outside the cool fall weather and In the next one hundred or so years the The coats also have vertical or slash pockets see how many men and women out there Being classy is always a hit. Whether pea coat remains virtually the same, with found near the middle of the length of the are sporting pea coats. It’s no surprise that you’re in the roaring 20s, the swinging 60s minimal variations between different man- coat. Originally the coats were made out of these are back considering they offer practi- or the grooving 80s you can be sure to find ufacturers and tailors. Originally pea coats heavy wool to keep sailors warm whilst out cality, look great and keep you warm! some gentlemen and ladies out there with superb class. This issue’s Hit Replay touch- es upon a lovely item which has found itself travelling through time and staying true, classy and of course keeping you nice and warm in the cool autumn chill. That’s right, the one and only iconic pea coat, whether you’re out there looking for something to wear on a more formal occasion or sim- ply trying to stay warm, this is the perfect choice! The pea coat, has been around for more than 200 years first appearing in the early 1700s. This iconic jacket was first worn by sailors and naval troops across Europe. Known as “reefers” the coat was designed for sailors who climbed up riggings and lines of sailing ships. The coat was also adopted by the US Navy from the Royal British Navy which brought it to the Ameri- cas. It was in the 19th Century that the coat gained more popularity among the general public. A famous tailor trade magazine in England called the Tailor and Cutter popu- larized a variation of the pea coat known www.kwtravelclinic.ca as the “Prince of Wales Jacket”. The coat sported the same characteristics of the ‘reefer’ pea coat but altered it for everyday city or town use. It was made of softer and more comfortable material, and was made The Iron Warrior Wednesday, November 27, 2013 Miscellaneous 9 My Favourite Songs and Albums of 2013

care about the world around him and real- clear-headed at the same time, with the pro- from “Hive:” “Desolate testaments tryna izing that you can’t alter your perception duction spinning and chattering around him stay Jekyll-ish/but most n*ggas Hyde, and Alex Toth 3B Chemical of reality with drugs forever: “My dreams to provide the ideal backdrop. He tosses Brenda just stay preg-a-nant.” There are tri- got dimmer when I stopped smoking pot/ perfect lines like “I seen the light, I lost my ple entendres, made-up words, barely-there Nightmares got more vivid when I stopped lighter/Bic flick, kick the habit and the buck- slant rhymes and this is just scratching the Album of the Week smoking pot/Loving you’s a little different/I et, f*ck your supplier” away like he could surface. But the reason the album demands don’t like you a lot.” But then that great gui- come up with ten a day. He sounds simul- repeat listens isn’t the lyrical acrobatics, it’s Since this is the last issue of the Iron War- tar line breaks through the clouds and Frank taneously like the 20-year-old he is, and a the straight-forward views into Earl’s mind. rior, I think that it would be apt to run down Ocean emerges, rapping instead of sing- world weary traveller reaching the end of his He’s spent much of the last two years in Sa- the list of my favourite songs & albums of ing. He’s coming back to handle business, journey. He’s chain-smoking, good-looking, moa, insulated from the hype surrounding the year. The rules I set for myself were only namely to set the record straight on his alter- Frank Ocean-listening. This part right here? his upcoming album. And now, he’s crack- one song per artist allowed, and the album or cation with Chris Brown (of course Brown This part’s his shit. ing under the pressure, not knowing where song had to be officially released within the used homophobic slurs): “Forgot you don’t to turn. The opening lines of the album say calendar year. Below are my two lists, with like it rough/I mean he called me a f*****/I 3. Hold My Liquor – Kanye West ft. it all: “Grandma’s passing/But I’m too busy write-ups for the both the top ten albums and was just calling his bluff.” He’s in Staples Justin Vernon (of Bon Iver) & Chief tryna get this f*cking album cracking to see songs. I’m sure that anyone who reads this with his Grammy’s talking to adoring fans, Keef her/So I apologize in advance if anything will disagree with more than one thing on Brown is dealing with community service should happen.” the list, so feel free to leave comments on stemming from his felony. It probably took Who would’ve thought Justin Vernon our website. a while for Brown to figure out the meaning and Chief Keef would make such excellent 8. Sunbather – Deafheaven of the song, and I can’t see him ever creating duet partners? They play off of each other People spent the better part of the year My 25 Favourite Songs of the Year a meaningful rebuttal. perfectly, with Keef playing the role of thor- trying to categorize this album: was it black Honourable Mentions: Birds – Death oughly anaesthetized conscious and Vernon metal? Shoegaze? Post-rock? A combina- Grips, Hood Pope – A$AP Ferg, Royals – 7. Too Much – Drake ft. Sampha the overarching narrator. In between, Kanye tion of all three with eight other buzzwords Lorde Drake raps best when he’s angry, as he’s assumes the lead role of the drunken and thrown in for good measure? Does it matter? 25. Bugatti – Ace Hood ft. Rick Ross & proven again and again on songs like “Stay broken man, slowly swerving into oblivion. Just sit back and let these seven tracks ut- Future Schemin’,” “Pop That,” and “5AM in To- It’s incredible to behold. terly consume you, because there is nothing 24. Wake Me Up – Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc ronto.” And now you can add “Too Much” else you can do. 23. Feds Watchin’ – 2 Chainz to that list as well, except this time instead 2. Hannah Hunt – Vampire Week- 22. IFHY – Tyler, the Creator ft. Pharrell of taking aim at rivals and haters, he’s cho- end 7. Random Access Memories – Daft 21. Why’d You Only Call Me When sen a topic closer to his heart: his family. He “Hannah Hunt” contains the most arrest- Punk You’re High – Arctic Monkeys feels that he’s being distanced because of ing moment to happen in music this year, When this album was released, a lot of 20. San Francisco – Foxygen his fame, that his mother has settled on his which is saying quite something considering people were very upset. Instead of taking a 19. Control – Big Sean ft. Kendrick Lamar money and refuses to continue with her life. Vampire Weekend have a rather buttoned- step forward, pushing the envelope of what & Jay Electronica He performed in on Fallon before Nothing up and reliable reputation. The song starts was considered possible with both 1999’s 18. You’re Not Good Enough – Blood Or- Was the Same was released, and he actually off quietly, with some bass plucks and Ezra Homework and 2001’s Discovery, they ange prefaced it with an apology. This is Drake’s Koenig whispering about his travels from seemed to have regressed. Random Access 17. Getting Sodas – The World Is a Beau- most personal song, and also his most re- “Providence to Phoenix” ostensibly with the Memories saw the robots looking backwards tiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die latable, which is saying something when eponymous Hannah. As they move across into the 80s, even recruiting legends like 16. Comrade – Volcano Choir he spends most of the time on his albums the country, they meet clairvoyant preach- Nile Rodgers and Todd Edwards to work on 15. Song for Zula – Phosphorescent pining over lost loves. Sampha provides the ers, grow homesick, and grow tired of each their songs. But then people looked a little 14. Dream House – Deafheaven perfect amount of melody on the chorus to other. Then, after two and a half minutes that closer, and they realized that Guy-Man and 13. Overgrown – James Blake make it one of the most poignant songs of contain enough detail to fill an entire book, Rodanthony were looking forward, updating 12. Here Comes the Night Time – Arcade the year. Koenig lets loose: “If I can’t trust you then the sounds of the 80s for the current genera- Fire damn it Hannah/there’s no future, there’s no tion. And they were using all of the resourc- 11. When a Fire Starts to Burn – Disclo- 6. Instant Crush – Daft Punk ft. Ju- answer/though we live on the US dollar/you es at their disposal to do it. RAM is the most sure lian Casablancas (of the Strokes) and me, we got our own sense of time.” The expensive, luxurious, album of the year, and Wait, didn’t he say that there was only a first time I heard it, it stopped me dead in my possibly of the millennium as well, and that 10. Do U Right (Bo Peep) – Sh- one song per artist rule? Doesn’t that mean tracks. It’s truly a transcendent moment on allowed it to sound both human and alien, lohmo ft. Jeremih “Get Lucky” won’t be on this list? Is he will- an honestly transcendent album. organic and meticulously assembled, an al- Although most people only know Jeremih fully rejecting it because of its ubiquity this bum which perfectly represents Daft Punk’s for his smash hit “Birthday Sex,” he sneak- year? The answers to those questions are: 1. Play By Play – Autre Ne Veut influence on music. ily released one of last year’s best mixtapes yes, yes, and 2 Chainz and Avicii are already Purple Rain is my favourite album of all with Late Nights with Jeremih. That tape on this list (and Lorde was damn close) so time, and maybe that’s the reason this song 6. Whenever, If Ever – The World Is delved deep into the indie R&B sound made that argument holds no water. I truly feel ended up on top. Autre Ne Veut channels a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer famous last year by the likes of the Weeknd like “Instant Crush” is a superior song. It is his inner Prince, slowly inching his falsetto Afraid to Die and Frank Ocean. Although we are still wait- simultaneously the best Strokes song since louder and louder, higher and higher. He ing for the follow-up to that tape, this year “12:51” and my favourite Daft Punk song holds off on the climax, pitch shifting his Ask me in private, and I’ll tell you this he teamed up with bass producer Shlohmo since “Digital Love.” The robots run Casa- voice around and around until the song can’t was my favourite album of the year. I to create a gorgeously creepy late-night an- blancas through both their famous vocoders be contained anymore. And when it breaks, grew up in the mid-2000s, when second them. Jeremih’s falsetto meshes perfectly as well as the signature tinny Strokes-filter the floodgates really open. He spends the last wave emo bands like Fall Out Boy and My with the off-kilter drums and minor key syn- to create a gorgeously longing melody that two and a half minutes of the song wailing Chemical Romance dominated everything thesizers to create his best stand-alone song hangs forever over those chugging guitars. “I just called you up/to get that play-by-play, from the radio to edgy pre-teen iPods. Emo yet, “Birthday Sex” included. And when that chorus hits I dare you to resist by play, by play” realizing that he has some- was my gateway into alternative music, the urge to dance. “Get Lucky” be damned, how found this year’s most perfect melody, and FOB and MCR still have a place in my 9. Bugs Don’t Buzz – Majical Cloudz this should’ve been the jam of the summer. and instead of choosing to use it sparingly, heart (relisten to Infinity on High and you’ll Although the band name sounds like a cycles it endlessly while the listener looks see my point). So you can imagine my ex- weirdo rap group, Majical Cloudz is a duo 5. The Mother We Share – CH- on in awe. After it finishes, you’ll be physi- citement when emo made a comeback this from Montreal that deals almost exclusively VRCHES cally exhausted by the sheer hugeness of it, year, with TWIABP leading the charge. with sombre piano ballads. They released The debut song on CHVRCHES debut al- but I can bet you’ll put it right back on again. They have all the parts: the nasally guy, the their debut full-length this year, and this bum, “Mother” is also the purest distillation My 15 Favourite Albums of the Year screaming guy, the off-key harmonizing, is the best cut from the very good album. of the perfect synth-pop CHVRCHES deals Honourable Mentions: The 20/20 Experi- the huge choruses and equally huge guitar “Bugs Don’t Buzz” starts with crashing pi- with. Lauren Mayberry’s vocals soar effort- ence – Justin Timberlake, Wolf – Tyler, the riffs. I loved every minute of it. Go listen to ano backing the lyrics “The cheesiest songs lessly overtop of the swelling synths, the Creator, Cupid’s Head – The Field “Ultimate Steve” and tell me you don’t miss all end with a smile/This won’t end with chorus is the catchiest thing you’ll hear all 15. AM – The Arctic Monkeys “Sugar, We’re Going Down” so much more a smile, my love” and spirals downward year, and the whole song pushes into arena 14. Woman – Rhye than you already did. pretty quickly from there. The narrator and rock territory without a single guitar. May- 13. The Bones of What You Believe – his lover are cockroaches in the apocalypse, berry’s voice is crystal clear in every sense CHVRCHES 5. Anxiety – Autre Ne Veut among other things, until the song crumbles of the phrase, and even if what she’s sing- 12. Reflektor – Arcade Fire Anxiety is the perfect name for this al- into electronic noise and a glimmer of hope ing about doesn’t make much sense, you’re 11. Settle – Disclosure bum. Arthur Ashin creates paranoid R&B appears: “The happiest songs all end with a absolutely compelled to keep listening. And 10. Overgrown – James Blake music using hyperkinetic production and smile/This may end with a smile, my love.” then listening again, and again, and again. histrionic falsetto. His voice holds nearly 9. Doris – Earl Sweatshirt none of the qualities normally associated 8. Sunday – Earl Sweatshirt ft. 4. Chain Smoker – Chance the Rap- Who would’ve thought that the same per- with R&B, but he gets by on pure force of Frank Ocean per son who built their name on rapping about will. It sounds like he is on the verge of a Earl’s debut full-length, Doris, had a uni- “Chain Smoker” perfectly encapsulates extreme violence and reprehensible ac- mental breakdown on nearly every song, form aesthetic: murky, depressing, and dark. Chance the Rapper’s M.O. in a glorious four tions would make the most depressing and his head filled with demons that he can only And although that worked nearly perfectly, minutes. He sings in his nasally voice, sylla- self aware album of the year? Earl is one release through singing. Take “Counting”, the one song that broke the mold was the bles tumbling over each other like he might of the deftest wordsmiths in the game, and which uses a warped children’s choir for album’s best. Earl is in typical sad-sack never have another opportunity to get them Doris is full of endless labyrinths of asso- form, bemoaning his inability to connect or out. He sounds drugged-out and perfectly nance and internal rhymes. Take this line Continued on Page 10 The Iron Warrior 10 Humour and Satire wednesday, November 27, 2013 My Favourite Songs and Albums of 2013

Continued from Page 9 to it exclusively. I don’t mean like 75% of is warm, soulful, drug-addled. Chance’s globe. The brief monologue in the middle the time, I mean on repeat all the time with- thoughts are also the product of a spaced out of “Finger Back” summarizes the album maximum alarming effect: “I’m counting on out fail. It was the starting point for all con- mind, but he can be straight-forward if he perfectly: “’Cause this Orthodox girl fell the idea that you’ll stay alive.” It’s honest, versations between us, and we quoted lines needs to. When discussing the regrettable in love with the guy at the falafel shop, and it’s visceral, it’s frightening. It’s an album ad nauseum. It has already ingrained itself gun violence rocking Chicago on “Pusha why not? Should she have averted her eyes built on pure catharsis, with Ashin managing into my brain much like Take Care did in Man/Paranoia”, he is has a sense of clarity and just stared at the laminated poster of the to translate his feelings perfectly onto the re- 2011, whether it’s that “Started From the uncommon for a 20-year-old: “I hate crowd- Dome of the Rock?” Why shouldn’t they cord. He has managed to create the feeling Bottom” video, that line about Courtney ed beaches/I hate the sound of fireworks/ use gorgeously arranged music, obscure cul- that, if only for the duration of the album, the from Hooters, the Drakiest Drake line ever And I ponder what’s worse between know- tural references, and tangential metaphors to entire world is collapsing around you. on “Furthest Thing” (“I hate that you don’t ing it’s over/And dying first.” Or on the next create beautiful and thoughtful songs about 4. Yeezus – Kanye West think I belong to you...”), the lilting melody track “Cocoa Butter Kisses,” he’s putting fear, death and uncertainty? Ezra Koenig How much more can really be said about on “Come Thru,” or even that stupid pop- “Visine inside my eyes so my grandma will was never much of a straight talker, and this album? It was Kanye West’s boldest, ping noise Jay-Z makes with his mouth on f*cking hug me.” It’s an incredible album, here is no different. But between the Modest bravest experiment. It simultaneously failed “Pound Cake/Paris Morton Music 2.” Drake uplifting at times, and sobering at others. Mouse shout-outs, Angkor Wat allusions, miserably and succeeded massively. He says has become a centre of popular culture, for In a year where most hip-hop releases were and long-winded and endlessly inventive it did everything he wanted, but something better or for worse, and has done it not by uniformly angry, cynical and depressing, it metaphors, lines jump out at you. Maybe not tells me he wanted more from it, a cultural playing by the rules, but by bending them was a breath of fresh air. the first time, or the second, maybe even a shift that he would begin. He brought a gi- to his will. year or two afterwards. Take this lyric from ant Jesus onto the stage for his concerts. He 1. Modern Vampires of the City – the wondrously drawn out opener “Obvious used Confederate flags to sell his merchan- 2. Acid Rap – Chance the Rapper Vampire Weekend Bicycle:” “Oh you ought to spare your face dise. You can tell he rushed it, it’s short, it’s Chance the Rapper came out of nowhere This album should’ve been called Out of the razor/Because no one’s gonna spare the messy, it’s ugly, and it’s a bigger and better in 2013 and released the year’s best rap Africa. I’ve been waiting to use that line for time for you.” Lines like that make you stop statement than almost any other artist will album and also arguably the most purely the entire year, and it really sounded better and ponder; think about things outside the ever make. In a year when all things were enjoyable album I have heard in a while. in my head, but it still rings extremely true. realm of the album. And they occur on every KANYE WEST, this was the most Kanye Chance’s style is freewheeling, reminiscent VW’s first two albums appropriated the joy- single song. MVotC may not be the most im- thing of all. of Andre 3000, Lil’ Wayne and most of all, ous sounds of native African music, much mediate album of the year, or even the most fellow Chicagoan Kanye West. He alternates like Paul Simon’s Graceland before it, and immediate of VW’s 3 albums, but it already 3. Nothing Was the Same – Drake singing in his faux-jazz way with nasally to much success. But Modern Vampires of feels worn in, something that, ten years from For about 3 weeks after this album was rapping, punctuating nearly every line with the City is different. It draws influence from now, I can sit down with again, and it would released myself and a few friends listened his trademark adlib (IGH!). The production Africa, sure, but also from all around the welcome me like an old friend. Walls Can’t Keep Me Out

World War Z is, at least, an entertaining into a matter of weeks. A lot of people are As a sci-fi movie made pre-Star Wars, zombie movie, albeit with bigger sets than killed and there is romantic drama. Brad Pitt Logan’s Run really shows its age. However nancy hui 3N civil the norm. This is best illustrated by a striking plays Achilles, Orlando Bloom plays that that only adds to its entertainment value, image from the trailer: zombies swarming foppish prince of Troy Paris, and Sean Bean and it sometimes ventures into a “so bad it’s over the massive anti-zombie wall of plays Odysseus in one of the few roles where good” movie as it rifles through the relevant Jerusalem. If you delight in watching cities he is not evil or slated for death. post-apocalyptic tropes and imagery. Except Do you realize that whenever a nominally laid to waste, this is the movie for you. I just couldn’t get into this mopey that unlike most trashy movies, Logan’s unpenetrable wall shows up in a movie, its adaptation of Troy. Sure, the ancient Greek Run is pretty good: there is actual humour, perimeter is breached at some point during Pacific Rim (2013) heroes did sulk, and throw tantrums, and particularly in watching the hedonistic the movie? It’s so predictable I don’t know Somewhere beneath the ocean, a exact disproportionate revenge. But they lifestyles of the domed city’s inhabitants, why they bother, though the siege drama that transdimensional portal opens and colassal didn’t mope about it so much! How can I and the idea of everyone dying at age 30 is occurs after is usually extremely juicy. Kaijus come swarming out to attack coastal believe that Achilles is the greatest warrior of somewhat unique amongst science fiction Speaking of which, you know the Wall on cities. Humanity unites to build mechas - his time when Brad Pitt quietly introspects at movies. the north border of the Seven Kingdoms in A Jaegers - to fight them. One Jaeger pilot, his sandals in every other shot? Am I really Song of Ice and Fire? You totally know that Raleigh (Charlie Beckett) is traumatized and to believe that Helen of Troy (Diane Kruger), Final Fantasy (2001) it’s going down soon. quits the Jaeger program after the loss of his she of the face that launched a thousand In yet another dystopian future, humanity brother on a routine mission. But then the ships, left her husband for Paris of all people lives in domed cities and is constantly under World War Z (2013) program is cancelled in favour of building because she wanted a regular ol’ joe to settle attack by alien “Phantoms.” Scientist girl Loosely based on Max Brook’s book of walls to keep the Kaiju at bay, and he is down with? Troy fails to balance the epic and Aki (Ming-Na Wen) searches for eight spirit the same name, a zombie pandemic sweeps called back by his former commander (Idris emotional components of the Trojan War, signatures, that when brought together, could the globe. These ghouls are strong, fast, and Elba) for a final stand against the Kaiju. though it is full of attractive people and well- defeat the phantoms. smart. Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt), a former UN This movie is Godzilla meets Rocky composed battle sequences. I think that Final Fantasy was unjustly employee, is pressed into searching for the with mechas. It was adorable. I enjoyed the criticized after its release for computer- cure so that the American army will shelter development of Raleigh and Mako Mori’s Logan’s Run (1976) generated characters that ventured too deeply his family. (Rinko Kikuchi) friendship, which, for a In the future, humanity lives in a domed into “uncanny valley”: the mysterious zone First of all, the movie is nothing like the Hollywood blockbuster, refreshingly devoid city because the outside world is supposedly a between the realistic and cartoonish where book. The thrill of the book was in sampling of romantic overtones. Of course this was all polluted wreck. Overpopulation is prevented everything just looks wrong. I thought the heroics of a multitude of nations and overshadowed by the Jaeger-Kaiju battles in the domed by killing everyone off when everyone looked fine: it’s no different from a relating their reactions to the zombie themselves: equally surprisingly, they were they turn thirty, though until then residents video game cutscene. apocalypse to real-life global politics. not repetitive because each new Kaiju enjoy a life of unparalleled hedonism. Not Graphics aside, Final Fantasy has nothing However, the movie is a straight-up Brad brought a new fighting style and skillset into everyone accepts their death with grace, to do with any of the existing video games, Pitt vehicle, in which we get too much Brad the ring, which the Jaeger pilots would have though, and Logan 5 (Michael York) is and the plot, though rife with standard Pitt as the designated messiah and too little to slowly discover how to beat. charged with hunting down those who avoid grizzled space marines, was decent. I of global events. Secondly, Gerry Lane’s their fate. However, a fateful encounter with particularly liked the way that the Phantoms kids are the stupidest children in a disaster Troy (2004) a strange artifact and a strange woman (Jenny were rendered and handled by plot, though movie ever. They cry, they refuse to get out Loosely based on the epic poem by Homer, Agutter) forces Logan 5 to reevaluate the their “life essence” mechanics were kind of of condemned vehicles, they’re useless. Troy compresses the 10-year Siege of Troy only life he’s ever known. cheesy.

$2 Buck Pabst Attack Tuesdays $4.50/Tall Can Every Tuesday Monday & Wednesday - All Day Friday & Saturday - Before 11pm $10 Pitchers Dirty Burger Days Thursdays Before 11pm $2 Burgers and Wings $5.50/lb www.chainsawlovers.com Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday The Iron Warrior Wednesday, November 27, 2013 Humour and Satire 11 Top Wayz to Conduct an Interview nalism? NEWS: President Sassy Yassy has what concrete date do you think wade ‘Ace’ wilson, edward …I’m sorry? Uh… I guess the paper does just admitted to smoking crack-co- civil unrest will reach the point of ‘Ace’ blake and yellow pretty quickly. I didn’t mean to of- caine and purchasing illegal drugs drafting the blueprint for the first Anonymous fend you. while serving as B-Soc President. barricade? Student Furthermore, regarding lewd, can- Revolution?! But I have some good 4Z handsomeness Well you did. So, Stu, why do you nibalistic comments made towards friends in Civil! I… I’m so confused. read the Iron Warrior? VP Internal Cat, Yassy was quoted TOPZ (WITH A Z) Let us simplify it for you. In George Well besides the relaxing colour that’s as saying “I am in a happy bro- Orwell’s 1984, he paints a dystopi- easy on the eyes, I guess I get it for the in- mance with Kal and have plenty to Bad, news friends. Against all odds, consistent crossword submissions. That guy an picture of a future ruled by Ing- eat at home.” Wade and Edward are set to graduate in sure sometimes writes some okay cross- soc, with a tight-knit “inner party” five months, which makes this article our words. I also like the fun Easter egg hunt for Wow, well that certainly sounds like an that systematically subjugates last column in B-Soc. Seeing as how we errors in each issue! embarrassment for the University of Water- and oppresses the proletariat, or plan to pursue journalism in grad school, we loo… but I don’t want to focus on his per- “proles”. Do you think that if there thought it would be a good idea to do some No, we won’t be publishing that at sonal life. He has always stuck by his poli- is hope to overthrow Engsoc, it lies exit-poling and talk to an everyman about all. I guess what we’re really getting cies, which as a member of Sassy Nation, I Topz, the Iron Warrior, and the Engineering at is: why is Topz (With a Z) the only elected him for. Furthermore, what about the in the proles? Society. As such, we tracked down our fan column worth reading in this, for Feds President? Didn’t he admit to smoking Well, yeah, that does make it easier to un- and sat down with him for an anonymous in- lack of a better word, trainwreck? marijuana? That’s basically the same thing, derstand. I guess it only makes sense that a terview to get some clear, unbiased perspec- right? Drugs are drugs. And Sassy Yassy has successful coup and reformation would only tives. Below is a transcript of our chat. What? I think that the IW publishes some always advocated zero tolerance on drugs. be possible with the support of the masses. great articles relevant to student interest! I Now that you mention it, Yasser does seem a Hello Stuart, nice to meet you. mean, it’s not the greatest journalism, but it’s Speaking of EngSoc, as a senior little like “Big Brother”. There were pictures Uh… Hi guys… I guess it’s been a couple excellent for a student paper. As for Topz, I student do you support the exclu- of him all over the walls of Engineering and hours since I saw you in class. Just to con- can’t exactly say that I’m a fan. Mainly be- sionary practices of the Engineer- last week he was pressuring me to fill out firm, this is completely anonymous right? cause I’m not. I guess I just don’t condone ing Society? some “survey”… And we all know survey is And am I getting paid that twenty bucks be- their immature and inappropriate behaviour. the root word of “surveillance”. fore or after the interview? It really brings down the overall quality of Now just hold on a minute, the Engineer- the paper. ing Society is a very welcoming and open Speaking of President Sassy, what (laughs) You have to understand environment! I’ve been to tons of EngSoc do you, Stuart Andrew Linley (SID: how seriously we take anonymity Oh, I see you mentioned the Iron sponsored events and always feel right at 60380085), make of the just now here at Topz (With a Z), Mr. Linley. Warrior’s most popular and influ- home. All of the elections support well in- emerging footage of the embat- Protecting the identities of inter- ential column, Topz (With a Z). So formed voting and everyone has equal op- tled prez toppling over his VP viewers and informants is of the Mr. Stuart Linley, How do you be- portunity to run, right? External after mocking VP FIN’s utmost importance to unbiased lieve that the reporting conducted Do you think that your position as recent academic probation during reporting. Anyway, what do you by the ace journalists of Topz (With a part of the “in-crowd” has afford- council? make of recent allegations regard- a Z) has contributed to improving ed your negligence to the plight of I’ve been an opponent of Al-Khder’s since ing EngSoc President Yasser “Sassy student life at Waterloo? the common student? the beginning! I just cannot believe that we Yassy” Al-Khader smoking crack I guess it’s pretty popular… Sometimes it put our trust in that man. If he doesn’t step cocaine while consorting with has okay advice, but last year my immediate I… uh… I don’t think I’m intentionally al- down soon, FEDS should do what they can Nano engineering drug lord, JT family didn’t appreciate receiving cash for ienating the typical student by having friends to kick him out! and his associated gang, The Power Christmas as much as I was led to believe. in EngSoc… am I? I didn’t realize that this of Three? Overall, in general, I think satire is pretty was such a prevalent issue. Excellent answer. Last question, important for political transparency, I mean how do you feel about Topz (With What? I’ve never heard that. Ridiculous. look at shows like the Colbert Report or or- You see, Stuart Andrew Linley, a Z)? Where’s your proof? Besides, Yasser’s poli- ganizations like The Oni— one of the privileges inherent to cies and positions are what matter. I voted those with ascribed status is that of I love Topz (With a Z). I’ve always loved for him last time, and I’ll vote for him again. Hold that thought, Stu-balls, we’ll ignorance toward the negative im- Topz (With a Z). get back to your violent outburst pact of your hegemonic ideology. Interesting. So why are you trying Thanks Stuart. You can leave the against the conduct of the Uni- According to Marx, the inevitable to turn the Iron Warrior into an twenty you owe us with our secre- versity of Waterloo’s Engineering outcome of such conflicting power embarrassing rag of yellow jour- tary. Society in just a minute. BREAKING relations is a social revolution. At How to Talk to Editors-in-Chief

newspaper reader on campus, the great su- where you need to talk in person to all glo- Back! preme leader Editor-in-Chief can often be rious, eternal-for-one-term Editor-in-Chief, Hire a priest, witch doctor, or TA to cleanse Ching O’Malley distinguished from the rest of the Iron War- bring an offering of snacks or beverages so the EIC’s spirit of the darkness that comes 1Z Petroleum rior writing staff by their appearance. Sadly, to appease the dark spirit that embodies the with PWS. Waterbenders are also effective Dear Leader Editor-in-Chief still displays Editor-in-Chief during production weekend. in this as they can bend water to remove the How to talk to signs of humanity and thus will spend count- SITUATION THE DEUX! Sometimes, dark spirits. This helps so that the all glorious less hours toiling for the good of the nation, I the problem is not that you want to talk to Editor-in-Chief becomes mortal for a week- mean paper. Often weekend times, they will the Wonderful and benevolent leader, Editor- end and you can talk to them about things Howdy sexy readers of the Iron War- emerge from the Iron Warrior Office, dishev- in-Chief, but the EIC seems to be talking to like articles and layout. rior Newspaper. I know while you read this elled and with blood shot eyes. Do not worry themselves. At times, the EIC will be mut- SOLUTION 3: The Return of the King amazing paper that you think to yourself, kind readers, the EIC has not been partaking tering curses at the computer for constantly (Editor-in-Chief)! “How is this newspaper made and why is in the illicit drug substances but the EIC’s bluescreening because the computer does not Constantly assume that the EIC is mutter- it so amazing? I am in awe of the layout appearance is due to lack of sleep. Every have enough pixels to handle the sheer awe- ing to themselves and ignore the all mighty and the proofreading that has gone into this other Saturday and Sunday is production someness that is the Iron Warrior Engineer- and omnipotent Editor-in-Chief even if they newspaper.” You can thank our all-glorious weekend meaning Brilliant Leader Editor ing Newspaper, angrily cursing their staff are yelling at you to get your article in on and immortal leader, the Editor-in Chief. in Chief will be personally editing and de- writers to get articles in on time for editing time. The grand exalted editor-in-chief ,or EIC for signing the upcoming issue, making sure the and demanding articles from EngSoc. Have To end this article I just want to say, good those acronym lovers out there, assigns ar- lowly staff writers’ mistakes are corrected so no fear, the EIC is only crazy on full moons, luck to the incoming Editor-in-Chief, may ticles for us lowly staff writers to write and that the attractive readers of the Iron Warrior actually no, every other weekend. When the your reign be kind and fruitful of monies so pictures for the lowly photographs to photo- Newspaper has something to do whilst sit- EIC is suffering from PWS, or Production we can go to a nice place for staff dinners. To graph and the lowly illustrators to draw their ting on the toilet. The look of defeat on the Weekend Syndrome, bring them chocolate, the exiting Editor-in-Chief, HELP HELP, I comics. Often described as a thankless job Editor-in-Chief’s eyes can be intimidating at a copy of “The Notebook” and ice cream. AM BEING OPRESSED! MY FREEDOM (by the EIC), the job includes snacks, asking times but here are some solutions that will Otherwise, the EIC will be seen haunting OF SPEECH IS BEING RESTRICTED BY people for advertisements, and long hours. help you talk to the Editor-in-Chief. the halls late at night on weekends mutter- YOUR CENSORSHIP! So to the incred- (Sorry incoming EIC). So to get to the meat SOLUTION THE FIRST: A Game of ing things like “EngSoc still needs to send in ibly intelligent and ridiculously good look- of the article, how does one approach and Thrones! articles” or “Why is this article missing en- ing readers of the Iron Warrior Newspaper, talk to all-glorious leader editor-in-chief? Become blind, then you only need to hear tire words?” and that is not good for Dearest help your Editor-in-Chief by writing more What does one do when needing to commu- the exhaustion in the EIC’s voice, or just Leader Editor-in-Chief. When you see this articles and remember, grammar iz not im- nicate with the eternal-for-one-term-editor- phone them. Whichever is easier. You can happen, do not be a passive by-stander, do portant. Nor iz spellin, write in a foreign lan- in-chief? also text and Facebook message the EIC something to help because if you aren’t part guage and just hope it gets published. Why hello again, I hope you are enjoy- but that is not talking to the EIC anymore of the solution, you are part of the problem. Lots of love, ing this new paragraph, anyways sexiest and that is cheating. If you are in a situation SOLUTION PART 2: The Empire Strikes Ching The Iron Warrior 12 Distractions wednesday, November 27, 2013 The Iron Crossword Top Wayz toTop Make Wayz to Make a aCrossword Crossword

By Stuart Linley (InspiredStuart Lin leyby (WithWadeward Wadeward "Ace" ‘Ace’ BBlakeson)lakeson) 4A Nanotechnology

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