PC History: Forget the Constitution
BY GREG PARKER amples continue: while the wealth of to remember that younger students it is important, however, to recreate a the African kingdom of Mali in the are not as developed intellectually as dialogue between Washington and an N A FEW WEEKS, THE UCLA college students; they are less Indian leader at the close of the Revo based National Center for His apt to question the views pre lutionary War. I tory in the Schools (NCH) will sented, and more likely to accept On the same MacNeill Lehrer Newshour, Nash also says, "Let's let release National Stan00rd8 - United ~';.:. the views without hesitation. States Hi8tory, a guideline for United Gary Nash, a member of the the kids out of the prison of facts, the Statel History cuniculum in public NCH, defends the study. On the prison of dates, and names and places, schools. While the intent of the study October 26 MacNeill Lehrer and let's let them discuss really im is to improve the study of U.S. His Newshour, Nash says that the portant momentous turning points in tory, tlle study is symbolic of the sorry National Standards were partly American history." But Nash inad state of public education today. based on the idea that certain vertently gives away a key element of The National Standards break up groups - blacks, Native Ameri the study in the above statement. U.S. History into 31 standards, best cans and women - have been Getting kids away from "the prison of described as what a student should ignored in history books. 'This facts" means history revisionism, learn about a specific period. Of these might be the case, to some de where the past is misinterpreted and 81 standards, they are subgrouped gree, but newer history books there are no objective data. While into ten eras of history, ranging from have taken this into account. there is no way for history to be com colonial times to the present But wbat Also, while stressing events of pletely objective, there are limits to these standards amount to is histori Nash's "ignored" groups, other its interpretation; the National Stan cal revisionism, leading the bastions more important events may not dards push these limits, leading to of political correctness further into be covered. For example, the the politicization of the classroom as the c1asaroom. Lynne Cheney: FIghting Hlnorical Revitioniam study stresses George Washing- well as the continuing demise of pub 'llle NCB, made up of a congres 1500s is triumphed, the wealth of ton very little; according to th~ study lic education. m sionally-eppointed panel of histori John D. Rockefeller in the late 19th ans, waa funded by the Department of century is criticized as '\methical and Education and the National Endow immoral." While it is ignorant to say ment for the Humanities (NEH). that the United States bas a perfect ROTC to Sponsor Lynne Cheney, cbairman ofthe NEH historical recorct, it is important to when funding for the study was ap remember that like Cheney says in proved, has become perhaps the most her WaU Street Journal article, "on Turkey Shoot outspoken. critic of the National Stan the whole [the U.S. has] .. . been a dards study, with an appearance on great and good nation. " BY ADAM S. BRINKMAN . gift; certificates, and pizzas. the MacNeill Lehrer Newllhour and 'Ibe study may seem inconsequen Eight hundred students, staff; and an o}H'd piece bashing the study in tial, but Cheney believes otherwise. HE ARMY ROTC PROGRAM faculty participated in last years Tur the WaU Street Journal. The Clinton Administration's Goals at the University of Michigan key Shoot. When asked about the at According to Cheney, it is testa 2000 .Act embodies the National Edu T is once again sponsoring its tendance for this years event, Lt. Col. ment to the iITationality of the study cation Standards and Improvement Annual Turkey Shoot. This year's Mary J. Sonntag said, "Once again we that the Constitution does not appear Council, and if the council approves Turkey Shoot, the fifth in the event's expect a large turnout for the shoot I in any of the 81 standards. It does the U.S. History standards, public history, will be held at the North Hall heard many positive comments last make an appearance in the text sur classrooms across the nation may be Rifle Range from November 15 to 17. year from students firing a rifle for rounding these standards, as do Jo encouraged to adopt the standards in A $1 donation entitles each par the first time. Most were surprised at seph McCarthy and the Ku Klux Klan, their U.S. History cuniculum. ticipant to three shots with a .22 cali how easy and ftm it was to shoot at the each mentioned.separately in 86 dif If the National Standards are ber rifle provided on site. 'llle best paper targets. Several students who ferent places. The names 'lllomas adopted, and ifpublic school teachers individual and three person team stopped by the Army Scholarship table Edison, Paul Revere, Albert Einstein incoIpOrate them into their teachings, score (several categories) throughout applied for and won two and three and Robert E. Lee, on the other hand, the consequences could be very detri the entire t.hre&-day event will re year scholarships." show up a total number of zero times. mental. Students in grades 5 to 12 are ceive special recognition. Overall Anyone interested is invited to To Cheney, the National Standards is easily swayed. Ifthey learn a skewed prizes awarded for marksmanship ex participate. For additional informa one of the ultimate repreaentatiOIl8 of version of history, the students could cellence include: $50 savings bond, tion call Captain Curt Lapham at political correctness to date. 'llle ex- take that as the truth. It is important 'lhanksgiving Turkeys, merchandise 764--2400. )R . Inside Statist From Suite Smoking and Book Myriads of 3 RepubUcans 4 One 8 Drinking 10Review 12Music Compromises in the GOP's Privatizing the U-M would One should be able to Harold Bloom's The Interview with the cranber- Ideology move it ever so lower costs and promote wreck their lungs and their Western Canon redefines ries. A look at some hap- j...,/ closer to the left. freedom. liver if desired. literary classics. cat new jazz refeases . .J// I L...-____...., ." ...... - ;;;;:. _.J
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,.,_,. ... ~. , .''" .. ~_ .... ·.-._~r ' ..... '"'': ...... '''' .._ ... ~_~ ' · ~ 2 THE MIClDGAN REVIEW November 9, 1994
o SERPENT'S TOOTH:., I H 1-. !Vll C HJ( iAN R J-. va·. \\ . The campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan 'Publicl< Skulz ar Infeariar .• Residents ofWaahington D.C. are set dent and nonaligned?" How about TOP TEN TmNGS OVERHEARD to have convicted drug user Marion "staunchly goohead leftist?" There, IN THE NATION'S VOTING EDIT~F : ...... nnon Barry reclaim the mayor's office of that sounds much better. BOOTHS YESTERDAY: PUBlISHER: Eric t.ar.on the nation's alpitnl Apparently, Barry CAMPUS AffAIRS EDITOR: R8CMI C.rdone MANAGING EDITOR: Jane A. Robtf1a, H found a little crack in the syatem. Last month, Newt Gingrich called 10. Wolpe? Never heard of him. FEATURES EDITOR: Greg Parbr Democrats "enemies of all normal 9. Psstl Vote Cuomo or youll be swim In a debate with opponent Mitt Rom Americans." We may be mistaken, ming down the Hudson in concrete IIJSIC EDITOR: D.... PteIf1 ney, Senator Ted Kennedy said "Mr. but we recall the main enemy on shoes. A8SaSTANT EDITORS: Gene KrMI, 0... Romney, the Kennedya are not in Blkopoulol Superfriends was also named Newt 8. Hey Beavis, you probably voted for copy EDITOR: MobIn Kl1Ihnlll public servire tn make money." After Gingrich. Newt. ~uh-huh, I said Newt. CIRCULATION DIRECTOR: Erik ~ supporters roared with applause he 7. Mr. North, you don't need to shred IUUSTRA TOR: Brian O·K.... added, "It's the booze and the babes!" REM frontman Michael Stipe said the ballot when you're finished. COIiFUTER CONSUlTANT: WII NtIton that much of the band's earlier mate 6. Is that Jimmy Carter feller on the PHOTOOAAPHER: u.. Wtgnw Penthouse magazine has obtained rial was nonsense. In the December ballot? Gawsh, I shore do like that STAFF: JanaU\In CInedo, Chrll ClrnacdlJo, Crust)' seminude photos of Paula Jones for issue of Vanity Fair he saya: '1 hate Jimmy Carter feller. Goldenberg, 1iIIrcu8 ...vn-, Benjlmln KtppIt., au. publication in the January issue. to break it to them, but, ... it's just 5. I'll take Richard Simmons in the Mld(echnll, Daw Newberry, Amln PanjWlnl. Amber Asked to comment, President Clinton utter nonsense, it's sounds, and it's center square to block.. Pewe. RodeM !WI". lid RectIUen, Meghan RoIkII, said, "'This is nothing but a cheap ploy and Mr. in Stu Sandler, MIU SlY"" Mltttlew StrlUU. Juon just utter nonsense, it's sounds, it 4. Barry, there's no smoking WtMtci to get me to renew my subscription." doesn't make sense sometimes, and it the voting booth. Please put out the doesn't have to." Stipe seems to be crack pipe. EDfTOR EIERRUS: Tr.cy RobInIon Agenda, "Ann Arbor's Alternative planning a future career as a political 3. Senator Kennedy. I don't alre ifthe PUBUSHER EllEfITUS: A.won St8eIiiWi Newsmonthly" calls itself an "inde spokesperson. curtain is drawn, please put your pendent,nonaligned"publication.In pants back on. n. ~ Review III III ndependn, I»-weektf • its recent election issue, the editors Penguin Publishers recently released 2. Aw, Hillary please let me vote for run joumIIll!he UrWer1Itf ~ McfIigan. we neIher endorsed all Dem.oaats, and in races a book called Revolution X: A Sur Romney, please? nor ICC8pt nmMy dcNfk)ns from tie UnNerIIy with no Democratic candidates they vival Guide for Our Generation. Ifyou 1. Get out the axle grease, Teddy's d McNgan, and I\ave no respect tor 1Il)'0I'II \hat 00es. CclnIJidooI to fie AIc/igMI ReviMt lie tax-de UnIIgned edIIorIIls fepmenllle opjnIon d !he edIaIIJ boW Ergo, Illy Ite unequIYocaI:Itt conect and juIt. You neeGl' ~ 10 clsprcwe1he logic ItIll weill \nIo thei Who was your favorite fictional character IonnI*rI, lor you cannot. SIpd IItldeI and caI100nt ,...nI1he opIri)ns d fie alMlor and lid necessIIl1 1hoee d .,. Review. The opilIonI prllllllUd il lhiB publ when you were nine years old? CIIIion UI rD ~ thole d fie ...... ordh UlWtrdy d MIctIIgan. We welcomt lettll and aricIes and IClCCUIQ8 CUi ••• arts abcq Ihe jot.mIl. PIe.a 1ddI-.s .. ~ Inqliriel to: PubIIher. rio ~-...... ' . --l Miguel Novey c.. ·. ~ 'JGi''iIiJ.I Josh Com the MchigMr Rrmw. AlIldYei1lling inqIjries should be ~ , LSA Sophomore LSASenior diIded to: Pulisher cJo the MIchipMI Rerirlf. . -Transformers, because "Grover, because no one EdJIortII And 8.... 0IfIcII: of the noise they made was ever sure whether he Sullen. ." N. ~ AWill .. when they changed. '" was purple or blue, and no AM AItIDr. MI 41101-1215 one could ever tell what EMAIl: IlAEVeullllchAdu kind ofcreature he was.'" Tel (til) __,. Fa (til) NW505 ~.I""'n...... M~--' Trevor Staples Zeke LSASenior Communication Senior -Maid Marion, because she The article titled, "Women Can Stop "John Galt, because he is Rape, Too" in the October 26 issue of was a fox.'" uncompromising and the the Review contained sentences be ultimate hero.'" ginning with "During orientation we were lambasted .. . " and ending with ..... frequent feminist male-bashing," that should not have appeared. We apologize for the eITOr. .. <.. '- ~" lea~ .. tionofj~ ' . > ---<~ .. .. -* .. ~~.:. -" , ,:. .... ,, .,.;,, ··"" .~"M ~- ___ ~~"" .... __ ..,, ___''''' '.. .\\ __.. m______.._ """"",,",,~ ."'¥i k =o:p ~;'iili . ' 4 ah4u%US ]! .. Novei:l.il:ier 9, 1994 THE MIcmGAN REVIEW 3 o EsSAY The GOP: The O~er Big Government Party ,iii'" BY AARON STEELMAN captured their hearts and they have of which is that it is in opposition to state that inevitably results, only remained there ever since. For the the first amendment's protection of when it is politically viable for them s I WRITE TIllS ARTICLE, Republican Party to say that they are freedom of religion. It is quite pos to do so; that is when a Democrat the results of the midterm better than the Democratic Party is sible that if such a plan would have holds the presidency. A election are uncertain. Many like U-M President James Duderstadt been implemented, the government Republicans talk a good game once are predicting, however, that this will saying he is better than Adolf Hitler; may have taken Christian Scientists in a while. Indeed, Ronald Reagan's be a very good year for the Republi sure, Duderstadt is better than Hitler, to court for not buying health care. rhetoric was probably the most anti cans. Some foresee that they will take but then again it's pretty hard to be Would this have really been a victory statist of any president's since control of one or both houses of the worse than Adolf Hitler. for individual liberty? Jefferson. Yet, Reagan came through Congresa, while others are a bit skep '!he question one should ask in And in the one area that Republi on essentially only one of his major tiaU about sudJ. a prediction and think stead is, "Is either of them any good?" cans have been rather good lately, promises - to cut marginal tax rates. that Republican gains will be more Whether one compares James foreign policy, where they have op His pledge to eliminate the Depart modest. Yet, all agree, even Bill Duderstadt and Adolf Hitler or the posed Clinton's imperialist policies ments of Energy and Education went Clinton and his staff, that the next Republicans and the Democrats, the towards Haiti, their position smacks unfulfilled, as did his promise to cut a Congress will be more Republican answer is clearly no. And this election of hypocrisy. It was only a mere four myriad of entitlement programs. De than the current and that there will season, as well as the recent perfor years ago that nearly all elected Re spite the fact that the Republicans be more Republican governors next mance of the GOP proves it. publicans supported George Bush's controlled the Senate for six of year than there are now. Take the issue of Social Security, hasty decision to fight a war against Reagan's eight years and that Reagan What does this really mean? Will for example. We have been witness to Iraq, and to "liberate the people of had a working majority in the House the election of more Republicans re 80me rather remarkable rhetoric re Kuwait." And it was less than two for virtually the entire time he was ally take the country in a different garding this issue. '!he president is years ago that Republicans were president, the growth of government direction, and will this direction be a stumping on the position that one gung-ho to send American troops to continued to spiral out of control dur positive ona? 'Th.e answer to this ques should vote for candidates ofhis party Somalia on "a humanitarian mission," ing Reagan's two tenns.lfthere was tion depends on what one views the because those nasty Republicans want a mission that was so humanitarian ever a chance for the Republicans to proper role of government to be. to cut the benefits of those receiving that it resulted in the deaths of nu seriously roll back the size of govern For those who advocate a more Social Security, while he only wants merous American soldiers and hun ment it was during the 19808. But it interventionist state that sees no to increase the taxes on the benefits dreds of Somalis. Republicans have didn't happen then and it will not boundary to what it should do, the 80 that he can take this money and made it clear that they will oppose happen next year, regardless of how answer to this question is yes. For pursue more redistributionist poli , military interventionism, and the well the Republicans do in the mid those who are wary ofincreasing the cies. At the same time, Republicans, ensuing increase in the size o~,~§ term elections. Ml size of government and think that if led by Newt Gingrich, are out in force the state has any legitimate role at all claiming just the opposite; that they ~------~------, it is to protect the rights and property would never even consider cutting of its citizens and nothing more, then Social Security, let alone abolishing the answer is an emphatic no. The it, and that it is the Democrats who ! We Love MoneYI i future of this country is going to be are talking about cutting benefits. I increasingly statist, regardless of the have a revelation for you Newt: cut gains Republicans make. ting Social Security benefits is cut The Republican Party - despite ting the size of government. '!his is the loud claims to the contrary by what you are supposed to be for, not So Send f{1s Some left;....liberals~ who constantly decry what the Democrats are supposed to Republicans as being cold-hearted advocate. bastards who will stop short at noth Another issue that ex.empli1ies the I untfe.rstana I will receive a gooa in. return for my ~ ing to fight the growth of "compas Republicans' cozy relationship with sionate" governmental programs, and big government is the recent health tfe.auctiDk contrifjution of$25 or more. >Is an a4vocate of Republicans' themselves, who em care debate. While the Republicans capitalist Ukafs anagrwf in. general, sena me my proauct, phatically assert that they and their were right to oppose the Clinton plan, party are fighting for limited govern which would have been essentially a for I tfon't 6efietJe in. giving angtliing. ment and individual responsibility complete takeover of the health care is, and has been tOr some time, a party industry by the federal government, ofbig government. the proposals they made instead were ryou wif[ receive a one-year subscription wliicli indutfe.s 14 Sure, deepite the terrible position nearly as bad.. 6i-wu([y issues Q1t.tf tIie 1995Summer Orientation Isstu. most Republicans take on civilliber Consider the Nickles-Stearns ties issues, Republicans are better 'proposal, which was originally than moat of their Democratic col adopted as the Republican plan. pfease. sentf my su.6sc.ri.ptUm to: leagues on the que8tion of what gov Among other things, the Nickles I ernment should do. Yet this really Steams plan included individual I isn't anything to be excited about. mandates; in other words it would be ~:------I The Democratic Party, as witnessed against the law for people to choose to I by the fact that Bill Clinton is consid not buy health care under such a Jttftft:ess: I ered to be a moderate or conservative plan. Now, one may argue that this is I Democrat, i8 fundamentally con better than mandating employers to I trolled by the left. The radical left provide health care for their employ City: State: ____ Zip: I began to infiltrate the Democratic ees, but to say that it is a truly free Party in the 19308 when a young FDR market plan that is consistent with I individual freedom is completely lu Please mal >-... <>"~,',, ___<,~ ... _,...,__ ~'''''',...,.,,."'''<~ < < <»>_,,,='" ;;" .. 4i,$"=~"~~;_~_,~""_,~~ 4 THEMICHlGAN REVIEW November 9, 1994 o FROM SUITE ONE Privatize the U-M'· ':' 1\1 !~ INCE ITS ESTABLISHMENT IN 1817, THE UNIVERSITY OF Michigan has stood prominently in the realm. of public higher education. SMany consider the U-M to be one of the finest public universities in the nation. The fact that the U-M baa functioned as a public university, however, has been a hindrance not only to students, but to the people of the state of Michigan. To alleviate these problems, privatization of the U-M is necessary. Perhaps the most compelling reason to privatize the U-M is one that many overlook. It concerns the illegitimacy ofpublic education. As a public institution, the U-M obtains a significant amount of support from the people of Michigan. One must remember that this support is not comprised of voluntary donations; it is revenue confiscated by the state through mandatory taxation. Thus, individuals do not have the freedom to choose whether or not to financially support the U-M; the state forces them to do so, regardless of whether or not they use the U-M'a services. In a free society, individuals must have the liberty to allocate their resources and property as they see fit, as long as these actions do not infringe upon the rights of others. Privatization ofthe U-M would save Jf.A~ Michigan taxpayen money; more importantly, it would give the Michigan ~~ ~~,... _ c=:< I ' "Ub ....,' ''0 people a greater degree of freedom. The fun.damental problems with public education extend well beyond financial and taxation concerns. With education under the domain of tile state, the student receives curricula that is regulated or determined by the government. o COMMENTARY 'Thi.e gives the state an opportunity to influence the ideas presented to individual students. Such a eoenario can be potentially dangerous to a free society; as the Founding Fathers asserted, a free society can only exist under a government strictly limited in ita influence. '!hus, public education is contrary to a free Judge's Decision Attacks society and the principle of liberty. Other reasons, less broad and more unique to the U-M, do exist for privatization. One of the most important concerns the academic standards and Property Rights reputation of this institution. According to the 1995 edition of U.s. Newll and World Reporftl America'lI But Colleges, the U-M ranked as the 21st best ECENTLY, A U.S. DISTRICT"JUooE IN cmCAGO ORDERED A institution in the nation. Yet the U-M also ranked 41st in student selectivity. fiunily to sell their house and move out, as punishment for harassing a Perhaps this relatively low ranking in selectivity is a result of its public status. R Puerto Rican family next door. '!his decision is a massive violation of Due to the fact that Michigan taxpayers provide financial support, the U-M property rights and shows a complete disrespect for the Constitution. must enroll a high number of in-etate students. Consequently, admission John and Marie K.rafl; were ordered to sell their home of 20 years by Judge standards for in-state students are lower than those for out;....ot:..etate applicants. Ann Williams. '!he Krafts were being sued for $10 million by next-door Through privatization, the U-M would be able to seek the best students in the neighbors Isidor and Minerva Ramos, both of whom are of Puerto Rican world, and not have to accept in-staters because of financial support. This will descent, for harassing them with threats and racial insults. The order to sell result in not only a more qualified student body, but also a better academic their house was agreed to by lawyers on both sides. The Kra.fts deny the reputation for the U-M. allegations, but are too poor to afford an appeal and will comply with the order. Privatizing the U-M will remove the stigma.s that public universities often 'Ibis unprecedented decision is an example of a judge who has drastically carry. Many tend to asaociate private institutions with academic excellence, for overstepped her bounds and misinterpreted the Constitution. The Fifth these are the achools that must compete to survive. The Ivy League schools are Amendment to the Constitution states that "No person shall be ... deprived of perfect examples of this; these are the colleges and universities that have life, liberty, or property, without due process oflaw."Yet, this is exactly what survived for oonturies, due in part to their ability to adapt to current academic this decision does. '!he Krafts have not been oonvicted, nor even accused, of any demands. In this regard, a private institution - one that is responsible only to crime. They have simply been accused of harassment in a civil lawsuit. itself and its students - has more academic options than a public school - one Some of the alleged harassment by the Kra.fts includes refemng to the that is responsible to the state. A private U-:-M will no longer be a part of the Ramos's as the ~w fiunily" and ananging for men on motorcycle~ to stop "public Ivies"; it may be a part at: or at least oomparable to, the Ivies themselves. in front of the Ramos's house and discuss which way it would fiill ifit were to One may indicate various drawbacks to privatization, including possible bum down. 'lhese allegations were never proven and the Kraft8 never physically increases in tuition and a difficulty in functioning independent of the state. It assaulted or harmed the Ramos fiunily in any way; yet, they are being forced i8 quite probable that tuition will increase with privatization, but it will by a misguided judge to sell their house within 120 days or have it auctioned off. eventually stabilize to the current market price of a college education. 'Ibis With this decision, the judge has placed. the burden of proof on the accused change will affect out-of-state students little, for their tuition costs are nearly instead of the aocusor. Thus, she has'rejected one of the most basic standards oonsistent with those of a private institution. In-etate tuition will rise rather of American jurisprudence - that all people are innocent until proven guilty. dramatically, but it will simply match the costa of other prominent universities. Consequently, the Kraft; must relinquish their home simply because they were The aforementioned benefits of privatization certainly outweigh these costs. accused of harassment. The U-M must be more self-eufficient without financial aid from the state. The violation of property rights by the government is not a rare occwrence. 'This may at first appear to be a problem, but if the last several years are any 'lhe Environmental Protection Agency and the Drug Enforcement Agency are indication, it is not that large of an obstacle. According to Thomas Kinnear, seemingly exempt from the Fifth Amendment. Yet, this particular case of interim vi~ent fOr development, donations to the Campaign for Michigan judicial ilTesponsibility is unprecedented and disturbing because of its fundraising drive have now exceeded $700 million. Though this campaign is for implications for all property owners. Now that a precedent has been set, it a specific purpose, it indicates that U-M alumni are willing to contribute to becomes even easier for the government to tell one exactly what to do with one's benefit this institution. '!here is no reason to believe that this will change with own property, even though one may not have committed a crime. privatization. Donations may even increase, for the alumni will playa more Property rights are essential to freedom and liberty. 'lhis reprehensible important role in 8l18blining the U-M. decision is the most recent and insidious step in the continuing process of the 'Ibroughout its one and a half centuries of existence, the U-M has served government abridging our rights. If we are to maintain any freedom at all, this students well, providing them a quality education as well as preparation for process ofignoring rights must be stopped; a good place to start would be to careen· With ptiyaw,ation, the. U-M wjllmore effecti:~ely ~rve this .l"9le. . ~ reverse this deplorable decision. Ml -NateJ(JmiI!Qn ~"- - -- ·" -- ·' ~· -·""-'~~ _ _ '''' __· ~'' '··_'' ~·'''''~_ _ V_''''.~ ''\ ~'_'_('''I-_~''''-;~~l~_ " ~~«Io{~ ::r~ ~ ~. iff"'" NoveIliber 9,I994-- THE MIcmGAN-REVlEW' . 5 '·, o EsSAY A Winter·Qf My Discontent BY DEAN BAKOPOULOS developed a guide for out--Qf-etate add to the melancholy by dressing in for weeks at a time. In Ann Arbor, this students as they attempt to experi black, playing the Smiths and Pink is an unnecessary step to take. Just ASrWINTER MY LIPS FELL ence, enjoy, and survive the steadily Floyd continuously, and leaving have a Dinersty menu handy. off. I mean it, they came clean approaching winter. plenty of sharp objects and makeshift Also, Michigan is home to a L off, crumbled into dust like Staying Healthy: In the frigid nooses strewn about the room. On the plethora of wild animals. In the win Howard Wolpe's campaign. It wasn't months, staying healthy will be an other hand, if you start feeling de tertime months, these animals get the result of leprosy or some other increasing challenge. It's best to eat pressed, I refer you back to the brandy hungry as food is scarce. Sometimes dnedful plague; it was cold, real damn something nourishing, warm, and in'the third paragraph. bears wander into the Diag and eat cold. I.&rt winter was one of the cold high in Vitamin C. I suggest a bowl of Wintertime Fun: The "Wmter Won people. est to ever plow through Michigan, Froot Loops doused in brandy. As for derland" is loaded with chilly activi Finally, Michiganders get and, unfortunately, the mercury is staying physically active, you'll prob ties. If you enjoy the idea of falling dumber as temperatures lower. 'Th.is dropping again. It's simply a matter ably be wearing 18 pounds of clothes. down mountains with your legs explains those silly hats with ear flaps, of time before Michiganders grapple when you go out, so I suggest getting starpped to small boats at speeds ex and expressions like "Cold enough fer with the devastating effects ofMichi real fat. ceeding 60 miles per hour, you're an ya?" If someone asks you this, an gan winters, Upon the first sight of Keeping Warm: 'Th.ere is scientific idiot. You would also enjoy skiing. If adequate response is, "No, it's not. snow, many people will go outdoors, evidence that says the best way to you don't find that appealing, try the It'd be cold enough for me ifidiots like make BIlowmen, and have snowball keep warm is several light layers of age old pasttime of sledding. Sledding you would be dying of hypothermia. fights. You'll hum Christmas carols clothing instead of one thick, heavy is essentially like skiing except you If you grew up in a warm cli as snow flakes collect in your hair, laYer. 'There is also scientific evidence are on your rump. mate, don't believe all that stuff about and you'll curse violently as the wind that says not being able to get un Warm Getaways: When spring break Winter Wonderlands - there's no chill plummets below zero and you dressed quick. enough leads to people rolls around you should think about such thing. Winters in the midwest lose one or more of your appendages wetting themselves. You can decide getting away and heading someplace consist of slipping on icy sidewalks, due to frostbite. Before you plunge beteween the two. warm, like Florida, Hawaii, or the getting your tongue stuck on metal into the world of win~r, here ~ Attitude is Everything: Many vents outside of the Dentistry Build surfaces, and feeling your eyelids some helpful hints. people feel that depression is a bigger ing and East Quad. freeze as you make your way to the As a lifelong Micbiganian, rve problem during the winter months, Wintertime Warninp: There are MLB at eight in the morning. Wmt.ers because of the sunless Skies, the drab many precautions that Michigan na· consist of going weeks without seeing Dea.n Baltopoulo8 U a IIOphomore in colors, and the howling winds. You tives take in order to survive the win· the sun, falling into depression, and English and auutant editor of the can use this to your advantage, how ter. First, all ofus stodt up on canned slipping into a cold-induced hypO Review. ever. Ifyou don't like your roommate, goods, just in case you are sno,,!ed-iJr' thennic coma. Have fun. m o FROM OUR READERS Reader questions Would an all-black university also be horrifying to you? What would your diversity article . ideal university be like? One of the things that makes us To the Editor: human is our capacity to make dloices. TIlls letter is in regard to the It is possible to de-humanize people article in the,October 12, 1994 issue by taking this ability away (this is titled "U-M's Misguided Diversity" evident in our prisons). We cannot written by Amin Panjwani. seriously think that we can make I agree' with the quote of Molefi people see things the way we do, unless Asante, chair of Temple University's we resort to brainwashing. The best Department of African American we can hope for is to influence them Studies, whim criticizes token classes with our morals and values. Perhaps in race and ethnicity as the sole means that is why the race or ethnicity of repre8eIlUng multiculturalism at requirement exists, the university: "'Tl-ying to infuse For you to complain that the multiculturalisni into the cunicula of university does not address the "real American colleges and universities concerns of multiculturalism" without simply by adding courses on minority telling us wha,t these real concerns groups or requiring students to study are, is foolish. So, Amin Panjwani, the works of minority scholars does what are the real concerns of not work." You agreed as well, and multiculturalism? you offered a criticism, "'Th.e U-M can learn a lot from Asante. How could Marie Nebel GO BLUE - GO ULRICH'S this school be so far behind?" What is Main Bookstore: missing from your criticism is a 549 East University 60YEARS suggestion of how the university can WRITE THE REVIEW catch up with the times.. Art a Electronics: The Review welcomes letters to the editor, If 1117 South University ~ You postulate that RAs do not yoo have arry~ . ~, ex other receive multicultural training. Did Ann Arbor, MI481 04 corrments about the Review, send us a letter: 313-662-3201 you investigate this claim? What did The Michigan Review you fmd out? What are your Mon - Fr. 9:00 - 6:00 Suite one sat 9:30 - 5:00 suggestions for training RAe? 911 N. University Avenue Sun 12:00 - 4:00 You said that an all-white Ann Arbor, MI48109-1265 MORE THAN A BOOKSTORE university is a horrifying thought. 6 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW November 9, 1994 o EsSAY The Clinton Chronicles , "-l ,.r BY MEGHAN RoEKLE ries you've heard, delving deeper into out on the business aspect ofMena: as Genifer Flowers' place of residence, the roots of the problems, seeing a the cocaine came in, rifles went out. and had several incriminating video- HE CLINTON CHRON progressive fermentation ofhoneBty. The Associated Press has found logs tapes from his security caineras. icles, a video that has been Beginn4lg with Bill Clinton's 126 tax of phone calls from ADFA to the Nica- Though the videos make clear Bill T said to be both crude and sen hikes in Arkansas, and ending with a raguan leaders, the confused pilots Clinton's guilt, Johnson was leery sationalistic, is as 'Ihe Eronom.ist says, cover-up ofVmce Foster's death, the having given the Contras old Viet- about releasing them. Eventually, "true, nevertheless." The Clinton CC video shows how Clinton was never namese guns at very low costa, while they were forcefully stolen, Johnson Chronicles (CC) focuses on the aimi able to grasp a political morality based Parcometer held the receiver hous- being, as the Economist says, "beaten nal activities of President Bill Clinton, on virtue and servitude. ings, and ADFA got the money. up so badly that he had to have a giving coherency to a variety of famil The center of power for Clinton By keeping the circle of power ruptured spleen removed." iar aocusations. The "religious right" was the Arkansas DemOCTatiC Finance running in Arkansas, Bill Clinton The video also interviews Paula has pegged Clinton as the anti-Christ, Authority (ADFA) , where Clinton gained power and mends. His mends, Jones, probably the woman most at- Rush Limbaugh's hate campaign is used this state -run institution to fur however, being as power hungry as he tacked by the media. The President centered on him, and liberals, flam ther his own candidacy and network was, were to get him into trouble. Dan had a token comment for Mrs. Jones ing or not, are bound to call him a ing. nus networking built the power Lasater, Clinton's former Director of and her accusations, "I'm not gonna charming, down-t.o-earth kind of guy. structures that later advanced him Finance, was eventually arrested for d:ignifY this by a comment. -The Ecorw- To the people who can see through into the presid~ncy.Larry Nichols, cocaine use, causing people to ques- mist printed. some scary facts about Bill Clinton's lies, that charm. is the the organizerofCC, was ADFA's Di tion Clinton's candidness. Lasater was the Jones case, telling how Kathy seediest tmit that he portrays. rector of Marketing, and the first voice a key player in ADFA's organization Ferguson, the wife ofDanny Ferguson, The CIi.nton ChronicletJ is a ninety to speak out against the dirty politics of state bond loans and in the m.aJket. an Arkansas state trooper, and co- minute video that begins with a dis in ADF A Nichols tells of the many ing of Bill Clinton's government. A defendant in Jones's sexual-harass- claimer stating that -all information loan documents he fO\Uld in the ADFA New8week article this year stated that ment suit, was found dead in on this video is documented and. true." office files, each file representing a Clinton had bobbled the state officials Sherwood, Arkansas. The death was Ten years of dirty politics are laid out loan that was issued. by ADFA to a to win bond business foJ;' Lasater, for labeled a suicide. Bill Shelton, an in the video, with each allegation ImsiDAA8. 1M businessee were all au;n he was getting over half of the bond ArkanMS police officer was also found backed. up by printed articles and paign contributors, and the borrowed. sales set up by the state, with the help dead, on Ferguson's grave, with a personal interviews from the people money was never paid back. of Rose law firJIi.. suicide note beside him. who were negatively aft'ected by Bill Hillary Clinton's Rose law firm In the January issue ofNewtlwee1, Clinton's security men were also Clinton's maneuvering. had been giving out the loans, expect Clinton's ignorance of Lasater's drug telling stories of their many sexual The CC parallels the media sto- ing nothing in return. That is, the use is put into question. The evidence,.,.Aiaison cover-ups for the ex-gover- Clintons needed. to let go of $50,000 shows that although Lasater was the nor. The CC video tells how five of chunks of cash because ofits illegiti target for a police drug probe in 1985, Clinton's former bodyguards substaD.- mate source: drug payments. The CC he continued to get bond business tiated Lan:y Nichols' claims about the video lays out a system of cocaine from state agencies, specifically the sex scandals, backed. by a plethora of smuggling and distribution, recently Arkansas State Police. New8weei articles,but the men were supported by Terry ~d, one of the After Lasater's release, Clinton pegged. with an arbitrary insurance pilots at the Mena Airport, were the needed a new and clean financier. fraud suit. smuggling supposedly took place, in Jack Stephens, a stockholder in The most shocking aspect of the his appearance on Primetime Live. Worthen Bank, was to take over the CC video is the interview with Gary Time magazine did a complete smear dirty work, advancing, as the video Parks, the son of Jerry Parks, who campaign on Reed, and his television states, the exact amount of cash to the was Clinton's own private investiga- confession of the drug smuggling has presidential campaign that was to tor and previous head of security. Mr. not been aired. have gone to student loans in Arkan- Parks tells how his father was mur- Behind much of the cocaine cover sas universities. dered in 1993 in Little Rock. Jerry up was Parcometer, the business epi Worthen Bank became the new Parks had kept a complete file of center for the cocaine smuggling. center for the Clintons' money ma - Clinton's infidelity, including pictures, Loans from Rose were signed to neuvering before and after the elec- dates, and places. Although the death Parcometer, while ADFA gave them tion. Before the election, there was was ruled a suicide, Parks' house was $2.5 million dollars for expansion The the Whitewater scandal, kept secret ransacked for the files, leaving noth- $2.5 million, however, used for Mena amongst the fil~ that were to eventu- ing. In a July issue of The Economist, 1994 UM-OSU drug smuggling. ally be burned. at Worthen Bank. the same orewrences are related ver- Although the video seems to jump Much of the reason why the truth batim, saying that Parks was killed Blood Battle to conclusions about Clinton's ram is hard to come by is our sensational- when "several bullets were pumped pant cocaine use, the networking as istic media. We see the President play- into him on a street comer." M Nov. 7 Bursley 3-8:30 pect rings true. The cozy, intricate ing the saxophone and doing the twist The Clinton Chronicles sparked T Nov. 8 Stockwell 2-7:30 relationships of Rose, ADFA, at Chelsea's birthday party, while his my interest to find the truth, but W Nov. 9 B-School 1~:3O Parcometer, and the Mena planes has accusers get smacked in the face. there is much information out there Th Nov. 10 Markley 2-7:30 been backed. up time and again. Doug When Larry Nichols decided to come without a oomprehensive structure of F Nov. 11 East Quad 12~:30 Myers, in a recent journal article, laid out with the truth about Bill Clinton, matching evidence. Keep this in mind: Su Nov. 13 South Quad 1~:30 including the women he had been the office of the Secretary of State M-F Nov. 14-18 Mi. Union 1~:3O with, Nichols was severely attacked. keeps the files from all past president's Avoid the lines, sign up for an BILLY OCEAN by the media: every week he was campaign contributors. That is, ex- appointment or caU 663-6004 Where are you? asBOci.ated. with a new scandal. Are- cept Bill Clinton's. On the CC video, Bring. friend end pau the word III traction would. be printed six to eight Congressman Bill Dannemeyer asks Please call home. Your weeks later, but Nichols had already the public to push for a congressional Sponsored by: MSA, RHA, LSG-SG, been pegged. as a liar. hearing against President Clinton, Markley House Council, Inc., Dollar Mom is concerned. The CC video relates the story of for there is enough evidence to im- Bill Copying, Alpha Phi Omega, and She Misses You. Gary Johnson, Larry NJ.Cb.ols' lawyer, peach him. This may be the appropri- The American Red Cross who had managed Quapaw Towers, ate course of action. Ml · < _ , . "F"~""-'''' '' ~ ''~ ''' ''''''' __~'~'~_ " ''-'''''' _''_~~''··'"_''' __ " \" _ __" ~ __~ """"_"_~~ __' ~~_""''''''_ November 9, 1994 THE MIcmGAN REVIEW 7 DSATlRE Oppressioo. .Via White Socks BY MOHAN KRISHNAN buttons that stick out, and this ratio shoulder they sling them. It is a well them all (and I feel they are that ' should be compared to the populace known fact that which shoulder you important) it might become neces CROSS THE COUNTRY, at large. These people may well be wear your pack on signifies many sary to remove other elements from colleges and universities are unfairly treated due to their genetic things about your personal life. Are the application proce~. For instance, A refining the ways in which history. Close attention should also these things the University does not does it really matter where an appli they choose their faculty members. be paid to applicanta who have mono have enough of? Among applicants cant was educated? We should really Northeastern University has even brows. There just aren't enough of who prefer briefcases, are these brief- look. at how they will help our Univer gone as far as to actively recruit gaya them on staff. Z2!L _ M i~§ ~_ 3 _, _ L _ 32 sity grow socially and politically. If and lesbians. Meanwhile President they don't know gas dynamics, so Duderstadt is honing his "Michigan • Hair length. shouid be a what? Who the heck,really does? We Agenda for Women," which will make valid consideration. A can provide them with speech writers sure that women, especially women community of professors and a Teleprompter. of color, are recruited into U-M fac where all the men have In fact, what is the whole point in ulty. With all these new criteria for short, crisp hair cuts and a PhD? What does PhD even stand selecting our professors, I thought I all the women long, flow for? Are we going to listen to a piece of would throw in a few ofmy own, as a ing ones is a community paper or are we going to look at more way to help out our already over where tyranny reigns important things, like what music worked administration. unchecked. No students applicants enjoy most? While we are should tum away from the on the topic, why are high.--i,dlool dr0p • Applicants should be sorted by the U-M because they feel outs so under-represented in our mc color socks they wear. White socks their unusual hair style. ulty? I think it is because we are suggest conformity; these people will are unappreciated here. In addition, cases made ofleatber or plastic? That frightened by their choice of attire. only resist the move towards diver students who dye their hair blue or is, do these people promote the raping We have a strong prejudice against sity, and besides, it shows that they green or pwple should have role mod. of mother nature to satisfy their needs people who wear sweat pants every are racist. Dark BOCka, especially mis els among their teachers.' We cannot for style, or do they believe in poison day of the year and still wear Detroit matched ones, show how these indi help our Youngsters mature if We do ing the earth and robbing natural 'ligen T-shirts. viduals will treat students: they will not understand theml resources to convenience themselves? By enacting my suggestions, the try to Bee all the studenta as the same, University can be ensured that it will and just shove them all in the great . • Among faculty who cany backpaclm, I realize that there are many items continue its high standards of open dresser drawer oflife. We cannot have it should be duly noted upon which on this list. In order to accommodate'~' ing minds to different viewpoints. Ml that at this university! Red socks are good, as they display openly the fact that all of our worldly goods were made with the blood of the prole tariat. No socks are the best of all, because this shows an individual who is capable of casting off the unreason able requirement society makes and of living his own life. • There should be more bearded pro Feel like you have a mad money-munching mon fessors at the University, especially ster in your pocket? Is cash flow just a term used bearded female professors. These people are facially discriminated. in your economics class? Why not spend your free time into increasing your cash flow? • We should promote more left handed professors. These bright indi viduals (who are often overlooked be cause they trail their hand against the chalkboard as they write, leaving a mess) deserve to be given special priority in the selection process. Leftr banders have always been looked upon as unusual and evil - even our word sinister comes from a word which meant left! And ifnothing else, we all know which political extreme we want Starting wage will be based. on experience and availability. Inexpe in ourmculty. rienced persons will be considered for paid training. At Sveden • Applicants who lack the ability to Hf)use your meals are FREE and scheduling is flexible enough to curl their tongue into a cylinder or be worked around most class and study time requirements. who have unusual earlobes should be actively rea-uited. Also, the number APPLY ANY TIME OR CALL TERRY TODAY FOR with belly buttcns that stick in should YOUR INTERVIEW. be compared to the number with belly Phone (313) 741-1135 Mohan KrUthnan wean white socu and blaclt. "hou. TIlu mut mean he 2771 Oak Valley Drive, Ann Arbor believu in racial intqralion. . """'-' -~" " -- " " "-. ~,.~ -- . ~-- ",. -""'.• - .- .. - -""--_ _ ..,~~"".....,..;;,:.~;;;;.r.:~...... _ ... "',,,- ...... _ ....______...... - ...... ---- .-~ .,. 8 THE MIClflGAN REVIEW· November 9, 1994 o EsSAY Abolish the ,~,moking Policy • • • BY LISA WAGNER smoke. No one, (except, it seems, the cold souls in down jackets huddled because it will speed up the extindion University Administration) can take together to ward off Old Man Winter process of the smoking population. INTER IS QUICKLY this away from. us. Those ofus whom while they are forced outside to smoke. We will be out of your hair forever! becoming a dreaded time of this policy directly affects are addicts; You nonsmokers may say, "'lbugh, What a bonusl But if we are faced W year for me. As the Univer those who are subservient to nicotine, 80 quit!" Well, perhaps we are just not with freezing in the Michigan gusts sity of Michigan smoking policy be but enjoy it nonetheless. ready to. I propose that the Univer- we will either lengthen the window of comes tougher, I and other smokers Now, the U-M Administration sity redesign the Smoking Policy to time between cigarette breaks, or aim- must face the bitter cold to achieve has enacted a smoking. policy to try include a smoking lounge in every ply (in all likelihood) smoke in the our release with a cigarette. and curb our enjoyment. The new major building. Don't treat us like bathroom just like in high school. Smokers are under siege. We are policy states that it applies to all me- unworthy mutts and kick. us outside. Remember those days when it was 80 becoming a minority among a grow ulty, staff, students and visi- In the state obnoxious to enter a smoke-filled ing number of angry ex-smokers. It tors. So why do the smoking of Michigan any- bathroom? Sometimes it was enough seems a prerequisite to social accep habits of professors take pre- one over the age to make one choke. Nonetheless, I tance to not smoke; smoking is defi oodence over those oflowly stu- of eighteen is will lend any Administration mem- nitely not politically correct. This is dents? There are many profes- able to purchase her my fog glasses in feigned sympa- probably why I do it. Admittedly, how sors and University employ- and use tobacco. thy. And I'll rattle my charred lungs ever, smokers must adh~ to various ees who smoke in their offires. The University in a loud chuckle. 111 make everyone unwritten responsibilities. I feel un They are breaking the policy is a state-funded regret that there are no smoking fortunate to be a smoker at this time. and not suffering any conse- public institu- lounges. I realize that cigarette smoke is quences. tion and should Sometimes I think that maybe not only offensive, but potentially According to this policy, not have the there is something to this nonsmok- dangerous to the lungs of people "Smoking is prohibited in all right to override ing thing. Ah well, I'll ponder it while neaiby. Tobacco aficionados eI\ioying University facilities including Uni- state laws. The administration, in I puff away on a frost-encrusted bench their puff, should realize their re versity vehicles: "Smoking will he instituting this smoking policy, has this winter. sponsibility to those around them. permitted for controlled research, rendered the authority of the State of The fascist University should ac- However, it is still a legal right to educational or religious ceremonial Michigan obsolete. So before we are knowledge our right to smoke and purposes, with prior approval of the stripped ofall rights, let us sit around rewrite the smoking policy. Give us Li8a Wagner is a 8Ophomore in politi Dean or Director responsible for the in our cubbyholes and watch each our closet in each University building cal science and the photographer of facility." This means that when De- other color our lungs black. This and well be satisfied to continue kill- the Review. oomber rolls around there will be many should actually please nonsmokent._.~· ing ourselves in peace. 'Thank you. )It • • • and the Alcohol Policy, too. BY GENE KRAss those who may drink but have not efit of complete legal representation, stigmatized and regulated to the paint had such problems. One of the goals of is somehow valid anywhere within 30 that it is. The usual Prohibition TUDENTS AT THE this policy is to "develop, affinn, main miles of campus, and does not protect didn't-work and n()-Qther-civilized University of Michigan must be tain and modify community-wide, against double jeopardy. This Code European-rountry-has-a--drinking Shavingtoo much fun, since an behavioral norms." Well, if apparently merits separate and longer essays age arguments are only two of them. other new policy has been thrust upon so many students drink, then, the than this one. Another is the fact that regulating them. The Office of the Vice President norm has already been defined, prov Another problem with this new people as a whole rather than indi for Student Affairs at the University ing the policy unnecessary. Alcohol Policy is that no one has ever viduals is a blatant denial of people's of Michigan, the source of the State Another ffuw involves the section heard of it. Before the Code and the rights to act as they please, accepting ment of Student Rights and Respon entitled "Values with Regard to Stu Diag Policy were implemented the responsibility for any damages their sibilities (the Code) and the Policy for dent Organizations." While the policy students were warned beforehand actions may cause. Most Americans Scheduled Use of the University of does not specifically prohibit alcohol through coverage of these policies in probably recognize this already. All it Michigan Designated Outdoor Com at functions sponsored by organiza the Michigan Daily and the Michigan would take to change the national mon Areas (the Diag Policy), has come tions, it states that "alcohol bever Review. This Alcohol Policy was not, approach to alcohol is for those who up with another way to define and ages should not be purchased with to the best ofmy knowledge, discusaed feel that since it's so easy to obtain regulate the rights of students. Enter organization funds nor with the con anywhere. The lone, remote hint was that changing the laws would not the Student Policy on Alcohol and tributions ofindividual members," and a $50,000 study that revealed (sur matter to realize that it does indeed Other Drugs. As I pondered this policy that "it should not be served from prise, surprise) that students on cam matter, and to act accordingly. over a sparkling glass of wine and a common or self-serve containers." The pus drink. Not only was there little (if The second larger issue involves smoking crack pipe, I could not even typical rules about underage drink any) student input, as with the other the fact that, according to federal keep track ofits many flaws. ing, of course, also apply. This sounds aforementioned policies, but the small guidelines, the University is required One obvious flaw has to do with a little like Singapore, where one may number of students on campus dur to have some kind of policy regulating the fact that students drink. They chew gum, but not buy, sell, manume ing the summer, when the policy was alcohol and other drugs in order to always have; they always will. The ture, or import it. If the University implemented, would have made in receive federal funding. I fail to see policy admits this by giving the sta wishes to ban alcohol from organiza put virtually impossible. this as an excuse for the policy itself tistic that 20-25 percent of college tion-eponsored functions, it should Finally, even though this policy Either the federal government should students have reported health or aca just say so without the usual verbal exists at the university level, there stay out of people's private lives, or demic problems as a retrult of alcohol gymnastics. are two larger issues that must he the University should be privatized or other drugs. This does not include The sanctions for violating the mentioned. One involves the flawed and quit letting the federal govern Alcohol Policy are no picnic either, attitude towards alcohol in Michigan . ment tell it what to do. There are Gene .KratuJ is ajunior in ETIIlli8h and because any violators will be tried and the rest of the United States. other ways to get around having this psychorogy and an a88Uttant editor of under the Code. This is the same Code '!here exists a multitude of valid ar Alcohol Policy, which has to go, and tMReview. that does not allow stu~ents the ben- guments that alcohol should not he quickly. Ml November 9, 1994 THE MICInGAN REVIEW 9 o MOVIE REVIEW Life From~," ~~, \,I' Death BY ERIC LARsoN of science and the role of doctors in wishes for all men to lay down their reconsiders his motives for reaching society. Are doctors supposed to re arms, shatter their test tubes, burn the North Pole and decides to return "T HE SCENERY WAS lieve pain and suffering or is their their books, and head for the trees home instead of continue the voyage. good, the costumes were mission to sustain life by any means where they could live in peace again This symbolic slap in the face as good, uh... " The only com possible? The movie contends that no with the apes. Knowledge is evil, and sumes that if the scientific commu pliments to be heard. after Mary man should act as God, shown by its only science brings sheer terror and nity only looked at what it is doing, it Shelley's Frankenstein had little to scene with Victor confessing to Eliza misery. Apparently, the bubonic would cease and write poetry and do with the story or the acting. Ken beth while juxtaposed with a crucifix. plague was a happy time as was life sing childl"ens' songs instead. neth Branagh and Robert DeNll'O were Indeed, the movie repeatedly made with grossly spoiled food and wide The movie's sickening anti-eci the only bright stars in this dim movie references to the limits of medicine spread filth. entific theme is not only :revolting, and each played melodramatic roles and the folly of man for pursuing the Captain Dalton, who is obsessed but also poorly acted and written. in a gigantic battle of"woe is me." The end of suffering, disease, and knowl with reaching the North Pole, meets After the intriguing Dracula, this film· edge. Victor before his death and hears his was a gigantic disappointment. Save Frankenstein In fact, the movie expressed its tale. Upon seeing the creation, Dalton your money and rent 1.!&tar. Ml Baeed on the novel by MIry SheIIef DIrected by Kennell BrInIgh plot drift.ed. and faded as Victor Fran kenstein, played by Branagh. chased and was chased by his honific cre ation played by DeNiro. Victor was a young lad obsessed with knowledge, especially with the various means ofhamessing energy. After the traumatic death of his mother during his younger brother's birth, Frankenstein vowed to beoome a doctor who would never let another face the death of a loved one (with thunder and lightning in the back ground., ofoouree) . Victor left for medi cal sc:bool, leaving his orphaned sister whom he wast.o m.a.ny upon his re tum to Geneva. At the German medical school, Victor met Henry who would be his friend for life but added nothing to the movie except to warn him of cholera. While in ech.ool, VlCtor met Professor Walgren who came very close to re animating men. His wa:mings fell on deaf ears as Victor attempted to re animate a body with the professor's brilliant brain after his death. De spite waminga of cholera, Victor is driven to recreate life and to "end truffering and sickness for mankind." During the maddening scene of a-eating the beast, Victm- dumps thou sands of electric moray eels into a vat ofamniotic fluid With the body. Fortu nately, the electric eel vendor in the streetB ofInglestodt happened to have just enough eels for sale and Victor managed to acquire over a hundred gallons of amniotic fluid from the birthing women in town in three days. 1he first scene with the monster consists ofBranagh and DeNiro roll ing, slipping, and sliding naked in amniotic fluid. Unfortunately, that was the last scene which made any sense or connected with anything re sembling a plot. 1he movie ends with ~ the two meeting occasionally, fight ~ ing, then nmning away only to be buried together at sea at the North ABMYROTt Pole. THE SMARTEST COWGE COUllSE YOU CAlI TUE. The theme centered on the ethics 10 THE MICIDGAN REVIEW November 9, 1994 o BOOK REVIEW The Decline of:Western Civilization BY DEAN BAKOPOUL08 human nature." Bloom also sings high inched out of the classrooms in favor bution to societal progress is its gen- praises for Cervantes, the literary of books with a liberal social value: erosity in offering itself up for rapid NARCHY IS COMING SOON genius behind Don Quixote: "All nov "the teaching of poems, plays, stories, ingestion and discarding." to a humanities classroom els since Don Quixote rewrite and novels is now supplanted by In light of Bloom's depiction of A near you. So says esteemed Cervante's universal masterpiece cheerleading for various social and the current state of literary studies, it Yale professor and renowned literary even when they are quite unaware of political crusades." is not surprising that he concludes his critic Harold Bloom in his new book, it." It is insights and declarations like For Bloom, canonical books are book with a pessimistic viewpoint The Wukrn Canon. From the first these which make TM Western Canon those that meet "severely artistic cri- about the future of the humanities. page, Bloom asserts that the a truly enjoyable experience for lov teria." The problem is many of the He says, '1 have very little confidence politicization of the humanities is ers of literature. books read in English departments that literary education will survive Also in this work, Bloom explores around the rountry do not meet these its current malaise ... Finding myself other canonica1 writers such. as 1blstny criteria. Bloom does not believe that now 8UlTOunded by professors ofhip- TIHI Western Canon and Austen, Freud and Joyce. Cen literature is meant to be a study of hop; by clones of Gallo-Germanic Harold Bloom tral to each writer's admission to the social problems. Yet, the leftists of theory; by ideologues of gender and Harcourt Brace and Company canon are strangeness and original academia label anyone who teaches various sexual persuasions; by ity, with a considerable amount of or studies the world of the "Dead multiculturalists unlimited, I realize Hardcover, 1994, 578 pages attention placed on literary influence. White Males" a bigot. that the Balkanization ofliter&ry stud- $23.00 Bloom makes his judgement's solely A key example of this liberal ies is irreversible." on his individual beliefs which makes bullying is Maya Angelou's inaugural Bloom's criticisms should not be unleashing "mere anarchy upon what his work all the more appealing. To poem written for Clinton's taken as a politically conservative at- used to be called the learned world." satisfy those bemoaning the exclu inaguaration. Promptly after Angelou tack on the values of the left. While Upon reading further, any ardent sion of their favorite writers, Bloom read her work, it was hailed by the the Old Right may favor the preserva- lover ofliterature will find reasons to adds an appendix that lists the ca New York Times- editorial page as "a tion of the Western Canon because be disturbed at the growing trend in nonical books of the ages. Present in work ofWhitmaDian magnitude." 'Ibis they claim it encompassee the moral literary studies, a trend Bloom mourn the appendix are many figures left criti.cal acdaim was inevitable accoro- foundation of civilization. Bloom calls fully deplores. out of the elite group of 26 writers ing to Bloom, who says 1M unhappy this theory the "silliest" way of de- Despite its alarming firet and from Plato to Chekhov, from Toni truth is that we cannot help ourselves; funding the Western Canon. The W~ last chapters, which Bloom considers Morrison to Raymond Carver, and we can resist up to a point, but past em Canon does not have any set moral "elegies" for the great canonical works from William Faulkner to Mario that point even our own universities boundaries, any more than it pos- of Western literature, The Wutem Vargas 110sa. would be compelled to indict us ~~_ _ sesses political ones. Bloom is not Canon is a pa88ionate look intn litera Many current students of litera racists and sexists." . decrying the politics of the left nor of ture by one of the top l.iterary scholars ture will look at the list of canonical Academics try to make room in the right; instead he bemoans the of our time. Bloom takes the lover of writers and wonder why they have the Canon for books that do not match politicization of the art of literature. literature on a journey through some read so few of them. Bloom blames the greatness of their predecessors, If the highly respected literary of the greatest writers of Western this on what he calls the growing simply because of the author's race, . critic Bloom sees a crisis in the study culture, and manages to do so in an "School of Resentment": a collection gender, or social condition. In this ofliterature, then there must be some entertaining manner. of feminists, Marxists, manner, true literature falls under merit to this claim. Indeed, some of Bloom examinee the literary im multiculturalists, and New Histori the shadow oflesser works with some Bloom's scenarios are a1ready in place pact of26 of the most influential writ cists who have recently assailed the social message or some exposition of here at the U-M. For example, all ers in history. Central to his examins world of university English depart inequality. '!he casualties are stu- LSA 8tudents are required to take a ti.on is the influence of Shakespeare, ments. Bloom asserts that "students dents who do not possess a complete Race or Ethnicity course, but many of who Bloom considers the "Center of of literature have become amateur education. Bloom boldly decries this them graduate without ~ver reading the Canon. It Shakespeare '"bad no pre political scientists, uninformed soci change in curriculum: "Whatever the a Shakespearean tragedy. All English cursor in the creation of character" ologists, incompetent anthropologists, Western Canon is, it is not a program majors are forced to study "New Tra- and "has left no one after him un mediocre philosophers, and oveI'-de for social salvation. " ditions" literature, but fail to study touched by his ways of representing termined historians." Why? Because Bloom cannot see how literature the great authors like 1blstoy, Balzac, of a movement in English depart could be ronstrued as such in the first and Cervantes. Finally, many stu- Dean Ba1t.opouJo. u a aophomore ments to incorporate social problems place. Primarily, reading is a solitary dents pas. through American litera- in E1Yfw,h and an auUtant editor and solutions into the study oflitera activity that one applies to his own ture courses without ever reading a of the Review. He I,iJca booIu. ture. Hence, canonical books are life, not to the betterment of society. book by Faulkner or Hemingway. It is "The idea that you benefit the in- time for universities to stop worrying sulted and injured by reading some- about political coITeCtness and begin Life is too short to one of their own origins rather than to study literature as an art form, as drink cheap beer! reading Shakespeare is one of the a universal portrayal of the human oddest illusions ever promoted by or experience, and as a common unify- in our schools," Bloom claims. ing thread among all people. True But the erosion of standards con- literature is universal and unites We have added to our already extensive tinues with professors obsessed with human beings regardless ofrace, gen- beer selection many new mico-brewed trendy political correctnes s, der, or creed. It unites us by weaving beers for your sampling pleasure. multiculturalism, and feminism. Ac- among all men and women the uni- cording to Bloom there are two ways versa! threads of sorrow and joy, life of judging a work's canonical value: and death, love and hate. As C.S. the true way and the current way. lAlwis said, "We read so we know that '!he true way is, "unless it demands we are not alone." Literature does not rereading the work does not qwilify." need to celebrate multiculturalism, Check out our new beer selection The new method of evaluation "is feminism, liberalism, or conservatism; simple, clear, and wonderfully condu- it already unifies all people by cel- featuring over 80 different brands cive to social change; it must not and ebrating the common experience of cannot be reread, because its contri- being human. Mt - --_.__ ._ ... _-_._ ...... •..••.,--_ ... _ - --_ ...... _------_. November 9, 1994 THE MIClUGAN REVIEW 11 o BOOK REVIEW Public Schools:.Should Be Abolished BY AARON STEELMAN Richman traces the history of gov ment, and with this, the one system of private schools could be afforded by ernment schools, beginning in 1850 education that is worlring in this coun prdinary people, destroying the myth OST PEOPLE NOW when the Commonwealth of try right now would be ended. This is that under a completely private sys believe that the public Massachu.ssetts became the first state too large a risk to face. tem only the rich would be able to M schools are doing a poor job in the union to institute compulsory Besides, Richman argues, even if afford an education for their children. at educating students. From declin schooling, in an attempt to reach a voucher programs could be effectively He states, "It is clear what needs ing SAT B .. ~""_"_ ... ,,.. •• ,· '''''''' ••.•'' ,'M...... ''.'''/, __".,.,.",.,... .~ '''' _ _ _ ., .,'" . ." , -"""""'''-~--..- -.,~-"-- 12 THE MIClflGAN REVIEW November 9, 1994 o MUSIC Interview With a Cranberry BY DREW PETERS Lawler relates, "the three of us had tinue to craft honest and beautiful it brought us together as a band. 'That's just learn.ed our instruments and we music, areented by the dynamic, song- captured on the album." "W E HAD BEEN TOUR had a friend who had some songs he bird vocals of O'Riordan. However, "However, the songwriting is a lot ing around a lot, not wanted to play. We did that for a few the cranberries have taken their sound better now. We have been growing up, paying attention to any months but it wasn't really what we in harder and dreamier directions. seeing a lot of different things while thing that was going on. Then we wanted. He left, Dolores joined, and "(Everybody ElM) shows us at"that touring. 'Th.e new album is definitely returned home to Ireland for Christ we clicked right away." period, the first two years oftha cran- more mature, and we have experi- mas and we were all over the news ...it Dolores, who had been singing in berries. It captures what we were like mented with different sounds, espe- was a bit of a r------, church choirs and pubs since the age then. 'That's my idea for an album.; to cially guitar. 'Th.at's the good thing freak out. We the aanberries of five, helped to about the studio, you get to playa lot calmed down af- No Need to Argue ~huftle the band ~ i t; . f.'" with ev~, ~ .to get the song to ter awhile and Island mto local fame, ' '1 ;;;~' "~, l ~f. evolve to what ~t IS m your head." didn't take it too '------' and they released ," . '. , ' '1;,1.<,: .. ! These evolutions go from the wal- seriously. I don't think anything would a cassette only ',' lowing piano of"Empty" to the rougher faze us right now, if anything, it is single of "Nothing guitars of "Zombie," described by just embarrassing. People come up to Left At All." Soon Lawler as "angry, sort ofin your face ... you in the street and say, 'aren't you after that came especially for us." in the cranberries?' We want to be Everybody Else on And what about the couch that has heard and not seen. H people ignored Island Records, appeared almost a dozen times in us it would be great .. giving the press cranbeni.es releases? Lawler expl.ain.s, So drummer Feargal Lawler epito another band to "On the first album we had the couch mize8 the cranberries' humble atti unwisely compare because the art director had thought tude towards the overwhelming to the Sundays. ofit We were really lazy so he had us double platinum SUcces8 of their de .. Wh e n we sit down, relax, and pretend the cam- but Everybody ElM 1. Doing It So started off, every- 1M cranberries: MIke Hogan, DoIoreI O'FIordan, era wasn't there. The photos turned Why Can't We? one said, 'three Feargalllwtor and Noel Hogan out well, so for the second album we Surprisingly, when Lawler formed guys and a girl? They sound like the capture that period of time. Those did it again. We thought it was a good what was then The Cranberry Saw Sundays.' We do like the Sundays, first two years were a learning expe- idea and a really nice couch. Unfortu- Us with guitari8t Noel Hogan and their first album was gOod .. .but the rience for us, we went through a lot of nately they wouldn't let us buy it" Mt bassist Mike Hogan four years ago, songs all sound the same. At this difficulties before recording the al-.-"" they were lacking the prominent and stage we don't even care anymore, bum. We had some managerial .~ Alas, the cranberries will per unmistakable vocal8 of Dolore8 people know us for who we are." lems that I can't go into but, in the form with Me 900 Ft Jesus and O'Riol'dan. With their sophomore album No end, it was a good thing for us. We the GIgilo Aunts at the State The "It was a different band, really,tf Need To A1Wue, the cranberries con- learn.ed to stand up for ourselves and atre on Thursday, November 10. Cool Cat Groovin' Jazz Releases BY GREG PARKER Hargrove, Joshua Redman and oth have not sold out, and are back in full pilation still retains fluidity. Most ers won't disappoint. force. notably, Southern Exposure shows IS FIRST SOLO ALBUM IN GRP All-Star Michael Breeker For those sick of mainstream Parker's soul - he plays with a pas nearly 40 years, Dave makes two noteworthy appearances crooner Harry Connick, Jr., John sion few can emulate. H Brubeck's JWIt You, Just Me this month with his collaboration in Plzzarelll is a breath offresh air. Not Arguably the most trendy album (Telarc) is a more intimate effort from Twin Tenors (RCA) and also with his the traditional jazz pianist/vocalist of the year, the Benedictine Monks' the pianist. The master recreates brother Randy in the Brecker Broth combo, Pizzarelli mixes his voice with Chant took. the world by storm. Chant "Strange Meadowlark," from the clas eni out of the loop (GRP). Aptly named guitar and a back-up band to create still remains high on the Billboard sic Time Out album of 1959, and re Twin Tenors, with fellow tenor-man New Standards (RCA). Pizzarelli's Classical chart and has monopolized vives his Great Depression era child Bob Mitzner, drummer Peter Erskine style might be more pop than any mainstream attention, leaving simi hood with "Variatiops on Brother Can and others, is described as a dedica thing else, but he mixes this with 50s lar - and even better - efforts unn0- You Spare a Dime." Brubeck, not ex tion to "the heroes of the saxophone." jazz influences for a Les Paul meets ticed. Jan Garbarek and the actly a spring chicken, exhibits youth John Coltrane's "Giant Steps" is cov Frank Sinatra sound. Though Hilliard Ensemble's Officium ful exuberance in his latest album but ered as well as Coleman Hawkins' Pizzarelli's vocals might overshadow (ECM) is one of these efforts, yet to be never forgets his trademark "Body and Soul," but while the dedi his guitar playing at times, the latter discovered by the mainstream. polyrythma or polytones. cation is very flattering the tenor certainly leaves nothing to be desired. Officium is not completely like Chant, Teodrou Avery might not be a men do not live up to the perfor 'Th.ose fAmiJiAr with James Brown mixing saxophone with vocals to form household name yet, but like Roy mances of their contemporaries. The and Funkadelic will recognize Maceo a product resembling what a Balti Hargrove, he represents the future of Brecker Brothers' out of time is much Parker. Parker, who with Brown, more Sun reviewer called "Kenny G jazz. The Teodor:w Avery Quartet's more memorable. Having played with George Clinton and even pop proto meets Chant." Nevertheless, Jan In Other Worn. (GRP), witll 'guest Parliament and Blood, Sweat and type Rod Stewart, has made quite a Garbarek, one ofEurope's1inest mod appearance by Hargrove, is an excep Tears in the seventies, the Breckers name for himself in fimk, rock and emjazz saxophonists, and the Hilliard tional venture into traditional jazz. have also popped up on hundreds of even jazz circles. His latest solo al Ensemble, four male voices (sampled While Avery's label, GRP, is known fusion recordings and helped evolve bum, Southern ExpoBure (RCA), is an in Enigma's first album), have juxta for its extensive fusion recordings, In jazz fusion to the state it is today. outstanding collaboration of Parker's posed the contemporary expression of Other Worn. embraces a straight- Their roots in fimk are not forgotten, genres. From funk to blues to the hom with the traditional vocal ahead style that a young Avery (21) and Michael's use of the electronic Dixieland, Parker and his mates, in anangements. While not as popular plays with ease. Avery is not out ofhis wind instrument (EWI) has tapered cluding members of James Brown's as Chant, Officium is much more origi league living up to the next genera down, so Brecker tra!litionalists will band, make a seamless transition to nal and memorable. Plus, every Joe tion ofjazz mwrlcians, and along with not be disappointed. The Breckers each style; though diverse, this com- Sixpack already has Chant. Mt ·"' -="'· · C' -'~ "'. ".~ ·.:C· ...... _.... ""=~~=~_~. _ ____