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Ffape, ABUSE -* J Pain, Only in Their Silence

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Ffape, ABUSE -* J Pain, Only in Their Silence • FEATURE Alone in their silence Not any more Each and every woman is in danger of being raped, abused, beaten up and killed by men. Most women who go through these painful experiences do so alone, in fear and shame. Yet, siopj they are not alone in their ffAPE, ABUSE -* j pain, only in their silence. Some are coming out, BATTERING speaking loud and clear about Jfo Oimwof andt the abuse against them, IMHtlM, • writes Rosalee Telela uzette Mafuna is a sorry for him. I also did not woman who was abused want to believe that he was Sby her husband for a a violent person. Because I long lime. She lived with ihe loved him so much. I'd sim­ abuse until, one day. he nearly ply forgive him and try to killed her. She left him. This is love him even more. The her story. love slowly began to die. " I survived the abuse, but And. for my own sake. I healing from the scars and the knew I had to gel out. pain never ends. It is still diffi­ My family and friends also cult for me to trust any man put a lot of pressure on me. I who wants to get close to me. used to run home to my moth­ I'm so scared of the same thing er when he abused me. My happening all over again. I still mother would tell me that have nightmares. a woman is supposed to 11 was not easy for me to handle these things. leave my husband. I was scared I started believing that I was of what he might do to me. The not good enough and that I ners. They should not feel day he nearly killed me, I knew deserved what was happening scared to speak about what's that I had no other choice. to me. Later. I got a lot of sup­ happening to them. It's the There were many reasons port from women, friends and only way something can be why I stayed in my marriage. I family. I was lucky. done about their abuse. felt pity for my husband. Every Women must see that it is Many women have stopped time he said: 'I'm sorry, please not a shame or their fault if taking this abuse. They have forgive me. I love you.* I felt they are abused by their part­ formed organisations that give SPEAK • November 1993 • Page 28 • FEATURE Voues against violence The Women's National Coalition produced a tape in protest against violence against women. This is what some people had to say: • Orlando Pirates soccer player GORA EBRAHIM says: "You can kick a ball around... just don't kick a woman." • Miss South Africa JACQUI MOFOKENG says to all women: "You have a right to say when, if and how you want to make love or have sex. Do not let anyone force or pressurise you to do any­ thing you don't want to do. That is rape, even if it's your boyfriend. iWOME N You and I have the right to say no. • YVONNE CHAKA CHAKA says: "You know - too often rape is blamed on the women or girl who is raped. 'She is wearing a mini-skirt.' people say.' 'She always looked too sexy". What did she expect?" they'll always ask. "We hear those words too often. Let me tell you. what we wear and how we look has nothing to do with rape. FIGHT Rape is a crime of violence... it can happen to you. your child, grandmother... or anyone. So, women, let BACK us stand together and fight this violence." According to Belinda believes her and wants to help Martin of Women Against her." she added. Women Abuse (Wawa). Many of these organisations Eldorado Park, in the have shelters that serve as Transvaal, has the highest places of safety and support. number of battery, rape and "The first place a woman who abuse cases. Based in Eldorado is abused needs is a place of Park. Wawa gives safety and safety. Family and friends are support to women who are in often too afraid to help the abusive relationships. woman because they are scared of the abuser. The woman finds artin believes there is herself running around with support and counselling lo a need for training nowhere to go to. The shelter is women who have been raped, and support: "It is a place of safety for the woman M where she can begin to recover abused and beaten up. These important that a woman who from the pain." Martin said. organisations provide places of has come out in the open about healing and safety, but ihey her abusive relationship feels "With the shelters and coun­ also add to the voices calling safe with the person she talks selling, women will become for and working for a change in to. She must know she is strong and will see their men's attitudes towards women. speaking to someone who strength, a strength which gets SPEAK • November 1993 • Page 29 • FEATURE destroyed when they are Mmatsbilo Motsei of abused by men." Agishanang (which means Lisa Vetten of People "lets build together"), in Opposing Women Abuse Alexandra, said: "Our project (Powa) said her organisation focusses on counselling focusses on education as well. women rather than men. Men "We see education as a way to have to be shown that they arc make people aware and to put to blame for their violent and pressure on the government, aggressive behaviour. They hospitals and the police to themselves must take responsi­ change their attitudes towards bility for it. Men also need women who are abused." counselling. That is going to take a long lime, but it is worth he believes one of the doing." reasons for the violence She added: "Women are Swomen face is because fighting back. When a man "Women must see society does not value women was arrested for raping a girl, a that it Is not their as highly as it values men. group of women told me they 'The lack of resources for fault if they are would take the law into their women, housing, social assis­ abused by their own hands if he was released. tance and even the law does They also beat him up before partners. They should not protect women from abuse. calling the police." not feel scared to An added factor is the political Every day more and more speak about what's violence in the country - more women are coming out against women are being beaten since happening to them. their violent partners. It is not the increase in the violence," It's the only way easy to convince yourself to Vetten said. something can be leave the man you love and done about their "Men must take responsibil­ who says he loves you. But no- abuse.'' ity for their behaviour. They one deserves to be violently Suzette Mafuna, must stop being excused. There abused. Men cannot be allowed an abuse survivor is no reason or excuse for men to control and abuse women to beat up and abuse women." any longer. © Who to contact 1 Salvation Army's Shelter For Battered Women, Cape Town If you being abused or know somebody who Tel: (021) 696 0787 is being abused, you can contact: ^rf ^ People Opposing Women Abuse, Centre for Peace Action, Eldorado Park Johannesburg Tel: (Oil) 342 3840 Tel: (011) 642 4345 Advice Desk For Abused Women, Coordinated Action For Battered Women University of Durban Westville Tel: (021) 47 4000 Tel: (031) 820 2862 II It ha Labantu, Gugulethu Laudium Advice Office, Pretoria Tel: (021) 448 4016 Tel: (012) 374 4792 Women Against Women Abuse, Agishanang, Alexandra Clinic Eldorado Park Tel: (Oil) 440 1231 Tel: (Oil) 945 5531 SPEAK • November 1993 • Page 30 As a matter of fact... Politician resigns Policeman gets seven years for rape over sexist remark A Cape Town policeman was sentenced to seven years in jail for raping a A deputy of the woman in a police station toilet last year. Conservative Party in Warrant Officer Patrick Elder pleaded not guilty to the rape charge, Austria resigned after he saying the woman agreed to have sex with him. He said she offered him was charged with making sex in return for being granted bail. a sexist remark to a The 25-year-old woman from Nyanga, who had been arrested for female member of the shoplifting, said this was not true. She said Elder followed her to the toilet Green Party. and raped her. Paul Burgstaller told The magistrate who convicted Elder, described what he said as ''the Terezija Stoisits, who was most ridiculous story under the sun." struggling with a micro­ phone during a meeting, Dangers faced by working women to "put it in your mouth For today's working woman, health and safety dangers are a fact and suck hard". Women deputies, despite their of life. Job discrimination against women means that women face political differences, unit­ certain dangers more than men. Most women do clerical, ser­ ed in their anger and dis­ vices, sales, health, teaching, farm and factory work. Many of the gust over Burgstaller's dangers they face have to do with poor working conditions, tools statement. It was a victory and equipment. Jobs such as typing require one to do the same for them when he thing over and over again and to sit all day. This results in women resigned. developing muscular aches, lower back pain and varicose veins.
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