By Martin A. Follose

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THE GROOM HAS COLD FEET

BY MARTIN A. FOLLOSE CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Appearance) # of lines MABEL MAYFIELD ...... works at the local mercantile, 50 which Albert Webster owns SHERIFF TICKLE ...... sheriff of Pine Grove 249 MILTON ...... not-so-bright new appointed 105 deputy of the town HARLEY STUBER ...... poor farmer looking for a wife, 47 any wife

DELLA TISDALE ...... town gossip 40

BEVERLY HALL ...... another 38 CAROLINE PICKENS ...... another 33 ALBERT WEBSTER ...... groom; a very hated man who 62 happens to own most of the businesses in town VIRGIL BUCKLEY ...... poor farmer; Albert’s best man 65 SARAH TICKLE ...... sheriff’s daughter and sidekick 126 DARLEEN STEEP...... former girlfriend of the groom; 50 saloon girl KAYLA MAY BLOSSOM ...... reluctant bride 27 GLADYS CLARK ...... Kayla May’s best friend and 57 maid of honor HAZEL BLOSSOM ...... mother of the bride 37 SAM ...... mysterious stranger 15 EXTRAS ...... as desired for townspeople and additional wedding guests SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

ACT ONE: One spring morning in Pine Grove in the 1890s.

ACT TWO: The next day. ACT THREE: Moments later.

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SETTING Time: 1890s. Place: Main Street of Pine Grove. SET DESCRIPTION Three building fronts frame out Main Street. The sheriff’s office is STAGE LEFT. The mercantile is UP CENTER and has items outside to

make it look like a general store. These can include barrels, grain sacks, tools, lanterns, etc. The mercantile’s sign reads, “Albert’s Mercantile.” A saloon with swinging doors and an “Albert’s Saloon” sign is STAGE RIGHT. Each of these buildings creates an EXIT through its doorway. The three buildings are separated to create pathways UP RIGHT and UP LEFT for additional EXITS leading to other parts of town and out of

town.

In front of STAGE RIGHT there are stairs for actors who are coming to Albert’s room during ACT TWO. To create this room, the saloon front may open or turn to reveal the room. If no movable wall is possible, this scene can be played with only a chair placed STAGE RIGHT.

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SET DESIGN

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THE GROOM HAS COLD FEET

ACT ONE 1 AT RISE: MABEL is outside the mercantile working to open the store by setting out merchandise, etc. The SHERIFF ENTERS LEFT from the sheriff’s office and crosses over to the mercantile. EXTRAS as OTHER TOWNSPEOPLE may come and go as desired. (See PRODUCTION 5 NOTES.) SHERIFF: Morning, Mabel. MABEL: Morning, Sheriff. You off on your rounds? SHERIFF: Nah, I have to go over to the livery stable. Seems as though Cyrus thinks the rats are eating too much of his grain, and he 10 wants me to arrest them. MABEL: (Chuckles.) Never a dull moment in Pine Grove. SHERIFF: Ain’t that the truth. Mabel. (Tips his hat.) MABEL: Sheriff. (SHERIFF EXITS UP LEFT.) MILTON: (ENTERS UP RIGHT.) Morning, Mabel. 15 MABEL: Morning, Milton. What brings you to town? MILTON: I’m looking for a job.

MABEL: A job?

MILTON: My daddy tells me I’m good for nothing and that no one in their right mind would give me a job. I told him I knows I could get 20 a job, and I’d be a right good worker. He said that there is more of a chance that pigs would fly than I get me a job. I’m here to prove him wrong. So, can I get a job from you, Mabel? MABEL: Me? Give you a job? Oh, well, ah… I don’t… Milton, I just can’t give you a job. 25 MILTON: Why not? MABEL: Why not? (Searches for an answer.) Business at the store is real slow, and there just isn’t enough work to hire someone right now.

MILTON: Shucks! You know anyone who might want to hire me?

30 MABEL: Hire you? Well… Why don’t you try Cyrus at the livery stable? I reckon he might need someone to keep out the rats.

MILTON: I’ll do that. Thanks, Mabel.

MABEL: Anytime, Milton. (MILTON EXITS UP LEFT. She is relieved and goes back to work.) 35 HARLEY: (ENTERS UP RIGHT.) Morning, Mabel. MABEL: Morning, Harley. What can I do for you? HARLEY: I’m looking for a wife for me.

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1 MABEL: A wife? Harley, I’m sorry, but I don’t sell any of those in the mercantile. Why you looking for a wife? HARLEY: Ever since Ma and Pa died, I’ve been alone out there on my farm. I thought I would pick me up a wife here in town today. 5 MABEL: But you can’t just pick up a wife. You need to court her. HARLEY: Court her? MABEL: (Starts to dream as she talks, holds on to HARLEY’S arm and snuggles up to him.) Yes, you know, you need to meet someone and then take her on Sunday rides, maybe a picnic on a sunny 10 day, take her to a hoedown, dance a little. (Dances with HARLEY, who is rather reluctant. Suddenly realizes that she is holding on to HARLEY.) Oh, sorry, Harley! Don’t know what came over me. (Straightens her dress, hair, etc.) Anyway, you have to get to know a

lady before you ask her to be your wife.

15 HARLEY: I ain’t got no time for that. MABEL: That’s how things are. You need to sweep a lady off her feet. HARLEY: Sweep her off her feet! I ain’t even got a broom. MABEL: I can sell you a broom, Harley, but not a wife. HARLEY: Shucks! I was figuring on joining in on the wedding that’s 20 coming up. MABEL: There’s a wedding coming up?

HARLEY: Yep! I heard about it just today. Well, I think I will just keep looking. Maybe I can find me a wife before noon. Thanks, Mabel. (EXITS UP LEFT.)

25 MABEL: (Excited. To herself.) There’s gonna be a wedding! I do love weddings. (DELLA ENTERS UP RIGHT. MABEL sees her and rushes over.) Della! Della! DELLA: Land sakes! Is there a fire somewhere? MABEL: (Excited.) No!

30 DELLA: Someone rob the bank? MABEL: No!

DELLA: Mrs. Cratchet finally put her husband six feet under?

MABEL: No! Something better.

DELLA: Something better?

35 MABEL: (So excited she can barely talk.) Yes! DELLA: (Excited to get the latest gossip.) Well? Don’t just stand there, tell me. Quick! MABEL: I heard it from a very reliable source, who heard it from… Well, I don’t rightly know where they heard it, but— 40 DELLA: Who cares?! Out with it.

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1 MABEL: (Looks around cautiously.) There’s going to be a wedding. DELLA: A wedding! Oh, I do love a wedding. MABEL: We have got so much to do. (BEVERLY ENTERS UP LEFT. DELLA rushes over to her. At the same time, MABEL gets caught up 5 in her planning, not even noticing BEVERLY or that DELLA is now next to BEVERLY. Overlapping with next many lines, yet softer.) Why, we have to plan the decorations and the location. It has to be some place romantic and beautiful. Maybe out at the Parker place alongside the creek that cuts through their property. There’s a nice 10 grove of pine trees that would be just lovely. We could put the altar right next to the creek and set up tables in the shade. There’s always a cool breeze in the grove, and it’s a big enough space for our needs. But if the Parkers say no, we could have it just outside of town where the little bridge goes over the gully near the grove. It 15 doesn’t have the shade that the Parker place has, but it might be a fine place for a wedding. We could set the altar right at the end of the bridge, and family and friends could stand next to the grove. But, then again, if they don’t mind traveling a ways, we could have it on the hilltop about a mile or so out of town. You can see the

20 whole town and valley from up there. It would be a beautiful spot. Maybe have an evening wedding so we can see the sunset with the couple standing on the top the hill. With that view, it would be so romantic. (Continue to ad-lib if necessary.) DELLA: (As she crosses and overlapping with MABEL’S lines.) Beverly! 25 Beverly! I just heard some great news. BEVERLY: Did the stagecoach bring another shipment of lace? DELLA: No. The mercantile is still plumb out. BEVERLY: How about that Mrs. Cratchet? She shoot her husband yet?

DELLA: Don’t we wish! No, that ain’t it.

30 BEVERLY: Well, what is it?

DELLA: Mabel heard if from a very reliable source, who heard if from a very reliable source, who heard it from… well, I don’t quite know who they heard it from— BEVERLY: Who cares? Out with it!

35 DELLA: There’s gonna to be a wedding.

BEVERLY: A wedding? That’s just what this town needs. A wedding.

DELLA: There’s so much planning do to. (Just then CAROLINE ENTERS

UP RIGHT. BEVERLY sees her and rushes over to her. Just as MABEL does before, DELLA gets caught up in her own plans and doesn’t 40 notice that BEVERLY has left. Overlapping with MABEL’S and the next few lines.) We have to pick just the right colors. I personally like pink and baby blue. Pink for the lady and baby blue for the

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1 gentleman. But I have seen other colors that go quite nice together. Purple and white are a great combination. We could have purple tablecloths with white bows on each corner and a white runner down the middle. Of course, we might want to have white bows on 5 everything with just a few purple bows to break up all the white. But, then again, there is peach, which has a softness to it. It would

make a great color for a bow. Now, what other color would go with

peach? Maybe a light green, the color of spring grass in a meadow. (Continue to ad-lib if necessary.)

10 BEVERLY: (As she crosses and overlapping with MABEL and DELLA.) Caroline! Caroline! Have you heard the news? CAROLINE: No. Don’t tell me that Milton shot himself in the foot again? BEVERLY: No, he didn’t shoot himself again.

15 CAROLINE: Did Mrs. Cratchet finally shoot her husband? BEVERLY: No! Not yet.

CAROLINE: Then, what is it that has you so fired up?

BEVERLY: Well, Della heard it from Mabel, who heard it from a very

reliable source, who heard it from a very reliable source, who

20 heard it from—

CAROLINE: Get on with it before I start shooting someone.

BEVERLY: There’s gonna be a wedding.

CAROLINE: A wedding? How wonderful! BEVERLY: We have so much planning to do. We have to— 25 CAROLINE: Beverly. Beverly! Who’s getting married? BEVERLY: (Caught off guard.) I don’t know. CAROLINE: You don’t know? BEVERLY: I reckon I didn’t get that part of the story. (Rushes over to DELLA, who is still planning. CAROLINE follows. Interrupts.) Della! 30 Who’s getting married? DELLA: (Shocked as she doesn’t know either.) I don’t rightly know. (Rushes over to MABEL, followed by CAROLINE and BEVERLY.) Mabel! You didn’t tell me. Who’s getting married?

MABEL: (Also caught off guard. Looks at the OTHER LADIES, who 35 anxiously await her answer.) I don’t know. CAROLINE/BEVERLY/DELLA: You don’t know who’s getting married? MILTON: (ENTERS UP LEFT.) Getting married? Oh, that would be Albert. LADIES: (Shocked.) Albert!

MABEL: Albert is getting married? 40 BEVERLY: That can’t be!

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1 DELLA: Impossible! CAROLINE: (Disgusted.) Who in their right mind would marry Albert? MILTON: That would be Kayla May Blossom. LADIES: (More shocked.) Kayla May! (LADIES, except for MABEL, ad-lib 5 quietly.) MILTON: Mabel, have you seen Mr. Todd? MABEL: No, not this morning. Check down in his office. MILTON: Thanks, Mabel. I’ll do that. (EXITS UP LEFT.) DELLA: Kayla May Blossom? Marrying Albert Webster? I’m shocked. 10 MABEL: I’m shaken. BEVERLY: I’m stunned. CAROLINE: I’m furious. (OTHER LADIES are puzzled by her word choice.) MABEL: Furious? 15 CAROLINE: Furious that we had to hear about this from Milton. We have lost our touch, ladies. It is our job to get the information first

and then spread it through town. We must be better informed.

DELLA: I completely agree. We must start eavesdropping in on more

conversations…

20 BEVERLY: …and spying on others…

MABEL: …and start reading other people’s mail.

BEVERLY: It’s our duty. (ALBERT ENTERS RIGHT from the saloon, notices the LADIES in the street.) DELLA: Especially since we have no newspaper to keep everyone 25 informed. BEVERLY: We’re like the town criers. ALBERT: Mrs. Mayfield, I pay you to tend the mercantile, not to stand out in the middle of the street gossiping. DELLA: We are not gossiping, Mr. Webster. 30 ALBERT: (Smiles. Sarcastic.) I stand corrected. BEVERLY: Mr. Webster. Is it true that you will be getting married? ALBERT: Word travels faster than the pony express in this town. DELLA: Then it’s true? ALBERT: Yes, it’s true. I’m thinking of having the wedding right here in 35 the street. We can block off the street from both— CAROLINE: A wedding in the street? What? Do you think you own the whole town? BEVERLY: He does own the whole town, Caroline.

CAROLINE: Well, yes, that may be so, but he has no right to block the 40 streets.

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1 ALBERT: (Smiles.) We’ll just see about that. (To MABEL.) Mrs. Mayfield, the mercantile. MABEL: (Afraid.) Oh, I’ll get right back to work, Mr. Webster. (Rushes OFF UP CENTER to the mercantile.) 5 ALBERT: (Looms over the LADIES.) What brought you ladies in to town on this fine morning? DELLA: (Cowers down a little.) I was heading for the mercantile. ALBERT: Well, don’t let me keep you. DELLA: Mr. Webster. (ALBERT nods. She follows MABEL OFF.) 10 BEVERLY: As was I. If you will excuse me. (ALBERT nods. She, too, hurries OFF to the mercantile. CAROLINE is left there by herself. ALBERT stares at her. She is trying to stand up to him, but finally gives up.)

CAROLINE: (Feels uncomfortable.) Good day, Mr. Webster. (EXITS to

15 the mercantile.)

ALBERT: Good day, Mrs. Pickens.

MILTON: (ENTERS UP LEFT.) Mr. Webster. ALBERT: Yes, what it is? MILTON: I have been looking for me a job. Mabel told me to check 20 with Cyrus, Cyrus told me to check with Mr. Todd and Mr. Todd told me to check with you. So, you think you can give me a job?

(ALBERT laughs.) I must have tickled your funny bone.

ALBERT: (Still laughing.) Ask the sheriff. He was looking for a deputy. Maybe he’s a fool.

25 MILTON: (Excited.) A deputy! I have to finds me the sheriff.(Runs OFF

UP RIGHT. ALBERT just shakes his head and turns to leave.)

VIRGIL: (ENTERS UP RIGHT. He is nervous and timid.) Ah… Mr. Webster?

ALBERT: Yes, what is it, Mr. Buckley?

VIRGIL: I was wondering if I could talk to you.

30 ALBERT: You are talking to me. VIRGIL: So I am. (Tries to gain the courage to speak, but cannot.) ALBERT: I don’t have all day, Mr. Buckley. Get on with it. VIRGIL: (Very timid.) Yes, of course. You know my loan payment is coming due, and I was wondering if I could have a little more time 35 to come up with the money. ALBERT: Mr. Buckley, I am a businessman. I loan money to people, and they pay it back with interest on a monthly basis. That’s how it works.

VIRGIL: Yes, I know, but—

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1 ALBERT: Ah… “but.” A word that means “except,” “yet,” “however,” “on the contrary,” all meanings that tell me you can’t do what you know you should. It is not my problem that you fell on hard times and that your crops failed. Not my problem at all. It is yours, and please do not make your problems mine. 5 VIRGIL: But I don’t have the money. ALBERT: Then, you know what must be. If you don’t make your payment, then your land is mine. (Starts to leave.)

VIRGIL: But, Mr. Webster, you can’t take my land. (Grabs ALBERT’S 10 arm. ALBERT slowly looks at VIRGIL’S hand touching him. VIRGIL

quickly removes his hand.)

ALBERT: I have a contract in my office that says otherwise. And you signed it. VIRGIL: Yes, I know, but— 15 ALBERT: You must stop using that word, Mr. Buckley. You will simply have to come up with the money by the end of the month or hand over your land to me. VIRGIL: I could pay you in chickens. ALBERT: I don’t need your chickens, Mr. Buckley. 20 VIRGIL: Plucked? ALBERT: Not even plucked. I need cold hard cash. VIRGIL: Surely we can come to some agreement. ALBERT: We have. You pay me on time or your land is mine. VIRGIL: But—

25 ALBERT: (Holds up his hand to stop VIRGIL from continuing.) However,

being that this is a special day for me, I am willing to forgo this

month’s payment in exchange for a small deed.

VIRGIL: (Pleads.) Anything, Mr. Webster, anything.

ALBERT: I understand that you were courting Kayla May Blossom.

30 VIRGIL: Yes, I was courting her, but she broke it off. After her pa died,

things haven’t been going well for her and her ma.

ALBERT: Yes, a painfully sad story.

VIRGIL: I know Kayla May will come back to me. She just needs some

time. (Beat.) What does this have to do with my loan?

35 ALBERT: Nothing really. I don’t know if you have heard that I am

getting married.

VIRGIL: Married?

ALBERT: Yes, tomorrow, right here on Main Street. This came up

rather suddenly, and I haven’t had time to find a best man.

40 VIRGIL: Best man?

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1 ALBERT: Yes, I don’t suppose you would be my best man, in lieu of this month’s payment? VIRGIL: Me? As your best man? But— ALBERT: (Holds up hand again.) You do like that word, don’t you, Mr. 5 Buckley? A simple yes or no will do. Yes means you get to keep your land for at least another month, and no means you need to go home and start packing. VIRGIL: How about two months? ALBERT: Do not start negotiating with me, Mr. Buckley. This is a take 10 it or leave it deal. VIRGIL: I have no choice. I guess I will have to take it. ALBERT: Then it is settled. Tomorrow, here, and wear your finest suit. (Starts to walk away.)

VIRGIL: Mr. Webster? (DELLA ENTERS from the mercantile and notices 15 ALBERT and VIRGIL. She pauses to listen in on their conversation.)

ALBERT: Yes.

VIRGIL: Who are you marrying? ALBERT: (Laughs.) Kayla May Blossom. VIRGIL: Kayla May?! You can’t marry my Kayla May! 20 ALBERT: She’s not yours anymore, Mr. Buckley. And soon she will be mine. VIRGIL: Why, I have the mind to take my knife to you, Mr. Webster! (DELLA reacts to hearing this and rushes OFF back to the mercantile.) ALBERT: (Smiles.) You might have the mind, but you do not have the 25 guts. (He starts to go. Without looking back.) See you tomorrow, Mr.

Buckley. And wear your finest suit. (EXITS to the saloon. SHERIFF and SARAH ENTER UP LEFT, noticing VIRGIL as he storms OFF UP RIGHT.)

SARAH: Virgil sure seemed mad, Pa.

SHERIFF: He sure did. Wonder what’s got him all upset?

30 SARAH: Maybe he’s mad because he lives in a boring town.

SHERIFF: A boring town?

SARAH: Yeah, Pa. We need us some action around here. Like a bank

robbery, or a saloon brawl, or maybe even a killing.

SHERIFF: Sarah, you bite your tongue! I work hard to keep this

35 town law abiding. We don’t need a bank robbery, or a brawl, and definitely not a killing.

SARAH: But I ain’t never got to see a hanging before.

SHERIFF: Sarah, we ain’t gonna have us a hanging here in town. Least

I hope not. It’s my job to keep the peace in this town, and I aim 40 to do it.

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1 SARAH: I sure wish you weren’t so good at your job, Pa. (Beat.) Can I help you if something does happen here in town? SHERIFF: I don’t know Sarah, sometimes things can get a little dangerous. 5 SARAH: (Begs.) Please, Pa? Please! SHERIFF: (Overlapping.) A violent death is just not the thing for a youngin. SARAH: (Starts to cry.) Please, Pa. SHERIFF: You knows I hate seeing you cry, Sarah. (She cries louder.) 10 Oh, all right, we’ll see. SARAH: (Immediately stops crying.) I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll keep my eye out for any suspicious activity. SHERIFF: You do that. (Mimes a continuing conversation with SARAH while the focus onstage shifts.) 15 DARLEEN: (ENTERS from the saloon with ALBERT, who is pushing her ON.) You can’t do this! ALBERT: Of course, I can. I own this place. And like I said, you’re fired! DARLEEN: But you said you’d marry me. ALBERT: I got a better offer. 20 DARLEEN: Just where am I supposed to go? ALBERT: This is a saloon, not a shelter for the homeless. Why don’t you go and find one of those cowboys you’re always hanging on? DARLEEN: You pay me to hang all over them. (BEVERLY ENTERS from the mercantile and eavesdrops on DARLEEN and ALBERT.) 25 ALBERT: Not any more, sweet pea. DARLEEN: (Very angry.) It’s a good thing I can’t get my hands around your neck, Albert, or I’d squeeze until your head popped off. (BEVERLY overhears DARLEEN’S threats.) ALBERT: Bye, Darleen. (EXITS RIGHT to the saloon. DARLEEN crosses 30 LEFT, passing the SHERIFF and SARAH.) SHERIFF: Everything okay, Darleen? DARLEEN: No. That no account Albert is gonna find himself dead someday, and I hope I’m the one to do it. (EXITS UP LEFT. BEVERLY reacts to what she has heard and rushes OFF back to the mercantile.) 35 SARAH: (Excited.) That would be a crime, Pa. SHERIFF: Darleen’s just a little upset right now. She ain’t gonna be harming Albert. SARAH: Don’t see why not. Albert’s a bad man. SHERIFF: That’s Mr. Webster to you. 40 SARAH: Then, Mr. Webster is a bad man.

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1 SHERIFF: Many would agree with you on that, but just being a bad man isn’t against any law. HARLEY: (ENTERS UP LEFT.) Howdy, Sheriff. SHERIFF: Morning, Harley. I don’t think I have ever seen you in town 5 this early in the morning. HARLEY: I set off real early so that I can find me a wife. SARAH: A wife? HARLEY: Yeah, it’s kinda lonely out there on my farm, so I came to town to get me a wife. 10 SHERIFF: Well, Harley, a wife isn’t something you can pick up at the mercantile like a sack of potatoes. HARLEY: That’s what Mabel tells me. You know anyone who might be looking for a man?

SHERIFF: Sorry, Harley, but I don’t know a lady who’s looking to get

15 married, least not that fast. Most ladies like a formal courting period before they want to talk about marriage. SARAH: In your case, a year or two. SHERIFF: Sarah, you be nice. HARLEY: Ain’t got time for that. I need to slop the hogs later today. 20 SARAH: Smells like you been laying with those hogs. SHERIFF: You might have a fighting chance to find a wife if you take a bath first. HARLEY: Heck, my bath day isn’t until next month. SARAH: I think you missed this month’s bath day. 25 HARLEY: Well, I’ll keep looking. SHERIFF: You do that. Bye, Harley. HARLEY: Bye, Sheriff. (EXITS UP RIGHT.) SARAH: I don’t think Harley has turned on his brain in years. SHERIFF: Does seem his candle went out. Well, I have to make my 30 rounds. SARAH: I’ll come with you, Pa. You never knows when a crime might happen. SHERIFF: Just don’t get underfoot. SARAH: Me underfoot? Why, you won’t even know I’m here, Pa. I’ll be 35 as quiet as a mouse. SHERIFF: That would be the day. (They start to EXIT UP RIGHT.) SARAH: Do you think Darleen might bump off Mr. Webster? SHERIFF: Sarah. SARAH: Sorry, Pa. (They’re OUT.)

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1 GLADYS: (ENTERS UP LEFT with KAYLA MAY.) I have been your best friend since we were little, Kayla May. I think you owe me the courtesy to tell me what’s bothering you. KAYLA MAY: Gladys, I don’t think you’re gonna like what I have to say. 5 GLADYS: I don’t have to like it. I just need to hear it. KAYLA MAY: I fixed it so Momma can keep our land. GLADYS: That’s wonderful, delightful, magnificent, lovely… KAYLA MAY: (Overlapping.) Gladys. Gladys!

GLADYS: Oh. Ever since your pa died, your momma and you have been

10 trying to keep the farm. I can’t believe that no good Mr. Webster

was trying to take your land right from underneath you. Someday that man is gonna cross someone who’ll put him six feet under. MILTON: (ENTERS UP RIGHT.) Morning, Kayla May. Gladys. Have you seen the sheriff?

15 GLADYS: No.

MILTON: I’m looking for him.

GLADYS: Have you looked in the livery stable?

MILTON: Yep.

GLADYS: Mr. Todd’s office?

20 MILTON: Yep.

GLADYS: Have you looked in his office?

MILTON: Now, why didn’t I think of looking for him in the sheriff’s office? GLADYS: Check there. 25 MILTON: I will. Thanks. (Tips hat.) Gladys. Kayla May. (EXITS to the sheriff’s office.) KAYLA MAY: Bye, Milton. GLADYS: So tell me, if you got your land back, why are you so upset? KAYLA MAY: It’s what I have to do to get our land back. 30 GLADYS: And what is that? KAYLA MAY: (Hesitates.) I have to marry Albert Webster. (GLADYS is shocked.) I knows you think I’m crazy, but I’m doing it for my momma. GLADYS: You’re gonna marry Albert Webster? 35 KAYLA MAY: I have to do it, Gladys. I have no choice. GLADYS: But, Kayla May, you’ll ruin your entire life by marrying that man. KAYLA MAY: But at least my momma will get back the land that her and Pa worked so hard for.

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1 GLADYS: But Mr. Webster is the meanest, rottenest, nastiest, cruelest, unkindest, unpleasantest, harshest, baddest… KAYLA MAY: (Trying to interrupt GLADYS as she lists her words. Overlapping.) Gladys. Gladys. Gladys! (GLADYS stops.) I get your 5 point, Gladys, but my mind is made up. Sometimes a woman has to do what’s best for her family, and that’s me marrying Albert.

GLADYS: But what about you? KAYLA MAY: I’ll be fine. It won’t be so bad. GLADYS: Bad! It will be the worstest, unhealthiest, awfulest, 10 dreadfulest… KAYLA MAY: Gladys! (GLADYS stops.) I should have never gotten you that dictionary for your birthday. Please, won’t you support me, as a friend?

GLADYS: What I should do is poison Mr. Webster. No one would give 15 it a second thought if he came up dead.

KAYLA MAY: You knows you can’t do that. GLADYS: Oh, I know. What did your momma say about all this? KAYLA MAY: She’s hopping mad. She tried to talk me out of it all night, but I gotta do this. 20 GLADYS: I can see that your mind is made up. MILTON: (ENTERS from the sheriff’s office.) Have you seen the sheriff yet? GLADYS: No. MILTON: Why, he’s plumb fell off the earth. 25 GLADYS: Why you looking for the sheriff? MILTON: So I can see pigs fly. (EXITS UP LEFT.) KAYLA MAY: (To GLADYS.) Did he just say— GLADYS: It’s Milton, don’t try and understand him. KAYLA MAY: (Beat.) Gladys, will you be my maid of honor? 30 GLADYS: Me? Why, of course I will, Kayla May. We’re best friends. KAYLA MAY: Thanks, Gladys. I got to get me a wedding dress. GLADYS: Maybe it should be black. KAYLA MAY: Gladys!

GLADYS: Sorry.

35 KAYLA MAY: I have a white dress that we could add some lace to. It would make a nice wedding dress. GLADYS: The mercantile is all out of lace, but I may have some at home. We can go check.

KAYLA MAY: Okay. (They EXIT UP RIGHT.)

End of script sample. 12 NOTE: PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS 1 GLADYS: Yeah, I do. HARLEY: I do, too. (A WEDDING MARCH plays as HARLEY and GLADYS lock arms and EXIT UP RIGHT.) END OF PLAY

PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGE

ACT ONE: Merchandise in front of the mercantile. ACT TWO: Wedding arch, benches. PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON

ACT ONE: Wanted posters (MILTON) ACT TWO: Papers (VIRGIL) Flowers (HARLEY)

ACT THREE: Salt and pepper shakers hidden in her handbag (DARLEEN) Wanted poster (MILTON) COSTUMES All the characters wear typical western dress of the late 1800s. ALBERT dresses in a suit with a bow tie and vest. He can have a pocket watch and other items that indicate his wealth. KAYLA MAY, HAZEL and GLADYS dress in plain, long dresses with bonnets in ACT ONE. Starting in ACT TWO, KAYLA MAY wears a white wedding dress, HAZEL wears a black dress and GLADYS wears a more formal, colorful dress. GLADYS also should have a spot of frosting on her cheek starting in ACT TWO. SHERIFF wears jeans, cowboy boots, a leather vest with a badge, a hat and a long sleeve western shirt. SARAH dresses as a tomboy with pants, shirt and boots. Her hair is in pig tales. VIRGIL wears old, dirty farmer clothes, including pants, a long sleeve shirt, suspenders and boots. HARLEY is dressed as a poor farmer in ACT ONE with dirty pants, long sleeve shirt, suspenders and old shoes. Starting in ACT TWO, he is noticeably cleaner and well-scrubbed.

46 For preview only

DARLEEN is dressed as a saloon girl with a colorful mid-length dress, fishnet stockings, heels and a feather boa. She must carry a handbag starting in ACT TWO. MABEL, DELLA, BEVERLY and CAROLINE all wear floor length dresses with bonnets. MABEL also has an apron in ACT ONE. MILTON wears jeans, a long sleeve shirt, cowboy boots and a hat. He can also wear a badge once he becomes the deputy. SAM is dressed with cowboy boots, hat, duster and spurs.

A NOTE ON THE MIME SCENES As ALBERT and the OTHER ACTORS mime the described killings, the rest of the CAST must not look at ALBERT. However, ALBERT and the OTHER ACTOR should be very aware of the STORYTELLER. They should mime what is being described. For instance, the knocks are mimed at

the same time as they are spoken. Once the SHERIFF says that ALBERT wasn’t killed that way, ALBERT should sit up or get up suddenly, look in the SHERIFF’S direction and be somewhat puzzled or disgusted. Then they will mime again, but this time make the changes as narrated. The script has suggestions, but use your imagination and have fun with it. The storyteller should give plenty of time for ALBERT and the OTHER ACTOR to mime the scene. LIGHTS could COME UP on ALBERT during these scenes and DOWN on the rest of the CAST. GUNS Though we hear one gunshot from offstage, no guns are necessary onstage to produce this play. Since they are not needed, few audience members will notice their absence from the costumes of the sheriff or Sam. Likewise, the gun in all the flashback scenarios can be mimed. On the other hand, adding guns in holsters to the sheriff’s and Sam’s costume will add an authentic western flavor. Likewise, the flashback scenarios could use an actual prop on Albert’s desk. ACCENTS Even though it is not always spelled out, actors can speak with a Western or country accent (e.g. weddin’ rather than wedding, gonna

rather than going to, ya for you, etc.). This is especially true for HARLEY, VIRGIL and MILTON, who should speak with a country accent to show their upbringing. However, clarity and consistency are paramount. If an actor can’t be clearly understood or doesn’t maintain the accent consistently, you’re better off not using an accent. NOTES ON AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION There are three places in the script that invite audience participation. Though it’s not required to produce this play, your audience will love 47 For preview only

becoming part of the play if you choose to include these parts. In addition, they will give the ACTORS a great opportunity to improvise while staying in character. However, these scenes are optional and are marked so that they can be easily eliminated. The audience polling or balloting can also be excluded, if desired. Alternatively, you can poll the audience or do a ballot without any previous audience participation. If you choose to do a ballot, those audience members who named the correct killer could be placed in a drawing for a prize. Giving out a prize will also validate the promise that Albert makes in Act One. During ACT TWO, the AUDIENCE MEMBERS are treated as wedding guests. Except for the ACTORS who are needed onstage, the OTHER ACTORS could enter with the AUDIENCE after intermission and ad-lib with them about the wedding and the prize they hope to win. (This is a great opportunity for the ACTORS to practice their improvising skills.) There are two scenes in which SARAH and/or the SHERIFF lead the AUDIENCE participation. In the first scene, SARAH will have the AUDIENCE tell her what they have observed up to this point in the play. They may ask questions or comment about SAM, but SARAH will have to say that she doesn’t know a SAM and will have to look into that later (since no one saw him except ALBERT). She may also have to ask the AUDIENCE questions to warm them up. For example: Who came in or out of the saloon before and after the shot? Were they acting suspicious? Etc. ACTORS located in the AUDIENCE can also help by making statements. The SHERIFF should be ready to enter when SARAH ends the scene.

The second participation scene is the suspect line-up. The ACTORS in the line-up should be prepared to improvise. At the director’s discretion, they can give only the information that has already been presented, or the ACTORS could lie and try to point fingers at the other suspects. No new true information should be presented. Again, SARAH may have to warm up the AUDIENCE by asking them who thinks VIRGIL is the killer and why. She could ask questions about each suspect. SHERIFF could ad-lib, “Good point,” “Hadn’t thought about that,” etc. She should also be prepared to deal with questions about SAM again and possibly KAYLA MAY.

NOTE ON EXTRAS EXTRAS may be used as additional TOWNSPEOPLE during ACT ONE, coming and going in and out of town as they please as long as the focus is not drawn away from what is happening in the scene. In ACTS TWO and THREE, these extra townspeople become additional wedding guests.

48 NOTE:For PHOTOCOPYING preview THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL only COPYRIGHT LAWS

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