THE END Issue 28 – 17Th October 2011
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THE END Issue 28 – 17th October 2011 InDecisioNZ 2011; We talk to the parties | MMP and its alternatives explained Ways to occupy yourself over summer | Critic’s New Zealanders of the year Logan wins again | Full OUSA election results & analysis Critic Issue 28 – 1 Critic Issue 28 – 2 Critic – Te Arohi P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 [email protected] www.critic.co.nz Editor: contents Julia Hollingsworth Designer: Andrew Jacombs THE END Issue 28 – 17th October 2011 News Editor: Gregor Whyte News Reporters: Aimee Gulliver, Lozz Holding Editorial 5 Sub Editor: Lisa “Old Woman” Letters to the Editor 6 McGonigle Feature Writers: Notices 7 Charlotte Greenfield, Phoebe Harrop, Siobhan Downes, Snippets 8 Joe Stockman Ad Designer: News 10 Karl Mayhew Feature Illustrator: New Zealander of the Year 16 We assess the stand-out citizens of the year, Tom Garden from Colin Mathura-Jeffree, to Joe the Pimp. Music Editor: Sam Valentine Lovin’ Summer 20 Siobhan Downes gives you a handy guide to Film Editor: whiling away your summer in style. Sarah Baillie Books Editor: Summer Lovin’ 22 Our very last date of the year. Sob. Sarah Maessen Performance Editor: IndecisioNZ 2011 24 No need to vote on the basis of looks; we Bronwyn Wallace present to you a handy guide to aid your Food Editor: election decision-making. Niki Lomax Games Editor: MMP, Are You For Me? 28 Confused as fuck? You’re not alone. Toby Hills Art Editor: Profile: John Stansfield 33 Georgie Fenwicke interviews John Stansfield Hana Aoake from Oxfam. Poetry Editor: Opinion 36 Tash Smillie Comics Editor: Review 43 Music, Film, Art, Games, Theatre, Food Spencer Hall . Child Prodigy: State of the Nation 54 Basti Menkes Style & Poetry 56 And a whole heap of lovely volunteers Comics 57 Advertising: OUSA page 59 Kate Kidson, Tim Couch, Dave Eley, Logan Valentine For Ad sales contact: (03) 479 5361 [email protected] www.planetmedia.co.nz Critic Issue 28 – 3 Critic Issue 28 – 4 Blah blah blah, sad, blah blah blah, k thx bai Shit’s about to get all soppy and nostalgic, so if you can’t stomach that sort of thing, I’d recommend you quickly turn the page. I’ve been Editor now for Our feature writers Siobhan Downes, Phoebe Harrop, Charlotte approximately a year, and what a Greenfield, Josh Hercus and Joe Stockman have worked for a pittance, ridiculous year it’s been. After all but produced brilliant (and at times rather scandalous) work. Our the late nights, over-caffienating review editors and columnists have kept the content pouring in, and and pseudo-legal suits, I’m still our ad designers Kathryn Gilbertson and Karl Mayhew have kept our strangely left with a love for ads looking sleek. I would have been lost without the gmail chats of Critic and all things student ex-editor Ben Thomson, who put up with my ranty comments when shit journalism. There are few other hit the fan. And of course, OUSA President Logan Edgar has kept our work places in which it’s fine to news pages filled to the brim with ridiculous quotes on promiscuous ask a volunteer to try out the women and the like. hallucinogenic effects of nutmeg, But the biggest thank you of all goes to Andrew Jacombs, our incred- or participate in a séance under ibly talented designer. Each week, we spend probably too much time the guise of taking a cover photo, together, the kind of too much time which causes us to act like an old or undertake a fashion shoot with married bickering couple. He has patiently put up with my outrageous no experience or equipment. It’s demands, listened to my impassioned screeching, suffered through been a blast. hours of Justin Bieber, and succumbed to my perfectionist tendencies Critic would be nothing with- even when it’s 3am. Despite it all, I have appreciated all your kindness, out our brilliant volunteers. As we compiled the final credit roll (page all your hard work, all your above-and-beyond stuff. Couldn’t have 34), I was overwhelmed by how many people had been part of Critic, done it without you bro. Thankfully, Andrew is staying on next year, so whether they’d given one hour or one hundred hours of their time. you can expect to see yet another set of beautiful Critics in 2012. Critic is built on its volunteers, and without students generously giving And to you, dearest reader, thank you. We make Critic for you, and their time, we’d have to fill our review section with lolcats, our features it’s the promise of your letters and Facebook comments that keep us section with poorly constructed in-jokes, and our opinion section with going; whether they be about my “voracious ass”, the eagle, or Logan drunken doodles on napkins. Edgar, we’ve enjoyed them all. I would have lost my mind (that is, assuming I still have it), numerous My four years at Critic may have come to an end, but Critic will go times, if it weren’t for our hilarious staff, who’ve kept me laughing on. Joe Stockman will be leading Critic through a VSM environment, through it all (mostly, let’s be fair, at my expense). Gregor Whyte, back and volunteers will become more important than ever. Be sure to keep for his second year as news editor, lead the rambunctious yet incredibly volunteering, writing letters to Critic and most importantly, reading our talented news team of Aimee Gulliver and Lozz Holding, who have been blessed pages. both the reason for my premature greying and the source of much Last but not least, thank you Cam, Niki, Sarah and Ryan for putting up pride. Despite gambling problems, drinking problems, and a minor with me. Sorry for making you guys pretend to have sex/ accompany concussion, they have managed to produce brilliant work, week in, me to Stilletos/write things last minute/ coming home from work at week out. 4am and making you think that I was a robber (tick as appropriate). I Lovely Lisa, our sub-editor, has the thankless task of transforming love you guys. our work into publishable writing. Without her, Critic would be a magazine peppered with spelling mistakes and apostrophe errors. We’d Love always, also be bereft of a hilarious Irish woman. Julia Hollingsworth Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. Critic Issue 28 – 5 Letters LETTER OF THE YEAR cover art has been awesome this year, keep PS. What is with the comics section in Critic The letter of the year wins a $30 book voucher up all the good work! this year? I mean, they do not make sense. I to spend at University Book Shop. Cheers don’t buy this wider thinking bullshit, prefer- Hayley Clark ring to agree with the many other infuriated readers who have stated how appalling the CHEERS MAN comics are (excluding antics). I hope that next Dear Critic, year this page will be replaced with just lolcats Liked your article on political groups. It or perhaps a porno section, where members struck the note of amused cynicism that is so of the Critic team pose naked on the back essential for student journalism. I liked the page. I’d like that. LUV AT LONG LAST write-up about our group too, except for the Dear Blue Singlet Guy, bit about waiting in the wings for a revolution. I’m not surprised you don’t buy into wider Sorry it took me so long to reply, At the risk of being new age about it, revolu- thinking you arrogant pussy. There’s not a lot I’ve never received a poem from such a creepy tion is a process not an event. While Otago not to get and the different comics cater to guy. Uni protests may be small at the moment, different tastes. You know what else you don’t At Unipol I see plenty of boys I could screw, the ISO has collected tens of thousands of buy? Critic. So don’t act so ripped off when But there’re also a few weird ones, people like signatures for raising the minimum wage local cartoonists are experimenting with the you. (which is now Labour, Green, Maori and Mana medium and trying to better their skills. If you You’re skinny and lanky and pretend you’re Party policy), supported strikes for decent pay want webcomics, lolcats and porno catered to real tough, rates, and helped organise protests against your taste, try the internet. In the meantime, But bench pressing the 20kg bar just isn’t sexism (the slut walk), war, and racism. This enjoy Antics and go and be conceited enough. is practical work that makes a difference somewhere else. I’ve waited all year hoping your guns might here and now. We’re not waiting around for a Spencer (Comics editor) grow, revolution or for politicians to do stuff for us. Is the process of muscle growth usually this Be the change, join the ISO. PSYCHOLOGY slow? cheers Dear Critic, Last week I saw Logan Edgar’s campaign video Andrew Tait, ISO I have worked out why the Comic’s page online, has been so crap all year.