The New Hope Sleapangha Newsletter of faithWinter/Spring 2009

Weekend of Spiritual Inquiry and Insight Meditation February 20–22. See page 3. The Mindful Marriage An Interview With Kittisaro and Thanissara

Dear Friends, by Leslee Goodman his Winter-Spring Newsletter ormer Buddhist finds the world, our country Tand many individuals in monk Kittisaro was the midst of profound challenge and born Harry Randolph great opportunity for change and F transformation. Human kind and the Weinberg in Chattanooga, planet we inhabit has experienced Tennessee, the son of a similar periods of challenge and change New York City Jew and a in the past. What is unique for us is Thanissara and Kittisaro that it is happening in our present Southern Baptist. Former lifetime and we get to participate in it. Buddhist nun Thanissara The unconditioned as taught by Gotama Buddha is an unchanging truth. The Buddha was born Linda Mary Peacock in London, England, said, “What the Tathagata (Awakened One) has the daughter of an Irish Catholic father and a laid down should not be discarded.” No matter Protestant mother. Both Kittisaro and Thanissara grew how the world may change, these teachings are unaffected. They don’t change with the world. up in households that bridged religious and cultural The teachings of the Buddha are as relevant today differences. Both discovered as young adults as they were 2500 years ago. The Buddha didn’t and spent more than a decade in monastic life. And create the truth, he only discovered it himself and then set out to declare it so we can find the end of both relinquished their monastic vows to make another suffering. During these difficult times please know cross-cultural commitment: to each other, as husband that you can take in the teachings of the Buddha and the wise ones and that your spiritual and wife. practice and the support of the is always Born in 1952, Kittisaro was a wrestler in junior high and high school, here to serve you. I hope you enjoy the interview winning five Mid-South Wrestling championships and the National Prep with Kittisaro and Thanissara, both of whom were Tournament. He went on to wrestle at Princeton University, where he was ordained in the Buddhist and injured early in his freshman year and had to have four screws put in his presently practice the dharma as lay people. They shoulder. With his wrestling career ended, he initially decided to become a are good examples of how the teachings can be doctor, but after graduating from Princeton with honors in 1974, he won applied in a mindful marriage. a Rhodes scholarship to attend England’s Oxford University and decided to With love, study English. He was writing his master’s thesis on mysticism, science, and art in the works of Aldous Huxley when he developed an interest in Buddhism.

continued on page 4 S p r i n g 2 0 0 9 S c h e d u l e f o r R e t r e a t s a n d W o r k s h o p s

February 8 Advance registration is recom- What to bring: A bag lunch if June 19-26 Hillsboro, NC mended. Registration is possible at you wish. A folded blanket and Ann Arbor, MI Half-Day Retreat the class site, space permitting. cushion if you want to sit on the Residential Retreat Sponsored by The New Hope What to bring: A bag lunch if floor. Chairs are available. With Barbara, Aaron, and John. Sangha you wish. A folded blanket and All levels are welcome. For This half-day retreat will include cushion if you want to sit on the April 19 information contact Pat Shalis at Durham, NC sitting and walking meditation floor. Chairs are available. [email protected] or 734-996-3743. Workshop and be held in silence. There Recommended text: When Things Fall Apart: Upcoming Retreats— will be instruction offered for in Plain English by Henepola Inner Work During Mark Your Calendars those new to the practice and Gunaratana, ISBN#0-86171- Difficult Times October 23-25, 2009 a question and answer session 064-9 Instructor: John Orr Ann Arbor, MI towards the end. Residential Retreat with Barbara, February 20–22 Time: Sunday from 10:00 AM to Time: Sunday from 10:00 AM to Mebane, NC 5:00 PM Aaron, and John. For information 1:00 PM Pat Shalis at [email protected] or Take Refuge in the Silence: Location: Duke East Campus, Arrival: Please plan on arriving 734-996-3743. A Weekend of Insight 107 The Bishop’s House between 9:30 and 9:50 AM Meditation and Spiritual Fee: $85 for Early Enrollment reg- Location: John Orr’s home at Inquiry. istrations made by 4/3, thereafter December 28– 2301 Hermitage Rd. Hillsboro, $95. Course ID #12130. January 4, 2010 Residential/ Non Residential Hot Springs, NC NC 27278. For directions, it’s Registration: Register online Retreat with Barbara Brodsky, New Year’s Retreat with John at best to e-mail John at bodhi@ through Duke University Con- Aaron and John at Stone House, the Southern Dharma Retreat duke.edu or call 919-943-0438. tinuing Studies at www.learnmore. a beautiful center on 70 acres Center, 1661 West Rd., Hot Fee: The retreat will be offered on duke.edu/weekend/courses/ near Chapel Hill. See page 3 for Springs, NC 28743. Call: a Dana (gift) basis. registration.asp or by phone details. 828-622-7112 or www.main. What to bring: Participants 919-684-6259. Have the follow- nc.us/SDRC. should bring a cushion to sit on. ing information ready: Class ID Some chairs will be available. February 28 12130 and MC/Visa information. Raleigh, NC Dana (pronounced “dah-na”) Advance registration is recom- is a word meaning “gift” or February 14 Workshop mended. Registration is possible at Durham, NC “giving.” It is closely related to Mindfulness Meditation: An the class site, space permitting. the virtue of generosity and is Workshop Ancient Practice Finds its What to bring: A bag lunch, if expressed in many forms—the The Gift of Mindfulness Place in American Culture you wish. A folded blanket and and sharing of our time, Join us this Valentine’s Day for Instructor: John Orr cushion if you want to sit on the energy, knowledge/expertise, a special time together that will Time: Saturday from 10:00 AM to floor. Chairs are available. material items and financial include instruction, practice in 5:00 PM Recommended text: When Things resources. Dana is a purely mindfulness and loving kindness Location: Meredith College Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, volitional act of giving in which meditation, and discussion. Common Room Jones Chapel ISBN# 9781590302262 Fee: $70 for Class ID #1044, 0.6 we develop our ability to let Instructor: John Orr CEU. go, convey our compassion and Time: Saturday from 10:00 AM to April 25–May 2 Registration: Mail: Make checks Emerald Isle, NC caring, demonstrate our commit- 5:00 PM payable to Meredith College and ment, and acknowledge our inter- Location: Duke East Campus, Residential Retreat mail registration and payment to: dependence and connectedness. 107 The Bishop’s House This retreat for senior students Meredith College Community Fee: $85 for early enrollment experienced in meditation will be Programs 3800 Hillsborough registrations made by 1/30/09, held at a house overlooking dunes Street Raleigh, NC 27607-5298 NEWSLETTER thereafter $95. Class ID #12129. and a quiet beach. Some sittings Online: Register and pay online at: Registration: Register online will take place on the beach, such The newsletter is usually pub- www.meredith.edu/ through Duke University Con- as at dawn with sunrise, and there lished twice each year and is community-programs. Phone: Call tinuing Studies at www.learnmore. will be opportunity to walk on offered freely. You donations allow Community Programs at duke.edu/weekend/courses/ the beach and to swim. This is a us to continue to publish the 919-760-8450 with Class ID registration.asp or by phone Vipassana retreat led by Barbara, newsletter. If you would like to 1044 to pay with MasterCard, 919-684-6259. Have the follow- Aaron and John, and will be in contribute to the cost of printing VISA or American Express. ing information ready: Class ID silence. For information contact and mailing the newsletter, then 12129 and MC/Visa information. Janice Durand at 919 563-4454 or please make a check out to the [email protected]. Durham Meditation Center and mail to 1214 Broad Street #2, Durham, NC 27705.

P a g e 2 Take Refuge in the Silence

A Weekend of Spiritual Inquiry and Insight Meditation February 20 – 22, 2009

weekend retreat is an opportunity to develop calmness, wisdom, and compassion in a supportive environment. Emphasis is placed upon developing mindfulness in sitting, standing, and walking to help us access our innate understanding, joy, and peace. A weekend retreat such as this can be a wonderful way to learn meditation and to Adeepen one’s practice. Beginners, as well as the more experienced, are welcome to attend. There will be instructions, practice, dharma talks, chanting from various spiritual traditions and silence. THE TEACHERS Barbara Brodsky is a Quaker and trained dharma teacher in the Buddhist tradition. She is the guiding teacher of Deep Spring Center in Ann Arbor Michigan. Barbara has been deaf for 35 years. She is the channel for the discarnate entity, Aaron. Aaron is a being of light who has evolved beyond the need to return to the physical plane. We have a special page on Aaron at our web site, newhopesangha.org. John Orr received Theravada Buddhist ordination and training for eight years while living in Thailand and India. He has been teaching meditation and leading retreats since 1980. John is the guiding NEW HOPE SANGHA teacher of New Hope Sangha and teaches at Duke University. Winter Retreat, February 20 – 22, 2009 THE LOCATION The retreat will be held at Stone House in REGISTRATION FORM Mebane, NC. We are excited to be holding our retreat at Stone House for the first time. This is a beautiful center on 70 acres To register for the retreat, return this form to Durham Meditation of rolling country side. We will be able to accommodate more Center, c/o 212 Glade Street, Chapel Hill, NC 27516. residential attendees in more comfortable facilities. Tent sites Name(s) ______are available and commuting is another option. Check in will begin at 5:00 pm on Friday and supper will be served from 6:00- Address ______7:00 pm. Course opening is at 7:30 pm. We will end by 9:30 ______each evening to allow time for commuters to return home. The Telephone______retreat will end at 4:00 pm on Sunday. A couple of weeks before the retreat you will receive directions to Stone House and other Email Address ______information. Check a box below Early registration/Registration after 1/20 REGISTRATION The fee structure for the retreat can be I will be commuting Tenting $130/$150 found in the registration form to the right. These fees include I will be residing at the center $160/$180 facility use, housing, vegetarian meals, Barbara’s teacher travel, Early registration ...... ______advertising, etc. Barbara and John will offer the retreat on a (must be paid in full and received by January 20) “dana” gift basis. Participants will have the opportunity Deposit enclosed ...... ______to offer dana to the teachers at the retreat. Your generosity Tenting and commuting $100, residential $130 enables the teachers to continue to offer these retreats and is TOTAL ENCLOSED ______the main source of their livelihood. A deposit will hold a place REMAINING DUE AT BEGINNING OF RETREAT ______in the retreat, with the remaining fee due on arrival. The fees are non-refundable unless there is a waiting list. For more This will be the first retreat I have attended information call Cindy Selkirk at (919) 932-3637 or e-mail her How did you hear about our retreat? ______at [email protected]. Make checks payable to Durham Meditation Center Registration due 2/13/08 P a g e 3 The Mindful Marriage Continued from page 1

Before long, he was captivated by the quest for enlightenment and sense of identity depend on my performance. Something inside was traveling to Thailand to the forest monastery of Chah. me was starving. Though I should have been happy, I was Kittisaro became a monk and eventually returned to England to suffering. help establish a monastery there. When I first heard about enlightenment, I was drawn to the Thanissara was born into a working-class British family in which possibility of growing beyond my fears, anxieties, and worries, children were expected to leave school at sixteen and go to work. To and touching something within me that was clear and bright. avoid this fate, she got into art school after graduation and worked I attended a meditation retreat outside of Oxford and saw the to pay her own way. She had dabbled in yoga and Eastern phi- madness of my mind. I also had some success stopping the losophy as a teenager, and while in art school she took up medita- madness. One morning during the retreat I was struck by the tion. Her interest in meditating soon outpaced her interest in art, beauty of some dewdrops on a bush — and not just the beauty and she traveled to centers in India, Burma, of the bush, but of my heart, that I could be so present with and Sri Lanka before she came to Ajahn Chah’s forest monastery an ordinary moment. in Thailand. With Chah’s encouragement, she took her vows at After the retreat, a visiting Buddhist academic, Doug Burns, Chithurst Monastery in West Sussex, England, in 1979 at the age told me about a special monastery and its teacher, Ajahn Chah. of twenty-two. Thanissara was one of only a few Western nuns in When I heard the reverence of his tone, I wanted to go and the tradition at that time. meet this teacher. Within a few weeks I’d arranged a leave of Kittisaro and Thanissara had known each other for years when absence from the university and told my parents I was going they fell in love in 1991. But the rule of celibacy for Buddhist to Thailand to study with some monk I’d never even met. I monks and nuns prevented them from having a relationship. thought I’d go for a year, get enlightened, and come back. Within a short time they’d both decided to leave the order so they [Laughs.] It was a typical American approach: just do it. could be together. They were married the following year, and today But when I got to Thailand, I realized there was more to it they run Dharmagiri, a Buddhist hermitage that they founded in than that. rural KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. The couple also teach at the Burns met me in Bangkok and took me to the monastery. I nearby Buddhist Retreat Centre. wanted Ajahn Chah to recognize my potential and perhaps In response to the HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa, Kittisaro pat me on the head and dispel all my suffering. But, again, it and Thanissara have initiated several outreach and relief pro- wasn’t quite like that. Ajahn Chah asked me if I’d ever medi- grams, including the Woza Moya Project, which trains community tated before, and I proudly said yes; I’d been on a ten-day healthcare providers in AIDS prevention and treatment. During retreat. (I thought that was a lot.) I explained the systematic their overseas teaching engagements, Kittisaro and Thanissara raise method that I had learned, which involved focusing aware- funds to support rural education in KwaZulu-Natal, providing ness on various parts of the body. Instead of being impressed computers, school sponsorships, and water systems. by my academic pursuits or meditation abilities, Ajahn Chah I met Thanissara and Kittisaro when they helped lead a retreat got down on the floor and started sniffing around like a dog. at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. I was People laughed, so I asked for a translation. I was told, “Ajahn impressed by their intelligence, wisdom, and devotion — to the Chah says you’re just like a dog, sniffing around at all kinds dharma and to each other. I wanted to ask them how monastic of things. But if you get to know one thing really well, you’ll life had informed their lives as married householders. Relationships understand everything.” are often thought to be the razor’s edge of Buddhist spiritual prac- Ajahn Chah encouraged me to be with my breathing. He said, tice, because they force us to face our limitations, which so often “If you can be with the breath until you understand the nature fly in the face of our spiritual ideals. At the retreat’s conclusion, I of that, you’ll understand all conditions and phenomena.” So I approached Thanissara and Kittisaro about an interview, and they moved to the monastery for Westerners a few miles away and agreed. started practicing as a postulant. Goodman: Being a monk is a calling few people even consider. Goodman: Thanissara, how did you come to be a Buddhist nun What drew each of you to monastic life? and meet Kittisaro? Kittisaro: I was studying at Oxford University in England Thanissara: In art school I started to hang out with people on a Rhodes scholarship when I first encountered Buddhism. who were meditating. My interest in art faded, and I went on I’d been an overachiever until then: championship wrestler in deep meditation retreats in the Burmese tradition. high school; class valedictorian. I was twenty-four but felt as if I met Ajahn Chah in the UK in 1977, and the next year I I were 104. I was tired of trying to be the best, of having my went to his monastery in Thailand. He encouraged me to

P a g e 4 become a nun, but there weren’t many other Western nuns Thanissara: I do take responsibility for my decision, but the there at the time, and it felt like too big a leap. I was only explosive reaction surprised me. One day I was in the robes, twenty-two and thought I should return to England. and the next I was leaving the monastery with nothing. After I got back, Ajahn Chah founded the Chithurst Buddhist Goodman: Kittisaro, what happened to you when the two of you Monastery in West Sussex, and I went there in 1979 and revealed your relationship? became one of the first four Western women to be ordained as Kittissaro: When I mentioned it to my teacher, he said that a Buddhist nun in the Theravada tradition. I stayed for he was “sick and tired of hearing about these marriages made twelve years. in heaven. Our practice is about letting go of desire.” I said I I knew Kittisaro all the years I was in the Chithurst monastery, wouldn’t pretend that this wasn’t desire, but to me she was a although he was in a different monastery a lot of the time. wise and honest person, committed to the path, and I wanted We were friendly toward each other, but there wasn’t any to be with her. If I saw that my leaving the monastery to be infatuation. with her would hurt me, or her, or the sangha [the community Goodman: What changed the nature of your relationship? of monks and nuns], then I would do everything in my power not to leave. But I needed to see for myself. Thanissara: It’s a bit mysterious. I’d begun to fade in my monastic life, I went to Thailand to see Ajahn Chah and to because a lot of my energy had been meditate on my decision. Ajahn Chah couldn’t devoted to elevating the place of women I felt our speak at the time; he’d been paralyzed for in the order. I had a hard time accept- about ten years. I helped nurse him for three ing the nuns’ deferential position to the relationship was days, sleeping on a concrete landing outside monks. It wasn’t an easy issue, and after his hut. In my heart I felt I had his blessing. twelve years on the front line of the strug- So I disrobed and went to meet Thanissara in gle, I felt depleted. an extension of Ireland. Ajahn Chah died about three weeks after that. I’d also had some philosophical shifts. I’d begun to feel that the monastic focus religious life. I So there we were. We’d never touched each on “letting go” wasn’t enough. I was other, and yet we felt we had this “arranged also interested in being in the world and wasn’t giving marriage.” We entered a new world, with our responding to it with compassion. I had shared love of truth and contemplation as our a conversation about this with Kittisaro, up devotion to foundation. We’ve been together for sixteen who’d just returned from a year-long years now and married for fifteen. silent retreat. For different reasons, spirituality; I was There were those who said leaving the monas- we were both identifying less with the tery for a relationship was spiritual suicide, a monastic form. While we were talking, step back. The controversy made it challeng- something changed between us. giving up a ing for us to be together. But we trusted our Kittisaro: I felt open to what was sudden- selves, allowing people to feel the way they ly happening between us. How does one religious form. felt. As it turned out, the last ten years we’ve explain that sense of connection between been blessed by the support of the monastic two people? When she laughed the world community. was filled with light. Though we didn’t Goodman: What impact did your disrobing touch each other, there was this sense that we were supposed to have on your ability to teach Buddhism? be together. Kittisaro: Being in robes and living the life of a celibate renun- Thanissara: The monastery was a celibate community. As a ciate gives one credibility in the eyes of many. We didn’t know monk or a nun, if you feel an attraction to someone, you are how people would respond to us as lay practitioners. Soon not supposed to say anything about it; you just let it arise and after we disrobed, however, we began to get a steady stream pass. Kittisaro and I acknowledged our attraction to each other, of invitations to teach the dharma. Many lay followers of the however, and didn’t hide anything from our fellow monastics. tradition were pleased to see a man and a woman teaching the We also mentioned it to one of our senior monks. That was dharma from the same platform, as equals. Some people who like opening Pandora’s Box. The senior monk mentioned it to are intimidated by monastics were happy to have teachers who the abbot, who reacted strongly. I was disrobed within a couple seemed more approachable and lived in the world of house- of weeks. holders. But our many years in robes laid the foundation for Goodman: You’ve said that you’ve taken responsibility for it, but our love, practice, and understanding of the path, and I think it seems as if you might have been pushed. that background still draws people to study with us.

P a g e 5 The Mindful Marriage Continued from page 5

Thanissara: Being outside of the monastic community gives kinder, sacrificing something you might want to do for some- us the freedom to offer interfaith workshops and to include thing the other wants to do all require a spiritual devotion. practices from other traditions. Also, because, as a married Kittisaro: Coming together under controversial circumstances, couple, we experience challenges that one doesn’t experience we sensed that our sincere commitment to each other would in the monastery, we have more empathy for the struggles of create a kind of sacred ground for growing wiser. Practice in our lay students. We all need to work on those sharp edges relationship is not divorced from the Buddha’s teaching. He that come up, especially in marriage, and to be more patient, taught the fourfold assembly: ordained men, ordained women, gentle, and compassionate with each other. lay men, and lay women. Goodman: They say that being in a relationship is the razor’s Goodman: Is there a Buddhist approach to sexuality? edge of Buddhist practice— why should it be so hard? Kittisaro: In the monastery we were trying to come to terms Kittisaro: Well, I would say that everyone’s ’razor’s edge’ is with the fact that we each have a body with urges and a mind different. For some it’s learning how to be still or how to be with desires. Our strategy with sexual energy was not to repress alone. I love solitude, so I have other challenges. Being in it, but not to follow it either. We tried to open ourselves to it a relationship is one of them. My life long commitment to and feel it, even though it is a powerful energy that can carry Thanissara has deepened my practice, because she encourages one away. With practice, little by little, that energy is trans- me to engage with her, and with the world. On silent retreat muted into an understanding of our feverish attempts to get you run your own schedule. Being in a daily relationship with somewhere we’re not. There’s a serenity that comes from recog- another person almost guarantees that friction will occur, nizing energy without labeling it as good or bad. which requires you to develop what Buddhists call “skillful During my time in the forest, alone in silence for months at means” of dealing with conflict. a time, I would often feel close to the whole world, as if all Relationships also allow “mirroring”: your partner holds up a beings were inside me. So, to me, intimacy doesn’t require mirror to aspects of yourself to which you would otherwise be physical contact. One can’t assume that because you have had blind. The primary benefit of sangha, or “community,” gives Continued on page 8 this opportunity to address one’s blind spots. Goodman: What are some of the challenges marriage has pre- sented to you as Buddhist practitioners? SPIRITUAL COUNSELING Kittisaro: Both monastic practice and lay practice offer ample & MEDITATION INTERVIEWS grounds for suffering and ample opportunity for happiness. Lay life can be more scattered and prone to distraction. It is piritual Counseling addresses both psychological and a challenge to live at close quarters with a partner for many Sspiritual issues, honoring the wisdom of many paths. It years. I find it hard to know when to let a matter go, to give is helpful for people who are just beginning to explore their your partner space and not to demand that he or she be a cer- psychological and emotional experience. This counseling can tain way at that moment. I had to learn about the suffering of also be relevant for those who have been in psychotherapy wanting to be right or to win an argument. It’s mostly petty grievances: the irritations of living, being tired, and sometimes and now wish a more transpersonal counseling perspective not being sensitive to the needs of your beloved. that helps them know more fully their divinity. Sessions may Thanissara: The shadow side of Buddhist practice is what I also include instruction in mindfulness meditation. Rates for call “premature nonattachment,” which is actually avoidance counseling meetings are on a sliding scale. masquerading as spiritual attainment. In marriage you’re chal- Meditation interviews are also offered and are similar to lenged to confront your shadow side — your anger, impa- tience, and resentment — whereas in the monastery you can interviews given at retreats. The content of the session is hide behind your practice and never reveal these aspects of about your meditation and what you are experiencing in yourself. Marriage demands more honesty. your practice. Meditation interviews are available on a dana Goodman: Did you choose relationship as a spiritual path, or did (gift) basis. John is welcoming new clients at his Durham it become one as time went on? office and also does telephone consultations. As an inter- Thanissara: Absolutely we chose it as a spiritual path. Daily faith minister, he also officiates at weddings and funerals. things like being more patient, speaking more truthfully, being For more information or to make an appointment call 919- 286-4754 or email [email protected]. P a g e 6 New Hope Sangha Twice Monthly Meditations & Dharma Discussion

ur community, the New to entrance on the left. As you enter the Hope Sangha, will be hold- church grounds, bear to the right, and ing meditations and dhar- park in the lot next to the sanctuary. The ma discussion the 1st and chapel adjoins the sanctuary. For detailed O3rd Tuesdays of each month, at the Eno maps visit www.eruuf.org. River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship on Garrett Rd. in Durham. We will meet Raleigh Meditation Group from 7:00–9:00pm in the Chapel, which The Raleigh Meditation Group, adjoins the main Sanctuary. This is an which is an affiliate of the New Hope ideal location, which is accessible from Sangha, meets on the 2nd and 4th anywhere in the Triangle. The first hour Tuesdays of the month from 6:30-8:00 will be sitting and chanting followed by tions. Our meditation practices are pm. Please contact Tom Barrie at 919- a brief fellowship or walking meditation grounded in three Buddhist practices: 605-1476 or email [email protected] period. The second hour we will have a Vipassana (Mindfulness) Meditation, for meeting location and other and/or discussion. Any ques- Metta (Lovingkindness) Meditation information. tions about your meditation practice or and (Non Dual Awareness) spiritual life are welcomed. If you are late Meditation. To facilitate this process arriving and you hear chanting you may we have set up a web site (see: www. enter quietly. If you arrive late and the newhopesangha.org) that will give chapel is quiet we ask you to wait or sit up to date information about the in the sanctuary or other areas. The cha- meditation programs we are offering, pel door will be opened again during the as well as, dharma talks by various walking and fellowship period. We will teachers and other useful information. conclude the evening by 9:00. Our newsletter, “Leap Of Faith” is Please plan on arriving by 6:50 available online and in hard copy for so we can be in our seats by 7:00. This those who request it. Send requests to is an open group and all are welcome [email protected]. to attend. If you are new to medita- tion and need meditation instructions DIRECTIONS TO ERUUF AT 4907 please come to the Chapel by 6:50 pm GARRETT RD. and one of the group leaders will meet Raleigh/Cary (east), Charlotte/ with you separately to give you instruc- Greensboro (west) via I-40: Exit 270 tions and guidance in the practice. If you (15/501). Go north toward Durham. have any other questions concerning the At Garrett Road, turn right continu- group please call Jim Jarvis at his office ing 7/10 mile. Turn left into the 309-2922 or e-mail him at jpjarvis@ entrance. Raleigh/Wake Forest via mindspring.com. There is no fee charged. I-85/70 After Rt.70 merges with I-85, There will be a dana (gift) basket avail- Exit from the left lane onto 15/501 able to help pay the cost of the room toward Chapel Hill. At Garrett rental and a dana basket for the teacher. Road (BP Station), turn left and go The New Hope Sangha is a 7/10 mile to entrance on the left. resource for anyone who wishes to learn Greensboro/Hillsborough via I-85/70 and practice the dharma. This is a non- Exit Rt. 147 and Exit onto 15/501 denominational community that respects toward Chapel Hill. At Garrett Road the wisdom of various spiritual tradi- (BP Station), turn left and go 7/10 mile

P a g e 7 The Mindful Marriage Continued from page 6

sex with a person, the two of you are close, or, conversely, that what it would be like, The reality is that each experience — if a relationship isn’t sexual it lacks intimacy. What makes sexual the monastic experience and the marriage experience — fulfilled contact truly intimate is a quality of presence and mindfulness, a different part of me. Each are vehicles for a deeper inquiry as of honesty and tenderness and love. And what steals away the to what true completion actually is. sacred and makes sex profane or exploitative is when it’s tangled Kittisaro: Falling in love is not a rational process. All I know up in a feverish grasping without regard for consequences. is that something deep in me knew that being with Thanissara Leaving the monastery to be with Thanissara, I felt a great was important. I believed that together we could do wonderful sense of possibility. In a way, fifteen years of monastic training things and continue to grow spiritually. Still, grasping at the had brought me to a point where I was ready to have a healthy “other,” however beloved, will bring suffering. Ultimate fulfill- relationship with a woman. My training made me more patient, ment is found by recognizing the empty and transient nature of more honest, and more able to receive into my heart what all things, whether you are alone or with others. Everything in someone else is telling me. monastic life points one toward that realization. If one makes a commitment to be loyal and honest, then one Goodman: You say that too much emphasis is placed on romance can fully appreciate the infatuation, the electricity, the excite- in our society, yet your own story seems like a great romance: two ment, and the bliss that accompany sexuality. But one can also people giving up a life of religious devotion to be together. Is your see how those experiences flare up like fireworks in the night story not as romantic as it seems? sky and then dissolve back into the underlying blackness. One Thanissara: [Laughs.] Well, the chaos and confusion around can appreciate those energies, but also see how fragile sexual our disrobing doesn’t seem so romantic looking back on it, bliss is, and how fragile pleasure is — not to demonize it, but but it did feel romantic at the time. Romance is mysterious. It not to glorify it either. brings you to life-changing decisions. Entering monastic life was I don’t share the view that the sexual act in itself is liberating. also a romance in a way. But once you’ve made the commit- I think liberating insight comes through the process of being ment, then comes the process of negotiating with one’s shadow, with someone over time. It’s like when Thanissara and I chant dealing with disappointments, and so on. Our early relationship together and listen closely to each other’s breathing so that we was a powerful romance, but the practice of dharma continued, can keep the chant flowing. I’ll breathe when she’s not breath- and the relationship became a vehicle for that. ing, and she’ll breathe when I’m not taking a breath, so that the Also, I didn’t feel as if I were leaving religious life. I felt our chant can flow without interruption. That’s a good metaphor relationship was an extension of religious life. I wasn’t giving for our relationship: we’re attuned to one another, so that our up devotion to spirituality; I was giving up a religious form. In voices blend and merge, and we realize that we are rising and some ways, a romantic relationship is another form, with its ceasing in something that just is. own spiritual dimension. Thanissara: It’s a misunderstanding that celibate life is a Kittisaro: I love the wonder and mystery of our romance. At nonsexual life. To be celibate is actually to turn a microscope on times we are all faced with difficult choices, some of which your sexual energy. You’re just not acting on it with bring criticism and blame. If, out of fear or duty, we follow someone else; you’re looking at all the layers around sexuality, the wishes of our peers or our society or our family, we might the idealizations and projections, and sometimes you’re just deny what is right and true for us and end up living the wrong experiencing the rawness of it without the physical expression. life. Although I am capable of getting entangled in doubts and That’s the monastic template. worries, when I made the two most important decisions in my To go from that into an intimate relationship was at first incred- life — leaving my Rhodes scholarship to go to Thailand; and, ibly beautiful. Over time the experience of our togetherness has fifteen years later, leaving the monkhood to be with Thanissara deepened, and the focus is more on being together as allies who — my path was clear both times. I knew what I needed to do. support each other. The romantic, sexual intimacy has changed I was sorry these decisions caused others disappointment and from more of a buzz or high to something that’s nourishing and pain, but my heart told me, Go through that door. I’ve never connecting. regretted it. Goodman: If your relationship is not where you expect to find Goodman: How did the two of you choose to go to South Africa completion and fulfillment, then why did you give up the and do the work that you’re doing? monastic life for it? Kittisaro: There were already many dharma teachers in the UK Thanissara: I didn’t find completion and fulfillment in monas- and the US, so when we were invited to teach in South Africa, we tic life either. I entered the monastery with a romantic notion of were interested. Some of our friends warned us not to go, saying

P a g e 8 Tongue Energy Viriya Contact Numerical Dhammas Pocket Guide interior 5 Hinderances Fetters Body Rapture Piti Feeling Doubt Mind Tranquility Craving Clinging and grasping Concentration Clinging Aversion 6 Perfections Paramitas Equanimity Upekkha Becoming Agitation and restlessness Giving Dana Birth Sloth and torpor Precepts Shila (8) Aging and death Inclusiveness Kshanti (Divisions: Morality 1 5 Spiritual Faculties Diligence Virya Concentration 2 wisdom 3) (16) Stages of Insight Faith Saddha Meditation Dhyana Right speech 1 Samma-vaca Mind and body Energy Viriya Wisdom Panna Right action 1 Samma-kammanta Cause and effect Mindfulness Right livelihood 1 Samma-ajiva Three characteristics Concentration Samadhi 2 ✁ 7 branch prayer Right effort Samma-vayama Arising and passing away Wisdom Panna (And the four empowerments 1-4) Right mindfulness 2 Samma-sati Dissolution (dark night entrance) Reflect / Recognition1 Right concentration 2 Fear 5 Aggregates Compassionate Regret2 Samma-samadhi Misery Form Rupa Seeking Support Right view 3 Samma-ditthi Disgust Feelings Vedana Gratitude to Teachers Right effort 3 Samma-sankappa Desire for deliverance Perception Sanna Resolution3 / Antidote4 Reobservation Volitional Formations Samskara Gratitude to Teachers (12) Dependent Origination Equanimity Consciousness Vinnana Sharing of Ignorance Conformity Volitional (karma) formations Change of lineage 6 Sense Bases 7 Factors of Enlightenment consciousness Path Eye Mindfulness Sati Mentalality-materiality Fruition

Ear Investigation Dhammavicaya Six sense base Review

Nose

✁ ✁ fold here fold here fold here

it would be a bloodbath after the 1994 elections. We thought Thanissara: I’m sometimes overwhelmed by inner chaos and about it and decided to go ahead anyway, for we knew our despair, and having Kittisaro by my side has been a balm and intentions were peaceful. We arrived a few months after apart- source of strength. At one point, when I was struggling, we went heid had been cast aside and Nelson Mandela had been elected on holiday to take a break from everything. Standing by the president of the new South Africa. It was exciting to live in a Indian Ocean, which is filled with sharks, I wanted to walk into country that was reinventing itself, faced with huge challenges, the dark sea, into oblivion. Kittisaro didn’t say anything; he just and possessed of natural resources and awesome beauty. took my hand. That was all he needed to do. I realized at that Thanissara: We didn’t come to South Africa to do HIV work. moment what a blessing it is to have someone to be with me We came here to teach the Buddha dharma. But now that while I worked through my pain. we’re here, we’re confronted with a society ravaged by colonial- Kittisaro: If our coming together is sacred, it will take us deeper ism, apartheid, disempowerment, lack of resources, and the into the place where we’ve always been, that place where there is AIDS pandemic, which is running like a wildfire through rural no separate me and you. Our life and dreams are real, and they communities. We were approached every day by people with are empty. They’re here, and they’re gone. When we’re clear and heartbreaking needs, and rather than wear ourselves out try- honest, we realize that we’re not going anywhere; that in our ing to respond to those needs on an individual basis (although depths we’re never apart. Thanissara sums it up in her beautiful we still tried to respond to some of them), we felt it would poem”Before Dawn.” be wiser to build some system of support. Kittisaro and I had You arrived into my dreams, power that the people around us didn’t, so we did what we Two children skipping between sun-drenched trees. could to initiate programs. You came into my life like a song, Kittisaro: It was an organic process. When poor people ended A sweet melody from long ago, its tune barely remembered. up on our land in need of work, we gave them jobs to do. We You came into my life like a hurricane, saw that their children needed education, and rural learning Nothing was left by the time you swept through. institutions were in desperate need of basic resources, so we You came into my life like a pain, tried to help. As we continued to have relations with the Zulu Already in your arrival is your departure. people, we encountered their sicknesses and suffering. Again You came into my life like a blessing, we responded not as part of a preconceived plan but as a ges- Reminding me of who I am ture of compassion. I am growing old alongside you. A good Buddhist practitioner is sensitive to the needs of the In the honeyed moment before dawn, land and the community. The same meditative practice that Let us dream together, just a while longer. heals the landscape of one’s own body, heart, and mind can also make us sensitive to those around us. Kittisaro’s & Thanissara’s contact information: www.dharmagiri.org Leslee Goodman’s contact information: www.alchemy.us.com; or Goodman: You both have said that being married has presented [email protected]. you with many challenges. Can you describe ways in which it has been a blessing? P a g e 9 durham meditation center prSrt Std uS poStage 1214 Broad Street, #2 paid Durham, NC 27705 durham, nc (919) 286-4754 permit no. 1187

addreSS SerVice reQueSted Weekend of Spiritual Inquiry and Meditation February 20– 22 See page 3. leap of faith

Winter/Spring 2009

business card-sized guide in your wallet or purse and never be in doubt about the numerical again. dharmas numerical the about doubt in be never and purse or wallet your in guide card-sized business

I’ve had the opportunity to create and share it. Just clip and fold the above sheet as shown on its back panel. Then place this this place Then panel. back its on shown as sheet above the fold and clip Just it. share and create to opportunity the had I’ve

mindfulness? I certainly have. This Buddhist cheat sheet is a project I’ve wanted to do for myself for many years, and now now and years, many for myself for do to wanted I’ve project a is sheet cheat Buddhist This have. certainly I mindfulness?

Have you ever been at a loss to remember all eight parts of the eight-fold path? Ever forgotten the fourth foundation of of foundation fourth the forgotten Ever path? eight-fold the of parts eight all remember to loss a at been ever you Have

Carry the dharma with you with dharma the Carry created by Jim Jarvis Jim by created

✁ fold here fold here fold here ✁

© 2009 New Hope Sangha Hope New 2009 ©

Dukkha nirodha ariya ariya nirodha Dukkha

Arahatta Arahat Arahat

half, then in half again. half in then half,

Cessation of suffering of Cessation

Anagami Non-returner Non-returner

With cover facing down, fold page in in page fold down, facing cover With

Dukkha samudaya sacca samudaya Dukkha

E D I U G

Sakadagami Once-returner Once-returner

Folding Instructions: Folding

Cause of suffering of Cause

Sotapatti Streamenterer Streamenterer

Dukkha ariya sacca ariya Dukkha

P O C K E T T E K C O P

(4) p (4) n l

ath iBBana to eading Comprehension of suffering of Comprehension

t n 4 ruthS oBle

Dhammanupassana Dhamma

Cittanupassana Consciousness Consciousness

Anatta Not-self Not-self

Vedananupassana Feeling Feeling

Dukkha http://www.dharmanet.org/

Kayanupassana Body Body

http://www.buddhanet.net/ Suffering (unsatisfactoriness) Suffering

m

indfulneSS http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ Anicca Impermanence

4 f 4

oundationS of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism

) (a niBBana to doors three the nd

A sampling of web sites about Buddhism: about sites web of sampling A

3 c 3 haracteriSticS

Upekkha Equanimity

✁ Dhammas buddhism/numbers.htm

Mudita Sympathetic joy joy Sympathetic

Panna

Wisdom

http://web.ukonline.co.uk/

Karuna Compassion Compassion

Samadhi Concentration Concentration

dhammas visit: visit: dhammas

Numerical

Metta Metta Loving kindness kindness Loving

Sila Morality (virtue) (virtue) Morality

For a more complete listing of numerical numerical of listing complete more a For

h

eavenly aBodes

3 t 3 rainingS

4 B 4 V rahma iharaS www.newhopesangha.org

[email protected]

Sangha Sangha

ariya sacca ariya

New Hope Sangha’s Hope New

Research Triangle, North Carolina North Triangle, Research

Dhamma

Dukkha nirodha gamini patipada patipada gamini nirodha Dukkha

Buddha Durham, Chapel Hill and the the and Hill Chapel Durham,

suffering (eight-fold path) (eight-fold suffering

J 3 t

eWelS Gem riPle

S H N aNgHa oPe ew Path leading to the cessation of of cessation the to leading Path