Web Magazine Latino-Jewish Relationships and Hispanic Jews

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Print entire issue Web Magazine Latino-Jewish Relationships and Hispanic Jews

Issue 201: January 30, 2007

Read More When the Families Meet

By Monica Sandoval-Sapherstein

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A Jewish boy from the 'burbs and a Chilean girl from the city find love on Halloween.

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE

More Articles on Jewish-Latino Relationships and Hispanic Jews

Interfaith Questions Faced by a Puerto Rican-Jewish Couple By Sheryl Santiago The secrets to making a successful Jewish-Latino marriage work. What We Can Learn from Cuban Jews By Ruth Nemzoff

When you walk into a Jewish community center in Havana, they do not ask, "Are you Jewish?" Grupo Hispano Celebrates a Buen 5767 By Roberto Loiederman

In southern California, a group of Latino converts are revitalizing a dying synagogue. Klezmer with a Side of Salsa By Larry Luxner

Roberto Juan Rodriguez, a Catholic percussionist, combines Jewish melodies with Cuban rhythms.

News

The ABCs of Interfaith: Parents in Mixed Marriages Sending Kids to Bay Area Jewish Day Schools By Dan Pine Sometimes a Jewish education is the perfect fit for an interfaith child.

Arts and Entertainment

Interfaith Celebrities: Why Pink is a Mixed Bag

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By Nate Bloom Also read about Woody Guthrie's Jewish wife, Sarah Silverman's Catholic boyfriend and a soccer star's Mexican-Jewish heritage. Degrassi Actor Says Being Different Made Him Stronger By Harrison Jordan Aubrey Graham, the son of a black father and a Jewish mother, plays a disabled student on the popular TV show.

Books

How Hungry Are You? By Ron Lux

Two similar books on religion satisfy different appetites.

Recipes

Cooking: Malangas and Mangoes with a Cuban Minyan By Tina Wasserman Jewish food meets Caribbean flavor.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

The Lonely Journey of a Puerto Rican Jew By Franklin Velazquez

As a little child on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, I wondered about the Jewish world that existed side by side with our Puerto Rican one in the late '50s and '60s. I was raised Roman Catholic by Puerto Rican immigrants who arrived in the mid-'50s, seeking economic betterment. My parents spoke only Spanish at home. Their English at the time wasn't that good, and we went to a Spanish language mass at St. Mary's Church on Grand Street.

Next to that world of Catholicism and Puerto Rican culture existed a strange world of Jews, ranging from Ashkenazi secular to Orthodox Hasidic Jews. Hebrew letterings were all around the Lower East Side, on shuls and stores. The Puerto Rican and Jewish worlds interacted with a certain distrust towards each other as well as with moments of cooperation. Our school board elections were often contentious and racially charged events. Despite the conflicts, most of my friends, as well as my teachers, at P.S. 110 were Jewish, mostly from liberal backgrounds. I have good memories of playing with my friends at the Grand Street Coop.

Over the years, I felt drawn to Judaism, curious about the resiliency of the Jews and their sense of compassion towards the world. As I read the works of Maimonides, Abraham Joshua Heschel, Martin Buber and Mordechai Kaplan, a new spiritual horizon opened itself to me. I discovered the wonderful world of the One God that connects us to each other and beckons us to transform this world. I learned that I, too, could struggle and wrestle with God to find new meaning in my life. This process and struggle led to my conversion in a Reform temple in 2003 under the spiritual guidance of the very loving and caring Rabbi Jeffrey Sirkman.

This pull toward Judaism also manifested itself unconsciously. For years prior to my conversion I had Jewish dreams involving Hassids dancing around me and one with a rabbi pointing to a volume of the Mishnah. My soul was literally pointing to its need to cross into another spiritual dimension and world. The Star of David was waiting for me.

Of course, my conversion was not without its difficulties. My wife, of Italian Irish background, who was also raised Catholic, married me prior to the conversion. My children, Noah and Sara,

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who are now 10 and 4, respectively, were born prior to my conversion. As I moved toward Judaism, my wife was connecting herself to a humanistic community that had meaning for her: the Ethical Culture Society. These simultaneous scenarios created tension, especially in breaking the news to the Catholic in-laws and in determining in what religion to raise the kids.

Upon my conversion, I felt an aura of Judaism around me that was hard to dispel. It also meant that I wasn't always sensitive to the religion of my wife. Sometimes, I was guilty of spiritual arrogance that isn't healthy and can be alienating. In a sense I wanted everyone to be Jewish despite having entered a marriage in which this wasn't even a consideration. For two years, my son went to Jewish religious school where he learned to read Hebrew. My wife acquiesced, but I know it was hard on her on some level. This year, the car pool arrangement to get my son to his religious school broke down, which means that Noah is back at Ethical Culture Society religious school. This outcome is rather difficult and sad for me since I wanted to share my spiritual journey with my son.

As a Latino, interacting with an Ashkenazi-dominated culture has had both its rewards and strains. I love klezmer music as well as Spanish ballads. I love matzah ball soup as well as rice and beans. I love Latino culture with its sense of pain and happiness, a culture so close to the Jewish one.

One very difficult issue of going to a large synagogue in the suburbs is that I haven't met other Latino Jews. I also haven't gotten to know other synagogue members well enough to be invited to their homes. This is at variance with my cultural and religious upbringing in which people frequently visited each other and created deep personal ties. Since I am relatively new to the congregation and do not have a Jewish family, I miss out on sharing my Judaism with other Jews in my own personal space. An apartment building on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, where My closest friend at the synagogue, who has been incredibly supportive, Franklin Velazquez, a Puerto Rican and Catholic by birth, lived in close has been my former Hebrew teacher Rose Wolf. Rose is an Ashkenazi proximity to Jews. He eventually Jew who was able to leave Germany in time to avoid the concentration converted to Judaism. camps. She has told me how difficult it was for her to sit in a classroom in a corner specially designated for a Jew, all alone. I love these older Jews who still remember the feeling of oppression. In a sense, they know what it is like to be a Latino growing up with discrimination. This historical and emotional connection is important to me.

The interfaith struggle within my marriage continues. Ultimately, our marriage must be founded in deep love, tolerance and acceptance of the other. I cannot impose my religion on others. But, I do want to continue to expose my children to Judaism. I want them to know that living a good life is like stepping into the reality of Torah, taking the good with the bad, but always knowing that the sacred infuses this reality. Whatever happens, I want my children to experience God, whichever way they choose to define God, and that life is about experiencing what Abraham Joshua Heschel called radical amazement.

For a perspective on this article from outreach professional Dawn C. Kepler, read The Journey to Judaism Can Be Lonely.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

The Journey to Judaism Can Be Lonely By Dawn C. Kepler

An outreach professional responds to The Lonely Journey of a Puerto Rican Jew, by Franklin Velazquez.

I am touched and moved by Franklin's comments. The Jewish people are blessed by you, Franklin.

At the same time the reality of Franklin's life is that his family began before he found Judaism. I would advise Franklin to back off, to guard against "spiritual arrogance" and to accept that his wife was not prepared for the choice he has made. Now he is faced with the typical scenario of the interfaith family where the children are in danger of being bounced back and forth between religious communities. This is not helpful or healthy for them. Mom and Dad are pulling in different directions.

I like the idea of Franklin owning his own Judaism, supporting his children in their religious/communal life and focusing on being an exemplary Dad and Jew. By modeling Judaism, he will be teaching them Judaism without taking away from their own communal involvement.

Dawn C. Kepler is director of Building Jewish Bridges: Outreach to Interfaith Couples, located in the East Bay area of San Francisco, Calif.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

Salt Cod on Shabbat By Rachel Rockenmacher

Reconciling our different religious and ethnic heritages in raising our son has been more complicated than my husband and I had anticipated when we married nine and a half years ago. We couldn't have come from more different backgrounds.

I am the daughter of two professional parents, an Ashkenazi Jewish father and a mother who converted to Judaism. Her English Protestant family has been in New England for centuries, and their lineage has been traced to medieval times.

My husband emigrated from the Azores when he was 10. Now an autonomous region of Portugal, this tropical archipelago in the middle of the Atlantic comprised three districts of Portugal at the time. His parents were primarily subsistence farmers; his father occasionally made furniture to barter and his mother cared for the six of 11 children who survived diseases easily preventable here, cooked in an open fire stove and washed laundry in the river. Villages on their island were so isolated that dialects varied from one to the next.

We met when I heard him performing music in Harvard Square in Cambridge, Mass., and our relationship slowly developed after many years of hesitation because of our different backgrounds. At first, it was not difficult to bring each other to Portuguese and Jewish community events, Jewish holiday and family celebrations, and even to learn a little Portuguese. Both of our families actively took an interest in the other's heritages: my parents, sister and brother-in-law went to hear my husband's band play at Portuguese festivals and talked about accompanying us to the Azores one day; his sister gave us a mezuzah when we bought our house and never forgets to send e-cards for Jewish holidays. My uncle Joe fondly recalled his stopover in the Azores during World War II when he served in the Air Force.

I found many aspects of Manny's family's cultural traditions familiar: large family gatherings with too much food and people constantly filling your plate, like my father's side; value placed on making and fixing things yourself, like my mother's side; plus vegetable gardens even more

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beautiful than my great Uncle Francis's. I never met anyone who could hold and comfort a baby, prepare a delicious meal and feed a large group simultaneously, or pinch a child's cheeks cooing "such a beautiful child" (in her own language) like my Grandma Sadie, until I met Tia Florinda.

Before our son Ethan was born, we decided we would share with him the aspects of each of our heritages that were important to us. We would raise him in the Jewish faith, as Judaism was important to me while my husband had rejected Catholicism and respected my religious beliefs. Our home, we decided, would be filled Portuguese music, Jewish holidays and Portuguese, Ashkenazi and old New England family recipes. We'd share Portuguese and Jewish community ties, family on both sides, regional ties to New England and the Azores islands, and regular trips to the Azores and maybe Israel. We'd teach our son to speak Portuguese and English first so that he could talk with family (many of whom don't speak English), then start Hebrew at around 3.

We were overjoyed when Ethan was born, but also overwhelmed by the power of our desire to pass on traditions from our backgrounds. Much of the first week of his life was consumed by a bitter, visceral battle about following through with the plans we had made for a bris. My husband found the concept cruel and gruesome; I found it necessary. Our final decision was so difficult that we agreed not to discuss it publicly.

Naming our son was simpler: we easily agreed to choose names for special family members from both sides of the family who had recently died. He'd call us "Mommy" and "Papa." Friends and relatives gave him traditional Portuguese gold: a baby ring, a bracelet engraved with his name and necklace charms, a traditional Portuguese fist "for good luck," a soccer ball and a chai (Jewish symbol of good luck) which my sister-in-law said was "instead of a cross."

Deciding how to handle the "December dilemma" seemed easy when it was just the two of us, but became more difficult when adoring relatives wanted to share their special traditions with the newest addition to the family. When my mother-in-law was still alive, she depended on us to drive her to my sister-in-law's house on Christmas Eve, where we would join the family for an amazing codfish dinner. We did not celebrate Christmas in our home.

Then, when Ethan was born we explained that we were raising him Jewish and that we would not have a Christening or celebrate Easter or Christmas. My mother-in-law had passed away a couple of years before Ethan's birth, and my sisters-in-law wanted to honor her memory by continuing the tradition she had loved of gathering on Christmas Eve. How could we deny our son this only regular annual gathering of his paternal relatives? How could we dishonor my mother-in-law's memory? So we attend the Christmas Eve gathering every year. My husband's relatives understand that Santa doesn't come to our house, but can't resist at least giving Ethan "a little something" on that day. I was uncomfortable at first, but my husband felt this was what they knew; that we should just accept their expressions of love.

Our son doesn't seem confused; he told me that even though he doesn't celebrate Christmas, it was nice of Tia Fatima and Tia Maria to give him a gift, since that's when they're used to giving them. He proudly talked to his kindergarten class about what our family does on Hanukkah.

Planning for our son's Jewish education and our own Jewish community involvement has been another challenge. Because I am the Jewish parent, I feel it is my responsibility to do most of the research. In looking for a congregation, I look for a community in which I will feel comfortable with the liturgy and my husband will not feel alienated, where he will hopefully have positive

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feelings. I start by taking our son to Shabbat services and meeting with community members. I speak with membership coordinators over the phone openly about my husband's background and discuss how they would treat a non-Jewish spouse and a child of intermarriage. Will they accept a Portuguese immigrant who never went to college? Will he feel comfortable coming to events, or will he identify more with his cousin and aunt who used to clean the Hillel building at a nearby university and were puzzled by some of the customs they observed at this "igreja" (church)?

With membership so expensive, we still bounce between congregations but have narrowed our search. The three of us fell in love with a Jewish school in our area where we hoped to send our son, but were heartbroken when, despite their generous offer of financial aid, we could not afford the tuition. But we have enrolled Ethan in a Sunday gan (kindergarten Hebrew school) class he enjoys, and last Friday night he fell asleep singing the motzi (Jewish blessing over bread).

It helps that both my husband and I are committed to our plan of passing on aspects of both of our heritages to our son, the Jewish religion and both of our cultures, though we each have separate roles in this endeavor. Ethan loves teaching his papa about Hebrew letters, words and blessings, and about Jewish holidays. He also loves correcting my pronunciation of Portuguese words. His bookshelf includes books on Jewish holidays, stories in Portuguese and others in Hebrew. The Portuguese books are only starting to interest him, thanks to the Portuguese TV website's children's games and his growing interest in understanding conversations at family gatherings. For years he was very annoyed when Papa would speak to him in Portuguese, and my husband learned that it was hard to pass on a language mostly alone. I've finally committed to taking a Portuguese class next year, so I will no longer speak like Tarzan. Now our son is learning both Hebrew and Portuguese at the same time and seems to be handling it well.

Sometimes aspects of our son's different heritages come together in unique combinations. We served grilled bacalhau (salt cod) at a Shabbat dinner with our neighbors, and make a vegetarian recipe for sopa de feijao (bean and vegetable soup), with the right amounts of Azorean crushed red peppers and paprika so that even the Portuguese relatives don't miss the linguiça (spicy sausage, usually made of pork). I remember, on a bike ride around the block in September, when we stopped to give flowers to a "vosinha" (neighbor) who baked biscoitos (Portuguese cookies) and their island's style of sweet bread (similar to challah) for Ethan, after wishing the twins across the street a "Shana Tova." We found a place that doesn't charge extra to make three versions of holiday photo cards: one for Hanukkah, and generic greetings in English and Portuguese. On New Year's Day, after practicing writing his Hebrew letters, our son wished a "Feliz Año Novo" to our friends who called from the Azores.

Ethan frequently seeks connections between his different heritages: Aunt Gloria reminds him of Tia Florinda, Uncle John built an electric train set-up and Titi José built a garden shed with the same great skill. He notes that "telephone" is the same in the all three of his languages and that glida sounds like gelado (ice cream). Portuguese relatives (who have trouble saying "th") call him Eitan. On his globe, he loves to find Boston, New Hampshire, the Azores, Israel and China. (Two of my nieces were adopted from China.) He loves building projects with Papa and wants to design and build a sukkah with him from scratch. He shares Jewish holiday traditions with his kindergarten class and wants Papa to perform his favorite Portuguese song for them. My husband and I are pleased when he takes an interest in each of our backgrounds, try to set a positive example, and have learned to make the effort to teach him to be comfortable, hopefully fluent, in these different worlds.

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We dream of taking him one day to the Azores to meet family and dear friends; to see what's left of his father's old house and the lush, hilly landscape with flowers everywhere and ocean all around; to taste the fresh-picked passion fruit and pineapple, to watch the village feast procession in which his uncle and grandfather used to play saxophone, marching across the streets decorated with flowers; and to visit the old synagogue on my husband's island and view the Torah scrolls found hidden in a grotto. But Ethan is more interested in the volcanic crater lakes, the tiny three-wheeled cars, and the pool with water slides. After all, he is just 5-and-a-half!

For outreach professional Dawn Kepler's perspective on this article, read You Can't Plan for Everything.

Rachel Rockenmacher lives with her husband and son in the Boston area, close to family on both sides. She and her sisters frequently discuss reconciling their families' multiple racial, ethnic, religious, class and linguistic heritages. She also works on balancing the demands of family, work and graduate school.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

You Can't Plan for Everything By Dawn C. Kepler

An outreach professional's response to Salt Cod on Shabbat, by Rachel Rockenmacher.

Rachel's article makes abundantly clear the important message that you can't plan too much.

Despite having done lots of talking and negotiating before marriage and a child, Rachel and Manny ran into what respected outreach professional Ester Perel refers to as the "landmines" of interfaith relationships. But Rachel and Manny's focus on open dialogue and putting their child's needs first has resulted in a very balanced approach to sharing two cultures and one religion.

No one can plan for everything. I love their story because it shows a willingness to love and embrace family, to struggle with the challenges that life will always give us, and to enjoy the rich cultures to which they are heirs.

I can only say that little Ethan will still present his parents with new and unexpected challenges, but, luckily, that's the way it's supposed to be. May Manny and Rachel continue to check their course by looking through Ethan's eyes while accepting the responsibility for making the final choices.

Dawn C. Kepler is director of Building Jewish Bridges: Outreach to Interfaith Couples, located in the East Bay area of San Francisco, Calif.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

When the Families Meet By Monica Sandoval-Sapherstein

It may seem strange to some that my husband and I ended up together, but it makes sense to me.

I am Hispanic and my husband is Jewish. He was raised in a traditional Jewish family in the suburbs of New Jersey. His parents, grandparents and extended family were all born and raised in the New Jersey/Philadelphia area, and most have never left there. As a teenager my husband was a youth advisor at his local synagogue. He even traveled to Israel with birthright israel.

I was raised in a Spanish-speaking household in Queens where I lived with my parents, some close relatives and many other recent immigrants from Latin America that my family took in over the years. Both my parents emigrated in the late 1970s to New York City from Chile, a long and thin country in South America that most people have heard of but know very little about. My first language was Spanish and I went to a Spanish-speaking Catholic school. Everyone I knew was Hispanic, mostly of Dominican or Puerto Rican origin. In fact, I had never met a Jewish person until I was in high school, where I met a nice Jewish girl who is still my friend.

By the time my husband and I met, we were both 22 years old and living on our own in Boston, Massachusetts, far away from our families. We met at a local bar during the weekend of Halloween. I was dancing while decked out in a costume I created myself consisting of a vinyl green mini-dress and a pink wig. Somehow, I caught the eye of my future husband. We eventually started talking and exchanged numbers. We started dating immediately and soon, after only four months, we moved in together.

The fact that I am Hispanic was very shocking to my husband when we first met. He had never dated a non-Jew, let alone someone from a different ethnicity. But, all he knew was that he liked me and was willing to try out something new. Our first few months together we discovered that we knew very little about each other's cultures. For example, my husband was confused by the references to Che Guevara on my wall--even asking me if I were some type of revolutionary or anarchist. I explained to him that, no, I am not a revolutionary, Che is just an iconic figure in my culture and having him on the wall reminds me of my people. I would ask my husband why he needed to see his family so much in September, and he would tell me about the Jewish holidays and how he needs to spend them with his family. Despite our initial misunderstandings, our attraction was undeniable and we knew from our first week of dating that we were meant to be together.

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Our families have always been accepting of our relationship, although initially they were nervous about how different our backgrounds were. My husband's friends and family were as confused as he was about his dating outside his faith and ethnicity. They were curious more than anything, constantly asking questions about my background. My husband's grandfather, all of 90-plus years at the time, asked me to write an autobiography, so that he could learn more about my family. So, one night I sat down and meticulously typed up my life story. Apparently he loved the autobiography and put it up at work, telling all his co-worker's that his future granddaughter-in-law wrote it. He seemed to take pride in what I wrote, as a real grandfather would. He reminded me of my own grandfathers, one of whom passed away when I was young, while the other still lives in Chile.

After about a year and a half of dating, we were engaged. We had been unable to coordinate a meeting of our families before our engagement because of everyone's schedules and how far we all lived from each other. Finally, we arranged a meeting at the halfway point between our families. My husband and I were nervous that maybe our families are too different and they wouldn't get along. My parents were nervous and would say, "Our English is not very good, what if they don't understand us?" and "We don't have anything in common, what will we talk about?" We were mistaken, however, and underestimated our own families. At their first meeting, our families ate, drank and chatted like old friends. It was a quick meeting, only a couple of hours, but we left it excited for the wedding to come.

Since neither of our families could afford a larger wedding, and the majority of my family lives in South America and would not be able to attend a wedding in the United States, my husband and I thought it best to do a destination wedding. My in-laws were hesitant at first because they had dreamed of a big Jewish wedding, but after some discussion, we all agreed that a wedding away would be best.

Our wedding took place in St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands, a location where my husband and I visited while we were dating and a place where we truly felt romantic. It was a small gathering of our immediate family and some friends. It proved to be a wonderful choice as our families had a chance to get to know each other better. In fact, the night before our wedding, both of our mothers danced the night away together drinking blue and green drinks with wonderful Caribbean names such as the "St. Thomas Promise." Our fathers talked and our siblings danced and hung out.

During our wedding ceremony we made sure to incorporate both of our cultures. Our mothers read the poem "I Like For You to Be Still" by the famous Chilean poet Pablo Neruda. It was my grandmother's favorite poem, and in turn one of my favorites. My mother read the poem in its original Spanish and my mother-in-law read an English translation. And, of course, my husband broke a glass at the end of the ceremony. Although a minister we had never met prior to the ceremony officiated at our wedding, he made sure to get to know us as much as possible and incorporate all the things he had learned about our relationship into the ceremony.

Since our wedding two years ago we have tried to be active participants in each other's cultures and traditions. My husband has visited Chile and met my family, who welcomed him with open arms. He has picked up some Spanish words and, despite the language barrier, is able to communicate well with them. He drinks tea with me every day, as it is the tradition in Chile to have tea time, and he tolerates my Latin music. I take part in the major Jewish holidays and traditions, attend holiday services at synagogue and, although we do not yet have children, we have decided to raise our future children with Jewish traditions.

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Through our family get-togethers my husband and I realized that our families share similar values of love, respect, family and the ability to just laugh and have a good time. Our home is one that embodies a mix of cultures, traditions and lifestyles. We try to accept all of our differences and we continue to learn and grow from each other, which is what is really important in an interfaith marriage such as this one. I only hope that my husband's menorah and my Christmas tree will shine brightly in our windows every year for as long as possible.

Monica Sandoval-Sapherstein is a legal assistant at a law firm in Washington, D.C., concentrating in healthcare and education law. She has a bachelor's degree in International Relations and Latin American Studies and is pursuing her master's degree in Political Science.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

Interfaith Questions Faced by a Jewish-Puerto Rican Couple By Sheryl Santiago

On our first date, in the midst of that awkward getting-to-know-each-other conversation, George asked me what type of person I was attracted to. I thoughtfully responded: “Goal driven. Smart. Sensitive. Good sense of humor.” When I asked him the same question in return, his answer was quick and concise: “Jewish.” When I pressed him for an explanation, he had no trouble telling me that he enjoyed dating Jewish women because he found them to be smart, funny and usually brunette. I was amused and somewhat flattered.

It was during that same date that I discovered George was Puerto Rican, something a more enlightened woman would have realized considering his last name is Santiago. I didn't react well, saying everything from “but you don't look Puerto Rican” to “I don't date Puerto Ricans.”

We had worked together at an advertising rep firm for a few months before I agreed to a date with him. Though I thought he was cute and funny, I had just been through a painful breakup and had no interest in dating. I had recently moved to Manhattan, happy to have left behind the years spent in Gainesville, Florida, where I had graduated from the University of Florida. I was born in Brooklyn and raised in Queens and Staten Island in a working-class family, and this move to Manhattan was a big and exciting step for me. It was supposed to be just me and my best-friend-and-roommate living the good life, with no men around to complicate things. So it took George months of creative persuasion to finally get me to say yes to dinner.

That date was over 20 years ago and today George and I are happily married with two children, my surname is Santiago and our first date “story” has been told and retold many times. After all these years, George still hears that he doesn't look Puerto Rican, I still get asked how my family felt about us getting married, and yet, it's all worked out rather nicely. There have been, and continue to be challenges, but none that we haven't figured out somehow. Perhaps our biggest challenge stems from George's unique story.

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George's parents moved to New York City from Puerto Rico as newlyweds in the 1950s and he was born soon after. He spent his youth in the south Bronx and by the time he was entering high school, a guidance counselor had recognized his potential, sat down with his parents and explained that an educational program designed for minorities called “A Better Chance” could be George's ticket to just that. They agreed to let him go off to an elite boarding school in Connecticut, which was followed by an Ivy League education at Columbia University, all on a full scholarship. The result was a man who was sophisticated, had lost any discernable ethnic or regional accent, and was very different from his parents and two siblings. Those differences drove a wedge between them that has unfortunately become permanent.

Though initially resistant to accepting my new boyfriend, my parents couldn't help but love George, who, visiting their home for the first time, brought them an array of delicacies that included Dr. Brown's soda, bagels, farmer cheese and smoked fish (clearly, dating all those Jewish women had paid off.) He knew when to throw out the occasional Yiddish phrase, and listened intently to my father's stories about his years driving a taxi in New York. When I visited their home, George's parents were warm and welcoming, and all the ethnic foods and accents I discovered seemed downright exotic.

After three years of roller-coaster dating and breaking up because of my trepidation about the staying power of our Jewish-Catholic/Puerto Rican relationship, we decided to take the leap and get engaged. Then came the inevitable questions.

What kind of wedding ceremony will you have? George said he didn't really have any attachment to his religion, but wouldn't consider converting either. His parents, devout Catholics, never pressured us in any way--unlike my parents, who warned me that if a priest participated in the service they wouldn't attend or pay for the wedding. We were married at a catering hall with a cantor officiating.

Will you change your last name (from an obviously Jewish-sounding one to a clearly Hispanic one)? Yes, I did. In fact, it was a bit of a relief to shed the lengthy “Manashowitz” for the shorter “Santiago.” Over the years I have found it important to inform people that I'm Jewish, but it stems from some inner fear that if they don't know, they might say something anti-Semitic around me. I also find it troubling that because of my last name I regularly get mail and phone solicitations in Spanish. I resent the assumption that I can't or don't speak English.

Before our second anniversary, and facing the birth of our daughter, it was: How will you raise the children? George hadn't been particularly religious and, after lots of debate and discussion, agreed that since their mother is Jewish, his children might as well be raised as Jews. Up to that point in our marriage, we hadn't really delved into the religion issue, but when it came down to it, I admitted that I had a lot of pride in being Jewish and it meant a lot to me to raise Jewish children. More than that, I wanted my children to have a better education and understanding of their faith than I had: Growing up, I attended a Conservative synagogue with my parents and two brothers, but only on the High Holy Days. I never attended Hebrew school, and the ritual Bar Mitzvah celebration was almost exclusively for boys. George's only real hesitation stemmed from his concern over how his parents might feel. We were relieved when they showed support and told us they were much happier with us giving our children some religion, rather than none.

Then came: How will you deal with the December Dilemma? Though we celebrate Hanukkah as our “family holiday,” we also have a Christmas tree. We don't put holiday lights outside of our

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house, but I can't resist the beautiful wreaths, garlands, nutcrackers, angels and other seasonal décor, and I display them around the house. We visit George's parents on Christmas Eve or Christmas day to celebrate with his family each year.

A few years ago as my daughter approached the age of 13, it was: How will you explain the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ritual and its significance to the Catholic side of the family? This was not easy, as George's family had never been inside a synagogue before and seemed very uncomfortable with the prospect of being included in the service. After I sent them information to read and talked them through it, the tension lessened, but did not disappear.

Our family lives a comfortable suburban lifestyle that is not considered (stereo)typically Puerto Rican. Our children love Puerto Rican food and they also love “Jewish” food. They're familiar with Latin rhythms and klezmer, and they take pride in their interesting mix of backgrounds. We are actively involved in a local Reform synagogue, where we met most of our closest friends, who happen to almost all be intermarried. George feels very welcome and comfortable there, and it is our spiritual home.

Other questions have and will continue to come up, but I'm confident that we will face each of them together and do the best we can. The truth is that I feel fortunate that my children are exposed to both of these rich cultures and that my relationship with my Puerto Rican husband has not only endured these challenges, but often been enriched by them.

Sheryl Santiago lives with her husband and two children in Fairfield, Conn., where she works in spa marketing and is involved in local government as a member of the Representative Town Meeting.

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What We Can Learn from Cuban Jews By Ruth Nemzoff

As I have traveled around the world, I've learned that Jewish communities survive by being welcoming.

A particular example of this is the Jews of Cuba. Most Jews left Cuba after the revolution, leaving only a small remnant of the community. In the early '90s, the Soviet Union broke up and left Cuba without a patron. Castro then changed government policy toward religion from atheist to secular and allowed some religious practice. The Cuban Jewish community appealed to the international Jewish Community to help them, specifically requesting things like matzah at Pesach. All over Cuba, persons with some Jewish connection in their past came to get the matzah, in part because food was scarce. This enabled the Jewish community to create a list of persons with at least a minor interest in Judaism. It then obtained permission from Castro to teach vocational courses, and, subsequently, religious courses, and to offer free Friday night dinners to anyone from this list who was interested.

Initially, the Jewish community did not ask, "Are you Jewish?" They did not ask, "Is your mother Jewish?" It was only when the person was interested enough to actually convert to Judaism that they asked these kinds of questions. Now, the community has grown to 400 families, most of whom are intermarried.

The American Jewish community can learn a lot from the Cubans: welcome first, teach, give opportunities for learning and participation, and only then, ask about one's background.

In New Zealand, the Orthodox Jewish day school has a huge percentage of Christians in it. Christians join the school because it is the best school in town, just as Jews send their children to St. Mark's or St. Paul's because of its fine reputation. In America, on the other hand, we too often turn away children whose mother is not Jewish. We have a lot to learn from the New Zealanders: let anyone come and learn. If we put up fewer barriers to entry, would we not create a more educated Jewish population?

In Shanghai, Chabad welcomes everyone to celebrate and to come study. Only later do they ask about one's lineage. The Frenchman with the Jewish father is welcomed, the curious and the uneducated are all welcomed.

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In the small Jewish congregation in Delhi, every visitor is given a blessing of good luck and health, whether they are Jewish or not. No one asks, they just include. And when two sons with Hindi wives came to remember the 25th anniversary of their Jewish mother's death with prayers and a contribution to the synagogue, their children were blessed and included in the ceremony. Maybe we have something to learn from this small but still alive Jewish community: Welcome anyone who chooses to enter.

In parts of America with small Jewish communities, anyone who is willing to work is welcome to join the sisterhood. In Nashua, New Hampshire, in 1970, with less than a classroom full of Jewish children to start a new nursery school, the community began one anyway, and soon had a waiting list because of its excellence. The Christian families who sent their children to the school learned that "Jews didn't have horns." Maybe some of those children will marry Jews and be willing to bring their children up Jewish.

Communities that have been forced to open their doors to survive have both survived and thrived.

Is there a lesson for us? The American Jewish community should open its gates of learning to any interested person. In this case, "Don't ask" may be the best policy, at least initially.

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff is a resident scholar at Brandeis Women's Studies Research Center where she is currently studying the relationships between parents and their adult children. In addition, she is an adjunct asoociate professor of Government at Bentley College.

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For more information, visit our Marriage and Relationships Resource Page.

Grupo Hispano Celebrates a Buen 5767 By Roberto Loiederman

Reprinted from The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles with permission of the author.

Oct. 20, 2006--At Whittier's Beth Shalom Synagogue, on the second night of Rosh Hashanah, there was a moment that embodied the changes the shul is going through.

When the time came for someone to go to the bimah and hold up the Torah scroll, a frail octogenarian, a woman, started to stand up. Rabbi Haim Beliak gently said, "No, no, no," then asked Abel Gomez to come up instead.

At that service, Gomez was alone, though he's often accompanied by his wife and their newborn infant, a baby boy in a stroller. A man of wide shoulders and physical strength, Gomez held up the scroll effortlessly and afterward accepted handshakes from other congregants.

The woman who was asked to remain in her seat is one of Beth Shalom's many elderly members, those who founded the shul 50 years ago, when there was still a Jewish presence in this part of the San Gabriel Valley. Some of Beth Shalom's venerable congregants use walkers. Some are attached to oxygen tanks. Some, in wheelchairs, are guided into the sanctuary by family members.

On the one hand, walkers and wheelchairs; on the other, baby-strollers. Wheeled conveyances at opposite ends of the human drama. The symbolism was hard to miss: The torch is being passed from generation to generation... but with a twist.

Like Abel Gomez, many of the new, younger members are from Mexican or Central American background and were born Christian. Beth Shalom has become the spiritual home of a growing group of Hispanics who have recently converted, or are in the process of doing so. Counting the children, the shul now has about 30 such congregants. Their presence is the fruit of efforts carried out by Rabbi Beliak, with help from Argentine-born rabbis Aaron Katz and Daniel Mehlman, whose fluency in Spanish has helped make the new members feel more at ease. During High

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Holiday services, both the veteran members and the newer ones were together in the main sanctuary, and Rabbi Beliak--a man of evident good will--did what he could to connect the two groups: sharing sermon duties with Rabbi Katz, calling up new members to read portions in Spanish, urging congregants to greet one another.

At times during the High Holidays, the Grupo Hispano (as its members call it) had its own gatherings in a smaller, ad hoc sanctuary within Beth Shalom. At these Spanish-language services-- led by Rabbi Katz--the congregants talked about the meaning of the Holidays, read prayers and biblical passages in Spanish and sang Hebrew liturgical songs.

It was impossible not to feel the Grupo Hispano's faith and devotion. But a couple of questions came to mind: What had they seen in Judaism that sparked their interest and desire to convert? And why Whittier's Beth Shalom? The place seems so... old-fashioned. Most members are elderly, and the services are traditional (no new-age or ecstatic rituals here). Even the shul's ceiling/roof--an upswept wide-angled V--echoes the space-age futuristic style popular in the '50s. To round out the picture, the first thing one sees when coming into the parking lot is a sign promoting bingo night.

The shul might be frozen in time in some ways, but not in attitude, which is progressive and open. Case in point: Rabbi Beliak's approach to, and the enthusiastic response from, the Spanish-speaking community, which has reached back.

"In Mexican society, I always felt like an outsider," said Alicia Barocio, an artist in her 30s who was born into a Catholic family in Guadalajara. "I didn't feel I belonged. That all changed the moment I stepped into Beth Shalom. The synagogue, Judaism, it all feels so familiar to me. When I'm in Beth Shalom, I feel as if I've come home, as if I've returned to a place that's mine."

Alejandro Gomez (no relation to Abel Gomez), who works in the hospitality industry and is in his 30s, is from Aguas Calientes, Mexico and comes to the services with his wife and three children, all of whom attend a Jewish school, Atid Academy, which is located about 15 miles from Beth Shalom and is not affiliated with it.

"Judaism is the foundation for everything," Gomez said. "By being Jewish, I'm connecting to a very, very long tradition."

Like several others in the Grupo Hispano, Antonio Alvarado realized as an adult that even though his family never talked about having Jewish roots, there were certain clues.

"My mother would light candles on Friday night," Alvarado said. "I'd sing prayers with her. Later I recognized these prayers as typically Jewish. I always knew, even at an early age, that Judaism had the answers I was looking for."

Alvarado, a home loan specialist in his 40s, said that in his hometown of Zacatecas, Mexico, there were no synagogues or Jewish institutions, so he attended a Christian theological seminary. Oddly, it was there that his "internal Judaism grew and flourished." Years later, in Los Angeles, he studied Judaism with a Spanish-speaking group.

"That's where I learned about the Shema, mitzvot, kashrut, Shabbat, some Hebrew, the liturgy, songs," he said.

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Eventually, he connected with Beth Shalom.

"Rabbi Beliak knows that if the congregation is to survive, it will have to change," Alvarado said. "He understands that Judaism needs a wide range of colors. Of course, it's that way in Israel, but it needs to be that way here, too."

Alberto Herrera, a 40-something administrator for a national organization that assesses building safety, attended the High Holiday services with his wife, Liz, and their 7-year-old son, Isaac.

"I started coming to Beth Shalom to attend classes with Rabbi Katz," Herrera said. "When I first showed up, he said, 'Welcome to the club.' That felt good. Once I started to learn, I had no doubt in my heart that I wanted to practice Judaism. No doubt at all. I realized that I wanted to be a Jew, so I started the process of conversion. If I'm going to pass something on to Isaac, I want it to be my Judaism."

"What do I get from Beth Shalom?" he continued "Three things. First, intellectual. I feel that when the rabbis talk, it's at a high level of thought. Two, I feel the spiritual part of it, the deep connection to God and to spirit. And three, I feel a sense of community with the people of the congregation, both those who have been there for years and the new members."

I understood. Beth Shalom may be old-fashioned in some ways, but that's part of what makes it attractive to those who are new to Judaism and come from a culture of faith.

At one Spanish-language service in the ad hoc sanctuary, Alvarado played guitar and sang Hebrew melodies, while Herrera accompanied him on piano. Both are talented musicians. After one exquisitely beautiful Hebrew song, I struggled to hold back tears and there was a deep silence in the room: Everyone needed a few seconds to absorb it.

Suddenly there was a loud whisper: "Awesome!" The Spanish-speaking congregants turned. At the doorway was Steve Baptista, who is neither an elderly Ashkenazi nor a Spanish-speaking member of the Grupo Hispano. He's American-born, a tall, robust, recently retired police officer who took Rabbi Beliak's Introduction to Judaism class several years ago, converted to Judaism and has since served as Beth Shalom's president.

"Awesome," Baptista repeated. "Just... awesome."

Everyone felt it: Awesome. An appropriate word for the Days of Awe.

Roberto Loiederman, born in Argentina, has written for the Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Sun and The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles, and is co-author of The Eagle Mutiny, published in 2001 by Naval Institute Press.

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Klezmer with a Side of Salsa By Larry Luxner

ARLINGTON, Va., Jan. 17 (JTA)--Klezmer music, rooted in the Jewish shtetls of 19th-century Eastern Europe, is making an unprecedented comeback. So is Cuban salsa, whose distinctive Afro- Caribbean rhythms are enjoying a wave of global popularity.

It was only a matter of time before some enterprising musician came along and combined the two. That would be Havana-born drummer Roberto Juan Rodriguez, founder of the five-piece jazz band Cuban Klezmer.

"People ask me if I'm Jewish," said Rodriguez, 45, who lives in New York and disseminates his music through the Tzadik record label. "I say, 'No, but I'm getting closer.'"

In a way, Rodriguez is following in the footsteps of Chasidic singer Matisyahu, who has achieved international fame by combining elements of Jewish music and reggae. Yet listening to Cuban Klezmer, it's often hard to tell whether you're hearing Cuban music, Jewish music--or something entirely new and different.

"My father says this is music you've never heard before but you feel you have," Rodriguez explained. "There are the minor keys, the sadness in the melodies, the joyfulness of it."

Photo by Valerie Trucchia The Washington Post gives the composer rave reviews. Richard Harrington, the newspaper's music critic, said Rodriguez's instrumental pieces "have plenty of festive rhythmic energy, but the Afro-Cuban element is somewhat downplayed. With rich, complex arrangements, the music has a stately, chamber music feel more reflective of the European-Cuban danzon and Spanish-Cuban guajira traditions."

Tom Hull of The Village Voice says Rodriguez's "synthesis of Jewish melody and Cuban percussion dreams of roots that never were, yet it is convincing enough that one can imagine generations of conversos gathering in private to keep the ancient secrets of their culture alive."

Rodriguez, who was raised Catholic, left Cuba at age 9, by which time he was already playing violin, piano and trumpet. Escaping communism under Fidel Castro, his family fled to Mexico, later crossing the border into the United States and eventually settling in South Florida.

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His father, trumpeter and bandleader Roberto Luis Rodriguez, had connections in Florida, Rodriguez said. "My father had a lot of Jewish friends in Cuba, so when we got to Miami, we parachuted right into the Jewish community. At the age of 11 I became a drummer, and I started to play at bar mitzvahs and Jewish weddings," he said. "In 1974 I began playing for the Miami Beach Yiddish Theater."

Rodriguez spoke to JTA last week in Arlington before a concert that attracted some 400 fans. "I learned a lot about Jewish culture and history through the immigrants and Holocaust survivors that I met in Miami. It seeped into my DNA," said Rodriguez, who studied at Havana's Caturla Conservatory of Music and at the University of Miami. "It was a lesson that you don't get unless you're Jewish or you study Judaism. But it was through music that I became aware of Jewish culture."

Rodriguez's musician wife, Susie Ibarra, is a Philippine- born, Hebrew-speaking Catholic who was once married to an Israeli. Rodriguez doesn't speak Hebrew, but he peppers his speech with Yiddish expressions. "These lights are so hot, I'm shvitzing already," he quipped to the delight of his apparently mostly Jewish audience in Arlington.

"It's not the Latin community but the Jewish community that's supporting me," he told JTA. Rodriguez's quintet, formed in 2000, includes two Israelis--clarinetist Gilad Harel and violinist Jonathan Keren--as well as New Photo by Valerie Trucchia York's Rob Curto on accordion and Bernie Mimoso on bass.

Rodriguez has worked with Ruben Blades, Paquito D'Rivera, Celia Cruz, Joe Jackson, Paul Simon, Julio Iglesias and the Miami Sound Machine, among others.

But it was the legendary Puerto Rican bandleader Tito Puente who encouraged Rodriguez to write his own music. Thanks to his friendship with composer and alto saxophonist John Zorn, whose Tzadik label specializes in "radical Jewish music," Rodriguez went on to produce three albums.

Rodriguez's first album, released in January 2002, was "El Danzon de Moises," or "The Dance of Moses." Its cover is emblazoned with the distinctive red, white and blue flag of Cuba, but with a Star of David where the regular star should be.

Rodriguez named his second album "Baila! Gitano Baila!"--"Dance, Gypsy, Dance!"--a celebration of the Jewish community of Cuba.

"Cuban music has always been popular, and the Jews especially loved it. When I was a kid in Miami, my grandfather would take me to Wolfie's Deli on Collins Avenue, and we'd see the old Jews dancing the cha-cha and the rumba," he recalled. "It's in the gene pool. All you have to do is put on a record of old Cuban music and you'll get a Jewish couple in their 80s starting to dance."

Rodriguez noted a long tradition of Jewish musicians turning to Latin music.

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"Before Stan Getz was playing bossa nova, he played klezmer in the Catskills," he said. "Gershwin even went to Cuba. In Miami, I remember the Latin thing was Irving Fields and his Bagels and Bongos."

Rodriguez's third CD--"Oy Vey Ole"--is a 2006 collaboration with Fields, now 91.

Rodriguez has played his fusion of klezmer and salsa in San Francisco, Toronto, New York and Washington. He's toured Europe and is supposed to play soon at the Barbicon Theater in London. But the one place Rodriguez has never played is in his adopted city, Miami.

"My music is too political. I'm already mixing Jewish and Cuban," he said. "We tried to put something together last year, but it fell apart."

Rodriguez has been back to Cuba only once since emigrating--in 1999, to visit his grandparents, who still live in the crumbling Havana suburb of Marianao.

"That's one of my dreams, to play in Cuba, but not for any political reason," he said. "I would only play for the Jewish community there.''

Larry Luxner is JTA's correspondent in South Florida. He also regularly travels to and reports from Latin America for JTA. He publishes a monthly newsletter, "CubaNews" and his articles have appeared in the Miami Herald, Wall Street Journal, Washington Diplomat, Christian Science Monitor, Latin Finance and Americas Magazine.

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For more information, visit our Parenting Resource Page.

The ABCs of Interfaith: Parents in Mixed Marriages Sending Kids to Bay Area Jewish Day Schools By Dan Pine

Reprinted with permission of j. the Jewish news weekly of northern California.

Friday October 27, 2006

For some families, the "December dilemma" lasts all year long.

Interfaith couples in the Jewish community face more than the normal compliment of challenges as they rear their children. Many strike a balance between Jewish and non-Jewish traditions as a way to create peace in the home. Others believe the dual-faith approach causes confusion for the kids.

Those are the couples that choose only one religious path for their children. For a number of them in the Bay Area, that often means sending their kids to Jewish day schools and raising them strictly in the Jewish faith, whether or not the non-Jewish parent chooses to convert.

"Children are the main thing," says Dawn Kepler, director of interfaith resources at the Jewish Community Federation of the Greater East Bay. "Reasonable adults can make a lot of compromises, but when it comes to kids, it's the King Solomon thing. In any parenting situation you have to make sacrifices."

Her seven-year-old program, Building Jewish Bridges, is designed to help interfaith couples and their children find a place in the Jewish community, with the objective of bringing those families closer into the fold.

Often that means chucking the Christmas trees and Easter eggs, and making the home a Jewish home. It's a process that can take years to unfold. "The easiest thing," notes Kepler, "is to pick one [faith] and everyone get on board with that."

Veronica Sanchez and her husband, Jeff Bornstein, both attorneys, have been married for 14 years. Their son David is now a seventh-grader at Brandeis Hillel Day School in San Francisco. "I was

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raised in traditional Catholic schools all my life," says the Nicaragua-born Sanchez. "That's what I grew up in. Spirituality is important to me."

But when she and her husband became engaged, Sanchez knew they would have to be on the same page when it came to raising children. "Jeff laid down the gauntlet that he wanted Jewish kids," she recalls. "That was hard for me as a Christian."

Attending an interfaith couples workshop and a visit to Israel in the early 1990s helped her better understand her husband's perspective. "I realized the Jewish tradition has some incredibly beautiful things to teach," says Sanchez. "I said, 'Fine, if you want this kid to be Jewish, then I don't want him to be Jewish "lite."' We were going to do this right."

That meant above all sending their son to a Jewish day school. "We needed an institutional structure," adds Sanchez. "It's easier if it's on a daily basis. The school has a strong focus on community values, which was really important to me. I was looking for a place like an extended family. Coming from a Latino family, I'm comfortable with that."

Oakland resident Sally Ann Berk and her husband, James Wakeman, send their son Max, 7, to Oakland Hebrew Day School. She grew up in a Conservative home in New Jersey; he grew up Episcopalian. When Max was born, Berk wanted to raise him in a Jewish home. Wakeman was happy to oblige.

"When we first discussed it," recalls Wakeman, "I said, 'This strikes me as fine, though my involvement would be limited.' I certainly welcome the community that is there for Max, and I'm very grateful for that and embrace it on his behalf."

The family joined Oakland's Conservative Temple Beth Abraham, and Berk now regularly attends services there with Max. Says Berk, "The synagogue and school have become my Jewish parenting partners. Max is still digesting the fact that Daddy is not Jewish. In kindergarten he learned about B'nai Israel--one Jewish family--and that seemed to trouble him. I said, 'We're part of an even larger family: all of humanity,' and he was visibly relieved."

Lori Abramson is head of school at Yavneh Day School in Los Gatos. She says her institution makes a strong effort to help interfaith families (about 15 percent of the roster) feel welcome.

"It's very nonjudgmental," says Abramson. "Kids are here to learn about their Jewish heritage. I have found it to be the case that the non-Jewish parent has been eager to learn and to be very supportive of the family's path and the child's education. It comes down to finding a value base that resonates for them."

Sometimes the one leading the charge for that value base is the non-Jewish parent, as was the case with Dave and Cathy Capper of Novato. Dave grew up in the North Bay attending Congregation Rodef Sholom. His wife grew up Catholic in Southern California. Before the two married in 1990 they discussed how they might raise their children.

"Growing up, I wasn't passionate about religion," recalls Dave Capper. "The conclusion was that we should bring up the children in some faith. Cathy liked the idea that Judaism was accepting of other paths to God, and thought it would be appropriate."

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Today the couple has three children, the two youngest currently enrolled at Brandeis Hillel's Marin campus. Cathy Capper is very active there, even serving on the board of directors. Though the family still attends Christmas and Easter services in San Diego with the grandparents, up in Marin the Capper home is a Jewish one.

"We feel strong about our Judaism," adds Capper. "Brandeis Hillel has been very supportive of us as a family, nothing but warmth."

Sometimes the families at Jewish day schools don't exactly resemble the traditional Ozzie and Harriet portrait, interfaith or otherwise.

Berkeley resident Jane Kemp is a single mother with a 7-year-old son, Kieran. Because she followed an open adoption process, Kemp has gotten to know Kieran's biological family--Jewish, as it turns out. Though non-Jewish herself (she was raised nondenominational Christian), Kemp has chosen to raise Keiran as a Jew, including sending him to Tehiyah Day School in El Cerrito. He is now a second-grader.

"The moment we walked on [the campus], it was if we had come home," remembers Kemp. "I felt a real connection. I brought Kieran in for the interview, and he had such a good time he didn't want to leave. I made the commitment to send him there."

With her son at Tehiyah, Kemp has absorbed more knowledge about Judaism than she had previously known. "It opened up my sensitivity," she says. "A lot of my values were very much in alignment with the school: being of service, family, tzedakah. So many people shared my values naturally, I could not believe what an incredible community I had lucked into."

Kemp credits the school with solidly establishing her son's Jewish self-identification, something she sees in Keiran's classmates as well. "The children are by nature big thinkers," she observes. "They have big conversations about the existence of God. Even at this young age they feel they are connected to the world's problems but also part of the world's solution. I don't think [Keiran] could have gotten that in public school. It makes sense that he is where he is."

Thomas Deuel and Ellen Mann-Deuel would echo that sentiment when it comes to their two sons, both of whom attend Oakland Hebrew Day School. In their case, Thomas (a Catholic and former altar boy) is as enthusiastic about the kids' Jewish education as Ellen, a Philadelphia native and self-described "runaway Jew."

When it came time to send their son Daniel to school, the couple considered public schools but was not impressed. Yet the East Bay private school culture concerned them as well.

"Daniel was a unique character even at a young age," says Mann-Deuel. "A lot of schools pick based on quiet intelligence and compliance. I had a feeling he wouldn't be accepted. I remember sitting in the car crying that my son wouldn't get in anywhere. I said, 'Please, God, get him into a school. I'll owe you.'"

Still, she worried Jewish day schools might be too religious for her taste. After visiting Oakland Hebrew Day School, the two felt they had found the right school for their son. "I fell in love with it," remembers Mann-Deuel. "It was very small, very loving. I felt I was giving my child a gem of

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an education."

Says her son Daniel Deuel, now 12, "I have fun and we learn a lot. I do want to know about my Jewish background."

As for having a non-Jewish father, Daniel is not concerned. In fact, he says his dad is becoming more Jewish every day. "Even though my dad is Catholic, he's got every single book on Judaism. He's Jewish in his own way."

Daniel's brother, Jake, also attends Oakland Hebrew Day School, and the family belongs to Oakland's Orthodox Beth Jacob Congregation.

"My husband is such a proponent of Judaism," says Mann-Deuel. "Judaism is a religion more open to questioning, and less dogmatic. He likes that."

Because of her son's involvement at Brandeis Hillel, Veronica Sanchez has experienced a similar connection with Judaism. "I started trying to find common ground within the religions," she says. "I realized the Jewish tradition has some incredibly beautiful things to teach. Catholics put $2 in the basket on Sunday Mass. Tzedakah you live every day."

The family belongs to Reform Congregation Emanu-El in San Francisco, and celebrates Shabbat. But Sanchez has not converted. She still attends church, something she says can be "a lonely experience."

Yet she found a way to honor her own Christmas traditions while allowing her family to stay true to their Jewish values, and even bring Brandeis Hillel into the picture. She started a nonprofit foundation that supports an orphanage in Leon, Nicaragua, and the family has spent Christmas there for the past two years.

"We went with another Jewish family," says Sanchez. "On Christmas Day, we were making challah with the kids in the orphanage. The first year we went was special because the Brandeis Hillel kids donated into the fund, donating a refrigerator and bread-maker to the orphanage. So we found bridges to help us practice the values of both religions."

Though even the mere mention of Christmas gives some in the Jewish community the willies, Kepler believes interfaith couples can still rear Jewish children, even with a touch of mistletoe in the home.

"If you send your kids to a Jewish day school," she affirms, "they will be very affirmed in being Jewish. I know a lovely couple that sends their kids to a day school and celebrates both [Jewish and Christian] holidays. But the kids are immersed in Judaism, so I think they will emerge from this saying, 'We get that mom or dad isn't Jewish, but we feel like we are.'"

Capper, who had been relatively uninvolved with Judaism, now attributes his own revived interest to his children's school. "Because the kids have gotten into Brandeis Hillel," he says, "and because my wife and the kids are knowledgeable, they became more passionate [about Judaism], and that caused me to rediscover it."

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For Mann-Deuel, whatever obstacles her family may have faced, rearing a Jewish child in an interfaith home has been nothing less than a source of wonder.

"Your children become your teachers," she says, "their journey becomes your journey. You never know where it will take you."

Dan Pine lives and kvetches in Albany, Calif. He can be reached at [email protected].

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Interfaith Celebrities: Why Pink is a Mixed Bag By Nate Bloom

All About Ashley

Recently, InterfaithFamily.com managing editor Micah Sachs referenced, on the IFF Network Blog, a brief article I wrote for the Jan.17 issue of the Detroit Jewish News about High School Musical co-star Ashley Tisdale. I wrote that piece in connection with the Detroit performance of the currently touring stage version of "High School Musical."

I thought Interfaithfamily.com readers would be interested in more info on this talented young actress. In both the stage and TV versions of High School Musical, Tisdale, 20, plays "nasty girl" Sharpay Evans. Tisdale is also known for playing the "much nicer" Maddie Fitzpatrick in the Disney TV series, "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody." Ashley Tisdale (L) stars in both the TV and stage versions of High School Musical along with Vanessa Anne Hudgens (C) and Zac Efron. Tisdale is the daughter of a Jewish mom and a Tisdale was born in West Deal, New Jersey, and was non-Jewish dad and got her start in musicals at the Monmouth County JCC in New Jersey. REUTERS/Phil signed by her current agent (who saw her performing at McCarten a shopping mall) when she was just 3 years old. Ashley's first stage appearances were in musicals put on at the Monmouth County Jewish Community Center in New Jersey. She sang for President Clinton at the White House when she was 12.

In the late 1990s, Tisdale and her parents re-located to Los Angeles where Ashley appeared as a guest star in many TV series. In 2005, she got her current role on "Suite Life" and her career took off with the success of High School Musical, which produced the best-selling American album of 2006. Her first solo album, "Headstrong," will be released next month and she will appear in High School Musical, 2--a film sequel that will open this summer.

Last summer, Tisdale did a special solo appearance at the Monmouth County JCC's new theater to benefit the JCC Maccabi ArtsFest. This is a teen arts program open to Jewish teens, 13-16, from around the world. The international finals of the 2007 ArtsFest will be held at the Monmouth JCC.

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Ashley's mother, Lisa Morris Tisdale, is Jewish, and her father, Mike Tisdale, is not Jewish. Ashley's great aunt was kind enough to inform me that Ashley "definitely identifies as Jewish" and that the family attends High Holiday services at a Los Angeles area synagogue.

Fun facts: Ashley's maternal grandfather, Arnold Morris, was the inventor of the "Ginsu" knife--- and Arnold (and Ashley) are distantly related to Ron Popeil, the famous Jewish TV salesman and inventor who has sold everything on TV from the "pocket fisherman" (his invention) to fast cooking ovens.

Pink Should Think

The Grammy awards, for excellence in music, are being held on Sunday, Feb. 11, on CBS.

I generally try to be nice about celebrities--but now and again I have to "kvetch." I have a kvetch about Pink, the most prominent interfaith celebrity up for a Grammy award this year.

Pink, who was born Alecia Beth Moore, is a very talented rock singer who has sold more than 20 million albums. Her 2006 CD, "I'm Not Dead," was a smash and produced a number of hit singles. The song, "Stupid Girls," from this CD, has earned Pink a Grammy nomination for best female pop performance.

Pink, who says she was raised in and follows no faith, mentioned in several interviews that her mother is Jewish and that her father is a Catholic. But she has never talked about Pink is the child of an interfaith marriage but almost never speaks about her Jewish identity or doing "anything Jewish" and almost never identified as a Jew-- religious practices. That's why it was so disappointing for her to call hersle Jewish--while until last August, when she mentioned her Jewishness while defending Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Semitic defending Mel Gibson. tirade. REUTERS/Siggi Bucher (Switzerland) After the Gibson spewed anti-Semitic invective at the police officer who arrested him for drunken driving, she said, "I'm a fan of his [Gibson's} work. I think anybody with opinions like that needs well-wishing. And I'm Jewish. Alcohol makes you do crazy things."

I know I'm not alone in saying that I don't particularly like it when someone does nothing of a Jewish nature (i.e., religious, cultural, charitable)--and the only time they call themselves Jewish is when they are taking a position contrary to the interests of most of the Jewish community. So it was rather bad form that the very first time Pink called herself "Jewish" was to rationalize away Gibson's anti-Semitic screed.

That's my kvetch with Pink. Otherwise, I give her the benefit of the doubt and I assume she doesn't know much about Mel Gibson.

She probably doesn't know that Gibson wasn't "that drunk" when he was arrested--his blood alcohol level wasn't much over the limit. She probably also doesn't know that Mel Gibson was spoon-fed anti-Semitism on his daddy's knee. Hating Jews is virtually Mel's father's life work and

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the elder Gibson has attended and spoke at many Holocaust denier conferences similar to the one just held in Iran.

The singer is also probably blissfully unaware that Mel Gibson has never issued a clear repudiation of his father's views on the Holocaust. Yes, Gibson apologized for his drunken tirade--but has anyone heard of Mel actually holding a meeting with "Jewish leaders"--as he promised he would do when he apologized?

Last month, Gibson told a newspaper that six months of bad press was enough: "I've apologized… now get the hell over it."

Perhaps Pink is like most people: unable to comprehend that somebody can be good-looking, talented, have Jewish associates--and still have a heart of darkness.

Woody Guthrie's Jewish Wife

A much more upbeat Grammy story concerns the Klezmatics, a famous New York-based klezmer band. They are up for a Grammy this year for their CD, "Wonder Wheel," featuring lyrics by the famous folk singer Woody Guthrie (1912-67).

Guthrie, a working-class WASP from Oklahoma, moved to New York in the early '40s and met a Jewish woman, Marjorie Mazia. They married in 1945 and had five children, including Arlo Guthrie, who went on to be a famous folk singer in his own right, and Nora Guthrie, who has done great work organizing the papers her father left behind.

Woody really liked the vibrant Yiddish-speaking/Jewish leftist culture he found when he lived in Brooklyn with his wife and his labor activist mother-in-law. During the '40s and early '50s, he wrote a bunch of song lyrics and poems that drew their inspiration from this culture. These lyrics and poems were found by Nora Guthrie--who turned them over to the Klezmatics--and they put Woody's words to Jewish-inspired music.

Silverman's Show

Sarah Silverman, the iconoclastic Jewish comedian, has finally got her own TV show. "The Sarah Silverman Program" starts on Thursday, Feb. 1, at 10:30 p.m. on Comedy Central.

In the words of the show's web site: "Silverman plays a character (called Sarah Silverman) whose absurd daily life is told through an array of scripted scenes and song. In each episode, Sarah manages to fall into unique, sometimes unsettling and always hilarious predicaments, with her sister (played by real-life sister Laura Silverman), her geeky gay neighbors, Brian and Steve Sarah Silverman, who is dating late night TV host Jimmy Kimmel, a Catholic, has a new show debuting on Comedy (Brian Posehn and Steve Agee) and Officer Jay (Jay Central on Thursday, Feb. 1. Johnston) never far from her side."

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Silverman has been dating Jimmy Kimmel, the famous comedian and talk show host since 2003. Kimmel was raised a Catholic, and Silverman has often joked about their religious differences--as in this remark, "I wear this St. Christopher medal sometimes. I'm Jewish; but my boyfriend--it was cute the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin it will protect me."

I expect we will see some other jokes about interfaith relationships on Silverman's program. By the way, there is a connection between Interfaithfamily.com and Sarah Silverman. Her oldest sister, Rabbi Susan Silverman, is married to Yosef Abramowitz, the founder of Jewish Family and Life! Interfaithfamily.com's Web Magazine was initially published by Jewish Family and Life!

Sarah Silverman has a joke, too, about her sister and her brother-in-law: "My sister, Susan Silverman, got married to Yosef Abramowitz. It was a really neat wedding, too, you know, 'cause they took each other's last names and hyphenated it. So now my sister's name is Susan Silverman- Abramowitz. But they're thinking of shortening it to just 'Jews.'"

A Rising Fútbol Star

Congrats to Jonathan Borstein, 22, who was named to the U.S. National Soccer team in December and scored a goal in the team's first match (Jan. 21) of 2007, a 3-1 come-from--behind victory over the Danish National Team. U.S. National Soccer team coach Bob Bradley said of Bornstein, "He's a player who never seems to be fazed by anything."

The U.S. National team's international matches this winter are the start of three-year cycle of matches that will determine the winner of the 2009 World Cup.

Like most of the U.S. National Team players, Bornstein plays pro soccer during the summer in the Major League Soccer league. Bornstein had an outstanding rookie season with the ChivasUSA team in Los Angeles and was named 2006 Major League Soccer rookie-of-the year. (Bob Bradley is also Bornstein's ChivasUSA coach).

Jonathan Bornstein, a native Angeleno, is the son of a Jewish father and a Mexico-born non-Jewish mother. He grew up celebrating the Jewish holidays and he led the United States to a silver medal in the 2005 Maccabiah Games in Israel.

He says about his Maccabiah experience: "It was amazing. It was great. I loved it. It made me realize how fulfilling and enriched Jewish culture really is. So in the past couple years, I've felt more Jewish than ever."

Nate Bloom writes a column on Jewish celebrities, broadly defined, that appears in five Jewish newspapers. If you have any comments or wish to republish parts of this article, please contact Bloom via [email protected].

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Degrassi Actor Says Being Different Made Him Stronger By Harrison Jordan

Reprinted from The Canadian Jewish News with permission of the author.

Dec. 21, 2006

Aubrey Graham, who plays wheelchair-bound student Jimmy Brooks on the popular TV show "Degrassi: The Next Generation," has real-life experience being different than other kids.

Graham was born to a black Catholic father and a white Jewish mother, and went to school at Toronto's Forest Hill Collegiate. Growing up with mostly white peers was tough for him.

"Going to Forest Hill was definitely an interesting way of growing up," he says. "When you're young and unaware that the world is made up of different people, it is tough growing up. But me being different from everyone else just made me a lot stronger."

Graham has played Jimmy on Degrassi since the start of the first season in 2001. Alienation aside, he says he is very different from his TV character.

"People have to realize that every character on every television show is just that," he says. "Obviously in five years I've become extremely connected.

"It's sort of second nature to switch into Jimmy on set, but there are very little similarities between a character and a person, unless you get so immersed into the role, that you become your Photo courtesy CTV character."

Graham's acting career started in high school. "There was a kid in my class whose father was an agent. His dad would say, 'If there's anyone in the class that makes you laugh, have them audition for me.' After the audition he became my agent," he says.

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His decision to become an actor was supported by his family. "My father and my mother are both people who definitely support anything in the arts. My father is a musician and my mother's side is immersed in music and acting."

Before Graham shot to stardom as Jimmy on "Degrassi: The Next Generation," he appeared in "Convicted" with Omar Epps (now Dr. Foreman on House M.D.) "To work with him was amazing, because as a young black man, [I realized] we have many talented people, and Omar Epps is definitely one of them," he says.

Graham was nominated for a Young Artist Award for best supporting actor in a TV series for "Degrassi" in 2004 and was the 2002 winner of a Young Artist Award for best ensemble actor in a TV series for "Degrassi."

He has a role in the upcoming movie Charlie Bartlett with Robert Downey Jr.

Graham has entered into the music scene and will release a rap mix-tape in February under the pseudomym of "Drake." He plans to release a CD soon as well.

Harrison Jordan is senior editor of slashgear.com.

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How Hungry Are You? By Ron Lux

Reviews of Questions Christians Ask the Rabbi, by Rabbi Ron Isaacs (KTAV Publishing House, 2006) and Understanding Your Neighbor's Faith, by Rabbi Philip Lazowski (KTAV Publishing House, 2004).

Each of these books covers much of the same territory, but comparing the two is like comparing apples and kishka (brisket-and-gravy). One is a nosh (snack), the other is a commitment. The two rabbis approach the same general topic--what is Judaism, how does it differ from Christianity and how are they related--but one is breezy, the other somewhat scholarly. Depending on your interests, each can serve you well.

Questions Christians Ask the Rabbi is written in factoids, perfect for the short attention spans of a channel-surfing generation. A question is posed: "Did Jesus have siblings?" "Who was the last Jewish Prophet?" "Can a person have more than one Bar Mitzvah in a lifetime?" Then answered in a few short paragraphs: Probably step or half brothers, maybe sisters; Malachi; and when someone turns 83, it is customary to celebrate a second Bar Mitzvah (party with DJ is optional).

The book is organized in chapters about Judaism, such as Holidays, Life Cycles, Dietary Laws and others. However, except for the first chapter, there is little direct connection to Christians or Christianity. You don't have to be a non-Jew to ask a rabbi about keeping kosher, why is Purim called Purim, or whether any special foods are eaten on Shavuot. In his earlier book, Ask the Rabbi: The Who, What, When, Where, Why, & How of Being Jewish, written three years earlier, Rabbi Isaacs covered much of the same territory.

The first chapter of Questions Christians Ask--simply titled "Jesus"-- is the main departure from Isaacs' earlier book. In those few pages, Rabbi Isaacs discusses questions about Jesus, such as "Why was Jesus circumcised?" and also looks into the relationship between Judaism and Christianity, asking, for example, "Why are some fundamentalist Christians so supportive of Israel?"

I found the format and writing of Rabbi Isaacs' book very accessible; it's "essay-lite." If you're

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looking for a greater depth of understanding of the relationship between Judaism and Christianity, you might be better served by Understanding Your Neighbor's Faith.

This is a more scholarly book, one that might easily be used in an introductory Survey of Religions class. Rabbi Lazowski wrote the first chapter on Judaism, while clergy from 10 different denominations of Christianity (if you include Unitarian as Christian) discussed their own beliefs in separate chapters.

Each chapter provides some historical background for each religion, some of it interesting, some less so. The clergy discuss their beliefs about topics such as heaven, salvation and where does the ultimate authority in your church reside. There are also discussions about how their religion is different from other Christian denominations and the obvious "What is your denomination's view of Judaism?" No surprise, everyone seems to like Jews.

While the book is about understanding others' faiths, I was a bit disappointed that there was no chapter written by a representative of Islam. I would have been interested to read what an American Islamic clergyman might say about Judaism and how Muslims views Jews and their history with Jews. (Scientology was also missing, but I was less disappointed). It would seem that Islam would be at least as relevant to Judaism today as, for example, Unitarian Universalism (their chapter had my favorite line, that Unitarians "believe--at most--in one God").

Since there were 10 different authors, there were 10 different approaches and 10 different writing styles. Some clergy quoted sections of the Bible, from which their denomination was based; some expounded more on the day-to-day workings of their church. Some writing was a bit arcane, some more user-friendly. If I were teaching a seminar on the world's religions, I would certainly consider this as part of my syllabus. But for the casual reader, there might other writings that are a bit more straightforward. Guess it depends on your appetite. You want a nosh or a heavy buffet? Sit down, eat, we'll talk later.

To receive a 20 percent discount on either book, click here for Questions Christians Ask the Rabbi or click here for Understanding Your Neighbor's Faith. After filling out your order, in the screen "Add Comments About Your Order," type in the phrase "IFF."

Ron Lux is a writer who lives in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles with his wife, Betsy and his children, Mara and Ethan. He is a member of the Writers Guild of America, the Animation Writers' Caucus and the Golf Writers Association and has written for television and national periodicals, including articles on Jewish communities in Brazil, Ireland, Wales and the Bahamas.

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Cooking: Malangas and Mangoes with a Cuban Minyan By Tina Wasserman

Reprinted with the permission of Reform Judaism magazine, published by the Union for Reform Judaism.

"Seven men, two Torahs and God." That was the definition of a minyan in Cuba for decades. Today the Torahs and God no longer need to be counted.

Last June, my husband and I co-chaired a humanitarian medical mission to Cuba through the combined efforts of the Jewish Federation of Greater Dallas and the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. Bringing much-needed medical supplies and clothing to the community was the primary objective of the mission. But as RJ's cooking columnist, I had another objective: to learn about culinary traditions on an island long sequestered from the Western world.

After the revolution in 1959, 90 percent of Cuba's Jews fled, leaving the poor, elderly, and party-affiliated behind. The once-vibrant community of 20,000-plus Jews was reduced to a remnant of 1,200. Two generations of Jews grew up with little religious learning or observance.

In 1992, Castro relaxed his restrictions on religious observance, and for the first time in 30-plus years, the Jewish community outwardly embraced its heritage. As part of Shabbat observance, members petitioned Mangoes are one of the few readily available fruits in Cuba. successfully for a weekly ration of chicken. Now, every Friday night some 370 members of the approximately 1,500-member community come together to pray and enjoy Shabbat dinner in Havana, Camaguey, and Santiago de Cuba.

Today's Cuban Jewish food bears little resemblance to the flavorful recipes of pre-revolutionary kitchens. Traditionally, the tastes of Spain, Africa, and the Caribbean were blended with exotic spices brought from the Middle East and China. Sofrito (a combination of onion, green pepper, and tomatoes mixed with other optional ingredients), for example, added color and flavor to many entrées and side dishes. But few of the foods Cubans once enjoyed have been plentiful since the revolution. Nitza Villapol, a popular television personality who taught generations of Cubans how to cook in the '50s, had the difficult task in the '60s of teaching cooking to a population on a ration-

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book allotment with little or no access to meat, milk, or the array of spices typical of classical Cuban cuisine.

It is still difficult to obtain meat rations in Cuba. Fish, too, is scarce because all fishing boats are outlawed (to prevent their being used to ferry people to Florida). Milk rations stop when a child turns 8. For protein Cubans consume rice and beans. Vegetables and fruits are scarce because much of the arable land is used either to cultivate tobacco or sugarcane for rum export or left fallow.

At the Patronato Synagogue, which serves as the community's cultural and religious center, I watched Tanya, one of the kitchen staff, prepare little fritters from a root that looked like a cross between a turnip and a daikon radish. The long, white, pink-tinged malanga-- also known as dasheen, cocoyam, or more commonly taro--can be substituted for potatoes in many recipes. Immediately I had an idea. I'd been told how difficult it was to buy potatoes for latkes, and since in Jewish culinary tradition recipe variations have long been a natural outgrowth of necessity, I said, "Why not use Fried plantains are a common side dish in Cuban cuisine. malanga instead of potato for latkes?" Tanya agreed that the substitution made sense. (No one wanted to curb my enthusiasm by telling me malanga wasn't easy to come by either.)

So what foods do Cuban Jews eat? A small salad of cabbage, tomato, cucumber, and green beans was presented as a first course wherever we ate. Few vegetables and fruits were served--fried plantain, a small wedge of mango, a sweet dessert sauce made from guava, and a few pieces of potato. Chicken was prepared fricassee-style with potatoes or baked with lime, oil, and garlic (sometimes), onion (sometimes), salt (no pepper), and cumin. Occasionally chicken was also cooked with salsa china (soy sauce)--a reminder of the Chinese communist influence in Cuba.

In Santa Clara, our group was delighted by Claudia Barlia, 6, who got up to sing a new song she said she had learned just for us. As the sweet sounds of "Yerushalayim Shel Zahav" filled the room, tears of joy came to our eyes and a look of shocked amazement appeared on Claudia's face as we all joined in. We came from far away, and yet we were one people. She knew she was not alone.

As you enjoy the Cuban Jewish recipes that follow, let them be a reminder: Am Yisrael Chai!

Frituras de Malanga

This is how Tanya taught me to make malanga fritters. Malanga, or taro root, has a very mild flavor and is light and crisp when fried.

2 medium malanga or taro root, about 1 pound (available in Spanish markets) 1 small onion 1 teaspoon white or apple cider vinegar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 egg 1 Tablespoon finely chopped parsley (optional in Cuba)

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Freshly ground black pepper (optional in Cuba) Vegetable oil for frying

1. Peel the malanga. Grate, using the finest grating disk on your processor. Grate the onion in the same way. Replace the grating disk with the steel blade and pulse on about 20 times until the pieces are quite small but not mushy. Transfer to a bowl. Alternatively, grate the malanga and onion on the fine side of a grater and place in a bowl. 2. Add the remaining ingredients except the oil and mix well. 3. Heat about 1 inch of oil in a frying pan until very hot, about 375°F. 4. Using a teaspoon, drop the mixture into the hot oil. Fry until golden on each side. 5. Drain on paper towels. 6. Serve with Mojo sauce, sour cream, apple sauce, or salsa. Yield: approximately 40 small fritters.

Mojo Sauce

The ubiquitous orange trees in Andalusia are not the sweet variety we associate with Valencia; they were probably brought to this region with the Spanish conquistadores. Sour orange juice is now a common ingredient in Cuba, confirming its roots in Spanish and possibly Jewish cooking (the first Spaniard to set foot on Cuba was a Jew--Columbus' scout).

1/4 cup olive oil 6 large cloves garlic, finely minced 1/2 cup sour orange juice or 1/4 cup orange juice and 1/4 cup lime juice 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1. Heat a 1-quart saucepan for 15 seconds. Add the olive oil and heat for 10 seconds. 2. Add the garlic and cook for 20 seconds or until it just starts to get lightly golden. Do not let the garlic brown or the sauce will become bitter. 3. Add the remaining ingredients and bring to a rolling boil. Cook for three minutes. 4. Remove the sauce from the heat. Adjust the seasonings if necessary and chill until ready to serve with the fritters or on top of vegetables, meats, or fish. Yield: approximately 1 cup of sauce.

Tina's Tidbits:

To prevent fried food from absorbing excess oil, add a small amount of vinegar.

If you crumble your paper towels, you'll have more surface area to absorb oil from fried foods.

Grilled Chicken Breasts with Sofrito

The cooks at Adath Israel (a small, vibrant Orthodox synagogue established by Polish Jews in the '20s) told me that they either bake chicken with a simple marinade or make chicken fricassee with a basic sofrito. I combined the two into one recipe.

1-1 1/2 pounds boneless chicken breasts

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1/4 cup lime juice 2 Tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin 1 Tablespoon soy sauce

1. Remove the fillet from the underside of the chicken breasts. 2. Combine the remaining ingredients in a glass bowl or casserole. 3. Add the chicken breasts and fillets and marinate for 2 or more hours in the refrigerator. 4. Grill the chicken on both sides for a total of approximately 7 minutes, until it is cooked but still moist and tender. Alternatively, heat 1 Tablespoon of oil in a frying pan and sauté the chicken--about 3 minutes per side, until it is done in the center and golden on both sides. 5. Set the chicken aside, reserving the marinade. Keep warm until you're ready to serve with the sofrito sauce. Serves 3-4 people.

Sofrito Sauce

3 Tablespoons olive oil 1 large onion, diced into 1/2 -inch dice 3 Roma tomatoes, seeded and chopped 1 green pepper, diced into 1/2 -inch dice 4 large cloves of garlic, minced 1 bay leaf 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin 1/4 teaspoon crushed dried oregano 1/3 cup Cream Sherry 3.5 ounces pimento-stuffed green olives, coarsely sliced 1/2 cup dark raisins Salt to taste

1. Heat a 10-inch frying pan over high heat for 15 seconds. Add the olive oil and heat for another 10 seconds. Add the onion and sauté for 4 minutes or until lightly golden. 2. Add the diced green pepper and the diced tomatoes and continue to cook for another 4 or 5 minutes until the vegetables are soft. Add the remaining ingredients except the olives and raisins and let the mixture cook over low heat for 3 more minutes. Set aside. 3. After the chicken is cooked, reheat the sofrito and add the marinade. 4. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Add the olives and raisins. Simmer for 3 minutes. 5. Return the sautéed chicken to the pan with the sauce to warm and serve. Alternatively, serve the grilled chicken on a platter topped with sauce.

Tina's Tidbits:

The fillet of the chicken breast has a white pearlized tendon running through it. To ensure even cooking of the breast, this tendon needs to be removed.

To seed a tomato, cut it in half crosswise and hold it over the sink, cut side down. Gently squeeze and shake--all the seeds should fall out. Voilà!

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Tina D. Wasserman, a member of Temple Emanu-El in Dallas, Texas, teaches at her own cooking school, writes a kosher cooking newsletter on the Internet, and serves as a culinary scholar-in-residence throughout the United States.

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