U-M Law School Legal Malaise
By CHIP ENGLANDER for its use of racial preferences College of LSA's racial has suspended this recent in admissions. It is likely the preference policy and the latter decision, however. HEN PRESIDENT policy will be judged by the involves the Law School's racial Judge Friedman stated, "the Lyndon B. Johnson Supreme Court. It is an issue preference policy. Grutter v. practical effect of the law school's Wsigned into law the that divides the student body and Bollinger has been the site of the policy is indistinguishable from historic 1964 Civil Rights Act, a straight quota system," and it included a section that helped "No person in the United States shall on the grounds ordered the Law School to stop further our nation towards the "using applicants' race as a factor" goal of justice and freedom for of race, color, or national origin be excluded from in admissions. all, regardless of color. Our participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected The U-M had argued that the nation nobly united behind this to discrimination under anyprogram or activity receiving discrimination against Asian and act, as it passed in Congress Federal financial assistance. '.' white applicants was justified to receiving nominal opposition ensure diversity, but Friedman -1964 Civil Rights Act, Title W from the Dixiecrats. Since then, found this unconvincing. A look we our entire country, virtually at the Law School's recent one ... without exception, has upheld "The University ofMichigan Law School's use ofrace admittance make-up seems to cannot find the Civil Rights Act as one of as a factor in its admissions decisions is unconstitutional account for this. For example, graduation. the greatest pieces of legislation among applicants with grades and and a violation ofTitle W ofthe 1964 Civil Rights Act. " ever passed. LSAT scores similar to Barbara This uncommon agreement -Us. District CourtJudge Bernard A. Friedman Grutter's, 80% of the minorities makes th~ University of were accepted for admission, Michigans'''1'''_ recent lawsuit all the has pitted the U-M against the most recent stir. because U.S. while only 8% of whites and One last one from the more interesting, since it centers Center for Individual Rights District Court Judge Bernard A. Asians were admitted. These Country Gent. and D.C around tpis piece of legislation. (CIR). Friedman recently ruled against statistics coincided with the Law takes on HOI'OWitz, and If all agree on its content, why is Specifically, CIR is the U-M Law School and halted School's own admission that the • gasp,. presmts the c0n there a debate? representing clients in Gratz v. the use of racial preferences at servative ~ to~ port reparations · for the As students at the U -M Bollinger ~d Grutter v. Bollinger. the Law School. The 6th Circuit See LAW SCHOOL on Page 10 descendants of know, the school is under fire The former case involves the Court of Appeals in Cincinnati Unholy War Hash Bash .d Yes, we swear, it'8actual1y By RUBEN DURAN Reverend Jesse Jackson came to By JENNIFER LEE in here. Andifyoudeddeto stealourpaperbecauseyou Ann Arbor to lead a protest ;1" ~~ EVERAL WEEKS AGO, against the ruling .. While the HE 30TH disagr_ with the lawsuit against the usual assortment of BAMN ANNUAL wUl Saffirmative action policy activists and other supporters of T Hash Bash for the UniverSity of Michigan's racial preference were in kicked off at "high Law School was struck down. In attendance, also present were noon" on Saturday a much-publicized and talked several students protesting the with people from the about "Emergency rally,» the rally. Aside from the "End University of Affirmative Michigan, Ann Arbor, Action," "BAMN and all over the does not work for country, filling out the you,» and Diag in support of the "Content of legalization of Character, Not marijuana. This event Color of Skin," a dates back to 1970, lone man stood when John Lennon, with a white poster Alan Ginsberg, Yoko board sign reading: Ono, and other "Support popular activists came Affirmative Action! to Crisler Arena for a I bet I can make a really cool bong Do NOT Support freedom rally. The rally out of this drum, man. Jesse Jackson/The was in support of John O'Reilly Factor Sinclair, a resident of Ann Arbor from the rally decided that on who was sentenced to prison for April 1st of the following year, I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson, but your See The REV on Page 8 ten years for the possession of See BASH on Page 8 husband is a fornicator. two "joints.» Several individuals
...... _--_._-.. _--_. w""~,_,_<""~~ ..--,~~m''''-_''"'''''"'''''"'"' ______, ..'''«''''_~ [p~ge 2 THE IIICBlOAlf RBVIBW - SBRP.NrB April 11 , 2001
• SERPENT'S TOOTH Til F 'II (' III( ; \' I~ L \ IE \\ The good Reverend Jesse Jackson Two 14 - year old girls recently sued made another visit to our school recently, MTV after they were spr~ed with liqUid The Campus Affairs Journal of this time to speak out against the Law feces by a two man group known as the the University of Michigan School's affirmative action deciSion. Man, Shower Rangers for a segment on the "Look, / MItJhI-d for suppHI" . between fighting for disenfranchised MTV show "Dude, This Sucks.» Dude, voters In FL, thugs in IL, and now that DOES suck. D.C. Lee affirmative action here, the Reverend has Editor-in-Chief been working pretl:)! damn hard. But then The two girls apparently weren't angry The University, In its infinite wisdom, again, he does have another mouth to at MTV about being sprayed with feces, Matthew Franczak has decided to allow athletes to CRISP feed .. . but were just under the impression that it Publisher before all other students ... so to those who would be done by the ever so dreamy have to take Kinesiology, In Ught of Red China's recent seizure Carson Daly. James Justin Wilson Communications, and history of the of a U.S. Navy surveillance plane and the Assoc, Publisher. Managing Editor University of Michigan courses, sorry, detainment of the 24 man crew, we at On a personal note, Serpent's believes maybe next year. Ruben Duran Serpent's suggest that we put it all behind that it should be compensated by MTV .i1mpus Affairs Editor us and give 'them some help with their for the audio equivalent of being sprayed . Serpent's is interested as to why population problem ... megatons of help. with feces when It heard a brief glimpse fl Jessica Curtin's new, twice weekly column JamesY. Yeb of "Say What Karaoke. on the bottom of the DaUy's editorial page Execurive Edilor Ted Turner was in negotiations to buy doesn't have a picture. Furthermore, Russia's only independent television station A women died In a scuffle with a Viewpoint Is a pretty bland column name. R. CoUn Painter last week. Good idea Ted, because the security guard recently when she allegedly Senior Edit Russians will love Atlanta Braves baseball shoplifted $200 worth of merchandise We're also wondering why the Drug and James Bond marathons. from a Detroit Rite-Ald. Tragic, indeed, Czar is always a general. If you want to NATL Af"FAIRS ED: BI'IId Sp~he but we just want to know, how much stuff stop trade, doesn't it make more sense to SSlSTANT EDITOR: Gina Fnkrnall The president of the Flat Earth Society she must have had stuffed in her jacket to RES EDITOR: Kurt bcImuIchu appOint a liberal economist to . the David Gulpe died recently. It seems he took his Pacific be $200 worth from a Rite-Aid? SATIRE EDITOR: position? OPYEDITOR: Tyee Of Boer sailing expedition too far. to the west. ONLiNE EDITOR: 8,..nckn Mu.h.1 A Fond Farewell to -Those-Who Have COrl1.e- Before Us MUS IC EDITOR: John Pnu .'t . - ~ ... Painter's Next 25 Years: Senator from U of M with ,. a BA in English 135 Year '1 F..DITORS EMERITI: l.ft Boddlom ,Next 35 Years: President and Political 1kf\Jam.1n Kepple Plan Science. Upon his f.~',\t;'" • ('I' :t;:. The Mrclllpn Ret'.c" IJ tho: IlIIkp:ndo\1. lIudm..... n jI:,.". At Age 135: Have a massive departure from "'" of """",,,IIi,. and lihc-nan3n CtpIDIOI'I II tho: UnhcnllY j . , 01 Miclu,an. We DtJIher 'IOIial nor IICCq:II rnoncwy dona· ;'r~'~ Next 3 Years: /. Ann Arbor, the . coronary after three hour romp with 18- .' • ~'... ,'~" \10M from the U- M Corunbulil:m tD the M~III Rei;"" Law School, year old sex kitten good Senor will i.. \~•. ' ~ arc WI--declucuf\1c under SccIJan SOl (c)()) 0( \he Inlemal Emory or Rcvm~ Code. The Renew Is not .mlLakd With any poIlllCaI R. Colin attempt to -. pili\)' cw unl>emty pohlleal ,roup. University of Epilogue: "He died as he launch a career in Painter IllinOis Ullilpec! rdllllnalJ rcpte>CD1 tho: npinlOll ol tho: tdllanal lived .. . like a man.» advertising and! EI Senor boMI. Er&o. they are ullClQUlwxally QlITa:I and j~ SiJllCd or sitcom IRkIo. 1dIcn. and caItDOn. ~ tho: opinions of tho: Guipe dIorand not _I), Ihoseoftho: Rel'jew. The Sc>prnt', Nex t 5 Years: writing and/or TOOIh Jhall rqwucnt tho: optnlon of Indlvldual 1I/IOO)'mOIIl Criminal Lawyer / Prosecutor ElSefior GUipe's- Plans c:ontnblnnn 10 tho: RCI_. and IOIulId not ncc:essaril)' be fast food service ------ en U n:pracnt.th. of the Review. tdllOnalltllllCC. 1be and/or supply chain management (a opinlDm JlR""L'Dkd in this publlcawI! are not lICCI:SSIIIily Next 15 Years: Congressman Dave "El Senor" GUipe 'is graduating IhDfc 01 tho: 1d\'CI1iJCR or ol tho: UnJ\e1SIIY of Mldlipn. We hobby). .... Icomc leuco.. anic..... and comments abuuI tho: journal
Ot. now \hAl I CM be ocrtoln thai aU )-ou people who rode the • A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR' ilion bu.'D tho: MSA mcctlnp arc n:adJna IIuJ ICCtlon. or are 1_ havlna iI reid 10 )'UU by >DfTIC()nC ...'ho IdUaII IlICAdo:d claucs-lMlcad or ampalplln, (Of l1li .lectIon Ibouc -..1uc:h no one Ii ~ 11110 slul.f-and ..'110 QD M:WaI1y As this Issue officially kicks off my journalism." He then pr~ed to gripe purpose of The Michigan Review is to serve IUd it 10 )'011. I JUS! wamed 10 My IIw th,. iJ • damn tona tenure as Editor in Chief of the Review, I about the "racist" papers and students in as a base for students here at the tcnce. would first like to extend thanks to former attendance, University of Michigan who are generally editors Matt Schwartz, who was here All the While, the Review staff and interested tn the issues and stances that.. PIc:asc IIkIrnI all Idvenul. _ when I first signed on to start writing for some fine conservatives from Georgetown we take. Many of these students read us douuonJ 10 I'IIbllihef c/o tho: the Review, and Jim Yeh , our esteemed laughed amongst ourselves at the poor because they ' are either disenfranchised Chink in the Armor, who recently handed soul from Kent State University, an with the Dally's editorial page, want more over his position. "accredited" school with a "distinguished" in-depth coverage than the other campus As for business, I recently attended journalism program, who apparently papers provide, or need a laugh, a conference hosted by the Institute for believed that those of us in attendance That's what the Review is here to Political Journalism, in which both . from the conservative journals were provide. That's what I am here to provide conservatives, with their campus actually interested in what he called "real as Editor. And that's what you can expect Love us or hate us, journals, and liberals, with their daily journalism. » every other week when you pick up the write us. papers, were present. At the end of the Let's be frank. Let's be honest. We Review. I look forward to serving you, conference, one of the less-than don't attempt to be "objective." We are a the students of the University of Michigan. E·malllettcn@m1chfKll1lm'lew.CDI71 distinguished liberals stood up, and campus affairs journal, not a daily with subject, "LeIfer to the Editor" accosted that morning's keynote speaker newspaper. We look at an iss';le, we take Very Respectfully, Or send maJl to: for participating in and advanCing what a right-leaning stance on the issue, and D.C. Lee The Michigan Review the young gentleman called "advocacy we don't make any qualms about it. The 911 N. UnlversilY Ave. Ann Arbor. M148109 ~ .. ~: - ' -"'. """-"""''''''''''' LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Cadillac is the Biggest Sh*thole in Michigan, Says Reader
I am not sure where to send this e to me, was just like a regular news article. semester we'll be offering a section of mail actuaily, but I figure one of you people What are you guys trying to say here? English 124 cross listed with women's will know what to do with it. Obviously there has to be a "hidden Reader appreciates tax studies: "How to commit sUicide." The Furthermore, let me get on with what I message" for putting such an article into class will focus on suicides in literature. need to discuss. I found some "errors" in your paper. If you guys do not have the cut explanation discussing types of suicides, the resulting your paper. First of all, in the article balls to say it, then don't bother writing aftermath, the views of the major leftist "Queer Vis Week Raises 'O's' Awareness," such an article. Damn, If I want the news religions on suicide, and of course the eight year old "son" is actually Fred I would read the Daily. Also, I enjoy Thank you vel}' much! I am one of minority suicide. We will also practice Phelps grandson. In the same article, the reading your articles even if I do not agree the "Left," and I disagree with Bush's tax writing different kinds of final notes. And bar you mention "Outbar" is spelled "Aut with some of them. However, I often feel cut, but as far as explaining how the tax the Final... well it's a doozy. Well Bar." In the article "Putting Women that you guys will write an article to cut should be distributed, I feel this article gentlemen, I hope you get the picture. (Studies) in Their Place," "English 317: counteract something without giving it does it vel}' well. I admittedly voted for How to be Gay" is not" defunct. " The class much thought. The University is not all Gore, but was very upset with his Ian Malcolm DeSeased will be offered again in the Fall · 2001 that bad, you have to admit. If you guys dishonesty in facts (I.e., pet's and mother's PreSident of SAP semester when Professor David Halperin took a few minutes to think about a certain medication) and explaining numbers (I.e., returns to the University from his home subject instead of writing frivolous, tax distribution). Kudos on an explanation (Hope you found that enjoyable. I felt in Paris. Furthermore, you guys associate unsupported scrawl, I am sure you would well done! inspired. Anyway great last issue. Good that class with Women's Studies. If anyone all be happier people. news coverage •. supported, opinions and of you took the class, as I did, you .would In closing, keep up the good work, Mark Eadie thanks for covering the Monologues. The realize that the class has nothing to do but do some more research before you best yet since you guys started down the with the subjects covered in Women's make a claim. Remember: Always look Review discriminates primrose way to religious conservativism. Studies. English 317 was a literature class before you leap. (I miss the Libertarians!) If you want to - a vel}' tough class at that. So before you against suicide print the above, feel free, but please don't guys go making false assumptions, check Your fellow classmate, attach my real name.} the facts. Also, I must say that the columns Ross R. Wiltshire Rise up and fight!!!!! written by R. Colin Painter are by far the ~ sincerely apologize for our insensitivity Gentlemen I think the insensitivity of biggest sh*t I have read in a while. His Hey Ross, why don't you make up your mind? to suicide. Furthermore, we would also like your paper toward suicide has gone on column in the last issue of The Review You complain ab,out guys like Mr. Painter to apologize for our past stance against long enough. In your article entitled "Gay was bad enough, but this puts the icing speaiWJg his mind and damn him for having murder. ~ realize that murderers are people Day" you said, "Forget that the Christian on the cake. While I read his last column, a bjt ofhometown pride--perhaps ifyou had like everyone else, and we have to respect God is a loving forgiving God, and that I had a sense of the small city he described some of this sense of community. you the rights of murderers as such. Just because everyone, according to the new testament, as a place where everyone knows each wouldn't be so quick to judge a town or its they want to take the lives of others doesn't with the exception of people who commit other, works hard and lives a good life. people. Are you an open-minded person, or make them bad people. suicide, are permitted a chance at However, in this column he states he is another typical liberal hypocrite? forgiveness and salvation." Now this is from Cadillac, MI - "a beautiful resort Furthermore, you complain that we have "an -Eds exactly the kind of stereotyping of suicides town.near Traverse City." I was stunned. underlying political agenda justifying the we must fight. Cadillac is the biggest sh*t hole in 'Republican' ideology, " but then complain ps. Religious conservatism? What happened This is why I've 'formed S. A. P. Michigan, if not America. Who is he that we have an article that has no bias to just plain conservatism? (Suicides Are People too.) We need to fight trying to kid? Beautiful resort town? whatsoever! As for Mr. Painter's thoughts, the stereotyping of suicides as "depressed," Hardly. Cadillac puts the "trash" in "white that's what a column is all about. Columns and "mentally imbalanced." Did you know trash." Traverse City, which he mentions, are not the absolute truth; they're whatever As a far ·right-wing conservative, I often that acting in a suicidal manner could is the real "beautiful resort town." the columnist wants them to be. It's your peruse many conservative journals on-line. prevent you from getting a job? Let alone Furthermore, he states that there are no right to disagree with ideas expressed--even I am angry that your website is never the employment rates of actual suicides! homosexuals in Cadillac. This could be when you clearly misunderstand them. Mr. updated. Your on-line editor should be We at SAP hope to show that suicide can farther from the truth. I used to live in Painter's point was that hometown values IMPEACHED immediately. Thank you. happen to normal evel}'day people. Heck, Traverse City during the summers, and I ought to be emulated, and that flaming some of the greatest men of all time met quite a few homos from Cadillac. homosexuality is clearly not one of those Steve Ricardo committed suicides. We believe that Point being, homosexuals do not have to values; closet homosexuality is another matter U-M Alumnus suicides are contribUting and valuable be "flaming" to be gay. Many of us you entirely, one which you brought up, not him. members of society. It is merely a lifestyle could not tell whatsoever. Furthermore, As for not being asked to come here, his ~'re very sorry, but you're not alone in your choice, and it won't be for long, because in his last column he discusses small town taxes pay for this PUBLIC institution, and frustration, as we've gotten several similar we have a team of crack scientists working values or whatever and then continues to he has the right to try and change it in complaints. Our online department has had around the clock on the STAG project criticize larger cities. Listen, no one asked whatever manner he pleases. You seem to a few problems in the last few months, with (Self Termination Anomaly Gene.) With you to come to U of M . In addition, you want to allow only people ofspecmcally liberal an access problem that wasn't resolved until the human genome mapped, we hope to should be able to "think outside the box." mindsets to come here; wouldn't more late December, which was also when Rabeh fmd suicides early on in life and help them After all, isn't that what education is for - conservatives add to your prized diversity? graduated, and we've had a few problems realize their full, self-destructive potential. to expunge the implemented ignorance? Perhaps YOU ought to think "outside the with running out of online space. t:# assure If U of M is so great about diversity, I am almost done, so hold your box" by more closely considerJng the value you, however, that this problem will be why don't I hear of more suicides in the horses. I have been reading your paper of traditional morals. And yes, we admit resolved quite soon, Meanwhile, can we paper? I think we need to add to our since I first came to U of M (I am we've made a mistake or two in the past in interest you in a subscription? current point system, such as 5 points for libertarian, by the way). EveI}' article I our real articles, but I ask you to point out counseling prior to admiSSion, or read has an underlying political agenda any news outlet that has reached perfection. mentioning Poe or Baudlaire in your justifying the 'RepubUcan' ideology. ~ are only human. essay. However, The Queer Vis Week article, -Eds It's time society realized. that suicide is a viable option. In order to do this next Ipage 4 ----Tiic- IOCBlOAK RBVIItW -~ -- April II, 2001 ] • FROM SUITE ONE - EDITORIALS Hughes not a Martyr, just a Hooligan MIDST THE HULLABALOO of But anti-Code advocates, including the a right guaranteed in a U .S. court. the Code. For example, minor in the LGBT Kiss-In, Galaxor Michigan Daily, BAMN, and the MSA Additionally, hearsay evidence is possession of alcohol (MIP) charges are ANebulon, whose real name is Students' Rights Commission, have a much completely admissible. These gross rectified through a short class and possibly Ryan Hughes, allegedly took it upon larger agenda in mind. violations of students' rights must be other minor reparations. However, in himself to attack the anti-Gay protestors For BAMN, violating the First resolved, but using the Hughes case and county court, not only is a student present, spray painting their signs with Amendment is nothing new, given their his violations of individual rights as a tool required to attend court, but if found guilty blatant disregard for their first communist agenda, but the other groups are inappropriate and only do more harm he also faces a fine and a permanent amendment rights. The protestors, with involved need to realize the hypocritical than good. record. This hold true for the Hughes signs reading "M = Fags" and "God Hates nature of their defense of Hughes. Hughes This indictment is not to say that the case as well. According to Hughes, the
Fags, n had every right to protest regardless demonstrated no respect for individual Code is all-bad. The Code of Student University asked him to mediate with the of how unpopular and hateful their rights, yet they have put him at the Conduct may not be the U.S. alleged victim. message. That right is not only forefront of the fight for student rights. Constitution, but it is all that the Above all, the rule of law on campus guaranteed to them by the U.S. Contradiction? Yes. Michael Simon, the university has. And while it may have its must be preserved while the Code is Constitution, but also by the Code of Students' Rights Commission Chair and procedural problems, that does not mean reformed in order to maintain the Student Conduct. What he allegedly did a member of the UM-ACLU, agrees. He students can flagrantly disregard its legitimacy of those actually working with was wrong, and a reprimand is not only admits that the Hughes case is the wrong existence. that administration to change it, such as justified, but also necessary on a campus one to use in deconstructing the code, but The Hughes issue is case and point. Simon. The University isn't going to listen where the freedom of speech is so highly yet he, along with the Daily, continue to He allegedly violated a state law in to BAMN and outright abolish the Code. valued. harp on the Code's dubious and possibly assaulting the protestors, and he could With persistent effort and rational dialogue, Following the incident, Hughes was unconstitutional adjudication process. have easily been charged with assault. the Students' Rights Coalition has managed removed from the scene by DPS officers This is not to say that the Code does Without the Code he would probably be to make a number of important changes who witnessed the entire event, and an not need an overhaul. Dating back to the awaiting a trial and facing jail time if over the last decade. Hughes must be held infamous "report was filed." While he late-80's students have been demanding a found guilty. But this is the aspect of the to the same standard as anyone else who was not immediately charged, the change in the Code process, citing a code that is often overlooked. shows such disregard for the individual civil university reviewed the case and filed an number of atrocious procedural policies More often than not, the Code is a rights. He is not a martyr. He is nothing assault charge against Hughes under the that grossly usurp students' rights. In 1997 means of leniency. DPS has a dual more than a student witha. can of spray Code of Student Conduct, recently and again this year the administration has jurisdiction on campus. They are able to paint and a total disrespect for the basic renamed the Statement on Student taken mea~ures to reform the Code, file charges under the Code, state criminal principle of freedom pf individual Rights. changing its name and resolving some statutes, or both, altho~gh the latter is expression for which our founders risked Hughes' case appeared to be open minqr problems, but none have fixed the uncommon given its possible violation of so much. We too, should hold this value in shut, most likely resulting in nothing most blatantly draconian policies. For double jeopardy rights. More often than equal esteem. In this particular case, the more than "mediation" and "peer instahce, the Code does not allow for not, students avoid more serious criminal Code serves to protect this right, not-to advising," code words for wrist slapping. representation during the formal hearing, prosecution when charges are filed under put a damper on it . ~ Bomb China Now What Have You Been Smoking? Or at Least Get Our Men Home Hash Bash Fails at Accomplishing Goals WENTY-FOUR AMERICAN Beijing that a four-engined turboprop NCE AGAIN, HASH Bash cheers from attendees would have military personnel are being held could maneuver to strike a single engine came and went, bringing to received an awkward stare at best from T against their will. An American supersonic fighter in midair is ludicrous. O town marijuana legalization your typical Michigan voter. military aircraft sits on a foreign airfield, That is the equivalent of blaming a bicyclist speakers and the beginning of the new Furthermore, the crowd itself does no doubt being gutted for all of its for cutting off a Porsche. Of course, there Personal Responsibility Amendment (PRA) nothing to elevate the image of the cause remaining sensitive equipment. Had this is still no evidence to suggest the American campaign. The Hash Bash tries to be a of marijuana legalization. Consisting been the scenario between the U.S. and plane did anything to incite the accident. dual purpose event, attempting to be both mostly of out-of-town potheads who have some other oppressive and despotic For weeks, American aircrews on similar a political rally and a pot party. nothing better to do with their Saturday regime, the U .S. would have surely missions had complained about the Unfortunately, it struggles to do a good job than try to smoke up on the campus of resorted to the military option already, "unprofessional" way Red Chinese pilots had at either. some college they are otherwise unaffiliated reuniting those 24 servicemen with their been conducting their intercepts. For the On th ~ political front, the Hash with, the demographics of the Hash Bash's families at gunpoint. But since the tin Red Chinese to insist in extracting an apology Bash's major failing is that it does not attendees puts a rather grungy face on the horned dictatorship in this scenario is for their wrongdoing is insulting and present arguments for marijuana movement to legalize marijuana. none other than the People's Republic of undiplomatic, if not just simply laughable. legalization in a manner that would appeal What makes the Hash Bash's lack of China, America cowardly chooses to The PRC does not deserve an apology to average voters. While there were mainstream appeal particularly harmful to negotiate with words rather than with from the United States. They may be angry serious PRA advocates present, the center legitimate efforts to reverse the state's force. The PRe's choice to hold American at America for gathering electronic of the events was the Diag speakers. wrongheaded marijuana poliCies is that servicemen captive is an affront to intelligence, but in iight of Red China's While they may have been able to work it receives by far the largest amount of American sovereignty and must be dealt alleged theft of nuclear secrets and the crowd of out-of-town stoners, theiT media coverage of any pro-legalization with as any other challenge is--with manipulation of American democracy, styles have a somewhat lesser appeal to event in the state and probably even the reasonable and discriminate force. they can hardly complain. Red China's the mainstream. From Marvin Marvin, country. Marijuana advocates need to The available facts are clear: the EP- actions against the United States are the leader of the Earth Community remember that after getting an initiative 3E Aries II was flying in international intolerable and unacceptable. Bush and Church, who claimed marijuana was on the ballot, all their effort goes to waste airspace, not in Red Chinese airspace, diplomacy have secured some progress, "God's holy herb" to John Sinclair, the' if they can't net the necessary majority to performing routine electronic but the time to take a more authoritative original offender whose excessive sentence make it law. Remember, to your typical surveillance. Twenty-four servicemen stance is approaching quickly. If China for marijuana possession provoked the voter, popular right-leaning pundit Bill from a non-belligerent country are being continues to balk at U.S. diplomatic original protest, and who ended his speech O 'Reilly's support of replacing the criminal
held as prisoners. An American aircraft requests, the U .S. should not rule out using with a crude poem dedicated to smoking penalties for marijuana with large fines is i! :':': was boarded and searched, despite force to retrieve our machinery and weed, to High TImes's cooking columnist, worth more than anything NORML \~:.; Ameridiri-objectlons: Any notion-from' men.rvR many of the speakers who received the founder Keith Strout could say.~
------,------~-----~~ For Better or for Worse ... These were the Musings of a Country Gent T'S A WARM APRIL night, not companies, and sell out tn every way yet scout leader-"Good knots scouts!... the open-minded ones, because we saw unlike any other. Picture a silent discovered ... and some that hadn't. The Now, does anyone want :0 know what it's the truth and repeated' someone elses' I street in Ann Arbor, not a soul great truth of his life was this: that money like to kiss another boy? He shuddered words to defend it! No compromises, stirring, except a solitary figure trudging couldn't buy happiness, but instead at the thought. abortions whenever!" doggedly towards the Michigan League. indicated how happy one was. The Jesse Jackson had come to campus a He sighed-his column probably He mutters under his breath occasionally, enjoyment was in the pursuit, and the few days before. He went to the rally Just didn't make any good points. He was just words like tearing down of others along the way. In to get a glimpse of the man ... Jackson happy to be so near his graduation, when " pi ' n k 0 another life he had known Genghis Khan; had recently cheated on his wife, but he could get away from this close minded bastards!," and they drank heavily after slaughtering liberals were hypocrites, so the press barely campus. He was tired of narrow-minded "damn Red innocents, and one especially cold night, said anything about it. The campus was demagogues ruining his friends by tearing China all to after their drinking and whoring, Genghis divided over the use of race as a factor down the wholesome values their parents Hell!" echoing said, "You know dude, it's not enough for admissions-he didn't dare speak out and communities had fought so hard to off ivy-covered simply to succeed ... all my enemies must about it on campus, because even though instill in them-all in the name of open walls. Tall and fail." You see, life's simple pleasures are his liberal friends extolled him to be more mindedness and diversity! Change for well dressed, its best. open-minded , they simply wrote off his change's sake is not a good thing, and while with a slightly R. Colin The League was a long walk from his strange ideas as ludicrous without listening the reason some seemingly outdated rogUish Painter frat house, and he was starting to get tired to them. "Of course the races are equal," customs and ideas still ex isted may not demeanor and from his brisk pace. "Ail that drinking .. . they said, "which is why minorities be readily transparent, that is no reason a confident air, got to cut back on all the red meat," he deserve special points for their to disregard them so lightly. H e sighed he seems like a 19th century noble in a thought as he turned a corner. He had applications. " He responded that again, "they just want to rebel against their land that has all but forgotten his kind. spent much of his senior way as any emphasizing race rather than emphasizing parents, and pay no heed to the wisdom In fact, such a description is not too far "Wasp" might, drinking his way merrily sameness was destructive, but they learned by so many years of human from the truth, for he is the white knight along with his fraternity brothers, earning ignored him-he just wasn't a thoughtful generations-everything has a reason." of the modern 'age, an editor for the his gentleman's C's, and taking his intellectual like them. H e joked once that He was at the League. H e walked Michigan Review. beautiful girlfriend, Amy, out to expensive there were so few conservatives on upstairs-the building was empty. He He is on a mission tonight; his dinners at downtown restaurants . . "That campuses throughout America, maybe walked into the news room, where a pretty column is overdue and the layout staff brazed halibut sure was good, but I better there should be affirmative action for young co-ed sat at a computer, laying out needed it two days ago. "A senior's work stick with the swordfish ... . heard it's them. After all, wasn't the whole pOint to a features page. "Hey Gina, where's the is never done," he mumbles, his soul Captain?," he said, as he threw his hat on staggering under the tremendous workload a hook and opened his briefcase. "He's he needs to complete before graduation. The great truth of his life was this: that in with the boys- he's ticked about this He ought to have doubled up those fIrSt whole China thing." He walked into the three years, but he took it easy. Now he's money couldn't buy happiness, but instead office. made some jokes, and sat down in paying for it, just when he has the least indicated how happy one was. The his favorite chair. This was it, he realized, inclina,tion to do anything about it. If the end of the road. He thought about only his professors would just give him a enjoyment was in the pursuit, and the tearing another editor who left when he was a break ... "A bunch of commurtist agitators, sophomore, a real man's man who drank every last one of them! Harumph!" down of others along the way. like a fish and smoked like a chimney. Like a lonely Sam Spade, his tall figure His name was c.]. Carnacchio, an Italian knifes through the gathering mist, kicking endangered ... stupid Sierra Club and all expose students to a wider array of with a taste for gin and blondes. He trash and old newspapers aside as he passes their Pinko agitators!" viewpoints and ideas? They laughed at chuckled as he remembered other names a campus bus stop. One wraps around He was nearing the League now, and him, and told him that was a stupid idea .. . and faces; he'd seen a lot in these four his imported English shoes, crafted from he began to notice words chalked onto conservative ideas didn't matter, because years, and learned a lot too-from his the leather of a baby animal (he told the the concrete. "Vote ·MP," they said, but they were too close-minded ... just listen friends on the paper, and from the salesclerk he wanted ~ clubbed baby seal, they all blended together in his mind after to your professors, and think like they do. campus. Mostly, he learned the value of if they had it"). He paused to kick the four years .. ."Queers Walk this Way! ," College teaches you to think for yourself, friendship, of hope, and of optimism. He annoying news-rag from his foot-"Damn "Support Affirmative Action," and so repeat what professors tell you to loved this job, but it was all over. He Dai~y .. . paper sucks anyway, Nick "Abortion is Murder" all ran through his think .. . quickly laid out his column; he needed to Woomer is flaming pinko if tnere ever mind. "What's the use of the student They didri't like his abortion views get home to finish his thesis. He took was one ... he actually said people ought government anyway ... they take my either. and stopped him when he wanted one last look around the office, and said to be supported by the government even money and pass resolutions I don't agree to talk about them-maybe by their guilt? good-bye to some of the other old-timers; if they refuse to work!" He shook his with poliCies they can't affect .... if only "Why should a fetus be allowed to mess he might see them again, but he might head, checked to make sure his shoes they could just put Wolverine Access back up my life? Just because I was not. weren't scuffed, and continued on his way. the way it used to be and shut the hell irresponsible doesn't mean I should have Almost as an afterthought, he typed It had been especially hard to write up .. ." The scotch he'd been drinking was to follow through with my obligations to one last line on the screen before walking this column. His last one was criticized starting to wear off, and as he reached my offspring ... of course, I'm damn glad I out of the office: "I loved being an editor by the staff, and rightly so, for it was into his pocket he realized he'd forgotten wasn't aborted, .. . but why does that at this paper more than anything-for written at the last minute ... and poorly! his flask-"Damn it!" As his mind matter-a baby isn't a person! " He could better or for worse, these were the mUSings He had to find a way to sum up his beliefs .cleared, he started to think about the things see their points, but unfortunately, they of a Country Gent. " H e didn't look in a single page, and yet still say good-bye he'd mentioned in his co lumn. H e wouldn't see his. Like many conservatives, back.rvR to the thronging millions ""ho hung on supported the pro-lifers, but felt there he had been brow-beaten into accepting Got a complaint against Herr hi~ every word. He was leaving soon, could be exceptions. Gays were fine, but compromise; maybe abortion in certain Painter? Well send It now before he going on to law school to learn how to they could keep it to themselves- he'd be cases? "Of course not," they said, "we graduates and moves out of this chase ambulances, sue insurance .damned if his boy were trained by a homo are right and you aren't-that's why we're modem Gomomh. letters@michiaanreview,com .'l. ' ',.., ')' , ~ J J'J " /.~ .# , 1 . • t-:'"l; ' : "::"'~:- ~ C. : ')'; ' ~"' _ I · .~ .... ~, _ , \ I .i l',l ;',fl ' ~ I ~ Ten Reasons Why Reparations for Slavery is a Bad Idea - and Racist Too. By David Horowitz I VU GROOJ' Rr..sroN.sIa.t: FOR Ttu; CRoo: Or SuVJJIY, THt RfJ'AkAnOSS CtAI" Is ():o([ MOR[ AT1'T.M1'T To ThRI'I AnlICAN AM£aJcAHS 1/0'0 VICTIMS. WIllie v.. EIIIOpCI1IIS CXIIIdudcd the II'IIIIS-Alllnti: ~ nde, .-\. and black Atricans ..m IT SENDS A DAMACING M£SSACETo TIn: responsible rOf tmlaVlns the IIIOeSIon of AIhcaD Amcricam. Theft "'__ 3,000 black sllw-o"'-nm in AfRK"AN-AMEIIICAH COMMUNITY the 1I1tt-bt11um Ua_ SIIId.. A . ~ Iq*'IIions 10 be paid by ,ft cIncmdanIs 100' Thrrc .. on v.t~ AND To Omos. .!aves ia CIOIonial ~ Aft Ita dc:oeodcinrs ao/nIlO ~ p'rtIlClII$~ The ~'td _ of ~anct-Which Is .. hit !be claim for rq.nIioIIJ v. ill inmtabIy ae- u IlOl I cdWnIcIi~ Of htlpM IIInSIF for blxt Icackts 10 iCDCIlO ~Ir eommunic.1e$1IId 10 nlEJlE Is No SINcu: ClOOP TlIAr BIMrnID ExWlSl\'Ill' hoM StAVElY, odIm. To focus IIIc sociaJ pwioas ofArtican Ammcaas oa .. bII fOIIIC oIIIcr Amcnc.ans l1li)' line clone 10 Ihdr anas10n fifty Of • hunclre4-and·lifty )CWS 1&0 Is 10 burclcll diem with • tTipphn, The claim for ~ is pmnised 011 the Cahc -.npIioA dial only ~ hue balrflk'd &am salK ohiaim-bood. How arc IIIc mitllaDs or-.black ~fu&cn from I)~y and ~idc ",110 .'a)'. If stl\-e IIbar his aaIcd weallh lOr AmcncaIs.Ihm obvoasIy iI has CICIIIed ..-eahh b black arc DOW liVllllia Amtrica lOiI\IlO rtm\c.bar claims.. II1CnOVCI'. Uetplll demands for spccaI Ammcaos 11 ..'elL iduclina the de5c:cIIdIIcs of sJ.\ es.. The GNP of bllck America 1IIIIr.a the Afiice. 1I'tIUIIeIIt_ CXUlYlprlI _ ~ that is 0II1y MCCSSIf)' becIIISir _ blatb teII' l IftIIlIO American camtIIUIIit)' the 10th most pIII!pCI'ClQ:$ '"!IIIiDo~ in the .. arid.. AmEncIn bIa:ks 0tI UI I~ die Iaddct of OpponUll1ty within ~h of oIbeR. _ y of ..110m 1ft less privilqcd thIo than· enjoy lie ClIp" inaJmcs ill the ... of lYoClllY 10 lifty n.u IhIl ofbla&:b livq io 111)' of \be Atricm IIIh-n' !llliota from ...tich thry ..'eft kDlapped. VlU m REPARATIONS To AnICAN AMaleA1'/: ONLY A MINORItY Of WRITt AMl.IllCAN.S Owrim StAVES, HAVE AUlEADV B([N PAID. WHJL[ OtHERS GAVE THna LM:s To FIw: TKEM. ince lilt l*Q&uCthe CivU Rip"sAClSlnd IhndvMI oflhc Gral Soclel) In I%S. trillions Only • liny mmority of Amcric:Ins au owned smu. This is INe ~ fOf thoae who In'td in the of dollars In IIwIsfCf pI)'IIICII1S lIan bmI made 10 Afric:an ·Amcricans ill the bin of .. cllire betIe 1IJIe.be11um ScuIh wIxR DIlly OM ..1\ie ill fi~ "''U • sIndJuIcIc( Why Ihoukl,"" cIcIandara 00A't • fils lid rxIaI preCermc:a rll eontrICtS. job pIIcaIIeots Iftd C'ducIlioeaIlldntlsslons)_1l111dcf die cId!t? WhalIIbouI the da&::mdInIs 0( \be 350.000 Union soIdirn • died 10 he the JIa\ d1 They pve lIlioaak of redmsina histone ~ ~ II is said lhat I'C'pIfIIioos Ire IICCCSYI)' 10 Ith~ Ita lives. \\'lIaI mcn/~ would .. tbcit daccndIrQ 10 pi)' apin1 If peyina I'qWIIioas 011 the llIIaIina bd1Io'tCII Af'ric:an Amencans and odIcr Americans.. Ir aiUim-4ol111' mtitutions and ...1IoJe.. of'"' color IS IlOl ICI5m. ...Id J/! sale mvriIin& ofAmcncan law (in onIcf 10 aeconn~ 1Kia! prefamca) IS not enouah 10 ch.ln-e I ;lQlin8 . ~ .-!tot IJ'1 IV MOb. LMxc AMDuCA/'iS HAY[ No ~ lX (Dw:cr Ot lNowcr) To Suvmv, WHAT AlOOf THE DEtT B LAClCS Owl: To AM 'A!
The tv.oJIeaI ...... csofAJncricll.l inunlplian lXrIImdafalllOand \ben alIIrr196O. WIllI Jocic SI.vuy cciSll:d for thowIndI of)'\'.llS before \be AtbnIic slav~ trIdt. IIId in a1llOCieIlts. Bur .. 'OUkI ~ VICIIlIIIlcR boa! people. RussiaD ~ InaIIIa td\aam. ArIIIaIian "iI:Iims of \be in the Ibousand )can of sIa\uy's exnteocc. ~ lieU!' _ IIIlIIlkIr.wy IDO\UIICIIllllllil ...'bite TattHh pn-aioa, JcoI;s, McabnJ Gmts. or Polish. Huupia c.mbodiIn and K_ ~1CIimS of AnaIo-SixOll (bri\tians crtaItd OIIC. If DOl for the II1IklIvuy beliefS II1II millr.y pc!"''CI' of ..tile C~lIIIIIIism, III pi)' I'qWIIioas 10 American bias? EnaJlshnIen IIId AInerians. IMsII\-c tr1de ",'IIIIId DOC have bmI brovsfII III III _ICDO( for IIIc sac riflCU or v. hile soIIflClS and. _hilt American prmdenI1Io'ho p\'e his lift 10 Pan 1M ~ V ProdamaIion. bIDs in A.-ia woakl stiY be $\aves. Ir DO( fOf !he dedk:aIJon of Americans of all THE 8JsrotucAL USED To JusmY TIft REPARATIONS ClAIM ttMicitin aDd «lion 10 • lOCicty bucd 011 the printiplc that 1I.1111C11 Ire CRIItd tqIIII. blxb In 'f: PR£a:oons Do Nor ArPtY, AND no: CWM Inur1s BASED Ole RACE Nor lIuvav. AIDmca would not t!ljoy IIIc Iuabest sIIIIdInI of~1III ofblacts any...1Iere ill the 1IoUId, IDd ilIIittd oat oflllc blpest SIIOdIJ'ds orliv!na of Illy peopk ill !he WOIId. They ","OIdd not C1joy \be The IIiericaI pm::cdcIII$ FJCRIly invoIIaf 10 juIIify lilt IqWIIbIs claim ft pl)1IICIIl'S 10 b ' &eecIoms II1II die IIIOSI Iborouably ptOleCIOd individual ripts III~. Wbm is !he a-leda· sunivors of!be ~ J...... AIIICIir:Ms.s~ victins ofndal ecpeolmeab la _ O(bIack A-a aid its laden for ,1Iost lifts? TIIIhp. or ntial CJUIrIFS in ROKWOOd and 0kIIb0ma City, Bur ill cxh -. the r«ipima of ~ IIIions Mn Ihe dirc:d victiu or the ISljuIbcc Of tbdr IIImrldiIIc limilies. This wouJd be die OIly CUt X of ~ III peopIe ..tIo were not ImmtdiaIdy a&c.d _._ ..qualifJCIIion 10 recdYe ... THE RuARATIONS Ct.A1M Is A SUARATlST IO£A IIIions would be nclaI. ~ the m\'a)' era, mMI)' bIadls were he men Of mv~ dlcmtdvn, THAT Sen An.lCAH-AMIJOCANS AGAINST )'I the ~ clalm.Is IIIIU 110 IlkmplIO '* this rid _ IIlCCUIIL Ir cbis Is not ram. TIn: NATIOIf TIlAT GAVE TH.tM flllE£DOM. is? BIadt' .. ae 11m be(lft!he Ml)'Rowet. WIlD is lIIOI\' American 1II1II the detctndantsof African VI sla\u? FOf tilt Afi'ba·AIIIftican _ity 10 GoIaIt itsell&am A.-ia is 10 anlln oa • _ no: Ib:PARAT'IONS AIcmmrT Is BASED Ole TIlE UICSVISTANTlATIJ) whose inpIi:iI.Ioa$ ft uoubIma. Yn!be A&icM-AIMrican CCIIIImullily his hid. ~Jaa tur· CUJM THAT AU.AnICAJ( AM~ Sum:a FIoM TIft F.cotioMJc IIIion YiidllC'pIOIIlsu,lIIlionallsu and die poIiticaIldl.bo ..... A6icaQ.Amcricans 10 lie 110 part CoItsEQuENCD Or SuvtaV AND DlscJuMJJullON, of Ammca 's IOtiaI COIIIrICt. Aftian Americas IIIoaId ~ja:I this lC1IIpI.IIioA. FOf all A-xa's fHIl5. AibD AIIIaicIIs ~ .. __ s&akt in this COWIII)'.ad its her· No sdmIifIc ...btl been IIIIIk 10 prIM ibIIl~int IadMUIs iIIrft bem IIMndy .f'iuId • . It is drit IIcritaae thai is IQJIy lllderllllCt by !he tq*1Iioas IIIOVCIIICIL The ItJ*1IloDs claim by. ~ J)wm'" - aided -tr ISO)Utl.." Bur \bert is platlyof erid!mz" .. bwdstIips is oat lIIOI\' _uta 011 America. ~ by !1Ida1 sepnllsu and !he poIilicalleft. It is III IIlICt 0( *YeIY _ Urchbip .. iodi\iduIIs ~ and dil-.. The bIIeJt IIIiddIe If you ".-OWd lilce to help WI place this ad In ocher ~1. please rolQplete mg fonn and mail or fax (0: 10 $1$ Ceuter for the Study of Populu Culture ~ P.O, Box 67398, Loa Anf;e.1ea. CA 9003S (lI0) 8<41.3692 fa SISU~UA' ______. &oal~. N~ ••______ ~reu~ ______(800) 1"2-6561 C'lryJSltIte/Z lp,______ Pk~.______Ccom.ribudana of S I 00 or ..". will rooeeMo • ""I'Y or f.x~ ______o.atll II{ liu CI •.;I It""." M ....'VAml.tsr>ec! by doc 1OUt'-. ''t ''t ' " ~ , ~ "'t~ ...... ~ ~ , ,,, ' 'IC "f ~' "',1,,' ,~',J t. '. , l' ""j ,r ...,.$: .JiiI','V ' , ' • .; '", • , t ',. 'oj .,. ... ., ,., ...' ~ '1 ~ .. HERE HAS BEEN much ado that America owes anything to blacks. After all, isn't the Christian God an all marijuana while driving, etc.), and the made recently about McCain Furthermore, an extension of the first encompassing, all forgiving God? judicial systems becomes more strict with T Feingold campaign finance benefit (apart from the obvious benefit to Homosexuality might very well be a sin, criminals. reform, specifically, conservatives blackS), racial demagoguery will become but aren't we all sinners. And can't all sins And this is not to mention that chastising the move as one that not only a vestige of the past. Similarly, any claims be forgiven? marijuana is a less harmful drug, both squelches free speech, but that also of "white oppression" will fall on deaf ears, Moreover, the separation of church individually and socially, than alcohol and represents thought on the liberal fringe of and hate crimes legislation will no longer and state already prohibits moral and nicotine. Marijuana is a product generally Republicanism. exist as a one way street-that is, only a religiOUS arguments to be made in defense used in moderation; it's not like smoking For example, in crime that can be committed by whites or support of this issue. Quite simply, Cigarettes, where a person can smoke two this day of bi against "oppressed" blacks. this is an issue ofthe law; and if two people packs a day. Besides, if anyone supports partisanship, the More importantly, and extending the want to engage in a mutual contract, alcohol and cigarettes in moderation, how emergence of argument into the social and economic under the law, then what exactly is the can one not support marijuana in ' New Democrats realm, affirmative action programs in problem? This is American isn't it? The moderation as well? and which race plays an intricate role would home of the free and the brave. In fact, The argument made here is Compassionate no longer exist. The benefits of to prohibit the mutual exchange between essentially the same as those made above. Conservatives eliminating these programs 'would make two individuals is to undermine the It's an argument based on the free-market has created a fad the costs of reparations pale in principles of the free-market economy. principles of economics and individual where it's D.C. comparison, equal opportunity would Two individuals will only enter into a liberty. To take these away from the public acceptable and, Lee' exist in colleges and legal contracts for the written, contractual agreement if the is to do a great disservice to the public. moreover, first time in decades, and judges would agreement is mutually beneficial. politically be loathe to use diversity as a "compelling Thus, again, the liberals are correct, Why the Death Penalty Ought to Be palatable to cross sides of the aisle state interest." Even the U.S. government but again, for the wrong reasons. This is Abolished. Now occasionally. When Clinton signed would be forced to recognize that the need not an issue of "tolerance" and "hate." It welfare reform, the Right rejoiced; and for many of the current racial awareness is merely an issue of individual liberty and Capital punishment is government when former President Bush raised taxes, an'!i other racial/social program are the right to engage in a mutually beneficial sanctioned murder. Period. I find it hard the Left rejoiced. superfluous. After all, parity will have agreement. to believe that the same conservatives who The David Horowitz ad running been achieved and racial harmony will argue adamantly to defend the rights of opposite this page, however, represents have reached its peak in American Why Marijuana is Less Damaging the unborn are the same conservatives who the latest in conservative thought: it is civilization. than Legal Drugs believe that we, as a government, have short, poignant, and outlines the ten Economically', the short term, one the right to take the life of another human reasons why reparations for the time cost of reparations would also pale This is a much more libertarian being. Liberals will typically argue this descendants of slaves are both wrong and in comparison to the 10llg run, continual argument, since liberals really have no issue by raising other issues such as racial racist. Figureheads such as Jesse Jackson, payments that the government currently sound ideological stance on the issue, but profiling, racist juries, and racial who recently visited our campus again, provides in maintaining these racial and it's alSo true that conservatives have no improportionality on death row. clamor for such compensation to the black social programs. ,Moreover, SOCiety as a sound ideological stance on the Issue However, none of these issue are community. And these figureheads are whole would gain. given that these either. Most conservatives oppose the fundamentally essential to the premise of right. programs create a social loss, and that the legalization of marijuana on moral the issue: whether it is correct and just to However, this is not the only issue elimination of these programs would grounds. but that ignores the economic take the life of another human being. on which I disagree with mainstream increase social welfare-arguably in the and rational reasons. The demand for pot An eye for an eye. a tooth for a tooth, conservative thought. ' Issues such as gay ballpark of millions of dollars in GDP. is high and if the government were to these conservative say. Would these marriage, marijuana legalization and the Thus, the liberals are correct, increase the supply, it could only lower conservatives also advocate for the death penalty all exemplify how someone, reparations should 'be paid;but\ they are the price and eliminate the underground descendants of slaves to forcibly and such as myself, a self-proclaimed correct for the wrong ~asons. markets (and negative effects associated unfairly enslave whites for no particular conservative, can argue conservatively for Conservatives should not embrace the with them). reason other than to tend their farms? Of issues that typically have not been adopted rhetoric of luminaries such as HoroWitz. Furthermore. the government could course not. by the Right. Reparations should be pald and done so also tax the product, thereby increasing The bottom line is that murder is for conservative reasons. its revenue from the tax while unacceptable; therefore, capital Why Reparations for the Descendants simultaneously increasing its revenue punishment is unacceptable. This may of Slaves are a Good Idea Why Gay Marriages Should be from cutting out a portion of the "war on not be the liberal line, but it's the right Legalized drugs. " Similar arguments could also be line nevertheless. The death penalty ought Assuming that this proposal can , be made for more pernicious drugs such as to be abolished, and it ought to be reasonably achieved, there is no reason To many Christian conservatives, gay cocaine and heroin, and some would argue abolished now.:t>.R why conservatives should riot promote it, marriages represent the bottom of the that these drugs represent problems that regardless of the cost. One million dollars moral barrel, the most un~Godly act, the solve themselves. The real problem arises per descendant, fine. Think about the most heinous crime against SOCiety. But when considering the enforcement of laws benefits such a poUcy would initiate-the all moral and v "_'. __A _~ ____ ~-'~' _· ''''' ''''''''''''''''''_ . __- __"'''''' __ _~ , seriously disagree. Unlike the position of by a black man, no one stands to advocate paraded before him and hollered into the Commander-in-Chief, an esteemed "Man for him. In fact, it often goes unnoticed. microphone. Casting a wary eye upon The REV of the Cloth" (and any relatively reasonable The Reverend has even been petitioned those even more radical than himself, person) is ex pected to maintain a certain to represent white victims of alleged hate jackson seemed to cringe noticeably as a Continued from Page 1 degree of moral correctness. Adultery crimes, and he has flatly ref~sed . His "Burger King Kid's Club" of politically should not be considered acceptable in stance has been strengthened with the correct children was assembled behind wants HIM. " This involves the any form (be it by RepUblicans, Democrats recent hate-crimes bill that has been him, seemingly for the benefit of the Reverend's non-profit organization, or the baker down the street) . A passed, stating that hate-crimes cannot be television cameras. This wide range of Rainbow-PUSH, and his alleged misuse Significant political and religious leader, committed upon whites. This expression diversity of race and sex (but not political of the tax -free income that the who many people respect and emulate, of intolerance is typical of the far-Left, thought), supposedly presented the organization receives. This is not the first should certainly be no exception. This anti-white mentality so common in the plethora of support that the opposition of time that the light of wrongdoing has fallen matter is not one of political mudslinging, "public liberal." the trials, all to make the Reverend look upon the Reverend. but one of integrity; Jackson's affair was The hypocrisy and hate spread by the more "presentable" to the pUblic. Consistently opposed by the Right, going on at the time he was counseling Reverend jackson is a poison to all Jesse jackson has brought years of jackson has fallen into disfavor with then-President Clinton on his infidelity. progress towards peace between the races. shame and disgrace to progressive causes moderates and Leftists as well. jackson The spiral continues. With faux progressives barring the way and the relations between the races. His has a long history of contradiction and Jackson has a reputation for standing to racial cooperation, and the fall of the harping on "racism" and perpetuation of corruption in his actions (and cases of up for those who cannot stand up for "racial divide," the seeds of hate and stereotypes and cross-cultural hate have inaction), and this is but one instance in themselves, for being the champion of resentment will always be sown between fueled the fires of dissent in this nation. a long line of contradictions and "the little man" or the people who cannot the two. The most recent stoking of the For being such a strong advocate of the hypocrisies. A ready example would be defend themselves. And to most, he does fire was his declaration on the steps of great Dr. King, the epitome of civil rights the illegitimate child that was the result indeed protect those who are the victims the Diag for a National Day of Action activism, and greatest icon of peace since of his who-knows-how-many-years-with of racially-motivated crime. Wherever a and a rally in Washington, D.C. This will Ghandi, the self-proclaimed "Reverend" affair with a Rainbow-PUSH employee. black man is struck by a white man, serve to only flare tempers that are already does nothing but foster resentment and While many in the Left dismiss this (as jackson is quick to rush to the victim's heated from the "disenfranchisement" of hate, which is truly not the work of the they did with former President Clinton) side, screaming racism, and demanding minorities due to the "stolen" election Christian God. J\.R as simply "human nature," and that it racial compensation. However, when the results. So long Revered Jackson, but does not impact his message, all of the opposite occurs (as many times it has) , In jackson's defense, he remained Right and a great number of moderates and a white person is the victim of violence wary, as the menagerie of BAMN activists thanks for all the press. I our privacy. Third, arresting people for Sinclair exited the stage. crammed State Street after the main event, possession of marijuana is destroying the There were many other events walking around, buying mementos, and BASH lives of upstanding citizens with families besides the speakers, including different getting food to take an edge off the Continued from Page 1 and respectable jobs. Not all pot smokers kinds of bands all over the campus, "munchies." The atmosphere of Hash are criminals," stated Strout, who numerous stands selling t-shirts and Bash was generally fun loving and laid back, represents the interest of responSible marijuana paraphernalia, hacky sack yet there was a serious dimension to the they would converge on campus for a marijuana smokers. The crowd cheered games over any grassy knoll available, and day, as the drive to gain the 302,711 national "smoke-in." This event became in response. a large number of Hash Bash inspired necessary Signatures statewide to put the nationally known as "Hash Bash, " which Near the end of the event, Brook parties on Sa turday night. People Personal Responsibility Amendment (PRA) brings thousands of people back to Ann announced the keynote on the next ballot for the referendum vote Arbor each year in celebration of speaker, john Sinclair, commenced. Gregory Schmid, author at marijuana. whose arrest in 1970 is the PRA Michigan, said "Michigan Sate law This year, Master of Ceremonies reason for H ash Bash. mandates that for an initiative to end up Adam Brook led the main event of Hash Sinclair received a on ballot, petitioners must receive Bash in the Diag for one hour, which welcome of applause and 302,711 signatures in 180 days." This consisted of many speakers. One of the cheers as he took the will allow voters to determine directly first orators was Mr. Marvin Marvin, the podium. His speech whether or not marijuana should be illegal leader of the Earth Community Church, started with memories for personal use. At the main event, which believes that marijuana is "God's about changing the hundreds of volunteers were trying holy herb." Getting the crowd riled up, marijuana laws from 1970 desperately to gain Signatures in order to Marvin said, "Our sacrament is smoking to 1971. At that time, attain their goal. marijuana, and the devil is trying to take marijuana was considered Another serious matter of the it away from us. So on high noon Sunday, a narcotic and the day was the law enforcement scattered smoke your sacrament. Free the weed." minimum jail sentence for throughou t the Diag. University M arvin also went. on to mention that possession was 1 0 years. spokeswoman Julie Peterson said, "The medical marijuana is legal in Canada, so Sinclair and other activists University does not approve of Hash Bash. it should be legal here, and that George rallied against these laws We are in support of free speech and W. Bush has not selected a drug czar, and and finally got them expression so we will not shut the event therefore he is on "our side. " changed by 1971. In fact, down- but we will be enforcing the law. " Other speakers included Steve there was no law on In past years, the event has been notorious Wishneair, Senior Editor of High Times, marijuana from March 9th for people sm oking in the Diag. The Chef Ra, and Keith Strout, a marijuana to April 1st , 1971, a time penalty in Ann Arbor for marijuana is a reformer and founder of Nation during which Sinclair civil infraction and a $25 fine, but on Organization for the Reform of "took advantage." Sinclair campus, which is state property, M arijuana Laws (NORML). Strout finished his speech with a marijuana possession is a misdemeanor received the crowd's attention when he poem d edicat ed to with up to a $2,000 fine. The police were confidently shouted the three reasons why smoking weed , called "It's widespread and serious during the event, marijuana should be legalized . "First, not All Good." The poem was and even when the entire crowd sat down, legalizing mal~ ljuana wastes law filled with crude and crass which was supposed to prevent the police enforcement's resources and time. Second, remarks, which the crowd from coming in so everyone could smoke, it puts the government in our personal loved anq their cheers the police intervened anyway. Despite lives, and above all else, we are .entitled to eChoed around the DiagaS Look. a GREEN Canadian f1agl this, 1l'tany.of the people-in the:crowd even< went up to police to converse with them.J\.R , : ~ " ,; . Students Protest Public Radio B y TIM M AlJl.L at least one mUllon dollars. and can only keep average clti2ens from having access [hat NPR has. (L'S outrageous what th be afforded by for-profit companies or to the same radio waves that NPR are doing, We are about Public Interests OUNG AMERICANS FOR wealthy individuals. On the other hand. dominates. NPR Is using the pUblic's over Special rnteres~: Seeing how the Freedom (y AF) and the Collegl LPFM has a range of less than four miles. money and their political innuence to pccial Interests of NPR and NAB k1l1ed YLIbertarians protested National costs less than $5000 for equipment, a.nd monopolize the airwaves. We're here to LPFM last year. Senator John McCain Public Radio's undemocrallc opposition an be afforded by churches, civiC and show NPR that we don't support their recently Introduced a bill champion In to low-power community radio. With educaUonal groups, Minority and ethnic strong armed tactics.· Unfortunately. low-power FM, Low Power Radio Act of help from the Student Greens, protesters groups want access to LPFM that want to NPR and NAB succeeded with the passage 2001. S. 404. If this bill becomes law, It shouted slogans, held signs, and passed broadcast Information related to their of bill that made It much more difficult would do away with many of the barriers out nyers (0 people eOleri.ng the Rackham community and to provide bLllngual to get an FCC LIcense for LPFM. Can blocking Americans' access to the building LO listen to Juan William's broadcasts. With easy technical and National Public Radio be truly called airwaves. National Public Radio (NPR) broadcast financial access to the airwaves through "public· when It lobbies against other A coalition of people from across the of "Talk of the Nation. - Protesters were LPFM. minority voices. conservative smaller public radiO? Kevin Johnson, a polltJcal speclrum came together to fight Interviewed by the Michigan Daily and Christian churches. and pollUcaJ groups member of the Student Greens helping NPR's hypocrISy. As Martin Luther King Michigan RadiO. The thirty-minute can get their viewpoints heard. with the protest does not believe It can, Jr. said, "Injustice anywhere ls a threat to protest was a success in educating people With the threat of LPFM community "The public airwaves have hIstorically justice everywhere,- In the communl.ty of on this Issue and geeUng an endorsement radio competition luring NPR's listeners been publicly owned and NPR ls trying Ann Arbor. people fighting for Justice here of the Michigan DaUy editorial board. away. NPR Joined with the National to deny that fact. NPR Is tryIng to deny united to fight NPR's campaign for What ls low-power community radio? Associarlon of Broadcasters (NAB) to average citizens access to the aIrwaves.' InjUStice across the natlon. ~ Low-power FM (LPFM) radio Is different lobby Congress to create significant Johnson continued. "Everyone can agree. from regular FM stations by having a barriers to get LPFM licenses from the conservative, libertarIan. liberal that It' smaller broadcast range. being less Federal Communications Commlsslon unfair for average citizens to be kept off expensive to the operators. and being (FCC). Michigan YAF Chairman Dustin the airwaves by NPR's politiCal cloul. accessible to more groups. Most FM Lee explained NPR's machinations and Somebody has to speak up for the IItU stations cover an entire urban area, costs the protest's justness. "NPR Is trying to guy who doesn't have the money or access Defending the Unborn, Liberal Style By MICHAEL V EF.5£R proponents of the lale 20th century women with unplanned pregnanCies In Roe v. Wade. Sixth, abortion harms made-often unconsciously-what order to ma.ke It seem that the women women both physically and emotionaUy. ARY MEEHAN. A self amounted to the same argument. but In are the ones Ln need of protection. Seventh. aborllon docs not help to described "liberal and pea reverse: "Its unfair that rich women can Second. Meehan believes that liberals onserve resources and save the M movement activist. - spoke In afford to travel to have abortions: If should question their "excessive nvlronment. As we have less children, the Michigan Unlon's Keunl.el Room on bortlon were legal then poor women reverence - for the American courls. we become more materiallsUc- lIvlng In ·Why Liberals Should would have the same opportunity.· Although the COurts have protected huge houses surrounded by ever more Unborn.· Meehan's Meehan added that those supporters mInOrities from majortlartan oppression. possessloru. appearance was sponsored by the U-M of abortion who might wlsh to openly they have also been Instruments of IghLh. liberals should see abortion Students for Life. and about forty persons oppose abortion face two major emotional oppression them~elves. She cited the as a particularly unjust form of war. It attended. In response to a query from hurdles. First, they know that many Dred Scott decision which declared that kills only defenseless Civilians. Ninth, Meehan. about a third of the crowd women have had abortions. and the -I'm .Iaves were not persons with standing to abortion Is bad for children. Thos lndlcated that they were UberaL. personally opposed, but pro-choice sue under the constitution. Plessy v. hlldren who know that Siblings were Meehan gave three reasons why sh formula- avoids offending one's Ferguson which found grossly unequal aborted often have fcellngs of guilt. believes Uberals overwhelmingly support acquaintances. Second. conservaUves are accommodations for blacks wondering why they deserved to be spared. bortlon. First. many feminists feel they demonized by Uberals. just as liberals are constitutionally permlssJble. and Buck v. Tenth. and finaJJy, the -I'm personally 'annot fully participate In society without by conservatives. The thinking goes: (f Beu which permlued forced sterilization. opposed. but ... • argument doesn't cUl It. complete control over chlldbearlng conservaUves are wrong about everything. Roe v. Wade Is In the same class. says One cannot have a complete Ufe If one Including the option of abortion. Second. how can they be right about abortion? Meehan. "compartmentalizes In this way." If the appearance of cheap. fairly effective Meehan's response: the law of averages Third. liberals should oppose something ls grIevously unjust. then on birth control In the 20th century Implied means that conservatives have to be right abortion slnce It ls an attempt to evade should oppose It completely. that one could completely separate sexual about some things. the obligations to another: of women to Meehan adds lhal government cannot pleasure from reproducUon. However. Meehan went on to Ilst and elaborate their chUd, and of men to both the mother be neutral on this ILfe and death Issue. Meehan argues that thIS Is not true. since on ten reasons why liberals should oppose and the chUd. Fourth, liberals wrongly see Either It protects cliniCS with police. as birth comrol must wmetimes fall. And abortion. The list revealed a thorough abortion as only a religious Issue. It Is now, or It shuts them down. Government when It does fall. the pregnancy seems understanding of why liberals support not. and moreover. people have opposed can't hope that opposition lO abcrtJon will unfair, and abornon Is seen as a necessary abortion. First, said Meehan, It Is out of Injustices In the past. such as slavery, for just fade away. In short. Meehan argues backstop for birth control. character for liberals not to defend th reasons that were partly religious. Why that liberals should oppose abortion not ThIrd, liberals-often wIthout weak. It ls the unborn who are defenseless then ls It wrong to oppose abortion for ust to save children. but to save their reallz1ng it-have Inherited from the early here, and the women who are aU-powerful: reUglous reasons? soul. That Is. If liberals want to claim a 20th century an Intellectual tradition the power of I1fe and death Is completely Fifth. Uberals should see abortion as morally privileged position as the favorable to eugeniCS. This often com In her hands. a cIvil rights Issue. A vastly protectors of the weak. they must oppose under the rubric of population control. Feminists are well aware of the Ilberal disproportionate number of abortions are abortlon. ~ Early 20th century eugenics supporters tradition of defending the weak. of African-AmerIcan babies-as many as said -People of color are Inferior, lets AccorctJngly. they shift attention away from 500.000 a year In the years since 1973 r;chMl ~ is a 1«000 year law studMc uppress their birthrate. - Abortion the unborn victim to the difficulties of when abortion was I~ nationally by (eM U-M • \ ~'>, \ ' " preferences. Student Intervenors and as myself out. U-M cannot argue that share their ideas with Bollinger about this members of the Coalition to Defend preferences are justified for diversity issue. Law School Affirmative Action By Any Means without conceding that the color of your "The heavy-handedness with which Continued from Page 1 Necessary (BAMN) called Judge Friedman skin makes you Inherently different. U Bollinger treats this issue is Incredible. For preferences were designed to reach a a "segregationist, Jim Crow judge." Agnes M's attitude towards minorities is a first amendment scholar he is rather ~critical mass" of black, Hispanic, and Aleobua added, "students on this campus incredibly condescending." close-minded. He never even gives the Native American students. are outraged by this decision." The division between students over other side an opportunity to share their Judge Friedman rejected the U-M's However, this statement appears to this Issu~ Is clearly deep. point of view. It's censorship at Its worst," policy that a ~critical mass" of non-Asian overstep its bounds. A Michigan Daily Many students have complained about stated Executive Direcfor of Michigan minority students is necessary for poll a few years ago found that 51 % of all the administration's continued one Young Americans for Freedom Doug diversity. One attorney, Kirk Kolbo stated, students opposed racial preferences. sided ness on this Issue. While students Tietz. "I respect that there are two sides ~the decision vindicates the most to this Issue, but I do not respect the fundamental principle upon which this way Bollinger has worked to keep one country Is based - that race Is an irrelevant While students see two points of view to the point of view out of the debate. " and Immoral basis on which to make Clearly, this decision has sparked decisions. " issue, not only does the administration present emotions and rhetoric from both sides This case is of national Importance infonnation on only one side, but they also and there Is no simple way to deal with because universities across the country the controversy. The administration base their racial preference policies on consistently and systematicallY deny differing continues its zealot-like fight to defend 'similar arguments. color In admissions while keeping out the Judge Friedman continued and firmly students an opportunity to be heard. opposing viewpoints. However, as the rejected a claim by a group of U-M case has worked its way through the student Intervenors that the Law School's Students have also Increasingly see two points of view to the Issue, not courts, the U -M has reached its first admissions preferences are Justified as a demonstrated their disapproval of the U only does the administration present setback. remedy for social discrimination against M's racial preferences. Information on only one side, but they For now, the Law School remains minorities. He joined Judge Duggan (who LSA Freshman Adam Dancy has also consistently and systematically deny unaffected due to the 6th District's ruling, recently ruled in the U-M's LSA case in often protested BAMN's rallies stating that differing students an opportunity to be but the future of race in admissions December) and agreed that there Is no he believes "the color of one's skin should heard. remains unresolved. There will be another evidence of past or present cliscrimination never be used by anyone to make a For example, at a recent meeting held ruling, another appeal and It will surprise at the University of Michigan to justify decision. Ever." by President Lee Bollinger with twenty no one If this case is decided before the racial preferences at the U-M. Current PreSident of the U-M's anti students concerning the U-M's preferences highest court In the land. This decision has left the U -M preference student group, Voice, Chuck no student leaders in opposition to racial Students can only hope that the administration undaunted, as they Wang added "students do not thii1k that preferences were included, be they courts will give the administration a fairer continue to strive to defend their use of the color of your skin makes you executive board members of College hearing than they have given their racial preferences; however, the student Inherently different. U-M cannot argue RepUblicans, The Michigan Review, students . ~ body Is more divided. On one side there that preferences are justified because of Young Americans for Freedom, or Voice. are the outspoken supporters of racial past discrimination and leave Asians such None of them were asked to come and German Pop Star Shoots for American Audiences, Likely to Miss 4.12 UCCESSES SUCH AS Gloria his label, Reprise, the songwriter "has The albums tracks fail to deliver any Estefan, Ricky Martin, Selena and burned up airwaves across Europe with kind of pop experience and start to fall Sother Latin artists have proven that his soulful ballads, funky pop tunes and into some kind of cheese ball sound. If 4.19, Guster pop crossovers are compelling vocal the 80's-synth loops on "Love Is All Clutch c.rao. PontIK possible. With skills. " Sasha is Around" don't tum off American listeners, Brltney Spears now beyond the smooth-operator/elevator music 4.22 Dmd Gny proclaiming herself Europe, waiting atmosphere of Sasha's other tracks St. Theatre. Detroit the next Madonna for his certainly will. The German artist claims and pop mania at "Dedicated his Influences were Nirvana and Red Hot 4.25 P..,. Roach wI Fe. FactC!I'Y an all-time high, ·t To ... " debut Chili Peppers growing up, but Dedicated St.te,Theatre. Detrott it's not surprising album to To ... borrows far more from Richard that record e n c han t Marx than Kurt Cobaln. Songs like 5.2 ACIDC wI Buckc:herry companies are American "Owner of My Heart" remind you of the Joe LouJs Arena. Detroit using every angle to • audiences. torture of holding a phone under your drill all of the Alexander neck waiting for hours on hold for 5.3 F.tboy SlIm money they can out claims that technical support. wI o..m Emerson of this musical oil recording his A good strategy for Sasha might be Clutch Carso. Pontiac rig before it runs new CD to direct his love song crafting energy dry. One young, reqUired so back to his homeland and to keep his 5.14' Blues TnM!Ier 28-year-old lad t much time and passport out of U.S. soil until he acquires St.t~ n.tre. Deuott from Germany effort and some talent. If Sasha.is lucky, he might wants in on some TRL action as well, but compares the experience to "giving birth." crossover his tracks into grocery store 6.2 The Black Crowes I o.as he might be a little short in some musical Breakthrough love lyrics like "I need you heavy rotation, and please, Sasha, don't DTE Energy Theatre. Clarkston areas to get any. close to me, can't stop thinking about you "give birth" to any more American Sasha Alex ander has a Europe MTV baby" from the song Another Minute are ' albums.~ 6.3 & 4 Dave Matthews Band award, has had his music featured on sure to keep the ladles running back for wI M.cy Gray Dawson's Creek episodes and according to more. Comt'rtca Park. Detroit - __ . ___ ,-_:..:n = .:.:",=-"-_:,,. _~-'>"'- , , _~., ,~_ ~ " _ ,, ...... :~: r;: ~ o.i{ft; _ , ,-"=-, ~ :",; , ,, ' -·.-.' ,n, · ._.~.w"~=~ ___' _____· [APrill i-, 2001 THE IOCBlGAlf RBVIBW -HUJlOR Page 111 STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE Guipe's Last Stand T'S A WARM, sunny, April afternoon. your mother's advice and just go into in the "real world" will tell you, life sucks in Europe before issue goes to print))! School is almost out for the year, and waste management like the rest of the once you're out of college. Things that Engage in acts of public vandalism and/ I U-M students are getting ready to bolt family? Well, I have one word for you: many students think will matter in the long or substance abuse and/or nUdity! And from the town of waste of time! Unless you plan on run often do not. For example, some most importantly, live nex t door to the Ann Arbor and becoming an academic (meaning you students spend the entirety of their college "most reputable" sorority house on ~ spend the nex t few spend about eighty years in school and careers taking on challenging part time campus! months laying on .. probably never make any substantial jobs, while others sit behind the desk at the beaches of amount of money), actually learning the the grad library, running a book through Commandment #4: Don't become southern Florida 'i~':~ t ~ tl).. things you're supposed to know is actually that weird scanning thing every five cynical. . ~ '. ~4 ~~·. with a martini in -.. ', ..!'t.-.,., .1 quite. pointless. I mean, it's one thing If minutes or so. The former student may • \. '. t,' -4 one hand and a ~ .. ~ you're interested in a topic, or if the career work ten to fifteen hours per week, and For many college students, the thought keg in the other. ~- . field into which you are heading requires then spend numerous sleepless nights of going out into the real world can be Joe Student dashes you to develop certain skills, but for most finishing second-rate homework really depressing. Despite the fact that into the lounge of EI Senor of us, the knowledge we acquire in "Intro assignments for one of his or her classes. lying television has taught us that we will his trendy frat, to Coral Reefs and Other Such Things" Not only does this student lack any time all be rich, famous, and powerful, most armed with his Guipe will never, ever be of any benefit. It will at all to "get down" at the local bars, he or of us will soon discover that this is not copy of the latest ______simply take up more room in your already she also sees a severe drop in school the case. With expectations such as the Michigan Review, hot off the presses. All stuffed brain and prevent you from related performance. The latter student, infamous "eight-hour work day" and the of his frat brothers gather around as Joe spending time doing useful. practical on the other hand, make almost the same concept of "personal responsibility" being anxiously fUps to the back page so that forced down our throats, thinklng about they all may be enlightened by that mentor one's future can really make a person of mentors, the one and only El Senor If I've said it once, I'll say it again, life pretty cynical. If I've said it once, I'll say Guipe. But their momentary joy is it again, life sucks. You go to school, start replaced with denial, anger, fear, and sucks. You go to school, start a career, a career, work for forty or fifty years, share finally, acceptance: That's right, Ar.n work for forty or fifty years, share money money with a spouse who will cheat on Arbor, El Senor Guipe is graduating! you twice a year (on average), raise 2.5 with a spouse who will cheat on you twice ungrateful children, and finally, after it's Right now you're probably too all said and done, you get your reward: shocked to think or say anything. I mean, a year (on average), raise 2.5 ungrateful you die. for the average student at U -M, the weekly children, and finally, after it's all said and The trick is to continue to look at column of The Good Senor has been a life in a positive manner. The keg is not staple of his or her social and intellectual done, you get your reward: you ·die. half empty, but half full! You're not thirty growth for the past three years. From years away from becoming impotent, tips and tricks guaranteed to get you laid you've got thirty years of good, healthy to advice on what NOT to eat at those things, like. binge drinking and having sex . amount of money for ten to fifteen hours sex left in you! Besides, thirty years from shady Chinese buffets, the Gweepster has Moreover, if you're not plannlng on going of sitting behind a desk doing homework, now, you'll be so rich YOU'll be able to buy taught you anything and everything you've to grad school, {and this, folks, is thus killing two birds with one stone and potency. ever needed to know to survive college academia's best kept secret}, your GPA having plenty of time for the important life. But alas, all good things must come will probably never matter! If your goal things in life. Commandment #5: When all else fails, to an end, even the, uh, goodest thing of is to graduate from school and then go go out for some cheese fries. all, El Senor GUipe. And so, with my into, say, journalism or public education, Commandment #3: Try new things. final address to the student populace here a 2.3 will more than suffice. Right now you're probably thinking, at U-M, at least until my plot to subjugate I can't stress this one enough, people. "Thanks for the advice, Senor, but I shan't the world to myself comes to fruition, I Commandment #2: Have fun while you College is a time to try new things. It's be needing it. You see, I'm too cool for would like to spend the rest of my column still can. possibly the only period in your life when anything bad to ever happen to me!" All providing you, my loyal readers, w'ith you won't have other responsibilities I have to say to that is plsh posh! Yes, I some final words of wisdom regarding life One of the things that ambitious stopping you from experienCing life to its know, many of you are young, nalve, and at U-M. These five simple rules are people such as myself tend to do is enter fullest extent. In the real world, many of idealistic, convinced that the perfect life guaranteed to assist you in making the college with the view that our you will have demanding jobs, jobs that awaits you. And who knows, maybe I'm right decisions as you continue your trek performance here is going to be closely require you to work eighty hours a week, wrong, maybe the perfect life does await through college, as well as\through life in scrutinized by future employers and fifty weeks a year. On the weekends YOU'll you. But if it doesn't, and if you someday general. Heed these words, friends, for graduate admissions officers for decades be so tired, all YOU'll want to do is sleep. find yourself sitting in your cubicle at the they are the product of four years of to come, so we'd better work, work, work And if you're lucky, YOU'll get to take a ungodly hour of 9am doing work that you lessons learned the hard way. and refrain from having fun. Once again, vacation once a year. Until you have kids, hate, take my final piece of advice: get this is only partially true. While it that is, and then all your money will used into your SUV, drive down to Mr. Spot's Gulpe's Five Commandments certainly won't be beneficial for an aspiring up on little Johnny's college fund and, of (or the local equivalent), and get yourself law student to blow off his or her classes, course, Mister Mortgage. The point is, a nice order of cheese fries. If there's Commandment #1: Classes are it also won't be the end of the world if he life sucks. Deal with it. That's why It ls one thing I've learned here at U-M, it's irrelevant. or she isn't President of the Law Club so very important that you use your time that when all else fails, cheese fries make (note to self: Find out if there really is a in college to do all of the things you've everything better. And that simple fact, Do you spend more than 50 hours a Law Club before issue goes to print). In ever wanted to do. Spend spring break at my friends, makes it all worthwhile. ~ week doing homework? Are you other words, once you develop your goals, Mardi Gras! Study abroad in some foreign country ("Study abroad," of course, is constantly breaking your back to read 400 your best bet is to figure out what the It's a sad day at the Review, but If pages a night for your 18 credit hours of minimal requirements are to achieve code for, "Spend a semester in Europe, you want to write us about GUipe's classes you foolishly enrolled into, all the these goals, all while spending the rest of where prostitution is legal! (Note to self: last stand then do so at while wondering why you didn't listen to the time having fun because, as your pals find out whether or not prostitution is legal [email protected]. ; ' ,/ " , ...... - . ~ ~ ; . ~~~7~ ~ 1 _~. .. ;:,....: ... ~-: ... ;~. ~ .. ~ .. :" .. ~ .. -~...... ~...,.., ,.:: .,~ '" '.':;':,', : ... , : : ' ,",' :.':\,' p' Vr HIM. eurE HIM. ,CL-I Ck T, E" e/LA OUT OF HIM. (AND po~" L..'M,TED T'ME, YOv C"N DO ,T PO~ P~EE.) If you're a college student. we'd like you to meet your new best friend . XanEdu.com . A place where you can find virtually any article on any subject. Our XanEdu™ ReSearch Engine is a massive online collection of information compiled from thousands of periodicals, magazines, journals, newspapers and the Web's best sites. It's current, accurate, and specific to your course, plus it's right at your fingertips . And for B limited time. you can get one of nine disciplines absolutely FREE. 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