Magazine p20 Features p16 Comment p10 My Degree: this week Eating disorders amongst Jonny Walker on the the lawyers are under Cambridge students awkward future facing the the spotlight Facebook Generation

FRIDAY 5TH NOVEMBER 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 728 | VARSITY.CO.UK

ANDREW GRIFFIN CUSU Varsity survey reveals Co-ordinator silence around elected at last CATHY BUEKER sexual assault Alex Wood, running unopposed, has won the second by-election held this ■ Sexual assault among Cambridge students is in line with term for Cambridge University Stu- national average, survey says dents’ Union (CUSU) Co-ordinator. The fi rst by-election for the posi- ■ Uncertainty persists among students regarding the tion was called in October after the definition of sexual assault original Co-ordinator chosen in the May CUSU elections, Chris Lil- sexual assault. Most notably, Var- lycrop, resigned in August amid OLIVIA CRELLIN & JESSIE WALDMAN sity found that sexual assault among controversy about his radical pro- Sexual assault and rape continue students continues to remain vastly posals for reorganising CUSU staff. to occur at striking rates amongst under-reported: only 1 in 6 respon- In the October election, Luke University of Cambridge students, dents who admitted to being Hawksbee, like Wood, was the only an exclusive Varsity survey has assaulted reported the incident to candidate, but, in the system of revealed. authorities. Single Transferable Voting, failed to According to the survey, which was For the overwhelming majority win enough votes against the option conducted online over a two-week who did not report the incident, the Re-Open Nominations (RON). period, 16 per cent of respondents reasons were numerous: nearly 27 With a voter turnout of 4 per cent, admitted to being victims of sexual per cent said they did not report it Wood won 602 votes, while RON assault and/or rape. because they “didn’t think it was a won 258, in a voting period which The fi gure seems to be in line with serious matter at the time.” Another ran from 8am, on Wednesday 3rd national statistics relating to sexual 11 per cent said that they did not November to 5pm the following day. assault amongst university and col- press charges because they “felt In comparison ,Hawksbee received lege students. A recent survey acquainted with the perpetrator”. 275 votes, to RON’s 286 votes. conducted by the National Union of CUSU’s Women’s Offi cer, Sarah In his campaign manifesto, Wood Students (NUS) showed that 14 per Peters-Harrison, was not surprised stressed his experience as the Sec- cent of female students were sexu- by this trend. She cited embarrass- retary of Trinity College Student ally assaulted during their time at ment and lack of education as the Union from 2008 to 2009 as well as university or college. most likely causes for limited report- being its Services Offi cer from 2009 The survey responses paint a ing of sexual assault, both in the to 2010. Wood also mentioned that he remarkable picture of student atti- University and more generally. was Captain of the First and Third tudes and experiences regarding She added, “It also throws into Lower Boats from 2009 to 2010. question those anecdotal stories of This experience, he wrote, would how students are discouraged from be employed “towards building a Key Findings: reporting incidents as it may be better support system for Univer- ■ Sexual assault is not damaging to the perpetrators’ aca- sity societies and sports clubs”. reported to the police demic record as well as their own.” He also stated that he would ■ One anonymous survey-taker improve funding for welfare by Only a minority of sexual made the following comments: “The “working with the Executive assaults were by strangers response from my college regard- towards securing a block grant for ■ There is a spectrum of ing the issue of sexual assault of CUSU from the University”. sexual misconduct and a student was not good enough – Mystery of Trinity Great Gate revealed CUSU President Rahul Mansi- people have different the victim was told to feel sorry tudents and tourists alike have wondered why the statue of Henry gani said: “Congratulations to Alex for the attacker by her Tutor who VIII on the Trinity College Great Gate carries a chair leg. Varsity got on defeating RON; it is an increas- defi nitions as well as said that the attacker was feel- S ingly rare occurrence. I look forward to the bottom of the enduring Cambridge mystery. SEE FULL STORY ON PAGE 3 varying sensitivities ing picked on.” CONTINUED ON PAGE 4 to working with him.” Brutal attack on Cambridge vets save Investigation: sexual Tuition fees could rise News Interview: Peter The Essay p12 Sidney student tiger’s life assault in Cambridge to £9,000 Tatchell Why science A brutal, unprovoked attack A team of veterinary experts In an exclusive survey, Var- In a move that is being criti- Renowned human rights is never on a Sidney Sussex student at the University of Cam- sity set out to fi nd attitudes cised as a “tragedy for an activist Peter Tatchell sits last month, which resulted in bridge saved a tiger at the and experiences relating to entire generation of people”, down with Varsity to talk enough the student requiring medi- Shepreth Wildlife Park from sexual assault within the stu- universities minister David about his recent Equal Love Keith cal treatment, has raised life-threatening illness by dent body. Results show that Willetts has announced that campaign which fights to Ward concerns among students performing complicated sur- sexual assault continues to annual tuition fees could rise achieve civil marriage and about safety on streets, par- gery. According to all reports, occur at striking rates, while to as high as £9,000, sparking civil partnership equality for 44 > ticularly late at night and in the tiger has made a speedy remainining vastly under- concerns about higher educa- same-sex and heterosexual areas of low-lighting. ❯❯ p3 recovery. ❯❯ p3 reported. ❯❯ p4 tion access. ❯❯ p7 couples alike. ❯❯ p8 9 771758 444002 5th November 2010 Something to say? 2 EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Online this week

Established in 1947 SATIRE Issue No 728 Find all this week’s satire Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF online, including Redboy Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 Reports

NEWS Stay up to date with all the latest news and Sexual assault survey commentary he results of Varsity’s sexual assault survey should 12 per cent had been involved in sexual actions with their be a cause for concern for both students and college perpetrator. Tauthorities. Our survey found that 16 per cent of There is a common misconception that sexual assault respondents had been victims of sexual assault and/or happens primarily in public places and that offenders are rape. These fi gures are in line with national averages for unknown to the victims. Our statistics show that this is not SPORT university and college students but this does not relieve the case. University and college welfare authorities of their responsibility to do more. All results as well as student bodies should be doing more, Cambridge included. articularly worrying is students’ reluctance to report sports comment The view that being in line with national averages is instances of sexual assault in the face of apparent acceptable is indicative of worrying attitudes expressed Pindifference from some college authorities. The in our survey. Only 34 per cent of respondents thought anonymous claim that one tutor told a victim to “feel sorry” that educating men about consent was the most important for her attacker is worrying and shocking. thing that could be done to prevent male-on-female sexual Though it seems crass and unnecessary to state it so assault. In contrast, 44 per cent took the view that provid- explicitly, the damage that sexual assault can do to victims’ ing free night-time transport or rape alarms for women was lives is clearly not being taken seriously enough by some Inside this week the best solution. authorities. This latter view is symptomatic of the opinion that there CUSU Women’s Offi cer Sarah Peters-Harrison has THEATRE is a degree of inevitability to sexual assault, that male atti- complained about a “lack of training in these issues for key tudes can’t be changed and that it is the responsibility of members of pastoral systems” that ought to be addressed Cambridge theatre reviewed and victims to recognise the threat that men may pose to them promptly and fi rmly. rated, plus Edward and to protect themselves against it. As our survey shows, protecting victims is not enough. Herring’s View from The ineffi ciency of this view is made explicit by the fi nd- There are more fundamental problems with attitudes to the Groundlings ings that 71 per cent of victims knew their offender and sexual assault that must be addressed through education. REVIEWS so much that they asked to to start focusing on the Olympic Games is proof of Le ers to the join in. Over ten years later, potential to cement positive that. All the latest reviews, Scriptural Reasoning is a relationships between people including this week’s Jewish-Christian-Muslim text of faiths, rather than solely on Type 2 diabetes can go unde- album releases Editor study practice thriving both our divisions. tected for up to ten years, Sir, inside and outside the acad- so by the time people are emy, and creating strong Miriam Lorie diagnosed around 50 per cent I was delighted to read such bonds of friendship between Cambridge Inter-faith already show signs of compli- a positive interview with its practitioners. Students Programme cations which include heart Debbie Danon of the Three can get involved via the disease, stroke, kidney failure, Faiths Forum in last week’s Cambridge Inter-faith Pro- blindness and nerve damage, Varsity. One of the Forum’s gramme, where we hold Sir, that can lead to amputation. MAGAZINE most successful programmes, termly demonstrations Charlotte Runcie on Tools4Trialogue, which brings of Scriptural Reasoning. Sunday 14th November is Your readers may have Type 2 ‘Reading Week’ and together religious texts as a World Diabetes Day and I am diabetes but not realise it. So those fi fth week blues basis for discussion in the There is also a student writing to ask your readers to I would encourage them to go class-room, has its roots in an Scriptural Reasoning group support leading health charity online, take the free Diabetes academic practice called Scrip- launching this Wednesday Diabetes UK. UK Risk Score test and fi nd tural Reasoning, which grew 10th November (students out about their risk of devel- up in Cambridge. are invited to email us if they I discovered I had Type 2 oping Type 2 diabetes - www. COMMENT Scriptural Reasoning was would like to come along). diabetes at the height of diabetes.org.uk/RiskScore formed when a group of At the moment there is much my rowing career and know Jemma Trainor on the Christian academics, including attention, in your own publica- fi rst-hand how the condition It could be the best thing they imminent “legal murder” Cambridge’s Regius Profes- tion among others, given to can dramatically change your ever did for their health. of Linda Carty sor of Divinity, Professor the tensions between faith life. But once diagnosed and David Ford, observed a group groups, particularly surround- under control, diabetes should Yours faithfully, of Jewish scholars study- ing the Israeli-Palestinian never stop you from achieving ing together and loved the confl ict. anything you want - my gold Sir Steve Redgrave CBE questioning, dialectic process Perhaps this is an opportunity medals at fi ve consecutive Olympic Gold Rower

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge college, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.

EDITOR Joe Pitt-Rashid [email protected] ASSOCIATE EDITORS Helen Mackreath & Lara Prendergast [email protected] ONLINE EDITOR David Rosenberg [email protected] DEPUTY ONLINE EDITOR Leonie Get involved James [email protected] NEWS EDITOR Osama Siddiqui [email protected] DEPUTY NEWS EDITORS Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran [email protected] COMMENT EDITORS Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne [email protected] MAGAZINE EDITORS Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu [email protected] SPORT EDITOR Alex Kennedy [email protected] FEATURES EDITOR Lydia Onyett [email protected] ARTS If you would like to fi nd out how EDITORS Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic [email protected] THEATRE EDITOR Edward Herring [email protected] REVIEWS & LISTINGS EDITORS Julia Lichnova & David Shone [email protected] FASHION to write for Varsity, come to one EDITORS Louise Benson, Jess Kwong & Pete Morelli [email protected] SATIRE EDITORS Alex Owen & Ben Ashenden [email protected] of our weekly meetings. SENIOR REPORTERS Jane Ashford-Thom, Elizabeth Bateman, Cathy Bueker, Jemma Trainor & Jessie Waldman [email protected] THEATRE CRITICS Michael Christie, Siobhan Forshaw, Helen Young, Matt Russell, George Johnston & Laura Peatman [email protected] FOOD & DRINK CRITICS Lettice Franklin & Alex Lass [email protected] MUSIC CRITICS Nathan Arnott-Davies, Ellie Brindle, Sam News: Monday 3.30pm, Pem- Gould & Katya Herman [email protected] FILM CRITIC Alice Bolland fi [email protected] VISUAL ARTS CRITIC Yates Norton [email protected] LITERARY CRITIC Sophie Peacock [email protected] broke College Bar PRODUCTION MANAGER Hugo Gye [email protected] SUB-EDITORS Jonny Aldridge, Olivia Anness, Henry Drummond, Donald Futers, Angela Scarsbrook, Charlotte Sewell & Leonie Taylor [email protected] BUSINESS & ADVERTISING MANAGER Michael Derringer [email protected] BOARD OF DIRECTORS Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Magazine: Wednesday 5pm, The Hugo Gye (VarSoc President), Mr Laurie Tuffrey, Mr Paul Smith, Miss Avantika Chilkoti, Miss Helen Mackreath & Mr Josef Pitt-Rashid Maypole (Portugal Place) For VarsiTV enquiries: [email protected] Alternatively, email the relevant NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. section editor (right) with your RECYCLING Recycled paper made ©2010 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without up 87.2% of the raw ideas. material for UK prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2008 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewS 3 Sidney student is victim of brutal street attack Mystery of

andrew griffin Trinity chair EMILy CARLTON An unusually brutal attack on a stu- leg revealed dent last month has raised the level of concern for student safety on streets. RApHAEL GRAy The student, a Sidney Sussex student, was hospitalised after an The secret behind one of Cambridge’s attack in the early hours of Saturday oddest mysteries was uncovered by 23rd October. Varsity this week. Returning home after a night out Over the years, students and tour- in the city centre, the student was ists alike have wondered why the severely beaten by a group of 15 statue of Henry VIII in the Trin- male and female participants, who ity College Great Gate holds a chair were unprovoked. leg. The answer, as it turns out, is The student sustained a significant even more unlikely than might be head injury, which required treat- expected. ment at Addenbrooke’s Hospital. The statue of Henry dates from The incident followed just days around 1615, and originally showed after Varsity highlighted the issue the king resplendent with a golden of student safety in an investiga- orb and sword. Legend has it that tion into incidents of assault in the sword was swapped for the chair Cambridge. leg sometime in the nineteenth cen- Warnings have been sent out to tury by an irreverent student. students making them aware of However, Varsity was recently the event and advising them to be tipped-off by Stephen Halliday, a cautious. Cambridge city guide and Pem- In an email to Sidney Sussex Outside Sidney Sussex College broke alumnus, who advised that it students, Head Porter Sam White was not a Victorian prankster but a stressed that the likelihood of such the College’s location as situated Phil Franklin, Sidney Sussex According to Queens’ student window-cleaner who had armed the an incident happening to an indi- between a number of nightclubs. undergraduate, commented, “People Camilla Cook, “Cambridge County statue with the wooden pin. Halliday vidual in Cambridge is very low. He told Varsity, “Monday night forget that Cambridge isn’t just a Council need to improve the lighting followed the trail to Peter Binge, a However, he advised students to is becoming the worst night out”. University, it’s a city, and like every in the city centre. Students can’t be retired employee of the Chesterton travel in groups, dress ‘down’ where Admitting that incidents are usu- city in the UK, violent attacks are expected to be constantly vigilant Window Cleaning Company, who possible and avoid unnecessary con- ally linked to alcohol consumption, increasing.” when the authorities cannot be both- graciously agreed to talk about the frontation or poorly lit areas. he added, “I don’t feel this is coming In light of this incident, some stu- ered to tackle the cause. It has got to episode. Sidney Sussex Deputy Head from the student population.” dents feel that preventative action the point where people are refusing Mr Binge explained that he had Porter Colin Maxted, commented Whether the incident is a symp- should be taken by not just the Stu- to go out or staying at friends to pre- been cleaning the windows of the that he has seen an increase in vio- tom of the Cambridge ‘Town v. dents and Colleges, but the City vent having to walk home.” Great Gate thirty or so years ago lence recently and related this to Gown’ divide remains unclear. Council, as well. when he noticed that the statue of was missing something in its hand. He thought that the Cambridge Night Climbers, a shadowy group of students known for scrabbling up the Cambridge study reveals impact University vets save rare tiger’s life University’s buildings, must have removed whatever the statue had been holding many years earlier. of cuts to housing benefits shepworth wildlife park He recalls, “So, just for a laugh, I said to my friend [who was holding scheme would ostensibly provide the ladder]: ‘hold on a minute, I’m jESSICA kING incentives to local councils to increase going to go inside.’” Mr Binge was The Coalition Government’s planned social housing provisions, but there a familiar face in College at the time cuts to housing benefits could have is ongoing debate as to whether this and was friendly with the porters. a drastic impact on London neigh- will be as effective as the ‘regional “I went up the staircase and found bourhoods, a forthcoming study by targets’ in place under the previous an old broken chair which the bed- the University of Cambridge has Labour Government, which made a ders had put out on the landing. So, revealed. certain level of provision mandatory. I took a leg off and leaned out the The study, which was commis- However, the report is chiefly con- window with my friend holding onto sioned by homeless charity Shelter cerned with the private sector, which me and plonked it in the hand. aims to assess the social impact of the is predicted to become “largely unaf- “I thought to myself: ‘that looks recent cuts in Local Housing Allow- fordable” to a growing extent. a treat,’ but I didn’t think anything ances (LHA). The new policy (from 2011) of using more about it,” he remembers. Due to be released no later than the thirtieth percentile of the range Mr. Binge’s role in the plant has next week, the study is titled ‘Which of local rental rates as the upper limit never been a particularly well-kept neighbourhoods in London will be of housing benefits, is expected to eat secret. He was profiled in a 1988 edi- affordable for Housing Benefit claim- into household budgets. tion of the Cambridge Daily News ants 2010-16, as the government’s The decision to cap LHA at £290 and and likes retelling his story to reforms take effect?’ per week for a two bedroom dwelling, friends and curious tourists as he The study is being issued by the (and equivalent rates for other sizes) jANE ASHFORd-THOM animals and, in light of their endan- passes Trinity. Cambridge Centre for Housing and will impact especially on areas with gered nature, operating on Amba He finds it “quite funny” that the Planning Research (CHPR), which high property values, like London A team of veterinary experts from was an incredible privilege for all of leg hasn’t been removed. is based within the Department of and Cambridge. the University of Cambridge have us and an experience I personally will “I guess it was my famous five min- Land Economy. Fenton does not speculate as to the saved an endangered breed of tiger remember for the rest of my life.” utes,” he says. Alex Fenton, who is in charge of the social consequences, but dire prophe- from a life-threatening disease. Shepreth animal manager report, said the Government’s mea- cies abound of poorer income families Amba, a tigress from Shepreth Rebecca Willers said they had been sures “have not been fully thought being forced to relocate into ‘ghettos’ Wildlife Park in Cambridge, required “overwhelmed” by Amba’s speedy through.” Although Fenton is care- far from the city centre where jobs the help of police and a special fire- recovery. ful not to take a political stance, he may be scarce. arms team to deliver life-saving “Though she spent her first 24 points out that it is evidently poorer The long-term forecast is bleaker surgery to remove a tumour in her hours sleeping and we were all con- 52 Trumpington Street households who will be affected, as still, as from 2013, the maximum abdomen. cerned that it was touch and go for a Cambridge CB2 1RG LHA is a means-tested benefit. LHA is to be paid not by reference to Jackie Demetriou, lead surgeon, while, we were finally thrilled to see The proposed changes could have actual local rents, but by Consumer commented on the logistical prob- her exploring her outside enclosure FREE CHELSEA BUN implications for many current stu- Price Index inflation. This is defined lems of the surgery on the 175 kg again earlier this week, and posi- With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop dents. According to one third-year in the report outline as “the median tiger, particularly of ensuring that tively seeking food too,” she said. OR economist, “Many students might of the forecasts of independent eco- she was fully anaesthetised. The news was met positively by not anticipate this now, but quite a nomic consultancies,” published by “Pleasingly, after getting this far, undergraduate vets. Queens’ third FREE MORNING few graduates do move to London to HM Treasury in August 2010. the surgery itself went very well year vet student Peter Silke said: COFFEE/TEA look for work, and it is possible that Although it is assumed that rent indeed,” she said. “At this stage we “It’s quite promising that she appears (9am-12pm) some of them may need to apply for prices will increase at 3.6% a year, are cautiously optimistic Amba’s sur- to be recovering well from surgery, With any cake or pastry in the restaurant housing benefits before they find a average annual rental growth in gery has been a success and we are considering the size the tumour must on presentation of this voucher job.” England from 2001-2 to 2007-8 was very pleased with her progress. have been to have had a visible effect and proof of student status The proposed ‘Housing Bonus’ more than 6%. “Tigers are such magnificent on her external abdomen.” 4 5th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesaran NewS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

INVESTIGATION Varsity Investigation: Sexual assault in Cambridge

continued from page 1 Being acquainted with the perpe- but there is a desperate need for being victims of sexual assault, 54% trator was another recurring fact greater sexual awareness, including had been drinking or taking drugs The student continued, “This led among many responses. Over two on matters of consent and emotional before the incident. to another student, who was raped thirds of those who said that they harm.” Nearly 12% of these victims had in College, refusing to tell anyone had experienced sexual assault She went on to explain that “a lack also been “engaged in sexual actions about the incident, because she did admitted that they knew the per- of training in these matters for key with the perpetrator” before the not want them to think she was petrator. Of these, nearly a third members of pastoral systems, such assault, bringing to light issues making a big fuss, and thought they said that they knew the perpetrator as tutors, mean students can remain of trust and social pressures that would not believe her or respond “well”. unsure and afraid.” survey takers saw as an important appropriately.” These results are in line with that Issues of consent are, however, issue. Colleges, however, are eager of the NUS report, ‘Hidden Marks’, complex. A controversial case in The survey question about what to stress that resources are in published earlier this year follow- 2007 involving capacity to give con- should be done to prevent male-on- place for students who may expe- ing the results of a survey, which sent highlighted the difficulties in female rape and/or sexual assault rience assault. Senior Tutor of gathered over 2,000 responses the legalities of sexual assault when elicited a broad range of responses. St Edmund’s, Dr Helen Mason, from female students in the UK. drugs and alcohol are involved. Nearly 30% of people suggested speaking on behalf of her College, That report found 81% of victims The case commented that while the best way to prevent rape was told Varsity that, “We have a very of serious sexual assault knew their the statement “drunken consent is to offer free night-time transport strong tutorial support system at attacker. still consent” is broadly true, this for women, while 14% agreed that St Ed’s and I would expect any stu- The report distinguished this is not entirely so. Section 74 of the providing women with rape alarms dent to turn to us if they have had figure from the 53% of less serious Sexual Offences Act 2003, which was important. On the other hand, unwanted attention. sexual assault victims who knew the 34% said “educating men” was the “Depending on the circumstances, person involved. answer. According to its legal definition, “There is a desperate The latter certainly seems to be sexual assault constitutes any inten- the key since the Varsity survey “All the advice given tional sexual touching of a person need for greater suggests 71% of sexual assault against his or her will. This could victims knew their offender. This to women seems include anything from being kissed sexual awareness, evidence implies that physical self- or groped in a club against your will, protection alone is not an effective to be ‘don’t walk to attempted sexual intercourse including on focus for preventing rape. (oral, anal or vaginal) to assault by One student, in response to the alone.’ That doesn’t penetration and, of course, rape. matters of consent survey, commented, “All the advice The fact that sexual assault falls given to women seems to be ‘watch were collected. protect you when into different categories of varying and emotional your drinks, don’t walk alone.’ None It is fair to say, however, that the degrees of gravity makes it even of these protect you when your strong self-selecting nature of the your attacker is your more difficult for people to deter- harm” attacker is your friend.” survey has opened up the possibil- mine whether they have been a While the Varsity survey has ity of results being slightly skewed. friend” victim of sexual assault. defines consent, provides that “a revealed useful insights about stu- However, the fact that the percent- The survey showed that many person consents if he agrees by dent attitudes towards sexual age of students who admitted to people continue to be unsure of what choice, and has the freedom and assault, some have criticised the being victims of sexual assault in I would also anticipate that they exactly constitutes sexual assault. capacity to make that choice.” validity of the data collected. One the Varsity survey is in line with would report the incident to the Although 93% of survey takers The traveller on the road to alco- student who took the survey com- national statistics is striking. police,” Dr Mason said. judged non-consensual sex within a holic oblivion, judges say, may reach mented, “I believe that this survey One economist at Trinity said, She added, “I am not aware of relationship or marriage to be rape, the point where that “freedom and is more sensationalist than useful.” “All surveys of this kind are open any serious incidents happening nearly 42% were not sure or did not capacity” is lost. The Varsity survey was distrib- to biases. The important thing is at St Ed’s during the time I have know the specifics of what consti- They added that, “As a matter of uted electronically to all University that the issues surrounding sexual been Senior Tutor.” Dr Mason also tuted sexual assault. practical reality, capacity to consent students via the Cambridge Uni- assault among students in Cam- pointed out that they do “have sev- Peters-Harrison was concerned may evaporate well before a com- versity Students Union (CUSU) bridge are being raised.” eral resident Fellows on site and at the ignorance among students plainant becomes unconscious.” weekly bulletin. additional security during bops.” on this matter. She commented This is all the more relevant in The survey was also made avail- Additional reporting contributed She concluded, however, that “in that: “Much is said at school and light of the fact that of the 16% able via the Varsity website and by Elizabeth Bateman and Yuming general behaviour has been good”. during Freshers’ Week about STDs of survey takers who admitted to Facebook page. Over 500 responses Mei (Statistics Consultant)

a Victim of Sexual assault speaks to Varsity Student experiences of sexual assault “A close friend of mine was are when one is not allowed to was sexually assaulted by a stranger, which makes my case slightly unusual since sexual assaulted at [a popular take advantage of the pastoral “Iin most cases of rape the attacker is someone known to the victim. On the 4th of nightclub]. Two older men were services available for university May 2009 I was walking back to College at about 3am from Bateman Street, visiting involved. The men were thrown members.” friends. I wasn’t drunk at all, nor was I dressed provocatively, although I don’t believe out but no further action was this should make a difference in cases of rape. There’s a particular section of Hills taken or charges pursued by the “The response from my Col- Road which is low-lit, but since it’s such a well frequented area I didn’t feel vulnerable. After a while I club. I think it is both appalling lege regarding the issue of became aware of a car driving very slowly behind me and, while my instincts told me to cross the road, I and disgusting that [the club] sexual assault of a student was didn’t, believing that Cambridge is too safe a place for anything bad to happen. My attacker was a serial neglected to follow this up.” not good enough: the victim offender who’d followed me from the bar in town; he threatened me with a pocket knife and hit my head was told to feel sorry for the against the car several times. I feel guilty that I didn’t fight back hard enough. Cyclists cycled passed “As a male victim of sexual attacker by her tutor who said several times throughout the attack without stopping. Afterwards he got into his car and drove off, assault I really could have that the attacker was feeling leaving me with bite marks, bleeding from my head and my clothes ripped. The Porters dealt with the benefited from being able picked on. This led to another situation very well; they called the police and took me to hospital. The police provided me with my own to participate in Cambridge student, who was raped in individual person, and the College offered me counselling sessions, although I didn’t find these helpful. I Reclaim The Night. It is very College, refusing to tell anyone still get panic attacks now and have suffered depression in the last six months, even though I’m starting difficult to articulate precisely about the incident, because to feel better about it now. I would advise victims to take advantage of the support available and talk to how excluded, anonymised, she did not want them to think someone about incidents of assault.” and trivialised one’s experiences she was making a big fuss.” News team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NEWS5

ANDREW GRIFFIN 16% Student Opinions Percentage of survey- takers who said that “In Cambridge there is a they’d been a victim of culture of sexual abuse and sexual assault exploitation, masquerading under the guise of ‘fun banter’. This normally occurs within college drinking societies which actively foster anti- feminism sentiments, both 10,000 ideologically and in practice.” Number of women sexually assaulted in the “Self-defence classes are all UK every week well and good, but encouraging women to be physically “empowered” in response to sexual assault is monumentally dangerous and leads to a false 71% sense of security.” Percentage of student victims who knew their “There is a general lack of attacker awareness within certain aspects of the university community that male sexual assault and rape does occur, and it is of equivalent psychological impact to male- 4 in 10 on-female assault or rape.” Proportion of Cambridge “I think education for men students who did not about the fact that if a woman know, or were not sure, is unconscious due to alcohol what constitutes sexual this does not count as consent, assault is crucial.” “I think that women also need to be educated, and I say this as a woman. Women need to be 84% aware that certain actions can Percentage of survey- put them in danger: walking taking student victims home alone in the dark is an who did not go to the obvious one.” police “I believe that this survey is more sensationalist than useful.”

Male “It worries me how much young Survey respondents by gender victims Under the Act the non-consen- women I know feel ‘obliged’ The legal defi nition sual offences are rape, assault by to have sexual contact with of sexual assault penetration, sexual assault and someone, even when they don’t Of all respondents who admitted to being Female causing a person to engage in want to, on the grounds that ‘he sexually assaulted, 88% were women, respondents sexual activity. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 took me out for dinner, I didn’t while 12% were men. The statistic refl ects Male The Act has three important pro- was enforced on 1st May 2004. It want to be rude’, or ‘I didn’t the fact that while sexual assault of men respondents visions relating to consent. They repealed almost all of the existing feel ready, but I do like him, does occur, it is far less likely than female are: statute law in relation to sexual and if I hadn’t have slept with sexual assault. 1. A statutory definition of offences. The purpose of the Act him straight away he would’ve Female consent. This is that a person victims was to strengthen and modernize broken up with me’.” consents if he or she agrees by the law on sexual offences, whilst choice to the sexual activity and improving preventative measures “I wouldn’t say that non-con- has the freedom and capacity to and the protection of individuals sensual sex in a relationship or make that choice. The circum- from sexual offenders. marriage can be called some- stances at the time of the offence Under the Sexual Offences Act thing as damning as rape but 8% will be considered in determin- 18% 2003, sexual assault is defi ned as it does suggest that the initia- Survey takers’ opinion on how Rape alarms for ing whether the defendant was women Other when person A: tor has dominance or control to prevent sexual assault 10% reasonable in believing that the issues.” Self-defence complainant consented. People classes for a) Intentionally touches another will be considered most unlikely women person B “Drinking society culture The survey asked respondents what was to have agreed to sexual activity 34% b) The touching is sexual emphasises, alongside get- the single most important thing that should Educate men about if they were subject to threats, respecting consent 30% c) B does not consent to the ting as wasted as possible, be done to prevent male-on-female sexual or fear of serious harm, uncon- Free taxis/buses for touching getting with or scoring girls assault. ‘Other’ suggestions included women late at night scious, drugged, abducted or d) A does not reasonably believe from swaps, and putting girls better regulation of drinking societies and unable to communicate because wider social awareness of sexual assault. that B consents in a situation where they of a physical disability. feel pressured to engage in 2. The test of reasonable belief Whether a belief is reasonable is sexual activity they otherwise in consent to be determined having regard normally wouldn’t consent 3. The evidential and conclu- to all the circumstances, includ- to, whether that’s on the sive presumptions about consent ing any steps A has taken to dancefl oor of Cindies or in the and the defendant’s belief in ascertain whether B consents. bedroom. The onus shouldn’t consent Reasons why victims did not tell the police be on a girl to ‘not get raped’; the responsibility also lies with How to get help the man in deciding not to sex- I didn’t think it would be taken ually assault or rape women.” seriously 7% Linkline: 01223 245888; http://www.linkline.org.uk I didn’t think it was serious 29% Cambridge Rape Crisis Centre: 01223245888; http://www.cambridg- These anonymous comments were collected as a part of Var- I felt too embarrassed 1% erapecrisis.co.uk Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC), based at The Oasis in Peter- sity’s Sexual Assault Survey. I knew the perpetrator 11% borough. 0845 089 6262; http://www.cambs.police.uk/victims/sarc.asp I feared I would be blamed 3% Mpower: A phoneline for male victims of sexual assault. 0808 8084231; Have an opinion? Visit: www.varsity.co.uk All of the above 13% http://www.male-rape.org.uk/ Choices Counselling: A confi dential counselling service in Cambridge Other reason 36% for those whose lives are affected by childhood sexual abuse. 01223 358149; http://www.choicescounselling.co.uk/ 5th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 6 NEWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] University expresses concern over axing of A14 road upgrade New footage of WW2 rescue mission as “simply unaffordable under any CAI  reasonable future funding scenario”. The University told Cambridge The University of Cambridge has News that is was “disappointed” by voiced its concern over the scrapping the announcement and joins coun- of plans to improve the A14, a major cillors and business leaders in its road connecting Ellington and Fen condemnation of the decision to Ditton. cancel the road improvement. It will The £1.3 billion plan involved wid- also be “continuing its discussions ening the road to have three lanes in with the Highways Agency and the both directions, which was seen as a local highway authority to assess the vital prerequisite for the University’s implications of the announcement as 3,000 home development plan. more details are made public”. Cambridge warned several weeks Speaking to Cambridge News, a before the decision was announced spokesperson from the Department that any delays to the road improve- of Transport promised to “undertake ments would severely compromise a study to identify cost-effective and the success of the North West Cam- practical proposals which bring ben- bridge Development Project. efi ts and relieve congestion – looking The University has been looking to across modes to ensure we develop create a new development comprising sustainable proposals”. 3,000 homes in its site in North West Sophie Davies, a student at Newn- Cambridge, half of which are intended ham College, regularly uses the A14 for academic staff and students, with and is disappointed by the decision A screenshot of Mackrell’s footage depicting the elephant convoy crossing into India the other half built for the open hous- to axe the road upgrade scheme. She ing market. told Varsity that “at the moment the ADA CA of World War II. was impassable as rivers swelled by Plans for the A14 will now need to road is always congested during rush Gyles Mackrell, a British tea torrential rain made crossing on foot be readdressed in light of the recent hour. Only having two lanes means The University of Cambridge has planter who became known as ‘The a fatal enterprise. Those caught on Comprehensive Spending Review, that any slow moving vehicles results released fi rst-hand footage of one of Elephant Man’ helped hundreds of the Burmese border were starving which deemed the A14 upgrade plans in massive hold-ups”. the most fascinating rescue missions refugees who were fl eeing the Jap- and plagued by insects and disease. anese invasion of Burma in 1942 One account, by John Rowland a to make the perilous crossing into railway engineer, tells of his party India with the aid of a convoy of eating fern fronds to stay alive. The elephants. refugees were kept alive by supplies His story is told in a collection, dropped by the RAF but there was including rare amateur fi lm footage no evacuation operation. and fi rst hand documents, recently Gyles Mackrell was an area super- donated to the Centre of South visor for a tea fi rm in India and he set Asian Studies by his niece. off with an expedition of elephants, The fi lms depict the rescue expe- and the help of local tribes, to help dition crossing rivers at the height people cross the river on a diffi- of the monsoon season with the cult forced march. The party saved Claim your VAT-back with Sony* elephants nearly submerged by the over 200 people, including soldiers fl oods, as well as the remarkable from the British army and civilian Sony 40” Full HD 1080p BRAVIA accounts of both rescuers and those refugees. saved. 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K K CAMBRIDGE 16 Lion Yard Shopping Centre Tel: 01223 351135 www.innoviatech.com Instore, online, Collection or delivery. http://cambridge.sony.co.uk Meet us and learn more, 16 November 2010 from 7pm ‘Sony’, ‘Sony Centre’, and their respective logos are registered trademarks of Sony Corporation. All prices correct at time of going to press. E & Sidney Sussex, William Mong building, Sidney Street, Cambridge O.E. All pictures for illustration purposes only. Actual product may differ. * VAT-back is on selected Sony Models only. VAT paid at time of purchase on selected Sony products can be claimed by redemption. Please check in-store for full details and T & C. Operated by: Shasonic Centres Ltd Please contact us on [email protected] to find out more News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NEWS 7

Hi! Society Cambridge Dancers’ Club Cambridge CLAUDE SCHNEIDER You say beginners can do it, but Saturdays! It’s a great way to meet Spies what about those with two left people and to leave work behind. feet? Just put some music on and get lost A lot of people come to us who have in the dancing. danced and are looking for a dancing club, but a lot of people just think Do you tend to be short of male that it’s something to try. We cater dancers? for people who’ve never danced Yes, especially on the teams. Be- before, in any shape or form. The ginners’ classes aren’t too bad. You majority of our classes are begin- don’t need a partner to come to ners classes. We’ll teach you, even if dance. Just turn up, and you swap you’ve got two left feet, or perhaps partners every five minutes. You three or four. People come thinking dance with most people there. The they can’t dance and they pick it up. teams could definitely do with more The classes start really slowly. male dancers, all the time. Don’t be scared to dance! It’s OK for men to Your website claims that getting a dance! There’s no stigma to it! It’s Henry. Henry. Dear boy. All dancing Half Blue is “better than okay for females to dance as well, grown-up and indulging in winning the Boat Race”. Can you but you know what I mean! [taking] advantages of celebrity confirm that? on the dancefl oor at Fez. Tut It’s much more fun than the boat What events do you run? tut. Dear me. race. You get to meet people and We have weekly classes five nights a dance for fun, and you don’t need to week, but you don’t have to come to Cam reels from the return of its get up at five in the morning. all of them! One night a week would most notorious fairy queen, lash do. We have tea-dances every month and lassitude echoing around Has Strictly Come Dancing or so, where you come for an after- the only college queer enough changed things? noon, have tea, biscuits, put some to hold him. Yes! When it started six years ago, music on, do some social dancing. there was a massive surge in mem- There’s general dancing every Fri- Samian wine, hare terrine, 17th- bership. It’s really good publicity, day, which is similar (just put music century prostitutes, and dark because it shows anyone can dance, on, come and dance). Every term we plotting in corners. Another just come to lessons and surprise have a black tie ball with a live band day, another party. yourself! In two months, the celebri- and performances from the team. ties come up with these massive rou- And there are workshops in differ- Senior antiquity of Cam’s senior tines that impress even our dance ent styles throughout the term. There antiquity’s verdict on pennying: sport team, who compete interna- are things happening all the time. You “When I was a student, they tionally. We’ve had Anton du Beke can easily dance seven nights a week, called it sconcing. And they did and Erin Boag (Strictly dancers) which is what I do! it at Oxford”. teach classes and coach the team. Now, we have Bruce Lait, who was How do you become a member? Fresher love: so fl eeting. One Tell us a bit about Cambridge cials, tea-dances, workshops, balls. in the Strictly Ballroom Dancing Membership costs £15 for the whole glimpse of him with his hand Dancers’ Club If you’d like to compete, we’ve got tour. year, which is very good value. down other-her knickers in the We are the biggest dance society in dance sport and rock ‘n’ roll teams. Classes are £2 for less than an hour toilets, and all is ashes. Sad. Cambridge, and one of the largest in The classes are taught by profes- What makes the club special? and £3 for over an hour. Compared And rather funny. the country, with up to 2,000 mem- sional coaches. You don’t need to It’s addictive! It’s so addictive! to most dance societies, that is very bers a year. We hold lessons five have danced before and you don’t I started dancing last year: one good. One wonders whether someone times a week, in ballroom, Latin, need a partner. I started dancing a night a week rock ‘n’ roll, and now has been having fun with Clare’s salsa, dance sport and rock ‘n’ roll, year ago and I’m here now! (Ben is I’m doing three nights rock ‘n’ roll BEN ROBERTS WAS INTERVIEWED BY ISOBEL remembrance book, or whether catering for complete beginners the rock ‘n’ roll team captain). and three nights ballroom. On the WEINBERG Evangelista and Annunziata up to advanced dancers. There are seventh night I dance at College Find out more at were real Clarites. www.cambridgedancers.org things happening all the time: so- because there’s no CDC stuff on £9,000 cap on tuition fees announced JC WILLS In addition, Mr Willets announced A TAINO that a £150 million National Schol- arship Scheme would be targeted at bright students from poor back- Universities and Science Minister grounds. He said that “under our David Willetts has announced that proposals, a quarter of graduates the tuition fees could rise to a maxi- - those on the lowest incomes - will mum of £9,000 per year. pay less overall than they do at Fellow Ministers and Liberal present.” Democrats Nick Clegg and Vince The proposals have prompted Cable looked on uncomfortably from anger amongst students and others the government benches as Willetts who feel that the Government is unveiled plans which could poten- simply trying to price a signifi cant tially see tuition fees almost trebling number of people out of going to from the current amount of £3,290. university. In a statement to Var- The general fees cap will be placed sity, CUSU called the tuition fee at £6,000 but Mr Willets has said that increases a “cynical attempt to shift certain institutions will be able to the burden of the spending cuts onto charge more “in exceptional circum- students.” They emphasised that stances”. Those universities who “This is not a good deal for students. wish to demand the higher rate will It is not a good deal for universities. have to show that they are making It is not a good deal for society.” an effort to take part in schemes that A spokesman from the Univer- will encourage students from poorer sity has said “Cambridge needs to backgrounds to apply to university. balance its books [and] in that con- Mr Willets was quick to point out text the University welcomes the that no students will be expected Government’s decision to increase to pay tuition fees upfront. Instead the maximum annual tuition fee to they will pay in the form of gradu- £9,000.” ate contributions, repaying their They added “we remain commit- loans as 9% of their income with a ted to the provision of bursaries real rate of interest once they begin to students from less advantaged earning over £21,000 per year. backgrounds.” Students taking part in the demonstration against education cuts and the recommentations of the Browne Report 5th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 8 NewS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

NewS iNTerview Peter Tatchell: human rights activist

Peter tatchell alking to Peter Tatchell is tax-payers’ money to, rightly or like trying to get blood from a wrongly, bring this issue to the Tstone, which is surprising con- courts’ attention, but Tatchell him- sidering he has so much to say. Like self has set up a personal fund in all successful campaigners, Tatchell order to finance his activist work. has an agenda and a ruthless knack Having approached 1000 members for shaping his media coverage, of the LGBT community, Tatchell something that he does not fail is requesting “people to give £5 a to implement in this particular month or more by standing order” instance in the plush environs of one to the Tatchell Rights Fund in of the Union’s reception rooms. order to provide an office space, Born in Australia in 1952, Tatchell extra staff to help Tatchell answer escaped conscription to the Vietnam the deluge of requests that he is War in 1971, coming to England on inundated with everyday, and a the eve of the Gay Liberation Front salary of £60,000 per year for the movement in which he became currently unpaid and overworked a prominent member. Finishing Mr Tatchell. his education in London, Tatchell Tatchell’s appeal for funds on became a freelance journalist focus- ing on foreign news, before 22 years of involvement in Labour politics He exposed a which included a brief spell as MP for Bermondsey. thumb-sized In 1990 Tatchell became one of the founding members of Outrage!, scab on his shin, the controversial LGBT social movement campaigning group, evidence of BNP known for their extreme public- ity stunt-style campaigns such as and Catholic ‘FROCS’ (Faggots Rooting Out Closeted Sexuality) and their work sentiment. on confronting religious homopho- bia in the Church of England. his various websites is candid. Tatchell’s involvement in this group “Because I lack sufficient staff brought him to the fore of LGBT support,” Tatchell writes, “I am rights activism in the UK and his working 12 to 18 hours a day, seven glittering array of awards, including days a week. I’m often tired and ill.” last year’s Liberal Voice of the Year The cost of campaigning seems to Award, are a testament to his influ- be taking its toll: this request comes ential status. Tatchell, as I soon from an activist who has already discovered, is a person who cannot been championed a hero for the fail to make a noise: that is, after all, multiple wounds he has received in his job. the line of duty, most notably being One of the few topics that Tatch- punched in the face and nearly ell is keen to talk to me about is knocked unconscious by Russian his Equal Love campaign which police while on a Gay Pride march in began on Tuesday 2nd November. Moscow in May 2007. In this campaign, eight couples Tatchell’s fear of coming under – four same-sex couples and four either verbal or physical attack heterosexual couples – will file seemed to dog our conversation. applications for civil marriages and When I asked about his ongoing civil partnerships respectively at commitment to try to lower the age their local register offices. of consent, he declared the topic Every week until December 14 to be a “waste of our time” before one couple will make an applica- brusquely pulling up his left trouser tion. Tatchell is “confident” that, Peter Tatchell, human rights campaigner and co-founder of Out- leg to expose a thumb-sized scab following the register offices’ letter on his shin, evidence of BNP and of refusal which will be used as rage!, talks to Olivia Crellin on the challenges of destroying a “sex- Catholic sentiment, apparently, that evidence in court at a later stage, branded Tatchell a paedophile for “the twin bans on same-sex civil ual apartheid” in Britain and his new campaign, equal Love speaking out on the issue. marriage and opposite-sex civil The palpable proof of the opposi- partnerships will eventually be we look at Tatchell’s impressive While many believe the Equal partnership at all. tion that Peter Tatchell comes up declared unlawful”. The first of the record of activism abroad which Love campaign to be a quibbling Tatchell explains: “Many het- against on a daily basis did leave eight same-sex and heterosexual includes, along with opposition to over terms, Tatchell, however, finds erosexual couples don’t like the a rather unpleasant taste in my couples to challenge the UK’s mar- Israel’s occupation and campaigning this argument far from compel- patriarchal history of marriage. mouth following our parting. It did riage laws, Rev. Sharon Ferguson against imperialism in his native ling. “People would not accept an They want a more democratic, not, however, explain Tatchell’s and her partner Franka Streitzel, Australia, two attempts at a citi- academic system that called male modern system of relationship rec- unwillingness to engage with the have already been denied permis- zen’s arrest of President Mugabe, university staff professors, but ognition. Others are motivated by more philosophical issues at the sion to marry in Greenwich. the second of which resulted in a the equivalent female staff senior a refusal to avail themselves of the heart of human rights activism. Despite there being, according to serious case of brain damage which teachers,” he says. “That would be opportunity for civil marriage while It seems to me that Tatchell has, Tatchell, “little difference between forced him to step down from Green sexist.” Denial of civil marriage to this option is denied to their lesbian with his most recent campaign, civil marriage and partnerships in Party prospective candidacy in same-sex couples is a similar form and gay friends. For them it is a relinquished the change he wanted terms of the rights and responsibili- 2007. of discrimination “that signifies and gesture of solidarity.” to make in favour of the headlines ties they confer,” the Equal Love symbolises the second-class legal Perhaps rather worryingly then, he wanted to make. I can’t help feel campaign is representative of the status of LGBT people,” Tatchell the Equal Love campaign is not that perhaps, if Peter Tatchell were fundamental belief that “in a democ- Denial of civil claims. With this as the main thrust interested in an assessment of the to pick his battles more carefully, racy we should all be equal before of the argument behind the opera- existing social institutions of civil not only would he emerge from the law”. “No one would accept it if marriage to same- tion, Tatchell has denounced this partnerships and civil marriage, but the tussles intact but he might also Jewish people were denied the right “twin ban” as a “form of sexual rather Tatchell’s “point is that all safeguard a reputation which both to civil marriage and were instead sex couples... apartheid” condemning the exis- couples should have a free and equal preceded and overshadowed my fobbed off with civil partnerships,” tence of two separate laws. choice.” The idea that relationships meeting with the man himself. Tatchell tells me, as a means of symbolises the What some might find puzzling are shaped more by the connota- explaining the overriding human about this campaign is not the tions attached to their official rights dimension of this campaign. second-class legal continuing cry for legal equality classification than by the unique Important for Tatchell is the regardless of sexuality, combined individuals involved has, in some Peter Tatchell spoke last Thursday at the assertion that he has “never been status of LGBT with a typically Tatchell publicity critics’ eyes, reduced this campaign Union debate: ‘This House believes that merely a gay rights activist” but “a drive to challenge social attitudes, to nothing more than an unimagina- the Free Market has failed’. campaigner for the human rights of people, Tatchell but the simple and somewhat tive splitting of hairs and a waste of To find out more about equal Love and all victimised peoples and nations”. curious question as to why a het- taxpayers’ money. Mr. Tatchell’s other campaigns visit: www. Such a statement rings true when claims. erosexual couple would want a civil Not only will this campaign use petertatchell.net Careers in Investment Banking Are you ready for a company that offers more than you would expect?

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Who Got That Job? Careers Service – Vacancies & Opportunities Edit this paper Public Library of Science (PLoS) Publications Assistant (or sections herein) Handle day-to-day editorial and online production tasks, required for Applications are invited to edit and section edit Varsity in Lent 2011. the smooth functioning of scholarly journals. Application forms are available for download from varsity.co.uk/jobs (excerpt from Vacancies & Opportunities entry)

The deadline for editorial applications is Monday Nov 15. Clare Weaver The deadline for section editor applications is Monday Nov 22. Queen’s, Linguistics “I just wanted to write and say thank you to Any student is encouraged to apply. the Careers Service for helping me find a job. No experience is necessary. I’m now working in a 5-month contract with If you have any questions, please the Public Library of Science as a Publications email the current editor, Assistant, a position I saw advertised on the Joe Pitt-Rashid, on Careers Service website. Amanda Norman, [email protected]. Careers Adviser was particularly helpful with advice and suggestions on working in publishing, which gave me confidence in myself and in my Positions include: News Editor, applications.” Comment Editor, Features Editor, Arts Editor, Reviews Editor, Sport Editor, Fashion Editor, Science Correspondent, Theatre Critic, Music Critic, Classical Critic, Film Critic,Visual Arts Critic, The Careers Service has information and advice from your first term through Literary Critic, Food Critic, to your last year, and beyond. We can help you get ideas and plan how to Photographer, Illustrator achieve what you want to do. www.careers.cam.ac.uk 5th November 2010 Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 10 COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment Isn’t it ironic? (Well no, probably not) Journalism must stimulate debate, but claims of ‘irony’ are too o en used to escape taking responsibility for what is published

of criticism has often been merely Of course, when we are constantly depiction of ‘alternative’ culture writ- drug habits, its recurrent defence to raise a weary eyebrow at the under fi re from companies and indi- ten by the infamous hipster persona centres around irony. These pieces, it conception of sincerity in the arts. viduals who are trying to convince ‘Carles’, explore how far we take claims, which on the surface appear Who really means anything they us of various things - from how to our own tastes and values seriously. blatantly prejudiced, are apparently say, especially when one engages on ‘please your man’ to how to waste a purely ironic comment on popular such a risky endeavour as promul- your money - it is healthy to be conceptions, designed to raise ques- gating these ideas and passions to a discerning. This chronic lack of ear- As a friend of mine tions and stimulate debate. broad spectrum of people? The cur- nestness, however, has a deep impact And yet, if the articles and features rent consensus appears to be that no upon our relationships and our sense frequently jokes, are supposed to be satirical, then one, in modern society, really of identity. Romantic advice why aren’t they explicitly humorous means anything. employs the rhetoric of “I haven’t meant or incisive? How can we draw the Particularly in playing, of acting, of line between deliberately controver- intellectual circles, dissembling. We anything I’ve sial subject matter and distastefully this constant ‘play the game’, irresponsible journalism? It seems IMOGEN GOODMAN recourse to ‘play hard said since 1997 – that in a world which is so caught ‘irony’ is per- to get’ and up in the idea that no one is trust- vasive as a even ‘play including that.” worthy, to cast your statements as trolling into the Faculty means of the field’, ‘ironic’ as an afterthought is deemed library fashionably late this avoiding the and these There is an implicit assumption that perfectly acceptable where it would Sweek, after a swarm of insa- appearance phrases you cannot truly be involved with a otherwise be laughable. tiable students had fi nished their of genuine, signify a joke such as Hipster Runoff unless With great journalism comes pillaging, I scanned the half-empty heart-felt prudent you are part of the counter-culture it great responsibility. When a public shelves with dismay. Tatty turn- commitment. – even a claims to mock. Essentially, this sort article is written, it is understood of-the-century tomes with more A friend of necessary of journalism is constructed in the that the act of writing and dissemi- indignant scribbles than printed mine fre- – ability to negative (establishing what you are nating is a testimony to the courage text, far-fetched Freudian interpre- quently manipulate not saying) rather than the positive of the writer’s convictions, whether tations of Sophocles and a few other jokes,“I haven’t another whilst (arguing for or against a standpoint the piece is intentionally comedic undesirable books lay in a state of meant anything preserving explicitly), and thereby exemplifi es or not. I agree: we should question disarray, and my gaze fell, reluc- I’ve said since 1997 Number One. It is a culture which is reluctant to betray the claims of, say, tabloid journalism. tantly, upon the text I knew I would – including that.” It is viewed as weak and an emotional investment in any They should stimulate debate. But it inevitably be taking home. The text both a rather clichéd witti- naïve to express feelings; cause. is not enough to simply use the all- was entitled, ‘Ironic Drama’. cism and an apt depiction of a society smart and savvy to withhold them. Tabloid journalism is one such pervasive get-out clause of ‘irony’ in It seems that, around the fi fties that is predominantly distrustful of It seems significant that this example that claims to be ‘tongue- order to escape all responsibility. and sixties, the term ‘irony’ began the information it is fed, whether should also be the golden age of the in-cheek’. In its dealings with public For the sake of journalism, art to bleed slowly into Western culture; that comes from school, the media, ironic or satirical news story; blogs criticism concerning Page 3 girls, or and humanity, I hereby call for the in the past fi fty years, the function or from each other. such as Hipster Runoff, a parodic insensitive pieces about celebrity return of sincerity. The future’s bright, the future’s awkward Our generation will continually be confronted by snap-shots of our youth – tread carefully

that I liked, the problem was that your friend’s SLR, remember quite higher you climb, the greater the could be jelly-wrestling this May unshakeable obstacle of foresight: how permanent that image is going fall. What if you become one of those Week, an aspiring head teacher would I really want that tattoo to be. You might lose contact with dowdy, pontifi cating Conservative could be brought down in later life as a young man or as a grey scale that friend; just next week he could MPs, arguing about the problem of by the pictures of him dressed as a pensioner? binge-drinking youths in 30 years Nazi guard in a bad taste bop when A similar thought process ought to time? What if your snap-happy he was just a starry-eyed Fresher. be on our minds as we negotiate our Whether you’re friend becomes a journalist? Our generation is more account- precarious existence in Cambridge. With Facebook, we actively dia- able for its actions than any We must ask ourselves the question: photographed rise our every whim, every thought previously. Whereas public fi gures how accountable are we being to our and every activity, and these today can explain away the devi- future selves? staggering to facts, which we disclose ant foibles of their youth by When Nick Clegg was an under- freely ourselves, are out talking euphemistically JONNY WALKER graduate at Robinson, he had some Gardies or shagging of our control as soon about having a ‘full uni- dalliance with Cambridge University as we press ‘send’. versity experience’, Conservative Association. Whilst your way across the How lucrative a we shall not be spared was one of those textbook, this isn’t altogether surprising given trade would some such liberties. It is all weedy, milksop boys whose his puppetee/puppeteer relationship oor of Cindies, conniving young documented. Every Imisspent childhood was spent with the Prime Minister, it must have Cantabrigian forge uploaded photograph, in the glare of television screens. proved quite embarrassing for him keep in mind that if he befriended us every blogpost, each Borne mostly out of overexposure as he climbed the ranks of the Lib- all and saved copies tiny tweet has the to WWF wrestling (before the eral Democrat party machine. But of you don’t know who of those compromising potential to rain down panda-huggers re-appropriated course, he wouldn’t have known then pictures, made copies of a torrent of shit on you in their acronym), as a nine year old what he would become in later life; those around you all those political and reli- your professional life depend- I started to fetishize tattoos as and nor do we. gious slurs you have aired all ing on which path you take. symbolising a forceful masculine In the Facebook generation, we will become over your status and noted which Be you Tab Totty, be you parading identity. are all the more constrained by our events you have attended! in Champagne decadence or be you But when I got to the age at present when thinking about our sleep with your girlfriend and you All he would have to do is wait for shagging your way across the sticky which I could legally get one, I futures. So as you stagger your way could become determined enemies. you to enter the professional world dancefl oor of Cindies, keep in mind found myself unable to; it wasn’t to Gardies dressed in full black tie, Cambridge is famed for its elitist and the power he wields could be that you don’t know who you and that there weren’t any designs and you gurn in joyful vinolency into grasp on the professions and the immense – a future prime minister those around you will become. Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk COMMENT 11

Our Man in Amman

e currently have no water in our fl at. Admittedly Wthis is partially our fault, since we didn’t realise that the colourful piece of paper wedged between two fl owerpots in the entrance to our block was the water bill. Even though it’s all paid now, we won’t get any of the wet stuff until Sunday, when it gets delivered to our rooftop tanks via a reassuringly large truck. Until then, I’m using mineral water to wash and brush my teeth, which does the job just fi ne. Honestly, I don’t know why everyone relies so much on building wells and pipes and stuff when a 24-pack of Evian will do. Water is scarce in Jordan. It is one of the top ten most water- poor countries in the world. Every year, the average US citi- KATE JONES zen has over 9,000 cubic metres of fresh water available to them. A Jordanian citizen receives less than 200. Furthermore, the popu- lation is rising and is expected to In Death’s waiting room double by 2029, meaning that the already scarce water supply will be stretched even thinner. e sham trial and imminent ‘legal murder’ of Linda Carty is an afront to justice and human decency Yet if you saw our neighbour- hood in north Amman, you life, including a history as the victim exposes a complacency and places minutes with Linda before her trial. wouldn’t have thought such basic of rape and domestic abuse, she was a rather naïve hope that a crimi- His actions can at best be classifi ed resources were in such short sentenced to die by lethal injec- nal justice system which exists in a as complete negligence, at worst, as supply. Just across the street tion for murdering her neighbour, developed, democratic country must a wilful obstruction of justice. from us is a large, glass-fronted Joanna Rodriguez. This sentence have some legitimacy. But leaving And now, amidst a hopelessly café that has 40 or so widescreen was borne out of the kind of crimi- aside the substantive issues in this fl awed appeals process drowning plasma TVs for customers to nal justice we like to tell ourselves case, all the more frightening is the in legal technicalities, and a society watch soap operas and music doesn’t exist in the Western world procedural circus that led to Linda’s hell-bent on the destroying its crimi- videos. I have never seen more - the facts read somewhat like the conviction and sentencing. nal offenders, Linda Carty is right to than a handful of people in there, reports of a Soviet show trial. No one ends up on death row pray for a miracle because, unfortu- and normally the staff outnumber Linda was named as the ‘master- because they have done terrible nately, nothing else will do. the clientele. I have literally no mind’ in the murder by the three things, they do so because they have The death penalty discussion may idea how that place exists, given men who actively committed it, suffered terrible representation. be one for another day, but the mere the massive overhead costs. Per- their inducement being that they And the crimes of Linda’s defence fact that a woman living in a liberal haps I’m wrong and it’s actually JEMMA TRAINOR would escape the death penalty for lawyer who, comfortingly, has had democracy was able to wind up in the Ministry of Finance building, doing so. According to the Assistant Death’s Waiting Room on the basis which I suppose would explain District Attorney, the fact that her of such a completely fl awed case the slow service. y thoughts have spent more accusers were “an armed robber, a That anyone is utterly abhorrent. If we cannot The sharp contrast between time in Linda Carty’s cell dope dealer, a drive-by shooter and expect the basic right to a fair trial wealthy and poor is very vis- Mthan anywhere else this another armed robber” only made living in a liberal in a country with which we are so ible in Amman. Rainbow Street past while. As the fi nal door closes their stories more credible - a natu- inextricably connected, one must is a smart, clean and pricey area on the female Briton on Texas’ rally logical assumption. wonder how valuable such rights dominated by expatriates, but go Death Row, the thoughts of people Her motive was, allegedly, that she democracy can end are in terms of international politi- 200 metres down a set of warped far away are the only company she wanted to steal Rodriguez’s unborn cal capital. If it is these sorts of cases steps and you come to the ‘balad’, has. Hope has defi nitely left the baby (of a different race than Carty up on death row on that result in a death sentence, how the centre of town. Here it’s nois- building. herself) in order to pass it off as her many steps are we away from the ier and dirtier, with an abundance In reality, there isn’t much room own and save a failing relationship. the basis of such possibility of a similar fate? of delicious-but-basic street side for thoughts in there. When the legal Issues about the plausibility of this Linda, a Christian, has a small diners. It’s great fun, but visibly action charity Reprieve erected a tale begin to arise at this point. But flawed evidence is request of God. She says, “If I have much poorer than the swanky life-size model of Carty’s cell on St when you add the knowledge that to die, I pray that my family will not district that overlooks it. Martin-in-the-Fields next to Trafal- Carty had done undercover work utterly abhorrent look and not feel ashamed of their Amman isn’t a third world city gar Square in August, the overriding with the Drug Enforcement Agency daughter, or their mother...” by any stretch of the imagina- impression was unbearably grim and in her area – and was, you might say, more clients put on death row than What they should be ashamed tion, but it is one of contrasts. tiny. Visitors fl ocked to sit in Death’s a tad unpopular amongst the neigh- any other lawyer in the US, are of is the archaic and unjust system Although the economy is growing Waiting Room, contemplating the bourhood’s gangland thugs – things numerous and extreme. As well as that is perpetrating Linda’s ‘death steadily fuelled by a burgeon- stark reality faced by those on death all start to make sense. There is failing to notify the British consulate by homicide, performed by lethal ing middle class, prices outstrip row. Whoever designed it did get rarely a more powerful motive than of her nationality (which would have injection by order of the people of average earnings and nationally something right though - it’s a dead the dual prospects of money and ruled out the death penalty) and fail- the State of Texas’, and doesn’t even there is an acute lack of natural ringer for purgatory, or perhaps hell power, and Linda Carty had often ing to spot obvious inconsistencies have the courage to write ‘legal resources, exemplified by the itself. And this is Linda Carty’s day- been standing in the way of both. with the prosecution’s case (Carty’s murder’ on her death certifi cate. water shortage. And sometimes to-day existence. I would like to think that no one alleged weapon of choice would have all that separates these two Linda Carty is a British citizen, would ever be convicted on similar apparently been a pair of medi- worlds is a few dozen steps. born on the Caribbean island of St. evidence in a British court, but then cal scissors which could only cut If you wish to fi nd out more about Linda TOM CROOKE Kitts. After a complex and diffi cult again, this assumption is telling. It cloth), Jerry Guerinot only spent 15 Carty, log on to www.reprieve.org.uk 5th November 2010 Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 12 COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

ThE ESSAY Can we profess a rational belief in God?

y good friend Peter Atkins by the basic constants and forces has written that “atheism of nature, and seems to lead, as Mis the apotheosis of the even Richard Dawkins once said, Enlightenment,” and that “scientific almost inevitably to the existence method is a gloriously optimistic of intelligent conscious life sooner flowering of the human intellect”. or later. That is evidence for pur- The latter statement I agree with; pose, though of course such claims the former seems historically inac- are disputed and do not have over- curate. There were many varieties whelming force. Nevertheless, it of enlightenment, but most were is a huge exaggeration to say that theistic: Immanuel Kant asserted there is nothing at all that points to that belief in God was necessary, purpose in the universe. and even the French invented a My chief problem with Peter’s ‘religion of Reason’. Those, like article, then, is that it vastly David Hume, who were not theistic over-generalises, over-simplifies, were also sceptical of the power of and historically distorts the very human reason. complex relationships between There is a deeper philosophical scientific and religious beliefs. ‘Sci- point here: belief in the intelligibil- ence’ is presented as optimistic, ity of the universe and the power of rational, and leading to true under- human reason to understand it has usually been associated (as in the case of Isaac Newton) with the exis- tence of a rational God who made The idea of a God the universe intelligible, i.e. created through Logos or Reason. Those or deity is the who exorcise God (like Nietzsche) have seen little reason to think that postulate of one the universe is intelligible or that being which could the human mind can understand it. So Peter’s claim that science is opti- provide some mistic about discovering the nature of the cosmos, whereas religion is general reason or not, seems upside down. In any case, it is a gross over- purpose for the simplification to juxtapose ‘science’ and ‘religion’ and say that one cosmos is optimistic and the other pes- EMMA SMITh simistic. There are many forms standing. ‘Religion’ is pictured as of science, and many pessimistic founded on sentiment, prejudice scientists. And there are many and unexamined faith. But there forms of religion, some of which In a pointed rebuttal to Professor Peter Atkins’s essay is more to understanding than sci- are extremely optimistic about entific understanding. There is the the scope of reason (late medieval of 8th October, Keith Ward outlines why science understanding of what it is to live thinkers like Anselm thought a good human life, what it is that reason could prove virtually every alone cannot offer us an adequate and reasonable gives value to life, and why it is truth, even about God). that humans see their lives in such Science, says Peter, is about understanding of human existence, and why, without very different ways. Investigat- experiment, repeatability, and ing such personal understanding public confirmation. That is broadly God, many philosophical and personal questions will is the province of the humanities, true. But it is not just religion, it and religion is investigated within is all the humanities – literature, the humanities as one historically art, music, morality, philosophy, remain unanswered important way of understand- and history – that lack these basic ing human existence that, whilst features of scientific method. There what researchers may personally make things simple, whereas reli- for simplicity? Is this not like com- contested, is capable of rational are no repeatable experiments believe. gion tries to make them complex. paring apples with prime numbers? criticism and defence. It is critical reasoning – applied Try comparing quantum theory Many sciences strive for simplicity, Belief in the existence of God to atheism as well as theism – with the religious claim that an in the sense of having a few general has seemed to most classical that is the true apotheosis of the intelligent God created the cosmos laws and forces which may account philosophers to be a central part It is a huge Enlightenment. And it is quite to generate finite intelligent beings for observed complex physical of a reasonable – perhaps the exaggeration to possible to belong to a religious behaviour. Religion is not even in most reasonable – perspective tradition and use critical reasoning that game. Religion, in some of its on human existence. To dismiss say that there is about your own tradition. Criti- advanced forms, seeks a differ- it because it does not conform to cal religion asks if its basic beliefs There are no ent sort of simplicity: one general canons of scientific enquiry does nothing at all that are consistent with those of the experiments reason, or at least a relatively not, overall, seem a wholly reason- sciences, if other traditions and small and coherent set of reasons, able procedure. And that is the points to purpose philosophies – including atheism or conclusive for the sake of which the cosmos crucial question: can science alone – have good arguments for other exists. There may not be one, but give an adequate and reasonable in the universe ways of believing, if traditional for- tests that could the idea of God is the postulate of understanding of human existence? mulations need to be revised, and one being which could provide one If not, then wider philosophical, and no conclusive tests that could whether beliefs are harmful or ben- show whether such general reason or purpose for personal, and sometimes religious show whether Heidegger is a eficial in personal and social life. the cosmos. That is simplicity, but a questions remain to be seriously profound philosopher or Rubens a It may be that not many people Heidegger was different sort of simplicity. addressed. When they are, God great painter. That does not mean are good scientists, and that not Peter says, however, that there remains a serious candidate for that there are no rational criteria many people are good at critical a profound is not the “slightest evidence” rational and critical belief. of judgment or no uses of reason thinking about religion. If so, we that the universe has a purpose. in these areas, or that they are should try to educate more people philosopher, or That is simply not true. There are Keith Ward is a Fellow of the merely founded on sentiment. in critical thinking – but that hundreds of eminent scientists – I British Academy, an ordained So in religion, the University means getting them to challenge Rubens a great cite only Isaac Newton, Freeman priest in the Church of England, of Oxford’s Theology Faculty overly simplistic views of both Dyson, and Francis Collins – who the author of over twenty books uses critical reasoning to examine science and religion, and to under- painter think there is discernible direction on theology and the philosophy various linguistic, textual, cul- stand how people form basic world in cosmic history, from relatively tural, historical and philosophical views that are not conclusively that could understand and appreci- simple, unconscious structures to of religion, and was formerly aspects of religious beliefs, and verifiable by science. ate it. Which is simpler? Does it conscious structures of organised Regius Professor of Divinity at lays down no preconditions about Peter says that science tries to even make sense to compare them complexity. The direction is set the University of Oxford. Album Reviews: N*E*R*D p22

Charlotte Runcie on ‘Reading Week’ p14

My Degree: Law p20 5th November 2010 Magazine Editors : Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 14 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Week 5 Special Charlo e Runcie: On Fi h Week Blues GOOD Fifth week? More like Fifth ‘Reading Week’: “A phrase in which the word ‘reading’ of November please. Hot spiced cider and operates predominantly as a euphemism for ‘sleeping’, sparklers at the ready. N.B. Burning an effi gy ‘clubbing’, and ‘ill-advised sexual conquests’” of your supervisor probably won’t make a difference y friend Kate is not some of my friends than it does defi nitely given them an extra very helpful, pieces of advice, to multiple essay known for her tact. about the British university kick, as now along with the the site moves on to suggest crises. Unless M“God, I am so glad it’s experience. nasty “I’ve got so much work some mental games you can you believe in Reading Week this week,” she What do we get instead of to do” refrain in your head you play in a dark moment to help voodoo. breezed at me down the phone, Reading Week? Well, here’s can also add “I’m going to fail you drift off, when the pressures speaking from her room at a the really thin end of the my degree and be unemployed of work seem to be closing in northern university which will wedge: ‘fi fth week forever! Maybe I should try with the walls. remain nameless. “Now I’ll blues’. those Civil Service Fast Stream “Repeat long pieces of poetry fi nally get a chance to get that practice tests again…” And if or prose,” it suggests (to which I essay done.” that wasn’t enough, the blues snort, ‘Um, this is my bed, not a “Mmm,” I replied, with can also bring with them their supervision, Cambridge Univer- “I have no idea what happened a lot of restraint. Reading friends, the throat infec- sity Counselling Service!’) Then after 2am. I woke up ON my Week? What are they up there, tion and the things get both more soothing bike, in my bed, with a deep wusses? “It’s around this part of and more abstract. “Imagine a thigh bruise.” “At least I wasn’t term that the essays can start storm raging outside while still dressed as a bottle of dom to pile up.” you are safe and warm perignon when they took me “Essays?” She said sweetly, in bed,” it coos, like a to the ER.” Sound familiar? between sips of an audibly beloved aunt, or an Too familiar? TextsFromLast- repulsive home-made hangover obsessive meteorolo- Night.com the ideal source of cure and some absent-minded gist. As an alternative, schadenfreude. lipgloss application. “No, no, “Make your mind a this is the fi rst one this term. complete blank then No words suffi cient to express Total nightmare. Two thousand imagine a pleasant your essay woe...? type ‘Cat words!” colour.” Betrayed by His Girlfriend! Sex! I think she took my silence as Cambridge may never give Heat Rage! Foul Language!’ into shocked sympathy, which was Other students us Reading Week, but bless it, YouTube – you’ll understand fortunate for our friendship. I get parties; we LOUISE LONG it’s trying. Or you could always WHYYY when you watch it... love Kate, but I did need to have get misery. I fi rst be like my friend Ram and see a reviving chocolate muffi n knew that my own stomach it through by enjoying Diwali. when I put the phone down. consignment of the bug, just to make We could all use some extra It’s not fair. Halfway through blues had been delivered when, absolutely sure that light right now. But really, this term, students at most other a few nights ago, I found myself you’re as behind on your work is my advice for dealing with universities get a Reading unable to sleep at 4am, fever- as you can possibly be. the blues: drink a lot of tea and Week. This is a phrase in which ishly searching YouTube for At a loose end one night, try to avoid thinking about May. the word “reading” operates videos of X Factor contestants coughing and sleep-deprived, And if you want to stay upbeat predominantly as a euphemism from three years ago. It was the I Googled the word ‘insomnia’. and you value your friends for “sleeping”, “clubbing”, and only way I knew to stave off the One of the fi rst hits was the at other universities then, “ill-advised sexual conquests”, panic. Cambridge University Counsel- whatever you do, wait a week ...alternatively indulge your inner as far as I can work out, though At 3am the next night it ling Service’s thoughts on the or so before you ring them for a fi ve-year-old and reduce stress that may tell you more about happened again. Third year has matter. After some general, and chat. Trust me. with sugar-high endorphins from Barbie’s Dance Workout (fl uoro lycra costumes compulsory). Dear Varsity,

A Hallowe’en special (post delayed though I hear): blood! urine! Hamburg!

I get attacked by the lesbians most Hallowe’ens. Last night, at the Berlin Alternative Porn Film Festival After-party (nu-urr), a conclusive defeat on my part. I got a splinter and a slight nosebleed. Last year they left me for dead at the bottom of Columbia Road. The year before I Essay drudgery is getting you went to Ficken 3000. It was a lesbian-only club, down? From this week, women so I had to use my woman’s intuition. Feminine drunk. I got lost looking for a park to piss will work the rest of the year for wiles. Well, I pulled a scarf over my head and in. So I pissed on a car. A police car. They free according to the average charmed the door whore in my butchest falsetto. arrested me. I pretended to have a fit. They gender pay gap. took me to hospital. In hospital I was thrown I got in of course – into a darkroom maze, a on the floor and stuck up like a pincushion. sort of labyrinthine sex-dungeon. I saw things I love a nip of saline now and then. I had to Clocks going there that no man should ever see. In some dark play dead for three hours until the policemen back – one fumble the scarf was pulled from my head. There guarding me had turned away. Then I ran: hour of extra was a pregnant pause. Then five fanged lesbians upstairs, downstairs, through a cancer ward sleep for one gave up whatever they had been doing and moved and a triple bypass. I reached the front door day does NOT in for the kill. I ran. They chased me a good but out on the street now a row of doctors make up for four streets, so I pulled into a dark alley- and policemen had formed to catch me. So I – these eternal way, turned my coat inside out, scribbled a I ran back, took a green gown and mask from hours of moustache onto my upper lip...and got savagely a cupboard in the basement, walked, calmly, darkness. beaten when they caught up. It was then that I through the cordon, and slipped away unseen. realised that I was a master of disguise. I am good you know. So I went to Hamburg to see some girl. We got Ali (Ali MacKinnonHaxie is is online) online BAD Magazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 5th november 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk MAgAzinE 15 SOME QUESTIONS FOR: Hannah Keal, CSLD Chair Alice Hancock and Charlotte Wu probe the secrets of Cambridge’s no.1 Lib Dem and discover why leather chairs may be the answer to week five blues...

College: If you could rule any country (UK and Gonville and Caius. USA aside) which would it be? School: Cuba. I’d make the UN actually do Lady Lumley’s, Pickering, North some preservation work on Havana, Yorkshire. seeing as it’s supposed to be a world heritage site, whilst sipping Mojitos. Date of birth: 10/07/91. When you’re rich and powerful and the University is offering to name something Date of death: after you, what will you request? The year 3000. Leather armchairs big and soft Sexuality: enough to copulate in. Straight. Mostly. Ish. Ethnicity: Caucasian. “I demanded that my Religion: mum bought me a mug Narnian. saying ‘I’m going to win Emergency contact: Gregory Peck. If it’s an emergency, the Nobel Prize and this he’ll definitely be able to come back is my mug’.” from the dead, right? Smoker: What did you want to be when you grew Occasional up? An author. Number of sexual partners? No comment. (I’ve always wanted to What do you want to be when you grow say that, plus...feminine mystique, up? yeah?) A war crimes prosecutor/an immigra- Mental health problems: tion law specialist/an author/ So far avoiding mental breakdown. president of the world/an underwear designer/owner of a back in time Favourite book? private members club? Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. Actual favourite book?: What’s the key to happiness? The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Leather armchairs, books and a glass Wilde. of red wine – and a partner in crime.

What are you reading? What will be written on your gravestone? The Damage Done by Peter Woolf. “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.” Where do you live? K-Block, Harvey Court, avec all the Who would play you in the film of your Caius musos. life? Salma Hayek. She’d have to put on a Where do you sleep? bit of weight for the role? Sleep? What? What does that mean? I literally have no idea what that’s Who will play your arch-nemesis in the

supposed to mean. ADAM HinES-gREEn film of your life? It would be cut – contract law is so not sexy. “I don’t like moustaches, a mug saying “I’m going to win the How many copies will it sell? Nobel Prize and this is my mug”. It More than Katie Price’s and Michael Which Pokémon would play you in the which rules out most was meant to be for a toddler. Mansfield’s and I’m happy... cartoon of your life? dictators” I’ve never watched Pokémon. But I’d Who’s your favourite dictator? Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis? be Velma in Scooby Doo. Where will you be on Wednesday night? Hmm, difficult. I don’t like It’s not a ‘who’ it’s an ‘it’: contract law. Maybe my first Cindies of term to moustaches, which rules out quite a What’s next for Hannah Keal? celebrate three harrowing days of substantial amount of them, so I’m What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard? Who knows? (I don’t.) successive supervisions... going to go with Mao. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was an accident. Why did the Do you have anything you’d like to ask When did you first realise that you What’s the working title for your spill-all second monkey fall out of the tree? us? wanted to be a megalomaniac? memoirs? Because it copied the first monkey. Do you know what happened to the When I demanded, as soon as I set These Are My Confessions. Yeah Usher, Why did the bird fall out of the tree? King’s cow? eyes on it, that my mum bought me so me. Because it wanted to be a monkey.

Cambridge Student Liberal Democrats (CSLD) is the student branch of the Liberal Democrats for students at both the University of Cambridge and Anglia Ruskin University campus in Cambridge. it is currently the largest of the three student parties in Cambridge. nick Clegg, current Deputy Prime Minister, is the society’s honorary Vice-President, along with David Howarth and Simon Hughes MP. notable alumni include Vince Cable, Peter Cook, CULC founder member and Foreign Secretary (1924-9) Austen Chamberlain, Mervyn King, and John Maynard Keynes. For more information visit http://www.csld.org.uk 5th november 2010 Features Editor: Lydia Onyett 16 magazinE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

‘I clutched my protruding hipbones and felt safe.’

Radhika Kapila asks why eating disorders are preying on more Cambridge students than ever before

n the last twelve years, the Formal hall. Sitting at a doesn’t make us immune to here. However, with eating number of people seeking majestic table and eating an the problems being faced by disorders in the UK amount- Ihelp for eating disorders exquisite three-course meal ing to an astonishing 1.15 at the University Counselling by candlelight is one of the million cases with most occur- Service has risen from 6% quintessential delights of ring between the ages of 16 to 9% of the students using Cambridge. My fi rst experi- One way of dealing and 25, it is no surprise that ence of this tradition however, with stress when they are on the rise amongst was slightly different; my Cambridge students as well. She piled her plate memory of it dominated not work is spiralling So why is this issue so by candlelight and coved prevalent at Cambridge? full of carrots. She ceilings but by sitting next out of control is to Although the obvious explana- to a skeletal girl who piled monitor what you tion is the desire for control, then told me she her plate full of nothing but there are other triggers for wasn’t going to eat carrots. She then jokingly ingest. these disorders that are told me that she wasn’t going specifi c to the Cambridge for the next three to eat for the next three students throughout Britain. environment. It might be days. At that moment, in the It might be thought that assumed that intelligence days. fi rst week of my fi rst year, it somehow, with the impor- makes us less susceptible to the service. This does not became clear to me that being tance placed on intellect, the need to conform to images include the many who remain at one of the best academic appearance would be a more put forward by the media and undiagnosed. institutions in the world superfi cial issue for students more aware enough of eating Features Editor: Lydia Onyett 5th november 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk magazinE17

disorders to prevent them before they is coupled with other personality traits non-existent in the country before. In Body Dysmorphia, which stems from develop. shared by the majority of Cambridge many ways, that is exactly what we over-analysing and misinterpreting But perhaps it is this very aware- students, such as perfectionism. The might be suffering from. As inquiring people’s reactions to you. This condi- ness that makes Cambridge students CUSU website even has an extensive students we know of the symptoms, tion is not confined to women. Male more susceptible to these disorders section on how to deal with it, demon- but being alert to these might make eating disorders are also increasing. than other students in the UK. strating how problematic this mindset us aware to such a level that we However, rather than the female can become. This aversion to failure expose ourselves to the development concern with losing weight, the male and desire to be perfect reflects itself of them. Essentially, eating disorders preoccupation is often on developing in image just as much as academic have become a mark of our time, masculinity by appearing physically achievement. the language of suffering for our fit, through building up the body. In Environment both these instances of Body Dysmor- phia the crux of the problem is the process of over-analysing the percep- he Cambridge lifestyle suggests Physical excellence is tion held by the opposite sex, which anything but moderation. Background arguably more pertinent is partly the reason why those with TStudents are faced with the higher IQs are more likely to develop intense pressure of trying to balance a to students simply these issues. Cambridge students social life with an extensive workload. nother aspect which makes undeniably fit into this category and This stress can mean that providing Cambridge students susceptible because it is a more their circumstances are exacerbated yourself with a proper diet becomes Ato eating disorders is their tangible and immediate by the general insecurities faced by background. For example, the Eating all students. Disorders Association found that, in means of demonstrating It is clear, then, that anyone comparison to 1 in 500 state school assuming that intelligence equates Essentially, eating students developing eating disorders, achievement. to immunity from issues suffered disorders have become 1 out of 100 girls in private schools by millions of people of the same suffered from them and, disturb- age throughout the country, is very a mark of our time, the ingly, these figures have trebled since generation and the recognised way to mistaken. In fact, Cambridge students the research was conducted in 1994. express internal distress, whatever are arguably less immune than others language of suffering for Again, we can associate this rise with this distress is. Consequently, eating primarily because this University is our generation. the pressures of academic ‘hothousing’. disorders might be symptomatic of such a centre of achievement, creat- Students from private schools still numerous problems, from overwhelm- ing an environment which engenders constitute a disproportionate part of ing stress to acute loneliness. competition. This competitiveness secondary, almost too time-consuming. our student body and these statistics has given us the ability to move from One way of dealing with stress when are therefore, to some degree, carried the mind to the body. Physical excel- work is spiralling out of control is to over to the University. lence is arguably more pertinent to monitor what you can, and one of the Surely, though, alongside academic students simply because unlike the easiest things to monitor is what you success there is an intellectual curios- Body Dysmorphia long process of intellectual success ingest. ity amongst students which provides (such as establishing a successful Cambridge aside, a university them with the awareness to prevent career) it is a more tangible and environment in general has its own the development of these problems? eanne Jade, the founder of the immediate means of demonstrating pressures. For many, going to univer- Surprisingly, these factors work in National Centre for Eating achievement. sity is the chance to reconstruct conjunction with eating disorders. DDisorders explained to Varsity I return to my companion at that identity within a new peer group. Numerous studies demonstrate how that whilst there is never one specific first Formal. As her humorous, mildly On entering Cambridge, however, added awareness of mental health cause in the development of an eating cynical attitude showed, she was academic ability no longer provides you issues can help to induce them, even disorder, “mental over-sensitivity aware of what she was doing but with a unique identity. Many students when these problems were previ- is a key issue”. Interestingly, this unlike most other sufferers, had no have to face the harsh reality of no ously non-existent. For example, suggests that Cambridge students desire to hide it. Certainly, what longer being the most intelligent in the journalist Ethan Watters notes might be particularly vulnerable resonated most from our brief their year. Image, which can be honed that eating disorders in China were as a consequence of heightened meeting was her sense of pride in more quickly and easily than academic induced by information from the awareness and intellectual sensitiv- demonstrating the process of her success, gains further importance. This West, despite having been virtually ity. Eating disorders are aspects of achievement.

‘I was aiming for my nothingness; my destruction.’

o this day, I still me by the throat. What baby piglet. In pure disgust safe. don’t believe I “Before I reached really flung me down the I ripped all of the photos up. “Tsuffered from rabbit hole was my dad “I managed to get down to an eating disorder. Even my peak, I was walking out and my mum about seven stone (I know, “I experience though I have been on hands having to cope alone – and not that skinny you’re and knees, face-to-face with aware that I was the niggling thought that it probably thinking) and insecurity nearly the porcelain queen, heaving was possibly my fault. living on a diet of an apple a into the basin and going altogether too “Before I reached my peak, day. Still the intense energy every day.” on seven-day fasts, I never much. Too loud, I was aware that I was I attained from this, the quite managed to reach my altogether too much. Too ability to swim one hundred “I experience insecurity nirvana; the goal weight I too tall, too fat. loud, too tall, too fat. When I lengths and still keep going, nearly every day. I hate was aiming for; my nothing- was a child I overate, biscuit was an attractive thrill. I looking in mirrors. And ness, my destruction. When I was a child after biscuit from the tin. I would stand up, the world I can’t lie, I do miss the “I didn’t intend a slow, remember finding photo- would spin and go dark, I control. I played with fire sadistic suicide. In fact ‘it’ I overate, biscuit graphs of myself, hunched would clutch and rub at my and although like a phoenix crept up behind me before I after biscuit.” over a fire roasting marsh- protruding collarbones and I rose from the flames, I am even realised it had taken mallows on a stick, fat as a hipbones, and I would feel still singed.” anonymous 5th November 2010 Arts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic 18 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

EMMA SMITH Border Crossings Colm Tóibín’s fi ction pushes the boundaries of topics like multiculturalism, national identity and gender politics. Philip Maughan spoke to him during his recent pit-stop in Cambridge this week

s the novel dying? It’s a debate that across the Atlantic to America. Yet Tóibín’s new book is a collection of book became a way of trying to chisel should probably be dropped given while the narrative of departure may nine short stories entitled The Empty out an opening for myself, I wasn’t Ithe 85 years people have spent be familiar in Irish history, today, the Family. “There’s a story called ‘The just writing a novel, I was trying weighing in on it. “Replace the word island has become a point of arrival. I Street,’ which attempts to dramatise to breathe. It became a raid on the novel with the word fi lm,” suggests wonder if the widespread resistance to the stuff we’ve been talking about. unsayable. But it’s funny how people Colm Tóibín, arguably Ireland’s immigration in Ireland seems a little It’s about the Pakistani community handle things, you’d be surprised.” foremost living novelist, “then you’d hypocritical, in a country where almost in Barcelona.” A fl uent Spanish and actually get somewhere.” everyone knows someone who has Catalan speaker who spends a portion Tóibín is confi dent that during our moved abroad. of his year in Spain, Tóibín has taken “I wasn’t just writing a interview, “the same ten bad fi lms are “If a Chinese kid is born in Ireland an interest in the region ever since his playing in the same malls everywhere they are not automatically granted fi rst novel, The South (1992), in which novel, I was trying to in the world: they’re not memorable, Irish citizenship, and that is wrong, an Irish woman moves to Barcelona breathe.” they’re of no use and they won’t simply wrong,” he responds, explain- and falls in love with a local painter. survive.” I don’t doubt his conviction, ing that nobody will let him talk about “Catalan nationalism is so self- I ask if writing women’s lives has but Tóibín, for all the melancholy the subject in the Irish press because, consuming and interested in itself, become the default perspective in weight of his prose writing, makes for well, it doesn’t appear to have they didn’t realise that vast numbers his writing. “Not really, I’ve written surprisingly jocular company, and you anything to do with the economy. of Pakistanis had arrived and recre- six novels and it’s split pretty much can never be completely sure he isn’t ated a dead part of the city, making it evenly between men and women, pulling your leg. clean, safe and wonderful. They add so though having said that, I now have We soon start talking about much life. I call them New Catalans in real trouble writing straight men. I Jonathan Franzen, as is the way of “Multicultural Britain was the book, and people have accosted me, can’t see them, feel them or get them all literary-themed discussion at the not done by politicians saying, ‘Surely you can’t be serious?’ into my system. It’s a big problem.” moment. “The arrival of someone like But I am.” After tonight’s stopover in Franzen has been a big deal,” he says, or journalists. It was Saying what others won’t is a Cambridge, lecturing on English rising to pour some sparkling water, striking aspect of Tóibín’s writing. poets in Ireland during the sixteenth “he’s not redefi ning the novel, he’s just done by Salman Rushdie, The Blackwater Lightship (1999) century, I ask, what’s next? “I’m using it. Getting all the business down Monica Ali, and Zadie is the story of a gay man suffering lecturing on Austen in December, and right from the beginning: characters, from AIDS who must reveal both his after Christmas I’ll go back to Princ- things they do, funny ones, serious Smith.” sexuality and his illness to his mother eton to teach. Then in June, July and ones, love, family, hate, fi ghts – and and grandmother. A gay man himself, August I’ll work hard on fi ction in putting it all into a book.” “It takes a long time for a country Tóibín had to realise the impact this Spain…” He pauses – probably aware From here Tóibín segues into familiar to get used to the idea that outsid- story was likely to have. “I published of the fact I’m thinking, ‘and I’ve got a territory. “What’s happened in England ers nourish a place. It was very that book while my mother was still bloody dissertation to write sitting in – the re-creation of the country, multi- disappointing to realise that Ireland alive, so, you can imagine! There were my cold north Cambridge pit’ – adding, cultural Britain, was not done by couldn’t do this. I think it takes a things in the book that had never been “there’s no perfect life y’know. I often politicians or journalists, or on TV. It lot of leadership, at every level, to said, and all of a sudden the whole think I should be living in Ireland all was done by Salman Rushdie, Monica tell people why you cannot do this to town could read them.” the time working on novels, but then I Ali and Zadie Smith, redefi ning the others, because you end up doing it to I explained that the idea of my own get a letter from somewhere like this public space: it was done by novelists.” yourselves, because of course they will family, also from Ireland, reading a asking me to come and speak and I Emigration, identity and the signifi - be Irish. sex scene I’d written, was nothing think ‘Fuck it, there’s something on cance of ‘home’ are common themes “People think because there’s such a short of horrifying. Yet he was surpris- my mind, it’s a distraction but I’m in Tóibín’s fi ction. His last novel, the history of bad British landlords that ingly optimistic about the need to going to do it.’ And that’s the way it Costa Prize-winning Brooklyn, followed an Irish landlord should be really nice. write these things down. “The danger goes, there’s no perfect way to live.” a naïve but determined Irish woman I’ll tell you now, there’s nothing worse is in censoring yourself, because if from Enniscorthy, Co. Wexford (where that an Irish landlord, nothing meaner. you stop writing, you stop. It was Tóibín’s new book The Empty Family the novelist himself was born in 1955) Never mind an immigration offi cial.” like I was locked in a space, and the is published by Viking and is out now. Arts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk MAGAZINE 19 Parental Ad ry As a new volume of The World According To Vice is published, Zeljka Marosevic and Eliot D’Silva explain what makes the magazine such a divisive phenomenon Vice: “Still taking the risk” Vice: “Nothing more than a pose”

on’t Yet it’s always important to ool is a house party I attended after the forget provide youth culture with an slippery fi rst episode of Skins aired. As “Dthe element of traction in the real Cterm, things, as they do, got hairy and nineties,” I heard world and, particularly in its use usually defi ned lairy, a stranger walked past me, Stephen Malkmus, and promotion of photography, most precisely by nodded at one site of carnage and lead guitarist Vice meets this challenge head what it isn’t rather muttered approvingly, “Skins”. of reformed indie rock heroes on. Perhaps the biggest complaint than what it is. Luckily, Vice My new friend believed that as a Pavement, say to the Brixton about the magazine’s fan-base magazine has developed a system drunken collective we had reached Academy this May before launch- (captured neatly in YouTube of signs so clear that anyone the apex of what teen life could ing into a slew of wounded and sensation ‘Being a Dickhead’s looking to crack the cool code be, and it had been brought to us sarcastic old songs. Slung between Cool’) is how their hip lives are would only have to fl ick through direct from Channel 4. a heartfelt plea and a bratty aside, so apparently performances. But its pages to be educated once and I groaned for many reasons but his words tap into the kind of by putting these unknown kids for all. Black and white or grainy mostly because teenage life in all nostalgia that Vice magazine culti- before the lenses of professional Polaroid-esque photographs, its excess and disappointments vates with such glee, going beyond snappers Ryan McGinley and Tim articles on casual Class A drug remains almost ethereal, making the average remember-that- Barber, some shocking and vital use and mildly lesbian fashion attempts to record it ineffective. cartoon quality that infantilises a new art has been fostered. McGin- shoots all fl ash before your eyes When you try to write about it reader into submission. ley’s images freeze road-tripping in one pure moment of under- or put a lens in front of it, what The mainstream media has long nudes in hazy frames that, like standing: so this is what you’ve you’re photographing or describing since discovered that there are the majority of Vice’s loosely edited been missing out on. moves from spontaneous, elusive topics – school days, nudity, and pages, wear their imperfections In credit to Andy Capper, he’s action to nothing more than a downright embarrassment – that more like biographical data than not the one making these asser- pose. Even if you like wearing it doesn’t really have to cover, signs of sloppiness. tions. I admire his statement, American Apparel and taking like an adolescent who suddenly We’ve all heard Bob Dylan’s “When I think of ‘cool’, I think of a Polaroid photos, seeing someone realises he no longer has to choke famous lines: “If my thought cat wearing shades.” He explodes doing this in a magazine makes down his veggies. But over recent dreams could be seen / They’d the term that limits our response it appear contrived and ridiculous. years, as its output has begun to probably put my head in a guillo- to a magazine which contributes Vice reduces youth culture into encompass video, music and fi ction, tine.” Dylan might understand the to a recording of youth culture. such homogeny and then hands Vice has continued to supply its spirit of a publication like Vice, a Yet in the process of recording, it back as a model of how to live, readers with their deliciously great example of having those Vice seeks to create a lifestyle a pale and limp parody of what teenage roughage. dreams but still taking the risk. ED prototype. I’m reminded of a adolescent experience really is. ZM Varsity interrogates Vice UK editor Andy Capper about youth culture, the gritty underbelly, nakedness, and the essence of cool.

Why a book? Why now? The motivations behind these differ trying any more.” What I gained from A lot of Vice photography relates to a but they’re bound together by the glue skating and punk rock was a good set very specifi c kind of existence. Does This is the second ‘greatest hits’ book of us being hyper-active people who someone need to get themselves a we’ve published. This new one refl ects want to achieve as many things as cool life before they can start taking the last six years and concentrates on possible. “I would have loved good photographs? the English-generated content. Do you think that youth culture to have studied at They need to get an interesting life Surely all this talk of ‘cool’ must get is always about kicking against with boundless enthusiasm for discov- irritating? Is Vice ever trying to be something? Cambridge but at that ering new things. Cool doesn’t really cool? time of my life I was come into it. When I think of ‘cool’ I There’s so many different kinds of think of a cat wearing shades. The word “cool” is so over-used these youth culture these days that it’s more interested in punk days that I don’t really know what impossible to say. Are the people who The inside of the magazine is an it means any more. It used to mean queue up outside Justin Bieber’s hotel rock, skateboarding intoxicating cocktail of drugs, naked- things like Miles Davis doing heroin room kicking against something? and sniffing glue” ness and the absurd; are the offi ces but now it can be applied to social How about the Twitter and Facebook as organised and corporate as other networking sites and chewing gum. addicts who spend all their time magazines? It’s a redundant term I think. telling you what they had for break- fast? Those kinds of ‘youth culture’ are of aesthetics and DIY values. Vice was You could name almost every act of more conservative and establishment- formed by people with those self-same deprivation known to man and I could “When I think of ‘cool’ I ass-kissing than going to church aesthetics and values. tell you it happened at the old offi ces on Sunday. Personally I like to kick in Leonard Street. These days we’ve think of a cat wearing against things as much as possible moved to a much nicer, less parasite- because I’m an objectionable grumpy Your investigations often look at the ridden offi ce across the road and, as shades.” old fuck. gritty underbelly of societies: is that far as I know, nothing awful has because you feel no one else is record- happened there yet. Vice also runs club nights; do you think A lot of your cultural reference points ing these things? Vice is only recording youth culture or – I’m thinking of skateboarding specifi - What are your thoughts and precon- is it initiating a certain type of youth cally – could be seen as throwbacks to ceptions about an institution like The experience? the 1990s. Do you think that culture is I think everybody should take an University of Cambridge? still alive in the twenty fi rst century? interest in the gritty underbelly As a ‘media entity’ we worked out very because it’s such a large part of the I would have loved to have studied quickly that if you restricted yourself I skated until I was about 22. A society we live in. To ignore them is somewhere like Cambridge but at to only print magazines then you’d kid called Geoff Rowley started to ignore life itself, but yes, often the that time of my life I was much more have a hard time surviving. So we hanging out with the gang and after gritty underbellies are too dangerous interested in punk rock, skateboard- branched out into a bar, tours, festi- skating with him for a year I just for the mainstream media to want to ing and sniffi ng glue in the art room vals, books, fi lms and a record label. thought,“there’s no point in me even dig into. cupboard. 5th November 2010 Magazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 20 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Food and Drink My degree: Law LETTICE FRANKLIN ’ll never get a job. Not they got up again. Stewart promise to read his CV for after last night. Merrill (the shorter one, but height spelling errors. And I’m left ambridge-based foodie ILynch took me out for doesn’t matter for the story) with an Easter placement anecdotes from Uncle John: dinner at Jamie’s (my room- didn’t recover properly and at the Mill Lane corner “CIn the 1950s, all the fast set mate; he’s livid) and I did not his groaning for an ambu- shop which is a nightmare went to Indian restaurants every impress. My fi rst mistake lance was a real distraction because I have to pay them night, and got so over-excited by was dress code. Hallowe’en during soup. an inconvenient US$40 a the hot curry they would stand on or not, apparently my dead, I got a few pens from day for the experience, and their heads on the tables. Favourite run-over dog costume is them though. Good ones too: the shop burnt down years misspelt item on the menu – Mixed “ill-considered and wildly of- double click and it tells you ago so I’m getting very little Girls (get it?) How they laughed! fensive”. I borrowed a couple how many hours until the insight indeed. He explains that all they ever of ties and made do, but I next careers seminar. Two It’s not fair. I go to every thought about was puns and girls.” remained uncomfortable – hours until one with Herbal lecture (today’s on the Among my regular bulletins from the suit was scaled 1:6, so it Essences; it will be a bore, prickly issue of contract the Romance Society, hourly Pizza weighed a fucking tonne. My as I’ve already been for two printing margins) and fi nish Express offers, and gloom-inducing second mistake was misjudg- years in a row, but careers is every essay on time (this exam registration requests, this ing the handshake etiquette. literally the most important week: ‘Law: the best Tekken email from my mum was a gleam of I wanted them to see me as thing when you’re a young, character?’), but because Os- joy. After chuckling for an hour or an assertive, employable free student, so I’ll be there. borne has replaced every job two at her hilarious use of phrases type, so I went straight in Ted got an internship at KATE JONES with a yacht I’m screwed out like “the fast set” and “How they with a swinging neck punch. Dulux, the lucky shit. He there. Looks like I’m going to laughed!” (and on a really good It was, to be fair, a solid gets to work for them every have to be a lawyer. day, “Good wheeze” – an expression hit, but conversation was day of summer (weekdays I think even the Famous Five awkward and stilted until incuded) and at the end they As told to Ben Ashenden. would taken the piss out of) I turned my attention from the LECTURE NOTES: form to the content. Uncle John is my eternally and extraordinarily T GEDY Week 4) dashing great uncle, who is, I What is Tragedy? Dffclt concept. Def. not Comedy. Orig. from Greek, ‘Tragedos’ (lit. Sad play suppose, a bit of a lad. with bad death). Debate as to whether Greeks ever existed. Most critics believe yes. Debate I followed in Uncle John’s as to existence of debate. Lecturer probably Scottish, hard to tell. T.S. Eliot on Aeschylus: footsteps and yesterday, for the ‘more sugar in tea needed’ (widely considered irrelevant). When Sophocles: ancient period fi rst time in my nonetheless [pre J.C.] Seneca: a Roman (Italian Greek), died in a bath (ironic: having not died in one exciting and fulfi lling Cambridge since or before). Tragic? Compare all to Batman in exam. Fatal fl aws. career went to the Mahal. OH. MY. GOD. My view of the Universe has shifted dramatically. Maybe food was made to be thrown (around or up). Maybe Jackson Pollock invented Quoted Unquote his trademark splatter-style in order to prompt rip-offs that can Adam Lawrence chooses his top fi ve historical/ be gloriously added to by fl ying hysterical words from the ‘wise’ korma missiles. My trip was terrifying but thrilling; I now understand Uncle John’s over- “Science is important” excitement, although I reckon this – STEPHEN HAWKING may not have been caused entirely by spice. Cough, wink, B.Y.O.B. wink, cough. For culinary rather than (sort of) cultural excitement, cook your own curry. A lentil and sweet potato curry is warming, cheap and “The funny thing is we actually fi lmed it on delicious. I added a whole fresh one of Saturn’s moons” chilli to mine, just to embrace my – NEIL ARMSTRONG new Mahal-prompted spontaneous lifestyle. I know. Seriously, I should control myself, I’ll be in prison before you know it. Cook up, invite round the fast set and let the food-throwing and head “Oh so it’s all MY fault, is it?” stands commence. Serves 4 mixed – ADOLF HITLER girls or boys. Ingredients: 2 tbsp oil; 1 red onion; a handful of chopped coriander; 1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into chunks; 1 piece of fresh ginger peeled and chopped; Sainsbury’s red curry paste, 1 ½ cups red lentils “Relax, darling, I promise it won’t rain!” 1. Boil 3 ½ cups of water. 2. – JOHN F. KENNEDY Warm oil in large saucepan. Add the onion and coriander and sauté until the onion softens. 3. Add the sweet potato, ginger and curry paste and sauté for about a minute. 4. Add the boiling water and lentils The Varsitorialist “The worst is when they take out and cover and simmer for about 20 Mark Crawford, 3rd-year Historian, St Catharine’s their dentures” – A WERTHER’S ORIGINAL minutes. 5. Season with salt and a “Everything I am I owe to Ikenna Obiekwe. He should be standing few whole coriander leaves. here, not me.” IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED BY THE VARSITORIALIST, EMAIIL [email protected] Reviews and Listings Editor: Julia Lichnova & David Shone 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk LISTINGS 21 Listings Pick of the Week The Chapel Sessions: Session Twelve Fired Up JESUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, TUESDAY 9TH NOVEMBER, 22.00 ADC LATESHOW, 23.00, WED 10TH - SATURDAY 13TH NOVEMBER (£4-£6) The hugely popular Chapel Sessions return with Strauss’s elegiac The winner of this year’s Marlowe/RSC ‘The Other masterpiece, Metamorphosen. Some of the University’s fi nest Prize’, this new play from Annabel Banks invites you to players will be playing in the candlelit chapel, but be prepared to a party with some disturbing guests. Asking diffi cult sit on the fl oor – there is no standing on ceremony here. questions about friendship, trust and security, why not revel in those ‘fi fth week blues’?

Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events

Saturday, 6th November Betrayal Specialist Art Talks Saturday 6th November CORPUS PLAYROOM, 21.15, TUES 9TH - SAT 13TH Mass in B minor NOVEMBER (£5/£6) e Shahnameh and Modern Open Studio JESUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, 20.00 (£8/£5/£3) Another week, another classic Iran THE SHOP, JESUS LANE, 14.00-17.00 (FREE TO The Cambridge Cantata Consort MEMBERS/£5 TO JOIN) from Harold Pinter at the Corpus FACULTY OF CLASSICS, WED 10TH NOVEMBER, 17.00 perform Bach’s masterpiece, (FREE) With art materials provided and Playroom. Inspired by the directed by Alexander Shannon Organised a professional artist on hand to playwright’s own affair (with Joan in associa- answer any questions, it’s the Kissy Sell Out/Boomslang Bakewell, no less), this is a charac- tion with the perfect opportunity to create your J1, THE JUNCTION, 22.00-04.00 (£10) teristically economical study in Another Year: Palme D’Ordinary? Fitzwilliam’s own original work. Regular life- The Radio 1 DJ headlines a night of frailty, deception and, you guessed ongoing drawing classes also continue. See Another Year heavy basslines and dirty electro at it, betrayal. ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, (DAILY) 15.10,18.00, 20.50 exhibition, www.theshopjesuslane.co.uk for (EXCEPT THURS) The Junction. Professor more details. Mike Leigh’s new fi lm follows an Ava Adore Monday 8th November PEMBROKE NEW CELLARS, 19.45, TUES 9TH - SAT Ali Ansari everyday couple through inconse- 13TH NOVEMBER considers Comedy Debate quential events, family tragedy and e Movement Circus Party Germany, 12th the continued signifi cance of this CAMBRIDGE UNION, 19.30 THE PLACE, 22.00-04.00 (£5/£6) beautifully observed conversation. November 1938. DJs Jonathan ancient and beautiful text. Serious debate gets a week off, Narrowly missing out on the Palme Ava Adore has gone. Ulysses and Beat but expect rhetorical d’Or at Cannes this year, this Goering is writing to Ongoing exhibitions Thiefs preside over fl ourishes and very Pick promises to be another classic from Goebbels and Helga, Salvator Rosa: Bandits, of the an evening of circus- silly argument as the veteran British director. apparently, is drunk. week themed merriment Wilderness and Magic Cambridge’s Footlights Intriguing new DULWICH PICTURE GALLERY, UNTIL 28TH NOVEMBER Events Saturday 6th November and up-tempo house. take on the Oxford writing from Niall Wilson. Revue in this highly anticipated For the Love of Film: Pickpocket event. HOWARD THEATRE, DOWNING COLLEGE, 21.00, £4 Tuesday 9th November Bouncers – The Remix A chance to catch Robert Bresson’s CORPUS PLAYROOM, 19.00, TUES 9TH - SAT 13TH Monday 8th November 1959 fi lm Pickpocket in the CUMS Lunchtime Concert NOVEMBER WEST ROAD CONCERT HALL, 13.10 (£3) Forum – Revisiting the comfort of Downing’s Howard Saturday night, as seen through Theatre. Petty crime, romance and CUCO Wind Quintet play Poulenc’s the eyes of the bouncers who Thatcherite Revolution Sextet for Wind Quintet and Piano. CAMBRIDGE UNION, 19.30 (£2/FREE FOR UNION & CLIO fabulously kitsch red leather seats preside over it. A mixture of MEMBERS) sardonic observation, moral combine for an evening of cinematic The Chapel Sessions: Session Nigel Lawson speaks alongside thrills. commentary, and scatological Will Hutton, former editor of The Twelve Pick humour, expect lads and ladettes Observer, and Profes- JESUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, TUESDAY of the galore, performed by a talented Sunday 7th November 9TH NOVEMBER, 22.00 week sor Richard Vinen, Christ’s Films: The Darjeeling See Pick of the Week. Music all-male cast. with Lord Wilson Limited in the Chair. Proof Wednesday 10th November Fired Up that, for students CHRIST’S COLLEGE, 19.30, 22.00, £3 ADC LATESHOW, 23.00, WED 10TH Pick Wes Anderson’s hipster classic Musicircus - SATURDAY 13TH NOVEMBER at least, this KETTLE’S YARD, 20.00-22.00 (FREE) (£4/£5/£6) of the follows three estranged brothers argument will A night of randomised performed See Pick of the Week. week See the works of the man who put as they travel across India and never grow old. music, inspired by John Cage’s e a t r e these words in one of his paintings: attempt to piece their relationship She’s back. Again. Musicircus, with all participants RENT “conception is sinful; back together. It’s beautiful, funny, ADC MAINSHOW, 19.45, TUES 9TH - SATURDAY 13TH Wednesday 10th November playing according to a randomly NOVEMBER birth a punishment; Pick and at only three quid, unmissable. allotted time chart and the audience Jonathan life, hard labour; death, of the Tony Hayward week CAMBRIDGE UNION, 19.30 (FREE TO MEMBERS) Metropolis free to wander around. Larson’s inevitable.” Sublime, Arts The recent chairman of BP, Dr ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, SUNDAY 7TH NOVEMBER 15.30 rock opera morose, terrifying (THURSDAY 11TH NOVEMBER, 16.00) Thursday 11th November Hayward will give a talk on follows eight and tragic, meet the dark horse of ‘Lessons from the Gulf of Mexico Fritz Lang’s 1927 masterpiece Yann Tiersen friends 17th-century Baroque Italy at the J1, THE JUNCTION, 19.00 (£15) Accident.’ gets an airing. This 2007 re-edit living in lovely Dulwich Picture Gallery. Composer of the instantly includes more than half New York’s recognisable soundtrack to an hour of previously bohemian Thursday 11th November lost footage and a Amelie, Tiersen arrives Treasures from Budapest Rent: Oh So Boho Lower ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS, UNTIL 12TH DECEMBER in Cambridge having Trinity College Literary Society re-mastered sound- East Side, struggling to survive (£8) track, but promises to supposedly ‘gone pop’, “Yah, I interailed there over the Reading: Philip Gross under the shadows of poverty and THE OLD COMBINATION ROOM, TRINITY COLLEGE, so expect more of a gig be every bit as eerie AIDS. Apparently it’s based on La summer actually, but I was just 20.00 (£2/FREE FOR MEMBERS OF TRINITY) than a piano recital. as the original. Bohème, so do try and forget about like way too tired to go and look The poet, novelist and recent that song from Team America. at any art.” Catch up on what you winner of the T.S. Eliot prize reads missed at the Royal Academy. a selection of his work.

TO HAVE SOMETHING LISTED ON THESE PAGES, E-MAIL JULIA LICHNOVA AT [email protected] BY NO LATER THAN MONDAY ON THE WEEK OF PUBLICATION. 5th November 2010 Reviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova 22REviEws www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

album Singing Bones reviews elly Brindle on Bonesong/Frankenstein!!, Carmen Elektra’s haunting opera The Fool evening in the Museum of Zoology waRpaiNt juila carolyn lichnova 

Warpaint, an all-female desert rock band, lead the listener down desolate Californian highways with this debut album. Reminis- cent of 90s alternative music, the album dreamily twists and turns, driven by Lindberg’s bass lines, intricate drum patterns, and Kokal’s drifting, ghostly vocals. ‘Undertow’ adds an element of grunge with its singsong chorus devoid of emotion, followed by ‘Composure’, full of erratic time Students gather in the museum of Zoology before the performance jo Songi in Bonesong displays “vocal agility and dramatic skill” signatures and watery bass. In ‘Baby’, the band looks to their itting beneath What did the others miss? Bonesong. We should have seen first few minutes of this grotesque acoustic country roots, at the the Museum Kate Whitley and Joe Snape’s and heard more of Langridge and “pandemonium” were undeniably expense of more ‘edgy’ sounds. Sof Zoology’s Bonesong, a new opera commis- the other fine singers. At times amusing as Thom Andrewes, our This is recaptured in moody pygmy right whale sioned especially for the event, I felt that I had lost track of the chansonnier for the evening, unrav- track ‘Majesty’, influenced by last Friday, I was was a promising opener with supposed plot, and the somewhat eled his protagonist’s complicated the likes of Nirvana and Sonic reminded just how accomplished performances from antiquated feel to Conrad Steel’s psyche, the promised radicalism elly Brindle Youth. Ending abruptly, ‘The Fool’ spoilt we are in both singers and instrumentalists. libretto may have restricted the of a new orgiastic staging tired leaves the listener wanting more. Cambridge. Not only are we Jo Songi gave us the simpering, development of a complete sense of quickly. It’s taken six years for Warpaint blessed with well-stocked librar- helpless sister with the vocal musical lyricism. Nonetheless, Andrewes imparted to release an album, but by next ies and the biggest Wetherspoon’s agility and dramatic skill to which the libretto’s nonsensical lyrics year, they will be one of the most in the UK, but where else, save we have become accustomed in (“flying circus bats and roasted talked about bands. perhaps the trendiest of Shored- her performances, while Josephine goats”) impressively through a jenna corderoy itch venues, could you listen to Stephenson was the very picture Bonesong shows no-frills baritone. The orchestra, cutting-edge ‘underground’ opera and sound of a little boy (despite who can’t have had so much fun in from under a canopy formed by being a girl). real promise. I just a long time, must be commended Nothing one of the world’s most obscure Paradoxically, the decision to use also. Under Will Gardner’s baton, N*E*R*d mammals? microphones, usually reserved for wish there had they sang and played tin whistles  The team behind Carmen musical theatre, made it difficult and kazooes in addition to their Elektra are definitely onto to follow the characters’ words been more. original instruments, and were something. This Hallowe’en- at times. Stephenson nonethe- probably the best thing about this themed treat in the caverns of the less managed to puncture every staging of Frankenstein!!. New Museums Site bore witness syllable through Snape’s curdling The Elektrolytes have created to the project’s growth since its electronica, and Whitley’s cacoph- Yet with highlights like the something that is getting more more humble beginnings, only last ony of blood-lusting notes, even musically impressive death of the students seeing and hearing opera. term, in Clare Cellars. It would when lying recumbent at the hands brother, in which Snape’s electronic As the event grows and the team seem that the Carmen Elektro- of Johnny Langridge’s murderous interpolations and Whitley’s learns from experience, Carmen Sexy albums are rare. Most lytes’ promise that opera can be vulture. The phantom of the opera, compositional skill interact in the Elektra has the potential to be attempts are either too crude, i.e. short, fat-lady-less and actually Langridge’s “ugly old scavenger name of destruction, Bonesong huge. Let’s hope that no Soho-ites Nickelback’s latest album, which pretty good hasn’t fallen on deaf bird”, was acted with impressive shows real promise. I just wish sign them up before Cambridge has was charged with sexual assault, ears. Barely a third of the queue of conviction and sung with flawless there had been more. heard more from them. or too smooth: Trey Songz’s hopefuls that snaked through the command. On the other hand, I wish there boring, lame and measured car park all the way to Fitzbillies There is certainly room had been rather less of H.K. an extended review and more Passion, Pain and Pleasure. were lucky enough to get in. for expansion and revision in Gruber’s Frankenstein!! While the photographs can be found online Back in 2002, N*E*R*D threat- ened to bring sexy back with toM powELL performance the filthy, fantastic ‘Lapdance’ let me state unreservedly that the legal aid charity, because but couldn’t quite construct the night’s overall winners were excel- he “doesn’t perform for perfect player’s album. Nothing lent. The EllaFunks performed an the money”. Genuinely is the album that steps up and Cambridge’s original piece by pianist Dom that talented, and talented at takes your girl. If the rather basic showcased both the resounding being genuine. I’m a little lyrics of lead single ‘Hot n Fun’ Got Talent vocals of lead singer (the epony- bit smitten. play second fiddle to a pulsating Cambridge Union mous Ella), and the undeniable It was downhill from rhythm, standout track ‘Hypno- here. The Free Tenors, a tize You’ has co-producers Daft  trio of operatic comedi- Punk bowing to some trademark A badly executed ans, at least paired their Pharrellian whisper singing and takes on Snoop Dogg and falsetto, before a return to the ware of the growing success spin-off of the Axis Dean Martin with decent perfect percussion of ‘Maybe’ has of university-born groups musical ability. The same everyone begging to be Pharrell Alike Oxford’s Out of the of Awesome chord cannot be said of lads-on- The Free Tenors show “decent musical ability” groupies. The overall result is Blue, and firmly indoctrinated by tour singing troupe Porchestra: us to three minutes of stomach an aphrodisiac masterpiece that the old adage that ‘anything they sequence trick yes, they may be fun, wear silly contortionism that felt like a reminds us that the Neptunes are can do, we can do better’ (I think costumes and do silly dances, but a bloated eternity. Then won a place divine. Sam gould that one’s Plato…), my expecta- doesn’t constitute badly executed spin-off of the Axis at John’s May Ball. tions for CU-TVs Cambridge’s of Awesome chord sequence trick In conclusion, this event was Got Talent were high. In retro- praiseworthy talent doesn’t constitute praiseworthy deceptive. Cambridge is undoubt- spect, being high might actually talent. The Irish dancers were edly saturated with genuine, have eased the pain of shattered musical talents of her ensemble. incredibly skilled at Irish dancing, enviable talent, but I’m convinced correction illusions, and lent a comical tone Slick and entertaining – two though I remain unconvinced by this was not an accurate sample. to a night that was otherwise thumbs up. They were followed their relevance in a competition to And as for the John’s 500th disheartening, distressing, and by Theo Zhang with a beautifully scout acts for May Balls. The true Anniversary Ball, one might Issue 727 featured a review of many other ‘dis-’ words that I’m emotional, acoustic rendition of horror of the evening, however, was question whether the rumoured the Endellion String Quartet by too disillusioned to display. In jazz standard ‘Autumn Leaves’. final act Markos Valsamis and his £6 million budget is being put to Katya Herman. The rating should short, I was not impressed. Completely unassuming, the night’s erratic digestive gyrations. Having good use. Poor St John, he’s been have been five stars. But before you presume that the prizewinner later informed me decided “four days ago” that he through quite enough, don’t crucify event was entirely devoid of talent, that their £250 would be going to a fancied belly dancing, he subjected his College as well. jennie King Reviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk REviEws 23

DANCE further confounded by the projec- film recorded for Darkness, of which tion of a sort-of romanticized ten made the cut. The obsessive medieval town house. Perhaps we genius of Springsteen clearly Ravel: La Valse were meant to think of the classi- UK Premiere: caused tensions amongst his faith- overlooked Invitus Invitam / Winter cal world of Suetonius; but then ful companions, who struggled Dreams / Theme and somehow rustic chivalry doesn’t The Promise: the to understand why he discarded When you think A-list, you think Variations work with Racine. The cumulative making of Darkness outstanding songs such as ‘Because blockbuster. You hear John Tra- effect was a mess of post-modern- The Night’, which would later volta, you think Pulp Fiction, you Royal Opera House ist, ‘classical’ revival of a chivalric at the Edge of Town become a massive hit single for hear Brad Pitt, you think Fight age. Confused? I was. Patti Smith. Club. Obviously these outstand-  The set concluded with Kenneth BFi southside “We wanted to make something ing performances should not be Macmillan’s version of Chekhov’s that was honest,” Bruce said overlooked – yet I feel as an avid Three Sisters, entitled Winter  afterwards. “We’d smell something back-catalogue stalker it is my re- avel’s La Valse begins Dreams, and Theme and Varia- in the air, and we wouldn’t stop sponsibility to bring to light some with just a suggestion of tions, George Balanchine’s until we had a piece of whatever of our favourite actors’ lesser- Rdisintegration and ends homage to the palmy days of St. hen Bruce Springsteen’s that was, some distillation of the known, yet equally exceptional with a fatal, ecstatic collapse. The in town, it’s big news. Last time.” The reissue comes at a time feats. waltz pulses throughout, the music WFriday night, London’s when unemployment in Spring- gliding, slipping, at times languid, The waltz pulses South Bank was brought to a steen’s native New Jersey has Daniel Craig – Munich at others vigorous. Frederick near stand-still as word quickly peaked twice in the last 40 years (2005) Ashton’s choreography was pleas- throughout, the spread that he had pitched up (1977-2001) and the lyrics feel  antly humorous, and often very unannounced for the British more potent and relevant today 5The powerful true story of the beautiful, with the soft shades of music gliding, premiere of new documentary film than ever. Thanking us for our aftermath of the Black September. the women’s costumes twirling like The Promise. Commuters enjoying attendance, Springsteen described Whilst Craig is overshadowed faded petals. slipping, at times the Waterloo sunset by the Thames Darkness as “the genesis of a life- by Eric Bana, his performance But the choreography, and Barry were whipped into a frenzy at the long conversation I’ve been having is equally notable: in my opinion Wordsworth’s conducting, did not languid, at others thought of seeing true rock’n’roll with you”. A constantly engaging this is his best performance to attempt to capture the shatter- royalty. Seeing the film alone was presence, we are more than happy date. ing breakdown in the music; the vigorous enough for a huge Springsteen fan to hear what he has to say. “They waltz simply carried blithely on but to stand a couple of metres don’t make ‘em like him anymore,” Penelope Cruz – Live throughout the crashing tympani Petersberg’s ballets in the time away from him, and then hear one man ruefully smiled as we Flesh (1997) and brass. Perhaps it was meant of the Tsars. MacMillan’s work that he would be doing a Q&A walked out. tom curran  to evoke the Austro-Hungarian was episodic but did capture at directly after the screening, took 4Cruz’s cameo in this Spanish mys- empire, in which the ballet was set, times the essence of Chekhov’s the evening from memorable to The promise: darkness on the edge of tery/romance/thriller is sublime. doomed to failure but blind to their writing, with its intricate family something truly special. town is ouT on november 16Th Directed by Almodòvar, this film collapse, which was rather effec- feuds in a disintegrating bourgeois The Promise provides a fascinat- truly captures the actress’s bril- tively suggested as the curtain atmosphere, made clear by a ing behind-the-scenes insight into liant abilities to effuse real human started to fall even before the richly-furnished dining room the making of the classic Darkness emotion and passion. piece had ended and the dance had glowing mysteriously behind gauze on the Edge of Town album. Filmed stopped. throughout the piece. by a budding film-maker friend, As sparse as the two words, Balanchine’s glitzy, lightly who Springsteen later said was though rich in the psychology frivolous work was kept in check “easy to ignore”, it is striking between them, the highly nuanced by extraordinary technical feats in its candour and honesty; any pas de deux of Kim Brandstrup’s which went on almost ad nauseam. modern-day self-consciousness Invitus Invitam was powerful Sergei Polunin’s double tour en and pretence are totally absent. and beautifully achieved. The l’air followed by a pirouette was The film charts his struggle to find Joseph Gordon-Levitt – title is taken from Suetonius and startling, though the piece became meaning amidst the beginnings Mysterious Skin (2004) the ‘plot’ derived from Racine’s repetitive and sickly, as if I had of superstardom, brought by the  Berenice. The beauty of the been fed macaroons for an hour. enormous success of 1975 album 3Director Greg Araki combines dancing was sadly confused and But then that is what the Royal Born To Run, and a messy legal themes of alien abduction, male overshadowed by projections of Opera House does well. dispute with former manager prostitution and paedophilia in classical architectural elements, yates norton Mike Appel. 70 songs in total were this exceptionally provocative cult classic. Gordon-Levitt, more widely known for 500 Days of ClAssiCAl tunes built up to an underwhelm- litErAturE incensed. “Philosophy is dead,” he Summer and Inception, is unsur- ing conclusion that made the asserts on page one, before quoting passable – absolute gold. audience look to their watches. The liberally from Leibniz, Berkeley Bax, Walton, wonderful CUMS 1 laboured with The Grand and Hume. In fact, much of the first Martin Yates to make something half of the book deals with science’s Rachmaninov out of nothing, but could never Design birth as a branch of philosophy. Conducted by M. Yates quite make it sound interesting. He goes on to describe quantum The concert picked up when stephen Hawking mechanics, Einstein’s theory of west Road Concert Hall Stanley-Smith showed his promise general relativity, and the Big on the cello. Delivering a perfor-  Bang. These are weighty topics  mance of Walton’s Cello Concerto and Hawking introduces them with pace, energy and a superb Ed Norton – 25th Hour technique, it was clear that he was his book is both an eloquent (2002) f you ever have the misfortune determined to bring out the best of exposition of modern physics “Philosophy is  of listening to Classic FM for a piece that can drag when played Tand a piece of desperate, 2As a self-confessed Ed Norton Imore than a few hours, you will atheist propaganda. groupie, this film remains top of soon get to know Sergei Rachmani- Hawking has an enviable dead,” he asserts my Norton List. Following the nov. Whilst his Symphony No. 2 is The evening began talent for making the frontiers of final hours of a New York drug not quite as popular as his Second modern science accessible to the on one page dealer anticipating a prison sen- Piano Concerto, which is certain with a world non-scientist. And yet, he still tence, it is surprisingly poignant, to come up at least once an hour, spends much of his time jumping on brilliantly. But then he proceeds considering the gritty subject it is one part of the classical canon premiere of Bax’s Richard Dawkins’ radically atheist to extrapolate physics into matter. that everyone knows. For concert bandwagon. metaphysics. organizers, this isn’t a bad thing: Serenade The Grand Design has hit the A recurring theme is the desire putting popular Sergei on the headlines because it is an admis- among physicists to find a unifying programme gives you the oppor- sion by one of the world’s most ‘theory of everything’. The most tunity to play more esoteric items poorly. The interaction between respected scientists that he has recent attempt at this is M-theory, later. soloist and orchestra was superb changed his which predicts a nearly infinite The evening began with a world and the audience rightly appreci- mind. In A Brief number of universes. Hawking premiere of Bax’s Symphonic ated it. History of Time argues that this makes the appar- Serenade. To begin with, I was And then there was Rachmani- Hawking said, ent ‘fine-tuning’ of our universe impressed that a composer who has nov. With such a popular work, “if we discover a irrelevant, removing the need for Robert De Niro – Sleepers been dead for nearly 60 years could everyone has a clear idea of exactly complete theory… a God. Yet, as Hawking himself (1996) still be writing. However, accord- how it should be performed. then we should admits, “why M-theory?” A set of  ing to the informative programme Martin Yates coaxed a passion- know the mind mathematical equations is just as 1A brutal exploration of the notes, the piece was re-discovered ate and powerful performance of God.”. But much of a stopgap as God. effects of child abuse in a New and completed recently by Bax’s from the orchestra, and delivered throughout his The most vocal contributors to York detention centre. Leads biographer. This proves that some a symphony that moved with latest book, he this particular debate have always Billy Crudup and Brad Pitt are pieces should remain firmly undis- purpose towards a thrilling forces science and religion into been the extremists. Hawking is outstanding, but De Niro gives an covered. We were treated to a poor conclusion. Not everyone will conflict, in effect encouraging the now amongst them. Good science incredibly powerful performance pastiche of Elgarian themes, bound have enjoyed it, but I would have devoutly religious to reject good needs to be communicated much in a supporting role which steals together with only the thinnest preferred it no other way. science. This, surely, is a mistake. more carefully than this if it is to the film.alice bolland thread. A series of disconnected simon johnson Philosophers, too, are likely to be be well-received. tim middleton 5th November 2010 Theatre Editor: Edward Herring 24THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Journey’s End There is no hiding ADC Mainshow View from the (until Sat 6th) place in the play Groundlings  for bad acting, and in this production, et in a trench dug-out just before the last great assault there was thankfully Sby the Germans, Journey’s End has a quiet and humbling no need for any authority about it that can only come from fi rst-hand experience. hiding places. It has gained fame among students as a GCSE text, something which whole though were all convincing was unfortunately refl ected in the in their roles: Joshua Stamp-Simon slightly irritating audience. maturely played the level-headed However, the power of the play and older Osborne, balancing his EDWARD HERRING itself lies in showing the constant wry humour and his sincerity very his week varsity@ fear and monotony of life in the capably, Liane Grant’s Trotter theatre.co.uk became trenches during World War One. hinted at the hidden depth to Trot- Tswamped under a weight The play starts off through Hardy ter’s character without ever fully of complaint-emails, scribed by a promising all the excitement of exposing it, Stephen Bermingham squadron of embittered readers an earwig race, and it passes with captured Hibbert’s nauseating who have started to itch with uneventful watches, insipid meals, desperation to go home without annoyance and rage at the recent sleep, and conversations of every- melodramatics, and Sam Gilbert content of this column. I quote thing from Alice’s Adventures in provided welcomed chirpiness as my favourites: Wonderland to ones about women. Mason. “Dear Mr Herring, It is uncompromising in its depic- As for the set-up of the stage, I have noticed that you have while ultimately it served its pur- begun writing about your own pose, the use of a smoke machine eccentric little existence and throughout seemed needless and crudely tying whatever unortho- It was Hugh Wyld’s sometimes distracting. The set dox encounter you might have itself was understandably basic, had to next week’s theatre. exchanges with Will but a little disappointing. Although Please cease writing these diffi cult to do so, it never really felt unabashed yarns, for the sake Attenborough where like a World War One trench dug- of those who wish to enjoy their out. These are minor complaints in copy of Varsity without having the play’s drama was there was thankfully no need for man driven to alcoholism through an otherwise smooth production your authoring force a jet of any hiding places. stress and duty, and the brief though. molten tea onto their laps. at its most palpable. Despite a slow start as the play glimpses of the schoolboy he used There were times when the play Yours, Viola Tate” began to develop, Hugh Wyld’s to be – were caught compellingly felt too slow and so it never fully “Dear Edward Herring, entrance as the idolising and naive by Attenborough. His pithy and caught the sense of pathos pres- Your ceaseless egomania and tion of the slowness of time in war Raleigh put to rest any fears over sarcastic response to the Colonel’s ent in Sherriff’s script. However, self-regard may be very-well- and in the turgidity and fear of it the acting. It was in his exchanges concern over information rather apart from this and a few other and-good for the other members all. However, Sherriff apparently with Will Attenborough’s Stanhope than men, “It’ll be awfully nice the minor issues, the high quality of of your unwashed student body, did not intend the play to be read that the play’s drama was at its Brigadier’s pleased,” displayed acting on show ensured that jus- but now my own kith-and-kin primarily as a statement against most palpable. Wyld’s progres- Stanhope’s character beautifully. tice was done to Sherriff’s play. It have begun indulging in your sad war, but instead to be a study of sion from innocence to dawning At times though, his self-loathing showed the fragility of trench life games. My son (aged 15) reads men under pressure, motivated realisation was expertly done, outbursts were too exaggerated, in a respectful and accomplished your article every week and only by a strong sense of duty. and was complemented by accom- but it was nevertheless impossible manner that makes it well worth has begun peppering his speech Therefore, there is no hiding place plished performances from the not to feel and experience the ever the, admittedly slightly lengthy, with the most odd and outmoded in the play for bad acting, and in cast around him. The erratic and increasing awkwardness of his time. words and keeps making up weird Christopher Poel’s production, complex nature of Stanhope – the scenes with Raleigh. The cast as a MATT RUSSELL encounters he claims to have had with people in libraries. If you have any sense of decency you’ll stop these little outrages of yours. ignored when you yourself try to where plays and performances it is not an event that everyone Best, Jackie McMullan, a Con- View from the write. are not always given the liberty to will love. It is not always sleek or cerned Mother” Which means that while I shall be attempts, works-in-progress, polished, as many productions in “Dear ED-itor, Graduate spend a fairly large portion of or to unfold through devised or Cambridge rightly aspire to be. Try to be a little more careful the next nine months venerating workshop processes. And like the But although it is undoubtedly on in future concerning what you Emma Hogan every word S.B. ever wrote, in fantastic new ‘Hatch’, the Miscel- the fringe of the theatrical scene write about the UL, you dig Eddy prose or plays or even postcards laneous provides a space for people here, it does not take theatre any boy? They don’t take kindly to to his friends, I shall also try to to watch the work of others and to less seriously, or treat it with any being talked about in your weekly ignore him, to shut him away like open up a dialogue with work of less integrity, than the larger dra- ‘mememe’ column. You got that a wrinkled skeleton in my cup- their own. matic institutions. Ed-my-lad? No more UL-talk. board. Because, while I wrestle or However, while the Miscel- Indeed, it perhaps condenses Keep it easy Big Man. tussle with Beckett and the terms laneous intends to be inclusive, that love of the dramatic, of the Anonymous Librarian” hy am I writing ‘View ‘Criticism’ and ‘Culture’ for my attempt of performance, and the “Dear Edward, from the Graduate’? I am MPhil (a programme which gives element of experimentation in the I’m bloody sick to death of Wstill in Cambridge. In the one the chance to read essays and best new writing. Certainly, for me, reading about whoever this library, the studio, the tea room, works that you might never have it has provided me with some of SIMON HAINES character is the pub. Still scribbling up to the discovered on your own), I shall the best evenings of my past three and what effect he might have on essay deadline, and still trying to also spend some of my time in the years here, and makes me glad that your, or anyone else’s, scrotums. juggle academic with creative work. wonderful Judith E. Wilson Drama I am back for a fi nal one. Please in future keep all mention Still invigorated by the condensed Studio. of this boy (who is he again?) to a terms, and the closeness of this Run by Jeremy Hardingham, minimum. If not then try to seek small town, and yet still wary of it, who is one of the fi nest theatre- some form of medical help. still slightly jealous of my friends makers alive today, the Drama As an undergraduate, Emma Many thanks, Isaac who have left, who are more quali- Studio is where exciting, original co-organised the Miscellaneous Floktenderer” fi ed to write this column. performances take place. It is Theatre Festival for two years, “Herring, For while they play at being where you are free to try, and fail, where fi ve pieces of her work Go away. You are a full-of- adults, I am playing around with and fail again, and fi nd a kind of were performed. Her plays have yourself pompous dick with Beckett – or tussling with him, to beauty in that failure. Every year also been put on in the Corpus nothing good to say about be more accurate. Tussling with the Miscellaneous Theatre Festival Playroom, the Soho Theatre in theatre. A Dribbling Cretin, A a writer who made up the poet he is put on in the Drama Studio at London (as part of the Marlowe Dreary Chump, A Drippy Churl. wrote about when he fl irted with the end of Lent term; a festival Masterclass showcase), at 22 Jesus Why don’t you just crawl down academia (Jean du Chas, founder which accepts any piece of work Lane, in the 24 hr Plays at the some pit to die and leave us all in of Concentrism), and who, as he from students and artists. This ADC (where she won Best Script) peace? writes plays that are beautiful and is an unthinkable idea to the dra- and, after graduating, at the King’s AND F**K YOU!” graceful for their brevity, has to be matic institutions of Cambridge, Head Theatre in London. Also if you don’t like musicals then go see RENT next week GUIDE TO STAR RATINGS:  Coulrophobia  Michael Barrymore-Themed Pool Party  Dad’s Fortieth (ADC, 9th-13th).  Surprise Party  Someone ordered a stripper Theatre Editor: Edward Herring 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk THEATRE 25

The Birthday challenging part, but in trying to the dialogue at a machine-gun make up for her unmanliness she rate, this part lacked some of This production is plays a terribly wigged Stanley the playfulness it might have Incoming Party with a kind of pimply adolescent otherwise achieved. The other mostly traditional Corpus Playroom melodrama: It’d have been fi ne performances were generally (until Sat 6th) if she’d have played the role wonderful. Charlotte E. Hamblin except for one femininely, as the programme sug- as Meg was genuinely one of the gested she would, but Stanley was best performances I’ve seen in thing: the main part  instead played as if he were a nau- three years of Cambridge theatre, seating male teenager who gets up and Quentin Beroud’s Goldberg of Stanley is being at noon and doesn’t want people to was excellent at wringing out arold Pinter’s second play visit his house because he wants to the comedy from the character’s played by a woman. is about a chronically apa- sit around in his boxers all day. It dreamy and cliché ridden mono- Hthetic man named Stanley was a strange directorial decision. logues. Crellen’s McCann was mentioned Stanley’s ridiculous who lives in a boarding house with very will pitched, but sometimes I Ken Dodd hairpiece, and Meg’s maternal Meg and paternal Petey, wished he’d brought the rage-dial crisp party dress looked like it only for his stay-in-bed existence Charlotte E. down from 11 once in a while. He came from H&M, not some seaside to be disrupted by two ambiguous was good at simmering tension, town boutique 50 years ago. men called Goldberg and McCann Hamblin gave but sometimes let himself off the This review could easily be three fter months of production who have a contract of some kind leash too readily. Wainwright’s stars on account of my long peri- meetings and rehearsals, to carry out on him. one of the best Lulu was super, fl uctuating ods of frustration at the bizarre Athis week Rent fi nally This production is mostly tra- between naivete and coquettish- pitching of the lead role, but I feel hits the ADC stage. Inspired ditional, except for one thing: the performances I’ve ness, and her costumes were very it would do the rest of the cast, by Puccini’s La Bohème, main part of Stanley was being good 60s period pieces. Elsewhere, and the production as a whole, an Jonathan Larson’s rock opera played by a woman, not a man. seen in Cambridge. the costumes were occasion- injustice. One fi nal note, though, captures the spirit of a gen- This is hastily justifi ed in the pro- ally pretty dodgy: I’ve already is that the director should be less eration of struggling artists, gramme by the director that there ready to intrude into his or her pro- addicts and impoverished are “various oblique references to Elsewhere, however, the direc- ductions: at the beginning of this young people living in New Stanley’s femininity”: I counted tion was stellar: the production show, a hot red light was projected York in 1989. With stunning one explicit but casual reference to ran smoothly through scene onto the back wall, leaving me in a staging, high energy dance, it in the text, and there are fl imsy changes and the blocking was slack-jawed wonder, and thinking outstanding vocals and a revo- arguments one could make based mostly fi rst rate. Sometimes, the about it now I really can’t see any lutionary lighting design, Rent on Stanley’s lifestyle. I’m usually rhythm of the dialogue fell apart a reason why it was there, unless it promises to be the theatrical good at suspending my disbelief, bit from a lack of thoughtfulness, was implying imminent nuclear highlight of the term. but this decision was sometimes for example the tricky section holocaust. In which case, I wouldn’t I spoke to co-directors unstoppably frustrating. Kudos in which Goldberg and McCann really be watching this seaside Laurie Stevens and Sarah to Ellie Nunn for accepting such a interrogate Stanley: by keeping town romp. MICHAEL CHRISTIE Danielle Ward to fi nd out what all the fuss was about. “It’s defi nitely not your average musical,” said Laurie, “it has big, high-energy dance num- and as such was more than a little of serenity, and Jones sometimes bers and catchy tunes, but a The out of place, even if very enjoyable. Mirror suitably expressed the cold seduc- much deeper and more realist There were three actors I’d tiveness that the script has deemed storyline on top of that. The Misanthrope really like to praise, though. First Corpus Playroom fi tting for Rape’s characterisation. music has a great rocky feel of all, the double act of Acaste (until Sat 6th) But Pain remained irritatingly yet it still manages to pay Fitzpatrick Hall and Clitandre, played by Alex petulant throughout, and, in gen- tribute to La Bohème.” Sarah (until Sat 6th) Macketh and Nick Melgaard, had eral, all three performances were agrees saying, “The fi rst thing some of the most exciting scenes, far too stilted. that struck us about Rent  really raising the level of the play  For the entire hour, the three was its dynamic score and as a whole. Their relationship characters discuss the nature of the fact that, whilst it brings was played out in a fascinatingly their duties, fears and existences. late eighties America to life, must admit that the technical superfi cial, self-mocking manner, irror, written by Sidney The fi gures were supposed to feel it still has lots of modern-day elements of this show were and raised many laughs from the Sussex student Luke Al- frustrated that their questioning of relevance.” I really impressive. As the audience. Melgaard’s restrained MRehani, is set in an empty, each other was not leading to their Despite its popularity, this director was keen to point out in fl amboyancy and camp acting were windowless room. For the purpose release, but that does not excuse is the fi rst time that Rent has his programme notes, there were very humorous, although perhaps of representing this environment, the fact that at no point does this been put on by Cambridge budgeting issues, but even so the straying towards the clichéd at the Corpus Playroom couldn’t be dialogue feel consequential or students, possibly because Costume Designer, Rian Matanky- better. Along with Al-Rehani’s insightful. “Your actual conversa- of the extremely demanding Becker, and Set Designer, Paula direction and staging – blocking was tion has been superfl uous,” Faith nature of the parts. Sarah and Petkova, did a fantastic job. The The limitations simple but effective, and the utterly helpfully points out at the play’s Laurie dismissed this sugges- costumes were stunning, and the stark set fi tted in with the script end. “I don’t know why,” Rape tion, saying, “We know our props and set created an elegant of the script, in – this unfortunately remained the states, entirely unsatisfactorily, immensely talented cast will atmosphere for this play. best thing about the production. when asked why she isn’t male. be able to do justice to all ele- However, the professional atti- rhyming couplets When the lights went down, “I don’t even have the words!” ments of the show.” The show tudes obvious in the costuming three characters lying foetal, prone exclaimed Pain angrily at one was only cast at the beginning and set design were less noticeable throughout, posed and supine on the fl oor stood up. point. of this term, so the cast and in the performances themselves. The personifi ed fi gures of Faith Despite initial pretence, this is directors have been working The fi rst scene between Aleceste a challenge to any (Rose Beale), Rape (Ami Jones) not an eloquent play. And, whilst solidly to get it ready on time. and Philinte dragged a lot, as and Pain (Angela Liu) are trapped Faith and Pain are legitimate “The incredibly condensed did many moments in the play actor trying to together, without recollection of abstract and independent ideas, schedule has been demanding when only two characters were their arrival. rape is not. It feels as if the violent but, because the cast get on on stage. This was perhaps partly convey real emotion. The acting was disappointing. act is trivialised as it is turned into brilliantly, we’ve had such a due to the limitations of the script Beale, ever looking skywards, an allegory that is female, seduc- laugh in every rehearsal,” said which, being in rhyming couplets times. Considering that this is his exuded an appropriate amount tive and irresistible. Sarah. throughout, posed a challenge fi rst full-length play in Cambridge The conclusion was baffl ing. It In fact the directors to any actor trying to convey a however, that’s no great criticism. was revealed in the closing min- searched high and low for sense of real emotion. Even bear- As well as those two, Rosalie utes that the scenario was a test their ideal cast, who are a ing that in mind, the actors often Hayes as Eliante was coldly from God to decide whether Rape mixture of undergraduates, failed to express any real sense of elegant, and very watchable. or Pain was doing a better job on post-graduates and PhD stu- expression at all, sounding more Although she was sadly not earth, with Faith as ‘supervisor’. dents from the University of as though they were reciting their onstage for very long, her perfor- Pain was left wracked by guilt and Cambridge and Anglia Ruskin. lines by rote than portraying mance was perfectly pitched, and lifeless in a corner, and Rape tri- Rent is a powerful showcase characters. subtle, unlike many others in this umphed. She then returned to the for Cambridge’s hottest young There were some high points. production. world to take over Pain’s duties, music theatre talent. Rupert Mercer’s extraordinarily The portrayal of superfi cial, because he had bizarrely decided Finally closing in 2008 overwrought poetry recital near gossipy high society was spot on, that Rape and Pain are so similar after a 12-year run and 5,124 the start was a refreshing mood-lift although Alceste really didn’t seem to each another that only one of performances, Rent had a after the lacklustre opening, whilst to be that much different from the them is required. God is streamlin- spectacularly successful run Kieran Corcoran’s appearance others around him, which seemed ing his workforce in these diffi cult on Broadway. Sadly the ADC as the clumsy and inept DuBois to slightly defeat the point of the times, too. run is only six performances, was again highly entertaining. play. But in all, there were some It is good to fi nd student writing so book now to make sure you However, this piece of quick-fi re real high points to this show (espe- being performed in Cambridge, but don’t miss out on the most slapstick seemed to have been cially the costumes and set) but it whether it is worth going to see it eagerly awaited show of the shoe-horned into a play that oth- didn’t really live up to those stan- is a different matter. In Mirror’s term. erwise tried to revolve around the dards the rest of the time. case, it is not. FLORENCE CARR comedy of words and the intellect, ANNA DEGENHARDT HELEN YOUNG 5th November 2010 Fashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwong 26FashioN www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] BAND OF OUTSIDERS Photographed and styled by Jess Kwong Assisted by Louise Benson and Mike Hannon

Clockwise from top left: Shearling jacket VINTAGE. Dress ALEXANDER WANG. Boots FRYE. Necklace, model’s own. Shearling coat VINTAGE. Cardigan DOLCE & GABBANA. Shirt ALL SAINTS. Trousers ACNE. Boots TIMBERLAND. Jacket RICK OWENS. T-shirt T BY ALEXANDER WANG. Trousers DRKSHDW x RICK OWENS. Scarf PAUL SMITH. Boots TIMBERLAND. Cardigan RUEHL. Shirt ACNE. Boots TIMBERLAND. Shirt COMME DES GARÇONS. Shearling shawl TOPSHOP. Pouchette ALEXANDER WANG. All, as before. Belt TOPSHOP. Fashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwong 5th november 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Fashion 27

Clockwise from top left: Shirt ACNE. Jacket RICK OWENS. Jumper MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA. Scarf TOPMAN. Trousers ACNE. Shirt COMME DES GARÇONS. Dress ALEXANDER WANG. Boots FRYE. Bag ALEXANDER WANG. Shirt, as before. Trousers, DRKSHDW x RICK OWENS. Boots TIMBERLAND. Shirt, scarf, trousers, as before. Boots TIMBERLAND. Shirt ALL SAINTS. Scarf TOPMAN. Pouch ONE OF A FEW. Cardigan RUEHL. Scarf PAUL SMITH. Shearling shawl TOPSHOP. Bone and pyramid necklaces, studded feather cuff RACKK AND RUIN. With special thanks to Rackk and Ruin. FOR MORE IMAGES, GO TO VARSITYFASHION.TUMBLR.COM MAKE A MAYS 2011 DIFFERENCE! Join a stimulating, home-based plan for our 16-year old, mildy autistic daughter, based on the ‘son-rise’ programme. Applications are invited to edit the 2011 Mays We would like to ask you to work Anthology, the collection of the best student for 4-6 hours a week (for six writing and artwork from Cambridge and Oxford. months). No experience needed; Interested candidates should email full training given. [email protected] £6 an hour. by Friday 12th November. Make the call: Tel: 01223 248622 Make a difference!

The Mays, formerly the May Anthologies, are published annually by Varsity. Want to advertise your event here? [email protected] e editor or editors will assemble a commi ee of students 01223 337575 to invite submissions of  ction and non- ction writing including prose, poetry and drama, as well as illustration and photography. e commi ee also appoints a ‘guest editor’ from the literary world. Games & puzzles Varsity Crossword no. 534 Sudoku Kakuro 1 2 3 4 5 6 show (6) The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must in the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1 through 26 Nine English studs start chasing fi ve contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 9, and never use a number more than once per run (a 7 foxy ladies (6) number may reoccur in the same row in a separate run). 27 I’d rebuilt sinister city of existential 8 9 panic (8, 6) 4 7 8 3

10 9 8 2 6 21 17 6 7 9 20 11 12 14 31 Down 19 1 Naughty, noisy fl irt in touch with big 8 4 2 3 19 brother’s friends (8, 2, 4) 2 1 6 2 Colloquialism is almost taken the 11 6 13 14 15 wrong way as cue (6) 6 2 5 1 6 3, 24 Cotton cap hurts when adjusted - it 6 16 16 won’t do (3, 2, 2, 6) 6 3 5 4 Those who act quietly to overthrow 4 5 8 7 31 17 18 19 20 record company taken in by extreme militants (5) 10

7 3 6 2 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 5 Mathematical truth is nothing during 21 the period of sleep (7) / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 6 Ape gets confused with otter in musical e Varsity Scribblepad 22 23 24 comedy (8) 7 Making a light meal? (14) 10 You’re evil inside, like a bear (6) 14 Golden wind of nobility (6) Hitori 25 26 16 Brought in, half upright, full of wine Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than (8) once per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must 18 You gain a huge amount after baddie form a single area. loses fair bit of bread (7) 20 Back then one would hesitate to follow 27 a nobleman (7) 1 3 7 6 7 4 7 21 Article about the southern city (6) 23 Princess shows off sexy garment (5) 3 4 3 1 6 1 5 15 Fun times for a fl y gal? (5) Across 17 Ancient people merrily come to 1 Deception is motif in Roman play (14) 3 7 5 4 7 2 7 embrace newbie (5) 8 Deny elegant point, showing gravity (6) 19 Chick with broken leg trapped by 9 Current remix of “Rape Me” (6) wolf (6) 6 2 7 3 1 1 4 11 Race scoundrel to meet the queen (7) Last issue’s solutions 22 Bloom of Dublin taken around 12 Wriggling beast dispatched before swimming pool (7) 4 1 2 1 5 6 7 3 4 1 5 2 9 8 7 6 coming back inside (7) 8 28 24 25 2 5 5 7 5 1 3 24 See 3 11 16 9 8 7 3 4 6 2 5 1 2 9 19 7 9 4 1 2 6 3 6 7 13 Humbert’s girl laughing at me in 16 4 5 6 2 8 7 1 3 4 9 25 After tea at two, I hear the drum 6 7 3 1 3 3 5 4 6 5 7 1 6 5 4 7 9 3 1 2 8 6 5 7 2 4 1 3 3 17 return (6) Crossword set by Hapax 1 2 9 8 5 2 3 1 6 1 4 7 1 3 2 5 8 9 6 4 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 533): 4 7 2 9 8 1 6 4 7 3 5 3 1 4 2 5 1 5 7 3 5 2 6 Across1 Dukeship,6 Ramadan,8 Oscillate,9 Ruin,10 Mississippi,11 Faraday,13 Escorts,15 Skoptsy,17 Fawning,18 Assassinate,20 Ovum,21 Nailbrush,22 Failure,23 Database 21 8 2 9 4 3 5 6 1 7 8 7 1 5 6 4 1 4 7 4 2 4 7 6 9 1 2 5 8 3 Down 1 Sheriff, 2 Brolly, 3 Heavens, 4 Editing, 5 Costumer, 6 Adamant, 8 Sink, 9 American, 14 Aqualung, 15 Pitfalls, 17 Edifi ce, 18 Thyroid ,19 Pedlars, 20 Student, 23 Matrix, 24 Trim 9 2 6 1 7 3 5 7

6 3 4 7 2 5 5 3 6 1 3 5 6 8 7 4 9 2 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT29

College Sport Sport in Men’s Football Brief Emma breeze past Caius to remain top of Division 1 Lacrosse the Caius keeper, only to blast his slightly hashed clearance from the severely weakened this year and he women’s lacrosse Blues VARSITY SPORT effort against the bar rather than Caius defence and in the resulting Caius and Catz being relegation Tsecured an excellent 24-0 rolling it into the empty net. The goal-mouth scramble the ball was candidates. The real test will be victory against a lacklustre CAIUS 0 catcalls and jeers from the rabble poked home. when they face Downing and Trin- Southampton side last week. of Caius IV team players who had Emmanuel have started this ity in a few weeks’ time. Having already defeated Bath hung around to watch their superi- season extremely strongly, having If they can continue performing and Bristol, the Blues lacrosse ors in action were soon silenced as played some excellent football. at this level against strong teams, team is looking extremely EMMA 1 Emma surged forward again and Yet so far they have played rela- however, Emma could be looking at impressive in the early stages only excellent work by Livingston tively mediocre teams with Jesus a very successful season. of the season. A strong perfor- in the Caius goal stopped the dead- mance from Georgie Pritchard Emmanuel I pulled out a confi dent lock being broken. in particular means there is a display at Barton Road on Saturday Caius’s only attacking move of PWC Division 1 high degree of optimism around as they comfortably held off Divi- the half came from striker Ross P W D L GD Pts Laura Plant and Anna Harrison’s sion 1 strugglers Caius to remain Broadway, who ghosted through EMMANUEL I 3 3 0 0 9 9 team. The ease with which their top of Division 1. Despite only win- the Emmanuel defence only to see TRINITY I 2 3 0 0 6 6 attack shredded the Southamp- ning by one goal, Emmanuel were his shot blocked by the Emmanuel ton defence meant that the south DOWNING I 3 2 0 1 0 6 almost completely dominant for keeper and put out for a corner. coast team were never able to all ninety minutes as a Caius side The second half saw a continua- JESUS I 3 1 1 1 1 4 get in the game or or recieve any missing a few key players due to tion of Emmanuel’s superiority. FITZWILLIAM I 3 1 1 1 0 4 possesssion. There will certainly injury and university commiments Slicker passing, and much more CHRIST’S I 3 1 1 1 0 4 be more diffi cult tests for the struggled to keep pace with the threat down the fl anks, it seemed HOMERTON I 2 1 0 1 1 3 lacrosse Blues, but on current league leaders. to be only a matter of time before CATZ I 3 1 1 2 -7 3 performances there is little need Emmanuel should have been ahead the goal came. It did with fi fteen CAIUS I 3 0 1 2 -2 1 for any concern. within the fi rst ten minutes with minutes to go. Good work by the GIRTON I 3 0 0 3 -8 0 fi rst choice striker ‘JD’ rounding Emmanuel left winger saw a Water Polo View from the Bottom Division – Homerton IVs irton have replaced Homer- Fixture List Gton in the college water polo Men’s Rugby LUKE CLARKE leagues due to the Homerton cap- tain pulling his team out at the First Division last minute. A Girton fi rst year Magdalene v. Jesus Homerton IVs, fresh from our has, within weeks, managed to Queens’ v. St John’s painful Division 6 demise last year, resurrect the Girton water polo Downing v. Trinity have started with renewed vigour scene and they will be competing and lofty ambitions. The blame for in the league this year. Cur- Second Division the heartbreak of last year lies ful- rently, Leys A sit on the top of Robinson v. Trinity Hall ly with our previous captain, who Division 1, with Addenbrooke’s Pembroke v. Catz not only decided against playing in second place. Trinity are the Clare v. Girton every fi xture, but also didn’t fancy highest-placed college in third. updating the wins we actually did Third Division A manage. Nonetheless, here we Selwyn v. Emmanuel fi nd ourselves, propping up the Christ’s v. Caius rest of Cambridge’s footballing BMC excellence. otswana Meat Commission Third Division B It was a devastating start to BFC are searching for a new Homerton v. Churchill our year to fi nd out that ‘Big Boot’ manager, after Kaizer Kalambo Fitzwilliam v. Sidney Myles would not be featuring to was relieved of his duties fol- score a guaranteed hat trick every lowing his side’s 2-1 loss against Men’s Football Cuppers Round 1 game with a remarkable combi- Gaborone United to continue nation of halfway-line goals and their dismal run of form. Indeed, St Andrew’s v. Pembroke bending, curling direct corners. Captain Luke Clarke foolishly compares Homerton IVs to Barcelona BMC could feel fortunate only Trinity Hall v. Emma Whether this is a representation to have lost by a single goal, as Jesus-Bye of his overall footballing talent, or and Queens’ III, we’re under no Adidas and smells nice. Gaborone dominated proceed- Sidney v. Clare the lack of ability of lower-division illusions and realise that we have Our footballing talent varies ings throughout. Gaborone took Selwyn v. Long Road II goalkeepers remains under fi erce a formidable array of footballing from those who have never played a comfortable lead with goals Downing v. Catz debate. However, the introduction talent to overcome. football before, to those who have just either side of half-time. Homerton v. Caius of three ‘rugby boys’, an Alba- We fi nd ourselves in the lucky never managed to fulfi l their un- First, Sandaka turned well Fitzwilliam v. Girton nian chef and a Polish barman has position of having enough play- deniable potential after years of inside the box to fi re past Lom- Darwin v. ARU given us a new lease of life. Surely ers to fi ll four teams, but this does experience. That aside, the elation bala in the BMC goal, before Clare Hall v. CUCY a side with this much continental mean that kit is a struggle to ob- felt after a victory is still a genu- an under-hit pass from Molapo Christ’s v. Magdalene talent can only be the Barcelona of tain: we always settle for the mud- ine feeling of triumph and achieve- allowed Chikomo to score just Queens’ v. St John’s Divison 7 this year. covered, sweat-drenched leftovers ment. after the break. The visitors King’s v. Trinity I’d be lying if I said we’d be hap- from our footballing superiors ten In summary, our IVs games struck back in the 55th minute, Churchill v. Peterhouse py with anything other than the minutes before kick-off. If we’re make us really appreciate how it when Kgetholetsile converted a Robinson v. CCCC championship this year, but with lucky, the women’s team let us feels to kick a ball. We may not be powerful penalty to make it 2-1. Corpus v. Catz & CSVPA fi erce competition coming from borrow their kit from a few years’ the fi nest footballers, but we have However, BMC could not take the likes of Gonville & Caius IV back, which is sick because it’s a fucking great time! advantage of this as they were run off the park by Sandaka and Nato. Gaborone hit the wood- Women’s Hockey work numerous times as they bombarded their opponents’ Jesus ladies thrashed Pembroke lost both their opening two matches. far. Girton came back strongly after Women’s Hockey Fixtures goal, and saw a retaken penalty 14-0 in last Sunday’s second round They are also yet to score a goal. their early defeat last week, beating by Chikomo saved. The result match of the league competition. In Division 2 Homerton are setting Selywn 6-0 with two goals each for First Division left BMC 10th in the Botswanan The victory means that Jesus are the early pace, having won their fi rst Lauren Grant and Victoria Lee. Churchill v Robinson Premier League, with only ten now comfortably top of Division 1, two matches very comfortably. After With so many goals and such Jesus v Clare points from a possible thirty. having won both their opening fi x- comprehensively beating Girton 4-0 porous defences in the opening two Catz v Downing Without a win in six games, tures. In the only other game played in their opening fi xture, the Homer- rounds of the season, it will be a St John’s v Pembroke Kalambo was fi red by chairman last week, St John’s managed a 2-0 ton girls then destroyed Christ’s close competition in both Division 1 Sonny Phiri. He explained: “He victory against a Murray Edwards 11-0, with three goals each for Holly and Division 2 for the league’s top Second Division was failing to give us the results side that many had tipped for suc- Peters, Rachel Smith and Harriet scorer. So far Division 1 is headed by and there was only one way cess this season. After fi nishing in Flower. The victory means that Anna Wilson of Jesus with 6 goals, Emmanuel v Selwyn out – to show him the door. We a very respectable third place last Homerton go to the top of Division 2 and Division 2 by Rachel Smith with Fitzwilliam v Trinity Hall believe we’ve been patient and year, Murray Edwards are suddenly on goal difference from Emmanuel, 5. Girton v Christ’s he kept losing.” struggling in the top fl ight, having who also won both their games so 5th November 2010 Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 30 Sport www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] university american football PhD student tries to re-establish the Cambridge Pythons American footballer thomas piachaud writes for Varsity explaining his vision for a Cambridge University team

With the annual London NFL game at the University of Southampton, senior National championship and between the San Francisco 49ers I had never been sporty, and my narrowly missing out on a second. and Denver Broncos held at Wem- school had never allowed us to play Whatever anyone might think, bley stadium being fresh in our rugby (and lets just say I’m not there is a thriving American foot- memories I thought I would take built to play association football), ball scene in the UK. the time to write an article about but I had wanted to be involved in a Now many of you reading this will American football across the UK sport. I went up keen and eager to have an image of American football and Cambridge specifically. It is the rugby sign up table, and when I in your head: it is rugby with pad- a little known fact (at least to the told them I had no experience I was ding so the players don’t get hurt, people I talk to) that American foot- told to move along. somehow making it is a lesser sport ball is actually played on our shores Disheartened I wondered the in terms of toughness. Rugby for and while the standard is not what hall and was eventually accosted pansies. I beg to differ. Rugby is you may witness if you’re an NFL by an American footballer. Being a contact sport, and by being so is fan, there are still over 150 active such niche sport in Britain it is physically tough. American foot- teams throughout the country. not very often that the team get ball is not a contact sport – it is a So firstly let me tell you my story. anyone who has played before so collision sport. The pads do pro- I started my undergraduate degree they were more than willing to take tect you, but at the same time they on a complete rookie on make you a weapon, willing to run board. What followed at full speed and smash into your was a rollercoaster ride opponent (as pretty much all forms of four years playing for of tackling are legal). If you don’t the Southampton Stags, believe me a short trip to YouTube head prop for the Fitz XVs, how- them would be great. playing in two South- to view ‘NFLs hardest hits’ might ever my thirst for kitting up and I’m looking for anyone with any ern Finals and winning convince you. smashing into people still resides interest to get invovled - I had a national university On my arrival in Cambridge I deep within. With this in mind, I’m never played before my time at championship. I also had knew that there wasn’t an Ameri- aiming to revive the Pythons, and Southampton and so experience the opportunity to rep- can football team operating within by next year have the team return- really is not necessary. Basically resent my country in a the University; however it may ing to full time competition as part I would love to create an American tour of Norway, beat- surprise you to learn that there was of the BUAFL (British Universi- football scene in Cambridge. It is ing the Oslo Vikings just a team who played from 1988-1997 ties American Football League). certainly possible. outside the Olympic ice called the Cambridge Pythons. Now That is the theory at least. Oxford rink in Oslo. I have also it must be said that I did not find have already created an American played three seasons the same opposition to my lack of football team, the Oxford Lancers, Contact for anyone wishing in the senior leagues experience at Rugby in Cambridge who are also looking to enter the to get involved is thp24 or in the UK, winning a and I am happily playing loose league next year. Competing with www.CUgridiron.co.uk nice to meet blue... Kirsty Elder, Women’s Hockey Captain, St John’s

When did you start playing Hockey? “There’s nothing quite like The first hockey I played was when I was around seven or eight but that was walking off the pitch feeling indoor as my primary school didn’t have any other facilities at that point. It wasn’t until both mentally and physically I reached age 10 that I started playing drained but knowing you did outdoor hockey and would be age 12 at least before I actually understood what was going your bit forthe team.” on in an eleven-a-side full pitch match. Bit slow to catch on but haven’t looked back game? since! Pretty chilled I think. We tend to have our pre-match talk well in advance, then are fairly relaxed getting ready in the changing Why did you choose hockey as your sport rooms before really focusing in during the – what is it that attracts you about the What is your favourite personal sporting injured. It’s probably just as well the coach warm up. game? memory? didn’t tell me he was planning on starting me, and at full back, otherwise the nerves What motivates you to get out of bed In all honesty, hockey began as a very I know it’s a very small country, and might have got the better of me. We were every morning and go to training? sociable thing for me. I spent several years be don’t tend to win a lot, but I don’t playing against Colchester 2nd XI who had a more focused on tennis, thinking I was think anything will beat the first time I couple of decent forwards so the match was Again, it’s all about the team. You really going to win Wimbledon one day – needless represented Scotland. It was an U16 fixture a tricky one and, in many ways, the perfect feel like you’re letting everybody else down to say, that never happened – and it wasn’t against Ireland in Dublin and I only really way to begin my Blues career: nothing like if you don’t turn up to training or aren’t until I got a tennis injury that I turned to remember the national anthems, taking a being thrown in at the deep end! prepared to put in 100% when you get there. hockey more seriously. Having said that, I ball to the eye and using proper ice-baths Cambridge isn’t really about doing things soon found that I preferred hockey for one for the first time (in Scotland we just use Who is the best player you have played half-heartedly and nowhere is this more simple reason: it’s a team-sport through wheelie bins...). with? true than on the sports field. Its also a very and through and really does require you good way to escape all the other stresses to communicate and work together in all How did you feel before your first Being a defender, I used to hate training in Cambridge and spend those hours only aspects of the game. It’s also a very skillful university game and how did the game against a forward called Amy Brodie in the focused on the next pass or tackle. I think I and tactical game which requires lots of time go? Scottish squads – she was impossible to read might go a little bit insane if I were to stop and dedication in order to produce a good and I have never given away so many fouls. playing hockey. team performance- there’s nothing quite like So unbelievably nervous. It was my second She’s gone on to various Scottish and GB walking off the hockey pitch feeling both week in Cambridge and I’d been to three or representation so I don’t feel too bad... Will you beat the other Place? physically and mentally drained but knowing four training sessions before being asked you did your bit for the team. to fill in for the blues because someone was What is the dressing room like before a Yes. GDBO. Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 5th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT31 Sport Comment Rejection of Zimbabwe is the only course of action Zimbabwean cricket is re-entering the international arena. This must be opposed

action would appear to legitimise morality which informs the rest of who has been forced to deny links Nor will supporting Zanu-PF be – or at least ignore – the brutality life. Moreover, sport has always to the CIO, who forcibly removed the intent of whoever may go to of a government which, despite been as politicised as any other Henry Olonga from the team bus Zimbabwe, but intentions are often the establishment of a coalition facet of life. The sectarian demog- misconstrued. with the Movement for Demo- raphy of Northern Irish sports, for Conversely, the consequence cratic Change in February 2009, example, is a commonplace within Zimbabwe Cricket is of not travelling is the admirable remains controlled by Mugabe. I the academy, as is the relationship engagement in a practical and effec- should not need to elaborate on between Sunday sports and Sab- nothing more than tive means of protest. You think the horrendous crimes of Mugabe batarianism. Sport and politics go cricket is powerless in this respect? and his regime, and the purpose hand in hand. the recreational wing Dr Ali Bacher, speaking to Cricinfo of this article is not to expose the However, in the case of Zimba- in 2008, averred, “Zimbabwe should misdeeds of Zanu-PF: that much is bwean cricket, politics becomes of Zanu-PF. be isolated and banished from the self-evident. This article is about intrinsic to the argument, primarily international arena… I say this MICHAEL TAYLOR cricket’s role in resistance. You may because of the peculiar relation- because of what brought apartheid already wish to dismiss my case. ship between Zimbabwe Cricket following the black-armband pro- down in South Africa: it was the Quietly, surreptitiously, the spectre You may ask: ‘What does this have (ZC) and Zanu-PF. For one thing, test during the 2003 World Cup, and international isolation. The same of Zimbabwean cricket has been to do with cricket?’ You may wish Robert Mugabe’s name endures who handed Olonga his ticket back thing must happen now with Zim- resurrected on the international to argue that sport, as we are told as an offi cial patron of ZC. For to Zimbabwe with the kind words: babwe. People who say sport and stage. Where the disgraced rela- by seers and sages, should not be another, Peter Chingoka, chair- ‘You’re on your own now’. Tell me, politics are completely separate are tive of cricket had once been South man of ZC, has been banned from how does accepting the invitation being naïve.” At Archbishop Des- Africa, this unwanted epithet now entry to the European Union on of these men to play cricket under mond Tutu’s 2008 Spirit of Cricket attaches to the land of Robert Sport should be the grounds of his links to Mugabe’s their jurisdiction not carry a politi- lecture at Lord’s, he argued that Mugabe and Zanu-PF. By con- regime. He has also been accused cal weight? inaction was wrong: “I think the sequence, the administrators of su used by the by former sports minister Kate And, more pressingly, that ICC are erring and it frustrates leading cricketing nations scheduled Hoey of using VIP pavilions at political weight could translate into the hell out of me that Zimbabwe to play in Zimbabwe are faced with same morality international matches ‘to host the accusations of compliance with and have not been brought to book. It’s a serious problem. Nevertheless, ZANU-PF politicians, CIO (Central appeasement of Zimbabwe Cricket, a moral issue and what [Mugabe] is this problem reduces to a straight- which informs the Intelligence Organisation) opera- which – given its leadership – is doing everybody knows is simply forward choice: to fl y, or not to fl y? tives and senior army offi cers on nothing more than the recreational not right...cricket can play a part in So far, India and Sri Lanka have rest of life. whom he relies for protection’. This, wing of Zanu-PF. If you think I that.” travelled; Ireland hesitated, but of course, is the same CIO which exaggerate, look at how the rebel Ultimately, we may take Eng- soon caved in, while Scotland stayed mixed with politics. Such people, launched an investigation into ZC’s tourists to South Africa were land’s failure to progress in the 2003 home. Soon, England must show however, are not Cassandra; this new logo, launched in 2005, on the treated: the English tourists of the World Cup as a salutary reference. its own hand. Andrew Strauss has is not Troy, and we should ignore suspicion it cryptically spelled out early 1980s were labelled “the Dirty Then, sporting failure was forgiven already – and publicly – raised con- them. Let me explain why. If sport ‘MDC’ in its symbols. Even more Dozen” by the Commons for plac- because elimination had resulted cerns as to the morality of touring. is a mere diversion, then only the sinister is Ozias Bvute, CEO of Zim- ing cricket before the principle of only from refusal to play Zimbabwe. He is right. Refusal to fl y is indeed despicable man does not forgo it to babwe Cricket, whose parachuting racial equality, while certain South Indeed, the English were criticised England’s only morally defensible serve a nobler cause. However, if into the administration in 2001 as African papers did their utmost to only for vacillating on the matter. course of action. sport is more than that – if it carries Integration Implementation Offi cer represent all tours as tacit support Proof, perhaps, that cricket is more The principal objection to an Eng- weight, meaning and values – then marked the politicisation of the for apartheid. Of course, that was than a game – so what do we know lish tour is, of course, that such an it should be suffused by the same Zimbabwean board. This is a man not the intent of the cricketers. of cricket, if we only cricket know?

BLUES ROWING Blues squad training intensifies College Rugby CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE Training increases to a minimum of 35 and a half hours a week, four months ahead of Boat race It will be interesting to see whether the Jesus backs, who have VARSITY SPORT hauled their college to the top of Cambridge Squad 2011 Divison 1, can continue to bail out a After the announcement of the squad forward pack lacking in fi repower. selection for the 2011 Xchanging George Brown, Sidney Despite conceding, Queens’ once Boat Race, the Cambridge rowers Ioan Coleman, St John’s again hauled themselves back into have stepped up their preparation Hardy Cubasch, St Edmund’s the match by scoring a converted a full four months before they take Nick Edelmen, Hughes Hall try of their own. A further pen- to the river Thames to face Oxford Ben Evans, Clare alty reduced the defi cit to just fi ve in the annual battle for rowing Joel Jennings, Clare points. By now, the tension was supremacy. The light blue rowers Sasha Kasas, Trinity palpable as once again Queens’ for- are operating now at a 35-and-a Jamie Loggie, Downing wards pounded towards the try -half-hour weekly time commitment George Nash, Catz line. Jesus however was able to to the sport, not including compul- David Nelson, Hughes Hall hold fi rm and were able to clinch sory video anaylsis and talks from Josh Pendry, Catz the match by slotting home two late dieticians. Charlie Pitt-Ford, Pembroke penalties. Having Monday as a rest day, the Derek Rasmussen, Hughes Hall Queens’ will certainly not be Blues squad then have two sessions with two on both of the Saturday round. The light blue squad benefi t Dan Rix-Standing, Catz too disappointed with their per- (two hours in the morning, four and a and the Sunday, the Blues squad from having four returning Blues James Robinson, St John’s formance. Indeed with many half in the afternoon) every Tuesday, members are training on 80k every compared to Oxford’s one, while Alex Ross, Caius suggesting Queens’ may be desper- Wednesday and Thursday. Morn- weekend, along with their daily Cambridge also have fi ve return- James Roth, St Edmund’s ate to avoid the drop, they can be ing sessions are split between ergs sessions. ing Goldie Boat members. Oxford Dominic Silk, Hughes Hall very proud of their season so far. and weights. Friday is a two hour With such commitment and atten- by contrast only have four who have James Strawson, Trinity The result means that Jesus main- weights session at the Goldie Boat- tion to fi ne detail, the Blues will be rowed in the Isis Boat. Mike Thorp, Homerton tain their 100% record but will house before spending seven hours confi dent of a repeat performance Andrew Viquerat, King’s have to keep up the performances in Ely on the water on both Satur- of last year’s Xchanging Boat Follow the Blues Squad’s preparation for Felix Wood, Downing as Division One continues to be far day and Sunday. The weekend water Race, especially as they have the the Xchanging Boat Race on from predictable this year. sessions are typically 20k each, and more experienced crew this time varsity.co.uk/sport Think you could do better? We’re always looking for sport writers and photographers. If you’d like to work for us, get in contact with our Sport Editor at [email protected] 5th November 2010 Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 32 SPORT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] College Football American Football p29 p30 Emma defeat Grad tries Caius to remain to resurrect top Cambridge SPORT Pythons Redboy Jesus defeat Queens’ to remain top Reports Jesus backs provide necessary quality to defeat pretenders Queens’ Our man on the inside of the St HANNAH COPLEY John’s 1st XV tells it like it is

Ok, yes, obviously the Jesus match was a shambles. With hindsight downing four pints with Bunter and three with Toffo (eight in total, once you include the two that Doyley brewed me,) before the game was ambitious. Then again, I did that before my driving test and it was fi ne. (Just twelve majors, including run- ning over a local sergeant-major in what my instructor called “the most ironic infringement of the rubric I’ve seen since Toby Dwindell tried to solve a rubix cube during his three-point turn.”) Anyway, it was probably a bit stupid, and the fact that I missed the whole of the second half because I was on the Chun- der Wagon, next stop Chunder Town, population: me and my good friend Mr Chunder, sort of made that evident. Me vomiting the whole time was also an issue. Speaking of issues, I’ve got a big one at the moment, and I’m not talking about GQ. During the police inquest about those guys who died on the swap last week The Jesus forwards are put under heavy pressure by the Queens’ pack (luckily the judge was at John’s so his verdict basically said that have their sights still set on the title winger Blencowe’s pace as a fumble Queens’ held the advantage up front the dead fellas should be proud JESUS 29 but Queens’ certainly will not be too when fi elding a kick allowed him to in both the lineout and the scrum. to have been involved in some disheartened after a strong and pow- hack the ball towards the try line to For the fi rst time this season Jesus high-end swappage) I got talk- erful display. score. This clearly rattled Jesus as were able to contest the scrum but it ing to one of the witnesses, a It was evident from the kick off another possible upset looked on the was clear that they were unhappy in member of Tit Hall Tits Out, QUEENS’ 18 that both teams were intent on cards. doing so. Their inability to scrum has who’s a second year at Tit Hall engaging in a tough and physical However ,Jesus responded. The raised eyebrows so far this season college. Physically, she’s right battle. An intense midfi eld struggle, next 15 minutes saw sustained pres- and their tactic in entering every out of the top drawer: small and MIKE BENJAMIN marked by ferocious and aggres- sure which allowed a reversing of the game uncontested is understand- easily stored in high places. The sive tackling, dominated the opening scoreboard as two tries were sand- able when they look as poor as they fact that she’s a bit short could Division One rugby is very different phases as both teams tried to estab- wiched in between a penalty. Both did on Tuesday. The pressure on the be a negative, but not for me, I now to a year ago. Jesus’ toppling of lish themselves. Queens’ Sullivan, in tries displayed the power and preci- scrum lasted throughout the game. like shorter girls. I used to do John’s last week and Queens’ rising particular, looked to lay down a phys- sion of the Jesus backs as they were The referee’s continual instruction to this role-play thing with my ex- challenge has altered the nature of ical marker early on by landing big able to cut through Queens’ porous the Jesus forwards is an indication of girlfriend where she’d pretend college rugby. A top of the table clash hit after big hit. defensive line. At this point, Jesus the improvement required. she was getting crushed by my between the two teams was repre- Queens’ posed the initial threat looked in control of the game and it Queens’ continued the impetus bicep, and I’d pretend that I sentative of the change at the top and with a run down the wing which was was in the backs where they continu- early in the second half, yet an early loved her. led to an eagerly anticipated match. controversially stopped by the touch ally carried a threat. penalty was soon cancelled out by So it turns out that me and The match up did not disappoint. judge; it was not long before they Nevertheless, Queens’ fought their a converted score created by the this girl (I only know her by her It had everything from intensity to notched up the fi rst points on the way back into the game utilising their impressive Jesus backline. drinking society name, which is drama. Eventual winners Jesus will scoreboard. Jesus were caught out by power and strength in the forwards. CONTINUED INSIDE Morgiana, “Leavener of Bread”) have got literally bucket-loads in common. The only problem is that obviously relationships Downing pushed into relegation dog ght a er third loss of the season are diffi cult in Cambridge – the defensive capability. With only Trin- half for a forward pass in the move almost comic and while Trinity were Redboy lads wouldn’t take too VARSITY SPORT ity performing worse in the league which would have led to Williams always likely to struggle this season, kindly to it. The last time one of Downing’s rugby team continued at the moment, Downing will be con- scoring underneath the posts. few could have imagined they would the boys had a serious girlfriend their abject form on Tuesday after cerned that on current form they and Elsewhere Trinity look certain have performed quite as poorly as they took the piss to such an suffering their third straight defeat not Magdalene will be favourites for to go down at the end of the season they have. The result would have extent that he ended up marry- to a Magdalene side who many the drop come December. having suffered yet another heavy pleased John’s captain Mathonwy ing her as a dare and had to move expected to be desperately fi ght- Despite scoring two tries in the loss. Tuesday’s was at the hands of Thomas who will be looking to put to Morocco to support her as a ing relegation this season. The fi rst fi rst half on Tuesday, Downing were the Redboys. John’s put 59 points last week’s disappointment behind subsistence farmer. He had to division new boys ground out vic- never able to make their superior on hapless Trinity, who have now him as his team attempt to catch give up being the Senior Tutor as tory against a Downing side who possession count despite having a conceded 170 points in four games, leaders Jesus by clawing back a well so it was chaos this end. lacked any form of clinical edge and try harshly disallowed in the second scoring only 8. Such figures are place against Queens’ next week.