4 The Issue University of No. 892 Surrey's Student Magazine 22nd November 1996 Hi Ho Students' Union unday 17th November saw t±ie students' union Sclosed for the whole day - a rarity. Although the signs were up saying it was closed not many people knew why. Fif^ students spent the day in the students' union, not drinking beer as it is customary, but acting as extras in an up and Coming new movie. The film will be called "Up On The Roof and is about a band set in the 1970s which follows their career up to present day. It is being made by Granada Fihns and has a cast of un- knowns. They hope to follow in the footsteps of Channel Fame ai last for threeyoung hopefuls Four Films with their success of 'Four Weddings and A Fu- reception area and waited for ryone to be quiet while they jumping around the dance neral' and they look set to the eue. are filming so things are obvi- floor smging the song. After achieve their goal. 1 lam, and everyone is finally ously happening upstairs. that follows two more scenes ready, Russell tums up to teli Finally, at Ipm it is lunchtime where they stand around The start was an early one, the eagerly awaiting extras and fifty bored students in drinking beer (Kaliber unfor- 7am for many (the time I like that Üiey must leam the words dodgy seventies gear traipse tunately) and smoking fags to be going to bed on Sunday). to "Hi Ho Silver Lining" be- down Union Hill to the car kindly supplied by Granada The students were introduced cause they need to sing it in the park where lunch is being Films. to Russell, the Third Assistant fìhn. Giggles surface but after served. After retuming from The day end about 8.30pm and Director and then sent to a few rehearsals even the mu- lunch and to prevent any more everyone left with big smiles wardrobe and make up. The sical director was impressed; boredom Russell informs eve- after their firsttast e of the sil- people that emerged were his only comment was that ryone that they will not be ver screen and fifty quid hardly recognisable in their they didn't sound rowdy needed unti! 2.45pm. stuffed in their hands - cheers lai^e flares and big hair with enough (?!) the girls in dodgy flowery At 4.15pm the extras start re- mate. dresses. After the initiai "nice Russell disappears and the hearsing their first scene outfít" and "cool hair" com- crowd starts to get restless. which is "Hi Ho Silver Lin- ments they settled down in the The runner keeps telling eve- ing" and they spend an hour Editor's Bit Who Cares? CONTENTS omeone pointed teach students and give 18 Crossword out to me that them the elitist educa- 18 The Bare Side despite all the tion they are paying for 19 Cinema Sefforts and work that and deserve. went into putting on the Events arranged for events of Tuesday was Tuesday were deliber- 7 Sexual Fantasies that the bottom line is ately focused around the 8 Ecstasy - now iefs be sensible that students really don't entertainment aspects of care. Now I'm not going the students' union 12 Sabbatical profiles to whinge on about rather than traditional 17 Terry Pratchetts book signing tour student apathy because demos and petitions. when I was a student I Students need to be was the worse kind; I aware that the NUS is 1 Filming in the Union didn't get involved in not sitting on its arse 5 SU Bar Extension anything I just wanted to raking in tìie thousands 5 Service Advice Service pass my degree, go to of pounds students' un- 6 National Shutdown Day Bo's, go to Cindies and ions pay to it each year. get wrecked in the union They are as concerned at FNO. It wasn't that I as you are about how the m wasn't interested in the Government is treating 14 Interview with Screaming Trees students' union its future economists, 15 Album Reviews activities, I just wasn't lawyers and engineers. ì 6 Single Reviews aware of them. So tell me, do you still This "students don't not care? Are you still care" theory puts a not interested that there 22 Foottxill Vìctory whole new perspective are people out there try- 24 Ladies Hockey on things ana it is some- ing top make things bet- thing I can't come to ter for you? Or do you jrips with (maybe I just want them to get on lave forgotten what it with it and to let you was like). If we were know when something campaigning for a cause has been done? University of Surrey Students' Newspaper that effected only a cer- So what's coming up, tain number of people well next week is Rock Union House, University of Surrey, then I could understand The Vote Week. Rock Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH it - I mean it doesn't ef- The Vote is the cam- fect me so why should I paign aimed at encour- Teleptione; 01483 259275 care? aging young people to Fax: 01483 34749 But education cuts ef- vote through ents and Advertising: 01483 259275 fect everyone. All stu- greater awareness. E-mail: [email protected] dents have no money Many well know come- hittp://www.surrey.ac.uk/Llnion/barefacts/ (except ones with rich dians and bands are sup- Editor - Melanle Dean porting the campaign Features Editor - Tonka Rocks parents) and they all get mcluding Jo Brand, Carl News Editor - Sam Birmingham pissed of when they Cox and Radiohead. Music Edita - Rob Winder can't go down the pub Sports Editor - Mark "Glnga' Cusack on Saturday night of At the USSU we've got Photographer - Matt Pannetl week 13 coz their grant Dreadzone playing on Cartoonist - Stuart Parker ran out four weeks ago. the Friday Nite Out who Edttoftal Contributions: Andy Gale, Miles Hedgehog, Bruce should please all those Chapman, Matt Pannell and others.,. Overseas students are people who are moaning Music Reviews: Mel Odedra, James H^lngway, Mark {:)e Lange, effected too - capital about same old ents. Snelgrove, Numnuts funding cuts have meant Bare Facts is an independent newspaper, published by (he that departments can Now read on and en- Untversity of Surrev Students' Union Communications Office, The views expressea within the paper are those of the Editor, (he often not afford to by the joy... Editorial board and the author, and do not necessarily represen( latest equipment and the views of the UnK«^sity of Surrey Students' Union or The technology needed to Mel XXX University of Surrey. USSU Communications Office 1996 Letters to the Editor tainments and Marketing you have to wait three months The letters page ahvay looks like a mass of text Manager should not assume before taking another one. so for those of you that can't be bothered to read that because the turnout for all the letters, here is a summary: Shag is reasonably good, that We were informed by a Union this is therefore the music peo- Representative that 75% of all This week's letters centre around Jez Breslaw's ple want to hear. We usually candidates fail. If by some go, because after all, what else fiuke someone does pass a test article in Bare Facts last week on the students' is tìiere??? As it stands, people first time, then is Âe Union union; one in agreement and one against which who want 'Club Culture' will saying that this driver can then is a nice happy balance - lovely. Sharon also got to London to get the real safely drive, for example, 15 responds to this on the next page. tiling. If the union wants to people around the M25, major cater for people to dance, and trunk roads and country lanes The second letter is about minbus driving tests justify the price we have to in Yorkshire on a Friday night and the students' union's policy about this. There pay, surely the least we could with a filli roof rack after only seem to be a few problems with the high failure ask for is tfie installation of air two hours driving experience? rate. conditioning. FNO is espe- More to the point, why should cially too hot. someone be given this respon- And finally LGBSoc respond to last week's sibility to shoulder alone be- article on gay suicide. We can envisage union staff cause so few people pass the sitting round thinking that this test due to the Union's lack of is a letter from a couple more tuition and support? Why Dear Editor rity before every evening so moany students. On the whole should a University Club have We are writing in support of that we do not continually get we do enjoy the union and we to spend any&ing up to £100 last week's excellent article by différent answers from différ- do go a great deal. All we want to get two drivers qualified to ' Jeremy Breslaw. Thank God ent people. One particular ex- to do is bring out a few points drive the minibus at the ex- we've finally found somebody ample was a time that we that are currently ruining the pense of purchasing new to speak some of our views. telephoned the union to ask for general positive attitude we equipment? Why are so many We are two second year stu- information about the UOS have. people failing Ae test? Does dents living off campus and club. Last year tickets went on Emma and Tania this not suggest the policy is we went to the majority of the sale at 9pm. We rang to con- inadequate and leading to a events in the union during our firm that the same applied this shortage of drivers? Why does fu^t year. From this we con- year. "No" we were told "tick- Dear Editor someone have to wait three sider ourselves fairly qualified ets are on sale now". So up to It has been noticeable re- months for a re-test when to make a few comments on the union we went at 8pm ish cently, the number of people clearly any prior learning is the general running of the stu- only to be told that we had to complaining about our univer- evaded overtime? Why can't dents' union. waituntii9pm. So whatdid we sity's social activities. Instead we change the policy to make do? Well, it was hardly worth of just sitting back on your it safer for drivers, passengers, Firstly, we are confused as to going home and coming back. a**e moaning about abso- the Union and other road users whether or not the union is So we bought a pint of over- lutely everything, why don't by increasing driving experi- intended to be a service or a priced beer and waited. This you do something about it. As ence of minibuses? Surely the business. If it is a service, kind of incorrect information final years we know that the current policy is not only where is the service? If it is a has happened on a number of entertainment has changed a wholly impractical but dan- business, surely there should occasions and we would sug- great deal over the years. gerous? We feel all of the be some level of customer gest that before the Entertain- When you considered that on above need addressing. service and students should be ments and Marketing a Saturday night nothing ever Two Concerned Final Year treated with the appropriate Manager complains about ig- happened and now you have to Students amount of respect. norance of students as to queue for a beer, Üiings have which number their guest is on changed. If you are that con- The price of beer in the stu- the list, it should be ensured cerned about the welfare of the dents' union has been com- that the union's own staff is students then why not go to the Dear Editor, plained about continuously faultlessly informed. Ents meeting and put forward I was saddened to read of the over the past year. If the union all your "wonderful ideas". suicide of Liz M's friend as wants to show that students are We appreciate that .regardless From T-wo Final years that reported in her article last not being ripped off, why not of the number of complaints have better things to worry week. I would like to offer my publish Üie figures of exactly made about the FNO, it is about, such as a degree! heartfelt sympathy to her on how much they're making. something that will never behalf of myself and the Such a publication may clear change due to the amount of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual up questions such as "how is it money that the union makes. society (LGBSoc). Sadly justified that a can of beer However, to imply that Shag Dear Editor these events are all too costs more that a pint?" and represents 'Club Culture' the We are writing to express our common as American such like. dissatisfaction with the cur- research has shown. Entertainments and Marketing rent system for Union minibus If the argument for charging Manager is not entirely in- tests. The policy stipulates that I would also like to remind 5p for a glass is that it is illegal formed. The vast majority of drivers take a two hour mini- people that the Surrey to use the same one twice, then dance music played at Shag is bus test with no prior practice University LGBSoc how come the bar staff are not House and the only dance mu- or lessons. This test involves welcomes any University aware that it is equally illegal sic that gets a look-in at the an hour around Guildford and member who has an interest in to give a customer Pepsi when FNO is also House, clearly if you pass this stage then it Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual they ask for Coke, without in- showing that this music is leads on to an hour on the issues, whether they are gay forming them first. over-represented at Surrey. M25. This is at a cost of £10 themselves or not. Any other form of any other per test and £15 for a re-test. While we are on the subject of music gets pushed into the However, if you fail the test Natalie Ford making staff aware, would it Lower Bar. Perhaps the Enter- LGB Soc President not be possible to brief secu- News What Does The Students' Union

Daskedo if thes Foe costs hard bee nMe included in? clubs and societies, premises, manage- n recent weeks there have been the fimding bid because they weren't. ment, finance, Staffing, marketing, etc.) coraments made about the And if students had realised, perhaps Let's make real changes - good changes. Istudents' union and the they might have made plans to find that Now I do not to be a moan now, nor do I running of it. I think it is time to set money by putting some aside each year. want 'sympathy' - pìease remember I the record straìght. The SU has What was anticipated was that we would love my worìc here, but sometimes it can never been able to simply loose loose revenue from conference trading be frustrating... money. Unfortimately debts do not for two summer period and at that time Jeremy Breslaw is not the first, nor will disappear; people supply us with this amounted to some £68,000 but stu- he be the last to say that they elected the goods and services and expect to dents decided we could survive that. sabbatical officers to do the job, so why be paid. There has, therefore, not Unfortunately, we can't txun the clock should he get involved. Firstly, in both back, we can't return to drab brown my campaigns I emphasised my wish to been a 'big change' by a President walls, tom floor lining and shabby fumi- get more students involved in Üie direct deciding fiat the Union could not ture. Nor do I believe any one would want numing of the SU, so do I take it that "make a loss that it previously to. I wish I could go back thoughto when these people didn't vote for me? had". I was in my first, second and third year Secondly, the sabbs are only human! Un- That isn't to say that the Union hasn't and ask those questions that were never fortunately we are facing record levels of 'lost' money in tìie past, in the sense of it put I reckon Jeremy Breslaw probably work at Üie moment, for example, in overspending in one year. But that loss does too. I wonder if one of those discos terms of the number of student enquiries simply pen^ises the foUowing year's he so enjoyed was the night used to dem- and information and in defending the spending. Unfortunately some people onstrate how much we needed a bigger student position nationally and within take the attitude that they'11 net be around building. the university. On the national issue of to experience the ensuing problems. The student funding alone in the past 16 only 'big change' that happened was that Now I am not trying to apportion blame months we have had to deal with; the Union simply couldn't continue as it on anyone or any group. The problem was - it would go banknipt - dead - finito lies in the short-termism inherent in stu- 1. the Govemment's announcemeht to - no Union at dents' unions because of the aunual turn- privatise student loans over of students' union officers and Our food prices may have gone up this students. But that needn't be the case... 2. Government budget cuts, in particular year, bui it is the first time in 3 years. And in capital funding (Le. the fimds to build they only reason beer price increases I originalfy stood for President because I lecture rooms, buy lab equipment, com- happen over the summer is because that knew I could do the job - a good job, puters, etc.) is when our supplias make their price because I loved being a student and 3. Vice-Chancellor'sthreaten home stu- increases - the Club committee and Gen- wanted to put something back in. I dents with £300 entrance fee eral Meetmg were wamed. There is cer- wanted to make a différence. I restood tainly no intention of doing it behind because I knew how much work needed 4. The NUS conference debates the issue your back. For information the reason the to be done but at the same time I reahsed of maintenance funding and whether stu- prices increased to £2 a pint in Chancel- that one person cannot make a real dif- dents should pay a contribution lors was so the prices could be kept the feraice, a real change in one year, in fact same in the main union - the majority of not even in two. The main restnicturing 5. Govenmirat now announces that it the beers here have not increased. We and changes which need to be made have intends to seil off student loan debt thought it would be better to pìease more to be made step by step and with direc- 6. Vice-Chancellors talk of introducing tion. Along the way ali student benefit by top-up fees of up to £1,000 people and increase the price in a bar the improvements being made. But the where the majority of the customers (e.g. ideas and process of change need to come We need to be on top of these issues all conférence visitors and stafi) can afford from students which is Äe whole ethos the time. We lobby, negotiate and péti- to pay a little bit more. behind the strategie pian I have proposed tion. At the moment, there is a review of to undertake this year. This was fobbed higher éducation taking place - the first But remember - just as debts don't sim- off in Bare Facts a few issues ago as a 5 review for 20 years. The SU has submit- ply disappear, neither would any surplus year pian which doesn't interest students ted a response (a copy is display ed on the the Union might make. As it is, there is because they'U not be here in 5 years notice board in the SU). But we did spend veiy little mon^ being made currently, time. But unless you're a finalyea r stu- hours researching and writing, that is but many debts being repaid... dent here, it will make a différence dur- only right, because this will effect your You and your predecessors wanted a ing your time here at Surrey. studies, your funding, your qualification. 1 arger union building. Hundreds of stu- But these are just a few national issues. dents were involved fi"om the stage of The '5 year' timing is simply to give pétitions and 'demo gigs', to comments direction - within that there be an- Do you réalisé that it has just been agreed and suggestions and altering plans, and nual plans and within that semester to scrap Faculty Boards? These will be then in the célébrations when the bid for plans, etc. replaced by 11 'school' boards. Do you funding was successful. know the plans for contìnuing to develop So let's get rid of the short-sighted ap- modularisation? These are issues that are Unfortunately not one Student asked proach which has led us to the situation effecting you now and if I were to leave where the money for the disco lighting or we're facing now. Let's think about the them to one side, what would you think fumiture was coming from. No one good and bad points of ali the union of me? If you want to know more pop asked what sort of bar was going to be services and departments andnot just the into the offices or give us a cali we are built. And most importantly - no one bar and ents (e.g. student advice service. here to hsten. News Student Advice Service ell, as those of you who have been in the Union Job Shop Wthis week may have We are constantly receiving information Student Advice Service noticed, the Help Desk and about jobs that may be suitable for stu- Jobshop are now in full swing on dents. Some are continuous part time Monday and Wednesday jobs, some are full time/part time for the hohday period only and others are one- lunchtimes (12-2pm). These two offs that could provide you with a bit of HelPjesk services are provided by the extra cash when you need it. These range Student Advice Service but are from helping out at a private dinner party staffed by a dedicated team of to being paid to play board games in student volunteers, specifically Guildford stores. We also have some de- tails about work placem^ts for the holi- trained to help you access the day period that may be relevant to your information that you need. course of study. General Help 8t Advice * Ttnjoiee ^ oversau * AcctimMÙiiltm Help Desk • ìVidlh « AudeiHíe • lJ:¿d Do Every now and then we all have the odd problem to deal with, whether it be to do with accom- some quick verbal advice or referral to Part-time anidd casual work # modation, course issues, personal another service that has expertise in the available from ti^e Job-Shop finances, tax, etc Often field of knowledge in question. The serv- we are not sure where best to go ice is confidentiá^ and you can be sure of to solve them. Well, never fear! a friendly face if you ever need to pop in Mofldaynpo-apn help is at hand! The Help Desk is and see us. Wednesday I2p-2pn run as a first port of call for any- So, come on down to the Students' Union Students'Union Iccqition one in this situation. The volun- Reception on Mondays and Wednesdays, teers are trained to give you the between 12 and 2pm and see what we can Cone and see whats on offer information you need, whether offeryou!!!!!!!!!!! this be in the form of a leaflet. Students' Union Extension By Melanie Dean

nally due to open at the beginning of The students' union, in response to stu- s with most things at this November. However, there have been de- dents' demands, has decided to build the University rumours start lays with the building work. The main permanent bar anyway on receipts of a Aflying around so now it is problem being the cement used for the loan of about £40,000 fix)mthe univer^ity. time to set tiie record straight. In floor is taking longer to dry than ejqjected We are in negotiation for this loan and due to the sudden cold spell of weather. this has added to the delay but obviously 1994, the plans were originally This has caused the rest of the work to be the students' union can't start ordering laid for the extension and done on the extension to be slowed down. building materials until the loan was guar- refurbishment of the students' anteed. union. During the summer of 1995 The other problems was that when the plans were originally drawn up, the bar Now onto the good news, it looks like the stage I of the plans was completed; was designed to be a temporary bar simi- bar will be opening in the New Year, at the snooker room and travel lar to the can bar and the lounge bar was the moment it is set for the night of the bureau were built and changes and going to be extended into where the piii- Charter Bail (February 14tii) withasneak redecoration of the Helyn Rose ball machines are. When work started it preview evening earlier in Áe week. was soon realised that it was not going to Bar were made. be possible to extend the lounge bar, the Original ideas for the bar are to sell snacks students' union's demand had also grown throughout the day. Cappuccino and Last summer stage 11 began, this involved and it was decided that the temporary bar croissants for brealrfast witii hot snacks the redecoration of the main union, the in the extension was to be made into a and sandwiches at lunch. Any ideas will transformation of the dance floor, stage permanent bar. However, somehow this be most welcome. and the new bar extension. The new bar decision was not on the plans when the job which, when completed, will be nearly as went to the builders for a quote. Conse- big as Chancellor's Restaurant was origi- quently, this bar was not budgeted for. News National Shutdown Day or most people Tuesday was a day off, away from Flectures and a chance to go to Cindies on Monday night without the worry of having to get up early in the moming. Tuesday November 19th will go down in the history books as a day when eight trade unions and the NUS joined forces to show the Government what the effects of cuts in Higher Education is doing to education. The wet and windy day began about 9.30am with the trade union members and a handful of keen students filiing the dance floor of the Union, eagerly awaiting the mom- ing's speakers. Lee Findell - NUS VP Education shows his support The first speaker was the Uni- workers were offered a 2.5% As students we are constantly ago - the grant has been cut by son Trade Union repre- pay increase and the rest of being reminded of our hard- £500 since my first year fours sentative who explained that the workers were offered ship (everytime we go to the years ago. The only solution, ali higher education estab- 1.5%. Obviously they were cashpoint, for example) but it if the Government wishes to lishments around the country angry at the way they have seems that this hardship is keep expanding higher edu- were striking. What were they been treated; the Government spread across the higher edu- cation, is to end the funding striking for? Weil, manual has encouraged the expansion cation sector. crìsis by increasing funding of higher to sustain the quality of edu- education Capital funding for higher cation. but they education (that is the money are not needed for buildings and The next speakers were the prepared equipment) has been cut by two parliamentary candidates to increase £100 million but what the for the Labour Party and the the pay of Government doesn't realise is Liberal Democrats, fimnily the people that it is the students who are enough the Conservative paying the price. Final years, Party MP couldn't attend. that made have you noticed how much it happen. rent has increased since you The afternoon's events lived on campus in your fu^t started off slowly with a few It has been year? 'dedicated' students sam- implied pling the locai fu^ water to that vice- Lee Findell, NUS Vice Presi- keep their spirits up. The eve- chancello dent for Education was the ning saw fìve live bands play rs deliber- next speaker and he explained for free in the Union. Al- ately of- that this was the first time though the dance floor wasn't fered them there has been a genuine unity as kicking as it could have low pay to between trade unions and stu- been, the music was good and provoke dents. Days of actions like the people that were there had the work- Tuesday give out strong mes- a good time. ers into in- sages to vice-chancellors, the dustrial Government and the general Weil, the day of action made action. It is public and NUS believe that the news. Sharon Baker, Un- then easy student's education quality is ion President was inter- for them to at stake. viewed by Meridian News go to the along with one of the trade Govemm The results of the Govern- union reps - that is three sets ent and ask ment's cut to higher educa- of Cameras at tìie University for more tion are apparent, students in one week. Margaret Sharp of The Liberal Democrat money. have 28% less fimds available Party speaks on higher education funding cuts. to them now than flve years Bare Spot Sexual Fantasy..,or Fish! By LizM

tried this one out, I would love day lunch why you have large (watch thefruity bits!) , honey, 've just returned someone to explain to me the red welts on your wrists. strawberry sauce, smooth pea- from a delightful thrill of two people sneaking She'll either guess or think nut butter, black forest gateaux IJapanese meal but round a crowded piane into a you've been arrested and and finally fiiiit. Heed my ad- sadly am stili hungry. cubicle barely big enough for either way it could well signal vice on this one - never use a mouse, only to spend those an end to your residence at over-ripe bananas or else Whilst popping a piece of erotic moments with your skirt home! you'll have bits of banana delicious tuna sushi into tucked under your armpits floating in the bath for months my mouth, my with one foot in the sink and In public is another good one; to come! companion reminded me the other jammed down the shop changing rooms (sorry of an episode in the book toiletbowl. Sexy? Ithinknot! "NEXT'), trains and train sta- Finally, my latest (for this However for those of you ada- tions (sorry BR) , BT phone Christmas) is having sex in the "LACE". For those of mant about doing this, wait un- boxes, car bonnets in car ski lift cable cars - not only are you who haven't a due til you can fly Concorde. Sex parks, lifts, Student Union, they transparent with people what Tm talking about, whilst travelling faster than back of London black cabs passing you in the opposite di- in this literary the speed of sound gives you a (yes! yes! yes!), libraries, Hse rection every 30 seconds but good high (no pun intended) 55's kitehen table & vibrating you have a time limit! Roll on masterpiece (not!) the and at tíie very least you get fi-eezer and last (but by no December!!!! man (for his lover's more leg room! (Trust me...1 means least) the hard shoulder orgasm) plucks a live ofthe M25! P.S. Any further suggestions goldfish from its bowl Know!) are most welcome! (god knows how he does Another favourite involves I personaily love food. Melted water of some kind. For in- chocolate, whipped cream, ice this - have you ever tried stance, sex on the beach (ali cubes and ice cream, yoghurt to hold a fish?!) puts it very weil, but sand hurts when inside ber, lets it squirm it gets in tiiere), sex in a swim- around - apparently ming pool (beware nosy 9 yr inducing glass-breaking olds with goggles), sex in the shower (could be fon but have orgasm - and then sucks personaily slipped and it out. As you can knocked myself out cold!) and imagine, my poor little finally, sex in the bath - an- piece of sushi lost its other disaster zone. Maybe I not am sexually inept, but this one appeal - it is nice to has never worked. Once you Tiie drau has liaken place for ifie Itlounialn Bike and Del Leppard have to question where get into a reasonable position CDs and T-shIris your food has been! (if you're not jammed in) you Anyway, this led us onto tend to find you cannot move Sliann Ba&er. Sludenis' Union Presiden!, has draion lite folloulng the subject of sexual without getting your feet in the lucbv numbers: wrong places, you make loud fantasies. squelching noises as bodies N4288 Q4281 J4242 Q4286 Why do so many people deny connect with plástic and you M4267 Q4247 H4292 A4214 having sexual fantasies? I for create various tidal waves K4280 M4204 D4267 L4224 one have had great pleasure in which overfiow the bath every concocting some interesting time you 'limge'! Me being P4282 D4280 Q4288 D4225 ones and then trying them out. prone to cramp would advise Q4215 Now I know that when you you to steer weil clear. There first dive under the covers with is nothing sexy about being in someone, perhaps it isn't the such a precarious sexual Situ- If you have one of the wìnning tickets best idea to mention how ation only to fmd your left hip, then hurry to the Caterino Office, first you'd like to be chained to the thigh and calf muscle cramp floor, senate House to claim your prize. wardrobe with whipped cream up SO that you can do nothing It's first come first served so hurry and peanuts ali over you but but lay there screaming at the when you actually know top of your voice and fiailing there and the biice could be yours! someone it couldn't be more your arms like a demented pi- firn. geon! Mamj ^nlis lo Slmmi for Imm m cekMty I decided to research this sub- ject and after plying people Next on the agenda is the vari- PS Don'i miss Ihe neu Coca Cola "Ihirsi bursl" promollon ninnlng with wine and vodka, I findly ous forms of playftil bondage. liom now fili 13ith December. Relum lickeis io Ileu Vork and got somewhere. It seems as Here I would seriously advise Suropean fllghis io be loon! Hoallable from ali Cenlral Caiering though one of the most popu- using soft materials (e.g. Ouilels: Hall Reslaurani. bibrary Resiaurani, Peggi Restaurant lar fantasies is joining the scarves) otherwise try explain- and Hall Bar plus manv Insiani uln prizes. "Mile High" club. But, having ing to your mother over Sun- Feature Drugs - Now Let's find yourself compelled al- ou've seen the most irresistibly to dance, the drugs advise drug enhances the sensitivity Yflyers knocking of the senses, touch, and sight about, * Just say no', 'The especially. Lights seem more best drug is no drug', beautiful, and every touch can cause a shiver up your spine blah, bl^i, blah. Nice and you'll probzàjly have the photo of some poor enei^ to dance for hours like unfortunate before she some kind of lunatic. The died. Makes you want to people you go with will in- think twice right? What stantly become your best the posters don't say is Dangers that Ecstasy wasn't the whole country knows about Taking Ecstasy does have it's it. dangers, that's why the Gov- killer, ignorance and The aim of this article is to ernment don't want you to do irresponsibility were. equip those among you who it, they've only got your best The individual have recently started or who interests at heart. It has noth- concemed drank so much are considering taking drugs ing to do with the decline in with the information tiiat will the sale of alcohol where Ec- water in such a short time hopefully insure that you stasy use is prevalent, what- that she ended up with a don't become one of the great soever. waterlogged system, this unliving! led to water on the brain, The dangers come under two that's what killed her, not catégories: mates and you'll be going up enough room in her head MDMA to your real friends and mut- for her brain and ail that (Methylene-dioxy-N- tering tìiings like, 'You know water. methyl-a mphetamine) I love you don't you mate', in A.K.A: Ecstasy, 'E', Pills, their ear 'coz your 'Loved The simple fact of the matter various type names including Up' out of your mind. is that DRUGS ARE DAN- Dove, Swallow, Swan, Play- How users view 'E' is dem- GEROUS, so are fags, so is boy, Bulldog, Apple, Pete onstrated in the poem by a beer, so is the bus. I once Tong/Party Time, etc. heard a story from a friend in Scottish reader of a well the navy, one of the blokes in If your in a club, Ecstasy is the known dance music maga- his unit got completely pissed drug you are most likely to be zine. one night and thought it offered, closely followed by AH weekyou fantasise would be a laugh to piss on a speed. About what kind you 'lì buy. high voltage Sub-station, the Ttwre are just so many E's bloke died three days later in about; Psychoiogical Dangers hospital with no knob. The /'ve got to give them ali a try. Those of you who are already paper's, however didn't start Snowballs, Biscuits, Cap- completely insane can skip an anti-aicohol campaign, the sules, Doves; this, those of you who are just story only just made the in- Each one of them my wee 'mad for it' read on. side pages of the locai fì^e mind loves. rag. The fact is fucking up Since 'E' efìects the way the while pissed is fine, but fuck No, l'm not an addict, I know brain worìcs, it is reasonable up whilst fucked and the when l've had enough - to assume éiat it may have Deciding io do without isn 't psychoiogical effects. Ac- very tough. cording to psychologist Dr Effects Just being able to be différent Karl Jansen 'It is unlikely that for one night, anyone without previous 'What happens is , the drug See the world in a différent problems is susceptible'. takes away ali your nuroses. lighi- This means that if you are a It takes away your fear re- I understand more now what reasonably normal individ- sponso. You feel open, clear, it's ali about. ual, 'E' shouldn't pose a loving...' There's no need for ali the problem. If, however you Response from a middle aged world to fight. sufìer from anxiety, panie at- man taking 'E' for the first We should ali gub an 'E' to- tacks, schizophrenia, in fact time. gether, go to a rave any mental disorder, however And l'm sure we would learn mild the 'E' experience could Basically when you take an how to behave. be more than your mind can 'E' in a club situation, you Feature Students' Union Drugs Pol- icy The SU doesn't has a rigid drugs policy, every case is Be Sensible treated differently. However, this does not mean that the SU condones drug manage. Although 'E' has liver and kidneys which filter ity". (Dr. John Menili NW Re- use. been used in small doses in the poisons from tíie blood, this gional Health Authority 8/92) If a member is found in pos- treatment of psychological ill- includes drugs. (Annoying sion of drugs they will re- nesses, what can I say, 'Don't Ehhl). Epilepsy ceive a disciplinary usually try this at home kids'. The most dangerous effect of "Ecstasy can cause epileptic resulting in a one year house Despite the above statement MDMA is on body tempera- fits if token in overdose. If ban and will not be allowed people with no previous or ture. 'E' interferes with the you suffer from epilepsy and to apply for life membership. family history of psychologi- body's thermostat, allowing you take 'E' you are far more cal disorders have developed users to overheat without feel- likely to have a fif. (Dr. John for me). Water's also a great problems while using the ing discomfort. Nearly all Merrill NW Regional Health ice breaker, "Hello, darlin' drug. Symptoms range from, deaths attributed to 'E' are Authority 8/92) fancy a drink", girls don't have most commonly mild mid- caused by heat-stroke, this pockets see! In order to re- week depression to less com- happens when people dance place lost salts etc. drink iso- monly agoraphobia, a lack of for hours on end in a hot, hu- tonic drinks, Lucozade, etc. self worth, paranoia and in one mid atmosphere (Sound Fa- Precautions or two severe cases psychosis. miliar). Tests onrats show'E' When you're hot what do you What you must NOT do is Normally the problems can be to be five times more toxic do? No ladies you do not drink loads of water, (see in- easily sorted out with the use when used in crowded situ- glow, Gentlemen you do not troduction) as this ain't good of anti-depressants, however, ations than when taken in iso- perspire, you sweat, like it's for you. Also see below, heard doctors are not always sympa- iation which goes towards going out of fashion, it nms the saying 'too much of a good thetic to the needs of Ecstasy explaining why dancers are down your arms and makes thing'? users. more likely to die from heat your shirt stick to your back, exhaustion in a club. by the end òf the night, you 'There have been two reports look like you've just finished of death from drinking too Physical Dangers the 1500M breaststroke. much water. Ecstasy's effect on the body is Diabetes Sweat is basically water and One raver was reported to to increase heart rate and "Hiere is no known effect on loads of salt 'n stuff that makes have drunk 26 pints.' (E for blood pressure which can be blood sugar, but if you take 'E' you feel energetic, so in order Ecstasy) " dangerous for some people, you are likely to be more ener- to combat this, it is a good idea i.e. those with blood pressure getic. If you are diabetic, you to drink plenty of water. Little ABOVE ALL PARTY PEO- or heart problems would be should adjust your sugar in- and ofren rather than loads all PLE 'LET'S BE CAREFUL well advised not to take 'E'. take or insulin dose to allow at once. (Stick a bottle of water OUT THERE* 'E' also puts extra load on the for increased physical activ- in your back pocket, it works Pockets Do's and DonTs for Ecstasy Do drinic pienty of water Don't drink too nuich water (about one pint an hour is Do talee a rest to cool down occasionaliy and slop yourself 'rccomnicndcd') o\ erhealing Don't takc 'E' in a situation where you feel uncoinforiable, agrccsi\ c or ihrcaicned by tlie pcople you arc with. Remem- Do lake L'.s in an en\ imnmcnt where you tcci safe and arc ber ii' breaks down some of your eniolional defences so w ith people you know you could end up bccoming paranoid in a bad siuialion Do drink isotonic drinks Don't drink too much bccr. alcohol ¡s a diurctic and causes Do take vitamins before and after your night out. these can you (o lose lluid, don'l add to whal is already a probleni for combat the comedown and help your body recover more your body quickly Don't drink Coke, Tango and oiher sugary drinks, the Do look after your mates if they're havin' a 'Bad One" conipicx sugars in ihcni confuse your digcslivc system and Do cat bananas, they contain L-Tr> ptophan which rcplcn- il lakes longer for you lo réhydrate islics serotonin lc\cls In the brain. Don't lca\c the skins on Don't jusl neck anolher pill if your llrst one doesn'l afl'ecl the dancc Hoor STUPID! you straighl away, vvait at Icast an hour and a half before Do have anicc cup of tea w hen you gcl home. F.ari Grey, one laking more sugar, hits ihe spol Don'l lake more drugs ifyou're having a bad time or feeling il! Don'l drink an\'lhing with black curranl Juice in it, black curranl is an MAO inhibllor and can be dangerous with Ecstasy Don't ask pcople if they'rc OK ovcr aiid over again, it's really annoying Don'l die, il's noi big and it's not clever, OK! University News

Christmas Vacation Eyes Down Accommodation 1996 Xmas Vacation Dates: Noon This is no different fi^om other the closing dates in the advert Saturday 21st December ave you ever had years and, admittedly, some which we've placed in this 1996 to Saturday 1 Ith Janu- a bad dream of them say they will always issue of Bare Facts. The Ca- ary 1997. Hwhere you look at good people through- reers Service has a lot of other Student living m Semester thought you were just out the year anyway. But the information which could help Only rooms who wish to oc- about to go into an exam fact remains, if you want you with your application. cupy their rooms for any part and you realised you work for a major employer But whatever else you do, of tìie Christmas vacation hadn't done any your best chance is to get your don't panic. If you've got should come to the Accom- revision? You try to tell form in by their closing ^te. your head down and your modation Office, Campus This clash between Finals and sights firmly set on getting a Enquires window to book yourself it can't possibly closing dates happened for good degree, then you may before the 9th December be true, but it all seems the first time last year. We decide that's the best way you 1996. horribly real. found that many final year can possibly use your time at In most cases it is hoped that students missed closing dates the moment. students may stay in their As the first part of Finals because they hadn't realised Russ Clark own rooms. looms for so many of you, how close they were. Careers Service that dream may already seem You may think that filling out Studente living offsite may femiliar! TTie nice thing is, of application forms is a hassle PS Issue 2 of Prospects for apply for a standard room course, you've still got a few you could do without right the Finalist is available now over the v^^ation. The long- more weeks to make sure it now. However, with careful from the Careers Service with est dates possible for those doesn't happen. That period management of your time you a focus on Engineering. students would be from is critical for other reasons. probably could squeeze a bit Tuesday 24tìi December to Many of the larger organisa- extra out of your schedule if Wednesday 8th January in- tions who employ ^aduates you really wanted to. If you clusive. have set early closing dates do want to get an application for receiving applications. form in, then you can check The Ram Cider House 24 hour computing unit We have been approached by the Surrey Police at Go- to expand dalming regarding the be- haviour of people leaving By Melanie Dean the Ram at closing time and going to the Railway Station t is now the end of lectures theatres, the Sir These computers will all be to catch the late trains to Austin Pearce Building will 24 hr, 7day per week access. Guildford. Some of them week 11, exams are also house the LIS depart- are allegedly excessively Ilooming, ment (who are moving fi-om Everyone will agree that this noisy and occasionally extension to the computer fa- cause damage to private coursework deadlines are AD block to make way for the cilities on campus is long property. If you go to the coming ever closer, the EIHMS diploma nui^es) and overdue. The building should Ram enjoy yourself but queues in the Mullens new improved 24 hour com- be completed by Easter and please when you leave think Building are growing puter rooms. the computer department of the local residents, some ever longer. Never fear, University Computing Serv- should be up and nmning by of whom have young chil- ices will move all the comput- September 1997. This is a dren, others have early starts the university have it in ers currently in the Mullens mammoth operation but the for work and go to bed early. hand. For those of you Building and AD 17 to the university is confident that who have wandered over new building. There will be the improvement will be sub- The Police so far have dealt the other side of campus two Mac labs each with 20 stantial. with offenders leniently but recently, you will notice computers, three PC labs two this will not continue indefi- containing 36 computers and Now you may be wondering nitely and the culprits will two building going up one with 52 computers and what will happen to the end up being arrested and behind BC block. One of one mbced labs with 20 PCs, Mullens Building, well plans prosecuted. Do not run the these is another building 16 Macs and 20 'X' terminals are underway to extend the risk of getting a criminal re- for the satellite centre and which will not be able to be library but éiis cannot take cord. booked for classes. In total place until after the Sir Austin the other is a new lecture students will have access to Pearce Building is up and run- THINK OF LOCAL RESI- theatre block. roughly three times as many ning. DENTS AND KEEP THE computers as are available NOISE DOWN. What many people don't real- now in the Mullens building. ise is that along with the new UNIVERSITY OF SURREY DON'T MISS THE BOAT! A large number of employers will be reaching their closing dates for receipt of applications between now and the beginning of the next Semester. Obtain their application forms as soon as possible. It is doubtful ifthese companies will return to graduate recruitment before the next academic year. This list of closing dates has been compiledfrom our Future Vacancies Bulletins up to No. 4. Remember there may be other companies which have not written to us, but also have early closing dates. 25 November 11 December Nuclear Electric Nestle but marketing & WWP Group Pfizer Central Research personnel already closed Pilkington 29 November 13 December Powergen Bacon & Woodrow Ammirati Puris Lintas SmithKline Beecham for ICI for Commercial Boots R & D, finance & eng. Marks & Spencer Storehouse Nortel 15 December Vigíen CMG ** 30 November DML 1 Januarv AWE John Swire & Sons BOC for finance 16 December Natwest HSBC Holdings 3 Januarv The Rugby Group Morgan Stanley Civ.Service Fast Stream SmithKline Beecham for Schröders Reuters Sales,Marketing,IT Seeboard Royal Bank of Scotland Watson Wyatt Thames Water 5 Januarv 1 December 18 December Esso/Exxon ** BMP HSBC Midland Ford ** 6 Januarv Grey Advertising 20 December Air Products ** SBC Warburg IBM British Airways Retail Logic GSS 2 December Abbott Mead Vickers 24 December 8 Januarv Govt.Economic Service Rothschild Unilever Lucas Varity 31 December 10 Januarv 6 December Burton Group Glaxo Wellcome R & D Knight Frank Carnaud MetalBox Peugeot NHSforMTS Coats Viyella ICI Earlv Januarv 7 December Ford Credit Shell & Wilcox Sunseed Trust Kerry Foods Kingfìsher 9 December Leagas Shafron Davis DMB&B Leo Burnett ** Companies taking part in our Milkround CAREERS SERVICE VlAke  ChANQE

PRESÌCIEINT COIVIMIUNÌCATÌONS OffiCER

Poy: £8,301 Pov: £8,301 Hours: 40 to 60 hours per lueek, on coli bosicollv 24 hours Hours: Controcted for 40 hours, but can do anyujhere from Q dovi 40 to 60 depending on hoLU busy the uueek is Períod cf office: one i^eor (reneujoble Por tuie) Period of office: one yeor (reneujoble for tujo) Description: Responsibilitg Por the overoll running of the Description: Responsible for oli motters of communication students' union ond hos ultimate responsibility For ensur- betujeen the SU ond its nrrembers ond the locai community. ing thot the students' union is odequoteli,! represented on Promote the integrotion ond enhances the réputation of oli motters of union concern. They ore responsible for the SU through Ilaising ujith locai ond national media. ensuring thot oli resolutions of the Generol Meeting ore Produces oli SU publications inc. Bore Facts, SU hondbook, implemented ond to represent the students' union ond Rlternotive Prospectus, Professional Plocement Post, etc. therefore the students on vorious issues. Common fìbllities: good communication skills, good key- Common Abllltìes: présentation ond speeches, negotio- boord skills, ujork ujeli os o member of o teom, ability to tion, budgeting, letter ujriting, some computer skills, good ujork ujell under pressure preporotion/reseorch skills, lobbi^ing, compaigning skills Technical Skills Needed: bosic computer skills, houiever Technicol Sífilis: understonding oP students' union consti- the more knoiuledge you hove of computers the eosier the tution, oujoreness and knouuledge of higher educotion job ujill be in the fìrst fouu months. Most of the time Is spent issues, aiuoreness and knoujiedge of institutional issues, using computer packages: LUord 6, DTP. Corel Draiu. Mi- oujareness oP legol implicotions of students' union's posi- crosoft ñccess, ony knouuiedge of these uuouid be t>enefì- tion os a charity, employment ond personnel issues, some ciol although not essentiel. occounting knoujiedge/understonding Personal Attributes: Imoginotion. Initiative. €nthusiasm. Personal Rttributes: social chit-chot, 'politicai' oiuoreness fìn eye for detail and o ston^. ñbility to communicate ijuell (in terms of relationships betmeen people), toct, being through conversation, a lot of time Is spent tolking to able to motivate people people on the téléphoné. Sense of humour. Coreer Opportunities: in management, polltidan Career Opportunities: Journolism, odvertising, marketing, Benefits: gain o ujhole ronge of skills: orgonisotional, Pfi presentation/communicotion. time management, negotio- Benefits: £200 dothes olloujance, free ents, free meols, tlon. compaigning, chairing meetings, partldpatíng oc- accommodation on compus tivelv meetings, computer skills budgeting, Training ond support ovoiiobie: Union Stoff, NUS training self-motivotion, dealing luith the medio, more self confi- schemes - 'Developing your Union's Communications", one dence month handover period uuith previous officer Troinìng ond support ovoiiobie: union staff, NUS - troining UJhot you get out of it: Huge omounts of responsibility not courses in 'Houj to be a good employer', 'Deoling ujìth usually found uuith graduate jobs. Managing oiun budget. finonce', 'éducation and Representation', Opportunity to nriake important management décisions. UJhot you 9et out of it: o greot deal of satisfaction, skills, €xperience of uuorking to deadiines under pressure. De- friends, fun ond o ujorm cuddly feeling inside velop reseorch skills.

visor, nìonogement, compaigning STUCIENT AffAÌRS OffiCER Benefits: Free events (unless it's o club or society event), Poy: £8.361 free meoi in the SU every day, room on campus, young Hours: 40 hours per ujeek minimum (more iike 601) persons roilcard, £200 clothing olloiuonce Period of office: one yeor (reneux^ble for tujo) Training ond support ovoiiobie: Training is avoilobie from Description: Responsible for oli student matter pertoining NUS for most relevont skills. Support is available In the to ujelfore ond éducation os part of the Student Rdvlce shope of the Student Uielfore Officer, the other sobboti- Service. cols and various other agencies Common fibilities: Good communication skills, confidence, Ulhot you get out of it: R ujide ronge of skills ond expe- commitment, ujillingness to mork os port of a team riences. It con be verv fuiñlling luhen you help someone Technical Skills: Basic luord processing skills ore useful but solve o problem thot hos been causing them o lot of stress. not essentiol - you learn os you go It con also be frustroting if things don't go according to Personal Attributes: Good listening skills, positive outlook, plon. In committees you leorn to respect other people's supportive ond hoppy to advise, caring, toctful opinions but also to have the confidence to disogree uuith Coreer Opportunities; social ujork, permonent student od- them openly ond constructively. Special

We always complain that the political parties go on and on about how we should vote for them but they never tell us want they are going to do for us if we vote for them. Bare Facts asked the prospective parliamentary candi- dates for the Guildford area what they stand for. If these mini manifestos still don't answer all your ques- tions there is will be an opportunity to question them next Thursday when they will be in the students' union for 'Question Time' as part of Rock The Vote Week Margaret Sharp The Liberal Democrats The short answer is because the Lib- that all are bom equal and should be eral Democrats are the only Party in given a fair chance in life. Commu- Britain : nity. because society is built upon • with a sense of vision; partnership, working together and 'be- ing a good neighbour*. We believe • with a set of principles we stick to; decisions should as far as possible be • offering a fair deal to students. taken by those affected by them, which means more power for local government and less for Whitehall. A sense of vision - "A more prosper- And we see Britain as partof the wider ous nation with a more generous community of nations in which our role heart" is how Paddy Ashdown • whether within Europe, the United summed up our vision. It means Nations or more generally - should be building for the future - encouraging constructive not destnjctive. investment in new and clean tech- nologies, and as much in the software A fair deal for students - Education is (education and training) as the hard- our top priority and more must be ware; tackling constitutional reform - spent to improve quality, including in bringing Pariiament out of the nine- our universities. For a start we pronv teenth and into the twenty-first cen- ise an extra £2 billion with 1P on in- tury; and creating a new sense of come tax if necessary. All tuition Margaret Sharp equality and partnership throughout should be free, including for mature society - between government and students on part-time courses. We governed; between managers and oppose top-up fees in any fonn. Our Margaret Sharp lives in Guildford but workers; between the haves and the proposed Individual Student Learning works at the University of Sussex and have-nots. Accounts would abolish parental con- is well known for her writing on new tributions and replace the present dis- technologies in Europe. She sits on Sticking to our principles - These can astrous system of grants and loans by the LibDem central policy committee be summed up by the words Liberty, one involving repayment through na- and has helped shape their thinking. Equality. Community. We believe tional insurance and only when peo- She is also on thè executive of Save passionately in democracy and the ple can afford it British Science and has campaigned freedom of the individuaL We want a hard for betterfunding for science and Bill of Rights, open government and a Margaret Sharp engineering. fair voting system because the pre- Liberal Democrat Prospective Pariia- sent system makes a mockery of mentary candidate for Guildford. these things. Equality, in the sense Nick St Aubyn The Conservative Party Conservatives In Guildford training need - at least - basic reading, writing and arithmetic. Last spring Guildford Tories chose 41 year old Nick St Aubyn to succeed Only a sound economy can pay for retiring MP David Howell as their Guildford's needs. High growth and candidate at the next election. low inflation provide the real funds for our schools and hospitals. Hard He lives in Branley, not far from the choices have led us to firm ground - Sussex village where he grew up with where we can build for the future his w^e Jane and their five children. A together. fbnner council committee chairman, who worked in the city, Nick recently Conservatives In Europe created a successful joinery business. Conservatives have the vision to Conservatives at Home make Europe succeed. Our ap- proach since 1979 has transformed Conservatives are tough on crime. We Britain fifom the "Sick Man of Europe" back the benefits hotline to cut fraud. to the best combination of high growth, low inflation and falling un- We want more of Guildford's employment. crime-busting 'cop canneras'. Fixed jail ternis for villains leave no hiding Today it is Europe itself which is sick. Britain must lead Europe fonvard - by example. Curb the dotty euro-direc- place from justice. "Eurosclerosis" - the job-destroying burden from Brussels > Is epitomised tives, by bringing back power to our Local parental choice and national by the EU's "Social Chapter". It will own British courts. Anchor the euro teacher standards create better soon leave Europe poorer than many currency option, with our pledge of a national referendum. Say "no" to the schools. WE defend village schools countries in the Far East let alone America. Yet blind to this real danger, social chapter - while saying "Ves" to against closure. We deplore Lib/Lab the EU is fixated by the project of the single market opposition to nursery vouchers - currency unk>n - badly designed and which cost Surrey £1 million this year. A Europe of nation states - the Con- pooriy timed. servative vision - can then flourish. As more school leavers enter higher education, the others choosing R.A.MC Whirter UK Independence Party Our primary goal is to store Britain's ing block, we believe that Britain must sovereignty by repealing the 1973 trade with the whole worid! European Communities Act, and We would not subscribe to the social therefore withdrawing from the chapter - recent reports from Euro- Treaty of Rome, along with sub- pean think-tanks show a direct link sequent treaties such as the Single between corporatist legislation and European Act and the Maastricht higher unemployment - something Treaty. that so embarrassed the EU they re- On the economy, we would not sign moved several chapters from the re- up to a single currency, the EURO, port and have still to publish the full and keep Britain's gold reserves text vigere they belong - the vaults of the On taxation, we would immediately Bank of England, rather than some remove VAT on domestic fuel and German based central bank. At the stop Europe's plans to impose it on same time we would not join an Ex- books, food, children's clothes, etc. change Rate Mechanism - that last attempt mined untold numbers of Some of the moneys claimed back businesses and caused misery for from net contributions to the EU millions of mortgage owners. We budget would be invested in the don't believe in a pan-European trad- health service and education. This is UNIVERSITY OF SURREY USSU Ents Planner Week Ending Dec 1 st UNION Mow I remember why we stof)|)ed All Day Elues CLLJB Saturday Still only £1 ail night Peafuring. RobTssera's Kick up the volume

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Saturday Sunday

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New Range of SHOTTS OjCLmpihinii "Ac/tßjcun" £r (BJLusibßAJu^ "dSjLagß" ' In the Union Bars NOW ThE OFU LATENÌTER "DesderacIo" "FROM Dusk LTC DAWN" SAT 70Th NovEMbcR TickETS ON saITile inl LT concourse ^M & 11 pM MoN^FrÍ 1 WEEk 1 2 OR £2 For one Fi Im ouTsidE Lrq untìI 70 mínutes B4 FíIms £7 For boTh UK Independence Party cont. not a windfall tax - we are a net con- We would preserve Britain's border force of the lawwlll beappliedto those tributor each and every year. controls, which the EU wants to abol- who carry out racial attacks. ish therefore exposing us to the risk On defence, we would not sign up to The UK Independence Party would of Illegal immigration, organised a sign up to a common European preserve the union - England. Scot- crime, and tenrorism. army, which might one day conscript land, Wales and Northern Ireland. British Students, against their will, to The UK Independence Party Is non- United we have stood for génération, serve In its ranks. Conscriptions Is racist and non-sectarian. We repre- divided we fall. common In many of the EU member sent British people of all colours, In the event of any major constitu- states, and would be a real threat if races and religions who value their tional change being proposed, we the army cornes about. freedom and democracy. The full would guarantee a référendum. James Gore The Referendum Party James Gore has been selected as the not the case. We are already losing prospective parliamentary candidate our national sovereignty - without any for the Referendum Party in the consultation with the people. Guildford constituency. James Gore Where the Parties Stand is a partner In 'Seymours' estate agents with two branches in Guildford Labour states that is it "in favour of High Street. James is 54 with two moves towards Economie and Mone- sons and a daughter, all university tary Union based on a single cur- graduates. He and his wife live In Old rency." The Liberal Democrats are Woking and lists gardening, tennis, also quite clear, "We are supranation- rugby and music among his interests. alists." The Conservatives, of course, signed the Treaties which brought us The Referendum Party to this position today. The Referendum Party has a single Voting for a Referendum is not being purpose - to obtain a full debate on disloyal to yourtradltional party. Britain's future within Europe, fol- lowed by a referendum. We want No matter how you currently vote the people to decide. And when they next govemment will have no real have, the Referendum Party will dis- eign polic^, our national security and power in a fédéral Europe. solve. our frontiers. So in order to give the party you cur- The Key Question Meanwhile, the Government Is con- rently support a clear mandate to gov- em Britain, the only choice is to vote Should Britain be an independent sidering replacing the Pound with the first fbr a referendum. sovereign nation, trading and co-op- Euro, run by a central bank in Frank- erating with other European nations? furt. The govemorofGennany's Cen- Once a referendum is secured, The Or should we abandon our inde- tral Bank had made it clear that If this Referendum Party will then dissolve pendence and become part of a new happens we will transfer control over allowing you to vote once again fbr European superstate, governed by our financial, monetary, taxation and your traditional party in another gen- unelected bureaucrats In Brussels? wage policies. eral election. The Sacrifices so far What'sAt Stake The only way forward Already we are far far further along Our national sovereignty. Our ability A décision whicb commits the future the road to being part of a European to govem ourselves. Make no mis- independence of the Nation should superstate than most people realise. take, we are currency on a fast track be above party politics. That is why British judges have already rule that to a fédéral Europe. One single Euro- there will be over 500 Referendum the Maastrict Treaty "is the supreme pean country with one pariiament, Party candidates In the next election, law of the country, taking precedence one govemment, one court of justice, fighting every seat where there is over Acts of Parliamenf. one bank where we no longer make cleariy no pro-refèrendum MP. décisions based on what is right fbr Our economy, including our agricul- Britain, but what is right for Europe. Through the Referendum Party, you ture and fisheries, is being managed can have a voice in the single most in the interests of Europe. Regula- The Govemment's Position Important décision facing our counùy. tions are being Imposed on all busi- When the Govemment took us Into nesses to ensure conformity with Europe, it State; "There is no question European laws. Brussels now wants of any érosion of essentlat national us to abandon control over our for- sovereignty." As we all know, this Is Joseph Burns The Labour Party Education At The Centre Of British skills and people we can produce a Regeneration modem, dynamic economy, ending the low-wage low-employment strat- Higher Educatlori is in crisis. Many egy of the Tories. As Tony Blair says, students face hardship - particulariy 'Education will be our passion.' We in high-cost areas such as Guildford will increase education spending. - or loan repayment which is costly to run and punitive in the eariy years of An extended student loan scheme, work. Capital grants have been cut with long payback through National by £100m over the next three years, Insurance, will ensure students from with total capital and recurrent ail backgrounds have access to spending down by £550m between higher education. Education must be this year and next Student numbers available to ail under-represented have been frozen at the 1992 level, groups, encouraging women in sci- despite a CBI report calling for an ence and technical subjects, ethnie increase from 30 to 40% in under- minorities and the disabled. Scientific graduate intake. studies will be promoted by changing spécialisation in schools. There is the ^reat of up front tuition fees, and overseas students face With a Lat>our Govemment there will high fees for deteriorating facilities. It be measures to provide a comptetely is a crisis repeated elsewhere; 8 mil- independent NUS, and Labour have lion people burdened with a period of already asked the Dearing Commit- ing and education initiatives. Educa- unemployment under Major, local tee to examine funding arrange- tion must be restored as a crucial government forced to cut discretion- ments for overseas students, service at the centre of our strategy ary grants, West Surrey Health recognising both the contribution for Britain. It must be restored to meet Authority grappling a £4.7m deficit they make whilst here, and their im- the needs of students of all ages. this year.... the list goes on. portance to many parts of the worid. including developing countries. I look forward to meeting you on The November 19th Day of Action Thursday November 28th, and/or showed a consensus for change. A The tough deal experienced by many you can e-mail me with your points or vibrant revived economy needs edu- young aduits needs to be tackled questions on [email protected] cation centre-stage. If we invest in with Imaginative employaient, train-

Events - WEEk 12

MoNdAy EIECTÎON CockiAils TuEsdAy Pub Quiz, HElyN ROSE BAR WedNEsdAy ThuRsdAy OuESliON TifVIE wilh pARlÎAIVIENTARy CANdidATES pRidAy Rock THE VOTE FNO PEAIURINQ DREADZONE SATURdAy SHAG SuNdAy BEAUliful PeOpIe liVE iN tIhE su MAICE A CHANQE

SpORTS OffiCER DEACIIÌNES

Pov: £8,361 WEEk 15 MoNdAy 12NOON Hours: Vorioble (usually Pam to 6pm) SAbbftTicAl Nomìnatìoi\s OpEN Period of office: one yeor (reneujobte Por tuuo) DescrìptioA: duties for co-ordinotìng oli sports, orgoniso- WeeIc 2 pRidAy 4pivi tion oF competitions, events ond funding, co-ordinotion of SAbbATÌcAl NomìnatIons CloSE tronsport Common Rbiiìties: obility to communicate by o many WEEk ì pRidAy meons os possible, luork ujell in a team ond monoge your SAbbATicAl EIECTÌON CAMpAiqiNjiiviq bEqiNs time Technicol Sk\\\s'. Orgonisotional skills. Computer literacy WEEk 4 ThuRsdAy makes the job eosier Ouestìon Tìivie Personal fìttrìbutes: Rbility to inspire others required Career Opportunities: Not alujovs in sport but skills WEEk 4 pRidAy learned have o aiide application VoTÌNq BeqiiMS Benefits: fìbility to meet some luonderFul people ond ujork in the some environment (€d - he must meon me) WEEk 5 Troining ond support ovoiiobie: minimal - ujork it out os you VOTiNq WEEk go along. Neuu problems require neuu solutions, qIujovs hove the support of the union stoff WEEk 5 pRidAy LUhot v^u get out of it: R chonce to leorn neuj ond voluoble ReSuItS A\NOUNCEd skills. greot life experience

anyone. Motivotion ond enthusiosm. fìssertiveness ujith the LÌAÌSON OffiCER ability to negotiote. Rbility to take ond give critidsm. Under- Pov; £.8361.00 p\a stonding. occepting ond overcoming problems ond otti- Hours: betiueen 40 ond 55 per lueek tudes. Orgonised ond "on the boli" Period of office: July '96 - July '97 Post ends 1999 ujhen Career Opportunities: The post olfers greot uuork experi- integration of diploma students complete into neiu €IHAAS ence in the oreos of management ond communicotion. The building on campus nature of the uwrk con leod to potentiol employment op- Description: First Point of contact becijueen non-compus portunities uuith the RCN, UNISON ond NHS/BUPfì etc. on a bosed 6IHMS diploma nursing ond midujlfery students ond monagerìol level but the skills leornt con be opplied gener- students' union Luith strong links UJith these students, the olly in olmost ony area of employment. degree 6IHMS students the 6IHMS deportment. €fFectively Benefits: Possibility of a provided leose cor (not 96-97 taking on the roles of oli sobboticol officers being bosed at ujorse luckl) Possibility of Nursing home occommodation St. Luke's hospitol in order to better represent. involve ond (cheap rent), trovel costs remuneroted. £200 clothing oi- integrate the students into life ot the University. loujonce, Free entry to events, Involuable tronsferoble skills Common ñbiütíes: Communicotion. To motivate groups ond ond experience Opportunities to help, ujork and mix uuith indìviduois into reolising ideas ond projects. To communicate some fontostic individuols. effectively uuith University staff os Luell os componies ond Training ond support ovoiiobie: NUS support ond training, other orgonisations. ñbility to uJork in o smoll team ond, for Student Union training, Help ond odvice from others in Sob the most port. indivlduolly oaiay from the rest of o team. To team ond other experìenced union staff, Helpful CIHAAS understond the similorities ond differences betiueen nursing staff ond students / midujifen^ students ond non- N & MLU Ulhot you get out of it: Greot experience uuorking on o leclinlcQj Sífilis: UUord processing. Skilied letter luriting. alide voriety of projects in o very fast pace job single-hond- Poster ond ñyer design. KnoujIedge of €-maÌl. fax ond edly but stili port smoll determined team. Knouuing thot you dreoded photocopy systems. Communicotion. Driving license ore ujithout o doubt helping mony off-site students to (preferobly uiith minibus license) access the Students' Union's services ond e:i^ertise - every Personal fìttributes: Potience ond understonding ujith luel- little heips. fore issues. Chorm ond the obility to communicate ujith & Music Screaming Trees Screaming Trees, coming from Seattle were lumped in with the "grunge" crowd a few years back, although they were "grunge" before the term was invented as it is over ten years since their debut. This summer they released the most complete album of their career, 'Dust', a collection of songs that somehow manases to weld sixties influenced guitar sounds with eighties psycnedeUa and nineties rock. Rob speaks with guitarist and songwriter Gary Lee Connor after the soundcheck for their Reading show.

How has the tour been? Way back I did an album You were the support ad on For making good records and 'Purple Outside' on New Al- the Oasis tour that ended in writing good songs, that's Great, this is actually our last liance. I spend most of my tabloid hysteria here, did you what I respect about the bands show except when we come time writing songs for the like them? I love the most. The LA band back to play the Joels Holland Trees. l'm thinking about do- Love had three ^eat albums, show. All the shows have ing some stuff this year, They are a good band, with 'Forever Changes' is my fa- been sold out, or pretty dose. maybe a solo album or start good songs. I like to think that vourite record ever, but they Screaming Trees have been up another band. Tve just got we are, in general, nice peo- continued making records, on the scene for over ten so much material. ple, we don't really try to go and they must have thought out of the way to be assholes they were OK, but urr¿i... years, has that been advanta- What inspires you to write to people, but Liam is like, he geous for you? songs? will just go out of his way to 'Dust' has had a lot of criti- Definitely, in the scheme of be a complete dickhead to cai acclaim, is U doing weil? things, rock history, we'll be When we started we were just people because he thinks he's there. We're not the next big a covers band, we used to do shit hot. I don't understand, Yes. It's kinda embarrassing, band one year, gone the next Black Flag numbers, then I why does he need to do it, I'm pleased maybe we made and ten ears later no-one re- got a four-track and started he's in a good band, people a great record. It is doing bet- members. messing around, I played a like him, people like the mu- ter here than the States. couple of my songs to Marie sic, maybe its the thing to do What are your musical influ- and he was like "we could do with his brothCT. On the other An hour or so later the ences, I hear the Byrds some of these songs", so we hand Noel is really cool. I Screaming Trees amble onto sound in some of 'Dust'. put in the time and recorded the stage, and quite simply an EP. After that 1 just started don't understand why Liam they rocked. They are aug- Millions, I can think of 100 writing, it's cool tfiatyouget acts the way he does, he just mented on the tour by an extra bands at least that influenced to take the songs somewhere. goes out of his way to give guitarist Josh Homme from me. From the sixties, the people shit, I saw some stuff Kyuss. To watch the Trees is Beatles, The Who or harder The Screaming Trees were that 1 didn't like very much. interesting either side of the stuff like Blue Cheer, the bundled by the press into the stage are Üie Connor brothers Stooges, 13th Floor Elevators "grunge" label, was that a What music are you cur- Gary Lee on guitar and Van in our early days, seventies bonus or a bürden for you? rently listening to? on bass, both energetically and eighties punk, Black I try to listen to as much stuff jumping around, Gary Lee F lag, the Damned, eighties Both I guess. It was kinda as I can within my limited arm windmilling in Pete stuff like the LA scene "Pais- cool being included in the budget, there's a lot of good Townsend fashion. Josh just ley Underground", the Rain whole Seattle thing. Besides, stuff around nowadays, you plays the guitar, Barrett is a Parade, Maz^ Star, Leaving whatever backlash there just got to search for it. At mi^ty dmmmer and Mark Trains, Long Ryders and might be, years down the line times, like the eighties, you Lanegan hangs onto the mike Green on Red. That was for Nirvana and Mudhoney will could buy a bunch of stuff and stand as if his life depended me Uke punk rock, those be remembered as some ofthe a lot would be good, a lot on it being there. His voice is bands really inspired us when greatest bands ever. You would be bad, but it would be so beauti^l, deep and soulfiil, we first started, we thought can't discount the fact that originai stuff, but now, ragged from cigarettes, but maybe we would be like that. those guys, especially Nir- there's so many bands trying deeply expressive and emo- Barrett (Martin, Trees drum- vana, were totally originai to copy Pearl Jam, althou^ tional. The majority of the mer) is into world music and and wrote amazing songs, and now they're probably trying songs in the short set are from rhythms and Mark (Lanegan, Nùvana were one of my fa- to copy someone else as Pearl 'Dust' and 'Sweet Oblivion'. vocalist) is into blues and soui vourite bands for years. I Jam is probably sorta passé. I 'Julie Paradise' ends the main and stuff. think originally it was a lot of don't laiow who they are ty- set, and is magniñcent the people doing what they ing to copy now, here they are band continuing to riff mani- The rest of the band have wanted musically just be- trying to copy Oasis, but not cally after Lanegan has left done outside projects re- cause it was fìm, ^e copycat too much in Úie States. the stage. Oh how 1 wish they cently, Mark has solo al- bands, "grunge" fashion, the would play for hours... bums, Barrett plays with media putting the label on it What would you like to like Mad Season, do you have killed it. the Screaming Trees to be any plans? remembered for? Album Reviews the solo acoustic performance ALBUM OF THE of 'American Recordings'. WKEK This time Cash is backed by Tom Petty and his Heartbreak- FUTURE SOUND OF ers and Marty Stuart along LONDON - Dead with guests Flea, Mick Fleet- Cities (Virgin) wood and Lindsay Bucking- ham. The one thing this album The fiiturism of Future Sound does have in common with its of London deals more than just predecessor is that this is a spaceships and quirky noises. great record. Cash's voice is so It has a creative imagination rich and warm you just do not that reaches beyond the sound realise he is 64 and has been effects that their computers recording for over 40 years. conjure up. Their future is one Personal highlights from this of decay and ruins and their most consistent of records are music is about people and 'Southern Accents, written by emotions, not science fiction Petty, Soundgardens 'Rusty fantasies created by mindless Cage' and 'I Never Picked computer nerds. This, their Cotton'. Certainly a step be- fourdi album, contains a broad yond the majority of what is and diverse mixture of sights loosely called country music. and sounds, with numerous Rob. samples ranging from children laughing to Beethoven. •••••••• Sweeping from raw hip hop breaks to sweet ambience, 3IN(3 CR053Y - The from floating pianos to phuct, f**d, razor-fiink. Possibly the 3eetof ...(MCA) best tune on the album 'We Have Explosive' is a hard I'm sure you'll all be rushing dancefloor track with big bass out to buy THIS one! A double lines, 'My Kingdom' has live CD extravaganza featuring 50 drums that role like Pink Floyd tracks of Bing at his best, in- mixed spangly sitars. 'Quag- cluding such classics as 'Gone in Vegas. Considering the fact and apparently they've made it mire' is a scary breakbeat Fishin", 'Swinging On A that 'All Eyes...' was a double quite big over there in the al- techno thing, squelching Star', 'Oh What A Beautifiil CD set and this new album ternative scene. Sadly, I don't chaos under a high nervous Morning' and (of course) contains twelve songs (the think the same will happen string. This album won't turn 'White Christmas'. Listening late) Tupac must have been over here. The album has a few you into a beehive of happy to this album (yes, very sad, I very busy in the studio before OK tracks, like 'Orange', the emotions but then it wasn't KNOW) reminds me of wea- his death. 'The 7 Day Theory' first released single and supposed to. Numnuts. rily trawling the shops on the covers single topics to those 'Autumn Colors' botii with a 24th of December desperately covered on previous albums. decent melody and a guitar trying to find the last present There is the same talk about you can just about listen to on my list, or sitting with the guns, making money, living without cringing, but the rest family watching Christmas the thug life etc. It seems that of the album is just boring, TV attempting to hold down the Notorious B.I.G. is no repetitive, bland stuff. These COMPETITION Christmas dinner. If you can longer number I on the wanted guys claim to be influenced by Win a limited edition of bear the cheesy lyrics, Bing's list. Nas is cited as the ring Nirvana, Dinosaur Jr and The 'Dead Cities', including a soft low voice is as good as leader of the group of con- Beach Boys ... If these guys special book, and FSOL Valium for sending you to spirators out to assassinate ever produce music half as posters. Write or e-mail to sleep (but needless to say, it's Makaveli. Stand out cuts from good as these bands, I'll be- not as addictive), he only sat- this joint include the QDIII come a monk. Oliveira. Bare Facts (FSOL) and isfaction I have is that most of produced 'To Live and Die in ••• tell us what the previous this CD will be forced onto L.A.', 'White Man'z Worid' FSOL album was called. you in the run up to Christmas, Remember to include your and the Bonnie and Clyde the- and by the end of January, like med 'Me and My Girlfriend'. VARIOUS ARTISTS - name and union card the taste of mince pies, you'll Lyrically the material on this number Answers by 27 be well and truly sick of it. album is tired and it is the beats Altered States Nov. Vicki. that manage to save it. Dalitso. (Solidstate) •••••• Tacky dance music which is JOHNNY CASH - aiming for a stab at the Indie MAKAVEL! - The 7 METAL MOLLY- Unchained market. NO, I SAY NO!!!!! Day Theory (Death Surgery For Zebra DON'T DO IT! ! ! 11! ! ! Any one (American) who tries to remix THE Row) (Siivertone) PRODIGY into dance (eh?) The second album of Johnny has to be stupid, nice idea but Cash's collaboration with It's been a year since 'All Eyes "What a sad title for an album" no!!!! Me/. Rick Rubin (the man who on Me' dropped and about I thought when I got this, and ••• bought us the Beastie Boys three months since Tupac sad music it sure is... This is and Slayer) is a step on from Shakur (RJ.P.) was murdered Belgian underground music. Reviews Single Reviews 5MÍTH&M1GHTY- this is just another one of those disks that only UFO en- Same (More Rocker) thusiasts get interested in (it looks like a ñying saucer Yet another band from the when thrown out of the win- Bristol treadmill of mellow dow, which is about the best dance, Smith & Mighty re- thing you can do with it). lease 'Same' their latest sin- Brasilmtter. gle. Sunken bass Unes, moody vocals, spaced out melodies and that all too fa- miliar breakbeat background. Seen it all before I'm afraid. SINGIX OF rOE Numnuts. WEEK TRACY BONHAM Sharks Can*t 6feisp (Island) AGENT PROVOCATEUR - After a recent alternative # 1 in the US with 'Mother You're No öood Mother', Tracy follows up (Epic) with this grungey, guitar- packed tune. Althou^ this Like the title says, it's no did rather strange things to good. Nothing original apart my stereo, it is damn good. from a Strange voice, but that James. does not better the general Standard of the music. The song is kind of pop/rock style if you are that interested, but Traty Bonham - Sharks Can *t Sleep

Book Review i^í 'I. , I:!'.!!', The Matrix by Jonathan Aycliffe he cover and the other from the library makes him think twice horror, lectures from hell, vampires, about where his research is taking him, ghosts, love interest, priests, Catholics reviews about this book but by this stage he is in too deep, as he and churches, seasoned with excellent Tgave me high hopes and is involved wiA a ancient Fratemity who descriptions and a tonne of black magic expectations. "Fucfing great and will not let him research his work in other thrown in for good measure. I found it shit scary" was the report from ways. When MacLeod takes a trip of more intriguing than scary, and if you discovery to Africa, his friend dies from want a good story that is set around black Fusion mag. at Sunderland Uni. an unknown cause before he can warn magic dien I recommend this. You do The cover ofthe book looks great, him of the danger that he is in.. During start to feel sony with the main character, with a dark and mysterious church the trip he finds out more about the peo- seeing how he is being pulled through the looming up at you. The author is ple he was there to research than he ever events that are occurring in his life, hav- likened to a more retrained and wanted to know. The black magic they ing little control in what is going on. You practice and the spells cast end up affect- can see his distress in the situations and literate Steven King, and I was ing MacLeod more deeply than he could that he wants to change what is happen- ready to be scared. ever imagine. ing to him. For me a good horror should have blood, guts and gore, which this The book is about Andrew MacLeod, a Now maybe it was just me or the mood book simply does not have. It is more a recently widowed academic who fmds that I was in when I read this, but I must chiller than a thriller, but still is a good tell you that I have read teenage horror read. solace in his research, the ancient prac- books that were scarier than this. It has tices of magic. A book which he borrows all the necessary ingredients for a good o Feature Hogfather

The Great A'Tuin Signing Tour By Morbid You Bastard

snaked its way from fiction, or the uninitiated, through course text and Terry Pratchett around the periodicals, con- Fwas bom on April tinuing to stretch its length out 28th 1948, Beaconsfield, towards the Psychology de- Bucks. His first partment. published book was "The To my delight, after having a Carpet People", which brief word with the manager, I was published in 1971, was whisked past the awaiting hoards to be within feet of the the launch party being great man himself To my sur- held in the carpet prise, a long black boom and a department of Hears, camera man stood in my way. Tottenham Court Road, Many of the eclectic hoard of fans were quite intrigued to London. The silliness find their questions to Terry continues from there. being recorded Terry's diverse for posterity and intriguemg pgp: "dO VOU and for the sake career includes , i on of a Channel 4 such novelties as 11 KG DOatS í documentary. the Bucks Free -r-D- "I nnf co9- The documen- Press, the West- ' r . I yt?l ötid tary is an hour- ern Evening sick on a special about Mail and the the life and Central Electric- damp pave- works of Terry ity Generating ment" Pratchett and Board (now will be shown in known as Power- April next year in conjunction gen). Terry often refers to him with the release of two Cos- time worl^g for the nuclear grove Hall animations of power company in the pref- Wierd Sisters and Soul Music. aces of his novels, stating that he would write a book about Terry is now half-way through his time there if he thought this signing tour, which started anyone would believe it. For a in Stoke-on-Trent on 5th No- novelist, he seems to be vember and will fmale in Ye- charmed by the critics, who oville on 23rd November. Not Terry Pratchett comes to University of Surrey as part of his have created such colourful surprisingly, after fourteen booksigning tour descriptions as "...a new di- signing sessions behind him, mension in imagination and and book signings to-date up his sleeve. The long Earth spent a year as Chairman of the prose is beautiful" (The nearing a Series has been sitting on the the Society of Authors. Irish Times), and Feet of Clay million cop- back-burner It was a most memorable time was describes as "...a chilling ies, Terry's Fan: "Did you where it still re- I spent, listening to his gems of tale of poisoning and pottery." writing mains until insanity, and I look forward to by Victor Gallancz. He cur- wrist is base the charac- Terry's and his reading his latest book, Hogfa- rently resides in 'a doomsday starting to ter of Death on fan's imagina- ther, with pre-ordained knowl- manorette' southwestofSalis- suffer. The tions run dry of edge of the laughter that will bury, with his wife Lyn and his prevelance anyone you events to fill accompany it. twenty year-old daughter of a bucket the Discworld. Leanna. know?" An amiable His neaet book will be Jingo, of ice on the and approach- signing TP: "I don't release dole TBfl. Last Friday, we were hon- desk is apt able fellow, he oured by the physical presence proof know many 7ft is well known To find out more visit: of Sir Terry in our own quaint for his charity little book-shop. Approxi- A Ithough tall skeletons!" work regarding ujuiiu.lspoce.org mately 150 people stood shiv- best known the Orang- TTFN:-) ering in tíie cold, awaiting the Utan foundation, and has even delayed arrival of tìiis literary for his discworld series, he has master. The queue happily another imaginary world left Crossword Corner Crossword No. 39 18. Infant(4) 20. Give an account of (8) 22. Assign to an office (7) 23.Jogs(5) 24.Jogged(6) 25. Stress (6) Down 1. Make an eamest request (6) 2. Cord hanging round neck (7) 3. Most eminent (8) 5. French holiday resort - pleasant! (4) 6. Heather - in America! (5) 7. Followed closely - deter- mined! (6) 8. Cotton material - Len felt neat (anag.) (11) 13.Adrug(8) 15. Interesting incident (7) 16. Acquire(6) 17. Aflemoon service - in es- tate! (anag.) (3-3) 19. A two-footer! (5) 21. Spouse(4) Last Weeks Solution Across: l.abrubt 4.intend 9.pence lO.licking ll.await- ing 12.game 14.desperate IS.baby 20.describe 22.ap- point 23.trots 24.nudged 25.accent Down: 1.appeal 2.1anyard 3.greatest 5.nice 6.Erica S.flannelette 13.narcotic Across 9. Small change (5) 12. Hunted animals - a sport 15.episode 16.obtain 17.tea- (4) set 19.biped21.wife 1. Asserì without proof (6) 10. A thrashing (7) 4. Mean (6) 11. being ready for (8) 14. Hopeless (9) cm QUOTE OF THE WEEK EXPERIENCE IS WHAT you GET WHEN you DONI GET WHAT you WANT COLIN REftLLV DIDNT UMDERSTAND THE EGr<;- AMO SPooN RACE ^ Cinema Casino OFU OFU will be delighting you and relaxing ot on the heels of last your brains from that pre-exam stress by week's 3 hour epic, OFU showing 2 'guts and gore' fihns - 'Des- Hbring you another one this perado' and 'From Dusk Til' Dawn'. week, just to make sure that you ("Wow!" I can hear you all say). These don't feel hard done by. 'Casino* two gems will be showing in Lecture Theatre G, starting with Desperado at is typical Scorsese. 9pm followed up by From Dusk Til' Dawn at 1 Ipm. Tickets will cost £3 for 2 A hard hitting script, plenty of violence fihns or £2 for just the one and will be on and a pumping sound track. The acting sale soon. isn't bad either! Robert De Niro tearas up with Sharon Stone (yes she really can act The last Arts film of the year (Boo, hoo!) - you don't just put her in films so that she is a French comedy 'French Twist' or can spread her legs) and Joe Peschi (who 'Gazon Maudit' if you speak the lingo. A really does prove that he is a very angry happily married couple become not quite man) in a truly marvellous film. A real so happy when a lesbian appears on the , must for anyone who is anyone. We will scene and tries to steal the woman from Thought of the week: I really can't be ' be showing Casino in Lecture Theatre G under the man's nose. Hilarious, l'm sure bothered, but, "Wise men say, only fools on Sunday at 5pm and 8pm and also on you' 11 agree. Lecture Theatre G, Mercredi rush in, but I can't help falling in love " Monday at 8pm. Tickets are £2, which is (Wed) à 20h (8pm) and £2 in advance. There, happy now? nothing to a professional gambler. Almost the end of the semester, but hey, Brucey Wucey fVucey (Give us a moosey!) At the same time, it might well be worth that doesn't stop us meeting up to decide what fihns to show you next semester. mentioning our special Lateniter double- Come and gives your opinion on Tuesday bill. Wey Hey! On Saturday of week 12, at 6pm in LTH.

An evening of great music for free Odeon Guildford Week commencing Friday 22nd Novem- UNIVERSITY OF SURREY ber

True Blue (15) Sunday to Thursday, except WINDBAND Friday and Saturday at 2.50, Wed at 3.25, 8.25 7.40,10.15 The Grafi (15) Sunday to Thursday (except Friday & Saturday at 3.00, Wednesday) at l .05 (not Sun- 5.20, 8.00, 10.20 CONCERT day), 3.35, 6.10, 8.40, Sunday to Thursday at (1.10 Wechiesday at 4.45 except Sun) 3.50,6.10, 8.30 Sepcial Preview 7.30pm FRIDAY DECEMBER The Long Kiss Goodnight Dragonheart (PC) STUDIO 1 PATS BUILDING (18) Friday & Saturday at 12.40, Saturday evening only at 5.30 FREE ADMISSION 10.10 Sunday at 12.55 The First Wives Club (PC) The Wind In The Willows Friday & Saturday at 2.15, (U) 4.45, 7.15,9.45 Friday & Saturday at .1.00 Sunday to Thursday at 1.20,. only JZJ^ 3.45,6.15, 8.45 Sunday at 1.00 only Conducted by lamie Cordell and Luisa-Maria Ovett The Island Of Dr. Moreau Jack (PG) (12) Friday & Saturday at 12.00 Programme to include West Side Story Friday & Saturday at 2.20 only and music from Gershwin plus much more Sunday to Thursday at (1.10 Sunday at 1.00 only not Sun), 6.20 Films for all Seasons Wednesday 20th Novem- For more infonnation pleasc contact extcnsion 4912 Michael Collins (15) ber Friday & Saturday at 4.30, Schindlers List (15) at 1.00, 7.20 7.20 ^ Personals C when you wear red I tum Vinnie says: "Join my How to submit personáis into a homy red devil PSYCHO gang this winter • Hi to all Doms fìrst years, and have some firn. 1. e-mail the paper at biactsigsur- howis lifegoing!!!!!!!!!!! • If so contact me5 Imi" rey.ac.uk • Sickboy - Oi beanhead! • R. 0 points for November Tura up for some Spanish whats going on?????? or lectures! Hope youhaven't got tonsilitus. Come round • To Nice Nick we think 2. fill in the personáis form on our web if you want some choccy you're really really nice re- ice cream love Spud's mum ally. page http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Un- and Muppetshagger • Daniella you're such a poser you floosy. ion/bareiacts/forms/personals.html • Karen what is with the mes- sage then. Not very nice! • Dave you've got a real or Do you want me to reply to scary face you Imow. that message orto ignore it! • Milky Bar Kid, this is 3. If you really can't get to a computer PLEASE where the STBE training then write them on a piece of paper and RELPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! comes in handy, Alison • Snickers - show me how will be pleased! From A & put them in the black box outside the satisfying you can really be Bare Facts Office in the SU - love of love Twix • THANKS TO PE- TER+SARAH FOR PUT- Remember we can't print any personáis • Anthony, get those lycras TING ME UP, HAPPY out! BIRTHDAY NIKKI.j without your name and union card • To Dad-FUCK OFF BAS- BUGSY. ' • Noi^ Bimbo, who thinks atherine Congratulations TARD, l've made an ap- • Mr S Gelling, Keep off the shes Barby, I want my on becoming an Auntie pointment OK?! Vouvray unless you want jumper back Pronto Love S XXXX • Nickynackynoonar, Pissed to suffer from heat stroke • To the person who threw Up • Retail must be the first de- Bird, and Jill, Jill, Jill - we again! Love A on me on the dance floor at gree on the reproduction DO DO lunch. FNO - if I ever catch you, habits of rabbits...hey mike • Paddington's on the ram- • To my darling Frog, Your you're dead - from the pur- and lisa page on campus!!! Coat place or mine tonight, Your ple haired nutter Sleeping Cutie. • I want to be a HIPPY, and and all. • 0795 can't cope without • Just out of the Hot-tub and be weil ARD! • C. Do you like marmalade you! Love Stan the Man & the weather is SJ-OK. We • Roger-I'vetemporarilyre- sandwiches as well??? Ali Bongo ARE laughing about FB... located myself to house 55. • Archangel and Jet - do I get • WHO'S GOT MORE • KJ-me and sweetums can't Funny thought, l'm not the to be best man? - Bloke PAGES THEN, OLIVER? wait for the 29th. I won't be only one! from Mr Techno • Miles beware! Vincent The Royster. going to Dreamscape. How • Dear Duraceli bunny. Do Hedgehog Slayer rides to- does Raspberry Ripple you really keep going for- night. • Good luck to the Stingers sound for a change - MCB ever and ever, or are you against Aston, another win XXX just Ever Ready? Answers • Bad Girls Lucy, May and is what we want! GO • Lisa, #48. Your anti-grav- on a postcard, please, to Jade - Absolutely Fabulous STINGERS GO GO Mike.... sweetie! STINGERS GO ity wonders make me head • PSYCHO-thePro Slaugh- • Bunny Cumin: 4-3 and fad- ???ove?r heels for you. From • To my teddy bear - thanks ter Yobs Culling Hedge- ing rapidly - where has my i for being a good friend, you hogs after October - bring old bunny instinct gone? • Jet - hanging tough with can use my PC anytime! your haipoons. Bunny Paprika xxx you gives me a warm sex love 'n' bear hugs...KJ x feeling inside - love con- • DARREN JONES is a real • Kub bunnies:' Cumin • MAZZA - GO FOR FT!! tender no. I storms forward! Come on (K's choice!!) man...he doesn't eat flower pappy, it's all those Greeks • B.R, going backwards to • Malhar & Co.. Watch out, buds! you loiow! Golden B the isle of cheap milk, the revenge is sweet • Hey Butthead • l'm the • Aris: Wanna lose some one who I love, but alas • To Mr Wimpy - man's great Comholio! I need TP more? Golden B. strings attached. hicky not impressive? Was for my Bung Hole - Beavis • All the female freshers be- • Golden Bollocks: it a 'love' bite or just a bite? • MANNERS SAMUEL! ware? SS is stili live and Shouldn't you be aiming • Andy R, The thumb print is Debbi. kicking! Golden B. for a pair of maracus? getting bigger! ! HaHa • To Briony - thanks for the • Tim.TCE.Did the house • Please mind the gap! • Liz M - so much for your fags - love Charlie move for you?.It did for teddy bear pyjamas, what's • DEBBI H-how's your gar- USÜI • If you like it, do it. If you this about your sexpioits lic breath? don't like it, try it, you with mouthy Collins? - • Ben H\Darroch is coming might like it! Wise words Scorpio • BFH - You lost. He's mine to get you.(and your from Bunny C. and not your. Ha Ha! KE Mum)Mind your head.Eat • Bunny Paprika: The Greek • Steven is that really a hair- • Hello, So you want a war lots of cake and give it is back! Get it on! Go cut, or is it an accident? Karen! BElieve me dont loads! Pappy! Go Pappy! • Helen - thanks for being mess. there through all the crap • Cheese Toasties are cheap • Golden B: Get your facts this semester, the phrase is • It takes a red hot lover to and easy to m^e. "Could right, I don't want people right: TRUE FRIENDS wear red hot lingerie and you share a Coraish pastie getting the wrong idea ARE FOREVERI - Bloke with a Westham supporter? about me. 3-0 indeed! Clubs and Societies AGMs/EGMs Mens Rugby tails, all to attend election of The Mansoc Monday 25th November at new committee positions - 8.30pm Bring sports registration cards Varsity Centre Aikido Barndance Contact ext 9981 for more de- Wednesday 27th November at hat a swinging quickly as possible (as the tails 1pm night Friday bar's profit for the night LGB Soc Grant Mitchell Room Wevening proved). Fun was had by all. Tuesdays at 8pm turned out to be, with Many thanks to the Haylayers, TBII Women's Rugby AGM a great band who kept us en- Tuesday 26th November 1996 over 150 people 'taking tertained all night long. Maths and Computing Soc at 7pm their partners by the Thanks also to Sam and Liz Tuesday 26th November 1996 Grant Mitchell Room - see hand' in the university who drove over to St Lukes at 1pm you all there! hall. and Chertsey to pick up other 10AA21 Thai Society Less than 50 tickets had been nursing student. And finally Jiu Jitsu AGM 5th December 1996 at 5.15pm sold by Monday however thanks to everyone for your Sunday 24th November 1996 Grant Mitchell Room sales soon soared to a climatic support and we'll see you all at 8pm Please contact ext 2325 for sell out! Our panic was over - again soon. Campusport more details the band could be paid Contact 831279 for more de- (phew!) and £ 100 was given to Mansoc àe Imperial Cancer Research Fund which was the primary objective for the evening. Notices It was a night for diploma and degree nurses to get together - TO ALL STUDENTS WITH CHILD CARE NEEDS the main priority of course -The University is conducting a survey into child care was to become inebriated as needs amongst the University community. As part of this survey it would like to know the level of need for child care provision amongst the student population. If you would like to complete a survey and register your interest, one can be collected from the Marketing & Communica- tions Office, ground floor Senate House.RNIB - Workshop on Reading for the Blind lOam- 4pm, 13th December at the University. Any students interested in training please contact Sharon Taylor Special Needs Advisor, Welfare Office, SU Small room to let in friendly share house - £40 pw plus The Truth Is Out There bills. Town centre. Females only please. Central heating, all mod cons. Please phone 832056 to view. A DELL latitude notebook computer bargain - this note- book computer is built around the Intel 486 microproces- sor running at 75 or 100 megahertz (Mhz). Has 4 Megabytes of RAM memory but can be increased to 20 MB by installing a 4-, 8-, or 16-MB memory module in the optional-memory socket on the system board. Hard disk space (program memory) is 400 Megabytes. Fully installed Windows 95 Package with Words, Excel, Power Point, etc. Still quite new. Going at £950. If interested contact Veronica on ext. 3439 (work hours) or 234722 at evenings. Can you spare an hour or two each week? - We are looking for volunteers to read printed material onto tape for visu- ally impaired students. Tlie subjects are varied and a little knowledge or, at least, interest would be useful. If you can Want to find out the truth? spare some time, possess common sense and a clear reading voice, then contact Sharon Taylor on 259261 or Christiiara Union ext. 9261. Library Restaurant: For Sale - 2 Wardrobes, £20 each; 4 Cupboards £ 15 each; Friday 7:00pm - 9:00pm 2 Bedside Tables £20 each; 5ft Kingsize Bed 'Slumber- land' £100 or near offer and Typewriter - Manual 'Her- mes' (good working order) £20. Please rmg Carol after 6pra, and at weekends on 01483 565416 Are there any active or ex Red Cross members that are interested in helping me to set up a Red Cross Group? Please contact Katherine on ext 4171 or bs61kh & Sport Arse Who needs hat's It ! l've had but neither I nor Mel have the time to type up other peoples redgras? enough. Exams articles. There, I said it. If you Tare looming and have a prblem using Word for Men's Hockey 2nds 8 - Chichester 1 l've got coursework Windows then I question coming out of my whether you should be at this thanks to a quality tonk from brightly adorned austere and hallowed seat of few weeks ago Nick. I suppose Mikey P gets Buttocks. I am trying to leaming. Surrey MHC credit for his goal (not that come back from injury so I did want to have a lucid and A2nds faced a we' Il ever hear the last of it) - thought provoking discus- dismal excuse for a where he did his best to de- I can actually get back to sion on dirty play (see 'why hockey game on that capitate the oppo goalie. By playing sport. Whilst all Stingers), but alas, I must be great surface...redgras half time Shearer II fînally articles are greatfully off. managed to avoid the goalie's (that's like playing on a pads to make it 3-0. recieved, there really is Ginga schoolground covered noe excuse in this day After the break, a steady and age for not being PS Ladies hockey you were with loose shale). In the stream of goals followed from lucky, I was feeling suppor- home leg, we had two Nick (2) to provide a hat- able to submit match tive of female sports and fin- levelling features:- a) trick, a second fromTom , and reports on disk. ished the typing - make the Umpires that new what two from Shearer (that's most of it they were domg, and b) me!). Great play throughout If you can't get access to a PPS This goes for all articles the team, but special credit computer, there's always the Astroturf. goes to the back four for en- ones in the Bare Facts office. submitted to Bare Facts, Accompanied by Nick Hoo suring Fat didn't keep his first So in future, if it's not on disk, prioirity goes to ones sup- and Tom (Shearer H) Fewster clean sheet of the season. it doesn't get in. Sorry to La- plied on disk (you will get we went out for a big win (the Man of the Match goes to dies Hockey to cut their arti- them back) oppo were heard to be ofïer- Badger. Mel xxx ing a walkover before the cle off in mid flight (the game!). Afieragood 10 min- Shearer. calligraphy was beautiful) utes we opened the scoring Wind It In! Surrey 2nd XI3 Guildford Railway Old Boys 1

plans. Within the first ten The home team continued to Brain damage from the end- ith the Surrey minutes everyone on the park rise above tìie mindless 'vio- less clot^erings can be the 2nds looking had been mugged by one of lence with a grunt' attitude only excuse the Dessie-Mas- Wto tum around the aforementioned 'missing which continued in the sec- ter can give for tarring an oth- a disappointing run, there links'. It was time to let foot- ond half. Solid performances erwise faultless performance ball do the talking. from Davey Burgess and with a dirty oggie 10 minutes was never going to be a Tafl^ 'Pissed Bloke' Good- from time. With the final better venue than the A tree-felling challenge from win inspired the faithfiil until score at 3-1 the best perform- hallowed turf that Stiffy Cliffy gave Geordie Top Lip notched his second ance was stili to come. A fine spreads before the Pattison the ball and he de- with thirty minutes to go. 3-0. example of literary genius fortress Varsity. lighted the masses with a cul- was displayed by he who is tured pass to Arid the Norg By this time the pitch was be- me, in convincing the lovely who ran on the fire home. 1 -0. coming increasingly cut up Catìiy to award team of the As the Surrey boys quickly Surrey pressure continued due to the visitors inability to day (and two jugs of danger- set about playing some qual- throughout the half despite move around without drag- ous juice) to the 2's, despite ity football, the Railway Rub- the physical and verbal on- ging their knuckles across the the àirds notching ten! Sorry bish began to physically slaught delivered by the band floor. Midway through the Burman, but when you're hot, assault anyone in a yellow of travelling convicts. A solid second half the rubbish fi- you're hot, when you're not, shirt. First to be bashed was performance at the back fn)m nally claimed a victim. The you're not!! Final ^praisal Nursey (he of follicley chal- Spaiicy Thompson and Tony boy Guiney was cruelly must go to the boys for tip- lenged bamet), as one crea- 'Mr. Kipling' Sammut en- poleaxed after making a mon- ping in a phénoménal amount ture (best described as a sured that grunts and obsceni- key out of a fifleen stone go- of dangerous (and massage strategically shaved gorilla) ties were the only thing to get rilla (genetic engineering?) oil!!) in the evening, espe- gave him a closer loolc at his through to Bubz Taylor, the and was carried off. Dirty tart cially the mullered bloke! ! ! elbow. It quickly became lad in goal. Surrey went in at dropped to rightbac k and was clear that the referee was half-time 2-0 up thanks to a replaced on a wing by Inge eitìier blind, stupid or scared god-like solo run and finish 'Skeletor' Norg in order to Cliffy with a Stiffy. to death as he offered no pro- from Geordie. 'Haway the soak up the final minutes of tection from the goons battle lads!' pressure. Sport C a m P u s P 0 r t Sport Sex With Sticks the centre spot. Luckily our Play in the second half was something. We though it was es, its Ladies Ace fresher Yvonne (no, Jill, even better than in the first all over...but it wasn't, we Hockey 2nd XV she's shit really) was right on half, unfortunately Reading still had at least 10 minutes Yagain and yes, we to her, by which time the rest were also playing better. Re- left, loads of time for the cap- lost again and yes, we of the team had begun to real- cord scored very quickly after tain to start shoulder barging arrived late again! When ise that we had actually half time - we had three girls into every Reading player she we finally arrived at started to play. marking their no. 16 and the got close to -what an example skinny cow still managed to she sets. Warringford (did I say Whilst we played really well run away from us. we were playing at for the whole of the firsthalf , The match ended and the final reading?) we were faced it was pretty much unevent- Not long after though Surrey score was 4-0 to Reading - a with a sight that was fiil. We did have a few shots broke tlu-ough their defence deserved win (I had to say that quite unfamiliar to us - a on goal which completely and Sara scored. After a quick they were all sooo nice!) Our Ûirew our forwards - we're Ribena-berry woo-ooo, she defence once again played Ladies hockey club that not used to getting in on the looked at the imipire who was like a Surrey-super-star. In looked like girls - I was action. Karen, our goalie, shaking his head and tìiegoa l fact the whole team played beginning to think that saved some pretty fantastic was disallowed - why was really well - even our captain our Hockey girlies were goals gaining applause from that Rachel? Was it you feet? was doing a bit of running the only hockey birds in Reading as well as Surrey. Was it your stick? Guess around rather than wandering the world that didn't look Karen, we think you're great, who's going back in goal next aimlessly around the centre of more like men than our but wouldn't your skills be week. the pitch thinking about what put to better use in the diving she's going to wear in Bojan- Rugby Team. club? The play that followed was glez later. Thank you to eve- Tlie match started well, we really good - great passing, ryone who played - we took first push back, unfortu- At half time we were only 1 -0 good ball skills...(oops, I've definitely proved that little nately Surrey's possession down and we spent the 5 min- just been talking about Read- saying "It's not the win- ended then, when Rachel utes basically telling each ing) Well anyway Reading ning..." (Sara, I wasn't ready) missed other how great we all were scored again at some point -1 the ball. Readings no. 16 had and how we thought we could didn't really notice, I was The crunchy-nut-cornflaked- got the ball down to our D win this match - we weren't probably having a chat with up biird (aka Sara) before I had even moved from taking the piss this week! one of their defenders or Why Stingers? BBC CHILDREN IN his is often the terceptions and stopping Kent first question that at fourth down and goal, not NEED people ask when once, but twice. Twe tell them about The experienced Cambridge (with a little help from Surrey's own American were more of a challenge though and were especially Campusport) football team. difficult to play against, see- Personally, 1 think we got ing as their rule - book was DON'T FORGET THIS off pretty lightly, I mean, different from ours! To say FRIDAY 22ND NO- Leicester 'Lemmings' they played dirty is well... the VEMBERAT6.30 p.m. truth [ed: what's wrong with isn't exactly awe that? you're wearing enough Come along to the Cam- inspiring is it, and what pads for Gods sake, isn't that pusport Centre and the hell does just another way of saying workout with the Rose- Aberystwyth 'Tarannau' they wanted it more than mary Coniey Fitness mean? [ed: answers on a you?], and by the end of the Club members and postcard please] game Surrey had more inju- Yoga with Barbara Cur- Any way, four weeks into the ries than points. Next time, eh rie from GMTV. season and the stingers are re- lads? An event not to be spectably mid-table. Ahight, The Stingere are playing As- missed and at the same we've only played two ton Rhinos this Sunday at time raise money for this games, but it looks good on 1.00pm and supporters are national cause. Can you paper! The first game took us very welcome. Hopefiilly by get sponsorship too? to Kent on a ' less than ideal that time we'll have brushed Every little helps. playing surfece' shall we say. up on the 'new' rule book to Students £2.00/Staff & Public £5.00 We were told to guess where see exactly what we can get the pitch markings should away with! Please help us make this a brilliant success and show how have been. That aside, the generous Surrey students can be. Stingers eventually tri- Dunx. umphed over a stubborn Kent And typed in by Ginga at side by D - Rascal. Surrey's painstaking lengths as Dunx defence was especially ti^it, has such bad handwriting. coming up with three in-