Student Newspaper of the Year May 2,1997 Vol 27: Issue

'LATEST RESULTS: Labour 41 Conservative 160 LibDem 411 / Nationalists .Others V . icorporating juice magazine Uanl NUS Student Newspaper of the Year May 2,1997 Vol 27: Issue

ones oevasiaie worst loss since 1906 ^ortillo, Rifkind, Lang among Cabinet losers Labour sweeps to its biggest ever majority Leeds seats go red as students celebrate

INSIDE: SHATTERED MAJOR'S LANDSLIDE DEFEAT GIVES HOPE TO A NEW GENERATION LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997 ELECTION SPECIAL+++ELECTION SPECIAL+++ELEC BLEEDS Ml ^^^^^^^^^^^^™ THE bloated egos, the archaic as everything we suspected: resounding fanfares as the being supported by John protocols, the immense smug, synthetic, anodyne and fighters emerged from the Prescott, the thinking man's disinterest among great quite possibly insincere, he CLM1RS darkness. Blue corner versus Les Dawson. As second in STUDENT red-going-on-purple comer, swathes of people with better was the man made for this command of the party, This week in Britain's things to do. There was a media election, the most Major and Blair would have Prescott might have expected deafeningly familiar ring clever digitally-enhanced landed soundbites on each a more high profile role than award-winning student about the general election. character since Jabba the A one-off sketch of national politics other as the nation watched the regular TV slot featuring For the majority of Hutt. and cheered and argued over daft facial expressions to the newspaper of the year students the election has posed The interminable series of compared very favourably, the judges' points decision. tune of "The Entertainer". an intellectual crisis. On the 'in-depth' interviews - several increasingly accomplished as But then Sky would doubtless Yet for students and occasions they thought about soap operas on at various a public speaker despite his have bought the rights. anyone else vaguely left- NEWS politics, they were reassured times but all featuring the liking for repeating himself ("I Sinisterly looking on leaning who voted Labour, by a leftwing conscience and a same characters - proved the like Northern Ireland, I often would be that fight promoter Prescott comes across as more The naked truth: head-shaking disapproval of Labour leader's inability to come to Northern Ireland, I from the political underworld, genuine than the leader Is downloading all things Conservative. convince you he could be will go on coming to Northern Brian Mawhinney. The Tory himself. All we need now is Then Tony Blair trusted with your lighter, let Ireland.") chairman held Major's hand for Prescott to overthrow Blair porn a waste of happened: he spoke like a alone with the country. The best event of the entire throughout the campaign but and explain that New Labour Tory, he looked like a Tory, he All he offers is the fresh- media circus was the one that had remarkably little to say for was one elaborate hoax in resources? even abolished your grant like faced zeal of a boy scout who didn't happen: Blair versus himself. He always had that order to get elected, then pages 4-5 a Tory. The Liberal Democrats wakes you with a cold wet Major in head-to-head debate slightly wild look in his eyes, ruthlessly unleash pure looked a better bet for sponge, nudges you in the ribs live on TV. Nothing manifest in his most telling unadulterated Socialism on COMMENT education and heartwarming for not saying your prayers at meaningful would have been contribution to the the unsuspecting rich. socialism, but saying you'd assembly and gambols with said, obviously, but few have Conservatives' Mission Prescott for President: vote for them was like joy across fields of green objected to that during the rest Impossible, the Blair-chasing politics might even get The banner says it confessing support for singing: 'The hills are alive of the campaign. man-in-a-chicken suit. interesting. all: arguments from Coventry City. with the sound of music." No. it would have been a Blair, whom some on the The campaign did not help For most observers, spectacle to remember: the left describe simply as a both sides of the a great deal. It confirmed Blair 'honest' John Major crowds, the thick smoke, the chicken in a suit, was in theory vivisection fence page 6 FEATURE When I get older, losing my hair... What will university mean Director's red LABOUR when you're sixty- WITHOUT a doubt. 18 years ot four pages 12-13 one party aile is unhealthy. Labour are unquestionably the OutfooJt only alternative, as the seductiv promises of the Liberals are the honesty of the small scale. Cam-paign in the Labour's promised reform o: neck: the greatest flag to a Bull the constitution and the Lords their promotion of devolvec s-Tory ever told and By DAVID SMITH assemblies and a more BROADCAST STORM constructive role in the EU wil' how it bored everyone mean a more democratic Britain. pages 15 TELEVISION brought us the Labour That the Conservatives have bulldog and the Conservative chicken, but had a parliamentary majority fora SPORT a student from Leeds stole the election generation, on less than half the popular vote speaks volumes for show by starring as the Socialist Bull. the state of Britain. Time for Leeds' latest Eleanor Bull, a change. Philosophy student and national champions: member of the Socialist Barry McKcrnan the Ultimate glory Labour Party, featured in a SOCIALIST party election broadcast CONSERVATIVE pages 24 made by acclaimed movie STUDENT IT'S very fashionable to bash director Ken Loach. Tories at the moment, but the "We wanted to start with Time For a Change' merchants something unexpected so we JOINS TV are avoiding the real issues. chose a student instead of the The British economy is the stereotypical socialist coal envy of Europe, unemployment miner," Loach told Leeds CAMPAIGN is falling and overseas investors Student. "Eleanor raised the are flocking to these shores. question of how hard-up but to do a full-time job." There are more nurses in our students survive, important Eleanor was personally hospitals, more bobbies on our because students have been invited to take part by Arthur streets and higher education is ignored in this election." Scargill, leader of the open to all, not just public school Socialist Labour Party which types like Tony Blair. Hardship had three candidates standing Of course the last 18 years In the film, shown several in Leeds. have not been perfect, but I am times this week on national "He phoned me after we voting for a proven, principled networks, Eleanor, 21, spoke met at a local meeting. My party, not one that changes its about her endurance of friends thought I came across policies more often than its hardship while living as a well but I've been teased underwear. Shiraz Lalani student in Leeds. because there was no way we She has been forced to were going to win!" PROTEST: Anti-Nazi League members at BBC North LIBERAL DEMOCRAT She has campaigned on suspend her course and FURIOUS demonstrators EVEN the most ardent Liberal ON THE HORIZON behalf of the SLP for the past BNP representative John spend the year in full-time descended on BBC studios to Pyndall defended their Democrat supporter would agree with Stevie Sunshine work to pay off two two months. "There are protest against the screening actions: "The protests were on that the party are not destined for overdrafts. "I was speaking children living in poverty Saturday. There will be more cloud of a BNP broadcast, writes the grounds that people were Number 10 this time around. from my own experience. next door to me and I felt I than of late with rain later. Max. Gareth Evans. offended, but I'm offended by But the constant exchanges of Last year I worked in the Old had to do something to help. temperature: 16C (62F). The Anti-Nazi League politicians." insults shown by the campaigns Bar and now I have no choice Socialist Labour believes of the two main parties provide Sunday: A cooler day with rain in many there is enough wealth in the protested for hours criticising Labour MP Austin the BBC for agreeing to show ample reason for considering the parts. Maximum temperature 12C country for everybody." Mitchell was at BBC North (56F). the broadcast. during the protests. Liberals as an alternative. The broadcast featured a Also, the Lib Dems are also Outlook for the rest of the week: Cloudy sequence of statements to One of the demonstrators, The protesters dispersed Malcom Povey, a Food peacefully after the the only party offering realistic with a risk of showers. Near normal camera by followers of the policies on education, crime and party. Eleanor enjoyed the Science student, explained: demonstration. temperatures for early May. "It's inciting racial hatred and welfare. Their honesty on limelight but will stick to VWeathercall Regional forecast 0891 500 417 j the BBC know it." taxation is refreshing. politics instead of pursuing a The distinction between career in broadcasting. "I'm Senior BBC staff refused to comment on the row, but Conservative and Labour policies not really an aspiring is becoming less clear as 'New A LOAD OF BALLS actress." she said. Look North presenter Mike McCarthy revealed his Labour' drift to the right. The Our look at the Wednesday lottery numbers Ken Loach denied he had feelings as he left the building. Liberal Democrats have become any plans to cast Eleanor for "I didn't like it. I don't think it an attractive choice for a a role in his next film. should have been broadcast". disillusioned electorate. And the bonus ball: 13 FURIOUS: Austin Mitchell Richard Auty LIMELIGHT: Eleanor Bull . LEEDS STUDENT Friday Mav 2. 199 ~ •ON SPECIAL+++ELECTION SPECIAL+++ELECTION SPECIAL+++ELECT TORIES SMASHED IN RECORD POLL Labour landslide buries Ministers as Leeds goes red TONY Blair swept to power with the largest Labour majority ever in a general election hailed as a watershed in British politics. The Tories were By SHIRAZ LALANI decimated as Labour television coverage of the historic headed for a landslide result despite pre-eleclion reports majority of 179 seats, partly that the new government is thanks to an unprecedented committed to scrapping student cull of Cabinet ministers. grants. Principal casualties Finalist Aaron Fischer voiced concerns about New Labour's included Michael Portillo. plans for higher education: Malcolm Rifkind and Michael "They'll be the same as the Tories. Forsyth. won't they'1 At the end ol the day Students who can remember we're all still going to he skint." nothing but Tory rule were The mood across the country eelebrating as 18 years of and among students was one of LABOUR DAY: Students in Leeds were finally caught by Conservative Government eame determination to oust the Tories election fever yesterday, celebrating the end of a to an emphatic end. alter 18 years in power. "I voted Government that has ruled for almost their entire lifetime The national pattern was for Labour because we need a Pics: Shaun de wet Steyn & George Phillipas reflected locally as Leeds North change." said genetics finalist West, a heavily student-populated Claudie Austin. RAUCOUS cheers greeted the Central, told supporters: "The a fur rhino costume. constituency, fell to the unfancied There was significant evidence local Labour victories as the Tories' 18 years of slca/e and David Freeman, a student at Labour candidate Harold Best. of tactical voting in many results were announced at Leeds damage to Britain arc over. We Leeds University, came third in Leeds Central, marginal constituencies. The must rebuild Britain and the Leeds Central and expressed which includes Liberal Democrats may have town hall. Harold Best, who gained integrity of British politics." satisfaction with his 13.7 percent both universities. benefited as they headed to their Leeds North West from The atmosphere of the night share of the vote. was held by best result since the days of Lloyd was rowdy at times with Barbara Pearce, disappointed Labour candidate Conservative Keith Hampson. George. and fellow w inner Derek Fatchett celebrating Labour supporters in Leeds North West, and Derek Fatchett. In Tatton. Martin Bell were visibly delighted as the local clashing with security and. Freeman were buoyed by the Many students comfortably defeated slea/c- and national results confirmed a biz.arrely. the appearance of news that the Liberal Democrats stayed up tainted Tory Neil Hamilton after Daniel Duffy, candidate for the had won their highest number of throughout the Labour and LibDem candidates Labour landslide. Fatchett. who held Leeds Ronny the Rhino party, dressed in seats since 1922. WINNER: Fatchett OUT: Portillo ni8ht^ to vvatch suxxl down. Blow by blow: how Blair landed the knock-out punch

12.20am: The first indication of the magnitude 1.15am: Some Tory big guns are among the 2.10am: Ex-Chancellor Norman Lamont loses of the result as Tory stronghold Birmingham early casualties as David Mellor loses m in Harrogate. Ian Lang loses his seat to the SNP. Fdgbaston falls to Labour. If the results Putney. Scottish Secretary Michael Forsyth and 2.45am: Martin Bell proclaims "the Force was continue to go like this it will be a landslide. leading backbencher Marcus I o\ are ousted \\ ith us" as he easily defeats slea/e-tainted Neil 12.45am: A massive 15 per cent s\\ ing hands within minutes of eachother. Hamilton in Tatton. Basildon. the benchmark Ton, seat in 1992. to 1.40am: Leeds North West tails to Labour as 2.50am: Tories' worst tears icalised as Malcolm Labour. Derek Fatchett holds Leeds Central as Harold Best overturns Keith Hampson's 7.000 Rifkind and Michael Portillo lose 'sale seats'. Richard Branson backs New Labour. majority. (iood early signs for the LibDems. Portillo goes to a massive 17 percent swing.

3.00am: The mood of the nation is summed up 3.30am: John Major wins an 1 S.OOO majority but 5.00am: New Prime Minister as Margaret Thatcher's old seat in Finchley is forced to concede the Conser\ati\es "were Tony Blair jets in to London to falls to Labour. comprehensively beaten tonight". Former party join the victory party at the 3.15am: Labour pass the magic 330 seat mark chairman Jeremy Hanley joins the long list of Royal Festival Hall. that ensures them a clear majority as Barbara senior 'lory casualties. 5.30am: A downbeat John Toilet takes Slcvenage 3.40am: Michael Howard holds on but Jonathan Major arrives at Tory HQ 3.20am: John Redwood holds Wokingham and Ailken loses his seat to Labour. The Tories are in looking set to continue as emerges as a strong leadership candidate. disarray with no seats in Wales or Scotland. leader alter shock defeats tin- many of his main rivals. LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997 FILTH CRACKDOWN LAUNCHED TO Computer

ROLL UP, ROLL UP: Leeds' new campus copper Glen Brady supports the legalisation of the drug cannabis Pic: Sarah Davis log off by PORNOGRAPHY BEAT BOBBY ISis being downloaded by university computer users - ecial STUDENT and now officials A REAL TOP COP have launched a crackdown on the By MATTHEW GENEVER "IT is a sign of the times." says PC Glen By DAVID SMITH Brady, newly installed copper on the campus culprits. is technical consultant for the Such attitudes have been want in their homes, but beat. "The university always used to police the policeman of today is ready to combat the Eighty seven per cent computer services at LMU, condemned by action groups when it affects other people itself." modern threats posed to students. "In seven of male students also has difficulties with porn and union officials. and the work they're doing, on the internet: "We too have Once a symbol of authority and therefore years the job has changed beyond questioned in a new Anne Mayne, coordinator that's another matter." sworn enemy of radical students recognition. There is now a big drugs strict rules that our computers of the Campaign Against everywhere, the boys in blue are now problem - a very large percentage of survey said they call up should be used for Pornography, said: "We are Wrong officially endorsed as allies in the more burglaries is due to heroin. porn on the internet and educational purposes only. in a porn saturated society, However students are adults where women are treated as Dan Waltbrd, a second immediate cause of fighting crime. more than half thought year Molecular Plant Biology "You'll see me in uniform walking Problem in the eyes of the law, and just sexual creatures and it was acceptable to use as they can get a maga/ine students are only student agreed: "I do think it around on campus," PC Brady says. "I'm "Street crime too is an undeniable university property to is wrong to use university here to give help and advice, information on from the top shelf at a contributing to this by problem, but there are things you can do to do so. newsagents they can access accessing the internet for computers for porn and a bit crime prevention and the safest places to avoid it." sad really. I certainly live." The findings have been pornography from computers cheap thrills." PC Brady warns that students often put as well." Her words were echoed wouldn't do it myself." This policeman's eye will very definitely themselves in a vulnerable position. "Most backed up by a leading Efforts made by computer be on crimes against students, not the university academic, who Those students who by Jacinta Costello, Women's students, 18 or 19. aren't very streetwise - admitted downloading porn Officer at LUU. "People are services staff to clamp down students themselves. "Our Chief Constable small groups tend to walk down Hyde Park did not wish to be named. said they were encouraged by accessing these porn sites on those accessing porn sites [Keith Hellawell] believes cannabis should late at night. I'm here and available to help." He has stated his belief the ease with which they when the computers should are being hampered however be decriminalised and I agree with him. I will He is well qualified to work with that more and more could obtain such material. be used for more educational by the ease with which not be in the students' union looking for students, having graduated from Newcastle students are accessing pornography can be found on students doing drugs." One second year, who purposes." she said. "All University in 1990 and been on the beat in porn: "I have no doubt that wished to remain porn - be it hard or soft - is the World Wide Web. Security Hyde Park almost ever since. "I worked on over half of all male anonymous, revealed: "It's wrong." "There is a readily the community action and burglary teams easy to access and you can This view was also shared available supply of offensive Instead the 29-year-old bobby will focus there and so have already got to know students have looked at material that can be received pornography on the find anything you want by Japanese finalist, Corinne on aiding Leeds University's security team.' students." within a couple of minutes. Smith: "I think it is unfair to from the internet, making our "I'm going to help point them in the right PC Brady holds a weekly surgery in room internet at least once". job very difficult," said Earlier this term a Leeds It's a very simple way to find use university computers for direction. The university has been a soft G19 of the Mechanical Engineering building a lot of material that's illegal pom. especially when the Jeremy Harmer, who touch previously because not many people between 12 and 2pm every Monday. Anyone University student was manages the web service for deprived of all his computing and stimulating - so why clusters always seem so full. from outside used to walk through it." wanting to reach him can phone him on 233 shouldn't I do it'.'" "People can do what they Leeds University. If that romantic age - when Di.wn of 2459 between those times. rights after network officials Dock Green reigned supreme - is long past. found he had been accessing porn from the internet for several hours at a time. By law the university, as the internet provider, is liable for prosecution under The Obscene Publications Act WHAT DO YOU when a student uses its computers to download pornography. DO WITH YOUR The University Computing Service has branded anyone using the SPARE TIME? computers as "selfish". Spokesman Steve Jones said. "You've got to bear in mind the rights of the other users who are trying to use the machines for educational

I'OOTH decay could he a ihiii'j of the pasi if boffins at Leeds uni porn squad I fniversitj get their way, writes Matthew (icncvcr The team at the child dental care unit, headed by Professor Martin C'ur/on. ha\c designed a strip of glass attacheJ to teeth, releasing a constant supply of fluoride that helps reduce de lor up to l\\o years at a time. BIG BROTHER Professor Cur/on explained: YOU art' not alone, or at least checking up on computer users. "We do not hope to make you may not he if you log on to a "Computing stall regularly toothpaste obsolete, hut inn tests university server. check the clusters to see what have shown that these strips aie Computer chief's are people are using them for," completely sale and have checking up on student files admitted a spokesperson. reduced decay in neglected teeth and accessed internet sites in a This action has the support hy up to 7ft per cent which is a hid to stop users finding of computer bodies. "The magnificent result." material they consider to be accessing of porn is against our One problem the team now "offensive or inappropriate", guidelines and we support the lace is to .'\ernnienl sparking protests that this is an measures taken by universities licence to sell the product. This unwarranted invasion of to find those responsible." said could take from two if privacy. a spokesperson for .IANKT. the years ami COM t70,()(H). "These checks show how Joint Academic Network to Students were vvarmm little respect university which all university computer the idea of using the new authorities have for us." said services are registered. invention in the future. research student Dave The NUS also agrees with Geography fresher .lames Chandler. "They must think the clamp down being carried Marlon admitted: "1 don'l we're unable to make our own out by universities: "We are usually remember ID brush mv driisiiMis j| we're noinj; to be ii^ain.st the accessiiiK of all Icrlli arivwav. M> al IC.IM now I harmed by looking at sites with extreme internet siles. can leel belter .iboin u .'" naughty pictures." including those containing Leeds I nivcrsitv has porn. We fully support the confirmed the practice of universities in their action". Huge fines at uni flats Arc the Computing Service being tyrannical and prudish to slop FURTHLR extortionate lines ioi you looking at what you want, or have they girt a right to watch damage done to Sugarwcll Court vour cverv move'.1 Hats have plunged ex-residents into financial worry, un/rs Linni / want to see nudes Davies. Paul Steam, a Graphic Ails and Design student at I.MIA was & 0891 770 105 lined over tl(X) for communal damage which he claims was paa-^ I'm u prude caused by his flatmates. "I was onl\ charged t'7 for the & 0891 770 106 damage to mv room hut as the hill WHAT'S UP COCK?- Hard-core filth like this is against the law in Britain, but is just a mouse click away on was split five ways I'm being the internet Pic: Shaun de Wet Steyn Calls charged at M)p per minute at all times made to pay lor damage I did not cause." An LMU spokesperson said accommodation regulations stale New survey shows the scale of the problem that tenants "collectively shall he charged the cost of repairs." But Paul remains unconvinced: "You can't decide who you're put with. If you end up with people who damage the Hal then you lose out." Drama stars II Si S Cluist will be comir ihis month than!- students at Park Lane Col

Seven peiloimanee^ ol the \\chhcr musical (7/n'v/ .Sn/X'n/(/r will take place in the grounds of Kirkstall Ab • on the'Hh Mav 'I he students have even written •eraohv on Question 2: Do you regularly access pornography Question 3: Do you think it's acceptable to use to Lloyd \\eblvr asking him to Question 1: Have you accessed por on the internet? university property to access pornography? attend one of the shows universitIINIVI isityv computercomouterss? LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 1, 1997

ANIMAL RIGHTS OR HUMAN RIGHTS? THE CASE OF EXPERIMENTATION IN UNIVERSITIES STUDENBLEEDS™T /./ vv/s Srnili-nt ! -. .in inilrprnilcnl IK'Ws|».l|)ri si-miii- sliulrnls .11 I i ..-,1 \!c-ii'i|Hiiii,ui I nivei -n^ i ulfu-i i ttlk-:'r, n .mil .iMtiiml I )cnls pk-.iH- t ml. i. I the I'dlhii ( 'umrnrnl .. . MiilrilmlinMs .mil helpful i IHK ism ,nr HH l!t:

Editor David Sinilh Campus vivisection: Deputy Editor Ben Fasl Juice20 Kclitor Owen Gibson SI-XTIONKIMTORS

Arts ( larc I .rsler .luslin I'ciiiose Lauren Pushkin Hooks the hidden questions Spike I .inden 'I'hornlon Clubs Sarah Monk NickO'Meallj BY JULIANA ATYEO Comment Sue Barnard Kale Bingliam IVISECTION animals in order to lest their Fashion reactions. Unfortunately, this Jcnni Jciues has hit the type ol experiment has set a .lenni I. ells Vheadlines precedent for 'medical Features again, as protestors icsearch' which is motivated by I iniiui Al Jumaili staged a relatively the somewhat arrogant quest loi Chris Lcadbeatcr knowledge. Mike Pflan/ peaceful march in However, peihaps die most Kat> Kcgan order to create (lightening aspect of vivisection if we are not Listings publicity about concerned with animal welfare Joe Dovvnic animal experiments in is ihe threat it poses to human Oxford University. welfare. The classic example is Music that of thalidomide which had Owen ( iibson Tin; significant police no harmful effects in dogs. cats. 1'ieis Martin presence suggests that Kits 01 monkeys, bill caused Chris Moonev such protestors are foetal abnormalities in humans. News traditionally viewed as This is jusl one case whieh Abbic Junes dangerously unbalanced demonslrates ihe I act thai phvsiologv vanes Iroin species Andv Kclk or violent troublemakers. Shira/ l.alani to species In ihe woids of a BY A LEEDS UNIVERSITY SPOKESMAN Navced Kaja Moreover, piettires of loxicologisl: ' II penicillin had animal experiments been judged by its toxicitv on Pictures published by groups such as guinea pigs, it miglil never have unimportant disease in dogs these systems are only feasible in Sarah Davis Animal Aid or the British been used on man'. T is clear when discussing research was equally justifiable. conjunction with animal t Inion lor the abolition of Scientists are strictly regulated experimentation. Incubated cells Politics I seems thai we are v ivisection (liUAV) are on animals for in the practice ol animal are useful, but it is still necessary I'nia Burrclt constantly being reminded I branded as 'scandalous', experimentation. Home Office to look at the effects of diseases Jacob I lickey of the possible dangers scientific and medical although thev are merely I guidelines enforce three and potential cures on a complete caused In human inlerleience purposes, that the I'lodiiclion constraints belore testing can living organism - it would be providing pictorial evidence wilh nature, such as the lecent Sieve ( 'uoper of ,i common scientific potential benefits must begin: Firstly, the premises where impossible to test fully a new Tony Keav BSF scare. However, instead ol experiments occiu must he form of chemotherapy on cells practice which is usually learning from such disasters, be carefully weighed Oliver Quinn registered and inspected for high alone. carried out behind locked the government continues to with a consideration of standards - such as cleanliness, Similarly with computer doors. fund preposterous experiments Science the harmful effects ventilation, noise and systems, the information that is Since the moral argument This year we heard about Ihe David Adam temperature. now available through these Alex Kibble against \ ivisection is often possibility of transplants using experiments may have The topic of proposed research techniques is dependent on Barry MeKernan .iled with misplaced pig oigans. the introduction of on the animals. and intended procedures must be scientific information that has senlimenlalil). il is necessary which has thankfully been Scientists with the clearly detailed, illustrating why already been discovered through Sport lor us as Inline taxpavcis postponed due to the danger ol responsibility to make such the proposed tests are important the field of animal /.oc Fcllci responsible lor llie funding of pig viruses mutating in the and the potential benefits that will experimentation. These systems Alex (iubba> medical research - to question human body. decisions do not make them Paul Wilson arise from them, finally, the are still unable to offer the extent ihe practical implications o! The tragedy is that we are lightly, agreeing that no Deputy of know ledge that is available animal experimentation. The spending millions of pounds on individual must obtain a personal Chris Straw unnecessary stress or pain through experiments on animals. evidence proves, beyond any lliese experiments which arc- license. The minimum Total I oolhall should be caused to the Diabetes, caused by insulin doubt, that the use of animals in both cruel to animals and requirement for this is a science Kofi Ohenc Djan animals. However, this deficiency, is a common disease medical research is not only potentially harmful to human degree and a thorough in Britain which could not have cruel, but can be dangerous to beings. Surely Ibis money must be balanced with the understanding of Home Office Television been aided without the use of Joe 1 >ow nie humanity. would be belter spent on ihe recognisable benefits to legislation tegarding experiments. animals. Until recently the only Ross Horslev Vivisection is earned out in development of alternative In addition, most research research that ate the result substitute insulin that was Mail James Ihe majority ol British research methods, such as the students in this position would be of animal experimentation. available was from the pancreas Jenny Wood universities iindei ihe title ol use of liisue cultures or supervised by an experienced The majority of people- of pigs, although now an 'research' in psychol< i] computer and mathematical senioi researcher. alternative has been developed Travel medical, animal physiology and modelling of biological would agree wilh the decisions Tamsin Martin nuirilion departments, yet ihe systems, Furthermore, a that are made in these cases, ests at Feeds Universitv involving genetically engineered Jo Young microorganisms. British (iovernment ('ommnee. ntage of these funds could for example, if there may be a range from research into Indeed, it remains the case that m its investigation of these be employed in inv estigalmgthe one in 50 chance of finding a Tcancer to basic research, 1)1 I'AKIMI.NI IIKADS most surgical operations, vaccines experiments, claimed thai onlv social causes of First World cure for cancer by using a test taking place in several departments. It is important to and drugs administered by 25 percent were primwoithy in diseases such as cancel or heait involving 100 rats, even Business Miin;ij*cr recognise that work in areas of medical or vcterinarv Helen Whileoak scicnlilic jonmals. disease, which are virtuallv though the rats would feel disease, such as cancer, could not practitioners have been developed Animal expernneiils in non existent in developing adverse effects due to psvchologv depailmenls are countries occur without the preliminary b) animal experimentation. Are injections most would support Editorial hotline: notorious lor then their lack of The results of such research work in pic clinical research we justified in abandoning animal (0113)2434727 ptaclical application. trcqnenllv could then be used in public a scientist's decision to departments. experiments until all diseases Advertising hotline: involving ihe use of eleclric education and health awareness proceed with the tests. Other forms of research in capable of being overcome by call Helen Whlteoak on shocks administered through campaigns: alter all. even the However, most of us would these fields at Leeds University such means have been eradicated'.' (0113)231 4251 or electrodes attached to Ihe eves vivisectionists musi agree that not agree that the benefit of include the use of incubated cells 0850 488 543 and eais ol munaesthetised prevention is belter than cure. testing 100 rats for an and computer modelling systems. H- h\ Sue Htirminl Yet it must he acknowledged that LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 1. 1997 EM'S PEOPLE STUDENBLEEDS MTl Porn free but right? BIG Brother is watching you - and according to the resultfis of a new survey, you brought it oiT yourself. University computing officials run regular checks on students surfing the web, their target the apparently vast number who use it to aeeess pornography. Eighty-se\en percent of those questioned said they had used university computers to access pornographic material at some time. It is a story with a long history and a east lull of heroes and \illains. There is the mythical Net. hailed as a liberator for the information age and branded demonic un- That's fine art - making 36 hours of work look like 100 making pom available to all. There are the consumers, stereotyped as friendless nerds seeking artificial kicks in between their fantasy role play games and nit-pick LETTERS TO THE EDITOR science liction films. A bone to pick with heads of state or just disgruntled at the amount Dark And then there are the electronic police, in this of mozarella on the refec pizza? As if MEDIA EXPOSURE wasn't case the Leeds university officials u ho are closing the Net on [he scores ol sad anoraks and (heir dark incentive enough, there's a lottery-rivalling CASH PRIZE for the best practice. The siailini: (Xiiiil in ihis moral ma/e is (he porn letter this week and every week. Write to The Editor at Leeds Student, LUU, PO problem: harmless pasi lime or pernicious exploitation'.' Right-on students wrestle endlessly Box 157, Leeds LS1 1UH, fax (0113) 246 7953 or drop by the LMUSU office at City Site. with their conscience over whether freedom for the media outweighs the e\ il of the commodification of Dear Editor. The Kditor, assisting us with the women tournament. lake the first principle. What right do university I FEEL it necessary, as a regular at all of the chiefs have to spy on (he priuite internet use of their IS it not about time that the British LETTER My point is that surely the LMUSU's bars, to write in the hope of defending population of students should fight hack pitches are for sport clubs to students'.' "fake the second. Why should students be OF THE the much criticised security staff. allowed to saliva over such tilth on university against the constant pressure applied to us enhance their game and If you take time out to talk with them, like I by acting ami the forthcoming go\ eminent. WEEK secondly wouldn't the property'.' and others ha\e. you might find they are just like As usual, practical and immediate concerns push I icad recently that both the tournaments ha\e benefited the rest ol us and not brainless apes. It you Const-native and the 'New Labour' plan to the University both publicly the fundamental ethical questions to the background, consider that some may have done a full days l-'ew students are yet to e\|vriencc the frustration of cut all student support and instead let us all Dear Editor, and financially? work at the students' union, is it hardly rely on large loans and overdrafts. The tacts The Women's Rugby pacing a computer cluster wailing fora free surprising that at one o'clock in the morning machine. The hordes who are using computer time - are that text many students drop out of Union Football Club has also 1 FEEL it my duty to inform they may seem a bit humourless and surly to the whether tor porn or more innocent recreations - are a university due to financial problems and been very successful in you of some very disturbing average drunken punter'.' pain in the neck forgetting in the way of essay this would surely only inflame the problem. national and regional matters which have arisen In recent editions of l.cctls Student incidents writers everywhere. With over one million students studying in over the last few weeks. I am representation. We feel we of oxer-strict adherence to policy have been full time higher education, then surely our Jlub Captain of the Women's have to the best of our ability publicised. More often than not the staff are only Crackdown vote must make a difference. Rugby Union Club at LMU given credit and gained obeying the strict, inflexible line of the manager I believe one reason why politicians which has had a very respect for women's rugby at Then there is the university, which has little - the same manager that maintains morale with choice hut to at least make noise about a crackdown. would like to curb spending on students, is successful season so tar. LMU through our positive threats of instant dismissal. basically that there are tar Ux> many The club wishes to build achievements in BL'SA and Liable for legal prosecution as the internet prov ider. In the light ol so many recent complaints, it could scarcely give a thumbs-up for all the world unemployed graduates. un\\ illing to take on this success by holding a our regional and national perhaps the students' union should consider new representatives. It would be to see. the very low paid jobs and unable to find North I5\ tournament, but security management. the job they are trained tor. This son of due to constraints ot our Sport appreciated if the same credit Nevertheless, the thought your every login and logout is being monitored and catalogued is not a problem only gix-s against the forthcoming and Recreation department and respect could be given to Anna Rochester government, as they see cutting all state this has not been possible. our club by the university. happy one. especially il you do sneak a kxik at your football club's web site once in while. benefits tor students as a w ay ol' pro\ idmg There seemed to be some The business-like attitude i.diior's repl\: We never doubted them, llnnest. labour for low paid work. problems with our club and red tape at LMU has The way round it is simple: kill the need for Big This would there-lore reduce proven a problem to say the Brother's surveillance operation. requesting three rugby pitches Dear Kditor, unemployment and save the go\ eminent a which were not being used least - representatives from Next time you see some anorak other universities have gained lew billion pounds a year that was and also a matter of the club CHINA seems to be taking a keen interest in previously assigned to student funding. full support from their bodies, getting off over their twisted idea of charging teams a nominal lee campaign funding in other countries" elections. Obviously the advantages are great (for the so why can't we.' to enter, not having discussed Why doesn't China lake its interest in such erotica, pull the plug and tell them to politiciansi. hut shouldn't they be hacking this with Sport and Rec. Miss S James matters one step further and actually hold us. are we not the future of this country, or which resulted in them elections of its own'.' I'm sure they could find log off. do we spend three years or more 'just for requesting an emergency Editor's reply: Red tape the plenty of opposition candidates in the dissident the hell of it?' meeting on Wednesday country. Of course, they 'd have to let them out March 5. Until of'tliunih-iwitldliiif; David \\ilson Surprisingly enough this was university bosses'.' Surel\ not. of jail first. Remember us? Let's hear your excuses. not possible due to lectures Vanessa Lamb l:ilil«r\ reply: l-'ighi huck:' What mnildynu and sport commitments which I'rofessor Wagner. SO the election saga is finally over and British democracy can finally get back to some sort of Miw.it - how about turning up in vote ' resulted in them pulling out of I:ditor's reply: Tlml's wit with a hile all right. Marl'.' reality. Now would someone please say \onicthing OWN GOAL: Barnsley blast into Premier League. Turn to Sport - page 22 about higher education and the lot of students.' •us WEDNESDAY 7TH MAY Wednesday 7th May 7pm Harvey WATCH OUT FOR THE BEAUIS AND BUTTHEAD Milk Bar TOUR BUS Murray OUTSIDE THE UNION DURING THE DAY. Lachlan Young (spoken word / poetry) Friday 9th May (lunchtime) 'OASIS' drinks promotion and comedy showcase in the Harvey Milk Bar look out for further information and details in the exhibition area, LUU foyer support group for introweek 97 women survivor Deputy & Assistant Organisers 10, 6, 4 & 2 week positions available of sexual abus working up to and Including Introweek. This group is completely confidential and only open to women survivors of adult will be £3.55 per hour based on a 36.5 hour w< sexual abuse. It offers support to women who have been sexually abused in any way as an adult and want to talk about it. The support is given by other women who have If you think you can help experienced the same thing co-ordinate and organise The group meets on Thursdays from 6pm - 7.30pm until the end of term. Leeds University Unions Introweek programme over the summer then

If you would like more details pick up an application form at the please phone Chrissy on Porters Information Point from 6th 2441323 or LUU's Womens Officer on 231 4225 or email May and hand in to the Exec Office [email protected] by 12pm on 14th May 1997. LEEDS STUDENT Friday April 2,1997 Fever Pitch: There's no Stoke without fire HAVE been 'Britannia Stadium', for day. There are still people Arsenal'.' To prove the point. writing this the start of next alive who swear that Stoke did the beginning of the bix>k column for a scason*/Christmas*/in actually manage to win concerns them winning the I time for the 1998 Spice something in 1972, defeating league-cup double and while now and I've Girls World Tour* (*: Chelsea in the League Cup finishes with them winning written about many builders please delete final, though the television the league again. Oooh, you where applicable). picture quality is poor and if poor dear, let me soothe your things, some from the you turn the contrast up you fevered brow. heart, some the arse The national media will, no can just about make out a doubt, largely ignore this If you want to experience and others straight bloke in a white coat the pain of supporting a occasion as (i) Manchester examining an alien United do not play there and football club then try one from the Sunday I must confess, that in a which still includes a pre-war Times Magazine. (ii) the last time they did they particularly dark hour I did Third Division (North) Never though was were humbled by a striker lose laith: after yet another championship on their list of now rotting in Chelsea early exit from the FA Cup, it Honours and whose deadly there a subject that reserves and lost 2-1. so it dawned on me that Stoke City rivals are a team most people meant as much as falls on my shoulders to bring were never, ever going to win think are in Wales. this matter to your attention, anything ever again, ever. I They say that you only this. and to tell you a little about was doomed to a life of appreciate the good times if After all these weeks the church of Sir Stan. misery, enviously watching you experience the bad. bin I'd like to think that we Stoke City were founder loyal Man Utd fans from just how bad does it have to know each other a little members of the football Tunbridge Wells celebrate get? league, finishing bottom. championship after One of the greatest better, we' re more Failing to build on this championship. mysteries concerning Stoke's intimate and I'm going auspicious start, they have lack of success is that we have to take a risk. I'm going managed to steer themselves wanted to experience that had some hall-decent players through the next 130 or so winning feeling, however down the years, some of them to open my heart and years without seriously show you what's inside. Ibrief, and 1 too joined the even playing more than a threatening the trophy cabinet. ranks of the gloryhunter: 1 couple of games before they I'm going to tell you They have achieved this began to support Brazil. were sold. Mike Sheron is our what makes me tick, mainly by being crap, though Unfortunately, my sojourn to current hot property. Sir what gets me up in the they are frequently assisted by the Samba men was as ill- Stanley Matthews needs no the combined abilities of the timed as it was foolish introductions, yet it was morning and drives me rest of the world and the because it was January and during the 1970s that the team through the day. I'm forces of nature. there was no fixture scheduled was at its strongest, inspired going to tell you about On the few occasions that for three months so red (antl by the ex-Chelsea star Alan Stoke City. Stoke have looked white) faced, I returned. Hudson. It is famously quoted This Sunday sees the last dangerously close to w inning The trials and tribulations that Hudson was so skillful he ever league game at The anything it was only the quick of being a fixrtball supporter could hit the crossbar from thinking intervention of a are becoming increasingly any distance at will. The fact Victoria Ground, before it referee, bizarre rules, the analysed. Now I've read that such a player should be is pulled down and the German Na/,i Party, a car Fever Pitch and let me tell remembered for missing with team gets a new home in crash, a peanut seller and a big you that he knows nothing. unfailing accuracy just about the evocatively entitled gust of wind that saved the How hard can it be to support says it all.

HAVING virtual!) crippled my sell in the quest to Scarey? maybe prevent the Leeds Student football team suffering a straight run of defeats. 1 have been able to do very little this \\eek except sit down. As a result I thought I'd finally join the 1990s and use the computer for something other than typing this drivel every Tuesday Offensive? never! morning. I fought back all my latent preconceptions and logged onto the Internet (is 'log-on' the correct term for us cyber-web space highway surfers to use.'). Despite apparently random visitations from the THE Spice Girls have been in trouble this week for 'denigrating Albanian recipe page and people try ing to sell me the Maori culture', whilst on a visit to Bali. The girls performed things whenever I couldn't go where 1 wanted, it was the fearsome Maori war dance, the 'haka'. which a couple of actually fairly easv. 1 still don't think it will change the rugby players had taught them, angering Maori officials. Only world but I haven't found the Winona Ryder pages vet. men are supposed to perform the dance and the fun-filled five Oh. and sorry to vvhoever's printer I clogged up with banging out a quick demo was received as "the Maori thumbing 140 pa'jes of some nutter who is convinced the lyrics their noses and making a mockery of Rule Britannia." Officials of the Stone Roses are messages from God. 1 thought /' did say however, that the change in lyrics brought a refreshing stood lor 'pause'. angle to a tired custom and that the All Blacks would be incorporating "Zig-a-/.ag-AAHH" to the bit where they all jump up and down, on their next visit. 10 LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997 POSTER ATTACK A SECURITY guard allegedly threatened a student reactionary Drugs den closed as he attempted to protest against a controversial broadcast, writes Laura Davies. John Kennedy, a representative of the Socialist Worker Party, claims he was sticking up leaflets in the Parkinson Court at Leeds University when he was approached by a security guard, after surprise raid who threatened to physically A POLICE drug squad By NAVEED RAJA remove him from university premises if he failed to produce swooped on a student transactions in passing drugs onto COURSE his union card. house and smashed a ten other people involved." "He was very much on the "I wouldn't put up with the strong dope-smoking police treating me like that." said fringe." PRAISE John, "so I certainly wasn't going ring. Judge Norman Jones QC told to let a security guard push me The convicted residents Israel that she would have been A COURSE run by Park Lane around. jailed if she had been a commercial College aiming to improve the were sentenced to 120 hours supplier and was using her house literacy and numeracy of "I refused to show him my of community service after a card and he followed me to a lift like a shop to sell the drug to the pupils and parents has been where he and his three colleagues judge said he would be acting public. awarded top marks by pinned me in." mercilessly if he sent student educational experts, writes Martin Stubbs and girlfriend Jailed Richard Auty. Safety The ten week Family Rachael Israel to prison. "I accept there was an intimate Literacy Project, a Mark Hemingway of This contrasts with the case group of friends all of whom were university security said the guard collaboration between the of Electronic Engineering already cannabis smokers and all of college and Richmond Hill acted with concern for student whom wished to continue safety and was not violent: "I student Ben Roberts who was Primary School, was evaluated sentenced to six months purchasing cannabis together," he by the National Foundation for don't think any member of staff said. acted improperly." imprisonment for dealing Educational Research. Course The case shows the softer organiser Philippa Lester said The guard involved claimed: cannabis, as reported in last attitude towards 'Class B' drug use "I said I was not preventing him week's Leeds Student. They found the programme to in West Yorkshire , with Chief be an example of one of the from displaying his material, but Constable Keith Helliwell a senior directing him towards places Supply most successful projects they figure in the calls for have researched'. where it is permitted." decriminalisation of cannabis. Student Stubbs, 23, admitted Mother and student Kennedy said the But last week's Roberts case being involved in the supply of the Amanda Laird also declared it confrontation was: "extremely shows the crackdown on drug drug. His solicitor Jeffrey Lewis a success. 'The course was upsetting. I know that I should dealers and suppliers of any type of told the court: "He assisted Miss great. We did all sorts of have got permission to stick up BOTTOM LINE: Pollsters were given a kick in the rear when the drugs, with strict punishments seen Body Shop held their very own survey of opinion - by sticking a Israel when she was not at home by things." the posters, but I didn't expect to as the way to curb narcotics crime. be threatened." rosette on the bum of their favourite leader Pic: Sarah Davis carrying out a number of

I jour essays, dissertations and projects weren't enough, we want you to write some more, i) you hate anything you wish to say about your department (up to 408 words), yniiersity residence Alternative (up to $00 words), or on any part i| lilt in leeds (HP to 1900 words), then scribble it down and hand it in to liane in the IUU Prospectus eiec otlice bi 9th Hay.Entries are subject to editing and if it's good enough we may pay you lor it.

10 LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997 Girl attacked just yards from hall of

Toilet toiling SEVENTEEN stone Aussie Greg Hart lost a bet with his mates that he could appear in the Guiness Book of Records - SEXUAL ASSAULT by sitting on the kha/i for 126 days. Bouncer Greg had to give up four days short of the recorc after developing a painfu abcess on his backside. "I can't believe I got so close and then got a bloody great ulcer on my arse" said gutsy THNEAE sexual assault of BRy LAURA DAVIS UNI FLATS Greg. a female student close own. but this applies equally in Putting pensioner to university many other areas of the city" Export expert wins Euro tri GOLFING golden oldie Pete accommodation has The residents' committee at Tavare, 87, of Palm Springs caused concern for the Clarence Dock flats have Florida, was celebrating after responded to the worries of its scoring a hole-in-one at his local residents. residents by issuing safety local course, the Tampa The victim, who cannot information leaflets including a Country Club. map of the safest route to be named, claims the university. Pete, a member since 1928, assault occurred on the performed his fairway feat 50 They advise students to avoid years to the day after his last ace canal towpath, just yards the area of the attack and also at the course. "They said at the from flats owned by Leeds the area around the Corn time that it was a once in a University at Clarence Exchange. lifetime thing, but I've done it Dock. Alarm twice. Last time, I proposed to The attack took place on a my wife Maisie in celebration. Female students are also route taken daily by encouraged to carry a personal Maybe I'll have to get a hundreds of students on their mistress this time." alarm if they plan to walk home way in to university alone at night. It has also been The victim was walking suggested that all students under Crown Point Bridge, near should avoid the canal towpath the Royal Armouries museum, if they are drunk. at around 11.30pm, when the If students are worried about attack occurred. walking home alone after dark, Details of her attacker have then Amber taxis will accept not been released as police are union cards in lieu of payment still conducting enquiries into for a lift home. Students can the alleged assault. reclaim their cards from exec in return for the taxi fare owed. Serious A spokesperson for Leeds University said staff are: "very, Cash dash DCI Mark Milson, the very concerned about this detective in charge of the incident and for the welfare of EVERY cloud has a silver investigation, said although the the student. She and her close ining, they say, but that was matter is very serious, residents friends have been offered literally the case last month in should not be overly concerned counselling." Malaysia. for their safety. He stressed that A meeting is to be held at Locals were shocked when it students should not let their Clarence Dock flats to discuss started to rain silver five cent anxiety affect their usual residents' fears. All residents coins over the city of Kuala routine. will be invited. The meeting Lumpur. Weather boffins "It is not a particularly will be addressed by police explained that freak weather vulnerable spot during the day officers and Jacinta Costello, conditions had sucked a sack of time, although students walking Women's Officer at LUU. GILES' GENIUS: TASC student Giles Reid picked up a prestigious export award the coins into the atmosphere, home at night should stay with this week and is off to Brussels as part of his prize which fell to the ground when friends and not go home on their the wind changed. Francis Page, a British Embassy official, described th> chaos: "There was a ma fi Ginny the stolen guinea NO TEETHING scramble for the coins, but s> many people flocked to the Fraudsters scene that most of them only got PROBLEMS a few coins each." TOOTH decay could be a thing of the past if boffins at Leeds University get their way. writes Cold Comfort Farm MattGenevi grab grant KENT farmer Robert Cairns The team at the child dental By DAVID SMITH care unit, headed by Professor NEEDY finalist Paul Manner had a rich harvest when he was in for a shock when he tried of term before picking up a uncovered a crook's hoard of Martin Cur/on, have designed a strip of glass thai is attached to to collect his grant cheque - and replacement cheque, and has stolen goods in his tield. found it had alread> been cashed resolved to make sure histon. The cache of loot included teeth, releasing a constant supply of fluorine that helps reduce decay b\ someone else. doesn't repeat itself. "I was there jewellery, cash and credit cards. for up to two years at a time. He was stunned to learn the straight away this term and got Good citizen Robert duly took cheque had been intercepted by a the cheque no problem," he said. his hoard to the police station. It is hoped that the strips could help dental care for children who fraudster and paid into a neurh\ but had some explaining to do at have not been able to take proper hank - under the name Paul • FRAUDSTERS pretending home when his teenage son was care of their teeth, as Professor Harmer. to be students have swindled arrested for burglary. Curzon explained: "We do not "I was shocked," said Paul, a £34 million by making false "If I'd have known it was hope to make toothpaste obsolete, Communications finalist. "You claims for grants, according to him 1 would have left the loot but our tests have shown that these just don't expect things like this a new report where it was. I know you should strips have reduced decay in teeth to happen. It was partly my fault Organised gangs are do your bit for law and order. by up to 76 per cent." because I took a while to go and believed to be using false but if he gets sent to prison then Meanwhile, students were get it." names and identities to apply who will help me with the wanning to the idea of using the The account is thought to for grants at several harvest this year? The wife is TWO \oungsters stole a girl's During her lunch break at new invention in the future, with have been opened in a bank in universities at the same time. getting too old to manage.' pet guinea pig and its wooden Royal Park Primary school she Geography fresher James Barton Dewsbury and police are They pinpoint universities hutch, then returned the animal came across "Ginny". who had admitting: "I don't usually investigating the case. which are keen to fill places in a wire cage filled with straw been moved indoors to an remember to brush my teeth "I'm surprised the cheque got and pose as new students in and a bowl of water. empty classroom. anyway, so at least now I can feel to Leeds but not to the order collect grants from the Compiled by Anna was relieved to have The theft happened last better about it!" university," Paul added. local education authority. Clare Burton Thursday as Anna Haley, 11, her back safe and well. Paul had to wait until the end was getting ready for school. 11 12 LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2nd, 1997

S IT really May If you're doing anything even already? It doesn't remotely taxing on the brain seem that long ago that cells, then, to quote the I Original Oak's new celebrity we were all dusting down regular, a day feels like several our satchels, sharpening months. But two weeks in our pencils, and preparing Tenerife with your best mate? ourselves for another nine Your time's up and you're months of, ahem, hard bidding a tearful farewell to graft. Manuel and Carlos before you It's a funny old thing, time. Apparently, life isn't auite so university. Heaving a heavy s forward to a life without Ricli overdrafts, and an off-licence

K, so you've confined to a mumbled hello to the somehow managed porter at the Brotherton Library to achieve the who's let you in every morning at O 8.30. And for you unfortunate few, impossible. it has to be said that there is no Three years or more at hope. Leeds, and you have a First For the normal No over Class Honours degree, no folk overdraft, no student loans to among us, CCORDING to behind the sofa with your hands over pay back, no rude letters from it is loans, n your eyes. probably today's popular Step Two: Make like a particularly your bank wondering where true that entertainment culture, gruesome tapeworm, and become a you've been for the last four life will fly | A by without aka the soap opera, anyone house parasite. This involves you lying months. No itching memento on the sofa all day, every day, dreaming any mate-related stresses. And again, who's been out of work for up plausible excuses as to why you of the one night stand with most people would agree, apart from over six months haven't been to the job centre yet/done the 'virgin' from Wakefield; being dumped from a great height by automatically becomes the washing up/moved one bloody no collection of empty the love of your life just as you were muscle since you took your graduation thinking of popping the big question, mentally imbalanced and tries robes off. condom wrappers, pint there can be no worse feeling than to drown their neighbour in Step Three: Make sure that you have glasses nicked from the Oak, being dropped by one of your mates. carefully selected your chosen career. However fear not, for if you find the local canal. dodgy blokes' phone yourself in such a situation losing a so- Believe it or not, however, This, unfortunately, may require further intensive television watching. I mean, if numbers; no regrets, no bad called friend can occasionally be a everything you see on TV is not you're planning on a career as a memories, no problems, and, blessing in disguise. necessarily true. Although none of successful Australian soap star, you Take, for example, a friend of min us particularly want to spend the without doubt, no mates. who, for the sake of speedy typing, have to know whether it's going to be It has to be said that if you rest of our lives out of work, a Brett or Darren Stark that you're going we'll call Yvonne. She went to healthy period of non-employment to have that highly publicised affair identify with the above statement to university with a really good friend. is a must for all. with. even a minor degree, then you are a Fran. Fran, with her distinct lack nl It's highly doubtful that anyone will Step Four: Become detested/hen- sad. sad individual, whose only good looks and personality, and her find the switch from student layabout to pecked/kicked out of the house by your interaction with human beings in abundance of red frizzy hair, failed to highflying yuppie an easy one, so a few irate nine-to-five loving the past few years has been make the slightest impression upon the months transitional period of living off housemates/parents/other half. the state should, to be honest, be strictly Following this, you can either develop a compulsory. conscience and head off to the job The procedure goes something like centre, or make friends with those The World's Your Oy this. Step One: Realise that the halcyon blokes with the strange sniffing habits people who r days of your university career are round the back of Morrisons. f • ^HE obvious choice for all you were all cam firmly, conclusively and irreversibly Step Five: Head down to the DHSS. sensible folk out there is to get a job. over, and that you are now in the insane Take a deep breath. Mmm, the smell of the Phd they' -*- In a random survey of bewildered finalists, summer holi< clutches of 'the real world.' Spend, ooh rotting carpet and men still wearing fifty percent of you are planning on getting out 'Iron Maiden on tour '84' T-Shirts. Run Quite a sub at least a month adjusting to this and about in the world of nine to five as soon as whatsoever of shocking scenario, perhaps hiding to the Job Centre. Very quickly. possible. We even managed to find a handful of leaves you wit

12 13 AND UpYerRonson I PRESENT THE SUM R BALL LEEDS METROPOLITAN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION CITY SITE THURSDAY 5TH JUNE WITH DJ-S - JUDGE JULES SONIQUE FROM S-EXPRESS MARSHALL TL'S VERY OWN MATT ALDERN LIVE ON STAGE JULIET ROBERTS IN THE OTHER ROOM SIMON GASGILL PLAYING DISCO DANCING MAYHEM !! TICKETS ON SALE FROM USUAL OUTLETS AVAILABLE FROM TUES. 6TH MAY PRICE £12 Many would say:

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Smart, modern, purpose-built luxury flats for groups of 4-6 students available from 1/7/97. All have the following: 'Central heating *DoubIe glazing *Alarm and excellent general security "Fitted kitchen with washing machine "Fitted bedrooms each with wardrobe, desk & chair, TV point & wash basin *Fully tiled shower room with W.C.(two shower rooms in 5 & 6 bed. flats.) *Welton Road has en-suite shower room in each room Sky T.V. (Royal Park Road) "Parking spaces "Within easy access of pubs/Uni/LMU "Rent prices from £40-£42.50 Available only at: 35 Arndale Centre, Otley Road, l Headingley, Leeds, LS6 2UE ESTATE AGEHTS Tel: 01 13 274 6746 Fax: O1 13 278 0841 ESTATE '#' A6EMTS http://www.interpages.co.uk/markpickering Juice Friday May 2nd 1997 contents

4-5 music It's only rock n'rpll, but when it's this good.

THE SUN"S OUT and all Hurricane interview plus Mansun and The S \ is well. The perfect e> to take a break from all | that hard work and go for .i quick pint and a game of clubs . looty. Just don't take ii as U CUO nn

books I MIXING Morcambe and 'th Vic and Boh. I their recent series showed what the more discerning All the latest news and reviews from I amongst always knew - the literary world Ant and Dec ;ire top pop i sensations and bloody funny to bwt. All together now; "Lets get ready to I rumble..." 9-11 Q Hardest man in Hollywood, Al Pacino is back in Donnie Brasco, as is Wes Craven with new scare-test, Scream YAY! Pie eaters of the | world unite and take over Robbie's, back with a tune i that's pretty damn eood actually. Still, "Old" centre H Before I Die1.1" Not very likely is it. really. given the amount of cholesterol Heavyweight political analysis? Naalj, Pooh fat boy must get through in a day could do better job than the current shower 15-22 H in visio OR WHATEVER the hell it's being called these days by over /ealous See if you can find a decent night ou Guardian journalists. Fatboy Slim and The on a Monday. Or anything half decen Chemical Brothers are a on Channel 5. Hours of fun guaranteed bit g

OKAY, so all the decent sport's gone to Sky. but for pity's sake Juice's weekly rant at British culture spare us hours and hours of basketball. American T© '10 Football and. worst of all. bloody baseball. Leave C'ftlOfl 'quiet, unassuming bloke guarantee that by the end of to hire a suit" Kerr-ching). the Yanks to it and put the can turn into a complete the night they'll be dancing Let's be honest, the only test card on instead entrepreneur who know s a prick once he gets that to some cheesy se\enlics people who actually enjoy naive student punter when stupid dicky bow round his crap with their trousers this sort of thing are (he kind he sees one. If anything's neck and turns his little round their ankles. Also. who'd be the first to go likely to perpetrate an image wings up on his collars how come girls get to spend come the revolution. of cosy middle class Suddenly, twenty stone hour-, getting ready, doing Flashing Daddy's twenty nepotism it's the their hair, choosing a pound notes around like ON A par with the thought of thousands of Wearing a flash tux does not dress and generally- there's no tomorrow and Kennedy cover-up, we t seems that once again pissed up students making themselves look wearing a flash tux does not have it on good authority it is time for us all to rampaging through make you look classy. It makes gorgeous, whilst us make you classy or that "Back For Good" get very excited about some posh hotel, blokes ha\e to make do sophisticated. It makes you was actually written by I with looking exactly like an idiot. So you'll get no the prospect of finishing shagging in the lifts and the Bee Gees in return for our exams and the sun puking into their pint you look like an idiot. every other misguided sympathy from me when it's Take That covering "How coining out and all that glasses. Having had the fool who pulled on a only half ten and you've Deep is Your Lo> gubbins. Why. though, docs misfortune to work behind rugby playing brutes become dinner jacket believing it'd thrown up on your best togs, How bad is that'.' Explains that mean that everyone the bar at such prestigious connosieurs of champagne make them look like James lost all your mates and find Fwhy Gary Barlow's solo suddenly feels the need to e\enis as the annual and brandy ("Dahling. you Bond when the truth is yourself face down in a stuff's so shit. mind. get dressed up like a prat can't possibly be actually somewhere closer to field. Still, sec you at the mountain climbers dinner Graduation Bali eh? Think about it. and sling forty quid into the dance (or something) I can considering the Peter Stringfellow ("And By Owen Gibson^/ ^sweaty hands ot some safely say that even the most Moet"), yet you can that'll be another thirty quid 15 Juice Friday May 2nd 1997

"NOW WE KNOW where we're going particularly during the opening number (the self baby/ We can lay back and enjoy the nde" penned anthem"! Want You lo Know"), lhat any day This line from The Seahorse's barn-storming new now he mighl go lo bed a busker who's landed on single, "Love is the Law", could easily be a his feel and wake up a fully fledged star. message from John Squire to his new partners in Despite ihe hysleria gripping ihe crowd, taking a crime. For the first time in years, he looks like few steps back il's clear lhat The Seahorses aren't he's enjoying his music again; when was the last quite there yet. Yes, the boy Squire is as good as time that you saw him break into a smile, let ever and remains the only guilarisl we have capable alone greet the entire front row with warm of actually playing his instrument rather than handshakes. Free of the politics and cock-ups bashing out simple chord sequences . Yes, some of that surrounded The Stone Roses as the best the songs are absolutely fantastic with John Squire band of their generation spluttered to an cutting loose with spiralling shards of melody; ungainly halt, Squire has resisted the "Love Me and Leave Me" suggests lhal Noel isn'l tempiation to descend into prog-rock, guitar Ihe only Gallagher with talent, whilst an extended wank hell and has instead gone back to simply "Love is ihe Law" provides a sel closer as life writing bloody good pop songs. affirming and inspirational as "I am the Obviously, all eyes are on the man himself as Ressureclion" (and Ihere's no higher complement Single of the Week he takes to The Leadmill's tiny stage lo a than that, surely). receplion that is quite unbelievable for a band But, and here's ihe rub, you can't ignore the fact who put out their debut single only the day thai ihis is a man who gave us records as diverse and SILVER SUN - Golden Skin before. However ihis obsession wilh ihe brillianl as "Fools Gold", "Love Spreads" and (Polydor) band's lead guilarist creates as many problems "Begging You" and for him lo relurn lo bashing out as solutions. The 'other three' can't help four minute Beatlesey, Byrdsey pop songs, even if For the first time in years and years the looking like they belong in the audience they're bloody good four minute pop songs, smacks new wave of indie bands pushed on us rather than up on slage and you of a bil of a cop out, really. You can't help feeling as "the next big thing" are actually only have lo look at Oasis thai Squire needs lalenLs and personalities as strong producing some superb records. and, cough, The Roses to as his own off which lo bounce his undeniable Obviously you have to sift through the see that arrogance and brilliance and, unlil Ihe other 'Horses come into crap, but for every David Devant and his belief is nine tenths their own, we won'l see ihe best of them. Still, the Spirit Wife there's a Supernaturals or a of the law when it die hard Roses enthusiasts in the delirious crowd Silver Sun. Harmonic vocals, stylish comes to creating a didn't seem to be complaining and, lets face it, The lyrics, and a chorus that can only make truly great band. Seahorses are a very good band. It'd just be a shame your summer even brighter. Despite lead singer if they never became a great Guitars! Tunes! Three of the Chris Helme's band, thal's all. PROPELLERHEADS - Spybreak! impression of a (Wall of Sound) best nearly new bands in startled rabbit, there I are signs, The follow-up to the single of the year Britain, fronted by two past so far ('Take California") simply changes the bassline from der-dah-doh- masters and one loony, turned der-dah-der to der-dah-dah-doh and manages to be almost, but not quite, as up in Yorkshire last week. good. Like a lot of Wall of Sound stuff, it belongs in a film about a night of OWEN GIBSON, ANDY ( bouncing around and talking bollocks. ^ROBERTS ancfrBEN EAST \ Beats Orbital's anaemic version of "The Saint" into a cocked Kangol hat. ' discuss the relative merits \ THE BLUNTED BOY WONDER- LOf THE SEAHORSES, \ Crossroads (Mute) ^HURRICANE and MANSUN The Blunted Boy Wonder comes, unsurprisingly, from across the pond. Wonderful sense of irony and modesty, Wlansun "Take It Easy Chicken" ., these Americans. The single, more are al I reeled oft as i f thei r V surprisingly, is not a series of soporific Live at LMliSli lives depended on it. \ instrumental hip-hop meandering, but an Frankly, they rock, even \ interesting little fusion of disco and tnsun are a strange bunch though sometimes they do \ Detroit-style techno that will cause •eally. They're not pop. not stray far too close to Kerrang- ^ much chin-stroking in all the correct C•eally rock and certainly not ish Faith No More-isms for \ circles. goth as some seem to think. So what are comfort. Horrible drum solos. ] the\'.' Judging by the reception they got nast\ shouting. Bc;i\ is v IDHA - Sorry Sorry (Creation) at their packed gig here, they're pretty 'n'Bullhead chugging guitar y damn fine, actually. crimes...you know what I mean. Idha's husband, a certain Mr. Andy Bell, But there mix something missing. If Maybe I'm being a little too will hopefully be pleased with the you've heard the masterpiece that is harsh. Maybe Mansun are loo big for this extensive praise being heaped on his Attack oft/tt' Gn'y Lantern you'll know kind of sweaty gig now. It's just thai new band elsewhere on these pages. that integral to its brilliance are the we've come to expecl so much of them Let's hope he doesn't proudly show the sweeping string arrangements in nearly since their first awesome, explosive gig missus, however, because she might every single song. I know it sounds at Brighton Beach back in '95. read the review of this pointless piece of wimpy, but Mansun really missed them. Since then, ihey've dumped ihe strumming. Sounds like a bad busker I wasn't expecting Oasis-style orchestras bealbox (shame), produced consislenlly whose swallowed too much helium. on the balcony, but the Manics at least great singles and a stunning debut album. Proof that, despite discovering Oasis, managed some keyboards when they They think they sound likeTJURAN Teenage Fanclub and The Super Furry were last in Leeds. Without them, DURAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE. Perhaps Animals, Alan McOee is still capable of Mansun were a little too one paced, and. not being able lo define whai Mansun do foisting his pointless indie whims upon well, normal. is part of their obvious charm. But you us. Which is certainly what they're not sense they need to sort it out for on the songs that they did before themselves before they can be true Singled out by Chris somebody showed Paul Draper a violin. worldbeaters. Mooney JJ "Stripper Vicar". "Egg Shaped Fred" and A good git:...I think. ICOCKPIT Swinegaie, Leeds. For more info 0113 - 244 3446 the garage Every Saturday 16 music 1 5 new bands in Britain

them in the slightest. .Are on the spot, But seen the Brighton Beach set last although we dig all the old sixties Hurricane going to he better'.' hink Oasis without our what the hell is it like' 1 week you'll already know. They and seventies stuff- this band's problem... "Oh tuckine yeah " According to kid going off on one, being gnxmied as ooze confidence and know that not based on that, it's based on ^^ 'The thing was. Alex. think The Charlatans at the eighties and nineties...well. 1 Alan McGee's next anything we could do was "I think we'll be better, but it's T they've recorded one of THE superstar'.' . their groove-laden finest—The guess it's based on all the bands nothing to match Black Grape areat beina compared to a band albums of '97. "Oh it is good when it comes Roses with a bloke who could "It'll be the best debut album from the eighties and nineties that y'know. Our engineer had like that."Otters Will. were into the sixties." He laughs, from him. it's like tuck, you can worked with them and every lime "I'm a big fan of John Squire. sing...and even then you're not you'll ever hear", according to do anything...you feel like going to be heaping enough drummer Gareth, who w as the realising how mad that sounds. we thought we were ux'k n' roll, 1 think he's great. I think he Hurricane arc fronted by a somebody!" praise on Creation's coolest first to hcx>k up with Andy alter he'd go. 'well actually Black writes some really good songs so virtually unknown ex boxer. Alex So armed with the big man's Grape...' (Anilv .VM/I.V and adopts I'm looking forward to hearing band since, ooh... Oasis, the his painful post-Ride period, blessing off they went into the getting him into The Prodigy and Lowe. Plucked from the wilds of hi.\ hcsl \\iiiny iokl-\ini-M> them." says Andy quite stunning Hurricane. Scotland by his girlfriend sending countryside to come up with 97's voice)...'Black Grape were so genuinely. It was just a v CM 'ago that The Chemical Brothers and antidote to the cixl-mystic playing around with drum loops a tape off to Creation Records in much more mad than this' and it However, the smart money's Ride's fourth and final Taninliild "Doing the album was 'Black (irape this got to he on the underdog here. LP was released to almost we got the Hurricane and Black Grape that.". Hurricane's debut single "Step universal indifference ' sound together- we "My room even Into My World" is a before its release, the twin e had bullet holes in the breathtaking!) anlhemic song that of Mark Gardener ami Andy Hell hadn't played any gigs before that so "It'll be the best debut ceiling" savs bassist Will kicks Squire's mob into touch, had already split the band in Pepper, "and it was like. making "Love Is The Law" acrimony Andy was at a loss. we went to do the album and it was 'thai was when Black sound positively dull. Hurricane unsure of what to do after the through doing that album you'll ever hear" I Grape'..." are making sure that this is going implosion of the hand that had "...When Kermit's to be a long term battle. been his lite since his teens... we leally got our thing together" says crack dealer came round "We're going to keep putting Last forward to a wind) Gareth, Hurricane Andy. With the and he shot him...!" singles out ..its like what Noel Thursday night in dance influence. Jlaughs And\. as the said about The Jam alw ay s I .eeds...huddled around a hoo/e 'and collapse with the putting a single out ever) three Hurricane aren't bobbins of Joe Wicks' laden table in the Duchess sits a going to he dismissed as more reply to an ad that read simply, giggles. "...No. we worked really months. totally reju\enated Andy Bell 'Alan McCiee seeks superstar!'. headfuckers Kula Shaker. Surely hard, well kind of! We got a lot of "I think that's the wisest thing retro rehashers. it was all rock and roll and Stone with ilis new hand, untroubled by This is something that Alex plays songs done anyway'" anyone's ever said. We're going "We're gonna take, an old Roscs-esque madness.' the tact that they've had a sound and make it happening in a down a bit. So to The Seahorses to keep putting out singles all distinctly lukewarm reception "Andy just advertised tor a "We were there for three- question...along with ./»/The Verve.The 4.3()am...check, hut: Aha. a This is completely true ol course. Charlatans and The Beasiie Boys, all the other candidates, hired him but they're not worried about if you were lucky enough to ha\e 17 clubs

moveonup is definitely not movin' on out. One year on JOSEPH DOWNIE spoke to one of the founding DJs of the Northern Soul scene

hat do you say to I venture to pin this feeling down a andb) 101 per cent of the people 1 on a Saturday night, I prefer to go out accusation that some DJs, including bit by asking what kind of people are know are not heroin addicts. Wigan and dance to Northern Soul. It's a modern house DJs play more for a DJ who has into Northern Soul. Dave replied, "the has always been dragged down by this. massive, massive scene." themselves than for the crowd. "Yeah, been playing in real punters come from all walks of It happened like it happens anywhere I can see that, and the ultimate W else, and it happens far more now than s a DJ myself, I'm interested to Northern Soul record has to be rare but clubs since the tail- end of life, from people who work in banks, to brick-layers. People from all over it ever did then. It's just one of those Ahear where Dave stands on the danceable. That's the point - it has to the 1960s, DJ'd at one of the country mix and come together." things." 'Vinyl versus CD' debate. Considering be appreciated. I've got hundreds of the most legendary clubs in Is there, then, any similarities The reason that Dave is in Leeds, he sells rare CDs (and some vinyl) it's rare records, and it would be unfair to history (The Wigan between the original Northern scene apart from to sell some CD's during not surprising to hear him say that "at say they're crap, but they're not really and trends in dance music culture the day for his specialist 'Goldmine' the end of the day, if you play me a appreciated. But if you find a record Casino), and today remains today? One of the main similarities, record label, is to DJ at moveonup, tune and I hear it through a speaker I that is instant and rare then that's the one of the biggest names on according to Dave, is which has now been pulling in the personally couldn't care less." But ultimate accolade to any DJ." the Northern Soul scene? the travelling. Just as what about the thrill of And with that this living legend is That was the task that I faced early '90s rave culture There was a programme on heroin unearthing a priceless whisked away to the DJ booth to play was all about meeting piece of vinyl? "I can a stunning set that is'indeed both when I went down to moveonup up and driving to the addicts and the first thing they understand the DJs and instant and rare, and the crowd love it. at the Underground to rave in a mates the punters who want to He also revives a tradition that until interview Dave Evison, the self knackered Escort, so showed was the Wigan Casino have that rare record; tonight was only heard in clubs like confessed "oldest swinger in the Northern scene is that's great. But there Uropa; talking over the records. For "all about travelling for are those who buy rare the older people in the crowd it clearly town". Fortunately he does the music." punters for over a year with its blend records and they haven't even got a brings back some great memories, but most of the talking. Another inevitable but lazy of Motown, Northern and sixties bloody record player. They want to they are in the minority. The majority We begin by talking about what comparison is of the drug cultures sounds. I ask if clubs like these are collect them like stamps and frame are under 25, their enthusiasm as Northern Soul is. Dave has associated with music scenes. 'There evidence of a resurgence in the them on the wall. I'd like to think infectious, as Dave's, with looks of obviously been asked this question was a programme on last night" says Northern scene. "It's been up and people collect them because of how intrigued happiness on their faces and many times before, saying "that's Dave, "which upset me deeply. It was down like a yo-yo but it's never, ever they sound, not because of what they a packed dance floor that speaks for the $64,000 dollar question, and about heroin addicts and the first thing died, and nor will it. I dare say I'll still are." itself. All this lends credence to his when I'm asked it I always reply they showed was the Wigan Casino - be going at least once a year when I'm One of the promoters comes in and final words before he leaves; "It's what the hell that's got to do with it, I 70. I've never known any other social asks us if we've nearly finished, and great music and you can't knock great 'Have you got all week?'. It's very don't know. I can assure you here and life, but each to their own. I'm not one so, thinking ahead about the set he's music. It will be around forever." difficult to describe because it is a now that a) I'm not a heroin addict. for a pint and a punch down Tiffany's got lined up, I put to Dave the feeling more than anything else."

And so the night itself. We sent JAMES MCCARTHY, our man in the purple suit, off to handclap and backflip with the best of them he music may be you know who you are). Springfield, as well as the inevitable Northern Soul music currently tunes. John talks of the flagging post- Northern Soul, but Frankly, it isn't quite the return northern classics (eg. Al Wilson's occupies - somewhere at the Britpop indie scene, citing It's to the heady handclappin' The Snake) plus Driscoll and other crossroads between the indie/mod Ohvioiis as the club that should Tsomehow this isn't '60s blue-eyed soul/ garage gems. and 'credible' dance scenes - which inspire us with its fresh approach to really a "Northern Soul" backflippin' all-nighters of the DJ's Ed and John still manage to slip is responsible for MoU's the whole clubbing experience. night; moveonup at the '70s we might have hoped for in the odd funky instrumental (eg. success.helping to draw a diverse and Movet>nit/> is never going to enter (it's not so much "out on the that one by the Commodores) to keep open-minded crowd. club legend.but at times the cool, Underground in Cookridge floor tonite" as "out of the door us all guessing. friendlv atmosphere approaches that Street continues to defy our tonight by 2am. thanks very All this tends to attract a crowd s for the dreaded e-word of an intimate London jazz who aren't afraid to tart themselves A(eclecticism).of course keeping cafe.which surely can't he bad.It expectations. much" as it happens). up nicely and tart about nicely on the This is no mod costume- things fresh and varied is a you're into dance music.you'll But don't let all this put you off. dancefloor. thank goodness. Not so priority.but John. Ed and their guests probably love it. Indie kids should he drama (Middlemarch in On the contrary, cultivating a soul much footstompin' as perhaps... know they're onto a winner with the dragged there by their sideburns and monochrome: Brighton Beach spi'ctrum which sir. sashayin', this is a sweet revival ver appeal and timelessn ! to attend. Good attitude back-room canines in A-li e Wonder. indeed. sd talcum MRICSEXUAIJTY A BEGINNER'S GUIDE HOARD CRAZE HEADWAY [5.99

know what you're thinking. Tantric sex is a CULTURE CLASH! Iseries of meditations and chants involving spine- The divide between the sciences and the arts has always been great but what Uvistinglv difficult positions with scary names that go on happens when the two are pushed together? English student CHARLOTTE for hours and hours. The only things I knew HEATHCOTE and scientist BARRY McKERNAN take a look at science classic Chaos about it were that it was foreign, and that Sting thinks it's great. This book did go The ARTS View some way to altering my view, The SCIENCE Vielew but that is very different from actually making me want to "ITanies Gleick's Chaos I announces itself as "an haos is the try it. science of Although the majority of qj exceedingly readable the book attempts to make ilii' introduction to a new fantastically complecx patterns in the semi-religious practice more intellectual world"- surely accessible, there are still then ideal for one such as apparently trivial and aspects of it that are worrying. me (who successfully failed mundane. You don't The chapter on 'The Male every science GCSE she need big, multi-million Orgasm' is by far the most tookV? dollar atom smashers to intimidating thing I have read look for chaos. Its in a long time and I finished it I promise I went into it with all hope and optimism but alas patterns can be found in with something approaching your cup of tea, your an inferiority complex. 'The and alack, to absolutely no avail Art of a Thousand Thrusts' whatsoever. This book is as heartbeat, the neural and the Testicle Dance' seem dull as... well, science, really. patterns in your brain and both unattainable and It's got some of" those fractal even in the ups and downs superhuman. How long does a pictures in the middle though, of the stock market. 'housand thrusts take it" you go for that sort of thing. In this book. Gleick anyway? I doubt anyone As far as I can make out. documents the recent origins of knows. this is a kind of postmodern chaos. Reductionist!! dominates science, celebrating the modern science but chaos is its random and enthusiastically antithesis. Within chaos, may lie abandoning the logical. What the seeds of the future of science. a cop out. It's all to do with It's obvious the scientists that hit that cheeky old Butterfly upon chaos have come across Effect - you know, the old something big. something thai chestnut about Peking unifies many aspects ol our picture butterflies causing New nature. In Chaos the discoverers ot York avalanches. Of course. this field are depicted in all their And physicists reckon wackiness. people like Mitchell they "ve sussed out all the Feigenbaum who started his day difficult stuff so now it's when ihc sun wen! down and who Hack l\i Basics and er - poncd to get his v itamin intake from id' he chain iecules. single F smoked. The d neurons and... clouds. are described in exciting and \ Tempting bedtime human detail. Some of ilie reading.' I think not. photographic plales in lliis boo- Doii't be tooled- this Despite those chapters that glorious fractal images, intricate in a is a TEXT BOOK. And one hat brings to mind the profound stretch a little further into the to be avoided at all costs. •ealms of 'Kundalini Energy' detail in old Celtic illuminated bibles I've still no idea what it is) :han is comfortable, several good points are made. The most fascinating thing for me r * ike St'iilMiiiin has was right at the end of the I called this book book where we are told that J. "invaluable" and the average time for sex in the CAR ID "a no-holds-harred Writing History bible". Basically it's a western world is two minutes. LOUIS If SCROOGE guide to used car That's Two. Minutes. This DUBBLE-DE goes a long nyone who can espite internal purchase, to make sure way to write of blues (problems. China is you don't end up with a explain the -singer Robert fast becoming a vv heelharrow or a double-decker bus. There's a whole THE DUSTBIN 9E HISTORY A: ORAGONSTRIKE THE MILLENNIUM WAR author's Johnson that 'he is a major player on the worldi's section on Dipsticks. Perhaps the most useful part is a page of set questions to ask the seller over the phone. reason for sociological exemplar of HUMPHREY HAHKSLEY 8 SIMON HOLBERTON financial stage, but its writin GREIL MARCUS communist government and I in example "What do you pull with it'.'" and more s PICADOR £6.99 an ethnographic cultural SIDGWICK AND JACKSON [16.99 such a incident that makes appaling human rights irrelevant queries concerning mileage and a lull service book. He is complete sense within the record ensure that it is not a history. To be fair this could be helpful if it wasn't simply hounds of American sociocultural ethnography' deserv cs popular one. Drti\>oiislrike uses this contemporary situation crowded by acronyms that require looking at a separate promoting and. looking ahead to the year 2(X)1. lends it one further list. "('heck the CNT for damaged flaps"is one possible some credit. Marcus actually pulls it off: this book case. There are a few g(xxJ cartcxms to liven up the the idea of investigates and analyses those people and events that aspect- a nationalistic and near fanatical Chinese president. The possible result, we are told, is the active pursual of an action, but it requires almost as much patience to read sex as have shaped our history and made the world what it is as check the car itself. It has been produced with gixxl something today. It is in this context that he looks to Johnson among ambitious expansion policy, and the authors have outlined all the possible consequences of tins from start to finish. intentions, but it may just end up crammed into the more than others to sec the sources of the world we live in. Marcus, glove compartment without ever being seriously used. the 'Let's with this collection of articles, retrieves these people and Hawksley and Holherton are two of the most respected do it events from the eponymous Dustbin of History to show Asian correspondents that the British press have to offer, and in addition no expense has been spared in using As a sign of our generosity, the first 10 people quickly and vvho we are. who we could he and who we will be. to ring Leeds Student on 231 4251 get a free fall asleep' The subject matter may sound dense and experts in every field to make the details as realistic as stereotype. uninteresting, especially with the above snippet; far from possible. However good journalists do not necessarily copy As a source it. Marcus takes the reader on an enlightening tour make good novelists, a fact that this hook proves very well. of ideas through modern culture displaying wit and learning The chillingly possible plot is hampered by over-technical (yes, throughout. This book is more than descriptions and unnecessary detail. including just the sum of the articles. It is a Battles become boring, political lots of amusing positions) coherent and intense analysis of the intrigues tedious. Dnixonstrike reads there is no disputing that the twentieth century. He says of a like a series of l-inancuil Times articles; DRAGON book is useful, however the certain work of art: 'by the act of informative and meticulously STRIKE underlying themes of spiritual watching you set the component parts researched, but rather dull. Proof that all and universal enlightenment in motion". This he proves true of the most imaginative journalists work may serve to put many reader history. It is equally true of his book. for the Sunday Sport. off.' Nick Robinso William Paton Nick Robinson 19 20 PRESS GANG How to join the best student newspaper in Britain Times. Sunday Times and Reuters graphic design, marketing and news agency. Nicholas Witchell sales, media, photography, politics It's never too late to join David Smith of the BBC and Paul Dacre, editor and public relations. If you want Britain's best student Editor of the Daily Mail, were both to contribute to Britain's biggest STUDENT Vacancies newspaper. Sign up now editors of this paper. weekly student newspaper m any But don't think you have to way, there will be a place for you. hold any qualifications before you Apart from the editor and Careers Editor Clubs reviewer I Consumer Editor can get involved. 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News reporter break from study and meet Gathering, investigating Promoting Leeds Student Writing regular reviews Enthusiasm So, why not give Leeds and writing up-to-date locally and nationally. of programmes and some new people, I hope If you're reading this then Student a try: it's good to get your stories. Ideal start for a Ideal for PR students contributing ideas for you'll come and join the you're eligible to join us - all you name in print and know your career in journalism. but experience not vital ' interviews and features Leeds Student team. need is a bit of commitment and work is being seen by 40,000 Leeds Student, recently named enthusiasm and before long you'll people, and there's no better way winner of the national student be centrally involved. of gaining work experience while Meeting times Arts Fridays, 4pm News Fridays, 2pm newspaper of the year award , is And don't think you have to having a laugh. To find out more Books Mondays, 2pm Outlook Wednesdays, 3pm| an established training ground for enjoy only writing if you want to you can call me at any time on (in the Leeds Student \ Clubs Mondays, 6pm Pictures Mondays, 2pm the professional journalists of take part. Writers of all kinds are (0113) 243 4727 or come along to office atlMUSU City Site) Features Thursdays 3pm PR Thursdays, 1pm tomorrow - scores of our staff crucial, obviously, but there's an one of our offices in the students' or tel: 243 4727 Music Mondays, 5pm Sport Wednesdays, Ipml have gone on to hold senior posts equal need for people interested in unions at LMU or Leeds at the BBC, Financial Times, cartoons, communications, University. I hope to see you Guardian. Independent. Sun. computers, factual research, soon. Leeds Student, winner of this year's Guardian/ NUS Student Newspaper of the Year award, is available free every Friday

Up to on production N.U.S. Card (cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer). H H Bore Wars

on't get me wrong. I love not tell you is the sell- my boyfriend and cinema referential, almost paradocial harbour deep respect for manner in which ("raven D SCREAM constructs the nu>\ te. and 11 is my boss, but when a prerequisite of keeping my DIR: WES CRAVEN this intelligence that makes the film so shit boyfriend and my job involves STARS: COURTNEY COX And 11 is sliu scars, right watching all three of the Star from the opening sequence Wars re-released Special Edition which cranks up the tension to with all the new bits added in' like horror films, I finale when the killer is Trilogy, things can get a bit out always have done. When re\ealed. In between is the of hand. I love the cinema, I love you are young they are roilercoaster ride of the chase movies, and yet suddenly the I by the sociopath ic killer of the a forbidden fruit, all the place of escapism, fantasy, and \ irginal heroine. (Neve more exciting to watch due Campbell from 1'uny o/Tnr). at times intellectual stimulation to their illicit nature. As a heroine who doesn't watch has been turned into the all time you get older though, horror movies. Like torture chamber. You're right of course. I'm a freak they're not quite as good. Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween (who is constantly for not heralding Star Wars the They all have the same referred to), she is intelligent greatest film ever, making a shrine to plots, you know it's fake and street wise, but she has an Luke Skywalker, and attempting to blood, and you know most ad\ antage over her become a Jedi Knight, but what you predecessor in that she knows Star Wars freaks seem to of the peripheral characters misunderstand is that Star Wars is a are going to die pretty soon. the rules of the horror genre, and breaks them at every joke. It was never intended to be taken In short they are opportunity. A scream queen seriously. The leader of the Empire is predictable, and only good she is not. a heavy breather who wears black for taking the piss out of. With a largely unknown leather, Princess Leia has been freshly cast Craven is able to make released from the Hot Dutch channel, Wes Craven knows this, after and Luke Skywalker is simply a rent all he has made some of the the story the dominant feature, and he revels in his freedom. boy. Star Wars is a parody of porn. most celebrated horror films of With constant to both his and all time. Recently he made Wes others' past films, he mixes in Craven's New Nightmare, the humour with the horror, but it only decent sequel to his is always nervous laughter seminal teenage slasher, and his that the audience emits, the new film is just as intelligent as tension is so great. Every this was. He knows that the time laugh is shortened by the of the madman stalking the situation, and the audience is teenagers is over now, that always waiting for the next phone call or glimpse of the something else is needed. That killer. something is a realisation that The performances are all horror films are just films, and adequate, with Drew that they are not real life. Once Barrymore's quick cameo a this is realised you can do memorable one and Courtney exactly what you want, because Cox's reporter suitable bitchy, the audience realises that it is bul it is Campbell's impression of Linda just a film as well, and will then Hamilton's Terminator allow themselves to he performances that the film manipulated in any way you rightly focuses on. For once it want to. is the w onier who lead the On paper, Scream sounds like the fight for survi\al, with the stereotypical slasher from hell (that men nowhere to be found piss out of himself as much as throws you from your seat when it And as for all those weird little is not a compliment). A masked (they've all lelt to see principal anyone else. It's a post-modern does, i:\pect a whole cinema of creatures - are they supposed to be murderer is killing the teenagers in Henry 'The Fon/' Wmkler hanging horror film, and needs audience to people hiding behind popcorn cute, endearing, funny? I am not a small urnn in atrocious ways, from a goalpost). have some knowledge of the genre, buckets. entranced by R2-D2.Those little with the finale set in an old house in A subversion then of all that has hut it succeeds because it doesn't Ben Cook beepv noises the darling makes the country. What this outline does none before, with Craven taking the take itself too seriously, and thus become just a little weency bit tedious 30 seconds into the film, and as for C- 3PO. why oh why did they put him back together in Empire. As for Yoda. video Well it's all very clever how the teacher in Karate Kid looks like him, but was Cieorge Lucas on some kind of drug? Who gives the Jedi Master a name that sounds like a slow THE PAST : KEVIN COSTNER TIN CUP breathing form of exercise, and makes him 3ft tall. Was it perhaps a vote for DeLauiihre resurrects the whole case in indistinguishable from each other . the vertically challenged among us? and very tedious. To its credit the So not only am I supposed to enjoy cinema 1990. ii/i Cup follows a well 1 )oing anything possible to find worn formula-bloke film avoids the predictable ending these lunatic films, but actually be c\ idcnce and hunt dow n w nnesses who . wants woman , woman is that it seems to be heading for, but excited about them. Well, it is just GHOSTS FROM THE PAST by that stage you're not that are still alive he puts his tumiK in danger already attached, bloke thrilling that Darth Vader is Luke's and that creates a gripping and realistic bothered anyway. Watch out for Dad, and Leia is his sister. It takes performs unlikely feat in order Kevin's next film set amidst the three films to work out this little STARS: WHOOPI GOLDBERG atmosphere. to win woman. electric atmosphere of a dominoes A film about racism and people family group. How come Mike Leigh Unfortunately this film tournament. manages to reveal his family o not expect a 'Whoopi- fighting for equality, unusual in its uses the world of golf as a backdrop Lucy Guy moving scenes and excellent acting. You structures in one then'.' (.oldberg-Action-Film'. If , and therein lies its main problem. I was forced (no pun intended) to feel that it is a true story throughout the Think of a film centred around sport you have had enough of film and that is because the director. Rob sit through all three, and had to listen those by now and if you liked The and you think action . excitement to an incessant stream of "this bit's Reiner, did this movie based on personal and tension. Think golf and sadly Colour Purple you can be sure this inters lew s w iili My rlie Evers who w ent new. this bit isn't". Thanks, you Star you don't. Watching men discuss Hw/.v freaks. I'm now fully qualified is a film for you. through a lot ol pain again with her which club to use isn't the stuff of whole family to make this mo\ ic to write my third year dissertation on Based on a true story the classic movies . particularly if you the pros and cons of the new bits in transformation to screen \\orks very possible. don't know a two iron from a steam the trilosy. May the force be with you well. It shims how Myrlie l-Acrs, All in all a really authentic, very iron. The relationship between all. Medgars \\ife lights fur justice twenty powerful and well directed film with the Kevin Costner and Rene Russo five years alter the incident took possibility to see Wluxipi Goldberg and provides some relief. but the endless place.There had been two mistrials in Alec Baldwin in different roles. . Anon (for obvious reasons), 1 shots of... erm... golf become 1 JM with disappearing evidence and Joerg Harder 21 lying witnesses before the lawyer Bobby 10 Juice Friday May 2 1997

Wli;it's «|oiiii| up iinil down in the juice hot films hit |»ara«le?

DONNIE .BRASCO Mafia thriller Corleone, Carlito or Montana, PHIL STEEL reminds us with Al » Pacino ' Depp co-stars in why Mike Newell could envisage no one else but Al this true story about a mafia I henchman, who trusts the one ' pei-son. who is most of a threat. Pacino as the mean mafia henchman, 'Lefty' Ruggerio,

RETURN OF THE JEDI in his new gangster movie, Donnie Brasco The last of the Star Wars Trilogy. More s|xvial impress, who the audience violent, tragic... someone family empire, who chooses to effects, in this re- OU'RE a surrender his humanity in show ing of an all speculative can fear or warm to. who won't be as obvious as time LTcat. exchange for power. But Pacino director Someone who can be Robert De Niro, someone admirably never plays the same working on a smart, lovable, who'll fit perfectly into the role twice, so in The Godfather THE SAINT period mafia- scary, surrounding plot but Part II, he was older, wiser and a loi further down the road to ) Val Kilmer, based thriller and you whose performance is action film. Y damnation. By the third W The television need a lead. You guaranteed to shimmer installment. Corleone was a tired, r programme is need someone to with charisma. Someone empty, old man. In many ways this adapted to this feature] length film. Val Kilmer fill the role of who's.... well, Al Pacino. was a thousand miles from his co stars with Elisabeth a mob (anti) Of course things wouldn't portrayal of the young Michael, Shoe. yet all performances were I hero. work like that anymore: Pacino has got clout enough to beguiling. Someone to PEOPLE VS influence who'll direct a film That's really how his Mafioso LARRY FLYNT roles work: they're vastly Controversial he's involved with. But that's different, but are part of an area true story. not the point. What's important into which Pacino fits perfectly, Woodj is that he's the perfect, the Harrelson like Jeff Goldblum and scientific takes on a role as a archetypal (though not yet boffins. Unlike Goldblum though. | pornographic promoter. typecast) immigrant-American Pacino isn't afraid to try his hand hood. He can be great in other at other roles, however dodgy they roles (as Heat proved), but he's might be. So after the first two GHOSTS FROM perfect in the Mafia-criminal Godfather films, and a stunning THE PAST role, which is one of the performance as an unhinged Racism in bisexual bank robber in Sidney reasons why Dannie Mississipi. Lumet's 1975 Dog Day Afternoon, Whoppi Goldberg stars as the Ik, Brasco is a must- determined wife, fighlinsj lor Pacino starred as a lawyer in a justice alter the racist killing of see. bizarre satirical comedy, an , her husband. There doesn't undercover cop in a bizarre (and really seem to be a unpleasant) thriller, and a simple explanation playwright cum foster-dad in a SCREAM why Alfredo Pacino bizarre romantic comedy. None of Goose should fit such a the roles were particularly pimpling role. Only that after memorable. Horror. one leading role as An all .star cast, team up Then in 1983, Pacino starred as to createa gruesome a small-time crook deranged drug-baron Tony horror, that will have you clinging in Tin' Panic in Montana in Brian De Palma's I to your seats. MUM Needle Park, he Scarface. and behold, Al was back somehow ended up in his (second) performance of a stealing the show in lifetime. Montana is a Cuban Francis Ford EMPIRE STRIKES BACK gangster, determined to get what The second in the i Coppola's he wants and prepared to 'do' groundbreaking O Star wars Trilogy. j_( anyone to get it. In there, alongside ^ Hans Solo. Luke The Godfather no shortage of drugs, blood or ^ Skywalker and the rest | (1972). installed by violence, was a role which continue to defend the a leap of directorial Empire, through the powers of cemented Pacino's place in the 1 the toree. faith only exceeded film world's premier league. by someone's Amazingly, he managed to casting of a follow up his triumph with a part carpenter as a LIAR LIAR in one of the worst films ever | Jim Carey film. space-hero called made, Revolution, as a Scottish | Jim Carey plays Han Solo some immigrant who seemed to have [ himself, the face five years later. been brought up in New York. His pulling comedian in yet Pucino was another slapstick comedy. son was played by one Sid "Ricky enthralling as from EastEnders" Owen. Enough Michael Corleone, said. heir to a violent

TWIN TOWN Feel good movie. young friends RI;AI have a laugh on II . a journo through life. John Cazale, in Israel second nomination for LI vS^jiyj On March 25the, Horovitz' The Indian Wants 3) u Pacino's role as a Serpico. Alfredo Pacino is born. junkie in The panic in Needle U §Aa>§J Wins his first Park, leads him to be cast as Pacino, returns to ROMEO AND JULIET Pacino makes his Tony award in Does the Tiger Michael Corleone, in The his role as michael Corleone, Modern day stage debut in The adaption. The \year a Necktie? His career Godfather. This brings about to star in The Godfather part Leonardo Adventure's ofof High Jump.Jump. takes a turn, and he makes his first oscar nomination. II. He is nominated yet again DiCaprioand Clare Danes s;ive up their his film debut in Me, Natalie. ^(QV^5) for best actor. lamilies and lace death, in this v stars opposite Receives his Shakespearian lra;jed\. n arts I 11 DONNIE BRASCO

and Pacino's on screen _ friendship, is so convincing, that the dilemma Brasco faces, DONNIE BRASCO turns this film into one of the most compelling gangster films DIR: MIKE NEWELL of its time. STARS: AL PACINO The actors are not the only ones to push this genre into a new direction. Mike Newell onnie Brasco is (Director of Four Weddings not just and a Funeral and Into the _ another West), creates a film more about relationships than the gangster movie, it is a Mafia. This film centers around gangster movie which the friendship of Brasco and redefines its genre. Ruggerio. but also the struggles that the under cover agent goes What's more, it through, with his wife and features Al Pacino children. It is this focus upon and Johnny Depp. character development, that makes this film so rich. 'Lefty' Ruggerio's (Al Fear not. Dannie Kmsco. Pacino) first lesson to still consists of the typical Donnie Brasco (Johnny Gangster features, it is by no Depp) is that when you means tame where violence is And so. like the film itself, schlockfest Sci'ttt of a Woman. the role which proved beyond with a few unfortunate concerned, and of course the Pacino disappeared. Until Pu//.led looks all round. doubt his capabilities as a exceptions - who saw Cii\ get stabbed in the back, Italian meal is of great 1989. when, in a display of Fortunately - and not for the hea\ \ weight actor. Main - he seems to be gettitm "it is always your best importance, however it does characteristic unpredictability, first time - Pacino redeems In Carlito's \\'a\, as in his better, turning the character of friend that does it". not have the usual glamour he returned as a bitter and himself. other great movies. Pacino is the worldly-wise veteran crim As a mobster, he cynical cop (another role he's This time he gives his third great to watch because he into an art-form. He's too therefore does the one thing quite good at) in the low-key performance of a lifetime in captures perfectly the cynical good to go down the but not-half-bad Sea of Love. Brian De Palma's 70s period- coolness we try to have these typecasting road, he knows could kill him. he- And after that, it was back to piece Curliro's Way (1993). days, but also because he interspersing his more places his trust in Brasco. a the hood, with a slight tw ist. Pacino is Carlito Brigante, manages to come memorable roles with some young gangster who As carti)on-\illain Big Boy a former drug-dealer across as human. particularly off-beat respects and looks up to Caprice. Pacino was the best unexpectedly freed from as real. Issues performances, not least his him. It is this trust that could thing about Warren Beatty's jail, whose attempts to thrown up by recent drama/documentary eventually lead to uneven Dick Tracy apart from go straight are no more Mafia-based Looking f-'or Richard: part Ruggerio's downfall, as Madonna's costumes. A successful than his films - Shakespeare, part Hollywood, Brasco is really F.B.I reluctant, philosophical, but attempts to look good in honour, part South Bank Show. Also, Special agent Pistone. stupid gangster, Pacino a pair of flares. Carlito loyalty, as Scrpico. Sea i>j l./irc and, Pacino has played many hammed up the role for all he was a cool-headed, betrayal and more recently, //<•<;/ proved. gangster roles prc\ iousK. the associated wilh this genre, but was worth, grunting and confident, but tragic religion - Pacino cuts a pretty independent and aloof street hunchbacked like a latter-day figure, and the great resonate with impressive figure as the New ell's attempt to portrax the imperfect good-guy cop. But hardships of the lower end or Richard III. He managed to centrepiece of the film Mantana in Scarfacc and his He might have in many ways it's the more the mob succeeds in visual successfully send up the role most notable role, mafia boss form and originality. he had proved himself adept already won ambiguous portrayals of flawed individuals - heroes or Michael Corlone in The The film also sets new at. though the release of The the Oscar, ground by focusing on a (ioJI'iither Pan Ill the same but this murderers? that are most Godfather. watchable. and a hallmark of Dannie Hmsi'o takes Pacino character w ho does not have year showed he could take it much power. "Left}" watches further. his better work. into new depths, he is not a Few Hollywood actors in rich, successful upper middle his friend accept promotion over him. and sees himself O Godfather or gangster, these big-budget days are as class mafiosio. but a low er

John Cazale, in Israel II ^J U <£) Receives his lliMKQ) On March Horovitz' The Indian HI Pacino's role as a junkie in I'lic panic in second nomination for 25the, Alfredo Pacino is Wants Serpico. born. Needle Park, leads him to be cast as Michael Wins his first ^DTO Pacino, II sJvO)^ Pacino makes Tony award in Does the Corleone, in The Godfather. This brings returns to his role as his stage debut in The Tiger Wear a Necktie? His michael Corleone, to star Adventure's of High Jump. career takes a turn, and about his first oscar nomination. in The Godfather part II. cfi /-prx/pi/pS. he makes his film debut in He is nominated yet ) stars opposite Me, Natalie. • 12 fea

•ime concerns are for the environment, with plans Who would we really like to 'to limit construction of all roads so that 100 acre woods can be left in peace. Chief Advisor WINNIE THE POOH SwampPi y will assist. lead Britain? Yep - it's Promotes the exploration of the North Pole, as well as feeding money into the execution of a plan to catch Disney time. CLARE LISTER Heffalumps for the interest of the general public. School children's diets will be improved, with more research into chocolate coated carrots, perhaps coated sorts out the Toms from the with honey next time. All children will be expected to drink condensed milk and eat a spoonful of honey every Jerrys. That's all folks day. On this policy Winnie the Pooh is happy to hold discussions with Mary Poppins on her health policy which includes giving a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Most importantly Winnie the Pooh will attempt to form alliances with all foreign nations, holding philosophical conversations with the European Union and with Sinn Fein with a view to worldwide peace. He will encourage hugging rather than handshakes. Pooh is keen to pursue foreign affairs in the land of milk and honey. His cabinet will be formed by the wise Wol, little Piglet and Rabbit. Head of the Civil Service will be Christopher Robin. IDEOLOGY: green Utopian politics SOUNDBITE: tiddly pom

A nother green politician, Pocahontas is /\ particularly concerned in keeping the countryside POCAHONTAS JL jLas beautiful as possible. She is also extremely troubled by the supposed water shortage in England, and SNOW WHITE so will deprivatise the water industry. Other policies include tighter reins and higher taxes on imports and exports, with higher security at ports. She is also an advocate for women's rights, making sure that the patriarchal society diminishes and that women receive as high an income as men in the same jobs. She will also improve the benefit system so that both men and women can receive money and support for being single parents. She is the only candidate representing ethnic. minorities. With monetary backing from Captain Smith, Pocahontas will be able to spend much of her time making this a New England. She will install Grandmother Willow as Home Secretary, since she has lthough there are plans to ban apples from the so much knowledge in domestic affairs. whole country, on the whole Snow White's IDEOLOGY: equality Apolicies seem fairly sane. She believes that SOUNDBITE: the wind of change will blow politics has become too bureaucratic, and will attempt to limit management in hospitals and schools. She believes that the route to change belongs at home though, and will therefore have a cabinet of only seven members. She has policies to change care in the community with special provisions for the vertically challenged. Her policies on crime are particularly harsh, from dealing with con-artists, to attacks on women when they are sleeping by trumped up men. IDEOLOGY: New Labour SOUNDBITE: hey ho hey ho, it's off to work we go

imba forms a triumvirate with Pumba and Timon SIMBA in the hope that he can restore the monarchy to its Sfull strength. In this way he will do away with parliament, and simply rule from the throne. Old fashioned values reign, such as women being the reproducers and the men the breadwinners. Never one to make friends easily, Simba will not purposely seek war, but will have a good army prepared to fight any hyenas or suchlike from other nations. Tough on law and order, criminals will be harshly dealt with, held up as an example to all, and installed in new prisons which will also hold political enemies. Advisors to the king will be held in high esteem, and consist of a parrot and a witchdoctor. His main political opponent seems to be Aladdin, who shuns parrots and stands for equality. IDEOLOGY: royalist SOUNDBITE: hakuna mattata 24 \__ Mature 13 politic

Ihis candidate stands out on his own. He is BUZZ LIGHTYEAR Tthe only real politician who proposes to JL spend more money on space exploration and defence. As bossy as Margaret Thatcher he looks like being a strong leader, although still has problems with party splits. His side-kick Woody is very temperamental and can often oppose his leader. Policies include plans to build up the already strong army and intelligence sector, with a view to spying on potential enemies. Is animal unfriendly, vowing to prevent ownership of dogs, which may be a damaging policy to promote. 101 dalmations have threatened to go on strike should he implement the policy. IDEOLOGY: capitalism and nationalism SOUNDBITE: England can go to infinity and beyond J

rrified lest the BNP should gain any sort of influence in the political spectrum, Quasimodo QUASIMODO TA eexpresses unprecedented interest in helping the disabled, and the less fortunate in society, particularly with a view to helping travellers. He plans to scrap the Criminal Justice Act. He is a staunch believer in Christianity, and therefore is concerned with moral and Christian ALADDIN values both in public and private life. Nicknamed King of Fools by his opponents, Quasimodo's chief advisors and campaign strategists are the three gargoyles. He is not a bom leader by any means, as he has had responsibility thrust upon him which he finds a heavy burden to carry on his shoulders. He plans to overcome this by holding office in a similar way to Bill Clinton's first term, in that his first lady will be the one wearing the trousers In Quasimodo's world this will be Esmerelda. IDEOLOGY: tree speech SOUNDBITE: Our England, Our Lady

favourite in the political spectrum, Aladdin is a proponent of taxing the rich and dividing Athe rest amongst the poor. A kind of Robin Hood figure, Aladdin, with his first lady. Jasmine, will attempt to reduce poverty in the marketplace, and has a lenient take on crime, particularly theft. He had many ideas for helping the homeless, and in this way forms an alliance with Lady and the hief campaigner on anti-sleaze, with Tramp, who would probably join his cabinet should intentions to rule out lies from politics he be elected. altogether, Pinocchiois rather a wild card in Has excellent innovative ideas for easing traffic PINOCCHIO C congestion in and around the capital, proposing that the political spectrum. Although accused of puppet politics, Pinocchio has strong backing in the blue every commuter should own a magic carpet, or at collar sector of the community. least share one with his neighbour, thereby helping No stranger to travelling, Pinocchio hopes to the flow of traffic on the ground. encourage further talks with Sinn Fein to obtain IDEOLOGY: socialism peace, as well as talks with fishermen to avoid SOUNDBITE: a whole new world strikes. Plans to renovate the NHS, and provide for more care in the community, and along with other promises, plans to help single parent families, and to house the homeless. Rather vague on spending plans and taxes, as he does not have a strong sense of monetary matters. In this way hopes to gain power by winning over the working classes rather than with the support of the business types, or Richard Branson. His closest advisor is Martin Bell. IDEOLOGY: anti-sleaze SOUNDBITE: Always let your conscience be your II guide If 18

I=? « 25 part time Jobs with a future for undergraduates *

Forget competitions. Forget the lottery. If you're a student with a big future in mind, you'll hit the iackpot when you become a member of the ASDA team. Working in one of our 200 stores, you'll earn enough beer money to see you through your university years. And while you're solving your immediate priorities, you'll * also be taking an important step towards an exciting retail career. * Our Flying Start scheme means you won't Just gain hard cash. Working part time, you'll gain valuable retail experience, and clock UP points for every hour you work. And the more points you collect, the more opportunities you'll have to take part in retail workshops and development projects. *Which could lead you to our star prize - a step UP the ladder towards a great management career. So, if you have a proven record of success in everything you've done so far, and the personality to make a difference, * drop us a line for more information and an application form, stating where you want to work. Flying Start, Graduate Resourcing, Asda Stores Ltd. Asda House, Southbank, Great Wilson Street, Leeds LS11 SAD. E-Mail: [email protected] Internet: http://www.asda.co.uk

| Dear Lou II am a third year student who hope* to graduate this Summer. When i was a first rear I met a wonderful girt and we seemed to hit it off right from the start. My girlfriend will also be gradual ling this year and we will both be leaving the University and leav- IJing Leeds.

^BPaaBBBa^^ ^d^^isJWsW^ ^a™^ ^BBBBHaW ^fr^Wr ajj^ My problem is that I live in Cornwall and my girlfriend's home is in Edinburgh. I'm worried that the geographical distance will email lou@unk»n or drop in to the welfare services office, 1 st floor union building make K Impossible for us to maintain our relationship. I dont want to lose her but neither of us is able to stay in Leeds as our families are expecting us to return home. Dear Lou Lou says I mm a second year student and, until now, I have done reasonably well In my studies. True love will stand the test of time and distance. Plenty of relation- However, some of my friends have introduced me to drugs and i now regularly smoke ships survive despite each partner being miles apart, if it is not possible eannaMs and sometime* take "(Ecstasy*. for you to find work and stay in Leeds, what about meeting up once or I enjoy taking these drugs because they make me feel relaxed and happy. MY problem ia twice a month, either back in Leeds or in each others cities. that I find myself sleeping a lot when they begin to wear off. ! regularly oversleep and I am now starting to miss some lectures. Try also to make new friends and find new interests in your home town, I am also finding it more and more difficult to concentrate on my studies. My friends seem that way you will have plenty to talk about when you do meet up. Life to be able to tolerate the drugs better than I can, i am worried that if I get too far behind changes a lot after University. You will have more time and hope"- with my work I may fail exams and have to leave University, but if I dont join in with my more money! I wish you well for the future. friends I am worried that they may not want to know me. What can I do? .ou answers Dear Lou • | jnprescr:: 1 am a student doing East Asian Studies. As part of my course I have to spend a year abroad In China.rug I s of any i

I'm very excited about going but I understand that I will have to have some vaccinations before I go. I am very Iirstfy, speak to y veryfrightened of needles and was wondering if I could either have tablets or if I actually need to have any! dor and get a d Injections or not.lf the injections are not compulsory then I think I would rather not have them. IEverything will be u! you m touch with Lou answers:! iups. Being abroad for long periods puts you at risk of some nasty tropical diseases.! •nds who Whilst the vaccines may not be compulsory, they are strongly recommended.! The modern vaccines given today are much better and less painful than the ones given in past years. Make an appointment with your GP to! talk to the! travel clinic nurse about these fears. You can take a friend along with you if you want.IB ture a ©n't waste it. -26 Monday Wednesday

YOUR INDISPENSABLE GUIDE TO THE WEEK'S ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT

Falling Bown

Super Mario Brothers week we get Joel actually put to good use (check happy buddy. would be complete without the ooray for out the Bart csquc barnel for a Another movie which is gruff, portly charm of lirnest Schumacher's Falling Borgnine'.' does Channel l-'i\e Gh5, Monday, 3.30pm Channel Five. Down (BBC1. Friday. start). likely to induce a sense of While this Meanwhile, the best thai nostalgia, albeit thai of the have an Hrnest Borgnine H 10pm). Cool. C5 can offer is. uiu. Super more distant, prc-puhescent movie'.' 1 think not. This is one of those pewling runt of a Mario Brothers (Channel variety, is The Black Hole Once again, quality has wonderfully ambiguous films terrestrial channel Five, Monday v.^Opm), a (BBC'l. Monday. 10.35am). proved more important than Red Dawn has no intrinsic value which is guaranteed to start an "film" which stars Bob This was I lisney \ attempt at quantity. C5 may offer us a argument over what it is really Hoskins as an Italian plumber serious sci-fi, with Maxmillian film every night, but they (aside from the fact all about. Michael Douglas and Dennis Hopper as LIU evil Schell starring as an unhinged obv iously can only afford to that it airs the mighty plays a Joe Normal who is dinosaur. Or there's alway s scientist living on the edge of maintain this promise so long fine Hercules series), stuck in traffic for just that Red Dawn (Channel Five. a Black Hole (work that one as they buy all the cheap and little bit too long on a day Tuesday. 9pm). in which a out. physicists). It's got nasty ones which the other and offers little that which is just that little bit too gang of feisty teenagers led by everything you need for a bit channels reject. Still, at least The Sure Thing can't already be hot. So. naturally. Joe Normal Patrick Sway/e take on a of light entertainment on a that leaves plenty of room for becomes Joe Psycho and goes Bank Holiday mornin»: mant improvement... and I do mean found at the arse-end Commie invasion of the : rampaging around I. A. United States... fireballs, cute R2-D2 rip-off l>lcnt\ of room. of a typical ITV shooting up burger bars and robots, bearded maniacs and schedule, its launch blowing up road-works, all in ack. 1 think, to ihe Beeb. (most importantly) Ernest 11.45pm has had one the name of defending the where we can find one •Borgnine. What Bank Holiday Common Man from the of the few examples of a important side effect: fucked-up society in which he B decent romantic comedy better movies on the lives. which isn't \\ ht'ii Hum- Mel Now some would describe .SV///V. I'm talkinu. of course, other channels. this as right-wing bullshit - The Black Hole Channel Five's 'movie about The Sure Thing (BBC1. you know, white, anglo-saxon. Friday. I 1.45pm!. which is at 9pm every day of the Protestant men as the directed,unsurprisingly, by the BBC1, Monday, week policy' has, to "oppressed majority" and all same bloke - Rob Reiner. Most thai. Others just see it as of us should remember this date, yielded what can celebrating those who have the 1D.KM only (and justifiably) he from our teenage years - it's guts to take the law into their the one where John Cusak gets described as a shower of own hands and try to set the stuck on a long ear journey ELECTION crap - video box rejects world to rights. I. however. with a girl he can't stand, alter and no-budget like to think of il as a satire on having been assured bv a mate BY TELLY: modern urban life: as a film that his fellow traveller will be Telcmovies at best. which takes all those little But (in the other skies. from cop-off city. The best Will you fantasies we have about thing about watching this UJS5 things are. at least veiling our own back, and film now is spotting all those miss the temporarily miprov tng a blows them up to hideous people in it who have since little thanks to the (so proportions. It's a very black become far more famous - like circus? See called) competition. Take. comedy which Douglas Tun Robbins as the geek who !oi example. BBC'I's handles perfectly - especially loves show tunes, or Anthony Friday night slot: Last week because, for once, his Edwards (that's M\ Dr unpleasant appearance is we had Terminator 2. this Green) as Cusaek's shag- may 2 Flavour of the Day7- •• The Return of Ulysses @ The Grand Theatre guide Leeds Student, well known for its unrivalled the monumental tale of her everlasting coverage of all that is high in the world of devotion to her husband and king. culture brings to you news of Opera North's If you're worried about the fact that Opera is Spring Season, which takes place at Leeds often sung in a strange foreign language then cinema H Jerry magutre. English Patient don't be because this one is in English. Hyde Park Picture House (tel. Grand Theatre during May and June. 2752045) Following its great success at the Buxton Tonight is the last night of this particular Sound; 7.00, 9.00 ABC (teL 2452665) Festival, Annabel Arden's new production production in Leeds, but keep an eye out for }on't Look Now; 11.15 Liar Liar Return of the JetH of Monteverdi's masterpiece, The Return of Tannhauser (tomorrow) and Cosifan tune, Odeon (tel. 2430031) The Saint ° Ul\sses opens the Season. Alice Coote plays towards the end of May and early June. >omiie Brasco; 2.30, 5.25, 8.15 Opera North brings high culture in Tonights performance begins at 7.15pm. Return of the Jedi; 2.10. 5.00. 8.05 Cottage Road (tel. 2751606) the itiasses Penelope, leading a bright new cast through Icrcam; 12.40.3.15.5.45,8.20 Return of the Jedi; 6.00. 8.30 Romeo and Juliet; 2.45. 5.20, K.10 flic Umpire Strikes Back; 2.05.4.50 Lounge del. 2751061) The English Patient; 7.30 Liar, Liar; 6.00,8.10 BBC 1 BBC 2 ITV Channel 4 Showcase (tel. 01924 420622) Jar Liar. Donnie Brasco. Scream. It Takes T\vu, Rome and Juliet. Return of the Jedi, Kddie. Metro, The Saint. Star 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 6.00 Open University; 7.15 See 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Election 97; 6.00 Sesame Street; 7.00 The Big Breakfast; 9.00 Bewitched; 9.30 Wars, Dante's Peak, Space jam, Breakfast News; 9.05 Election 97; Hear News; 7.30 Teenage Mutant 9.30 Calendar Election 97, FILM: The Black Sheep Of Whitehall Hmpire Strikes Back. Twin Town. 12.30 Regional News Magazines; Hero Turtles; 7.55 50/50; 8.20 followed by Local Weather; 10.00 (1941); 10.55 Alf, Bill And Fred; 1.00 One O'clock News: Weather; Childrens BBC; 9.00 The French Election 97; 12.30 News: 11.00 Hover Doctors; 12.00 Garden 1.35 Regional News And Weather; Experience; 9.15 The French Weather; 1.00 Calendar Election Party; 12.30 Light Lunch; 1.30 Collection; 9.45 Watch; 10.00 Australia Wild; 2.00 Channel 4 clubs 1.45 Neighbours; 2.10 Election 97 97, followed by Local Weather; Teletubbies; 10.30 Watch Out; Racing From Newmarket; 4.00 4.30 The New Yogi Bear Show 1.30 Election 97; 4.00 The Fifteen To One; 4.30 Countdown; Club Mex Pop. O/£3.50 10.45 Pathways Of Belief: 4.35 Ace Ventura: Pet Treacle People; 4.15 Where's 5.00 Ricki Lake ; 5.30 Pet Rescue; d.o.n.e., slamin' drum & base tonight Christianity; 11.00 Look And 6.00 TFI Friday with Marley Marl (Metalheadz), plus LUU Harvey Milk Bar Detective Wally?; 4.40 Crazy Cottage; 5.10 residents Marcus, Ricky Blaze and Spice, tequila night playing mainstreat Read Special; 11.20 Belief File: 7.00 Channel 4 News: Weather MCs Ash and Verse plus Audio motown, 70s disco plus the best of 5.00 Newsround Islam; 11.40 Mathsphere Special; Emmerdale 8.00 Garden Party Traffic, Our Man Flint and Rob Pursey contemporary pop. 5.10 Blue Peter 5.40 News: Weekend Weather 8.30 Brookside. in the funk department. Free before 11pm, £1 after. 12.00 English File; 12.30 Working 9.00 Caroline In The City. 10pm-3am, £6/£7 5.35 Neighbours. Billy wallows Lunch 6.05 Calendar News 9.30 Spin City Nato in self-pity; Darren pushes The Cockpit Casino, Lee Wright, Greg Robinson 1.00 Job Bank 7.00 Lucky Numbers. Shane 10.00 Frasier. Brighton Beach, 60s Modernism meets and Scott Harris, playing garage, funk Libby to make a decision; 1.20 Developing World Richie hosts ITV's big- 10.30 Phil Kay Feels... Lovely. the;best of the 90s with live band The house and disco. and just what are Brett's 1.45 Words And Pictures Join the Glaswegian Romeo Smiles. Watch out for their radio show 10pm-3am, £7 members. £9 guests. money gameshow. as he seduces you with a on /.ST. Plus scratchy garage and sweet romantic intentions? 2.00 Adventures Of The 7.30 Coronation Street. Tricia photocopier, some Vaseline, soul in the little room. Planet Earth 6.00 Six O'Clock News: Garden Fairies and Jamie bid farewell to a gondola and some group i 1 pm-4am, £5 Pop Goes The Planet, two rooms of 2.05 Tales Of The Tooth pop and dance. 9pm-2am £2 with flyer Weather Coronation Street, while sneezing. You have been The Dry Dock before 11.15pm, £3.5.0 after 7.00 Regional News Magazines Fairies warned... Uplifting house with DJ John Lee. 2.10 World Championship Mike and Fred join forces 11.05 What's Up Dockers Plus, this place accepts Switch with Town and Country Club 7.30 Weekend Watchdog. The Cash-back as well, so there's no excuse Love Train, Legendary 70s disco, will Snooker to help Ashley. 12.05 TFI Friday consumer magazine 1.05 Fresh Pop not to get pissed. Brutus Gold. I0pm-2.30am,£6 6.00 The Simpsons. In a move 8.00 The Bill. Garfield and focuses on the leisure 1.10 FILM: The Nanny (1965). The Hyde Park Club, Ash Prove. The Underground not totally devoid of self- Page's search for a 2.55 FILM: The Anniversary Where It 's A I, nice and cheap place to The Cooker, Funky beat?. & breaks. industry, as Anne Robinson interest, Homer volunteers missing teenager reveals (1967). go before you hit the town. 10pm-2am. £5, tel."2302113 for more challenges some leading to give blood to save his a man willing to exploit the 4.35 FILM: Maria Marten, Or The 8 - I Ipm, £1 membership info. Murder In The Red Barn holiday companies to pay boss's life. insecurities of children in Le Phonographique The Warehouse up for making (1935). The Beautiful Ones, indie night, Up Yer Ronsnn, with Jeremy Healy an 6.25 Top Of The Pops care for his own ends. But playing all you're favoured tunes. Free guests, 9.30pm-3am, £8 / £10 holidaymakers' lives a 7.00 World Championship how can he be stopped? bottle of Pits before 1 1 pm. misery. Snooker 10pm-2am.£3/£4 The Fruit Cupboard 8.30 Eye Of The Storm. Channel 5 Passion, with DJ Bobby, £5 / £6, 8.00 Porridge. Fletcher decides 8.00 A Golfer's Travels With Richard Madeley presents LMUSU 10.30pm-2.30am Peter Alliss Stomp, Indie, & grunge-fest, plus that Harris must be put on camcorder footage from 8.30 Gardeners' World. How to retro sounds in the room they call Cafe trial for stealing from enthusiastic amateurs who 6.00 5 News Early; 7.30 Havakazoo; turn a dull patio into a small 8.00 Adventures Of The Bush Patrol; another prisoner. risk their lives to video the 8.30 A Question Of Sport. oasis. 8.30 WideWorld; 9.00 Espresso ; ultimate storm. 10.00 Exclusive; 10.30 Nancy Lam; 9.00 Nine O'clock News: 9.00 World Championship Snooker 9.00 The Grand. Maggie and 11.00 Leeza; 11.50 Double Espresso; fl gigs Regional News: Weather 9.30 Sunnyside Farm. Wendy Adele form an intimate 12.00 The Bold And The Beautiful; 10.00 FILM: Falling Down (1993). 12.30 Family Affairs; 1.00 5 News The Cockpit Intense drama about a takes Ray in after he relationship, and Maggie Update manages to bulldoze his The Smiles (playins at Brighton encourages her to run riot 1.05 Sunset Beach Beach). 11pm. £5 middle-aged man who home. reaches breaking point through the hotel. Starring 2.00 5's Company 10.00 RabC Nesbitt Tim Healy and Susan 3.30 FILM: Golden Boy (1939) Duchess while gridlocked in Los 5.30 100% 10.30 Newsnight Hampshire. Suboinuin I Puundilooii i Lynny Angeles traffic on a 11.30 World Championship 6.00 Whittle Canselled 10.00 News: Weather sweltering day. Starring Snooker 6.30 Family Affairs. 7.00 Exclusive Michael Douglas, Robert 12.15 This Life. Egg learns 10.30 Calendar News: Weather 10.40 FILM: Conan The 7.30 Wildlife SOS. Duvall and Barbara something new about 8.00 Attractions Hershey. Nicki. And Ferdy's sexual Destroyer (1984). 8.30 5 News including First On 11.45 FILM: The Sure Thing confusion is heightened Starring Arnold Five. National and (1985). A teen variation on It when he ends up on a date Schwarzenegger, Grace 9.00 FILM: Scattered Dreams theatre with Kira and Jo. Followed Jones. (1993). H Happened One Night, in 10.50 Exclusive Extra. by Weatherview 12.35 Bonkers!. Followed by West Yorkshire Playhouse TASC Performance Centre which college freshman 11.00 The Jack Docherty Show l.The Wasp Factory: ground-breaking Death. Love and Ecstasy, 8.30pm. Walter 'Gib' Gibson is 1.05 The Learning Zone: Open News Headlines 11.40 Club Class multi-media production o! the cult Tickets £5 / £3.50. Sec- Saturday for University offered the possibility of a 1.35 Club Nation 12.10 News And Sport classic novel by lain Banks more details. 2.00 FETV: Hairdressing And 12.15 FILM: I Posed for Playboy 2. As You Like It passionate liaison in 2.35 Cyber.Cafe (1991). The stories of three Beauty Therapy 3.00 Dating The Enemy California, arranged by his 4.00 Languages: Speaking women who decide to pose The Grand 4.00 Stand And Deliver nude for Playboy magazine. The Return of Ulysses. See today's best friend. Starring John Our Language/Famously Cusack. 5.00 ITV Sport Classics 2.05 FILM: A Fistful of Dynamite Flavour of the Day. Fluent (1971). 1.15 Weather 5.00 Business And Work 5.30 ITN Morning News 4.40 Prisoner Cell Block H 1.20 Close 5.30 100%

Atiltol Misc'ommunications Capricorn: NOW us It is all too VlfCJO" Romance is still could have been causing problems spring why don't you just go easy to fall behind and blame blossoming and can only go recently, but do not fear, because ahead and have that shag. It is it on extenuating further in the spring and everything is really fine, and you are time to be bouncing with energy, circumstances. However it is summer months. You may not not just looking at things through charged up and ready for your life and up to you to set have realised it yet, but the anything. A cheerful facade will straight. You max want to be light will dawn as the sun rose-tinted glasses. Try doing he attractive to others. something different this weekend. different and stand out. but let shines in the sky. other people discover that themselves. Cancer: YOU are SAGITTARIUS: Other people's yoing to win some money uncommunicative stance may interrupt Taurus: Get a soon, so you can go out and grasp on your love spend as much as you like - your happy harmony, but it is just a phase. afterwards. Stop worrying Make the most of everything, and this life, for this week there is someone so much, it is bad for your could be a really swell week. Spend lots of hovering in the wings health. Relax. time being sensual. And give that special ready to disrupt ITARSIGNS someone a treat sooner rather than later. already settled relationships. Sort out the dilemma Scorpio: before it sorts out you. Sooner rather than later. Flitting from one person to another will do you no good, but Gemini: M will just cause mixed signal Concentrate on who you real HLvJ* Your exterior may pretend want, and before long it will be that you are vastly happy with your yours. Just remember mental achievements, but your interior remains energy lasts longer than physical. insecure. Brush those doubts aside.

28 may 3 Flavour of the Day CfU 10.e "bVaVhVLoVe* and Ecstasy @ Rile'y Hal'l Him Performance Interactive tonight present with lighting and film montage effects. /)<'iith. Love anil /.', \706) BBC 1 BBC 2 ITV Channel 4 i.im: 12.30 Return of the Jedi; 6.01 Iddrc. 1225 Lounge ltd. 27510611 7.00 Harry And The Hendersons; l.iai. I ,ar. hOO. K 10 6.20 The Three Estaltes; 8.00 7.25 News; 7.30 Felix The Cat; 6.00 GMTV 5.45 Sesame Street: 6.45 Miraculous Open Saturday; 10.30 World 9.25 Mashed. New series. Live Mellops; 7.10 Sonic The Hedgehog: 7.45 Babar; 8.10 Albert The 5th Snooker; 12.15 Film 97; 12.45 Musketeer; 8.35 Flintstones; 9.00 Saturday morning 7.35 Creepy Crawlers 8.00 Transworld FILM: The 39 Steps (1935); 2.10 entertainment presented Sport; 9.00 The Morning Line; 10.00 Phantom 2040; 9.20 Incredible Hitchcock On Hitchcock by Jez Edwards and Jarvis Gazzetta Football Italia; 11.00 NBA Hulk; 9.45 Grange Hill; 10.15 2.30 FILM: The Man Who Knew clubs Sweet Valley High; 10.40 O Zone; the chimp musician. 24/7; 12.00 Rawhide; 1.00 FILM: Next Too Much (1956). Remake To No Time (1958); 2.40 C4 Racing 11.00 Enchanted Tales; 11.50 11.30 The Chart Show Alter Park, Morlcy S/Ryer. £3.50 others before by Hitchcock of his own 5.05 Brookside Omnibus Pink Panther Show; 12.12 12.30 Movies, Games And The Orbit, brilliant techno exenr. 11.30pm. £5 after. 1935 film about a doctor 6.30 Right To Reply Spm- 2am l-'ree coach lca\cs horn Weather; 12.15 Grandstand; 5.15 Videos and his family whose 7.00 A Week In Politics, with I ni\ eisily Parkinson Steps at 8.30pm. Town & Country News 1.00 News: Weather holiday in Morocco turns News and Weather till. Info.tel 2528202. Sorted for Sat*odl Fun I. nrslii ol'80s and "JOs into a nightmare. Starring 8.00 FILM: The Enemy Below 5.35 Match Of The Day. 1.10 Airwolf Club Mix fun. I0pm-2.30am, £7, £6 with fUci. James Stewart and Doris (1957). m, u nil guests. plus residents £5 concessions (in advance oniv I Desmond Lynam 2.05 FILM: Stacy's Knights Day. 9.45 Bremner. Bird And Fortune: Carl Bedtoid. hlhol ami Dean Martm introduces football action (1983) 4.25 The Saint Three Men And A Vote. Illpm v'-llam. £5 before 1 1 pin. £ 2302113 6.15 Nation Goes To The Polls. campaign and forward to the .!,•<. kickin' Hip-hop, drum Premiership match against An intimate record of what by Local Weather new Government. and bass and Sk.itecore night, with Warehouse Leicester City at Filbert 5.10 Scoreline live band Silverjet. t'unkin disco night with really happened on election 10.35 Homicide - Life On The I lpm-3am £3.5()adv / £4door residents Soulmaslcr Ha//>. Greg Street. day, from the views of 50 5.20 Cartoon Time Streets Robinson. Tino. Hverton, Urnberto. 6.10 The New Adventures Of very different people. 5.45 New Baywatch 11.35 Hill Street Blues l.e Phono Liam and Carl the Kat. Doors from Superman. Superman and 7.05 News: Sport: Weather' 6.20 Barrymore 12.30 FILM: Trust Me (1989) A-,\iutn. first Saturday of [he month 10pm. Dress smart and chic. Lois are shocked to 7.20 Correspondent. David 7.15 Stars In Their Eyes. 2.25 Baadass TV means scatecore aplenU. £IO/£X. 1CI.2427S45 discover a picture of them £3 / £3.50, lOpm-Zam. Sells introduces world Including Lottery Result 2.55 Rock Of The North. I.I I'Harvey Milk Bar in bed together on the front reports, and examines the 8.15 A Touch Of Frost. 3.55 The Real World l.Ml City Site Hard to Handle, rock and metal night. page of a number of tabloid plight of Albanian refugees Another chance to see an 4.25 One For The Road. £4, l)prn-2am SanirJm- flight, CACI popular student newspapers. in Italy. episode of the detective- 4.55 Let The Blood Run Free. piss-up. tISO NUS / £4.50 Cue-Ms. 6.55 Whatever You Want. West Indian Centre 8.05 World Championship drama series starring 5.25 Strange Bird Nato Jah Shaka Sound System, plus Kentc 7.45 The National Lottery Snooker. Coverage of the David Jason as the Hiirtl Tuiif.. Mrxmae party with Mark iK piece reggae band from Ghana). Live. With pop group ABC, Embassy World Snooker irascible and eccentric Picchiotti, Dave Piccioni. Jason From Spm, £6.507 £5 concessions. who perform Strange Championship. Inspector Frost. Billy Boardman and Utnherto. plu.s Tel. 2474477 for more derails. Things. And Chris 9.00 Yes Minister. Sitcom about Channel 5 residents Miles |[ollo«a\ and Hlroi Conrad has Down's Packham reports on how a British government syndrome and something 1-asmick. lOpni'fiam. til) members. The Fruit Cupboard 6.00 Dappledown Farm; 6.30 £12 non member MixeJ l-'nui. with the mighty Scott lottery millions are minister and advisors him. to hide, but is he capable Attractions: 7.00 5 News Early; 7.30 Phone 01924 488220 for more info. Page, £5 / £6. I0.30prn-2.30am restoring the Kennet and With Paul Eddington and of murder? Havakazoo: Wimzie's House ; 8.00 Avon Canal. Nigel Hawthorne. 10.00 ITN News: Weather: Plane! Earth 8.00 The Eurovision Song 10.00 World Championship Alvin and the Chipmunks: 8.30 Land of Saturday .V/'.e/i/ Fever. 70s show with Lottery Result, followed the Lost; 9.00 Beverly Hills 90210; [)J Slartsky Lo\epants. Kprn-3am. Contest 97. The popular Snooker by Local Weather annual song and dance 10.40 Close Up On Hitchcock. 9.55 Beverly Hills 90210; 10.50 Mag 10.15 FILM: The Running Man Upfront: Anything's Possible; 11.00 extravaganza, with Famous people talk about (1987). Action movie set in musicians from across the their favourite cinematic Turnstyle; 12.50 5 News; 1.00 The gigs the future starring Arnold Mag; 2.00 USA High; 2.20 The Mag continent, live from moment. Sean Connery Schwarzenegger and Dublin's Point Theatre. talks about working with (Continued); 3.15 Sunset Beach Duchess 111 Refectory Maria Conchita Alonso. A Omnibus. : 6.00 5 News And Sport Me'iiadog. with Divau/onc and Death Boyzone's Ronan Keating Alfred Hitchcock on the set Shovel + Resin + The Same Thine convict framed on a 6.05 Hercules: The Legendary in Vegas, tickets £10 and RTE's Carrie Crowley of Mamie. murder charge take part in Journeys. The Cockpit introduce the 25 10.50 FILM: Mamie (1964). Lush, a TV game show in which 6.55 Night Fever Silverjet I playing at The Garage, see contenders, and Terry cool and strangely affecting he is hunted through Los 7.50 5 News And Sport above) Wogan provides psychodrama, centring on a Angeles by expert killers. 8.10 JAG. commentary in his beautiful, but disturbed, kleptomaniac who is forced 12.00 FILM: Swing Shift (1984). 9.00 Halifax FP inimitable style. Followed 11.00 FILM: At Close Range (1986). to choose between Romantic drama starring by National Lottery Stars Sean and Chris Penn marriage to one of her Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell theatre Update and Christopher Walken. 11.00 News: Weather wealthy victims, or jail. and Christine Lahti. H In Bed With Medinner 1.15 FILM: Prime Target (1989). Starring Sean Connery and 1.50 West Yorkshire Playhouse 11.30 Match Of The Day 2.50 FILM: Deadman's Curve I. The Wasp f-.au.ry Tippi Hedren. 2.20 FILM: Futureworld (1976) 12.20 They Think It's All Over (1972). 2 As You Like It 12.55 Later With Jools Holland, 4.10 Collins And Maconie's 12.50 Top Of The Pops 4.30 The Road followed by Weatherview Movie Club Riley Smith Hall 1.25 FILM: Why Would I Lie? 4.40 Prisoner Cell Block H 4.40 Murder, She Wrote Death. l.o\e and l-.cst.i-y. See today s (1980) 2.10 Close 5.30 Whittle I'liivoiir ot ihe l)n\. 3.05 Weather 5.40 Open University: Poland: 5.30 ITN Morning News 3.10 Close Democracy and Change

WE - THU Fri 11;15pm EVERY OOJVT LOOK NOW Sat 11:15pm s Jennifer Tilley Classic 70 * film with Donald Sutherland Julie Christie Re Ginvaiiimad Gersho«nv«w»w»ni by Sunday NIGHT jo H7woo Antonia^s Line 1 Coming Soon ^&ffi!Bi£\ffi^tL^^^^^ ^•^^•H^. ^^^^^m r~+ i may Flavour of the Day The Monkees, C4, 6pm In today's world of production line pop bands cover of Stepping Stone suddenly makes guide (step forward Inside Out, Upside Down, East perfect sense. West, et al...) it's all to easy to forget The When you watch The Monkees, complete Monkees, who are widely regarded as the first with hit songs that are probably more popular boy band. In this vintage comedy show their today than ever before, the proposition that cinema Steven Spielberg put to Supergrass to guile and charm puts the vacant looks of Hyde Park Picture House (tel. ABC (tel. 2452665) Ronan, Robbie and company to shame. recreate the show kinda makes sense - they 2752045) Liar Liar are exactly the type of clowns and monkee- Bound; 7,00, 9.00 Return of the Jedi The only pop stars of the current crop that The Empire Strikes Back can compare to The Monkees are of course boys who would relish the role. Strange that Antonia's Line; 3.00 Monkee boy done good Ant and Dec, (although their new song is they turned it down. Odeon (tel. 2430031) Cottage Road (tel. 2751606) Donnie Brasco; 2.30, 5.25. 8.15 Return of the Jedi; 5.30, 8.00 possibly their worst effort to date), and their Return of the Jedi; 2.10, 5.00, 8.05 Scream; 12.40. 3.15, 5.45, 8.20 Lounge (tel. 2751061) Romeo and Juliet; 2.45, 5.20, 8.10 Liar, Liar; 5.30, 7.40 The Empire Strikes Back; 2.05,4.50 Channel 4 The English Patient; 7.30 BBC 1 BBC 2 ITV Space Jam; 12.30 Eddie; 12.25

7.20 Dilly The Dinosaur; 7.25 6.05 Whose Body?; 6.35 6.00 GMTV; 8.00 Tom And Jerry 5.40 NBA 24/7; 6.35 Terrytoons; 6.50 Showcase (tel. 01924 420622) Angelica Kauffman, RA; 7.00 I Miraculous Meilops; 7.10 Madeline; Liar Liar, Donnie Brasco. Stream. It Teletubbies; 8.05 Pink Panther Kids; 8.25 Disney Club TV; 10.15 7.35 Neverending Story; 8.05 Doug; Takes Two, Rome and Juliet, Return of Show; 8.30 Breakfast With Frost; Used to Work in the Fields.; 7.25 Sunday; 12.15 Link; 12.30 8.20 Aaahh!!! Real Monsters; 8.45 the Jedi, Eddie, Metro, The Saint. Star 9.30 Discovering Eve; 9.45 First The Business Cafe; 8.15 The Dinosaurs; 12.55 Calendar Saved By The Bell; 9.20 Flash Wars, Dante's Peak. Space Jam, Empire Light; 10.15 See Hear!; 10.45 Computer Show; 8.30 Stay News; 1.00 News; 1.10 Jonathan Gordon; 9.45 Moesha; 10.15 Happy Strikes Back, Twin Town, Jerry Snowy River - The McGregor Tooned!; 9.05 The Magical Dimbleby; 2.00 Murder, She Days; 10.40 Hollyoaks; 11.40 Waltons; maL'uire, English Patient Saga; 11.30 CountryFile; 12.00 Adventures Of Quasimodo; 9.30 Wrote; 2.55 Coronation Street; 12.40 Home Waters; 1.40 C4 Racing, 3.55 FILM: Caesar And News Summary and Weather On The Record; 1.00 FILM: Ice Fully Booked; 12.00 The 4.15 FILM: The Colditz Story Station Zebra (1968); 3.20 Simpsons; 12.45 Tex Avery; 1.00 Cleopatra (1946) ; 6.05 Goals On (1954) Children In Need Special; 3.45 Regional Programmes; 1.30 Sunday; 6.30 Calendar News: 6.00 The Monkees See today's clubs Sport; 6.45 News Flavour of the Day. Tom And Jerry; 3.50 EastEnders Sunday Grandstand Arts Cafe Bar Nato 5.15 Masterchef. With guests 7.00 Bruce Forsyth's Play 6.30 Wanted 5.55 Land Of The Eagle. 7.30 The Obituary Show - Dudley The Sund(t\ Session with guest DJs. Queer - Doo'.', members only night Formula One racer David Documentary history of the Your Cards Right playing house and club anthems. 7.30 Coronation Street. Moore. Coulthard, and chef Alex discovery of North America 8.00 Gulliver's Travel Edwards 9pm-2am, membership available on Samantha finds Sean Floyd of Leith's restaurant told from the perspective of 9.45 Bob's Birthday. Oscar- Uiz\ Da:.e, laid back beats for that the door. wanting more. Alma is on in London. the native inhabitants and winning animation. Sunday feeling. the receiving end of an 10.00 FILM: Kill Me Again (1990). 5.50 News: Weather the European newcomers. The Courtyard outburst from Audrey. Compelling homage to film noir The Underground The 7th Night. George spins tunes 6.15 Regional News 6.45 The Money Programme. starring Joanne-Whalley Kilmer 6.20 Songs Of Praise. Isla St 8.00 Where The Heart Is. Sunday Joint with home cooked for your Sunday salvation. A feature on the Co-op, as a contemporary femme roasts and laid back jazz. Clair visits the rugged Fife Drama series following the fatale. one of Britain's most lives and loves of two Evening Joint Hyde Park Club coast. unusual institutions. 11.50 Football Italia sisters-in-law, their 12.55 Partners Free entry, finishes 1 0.30pm Despatches. 4.30-10.30pm. Drum 6.55 Last Of The Summer 7.25 World Championship and bass. £ 1. and with cheap drinks. Wine families and the 1.20 World Cinema: FILM: Captive Snooker. Continued community of their small Of The Desert (1990). 7.25 The Great Antiques Hunt. coverage of the Embassy 3.15 FILM: Ashik Kerib (1988). The red and green teams Yorkshire town. World Snooker 9.00 The Knock. The East Sumptuously magical and ggs fly to New York to date visually unique picturesque Championship, from the German mobsters, fantasy chronicling the three Manhattan Crucible, Sheffield. Duchess The Dry Dock seeking revenge, have amazing adventures of a t.b.c. It'x a Scream (comedy club), with skyscrapers. 10.30 FILM: To Catch A Thief tracked Danson to his wandering Azerbaijani minstrel. 8.10 Hamish MacBeth. Mary Unfaithful, R David, MC Pete (1955). A reformed cat Suffolk house, while the 4.35 The Bounty Hunter Dixon and open slots, followed by Kenneth and Ava have 5.00 A Week In Politics burglar suspected of a new team investigate the live R&B band. From 7pm. free. stolen the Stone of Destiny, wave of jewel robberies on Germans' involvement and TV John is missing. the French Riviera sets out with the theft of the plate Hamish, Isobel, and the to prove his innocence by and the murder of Kendall Lochdubh posse embark Channel 5 catching the real culprit. the burglar. With Dennis on a death-defying trek Starring Grace Kelly and Waterman. across mountain and 10.00 The Clive James Show 6.00 Serengeti Safari; 6.30 Havakazoo moorland to rescue their Gary Grant. 12.15 Close Up On Hitchcock. 10.45 ITN News: Weather 7.00 Dappledown Farm; 7.30 friend, and save a 11.00 The South Bank Show. Havakazoo: Wimzie's House; 8.00 Mr treasured symbo! of the Following the cinema Men and Little Miss; 8.05 Wind In The release of a restored New series. Melvyn Bragg Willows; 8.30 The Enid Blyton nation's heritage. Last in introduces a film about series. version of Alfred Adventure Series; 9.00 Wishbone; Hitchcock's Vertigo, one of the world's greatest 9.30 Mag Plus; 10.00 Alpha Zone 9.00 The Heart Surgeon. First 10.30 Crossfire. director Hal Hartley talks instrumental soloists - LSI? 107-8 of a powerful and violin virtuoso Niccolo 11.00 Brunch. Arts series featuring about Notorious. emotional two-part drama Paganini, a man of Mariella Frostrup. 12.25 FILM: Secret Agent 11.30 Exclusive Weekend. of friendship, passion and musical legend who By now, you should all have your radio locked to 107.8fm. (1936). A bizarre early 12.50 5 News betrayal, set in the medical exercised an extraordinary 1.00 The Mag Schedules (still available in the Union and selected outlets world. Hitchcock piece, based on hold on the public 2.00 USA High around town) are the same as last week, with the following 10.15 News: Weather a Somerset Maughan imagination during the 2.20 The Mag 10.35 Everyman. Documentary story, about two secret ' early 19th century. 3.15 Family Affairs Omnibus exceptions and highlights... about the chaplaincy agents who pose as man 12.00 FILM: When The Time 5.25 Animal Omens: Secret Friday, 6.20pm: It'x Obvious - the only place you will hear and wife while on an Weapons. service provided by three Comes (1987). Followed 6.00 Wowfabgroovy Obvious because it's shut at the moment retired Church of England assignment in Switzerland by ITN News Headlines 6.30 Sleaze, Wives and clerics in the winter sun of to kill an enemy spy. 1.45 FILM:Hamara Videotapes Saturday, 6.00pm: Back To Basics - ditto; Dave Beer presents Spain's Costa Bianca. Followed by Weatherview Khandaan. Epic romantic 7.00 5 News Update the North's finest 11.25 FILM: Father (1991). 2.00 Learning Zone: FETV drama. A young man 7.05 Ferry Tales 8.00 FILM: The Trip To Bountiful Sunday, 2.00pm: Nicky - with very special guests from Iration Intense Australian drama. Collectables: upsets his dogmatic father (1985). Steppers and Kitachi Starring Max Von Sydow. Teamworking and by falling in love with a 10.00 5 News Update 1.10 Weather Leadership poor student. 10.05 Twin Peaks Monday, 8.00pm: The Residents Night In - guest mix from the 1.15 Close 4.00 Languages: Italianissimo 4.30 Jobfinder 11.00 Turnstyle. original junglists Bryan G and Jumping Jack Frost, recorded live 5.00 Business And Work 5.30 ITN Morning News 12.00 Live And Dangerous, including News And Sport at London's Bar Rhumba. The drum & bass set of the year!

52> Raglan Rcl Woodhouse Opp. University Voted No. 1 LMCKYOpen 7 days a week 5pm till late 5 By Leeds Students To order just pick up the phone and give us a call. Tel: 2425672 Your order will be delivered FREE to your in o door within a 3 mtferadws of our shop. FREEPHONE * *O °o Voted NONE! 14 66 52 No, 1 by DELIVER 11 wO w^ iij Leeds FASTER/ FREEPHONE in i / students. SOUTHCflM fffl€D CHKKiN FREE PHONE OSOO 11 33 45 ^f 3 DONNIfi KiftAftS Free Delivery 81 RAGLAN ROAD, HYDE PARK, LEEDS, LS2 9DZ OPEN I2f>m ic 4aw Mon-Sat & 12am to 2pm Sun Until 43m won-sai 30 l^^p m*r Flavour of the Day guide Kissed @ Majestyk It's a Bank Holiday, so lo help you celebrate rely on Majeslyk to lur^c n whatever night of Love to Be and Kiss 105 have got together to the week it is. pin on a special night. Kissed, at Club Having said all that there are plenty of TV cinema Majestyk. tor the more discerning Leeds highlights to sta\ in for. including Hack lo clubbers. the f-'titiire Three. (BBC1. 6.40pm). co'verage nHyde Park Picture House (tel. ABC (tel. 2452665) Following the success ot the last 'one off 2752045) Liar Liar of the final of the World Championship Bound; 7.00. 9.00 Return ol the Jedi event that they staged, the DJs for the night Snooker (BBC2. 7.3()pm). and Unpinned - The l-mpirc Strikes Hack will once again be Farley Jackmaster Funk. Oasis (BBCI. 12.55am), in which Noel does Odcon( tel. 24300311 Tony Walker. Scott Harris and Mat Monau. Donme Bianco; 2.30.5.25, X.I 5 Cottage Road (tel. 27516) the acoustic business, hut Liam is sadly \in-l Him il alniir Return of the Jedi; 2.10. 5.00, tt.05 Return of the Jedi; 6.00,8.30 It could he a good night, and you can now absent. The choice, as ever, is yours. S,-ic;mi; 12.40. .1.15, 5.45. S. 20 Rumen :imt lulicl; 2.45. 5.20.8.10 Lounge del. 275Klf.ll The F-'inpia- Stnkrs Bai.k: 2.05.4.50 l.iat. Liar. 6.00. N III The rintilUh Paiiem: 7. ;o Spate Jam; 1 2. .10 BBC 1 BBC 2 hddie; 12.25 ITV Channel 4 Showcase (tel. 01924 4206221 I lar I.iat. Outline Hr.tsen, Sere.irn. h 7.00 News: Weather; 7.10 Open 6.00 Open University; 7.15 See TaktN Two. Rome ami Juliet. Return 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Supermarket 6.00 Sesame Street; 7.00 The Big of the Jedi. Hililie. Metro. The Saint. A Door; 7.15 Bump; 7.20 Secret Hear Breakfast News; 7.20 The Sweep; 9.55 Warner Brothers Breakfast; 9.00 Bewitched; 9.30 Star Wars. Dante's Peak. Space Jam. Life Of Toys; 7.35 Raccoons; 8.00 History Of Man; 7.30 FILM: Bells Cartoon; 10.15 FILM: Mrs 'Arris FILM: Flipper's New Adventure Empire Strikes Back. Tu m Town. News; 8.10 The Adventures of Of San Angelo(1947); 8.45 FILM: Goes To Paris (1992); 12.00 (1964); 11.15 The Legend'Of White Fang; 11.40 Pink Panther Jcrrv niajjtnrc. Hnghsh Patient News: Weather; 12.15 Skippy; 8.35 Defenders Of The Mustang Country (1976; 10.00 11.55 Terrytoons Earth; 9.00 News: Regional Teletubbies; 10.30 Menus And Coronation Street; 12.45 FILM: 12.00 Right To Reply News: Weather; 9.05 Teenage Music Duck Tales the Movie (1990); 12.30 Light Lunch clubs Mutant Hero Turtles; 9.30 Blue 10.45 FILM: Young And 2.05 FILM: Driving Me Crazy 1.30 The Loners Peter: 10.00 FILM: The Million Innocent (1937) The (1991) 2.00 Channel 4 Racing from impressionable young 4.00 FILM: The Jewel Of Kempton Park The Courtyard Ritzy's Dollar Duck (1971): 10.35 FILM: The Nile (1985). All 4.00 Fifteen To One Slicikc }•(>.'//( ,n\r 'I thinx kink, son I I'Jic \\nil.l music lor the masses. The Black Hole (1979); 1.05 daughter of a police 4.30 Countdown action sequel to the •! Jiseo music. I0pm-2am. Tree \\ith llyci. l> News: Weather; 1.15 Regional sergeant becomes involved 5.00 Montel Williams 10.30pm. £1 .inn with a suspected murderer. hugely successful 5.30 Pet Rescue. ( lulit ropa News: Weather; 1.20 Neighbours; r Starring Nova Pilbeam. Romancing the Stone. 6.00 FILM: Battle For The Planet \liii^i< Rt>itnJ \ l-'Limur ,.ftlu- Starring Michelle Pfeiffer. Gotten. 6.45 Change Your Life 9.45 Syrup I0pm-2ani. I' I Ix-lniv 1 1pm. 12 after. 10.00 Dark Skies. Day 4.45 Newsround's Rock And 1.50 World Championship Forever. Anthea Turner Newcastle Brown & Jack Daniel's 'OipnKi.im, £6ad\. more (MI the iltxtr presents a live show 11.00 Cheers. £1.25 Available from Majcstyk. tel.2424.' < * Roll Years Snooker 11.30 NBA Raw which will give one lucky 5.25 Neighbours 5.30 Today's The Day. Martyn 12.30 NYPDBIue. Nato The Corn Exchange 5.50 News: Weather Lewis hosts a quiz show person the chance to live 1.30 FILM: Judgement Deferred /•^it'll/A' (>/ Fun. new night playing out their dream lifestyle Up VtrRonson, bank holiday special, 6.05 Regional News based on events that have (1952). chart and punv music. ! Opm-2am with Tony Humphries (USA), Smoknf for ever. 3.05 FILM: The Squeaker Magazines made the news in recent lIHwithNUSi Jo, Tom Wainwright and Marshall, plus 7.30 Coronation Street. (1937). live percussion and live p.a. history. 6.10 Wallace And Gromit: A Kevin gets into hot water 4.30 Watching The Detectives Planet Earth Doors from !0pm-4am. advance 6.00 The Natural World. Close Shave with Natalie. 5.30 Backdate Absotutefy Fabulini.t. student night, tickets £20. plus booking fee. Documentary employing plav in» part> and chatty dance music. 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All the 5.20 Anything's Possible. Alex and Marcella is leaked Crucible. goals from the 5.30 100% 11.00 FILM: Laura (1944). When 6.00 Whittle to the press. weekend's games. Plus 6.30 Family Affairs. 10.15 News: Regional News: a body with its face classic action from the 7.00 Exclusive theatre Weather destroyed by a blast from a archives, and features 7.30 Wild States. shotgun is discovered in on the league's most 8.00 Hot Property West Yorkshire Playhouse 10.45 Match Of The Day Laura Hunt's apartment prominent characters. 8.30 5 News including First On The Witsp Kiclory 11.25 FILM: Price Of Five As >ou Like II Vengeance police detective Mark 1.35 FILM: The Raven 9.00 FILM: May Wine (1990). McPherson is called in to (1963). Starring Vincent 12.55 Unplugged - Oasis 10.30 The Jack Docherty Show. investigate. Price and Jack Late-night chat and 1.40 FILM: Weekend Of 12.30 The Learning Zone: Open Nicholson. comedy. 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f>ONN€ft KCAftftS Free Delivery Until aam won-sal may 6 Flavour of the Day LSR 107.8fm, all day, every day LSR is now into its third week and it is fair Yardbird Suite club night, nationally guide to say that it has so far delivered the goods. recognised drum & bass DJ guests, plus Daytime listening may still be dogged by everything from industrial to indie, chill out occassional technical hitches, but the music house to reggae. The great thing about these mix is so much better than the Oasis-Blur- shows is that every single DJ is passionate cinema Pulp play-list of Radio One, or the handbag about their music, and wants you to share cheese offered by Kiss during the day. their enthusiasm. LUU Film Society Showcase (tel. 01924 420622) If you're not already tuned in, then do so The Killer. Showing in the Rupert Liar Liar, Donnie Brasco, Scream. It Lunchtime Cafe has been a definite Beckett Lecture Theatre, 7pm. Takes Two, Rome and Juliet, Return of highlight, with discussion, chat and even now (you'll miss them when they're gone), the Jedi. Eddie, Metro, The Saint, Star live music. In the evening the shows have starting tonight at 6pm, when you can win a Hyde Park Picture House (tel. Wars, Dante's Peak, Space Jam, 2752045) Empire Strikes Back, Twin Town, been of equally high quality, with fantastic crate of beer in Blag, followed by sixties Bound; 7.00,9.00 Jerry maguire, English Patient Diana Ross (artist's impression), singer sets coming live from The Underground's soul show The Happening at 6.20pm. of The Happening, LSR, 6.20pm Odeon (tel. 2430031) ABC (tel. 2452665) Donnie Brasco; 2.30, 5.25, 8.15 Liar Liar Return of the Jedi; 2.10, 5.00. 8.05 Return of the Jedi Scream; 12.40, 3.15, 5.45, 8.20 The Saint Channel 4 Romeo and Juliet; 2.45, 5.20.-8.10 BBQ 1 BBC 2 ITV The Empire Strikes Back; 2.05,4.50 Cottage Road (tel. 2751606) The English Patient; 7.30 Return of the Jedi; 6.00, 8.30

Lounge (tel. 2751061) 6.00 Open University; 7.15 See 6.00 Sesame Street; 7.00 The Big 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Liar, Liar; 6.00. 8.10 BBC News; 9.00 Breakfast News Hear News; 7.30 Teenage Supermarket Sweep, followed Breakfast; 9.00 Bewitched; 9.30 Mutant Hero Turtles; 7.55 Those British Faces: Stanley Extra; 9.20 Style Challenge; 9.45 by ITN News Headlines; 9.55 Holloway; 10.00 FILM: Champagne Kilroy; 10.30 Can't Cook, Won't Newsround's Rock And Roll Calendar News And Weather; Charlie (1944); 11.55 Pencil Dance; Cook; 11.00 News: Weather; 11.05 Years; 8.35 The Raccoons; 9.00 10.00 The Time... The Place; 12.00 Australia Wild; 12.30 Light The Great Escape; 11.35 Change Study Ireland - History; 9.30 10.30 This Morning; 12.20 Lunch; 1.30 Waterways; 2.00 Racing That; 12.00 News; Regional News: Believe It Or Not; 9.45 Watch; Calendar News And Weather; from Chester; 4.00 Fifteen To One; 10.00 Teletubbies; 10.30 Come 4.30 Countdown; 5.00 Ricki Lake Weather; 12.05 Call My Bluff; 12.30 ITN Lunchtime News: 5.30 Pet Rescue clubs 12.35 Good Living; 1.00 One Outside; 10.45 Science Zone - Weather; 12.55 Home And 6.00 Friends. O'clock News: Weather; 1.30 Living; 11.05 Space Ark; 11.15 Away; 1.20 Coronation Street; 6.25 Fluke Charlie Parkers Planet Earth Regional News: Weather; 1.40 The Go For It; 11.30 Sportsbank; 1.50 Afternoon Live; 2.20 7.00 Channel 4 News Na.\t\, acid ja//., hip hop. Teqitiia/Vodsack, a frenzied night of 7.50 Book Choice Special - A spirit fuelled dehuuchen. if that's your Weather Show; 1.45 Neighbours; 12.00 See Hear!; 12.30 Working Vanessa; 2.50 Afternoon Live; Lunch; 1.00 Teaching Today; Festival Of Commonwealth Club Uropa idea of fun. £1 double £2.50 Members 2.10 Quincy; 2.55 Through The 3.20 ITN News Headlines; Literature Adrenalin, cheap student night in / £3 NUS. Info and membership, call 1.30 Testament: The Bible In Keyhole; 3.20 Private Places - Los 3.25 Calendar News; 3.30 8.00 Moving People. John Peel is superb venue. 9pm-2am, £2 NUS 0973 387577 Animation; 2.00 Juniper Jungle; back in action for the second Angeles; 3.30 Mouse And Mole; Wizadora; 3.40 Potamus Park before I ! .30, O after. 2 bottles of beer 2.10 World Table Tennis 3.50 Bimble's Bucket; 4.00 series of Moving People. fur II 9- 1 Opm. The Underground 3.35 Playdays Championships; 3.00 News: Garfield And Friends; 4.15 8.30 Brookside. The IM\'U Lounge, playing exotica, 9.00 The Investigator. The Courtyard hammond and moog grooves, sound- 3.55 Arthur Weather; 3.05 The Phil Silvers Hey Arnold!; 4.40 Island; 5.10 4.20 Julia Jekyll And Harriet 10.45 FILM: King Of New York f/rhitfi Huxile. with Marcos Moret tracks and tv themes. Show; 3.30 Blockbusters; 3.55 Home And Away; 5.40 News: (1989). Christopher Walken playing hip-hop, jazz-beats, drum and iOpm-2am, (cocktail hour I0-llpm> Hyde News: Regional News: Weather; 5.55 Calendar, stars as a drug lord and crime buss and latin. Free entry & drinks £3 / £3.50 after llpm. 4.35 Pirates Weather; 4.00 Blockbusters; followed by Local Weather; czar who has recently been promo's. 8- 1 Ipm 5.00 Newsround 4.25 Ready, Steady, Cook released from jail and is 6.30 Tonight determined to do something Edwards 5.10 The Lowdown 4.55 Esther. Esther talks to 7.00 Emmerdale. Turner is positive for society. Vinyl Masterchef 96/97, stitl searching 5.35 Neighbours. Darren has a Norman Wisdom about found after a night of 12.40 FILM: Eat A Bowl Of Tea lor the best local D.I talent in Leeds. confession to make. his unhappy childhood. agony. (1989). 2.35 FILM: Iron And Silk (1991). The Warehouse 6.00 News: Weather 5.30 Today's The Day 7.30 Quayside. Dan has to 1 6.00 Fresh Prince Of Bel Air 4.15 Flight Of The Swan Tml\ Student, fret entry and bargain 6.30 Regional News Magazines make the toughest 4.30 Riders Of The Dawn drinks at this new student night. 7.00 Holiday: Fasten Your 6.25 Heartbreak High. Hard- decision of his life. 9pm -2am Seatbelt. Carol Smillie rubs hitting drama series 8.00 The Bill. Daly and shoulders with those who about the students and Skase uncover a deep Nate teachers of an inner-city Red Ran; Love Muscle Tour, playing can afford to stay at one of rift between mother and Channel 5 house, dance and club anthems with Scotland's finest hotels - high school in Sydney. daughter when the DJs Mark Monroe. Uireth. Terry Gleneagles. 7.10 The O Zone daughter's boyfriend is George and Stuart Robinson, 6.00 5 News Early; 7.30 Havakazoo; £4.50memb's, £6 others, 10pm-2am. 7.30 EastEnders. Grant makes a 7.30 From The Waterfront. suspected of burglary. 8.00 Adventures Of The Bush Patrol; decision about Courtney's Stephanie Hughes 8.30 The Cook Report. 8.30 WideWorld; 9.00 Espresso; 10.00 future. presents live coverage of Roger Cook travels to Exclusive; 10.30 Hot Property; 11.00 the gala concert South Africa to explore Leeza; 11.50 Double Espresso; 12.00 8.00 Children's Hospital. Baby The Bold And The Beautiful; 12.30 ggs James McCarthy is covered broadcast from Belfast's the trade of 'canned new concert hall - the Family Affairs; 1.00 5 News Update; in a rash which puzzles the hunting'. 1.05 Sunset Beach. Arts Cafe Bar Waterfront. doctors. 9.00 Touching Evil. Having 2.00 5's Company. The Three Deuces 9.30 Murder One. Mosely and 3.30 FILM: The Secret Life of 8.30 Goodnight Sweetheart. It reached a stalemate Docknovich clash over with suspected child Kathy McCormick (1988). The Duchess is Gary and Phoebe's the race issue during jury 5.20 5's Company - Late Extra Trampoline wedding day. Will Gary abductor Hinks, 5.30 100%, selection for the Latrell Creegan is grateful make it on time? 6.00 Whittle. trial. when an unexpected 6.30 Family Affairs. 9.00 News: Regional News: 10.15 Close Up On Hitchcock. breakthrough comes. 7.00 Exclusive Weather Director Gillies 10.00 News At Ten: Weather 7.30 Wild States. 9.30 Missing In Action. The true 8.00 Fame And Fortune Mackinnon talks about 10.30 Calendar News And 8.30 5 News Including First On story of the miraculous The Birds, and Mike Weather Five. National and international theatre survival of a young fighter Leigh discusses Rear 10.40 Network First. news, with Kirsty Young or Rob pilot and one of the most Window. 11.40 FILM: Columbo. Butler. West Yorkshire Playhouse daring military daylight 9.00 FILM: Red Dawn (1984). Cold I .The Wasp Factory 10.30 Newsnight 1.25 Collins And War action-adventure starring 2. As You Like II rescues ever attempted. 11.15 Space: Above And Maconie's Movie Club Patrick Swayze, C Thomas 10.20 Match Of The Day Beyond. 1.55 Access All Areas Howell and Charlie Sheen. 11.40 FILM: Rocky II (1979). 12.00 The Phil Silvers Show. 2.25 Bonkers! 11.00 The Jack Docherty Show 12.30 The Learning Zone 11.40 The Comedy Store 1.35 Weather 3.25 Club Nation 12.10 Live And Dangerous. 1.40 Close 2.00 Nightschool TV 4.25 Jobfinder 4.40 Prisoner Cell Block H 4.00 BBC Focus 5.30 ITN Morning News 5.30 100% Take a course at Lancaster this Summer lancaster summer and count it towards your degree UNDERGRADUATE MODULES: • Ancient Greece Study skills, languages, computing - • Arthurian Literature in the 20th Century C • The Asia • Pacific War 14 July to 12 September 1997 to complement your degree studies • The Body. 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32 may 7 Flavour of the Day guide Leeds International Music Festival Leeds International Music Festival, now in Repertory Orchestra hosting a recreated its fourth year, begins five days of live jazz, Cotton Club evening. A definite highlight Indian and classical musie in the centre of will be Yorkshire's own Grimethorpe cinema Leeds from today. Highlights this year Colliery Band performing music from the hit includes BTja// pri/e winner Julian Joseph, film Brassed ()ff. which has been nominated Hyde Park Picture House (trl. ABC (lei. 2452665) who opens the event with the City of Leeds for a BAFTA award alongside i.\ihi and 2752045) Liar Liar College of Music Big Band. Lammas make Bound: 7.00,9.IX) Return ol the Jedi Shine. Tickets for the festival and further The Saint an early appearance before their tour to information can be obtained by calling into OdeonUri. 2430031) launch their new album, followed on the the Colleue of Music on Cookridge Street, or The Crimelhiirpe Colliery /land Dimme Brasco: 2.30. 5.25. X.I5, Cottage Road del. 2751606) Return of the Jedi; 2.10. 5.IX). 8.05 Return of the Jedi; 6.00. 8.30 Friday night by the ever-popular Fllington by calling 2476962. Scream; 12.40. 3.15. 5.45. 8.2(1 Romeo and Juliet. 2.45,5.20.8.10 Lounge , Rome and Juliet. Return <>l 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 6.00 Open University; 7.15 See 6.00 Sesame Street the Jedi. Ivddie. Mono. The Saint. Star 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Supermarket News; 9.00 News Extra; 9.20 Hear News; 7.30 Teenage Mutant Sweep; 9.55 Calendar News; 7.00 Big Breakfast W.irs. Halite's Peak, Space Jam, 9 00 Bewitched Umpire Strikes Back. Twin I'own, Jerrv Style Challenge; 9.45 Kilroy; Hero Turtles; 7.55 Lowdown; 8.20 10.00 The Time... The Place; 10.30 Can't Cook, Won't Cook; 9.30 Those British Faces: Miles maguire, Hnglish Patient Philbert The Frog; 8.25 The 10.30 This Morning; 12.20 Malleson 11.00 News: Weather; 11.05 Adventures Of Buzzy Bee And Calendar News, followed by 10.00 FILM: Knight Without Great Escape; 11.35 Change Friends; 8.35 Raccoons; 9.00 Crimestoppers; 12.30 News: Armour (1937) That; 12.00 News; 12.05 Call My Discovering Portuguese; 9.25 Weather: 12.55 Home And 12.00 House To House clubs Bluff; 12.35 Good Living; 1.00 12.30 Light Lunch Belief File; 9.45 Words And Away; 1.20 Emmerdale; 1.50 News: Weather; 1.30 Regional 1.30 Waterways Pictures; 10.00 Teletubbies; 10.30 Afternoon Live; 2.20 Vanessa; 2.00 Channel 4 Racing from I'iKk'rground News; 1.40 Weather Show; 1.45 Caspers Numbertime; 10.45 Cats Eyes; Chester Britpop. indie ami dance 15 Mint'onup. night of northern sout, stax, 2.50 Afternoon Live; 3.20 Neighbours; 2.10 Quincy; 2.55 11.00 Moving To English; 11.20 News; 3.25 Calendar News; 4.00 Fifteen To One entry with 5 free beers and cheap drinks. nioto\vn and 60s heat with reudeBts Ktl Through The Keyhole; 3.20 A and John. Listen IHII for the radio show tin The Art; 11.40 Study Ireland: 3.30 Alphabet Castle; 3.40 Tots 4.30 Countdown Perfect Arrangement; 3.30 5.00 Ricki Lake Courtyard ivr. Geography; 12.00 Shape Of The TV; 3.50 Oscar And Friends; Playdays; 3.50 Monster Cafe; 5.30 Pet Rescue Maxi. more Ulan just another puh qui/. I0pm-2atn. £3 before IIpin. £3.50 alter. World; 12.30 Working Lunch; 1.00 3.55 Sooty And Co; 4.20 Tiny with Daisy & Havoc spinning the tunes 4.05 New Yogi Bear Show; 4.10 6.00 Party Of Five Geography Collection; 1.25 Zig Toon Adventures; 4.40 Harry's 6.50 Fresh Pop and providing the fun. Le Phono Gadget Boy; 4.35 Out Of Tune; Zag; 1.45 Come Outside; 2.00 7.00 News fMmf. Rock / Alternative night. 5.00 Newsround; 5.10 Blue Peter; Mad; 5.10 Home And Away; Edwards Miller£l a pint all night. Philbert The Frog; 2.05 7.50 Book Choice Special - A 5.35 Neighbours; 6-OONews; 6.30 5.40 News: Weather; 5.55 Club TmfHcana, come in from the cold IOpm-2am.£2/£3 Adventures Of Buzzy Bee And Calendar, followed by Local Festival Of Commonwealth with tunes from the '70s to '^HV Regional News Magazines Literature Th* Warehouse 7.00 Antiques Roadshow Friends; 2.10 Table tennis Weather; 6.30 Tonight 8.00 Brookside. Liquid (jttld, new mid-week dance night, with 7.30 Tomorrow's World. Championships; 3.00 News; 7.00 Emmerdale. Mandy gets 8.30 Planet Showbiz. Mark guest Judge Jules. Cheap drinks Lamarr gets singing tips from l)u\l. cool night mixing it up in true Featuring the 'hot 93.05 Phil Silvers Show; 3.30 tough with the Dingles. alternative srytee. I0pm-2am, £3.50/£4 Blockbusters; 3.55 News: Biff meets his father for a 74-year-old rocking granny IOpm-2am. £2.50, with drinks pronn>.s. hedgehog' from Israel, who teaches luminaries such which could be the basis Weather the first time. Zoe tries to as Axl Rose and Megadeth's LMUSU City Site for solar power. 4.00 Blockbusters get closer to Sophie - Dave Mustang how to scream. O7T. cheap and chearful 80s & 90s piss- 8.00 National Lottery Live 4.25 Ready, Steady, Cook and gets a shock. 9.00 Heroes Of Comedy: The up. With treNe vodka & mixer still only 8.10 Ballykissangel. Fr Clifford 4.55 Esther 7.30 Coronation Street. Mike Goons. £1.95, and hiter, lager and cider just ^5p a 5.30 Today's The Day comes to Ashley's 10.00 E.R pint, f 1.50 before 10.30pm, £2.50 after. prepares for his driving 11.00 Friends. Priority tickets £2 in advance. test. For different reasons, 5.55 Turning Points rescue. Jim's first date 11.30 Roseanne. Ambrose and Quigley are 6.00 Star Trek: The Next since splitting up with Liz 12.00 Under The Moon Incl NBA Majesnk both anxious to locate Generation. The is with another resident XXL, Board Stupid, Kim:. 70s* 80s club classics Enterprise enters the of the street. 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University Voted No. / a® -i Sl LUCKV5 Open 7 days a week 5pm till late By leads Students Tel: 2425672 To order just pick up the phone and give us a call. ill o Your order will be delivered FREE to your door within 3,3 imteTatfiw of our shop. - FREEPHONE * Voted 0800 14 66 52 No, 1 by BURGHarlem Bush Club at Liquid, that are dance classes each week at 8.30pm. DJ's 2752045) Empire Strikes Back, Twin Town, Jerry muguire, English Patient Casa iMtina - the real alternative really doing something different, with live Lubi "Slavoloco", Chico Malo and Nick Bound; 7.00. 9.00 bands each week, sometimes brought in "El Greco" provide the fun for the night Odeon (tel. 24300.M» ABC (tcl. 2452665) Donnie Brasco: 2.W. 5.25. 8.15 L.iar I.iar Return of the Jcdi: 2.10. 5 («). s.05 Return of the Jedi Scream; 12.40. 3.15. 5.45. 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Shahnaz Off the Wall, cutiinn edge deep house Brii ntm, big beats, boo/ine and pogo- Perfect Arrangement; 3.30 Pakravan presents a new laced with funk and ja/./. 8pni-2um, L'l a ing, as Kil/.y g<.>es indie' if NUS or will Playdays; 3.50 Postman Pat; Working Lunch; 1.00 Lifeschool; Riddlers; 3.40 Wizadora; 3.50 health series that uses pint. £1 on the door. flyer. 50p pint, U selected trebles. 4.05 Felix The Cat; 4.20 Julia 1.25 Science In Action; 1.45 Rupert; 4.15 Mike And Angelo investigation. Numbertime; 2.00 Fireman Sam 4.40 Sweat 8.30 Taste Of The Times. Lc Phono The Underground Jekyll And Harriet Hyde; 4.35 Megsalamania, trance-tastic dub with 2.10 Golf. Steve Rider 5.10 Home And Away 9.00 Dispatches Cuna iMiina. Booga!oc>97! With DJs Return To Jupiter The ESC. Lager and bitter £ 1.50 a pint, Chico Malo & El Greco, plus live salsa 9.45 Bright Sparks: Fear Of Fat. 9pnvSm, n/£2.50. 5.00 Newsround introduces action from the 5.40 News: Weather Resuming the series of films each \veek. 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Gripping 1.55 Close 4.00 Languages 5.30 ITN Morning News drama (are you sure?) 10.40 Exclusive Extra 5.00 Business And Work 11.00 Jack Docherty Show LUCKX5 Open 7 days a week 5pm till late To order just pick up the phone and give us a call. Your order will be delivered FREE to your door within aJMritetaditi* af our shop. - / Voted! NONE No, 1 by DELIVER Leeds I FASTER vstudents/ FREE PHONE O5OO 11 81 RAGLAN ROAD, HYDE PARK, LEEDS, LS2 9DZ 34 Irjtelevision 2 3 BALLOT BOX You saw all the Party Election Broadcasts over the last month. You made a special A weekly runaround effort not to miss Tony Blair on Question Time. You stayed up all Thursday night to of last week's TV watch the results come in... OK, so maybe you didn't but JOE DOWNIE did comings and goings s you read this, again it worked. epitomised by "victim of capitalism", and the Britain will Less successful Martin Bell - hapless Llrika .lonsson atthew Kelly. xvas the British they were the floundering almost bulldog real stars of the through an The 7ft tall * A imagery which certainly have a new show. Puxman interviexv with bearded freak I .abour led the pack John Major. M Prime Minister attempted to with a disastrous side with his brand The show moving into No 10. If wrestle from of int.- was saved by parting. Blatantly you voted, then the extreme slanting-match Dennis Pennis's bullied at school. And television coverage of riaht wins: BNP. technique, irrelevant anil indeed somewhat fittingly the Blair's which in fact piss-iakes of Chris the campaign is likely patriotism was put is ("Hello, hank manager, presenter of Stars in to have informed - if endearing, but intemewees so how much money ha\e I got Their Eyes (Saturday not influenced - your perhaps rather • that todaj misguided. questions v This was one of those 8.15pm, ITV). decision. Conspicuous by Although not really rarel\ •ned up by You max deny this his absence ansu . Miiething pony tailed required student viewing, rigiirouslx, hut it seems from our had 10 feel Joho this programme somehow absurd to suggest that oxer screens was for John issiny what 'I'lu- seems to pass as "a hit of a a month's worth of Labour's Snow, who was Kids are interested in. A laugh". I beg to differ: it's pervasive, perstia . Deputy Leader. relegate wacky programme about John Prescott. swingometer polities. Thanks, but sod oil. about as funny as Samuel television coverage of the who has been election has had no duty for a Far bettei were Swampy on Beckett's birthday party. out on the tour whole month. Have / C/nl .Vcn \ i'ur You. and Alung with namesake Henry, influence on xoting bus for the last on fidgeting xvith the papers on The poor man Rory Brcmner's superbly and Les 'please kill me' Dennis. intentions. month visiting Old Labour must dream ol the bloody acerbic and accurate satire Matthew Kelly makes up the So. how did the parties fare constituencies. his desk. The Natural Law Party were suitably spaced out contraption. shows. His mock Party unholy trinity of 80s has-been during the campaign? To be The antidote for all this Llcclion Broadcasts - in which comedians. Resplendent last lair, all of the main parties he Tories had a generally as usual. The Pro Life Alliance sent shivers down our spines, could have been the 'lite a kettle belonging to the week in a blue velvet suit, he performed very well and. more negative Enormous Election with Conservative Party was certainly followed the first law of unfortunately, there were no campaign, trying to oh. and while we're talking T about minority interest parties Dennis I'ennis. which was one teatured with the slogan "Vote major gaffs to embarrass the scare us away from voting gameshow host conduct; thou let's not forget the Liberal of those slightly patronising Conservative. Vote shall make thy contestant feel as Tories or to wipe that smug Labour. Their sound-bites 'yoof t.v. shows, in which all Conservative Kettles." - would grin off Tony Blair's face. (You Can't Trust Labour, etc.) Democrats, who conducted a uncomfortable as possible. Why very commendable and our heroes (David Baddiel, have had a wry smile on the do they need to put their arms Labour have learnt, after were snappy enough, but Melinda Messanger and, er. lips of Sachi and Sachi, years of trying, how to manage lacked any imagination or sensible campaign, but still no- around all the girls'? Please one will vote for them. Nigel out of Dodgy) talked amongst others. His Paddy desist. a campaign, and their well vision. On television. Major about issues that apparently Ashdown piss-take. "Hello... oiled electioneering machine put on a brave face but faced Perhaps the biggest tragedy affect Young People. So we and I make no apology for worked a treat. A couple of an uphill battle when the rest of the campaign was the fact had Nigel Dodgy talking about using that word...." would notable highlights included of his party kept on that The Monster Raving drugs (guess what kids, he's have had the Liberal Democrat Loony Party didn't qualify for for legalising cannabis), Chris central office wincing. Blair on Question Time, in squabbling. Full marks though a Party Election Broadcast. which he came across as a for the Tony Blair puppet Eubank claiming he is a So he grateful it's all over, very honest, passionate and campaign. They only needed to field a and be even more grateful you exuberant man, and the 'Blair As for the rest., well, this is further 11 candidates before don't live in America, where at Home' Party Election where things began to get they would have become the political campaign is never funny. The Referendum entitled to a five minute slot. ending, and where there are no Broadcast. Ah well, perhaps next time. The cynics might argue that Party's Party Election regulations to keep-these Blair talking about his father's Broadcast had all the The television pundits and political swines off our illness and the death of his production values of a 1940s presenters used the extended screens. mother was irrelevant and prime ministerial address, as programmes to further their own careers more than deliberately designed to tug at Sir James Goldsmith squinted anything else. In essence - and our heart strings, but once to read the auto-cue and kept

My favourite parts were the the contestant background sequences. There were some Are students really just a bunch of apathetic parasites? Or have you tuned in beautiful shots of a skip-making factory in Derby, and the and turned on to this year's General Election campaign? Read it and weep... opticians in Epsom was particularly fetching. Hey kids: Interviews: Matt James Pictures: Caroline Penry-Davey remember, anyone can be a star. One chubby young upstart had the temerity to desecrate "The Conservative ads "The election shouldn't "Hungry like the Wolf by the are monotonous and be run on personalities, mighty Duran; Nick Rhodes had play on our fears. I but on policies. It's not more style in his left cheekbone haven't really had time important whether the than the entire cast of this sorry to watch much because politicians take drugs or spectacle put together. of my course, but I think not. It seems more like a A more enertaining waste of those Throrntons union election where time is the bizarre new children's chocolate lollies are you vote for the best TV series Teletuhhies (weekdays great.". looking girl or whatever." 10am, BBC2). The eponymous Helen Coyle Will McDonald Tim Carter fluorescent humanoids of this English Katie Burden Sara Maxted History programme have TV screens in French and Politics English/Theatre Studies Fine Art and Art History their tummies, on which they "The media is using observe small children building "I'm surprised that the "I've found most of it BNP and the Pro-Life pretty boring. I prefer the politicians to barbecues and washing buses. promote itself. Their Cool. Not one to watch after Alliance were able to the satirical side of broadcast on national things, like the Two concentration on the staying up all night, maybe, leaders mocks any unless you fancy some serious TV. The right to Johns and Rory freedom of speech Bremner. At least they pretence of a system mind games. Stick to the BBC of parliamentary test screen, insomniacs. seems to have have a sense of become something of humour." democracy." Matt James a grey area recently."

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OD'S law distinctly states that the time will come Swhen every single one of your mates - yep, even those who solemnly swore at 2am one are so many single women around ? Sunday morning back in 1993 However, despite the fact that the new 90s that they would remain single woman appears to be searching for forever - has a significant other perfection, this doesn't seem to prevent most of you poor gullible fools from falling into with whom they have pledged our trap. OK, so perhaps the thought that to spend the rest of their lives. you may be a couple of hundred quid out This same law also makes it of pocket at the end of the month perfectly clear, doesn't make up for endless nights however, that at spent alone with GINNER'S said moment in inly Melinda Is the thought of lessenger's * time, the nearest itest you will get to a ffering for * quiet evening in sexual relief imfort. JRVIVING with a bird is a ;n all's \ lonely couple of id and done, nights looking after worth sharing >ugh, is a few 1| Aunty Enid's >urs of sexual parakeet while your fags for? lief a week really she's off on a bingo 'orth sharing your I YEARS fags / razors / weekend. quality drinking time? And, For the unprepared, this can be a more importantly, missing there are undoubtedly going to be thoroughly demoralising state of affairs. Match of the Day in i say "dos paquetas de Those in the know, however, understand that sservativos, por favor". times when, as the old cliche goes, order to watch Pretty they have had a lucky escape, and will make Woman for the Unfortunately - or so we've life's a bitch. the most of their freedom, however long it So, for the benefit of anyone millionth time ? Ten :n told - things don't actually lasts. However unpolitically correct it may out of ten single any better once you've packed unable to cope with life's little be to say so, women are a drain on the wallet traumas who find the prospect of men in the jr bags to leave Leeds for the and a bloody pain in the arse to boot. Those Faversham said getting out of bed before Eastenders eagle-eyed readers amongst you will notice t time. As prepared as you may and actually working for some money absolutely bloody 1 that you are for a life spent in that I myself fall into the latter category, but not. about as appealing as that washing up to hell with it, I'm not ashamed to admit to job of your dreams / on the that is still in the sink from last week, the truth. le / living off Mummy and here is the definitive guide to avoiding A survey of twenty single women in the .ddy's vast personal fortune, ending up in a mental hospital before Faversham last Friday night revealed that ( the age of 25. potential suitors take note ) only three were prepared to take anything less than a George Clooney lookalike with an endless bank account and a personal credit at Harvey asy once you leave Nick's. All questioned admitted that offering to pay half the bill at a restaurant - which under no circumstances should be Naffees - |h, EMMA AL-JUMAILI looks was an elaborate plan to sort out the stingy bastards from the wadded, and that no female worth her salt should even attempt to ra and Judy, interest free snog anything that hasn't already appeared in a Calvin Klein advert. m every street corner Hardly surprising is it really, that there tudent body. Yvonne, on the other always come to those who wait. You land, has spent the past three years in a don't believe me? Well, let's just say tate of drunken debauchery, and is that the last time I heard from both of lose to failing her degree due to an them, Fran had turned into a bitter bundance of damn good times. young lassie, and in consequence her YOU However, rather dishy boyfriend has run off with I rather than a beautiful and intelligent piece of swallowing Oxford totty. Yvonne on the other hand 'aft, no I her pride as I'm sure any female reading this and making would, is currently shacked up with a I the best of a rather godlike Ryan Giggs lookalike. LD age is a worrying conclusion that we're all going to the front seats of the bus, moaning about egrets - frankly And that, as you'd agree, is what thing. At 21,1 find die. How we die, however, is a the youth of today. Days will be whiled hideous lot. an\one would call justice. question ripe for much debate. away sending off application forms to go I Fran Omyself fretting about Forget nuclear bombs, starving to on Countdown, co-ordinating your local I returned the fact that most pop groups Neighbourhood Watch scheme, and death in some Bali jail half way writing letters to Points of View to home after are closer to my nephew's age through a ninety five year jail le first year and told anyone who complain about the disgraceful lack of than mine; and ever since Joe sentence for drug smuggling, and respect to their elders shown by the kids ouldn't get away every other weekly occurrence on uickly enough that she Wicks came into Eastenders, on Grange Hill. /as the toast of the I've started avoiding walking Brookside Close. To be honest, there's nothing at all to niversity, while her I WILU Chances are, as depressing as it look forward to when you get old, but, ood friend Yvonne into college via Leeds Boys' sounds, we are all going to end up as whether we like it or not, there's a place pent every evening SURVIVE Grammar, as, to be honest, I nothing more than an NHS statistic. reserved in the bingo halls for each and lone, crying into a don't think I could trust myself Lung cancer, liver cirrhosis, heart every one of us. Having said that there :pid Diet Coke. Thus. failure - take your pick. One day we really is absolutely no reason whatsoc\er around all those floppy fringes to li\c in tear waiting for the day when »t surprisingly, their * will all come to a sticky end, and I iendship is no more. and cute northern accents. •lie around you starts dropping like can guarantee you that it won't be flies. Simply think of it this way. If you And the moral of the Life as a Let's face it, growing old "iV1 Don't lose an\ from over work. make it past sixty five and ha\en't scares the shit out of most Before this happens, however, we will succumbed to the Helen Daniels wpil \ourbest friend billy no- all be subjected to the incomparable joy mis into a ra\ing people, and none of us want to syndrome, whereby everyone within a of growing old and gradually turning into fi\c mile radius of you wants to kill you sychopath and refuses mates ; die. our parents. Believe it or not, the day will i talk to \ou an\ more. on sight, then you haven't done too badly It's pretty much a foregone actually come when you will be sat on after all. Urue vengeance will o c

- Or Is It •responsibility" and 'settling down' don't reallj rather than spending six months hiking across the graduates, whether \ou want to work or not. Despite the roll off the tongue all that easily, and the nearest Sahara with only a backpack and a camel lor company fact that all parental propaganda claiming that the >bs already, but obviously they you will get to meaningful employment within the next An amazing twenty five percent of those questioned minute you yet a degree you will immediately be it in the Brotherton researching few years appears to be the daunting task of pitching a were planning on leaping on the next plane to Sunsville inundated with sackfuls of'joh offers is complete crap, nning on doing over the tent in the beer garden at the Oak. the moment that finals were over, in order to spend the it's fair to say that there are very few amongst us who The idea of travelling to foreign shores al wa> s has a foreseeable future lying in a hammock being fed grapes won't eventually find their niche in life. And if you by nubile young local. And the funding for such an really can't decide what you want to do, simply sign up I number of you have no intention major following within the body of ex-students, even though most seem to define the term 'working holiday' ambitious plan ? Graduate loan, of course. for another degree course, and spend the next three >the rat race until bankruptcy There are hundreds of alternatives out there for years thinking about it ' her alternative.Words like more as an excuse to sell suntan lotion on Miami Beach,

37 18 LEEDS STUDENT Friday October 4, 1996 Write in to Leeds Student Personals, PO Box 157, Leeds University Union, Leeds, LS1 1UH. Alternatively, hand your message don't get mad, get personal to the porters at LUU THERE IT IS! Huw, the joke's on you! r IS YOUR > PERSONALS ARE FREE The Hog Roast, GSOH, seeks like- LSR Athletic v. Leeds Student United, May minded listeners for moments of abject 18th 12pm @ Weetwood. LGI keep some SOCIETY Simply write a message below & hand it to the porters at LUU or post it terroro, fear, shame, & humiliation. Meet beds free us on 107.8fm on Sunday at 7pm. We'll Darling, you looked GORGEOUS on ADVERTISED HERE? to get personal, Leeds Student, LUU, PO Box 157, Leeds, LSI lUH be the ones wearing a red carnation. Find Saturday night, the 'Statue of Liberty' a pig suit. No time wasters please. pose looked VERY sexy - from the other Nic, sorry about the rose for Valentines side of the Old bar!!! Day, but I thought after all this time I 3 bottles of alcoholic lemonade and 2 WELL IT SHOULD BE should let you know just how much I double vodkas for £5. Monday to Thursday still love you! at Strawberryfields Bar. (Doubles £1.10 CALL To: Statistically the shortest named every evening) person in the whole university!? 1 am LSR Spice Boys - James R (Baby Spice), 231 4251 going out of my head at the wrong spped, Martin (Scarey Spice), Steff (Scouse flower. Lots of love from the only Spice), Clare (Well ginger Spice) & Huw Leeds Student office open all day and Mr.Spice. with the sexy blonde mate (Quite posh Spice). undoubtedly all night on Monday... from Hampshire. BRUCE HARTLEY - FUCK OFF! LOVE Dave, hope you're at home getting some Dan -1 never realised how good- FROM EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. well needed sleep...its so beautiful being looking you were until I did the Otley Catch Bryan G. & Jumping Jack Frozt in Sheffield so early, cheers! Zoe, don't Run - SJ xx exclusive to LSR - Monday night 8-10 stress, hope the work's getting Sj - who are you? And Kemistry & Storm (Metalheadz) the done...take it easy & enjoy the sun, love, Geeta - there's more to you than meets Monday after. Drum n Bass heaven on H. the eye...from LSR LSR! Ewok, I think we know enough about Watch out for LSR parties at the re-opening Snouty voice. Settle down & cancel the the chocolate body paint, but what of the Pleasure Rooms...It's gonna be about the handcuffs? Exactly what were Basically Obvious... 4 bottles of Pils and 2 double vodkas for assassins. Love Mummy & Daddy. P.S. you doing? LSR take over the food tent at the Grad £5.00. Mon-Thursday at Strawbs Bar. Tidy your room. HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, KATE MARKS! hall...Mini, yum... (Doubles £1.10 every evening) SUSIE BOWMAN - getting old mate! Have an absolute blinder at your party on Abbie-don't you just love my yellow vinyl Set 3 course meal - special price £6.50 at Monday. Masses of hugs and kisses from effort ^^ — Strawberryfields bistro. Have a hap-hap-happy birthday, a wuh, a your law mates - Amy, Daniela. Claire. Matt-just wanted to hear the sound of your wuh, a wuh, lots of love Daes, WHOOP, LSR...get ff Dan, Simon, Johnny and Evil B. some sleep... NIGHTLINE To advertise in this space FOR ALL YOUR call NIGHTLINE LISTENING 243 9997 BIG BALL NEEDS 231 4251 NIGHTLINE INFO LINE THE FINAL CURTAIN 243 9998 • Ball gowns from £15 STUDENTS! - DISCOUNT RATES: Tuxedos from £20 8PM - SAM open Monday - Saturday CVs, DISSERTATIONS, EVERY NIGHT OF TERM 12-6pm WORD PROCESSING etc V. J 17 Headingley Lane, Hyde Park Corner Work Carried out By Appointment to meet your deadlines ABACUS SECRETARIAL SERVICES

Contact Toni on (0113) 230 4156 CV Production DRESS FOR LESS \ (24 hour answerphone available) Theses/Dissertations/Assignments etc AT copy/audio - fast accurate service THE SALVATION ARMY (HEADINGLEY- based.) FREE collection/delivery/fax facilities CHARITY SHOP and 24hr answerphone service 175 MEANWOOD ROAD, LEEDS 7. ALSO FURNITURE, BOOKS, BRIC-A-BRAC, TO HELP YOU MEET YOUR DEADLINES!! RECORDS, TAPES. OPEN MON, TUES, THURS, SAT Call Carol: 01924 364 584 9.30AM - 4.00PM J FRI - 9.30AM - 12.30PM CLOSED WEDS Do you drink LOTS OF ^ J 'DIET' DRINKS?

ONE STUDENT REQUIRED > Volunteers are needed to TO MAKE UP A HOUSE FOR SIX IN HEADINGLEY FOR SESSION ) a body piercing studio with a different attitude complete a few short ) piercings by Doug & Jeannine 1997/98 ) full friendly advice - all piercing concepts discussed questionnaires on eating and ) 100% hygienic and sterile studio drinking behaviours. Rent £39.00 per week per person ) extensive stock of jewellery Bond: £75.00 per person ) fast custom jewellery service Interested? Please contact: Katherine Appleton. Lounge, Central Heating, Shower, Microwave & Automatic Washing Machine TURNING BODY PIERCING INTO AN ART Dept. of Psychology, University 12A Cliff Mount, Woodhouse, Leeds, LS6 2HP of Leeds Unipol Code of Standard Applies Tel: Lynne on 231 0655 any time 0113225 0405 tel: 233 6682 email: [email protected] inside: trauel 16-17 science 18 fashion 19 Friday May 2.

'The opinion polls are just wrong. It isn't like that in the rrowds and it isn't like that on he doorstep." 'If there is an anti-sleaze candidate in this election, it's me."

'VVc do not promise a revolution. Wi: promise only what we can deliver and we will deliver what we promise." BOREDOM LANDSLIDE be drawn from the London PATHY has Marathon and The Grand become a National. Nonetheless, the political cliche, most enduring test of strength « A Not even a headless and stamina and the longest a self fulfilling horse race in the world still prophecy, but there is resembled a sprint in no hiding from the comparison to this campaign. fact this has been a Then, the biggest issue of chicken could save them all. Europe Newcastle dull campaign. had already been knocked out. 'You should not be surprised that The problem has been but now further :hose in the country will conclude that this contest hasn't disappointment as Manchester that you enter the election as you United fell to the German conducted your administration - lasted for six weeks, but champions from Dortmund on a broken promise - on a for three long years. this general and Liverpool couldn't quite ilippery evasion with your party The moment Tony Blair overcome Pans St Germain in mired in accusations of sleaze." secured victory as leader of a thrilling second leg. New Labour was I he- o Meanwhile, back in the prompt lor honest John to iDolitics, world of Westminster, coach varnish his soapbox. Paddy BY JACOB MICKEY election Major was desperately Irving Ashdown to remove to explain to his players that debate would he based entirely 'secret' romps in the park and journalism and the decision of they should "wait and see" splinters from his backside while gaffer Blair was refusing and decide \vhieh side of on what was to become of the confessions of e\-ga> lo\eis the ex-BBC journalist Martin Bell to stand as an ami slea/e to give any of his team's the fence to fall and Peter Tory party once they " stole the headlines, education, faced with the indignity of health and the economy candidate against Hamilton in tactics away for the Snow to discover if his opposition. Would the party remained peripheral issues. Tatton helped to bring the forthcoming season.Trainer swinging instrument still split into two. as the "bastards' Ironically, the most repugnant debate to a more serious level. Ashdown had plenty of ideas functioned. were given a free reign to act of s|ea/e deser\ ing of more Not even (he intervention of to help Britain recreate a What began as the longest a headless chicken, a bulldog Liverpool sty le dynasty in "Tony Blair and 1 will dance attack the bureaucrats from coverage than all the other campaign in history will find Brussels.' Or would they stick tales of indiscretions put called Fit/ or any other Europe, but nobody took any around that maypole in Downing its place amid the archives ,i-. member of the cabinet could notice because he wasn't going Street - providing v with their cherished leader together was escaping proper the dullest. The reason examination. save this election from delving to qualify anyway. everyone out to vote." giving him the chance to multifarious, hut the one single become the longest scmng to new depths of boredom. By The campaign drew to a I actor aho\e all else which Prime Minister in history .' HE Neil Hamilton 'cash this stage even the publication close in much the same way it decided that this election Eventually, these questions for questions' affair of a video featuring Alan had began; shrouded in would be the biggest turn off were put on the back burner, strikes at the heart of the Shearer's greatest post match frustration. The same questions T remained unanswered as the since Eldorado was that it was but only to give way to a entire Parliamentary system. interviews would have been an over before it had began. barrage of sex. slea/e and the implications it holds for the exciting reprieve. last night at the circus ended Despite the odd blip in the scandal. "At last." I hear you concept of democracy in this Sport did manage to and the big top was packed polls which suggested the cry. finally a topic of some- country are deep and squee/e its way onto the away for another five years Conservatives were beginning interest. fundamental. political agenda.While Major We should, however, refrain to eat a hole in the enormous Alas, no, the revelations Yet at times it seemed that made his last stand at the from despair. Elections have a Labour lead, the outcome was became so frequent during the the most vital issue of all was crease, Tony Blair insisted on strange habit of getting in the never really in doubt. first couple of weeks that the how far the wife of Piers promoting himself as the way of polities; now is the Maintaining interest in the so-called issues became Merchant could stick her manager of a Premiership club time for the real issues to be "Vote for insanity - you know it events out on the Hustings trail tongue down her cheating promising to take the answered. makes sense." submerged and the events took was proving difficult. on a near farcical tone. While husband's throat. Fortunately, economic league by storm. There was a danger that the tales of extra marital affairs, the power of investigative Surely, a more apt analogy can Out/oolc

SIMON JEFFERY

HE strangest place I've seen in Spain is El Valle de Tlos Caidos near Madrid, the site of Franco's tomb. A half-lit tunnel carved into the mountainside leads to a simple flagstone where fresh flowers are left everyday. And, like the flowers, his ghost won't wilt. Incredible as it may seem, modern Spain is only a 20-year- old democracy. Thanks to uninterrupted repression between 1939 and 1975 and a subsequent two year spell of 'transition', political liberty is a recent re- discovery. Of course most of the Spanish don't like it when you talk like his about their country's past. The students in my university classes are 23 and 24 and although they were born under ~ranco they were only toddlers when he died and, as such, are about as aware of the man as 1 am of the last Labour government. The South of France has long been regarded as a haven Plus the country has done so nuch since: the Barcelona Olympics, Seville's expo 92 and a for the rich and sophisticated. TAMSIN MARTIN took the )lace in the European Union down the line it can seem as if O 7ranco's insularity - which went trauel as far as making railway tracks train to Aix-en-Provence for a taste of true cafe culture wider to prohibit trans-European travel - is truly a thing of the past IX-EN- The centre of Aix though, is, as we around 18,000 students. are into impressionism, Aix is the discovered, a thriving street of hip Most come from the region, place to go. Even the keenest art- PROVENCE, city of and trendy cafes where the rich and although there is a large contingent of historians will have had enough of A students, cafe- chic hang out. Prices are sky-high, foreign students too. Americans, Cezanne after your stay. culture and Cezanne. which is considerable especially Brits and Germans seem to be the If you are looking for a wild night when they are compared to nearby main nationalities but not much out, Aix is not the place to look for it. Situated right next door to cities like Marseille where the socialising is done between groups, In a town packed with chic cafes, the Marseille on the Cote standard of living is noticeably lower. despite the potential bonding factor 'nightclub' as Leeds students know it D'Azur, Aix sounded a The women here, beautifully of all being foreigners in a foreign does not exist. There is the occasional Some of the more extreme made-up and pampered and the men, place. small bar and the best I have found is spects of Franco's ultra great place to head for. stylishly dressed and incredibly cool, The French spoken down here is a 'bistrot' with a DJ where hip young onservative reign - for instance, We took the train from wander slowly up and down the street 'Marseillais', the nasal dialect made things dance around the tables, but llm censors were plucked from London to Aix, a journey in front of cafes - the is the place to famous by Marcel Pagnol's novels there is nothing like the clubs we all ie ranks of the Catholic church - lasting 24 hours and numerous look and be looked at. and films. He based his writing from know and love (Ritzy's, Planet Earth an at times seem like a bad joke changes at Calais, Paris and ...hmmm). iding the reality of life under Everyone seems to spend the western Europe's last dictator. But Marseille. The overnight from evenings drinking expensive drinks in is legacy is all around : even the Paris to Marseille took 8 hours Everyone seems to spend the cafes on the main boulevard, even in egendary Costas, which may and was almost empty so I was March - the cafes provide heaters to eem a natural development to able to snatch a couple of evenings drinking expensive drinks take away the chill from pavement iccommodate Brits on the piss, tables, where you need to wrap up .vere encouraged by the hours sleep, sprawled over 2 warm to escape the cool provencal Generalissimo to bring in foreign seats. in outdoor cafes, even in March Mistral wind. urrency and get the economy out Not the most comfortable of Aix does have a very if a tight spot. rides but travelling by train does Mediterranean atmosphere to it, As late as 1981 Lieutenant- enable you to see the changing Shopping in Aix is definitely not the nearby town of Aubagne, now which gives it that bit of character colonel Tejero, a Franco loyalist, countryside as you trundle to your for students. After the usual thriving on his name. some northern French towns lack. It held the Madrid Congress to destination. Benetton, Gap etc come the designer On that front though, Aix cannot is really close to all the Cote D'Azur ;unpoint for 24 hours on live As we drew into Aix early in the stores such as YSL, Sonia Rykiel and be beaten for thriving on the name of towns like Cannes and St Tropez and elevision while his seniors put morning on the train from Marseille, Prada. Impressive though the clothes Cezanne and pulling in as much yet slightly off the beaten track, a anks on the streets of Valencia in the sun lit up the Mediterranean-style and the prices were, I don't think the tourism as possible by little bit different from the normal an attempt to wrestle power from root's and painted shutters of the shop assistants were too impressed commercialising his work. South of France holiday. he new democracy. town. It seemed almost Italian in with me in my scruffy T-shirt and Everywhere you go his name pops In spite of the long train journey, I Thankfully he failed, but appearance and the houses jeans...but the town is very much a up; on restaurants, cafes, hotels, enjoyed the Aix ambience - definitely Spain hasn't completely rid itself picturesquely uncared for. student town as well, the two museums and obviously the shops are worth a visit, even if it is just to of the structures of the political branches of the university totalling full of Cezanne postcards so if you experience real cafe culture. •jght. The country has one of the ieast developed welfare slates in western Europe; the appalling state of the river near my flat in Murcia reeks of apathy and no n n n environmental concern. Spain's salvation though is the Spaniards. Perhaps reacting to or the budget traveller, the bus Western Himalaya over the second to falling off. My fellow passengers stopped? Walking to the front of the decades of Francoist repression is always one of the cheapest highest pass in the world. Despite and I stayed deathly silent while we queue I found out - with the recent and seclusion they are tolerant, Foptions for getting from A to B plenty of warning I decided to were on the bus, concentrating on not snowmelt had come floods of water disarmingly open and - as my - but not always the most abandon my fate to an unknown bus watching the cliffs to either side of us which had washed away the road. own experience showed me - comfortable, the safest or the driver in a dilapidated bus which had and swallowing hard when we Nothing remained except a gash of almost too enthusiastic in their quickest. In fact, taking the bus can seen better days. glimpsed a mangled wreck far below. muddy torrents and rocks rushing welcome to newcomers. be downright scary... The next 3 days were to be the After what seemed like days, we down the mountainside. This was All in all, it made me feel The road from Leh to Manali in scariest of my life. The driver seemed did begin to descend and the roads turning into the bus journey from rather guilty about having northern India is notorious for its to be insane, throwing us around the became less steep as we came into the hell... laughed at exchange students the landslides, its narrow dirt tracks and hairpin bends at full pelt and racing foothills. Just as I thought things Finally I made it to Manali after 3 previous year in the union bar. for the sheer drops on either side of down the mountains as if life meant were beginning to look better, we days instead of 2, after wading across the road. The journey by bus takes 2 nothing to him. Often I felt us lean came to a queue of vehicles. Funny, I the dangerously swift channel in the days and involves crossing the out over the drop, terrifyingly close thought, why have they suddenly road with my bags on my head and VOirt/ooJT r 16/17 How to get there... AIX-EN-PROVENCE - Return Eurotrain tickets are available from Campus Travel and cost approximately £90- 10(1. which includes a fern crossing from Dover to Calais. You can spend the night in reclining seats or pay around £15 extra for a hunk. - Accommodation in Aix is fairly expensive with budget hotels being a rarity, there is a youth hostel, which costs about £6 a night but it's out of town and doors shut at llpm. - Food in Aix as usual in France, is delicious. Numerous cafes offer anything from chocolate waffles to rare beef steak and mustard, and it's all beautiful. You can cat a three-course lunch in the centre of town for 70F (approx £7), but prices of drinks and snacks arc fairly ' Y'i if « if '!' ' ' Tsr extortionate so check before you take a table in *,, if nil '(in *L.: a cafe. - (letting around in the area is cheaper by coach than train but is nevertheless still quite expensive. It is more convenient though, and buses leave frequently from the town centre. Buses to Marseille take two hours and go regularly, from where the whole country is within easy access. - The capital of Provence is Marseille, which is the nearest and most convenient city to Aix. Personally. I did not feel that passionate about the place: it is very run-down and seems neglected. The crime rate in Marseille is enormous. Interrailers warn each other off the

ON the positive side, there is some good shopping if that is what you are in to, but nothing that you would not be able to find elsewhere in France. Provence in general is extremely beautiful., There are some picturesque small towns hidden in the hills which are accessible from most of the main roads. Plenty for the avid explorer...! EUROCASH: Seafront apartments in Marseille's Vieux Port area (above), complete with old sea wall, are for the wealthy and yacht-owning only

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sheer drops on either side of driver seemed to be insane, or the budget traveller, the road. The journey by bus throwing us around the the bus is always one of takes 2 days and involves hairpin bends at full pelt and Fithe cheapest options for crossing the Western racing down the mountains as getting from A to B - but not Himalaya over the second if life meant nothing to him. Interested in page layout? always the most comfortable, highest pass in the world. Often I felt us lean out over the safest or the quickest. In Despite plenty of warning I the drop, terrifyingly close to No experience necessary fact, taking the bus can be decided to abandon my fate to falling off. My fellow downright scary... an unknown bus driver in a passengers and 1 stayed The road from I,eh to dilapidated bus which had deathly silent while we were We'll teach you all you need to know r 3 Manali in northern India is seen better days. on the bus. concentrating on (,s>, notorious for its landslides, its The next 3 days were to be not watching the cliffs to contact Oily on 243 4727 ie narrow dirt tracks and for the the scariest of my life. The either side of us and I (0urtfoolr Raining Rocks tatisticians and insurance salesmen, (and women), Swill quote the figure of 1:1 billion when asked the chances of involuntary death from meteor related events. So what are the chances of a meteorite striking Earth and what would the effects be on the human race? It ma\ come as a surprise to some, but we are constantly being struck by extraterrestrial objects. Lucky for us. however, the majority of these are very small and insignificant, although there are. and have been, unusually large objects that come into contact with the Earth. To be large enough to create a mass extinction, a meteorite would need to be IOkm in diameter or larger, at this si/e the impact would be equivalent to a hundred million megatons of TNT or 10 thousand times the worlds nuclear arsenal. If that's not enough to instill panic into your souls, and generate mass hysteria on a global scale, then perhaps you would like to know that scientists have discovered over one thousand objects in space, with a diameter of 1km or more, whose orbits cross that of the Earth. Sounds of success Over the past three billion Emergency vehicle sirens are crap: it's official. ALEX KIBBLE years, the Karth has been struck constantly by IOkm wide Tieteoritcs at a rate of about one talks to the Leeds University boffin who has developed a every 40 million years. The best ;nown of all past impacts iccurred 65 million years ago, &science directional siren to cut ambulance response times and save lives ind is credited with the destruction of the dinosaurs. What would the influence of AVE you ever multiplied by the number of louder, and now they're really ambulance to move through the exits in buildings which are on iuch an event be on our planet? been pootling cars on the road can mean vital noisy and still don't work". traffic much more effectively, fire and filled with smoke, "at Well to start with, a crater about minutes to the person requiring Dr Withington needed to "drivers moved out of the way the moment, if you are caught along its services. prove scientifically that the perhaps one or two seconds in a fire, you have to use light 40km wide would be formed, as H can be seen from the two billion Headingley Road in Omitting the B reg, this has siren wasn't effective before earlier than they would have from low level lighting to help year old craters of Ontario, your clapped out B obviously happened to Dr she could set about tackling the done, which meant they had you escape, but if you use light Canada and Vredefort, South Deborah Withington. lecturer problem. A driving simulator that little bit extra thinking time and sound together you've got MVica, which were both formed reg, happily making in the Department of was set up, with a circle of which allows them more a backup sense you can use". Tom 10km wide meteorites. the most of your time Physiology at the University of speakers around the car and a options to move out of the Sounds sensible, and pilot This would destroy all life in on your own, singing Leeds. keypad in the car to allow the way" studies using a smoke he immediate vicinity, and send She has set up a company subjects to key in where they The new noise, according to generator and a thermal imager massive amounts of dust and at the top of your called SoundAlert to combat thought the sound originated. Dr Withington. has been have cut exit times from four debris into the atmosphere. This voice to the Spice this very problem by making a As Dr Withington "describes described in a number of ways minutes to a death defying 15 would put Earth into perpetual Girls? siren which, unlike the current "I tested the existing siren and ranging from a demented space seconds. darkness for months to come. sirens produces a sound which they were absolutely useless. invader to a demented poodle. Prince Charles was With sunlight blocked out. plants Maybe I'm alone with our brains can localise. Then I looked at new sounds The siren is a combination of impressed with Dr could not photosynthesise which that particular luxury, but an aietting Withington's ingenuity and the would rupture the food chain. those of us who have cars resulted in Dr noise with a potentially huge market which The lack of sunlight would will know the sheer panic Withington noise SoundAlert could corner. She being awarded You know the panic when the consisting of lead to the accumulation of snow when the dulcet tones of beat off competition from globally and when, eventually, the the Prince of many Southampton and Oxford skies did clear of debris, the snow the Spice Girls are Wales Award dulcet tones of the Spice Girls frequencies to Universities in the final of the would reflect the suns energy, interrupted by an tor Innovation allow sound Prince of Wales Award, who cool the Earth and induce a Ice emergency siren. last month. Dr localisation.it had developed a cockroach trap Age. Furthermore the energy While frantically Withington are interrupted by a siren was on and an atomic microscope; created would convert the explains "the although she admits she wasn't whacking the radio in an new siren sound is made up of which the theory said would be atmosphere's Nitrogen into effort to turn it off you World last year, who described expecting to win, "both the Nitrous oxide, forming acitl rain. lots of different frequencies. more effective, and showed in it as the wa-wa-whoosh siren, other products had deals worth This would kill off life, and desperately start to try and My work at the university has the lab that they were much which seems to have stuck. millions of pounds whereas my attack Carbonate rocks producing pin-point the siren so you shown that our brains are better", she goes on "the The siren is not currently on siren hasn't yet made a penny" Carbon 1 )ioxide, and possibly can make way. unable to tell the direction of a trouble is the lab is a very the market, although a local If you feel like you've induce global warming by the Looking out the back sound unless is it composed of controlled environment and I firm has been licensed to make missed out on having heard this Greenhouse effect. It may be that window doesn't make for sale these varying frequencies. needed to see how they the sirens, "even before the new innovation, fear not as the global warming would driving, but before you know it Existing sirens are made up of performed in the real world" siren is off the production line /.

OU might be already know the fashionable last rules, but it does not do forgiven for girl about Leeds will be much for your sell esteem or wearing CJueci style booh watdrobe when tops, evoked Y thinking that tubes and those dresses with from the catwalk, are more hreasts are not really a only one strap (how do they suited to your six-year-old big issue; they sit in sta> up?). sister (or brother!). front of you, we strap Anyone who has ever tried Come to think of it. has to run for a bus while anyone ever seen an them down, plump wearing a boob tube will attractive boob tube'.' I ha\c them up or push them realise that the instability vague memories of out, but there are eould very well result in shimmering tubes on disco probably more arrest tor public indecency - divas in (he seventies, and pressing things on our far from high fashion. they where quite frightening We the doyennes of the then. minds - Oi girlie no! fashion pages accept that The fact is that if you are In the fashion world, mini-skirts, platforms shoes bigger than a 34a you would darling, boohs arc hig and even Union Jack dresses be ill advised to take the risk news. Although they are can float in and out of of the new lycra creations notable for their fashion, but can boobs? One because it can be highly absence at the minute we are told that the unattractive and dangerous! moment. bust is hack which gives the Anyone who has ever gone In case go-ahead for plunging bra-less against their best necklines but when they interest will know that a night become unfashionable out is spent checking to see if you are the larger ladies ones assels arc still contained did amongst us (and sometimes they are not). expected to retreat into baggy shirt HEKK is of course the oblivion? infamous strapless lira. indeed 'calu alk land THowever these are not gurus" have often been always (rusty and often wind criticised for not up keeping vour waist warm catering tor the real and letting your boobs hang world, that is anyone free. slightlv short or bigger One comlorl we can take than a si/e 10. and recently is that the celebrities seem to the) he ignoring what the catwalk ha\e gi\en the bust the big .iv ing and wearing their not heave-ho! One result of this breasts high and proud. is that Eva Her/igona and her Breast enlargement continues Wonder Bra adverts ha\e all to be a lucrative business but disappeared from our world wide. Madonna has maga/ines. replaced \\ith had a baby and is looking pictures of pre-pubescent more voluptuous than ever girls dressed in all kinds not to mention Pamela of strapless, diaphanais Anderson who is still the numbers. Nipples it most photographed woman in seems are definitely the world today (and it does in! not seem to be because of her Yet for those of sparkling wit and us who live and conversation). shop in the real So, take a tip from the world, we have the stars-if you have got it flaunt problem of actually it. if you have not. lake il. finding clothes to tit Its lime to get a life and time our more 'womanly' for the fashion world to physique. Fashion realise that we can not tuck does move in cycles our boobs under our armpits and it is supposed to until they come back into be suggestive fashion rather than a set Our boobs are round and of hard and they will stay around for CONFESSIONS OF A CLOSET BOOB TUBE

I had a boob tube once, it was red and white stripes and I just loved it, I could run and dance and it never budged. Secretly I loved it so much I wanted to wear it every night and I did not care if anyone had seen me in it twice. It was brilliant because it caused me no unease what so ever. What is the big secret I hear you cry? Well no, it was not some cyber space lycra or an engineered structure... it was 1981 I was six years old with not a bust in sight. tart here WHO SHALL OVERCOME? THE REFEREE

E'S still £5.()m has proved to be a bargain buy. although it is CHAPLIN & CHASERS there. Clive Andy Cole that is currently Barrett starting and scoring for H Manchester United. 1 CLIVE BARRETT CHAPLAIN'S CHAPS 290 refuses to be Ferdinand has been a displaced from the consistant points scorer RAJINDER BHARIJ THE GANJA GURUS 280 top of the league. despite having to sit out SIMON BENT WATFORD RULE 278 This is a position he through injury during this C. BIRKENSHAW PEDALO ALBINSON 275 has held since the New season. KEVIN DUFFY BLUE MOON 272 JAMES FEARN HOT PANT HEROES 265 Year. With only two Affair GLEN DICKIN GLEN'S HOTSHOTS 258 more full Premiership However they have also kept The Chaplain has Leeds more clean sheets. MARK WOODROW THE WOODIES 255 weekends left it seems United's Nigel Martyn and The battle for the Total RICHARD GRAY BOB 253 that The Chaplins Gary Kelly in defence, while Football crown is proving to JON BEZIQUE HOLLAND BANK 252 Rajinder has chosen Jason be a closely fought affair, the JONATHAN TOBIAS SPORTING SIDEBURNS 250 Chaps are headed for 12=ROBINHEAD victory. Mcateer and Domanic winner of which will not be A.F.C. LINCHPINS 247 Matteo of Liverpool to known until the final KEITH BARDSLEY MARK CATER SCORES 247 Lying in second place is Premiership games arc Ugo Ehiogu central to thedefence of top teams 14 IAN PICKERING GREAT CORNHOLIO FC 246 Rajinder Bharij. The defend his goal. Leeds have let in more goals this year. played. 15 PENNY HAWKINS MUSTANG SALLY 245 Ganga Gurus have also 16=PAUL THOMAS BORN OF PELE 243 held their position well JIM COWAN THE MILK HUSTLERS 243 since the turn of the year, 18=ADAM POWELL DIAMOND WALNUTS 242 however they have lost BEN SHOTTON BENZINHO DRIBBLERS 242 valuable ground recently Players: 20=PAUL JENNINGS JENNING'S GIANTS 241 as the Chaplains Chaps Srnicek DAVE BUTLER DJ FOOTBALL 241 Mcateer SARAH FITCH PANTS 241 strive towards glory. Kelly 23=BENJAMINE EVANS I LOVE MY CHICKENS 240 The two leading teams can Bjornebye Matteo Keown JONATHAN STOKES W. PARK WANDERERS 240 be seen (right). Some players Bould 25=ANDY SHEEN DUNC SINGS BLUES 239 appear in both. Arsenal's Ehiogu Ehiogu Ginola DANNY MILLS BACKFOURWARD 239 Tony Adams has provided 62 Barnes R. MITCHELL MUM PICKED THESE 239 points as Super Sweeper for Beckham Bekham Gayle 28=JIM STEWART STEWART'S STUNNERS 238 the Gurus and the Chaps. Gayle INDERJIT SINGH WHAT'S YER PROBLEM 238 The players that will make Ferdinand Solskjear Hughes 30=ADRIAN KEELER BDBMFK WMHSF 236 the difference in the final Ekoku ANDREW CLAPTON SHOOTING STARS 236 run-in for the title include Adams Adams Ole Gunnar Solskjear and Manager: Manager: Les Ferdinand. Solskjear at Points lor both teams include those scored hy players transfered out of teams g^ E J WEEK 16 PLAYERS SCORES: Can you catch The Chaplain & his Chaps? ^9

^^^^^•^^^••Mi^^^^^^^M 057 KELLY LEE 3 33 105 1)1 BERRN CHE 0 5 165 PL ATT ARS 0 16 229 STAMP MID 0-7 289 NDKON t CON 0 7 058 DORIGO LEE. 3 10 106 SINCLAIR (HE 3 -7 166 PARLOUR XRS 0 3 Goalkeepers 059 HARTE LEE 0 5 107 I.I 1 CHE 0 4 167 HEI.DFR XRS 0 0 231 BEARDSI.EY NEW 0 2X 291 GABBIADINI DER 0 -1 f^ Wk TDI 060 Nil XTKKR LIN 0 14 108 DAISII (ON 0 10 168 NTKIRX ARS 0 14 232 GINOI X NEXV 013 292 WARD DER 024 /^ OOI SEXNl XN XRS 0 18 061 BJORNEin 1 LIN 0 19 109 SIIAXX CON 0 7 169 DRAPER XSI 09 233 LEE NEW 0 34 293 WILI.ENIS DER 0 3 " (KI2 BNRTRXM XRS 0 0 062 R [ONES LIN 0 0 III) SIINIXC DER 0 -7 170 CIRC 1C XSI 0 0 234 GII.LESPIE NEW 013 294 IE R(. 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JONES LIN 0 0 100 212 OI7 POOLE LEI 0 -5 reai winy-oaci^k 125 N1XITEO LIV 0 9 185 MCXLI.ISTER (OX 0 1 249M\.GI[.rON SOI 0-5 309 CAN'TO N X MAI 036 OI8 J XMKS LIV o K, play makes JL 126 SCALES LIV 0 6 186 JESS CON 0 -7 250HEXNKX SOT 0-6 310 SOLSKJAER NIAl 038 150I c/t/ £-?02 \J£- OI9 XXARNER LIN o o Graeme Le SauA 1 127 Rl DDOCK LIV 0 14 187 O'NEII 1 CON 0 0 251 SI, XT KR SOT 0-4 3IISCHOKKS NIXI 014 020 SC HNIKIC HIT. MAU |; [} Player of the WJfa ^ff^LM 128 PALLISTER MAU 0 12 188 RICHARDSON CON 0 -4 252 OAKLEY SOT 0 8 312 COLE Nl XI 0 24 02! N XN DERGOI XX NINI 129 N1XN MAU 0 18 189 TELFER (ON 0-10 253 GRAY SUN 0 -4 313 RAVANELLI MID 0 25 200 192 022 MILLER MID 0 -3 070 ELLIOTT NEW 0 7 130 .IOHNSKN NIXI 09 190 \\II.I.I\MS (ON 0 -4 254 AGNKW SUN 0 2 314 HARNlin MID 0 17 023 WALSH Mil) 0 -8 071 BAR ION NEW 0 3 131 PEARSON MID 0 -3 191 ASANOVIC DER 0 9 255 RAK SI N 0 -7 315 E.IORTOFT MID 0 2 ferWW 024 SRNICEK NEW 0 10 072 BERESEORI) NEW 0 6 132 X ICKERS MID 0-14 192 SIMPSON DER 0 -1 256 BRACENVELL SUN 0-13 316SHENRER NEXX 063 250 185 025 IIISLOP NEW 0 2 073 PEARCE NOF 0 4 133 WHYTE MID 0 -9 193 VAN DER LA AN DER 0 1 257 XNDERTON TOT 0 5 317 KERDIN XND NEXX 0 40 onn 170 026 ( KOSSLKN NOF 0 0 074 LYE IKE NOF 3 4 134 WHE1..AN MID 0 -2 194 POWET 1 DER 0 -8 258 FOX TOT 0 -3 318 ASI'RILLA NEW (I IX JUU 1 /y 027 KET'TTS NOE .1 3 075 HXX1.XND NOI 0 11 135 XI BERT NEW 0 14 115 DXII .l.\ DER 0 -8 259 HONVELLS TOT 0 -1 319 MESON NEW 0 16 . 028 PRESSMAN SXVN -3 10 076 NOLAN SWY -3 9 136 HOWKN NENV 0 0 196 ROWETT DER 0 -7 260 DO/./.ELI. 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SHY -2 5 138 COOPER NOF 0 -4 19X SPEED EVE 0 20 262 SIN ION TOT 3 5 322 SAUNDERS NOE 0 6 Ann •IRQ 031 WXIK'ER TOT 3 9 079 DODD SOT 3 -2 139 ( 'KETTLE NOI 3 3 199 EBBRE1.L EXE 0 -2 263 1)1 N1ITRI S( 1 WHA 0 0 323 III NOI 0 -1 'tUU too 032 NIIKI.OSKO 1 WIIA 3 6 080 Bl NXI 1 SOI 3 -1 140 JERKXN NOF 0 -3 200 PARKINSON IN 1 0 -2 264 BISHOP WHA 0 -2 324 HI NIPHRINS SWA 0 4 A ^ f\ •4 f? ^ 033 SI 1 1 INXN WINI 0 3 081 Kl UK Kl SUN 0 -5 141 STKI ANOVIC SXXY 0 8 201 I.IMI'XK INI I) 0 265 III CUES XX HA 0 -5 325 BOOTH SXVY 026 450 162 034 1IK.A1.I) WIM 0 -1 082 SCOTT SI N 0 -8 142 WALKER SWY -3 14 202 SAMXXANS EVE 0 0 266 MONO R WHA 3 1 326 HIRST SWY 019 083 AUSTIN TOT 3 5 143 1 Rl STET LL SW N 0 20 203 SH XRI'E LEE 0 13 267 1 A/XRIDES WHA 0 -1 327 WHITTINGH XNI SXX V 0 4 •JUUznn 156I \J*J Winc-lv 084 WILSON 101 0 3 144 NEXXSOME SW N 0 6 204 BOXXA 1 R LEE 0 4 268 WILLIAMSON XXHX 0 -1 328 BRIGHT SXX N 0 0 K ** cks j r-U 085 EDINBURGH TOT 3 7 145 MONMH SOT' 0 10 205 (.RXN 1 IE 0 0 269 EARLE WIM 0 11 329 SHIPPERLE1 SOT 0 4 ccn 086 DICKS XXIIX 0 17 146 VENISON SOT 0 0 10 1 035 D1XON XRS 0 27 206 FORD KIT: o 2 270 KEOMIXRDSKN WIN! 0 14 330 W N 1 SON SOT 0 2 obu 087 IIREACKER Wl]\ 0 0 14^ N Ell. SON SOT 3 7 036 \\ INT E:RBI KN ARS 0 23 207 COl /ENS LEE 0 -2 271 G \YI.E WINI 023 331 OSTENSI XDT SOT 218 j 4-* 088 BOXXEN WIIX 0 -1 148 DRN DEN SOT 3 2 208 I'XRKER LEI 0 0 037 ST Xt NEON XST 3 33 272 JONES WIM 0 16 332 Ql INN S| N 0 0 089 III XT (TIER XXTNI 0 I 600 147 038 \x RH;HT AST 3 32 141 1 TNDKKXXM SOT 3 -4 201 I//.KI LEI 0 2 273 ARDI.EY XX [Nl 0 3 333STEWARI SI N 0 4 OKI (1 NNIN(;il\NI XX INI 0 2 50 MELVILLE SI N 0 -2 210 I.ENNON 031 CHARLES AST 0 0 1 II 0 2 334 Rl SSKI K SI N 0 13 Oil PERRY XXINI 0 6 51 ORD SI N 0 1 211 1 AMOR 1 Kl 0 -1 k| 141 040 NET. SON AST 3 32 Strikers -'-'•' 'TLY si N o 3 650 52 BALI. SI N 0 3 LEI 0 -3 041 KE S X ' \ BKX 4 22 212 LAWRENCE 336 SHI K1NCHXM TOT 0 18 ~7f\s\ j n A 53 CAMPHI 1 1 TOT 3 8 213 M( MXNXMXN LIN 0 16 042 Kl NN • BLA 0 19 Centre-hacks 700 134 54 CM.DERHOOD TOT 3 5 214 REDKNXIM' KEN 0 II 274 \\RIGHI ^ XRS 2 41 y.' 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"°«™ 850 050 II XI 1 (ON 0 2 098 MCGRNTH AST 0 -9 'X' SI 1 ION Kl X I 18 345 EKOKl XXINI 0 2,1 162 1 ll/CERAI.D WINI 0 0 222 KEXNI NIXI 0 2 051 GENNl \ (ON 0 0 099 HENDRN III X 0 22 2831 EN ON BLA I -I «6 <;(K)I)M VN WIN, 0 2 163 KINIHI.E XXINI 0 -4 223 HI IT NIXI 0 2 94 052 POWELL DKR 3 -6 100 l(lli(. BLA 4 26 284 MM LI (HI 016 347CKXRKI XXTM 0 0 900 Nil I) 0 2 053 PARKER DKR 0 0 101 COI.ENI XN lil.X 0 0 224 EME:RSON 225 JINTNIK) MID 0 19 285 HUGHES C HE 0 29 054 DXRRIIT EVE 0 5 102 I.KHOEI 1 (HI 3 -4 Midfielders 286 SPENC'ER (HE 0 -I 950 63 , 055 HOT TIGER EVE 0 -5 103 (.Mil 1 (III 0 | 226 HIGNE:TT MID 0 11 227 MOORE 056 HINCHCLIITE EVE 0 8 104 JOIINSI N ( III 0 -8 164 N1ERSON XRS 0 20 MID 0 -1 228 Nil STOE MID 0 -3 \IK'> is«l by - Mutt RopiT & Ak'\ GubbayJ S A" scores are correct for Premiership matches played to and including Sunday April 27 • LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997 NATIONAL FOOTBALL HOD'S mm VISION FIXTURES The races for places in France '98, followed by the Saturday May 3 FA Carling Premiership Arsenal v Newcastle keen eye of ZOE FELLER Chelsea \ Leeds Coventry v Derby NE flapping games than both Austria and Leicester v Manchester Utd goalkeeper, a Sweden so their four point lead is (11.15am) by no means infallible, and the Liverpool v Tottenham dodgy back- possibility of that play-off looms. (6.15pm) pass and Jim l.eighton was unable to Middlesbrough v Aston Villa Osuddenly it's all back on. continue the trend of clean sheets Nott'm Forest \ Wimbledon England are going to that Scotland ha\e kept since Southampton v Blackburn France next summer. Or so England scored against them at Sunderland v Everton Wembley. West Ham v Shet'f Wed you could be forgiven for They definitely have the thinking after Wednesday. easiest run-in of the home Hngland are still four points Nationwide League nations, playing Belarus home Division One behind the Italians, albeit with a and away and Latvia away. game in hand. The group leaders Manchester City v Reading have the easier of the two run- srael look a good bet to make ins, away to Georgia before their their first ever World Cup Nationwide League final home match against the finals it must be the Division Two Lnglish. Shearer and co. will I Brentford v Peterborough influence of the supremely travel to Poland before their talented. Marseilles-bound Bristol Rovers v Rotherham remaining home game against Ronnie Rosenthal. Burnley v Watford Moldova. The climax of the Some favourites look like Bury \ Millwall group will obviously come in qualifying. Denmark are on top Chesterfield v Notts County Naples when there could be just of Group One with two games in Gillingham v Shrewsbury one point between the teams. hand. Norway are in a Luton v Stockport There is still the faint comfortable position in Group Plymouth v Bournemouth possibility that England could Three. Spain and Yugoslavia are Preston v Walsall reach the Finals as the best fighting for qualification from Wrexham v Blackpool runner-up. If England do not Group Six and the Netherlands Wycombe v Bristol City manage to beat the Az/uri next should beat off the Belgian York v Crewe October then - and it is only a challenge in Group Seven. remote possibility - they may Favourites who are struggling face a play off against Scotland include Germany who could who could be the next best conceivably finish second to runners-up. I 'kraine. Republic of Ireland Wednesday night's who are falling behind to the performance may not ha\e been footballing powers ot Macedonia the most convincing, but there and Lithuania in Group Eight. u as a lot for Glenn Hoddle to be And of course either Italy or pleased with. England will fall foul of the Sol Campbell may be lacking other. in experience, but he improves The Faroe Islands are the with every game and is a great outside bet for qualification from prospect for the future, and Tony Group Six. They won their first Adams continued his ama/ing Nationwide League ever international fixture on Division Three transformation into an attacking, Wednesday night at home to looihalling centre-half. Barnet v Colchester Malta. They are now only 14 Cambridge v Fulham Scotland are still top of group points oft the lead w ith a game in lour despite suffering their first Carlisle v Exeter hand and a goal difference of - Chester v Ley ton Orient defeat since Euro 96 in Sweden. 16. It is not impossible. They have played two more Darlington v Cardiff Doncaster v Torquay GROUP THREE GROUP FOUR Hereford v Brighton l> \V I) I !• A 1'ls P W D I. F A Pis Hull v Scarborough GROUP TWO Norway 4 3 I 0 10 I 10 Scotland 7421 8 2 14 Lincoln \ Rochdale the tables Swii/erland 4202 44 6 Austria 5311 5 3 10 Northampton \ Scunthorpe I' W D I I A Pis Huneai-v 4202 44 6 Sweden 5 3 0 2 4 5 9 Swansea v Hartlepool 6 5 1 0 II I Id Finland 4112564 Latvia 5113574 Wisian \ Mansfield 5401 9 2 12 A/cihaijan 4103 2 10 3 Estonia 5113 154 GROUP ONE Poland 41 12 36 4 Belarus 5113 3 " 4 Georgia 500 * 05 0 Remaining fixtures: Remaining Fixtures: Molby: I' W I) 1 I A I'ls Moldova 4 0 II 4 211 0 June S: Finland v A/eibaijun; Hungar) May I 8: Estonia v Lalv ia. June S: Needing a Denmark 4 3 1 0 9 2 10 \ Norway. Aug 20: Finland v Norway : FalM.i \ Ausdia: Fsloma v Sweden; Greece 63 I 2 S 4 10 Remaining fixtures: Hungary v Swit/erland. Sept d: rest Belarus \ Scotland. Aug 20: Estonia Cioalia 5 2 3 0 It) ft l) Mav 3 I: Poland v England June 7: Sw itzerland v Finland; A/erhai|an \ v Austria: Belarus v Sweden Sept 6: Bosnia 4 1 (I 3 ' 9 3 Georgia v Moldova. June 14: Poland Norway. Sept 10: Hungary v Slovenia 50 1 4 413 I v Georgia. Sept 10: England v A/erh.ii|an: Norway \ Sw il/ci land. Austria v Sweden: Latvia \ Estonia: MoKlov ,i: Geoigiu v Italy. Sept 24: Oct I I: I inland \ Hungar) : Seotland v Belarus. Sept 10: Belarus Remaining fixtures: Moldova v Georgia. Oet 7: Moldova Sw it/ci kind \ ,\/cihai|an. \ Austria: Sweden v Latvia. Oct II: June X: Denmark v Bosnia. Aug 20: v I'oland Oel IL Italy v England; Austria v Belarus; Sweden \ Estonia: Bosnia v Denmark. Sept 6: Croatia v Georgia v I'oland. Scotland v Lai via Bosnia: Slovenia v Greece. Sept 10: Denmark v Croatia; Bosnia v Slovenia. Oct 11: Greece v Denmark: Slovenia v Croatia. GRoOpsiJTlFRANCE '98jS£S GROUP NINE P W I) L I A Pis Macedonia 6 3 I 2 18 10 10 P W D L F A Pis Sunday May 4 Spam 7 5 2 0 20 4 17 Lithuania 5 3 0 2 5 5 9 Ukraine ft 4 0 2 ft 5 12 Nationwide League Rep Ireland 5 2 1 2 10 4 7 Germany 532011411 GROUP FIVE Yugoslavia 7 5 1 1 21 ft 1ft Division One Slmakia 5 4 0 I 14 5 12 .GROUP SEVEN Iceland 4022 122 Portugal 6231 52 9 P Vv D 1. F A Pt C/eeh Rep 4112734 Liechtenstein ft 0 0 ft 2 30 0 N Ireland 7142557 All aames kick off at 1.30pm Israel 641 I 9 4 13 Faroe Isles ft 105 7 2.3 3 P W D L F A Pts Armenia 5041 374 Bradford v QPR Kussia Holland ft 5 0 I 23 3 15 Remaining fixtures: Albania 5014 3 10 I 5 3 2 013 211 Malta 7007 1 29 0 Mav 21: Ireland v Liechtenstein. June Charlton v Sheffield Utd ulgarn 4301 10 5 9 Belgium 540 I 10 6 12 7: Macedonia v Iceland. June II: Remaining fixtures: Crystal Palace v Port Vale 'vprus 61 14 5 14 Remaining fixtures: Turkcv 5 2 I 2 10 5 7 May 21: Slovakia v C/eeh Rep. June Iceland v I ithuania. Aug 19: M.iv 7 Ckrainev Armenia. June 7: Grimsby v Southern! Luxembourg 5 0 0 5 I 13 0 \\ales 6 2 1 3 14 12 7 Huddersfield v Swindon S: Spam v C/eeh Rep; Yugoslavia v San Marino ft 0 0 ft 0 31 0 Liechtenstein v Iceland. Aug 20: Portugal v Albania: I'kiame v Remaining fixtures: Slovakia; Faroe Isles v Malta. Aug 20: Ireland v Lithuania. Romania v Germany. Aug 20: Portugal v Armenia; Ipswich v Birmingham June X: Bulgaiiav I .uxcnibouis:: C/eeh Rep v Faroe Isles Sepl (>: Faioe Remaining fixtures: M.Kedonia. Sept 6: Iceland v Ireland: t 'kraine v Albania; N Ireland v Oldham v Norwich Russia v Israel Aug 20: Bulgaria v Isles v C/cch Rep. Sept II): Slovakia June 7: Belgium v San Marino. Aug Liechtenstein v Romania; Lithuania v (rcMiuny Sept ft: Germany v Portugal: Oxford v Barnslev Israel. Sept 7: Luxembourg v Cyprus. v Yugoslavia. Sepl 24: Malta v C/eeh 20: Turkey > Wales. Sept ft: Holland Macedonia. Sept 10: Romania v Armenia \ Albania. Sepl 10: Germany Stoke v West Bromwich Sept 10: Bulgaria v Russia. Oet I I: Kep: Slovakia v Spam. Oel 1 I: Malta v Belgium. Sepl 111: San Marino v Iceland: 1 .ilhuama v Ireland. Oct II: v Armenia: Albania v N Ireland. Oet Tranmere \ Bollon Iceland v Liechtenstein: Ireland v 11: Germany v Albania; Armenia v Cyprus v Luxembourg: Russia v v Yugoslavia; Spain v Faroe Isles: Turkey. Oet 11: Holland \ Turkey; Wolves v Portsmouth Bulgaria. C/cch Rep v Slovakia. Belgium v Wales Romania; Macedonia v Lithuania I'kraine; Portugal v N Ireland. LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997

@©^/L

have, but each year this sort toik §» PPARENTLY, going to Oakwell of thing happens. Indeed, Mr these days is just Illingworth was involved in like watching something similar not too ABrazil. Or so the Barnsley long ago. fans will tell you - watch As long as such such petty out for Ronaido alongside squabbles continue to take up Paul Wilkinson next season. time and effort. Tim Lamb Or just watch out for and his ECB face a difficult Danny Wilson's men task in turning around the whoever is playing since, fortunes of English cricket. A for the majority of fans, long, hot and bothered their debut in the top summer is in the offing. division will provide the first chance of seeing the ontinuing the 'out Tykes in action. They have with the old, in with had such players as Danny Cthe new' theme, Blanchflower and Tommy Peter Shilton was Taylor on their books, but alledgedly surplus to they are probably most requirements at Leyton 'anious for having Parky Orient because he couldn't relating tales of their kick far enough, and a huge history in the Daily punt from your keeper is Telegraph. apparently a vital attacking This is soon to change tool in the Third Division. Allowing their fantastic Now I've watched plenty season in which they saw of lower league games and jff Wolves to gain from a personal point of promotion behind Bolton view, catching and stopping and reach the Premiership. the ball are qualities that a For opposition fans, this goalie needs, and more will mean creating a whole often than not, doesn't seem new songbook in which the to posess. THE second annual Arthur of both universities the chance words 'whippet', 'sheep', If this is the way football Andersen Trophy was won by to play a variety of sports - and 'flat cap' feature is going, then sooner rather LMUSU hockey club at including softball, uni-hockey regularly, and managers than later, teams will field Weetwood on Wednesday, and five-a-side football - and everywhere have realised players who can only run writes Paul Brown. the sunny weather could not hat - sharp intake of fast and kick the ball long Organiser Ed White labelled have complemented the reath - it is posible to be and hard towards their the recreational competition a entertainment better. uccessful without a opponents goal rather than success, but was disappointed White said the format of iQttomless-pocketed sugar actually play the game. by a low turnout, which he mixed teams worked because addy or a share issue. Hang on ...... blamed on the celebrations "they are a great leveller, and At least let's hope so. following LMUSU's success in people are made to play sports 'hey say that the gulf onesty is indeed the the previous night's Varsity they aren't very good at etween the Premiership best policy.When Sky rugby match. anyway." nd Nationwide League is HNews featured brief "It's a great day out," he Despite the occasional idening, so it is up to highlights of Jean-Marc said, "and the people who get good-natured cry of "I don't arnsley and Bolton to try Bosnian's testamonial match involved love it because it's want to play goal-shooter, it's nd prove this wrong. Let's earlier this week, the sports competitive but good fun." boring!" from the netball ope Mrs Ronaido doesn"t desk's Nick Powell felt it The all-day event offers courts, all participants enjoyed :ompletely hate South necessary to pass comment mixed teams from sports clubs the event. Yorkshire... on the physique of the cle Wet'Steyn captain of the Rest Of The he cricket season is World XI - one Diego only a few overs old Annanda Maradona. T:and already there is After inspiring his side to some kind of off-the-field a 4-3 win over an Eric controversy making the news, Cantona-skippered Europe just what we need before the XI, the Argentinian jogged not-worried -at-all Aussies off the pitch, and it may have Varsity joy for battling Met arive for the Ashes been the camera angle, but he The lead was extended further by gave the impression that he during the interval, but as it was Leeds' Hodgson and Bradford's Jack Russell has brought MEN'S RUGBY UNION Rose, who gathered a long LMUSU held the upper hand and Pound trading blows, each out his autobiography, in has seen the inside of LMUSU 33-12 BRADFORD looping pass and sped round his which he accuses Ray his fridge rather more began the second half confidently. receiving the yellow card for man to score in the corner. Lloyd Tony Caddman capped a fine their efforts. Illingworth of some often than the inside of By Paul Wilson only just missed the kick from the outrageous crimes, the gym. Powell saw move in the 48th minute to score Two tries in the last seven TWO TRIES from winger narrowest of angles. in the corner, Leeds' full-back minutes sealed victory for including holding the his chance to sum Bradford then stepped up a horiffic opinion that up the fellings of Nick Rose helped LMUSU showing a great turn of pace to Leeds, Rose being awarded a try an entire nation. see off the challenge of gear and got themselves back into leave the defence fiat-footed. after the officials decided his he was a poor the match. No.8 James Robinson - motivator. Smiling Bradford and win the Leeds And with Lloyd off the field, he lengthy dive had indeed landed pleasantly, he who was Bradford's outstanding took over the kicking duties and him on the ball in-field, and Already there is Varsity match on Tuesday player - barged through the Leeds talk of Russell / turned to the night. only just failed with his first centre Mike Trennell finished camera and line in the 25th minute to grab a conversion attempt. off a fine move from the backs to never playing In fighting it out for the try, Dave Howe's follow-up kick for England told it how it Majestyk Trophy, both sides put touch down in the right-hand again. was. was missed. Two minutes later, Pressure corner. up impressive performances in Lloyd extended Leeds' lead with a Expressing "Maradona front of a large and vociferous The final score somewhat your own looks as if well-struck penalty, and he Again Bradford responded Hattered Leeds, and LMUSU crowd but Leeds' superior repeated the feat two minutes opinion is he's eaten technical skills were the well, skipper Howe scoring a skipper Nick Brown was qui« obviously rather too before the break to give his side a deserved try after his side to recognise just how close tn difference between the .teams. 18 - 7 cushion at half-time. something many ...... of Only 11 minutes had gone became entrenched only a few game had been. , that the pies." when Grier Campbell opened the Between the two kicks. feet from Leeds' line and piled "All the way it was a hart cricketers scoring, the LMUSU right wing Robinson had touched down but on the pressure. His conversion battle, but the boys were up tor it are not touching down under the posts the referee had spotted an earlier missed, but Bradford were still and we came through in the end allowed after some good work from Pete infringement and brought play to a in with a shout at this point. Both Bradford put up a great fight to Lloyd, who then converted easily. halt. A score then would have sides' eagerness for victory we managed to put more tries o meant two sets of satisfied players spilled over on 61 minutes, with the board." 46 LEEDS STUDENT Friday May 2, 1997

ft A

No. 35: Super HOODS By Chris Mooney BULLS CHASE THOSE newcomers whose jaws dropped at QPR's miraculous recovery again^ the might of Port Vale earlier this season (3 goals in the last 3 minutes) should delve deeper into history. Against a Newcastle side containing a young Waddle, A SILKY FINISH (iascoigne and Beardsley, the OMORROW sees the 100th Silk Cut Challenge Cup Final, "custodians of the hooped shirt" induced more tears on the Tyne and those who saw the 99th are anticipating another classic than Italia '90. match, with Bradford Bulls meeting St Helens for the second In my youthful exuberance I year running. had wandered into the away end T to watch my beloved team, anil Bradford are looking for spent the first 45 minutes revenge after Saints' 40-32 surrounded by deafening Special preview by (ieordies cheering a Chris victory last year and they Waddle hat-trick and a 40-yard ha\e certainly improved Chris Straw stunner from someone else (I didn't have a programme). since that legendary battle. absent, the Bulls' all-round Sutcliffe adds: "Of course the I sank further and further into Now both sides are up at quality stands (hem in club is looking forward to the •at as that early 8()'s terrace the top of the Super League, stead, as they showed in their game. These are two evenly favouinc rang out over Wcsi but surely even they semi-final triumph oxer the matched teams, certainly more so London: "You're so shit it's themselves cannot produce much-improved Leeds Rhinos. than last year when we unbelievable." The attendance A key position in the final is the kind of quality and perhaps rather fortunate. '• halved during the break as hordes at hooker, with Bradford's James expecting a tight match." excitement delivered to us in tiled out. chanting rude things coming head to -head As is the Bulls' marketing the 19% Imal" about the young QPR manager, a with Saints' Keiron Or will they stay true to their manager. Peter Deakin. who told Mr. Ten y Venables. Cunningham. The pair, friends magnificent lice-scoring form of /.('(•(A Snulent: "We're all excited But the second half was a from the (ireat Britain squad. about this weekend, especially this season and entertain us with fairy-tale thai didn't both know that they will be with 2x(MX) Bradfordum another glorious try-test.' One place in real life. Three home playing an important role in Wembley to cheer us on." But thing is for certain, and that's that goals by the SOth minute. twutW1 trying to secure a win for their what of the Bulls' chances.' this game could go either way ('live Allen, meant there was respective sides. and it will he a ease of which "We're going to show up!" says hope. Then Newcastle scored Cunningham will take his team's stars hum brighter on the Deakin jokingly. "Seriously, again. The crowd around awoke place in a St Helens team that day. we're \ery confident, we've hit from their stupor and ruffled my The Bulls' inspiration comes boasts the talents of the Hying form at the right time and the head: "Don't Uxik so miserable, from the young Kiwi ace Robbie lad. we've won n now." No you Paul. Scorer of a memorable hat- hkx>dy hadn't. trick at Wembley last year, this 'Paul has the ability to skip 86th minute - QPR scored. lad is a cut above the rest. When And in the 9()th minute, a Gary he gets the ball in midlleld. he challenges and the vision to Micklewhite header flew m has the ability to skip challenges while the ground erupted I sat on and the vision to find the kifler my hands and let my internal pass which make him Bradford's find the killer pass' organs do the jumping around. most valuable player. But Paul I know, it's a tragic situation BY THE can't win games on his own. the winger Anthony Sullivan, team is deep in preparation for when your greatest sporting side's 100 per cent record this dynamic Apollo Perelini and the the game." HORNS: moment is a home draw in the old season is owed to greater indefatigable Goulding. who are All in all. this match is very Hooker Division 2. But that's what being strength throughout the squad. all high-class players. But if delicately poised. The two sides James a QPR fan is all about. This includes players such as Saints have anyone who can set a marvellous precedent in Lowes will be Great Britain full-back Stuart claim to match Robbie Paul, that 19% that, if followed, will make looking to Spruce who will surely not make man is Paul Newlove, who has for another thrilling encounter. dominate on the same mistakes in dealing been in sparkling form this Bradford's last win in this Saturday with the "bomb", Bobbie season. One player who Saints competition came in 1949, and Goulding's deadly up-and-under, will be missing sorely is Alan they will be looking to end that that handed St. Helens the trophy Hunte. who tore a hamstring two run. But Saints start as favourites 12 months ago. weeks ago and. despite daily once again, although Although Sonny Nickle and treatment, is rated by Saints' club it would require the staunches! Steve McNamara may well be secretary Jeff Sutcliffe as "very supporter to put money on the doubtful" for the game. outcome of this one. BUSA NEWS e FOOTBALL KIERAN Fischer's impressive THIS WEEKEND hat-trick against Staffordshire secured LUU's third trophy Black days, black eyes & black balls this season at Bodington Fields on Wednesday. THERE are no more of all their troubles, will be as "Billy Hardly". His sharp shooting was the promotion spots up for the neutral's favourites. The Crucible Theatre highlight of this Northern grabs this season. But no team has a divine will be staging the Universities League Cup Final, So it's a ease of who will right to League survival, conclusion of the World which completes a treble with suffer the huniliation of and their will be a lot of Snooker finals on Sunday the league and BUSA plate. His opening strike against relegation in the frayed nerves come 4.30pm and Monday. Nationwide divisions this on Saturday. The elimination of Staffordshire set the tone for an encounter dominated by the weekend. Someone not likely to Ronnie O'Sullivan by At the bottom of get the jitters is Prince Darren Morgan, who has in home side, and his second - a Division One, Oldham look Nasecm, who is taking on turn been knocked out by twenty yard lob over fh^. certain to join Southern! in contender Billy Hardy (left, Stephen Hendry, suggests opposition's floundering Division Two next season, with Hamed) in that the irrepressible Scot goalkeeper - was exquisite. In adding to strike-partner and either Bradford or Manchester on Saturday. • will claim his seventh title Grimsby will be down as This fight should prove- on the trot. Mike Buckley's second-half well. to be another stepping But it might be worth effort w ith a late penalty. Fischer The match of the day. if stone for Naz on his way to tuning in just in case sealed a 4-0 v ictory. Captain Dave Hardisty was not the season, will be at unifying the featherweight Hendry decides to spare us full of praise for his side's Fdgar Street, where division. yet more agony and feigns Hereford and Brighton are The Prince does not colour-blindness in the efforts. "I'm very pleased with fighting it out to keep their anticipate too many final. our performance, and it's one League status. A draw will problems from the man Chris Straw over our rivals LMUSU who suit Brighton who, because who he describes have languished in mid-table this season." Paul Brown 47 Have the Bulls got what it takes to beat St Helens this time around? Rugby League Cup Final previe

LUS: WILL IT BE PARIS IN THI SUMMERTIME F0R ENGLAND NEXT YEAR? - PAG! 21 CATCH" SINK SAINTS TO CLINCH DOUBLE Frisbee stars add outdoor triumph to indoor title

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