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Walking Still This eBook is offered freely. If you wish, you may donate and help us continue offering our services. May you be happy! To make a donation, click here. PARIYATTI 867 Larmon Road Onalaska, Washington 98570 USA 360.978.4998 www.pariyatti.org Pariyatti is a nonprofit organization dedicated to enriching the world by: v Disseminating the words of the Buddha v Providing sustenance for the seeker’s journey v Illuminating the meditator’s path W A L K I N G S T I L L From the Heights of the Himalayas To the Depths of the Mind MARLA SUTHERLAND Sushila Press Copyright © 2017 Marla Sutherland All rights reserved. Cover Design by Brian Swanson Studio Cover Photo by Marla Sutherland Author Photo by Terry Sutherland ISBN-13: 978-0-9981841-0-4 With gratitude to Carl and Sylvia Feiles who gave me life and S. N. Goenka who taught me the art of living Note to the Reader This journey took place many years back, and I meant to get the story out there a long time ago. I can only hope that it is better late than never. Before smart phones and tablets, apps and ATMs, GPS and the internet, it took a different kind of planning and determination to travel the world, especially as a female alone. A map and a guidebook, and maybe a little insanity, were my only companions. In the ensuing years, the names of many cities in India were changed for nationalistic or political reasons. Thus, Bombay is now Mumbai, Madras became Chennai, and Cochin is called Kochi. However, the names of these and other places are referred to herein as they were known to me when I visited them. Whether you are an armchair, virtual or actual traveler, I hope you will find some inspiration, maybe a little insight, or just a few hours of entertainment within these pages. It may have been my experience, but it is yours for the taking. Marla Sutherland April, 2017 CONTENTS Once Upon a Time . Prologue: Reality Check 3 Before the Beginning: On the Threshold 7 The Buddha and the Trash Heap 23 Gateway to India 35 "May All Beings Be Happy" 51 A Noble and Elusive Goal 61 This Will Also Change 73 The Load is Lightened 87 A Healing Balm 103 "Your Self is Running to Get Home" 117 Promise to Remember Me 129 From the Inside Out 139 The Backwaters of Kerala 145 A Jewish Buddhist? 157 Room for One More 171 Fools Rush In 181 Happy Birthday Rama 189 To be Loved 199 Life as Drama 211 The Temple of the Singing Birds 223 CONTENTS Hello Nepal, Goodbye Heart 233 A Moment of Silence 243 Om! Mani Padme Hum! 253 Summits False and True 265 Time Is In the Mind of the Observer 273 Culture Shock 283 Happy May Day, Fair Maiden 293 Back in Your Arms, Mother India 301 One Step Back 311 No Excuses 319 An Inner Door Left Ajar 329 Taking Refuge 337 From the Heights of the Himalayas 347 "Sole" Mates 351 Afterword 353 Sometimes we think we have found the place, the niche, and my insight is that we should keep on our traveling shoes, that we are in process, every one of us, and we should keep on the traveling shoes and be ready. Maya Angelou Once Upon a Time . there was a little princess. All the court loved her, for she could sing and dance quite well. One day she married the prince of a neighboring kingdom, and with great fanfare they began their life together. But there was no "happily ever after," for soon the princess became discontented, and was spirited away by a knight in shining armor on his swift and sturdy steed. They left the kingdom in a cloud of dust and went to live in Lake Tahoe. The princess became a blackjack dealer and learned to ski. After some time, however, the princess again became discontented, and now she knew that there was no prince or knight who held the key to her happiness. She reached for pills and powders to make her feel better, but they only made her life a mess. Finally, in despair, she plunged into the great wilderness alone, searching for the answer. She did not heed the sign which read "No Turning Back." For years she wandered thus, until her princess gown was all in tatters. Eventually she found herself on the other side of the world (India, of all places). It was there she met a wise person who helped her understand the reasons for her misery. He pointed out a path to freedom from suffering; a path to self-knowledge and wisdom; a path to inner peace. And though the journey is long and hard, there you'll find her, walking still . In order to live free and happily, You must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. Richard Bach W A L K I N G S T I L L Prologue: Reality Check My whole life flashes before my eyes. Not just once, or all at once, as it might if I were frozen in the path of an oncoming train, but in a continuous series of instant replays, like an automatic repeat mode, gone berserk. Fast-forward, rewind, fast-forward, rewind. I can't seem to put my finger on the "play" button. All I want is a little peace of mind. That's what brought me to this meditation center in the first place. But each time I sit down cross-legged on my cushion and close my eyes to meditate, there it goes again. The movie of my life flashing across the frayed screen of my mind, reel after unrelenting reel, accompanied by a non-stop mental com- mentary of what I should have done differently before and what I will do differently in the future. So sharp is the picture, so three-dimensional the view, it is as if each scene is happening this very moment, and there I am, living it again, and again, and again . I came here for sanity, and feel even crazier than when I started. What on earth was I thinking? 3 Truth is, I thought this would be a great escape from reality. Step out of bounds, go on an adventure to Asia, slay some dragons, reach nirvana. Of course (you probably already know this), reality doesn’t stop just because you go to a different country, or sit down on a meditation cushion. It just changes. Turns out that dragons aren’t quite how I imagined them. Maybe nirvana isn’t either. I don’t know about that yet, or if I ever will. Still, as I struggle to remain calm while the havoc unfolds behind my eyes and pushes at the edges of my psyche, I have a strong sense that this is exactly where I need to be and what I need to do. So here I sit on my behind, watching the movie of my mind. Welcome to today’s reality. 4 In the longing that starts one on the path is a kind of homesickness, and some way, on this journey, I have started home. Peter Matthiessen Before the Beginning: On the Threshold The international terminal at Los Angeles Airport is like a rolling sea of people and baggage moving in waves toward ticket counters and gates. I look around and wonder where everyone is going on a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of January. It takes my mind off the real question. The one I have been asking myself for days. Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into? Waiting in line at Korean Airlines, I chew off my few remaining fingernails and try to block out the checklist that repeats itself compulsively over and over in my head. I decide to worry instead. I hope they won't make me check my bags. I've heard that flights to Asia are notorious for "lost" property. I hand over my passport. Born in the U.S.A. July 11. 7-11. A lucky day. The agent looks from my picture to my face and squints his eyes. The photo was taken three years ago. I was twenty-nine at the time. Have the last three years left such a deep impression on my face? Then he pulls out my ticket and asks, "Any baggage?" 7 I take a deep breath. "Well, if it's all right, I'd like to take both of these on board with me." He looks at the small blue duffel bag gripped tightly in my hand and the red daypack perched on my back. Then he looks at me again. I smile sweetly. My eyes plead. Nodding okay, he hands back the documents. "Gate 23 in 30 minutes. Enjoy your flight." I can barely hear him over my sigh of relief. Turning away from the counter, I see my father waiting to walk me to the gate. The choking feeling which has plagued me for the last week closes up my throat again. The tears that have swelled at the corners of my eyes for days begin to spill over. I wipe them away quickly, but he still sees the redness. My crying upsets him. "If it makes you so unhappy, then why are you going?" he asks. "Please, honey, I wish you would consider staying home." "I'm not unhappy. I'm just a little nervous. Anyway, it's all planned now. I have to go." "No, you don't.
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