Universities and Privatisation

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“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1520 FELIX 01.06.12 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Universities and privatisation A new series begins by delving into the world of research councils: Page 8 Polish Club saved from closure SCIENCE Protest outside Annual General Meeting precedes vote to ensure future of site

Philip Kent Matthew Colvin

The Exhibition Road-based Polish Club, Ognisko Polskie, has been saved from being sold following a vote for its members at its Annual General Meet- Regression leading to ing on Sunday 27 May. The meeting itself saw 80 members progression vote for keeping the club based at its current site, where it has existed since Page 12 1940 and has acted as a signifi cant part of the Polish emigre community. Three members voted for selling the site, and there were seven abstentions. The day saw a large crowd of people demonstrate outside the venue TECHNOLOGY against the sale. Flyers handed out at the protest gave a list of seven reasons, including its signifi cant heritage, and claims that fi nancial worries are unfounded, with a statement suggest- ing that the site could “yield at least £250,000 a year”. Other reasons given by protestors included the “great potential” of the restaurant at the venue, the importance of attracting new members, and worries ...Continued on Page 3 Protestors took to Exhibition Road on Sunday Mouse hunt goes full throttle £73 million biomedical centre opened Page 15 Hammersmith-based research facility opened by Chancellor FOOD

Matthew Colvin

A new research facility built with the aim of channelling scientifi c discoveries into the prevention and treatment of diseases was opened on Monday 28 May on Hammersmith Campus. The £73m six-fl oor, biomedical research focused Imperial Centre for Translational and Experimental Medi- A new Umami cine (ICTEM) has enough lab space to host up to 450 scientists. experience The ground fl oor is taken up by the ...Continued on Page 3 The Imperial Centre for Translational and Experimental Medicine is located on Hammersmith Campus Page 26 2 Friday 01 june 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS

Competition Queen’s Tower bells to CLASSIFIEDS ring on Tuesday Yep, still nothing. Summer is obviously driving down classiﬁ eds fever. Buy and sell right here. Classiﬁ eds to [email protected], it’s free!

From 10am-2pm, you might want Just so we’re clear, Felix accepts no responsibility to avoid the library, unless loud for unexpected marriages, cool? Cool. Win a ticket to the brand chiming gets you in the zone... new music festival Lolcatz of teh week We have a competition, hence, you know, the header at the top of this column. What is this competition, oh faceless person typing in this column? We’ll keep you in suspense and you’ll ﬁ nd out in the next paragraph... You can win tickets to the Nova Festival of Arts and Music (see below for the awesome lineup) worth around £100 each. If you like music, or just have a penchant for wearing wellies and neglect- ing hygiene for a couple of days, then this one is definitely for you. Send in your best festival story in 20 words to be in with a chance of winning one of the two tickets on offer. It’s not like you have anything better planned on the 5 – 8 of July. You do? Oh. Well, cancel it and enter this instead. Winners will be selected randomly in a precise and scientific procedure *cough* we’ll have a read in the office *cough* and will be announced in the paper on Friday 8 June.

Apparently it’s the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee super-mega-weekend or something, which obviously means that the bells are being brought forth for a mass ringing session on Tuesday. If you’re working in the library, bring industrial headphones. Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2012.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Editor-in-Prowling Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporters Alexander Karapetian Aemun Reza Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editor Indy Leclercq Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Business & Finance Editors Will Prince Deepka Rana Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Mark England Ross Gray Simon Hunter Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Alex Ramadan Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors George Barnett James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Philip Kent Jonathan Kim Puzzles Admiral James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Carol Ann Cheah Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 01 June 2012 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Vote protects future of Polish Club Polish weekly makes communism claims over Chairman position

Philip Kent ...Continued from Front Page surrounding a potential sale of the club to the Polish Embassy, which the ﬂ yer suggested would be “divisive”. One of the most controversial reasons listed on the ﬂ yer was the claim that the Chairman of the club had been a “spy and collaborator in the service of the discredited Polish 1980s Com- munist regime”. “a statement suggested that the site could generate £250,000 a year”

Polish weekly Nowy Czas published an article before Sunday’s vote claim- ing that chairman of the club Andrzej Morawicz had once acted as a secret informer for the regime, and during this period had been involved with the export of computer equipment from Britain to Poland during an embargo on trade between the two countries. Following on from Sunday’s vote, Morawicz and deputy chairman Lu- cyna Quirke resigned from their positions on the club’s board. Protestors opposed the loss of heritage that a closure would bring

New research facility opened at Sponsored Editorial Hammersmith Campus More student cuts Chancellor discusses importance of intellectual enquiry at opening Discount haircuts for Imperial

...Continued from Front Page Cancer Research UK Centre. Osborne additionally declared intel- students at Fresh Hairdressers Wellcome Trust-McMichael Clincial Chancellor of the Exchequer George lectual property advisors Imperial Inno- Research Facility. Teams from the Med- Osborne offi cially opened the facility, vations as a “national leader” in univer- ical Research Council Clinical Sciences and said: “It is what this country’s vi- sities helping to commercially develop More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, Centre will be located on the second sion for the future of life sciences is all ideas, discoveries or inventions, claim- students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a fl oor. about. This new Centre rises to the chal- ing that “it is a model from which oth- FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your lenge of ensuring we remain a world ers can learn.” Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. leader in life sciences. The future is Women’s shampoo and cut “The property houses academic research, clinical practice and and shake dry £28 industrial application coming together.” “We understand the Women’s shampoo, cut and the Imperial Cancer Osborne also took the opportunity to blow-dry £38 discuss the the value of universities: importance of free All of our cuts are done by Research UK Centre” “I understand that changes in student highly experienced stylists. fi nance have prompted a lively debate intellectual enquiry” Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to about the role of the university. A uni- 4.30 (sorry no discounts on The upper levels will house one of the versity is not simply a business. Saturdays). largest cardiovascular research facilities “We understand the importance of ICTEM has been funded by Impe- We are only 70 metres from in Europe, including the headquarters of free intellectual enquiry which is worth- rial College Healthcare NHS Trust, the South Kensington tube station the British Heart Foundation Centre of while in itself. It is what I valued about British Heart Foundation, the Medical Research Excellence at Imperial. my time at University – as I suspect did Research Council and the Wellcome The property also houses the Imperial you too.” Trust. 4 Friday 01 June 2012 FELIX NEWS In Brief Imperial graduates jump at Central Library for 24 hour chance to help at London 2012 opening over Summer New BP graduate scheme gives students an Olympic chance For the fi rst time in Imperial College history, the Central Library will continue its 24-hour opening times throughout the summer holidays. Imperial College has decided to keep its library door open to students who wish to use the library, starting from 30 June through until 30 September. In previous years, the 24-hour opening policy would usually cease by the end of June. The new opening hours this year means that students will be able to use the library as they please, with the library only closing at 11pm on a Friday night until 10am on Saturday morning. The Library Café will also remain open in accordance to the summer opening hours but will be closed on Sundays throughout the holidays. The main body of students intended to make use of the extended opening hours will be postgraduates who will be on campus over the holidays. Other targets include Master students, MBA students from the Business School and anyone who would potentially want to use the library over the summer. Postgraduate student Sajjad Jaffer was wary of the new hours, telling Felix of his belief that “there aren’t many moments when you have to go to the library that late at night as a postgraduate”. He also added that “everything is online anyway like journals and books. You can use the VPN network to connect your home computer to the Imperial Network so you don’t need to go to the Library to get anything done”. Director of Library Services, Deborah Shorley, told Felix instead of the benefi ts that she be- lieves the scheme will bring, saying that library staff were “particularly conscious because of the Olympics and the disruption it would cause across town. “Students such as postgraduates will fi nd it hard to fi nd a quiet place to work and so we are BP graduates at the Olympic Stadium, including Claire Madden, but not including Kelly Holmes going to offer them a haven to work in regardless of the chaos that is happening outside.” She continued: “what students want is a place Matthew Colvin careers in September. During short-term sec- certain responsibilities that many of our peers to sit, a place to work and a place with a comput- ondments, the recruits will take responsibilities would not get in their fi rst role.” er space. They don’t want complicated reference As excitement mounts for this year’s sporting in areas such as transport and main operations. support all the time. We believe it will be cost ef- summer, and as career opportunities become Claire admitted to Felix that the Olympics fective and since this is a pilot we cannot be sure ever more uncertain given the unsteady fi - had seemed an attractive prospect before she “this experience ... will if it is really used or not until we try it – if it isn’t nancial climate, a group of Imperial graduates was aware of the programme: “I wanted to go then we won’t do it again.” have been given the best of both worlds, with to the Olympics anyway, either to try and get give us the confi dence to She also said that some postgraduates do not the chance to work at the London 2012 Olym- tickets or try to get involved, so the fact that use their offi ces to work: “we’ve learnt that stu- pics this summer as part of a one off graduate this opportunity became available is something know that we can man- dents want to work in different ways and our aim programme introduced by BP. that I was very keen to get involved with”. is to give students as many different ways as we Based in the transport sector at the media age people” can by offering options such as different spaces hub in Bloomsbury, Claire will be tasked with in the library and quicker access to resources.” “the recruits will take re- ensuring the media are sent exactly where they She concluded: “When presented to the Stu- need to go. Claire also holds the position of As to whether she was excited to be leading dent’s Union, the response was overwhelmingly sponsibilities in a variety team leader, and will ensure that everyone on the way as much as this programme allows, positive. The Union has nominated us for the her team knows what needs to be done for the Claire said that “a lot of the graduates who had “Outstanding Library Team” award for the Times of areas” day, making sure everyone is happy. just started in the last couple of years wished Higher Education Leadership and Management Claire explained how the new programme that they could have been on the programme Awards and we are very proud of this and how was set apart from ‘normal’ progression into a as well.” much they appreciate our library hours.” Claire Madden, due to graduate in chemical graduate scheme: “At university when you’re, The graduates are currently being trained by “It’s lovely to be nominated by the students. engineering this year, is one of six Imperial for example, working in teams and doing BP before they start their roles in the summer, That is very important to us because we only ex- graduates who will be taking advantage of the projects you do develop certain skills but you and will undertake further training by the Lon- ist as a service; we think this is another step to programme. never get placed in such a fast paced situation don 2012 Organising Committee. giving students more of what they want.” BP’s incoming graduate recruits have been where you have to act immediately to make “Having this experience behind us will give Aemun Reza given the chance, following an interview pro- sure things work. There’s a lot riding on the us the confi dence to know that we can manage cess, to work with the London 2012 Organis- success of the London 2012 Olympics but it’s people and we’ve been given the chance to do ing Committee (LOCOG) before starting their good to know that we’re being trusted with that on a massive scale.” DIGGIDY DAWG F E L I X M U S I C N I G H T SUNW I T H T GLITTERSH E I N C R E D I B L E “[Sun Glitters’] pitch-shifted vocals and chopped-up melodies create a compellingly itchy, glitchy R&B” – the Guardian HENRYA L S O F R WUO M X& V EI VERMEANR E C O R D S LOVE LOVE T. Williams Mary Anne Hobbs Alexander Nut 4 X V I “Really good vibe” “Superb” “Sounding large!” 4 X V I

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8 Friday 01 JUNE 2012 FELIX Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith FEATURE [email protected] Privatisation: the Ministry in In the ﬁ rst of a series of articles on the privatisation of our Universities, Stephen Smith discus

ur universities are being in mathematics (the means by which privatised, or so many postdoctoral researchers obtain funding on the Left would have for their projects) are available only to us believe. But how true statisticians. is it? And is it necessar- That is to say, all of pure and applied Oily a bad thing? In a series of features mathematics will be excluded. Current over the next few weeks, I will be inves- and future PhD students in Algebra, tigating several areas of privatisation at Analysis, Geometry, Mathematical Imperial and at universities across the Physics, Logic, and all of non-statisti- UK, areas where corporations are fi lling cal mathematics will have to fi nd other a role that used to be public. ways to fund their research. I’ll look at the Careers Services at “This will force many of the UK’s our Universities, to try to fi nd out why best PhD students to leave the coun- many students are dissatisfi ed with the try to get their fi rst academic job, and variety they offer. I’ll discuss Corporate will prevent us from attracting the best Partnership schemes, to see whether foreign postdoctoral researchers,” ac- academic-industry collaboration really cording to Cambridge mathematician can be a good thing. Burt Totaro, “If EPSRC continues this But this week I’ll look at every aca- policy, British mathematics will face demic’s nightmare: the Research Coun- mediocrity in a decade.” cils. This is not a question of austerity and cuts. As I noted above, the EPSRC budget has fallen only 3.7% since 2007, A case study: the EPSRC but mathematics research grant funding fell by 54% over the same period. It is Far to the west of here, in beautiful an attitude problem brought on by the Swindon, you will fi nd the head offi ces perception that pure and applied math- of the Engineering and Physical Scienc- ematics don’t have suffi cient economic es Research Council (EPSRC). They “impact”. In other words, businesses are the organisation which decides how aren’t interested. David Delpy, CEO of the EPSRC and Gordon Brown. One of these men has been accused of of “central plan- to distribute the government’s £740 And it’s true, businesses aren’t inter- ning and micro management,” and “squandering British taxpayers’ money.” Can you guess which? (Clue: not Gordon) million Engineering and Physical Sci- ested in mathematics, because the re- ences budget. search tends to be quite far ahead of its The EPSRC is remarkable mainly for time: a theory developed now may not its inability to use words: it conveys no be used in physics or engineering for up a bit. In December 2010, the Department Research Council (BBSRC) is even meaning whatsoever in whole pages of another 10 years. Businesses, however, In the 1980s, Research Councils came for Business, Innovation and Skills (it’s more imposing on academic freedom: text. The three “high priorities”, for in- are by nature only interested in short- under the infl uence of a government telling, isn’t it, that business and sci- “BBSRC will prioritise actions to aid stance, are “Delivering Impact. Shaping term gains: try to convince your share- policy to “strengthen the links” be- ence funding are dealt with by the same economic recovery, drive growth, and Capability. Developing Leaders.” Like holders that their falling share prices tween science and business. In his book Government department) published infl uence public policy,” “BBSRC will all partisan political writing, the lan- will pick up again in a decade and they Captive State, George Monbiot ex- a document called the “Allocation of focus on extracting economic benefi t,” guage here is intended to deceive. “De- will laugh in your face. And then sack plains that, “Britain [...] was renowned Science and Research Funding” which “BBSRC will provide [...] high-quality livering Impact” in fact means “Fund- you. It should come as no surprise that for generating scientifi c breakthroughs, subtly reworded the Haldane Principle. PhD training to boost business critical ing only those areas which businesses few companies want to invest in math- but these seldom translated into eco- “The Haldane Principle means that R&D.” want us to”. “Developing Leaders” is ematics. nomic success, as our discoveries were decisions on individual research pro- Back at the EPSRC, a very sinister a euphemism for “Funding only those And here is the problem: the EPSRC commercialised elsewhere.” Thatcher’s posals are best taken by researchers video for the 2011/2012 Delivery Plan researchers whom we have funded in equates the value of a subject with busi- Government thought this a wasted op- themselves,” but Governments can set states, “While our Strategic Plan set the past”. I confess, after weeks of re- ness interest in it. Governments love portunity, and so decided to let busi- “key national strategic priorities,” and out how we will accelerate the pace search, to have no idea what is meant by this, of course, because the economy nesses infl uence research. “ask Research Councils to consider of change, our Delivery Plan sets out “Shaping Capability”. will boom while they’re in offi ce, and In practice, this policy change result- how best they can contribute to these a transformative agenda.” So far, so But in spite of (or, perhaps, because crash after they’ve gone. But for the ed in “business leaders” being promot- priorities.” remarkably uninformative. But listen of) its management-speak, the EPSRC UK it is self-evidently disastrous. So ed to Research Councils to “ensure that In other words, Governments can- between the insufferable jargon and the has done a good job of convincing the how did this “business-impact” posi- the needs of fi rms are fully taken into not choose which individual proposals real agenda becomes apparent. Government to give it money. Indeed, tion come about, and what can we do account in decisions on the direction, to fund, but they can ask the Councils The Delivery Plan is “built around a its budget has fallen only 3.7% in real about it? nature and content of publicly funded not to fund anything in Pure or Applied Sponsor model of Research Manage- terms since 2007/2008, compared with science and technology.” Mathematics. ment in which funding is viewed as a total research council cuts of 25.2%. In effect, large businesses would sug- Looking at the EPSRC in particular, strategic investment and not as a trans- Regrettably, having money is only half A brief history of funding gest an area of research that would ben- the document states: “During 2011-15 fer of funds without obligation.” The the battle, and the EPSRC’s new fund- efi t them, and the Research Councils EPSRC will deliver increased impact EPSRC must remain “committed to ing plan threatens to stall entire areas of The famous Haldane principle states would fund it. As is now glaringly ob- by engaging more strongly with busi- generating the fundamental knowledge research. that decisions over how to allocate re- vious, this policy simply led to compa- ness,” and it will “act to improve further and the skilled people essential to Busi- Mathematics, for instance. The Queen search funding should be decided by a nies getting the Government to pay for the quality of PhDs it funds [...] so that ness, Government and other research of the Sciences, according to mathema- council of researchers. This supposedly research which they would otherwise the skills base generated is most valu- organisations.” “A world class research ticians (the slave of the sciences ac- keeps academia free from government have paid for themselves. able to industry. ” It’s worth reading base is valuable only insofar as it gener- cording to everyone else), is currently infl uence, or any outside interference. This was the fi rst signifi cant under- that again: “[...] so that the skills base ates economic and social value.” “Any- a victim of the new “Delivery Plan”. The principle has generally been in use mining of the Haldane principle, the generated is most valuable to industry.” thing that is excellent will have impact Since July 2011, EPSRC fellowships since 1918, but a few decades ago Mar- second came with the arrival of our cur- The document’s section on the Bio- if the pathways are right”. garet Thatcher decided to shake things rent government. technology and Biological Sciences Yes, “anything that is excellent will FELIX Friday 01 JUNE 2012 9 FEATURE nterfering at Hogwarts sses the Government’s latest assault on academic freedom, through the Research Councils

have impact if the pathways are right”. the country? this historic school, and that is as it Make of that what you will. In September 2011, twenty-fi ve should be, for without progress there high-profi le mathematicians sent a “Industry representatives” on the EPSRC: will be stagnation and decay. There letter to the Prime Minister complain- again, progress for progress’s sake What the future holds ing that the “EPSRC’s model is one of must be discouraged... A balance, then, central planning and micro-managing Paul Golby, former director of E.ON between old and new, between perma- The councils today look much research. Civil servants in an unac- nence and change, between tradition like you’d expect after 30 years of countable quango are picking winners, and innovation because some changes “change”. In the EPSRC, for instance, deciding which science to fund based Andrew Blake, MD of Microsoft Research will be for the better, while others will half of the council is made up of “in- on their perception of strategic priori- come, in the fullness of time, to be rec- dustry representatives,” as the box ties. They call it Shaping Capability.” ognised as errors of judgement,” said (right) shows. The letter argued that the Council’s Jack Boyer, a general “entrepreneur” Professor Umbridge. Two weeks ago, nine Nobel laureates refusal to consult actual scientists was “Meanwhile, some old habits will be sent an angry letter to the Telegraph “likely to cause irreversible damage” retained, and rightly so, whereas oth- calling, stating that, “the EPSRC is to science in Britain. Julia King, former Rolls Royce executive ers, outmoded and outworn, must be failing to maintain Britain’s global Professor Richard Thomas of Impe- abandoned. Let us move forward, then, research standing,” and (appealing to rial has also spoken out against the into a new era of openness, effective- the Telegraph’s natural readership) Council. “EPSRC often measures the Pierre-Louis Viollet, a Vice-President of EDF ness and accountability, intent on pre- accused it of “squandering British tax- quality of an area of mathematical re- serving what ought to be preserved, payers’ money.” search, or of an individual researcher, perfecting what needs to be perfected, “Through manipulating the process- by the amount of EPSRC funding it David Watson, a director of IBM and pruning wherever we fi nd practic- es of peer review to meet policy ob- has received,” he said, in a letter to es that ought to be prohibited.” jectives and establishing favouritism the EPSRC. “There is a real risk of un- “There was some important stuff schemes, where substantial funding fairly directing funding to those have Jeremy Watson, a director of Arup hidden in the waffl e,” said Hermione packages are given to a few selected received EPSRC funding in the past.” grimly. “‘Progress for progress’s sake individuals identifi ed by its own ad- Ah yes, this is what the EPSRC calls must be discouraged...pruning wher- ministration, the EPSRC is no longer “developing leaders”. Tony Wood, a head of Pfi zer ever we fi nd practises that ought to be allocating funds on a fair and transpar- Referring to Mathematics in particu- prohibited.’ It means the Ministry’s in- ent basis,” said the letter. lar, he laments that people who “have terfering at Hogwarts!” – Harry Potter In other words, allowing business- no training in mathematics whatsoever, and the Order of the Phoenix people and Government ministers to are being forced to decide the level of decide what to fund leads to “favourit- funding to areas of mathematics whose universities (those pillars of civilisa- in which the UK really does lead the A fully referenced version of this arti- ism” and unfair distribution of fund- names they can hardly understand.” tion) are sacred and should be exempt world. cle is available at rustylight.blogspot. ing. Should it come as any surprise that A general picture is emerging here from the fl awed and hostile world of It is only appropriate, then, given the com business-people want to fund particu- of a Government wanting to exercise short-termist money-making appears signifi cance of this matter, to end with lar areas (their own areas) at the ex- more control over universities, and to to have not occurred to our dear Gov- a remarkably apt quotation: Next week, I’ll be discussing the career pense of others? Should it come as any let businesses profi t while the country ernment. Indeed, the desire to prove “Every headmaster and headmistress advice offered at Universities across surprise that the Government’s agenda suffers. that Britain is “open for business” of Hogwarts has brought something the UK, and exploring why so many doesn’t coincide with what is best for In true neo-liberal style, the idea that threatens all academia, the one area new to the weighty task of governing students claim to be unhappy with it.

Kadhim Shubber Join Felix. At the very least, you’ll get a place to kip at lunchtime everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 THE Skeleton Fund

This summer, this guy will cycle this guy

And in the process beat a record set by this guy from Louisville, Kentucky in 1987, 25 years ago.

Also, The entire length of this guy... Great Britain to help fund bursaries for Imperial students www.skeletonfund.com Every penny you donate goes towards scholarships for Imperial students Donate at JustGiving.com/TheSkeletonFund 12 Friday 01 june 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Don’t regress into despair Shedding light on the Deepwater Maya Kaushik Horizon oil spill For anyone considering a career in biological or medical research, the old catchphrase U.S. Coast Guard “Never work with children or animals” often comes into play. Biological data never quite does what you want it to. Sometimes a scientist’s intuition, or even looking graphs of your data, tells you that the trend you’re looking for does exist. But now the question is, how can one get the statistics to prove it to the rest of the scientifi c world? This dilemma has troubled many a biol- ogy student over the course of time. There is nothing worse than the feeling of despair, after spending many weeks in the lab, or out in the fi eld in the heat, rain or cold, to come to analysing your data and to discover that the result is...nothing. But with biological or medical data, this is often invariably the case. There are many reasons for this. Firstly, animals, plants and people are affected by a multitude of complex factors that all interact with each other. Even if you have an idea of Regression analysis. Actually as simple as drawing a big arrow through some dots The BP oil rig ablaze the main factors that may be affecting your results, and you measure these, it is impos- sible to measure every single factor, and ac- to limiting factors, where the minimum and you’re getting really fancy, you can even sta- On the second anniversary of the Deepwater Ho- count for every single bias. But statistics is maximum responses measured may be under tistically prove that something is an outlier, rizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, a new report a wide fi eld, and there are some interesting quite different constraints. Quantile regres- by using tests such as the cook’s D statistic. suggests that existing scientifi c models were statistical tests out there which can be very sion analysis allows you to estimate multiple Robust regression does not ignore that one inadequate to deal with the disaster. The team, useful to biologists. rates of change in your data, and using this annoying ant/shrub/patient in your data, but it based at the University of California, Santa Bar- Quantile regression is a test that can be you can often fi nd results that other regres- takes into account the fact that it is an outlier bara, have published the fi rst comprehensive used when you have unequal variation in your sion methods may have missed out on. and down-weights it accordingly, often help- study of what happened at the Deepwater oil data. Biological data often has unequal varia- Another problem biologists often face is ing you to get more useful results. spill in 2010. tion. This is because if many factors are af- that of outliers that mess up their results. Why So before your lack of results gets you Releasing an estimated 206 million gallons of fecting the variables you are measuring, this couldn’t that one fi sh/fruit fl y/mouse behave down and makes you wonder why you didn’t oil at unprecedented depths, the spill was the means that there is often more than one rate like the others? Does it make sense to ignore go for that career in the City, remember that it largest accidental marine spill in the history of of change between one measured variable it, or is that bad science? sometimes takes just a little bit more patience the petroleum industry. and another, due to some of the unmeasured Robust regression is a method especially to pull out your breakthrough scientifi c fi nd- Chemical dispersants, which are often used in factors. Biological data is also often subject developed to deal with infl uential outliers. If ings. shallow-water and surface spills, were applied to the spill to clean up and contain the oil. “That model works well for pipeline breaks and tanker ruptures,” explains co-author Sean Anderson, an associate professor at California State University Channel Islands, “but it is inadequate for this novel type of deep blowout.” The study found that the majority of the oil is How many blondes in Melanesia? retained at depth, rapidly emulsifi ed and dis- persed by the resulting action of the pressurised Robert Treasure It had long been the consensus of opinion the various isolated populations that consti- oil jetting from the wellbore. that this unusual follicular occurrence was tute Melanesia? “We have generally hailed the use of (chemi- It’s been nearly sixty years since Marilyn due to the seed-spreading of European colo- This is surely the question that Kenny cal) dispersants as helpful, but really are basing Monroe and Jane Russell told of the gen- nisers, yet research undertaken by Kenny et will now be asking himself, especially as this on the fact we seemed to have kept oil from tleman’s penchant for blondes, but it has al. (2012) confirms that its evolution is the the blonde mutation is proven to be reces- getting to the surface,” argues co-author Gary recently come to light that mother nature result of a mutation independent to that of sive, meaning that it must be inherited from Cherr, director of University of California, Davis’s herself may feel the same way: blonde hair the aforementioned MC1R gene: both parents in order to acquire the golden Bodega Marine Lab. evolved twice. After comparing the genomes of blonde locks in question. “The truth is much of this oil probably was Now, I’m sure you were all aware that the and dark-haired Melanesians, Kenny and Perhaps said hair colour constitutes some staying at depth, independent of the amount of principal evolution of blonde hair occurred his colleagues ascertained that the presence sort of advantage when it comes to attract- surfactants we dumped into the ocean. And we in northern Europe about 11,000 years ago of the former is instead caused by a muta- ing mates, the same way it does in Europe dumped a lot of dispersants into the ocean—all as a result of a mutation of the hair colour tion of the TRYP1 gene, which is in turn (as well as a certain film from the ‘50s). told, approximately one-third of the global sup- gene MC1R, right? Though you may not responsible for an enzyme that denotes hair Or maybe the mutation does not account ply.” have known of the prevalence of naturally colour in various mammals. However, the for all cases of blonde hair among Melane- While the team have identifi ed that the bulk fair hair in Melanesia, a group of islands in gene in question has no bearing on pigmen- sians: some such instances may be related of the impact would have been in the mid-water the Pacific Ocean, north-east of Australia, tation among European populations, mean- to the relative age, gender or sun exposure and deep ocean, very little is known about the where it is thought that around 10% of the ing that the two varieties of blonde hair of individuals. marine ecology at such depths. As a result of natives display the trait (thus making the are completely unrelated in terms of their In what will be considered by many the these fi ndings, the study calls for further inves- answer to the question posed in the title ap- genetic basis. Further evidence is provided greatest anticlimax since the rapture of 21st tigation into the long-term effects of deep-water proximately one million). Despite possess- by the high likelihood that this particular May 2011, I’m going to put forward the oil spills. ing the darkest skin pigmentation of any mutation of the TRYP1 gene is exclusive to theory that the high frequency of blonde Flora Malein non-African population, the Melanesians the Pacific Islands. hair in Melanesia was the result of simple account for the greatest incidence of the So how did this unusual physical charac- chance. blonde barnet outside of Europe. teristic reach such abundance throughout DOI:10.1126/science.1217849 FELIX Friday 01 june 2012 13 SCIENCE Sugar and the brain Zara Shubber looks at scientists’ warnings that high fructose diets may be detrimental to memory topnews.in

Fructose, a sweetener used widely in processed food and drink, can also be found in fruits and High Fructose Corn Syrup. Antioxidants in fruits prevent their fructose from being harmful

cientists have warned stu- transportable sugar than normal table dents preparing for exams sugar. that eating sugary desserts Although a high fructose diet is well- makes you stupid. known for its harmful effects on the Scientists have known body, leading to diabetes and obesity, Sfor a long time that sugar makes you the Californian study is one of the fi rst fat. But now a group of neuroscien- to suggest that it may also harm learn- tists in California believe that a sugary ing and brain function. diet also slackens the brain, harms the Four groups of rodents were fed a mind’s ability to absorb knowledge standard rat feed for one week prior to and disturbs memory. the experiment, which was conducted The scientists believe that eating fi sh at the University of California and and fl axseed oils can minimise this published in The Journal of Physiol- damage, which is caused by a high ogy in May. fructose diet. The rodents were also trained to D-Fructose (above). High-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is a mixture of glucose and fructose as monosaccharides Fructose is a simple sugar naturally navigate a complex maze that only had found in fruit. However, the type of one exit. The rats were able to locate fructose found in fruit is not harmful and remember the exit using a series given a high fructose diet. One of dissected the rats’ brains to look at to absorb knowledge. because of the high level of antioxi- of visual cues or signposts scattered these groups received additional ome- the effects of the different diets on the But, if the temptation to eat sugar dants also found in fruit. throughout the labyrinth. ga-3-fatty acids along with their new brain cells. proves too powerful, they also recom- By contrast, the fructose found in An ordinary rat will learn to locate fructose-enhanced feed. They found that the brains of the mend eating more omega-3 in order to preservatives and sweeteners like High the exit, travelling directly there, after Six weeks later, all four groups were rats that were fed a high fructose diet boost the brain’s function. Fructose Corn Syrup is often injected four or fi ve attempts. returned to the maze. The rats that displayed signs of insulin resistance, a Gomez-Pinilla, the lead researcher, into food and drink with no nutrients After this initial training phase, the were fed a high fructose diet fared the well-known culprit of obesity and dia- recommends taking a gram per day of or antioxidants, such as fi zzy drinks, researchers continued to feed one worst, taking the longest to fi nd their betes. Again, this resistance was great- omega-3 by eating fi sh, fl axseed oil or condiments and other processed foods. group of rodents the normal rat feed. way out of the maze. By contrast, those est in rats that didn’t receive the fi sh fi sh oil supplements. Many blame the introduction of Another group received the rat feed who ate the normal rat feed that had and fl axseed oils. “It’s like saving money in the bank. High Fructose Corn Syrup onto the but also received fi sh and fl axseed oils, been supplemented with omega-3-fat- The neuroscientists who worked on You want to build a reserve for your food market on President Richard Nix- which are a source of omega-3-fatty ty acids navigated the maze faster than the Californian rat study advise stu- brain to tap when it requires extra fuel on, whose war on poverty led him to acids. any other group. dents gearing up for exams to skimp on to fi ght off future diseases,” he said. seek cheaper, sweeter and more easily The fi nal two groups of rodents were After the challenge, the scientists dessert to improve their brain’s ability FRIDAY 18 JUNE 15 Friday 01 june 2012 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris Bowers Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks The Kana: a mouse for all The Pirate Bay blocked by ISPs Chris Bowers

The SteelSeries Kana is a gaming mouse promising a good specification but at a rea- sonable price. Armed with a high resolution sensor (3200dpi), two side buttons, two on- board profiles and a resilient, braided cable, it certainly looks good on paper. I’ve been using it for the past week, so let’s take a look at how it is in practice. First impressions were good – the Kana is certainly a striking mouse. Whichever colour you choose (it’s available in white/black and black/orange), the contrast looks great. How- ever, the colour doesn’t really impact how At the end of last month, leading UK Internet Ser- good the mouse is, but thankfully SteelSeries vice Providers were ordered by UK courts to pre- hasn’t sacrificed in that department to deliver vent their customers from accessing the popular on prettiness. torrent site The Pirate Bay. Virgin Media began The Kana is an ambidextrous mouse – com- Who can resist an orange glowing scrollwheel? their block just two days later, whereas BT have pletely symmetrical. While this took a while asked for “a few more weeks to consider its posi- to get used to (I usually use an ergonomic tion”. This is something of a landmark occasion mouse), once over that bump the mouse is all manner of coiling and use, and promises to cursor/gun/whatever did it too, with no skips for anti-piracy campaigning in the UK, as it is likely comfortable, and you could definitely use be tangle-free. or jumps. any similar bans will pass through the courts with it for hours of continuous play. This design So the mouse looks good, and feels good, My only minor (and it is minor) gripe with some ease after this ﬁ rst occurrence. However, means there’s a large button on each side of but how does it perform? I used it as my the Kana is that the side buttons are almost a The Pirate Bay themselves couldn’t care less. The the mouse, which can be mapped in-game or mouse for a week, for general use as well as little too easy to press. Sometimes when I put day following the ban, they claimed to have had using the SteelSeries Engine software. gaming – including Call of Duty, where a slip my hand back on the mouse, I would acciden- 12 million visitors more than their previous record. The rest of the buttons are as you’d expect, of the mouse can be the difference between tally hit the button on the right-hand side. Cer- Along with advice on how to bypass the ban, they with the addition of a profile toggling button life and death. Regardless of the surface I was tainly not the biggest deal in the world, but it are quoted as saying “We should write a thank you – which allows you to switch between two playing on – be it my multi-coloured mouse could be a nuisance if that button were mapped note to the BPI” with regards to the extra trafﬁ c. on-board sensitivity settings on the fly. This mat or the seat of the sofa – the Kana didn’t to something important. The problem with all this is almost all users of the all connects to your computer with a braided, miss a beat. The sensor within is evidently of Other than that, I find it very difficult to site will easily bypass the ban, supporters of a durable cord, which feels like it will survive very high quality. Whatever my hand did, my fault this mouse. It has great performance, and completely open internet will be riled by the deci- ticks the boxes of both comfort and aesthetic sion, and the copyright holders have – in effect appeal. The software adds rather than detracts – gained nothing. to the package as well, allowing unlimited profiles, easy button mapping, and even a heat map of how much you press each button over some time period. Oh, and did I mention the scroll wheel is illuminated on each side (which BlackBerry OS may be licensed can have different brightness settings based on the active profile)? How cool is that! If you’re looking for a reliable, high-performance gaming mouse for around £40, the Kana reasonably priced gaming mouse perform? THERE, I PUNNED SteelSeries Kana may well be for you.

It’s not uncommon knowledge that RIM – the com- A big Leap for gesture control? pany behind the BlackBerry smartphones – aren’t enjoying an easy ride in either the phone or tablet sectors. In the last year we have seen them suffer Alexander Karapetian a large hit on their profits, the massive outage that affected millions of users, and the two CEOs of the A company has produced a new USB device, company stepping down to try and ‘shake up’ the dubbed Leap, that creates an interaction space firm. They have warned of a loss for this quarter, of 8 cubic feet in which hand gestures up to and may have to make job cuts in order to survive. an accuracy of 0.01 millimeters can be recog- It seems the physical keyboard and excellent email nised. The company, Leap Motion, uses tech- system aren’t enough to keep existing customers nology which proves cheaper than the current and attract new ones – RIM are going to have to state of the art: Microsoft’s Kinect sensor. start bringing something new to the table. One defi- The technology, predicted to work with ei- Is this box going to revolutionise how we control our technology? nite plan is the release of BlackBerry 10 – a new ther a higher resolution camera or by using in- operating system that will, among other things, run frared Light Detection And Ranging (LIDAR), Android apps on the BlackBerry device. However, is about ‘two-hundred times more accurate in improving the device will start to emerge technological applications, including virtual some experts think this is ‘too little, too late’, and than existing products and technologies on the in the public domain as developers eventually gesture based keyboards in mobile devices and that the company may have to resort to more ex- market’, reports the manufacturer. get their hands on the Leap, and the company futuristic, accurate navigation in desktops. The treme measures, for example licensing their propri- The Leap device is expected to ship next year looks set to take the direction of Microsoft device gives rise to questions about the future etary operating system to other phone manufactur- for roughly $70, and the technical details be- with their Kinect sensor, opening it up for the of touch and gesture based navigation in cur- ers. Only time will tell whether or not RIM can pull hind its operation are kept secret by Leap Mo- masses to use to improve their wide variety of rent technology and has the potential to usher themselves back into the land of profit. tion, who only cite a ‘patented mathematical applications - from research to leisure. in an era of Minority Report style computer approach’ in their methods. The methods used Leap’s use case extends to a plethora of control. The season isn’t over yet for Women’s Rugby. See out the year by taking part in a centrefold! Groups and individuals welcome: [email protected] 18 Friday 01 June 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Imperial outside the M25 The Summer Ball you asked for

“The Summer Ball you asked for.” This central statement has been behind the build-up for this year’s Summer Ball, Francisca Sconce and yet enthusiasm for the formal dinner has not been the instant sure fire hit ollowing last week’s Felix that feedback from last year’s event and story about Silwood Park, I format has led us to believe. So why is it felt it was important to write that when presented with the opportunity about what it’s actually like to congregate amidst a sea of tuxedos here at Silwood, which, and ball gowns over a three course meal uniquelyF for a London based univer- at Imperial, there are many opting out of sity, is outside of London. Having been ending the year over dinner at Imperial? Or a student here and South Kensington I even more pressingly, why aren’t students have found that they are very different. accepting what the Union has changed for With 160 students, 60 academic staff, Don’t worry, they’ve put a new facade on Mech Eng so it now looks as good as this... them specifically? and over 100 hectares of parkland, This year’s formal dinner is due to be there’s lots more space than at a London held in the Senior Common Room at a cost campus. I am writing this outside in the sipy, news gets around between staff of £40, while entertainment tickets cost sun, surrounded by fl owering rhodo- and students, so if you want some time It’s justjujuss College £35 to see the likes of Ms Dynamite and dendrons, and in the distance there is a out it’s not easy. I’ve had quite a few electro swing outfits perform. lab group having their meeting by our people asking me this year whom they doesn’tdoesn’ seem to Though the change to a festival format lily pond, it is really beautiful. In 2009, can talk to about issues affecting their in 2011 was the result of a decline in the Campus Dean Mick Crawley said to Re- work and mental health. In most cases have any strategy sale of formal dinner tickets year-on-year, porter that it is “such a luxury to be able I’ve directed them to someone who can this year’s formal dinner tickets mark a de- to do my fi eldwork within a few yards help, but the fact that they ask, shows regarding crease in cost. Whereas in 2010 a formal of the laboratory”. We also have a small me that the relevant services just don’t “ dinner ticket would set one back by £85 friendly community, where you can ac- seem available. planning and (rising to £90), this year saw joint tickets tually get to know almost everyone’s Things have not been helped by the rise from £70 to £75. name, both staff and student. resignation of several staff members investing in Following last year’s change in format There are, however, some downsides and hearing that more are considering from its prior formal beginnings, a com- to being here; sadly I don’t believe that their positions. Regarding the Applied future Silwood mon concern was that the Summer Ball, the campus’s uniqueness makes up for Ecology courses discontinuing due to above all, “should be about having a spe- the lack of investment in our social staff leaving, as I said I am sad that staff and cial evening with our friends” as summa- and recreational facilities. We do have these courses are going, though it is rized by one individual. One commenter a shiny new teaching building, but our encouraging that they will continue at students from our Summer Ball survey last year re- halls are only just adequate. We have a another institution. They have been at marked that “to celebrate the end of our dingy squash court, weedy tennis court, Silwood Park in some form for over 50 time at Imperial, we don’t really want big- and a tiny gym, which to be honest feels years, whilst the remaining ones started name bands.” like you are exercising in a nuclear bun- within the last eight: we are passing a things need to be improved, perhaps Groups of students have suggested hold- ker. The refectory, bar and social room milestone here in Silwood history. aware that fees here are increasing by ing their version of a formal dinner else- buildings were built for temporary use Overall, I feel there has been a bit of 78% and students will expect more where, whether privately at home or at a about 60 years ago; they’ve done well a negative atmosphere across campus. bang for their buck. This” week I at- restaurant, though with some openly ad- to still be standing but frequently leak Don’t get me wrong, we do have some tended the fi rst meeting of the Silwood mitting that the price of their own events and are freezing in winter. Added to fun here, from our annual music festival Action Group, a College Working Party “could match that of the formal dinner that, they are not big enough to hold all Silfest to our comedy ‘homage’ to the looking into the student experience at itself”, there must be further reasoning of our students at once. staff at the Silwood Revue, we can be Silwood. This didn’t really focus on the behind why the formal dinner is not an Why don’t we come up to the Union imaginative in entertaining ourselves longterm picture for Silwood, as I was instant-buy prospect. A range of reasons and go to GSA events at South Kens- over the year. It’s just College doesn’t anticipating, but I’m hopeful that this could immediately be raised, from the pric- ington? It can be a four hour round trip seem to have any strategy regarding discussion is the start of a transition, ing, however reduced, to the location. by train, and the last one leaving Water- planning and investing in future Sil- or more appropriately, an ‘evolution’ Feedback was the reasoning behind loo is fairly early compared with when wood staff and students. Why hasn’t Don’t just of Silwood Park. There’s a new MRes ensuring that the festival format was re- an average night out fi nishes; as we all this been complained about more? I write your course starting here in October, lecturer moved for this year. The Union have openly know, train and tube fares are not cheap. think because staff are often reluctant opinions positions replacing the leaving staff changed the format, yet the formal dinner We do have our Union minibus at Sil- to stick their necks out, as, understand- down on are being advertised soon, the Reactor has reverted to pre-2011 enthusiasm. wood, but we give priority to supermar- ably, they think that their jobs may be in your exam Centre is beginning a decommissioning While some consider the Summer Ball to ket trips (the nearest is a 30 minute walk jeopardy if they do. Students, on Biol- paper, email phase and there are exciting propos- be “an integral part of the university ex- away), and activities, which inevitably ogy related courses, are used to work- them to us als for research to return to the Manor perience”, as the deadline approaches clash with events. Recently we’ve bor- ing and living in the fi eld and making (probably not House, which has been empty for the for the formal dinner tickets, we will see rowed a second minibus, which has do with basic facilities. while you’re last three years. whether Imperial will recall its past desire been great, but we’re not sure if we’ll Part of me wonders, probably naively, in an exam I originally started at Imperial back in for a formal dinner, and whether students still have it next year. why should we have to be lobbying for though, just 2003, in that time South Kensington has will buy into a format that they actively had Another issue here is welfare. In a things to improve? Shouldn’t College a thought) improved so much, particularly in facil- a part in organising. small community people form close already be ensuring that we have the comment. ities and support. I am really hoping that bonds and it can be very supportive. best possible experience? Either way, felix@impe- this can happen at Silwood and I look On the other hand it can be fairly gos- it seems College is fi nally realising that rial.ac.uk forward to the campus in years to come. FELIX Friday 01 june 2012 19 COMMENT Greens and GM: a scientist’s dilemma

like the Green Party. I voted for of women, the only solution to famine them in May, on all three bal- and constant poverty in the developing lots, and I would vote for them world. Opposing it amounts to a kind of again if there were a General pre-emptive murder, a bourgeois luxury Election tomorrow. But, as with that only those with no chance of star- Imost friends, they often disappoint me. vation could endorse. While I was severely depressed by their That said, the protesters do have pledge to offer homeopathic “medi- something that vaguely resembles a cine” on the NHS, and their plans to point. The research is publicly funded, implement a health service for pets, the but the resulting strain will be sold to recent news about their opposition to an agro-chemicals company, and few Stephen Smith genetically modifi ed crops has been the things are worse for social justice than most disappointing thing of all. large, powerful companies. There are, On Sunday, Jenny Jones, the Green after all, no profi ts in helping penniless Mayoral candidate, appeared at Take East Africans. the Flour Back, a protest against experi- It follows that protesting against ments with genetically modifi ed wheat. growing the crops is ridiculous, and I say “protest”, but really it was vandal- instead the group should campaign to ism. The “protesters” attempted (and prevent the sale of the crop to a corpo- failed) to “decontaminate” the country- ration. Of course, this is a very diffi cult side by destroying the scientists’ plants. thing to protest against, but such is life; And the Green Party, fools that they are, destroying research is a cardinal sin, mentioned the event on their website. and for scientists like myself (the Green I’m all in favour of vandalism as a Party’s natural voter base) it is a huge form of protest, but the protest must be turn-off. Don’t blame the genetic modification for Brain’s insanity legitimate – and destroying scientists’ I have even heard a large number of work is about as illegitimate as it gets. scientists and students claim that they It reeks of the Catholic Church against will never vote Green again, which, than that of Tony Blair, the same man rights abuses in Nigeria. Galileo, or Evangelical Christians’ ha- though understandable, is actually quite who surged ahead with the Private Fi- By this point he had stopped listen- tred of Evolution. The Take the Flour a curious position. I suspect that had nance Initiative and introduced tuition ing, but I like to think I won the argu- Back logo is a loaf of bread with the Ken Livingstone attended the event, fees in the fi rst place. Also remember ment. If, as all these students and sci- head and legs of a cow. The whole af- we wouldn’t hear the same people that, when asked, all Labour MPs refuse entists suggest, we can dismiss a whole fair is scare-mongering with no basis in thoroughly denounce the entire Labour to answer the question of whether they party on the behaviour of just one of its fact, and a depressing sight for anyone party. will reduce tuition fees once in offi ce. members, then is there any party worth who previously thought of Jenny Jones Some scientists and students said they So they won’t. voting for? as the most science-friendly London would vote Liberal Democrat. That is Small, left-wing parties are held to The fact is, with all three main parties candidate. remarkable, because (as I explain in impossibly high standards: one mistake fi rmly in the right-authoritarian quarter But offi cial Green Party policy on this week’s Feature) no UK Govern- and people will dismiss them instantly. of the political compass, the Greens of- Yes,Yes, they’retthh not the matter is entirely in favour of the ment has ever done more to diminish One student told me he’d never vote for fer the only genuine option for bring- experiment. “While the Green party academic independence than the cur- the Respect Party because George Gal- ing any kind of socialism to Britain, perfect,perfect but of is more sceptical about the way GM rent one. Compared with the increase of loway was an apologist for totalitarian- short of a revolution. For a left-wing crops and gene patenting has been ap- tuition fees, the privatisation of parts of ism, but he was happy to vote for Labour person to vote Lib Dem or Labour at four evils the plied by multinational corporations like the NHS, and the aggressively pro-busi- or the Liberal Democrats. I pointed out this point in history (to use a horrible Monsanto, we are not opposed to GM ness position of the Research Councils that Labour’s David Miliband had en- cliché) amounts to cutting off your nose Green Party is research itself,” according to Green since the 2010 review, the Green Party’s gaged in business deals with Gaddaffi to spite your face. Until people stop dis- “ Party press offi cer Scott Redding. So opposition to GM seems minuscule. in full knowledge of his use of torture missing the Greens off-hand because of the least byy a that’s nice. Others said they would vote Labour. and suppression of democracy. I told single-issue qualms, I can see no way Jenny Jones, on the other hand, is a That is also remarkable, because no UK him that the Lib Dem Vince Cable had out of this neoliberal mess. Yes, they’re long, long wwayay fool. Genetic modifi cation of crops is, Government has done more to promote spent years working for Shell, a com- not perfect, but of four evils the Green along with the worldwide emancipation privatisation in science and academia pany with a dreadful record of human Party is the least by a long, long way. EXAMS.” Just in case you had forgotten

ou know when Facebook be honest with you, fi nal years have had ter simile). Kids nowadays (uhoh, I am a panic trying to look over 20 things; has that dumb “what’s so many exams for so long that we’re old) are so used to needing 90% on an you could have spent that time prop- on your mind” thing just bored of them now. exam that the adjustment to suddenly erly looking over 10 different bits and on the status box, well I like to think it’s the former. I hon- not being able to know absolutely ev- it would have made a real difference there’s been one thing on estly feel sorry for this year’s freshers, erything perfectly and never be phased to what you know, and makes you feel Ymy mind all term. Exams. Trouble is, and next year’s lot too. They needed a in an exam is just incredibly extreme. confi dent you’re making – admittedly once you get old (I’m a 4th Year…) you couple of A*s, not As. Even if you do Suddenly entire parts seem like they slow – progress. Essentially, what I’m just stop being phased by the whole not- say ‘meh, exams were harder in my can’t possibly have been on the sylla- saying is look that exam right in the eye being-able-to-answer-entire-sections- day’ you still have to appreciate the er- bus. and say the following: fuck you, I’m a of-exams thing. Maybe I’ve become au ror margin they have. 10% is not much So here comes the advice paragraph. total badass. Quick note though, don’t fait with how exams at university work, to work with: one mistake and you’re Relax, a bit. Half of the battle is staying say that if the exam is a viva; trust me, Tim Arbabzadah or maybe all us fi nal years are just burnt like a screw on a construction site – to- calm under the pressure. If you let the they won’t appreciate it. Anyway, I’m out and don’t care anymore, oddly at tally screwed (I have exams alright, I volume of content and short amount of off to revise, calmly. Good luck with the most crucial stage of our degree. To couldn’t be bothered to think of a bet- time get to you, you’ll spend 2 hours in exams and projects everyone! 20 Friday 01 June 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] Social media never achieves anything

’ve got a problem. A problem and opinion was divided. Some thought with you. And your friends. The that it was indeed trivializing rape, and whole lot of you, in fact, and others thought it was all a big fuss over the way in which you all spread nothing. I’m not going to be so dumb your ideas using social media. as to pass judgment on which camp I IBasically, over the past couple of years think was right, but I think it’s fair to social media has quickly evolved from say that what I saw was a lack of con- a novel way of keeping in touch into a sensus. Why, then, was this event a big way for people to share their passions, deal – big enough to make it into a na- problems and grievances – and in do- tional newspaper? ing so I’m of the fi rm belief that it’s I believe that it’s basically because Simon become a useless, vapid place. People everyone is listening to social media seem to think they are making a differ- too much. Governments and compa- Worthington ence when they click the ‘Like’ button nies and even individuals seem to take – but they are, unfortunately, kidding Twitter very seriously – way too seri- themselves. ously given the percentage and par- You may remember that earlier this ticular demographic of the population year Felix was accused of sexism – a it represents. Whenever someone reads claim that was correct, in many ways. some negative criticism on social me- Social media was partly responsible for dia more often than not they seem to We’ve pre-emptively deployed police to Felix Online’s cyberoffices to the resulting scandal, but what you must freak out a little bit, and normally end control the surge of comments that this article will inevitably create really ask yourself is this: what’s re- up making a far overblown response. ally changed? Hangman got a revamp, The problem here is with the social gress was postponed until ‘consensus’ this argument was banded about quite a but it’ll be back to its old tricks soon medium itself – Twitter and Facebook could be reached. Do you remember bit when the campaign against Kony hit enough. That’s because the content in are so quick and instant that a couple how that story ended? Unless you’re the stage. But so what? More people are Hangman is basically decided by the of hours without an offi cial response is well into your technology news, you aware, great. Now they can make even person who writes for it. If Hangman is like a lifetime. Compare this with good probably don’t. It turns out that whilst more people aware! Wicked. But then sexist or racist or whatever other “-ist” old fashioned snail mail: the speed of SOPA may not be such an imminent all we end up with is a lot of people who you’d like to pick, it’s probably because reply gives a lot more time to actually threat, there are still plenty of other ta- are very aware. Awareness is only use- the person who wrote it was too. The think before blurting something out bled bills that are just like SOPA under ful if it translates into meaningful ac- author for that article may have got a into the public domain. a different name, but worse (go look up tion. Because social media is so casual wrap on the knuckles, but who’s to say Fundamentally, social media is faddy. CISPA if you’re interested). and so quick, people don’t get involved that the writer who comes along next People are always looking for what’s So why aren’t we hearing about these and people don’t get active in whatever won’t be just the same? Maybe not this new and what’s original, and they want on social media? Because it’s old news! cause they’re promoting this week, they year, especially when the memory is you to give it to them so that they don’t Internet freedom is, like, so last month, just get aware. Which, I might point out, still fresh, but next year or the year after have to fi nd it themselves. The prob- guys. The thing is, social networks have is entirely useless. The example which I when everyone’s moved on there’s not lem with this is that it’s hard to keep gone from being a useful method of think is the climax of this was the fad of really anything that can change to stop people interested for longer then about communication to being more like a changing profi le pictures to children’s it happening again. It’s a problem with fi ve minutes – longer than that and game. No, game is too strong a word TV and fi lm characters in the name of society itself that people have these they’ve moved on to the next big thing. – popularity contest. People post links, ‘stopping child abuse’. For a while this sorts of opinions, and it’s going to take You may remember the huge outpour- statuses and tweets as a way of bulking was a huge thing and a lot of users got All pepeoplepeoo are a lot more than a few angry people on ing of emotion about the American bill up their own self-esteem and they use involved with it, but it had next to zero Twitter to change the opinions of a na- SOPA, which would curtail Internet how many ‘likes’ or ‘retweets’ they get actual effect in the real world and the interestedinteres in is tion. freedom. Wikipedia, Reddit, and per- as a measure of acceptance amongst fallout from it was minimal. There’s another problem. Given that haps even Google if I remember cor- peers. In many ways this is a perfectly So here’s a tip: next time you a fi nd a scoring Internet (following from last week’s sexism sur- rectly, all got behind the ‘Stop SOPA’ natural thing to do – I don’t think that cause that you care about, and you want vey results) it was only a disgruntled campaign by making their webpages it’d be controversial to say that seeking to tell all your friends on Faceplace points, not minority that kicked up a fuss, and the black or dark or whatever for just over acceptance is a big part of human nature about it, don’t. Instead, consider actu- “ majority of Imperialites don’t really a day. With that much exposure the – but what it means is that all people are ally doing something about it. Write actually makingaking a feel affected by sexism, was it even message was got out to quite a number interested in is scoring Internet points, to your MP, donate some money to a correct to have paid attention to these of people, and at the time there was a not actually making a difference. charity, you know, things that actually difference opinions? At the time, I remember ask- fair amount of public outcry about it – The common defense is that social generate change in places other than ” ing various people what they thought, so much so that it’s discussion in Con- media makes people aware of an issue - cyberspace. Cat got your tongue? Wrote up some notes on Monday, took a past paper on Tuesday, I was revising on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday and then wrote for Comment to complain about it on Sunday. [email protected] FELIX Friday 01 june 2012 21 Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Alex Ramadan Ross Gray Mark England Simon Hunter [email protected] MUSIC A night at Le QuecumBar Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto fi nds a passage to 1930s Paris down Battersea High Street

ne lazy summer eve- can dribble). The only other people in ning, I proposed to my the place, a couple sat for dinner, were friends that we check presented with the evening’s menu on out a jazz bar just down a billboard over a metre high which – the street from our place, when stood on the fl oor – was entirely Obut which we had never been to in two visible from behind the table. years of living there. Le QuecumBar is After ordering, the three musicians a 1930s inspired gypsy jazz bar which made their way to the stage in front of hosts some of the best known players us. Crammed atop it were four red vel- of the style fi rst performed by the now vet chairs that could just about fi t three legendary Jean “Django” Reinhardt. people. Behind them were plants of all Django (whose nickname means “I forms, all a deep green; a botanical sal- awake” in Romani) was born in Bel- ad analogous to the societal metaphor. gium in 1910 to Romanian parents, be- The wall behind them was the yellow of fore moving to Paris where he learned a century gone by, lined with the golden the banjo, and later the guitar, becom- frames of photographs which bore wit- ing absorbed in the music of the time. ness to the scores of gypsy zealots who His virtuous, often said “hot”, guitar had passed through this place. Among playing laid the cornerstones for a style them, innumerable portraits of Django which now reminds of silent movies and a street sign that read “St. Germain in fast forward or smoky alleys in the des Près”. By the stage was a disused deep Parisian night, drowned in gaiety fi replace inside which sat a bouquet and inebriation. of dry fl owers, the sort that fl ourish in Bohemian levels are currently through the roof A friend I met during my second year droughts. Candles lined all corners of at college had once told me about this the room, while chandeliers and fans place. He played in the IC Big Band hung brazen from the ceiling. beer garden at the back. The walls were his absence was immediately notice- fl urry was over, the newest guitarist in and would often come to the Quecum- As the music begun, a second guitar- worn and decorated with murals of art able through the thicket of the six- the group, the fourth that night, panted. Bar’s Tuesday jam sessions to burn ist joined the group, perching his leg nouveau. A straw hat that hung on one strong sound that reverberated from the Breaking the pace, the group got the night away. Gypsy jazz has always up on the stage for want of room to sit. of the walls had been converted into a hollow bodied instruments. Everyone started on ‘Blue Drag’. This shot my seemed to me a very wholesome style, Earlier I had overheard him speaking bird house. Later when I left I would played in unison at a dizzying speed. At heart back a few strides. This was one not unlike Jamaican dub or even drum with the feline dame, saying he was notice a banner outside announcing an times the violins were strummed like of the fi rst songs I had heard of Django. & bass. Stylistically it does not need Hungarian in somewhat broken Eng- “exotic oasis and tropical patio”. This mandolins, making way to a frenzy of I remembered the mornings digging great scope to do what it does. To the lish. It seemed somehow charming that must be the place. six-stringed resonance. through my father’s jazz collection dur- novice ear, all the songs might sound he had come here to play a century old After a few songs, the bassist put ing breakfast, memories now infused the same, perhaps somewhat like Dis- style of Romani-French music. As he his piece down, revealing an armful of with the taste of toast and coffee. ney’s Aristocats throwing a double played along, the female violinists ex- “The music tattoos as he clutched his music book. I left the place having written on the birthday party. It is a fi ery music that changed solos before handing over the When the band resumed, they did so back of seven fl yers, each advertis- burns very brightly. The atmosphere is honours to the men’s curiously shaped resembled courteous with a more solemn sound, marking the ing a seemingly unique performance immediate. I imagine it might go very guitars. The music resembled courteous departure of the booming absentee. Af- on nearly every night of the week. On well in the summer with a coffee and small talk caught in a four-way fl irt. small talk caught in ter a moment of silence, the fi rst guitar- the 10th and 11th of June, the Mos- a croissant around 6am before an after- A slow shadow swept over my left a four-way fl irt.” ist swung a sentimental tone reducing cow Drug Club would blend “1930s party up Mont Martre. Though to un- shoulder. Three seasoned ladies made the tempo to a fraction. For a moment Berlin cabaret, hot club de France, derstand why you might want a coffee their way to the dining table closest it felt like listening to the morning ra- New Orleans funeral parade & gypsy before closing a night out you will have to the stage. The eldest marked a frail dio through the kitchen doorway and campfi re songs”. Among numerous to listen for yourself. fi gure beneath a hefty black coat. When The ambience was intoxicating, as as the beer ebbed through my corpus Parisian cabaret performances would she reached the table and removed her perhaps our dinner too. I felt an impulse I remembered this place was an island pass the Kalotaszeg Trio from the Car- covering, the golden lights from the to write down what was happening on in time. Decked in the décor of the era, pathian forests of Transilvania on the “Somewhat like ceiling refl ected on the purple sequins the nearest piece of paper, as the beer infused with the sound of nostalgia. An 14th. Come the 18th, The Boomtown of her dress. She wore a silver necklace might later betray my memory. While exotic oasis as promised from the out- Swingalings would be bringing the Disney’s Aristocats and a spectacular turquoise ring. There I wrote through another drink, half the side, right in the heart of Battersea. “sweet sounds of swing” to life down was a look of rejuvenation in her eyes. musicians had been replaced by twice One jam ended beautifully with the the Battersea joint. Finally, on the 24th, throwing a double Perhaps this music had been her pas- as many more. It seemed I had underes- two remaining violinists caught in a Paprika, a Balkan super-group “fl ying sion in younger years. If it is so nostal- timated the gussed up stage. A third gui- soft duet which enthralled the others to the folk fl ag for a largely anonymous birthday party” gic to someone of our time, I can only tarist found a way to capitalize on the a rest. A burst of applause prefaced the code of music” would grace the stage imagine how it might feel to someone fourth chair, while an accordion player burning pace of the next song. Howls after having passed through Glaston- who lived it during its prime. whose instrument read “Victoria” sat at came from the crowd and fi sts stomped bury festival, Edinburgh Fringe and As we walked in just shy of 8 o’clock, Soon thereafter, more people started the front. One of the lady violinists was on the tables. The smell of coffee at ten Royal Albert Hall. there was one lady in long feline spec- to arrive and the air fi lled with commo- now replaced by a lad in his late teens past ten. The room was on fi re! Dinner is served from 6 until 10 and tacles sitting by the window and three tion as the jam went on. Like the ladies with unkempt hair, wearing denim on The music hardly stopped the whole judging by the amount of couples in the musicians warming up in a corner. We before, now a massive upright bass denim and Nikes that looked like Vans. night. If anything, they just seemed audience, it seems like a perfect place were greeted by a waiter in piano key crept past my left shoulder and joined The bassist, whose curled goatee must to play faster and faster as the hours to surprise your better half. Cover costs suspenders offering dinner or drinks. In the song midway, suddenly giving it have been longer than my beer glass, went on, squared off against the night around £10 depending on the evening, the spirit of procrastination we opted new character. The smell of delicious waved his hand in circles at a friend of- as if refusing sleep. The bearded bass- though of course the jam nights on for liquid dinner of the gourmet kind. stew fl ew from the kitchen. The waiter fering to relay the rhythm section. ist slapped his strings, nearly snapping Tuesdays are free and open to anyone Belgian blonde Leffe for my friend, came back, “another Leffe, sir?” and The musicianship on display that them off. The others formed gangs, with the spirit of Django. Czech Budvar for myself (that golden more musicians approached the stage. night was as much an exhibition of three guitars ripping through one riff, pilsner our humble Union has so woe- After a couple of drinks, while virtuosity as an exercise in endurance. two violinists another, one lone ac- 42-44 Battersea High Street, SW11 fully forgotten in favour of the Ameri- searching for the gents’ I discovered a When one guitarist dropped his pick, cordion standing its ground. When the 3HX 22 Friday 01 June 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Marilyn: missed b

1. Career Beginnings: The Asphalt Jungle (1950), All About Eve (1950) After an initial period of struggle that included a couple of successful screen-tests, modellings, small parts, a poorly reviewed film and an eventual termination of contract from Columbia, Monroe found her breakthrough in The Asphalt Jungle, an MGM-financed drama in which she played a girlfriend of an old criminal. Her performance caught the eye of Joseph Mankiewicz, a highly influential, talented director, producer and writer who hired Monroe for a small comedic role in his Oscar-winning masterpiece All About Eve as a slightly dim-witted aspiring actress. Monroe’s profound acting influence and aspiration came from the works of Lana Turner and Jean Harlow whose films she extensively researched and studied.

2. Sex Symbol: Niagara (1953) June 1926 (exactly 86 years ago today) marked the birth of Norma Jeane Following her initial success she signed a seven-year contract with 20th Century Fox. After a few moderately Mortenson, or better known as Marilyn Monroe, one of the most icon- successful films and a potential sex scandal during which a nude photo from her past was circulated, she ic, celebrated faces of American cinema and culture. Many mourned started receiving substantial supporting roles starring against huge names such as Barbara Stanwyck, Cary her sudden and tragic death, but her legacy and influences are still felt Grant and Ginger Rogers. The most eye-catching, talked-about role in this period however, was her perfor- even to this day. In her short but undeniably remarkable career, Monroe mance in Niagara, in which she played a seductive femme-fatale plotting to murder her husband. Monroe’s achieved1 a wide range of repetoire and is often hailed as one of the top stars and overtly sexual portrayal of her character attracted some criticism and outrage from the conservative audi- actresses of the Hollywood Golden Age. In honour of the actress’ birthday, as well ence at the time, although the press and interest surrounding the platinum-blonde, effortlessly sexy actress as the 50th anniversary of her mysterious death, Felix Film looks over the high- kept the spotlight on her. lights of a distinguished career of a truly unique and great all-round entertainer. FELIX Friday 01 JUNE 2012 23 FILM but never forgotten

4. Transition to Drama: Bus Stop (1956) In 1955 she was accepted to study at the Actors Studio under Lee Strasberg who agreed to have her as a student. He later commented that of all the actors he had trained, only two have truly stood out from the rest. The first was Marlon Brando, the second being Monroe. Her dedication to method acting and desire to turn to more dramatic roles landed her a role in Bus Stop, 3. Dumb Blonde Comedies: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), How to Marry a Million- as a saloon singer who falls for a cowboy. The film won aire (1953), The Seven Year Itch (1955) rave reviews for Monroe, with Replacing Betty Grable in what would arguably become one of the most famous roles of her career, Monroe critics pleasantly surprised to was required not only to act, but to sing and dance in Gentlement Prefer Blondes, playing a gold-digging show- see the actress perform so girl. ‘Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend’’s original performer was none other than Monroe (i.e. NOT Nicole well in such an unexpected Kidman) and the film was a success both critically and commercially witht critics praising Monroe’s diversity genre. Although her perfor- of talent. She followed this up with How to Marry a Millionaire, a light-weight comedy about three women mance was campaigned for (Monroe, Betty Grable, Lauren Bacall) looking for rich men for them to settle down with. Her hugely popular an Oscar nomination, she dumb blonde persona was further used with The Seven Year Itch, the film responsible for creating one of failed to receive one. She Monroe’s most iconic movie shots, the skirt-blowing scene. And with this series of repeated successes she was however, nominated for a was named one of the top ten money making stars. Golden Globe.

6. Some Like it Hot (1959) Paired up again with director Billy Wilder, he knew better than anyone else of Monroe’s erratic behaviour having worked with her on The Seven Year Itch. During the production of Some Like it Hot, he noted how unpre- dictable she had become, turning up to the set hours late, and often not at all, and her severe forgetfulness that on one occasion required him to take over 50 shots for a simple scene. She failed to get along with her co-star Tony Curtis and her behaviour grew hostile. Her uncooperative attitude has since become something of a legendary folklore in the film industry, with some grossly exaggerated anecdotes, but what remains clear is that this was not an easy process. The film nevertheless, was a resounding sucess. Monroe herself was praised for her seductive performance, winning her only Golden Globe of her career.

5. Declining Health: The Prince and the Showgirl (1957) Throughout her career, Monroe was known for her shyness and stage fright, which caused frequent delays to productions. Following per- sonal struggles that stemmed from divorces and miscarriages, she 7. Last Completed Film: The Misﬁ ts (1961) started relying heavily on alcohol and barbiturates, a combination Monroe’s health declined even further in 1960, during which the production for The Misfits had started. She which started spiralling out of control even on film sets. During the was frequently unable to perform, and ended up hospitalised for ten days. Monroe was not the only cast filming of The Prince and the Showgirl, her co-star and director Sir member with struggling health. Montgomery Clift, a notorious alcohol and drug user, was in terrible shape, Laurence Olivier clashed with Monroe, and the English acting royalty and Clark Gable also became unwell, passing away before the film’s release, one of many factors that con- found himself infuriated with the actress. She did however, win over tributed to her deterioration in psychological well-being. She was fired from the set of her next movie, Some- the critics and audience particularly of Europe with this performance, thing’s Got to Give due to her inability to meet her schedule, only to be re-hired eventually. But the production winning a David di Donatello award (the Italian equivalent of the Os- was permenantly ceased when Monroe was found dead at her home aged 36, 5 August 1962. Around 30 cars) as well as a nomination for a BAFTA. minutes of footage remains of Monroe in her uncompleted film. fromf producers of the Big Chill comes a wonderland of art and music...

Small and beautiful, just 5000country in a garden!Sussex

5th – 8th JULY 2012, BIGNOR PARK, PULBOROUGH, WEST SUSSEX

tUnE-YaRdS / Ghostpoet / Jessie Ware / Norman Jay / The Dø / Phenomenal Handclap Band / Fink / Speech Debelle / Crazy P / Fionn Regan / The Staves / Soul Jazz / Reeps One / Late Night Tales with Belle and Sebastian (DJ set) / Zero 7 (DJ set) / Howie B ‘Myths, Monsters and Legends’ by Rankin and Damien Hirst / Doug Fishbone’s Adventureland Golf with Jake Chapman and David Shrigley

Super Nova Cocktail Bar Krystal Klear, Sofar Sessions Anna Phoebe, Indigo Earth, The Midnight Barbers, Joker And The Thief, Valley stage Jessie Ware, Ghostpoet, Norman Jay, Psychemagik, Duffstep, The Good Times Bus, Soul Jazz Sound System, DJ Food, Hexstatic, Cheeba, JFB, Bird Radio plus surprise guests Fink, Speech Debelle, Crazy P, tUnE-YaRdS, The Dø, live and unplugged Jono McCleery, Fionn Regan, Kinny, Reeps One, We Were KeepUp, DJ Shep Dog, Toby Fluffy Logic, Tim Love Lee, Evergreen, The Staves, Phenomenal Handclap Band, Pathaan, Leggo Beast, Nest Collective Campﬁre Sessions Carrie Tree, Mother Feather, Chris Coco, The Roundhouse Choir, Nova Arms Pub Aidan Larkin’s Big Ten Inch and late Vic and Tina Smith, Tim Cumming, Ballina Whalers, Sam Stumblin’ Slims and The Black Kat Boppers, Late Night night chilled sets from Mixmaster Morris and Brookes, Magic Lantern, James Morgan, City Shanty Tales with Belle and Sebastian (dj set), Zero 7 (dj set) Pete Lawrence Band, Mick Sands

‘Myths, Monsters and Legends’ by Rankin and Damien The Pick of the Pleasance: Late Night Gimp Fight, Charley Boorman, Rankin, Paul Trynka (David Bowie Hirst (featuring Dani Smith), The Hunger, Doug Abandoman, Doc Browns, Pappy’s Max & Ivan, biographer), Clive Arrowsmith, Tony Grisoni, Ben Fishbone and Friends’ Adventureland Golf with Jake The Beta Males, Ginger & Black, Delete The Banjax, Rivers, Andrew Kotting, Gustav Temple (founder Chapman, Brian Grifﬁths, Gary Webb, Zatorski & Sheeps, Battersea Arts Centre: Nurse Knows Best, editor of The Chap zine), Neil Palmer (‘Rockhunter’), Zatorski, Pete Fowler and David Shrigley, Jem Finer’s Home Correspondence, And The Birds Fells From Peter Hancock (aka comedian Jinx Jones), Katy ‘Still’, David and Peter Adjaye, Andrew Logan, Dynamic The Sky, Gooseparty, Pop Up Casino, Green and Darby (‘The Whores’ Asylum’), Neil Ansell (‘Deep Junk, 12 Months of Neon Love by Lucas & Wheater... Pleasant Land, Red Sarah, John Hegley, Teatro- Country’), Michael Smith (‘The Giro Playboy’), plus late night illuminated art in the woods Saurus, Kubla Khan Coffee House, stalking poets, Joe Dunthorne (Submarine) and Rachel Lichtenstein prowling postmen and more surprises in the woods!

Creative salons, The Roundhouse Choir - flash mobs open rehearsals, London Drawing life Yoga Sonic presents Tandava Daze, Soul Pads drawing classes, Afrikokoa drum sessions, Blink Ben Rivers, Andrew Kötting, Tony Grisoni, The for Deep Tissue, Aromatherapy, Thai massage, Arts craft salons, cocktail making with Bompas Flicker Club, The British Guide To Showing Off - live! Shiatsu, Acupressure, Reflexology, Indian Head, and Parr, Jewellery making with Andrew Logan, Late night screenings Reiki, Tui Na, Bliss Domes for sound and light foraging, cooking, burlesque, photography, painting, baths plus Yoga, Wild Run and Hot Tubs filmmaking and much more…

plusplus muchmuch moremore -- checkcheck thethe websitewebsite forfor details…details…

www.novafestival.co.uk Communal dining, cooking classes with Disappearing Dining Club, Hurly Burly, a world-wide feast, top notch Tickets from Ticketline: £139.00 students £100. www.ticketline.co.uk/nova-festival cocktails from Bompas & Parr, Nova Arms - stocking local beers & ciders... plus twisted pub entertainment Join the action on and FELIX Friday 01 JUNE 2012 25 Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected] FILM

2012 Cannes Long live the evil Queen Film Festival Winners Snow White and the Huntsman Director Rupert Sanders Screenwriters Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock, Hossein Amini Cast Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Claflin John Park

When it comes to beauty, it is easy to wonder just what Charlize Theron has to worry about. She asks her magic mirror the age-old question; “Who is fairest of them all?” The mirror, which turns into a magical gooey creature, in its infi nite wisdom and omniscience, answers that it is Queen Ravenna (Theron) who is the most beautiful in the land. Not so surprising and hardly diffi cult to believe, given how gob- smackingly stunning she looks here. She also puts on a devilishly sexy Eng- lish accent, which all the more boosts her appeal. But hold on, the mirror is Theron a roll! Sorry, that caption attempt was a bit Grimm... not fi nished. There is someone destined to surpass her. And this is none other than her stepdaughter, Snow White new husband the King and took over his on that Snow possesses rare beauty…in “This two-hour long (Stewart). If you pit one against the kingdom, William managed to escape her heart, and that this will eventually other, it is obvious that both in terms with his father the Duke, who now tries vanquish evil. It sounds all too cheesy spectacle is worth of talent and beauty, Theron thoroughly to lead a resistance against the Queen, and childish, and the grown-up Stew- outclasses the helpless young princess. whereas the young princess couldn’t art doesn’t exactly look like the poster sitting through” So don’t begrudge yourself for secretly fl ee. Learning of her survival years child of untainted purity, but it’s her siding with the Queen throughout. later, he vows to fi nd her and never let blossoming confi dence and representa- But it turns out the Queen is an evil her go. He makes a rash decision to join tion of “life” she carries that translates die Marsan etc), it must be said there tyrant whose insecurity has driven to the enemy’s Snow White search party well on the screen. The nervous, twitch- was a lot more potential to make some- do insane things. Her country is a war- in the hopes of fi nding his fi rst and pos- ing looks Stewart cannot shake off in thing more out of these guys than to use torn mess of a dump, and in order to sibly only love of his life. any fi lm she stars in do serve her well them for a few comic scenes involving preserve her beauty, she sucks “youth” Already, there are plenty of charac- here, as with these she can convincing- the sewer. out of many innocent young women. ters to develop and juggle. And for the ly look weak and worried. Focusing back and forth between the When she hears her eternal beauty will most part, all the leads are given proper Of the two men, coming out on top Queen’s castle where she is plotting her Palme d’Or (Best Film) be maintained if she consumes Snow’s attention to, with actors more than is Hemsworth, who trades in his usual next move against her stepdaughter and – Amour (dir. Michael heart, you know she will stop at noth- merely looking the part. Oscar-winning weapon of choice, a Norse hammer, for Snow White’s justice journey, fi rst-time Haneke) ing to achieve exactly that. So imagine Theron steals the show whenever her some axes, assisting the princess with director Sanders fi nds a simple yet ef- her shrieking anger when Snow man- deliciously over-the-top, mentally un- his macho charisma. He does also get fective way of weaving all the strands Grand Prix (Second ages to escape. The guard in charge, stable and dangerous Queen appears. a crucial scene of sentimentality that together. He throws in a whole load Best Film) – Reality (dir. her brother, deservedly gets a massive She represents anything and every- the actor handles with touching poise. of extended shots of beautiful scenery Matteo Garrone) slap, and in comes the scruffy but angry thing related to death and decay, and Sharing a little less screen time is Claf- capturing all sorts of landscapes and and aggressive huntsman (Hemsworth). her darkly majestic presence is truly a lin, last seen in Pirates of the Caribbe- different weathers. It’s nothing inven- And he is the unexpected hero of this major casting highlight, which would an: On Stranger Tides as the priest who tive or particularly original, but they Best Director – Carlos tale as he fi nds it in his heart to help explain why Theron has taken centre lost more and more clothing as the fi lm serve their purpose, offering smooth Reygadas (Post Tene- instead of hack the young girl. He goes stage in much of the fi lm’s advertising. progressed. Here he’s given as little to transitions between scenes. bras Lux) directly against the Queen’s explicit or- The fi lm also provides a brief glimpse work with as he did in Rob Marshall’s The action remains small-scale ders, and decides to join Snow in her into her past and the abuse she wit- mediocre Pirates entry, and the single throughout, and despite the disappoint- Best Screenplay – Cris- quest to overthrow and reintroduce the nessed as a child, which partly explains memorable aspect about his character ing fi nal showdown with the Queen, the tian Mungiu (Beyond the rightful heir to the throne, i.e. the young her constant wrath and fi ery impulses. is his considerable archery skills. Other rest of the pulse-racing action is fi lmed Hills) princess herself. Although this undermines the evil stat- than that he has a small role to play in with focus and energy. Whenever you Causing a slight kink in this poten- ure of her character, the vulnerability the end, and his interaction with his feel the narrative is slowing down Best Actress – Cristina tial love-line is William (Clafl in), the Theron brings out in someone who was childhood sweetheart goes disappoint- slightly, Sanders brings back the healthy Flutur and Cosmina Prince Charming-type character who never expected to arouse an ounce of ingly unaddressed. pace with bursts of energy stemming Stratan (Beyond the was a close childhood friend of the sympathy is an impressive feat, and in- Staying loyal to the tale of Snow from the well-choreographed, compact Hills) princess. When Ravenna murdered her troduces an interesting angle on a fasci- White, the audience gets the meet the action. It is long overall, with scenes nating villain. dwarves as well as the infamous poi- that could have worked just as well, if Best Actor – Mads Mik- Her only realistic nemesis and one soned apple. The dwarves are the most not better in a shorter time period, but kelsen (The Hunt) “For the most part, who can put an end to the wicked underdeveloped group of the lot, and along with all the cute furry animals Queen’s curse is Stewart. What she we just have to settle for watching them also making an appearance, this two- Jury Prize (Third Best the leads are given may lack superfi cially in looks, she as mild comic relief. But given the pre- hour long spectacle is well worth sit- Film) – The Angels’ makes up for by carrying innocence dominantly British talent involved (Ray ting through, if not only for Theron’s Share (dir. Ken Loach) proper attention” and general goodness. It is told early Winstone, Toby Jones, Nick Frost, Ed- magnifi cently ferocious turn. 26 Friday 01 june 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Discover a new taste at pan-asian Umami

Anastasia Eleftheriou like to think that we mastered it last Michael Krestas week! All dishes were fresh and very tasty. The portions are just right, giv- There’s no way you can stand an- ing visitors the chance to try many dif- other lunch at Queen’s Tower, or the ferent combinations. Library Cafe, or even the JCR after Realising that not everyone has the your exams. It’s just unacceptable! If time – or the money – to indulge in a you feel that life at Imperial has be- long, leisurely lunch, Umami has in- come monotonic (and at the moment troduced an Express Lunch Menu; a your mind thinks of functions) then three-course feast which is priced at you need a getaway. Today we’ll pres- an incredible £9.95 per person. Start- ent you with an alternative choice. ers comprise a choice of tom yam soup, Umami is ideally located in the chicken toast or Thai beef salad, fol- middle of Cromwell Road and serves lowed by a trio of equally tempting a combination of Thai, Malaysian, main courses: Malay chicken curry Vietnamese and Singaporean food. It with potatoes served with steamed has opened very recently (in March Ped Makham: mange tout! Cromwell Road’s Umami offers a unique and peaceful atmosphere rice, Indonesian coconut and tamarind 2012) so if you didn’t have the chance fish stew with steamed rice, or wok- to visit it yet, you should do so soon. fried tofu and seasonal vegetables with The award-winning chef Darren Kutty, and curries together with grilled and finished (hang in there, everybody!) chicken with peas, aubergine and baby basil leaf served with rice or noodles. formerly Head Chef at both the Ramada pan or wok-fried dishes like Ped we had the chance to pay a visit at corn, and soy-sauce sea bass. It could Hyde Park and The Washington Hotel Makham (pan seared duck with tama- Umami for lunch last week. We began have just been this particular selec- Umami 100 Cromwell Road, SW7 in Mayfair, promises to treat you well. rind and mange tout) and Ikan Bakar our course with homemade vegetable tion of dishes we made, but every taste 4ER. Open for lunch Monday to Fri- The menu includes meals in two (grilled red snapper in banana leaf spring rolls, leaf-marinated chicken, was excitingly combined to form a day from 12pm to 3pm and for din- sizes, to taste or to share, and an ad- served with sweet tamarind and chilli). king prawns on scallops and a duck delicious meal. For trivia-lovers, ac- ner Monday to Sunday from 5pm equate variety of food to choose from; As Food Editors, and computing salad with lettuce and green mango. cording to the Japanese, umami is one to 10:30pm. For reservations, call a selection of salads, soups, noodles students whose exams have already For the main, we had green curry of the five basic tastes and we would 02073412320. Has the time come to adopt insect cuisine?

onechickennugget.com cargocollective.com/ento Laurence Pope sect meat, projected to be in stores by the year 2020. By then the Ento team Grasshopper steak, anyone? If that predict that the taboo would have doesn’t tickle your fancy, how about been softened to the point snacking an ant lollipop? Though these ideas on fried woodlice at the cinema would may sound revolting, entomophagy, be seen as normal and not freakish. the consumption of insects, may well become more popular in the West- ern world as fish stocks dwindle and “snacking on fried rising population reduces the space available for traditional meat farming. woodlice at the cinema Insect cuisine is already popular in many parts of the world, in- would be seen as nor- cluding South America, Oceania, most of Africa and parts of Asia. mal and not freakish” But why should we adopt their cuisine? What’s wrong with traditional So are we likely to see insect delis or meat and fish-based dishes, already Eeeewww... I hate radish! Insect cuisine ala gourmet! fast food beetle burgers anytime soon? stable, plentiful sources of protein? Probably not as soon as Ento predicts. Western bug-eating taboo is likely to ly practiced (an abhorrent idea), the nutritionally, than any animal regularly Cue Ento, a project undertaken by prevail a little longer, though it will in- “Neither meat nor ﬁ sh amount of land available for rearing eaten in the Western world. Simple four Masters students at Imperial Col- evitably crumble under combined pres- livestock will have to be scaled back. facts speak volumes – compared to lege and the Royal College of Art. The sure from Ento-like schemes and rising will be able to support And as for fish? The situation isn’t cattle, insects can produce nine times project lays out a roadmap of sorts food demand. Who knows? Maybe much better, with rampant overfishing more protein for the same amount of with the aim to soften Western taboo in five years time future Felix read- a growing planet” having caused numerous fish popula- feed, are quite happy eating the stuff in staggered steps, beginning with ers will be reading about how best to tions to crash. Even if strict catch quotas we don’t want to, are rich in vitamins festivals and markets. In such places, grill tarantula meat or stew scorpions. are enacted and actually abided by it will and minerals, and can be cultivated at peer pressure could be used to Ento’s Such huge shifts in Western gas- The problem is that neither meat nor take years for stocks to recover to their a much higher density when compared advantage to get people to try unusual tronomy will by no means come eas- fish will be able to support a grow- former levels, during which time the to conventional livestock. Unfortu- dishes they wouldn’t have touched ily. The Ento group will unfortunately ing planet. By most estimates, world world will scream out for meat. Worse nately the matter isn’t nearly so simple; alone. From there comes novel start-up not be taking their ideas into the mar- population will increase to nine billion still, if we want fish stocks to stay stable if someone shoved a plate of fried pill restaurants and take-away services, of- ket place themselves, but the frame- by 2050, putting an already stressed there’s no way we can fish as brutally bugs under your nose and told you that fering dishes presented as cubes of in- work for enacting cultural change Earth under more pressure to provide efficiently as we have done in the past. they’re “high in protein,” would you eat sect meat, intended to stop people from certainly gives one food for thought. – at the current time livestock occu- The oceans will not be our saviours. it? Western taboo is the major barrier reeling away on the basis of sight alone. If you’re interested in find- pies nearly two-thirds of all farmland. Cue insects. They are a far better preventing insects from featuring prom- Ready meals then pop onto the ing out more about Ento visit: Unless intensive farming is extensive- meat source, both environmentally and inently in restaurants and supermarkets. scene, followed eventually by raw in- www.cargocollective.com/ento. FELIX Friday 01 June 2012 27 [email protected] HANGMAN 2.0 a preposterous baLLS-UP! THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Two examples proving that the Union doesn’t understand the London dining scene

from predatory paparazzi. The Not like the old povvy plebing- staff all understand the difference tons have the money to afford between service and servility, and such an event. between familiarity and over-famil- Set menu three course meal: iarity. Awarded Moet & Chandon £40 + £10 fi ne when rubber London Restaurant Award for ex- stamp on your hand rubs out cellence in 2000. from sweat. Cost includes half a Set menu three course meal: bottle of wine that will taste like £26.25. Choice between three Australian urine. Menu heading starters and three main courses. “Starters” misleading as there’s Pudding is currently peach and only one starter and it’s salmon. Baron Sebastian Snootiford elderfl ower jelly with raspberry rip- Dessert menu only offers pear Chief Senior Culture Editor ple ice cream. & ginger cheesecake with fi g I rather do say that’s perfection if puree. Heston Blumenthal on a So here is a comparison of two in- you ask me. Better than we had at budget? Or worse. Jamie Oliver OSBORNE CUTS stitutions. If the words I use are too the good old Bullingdon Club, and They have forked out wads of big, please email me. we only had the fi nest there. cash to present acts that you don’t give a shit about (can’t a LIBRARY OPENING Dinner at the Ivy Dinner at the Summer Ball man get some Wagner!?). For- tunately, you can avoid these One of London’s most notorious Located in the neon-lit SCR. No re- if you don’t pay the extra £35 TIMES FOR POOREST eateries, situated in Soho and funds offered as they have no con- charge on top of your dinner popular with celebrities and thea- fi dence in your enjoyment of the cost. How terribly uncouth. tre goers. Retro chic décor with meal. Suggestions that tickets will At least, as they point out, it’s STUDENTS ONLY stained-glass windows protect sell out. They won’t. They never do. for One Night Only. examscopes - answer a and either b or c of these horoscopes CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

Oh Aries, what can really This week you work at the This week you work at the You’re sitting in your exam. This week you cry during You’ve fi nally done it. No, not be said. This week is going Guardian. You’re halfway Daily Mail. You see Cam- You can do this, I believe in your exams to try to get gotten a fi rst, don’t be silly. to be a trying one for you. through using a bullshit ‘val- bridge students doing a you, sort of. It’s okay, you’re some sympathy. The lecturer You’ve fi nally crossed that all- Your housemates stage an ue added score’ to make “light-hearted” competition not supposed to be able to kindly and calmly walks over important line. Yep. You’ve fi - intervention over your uncon- some random poly top of about which of the boys and do ALL the paper. So what if to you and whispers in your nally gone to the toilets in the trollable hand movements your tables. Who cares if it’s girls that chose to strip down you miss out b part ii, iii and ear ‘maybe you shouldn’t library with your shoes off. while eating. Forced onto misleading and you need 2 have the nicest “rears”. You iv. Granted you missed out all have gone to Cheapskates Well done, you are offi cially the streets, you take shelter Ds to get in, at least nobody imply it’s ‘lads’ leering at of a and have bullshitted b i, so much you lazy arsehole’. living there 24-7. When you undder the Queen’s Tower. can say you’re a smug elitist. women. You then update the but it’ll be fi ne. Right. RIGHT. So much for the whole ‘this is start ‘showering’ in the sinks The bells start ringing for the You close your Macbook Pro, “Femail Today” sidebar with RIGHT? WHY IS THAT PER- so hard they probably mark it in the toilets then it’s time to Jubilee. another day’s work is done. some sexy bikini pictures. SON NEXT TO ME CRYING really kindly’ hope then... accept that fail. Just saying. SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week, you and your fuck- This week you look up what You’re cooking in the kitchen. “MY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII This week you go back home You missed out the minus ing irritating friends are in a ‘homie’ is. Oh Urban Dic- Then R. Kelly jumps out of the IIIIIIIIINDS TELLING ME to revise. “But you should just sign by the way. You deﬁ nite- the computer room shouting tionary, I love you. Us middle closet and starts singing... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relax today, I’m sure you’ll ly typed that number incor- about how you’ve ‘done no class people couldn’t be Man, this is annoying. I mean, ...... BUT MY be ﬁ ne as you’ve worked so rectly in to your calculator. work’ when actually you’ve ‘down with da kidz yo’ if we there ain’t nothing wrong with BOOOOOOOOOOOOOODY hard. You were working all They’ll know you skipped that been on lockdown revising didn’t have that. You go to lis- a little bump n grind, but how MY BOOOOOOOOOOODY day yesterday,” says your step in the derivation as you when no-one is looking so as ten to Kanye West, while you long has he been hiding in IS TELLING ME mum. NO. That’s not how ex- don’t know it. That equation’s not to hurt your ‘image’. You revise Quantum Mechanics. there? And where has this YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES,” he ams work here. Meh, at least fraction was the other way lose your phone on the way Too hood. You get a third, this ‘midget’ come from, and why screams while gently season- you’re really good at looking around probably. Oh, sorry, home. Or at least that would is a badman degree. Your is he not talking? JLS wouldn’t ing your mushroom omlette busy. That’s a skill for the real you had just forgotten all the happen if there were justice. parents disown you. pull this shit. with nutmeg. world. CV here we come. things you worried about? 28 Friday 01 JUNE 2012 FELIX Puzzles Admiral: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected] MEGA SUPER PUZZLE WEEK MEGA SUPER SLITHERLINK For one week only, the Puzzles Section 321 3 2211 2 3 1 has exploded into a 2 2 3 2 2 2 2 32212 four-page bonanza. 2 3 2 2 3 2 1 3 2 2 2 2 1 3 312 1 2 3 3 2 2 1 2 0 3 2 2 2 No league tables, but 2 231 3 2012 2 2 3 double the points, 3 2 2 2 2 3 2 3 we’re going back to 122 3 2 1 3 3 1 3 2 2 3 basics. That is, un- 1 2 1 2 3 1 2 2 less we’ve made 1 3 2 3 2 3 2 2 2 3 grievous errors. 3 1 21 3 2 0 2 2 3 333 3 3 1 203 Bring the solutions 312 3 2 1 2 3 2 2 2 and win eternal glory 0 2 3 1 2 1 1 across Imperial and 2 1 221 2 222 3 incredible (maybe) 2 1 123 2 1 1 1 3 3 prizes. 11312 1333 3 212 2 2 3 2 3 0 3 2 2 Remember, if you 322 13 2 1 ever want to submit 3 2 2213 3 your own puzzles 2 1 3 2 3 3 2 1 2 2 2 212 3 212 1 1 2 3 1 2 2 2 to the section, just 323 2 21 3 2 1 email puzzles.felix@ 1 2 111 2 2 3 32 31 2 imperial.ac.uk! 2 2 3 1 2 2 3 3 2 2 2 2 3 231 2 3 2 2 3 3 3 1 3 1 3 1 3 2 3 3 2 3 3 1 2 22 1 232 321 3 1 1 2 31 2 3 1 1 3 3

Generic Solution

Scribblebox The aim with slitherlink is to make 322 one continuous closed loop by con- 3 3 necting the dots. The numbers in each 2 02 square indicate how many edges of 3 3 211 3 the square are part of the loop, so if 2 2 1 2 it contains a “2”, you know that two 3 123 2 3 and only two out of four edges have 122 1 1 2 3 2 Everything is massive this week lines. That’s all the info you need to get the one logical answer. Answers 3 1 3 2 1 1 2 2 3 to [email protected]. FELIX Friday 01 JUNE 2012 29 PUZZLES EXTREME WORD WHEEL

D N E A M O I N C

TARGET: 30

Make as many words of at least four letters as you can, always using the central one. NO plurals, conjugated verbs, comparatives or superlatives, because I said so.. There is always at least one nine letter word. 30 Friday 01 JUNE 2012 FELIX Puzzles Admiral: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected] MEGA SUPER NONOGRAM

1 1 1 5 1 4 1 4 3 1 2 3 3 3 4 3 1 3 1 1 5 1 4 2 7 3 4 3 4 4 1 3 2 4 1 6 3 2 1 1 1 3 5 1 1 4 4 4 5 1 5 3 1 4 5 3 1 1 1 2 4 2 2 5 13 1 3 4 3 10 2 7 3 5 8 1 6 3 2 3 4 1 1 1 2 20 1 1 1 3 2 2 8 2 3 8

14 1 1 3

4 1 1 5 4

7 1 7 2

2 2 1 1 3

1 7 1

3 2 1 1 1 1

2 3 1 1 1

5 8 1 1 1

4 1 7 1

8 4 2 2

6 3 1 3

6 1 1 2

3 3 2

2 3 3 2

2 3 3 3

2 3 2 2

1 1 1 2 2

3 1 4 1 4

1 6 5 5

5 6 5

3 6 5

2 5 1 6

2 6 7

9 1 3

4 4 4

Nonograms are logic puzzles in which cells in a grid have to be coloured or left blank according to numbers at the side of the grid. The numbers measure how many unbroken lines or filled-in squares there are in any given row or column. FELIX Friday 01 JUNE 2012 31 PUZZLES SPOT THE DIFFERENCE We’ve snuck 7 differences into these two snaps of the Union of a standard Thursday evening twenty- ﬁ ve minutes before the Felix deadline. See if you can spot them all! ARTS BOOKS Free gigs. BUSINESS & FINANCE COMMENT FASHION Press screenings. FILM FOOD GAMES Restaurant reviews. MUSIC NEWS Reporting on the latest POLITICS SCIENCE news. SPORT TECHNOLOGY TELEVISION Interested in editing or TRAVEL writing? FELIX The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Visit felixonline.co.uk Email [email protected] Follow @feliximperial on Twitter Search Felix on Facebook