Razorcake Issue
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PO Box 42129, LA, CA 90042 www.razorcake.com #20 slow down a bit. It didn’t. We walked through the slight drizzle and :07 AM, approximately, Austin, Texas time. The phone saw a line, four people wide and a block long, for the show we just rings. It is not my house, and the phone is in a locked room. left. We passed Beerland. That was our fatal flaw. Mere yards away “Hi, this is Randal of Beerland. I have one Reverend Nørb was an almost silent, probably chunky, call for help. Clouded 22 judgement and brains pickled with two-dollar Lone Stars tallboys passed out here, looking for a ride home. Someone has duct taped a Briefs’ seven-inch to the front of his Good-n-Plenty pajamas as a prevented us from rescuing a friend. bribe, but there aren’t any takers. Please pick up the phone.” Toby and I took a taxi (a one in two hundred chance. It was I felt a pang of remorse, and I still feel bad. I’d left a soldier out Chris, the drummer for J-Church. Go figure.) to Ben Snakepit’s on the battlefield, barely armed. I’d failed in my duty. Usually, I’m home. the guy throwing up and passing out, wondering where my socks Two hours later, Nørb was a wastrel, passing out on the curb have gone off to, and looking at the bib of not-so-dried puke down outside Beerland, our unofficial home away from home. It had just my shirt. Unofficially, I was “the responsible one.” closed for the night. They pulled him inside. “Where are you Here is what I was aware of at that time. Twelve hours of staying?” Nørb shrugged. “Who are you staying with?” Nørb drinking is a fickle mistress. She can either be fireworks: a fast- shrugged. They went through a litany of names. A lightbulb moving and blinding light of fun or she can be long decline until, flickered. “Ben and Ben and Nick’s. That’s right, my good man!” he suddenly, she pops your batteries out. And there’s nothing you can proclaimed, one finger on his nose, another finger pointing directly do about it. at the person talking to him. A phonebook was pulled out and last Earlier that night, to my left was Toby, sitting on the bleachers at names were yanked out of thin air. That’s when the phone in the Emo’s, surrounded by people. He was nodding off, but always locked room started ringing. The message was left. correcting himself upright before falling all the way over. Toby had There’s so little time to celebrate when you work so hard. fought the warrior’s fight, but the “Did we really do Jaeger shots? I Toby’s an EMT. He’d driven the thirteen-plus hours from Atlanta. don’t remember that at all” had pounced upon him. I was marginally Nørb had to time jockey his work just to get the days off. I put in an better. All that saved me was a pounding headache. It pared back my average of sixty hours a week on this magazine that, at best, breaks drinking a bit. even. Stops have to be pulled out. Brains need to be drained, even if Against Me! played a great set, as did Dillinger Four. What I money is scarce. You’ve got to steal that time. And you know what remember was partial male nudity and Paddy testing the limits of his the best part is? It’s no secret. Hanging out with friends, old and First Amendment rights in front of a packed audience. It was South new. Sharing stories, kicking back beers, watching music and getting by Southwest. Someone gave me the stupidest beer cozy. It failed on spastic and knowing, in the back of your brain, that if you’re left in a two levels. It didn’t keep my beer cold and it looked like a long- gutter and you haven’t been a dick, the chances increase that sleeved t-shirt that a dumbass would wear. someone friendly might just come along and pick you up. I rousted up a very apologetic Toby and went for a walk to get Contrary to popular belief, decency has its rewards. the juices flowing in the hope that the whirlpool in his head would –Todd AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #21 ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS June 1st, 2004 • We now accept electronic ads. Email for AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #22 details. August 1st, 2004 • Make ads the right size and orientation. • All ads are black and white. EMAIL OR MAIL US • We don’t reserve ad space. FOR THE RATES AND DETAILS • Send good laser prints for the ads. Use solely black ink on all art. Do not print your ad out on AD SIZES a bubble jet printer • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. • All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. (85 line screen). • Quarter page, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. • If we need to invoice you, we won’t run your • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. ad until we have the cash on hand, so make • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. those arrangements before the ad deadline. • So on, so forth. Yep. Razorcake and razorcake.com could not have been finished without the invention of toilet paper or these folks: Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, Josh Lane, Megan Pants, Skinny Dan, ktspin, and Felizon Vidad Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky, Inc. Sean <[email protected]> Todd <[email protected]> Razorcake is distributed by Big Top Newstand Services, 2729 Mission St., Ste.201, SF, CA 94110, [email protected] Cover designed by Todd Congelliere (Toys That Kill, Recess Records honcho). Mike Wiebe, of the Riverboat Gamblers, Cover photo of Randy by Todd Taylor and a special friend, April. Thank you list: The raven screams nevermore thanks to Todd Cong. for designing the cover. Hope you’re in Europe when this comes out thanks to Julia Smut for her help with the cover. Baby cookie mortar attack thanks (with a karate chop to the throat appetizer) to Aphid Peewit and Paddy Costello for their Fuck Yeahs interview, and for Jimmy Fangs’ pictures and Life Sucks Die Wes for graphics help. Frilly underwear, screaming bearings, and lipsticked high elbows thanks to Wez Lundry for this rollerderby interview. It’s a complicated plastic turtle called life thanks to Bradley Williams for his Hasil Adkins interview and Mike Comer for the pictures. In the back of the library thanks to Greg Barbera for his zine reviews. Sleeping with the bowling trophy thanks to Speedway Randy for his DVD and record reviews. Electronic handshake thanks for Randy Iwata’s diligence with Nardwuar’s photos. Skulls in the pupils thanks to Rob Ruelas for the illustration in Dale’s column. That’s a tough one to draw thanks to Keith Rosson for his illustration in Jimmy’s column. Beerland uber alles thanks to Randal, Donya, Billy, and Ray. Road warrior decimation of southwestern towns thanks to Mike Faloon. How to make more enemies thanks to Jimmy Alvarado, Aphid Peewit, Bradley Williams, Donuthead, Liz O, Mike Beer, Puckett, and Wanda Sprag for their record reviews. You’re a lady in a mirror thanks to Tommy Wrenn for his illustration in Seth’s column. www.razorcake.com *• PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 "You've got to know the truth before you say that you've got pride." Issue #20, June/July 2004 -The Descendents, from the song "'Merican" Designated Dale ........................... I’m Against It ........................pg. 4 Art ........................................................... Shizzville!! ............................. pg. 7 Jim Ruland ........................................... Lazy Mick ......................................... pg. 8 Ayn Imperato..................................... 90803 ...............................................pg. 10 The Rhythm Chicken .................. The Dinghole Reports ....................... pg. 12 Maddy .............................................. Shiftless When Idle .................. pg. 14 Gary Hornberger ........................ Squeeze My Horn ............................... pg. 16 Rich Mackin .................................. The Twisted Balloon ..................... pg. 18 Jimmy Alvarado..................... I’m a Little Airplane ...................pg. 20 Seth Swaaley..................... Swinging Door Conversations ...................pg. 24 Sean Carswell ......................... A Monkey to Ride the Dog ....................... pg. 26 Nardwuar The Human Serviette ..... Who Are You? ............................ pg. 28 Rev. Nørb .................................... Love, Nørb .................................. pg. 32 Ben Snakepit ......................................... Snakepit ......................................... pg. 39 ***** Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page .......... The Observers...................... pg. 41 The Shemps ........... Interview by Todd Taylor and Petite Paquet ........ pg. 42 Fuck Yeahs ....... Interview by Aphid Peewit and Paddy Costello........... pg. 48 Hasil Adkins, Part II ......... Interview by Bradley Williams .............. pg. 54 Randy .............. Interview by Sean Carswell and Todd Taylor ........ pg. 60 Punk Rock Roller Derby ................. Interview by Wez Lundry ........... pg. 68 Dan Monick’s Photo Page ...... Fine Line, Big Difference .............. pg. 75 ***** Record Reviews ........ Drinking Beer Naked in the Front Yard ............. pg. 76 Zine Reviews ................ Various Burial Options .................................. pg. 105 Book Reviews .......... Such Bold Moves! ............................................ pg. 108 Video Reviews ..... They Would Rather Be Fisting Each Other ........... pg. 110 Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the US. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Left Bank Books, 92 Pike St., Seattle, WA 98101, who have a book-for-prisoners program. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues.