This Booklet Is a Gift from All Those Who Knew Rabbi Kilimnick – Friends, Colleagues and Congregants – to His Family, on the Occasion of the Rabbi’S Shloshim

This booklet is a gift from all those who knew Rabbi Kilimnick – friends, colleagues and congregants – to his family, on the occasion of the Rabbi’s shloshim. We would like to thank all those who contributed their memories, their photographs, their gratitude, and their love: Introduction: Hillel Deutsch

Lyn Gold Adams Holzman Family Michah Segelman Larry Adelson David and Pammy Isaacs Martha Shaftel Rita Adelson Neil Jaschik Rahel Sherman Aiken Family Rabbi Alan Katz David and Helena Shrier Ann and Jim Anderson Deborah and George Kornfeld Ruth and Steve Silver Isaac Anderson Alicia LaMere Kathye Simon and Aharon Barbara Applebaum Lea Malek Baruch E. David Applebaum Camelia Marzouk Slavny-Decker Family Helen Arditi Shula Meyerowitz June Slavny Jane and John August Esther Miller Michael and Brandy Snyder Sheila Augustine Michael Miller Igor Spivak Jack and Rhoda Azar Sandra Miller Noah Spivak Raina and Ronnie Berger Michael Miran Barbara and Sid Sobel Bob Berkowitz Chany Mochkin Josh Sobel Marcia Birken Marjorie and Ethan Montag Barry and Susan Stein Lois and Arie Bodek Joel Morris Daniel and Sarita Sragow Rabbi Dov Chastain David Movsky Phyllis Sussman Karen and Michael Bev Movsky Pesach Dovid Usdane Dobkowski Newman Family Michelle Ventimiglia Elliot Fix Donald Onimus Miriam Weidenfeld Lisa Fox Yocheved Prack Jonathan Weissman Sarah and Ron Freeling Gerri Robins Robin Wettenstein Friedman Family Rabbi Nathan H. Rose Shelly Rothschild Yekutiel and Monica and Heath Gebell Rosenbaum Family Yosef Yekutiel Michael Gofman Mike Rosenhouse Ruth Zimelman Rabbi Rosalind A. Gold Sadik Family Eliot Zimelman Sorina Goldstein Ed Sassman Cheryl and Michael Zeldin Barbara and Marvin Gray Jeremy Schnittman Danny Zysman Sharon Gray and Scott Sherin Michael and Suzanne Sheri Levy Gross Schnittman Beth Freeling Gusenoff Steven Schwartz Brian Hirschfield Seigel (Schafer) Family

Epilogue: A Hesped from Jeffrey Shrager

Introduction: Memories from a Shul President אמר רבי עקיבא אשריכם ישראל לפני מי אתם מטהרין מי מטהר אתכם אביכם שבשמים שנאמר מקוה ישראל )ה'( מה מקוה מטהר את הטמאים אף הקב"ה מטהר את ישראל “Rabbi Akiva says, Happy are you Israel! Before whom are you purified and who purifies you? Your Father in Heaven! As it is written… “Hashem is the hope (mikveh) of Israel. Just as a mikveh purifies the impure, so Hashem purifies Israel.” (Mishna Yoma 8:9) Who can hear these words and not envision Rabbi Kilimnick standing on the Beth Sholom Bimah at the close of hakafot on Simchat Torah night, joyously calling out each refrain with ever-increasing intensity, index finger pointed to the heavens, drawing forth every last bit of his strength as the packed sanctuary exploded around him with Jews dancing and clapping and crying out the responses in unison? Today, as that image fill me with a mixture of joy and grief, I can’t help but notice there are many layers of complexity to that Mishnah, as there were many layers of complexity to the Rabbi. Rabbi Akiva’s statement is based on the double meaning of the word mikveh: it commonly means a ritual bath, but literally it means hope; Hashem is the hope of the Israel, but also purifies her. The same is true of Rabbis. Rabbis provide their congregants with hope. In times of need and sorrow, when tragedy strikes an individual, or a family, or a country, they look to their Rabbi for reassurance that Hashem sees their suffering, that this will pass, that even the blackest of nights will end in a dawn. Rabbi Kilimnick was there, providing that hope to countless people and families in his four and a half decades as the spiritual leader of our community. And a Rabbi must be a mikveh, too. A source of purification and forgiveness. But a mikveh has a cost: while the person who enters ultimately exits feeling pure, the mikveh itself must bear the silt and dirt left behind. A Rabbi pays a terrible price for being a mikveh; he lightens the burden of those in direst need, but does so by shouldering part of that burden himself. Think for a moment on the countless times people came to the Rabbi with their pain, their suffering, their need. I’ve lost my job. I’ve lost my mom. I’ve lost my way. Think of all those unable to understand or articulate their own pain, who would engage in anger, using the Rabbi as a conduit to vent the disappointment and frustration in their lives. Rabbi Kilimnick served as mikveh for all those people, shouldering a portion of their burden and their suffering, and in exchange dispensing comfort and forgiveness and purity and hope. He gave of his seemingly boundless reserves of energy and joy to all who sought it, even in times when he himself was suffering tremendous pain.

And just as a mikveh must on occasion be cleansed and refilled, I like to think that the Rabbi was refilled and cleansed from shouldering the community’s sorrow by basking in the community’s joy. That is why he would beam and glow at every wedding and bar/bat mitzvah and bris. Why he greeted every guest with a broad smile, a joke, a word of Torah, a game of Jewish geography. Why on every Simchat Torah night he would stand on the bimah and sing with every last bit of his strength. Rabbi Kilimnick was Rochester’s mikveh, and we all have stories and memories from the profound impact our encounters with him had on our lives. Sometimes the Rabbi was involved in massive, life-changing events. But so often it was the small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness that had the greatest impact. Private moments that the congregation would never see. It seems only fitting that, to commemorate his shloshim, a few of those stories and memories should be shared. It is not simply an opportunity for us to say goodbye. It is an opportunity for us to express our gratitude and sorrow; to fill a part of the hole that his passing has opened in each of us. For Rabbi Kilimnick to be our mikveh one last time. Yours in love and sorrow, Hillel Deutsch

Lyn Gold Adams Rabbi Shaya was a very kind person. When my Father, Irving passed away in 2003, Rabbi met me at Highland Hospital. He asked me if I wanted to give my dad a kiss goodbye. When my mom, Maxine, died in 2013 at the Jewish Home, Rabbi came in to speak to me and asked me if I would like to give her a kiss goodbye. I knew Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick for over 40 years. He will be totally missed.

Larry Adelson Rabbi Kilimnick and I seldom agreed on anything political. The discussion was usually short and sometimes heated. Even so, he always had a good word and a pleasant smile. When my Mother-in-Law died (December 2014) Rabbi and Nechie put off a trip by one day to stop in Monticello to attend the funeral. Rabbi Kilimnick gave a heartfelt and beautiful speech. It made a lasting impression on all of those present, especially the family.

Rita Adelson Following Shiva for the passing of my mother, I returned to Rochester from my home town of Monticello, NY. As my mother had only daughters, saying Kaddish for her was something I wanted to do. I entered the small sanctuary with some trepidation as I was not sure how my female voice from the back would be received. Rabbi Kilimnick greeted me with open arms. His warm welcome, encouragement, and wise words helped me through a difficult period. He touched my heart and my soul. I am a better person for having known him.

Aiken Family

Many good memories of Rabbi Kilimnick. I particularly recall that a year or two after moving out of Rochester we invited Rabbi and Nechie to attend Elan’s wedding in Atlanta. He received a Sheva Bracha, sat at our table and honored us by being part of our simcha. The Rabbi always brought joy to any event he attended and he and Nechie’s warmth enhanced the excitement and made us feel so connected again to him and the Beth Sholom community

More recently I saw Rabbi Kilimnick on a zoom program and when he spotted me he said “oh there is Diane Aiken.” The rabbi always reached out and made you feel that you counted. Our family will miss Rabbi Kilimnick.

With love,

Diane, Jeff, Danny, Elan and Eva and Brett Aiken

Ann and Jim Anderson

Memories of Rabbi Kilimnick

Years ago, when there was Midrasha Jewish High School our third son was a student there. In fact, he refused to take courses from anyone except Rabbi Kilimnick. During the years he was a student, our daughter, Sami, died. At the time, we were members of Temple Beth El. As we were waiting for the funeral to begin, Rabbi Kilimnick came to sat with our son. He and Nechie were the first at shiva following the burial. We will always remember gratefully Rabbi’s kindness.

Many years later Rabbi Kilimnick insisted that we have a “big Jewish wedding” (his words.) Following the Bet Din overseeing our Orthodox conversions, we had thought perhaps just a small ceremony with a minyan in his office. He wouldn’t hear of it; “Your friends will all make you a wedding! There’ll be dancing!” Nechie urged him on saying, “a summer evening- everyone will come!” It was indeed a wonderful evening filled with friends, dancing and so many good wishes and welcomes to the Beth Sholom community but our most enduring memory of all is of a beaming Rabbi Kilimnick welcoming us under the chuppah and with piano and song at the celebration following!

In gratitude-always, Ann and Jim

Isaac Anderson My memories of time spent with Rabbi Shaya go back to the days even before my Bar-Mitzvah. When I was younger, I enjoyed the Rabbi's love for me as a developing child. After my Bar- Mitzvah, as I was now considered a Jewish adult, I valued the Rabbi's commitment and everlasting care for my development as a young Jewish man, until the day he passed away. I had so much I still wanted to talk about with the Rabbi, as I was always confident that he would be able to help me both along the way, and to reach my full potential as a young adult man. Rabbi Shaya, I just want you to know how much more we would have journeyed together, you and I, and how much I am missing your presence in the land of the living.

Barbara Applebaum

Rabbi Kilimnick, the Survivors’ Rabbi: Rabbi had a special connection with the survivors in our community. He knew how to respond to them so that they felt heard. He treated them with such kavod, supporting them in good times and bad, listening to their stories, feeling their pain, helping them smile when they needed to laugh, sometimes teasing them as only Rabbi could do. He would advocate for them to the rest of the community and help them mourn their loved ones. He always knew just what to say to give them comfort.

E. David Applebaum Several years (decades) ago, while serving as JCC Israel Affairs Committee chairman, I was asked to plan an Israel Day Fair consisting of booths, presentation, games, dancing ....and food, including falafel. Being BG (before Geulah’s), there was only one place that could supply the quality and efficiency required in the form of two Israeli gentlemen who ran a vegetarian kosher falafel shop on Monroe Ave near Oxford St. One problem. The store was open on shabbos. Mashgiach Rabbi Kilimnick, applying a principle similar to selling one’s chometz, devised a document transferring ownership of the business to a non- Jewish employee for the shabbos before and after the Sunday fair. All profits derived accrued only to that employee. He then supervised the Israelis as they delivered high-quality falafel at the fair. Another small but important example of satisfying a community need while remaining true to Halacha.

Helen Arditi I met Rabbi Kilimnick when I was in high school and took a course in Mishnah Sukkah at Midrasha. At that time, I was a member of a Conservative Shul. Years later, when I started to consider joining Beth Sholom, I attended Shabbat morning Services at Beth Sholom.

After services, Rabbi Kilimnick approached me. When I told him my name, he immediately remembered me from Midrasha.

Rabbi Kilimnick’s warmth eased the transition to Beth Sholom.

Jane and John August

A few years ago, when John and I were in Israel, while John was playing in the Maccabiah, I was with [noted tour guide] Yomi Groner doing my archaeology thing. We were in the Hecht Museum at the University of Haifa, a rather obscure place frequented mostly by historians, archaeologists, scholars and archaeology nerds like me. As you enter, there is a big photograph of Jerusalem taken sometime in the early 1930's. As Yomi and I were discussing what had not yet been discovered when the photo was taken, a couple came up behind us. After chatting for a minute the inevitable "where are you from" was asked. Rochester, New York I said. Their eyes lit up immediately -"Do you know Rabbi Kilimnick?"

And, when we first ventured into the Shorashim Shop in the Jewish Quarter in the old city - Moshe Kempinsky, the proprietor, asked the same question. When we answered Rochester, New York, again the eyes lit up -"Do you know my good friend Rabbi Kilimnick"? Always whenever someone knew Rabbi, the reaction was always the same - their eyes would light up at the thought of him.

Berger Family We came to Rochester a year before the Rabbi and Nechie and immediately became members of Beth Sholom. So when our new Rabbi and Rebbetzin arrived we greeted them with great excitement and anticipation. We were all so young, Dovid and our Yael were just one year old. Our entire Rochester experience, almost our entire married life, has been interwoven with Rabbi and Nechie. Some of our best memories are from the early years when we were raising our families, doing lots of shule programming for the young couples club, working for Hillel School and the mikveh, building the eruv, and sharing youthful pranks and kumzitzs. In truth we had an unusual relationship that encompassed friendship and congregant. Sometimes we disagreed, yet the four of us shared a mutual love and respect that went quite deep.

The Rabbi and Nechie demonstrated many midot. Their home was always open to us and it was a home filled with a passion for learning, humor, music, discussion, and in general a great joie de vivre. They loved their congregants and appreciated their individual qualities and uniqueness and dismissed their foibles. Rabbi eloquently remembered and mourned forever those who passed on. Who can ever forget our Neilah sermons? Rabbi was able to present Torah values, concepts and ideas in a way that was palatable and exciting to less observant or uninformed Jews.

However, he was also a fierce defender of halacha and Torah principles. He often took courageous stands and became ferocious if he felt a Torah precept or ideal was being trampled upon. This I greatly admired because it went against his natural gentle loving way and caused him much pain and sleeplessness. He was a master at capturing the essence of a person. He saw the positive in everything around him and even more so after his illness. He was forgiving and forbearing. Not all of these attributes came easily. He worked to acquire them.

The Rabbi had a secret power, a magical treasure; his champion and cheerleader. Talented, gifted, and extremely modest, Nechie always stepped back to give him the limelight. They shared a beautiful marriage filled with laughter and mutual adoration. He knew how lucky he was to have found this treasure and we often spoke about it. They were a powerhouse couple in every way and they created a power family; each child a jewel that we all admire. And as a family, they impacted all of us, our children, our shule, and Rochester as a whole and continue to do so.

Larger than life, I know Rabbi K's absence is still not believable to many of us. We feel a constant void and unexpected heartache. His beautiful panim, blue eyes and smile are right there before my eyes. His dovining, songs, humor, earnest words, echo in my dreams. I know I am not alone. He made us laugh, he made us sing, he made us cry, he made us remember. We will miss him forever.

Ronnie and Raina Berger

Bob Berkowitz Beyond shared life events, Rabbi Kilimnick and I spoke of each other as our “Shabbos walking partner”. I felt honored to be able to walk to Shul on Shabbos with my Rabbi. We would greet each other with a “good Shabbos”, a smile and a hand shake. His smile always seemed bigger and more enthusiastic than mine no matter what events had occurred during the week. For more Shabbosim than I can count that’s the way it was. Rabbi Kilimnick and I greeted each other and walked together, most weeks twice - morning and afternoon, up Highland Avenue then onto Monroe until we arrived at the Shul. For me the walks were as welcome as Shabbos itself. What could be better than one on one time with my Rabbi? We enjoyed conversations filled with philosophy and faith, history, Brooklyn, life’s mysteries, stories of one sort or the next, good humor, insights into people, news, politics, community, travel, teaching, learning and chopped liver. We asked questions about each other’s families and friends, and shared our lives with very personal, at times confidential, heartfelt information. There were simchas shared, sorrows borne, and his welcomed advice. On our walk Rabbi Kilimnick would always share an insight into the Parsha HaShevuah that he had spent the week learning, or something that he had learned or experienced in Yeshiva from his Rebbi, Rav Weinberg. There were the “Kilimnick-isms”, life truths, such as: “first impressions are lasting impressions”; “small children small problems, big children big problems”; “always be where you’re supposed to be”. There were the times my grandson would chase down the street running to greet Rabbi with a hug and a “good Shabbos”. Rabbi Kilimnick’s response was always great joy, a kind word and more often than not, a lollypop that Rebbizten Nechie had put in his jacket pocket in anticipation of the encounter. There was all this and so much more. No wonder I would watch from the window in our hallway for the Rabbi to turn the corner at Mayflower onto Highland Avenue. “Walking partners” was our way of showing our caring relationship to each other. As the walks got more difficult and his pace became slower, we would take stops for a breath to reenergize. In those moments of rest, mostly no words were spoken so the Rabbi could focus his energy on the goal of getting to the Shul he loved so much. And then, when he was ready to continue, we would resume our walk and our conversation. That was the way it was on Shabbos until in the last few years when Rabbi Avi and his children escorted the Rabbi up Highland Avenue and on to the Shul. Again, I felt honored to be able to join with them. For many people Rabbi Kilimnick was a leader, a mentor, a role model, a teacher, a friend. For me, he was also my Shabbos walking partner. I have walked on Highland Avenue since Rabbi Kilimnick’s passing. The walk is now solo, lonesome and teary. I pray that the tears go away, knowing all the while that my missing Rabbi will linger. Bob Berkowitz Walking Partner

Letter from Rabbi Kilimnick to Chanan Berkowitz.

Marcia Birken Rabbi Kilimnick was very supportive of me when I was undergoing chemotherapy. His visits, warmth, and humor made everything more bearable.

Lois and Arie Bodek Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick and B’nai Yisrael

Arie and I both had the utmost respect for Rabbi Kilimnick. We admired him, and we liked him.

Whenever we saw the Rabbi--in a hall or at kiddush, at various shul events, Arie at morning minyan and/or breakfast--he always smiled and greeted us warmly. He went out of his way to talk to us as if we were old friends.

He viewed every Jew as part of the same family, B’nai Yisrael. He had a firm grasp of the human condition, which is rare. There was a genuine kindness to him, also rare.

I’ll supply one anecdote. It’s related to my B’nai Yisrael comment above.

Upon learning that my mother’s maiden name was Litvin and that she had grown up in Brooklyn, Rabbi Kilimnick said, “Litvin? I know some Litvins in Brooklyn. One is a lawyer. A famous lawyer. Are you related to that Litvin?”

This was a first for me. No rabbi had ever asked about my parents or grandparents, much less connected us to a Litvin in Brooklyn. Who--other than Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick--would know a Litvin in Brooklyn?

This is so obscure, so remarkable.

We always thought my grandma Rena was the last family member named Litvin in Brooklyn. My grandparents had no sons to carry on the Litvin name. They had three girls, married with different surnames.

My grandparents, Arieh v’Rena Livinofsky (Litvin), separately immigrated at age 13, and as far as they knew, were the only members of their families to escape the Russian pogroms. Somewhere along the way, one of my grandfather’s brothers also escaped. This Uncle Abe Litvin, as my mother called him, owned a little store, where he employed my mother and her sister for a short time during the Great Depression. Afterwards, nothing was known about Uncle Abe and what happened to him.

About five years ago, I found Uncle Abe’s Litvin descendants on an ancestry app, and they had connected him to his brother aka my grandfather, Arieh (Harry) Litvin. From this tree, I was able

12 to see for the first time that the Livinofky/Litvin family went back 250 years in Russia before the pogroms. How extraordinary!

Rabbi Kilimnick knew nothing about any of this, of course. When he mentioned--expressing both excitement and hope--that he might know relatives of mine, the Litvins of Brooklyn, I was floored.

Who--other than Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick--was, or is, able to connect B’nai Yisrael in such a manner?

Who knows enough people everywhere to tie us together, who cares enough to do this sort of thing, to think this way?

My mother would have called Rabbi Kilimnick “a oner.” It meant, “unique in the most beautiful way.” It was her highest compliment.

-Lois Bodek In fond memory and deep appreciation of Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick z”l, and also with the greatest love for my parents, Sam and Freda (Litvin) Goldberg z”l.

Rabbi Dov Chastain I will tell you of the first time I met the Rabbi.

As you know, I have only lived here for three years, and moved here after the Rabbi's first bout with cancer. I first met the Rabbi on the first Simchas Torah that I was in town, when the Yeshiva came down to dance at Beth Shalom on Simchas Torah night. My first experience with Rabbi Kilimnick was watching him passionately and energetically leading the song "Amar Rebbi Akiva." He got the entire crowd energized, and it was a pleasure to sing with him. Afterwards, he and I struck up a conversation, in which he and I quickly connected over the fact that we were both cancer survivors, as I lived through childhood leukemia. He gave me a lot of chizzuk that night, telling me I was a survivor, and that the Ribbono Shel Olam definitely had an important plan for me, and that was why I am still here. He encouraged me to make the most of my time, and I can still hear those words ringing in my ears. They meant a lot coming from a fellow survivor, and a man who dedicated his life to helping Klal Yisrael. Yehi Zichro Baruch.

A speech that we will never forget was the one Rabbi Kilimnick made as he was stepping down into the role of Rabbi Emeritus. He spoke to the congregation with such passion about his many years at Beth Sholom and the many congregants who had a strong impact on his life. Rabbi had the ability to remember names, stories, connections and the unique personalities of every one of his cherished departed members. It was a speech that will never be forgotten and could have only been given by our Rabbi. Our hearts are very heavy at this time as Rabbi’s passing leaves a gaping void. He will always be in our minds and we will live the many lessons that he taught us.

Elliot Fix I grew up in Beth Sholom from its early days on Field Street to now Monroe Ave. I attended the Hebrew Schools and experienced different rabbis. From Rabbi Kilimnick’s first arrival through the many blessed years he was with us, he always impressed me with his abundant knowledge and his ability to communicate so effectively his love of Judaism, Israel and the Jewish people. His theme of unity resonated deeply within me, sometimes moving me to tears. I will miss his charismatic personality and joyful good humor. He was a true mensch. May his memory always be a blessing.

Friedman Family Rabbi Kilimmick meant so much to our family. The relationship he had with our Zaide, Asher Zelig, was very special, with mutual love and respect for each other. He was so dear to us, and felt deeply our joys and sorrows, as he did with countless families. He was part of all our family life events; weddings, bris, bat mitzvahs & funerals. We will always cherish Rabbi Shaya in our hearts as our family Rabbi.

Meir, Genya and Leah Friedman

Monica and Heath Gebell Rabbi Kilimnick was such a major part of our spiritual lives. He blessed us when we were Bar- and Bat-Mitzvahed, and then again when we married. He loved us when we were children and continued to love us and our children, too. His words of wisdom stay with us; so too his genuine smile and the joy he brought to our simchas. We will miss him so much.

Michael Gofman My very bright memory of Rabbi Shaya ZT”L is his joyful singing during the last Simhat Torah celebration at Beth Sholom. He was so energetic and his happiness was felt in the air. He will be deeply missed and always remembered.

Rabbi Rosalind A. Gold I expect when I came to Rochester in 1978 to be the Assistant Rabbi at Temple B’rith Kodesh, I was the first woman rabbi that Rabbi Kilimnick ever met. Unlike some other rabbis in the community, Rabbi Kilimnick was kind and respectful to me. One day we were sitting next to each other at a Board of Rabbis meeting, and he turned to me and started telling me about a sale on food processors — that they were so reasonably priced his wife had bought four of them (two just for Pesach). I didn’t own a food processor at the time so I asked him how it worked and if she liked it. He waxed enthusiastic about it, and we chatted for a while longer before the meeting started. That was all. Simple. But it said a lot to me about his decency, that he would reach out in kindness to this very young, very new, Reform woman rabbi and try to find common connection. And it made me feel that I could have a place in the greater Rochester Jewish community. And PS, when I returned to Rochester 32 years later to celebrate a simcha at Beth Sholom, Rabbi Kilimnick remembered me and welcomed me warmly to the synagogue. His memory is a blessing, and I send heartfelt condolences to the Kilimnick family and the Beth Sholom family.

Sarina Goldstein To Rabbi Avi and All the Kilimnick Family; the Rabbi's greatest legacy,

What greater purpose can there be in life than to affect the lives of others for the good? That was Rabbi’s mission, both on a conscious level, and sometimes not. How many people, young and old and in between have stories to tell of how Rabbi influenced, guided and supported them during times of stress, and also when they weren't even aware that they were looking for change. In our case, we were searching for something more personal in terms of a Jewish connection, for ourselves and our children. Your father's warmth, sincerity and humor drew us immediately into Beth Sholom, which became our new spiritual home. We are but one family out of countless others with similar stories. We can't begin to know how many future generations will experience Jewish life at its best because of Rabbi's influence in the lives of their parents. From our first Shabbat in Beth Sholom, our children felt enveloped in Rabbis warmth. He conveyed his love and caring to every child who crossed his path, not with just a pat on the head or friendly smile, but with a sincere effort to connect with every child and make them feel special and loved.

Rabbi's humanity reached far beyond his kehilla and the greater Jewish community. He had a soul that needed to connect to every person, Jewish and non-Jewish, who crossed his path, whether it be a revered Rav, or the security guard, the mail carrier, or a stranger. No one was invisible to Rabbi. Everyone was shown his interest and deep respect, and with such warmth and humor.

We sat in shul this past Shabbat looking at your father's seat on the bimah, knowing it will never be filled again, but also feeling blessed and grateful to have you, our beloved Rabbi Avi to guide us through our loss with the wisdom of your father's legacy and your very own exceptional gifts.

We will miss you, dear Rabbi, dear friend יהי זכרך לברכה

Barbara and Marvin Gray Rabbi Shaya was a big part of our lives. I was sisterhood president when he came to our shule. I enjoyed working with him and getting to know him. He married our four children and we were privileged to join him on two trips to Israel. We had a wonderful time and returned with a love of the country. We will miss him, his smile, his voice, and his concern and love for our community.

Sharon Gray and Scott Sherin Rabbi Kilimnick had a tremendous impact on me and my family. He always liked to share the story that it was he who convinced my parents to send me to Hillel School in 1978. That decision truly was the beginning of my Jewish learning and commitment to a life of Jewish values and traditions. Rabbi Kilimnick was central to celebrating life cycle events with our family. He married Scott and me at Temple Beth El on August 23, 1998. He was delivering a beautiful speech under the chupah when a bug kept flying by and was distracting me. I put up my finger to shoo the fly away. After the ceremony, Rabbi came up to us to tell us he got our signal that he was speaking too long and he needed to wrap it up. He was not aware that I was just trying to get rid of the bug. That same evening, of course, he got up and sang for the never ending hora. Many of my friends, to this day, still remember that hora and claim that it was the best hora they've ever done.

Beth Freeling Gusenoff

Rabbi has guided me through my childhood. Ever since I was a toddler, I would sit next to my Mom at Shule. When we arrived to Beth Sholom on time, as Rabbi Kilimnick would bring back the Torah, and pass us, somehow he managed to sing beautifully, have me kiss the Torah, and flash his Rabbi Kilimnick hendelach that made me feel so welcome and special. As a child, it felt like we were always the last people to leave kiddush because my parents were schmoozing with Rabbi and Rebbitzen Nechi. But, as Rabbi guided me through NCSY, my Bat Mitzvah, Camp Morasha and high school awkwardness with his genuine care and interest, I wanted to be the last one at kiddush to soak in Rabbi Kilimnick’s humor, yidishkite and hope.

On my returns home to Rochester from my schooling, Rabbi’s warm smile from the Bimah when he saw me walk in made me feel so special. Hearing him sing Etz Chaim hee with his beautiful harmonies filled me with strength and grounded me to return to schooling challenges. Watching Rabbi Kilimnick’s face and his nachus as he watched his multiplying grandchildren from the Bima was THE BEST. Oh how all the kids loved getting their lollipop from him after opening the ark for Anim Zemirot. He always had a beautiful exchange and way with each child.

On Yomim Tovim listening to him sing Avinu Malkenu with such kavod and his strength when blowing the shofar.... truly nothing like it. When we were really young, we would time him for tekiah godola. He was amazing. It was a goal of his to blow the Shofar again for the Congregation for the Yomim Tovim after his treatments, and he did, and his Tekiah Godola will be with me always.

Rabbi Kilimnick was my rock through wedding planning drama, culminating in a magical Bedekken, Chupah and Hora. “Rabbi Kilimnick style”... the warmest, most freilach style around.

He supported me and my parents through my bittersweet move to Pittsburgh. He did say, with a twinkle in his eyes, “Pittsburgh has a nice Jewish community but it’s not Rochester....but you

22 will be ok.” It surely is not Rochester, it does not have Rabbi Kilimnick. He checked on me and kept in touch via email. Although there may have been physical distance, he made me feel close. I was in awe of his Caring Bridges and cherished each and every one. He wrote the most beautiful stories and Drashas while he was weak, to give strength to all of us. There is no one like Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick.

Rabbi Kilimnick had the intangible ability with his focused and twinkling eyes, with his comforting and warm voice, with his perfectly timed, spontaneous, brilliant wit, with his understanding yet always hopeful tone.... To really hear me, to validate me, to make me smile, to succinctly teach me without even realizing I was being taught, to motivate me to be a little better, without giving me any feeling of pressure or anxiety. There was only one Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick and I am beyond blessed to have had him in my life. I promise to carry on your love of Judaism and your hope for the world Rabbi.

With Love and Gratitude Beth Freeling Gusenoff

Brian Hirschfield Rabbi Kilimnick had time and concern for every Jew. Our daughter Hadas was attempting to make aliya in late 2015. Unfortunately, she was getting very negative responses from the Toronto office of Nefesh BNefesh. They were in fact giving her incorrect information regarding her situation and were not empathetic at all. They incorrectly insisted she could not serve in the IDF.

We contacted our dear Rabbi for guidance. He invited me to meet in his office and really helped in his own way. He listened intently, and started working the phone. He reached out there and then to his daughter Tzipora in Israel to help.

I left his office feeling confident that Dassie would indeed serve in the IDF.

Let me just say that Dassie made aliya in November 2015. She served two years in the Israeli Air Force in the elite dog training unit. She is now studying to be a Veterinary nurse and living her dream.

Rabbi in his own selfless way played a role in realizing our daughter’s dream. I am sure he did the same for countless others.

May we always remember him as the kind, unique, giving, loving mensch he was.

Neil Jaschik

Rabbi Kilimnick represented the best of Modern Orthodoxy as well as being a wonderful and warm human being. As you know, despite my attendance at the minyan (pre-COVID), I am a Conservative Jew who found a welcoming home at Beth Sholom when my father died and kaddish was more convenient at Beth Sholom. But Rabbi Kilimnick made sure I was as much a part of the Beth Sholom family as any other member. His approach was always to address an issue in a way that showed love and respect for everyone involved. He will be sorely missed and when the minyan table resumes, we will all be the poorer for the loss.

Rabbi Alan Katz (Rabbi Emeritus, Temple Sinai, Rochester, NY) When I arrived in Rochester in 1986, Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick was already an established presence and leader in the Jewish community. He cared very much about klal Yisrael and welcomed us with open arms. Over the years, except for my associates at Temple Sinai, I would always say that the rabbi to whom I felt the closest connection was Shaya. That friendship and bond has lasted through the years. There was respect, friendship and even love that existed through the years.

We did not always agree on religious matters. However, I learned that if I presented a logical argument he listened, and I believe he accepted that there are differences in the community, but we need to remain united. One of those discussions many years ago, was over LGBTQ in the Jewish community. He presented his halachic perspective claiming he was commanded and didn’t have a choice. Yet, when he heard my thoughts and that I too did not have a choice, he took that into his thinking. We were able to listen to each other and learn without necessarily always agreeing.

We traveled together on numerous missions to Israel. Both of us were lovers of Israel. On one flight home I remember the two of us reading a book together in Hebrew called “Haredim”. What was always special about those missions was that we met each other’s friends and associates which crossed denominational lines.

There are two specific events I recall. One was when Shaya and Nechie came to our home to celebrate our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. At the time we were not sure an Orthodox family would come and eat in our home. Tamar is now Chabad and we talk about that. The second event was when he came to Temple Sinai to present me with an award from Israel Bonds. This was at a dinner before Shabbat services which was early enough for him to return to Beth Sholom before Shabbat began. Additionally, I was honored to speak on behalf of the Board of Rabbis at his retirement celebration.

My Reform colleagues were often impressed when they heard that we officiated at a number of weddings together. We were able to work together with respect and I believe that brought strength to our community.

A number of years ago there was a difference in the Board of Rabbis that led to a split where my associate and I were no longer able to participate. A couple of years later when I was walking in the Jewish Quarter in Jerusalem and turned a corner there was Shaya, Nechie and others in his family. The strain of the past years over the issue had kept us apart. However, at that moment we saw each other, hugged and exchanged our feelings that our friendship superseded the issue. He invited me to attend a grandson’s Bar Mitzvah at the Kotel. Although I personally do not pray at the kotel, I was honored to join the family for this important celebration.

After that, back in Rochester he called to lay the groundwork for my associate and I to rejoin the Board of Rabbis. He realized that there were always issues we would not see eye to eye, but that shouldn’t separate us. Our friendship and respect remained strong.

Another time in Israel, when I was staying in Modi’in and he was in at Tzipporah’s home in Hashmonaim I visited, bringing him some pastries which we enjoyed together.

Over the past few years as health issues arose we were there for each other. Our conversations were as friends and rabbinic colleagues. He knew I have been here for him and he in turn was has been here for me. Shaya and Nechie have been continually in our prayers.

Photo Credit: Julian Goldstein Deborah and George Kornfeld

Dear Kilimnicks, I want to add our sincere condolences on the death of your father, our Rabbi. Rabbi Shaya was a man who lived life with gusto. He was a man driven by faith, family and food. He would work hard to find a connection with each person he met and he almost always found one. Congregants and visitors alike were drawn to his warmth and hospitality. Our in-law children always felt that warm and welcoming spirit when they visited Beth Sholom. Attending morning minyan regularly gave me an extra connection with the rabbi. Speaking and getting to know each other better over coffee and breakfast was a great way to start the day. I always appreciated hearing a d’var torah daily and having the opportunity to say a few words about my parents on their yarzeits. Rabbi Kilimnick was an orthodox rabbi who took steps to make the shul more inclusive to women. Women can comfortably say kaddish at our shul and dance with a Torah on Simchat Torah. Young girls have read Torah, Megillat Esther and sang Shir Hashirim from the bimah on special occasions. We’ve had women presidents and women have given divrei torah on Shabbat. These steps were significant and meaningful for our family and we are grateful to your father for creating these opportunities. He will be missed.

Paulina Kovalsky

Among the incredible service Rabbi Kilimnick provided to our community, the most touching to me personally, was his unique connection to our community’s Holocaust Survivors. He felt they gave him extra strength, in part because their ability to rise from their traumatic experiences put everything in perspective. Rabbi Kilimnick's long-standing annual Yizkor service for those who perished was so meaningful and moving.

My father was a Survivor, and my family and I were very grateful that Rabbi Kilimnick attended his funeral, even though he had never met my father and my family did not belong to Beth Sholom at the time.

My family also greatly appreciated Rabbi Kilimnick's steadfast and overt support of Israel.

Alicia LaMere

I have been struggling with which story/ies to share about Rabbi Kilimnick. We laughed together, we cried together, we shared many stories and he offered me a lot of advice. In my time at the Shul office I have so many memories, it’s hard to pick just one or two. So instead I will share my thoughts. The people Rabbi Kilimnick knew and met in his life were witness to his kindness, sense of humor, generous spirit, empathetic soul, patient nature, and wisdom. I am thankful every day that I am blessed and lucky enough to be one of these people. I miss him greatly. All of these memories are blessings. Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick, ZT”L

Lea Malek I was thinking very hard how to say what is in my heart. I don’t find it comfortable to put it out in public. I will tell his children or family members my memories with the Rabbi when the occasion arrives. Here, I just want to say that he was not only the Rabbi of my Shul but more importantly a friend when I really needed one the most. For that I will be grateful forever. He is in my thoughts and prayers and will be missed. Lea Malek

Camelia Marzouk

I have known Rabbi Kilimnick for 42 years. Rabbi, Nechie and his children were like family to us. Our children grew up together at Beth Sholom. They were always a joy - he treated my kids like his own and over the years the friendship between our families continued to blossom

Rabbi Kilimnick was very special. He was my Rabbi, my brother and my friend. He always showed care and compassion for each individual. He was the anchor of our community - he was always honest and pleasant to talk with. He gave sound advice and his door was always open to others. He lived to serve his fellow man.

He worked tirelessly to keep our community and NCSY alive. I had the privilege of working alongside him for many community events. He was always instrumental in coordinating both shul and NCSY events. I learned so much from being with him and I followed his guidance and advice.

When my daughter got married in Brooklyn 30 years ago, he attended her wedding after preforming a wedding in our shul. He was also at my son’s wedding in Jerusalem almost 20 years ago. He arrived in Israel a few hours before the chuppah. He ran into an NCSY advisor and invited him to “his family” wedding. As usual, he spoke beautifully and in typical fashion kept mumbling under his breath, telling my son Dan “do not laugh do not smile”, but telling him jokes loud enough for him to hear. Rabbi Kilimnick was a friend, a mentor and part of our family. He will be sorely missed. May his soul Rest In Peace

Shula Meyerowitz

My late father, Rabbi Joseph Fogel and late mother Judy Fogel would visit us once a year from Israel. My father would go to Shacharit every morning. I would take him and he’d get a ride back from one of the congregants. My Dad and Rabbi Kilimnick formed a very warm and friendly relationship during the weeks of their visit, and my Dad would often come home with the latest joke that the Rabbi told him. On Shabbatot, Rabbi would invite my Dad to lein and also to conduct the Mussaf service, as my Dad had a beautiful voice and was an expert at leining. When Rabbi and Nechie went to Israel, they were often hosted for meals at my parents’ home in Netanya. Although they did not see each other often, the relationship between Rabbi and Nechie, and my parents, was a very warm and “heimish” one.

Esther Miller

When the phone rang the greatest joy was hearing lovely Nechi's voice inviting me for a Shabbos or Yom Tov dinner. That was just the beginning. I knew I was in for not only delicious food but also being entertained by one who chose the Rabbinate over being a stand up comedian. He made the right choice. There isn't a comic in the world that could touch so many people in so people in the many ways that our Dear Beloved Rabbi did.

Michael Miller One morning after Shacharit, I was sitting next to Rabbi having a morning Noah and the conversation turned to illness. I’m not sure why at how we entered into the topic, but Rabbi leaned in to tell me something. He started taking about Psalm 30, and how important it was to him. He spoke about when he was ill, how he would linger over the words that describe being saved from the Pit, and “what is to be gained from my death.” I didn’t know Rabbi very well, but this very personal moment demonstrated his love for life, and the innate way he had of connecting with people. He knew I was dealing with the death of my father and he attached himself to me in a way that I am forever grateful for.

Sandra Miller

My mom was at the Jewish Home. I would bring her to whatever Beth Sholom dinners as possible in her wheelchair. Rabbi Shaya was walking around with remnants of Cholent from the bottom of the pot. He made my mom feel so special coming right to her seat to personally scoop some onto her plate. She was elated. A great moment for her. Naturally there are countless other moments. Rabbi Shaya also did touching, while humorous and personal, funerals for my grandmother and mother, along with my daughter’s Bas Mitzvah. Only genuineness and love....

Michael Miran Reb Shaya's Favorite Prayer One morning I was leaving the morning minyan at Beth Sholom. I was at the table at the end of the small chapel. Reb Shaya was standing next to me. He saw the De Sola Pool Spanish and Portuguese Synagogue prayer book in the brief case that I use to carry my tallit and tefillin. He asked if he could see it. He said he was very familiar with it and had used it many times. He opened the book to the beginning of the Morning prayers. He saw the prayer which is included here. He smiled and was happy and he said, "This is my favorite prayer". He read it aloud and kvelled about the beauty of HaShem giving us out souls and protecting them. I think this truly reflected his spiritual practice and connection to HaShem.

Chany Mochkin 12/2011. Old City, Jerusalem. What a nice surprise to "meet" Rabbi Kilimnick by surprise in the Old City, while eating pizza when visiting my four children who were studying in Israel. Nothing happens by "accident", it was Hashgacha Protis, made us feel right at home to see his smiling face!

Marjorie and Ethan Montag

I remember meeting with the Rabbi so Sarah could practice her D’var Torah with him in preparation for Shabbat. Well Sarah was very small and spoke very quietly. The Rabbi was so patient and encouraging giving her tips for how to project her voice. And then on the actual day she did great and was surprisingly loud. At Kiddush the Rabbi admitted to me that he was nervous after hearing her practice because she was SO quiet…he never let on before (thank you Rabbi) but his comment demonstrated to me how much he cared about each child and their success as they became a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Joel Morris There are many things which occurred between Rabbi Kilimnick and me over the years I knew him since his arrival in Rochester. However, I think one incident will highlight his great care and concern for others - even people he didn’t know that well.

My father passed away in 1979. We were living in Harrisburg, Pa. at the time. However, I was sitting Shiva with my mother at my parents’ home on Werner Park. Shortly before, Rabbi Kilimnick had succeeded in making the local Dunkin Donuts store on Monroe Avenue Kosher. (Actually, many people referred to him as “The Donuter Rebbe”!)

Although we didn’t know each other that well at the time - my family came to Rochester a few times a year just to visit my parents - Rabbi Kilimnick took the time to come to our Shiva house each day for the entire week with a fresh box of a dozen Dunkin Donuts! Although they didn’t do much to help my waist line, I knew that this Rabbi was someone special. Although he didn’t know me that well, and my mother was certainly not a big donut eater, he was caring enough to want to do something to make my week of Shiva a little easier to get through. There aren’t too many Rabbis who would take the time and trouble to do something like this!

When we moved to Rochester permanently in 1981, Rabbi Kilimnick and I became vast friends (as well as dear Nechie, she should be well, and my wife, Malka). Over the next 25 years we lived in Rochester, Rabbi Kilimnick and I shared too many experiences to even try to recount at this time (some of which probably should not be).

My dear friend, Rabbi Kilimnick’s numerous accomplishments and acts of kindness, should be a Bracha for all who knew him over the course of his all too short time in Olam Hazeh.

David Movsky Bev and I have many wonderful memories of the Kilimnicks, as we moved to Rochester from New York City in the summer of 1979 and immediately joined Beth Sholom. Some of the highlights of our relationship:

• We bought our first house, 231 Varinna Drive, in October, 1979. Today, it is Rabbi Avi and Esti's house. I went up the block to see Rabbi Shaya, as he wanted to show me how his Sukkah was built out of doors and decorated with old lulavim from previous Yom Tovs. I was shocked to see he was wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt, as I don't think I had ever seen a Rabbi wearing blue jeans! • While I served my first term as President from 1992 to 1994, I had the opportunity to sit next to Rabbi Shaya on the Bima every Shabbat and Yom Tov. Sometimes he would share insights about the Parsha with me. Often, he would be shuffling through his

notes, trying to organize them for his Drash/Sermon. If he was given the Aliyah of Levi, he would complain that he would lose time for the organization of his Sermon. Once his name was called for his Aliyah however, there was nothing he could do. • The empty lot in front of the Nursing Home and next to Beth Sholom used to contain a 3-story white house, which had 5 apartments and belonged to the Shul. Prior to my Presidency, the apartments had become outdated, and as they were vacated, we did not re-rent them. Many Board Meetings were spent trying to decide whether to spend $60,000 to renovate and re-rent the apartments or to tear down the house and add a parking lot. We ended up selling the property to the Nursing Home for $135,000, which helped us avoid a deficit in our budget. At the Purim Dinner that year, Rabbi Shaya made a humorous slide presentation showing major parking lots around the United States (Disneyland and Baseball Parks). He also showed a slide of the Shul Board during the discussions, which was actually a picture of the Seven Dwarfs. Rabbi was poking fun at the Board for all the time spent on deliberations, and I was not amused at the time. Today, it's one of my fondest memories, as it shows his wonderful sense of humor. (Unfortunately, before the Nursing Home had a chance to renovate the building for office space, some squatters moved in and the house suffered a fire and had to be demolished). • Rabbi officiated at our daughters' Bat Mitzvahs and participated in their weddings. He also officiated at the funerals of most of our parents, who are all buried at Britton Road Cemetery. During my several hospitalizations in 2014, following a fall on black ice and suffering a broken arm and leg, he was a frequent visitor to me in the hospital and the Jewish Home, as was Rabbi Avi. Their presence and their words of comfort greatly helped with my recovery. • Last November, Bev and I were in Teaneck with our daughter, Rebeccah and family, helping them settle into their new home. They live around the corner from Shiffy and Laurie Kilimnick. On Sunday evening, my son-in-law, Maurice, and I went to Arzei Darom for Mincha/Ma'ariv, as I had Yahrzeit for my mother. Rabbi Shaya was there with Shiffy and several of his sons, and we all had a lovely visit after davening. On Monday morning, 11/18, I davened at Beth Aaron, and again saw Rabbi Kilimnick. He was very excited to tell me that Esti was in labor. During Torah Reading, he gave me the high sign, and told me she gave birth to a boy. We had a nice hug! It was very special to spend that moment and that event with him. • Rabbi always told me and others that "if there is someplace you have to be, make sure you're there." I interpreted this to mean visiting people who are ill or in a facility, making a Shiva call, attending Minyan, etc. When my sister passed away suddenly at the end of April, he called and said he wanted to come by the house for a Shiva call. I told him I wasn't having anyone come to the house for Shiva, but that I would be sitting outside if the weather was conducive. The day he called, it was raining, but the next day was supposed to be sunny and mild, and he said he would come over. We knew he had been having liver problems in March, so when he didn't stop by the house the next day, we were concerned. We later found out that he had gone into the hospital. I think this must have been the last time I had a conversation with Rabbi Shaya. We will miss him forever.

Bev Movsky

Rayim David and I had just moved to Rochester in 1979. A year later, Rabbi K asked Linda Newman and me to start Rayim - a group of young adults aged 40 and younger. If you were already a grandparent, you did not qualify to join. We had picnics, a kumsitz or 2 (Rabbi was the highlight playing the piano or guitar) and game nights. Walter and Trudy Rosenthal, and Mort and Chana Isaacs were not happy - they missed the cutoff age and status! Rabbi certainly brought people together with his joie de vivre. We, the Kilimnicks, the Bergers, the Dobkowskis, and the Rosenbaums, were all in our late 20's or early 30's at this time.

I almost electrocuted Rabbi! We had just moved into our house on Winton in 1988, and he came over to advise me on how to kasher the kitchen. There was some kind of toaster or broiler built in the wall and he was trying to figure it out, stuck his finger in and was zapped!!! He blamed me for his white hair.

Mashed potatoes and NCSY. Our daughter, Rebeccah, loves potatoes and every NCSY meeting and convention Rabbi made sure that there was some for her - even when she came as an advisor. He sometimes told her to bring the leftovers home!!! As if I never made them for her.... food and feeding others was very important to Rabbi.

Newman Family

Rabbi Shaya embraced our family with such open arms. He helped us enjoy life like other families. First helping Lisa to have a Bat Mitzvah and then helping Michael to have a Bar Mitzvah. The love Rabbi had for Michael formed a very special bond. We will all miss him very much. Lynda, Lisa & Michael Newman

Donald Onimus We were on the solidarity mission to Israel that left on 9/9/2001 with Rabbi Kilimnick and Nechie and were there on 9/11. My favorite memory of Shaya is from the old terminal of the Ben Gurion Airport when we were waiting to return home. After rushing to the airport because we were told we would be able to leave, we were stuck on a ground hold for hours because of events in the U.S. I remember him entertaining our contingent with songs, stories and stand up while we waited to board and depart. He really helped lighten our moods during an unbelievably stressful time.

Yocheved Prack

The following is a letter I wrote to Rabbi Kilimnick which Dovid read to his father a couple days before he was niftar:

Yossi and I both felt that being able to visit with you and Nechie (as difficult as that was for me) last summer on our trip to the US was the most important thing we did during those 3 weeks. Especially since it was together with Becca and Peggy, a real Little Rock reunion.

Rabbi, remember the first NCSY regional convention you took us to in Birmingham? I was 14 years old and it was the first full-fledged Shabbos of my life. Remember how you drove us down in the Gordon's station wagon and how we got stuck in the mud? That Shabbos opened a whole new world to me. It gave me a Jewish identity to realize that there were other Jewish kids out there in the world.

And the singing and dancing......

Remember the regional convention in Jacksonville? You stayed up all night long in one of the hotel rooms with a group of us, singing and playing your guitar and telling us about Eretz Yisroel. You planted the desire in my heart to go to Eretz Yisroel.

Remember how we kids would come (drive) to shul Shabbos morning and then go home with you to eat and spend the rest of the day with you and Nechie. Then Motzei Shabbos we would stick around and watch Saturday Night Live and nosh and nosh and nosh.

Even when you moved to Rochester and we kids went to Touro, we came to you for Rosh Hashana and other times. I remember one Rosh Hashana night we kept you up in deep discussion till very late at night and then you had to lead the shul bright and early the next morning. I felt bad about that.

Seeing you and Nechie many times in Israel has been so special for me. I always wanted to have you both come to "my" house for Shabbos, but I could never tear you all away from the Kotel, or of course from Tzippora's house when they made aliya.

Well, back to Little Rock, Rabbi you know that there was so much stuff you helped me go through in order to get to where I am today. And I think that you also know how much I appreciate it all.

Love,

Yocheved (i.e. Janet)

Gerri Robins

My family moved to Rochester in 1989, from a small town 60 miles south of Rochester. Of course, we were originally from downstate, NY and NJ. My husband at the time, had just finished his residency, and had great difficulty trying to establish himself in the NY/NJ area. He had an opportunity to buy an ophthalmology practice upstate. He was a Yeshiva University graduate, and I was a young frum Bronx girl. Despite having only a smattering of Jews in Hornell, there was a fairly nice little shul there. We had just had a little girl, and the plan was to stay approximately five years and then move to Rochester, where we knew there was a vibrant Jewish community. Well, the practice flourished, and five years turned into eleven. In that time, though trying to stay connected to our Judaism, it was a monumental task. I’m sad to say, our commitment was faltering. By that time, we had two children, Heather and Eric. We knew our kids needed a Jewish environment, and moved to Rochester, even though Allan traveled back and forth to Hornell for a time, until he established himself here. Since we were not as frum as we were before moving to Hornell, the family we bought our house from, who went to Temple Beth El, suggested we attend their services. Upon moving to Parkwood Avenue, a little girl from down the block showed up on our doorstep one morning, and said she lived down the block, and would like to introduce herself to Heather. Heather and Dana Gruber have been best friends since that day! Her dad, Barry Gruber, invited us for a Shabbos meal, and the rest is Beth Sholom history. He told us to walk with him to Beth Sholom, and we never did get to Beth El.

Rabbi and Nechie became our best friends, as well as our spiritual advisors. We decided to send Eric to Hillel School, even though he was in second grade, and really knew no Hebrew at the time. I, of course, was nervous, but I needn’t have been. The first person to welcome my son into the class, was Avi Kilimnick! They became best friends immediately, and Nechie and I, the same. Rabbi Shaya and his beautiful family reconnected my family to our Judaism, and I remember Eric asking me in Tops one day, if I could get him tzizit to wear. Wow, was my mom happy!

Heather had her Bat Mitzvah one year later, with Rabbi leading the festivities. Three years later, at Eric’s Bar Mitzvah, he held him on his shoulders. He officiated at Heather’s wedding, and would have been at Eric’s, if not for the fact that he was married in Israel, which pleased the Rabbi to no end. My mom became ill while in Rochester, and wound up staying here for the

36 last two years of her life. She continued to walk to shul with me, as long as she could, and Rabbi Shaya knew her well. He always reminded me of her book of lovingly used Tehillim, which was at her bedside in the hospital. When she was niftar, in 2008, he spoke beautifully at her levaya. He performed the bris of each of my grandsons, here in Rochester, and a beautiful Pidyon HaBen for the first, Itai. I was so happy he was able to see Itai become a Bar Mitzvah, even on zoom. I remember seeing his smiling face on the screen.

I don’t have any funny stories about my time with Reb Shaya, but the fact that I became that frum girl from the Bronx again, was all due to the influence and love that I received from him and my dear friend Nechie, may she have a complete Refuah. I will always cherish the times we spent together, the many Shabbos meals, and the love he always showed my family. He was there in good times and bad, always with a smile. I will miss you, my dear friend, but will always be grateful for your guidance and warmth. May your neshama have an Aliyah.

Rabbi Nathan H. Rose The news of Shaya's passing was a great shock.

As a Rabbi working both for a congregation and for hospice, I have to do many funerals and a lot of bereavement counseling. When speaking to families I ask them to tell me the little things about the person they remember. Sure everyone wants to mention the big accomplishments, but it is the little things, the things that make you smile, that tell you who a person really is.

I worked with Shaya for 16 years as the Principal of Midrasha, the Community Hebrew High School. I guess I could say I was his boss, but let's be realistic. Shaya always managed to teach what he wanted to teach, not what my curriculum said he should teach. I never argued with him about it as I knew he would do what he did well and was a great influence on the kids. The truth is that Shaya and Henry Hyman were the two most popular teachers in Midrasha, but Shaya had the advantage. An advantage that can be summed up in one word .... .DONUTS! Every Sunday morning Shaya came to Midrasha straight from Minyan and on the way stopped to get the not so fresh, ready to be thrown out donuts from Dunkin/Brighton donuts, and the kids loved it. Shaya and those donuts taught a lot of Torah!

As a member of the Rochester Board of Rabbis, a meeting without Shaya was not a meeting! That was for two reasons: 1. Shaya always had some issue or item he wanted passionately to talk about 2. After the Jewish Home was built on Winton Rd in Brighton, Shaya showed up at every meeting with leftovers from whatever the home served the day before (or 2-3 days before). I remember times he called for an extra last-minute meeting of the Board of Rabbis just because he had food he wanted to get rid of. Who needed a meeting agenda?

And this too is part of Shaya' legacy. Sharing, caring, and doing what he could to make others feel good, because when he made others feel good, Shaya fulfilled his purpose and he felt good. May our memories of him make us smile and be a blessing.

Rosenbaum Family

Dear Mishpachat Kilimnick: Over the last 4 weeks, I have tried to put down in writing the impact your father had on my family and me. It has been a challenge, to the say the least, because of the sheer dedication to and love he had for my family. When I think back on our relatively short, but intense friendship, things don’t add up. It makes no sense to me that a Rabbi I met only briefly in 1994, but then didn’t really reconnect with until 2006, could have had such a massive effect on the Rosenbaum family. It seems impossible that in less than 15 years, we became so tethered to Rabbi & Nechie and his children and the influence he had on our lives. There are just so many ways in which we would have been much lesser people without the Rabbi, your mom and all of you. Would Jacob have gone to Yeshiva for a gap year in Israel, ultimately make Aliyah, join the IDF, go to Hebrew University and make a life for himself in Israel? I sincerely doubt he would have done any or all of those things without Rabbi being by his side. It certainly wasn’t our plan when we had him. He absolutely cherished learning with Rabbi and looked forward to seeing him during Rabbi’s many trips to Israel. They had a special relationship and I loved how much Rabbi cared for Jacob. When Jake was injured in the IDF, Rabbi was beside himself and would call us practically daily to check on him. It really showed us the bond they had and how highly Rabbi thought of our son. Would Maddy have raised her level of observance without the positive influence of Rabbi? Doubtful. In addition to his encouragement for her to maximize her learning, she and he developed a bond when she went on her Hillel School 8th grade trip with Rabbi and your mom. They shared a similar sense of humor and he showed her the positives of being an observant Jew. She wasn’t sure about doing a gap year in Israel, but Rabbi was instrumental in getting her comfortable with the idea. Gap years were never done by the Rosenbaums. We went straight to college from high school - having known absolutely nothing about the opportunities a Torah life could provide, or that gap years in Israel were even a thing. Maddy’s spirituality is tied tightly to teachings from Rabbi Kilimnick. When she met Adam, her fiance, she made sure to introduce him to Rabbi to get his approval. His blessing meant a lot to her. Rabbi’s continuous encouragement to learn about, go to and support Israel is ingrained in Lily. Although she was very shy as a kid, she thought your dad was hilarious. She and Ben were always excited to come to Rabbi & Nechie’s for Shabbos lunch. She gravitated towards your mom, but Rabbi was always in the background when Lily learned with Nechie. She felt very much at home and part of the family. Her dedication to being observant is tied tightly to teachings from your mom and dad. Ben had the least amount of time to get to know Rabbi as well as the other kids did. He never learned with him, but they shared a sense of humor and Ben revered him. When your dad first fell ill, before we left for Israel for Ben’s Bar Mitzvah, he asked to see Rabbi to tell him what he’d be doing, talk about the parsha and get a blessing from him. I cherish that picture of Rabbi blessing Ben.

As for Hopey & me, we know his influence was life changing for us - not only because of our kids - but because how he changed us as Jews. Neither of us grew up in an observant family - me even less so. Truly - one of my regrets is that I didn’t get to know Rabbi sooner so I could have led a more complete observant life during my formative years. He taught us so many positives about our faith, Kashrut and davening - things that were second nature to you guys, but not to us. From the 1980’s to 2008, we went to Israel exactly zero times. Between 2008 - 2020 we have traveled to Israel fifteen times. Your dad had everything to do with that. I absolutely loved seeing him in Israel because he was so in his element and we had such memorable times there. Having sat beside him at shule for five years, was one of the big honors of my life. His advice and teachings stay with me to this day. And this is just my family! I cannot imagine his impact on other Jews - and non-Jews - the world over. Very few Heads of State have had such an influence on so many people. I miss him. I also know how much he loved and was proud of all of you. He would tell me certain things about each of you and how happy you had made him and your mom. I have met many notable people in my life. Your father stood head and shoulders above just about every one of them. You are his legacy. You were all blessed and so were we. Love, Matt, Hope, Jacob, Madeline, Lily & Ben

Mike Rosenhouse Rabbi Kilimnick was not only welcoming but inspiring when I first attended services and became a Beth Sholom member, in Baal T'shuva mode, for a few years in the mid-1980s, and equally welcoming when I came back this past year for shacharit and occasionally on Shabbos morning. We hit it off immediately at minyan breakfast and joked about whether we might be related. He was always upbeat and positive. I loved hearing him speak and seeing him dance at Night to Honor Israel, and his hearty "ya-asher ko'ach" for me at our Shavuos zoom study session will stay with me and support me in greater Yiddishkeit. The world needs more like him. I will miss him.

Michele & Jonathan Sadik Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick was a mensch of the highest order, selflessly giving of himself and always modeling true Ahavat Yisrael. Whenever we needed him, Rabbi Kilimnick was there for our family. When Jonathan’s Grandfather passed away, we were still members of Temple Beth El, so we asked Rabbi Matt Field to conduct the funeral. When Rabbi Kilimnick heard, he asked us where and when the funeral was going to be; he said he would be there. He arrived at the cemetery in Buffalo and asked Rabbi Field how he could help. They quickly worked out their roles to conduct the funeral service together. Rabbi Field led the service and Rabbi Kilimnick was the Chazan. His powerful voice added significantly to the solemnity of the occasion, as well as providing a bit of warmth to that bitter, winter day in Buffalo. The fact that Rabbi Kilimnick came, and participated, was special enough, but that he so humbly deferred to his much younger colleague, a Conservative Rabbi, was a striking example of how treat others…with kindness, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and respect. On another occasion, we approached Rabbi Kilimnick about working with us on a personal matter and he responded in the most pragmatic (and least dogmatic) way we could have ever imagined from an Orthodox Rabbi. He agreed to work with us, even though we were still active members at TBE. He brought us close to him, embraced us, and slowly guided us down the path we walk today. We don’t know where we’d be without him. That was Rabbi Kilimnick…whenever there was a Jew in need, he didn’t care who you were or how you got there, if there was anything he could do to help, he would be there to lend his hand. The world has lost a great man; our community and our family has lost a great Rabbi and a dear friend.

Ed Sassman Last Chanukah we gave the Rabbi a book chronicling the history of baseball in Brooklyn. He said he couldn’t wait to read it. I asked him later if he enjoyed it. He said, “I will, when David gives it back.” He was like that. He put everyone else first.

Jeremy Schnittman Shortly after Nomi and I were married, we were visiting my parents in Rochester around Chanukah time. I was so excited to show her our shul and community on Shabbos for the first time, even in the middle of a good upstate winter. Of course, the Rabbi and Rebbetzin jumped at the opportunity to have us over for Shabbos lunch, a table at which I had been a frequent guest during my formative college summers in town. Coming from a much larger Jewish community where the rabbinic figures were rather more imposing and intimidating, Nomi was somewhat apprehensive about going to The Rabbi's House. This apprehension turned to near panic when we discovered in shul that we would be the only guests. I tried to reassure her that they were very warm and friendly and down-to-earth and lunch would not be awkward. On our way out of shul, we were joined by one of Yosef's children [whoever was about 6 years old in 2004?], who similarly jumped at the chance for a special Shabbos lunch with his doting grandparents, and his new favorite toy, a stuffed Rudolph the reindeer whom he named "Reiny" and the Rabbi suggested was maybe a moose instead.

As I had promised, lunch was lovely and so warm and comfortable for Nomi. The classic Rebbetzin cooking was on full display, despite just being five of us. Chopped liver with egg salad, chicken, chulent, the works. A typical six-year-old, the Rabbi's grandson was very picky and didn't want any of the main dishes. Happy to indulge any desire just to get him fed, the Rebbetzin gave him exactly what he asked for: a challah sandwich with mayonnaise, horseradish, and soup nuts. Not being a parent myself at the time, I was mildly horrified by this creation. And yet, sure enough, he happily munched away until he had finished the entire sandwich, cheerfully joining the conversation with more discussion about Reiny the Moose. Even the zemiros were wonderful, despite my wife's modesty about singing in public and my complete inability to carry a tune. No problem; the Rabbi gladly carried us along and made us feel absolutely at home.

Michael and Suzanne Schnittman

Who would ever imagine that a Catholic woman and a Reform Jewish man would consider an Orthodox rabbi “our rabbi.” That is the fortunate gift we received when we met Rabbi Kilimnick in 1995. Our son, Jeremy, was raised in the Reform tradition, but after two months at college, he wrote us a rather shocking letter. He announced that he had grown to love Orthodox Judaism and wanted to “convert,” something necessary before the Orthodox community would consider him Jewish. After meeting with a few rabbis at his college to discuss the process and our role, we felt daunted. We felt misunderstood.

We needed a loving, gentle, and understanding advisor. We had known Rabbi Kilimnick already, so asked him to meet with all three of us when Jeremy came home for Thanksgiving. Reb Shaya spoke to us about the reality of this decision, the privilege and the challenges. He directed most of his thoughts directly to Jeremy. “Do you feel Jewish?” we recall him asking. We held our breaths for our son’s answer, an adamant “Yes.” Then, “Do you understand the huge responsibility you are assuming in this decision?” Again, an adamant, “Yes.” The rest of the hour we talked about the steps Jeremy would have to take over the next two years to achieve his goal…the steps we all would have to take.

We began to attend Beth Sholom for Shabbat services as a family whenever Jeremy was at home. Suzanne found a welcoming seat, one she continues to fill, in the women’s section, whenever she attends today. Michael found his own seat, side by side with his son, who taught him the Orthodox prayers. We added Beth Sholom to our congregations, along with St. Mary’s Catholic Church and Temple Sinai. In many respects it was the most welcoming of all. This can be attributed to one person who we came to know and love, Reb Shaya.

Jeremy studied diligently for his conversion, waiting almost two years before he was counted in his college minyan. He completed one daunting step in Boston, where he sat before a board of three rabbis to be tested on his dogma. The next step was pure joy in comparison. Reb Shaya took our son as his own, arranging the bris and mikva and asking two other rabbis to join in the ceremony.

On a cold December day, meaningful to Suzanne because it was two days before Christmas, we three met at the mikva with the rabbis. Reb Shaya did the honors. When Jeremy and he emerged from the bris, our son looked like a new man and our rabbi was beaming. We all raised a glass of wine and Reb Shaya hugged Suzanne, saying, “Thank you for the great gift of your son.” She never thinks of that day without shedding a few tears.

From that day on, because of Reb Shaya, converting our house to make it kosher enough for Jeremy was easy. “Our rabbi” had an easy way, teaching us by example, generously inviting us to ask questions and trying to answer the best he could.

Over the years that followed, we became more and more involved with the shul and Reb Shaya and Nechie always welcomed us with a big smile and hugs. When Jeremy and Nomi decided to marry, Reb Shaya met with us to literally give us a tutorial on Orthodox Marriage. He agreed to officiate at the wedding in Baltimore, on Thanksgiving weekend in 2003. He and Nechie

42 didn't hesitate a moment and flew down to Baltimore to join us in the simcha. His love for Jeremy and the commitment that he made to become observant extended to our interfaith marriage.

He always made a special point to recognize Jeremy – and our family – as a unique family. Like he did so often, he made us one of his stories. But we never tired of hearing it.

After Michael’s mother died in 2011, Reb Shaya and Nechie knocked on our door, the afternoon before the shiva. I was startled. “It’s always shiva during these days,” he said to us. They came and sat, comforting us as if they had lost their own mother, acting as if ours was the most important loss they had ever shared. Michael started going to daily minyan from that time and has been a "regular" participant ever since, Beth Sholom becoming part of his daily routine. The breakfast after minyan with Reb Shaya sitting at the head of the table was almost as important as the service. He and Reb Shaya would swap stories of Brooklyn and Staten Island (where Michael grew up) and also tried to outdo each other in telling jokes, some of which were not appropriate for younger ears or mixed company. Whenever I started a joke or anecdote he would break into a big smile and ended up telling the punch line. I tried to restrain myself from doing the same when he told the same joke a few weeks later. At Federation dinners, Michael came with a flask of Scotch, not being interested in the chosen wine, from which he always poured the rabbi a drink.

On one of their last trips to Israel, Reb Shaya and Nechie were staying close to a house we rented. “Suzanne, Suzanne,” he called out across the street one Shabbat morning when Suzanne was walking to meet Michael after services. “I thought that was you!” Michael joined them and we all strolled to their apartment. “Look who I found on the street,” he called to Nechie. She greeted us like her beloved children. There we had the most memorable kiddish ever. The only missing person was Jeremy, who brought us to this amazing man. He enriched our interfaith family and appreciation of Judaism immeasurably. He was a presence in our lives we will miss more than words can express.

If we feel this way, we cannot imagine how his children and grandchildren feel. We hold them in our hearts and thank them for sharing “our rabbi” with him.

Steven Schwartz I can remember whispering the words of the Sh'moneh Esrei in the small sanctuary of Beth Sholom, which is also called the chapel. I can remember doing this repeatedly over many years. I can specifically remember certain people who have been part of that. I can remember Yale Potter's tall form standing at the front right-hand corner of the room on those days when he was the ba'al tefillah. I can remember Mr. Zelig Friedman standing nearby, saying the words in a pained hush. And I can remember watching Rabbi Kilimnick, standing alone at the opposite front corner, his tallis elegantly draped over his head and flowing down his back, the thick fingers of his right hand spread wide, silently touching the dark wall before him.

Seigel (Schafer) Family: During the 15 years that my father, Sam Schafer lived with us, the team of shule members and family members walking to shule with him would sometimes falter. Into the breach would come Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick. When he would arrive ready to walk with Sam, a smile would light up his face. His eyes would twinkle. He would tell us, “Sam is pulling me along. What a guy” Rabbi Shaya would do this mitzvah with a glad and open heart every time. We will miss Rabbi Shaya like a father. With love and sympathy, Robert and Harriet Seigel

Michah Segelman Rabbi Kilimnick was very kind to me over the years. One story stands out. Back in 2014, Anat Hoffman was invited as a guest speaker by the Federation to Rochester. This was part of an effort to change the religious status quo at the Kosel and I, along with several others, felt it was important that the community hear another perspective on this issue. Rabbi Kilimnick was instrumental in supporting our efforts, providing advice, moral and financial support, and allowing us to use the shul for the event. We hosted Leah Aharoni in Beth Sholom and the event was well attended and successful. The event could not have happened without the support of a small group of people and Rabbi Kilimnick was among the most important. I was moved by the trust he placed in me and I remember the way he embraced me after the event - it was extremely special to me.

May the Kilimnick family be comforted and continue to dedicate themselves so beautifully to the Jewish community.

Martha Shaftel Dear Rabbi Avi and Kilimnick family, Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick, z”l, was a rock in the foundation of my family’s life. We first met at CBS nursery school. My son Marcus and your sister Cypora are the same age. Their nursery school abruptly closed with the horrible loss of Morah Elkie Safier’s teenage son who died suddenly at Brighton High School from a congenital heart disease. Rabbi arranged a meeting stressing that all of us should try to do a mitzvah in memory of this 14 year old boy rather than focusing on the sadness. Many attending were working parents who depended on half a day’s care for their

45 children. Temple Beth El had the only other shul nursery school but they required family membership in order to enroll our children. We couldn’t afford two shul memberships and would, therefore, have to give up our CBS membership. He answered that the most important factor was keeping our children in a Jewish school and he understood. Next thing that comes to mind was Midrasha High School held at Temple Beth El. Rabbi Kilimnicks’s classes were a favorite of many, especially our son Marcus. The exposure to NCSY and Rabbi’s obvious support and love for Eretz, Torah, Seniors and Youth was contagious. His students’ shul affiliation or lack of it was no concern to Reb Shaya. One motzi Shabbat there was an NCSY event going on at CBS. Rabbi led the ruach as only he did. Everyone sang with him while boys danced around him and it was heart expanding for the parents there helping out with set up and preparing dinner and snacks. At some point, Rabbi told an adult he wasn’t feeling well and they got him home. The next morning at Midrasha class on kashrut (Marcus still remembers the subject) Rabbi was there but said he must leave and he went to the office. The kids feared a heart attack when they were dismissed. My son waited hours and hours at home for word of his beloved Rabbi’s health. Marcus’ wedding to his basherit, Nora Gordon, was eight years later and the kids insisted it be at CBS Rochester with their Reb Shaya officiating in spite of the fact that they were living in Austin, Texas and Nora’s family was all in Pennsylvania. It was three weeks before their wedding. I got a call from CBS office to inform us that due to heavy rains, the social hall ceiling was crumbling and the air conditioning was ruined. Temps in the 90’s were predicted. We had to find another venue. My house was in chaos with a chusan and kallah most upset in Texas. Temple Beth El refused us their facility as we weren’t members. Rabbi Kilimnick called the Hyatt International downtown, the Vad of Chicago to kasher their kitchen. The Vad required even the wedding cake be made on premises under their supervision. New invitations went out, car pools were formed. Rabbi got a mashgiach and oversaw all. Under the chuppa, Rabbi spoke about the wedding bands being used which Marcus bought from his Bubby. She and his Zaide, z”l, wore them since their chassina after liberation from Aushwitz in 1945. Those rings were next worn by my older brother in 1968 and Myles and I at our wedding in 1970. There were few dry eyes in the room. Reb Shaya was right there with us singing as only he could, dancing with Myles, my four brothers and our sons as FAMILY while your beautiful Mom led the women in line dancing. It was glorious and memorable! At the Grandparents’ picnic under a big tent at the Jewish Home of Rochester, your Abba reached out to each and every one he could. This picture is of Myles’ Mom Gertrude, z”l, 90 years old who also loved our dear Rabbi who made her feel special by always taking time to stop by and give her a warm hug. The residents loved his visits, singing, jokes, twinkle in his eye and ruach.

Rabbi Shaya Kiimnick was known among the Shoah Survivors as THEIR Rabbi, no matter their affiliation. He officiated at the survivors annual memorial service in the Holocaust garden of the JCC . He felt their suffering having no kevers for their loved ones murdered as they lit individual candles for them under the plaques of names on the wall. His tears along with theirs went up to the shamayim together as he said the names of the concentration camps. He never missed a funeral or simcha for them. He officiated with Rabbi Avi and our beloved Rebetzin Nechi at my dear Mom’s, z”l, funeral in Syracue, N.Y. on a rainy chol hamoed day. The power of his love, shared pain and genuine words strengthened my four brothers and myself.

A few years earlier Myles and I bought a house near Marcus and our baby grandchildren in Austin, Texas. I implored my Mom to move with us so we all could enjoy the blessings only she brought us. She was adamant and unyielding, like I’d never known her to be – deeply troubled. My Mom had spent most of the past thirty years since my Dad died, driving from Syracuse to Rochester to be a cherished part of every aspect of our mishpocha’s lives. Now I was totally out of ideas and just wouldn’t move without her. She never missed a Shabbat or high holiday service and found immense comfort in Rabbi’s presence, in spite of being an active member and volunteer of her own shul in Syracuse. A most powerful memory I have is being with my beloved Mom at every yizkor service when Reb Shaya chanted the al mali. I held tight to her shoulders as she trembled strongly and tried to hide her tears. I called Rabbi in frustration and said I was stumped! He asked me to bring her to him. I waited for them almost 2 hours and was happy to see she was at peace coming out of his office. She

47 recounted only to him that when she was sixteen years old in Auschwitz, her job at the time was to gather suit cases, valuables, clothes and items the new arrivals getting off cattle cars were ordered to throw to the ground. There was a very elderly long white bearded man in a long black coat wrapped in a large wool tallis who the guards shouted at to jump down and once on the ground, throw down his tallis. He refused and the dogs went crazy but he still refused. They shot him and put a bayonet through him. Mom grabbed the tallis as soon as she could, rolled it up and shoved it under her very large prison dress. Once back in her barracks, she wrapped herself in it again and again and wore her dress over it. It was still in her possession at liberation and she promised to give it proper burial in hallowed ground…She had never told anyone in the family. She refused to share it for display at the United Holocaust Museum. Rabbi Shaya was a genuine and caring man with a razor sharp mind. He immediately promised to keep this secret and the tallis in the chapel’s Aron Kodesh. He called me the next morning and told me her story, where to find the tallis in her Syracuse house and bring it to him for placement in the chapel’s Aron Kodesh. I drove to retrieve it and delivered it to Rabbi. No more thought or discussion was ever had about her secret. She was able to move to Texas where three generations of our Mishpocha were blessed having GB, Great Bubby, anecdotes and unconditional love from her for years. When they first questioned the number inside her forearm, rather than saying it was her phone number, as she’d told my children at their age, she spoke of her beloved family lost and how Hashem gifted her with 4 sons and a daughter for her 4 younger brothers and little sister. She always told them Gd was good and we were all blessed. Rabbi Kilimnick shared Mom’s secret with those at her funeral and Marcus fulfilled Mom’s that day. These are only a few, there are so very many more memories for which I honor and bless my Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick. His name and memories ARE blessings for us all. May his neshuma have a quick aliyah and he be a ‘gitteh baiter far allah ehr hot leib ga hot’.

Rahel Sherman He was like the sun, nurturing all who met him. How can one ever describe the unforgettable impact Rabbi Kilimnick had just by greeting everybody with his contagious, genuine smile? So many loved him. With much warmth, Rabbi Kilimnick changed our lives. We came from such a convoluted background but he listened and taught. He introduced us to the dear Isaacs, Michal Ventimiglia and others so we could find a home in the Jewish community. He eventually converted my honey in 1992 and with Chabad performed our Jewish wedding, years 15 years after our 1977 civil wedding. We were finally home. He saw behind the klippot. For the rest of our lives, Rabbi always greeted us as if he had known us forever and we were his family. He treated everybody like that, including our bnai noach foster children. My loved ones who went to a reform temple traveled with him to Israel and for years they spoke of him with great fondness.

Rabbi taught Torah with so much life and heart. He sang in his beautiful tenor and prayed in a way that truly opens the highest heavens. You could just about feel the angels rejoicing with him. Does anybody have videos of him singing, I wonder? They really should be shared.

Rabbi Kilimnick wisely brought diverse Jewish educators to Rochester: DISCOVERY from Aish, Barbara Sofer from Hadassa Hospital, Scientist Gerald Schroeder, Rabbi Skobac (Jews for Judaism) and Sephardic Rabbi Marc Angel. He brought Jonathan Pollard’s sister so we could advocate for Mr. Pollard. He knew how to enrich our Jewish souls.

We would meet him at communal yom ha atzmaut celebrations. He loved Israel and showed it with frequent trips, studies in Israel, fundraising (Israel Bonds), advocacy, and encouragement to make Aliyah. (He thought my husband and I should move to Tzfat) His zionistic zeal truly touched us.

Rabbi Kilimnick loved humanity and was warm to people of other faiths. He befriended Christian Zionists and was involved in Roc4Israel and the Christian’s Yearly Night to Honor Israel. We would see him at those events and knew he also served on just about every Jewish communal board in Rochester. He was the chaplain at the Jewish Home and religious coordinator.

Once, I shared an Israeli journal I wrote; Rabbi told me he loved the passion in my writing and urged me to publish it. As of today, I did not but G-d willing… I was always wary of doctors and I asked Rabbi how he could accept his heart surgery with so much faith. He said, with a radiant smile, the doctors were HaShem's shalichim of healing and when he put his life in their hands, he was putting his life in HaShem's. Never had I heard anybody express it like that! His faith and explanation helped me.

He was a bridge builder. One of the things he told me was that he did not want Jews to look down on other Jews. Everybody was welcome in Beth Sholom. Rabbi's attitude was so G-dly.

We are told to imitate HaShem who says, "What shall I do with b'nai Yisrael? They are my relatives..." We are the remnant of His inheritance. "In all their suffering, He suffers." "Every Jew has within him/herself a portion of every other Jew's soul." We all saw that G-dly trait in Rabbi Kilimnick. Twice when I saw him he gave me gift cards to pass on to a Jewish friend. He said with empathy that her health condition and circumstances must be so difficult. You could see the angst in his face,

When my honey suddenly went to G-d in 2015, Rabbi Kilimnick was in Israel. When he returned, he insisted we talk face to face. In the midst of pain, we spoke a long time about the journey of the soul. He told me also when I think of Barak, Barak is with me. It gave great comfort for I always will think of him. Then he thought of his own mother; we both sat in grief.

The soul never dies, but now we won’t see you face to face in Rochester, Rabbi. Oh, what a wonderful, joyful holy man you were. May your neshama have an easy aliyah, dear Rabbi. I cannot type this without tearful eyes. Thank you for everything. Anybody who knows you will dearly miss you.

David and Helena Shrier

Almost 20 years ago, we lamented to the Rabbi that we had no options to provide our high school aged daughter with supplemental Jewish education. Without hesitation he offered to set up an after hours program for Jewish education for high school aged children which he subsequently named “The Rova”.

Ruth and Steve Silver

Remembering Rabbi K with love: we are grateful for the friendship and kindness he always showed us and especially our boys.

Kathye Simon and Aharon Baruch

I first met Rabbi Kilimnick in 1977 here in Rochester. He came to my parents’ house for a community meeting with Dennis Prager and Joseph Telushkin, who were here for the 2nd Conference on Alternatives in Jewish Education, which was held at RIT. I think he told me this was one of the first community events that he attended after moving here. The next time I met Rabbi was in Israel when I was a student at Pardes several years later (around 1983). Rabbi was visiting Israel and he hosted a meeting of American students in Jerusalem. I was asked to represent Pardes – and it was amazing that he remembered me!

In October 1984, Rabbi Kilimnick was Mesader Kiddushin at our wedding in my parents’ back yard. For a few years after that, when Aharon and I lived in Jerusalem, we used to randomly run into Rabbi and Nechie when they were visiting. It was always a wonderful surprise when we saw them – like receiving a gift from home! After moving back to Rochester and joining Beth Sholom, I worked with Rabbi on many Sisterhood projects, educational programs, dinners and events. I’ll never forget one organizational meeting in the middle of winter – when I learned that Rabbi had yet another amazing talent. The parking lot was snowy and icy, and as I was pulling into a parking space my car got stuck in the ice. I tried to get the car to move – but I just made it worse. Rabbi heard the car revving, came outside and told me to leave the car where it was and come into the meeting. He said we’d deal with it later. After the meeting, he asked me to give him my car keys. He then proceeded to start my car, rock it back and forth – and get it to move! Amazing! Rabbi had the vision to respect traditional observance and encourage creativity at the same time. He found ways to help us celebrate our children’s Bar and Bat Mitzvahs in unique ways at Shul. I’ll never forget how beautiful he made our daughter’s Havdalah service in the sanctuary! Rabbi always made all of us feel like part of his greater family. May his memory be a blessing.

Slavny-Decker Family Rabbi has been an integral part of our Slavny-Decker family for a long time. From my daughters 'Double Decker' Bat Mitzvah, to my parents 50th Anniversary celebration, where he spoke so eloquently, continuing onto his devotion to my father during his stay at the Jewish Home.... Rabbi was there. It is a great loss for not only our community at large, but for each one of us personally who were privileged to know Rabbi.

June Slavny 1992 was the best of times, the worst of times. My Mother of blessed memory passed but at the same time Rabbi ZT”L invited me to go to Israel and Holland. My brother Richard was killed in the Second World War and is buried in Holland. I had always promised my Mom if I could get there, I would. That trip made it possible and I was forever grateful to our beloved Rabbi for that trip and for other kindnesses too numerous to mention.

Michael & Brandy Snyder

The Rochester CUFI celebration in Rochester when Reb K was honored was of course memorable. He was B'H' feeling pretty well, Avi gave a beautiful singing performance from his newly-released CD, and each speech in the packed house was only to honor Rabbi Kilimnick. As the Rabbi stood from his chair to give what was of course the highlight of the evening, an easel was set up behind Rabbi Kilimnick, with the artist's back towards the people. Richmond Futcher filled the blank canvas just as Rabbi was filling the hearts of the attendees. The finished painting was a beautiful rendition of what the artist heard Rabbi's neshama describe: the beautiful Land, our home just as HaShem promised. Mr. Futcher had never been to Israel, and in fact said he had never even seen a picture. Rather he painted only from Rabbi's words and it was perfect in every way. When we moved to Israel we of course brought the painting so it would eventually hang in Rabbi and Nechie's retirement home. Private moments were the Rabbi were much more meaningful and important, as were meals, Israel Bonds meetings and learning on Shabbat afternoons, but it is nice that this tangible piece was created to provide the Kilimnick family yet another tangible piece of evidence of the impact Rabbi had on every person who was fortunate enough to have seen his smile, heard his voice and best of all to simply be with him. May his neshama have an aliyah.

Igor Spivak

Sharing burekas with Rabbi at Mahane Yehuda Market in Jerusalem (2014). Rabbi had such zest for simple, beautiful things in life like enjoying tasty Israeli burekas with Hillel School 8th graders.

Noah Spivak I remember my first time stepping into the main sanctuary to practice my Haftorah. Rabbi was watching from across the room. And when I finished leining I saw him tearing up and he told me how beautifully I sung and I remember that moment just clearing every doubt and concern I had. He had put so much confidence in me then. I will forever be grateful and remember his ברוך דיין האמת .beautiful Neshama

Barb and Sid Sobel One of the many, many wonderful memories of our dear Rabbi Shaya When our son Josh was four, my mother became critically ill. She had been living with us since her diagnosis. She and Josh were very close and he loved taking care of her every day. When my mother passed away in the hospital, I made the mistake of removing all the medical equipment before Josh came home from school. It made it harder for him to deal with loss. He wrapped himself in her quilt and would not leave her room for days. I called our Rabbi at the Temple we belonged to at that time for advice on how I could help Josh through this period of shiva and the days after. Sadly, I was told only that time would help. On the third day of shiva, Rabbi Shaya and Rebbitzen Nechie came to be with our families. We were talking and Rabbi asked me how “Joshalla” was doing. I told him how troubled we were and Rabbi asked me if he could go into the room and visit with Josh. Of course, I was delighted that he would think to ask, as we were not members of the Shul at the time. A half hour passed, and Rabbi Shaya came out, we talked a bit with my siblings, and they left. Around 10 o’clock p.m., Josh came out and said he had a nice talk with “his new Rabbi”, and would like to go sleep in his own room Bobie’s quilt. After the shiva period he asked me to get some balloons to send up in the air so Bobie could share them with her friend, Gd. Many times I have asked Josh if he remembers what Rabbi had said to him that evening and he says he can’t remember. I finally asked Rabbi Shaya if he recalled what he spoke to Josh about, but he always just smiled with those twinkling eyes and said he couldn’t remember. We have so many fun, poignant and wonderful stories to relate. I could fill a volume. From having a WWE wrestler accidently tear off his shirt right in front of Rabbi’s table at Josh’s Bar Mitzvah party, and laughing, to our trip to Israel for our son’s 18th birthday, with Rabbi arranging a special never ending foodie birthday meal , to devouring the best kosher BBQ together in Chicago, to all the Bar Mitzvahs, and weddings, and his just knowing when we

54 needed comforting. We will miss him, but we will carry the essence of his humanity and faith within us always.

Josh Sobel Trying to speak to the impact that Rabbi Kilimnick had on me personally is simultaneously impossible, and shockingly easy. Because no one story, no handful of anecdotes, no clear memory does enough to capture the essence of what he meant to me and to so many. And yet in spite of this difficulty, a single word comes to mind that comes closest to embodying what I feel, what I experienced and - critically - what I learned from Rabbi Kilimnick:

Humanity.

One need not spend that much time with Rabbi to feel how rooted he was in our traditions, in Jewish law and philosophy, in our practice and history. However, in my opinion this was not in itself what made him the truly great spiritual Leader that he was. That, rather, came from how he applied his vast knowledge and understanding to the thing he cared about most: People. His community. His family, both literal and figurative. It came from how he treated those around him, and from the unfathomable amount of heart that was such a genuine part of his being.

This was someone who approached everyone he encountered from a place of empathy. Who found ways to make orthodox Judaism ever more inclusive rather than exclusionary. Who always placed value on a person’s feelings, whatever those feelings might be. Who constantly worked to build bridges between faiths and between various divisions within the Jewish community itself. Who could always find time - even when he didn’t have any - to visit, or call, to ask, or to just say exactly the right thing at the right time. Who sought to not shame those who had different approaches than his own, but rather meet them where they were with open arms, seeking to find commonality and create connection. Who could have the difficult conversations, who would listen when faced with disagreement, and who had the true strength of character to admit when he was wrong and work to update his point of view (this, more than anything, is the sign of real leadership). Who shared with us the most viscerally sung, beautifully rendered Mussaf Kedushah I have experienced yet in my life, the memory of my singing alongside him within a congregation of

voices rising together forever engraved in my mind and continuing to bring me to tears.

Rabbi Kilimnick taught me about putting Humanity at the center of the faith. He taught me the difference between “following the rules” and truly connecting with the essence of a Judaic practice or value. He taught me about making one’s spirituality personally meaningful. He taught me about bridge-building and how to make community wide-open and welcoming. He showed me that being a Jew is not only about tradition but about values, about ethics and integrity, about generosity and compassion, about charity and listening and Humanity.

This was Leadership through Love. And in my short-but-ever-growing experience, this can be a notoriously difficult thing to find in its pure form. And so I recognize just how insanely lucky I was to have had Rabbi Kilimnick in my life, to have had my spiritual upbringing shaped and influenced by an incredible teacher, and to have had my personal value system forever touched by such a genuinely good person.

Thank you, Rabbi, for showing us all what the Real Thing looks like.

Daniel and Sarita Sragow

An example of leadership and caring in Little Rock

In 1977, Abe Meltzer (Z’l) and I flew to Little Rock, Arkansas to interview Rabbi Kilimnick on behalf of Congregation Beth Sholom. We were so impressed by the love that his community in Little Rock expressed for him.

He told us a story about his first High Holidays in Little Rock. The people who hired him in Little Rock assured him that there would be separate seating during davening. However, when he arrived for Erev Rosh Hashana davening, men and women were sitting together. He

56 explained to the congregation that Orthodox davening requires men and women to sit separately, and that he had been assured that this would be accomplished. He told the congregation that he would leave for 10 minutes to allow the men and women to sit separately. After 10 minutes, he returned to find that the men and women were sitting separately.

Not only were Abe and I impressed with Rabbi Kilimnick, we were absolutely charmed with Nechie. She was a young mother, pregnant and enrolled in a CPR course.

When Abe and I returned to Rochester, we made the strongest recommendation that Rabbi Kilimnick be hired as our Mora D’asra

An example of humor and welcoming

In the first few years after we moved to East Brunswick, we made several visits to Rochester. On Shabbos when we were in Shul, during announcements, Rabbi Kilimnick would welcome us and point to me saying “It’s his fault that you have me as a Rabbi”.

An example of long time friendship

About 9 years ago we had a horrible accident in East Brunswick. Five members of our community were hit by a car on the way home from Shul. One of those people grew up in Little Rock. Rabbi Kilimnick had forged a long life of friendship with him and his wife. He had been their msader kedushin and that of several of their children. When Sarita contacted Rabbi Kilimnick to make certain that he was aware, his answer was “ We are on the way to the hospital now”.

Although we did not see him and Nechie often, we will carry warm feelings toward them always.

Barry and Susan Stein Reflections on Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick – Parashat Eikev The week of Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick’s passing, we read Parashat Eikev in the synagogue. In this parasha, Moshe continues encouraging the nation to trust in G-d in order to facilitate their successful entry into the Land and the abundant blessings that come with it. Included in these blessings are those associated with food and that provide the biblical source material for the Birkat HaMazon, which we recite after eating bread on a daily basis. As you shall see in these

57 reflections, the Birkat HaMazon serves as a fitting tribute to Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick and the way he lived his life. When I, Barry, was growing up, I would often hear my father say that there are two kinds of people in this world, those who eat to live and those who live to eat. Without a doubt, Rabbi fell into the second category. He loved to eat, relished a good meal and always took great pride in how thinly he could cut a slice of corned beef. But beyond his own satisfaction, Rabbi understood the divine and covenantal ties of the Birkat HaMazon to B’nai Yisrael and the land of Israel. In other words, eating good food is not intended as simply an end in itself but a means to achieving a much higher purpose. That higher purpose is succinctly laid out by Rabbi Shlomo Riskin in his D’var Torah on Parashat Eikev for 5780. It includes (1) the importance of sharing God’s bounty with others; (2) the yearning for Israel; (3) the spiritual goal of Jerusalem; and (4) the need to appreciate the food we eat, the roofs over our heads and the welfare of our families. Susie and I find it quite remarkable how closely these lessons parallel Rabbi Kilimnick’s passionate commitments to Klal Yisrael and the land of Israel. First of all, Reb Shaya never hesitated to invite guests to join him in sharing a meal together. Second, Rabbi Kilimnick was a devoted Zionist. Third, he probably traveled to Yerushalayim in any given year more than even the pilgrims during Temple times. And fourth, Rabbi Kilimnick always worked closely with leaders across denominations and within the community-at-large to strengthen our bonds and to improve the overall communal quality of life throughout his 40-year career in Rochester. Reb Shaya was truly a tribute to our community and the Jewish people around the world. He had a strong belief in G-d’s good works and a voracious appetite for helping others. More than anything else, what typifies for us the man he was, is how he would respond to our lament about not always having enough money to accommodate numerous guests at our Shabbos table or to fly more frequently to Israel. “Believe me, Barry and Susie.” Reb Shaya would tell us, “HaShem will repay you ten times over in the future for whatever you expend today on Shabbos food or traveling to Israel. May Rabbi’s memory be for an eternal blessing.

Phyllis Sussman A world and a Rochester without our dear Rabbi leaves me deeply, deeply sad. At the same time I am also feeling truly blessed that I was fortunate to be a recipient of Rabbi Kilimnick’s unconditional love. Growing up under the influence of his Judaism, a Judaism of love, of acceptance and of joy, has provided me with an unshakable belief in the beauty of living a Jewish life. Seeing all of the familiar faces from my childhood at his funeral and reading all of the heartfelt testimonies on Facebook, I realize that I was one of hundreds of young Jews who

58 were touched by Rabbi Kilimnick, each of us feeling the warmth of his support through his infectious smile, loving eyes and painful squeeze of the cheek.

More than anything else, Rabbi Kilimnick gave me a sense of belonging in the Jewish community. For others in my Orthodox community of Rochester, NY, this was a given. My mother’s conversion to Judaism made me the only one of my synagogue peers with relatives in Georgia named Beulah Mae or Holly Ann. For others, Shabbes zemirot and mishloach manot were traditions passed from generation to generation. For my family, the practice of Judaism was a shared discovery, often my sister and I leading the way with our day school education. Furthermore, my mother and I converted together when I was two years old under the Conservative movement. Accepting me and my family as Jewish could have presented a halachic (legal) problem for Rabbi Kilimnick. Yet, over the years Rabbi Kilimnick fed my Judaism, and starting with my presidency of our local chapter of NCSY, encouraged me to follow my passion for Torah learning and take on leadership roles in the Jewish community.

Knowing that Rabbi Kilimnick saw me as an important and necessary member of the Jewish community opened me up to his request that I reconvert before my wedding. He presented this as a longstanding tradition for child converts, an opportunity to choose Judaism for myself. So I returned to my homeland of Rochester, to dip again in the same waters that made me a Jew so many years ago, this time surrounded by the loving presence of my childhood mentors, Rabbi and Nechi Kilimnick and Rabbi Ari Israel.

The question of my legal Jewish status as a convert has come up over the years. When my son, Eliezer, was born we discovered that many moyels (performers of circumcision) will not perform a bris for the child of a convert on Shabbat. This could have made me angry, but instead I laughed it off. How ridiculous that one would question my Jewishness! Me, the Jewish coordinator of the Hannah Senesh Community Day School in Brooklyn!

Looking back I realize that the seed of confidence in my Jewish standing was planted by Rabbi Kilimnick. Rabbi Kilimnick believed so completely in Klal Yisrael (the community of Israel) and Ahavat Yisrael (love of the community of Israel). He considered each and every Jew as a full, participating member of the community regardless of religious affiliation or practice. At the same time, he was meticulous in his own halachic practice. I understood that it was only because these two belief sets had come in direct conflict that he confronted me about converting. As an Orthodox Rabbi he could only participate in my wedding if my status as a Jew was recognized halachically by the Orthodox movement. At the same time, he gave kavod to our Mesader Kedushin (officiant), my father in law, Cantor Joshua Konigsberg, a cantor of a Conservative synagogue, and his colleague Rabbi Rick Eisenberg. From my Yom HaShoah speech given after the USY Poland Pilgrimage to my graduation from JTS and career as a progressive Jewish educator, Rabbi Kilimnick followed my accomplishments in the non- Orthodox Jewish world with the same naches, or pride, that he shone on my yeshiva educated peers.

Looking out at the faces of all the Rochester Beth Sholom kids, NCSY’ers before and after my time, I am struck by how many of us have become leaders in our Jewish communities. Rabbi, we are a testament to your love, your support and your commitment to each and every one of us. May we continue the kedusha (holiness) of your work by bringing the wisdom and guidance of Torah to this next generation.

Yosef, Shiffi, Tzipporah, Dovid and Avi - my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Each one of you embodies your parents’ generosity and warmth, serving the community with grace and deep emunah. Thank you for allowing all of us to share in this time of sadness and mourning. Baruch Dayan Ha’Emet.

Pesach Dovid Usdane We Laughed…We Smiled…We cried… I have many, many, many stories to tell, but here is a short synopsis: He was a Rov, a Rabbi, and a Friend! Rabbi would give me Torah; a Torah thought, answer a shaila, a joke, or a story. Sometimes all of the above. We would laugh, or we would smile, or we would cry. Sometimes all of the above! When I would visit the Rebbitzen at the Jewish Home, most of the time the Rabbi would be there, and we would laugh, or we would smile, or we would cry. Even the room of the Rebbitzen, he was a Rov, a Rabbi, and a Friend. Thank you HaShem for Rabbi Kilimnick, Rov and Friend, and thank you Rabbi Kilimnick for all the Torah, jokes, and stories. Baruch Dayan Emes. I will miss you!!!

Michelle Ventimiglia

Dear Rabbi Avi, Here is what I remember most about your father, my Rav:

Am Yisroel Chai.

How do you thank someone for giving you a Jewish soul? I don't think there is a way you truly can. As a convert, I was alone and Rabbi not only embraced me as part of the Jewish family, but as part of his personal family. He and Rebbetzin were my first Jewish family in Israel. I didn't know a soul there when I arrived, except for his son, Dovid, who also welcomed me there. I could never have had another Rav who truly understood my love for Hashem and Israel. To be a Jew is to be a Zionist. Without the Land, you cannot fulfill half the commandments. It is that simple. But after twenty centuries of galus, Jews have acquired a collective amnesia. As a new soul straight from Har Sinai, I never forgot. I never will. In memory of Reb Shaya, I will find a way back. And I believe with all my soul that Hashem will resurrect the dead in a time of His choosing, and Rabbi and I will meet again in Yerushalayim.

Miriam Weidenfeld

Of course I knew Rabbi Kilimnick before I joined Beth Sholom. Everyone knew Rabbi Kilimnick. He was the only Orthodox Rabbi who participated in panel discussions and other programs in the community with all Jewish denominations. He wanted us all to understand and get along with each other, and so he reached out. Rabbi Kilimnick was the reason I joined Beth Sholom.(Our history was at Beth El.)

My most cherished, precious memory of Rabbi Kilimnick is when I first joined Beth Sholom. During our conversation I told him I had a terrible regret and guilt that I did not say Tehillim for my late husband, Dov, the night he died. How could I not have said Tehillim? Rabbi Kilimnick asked me, "Did you cry?" I said, "yes." He said, "your tears were your Tehillim." My tears were my Tehillim! Rabbi Kilimnick allowed me to forgive myself. How could I not love this rabbi? He will always be a part of my life. I will never stop thinking and talking about him. May his name and memory be a blessing forever.

With love always for Rabbi Kilimnick, Nechie and their whole beautiful family.

Jonathan Weissman From the first paragraph of the very first email he wrote me on 6/20/06, Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick, was the ultimate balance between professional and personal, welcoming me to #Rochester #RochesterNY, and helping me get settled after I moved to #UpstateNY from #StatenIsland, #NewYork. “Hi Jonathan, Welcome to Rochester.....It is a beautiful city and I hope you will meet with much nachas up here. Certainly, what ever I can do to help I will....” Over the years, he was a great mentor and friend. He was a huge supporter of mine, and was genuinely excited at both my professional accomplishments as well as my family growth. It was an honor to sit with him on the bimah at Congregation Beth Sholom (#Jewish Orthodox), as I served as the synagogue president for 2 years, during his incredible 44 year run as spiritual leader and Rabbi. I loved when he sang to my music, when I entertained on the keyboard. He was so charismatic and had an amazing sense of humor! He was a member and supporter of numerous organizations, and served on many boards. When Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick passed away, he left a tremendous void in our community and hearts. Baruch Dayan HaEmet.

Robin Wettenstein Rabbi married Ron and me in 1982. When Ron went in his office to sign the Ketubah, Rabbi said I cleaned my desk off just for you! Rabbi also married our daughter Jessie and Yehuda Nussbaum.

Shari Woldenberg

This is a photo of Rabbi ZT”L at a conference of the National Rabbinic Cabinet of the State of Israel Bonds in 1984. He is standing with my father, Bert Rapowitz, and to me this represents his longtime commitment to Israel and our Rochester community. Rabbi ZT”L was one of the first to welcome me back to Rochester in 2015 after I left for 30 years. He made Rochester feel like home and was my constant source of strength through tefillah and our shared experience as bone marrow transplant survivors. I will always remember him triumphantly blowing the shofar on Yom Kippur just months after his treatment, an inspiration to all.

Shelly Rothschild Yekutiel and Yosef Yekutiel

Our beloved Rabbi Shaya, our Mechuten and dearest friend: I met Shaya in 2008. He was one of the heads of the trip to Israel given by the Rabbinic Cabinet of Israel Bonds. I was dying from chemotherapy for metastatic breast cancer in LA, and I had to stop chemo. I decided to go to Israel with my husband on the trip so that I could pray there.

Shaya did not know me; had never met me before. I was from 3000 miles across the country. I looked like an alien – no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. I was so weak that I barely could stand up or walk. My husband was only the spiritual leader of a small shteibel in Los Angeles, not a big macher, but I noticed something special: Shaya helped me with constant acts of subtle kindness. He made sure that the bus stopped specially for me at a tour location, right in front, with a chair miraculously appearing, doors opening only to drop us off, so that I not have to walk far and could sit and rest. I remember special tables at which I sat at with Shaya at a fabulous restaurant and at a dinner in our hotel, where he made sure I was comfortable and did not have to walk. When I got back, he was the first person to “friend” me on Facebook. I was in awe of him and very grateful, but never expected to see him again.

A year later, our children met, solely by “coincidence.” Esti’s childhood babysitter had moved to Monsey. She remembered Esti and fixed her up with a lovely boy from YU. Esti was at Stern. There was no "chemistry," but his roommate saw Esti and wanted to be fixed up with her too. Esti thought he was wonderful, but not her beshert. When she told him, he insisted that she be fixed up with one of his best friends. That was Shaya’s son Rabbi Avi Kilimnick. I don’t believe in coincidences. Hashem had arranged this.

A few months later, Esti and Avi were engaged, and it was full circle. I had recovered from chemo but weak. Nechie had to practically carry me as we circled Esti seven times under the chuppah. Esti got her masters from NYU, and later she and Avi moved to Rochester. We spent all major chagim in Rochester for many years with them, Shaya and Nechie. We were so blessed to have them: the world’s best Mechatunim! A second set of loving parents for my daughter Esti far away in NY. The very best Zaydie and Bubbe that anyone could ever want for my grand-loves in Rochester. Fantastic friends, fabulous meals, wonderful sermons and davening by Shaya at Beth Sholom that I so very much enjoyed. Shaya was my Lion of Judah. When my mother was dying in Florida, it was Shaya who I called to counsel me, and he helped me get through my mother’s last moments.

We love Shaya, and we love Nechie, and we always will remember our wonderful times, arranged by Hashem, to bring us together so many years ago.

Eliot Zimelman

When my son Avidan had his bar mitzvah in February 2013, it just so happened that the Rabbi and Nechie were in Israel for a family simcha. So we invited them to the party, thinking they would be too busy with their family event to make it to Rehovot for our celebration. But the Rabbi never liked to miss a party, and sure enough, he and Nechie arrived shortly before the festivities began. I remember how thrilled (and shocked) my parents were when the Kilimnicks arrived. I was really touched by the effort they made to join us. It made a special night for the Zimelmans even more special.

The Rabbi and Nechi stayed for a good part of the evening, and when they were ready to leave, Rabbi Kilimnick came over to me and told me how wonderful the simcha was. No surprise.

And then he said to me something like: “Eliot, I’ve never been to a bar mitzvah quite like this. I mean, it was incredible how much food, and I mean quality food, was served. I thought the first course was the main course, and I barely had any room left for the rest of the meal. It’s something I’ll never forget.”

True to his word, he never forgot it. Every time I saw him on subsequent visits to the US, the rabbi reminded me about the “unbelievable” spread at Avidan’s bar mitzvah. Considering how many smachot he had attended throughout his life, I’m impressed that our bar mitzvah party left such an indelible memory in the rabbi’s mind… and in turn, an indelible memory in mine.

Ruth Zimelman

After working as a bookkeeper at Hillel School for 19 years, I was told that I was being terminated with no advance warning.

The news came as a shock to me and was very upsetting. One of the first people to contact me was Rabbi Kilimnick. He called me and showed tremendous empathy during our conversation. It was clear to me that he was pained by the decision, and told me he would do whatever he could to help. I remember crying to him on the phone, and I felt that his eyes were also filled with tears as we talked. To this day, my memories of “Rabbi” sharing in my pain and comforting me are as vivid as when it happened over 25 years ago.

As much as I had admired Rabbi Kilimnick before then, my appreciation for him went up several levels. I realized that he was not only the rabbi of my shul, but also a friend who truly cared about my well-being.

It’s so rare to find the combination of a leader who can empathize with his/her followers. Rabbi Kilimnick showed me that special trait, and I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to experience it so personally.

Cheryl and Michael Zeldin

Aug 7, 1988. 24 Av 5748.

Congregation Beth Sholom. Surrounded by family and friends, from near and far. Celebration of the marriage of Cheryl Zimelman to Michael Zeldin.

Shortly after the tisch (which was filled with song, Torah teachings and laden with yummy appetizers and lots of frozen Stolichnaya vodka), the time had come to sign the ketubah.

We remember as if it was yesterday the words and actions of Rabbi Kilimnick:

• remarking how with all the weddings he has officiated, he had never seen a ketubah on a deer hide • joking if it was 'kosher' • interpreting the visual elements and tying it into a meaningful d'vrei torah • finding an error and quickly fixing it with his pen • teasing our witnesses, a chazzan from Florida and a dear friend from Israel • rolling it up, handing it to Michael Sheldon Zeldin and playfully sharing a personal note about the name Sheldon

These memories, as well as many others, are etched in our minds, part of storytelling our kids and G-d willing sharing the 'wedding movie' with future generations of Zeldins.

Danny Zysman

Rabbi Kilimnick has been there for me thru the good times and the bad times – from the most joyous occasions of my life to the most devastating moments. Rabbi was always there!!!

Rabbi’s award winning smile, his sense of humor, his support, his love, and his caring spirit are what I will remember most.

The Kilimnick family, the Rochester Jewish community, the Rochester community, and the world lost a Gadol HaDor.

We often say “May his memory forever be a blessing” – but in the case of Rabbi Kilimnick, “Rabbi’s memory WILL forever be a blessing”.

Epilogue: A Hesped from Rabbi Jeffrey Schrager

The first Shabbat without Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick ztz”l on Earth with us, I heard him during Mussaf. His death rocked me in a way I did not believe it would. I have thought of him constantly since receiving the news: In interactions with my children, in learning, saying Hamotzi, singing, and during every quiet moment as memories washed over me.

But most of all, perhaps, in the prayers between Torah Reading and the Amidah of Musaf. My family was not always the most punctual on Shabbat mornings, and for most of my life we arrived sometime during this interval. This was also a special time at Beth Sholom because invariably that was when Rabbi Kilimnick took the stage to lead davening. From Yekum Purkan (can you hear him?) through the end of Chazarat HaShatz, Rabbi set an example of the ba’al tefillah par excellence. Uniting a kehillah in its service of Hashem.

So on Shabbat, I heard him throughout Mussaf. But I didn’t only hear his powerful voice, I saw every word in my siddur connected to his impact on me, my family, and the Rochester community.

יְקּום ּפּורְקָ ן

Yekum Purkan is a strange prayer. It’s in Aramaic, and it is essentially a prayer for leaders and members of our Jewish communities.

our teachers and Rabbis. Throughout our history, Rabbis ,מָרָ נָן וְרַ בָ נָן ,We mention, specifically have been the tent poles of Jewish civilization. They have always been teachers of Torah, but also craft the communities around them. Or at least the best do.

It is impossible to overstate Rabbi Kilimnick’s importance as the Rav of our community. In a very real sense, he was our community. Being a Rabbi was not a job for him, it was a calling. Every fiber of his being, every ounce of his energy was directed towards the Rochester Jewish Community. And it was so clear he was created for this particular task. Hashem created Rabbi Kilimnick to be the Rabbi of Congregation Beth Sholom. So few of us find our calling. How fortunate are we that he found his.

Can anyone imagine Rabbi Kilimnick as anything other than a Rabbi? His warmth, his concern for others, his sense of humor, his love of music, his absolute love of Torah and faith in HaKodesh Baruch Hu, all combined to make him the ideal communal leader. In an age of division, Rabbi’s pure love of fellow Jews, and all peoples, should be aspirational. People from all backgrounds have been posting messages about him, and the constant seems to be that they all knew he loved them. Being a Rabbi, and an Orthodox Rabbi all the moreso, does not always create the situation for people to feel loved. But he was able to make everyone he encountered feel important.

Rabbi Kilimnick created a community that served as an incubator. I speak often and proudly of the “Rochester Phenomenon.” Rochesterians, at least by our own opinions, achieve amazing things and play an outsized role in the Jewish world. The genesis of this idea appropriately came from Rabbi Kilimnick. One week my parents were in shule and shared something I had done with Rabbi. That week there were a few other Rochestarians who had been in the news. One, if memory serves, was appointed to a position of prominence in a Jewish organization, and two others had accomplished something of note. “Isn’t it amazing?” Rabbi said, “Rochester is the center of the Jewish world.” I believe completely that he made it so.

Being a Rabbi means being a leader. He was our leader in a deep sense. He charted a course for the shule and set the tone for a community. He showed us how to be educated, passionate, strong Jews. He mourned with us completely in our sorrows, and celebrated whole heartedly at our smachot. I can still feel his grip as he recited the mishabayrach at my ufruf. In fact, Rabbi was in the year of mourning for his mother when I got married. For him to come, he told my father I had to tell him my simcha would never be complete without his presence. I could make that statement free of doubts as to its veracity.

יְקּום ּפּורְקָ ן

When the Reform movement began in the 1800’s, this was the first prayer they removed from the siddur. They suggested that the following prayer, essentially the same and in Hebrew, rendered the earlier Aramaic paragraph obsolete. We, however, keep it out of a sense of tradition, if nothing else. Our parents recited this prayer, so we do as well.

Rabbi Kilimnick loved tradition. He loved feeling the connection to a Judaism reaching back thousands of years. And he wanted us to feel the power of tradition.

מִי שֶׁ בֵּרַ ְךאֲבותֵּ ינּו אַבְרָהָ ם יִצְ חָק וְיַעֲקב. הּואיְבָרֵּ ְך אֶׁ ת כָל הַקָהָ להַקָ דושהַזֶׁה עִ ם כָלקְהִ ּלות הַקדֶׁ ש.

I remember Rabbi Kilimnick coming to NCSY elections and reading this paragraph and talking about what it means to serve a community. He wanted us to understand that we were a critical piece of the Beth Sholom community, and that asking for a leadership role meant assuming that responsibility. He was uniquely qualified to discuss communal service, and we very much knew that.

Rabbi Kilimnick loved his community. He understood that wherever he went, he was the embodiment of our community. He recognized that community means people from different backgrounds and with different personalities coming together to accomplish something greater than themselves. It would be impossible to express his pride in our community. Any accomplishment by an individual was a communal accomplishment as well. His life was his family and his community.

הֵּ ם ּונְשֵּ יהֶׁ ם

“Their wives.” Saying these words, my mind froze on Rabbi Kilimnick’s wife. Nechie was his queen, his partner in everything he accomplished. She enabled him to give so much of himself to our community. I only saw Rabbi Kilimnick once since Nechie collapsed. My impression was of a man whose essence was split in two. The brokenness he felt was a taste of the depth of their connection.

ּובְ םנֵּיהֶׁ ּובְ נותֵּ יהֶׁ ם

My connection with Rabbi Kilimnick was, obviously, as a child. He was the figure that smiled down on us from his pulpit. The one who shook our hands when we got to open the Aron. His was the voice that announced our names for the “concluding part of our services.” And his were the sermons we interrupted while running through the halls.

He lived for the youth of his community. We all had a special relationship with him, and for all of us he was “our Rabbi,” held in countless hearts for decades. Even after outgrowing his “young Rabbi” status, his greatest joy in shule was interacting with the children, even just with a pinch on the cheek or a lollipop at kiddush. He understood that the lifeblood of a shule is its youth.

And NCSY. The role NCSY has played in my life is mind-boggling. Since I was in first grade, when my cousin took me to sing at the Jewish Home while babysitting, NCSY was the place to be. I was in the shule basement every Monday night from third to seventh grade for Jr. NCSY. And then, when I graduated to the big leagues, I was there Tuesday, Thursday, and Shabbat Afternoon. NCSY was a constant in my life, even as my rebellious teenage self underwent a myriad changes. And at the center of that consistency was Rabbi Kilimnick.

Several of the strongest memories I’ve been having revolve around Tuesday Night Learning. At the time, I definitely took for granted the fact that our shule’s Rabbi spent one hour a week learning with the handful of high schoolers that voluntarily came to the shule’s library. Sitting at that long shiny table, we learned whatever topic he chose and talked much more. How many teens have that relationship with their Rabbi? That comfort and ease that allows them to learn with him and just schmooze for hours on end?

I have countless NCSY related memories with Rabbi Kilmnick: Finishing sukkah hopping at his house as he held court over candy and soda. Talking with him after a successful convention and reviewing what could have been better. Shabbat Bereishit. Shavuot dinner. Meals with the challah shtick. He was not just a spectator with us. He was very much a part of our lives.

I owe everything to NCSY and, thus, to him. With the chapter advisor-less, I wrote a proposal to hire a commuting advisor, assuming it was clear I meant myself. Instead, he hired Naomi Friedman (much to my chagrin). When he heard I was upset, he apologized (while teaching me about assumptions), and hired me as well. Thus Naomi and I found ourselves in a car together for six hours each way twice a month. We were engaged by December, and Rabbi was overjoyed even though he learned of our engagement while sitting shiva for his mother. He

70 took partial credit for the match, and even named my oldest daughter, born the year we lived in Rochester.

Mine is just one story. The outpouring of love for Rabbi Kilimnick has been incredible. “His kids” from across the community and world demonstrate how each and every one of us had a special relationship with him.

ּומִ י שֶׁ בָאִ יםבְ תוכָם לְהִתְ ּפַ ּלֵּל

Looking back, my favorite moments at shule may have been morning minyan. After shacharit, breakfast was served, Rabbi seated at the head of the table with the old men around him enjoying their breakfast of herring and schnapps. Those under fifty sat at the other end of the table eating cereal from the wrong boxes. The gap that should have existed between our two age groups was wholly insignificant, though. We revered the Bernie Fischers and Yale Potters of the world. I can’t help but think we were, at least in part, following our Rabbi’s example.

ּופַ ת לְ אורְחִ ים

It may seem trivial, but Rabbi Kilimnick loved feeding people. Aside from welcoming countless guests into his home, he was immensely proud that Rochester, NY was the home of the first kosher Dunkin Donuts. He also liked to observe that when he gave it hashgacha people thought it was a disaster because of mara’s ayin, or how it would look. Now there are kosher donut stores all over the country.

Tuesday night learning was followed by dinner. I can’t say I always loved the food from the Jewish Home, but he was always so proud of it! He understood the importance of food in Jewish life, and understood how meaningful the shared act of eating could be.

צְדָקָ ה לָעֲנִיִ ים

I know that I am lucky that my interactions with Rabbi Kilimnick were positive. I know that is not true for others. I saw others’ pain tearing him apart as if it was his own. His door was always open to help anyone in any condition, and our entire community knew it.

וְיִסְ לַח לְכָל עֲונָם

I have so many great memories of Rabbi Kilimnick. But being a Rabbi means offending people. Without going into particulars, Rabbi and I had a falling out many years ago. It was so bad that I actually avoided him whenever in Rochester. But here’s the amazing thing: We got over it thanks, in no small part, to Rabbi Kilimnick’s efforts. We both made mistakes, we are human after all, but the fact that he wanted to reestablish a relationship makes me even more grateful. I don’t know what his passing would have been like for me if we hadn’t become close again.

Very few people in positions of power actively seek a way to make amends. The humility, grace, patience, and forgiveness he displayed is one of the lessons I hope to carry with me forever.

כָל ליִשרָאֵּ אֲחֵּ יהֶׁ ם

There is one very special connection Rabbi Kilimnick and I shared. Throughout my childhood, I knew Rabbi went to BBYO in the summer to teach at their Kallah program. He influenced hundreds of Jews from a range of backgrounds. He loved to tell of running into former BBYOers in Meah Shearim and across the world, always with an excited “Reb Shaya!” He always returned from Kallah refreshed and renewed for the year ahead.

When I began working at Kallah four years ago, Rabbi was immensely proud. We talked many times about working with Jews with such vastly different relationships to religious observance. He always emphasized that we are one family and that we must meet each other with unconditional love. “I learned Torah in yeshiva,” he said many times. “At BBYO I learned how to be a Jew.”

אָבִינּושֶׁבַשָמַ יִם צּור יִשְ רָאֵּ ל וְגֹואֲלֹו בָרֵּ ְך תאֶׁ מְדִ ינַתיִשְ רָאֵּ לרֵּ אשִ יתצְמִ יחַ ת גְאֻּלָתֵּ נּו

Getting to shule for the Rabbi’s sermon was not always so high on my agenda. But some weeks were different. Rabbi’s first Shabbat back after a visit to Israel pushed me to get ready quickly. Every single time, he came back to Rochester aflame. His passion for the Land of Israel and the State of Israel was unmatched. He spoke powerfully of Israel’s importance to the Jewish people and the world. His pride in the Jewish State radiated from the bimah as he tried to share even a taste of his passion with all of us.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in another shule where the Rabbi wished a nesiah tova or welcome home to every person travelling to or from Israel. It recalls stories of Jews in the shtetl who would crowd around visitors from Israel peppering them with questions. A trip to Israel was something to be celebrated. He always gushed at our shule’s constant traffic flow to and from Israel.

He was even more excited about students from Rochester going to learn in Israel for a year or more. I treasure a Shabbat during my first year in yeshiva when Rabbi Kilimnick was in Yerushalayim by himself. He spent much of Shabbat with our family, eating Shabbat dinner with us on Friday night. We walked him back to his apartment, conversing about everything under the sun. His face shone just from walking the quiet streets of Yerushalayim.

This week, our family celebrated our fifth Aliyahversary. We went to the Kotel and I found myself going over the reasons we made the choice to live in Israel. It’s not always easy, but I have no doubt moving here was an excellent decision. My passion for Israel comes from my parents and, most certainly, from my Rabbi. Love of Israel was in the air at Beth Sholom, and it fully intoxicated me.

:מִ זְמור לְדָ וִד. הָ בּולה' בְ נֵּיאֵּלִים. הָ בּו לה' כָבוד וָעז

In my mind, as I said these words, I could see Rabbi Kilimnick returning the Torah to the Aron, and I could hear his voice singing chazzan’s lines. I remember people, and especially children, gathering to kiss the Torah and, if he wasn’t leading services, get a hand shake from Rabbi. Crowding around the stairs to the bimah also became something of a social scene with the background music of Rabbi’s voice and the Congregation responding, until Rabbi would pass, cradling the Torah in his arms.

Rabbi Kilimnick loved the Torah. He used to tell a story (how many times did I hear it?) about a family that was not part of the shule, and may not have even been Jewish, who approached him at the end of Mussaf one Shabbat. The child asked if he could “see the trophies.” It took Rabbi a minute to understand what he wanted, but he happily showed the child the many sifrei Torah our shule was lucky enough to house. He loved telling this story as a reminder that we must always remember that the Torah is our trophy. Our prized possession and our foundational document.

:עֵּ ץ חַיִ יםהִ יאלַמַחֲזִיקִ ים בָּה. וְתמְ כֶׁיהָ מְ אֻשָ ר :דְרָ כֶׁיהָ דַרְ כֵּי םנעַ וְכָל נְתִ יבתֶׁ יהָ שָ לום :הֲשִ יבֵּנּו ה'אֵּ לֶׁיָך וְנָשּובָ ה. חַדֵּ שיָמֵּ ינּו כְקֶׁדֶׁ ם

How many Shabbatot did I remain standing after the sounds of Rabbi’s choral Etz Chaim Hi complete with harmonies and that seemingly impossible “kekedem” note that Rabbi Kilimnick would hit. I was a child/teenager/grump. I was hoping the announcement would come: “please remain standing for Mussaf.” That would mean there was no speech, no drasha. What I wouldn’t give to hear him speak from that pulpit one more time.

I have been dwelling on one drasha in particular in the wake of Rabbi’s passing. It was one he must have given in July 1999. Many of his finest drashot followed a peak experience for Rabbi Kilimnick: Israel, BBYO, a simcha. This one was different. It was the Shabbat following the funeral of Rabbi Yaakov Weinberg, Rosh Yeshiva of Ner Yisrael, and Rabbi Kilimnick’s Rebbi.

I am sure he didn’t write down his remarks because they poured out of him. He essentially gave a eulogy for his Rav, telling of the great impact he had on Rabbi Kilimnick and, through him, our community. He told a wonderful story about Rabbi Weinberg coming to Little Rock and being thanked by a local Christian for giving them Saul of Tarsis.

The part of the drasha that stood out to me was Rabbi Kilimnick’s despondency at the loss of his mentor. I’m sure he did, but I can’t remember a single time he quoted his Rebbi. He wasn’t a disciple who lived to be a carbon copy of his teacher, but his emotional connection was overwhelming and, as I was home from my first year in Yeshiva, inspiring.

I remember one line from the drasha in particular: Rabbi said, “I’m a rag. I’m a shmatah.” He was completely despondent. The death of this man he revered, with whom he was so close and

73 who impacted him so much was completely shattering. It was as if his foundation had been compromised. He felt the mourning of a student described by halacha when it says a student should tear kriya for their teacher. It was the loss of a spiritual parent, and consolation would have to wait.

I have thought of this drasha often. I have, thank God, had many Torah mentors with whom I am close and whose influence has made me who I am. I can’t imagine the world without them.

Rabbi Kilimnick was my first Jewish mentor. Outside of my family, I probably spent more time around him than almost anyone throughout my childhood. He shaped who I am as a person and as a Jew. I’m sure the impression he made on me is deeper than I realize. In an almost infinitely deep sense, he is “my Rabbi.” He is the standard by which community Rabbis will always be judged by me and generations of Rochesterians. He created a community and helped others around him create themselves, not in his image, but in their own. He helped me craft my Jewish identity, the essence of who I am.

And so, I am a rag. I am a shmatah. I didn’t anticipate being so rocked by the news of his passing, but I am. I can’t seem to wrap my head around a world without his energy. I can’t find enough words to convey what he meant to me. I can’t daven without hearing his voice. And I can’t imagine the world without him.

The Shabbat after his death, I heard Rabbi Kilimnick davening Mussaf. I’m sure he was chosen as shaliach tzibbur for Mussaf in shamayim and the angels rejoiced that their song has been strengthened by his powerful voice. Hopefully, his energy, memory, and legacy will inspire us to echo him:

יִתְ גַדַ לוְיִתְקַדַ ששְ מֵּ ּה רַ בָ א.