Issue 588, 14 Nov 2003 THE INDEPENDENT CAMBRIDGE STUDENT NEWSPAPER www.varsity.co.uk

STYLE TRAVEL GARDIES Looking hot in A horseback journey through the This is my side cold weather the heart of Kashmir of the story PAGE 14 PAGE 24 PAGE 7

Secrets of a spymaster Pavla Kopecna Varsity investigates MI6 recruitment at Cambridge

moured that each Oxbridge college tend drinks parties and after that some who allegedly took life insurance out stay in the background working hard Laura-Jane Foley used to have its own “MI6 recruiter”, were asked if they had considered a on his children, has often expressed in Engineering, Language and Science MI6 chief Sir Richard Dearlove although, it is alleged that Trinity was career in the Secret Services”. Another his interest in the Secret Services to stu- degrees and gaining firsts. They do, has been appointed the new excluded after the discovery of the said that recruiters approached po- dents. However MI6 approaches, if however, encourage interested stu- Master of Pembroke seeming to “Cambridge Spy Ring” in the 1980’s. tential spies “through an invitation to they are made, are made discreetly. dents to get in contact by letter. cement the links between Yet Varsity has discovered that re- some odd society or other”. One soci- In contrast, MI5 recruiting at Dearlove’s appointment has led Cambridge and the Secret cruiting now only goes on in a select ety rumoured to be a pre-recruitment Cambridge is still strong and more some to ask whether Cambridge re- Services. However, a Varsity few colleges. This seems to be due to training group is the Oak Shotte open than ever. They advertise for jobs cruitment is set to dramatically in- investigation this week revealed representation issues; a spokesperson Society where “college fellows select and encourage graduates to get in crease. Sources in government suggest evidence that the number of for the Home Office said, “it has long interesting undergraduates to attend”. touch with them. Last night it even that recruitment into MI5 and MI6 will Oxbridge graduates recruited to been the policy of the Government that At other colleges recruitment is less emerged that MI5 engage in head- reach Cold War levels soon and pre- MI6 may have fallen over the those who serve the public should re- conspicuous. A third year student at hunting, having approached leading viously unknown recruits will need to past two decades. flect…those they protect”. Catz says a friend of hers received a figures in CUSU. This is an interesting be heavily vetted. Despite the new Traditionally, Cambridge has been Despite this, Caius, the alma mater letter “from the Ministry of Defence… development as in the past well- openness, the fast-track way into the viewed as a natural stepping stone of famed spy Richard Tomlinson, still but she had never applied for, or ex- known names and faces were usually Service is still undoubtedly by trust- to the Secret Services. However, indi- appears to have links with the Secret pressed an interest in, the MOD”. At not targeted. ed personal recommendation. This cations are that “talent spotters” have Service. Ahistory undergraduate told Downing College an established fel- For MI6 though, where anonymi- should only increase when Dearlove not been replaced when older ones Varsity, “a few friends were ap- low has long been linked with MI6 ty is so important, recruiters do seem takes up his post. have left the University. It was ru- proached by their supervisors to at- work and recruitment. The Fellow, to seek those students who naturally More secrets revealed on page 2

“A world captivated by new linguistic conventions” Win tickets to Fresh As Snow Esther Bintcliff on poetry today PAGE 15 Find the competition on PAGE 09

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News pg2 5th s Bursar NEWS EDITOR: LAURA-JANE FOLEY, BENJAMIN BLAND, JONATHAN WOOD 02 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

What’s inside... News pg2 Student in the line of fire SPS Faculty re-shuffle, 5th Week Blues, and Kings Bursar Jonathan Wood A former Cambridge student Where now? pg6 claims to have been shot by the Israeli army on the West Bank last How much can Cambridge Monday. Mika Minio-Paluello, 21, grow? said he sustained cuts and bruis- es when he was caught in the fir- ing line between soldiers and a Comment pg7 group of Palestinians apparently Vas Anastasiou, owner of including some school children. Gardies says his piece Minio-Paluello, who graduated from Emmanuel College this year, has been working for the International Editorial pg8 Solidarity Movement, ISM, since July Varsity’s View and was attempting to hinder the work of Israeli troops in the Balatan refugee camp on the Northern West Bank, near the city of Nablus. The sol- Features pg2 diers were setting up roadblocks with bulldozers, blocking the entrance to On Remembrance Sunday and the Balatan camp from 7am until noon. “what happened today could equally and another were injured when try- Defence Force] precautions are very poppies Members of the ISM claim they were well have happened on most other ing to obstruct a tank that acceler- thorough, hence the use of rubber bul- trying to prevent jeeps from firing on days this past week. It’s just the reali- ated towards them. Three others at- lets. He was in a war-zone.” The Ordinary pg11 school children by staying near them ty of the occupation”. tempting to prevent the Israelis This is not the first time that Minio- and approaching periodically. The ISM is a Palestinian-led move- from setting up roadblocks were Paluello has confronted the Israeli Your fun is your challenge Minio-Paluello said “at one point I ment of Palestinian and internation- also shot and lightly injured, two by army. On 16th April 200, Minio- saw a soldier aiming at several chil- al activists that seeks to “utilise non- live ammunition. Paluello and other volunteers, in- dren and so I walked into his line of violent, direct action... [in] a campaign Raphael Bejarano, head of the cam- cluding two other Cambridge stu- fire. He could see me pretty clearly, as against the illegal Israeli occupation paigns at the CU Israeli Society, said dents, engaged in a confrontation that Interview pg12 he was five or six metres away, but of Palestine, and for a just and viable that, “First and foremost we are very allegedly descended into a ten minute Tony Benn on animal rights and pulled the trigger anyway”. The Israeli peace”. This year, two volunteers have sorry that Mika was injured but we’d beating by the Israelis. The IDF Cuba soldiers were firing non-live bullets at been killed in direct-action. like to stress that this is a very com- claimed not to be aware of the incident the group of Palestinians. He added Later in the day Minio-Paluello plicated situation and the IDF’s [Israeli at the time. Listings pullout Your four-page guide to what’s on this week ‘C’: The man with the golden gown at Trinity College in the 1930’s. They interests worldwide. Recruits have to been assigned a pub in which we had Laura-Jane Foley Travel pg13 actively spied for the Soviet Union for sign a confidentiality agreement and to approach a member of the public Cambridge’s association with spies over thirty years and although ex- no names of staff are divulged ex- and extract his or her name, address, Kashmir and Covent Garden goes back a long way. In the 16th posed they were never actually cept the Chief, Sir Richard Dearlove. date of birth, occupation and...pass- century Christopher Marlowe caught. It has been suggested that ever Yet no pictures of him are available port number”. Other alleged tests in- broke off from his studies in or- since there has been no MI6 recruiter and he never gives interviews. He clude having to empty a packed shop Fashion pg14 der to infiltrate a French seminary at Trinity. signs all his correspondence in green in less than five minutes and the which was spying on England. MI6 was established in 1912 by ink with a letter ‘C’ in memory of “Balcony Test”, where recruits have to So sexy... Since then many spies have been Mansfield Cumming but it is only ten Cumming. go into an apartment building and be educated at Cambridge, amongst the years since John Major officially ad- Recruitment has always been dis- out on a balcony within 15 minutes famous ones: Reilly, Muggeridge, mitted its existence. MI6 has the re- creet, often by personal recommen- drinking a glass of water with the Mackenzie, Philby, Burgess, Maclean sponsibility for conducting operations dation or by placing cryptic adverts in apartment’s owner. Arts pg15 and Blunt. The last four, who were the in support of the UK’s foreign policy national newspapers. Former MI6 spy Traditionally the Secret Service has Poetry in motion infamous “Cambridge Spies”, all met objectives and to counter threats to UK David Shayler was recruited after an- been the domain of men but in recent swering an ad which said, “Godot is- years they have been keen to increase n’t coming”. In recent years however their female intake. Vernon Kell, one they have released a PO box address time “C”, said that he wanted “all my Music pg18 for would-be spies to write to (see box). girls to be well bred and have good Pavla Kopecna Prospective spies tend to get asked legs”. Nowadays the service con- Mark Owen on Gary Barlow to interview by an unspecified branch siders all applications on merit. MI5 and breakdancing in the civil service where applicants is far less secretive than MI6 and get grilled on current affairs, and their openly recruits. According to their Theatre pg20 backgrounds, lifestyle, sexual orien- website their “purpose is to protect tation and history are probed. national security and economic well- Hot Mikado, Man boobs and Outlandish entry tests and inter- being, and to support the law en- Monkey love views in remote hangars and dilapi- forcement agencies in preventing and dated office blocks are not just myths. detecting serious crime”. Although Sport pg22 In his book The Big Breach Richard they emphasise the need for discre- Tomlinson describes a task new re- tion they do advertise a wide range The beautiful game - changing cruits had to carry out “we had each of jobs online. for better or for worse? SO YOU WANT TO BE A SPY? Got a story? If you want to work for MI6 and don’t know any Dons who will tap you on the Email [email protected] or ring shoulder and whisk you off to Moscow, write to PO Box 1300, London, SE1 1BD. 01223 337575 if you have a story For more information on jobs in MI5 go to www.mi5.gov.uk or write to The or would like to contribute to this Enquiries Desk, PO Box 3255, London SW1P 1AE .Alternatively, keep a furtive section, or meet us in The Bath Ale look-out for cryptic messages in national newspapers… and maybe even Varsity! House Bene’t Street Sunday at 7pm EDITOR: LAURA-JANE FOLEY, BENJAMIN BLAND, JONATHAN WOOD NEWS www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 03 King’s still in crisis

dents supported the action and that been suspended on full pay, says Pavla Kopecna Tom Ebbutt a large number of those on strike that the matter is now with his The rent strikers at King’s College were freshers who were swept lawyers. have this week been hit by the res- along by the idealism without real- The original referendum put to ignation of a leading member of ising what they were actually get- the student body was arguably the rent strikes organising com- ting into. There are approximately based around the inaction of the mittee who has accused those in- 380 undergraduate members of College on its mounting deficit volved of leading a “fundamen- Kings College, of those 90 are on which last year stood at £1.2million. tally misguided campaign”. strike. Varsity has been told that The authority of the strike has On Wednesday Russ MacMillan, about half of these are freshers. been further damaged after former the Chair of AccessFirst, the body The College now seems to be tak- KCSU Chair, Fiona Brenner, de- set up to manage the rent strikes, re- ing action to tackle the financial clared that the motion that set it up signed saying that the action had problems that were the cause of the was unconstitutional as it was giv- been hijacked by a militant core and rent strike according to the referen- en to students to near to the vote on described the strike as “no longer dum put to the student body. This the matter. The motion also covered justified”. Leading members of the week the College’s senior Bursar, additional issues to those voted on strike have assured Varsity that the Roger Salmon, was suspended. in the referendum. majority of Kings students support Kings Provost Judith Mayhew is re- The Kings Chair at the time the the direct action but sources within ported to have said that he was “not strike started Sarah Donachy said the student body said the strikers being helpful to the cause” but stu- that most students supported the had the support of under half of the dents and Fellows alike have so far strike due to “a wide range of is- undergraduate body. been kept in the dark as to the rea- sues”, and these were made plain Is nothing Upon telling Varsity of his res- son for the surprise decision. in the motion that brought about ignation MacMillan, who is him- Mayhew is due to speak to the fel- the strike vote. She expressed opti- self not on strike, strongly defend- lowship on Monday. mism that the committee of College ed his decision arguing that he The College have refused to com- members appointed to look at the been used “used as a credibility ment on the decision however issues involved would help to re- sacred? stamp” by other members of the sources inside King’s point to the solve the dispute before the strike and said that the debate recent internal report by the in- Christmas break. should be dominated by “real spectors of accounts which was said Russ MacMillan also hopes a things, rather than ideological to be “extreme damming”. When compromise will be reached soon, The Cambridge War Memorial was desecrated by vandals prior to the crap” such talking about solidari- the Provost and the Senior Tutor “I hope it fizzles, its all to heated, Rememberance Day parade down Station Road. Images of monkeys had been sprayed ty with the postal workers. met student to try to avert the rent too personal at the moment, I think on the memorial and Remembrance crosses at its foot defaced with the message “Stop MacMillan said that he thought strike the Bursar was conspicuous we’ll achieve our goals much better All Wars”. Police confirmed that a 27 year old man had been arrested in connection only about 30 per cent of Kings stu- by his absence. The Bursar, who has if we all take a step back” with the incident but has since been relesed on bail. Rachel Mundy

UNIVERSAL MUSIC

Company Presentation Thursday, 20 November University Arms Hotel 19.15 hours (doors open from 18.45 hours)

Q & A, refreshments and informal discussion follow presentation

Prospective graduates from all disciplines are welcome to attend – please register in advance at [email protected]

Universal Music International is a division of Universal Music Group; the world’s leading music company with wholly owned record operations or licensees in 71 countries. It's businesses also include Universal Music Publishing Group, one of the industry’s largest global music publishing operations. NEWS EDITOR: LAURA-JANE FOLEY, BENJAMIN BLAND, JONATHAN WOOD 04 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk NEWS IN BRIEF CUSU not saving Gardies An oar to the head Brian Little ident, who brought the motion sure of this Cambridge institution”. Crescent is double-glazed. The with Trinity Hall’s Ben Rawlings It is thought that the decision rooms above Market Square only In a decision that goes against the and the Peterhouse ‘Sex Club’ said was taken on the basis of concern have single glazing. A rower is recovering at wishes of thousands of he was extremely sad at the deci- for the welfare of students living in The size of the petition launched home this week after yobs Cambridge students and alumni, sion; “there will be an enormous Rose Crescent, where Gardies is lo- to save Gardies now stretches past dropped a sheet of plywood CUSU decided not to oppose amount of disappointment from cated, despite the fact if it is closed 4,000 signatures with signatures be- on his head from a bridge as Caius’ decision to close the students across the University at them trade will move to the Van of ing received on the Internet, at he rowed under. Steve Wale Gardenia take-away. this decision but many colleges, Life, also situated below Caius Gardies and at Colleges throughout was knocked unconscious and CUSU Council voted by a nar- such as Selwyn, will continue to Student accommodation. The stu- Cambridge. At least 800 alumni have had to be taken to row margin to reject the motion campaign actively against the clo- dent accommodation in Rose signed up through the online peti- Addenbrooke’s by ambulance. that would have committed them tion alone. Media coverage has in- As Wale put it, “one inch to to standing in opposition to the cluded the Independent, the Times, the right and it would have College’s decision and supporting the Observer and BBC Online. killed me”. the Varsity campaign to save the However CUSU council have Cambridge institution. decided that despite the strength Alternative Varsity Only four votes split the motion of feeling among the student pop- which ended 19 – 23. Colleges in- ulation that they would rather match cluding Christs, Robinson, Gardies was closed. Rawlings Newhnam and Pembroke all vot- added, “We were very disappoint- Cambridge United will play ed against supporting the cam- ed when the motion was rejected. Oxford United this Saturday paign. Colleges can change their I fear it could be a sad reflection on in an ‘alternative’ Varsity votes for two weeks after the vote CUSU’s increasing dislocation match at the Abbey Stadium, with open meetings able to alter from the student body, and perhaps Newmarket Road. The event council votes. The exact details of an indication that we should look is a student special so all the vote are available at again at exactly what CUSU is Cambridge students with varsity.co.uk there for.” valid ID can get in for £1 Wes Streeting, Selwyn JCR pres- Editorial, pg8 instead of the usual £10. Kick-off at 3pm.

Mini-fridge competi- Rent rises slammed at CUSU meeting tion winner While most present did not feel that University by an average of 7% per an- they have decided to apply.” Aisleigh Sawyer and Adam Swersky rent strikes were appropriate for oth- num for the last four to five years, with The University website claims that Congratulations to Jude A CUSU meeting on rent rises er colleges, they did see the benefit in rents at St. John’s increasing by 9.5% “All Cambridge Colleges are com- Townsend, of Robinson slammed a number of college greater central coordination of student each year since 1999. As Brinded put mitted to the principle that no student College, who wins a fantastic Bursars for putting the luxurious action. Selwyn JCR President Wesley it, “Cambridge isn’t helping itself”. should be deterred from applying to O2 mini cooler. The correct treatment of Fellows above the fi- Streeting noted that, while the Bursars According to Brinded, while the study at Cambridge by financial con- answer was that Absolute nancial needs of students. meet to discuss rent increases, JCRs Admissions Office informs applicants siderations”. Yet Brinded asserts that Zero is –273 degrees Celsius However, the University claims work independently. He said: “our that the average weekly rent is £49, it with Cambridge already being the for our previous competition. the issue will not affect access. weakness has been the collegiate sys- is in fact £71. Many present at the rents fourth most expensive U.K. University Held in King’s, the current rent tem, but we can make it our strength”. meeting showed support for a publi- to attend, many potential applicants strikes at that college were a central CUSU president Ben Brinded claimed cation of rents data across the are in fact deterred from applying. Stabbed in the hand issue at the meeting. King’s stu- that CUSU will continue to support University that can be viewed by po- “Students’ financial needs are well dents defended the strike by point- the college JCR’s in negotiations. tential applicants before making their catered for”, claimed Ms. Butcher. Yet A student was stabbed in the ing to excessive spending by the In contrast to University officials, decision. However, Rosemary Butcher, considering some of the views aired hand last week as he watched College on subsidies for Fellow’s the CUSU President also claimed that Head of Widening Participation, urges at the meeting it seems that University the lunar eclipse early on last accommodation and King’s School increasing living costs are affecting that prosepective students should con- officials and students are singing from Sunday in Cambridge city as well as inefficient bureaucracy. Access. Rents have gone up across the tact individual colleges only “once very different hymn sheets. centre. Gareth Alexander was attacked on Midsummer Common and required hospi- tal treatment for the wound SPS department to split into three to his hand. The three men leave the department to take up bet- of the disciplines and ensuring a bet- been little structural change in the Amol Rajan who attacked him demanded ter offers elsewhere. ter quality of teaching. way that the Faculty works”. The money, but left empty-handed The University Council submit- Dr. Lehman, a Reader in Social The planned reorganisation is feeling across the Faculty seems to before they were able to take ted proposals for a major reorgan- Science commented, “the effort the part of a modernisation thrust be that the increasing popularity of anything. Police are appeal- isation of the SPS faculty this week. University has put into these subjects across the University. Dan the SPS, which has seen a quintu- ing for help to catch the The proposal to divide the single has been paltry both in absolute and Sternberg, SPS Faculty Rep, told pling of student numbers since the assailants. SPS department into three is hoped relative terms…. With so few people Varsity, “The department continues founding of the faculty in 1998, war- by some academics to herald “a in Cambridge it is impossible to give to grow year on year and there has rants change. CUMS resignations new beginning for social sciences adequate teaching coverage of these in Cambridge” very wide-ranging disciplines.” For many years Cambridge has The planned reorganisation is like- Members of the Cambridge been accused of underinvestment in ly to take place in January 2004 and University Music Society SPS. It is one of the few universities will divide the faculty into three de- voted overwhelmingly for the in the world to have combined partments alongside the Centre for reinstatement of Music Sociology and Political Science in a Family Research (CFR). The direct im- Director Stephen Cleobury at single department and the only one pact on students is likely to be mini- an AGM on Tuesday. Cleobury to have combined these subjects with mal; the structure of the course will re- reigned last week, along with psychology. Cambridge has a total of main the same, lectures will take place several of his colleagues, only 27 University Teaching offi- in the same buildings, examination pa- after it was recommended cers in all three of the disciplines that pers will continue to run along current that his contract should not make up SPS. Oxford have 100 staff lines, and students will continue to be be renewed when it ends in in Politics and International Relations assigned to the Faculty as a whole September 2004. alone. In addition, a number of staff rather than to any individual members, including the Professor of Department. However, it is hoped that Social Psychology Tony Manstead, the changes will promote the faculty have recently left or are planning to as a whole recognising the distinctness EDITOR: LAURA-JANE FOLEY, BENJAMIN BLAND, JONATHAN WOOD NEWS www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 05 The ‘milkround’ runs dry

Sarah Mills Those trying to fill out appli- cations forms or attending ca- reers events this week will not Pavla Kopecna be reassured by the Careers Service’s Annual Report. A shocking 47 per cent of Cambridge graduates left uni- versity without securing a per- manent full-time job last year. Indeed in some popular sectors only one in twenty interested students got job offers. The most marked troubles last year were in finance, IT and man- agement consultancy. Investment banks recruited 11 per cent fewer from Cambridge in 2002 than in 2001. The situation was even worse for prospective consultants. Whilst However, with the number of stu- 2002, only one was unemployed in over seven hundred students at- dents attending University, and the December. tended the 2002 Management numbers at Oxbridge, rising dra- In addition, it is perhaps ad- Consultancy Careers Event, a mere matically each year, competition is visable for those worried about 36 jobs were offered last year (only tougher than ever. their careers to look beyond their a third of the offers in 2000). The decline in the economy has BA to extra-curricular activities, Predictions are that this year also affected the job market. For in- post-graduate study and work ex- may be better as evidenced by the stance, numerous IT organisations perience. one hundred recruiters who turned have gone bankrupt in recent years A report released on Tuesday by up to the Careers Information Event and recruitment to the sector has AGCAS, Graduate Prospects and at Cambridge this week. halved since 2001. UCAS showed that 57% of re- However,while things may look Gordon Chesterman at the cruiters saw internships after the good to all the job-hunters wined Careers Service was quick to point second year of university as the and dined by employers, appear- out that sectors suffering problems crucial time to make links with stu- Plath Premiere ances can be deceptive. The Careers are not the only options for stu- dents. As a committee member of Service point out that on average dents. Those put off by the idea of Cambridge Futures explained, em- the management consultancy firms Management Consultancy could ployers have an increasingly spe-

Image.net to visit last year each hired less than consider careers in media. Many cific idea of what they are looking Sylvia, a film about Plath the poet and her husband Ted Hughes, has received a one student from Cambridge. have remarked upon how few stu- for and “degrees don’t make you cool reception in the USA. The San Francisco Chronicle was one of many pa- In the past, the ‘milkround’ has dents have turned up to some ca- a specialist over-night.” pers to slate the film, describing it as “bland.” Yet Gwyneth Paltrow, starring generally been rewarding. reers events in the sectorthis year. A fine string of letters finishing as the poet, is said to be angry at the poor response and insists that the movie, Traditionally, many students have Even some traditional areas after your name even if it finishes whose opening scenes were filmed in Cambridge, is an intelligent and well-han- been able to relax for much of their have continued to fare well. Of the with that all important ‘Cantab’ ac- dled piece. The film is set for general release on 23 January 2004. year final year safe in the knowl- 155 law graduates who made it colade may no longer be enough to Laura Whittle edge of a job post-university. onto Careers Service records in secure you a job. Singing the ‘fifth week blues’

students don’t have a reading week blues. “Your body and mind get so e

Gabriella Jozwiak ar like most universities.” tuned into Cambridge time that even Depression affects up to 15 per cent Yet, in addition to workloads some when you’re not there you still oper- of the general population at any suggest that SAD (Seasonal Affective ate on it!” Kate W one time, but as fifth week drew to Disorder) also plays a part in ‘fifth Students use many methods to an end yesterday, at least half of week blues’. Changes in light intensi- cope. Cambridge has also become Cambridge students have shown ty in different seasons may alter our much tidier as students resort to pam- symptoms of mild psychological circadian rhythms or ‘body clocks’ pering and retail therapy whilst prob- distress according to college wel- causing our bodies to be out of step lems of low self-esteem seem to have fare officers. with our daily schedule. led to an increase in the number of stu- The phenomenon of ‘fifth week Liz Waller advised dealing with dent haircuts. blues’ has long been observed in fifth week by “taking a break and giv- Colleges JCRs have also made ef- Cambridge. As CUSU Welfare Officer ing yourself a treat” and many forts to help depressed students. Liz Waller explained “Because term is Freshers return home for a weekend Emma has upped its college parent- so short and so intense- most students halfway through term. However, ing scheme and organised yoga ses- reach a burn-out point at some time. familiar surroundings and home sions. Last year the Downing wel- This doesn’t always coincide with fifth cooking were not enough for two fare officer put vanilla syrup in every week… but the majority of students Downing students who took the ad- students pigeon hole to sweeten their suffer from ‘blues’ in a loose sense.” vice more seriously and took advan- daily dose of caffeine. The Counselling Of course most British students tage of cheap EasyJet flights for some Service suggests doing a relaxation have to survive longer than eight sunny Sicilian repose. workshop. Others suggest a more ag- weeks. Indeed medics on clinicals are However, even escape from gressive approach, encouraging peo- now experiencing nineteenth week Cambridge may not help. One Sidney ple to take up Kick Bo or Chi Kung. All blues. However as CUSU President Sussex student studying on a year-out the same a week, however blue, is only Ben Brinded pointed out, “Cambridge in Russia claims even he is feeling the seven days long.

WHERE NOW? EDITOR:ALEX STEER 06 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

Next week, the Senate House will again discuss proposals that, if passed, will transform a large area of Green Belt land to the north-west of the city into a major new resource for the University. As these plans Where now? seem likely to expand Cambridge’s physical footprint significantly beyond the city centre, ‘Where Now?’ asks whether a single institution can retain a coherent identity in the face of such change? How much can Cambridge grow?

David Adamson Anne Campbell MP Director of the University Estate Management and MP for Cambridge Building Service

The University of Cambridge, especial- University’s staff to have college affiliations. The University plans for the West wide range of facilities within the one site. ly in its most recent century, has been Another distinctive aspect of this Cambridge site are ambitious and im- A top class sports facility will be a real asset growing in numbers of students and University is the splendour of its built envi- pressive, much needed if it is to retain its to complement the University’s academic staff, and in the number of Colleges and ronment; recent developments such as the position as a leading centre of academia. reputation. University buildings. Centre for Mathematical Sciences illustrate State-of-the-art research institutes and fa- With regard to the location of the site, I Undergraduate growth has only been why the University is getting so many local cilities are essential if the University is to con- think there is something to be said for en- about 0.5% a year but the growth in post- and national accolades for the quality of the tinue to attract excellent students and gen- couraging students to appreciate the city be- graduate students and in research teams has design of its buildings. erate innovative research. Investment on this yond its collegial core. Having studied at been much greater, at some 2.5% and nearly So the University is working very closely with scale is perhaps overdue to renew the Cambridge I am aware that, for many stu- 10% respectively. Academic space require- the County and the City to provide future op- University’s infrastructure. dents, it is easy to spend three years dashing ments have been met by putting up new and portunities to continue development of this won- I am impressed so far by the manner in from college to lecture without making full more suitable buildings, but not enough derful University should that be decided. Then which the West Cambridge site development use the city’s other resources. affordable accommodation has been avail- Cambridge will have the physical capability to is being approached, with a thorough review I hope that the planned development may able: a lot of post-graduate students and sustain its distinctiveness and its successes. process and moreover looking to integrate a encourage students to appreciate the members of staff have to live a long way University as an integrated part of the city from work because of the scarcity and cost The North-West Cambridge Development rather than an island within it. of accommodation. At the same time, some At an institutional level, the University academic buildings have become unsatis- has in recent years become more attentive to While the West Cambridge site has met a lot of the University’s immediate factory for their purposes, and need replac- its relation with the wider Cambridge com- demands for space to build new facilities (including the Cavendish ing. After the completion of West Cambridge munity, and I feel that this is a very posi- Laboratory and the British Antarctic Survey), the proposed site to the and the last two sites available on Sidgwick, north-west has longer-term objectives. Ideas for the use of the land, there will not be enough land available to between Huntingdon Road and Madingley Road, near Girton, include: “State-of-the-art research meet future University demands. institutes and facilities are Through a national planning process the • New colleges and student accommodation essential if the University Government sets out priorities for and re- • Affordable housing for University staff straints on developments for each region. Then is to continue to attract • Academic and Research & Development facilities the Counties and Local Councils have to de- excellent students” • ‘Community’ projects: transport connections (e.g. park-and-ride), velop these plans. Cambridgeshire County housing for sale and recreational space and facilities Council, following clear guidance from the East tive development. I hope that measures such of England Regional Planning Guidelines, de- as facility sharing may be considered in the All will require the land losing its current Green Belt status. A ‘Structure cided that farmland between the Huntingdon future, so that those who live alongside the Plan’ laying out these proposals has been adopted by Cambridgeshire and Madingley Roads and the M11 in North University may benefit socially and physi- County Council, and the University is now involved in ‘masterplanning’ the West Cambridge should be made available pre- cally from some of its resources. Of course, development with local authorities. The plans are due to be discussed at dominately for University residential and ac- the University is a motor of growth for the the Senate House on Tuesday, November 18th. Whether the ‘North-West ademic developments. This makes provision Cambridge region and has propelled eco- Masterplan’ will affect the Girton Primate Lab proposals, or vice versa, for future options; as the land at West nomic development through the technology remains to be seen. Cambridge was assembled some 60 years ago and science sector. for unknown future University requirements, As a city Cambridge is predicted to have now allowing construction of academic and one of the fastest growth rates in the coun- residential buildings such as the 206 new flats, try, and it is appropriate that the University with childcare facilities and convenience shops contributes to that growth and regeneration, that will be completed by next summer. being such a central part of the city itself. Recent and possible future expansion of the Fears that Cambridge University as an in-

University is matched by similar expansion in ct.cam.ac.uk/westc/ stitution might lose its identity through ex- the Cambridge area, in which 5,000 new jobs pansion misrepresent the University itself, are being created each year. The County Plan which has since its foundation worked requires wider development of ‘compact through a network of colleges and dispersed Cambridge’ so that as many people as possible academic sites. can live close to where they work; so the One of the primary benefits of this non- University is keeping in synchrony with its campus structure is the capacity to expand http://www-building.ar home city in maximising sustainability. into suitable sites around the city. As Our University continues to be among the Cambridge university life is lived through best in Europe. It continues to provide teach- the college system, development at the uni- ing, learning and research in an extraordi- versity level can provide an additional focus narily wide range of subjects; having options which can only enhance students’ opportu- for development as the decades roll by will nities and experiences. help the University to continue such a range I think the investment involved in the of subjects. The quintessentially important West Cambridge plan could significantly collegiate basis of the University can flour- contribute to the good of the city as a whole, ish if those colleges which wish to expand if carefully and competently managed. And have the land to do so and the University has I also feel a touch envious when envisag- options to create new colleges in the future, ing the new facilities available for students providing opportunity for more of the A plan of the yet-to-be-built North-West Cambridge Development Site in the future!

What next? Send your comments and opinions to [email protected] EDITOR:ARCHIE BLAND COMMENT & ANALYSIS www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 07

Vas An open letter: This is my Anastasiou side of the Gardies story

Hello people and patrons of wants the property for student ac- 3. Mr Bursar, you said about stu- leave an essay or library work to is why people do not use the Gardenia, commodation. In 1995 – 96 the dent community, that is why you have a meal at the University at the Crescent. I do not care if some shop It is about time to set the record College proposed to me that we want the upper floors for accom- certain time you serve it. If Gardies owners think that diamonds and straight. should turn Gardenia into a restau- modation. I want to inform you that closes, where are all these people gold chains are better than souvla- Mr Bursar, I apologise if any of rant to get rid of the take-away and few places are available for stu- going to go for a reasonably priced ki, or crystals made in Japan are this article comes out wrong, I do in return they offered a longer lease. dents to eat outside the Colleges. but quality meal if they finish late? better than chips and mayonnaise. not mean to cause offence but Eight months ago when the prem- One of them is Gardenia – if you Last year a group of students It is about time for the shop own- English is not my mother tongue. ises next to Gardies were unoccu- close it, where is the community was being chased by some touring ers in Rose Crescent to wake up Mr Bursar, my questions are pied for quite a few months, I con- sense? The Eagle, the Maypole and rugby players and they sought and place themselves in the need these: tacted the College’s property Gardies, those are the places where shelter in Gardenia. They stood be- of Cambridge in the 21st Century. 1. In 1989 Gonville and Caius agency, Bidwells, to try to rent next students mix outside the hind me while I tried to stop the at- As the romantic I am, I believed purchased our premises from a door so that the College could take University, if they don’t have them, tackers, and I ended up with a that having a University as land- Greek family. In return they gave a the upper floors of Gardenia for stu- are they expected to stay inside the black eye for two weeks. Last lord would mean that they would twenty-year lease. If the College dent accommodation if they colleges? Students usually prefer to weekend a lady came in with a stand above penny pinching and has had a long term plan to turn the wished. The answer from the gather close to the University. So, if bleeding arm, while she waited for unfairness so I decided to make a property into student accommo- agency was that they were not in- Gardenia move further away from her food, we dressed it up for her. life at Gardenia, but I was wrong. dation why did they give the 20 terested because the upper floors of the heart of the University, students For them the place is more than a So what price are you going to year lease when they had the op- Gardenia were not suitable for stu- are going to lose another ground. food shop. put on my family’s disturbance, the tion not to? dent accommodation because there 4. Mr Bursar, a lot of students The shops in Rose Crescent are disturbances of my loved ones and 2. You said that the College would be “too many corridors”. are tied up with work and cannot not middle-class friendly and that of all the students? What price?

The blood donation rules are not homophobic, says Ann Fielding, Bloody they just don’t make any sense Stupid

Giving blood is the easiest way can suddenly find out that they of- I’d be barred from it for life after and the policy is backed by the it. You could argue that it is best to save a life. The adverts tell ficially have a high-risk sex life. It’s being on the receiving end of oral Terence Higgins Trust, who can to err on the side of caution, but in you to ‘do something amazing’ a bit like being told you’re into ex- sex from another male, but a man hardly be accused of homophobia. the U.S. they will not take blood on the way to the bank, to over- treme sports because you occa- who had a condom-free orgy with But that does not mean that they from anyone who has lived in the come your laziness, selfishness sionally walk up the U.L. stairs in- four female prostitutes could do- are right. In Italy equally quali- UK for at least three months since or childish fear of needles and stead of using the lift. nate again after only a year’. fied people decided that the ban on 1980 because we are all supposed help a cancer victim or a pre- Despite all this, there is some to be about to catch vCJD. mature baby. A man is logic behind these rules. HIV is still This harks back So should the national blood But the national blood service in more common among gay men service here follow suit? And why the UK will not take your blood if, allowed to have than among the rest of the popula- uncomfortably is there be no mention of rape in the I quote, ‘you are a man who’s had anal sex with as tion and there is a window of three to the 1980s UK rules, while in the US they ask sex with another man, even “safe many women as to four weeks between when some- myth of the evil, you not to donate for a year if you sex” using a condom’. So, if a man possible and one contracts it and when it shows contagious have been a victim of one? I doubt gets oral sex, with a condom, from up in a test, so you can donate in- rape is safer this side of the Atlantic. another man, that is it. For the rest still donate fected blood despite having re- homosexual These rules are all based on guess- of their lives both of them are as- cently tested negative. The peo- work and hope. As Dan Crompton, sumed to be at high risk of having As an MPhil student here said: ple who set these rules up are well gay men was homophobic and CUSU LBG chair points out, ‘men H.I.V. and banned from giving ‘it’s struck me as quite strange that meaning, hard working and smart counterproductive and abolished who have anal sex with men are a blood. It does not matter how re- high-risk factor, but no higher than cently they have tested negative, or women who have anal sex with men if they are in stable, monogamous (shock horror). A man is theoreti- and long term relationships. It does cally allowed to have anal sex with not even matter if they were both as many women as possible and still virgins when they met and have donate, whereas gay men are not.’ never had sex with anyone else. Of course, gay men can still do- And if a woman has sex with a man nate blood if they want to; they just

who has any history of having sex British Blood Donation Service have to lie about it. But that is dis- with men, she is then not allowed astrous for a system that is funda- to give blood for a year. mentally based on trust and on This harks back uncomfortably honesty. The basic problem is this to the 1980s myth of the evil, con- bizarre assumption that all gay men tagious bisexual, and it does not have the same lifestyle. There are even make practical sense. The undoubtedly gay men who pull a women who are really at risk are different bloke every night and go the ones with closeted partners, barebacking, but it isn’t a big secret who scuttle off to have anonymous that there are also straight blokes sex and then lie about it, not those who boast about how many girls who know about their partners’ they’ve pulled, and who will do past. This leaves a hell of a lot of anything to avoid wearing a con- people here who after years of dom. Why not use criteria based on monogamy mixed with celibacy sex life, rather than sexuality?

Bitter? Angry? Opinionated? Let us know at [email protected] EDITORIAL 08 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

Please think again

The vote by CUSU council to not support the campaign to save Gardies was extremely disappointing both for us here at Varsity and for the majority of Cambridge students. From the reaction received here this week, it would be quite easy to make this edi- torial reflect the majority student opinion by simply ranting about how CUSU does not properly represent Cambridge stu- dents.

That is not what it is going to do. Firstly because Varsity believes that CUSU is an excellent representative for Cambridge to the outside world and within Cambridge does a mass of very important much of which is never seen by the average student. Secondly, because Varsity believes that the motion was voted down because it was completely misunderstood.

We, and everyone who wants Caius to reverse their decision, understand that there are problems with Gardies and the noise it causes, but prob- lems are not solved by moving them elsewhere. If Gardies closes, where is the Van of Life situated – under more student accommodation. Student accommodation from Caius. With single glazed windows. No problem was ever solved by just moving it elsewhere.

Varsity urges the representatives of Cambridge students to reconsider their votes. If people don’t agree with the way their college voted, you can see which way they did at varsity.co.uk, tell them so. If you don’t tell them, they will never know.

With CUSU’s backing the campaign can be taken forward beyond where it is now and the voice of Cambridge students can say what the mass of Cambridge students are thinking. As our representative body – isn’t that Editor what they are here to do? Tom Ebbutt [email protected] King to Knight Six The week Online Editor Tim Moreton The swallows are flying south for winter. King to Knight Six. [email protected] Meet at the Red Lion, after the cock has crowed. The sun is shin- in words Chief News Editor ing in Geneva. Reggie Vettasseri [email protected] Over the years Oxbridge was the heart of the recruitment network for the “No scum will put me off rowing”. Business Manager British intelligence service – notes left in pigeon holes informed prospec- Steve Wale a rower who had a sheet of plywood dropped on his head Sam Gallagher tive students of furtive meetings at which they would be informed of [email protected] their destiny. Who knows how many entered MI5 and MI6 times past? ‘I hope their coming in will be the most exciting thing that will Technical Director happen this term’ Tim Harris Times change; in an open, meritocratic society even Secret Services have Michael Howard in 1962 on the admittance of women to the Photos Editor to move forward and the signs are, from the Varsity investigation Cambridge Union. Pavla Kopecna printed this week, that recruitment from the dreaming spires is on the [email protected] wane. Specialist skills rather than a public school education are now the ‘C.U.C.A’s own sheep in sheep’s clothing’ Production Managers primary reasons for being called to ‘the MoD’. In the war against terror, Michael Howard of the Cambridge University Conservative Matthew Jaffe Arabic is the number one language looked for by our paranoid Association as described by Varsity during his years here as an un- Jun Jhen Lew Government. dergraduate. [email protected] Design Manager But why would anyone want to be a spy – long hours, no recognition, “Keep at it, I’m outraged” Tom Walters ever having to watch your mouth and never able to reveal your inner Alan Rusbridger, Guardian Editor, on Varsity’s campaign to save [email protected] thoughts. What is the actual appeal? James Bond may be a great charac- Gardies. Page Setters ter, but no one really believes that any secret agent meanders around the Thanks to the whole team world in an Aston Martin convertible, seducing the nearest woman while “Pembroke could become a target of Islamic or Irish terror” Chief Subeditors saving the world. The listening arm of the British security services are A scared Pembroke student. Rebecca Willis ever increasing in size – they spend their time in a doughnut in Sarah Horner Cheltenham. Not really quite as glamorous. “We hope [Mr Collum’s departure] signals the removal of some [email protected] barriers and that the company will now be willing to sit down and Editorial Cartoonist Still want to be a spy? Then you’re probably not suited to it anyway. negotiate with us” Andrew James But if you are, the lemon tree is wilting in the moonlight. KB60 red. Brian Strutton, of the GMB union, on the strike action at Sellafield taking place this Friday. If you would like to contribute to Varsity please e-mail the relevant section editor . The future’s not so bright “There is no change in the situation. I am the Labour candidate Forty Seven percent of Cambridge graduates left University without for the mayoral candidate.” a job last year. An amazing statistic – at supposedly the best univer- Nicky Gavron, Labour’s official mayoral candidate for London, 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge, CB2 1QA sity in the country people just weren’t getting jobs. Of course, some on rumours of Ken Livingstone being re-admitted to the fold. may not want them, some may not need them but for most of us a job Varsity is published by Varsity Publications is what we will be looking for after we hang up our mortarboards “I think I’m the only human in history that single-handedly de- Ltd and printed by Cambridge Evening post-graduation. molished Regent Street lights and the sound system.” News. All copyright is the exclusive prop- Popstar Daniel Beddingfield, who tried to switch on the erty of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part So what’s the answer? Postgraduate courses beckon, maybe a year travelling Christmas lights in London’s Regent Street, on the technical hitch of this publication may be reproduced, round the world or volunteering in the UK. After all, as Tom Peck eloquently that left 10,000 bemused onlookers in the dark. stored in a retrieval system or transmitted expounds on the page opposite, the world of work is not some thing you in any form or by any means, without the want to enter, unless you do it kicking and screaming. prior permission of the publisher. EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 09

Tom George W. Bush - It’s all Lane about personality

‘Personality goes a long way’, ob- masculinity’, it’s difficult not to Instead, like those poorly written late easiness with the new state of affairs, a dash of oil wealth and – presto! – serves a sage Samuel L. Jackson find a part inside of you respond movies on Channel 5 that you find Bush’s response has been a swag- you get George W. Bush. Frankly, I in Pulp Fiction. And who’d want to the bumbling yet bellicose yourself watching because you can’t gering, macho outburst. His response wouldn’t be surprised to see a to argue with him? After all, he’s Dubya. Though his inarticulacy, be arsed with Newsnight, The Bush to the Iraqi guerrillas effectively sums President Mathers in several gen- got a wallet with Bad Muthafucka gaucheness and occasionally obvi- Show offers you a chance not to up his entire foreign policy: ‘Bring erations’ time, if not sooner. written on it. ous discomfort with his role on one think – a seductively simple em on’. The message to the world: Economy aside, the main issue of Even without this striking cre- level makes him seem rather hu- Manichean vision of Good and Evil. ‘Come and have a go then if you the 2004 elections will be terror. The dential, there’d still be good reason man, on another level it makes him This, anyway, is the idea. What think you’re hard enough’. problem with terror is that it thrusts for listening to his wisdom. You need seem the embodiment of western you actually imbibe from Bush’s ap- Immature though this may be, it you into a zero-sum game. The ma- only look at the California elections masculinity. You see something of pearances, however, is not a sense of provides the same visceral kick you ture, rational response is to change or the ousting of Iain Duncan-Smith yourself reflected back through the righteousness, but of sheer power. get from genuine gangster rap – the the rules of reaction, and in a way, to spot the increasing political im- TV screen. You also sympathise Although 9/11 crashed us into a thrilling, nihilistic brutality of ‘I just give in – acknowledge the absurdi- portance of personality - even at the with the temper fits – the sense of world where there can be no outright don’t give a fuck’. Bush’s popular- ty of the situation and aim for some- expense of policy. personal irrelevance and impo- victories, since it brought with it the ity stems from the same source as thing of mutual benefit. To do this, This is why, despite the doubts tence that makes him want to hit end of a foe conveniently bound that of the world’s second most fa- however, feels like a defeat, both protesters can cast on his policies, out at something, anything, just to within a state, the effect of the mous American, Eminem, who moral and actual. The only politically Bush is unlikely to suffer much from get a shot in, to convince himself Afghanistan/Iraq policies has been practically acknowledges this when acceptable response to terror is ter- his looming state visit. He knows he’s not utterly insignificant. In this to gloss over this, to imply that tra- he boasts ‘I’m the equivalent of ror, and to argue the alternative re- his critics can’t hit him where it respect, he’s rather more like the ditional military might can, as be- what would happen if Bush quires a charisma which those of a hurts – his image. For Bush has de- male id, with its rampant urge for fore, save the day. rapped’. Naturally, the converse more pacifistic mentality tend to veloped one of the most effective attention through destruction, giv- You may decry America as the of this is also true – Bush is the po- lack. Personality goes a long way, cults of personality since the days en human form and let loose upon global bully – but remember how litical world’s answer to hip hop. and were I an American voter, I of Mao Tse-Tung. the world. everyone always stuck with that Take one disaffected white rapper, know which box I’d be sorely tempt- Speaking as a man in these days Naturally, Bush doesn’t empha- schmuck in the playground? Far add a little Christian fundamental- ed to tick – the one that has Bad of a supposed universal ‘crisis of sise this aspect of his popularity. from admitting defeat, or even un- ism, some Ivy League privilege and Muthafucka written by it.

Letters should be submitted no later than midnight on Wednesday, and be as concise as possible. The editors The descent into Letters reserve the right to edit all copy. [email protected] City wankerdom A challenge to the Gardies, take heart Newnham JCR Dear Editor, Dear Editor In answer to the despondency that I have seen in some Tom people over the prospect of saving Gardies (Caius will nev- Re: Newnham is nice without men, Nov 07 2003 er listen etc), we can take heart from both the recent atti- Peck This letter from our current and former JCR tude of Corpus to The Eagle (letters Nov 7), but also - more Presidents Rebecca Collins and Ange Fitzpatrick pertinently - over the one time plan of St. John’s College, MA Cantab pending - life after Cambridge seems to have fundamentally missed the point of our Oxford, to close the Lamb and Flag. article. “Newnham is as relevant as it was in 1871” is This much beloved Oxford pub, located within the col- Guided by motivations solely of nomenally different? Walk past a cou- a fallacy. Newnham was founded to promote female lege’s grounds, was to be turned into student accommo- vanity, two weeks ago I found my- ple of people chatting in Cambridge education in a man’s world. As other colleges re- dation - until a public outcry, from across the University self visiting www.varsity.co.uk, you are likely to hear something a bit sponded (albeit imperfectly) to the pressure of pro- and city made the Governing Body of St. John’s change to check if my previous column like this: ‘Well, yes but, erm, well, the viding an equal education for the genders, Women’s their minds. Crucially important was the implacable op- had been added. It hadn’t. nihilism is overstated in some of the colleges are holding on to a past era. To suggest that position of St. John’s JCR, in that case. Have Caius JCR tak- Clearly it’s not enough for me to later works, but it still, well, it still, it such institutions are as relevant now within a mixed en a similar stand? get up every morning and go to still works.’ In the City: ‘You know, university is, frankly, bizarre. Yours faithfully, work so I can earn just enough yourself, Tina and I really must touch Some of the “whining” anonymous Newnhamites Jonathan Morgan, Corpus Christi to afford to pay for you all to sit base before the meeting on Monday, I were also willing applicants to their college. They too around rolling up leaves of the mean, we need to be absolutely sure liked the atmosphere and facilities, but as for the hype, Less by ‘gay’ Stanley original manuscript of the everyone’s up to speed before it goes at what point were they exposed to any negative in- Principia Mathematica and snort- over to operations next week.’ put? Certainly not in conversation with those vol- Dear Editor, ing two hundred odd weight of I often wonder as I sit, or more of- unteers they meet at open days and interview days, We write regarding Tim Stanley’s critique in last week’s charlie off the college silver. ten stand, in one of the hundreds and not in the alternative prospectus. It is only when issue. While the article isn’t particularly offensive, the I was however, curiously surprised upon hundreds of London’s non-de- you join the college when the reality becomes ap- University as a whole is sufficiently rife with stereotype by the fact that the lead story – Gardies script tie-filled pubs, if on our way parent. without added contribution from Princess Stanley. to close – didn’t surprise me at all. This out of the Senate House after grad- Thus we, the unofficial voice, would like to raise a Such an article would not be printed were it to talk of is not to say that the potential closure uation, we all passed through a kind challenge: let’s have a referendum in college. Let’s stereotypes within black communities or Jewish commu- of Cambridge’s premiere late night of booth in which stands a solitary bring this issue into the open. Let’s remove the stig- nities, or any other social minority. bistro is not a tragedy of nigh on epic figure chanting, ‘Look into my eyes, ma of disloyalty for presenting these views, and see It’s not big, and it’s not clever. Believe us - we’ve seen it. proportions; it is. Cauis students, the deep into my eyes, you feel sleepy if the official view, as presented by our President, is Yours, in Kylie, hand of history is on your shoulders, don’t you, very sleepy, that’s right shared by the majority. Dan Crompton, Helene Williamson, CUSU LBG Chairs you must be ruthless in your protest: close your eyes . . . You never had a stop at nothing. Pay no bills. Piss in gap year. You haven’t been to Fresh As Snow Ball Competition the Fellow’s pigeon holes. Kidnap Venezuela. You don’t like those on Monday the 24th November at The Corn Exchange Stephen Hawking. beads you wear. You don’t aspire to My point though, is that I knew discovering the secrets of the uni- Fresh As Snow is arguably the biggest event of the term; offering an incredible array of about it already. Within hours of the verse. What you truly want is a suit entertainment and live music. With free cocktails, a champagne ice sculpture and a com- paper coming out, the story had for every day of the week.’ plementary gift bag worth in excess of £15, it looks like this is going to be a night not to spread like wildfire into tens of thou- Whilst the descent into City be missed. Tickets of £20 are selling fast so get your skates on! Tickets available from sands of inboxes all across the City wankerdom has a very shallow gra- [email protected] and college reps. For a chance to win one of five pair of tick- of London. Though I had suspected dient, it’s a long road, and there’s no ets, email your answer to the question below to [email protected] with the subject it, it wasn’t until this point that I tru- turn-offs. So have a year out, de- ‘Fresh as Snow COMPETITION’. ly realised that everyone bar no one grade, do a spuriously dodgy M. Which is the biggest venue in central Cambridge? A) Gardi’s B) The Corn Exchange C)Cocos in ‘The City’ has been to Cambridge. Phil, anything. And don’t worry, So why are these two places so phe- you’ll be up to speed in the end.

FEATURES EDITOR: NAZ SADRI 10 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk Did you put one on? Phil Gerard asks why the sacrifice is increasingly forgotten

That’s crude, and what you’re about to relatively peace-blessed lives are taken for ingly or screaming their angry protes- read isn’t about sex, but this week I’ve granted. Our inability to em- tation, leaving their families, and they been left wondering if sex is the only way pathise is endangering died in their tens of thousands, and they to sell respect. I walked through what ought to be a duty, did it for us. Cambridge on Saturday 8th November, dare I say it, to remem- Dr Jeevan Deol of St. John’s College the day before Remembrance Sunday, ber what has been wrote in The Independent on the 8th and roughly, very roughly, one in thirty done on our behalf. November: people were wearing poppies. I had a friend “to forget would be to lose the ability to em- Had I had the time and a staff, I would when I was an pathise with the terrible loss of human life have polled the vast majority as to why they undergradu- war that characterised the last century.” In light were not wearing one. Without either I have ate who was and heroism of this, did I really have to wonder if pop- to assume the possible reasons: maybe they decent and came by de- pies would sell better if twenty-year old didn’t want to stick a pin through their new honest, an fault. It was- blondes in tight tops were the distributors? coats or maybe they didn’t know it was that intellectual n’t for the fu- Would you have read this without the cheap time again. I hate to think that maybe they of sorts who ture generations, innuendo in the title? Just because something just didn’t care. Ah, the naïve jingoist. How used to be a and certainly not for is out of our experience, does its colossal im- charming. monk. He him. I was baffled. I portance really have to be ignored? There are supposedly twenty-seven sur- would delight asked him to consid- My apologies for the appearance of chest- viving veterans of World War One in Britain, in talking er the implications of beating patriotism; that’s not my intention. and as that particular war ended eighty-five through the two- a Nazi-dominated Respect for them is my intention. Respect for years ago, you could allow that it won’t be minute silence, and in- Europe post-1945 com- the people that gave us everything, espe- in everyone’s consciousness. There are tens sisted “they didn’t do pared to the Britain they cially from a University population who of thousands of veterans of World War Two, it for me”. i.e., the men managed to save. I argued that every day pass College war memorials for some of them our grandfathers and great and women who died chive by wanting to preserve what we had, they men and women their own age who didn’t grandfathers. Because of them, we live in had no choice but wanted to preserve it for future generations. make it to their glittering careers; for those

arsity Ar peace this end of Europe. We don’t fear in- get involved; there V I didn’t persuade him.Well, you may have still dying in an attempt to take some of the vasion, aerial bombing or being called up to was no knowing some issues with Britain, but there’s no com- inherent bad out of the world. defend ourselves against them, yet with honour, valour or parison with Germany under the Nazis, and Next year, will you think about what we every other liberty we have in this country patriotism: they don’t even start to argue that there is. These have and why we have it, and put on that that half the planet will never have, our got caught up in a men and women went willingly or grudg- damn poppy? EDITORS: MARTIN HEMMING AND WILL MOTT THE ORDINARY www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 11 The ISSUE SEVEN: If your cover CD is missing, don’t blame us AH MW rdinaryBACKWARDS WE’RE YRANIDRO EHT. WE’RE NOT BACKWARDS. Wear protection.O COLLEGE SHORTS Let’s welcome MONEY TROUBLE From the bursar: Hello. All colleges are experiencing financial hardship at the moment. I need to sell some things to make sure we break even this year. I got £12 for Darren who does Geography in the second year, and I can also get my hands on some block. In addition College weed is available from the Porters lodge Capitalism now! at the very reasonable price of £15 for an eighth. It’s classic shit. Remember, ma- New system of economic and social organisation comes to Cambridge tron says: “marijuana is not at all addictive so make sure you buy lots”. ed in 1910 when a small infant brought RELIGIOUS DEBATE it in to show and tell at his school. He “Pigeonholes...love ’em or hate ’em?” is the topic this week. Bring biscuits. was then bullied profusely. But this might have been because his name was Tandy. “This is scrotum-tighteningly great news,” local mouthpiece Kentucky Brafe,65.5,told me.“I’ve owned a shop in this town for over 40 years and only now, under this new legislation will I be able to actually sell my things. I can also employ one of those nice lady shop assistants that I’ve heard so much about.” East Anglia’s leading Marxist theo- rist Tucker “Che” Jones commented:“I hate to say I told you so,but I told you IMPORTANT so. I saw this coming a mile off.” From the computer officer: Loads and loads of trans-Atlantic traffic this week, Cambridge’s shock decision to adopt kids, and frankly it’s getting too much for the system. I can understand conven- Capitalism comes after a fortnight of tional, I can even allow doggie-style, but Stuart (B7) – what on earth was that thinking and not really understanding. ‘Fireman’s Touch’movie all about? Get a life (or a sexual partner) some of you! £19.48 only How strange will the change from ly to the popularity of pies, milk and Feudalism to Capitalism be? ANSWERS Eye On Your Pie juice, the big C is now able to pene- Here are some of the answers to the tasteless College quiz held last week: Question Bruce Beckles trate our fine shire town. THE VIEW ON THE STREET 1: muff dust; questions 2-6: shank; question 7: your mum. The winner was Ciabatta “I believe that we had no alterna- Capitalism is GOOD because... Davies, who wins a puppy just in time for Christmas. Regionally important people this tive but to start with this Capitalism “It tends to iron out the major wealth week all voted in favour of adopt- thing,” councillor Gordon Flanbase told differences in society whilst only exploiting FLAKE ing Capitalism as a new way off The Ord yesterday.“The current sys- the really poor. Which is fine.” From the senior tutor: The theft of book tokens from outside my room shall life for the citizens of Cambridge, tem is untenable.We can’t just have - Toby Double-Barrel,Market Square. no longer be tolerated. I also need carbon. Please respect the powerful. ending centuries of just kind of people getting along, enjoying simple milling around with not much to immaterial pleasures and doing what Capitalism is BAD because ... DEATH do. they want.And after having read the “CDs are too expensive and I can’t af- It is with great sadness that the College officers report the death of Lord Trampington Capitalism,not to be confused with promotional literature on Capitalism, ford to buy the latest GAP clothes and Leeds Smythe Bargain-Hunt. The late Lord Trampington, aged 107 if he were still alive, capitalization (which is when you do I’m convinced. It sounds like a lot of United are going to get relegated. I would achieved international fame by smuggling bun-round to the front-line troops dur- This or even THIS),is spreading like, fun for everyone.” protest but my sweatshop shoes are bro- ing the recent Welsh War. The now infamous ‘bun-round trugs’ in which he well,like a dominant mode of social and Capitalism, from the word Kapital, ken. I must buy some new ones.” conveyed his delightful mix of dough and sugar to the soldiers are on sale in the economic organisation. Thanks most- meaning ‘boring German’,was invent- - Alicia Fool, outside Nat West. College shop. It is believed, but not confirmed, that his legendary bunround recipe inspired popular children’s TV series Newsround. Students also should take this opportunity to remember College Fellow Chet SALES: MORE Cripp, 88, who’ll probably die soon too. The confetti has hit the fan. As you can see from our exclusive comput- Letter of the week CLASSIFIED er-generated graph below,The Ord is now officially the most popular page beginning with O since 1976’s short- lived feature,‘Ornithology and You’. I abhorred last week’s chauvinistic piece by your correspondent Taff McSmith – ‘Hungover Again’.It’s like quit the persecuting man. I nearly choked on my herbal tea. Beer culture is so tiresome, and his aggression was a bore – turn to the poppers, soldier. As for his ‘music’ taste, it’s pretty shallow – if I’d seen his J.T.tickets in the bar I’d have burned them with my Ninja Tune clipper. I only ever go to the bar for fags anyway.He won’t have even heard of the down- beat grooves I threw away when I was twelve.And all that stuff about weed…man, I’ve tried mushrooms, acid, 15 to 1 and speed, and it ain’t done me no harm. Word (and peace too) For sale: village bicycle. Attractive. 19 years old, been used a fair bit. Quite a Yours in josticks, goer. Strong frame – but some parts metal. Some rust colouration on undercar- Talvin Hope-Glory riage. Likes engine oil. £5 per lap. Look everyone, here’s an email address: [email protected] INTERVIEW EDITOR: PAUL LEWIS 12 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk Tony Benn - He encouraged us Paul Lewis chats to Tony Benn about animal rights and Fidel Castro’s Cuba. But not about his son.

Is Tony Benn an aristocrat gone wrong or a hero for the work- should all become grain-eaters.) You can’t really can you? very difficult situation. They’re blockaded contrary to in- ing classes? I wouldn’t propose I know the answer to that. History and animals aside, he is currently one of the most ternational law, the Americans are defying the World Trade But he was the first person I’ve interviewed who didn’t vocal advocates of the human rights of prisoners on Organisation, they are funding movements to overthrow once lean back on his chair. Permanently arched forward, Guantanamo Bay. Castro, they have tried to kill Castro. with a serious frown across his head, Benn was engaged in Moreover, Tony Benn has been accused of having a com- "I just think you have to understand the problems the the conversation throughout. munist leaning by his critics. So is he prepared to condemn The circle of autograph hunters around us didn’t distract the human rights abuses “Look. If you’re trying to make him. They listened to his every word in silence. happening on the trouble with the family” After lighting his pipe with a match he puffed out of the side rest of the of his mouth. His eyes looked through the thick smoke to tell island of Cubans face…I don’t think really it is easy to have a demo- me to begin. Cuba? cratic structure when you are under permanent attack of all Tony Benn is son, grandson and father to MPs. Politics, it kinds by the world’s greatest superpower." appears, runs in the family. So what does someone who has Tony Benn’s pipe is out of tobacco. And there is a long inherited and passed down political power through gen- line of fans hoping to get a handshake from him. So with erations, yet stands as one of the strongest advocates for time running out I step on the grass he asked me to stay off democracy in our time, have to say about that mere coin- at the outset: I ask about his Blairite son, Hilary. Is Tony Benn cidence? proud of Hilary Benn, I ask? "I don’t think that’s a serious question. I’ll have to be "Of course. He worked for a trade union for twenty- off soon." five years. He was chairman of education in Ealing, Deputy His way of telling me through the smoke not to ask Leader. He worked in education all his life. He is a very bril- silly questions like that again. liant guy. Very highly-respected by people who know him." Politicians understandably don’t like to talk about Despite the obvious sense of pride he must feel, I insist (like their families. They prefer serious issues like Iraq. So, obe- an antagonistic little upstart journo), is there not a tinge of dis- diently, I ask if there is a moral difference between September appointment that his son has joined the New Labour project? 11th and the Iraq War? Removing the pipe from his mouth, he raises his voice. "Look. If you’re trying to make trouble with the family." “If we didn’t kill animals and we No, no, no. I say. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I ate the grain there’d be enough feel soaked with guilt. I’m instantly angry at journalism. A food for all.” meaningless cop-out profession where you try and trip people up to get a story. Where’s the integrity – the worth – in that? "I’m not in favour of using military force for political rea- I ask if he has any words of encouragement for young peo- sons. So I condemn both." ple who are disillusioned with national politics and are turn- But is there a moral distinction between the two? ing to journalism instead. "Well I condemn both." "I’m not here to tell people what to do," he replies, When he said he was retiring from the House of Commons to making me feel worse. dedicate his life to politics, he wasn’t joking. He still looks at me through the smoke though, We jump over to that other great issue of moral dilem- as if to say, kind of forgivingly and with ma – the King’s rent strikers. a sparkle in his eye, ‘you know exact- "Well my instinct is to support them. You have to ly what you need to do - and why’. He do something if things go wrong, don’t you? If you just inspires without trying. sit and wait for it…I mean you’re half Spanish aren’t you?" Before you meet Tony Benn you he adds, "I mean Franco was there for a long time." know he is an incredible politician, "You have to do it for yourself. If these people are an amazing orator and a figure that protesting rent and the impact it is having, my has his name firmly embedded in instinct is to support them." history books of the future. With Tony Benn instinct counts for Scraping away the politician and a lot. On the question of the the idol though, you find a warm and Cambridge animal testing labs, for wonderful father and grandfather. example, he is "an animal rights man I’m probably not alone in seeing instinctively," and, "very sceptical about those Tony Benn as the ideal father or grand- who advocate the argued necessity of animal testing. "Cuba has been under blockade and siege, the Americans father. The one many of us wish we could have had. "They use animals to test chemical weapons and god knows have bombed it, they’ve tried to kill Castro. And they’re in He would arrive one evening, pipe in hand, and we would what. They used to use pigs to test dum-dum bullets." a very difficult situation. all sit round the fire listening to what he has to say. Better pigs than humans I think (but don’t say). Instead I "And," he goes on unflinchingly, "Cuba is one of the poorest Absorbing his wisdom and principles. Enjoying every suggest more diplomatically that it would be better for animal countries in the world with higher educational standards and minute of his company. rights protestors to put their resources into preventing human higher medical standards than the richest country in the world." I would make the tea. rights abuses. Tony Benn disagrees. But that would mean living in a grain-eating utopia which, "There’s no difference between the two [animal rights and “I don’t think it is easy to have a let’s face it, isn’t going to happen. human rights]…can you be a human being if you’re prepared democratic structure when you Before he gets up to shake some hands I mention what to kill thousands of animals and eat them?" are under permanent attack” Margaret Thatcher said was her greatest achievement: New For me, the answer on a philosophical and a practical level Labour. I ask what he thinks his greatest achievement is. is a quite simple ‘yes’. But it was a rhetorical question, and he "Well I like to encourage people. When I’m asked occa- is on a roll. "That," Tony Benn concludes emphatically, "is the threat that sionally I say I’d like to think I’ve encouraged people. If I’ve "I don’t eat dead animals. Now that’s perfectly compati- Bush is afraid of." encouraged people I’d be very satisfied." ble with my human rights and also their rights. It is always interesting to see the extent to which defenders of I think you have encouraged people, I tell him, desper- "If we didn’t kill animals and we ate the grain there’d be Castro’s regime will go without admitting that breaching hu- ately hoping he believes me. enough food for all. Now that’s what human rights are." man rights is wrong and democracy should be restored (or in- "Well it’s a very simple objective. I’d have on my grave- Ridiculous, of course. But how can you possibly argue troduced) in Cuba. Especially someone like Tony Benn, for whom stone ‘Tony Benn – he encouraged us’. against someone about what human rights are when they have the principle of democracy is sacred…well, almost sacred. "It would be very satisfactory, I wouldn’t want more than that." staunchly defended the human rights of persecuted minori- "It is very difficult to have human rights if you are under Said Tony Benn, the longest serving MP in the history of ties throughout their political life? (Even if they’re saying we permanent foreign attack. I think the Cuban people are in a the Labour Party. /14/11/03/LISTINGS/ Welcome to Varsity’s Listings pull-out. With our expert’s top recommendations below, Listings is your essential weekly guide to what’s on in Cambridge over the next seven days. FILM LIT MUSICTHEATRE V. ARTS

Alien: The Director’s Cut (from Attention all student poets. Bada Bling at the Junction this Last chance to catch Greenworld Sudanese-born painter Abdallah Friday, Warner Village). Ridley Scott Filament, Cambridge’s newest po- Saturday(15th) is presented by thee the musical (14th and 15th), one of Meirgani exhibits a collection of can- gives a few retrospective slashes etry journal, want your work. Go on, mighty mighty Heartless Crew, the more original and unique plays vases drawing from a range of in- to an already near-perfect film. be read by someone other than your London purveyors of a unique row- to come out of Cambridge’s student fluences including the alphabet, Perhaps not the revelation that the mother and/or best friend. It may dy mix of bashment, garage and hip drama scene this year. Much fun. religion and graffiti to expose and Blade Runner DC was, but Alien is well be the start of great things... All hop. They’ve been around since back Much style. Mucho wonderful mu- celebrate the vitality of Afro-Arab still an exhilliarating piece of cine- submissions to Jon (jo240). To have in the day and still smash any rave. sic courtesy of the Papadam culture. The exhibition runs through ma - and with newly souped-up Filament’s debut sent to your pigeon £7.50 door/ £6 adv Cinderella Minstrel Crumbassive. November and December at Cafe sound it’s never been scarier. hole contact Nick (narp2) Heaaartlessssss!!! 11pm at Queens’. Afrika, Sturton Street.

To submit listings go to Theatre Auditions www.varsity.co.uk/listings L4 L2 LISTINGS 14 NOVEMBER 03

An eclectic mix of Urban Fashion & Gifts from London

Queens’ Films: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days . FILM Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. FRIDAY Queens’ Films: 9pm. £2. Doctor Zhivago . Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick St John’s Films: C.U.HISPANIC SOCIETY: Hall. El Crimen del Padre Amaro - , PG Weekly FILM: “NUEVE Johnny English 9pm. £2. St. John’s College, Fisher Sunday 16th November - 7pm & 10pm REINAS”.In Spanish with Building. 9pm. £2. English subtitles.All St John’s Films: University members wel- Johnny English - comedy, FRIDAY El Crimen del Padre Amaro,15 come. starring R. Atkinson, N. Thursday 13th November - 9pm Sidgwick Site, Lecture Block 3. *CU HISPANIC SOCIETY: Imbruglia & J. Malkovich . Weekly Film 3pm. St. John’s College, Fisher www.stjohnsfilms.org.uk FREE FOR MEMBERS. : ‘EL SUENO DE LOS Building. HEROES’ (Argentina).In 10pm. £2. SUNDAY Spanish with English subti- tles Christ’s Films: THURSDAY All University members wel- FIND MORE LISTINGS The Recruit. Christ’s Films: come.Info:come.to/cuhisp. Christs College, New Court The Shawshank Redemption. Sidgwick Site, Lecture Block 3. AT Theatre. Christs College, New Court 3pm. FREE FOR MEMBERS. 8pm and 10.30pm. £2. Theatre. 10pm. £2. WWW.VARSITY.CO.UK

SATURDAY www.theschool.millrd.co.uk. 10am. The Maypole Pub, Park Street, Upstairs. 8pm. £1. 6pm. £1.50. CU Chabad Society: CU Ballet Club: TUESDAY Parsha and Pasta - Come for a thought pro- Intermediate ballet. 2:30pm. £1.00. Buddhist Meditation Samatha Trust: anon creative: MISC voking supper. Pointe class. 4pm. £0.50. Introductory course in meditation. FRIDAY ‘demolition exhibtion’ mixed/multi-media Chabad House, 19 Regent Terrace. 8pm. Advanced class. 4:30pm. £1.00. [email protected]. www.samatha.org. artists . The School 1 Coleridge rd, CU Chabad Society: Kelsey Kerridge, Aerobics studio, top floor. Pembroke College, N7 Old Lodge. 7:30pm. Welcome the Shabbat with a delicious four www.theschool.millrd.co.uk. 10am. C.U.T.C.C.S: course meal. Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society: Chi Kung: Breathing Exercises for Stress Relief and General Health and Fitness. Chabad House, 19 Regent Terrace. EGM... with tea, and cake. CU Jewish Society: Cambridge Solidarity with Iraq: New Hall, Long Room. 2pm. £2/3. 7:30pm. Pembroke College, Inner Parlour. 4pm. Study with a buddy - explore topics of Launch meeting for those interested in prac- Jewish learning. tical projects with Iraq. CU Jewish Society: WEDNESDAY SUNDAY Culanu Centre, 33 Bridge Street. 7pm. Queens’ College, Armitage Room. 7:30pm. Friday Night Dinner - Guest Speaker Gena CU Chabad Society: C.U.T.C.C.S: Turgel. All Welcome. Kabbalah Course - a beginners guide to the esoteric. Tai Chi Chuan: Hand Form; Weapons CU Meditation & Buddhism Soc: Student Centre, 3 Thompson’s Lane. CU Ballet Club: Chabad House, 19 Regent Terrace. 8pm. Forms; Pushing Hands; Self-defence. 7:30pm. Meditation with tai chi, chi qong, creative Thursday Fitzwilliam College, Reddaway Room. 2pm. Improvers Ballet. writing, dreamwork. Kelsey Kerridge, Aeorbics studio. Culanu: £2/3. Sidney Sussex College, Knox Shaw Room. 7pm. 8pm. £1.00. CU Ballet Club: Culanu’s famous weekly Oneg (party!) - Beginners ballet. Absolute beginners always come and join the fun... . MONDAY welcome!. Maypole Quiz: The Culanu Centre, 1st Floor, 33a Bridge St, anon creative: CU Ballet CLub: Queens’ College, Bowett Room. bet. Oxfam and The Galleria. ‘demolition exhibtion’ mixed/multi-media Cambridge’s most entertaining quiz, with Beginners jazz. Fun, lively jazz dancing! . 6pm. £1.50. 10pm. artists . The School 1 Coleridge rd, , tickets drinks and cash prizes. Queens’ College, Bowett Room. LOOKING FOR LOVE? Hi my name is Steve and I’m 30 years old. I’m looking for a foxy lady between the age of 18 and 23 to share my life and home with. Big tits are essential, and long blonde hair as well. A classy lady. She must be a good cook, and be a patient mother to my 4 boys. Lucky ladies, if this sounds like it could be you please call me on 1800 LOOK 4 LUV

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An eclectic mix of urban fashion and gifts from London

21 Petty Cury, Cambridge, CB2 3NE. Tel 01223 322 123. Monday - Saturday: 9.00am - 6.30pm. Sunday 11am - 6pm 14 NOVEMBER 03 LISTINGS L3

The Cambridge Music Festival: SUNDAY Nuits d’été Britten Sinfonia, Conducted by Jesus College Music Society: Paul Watkins Music by Wolf, Berlioz, MUSIC Michaelmas term concert: Prokofiev, Bizet, Wagner and Holloway. Elgar and Chopin. Jesus College Chapel., West Road Concert Hall, . 8:30 £6 (£3 concessions). FRIDAY 8pm. Tickets £8 in advance 01223 503333. Christ’s College Music Society: Selwyn College Music Society: Piano Concert: Legendary Will Galton plays The Cambridge Music Festival: Cambridge Music Festival: Saint-Saens and Beethoven, Schubert, Bach, etc. Lunchtime Prom IV Ravel Piano Trio and Schumann piano quintets. Christs College, Chapel. 7:30pm. £4/2. Sonata. Selwyn College, The Hall. Emmanuel United Reformed Church, 1:10pm. 9:30pm. £5 adults/£3 concessions and members. Clare Ents: Open Mic night . SATURDAY Selwyn College Music Society: Clare College, Cellars. 9pm. £2/3. Akira Present: Cambridge Music Festival: Saint-Saens and Schumann piano quintets. Ear Candy: Rock, Pop, Hip-Hop etc . CUR 1350: Selwyn College, The Hall. 9:30pm. £5/£3. A night of urban music from Cambridge’s King’s College, Kings Cellars. finest dj’s. 10pm. The Cambridge Music Festival and APU: King’s College, Cellars. Duruflé’s Requiem, Messiaen’s Oiseaux 10am. £4 or £3 for CUR1350 members. Exotiques. APU Symphony Orchestra and Caius Ents: Chorus. Nenwham Ents: BOP: Bond... James Bond. It’s going to be West Road Concert Hall, . Acoustic night with Simon Mastrantone huge!. 8pm. £Student Tickets: £7 in advance plus support. FREE entry. (01223 503333) £3 on the door Newnham College, Bar. 12am. Harvey Court JCR, West Road. 8pm. £4. The Cambridge Music Festival and Clare Ents: Cambridge University Music Club: Ray with support from Kat Quatuor Parisii and Ashley Wass piano Kennedy - live indie and dj. Chamber music by Ravel and Vierne. Clare College, Cellars. West Road Concert Hall , 3pm. 00am. £3/4. Student Tickets: £8 in advance (01223 503333) £3 on the door The Cambridge Music Festival: MONDAY “Come and Sing Mozart’s Doormouse [planet mu]: Now Recruiting Requiem” Electronica, Jungle, Gabba. support form Great St. Mary’s Church, . steveseviltwin and Accelra . 2pm. £Student Tickets: £8 in the Portland Arms, Mitchams Corner. £5.50 per hour advance (01223 350544) £3 on 8pm. £4/4.5. the door (depending on avail- ability). Peterhouse Music Society: after training Concert for Wind Trio, including Beethoven The Cambridge Music Festival: The Cambridge Music Trio op,87. Peterhouse, Chapel. 8:45pm. Endellion String Quartet. Works by Festival: Mendelssohn, Schumann and Holloway. Lunchtime Prom V Edward The Cambridge Music Festival: West Road Concert Hall, . Grint Song recital. Music by Harvey Brough’s Requiem in Blue. 8pm. £Student Tickets: £8 in advance Fauré and Poulenc. West Road Concert Hall, (01223 503333) (01223 503333) £3 on the door Contact store for Emmanuel United Reformed 7:30pm. Student Tickets: £8 in, £3 on door (depending on availability). ITALIAN RESTAURANT Church, 1:10pm. The Cambridge Music Festival: MEZE HOUSE further details TUESDAY Lunchtime Prom VI Debussy String University of Cambridge Party bookings up to 50 available Philharmonia: Cambridge gamelan: Quartet. Emmanuel United Reformed Church. 1:10pm. Beethoven 5, Mozart Violin Traditional Javanese music workshop. Downstairs Cocktail Bar Concerto in G major K216. Beautiful-sounding tuned metallophones West Road Concert Hall, and gongs. WEDNESDAY 8pm. £6/£3. Jesus College Music Society Recital: TUDENT ISCOUNT Music Department, West Road. 6pm. 10% S D DOMINOS CAMBRIDGE: 01223 355155 Chamber Music by members of Jesus College Chamber Orchestra. 17 Hills Road, Cambridge 27 HILLS ROAD, CAMBRIDGE, CB2 1NW Jesus College Chapel, 9pm. 01223 566900 [email protected] jobs are like women g

emotional, demanding, time consuming, and inveritably worthwhile (ahem). like a good woman, a good job sometimes plays hard-to-get. alcohol & cindies won’t help this time. dressing well, being sharp and learning how to play their games will.

Tuesday 18th November How to tackle case studies - PwC Strategy In teams, you will look at aspects of strategic problems encountered in case studies, and develop and discuss angles on the problem, and then hear from professionals in the fi eld as to what they’d do. An essential event for those preparing for consulting interviews. Thursday 20th November Fuel Your Career: Application Skills Presentation - Shell You’ll be given an insight of the processes, from application to interview through to an assessment day. They’ll tell you how to improve your performance. Also, sample interview and assessment day exercises are included to allow participants to practice their skills.

All events are free to members, start at 6.30pm at Sidney Sussex, and include wine and dinner. Book your place online www.cambridgefutures.com g horizons cambridgefuturesfutures cuis www.cambridgefutures.com the new cambridge university industrial society L4 LISTINGS 14 NOVEMBER 03 The Fletcher Plays, Corpus Christi College and the Invites Applications for the 2004 Cambridge Arts Theatre invite applications to: Lent Musical ADC Club announces

DIRECT/PRODUCE Auditions For BATS invites applications to direct in Lent ANNIE GET YOUR GUN 2004. Deadline midnight 19th November. at the CORPUS PLAYROOM Contact Hannah Meyer (hm290) for more LENT AND EASTER TERM 2004 9 - 20 March 2004 information. Pigeonhole Hannah Meyer (Queens’) with applications. Shakespeare’s Application forms available now from Corpus Porter’s Lodge. Musical Director BATS presents Richard II (7.45pm) and the Technical Director Richard III Greenworld Musical (11pm), 12 - 16th Deadline: 6pm on Friday 21st November November, Fitpatrick Hall, Queens’ Publicity Manager

All applicants and players welcome. To apply or for more information, ADC Club Main Show Contact Matt (mhs30) with any questions. please email Rob Asher, rja42. Lent, Week 7 Deadline is Tuesday Nov 18 at 5pm. Trinity College Music Society: (2nd - 6th March) Adrian Horsewood performs baroque MUSIC cont... works for violin, baritone and basso continuo. ADVANCE NOTICE at Trinity College JCR Trinity College, Trinity College Chapel. OF AUDITIONS WEDNESDAY (Great Court) 8pm. £4/£2/£1. CUMTS invites applications for produc- Auditions for all parts to be held The Cambridge Music Festival: ers and directors for Sun 16th Nov 4pm - 9pm King’s College Choir Stephen Cleobury THURSDAY 22–24 November, venue TBA. conducts music by Brahms, Schumann, The Cambridge Music Festival and The Lent Term Week 3 Late Show at the ADC: Email rja42 for more information. Wolf and Holloway. Kettle’s Yard: For details, contact the Director King’s College, Chapel. The Nash Ensemble with Mark Padmore SONGS FOR A NEW WORLD 8pm. £Student Tickets: £8 in advance (tenor). Music by Brahms, Mozart, By Jason Robert Brown Gerald (gg269) (01223 503333) £3 on the door Holloway. (depending on availability) West Road Concert Hall, . Please contact Eshwar on eka24 for more details. Deadline Advance booking recommended. 8pm. £Student Tickets: £8 in advance is 6pm Sunday 16th November (01223 503333) £3 on the door (depending on availability). The Cambridge Music Festival: Cambridge University Brass Band: Mobius: Chamber music for flute, harp and Joint concert with City of Camrbidge Brass H.A.T.S The Cambridge Music Festival: strings by Debussy, Saint-Saëns, Takemitsu, Band, featuring a wide variety of music. (Homerton Amateur Theatrical Villa-Lobos. Lunchtime Prom VIII Alkan Piano Recital Bright Faces Emmanuel United Reformed Church , West Road Concert Hall, Society) Jesus College Chapel, . 8pm. £7/£5. 8pm. £Student Tickets: £8 in advance 1:10pm. Stage Company (01223 503333) £3 on the door Invites applications to direct/produce FRIDAY Fitz RAG: late Lent term. Invites Applications For: (depending on availability). Rock n Roll and Cocktails for Children in Cambridge Music Festival: Need. The King’s Piano Trio perform works by Contact Carolyne (cc340) for an appli- The Cambridge Music Festival: Fitzwilliam College, Reddaway Room. Fauré, Beethoven and Mendelssohn. cation form. Director Lunchtime Prom VII Piano Quartets by King’s College Dining Hall , . 9pm. £2. 9pm. £Student Tickets (very few): £13 in Producers Fauré and Ikeshiro . Application deadline 23 November Emmanuel United Reformed Church 1:10pm. advance (01223 503333) £3 on the door (depending on availability). Tour Managers

Lunch and Learn: Beigels, humous and Culanu: some food for thought. For its September tour of TALK What Makes Me Jewish? 3 perspectives: King’s College, The Chetwynd Room. 1pm. FRIDAY History, Religion, Culture. Vancouver The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, between Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian CU Jewish Society: Oxfam and The Galleria. 8pm. Union: Lunch & Learn, short talk over a delicious The Lady Margaret Players invites “FAITH: A SUSPENSION OF REASON?” free lunch. Contact Nick Long (njl34) applications to Direct/Produce in talk and free lunch. all welcome. MONDAY King’s College, Chetwynd Room. for an application form Sidgwick Site, Meade Room, Animals People Environment: 1pm. The School of Pythagoras, Economics faculty. 1:10pm. Proffesor Martin Wolfe, Eco System Services or for funding elsewhere in Lent. CUJS and Culanu: and Organic Agriculture. Cambridgeshire Bird Club: Lunch and Learn: Beigels, humous and Applications to Tom Hardcastle, St John’s Applications close 26th The Bath House, Gwydir Street, Cambridge, “Not British Birds” some food for thought. (tsh48) by 28th November. For further November Talk/Discussion group. All welcome. King’s College, The Chetwynd Room. talk by Mike Blair from Norfolk. details: St. Johns Church Hall, Hills Road, 8pm. £1. 1pm. opposite Homerton College. Thursday 8pm. £1 non-members. FRIDAY Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian SUNDAY Union: Union: Culanu: “The Bible Talks” - explaining Jesus from Debate: What Makes You Jewish? Religion, John’s gospel. “IS GOD PAST HIS SELL-BY DATE?” talk Culture, or Race?. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. and free lunch. all welcome. The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, bet 1:10pm Sidgwick Site, Meade Room, economics fac- Oxfam and The Galleria. 8pm. CU Jewish Society: ulty. 1:10pm.

11pm. £3. . Clare Actors: WEDNESDAY presents Albert Camus’ Cross Purpose - a THEATRE CADS: dark human tragedy . ‘Volpone’ by Ben Jonson - Sexy, comic satire FRIDAY The Playroom, . 7pm. BATS/ GREENWORLD PRODUCTIONS: £5.50 (£4 concessions). of greed. Christs College, New Court Theatre. THE GREENWORLD MUSICAL: CUMTS: 7:15pm. £5 and £4. 21st century pageantry.acrobatics, dancing, HOT MIKADO - jazz and swing spectacular live reggae.drum and bass. based on Gilberts and Sullivan’s The CUADC: Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 11pm. £3. Mikado. The Water Engine - this year’s Freshers do ADC Theatre, . Mamet. ADC Theatre, Clare Actors: 7:45pm. £6 - £8.50. 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. presents Albert Camus’ Cross Purpose - a CUMTS: dark human tragedy . CUADC: HOT MIKADO. ADC Theatre, . Albert’s Bridge - CUADC Freshers’ The Playroom, . 2:30pm. £6/£7.50. lateshow, by Tom Stoppard. 7pm. £5.50 (£4 concessions). ADC Theatre, 11pm. £3/£4. The Comedy Iceberg: Improwar. ADC Theatre, . CUMTS: THURSDAY HOT MIKADO - jazz and swing spectacular 11pm. £3/£4. based on Gilberts and Sullivan’s The SUNDAY CADS: Mikado. ADC Theatre, . 7:45pm. £6 - £8.50. The Marlowe Society: ‘Volpone’ by Ben Jonson - Sexy, comic satire SCRIPTLAB: rehearsed reading of of greed. The Comedy Iceberg: Cambridge new writing. Christs College, New Court Theatre. Improwar - The Iceberg returns for a week Pembroke College, Room N7. 2pm. 7:15pm. £5 and £4. long comedy mission. ADC Theatre, 11pm. £3/£4. TUESDAY CUADC: CUADC: The Water Engine - this year’s Freshers do The Water Engine - this year’s Freshers do Mamet. Mamet. SATURDAY ADC Theatre, . ADC Theatre, . 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. BATS/ GREENWORLD PRODUCTIONS: 7:45pm. £5 - £7.50. THE GREENWORLD MUSICAL: CUADC: 21st century pageantry.acrobatics, dancing, Footlights: Albert’s Bridge - CUADC Freshers’ live reggae.drum and bass. SMOKER - stand-up from Footlights’ finest. ADC Theatre, . lateshow, by Tom Stoppard. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 11pm. £4. ADC Theatre, . 11pm. £3/£4. To view more listings visit www.varsity.co.uk EDITOR:ANDREW R. MACDOWALL TRAVEL www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 13 Daytripping Moving through Kashmir Covent Garden Shama Naqushbandi on her return to the Himalayas

gushtaba (a symbolic meatball full stop to the end of the feast) being some of my favourites. I drank noon-chai and kahawa regularly and .covent-garden.co.uk

prematurely tasted harisa, a winter www

Shama Naqushbandi sweetmeat dish completely unique to Kashmir. One of the fundamental aims of my trip was to establish links with an academic institution in Kashmir in association with the recently es- There’s an undeniable buzz tablished Cambridge University around Covent Garden. A buzz Kashmir Society. In my first week of entertainment, energy and ex- I visited two schools. After a tour of citement which follows you as the schools and discussions re- you meander around the central garding future projects with the piazza and become intoxicated Principal and the chief adminis- by the never-ending activity. trator, I was honoured to be a guest Covent Garden is easily acces- at the school’s swimming gala. My sible on the Piccadilly Line and is second visit to the school involved also a short walk from Leicester attending the classes and giving Square and Charing Cross stations brief interactive presentations to the making it a favourite for the tourist students about the future objectives packs. However, if you look beyond of the society and the opportunities the snap-happy sightseers, there is for correspondence. a wealth of culture and creativity When I first set out for Kashmir just itching to be appreciated. with this intent it never really oc- Start the day with a spot of curred to me how such a small step shopping. Take your pick from could become so incredibly mean- high street stores such as Gap and ingful. At the schools I was flood- French Connection, or indulge in ed by curious children eager to the eclectic mix of alternative out- know more about the West and lets such as Jungle, Moshulu or how I perceived Kashmir. One of Benjamin Pollock’s (just watch the main aims of the Kashmir the pronounciation!) Society is to portray the region cul- Afterwards, stop and re-fuel at turally as opposed to politically. In one of the restaurants and cafes “I travelled on horseback through meadows nestled between mountains” Kashmir, although the military which stretch around the piazza, After six years of wonderfully the houseboats, while at night I mountain range. But of all places, presence is undeniable and read- offering cuisine from all over the nostalgic memories I finally re- watched the lake lit up by the twin- Pahalgam touched me the most. ing the daily death toll in local globe. Try Chez Gerard on the 1st turned to Kashmir. Again I was kling of thousands of twinkling Here I journeyed amid awe-in- newspapers is a clear indicator that floor of the Market, providing struck by the region’s astound- fairy lights. The Dal seemed a town spiring scenery with streams, cas- the ‘Kashmir Issue’ is far from re- wonderful people-spotting op- ing natural beauty. In Srinagar, in itself with children playing in the cading waterfalls, meadows and solved, the summer of 2003 was the portunities, or the Roadhouse I made visits to the beautifully water and small rowing boats sell- mountains to Chandanwari village best yet for internal tourists, par- Live Music Restaurant and Bar for terraced Mughal gardens ing hot snacks, ice cream and as- and finally to Aru. ticularly Hindu pilgrims. However, a lunch with a bit more bite! Cheshmashahi, Nishat and sorted goods, constantly on the An afternoon of culture in Shalimar and enjoyed the move. With its fantastic views of “My visit to just one of the many or- Covent Garden can take many panoramic views from Pari the landscape it is no wonder why phanages in Kashmir was enough to re- forms. You can while away many Mahal. The newly opened locals gather on the banks for pic- hours admiring the talent of the botanical gardens and Harvan nics or hot kanti. mind me painfully of the tragic costs of street artists or just stare, bemused, gardens were also favourite During my second week in the conflict” at the more surreal ones. haunts for afternoon relaxation. Kashmir, I travelled away from the Alternatively, take advantage of Once I travelled through hustle and bustle of Srinagar to Kashmiri culture can be seen in spite of the enduring loveliness the prime position in the heart of Dachigam, a large National Park, three particularly memorable everywhere. Carpets, shawls and of the valley, the land remains Theatreland and the epicentre of in search of leopards and bears, places: Sonamarg, Gulmarg and hand-painted papier-mâché are es- largely unexplored by internation- entertainment in London. To stopping for tea in the charmingly Pahalgam. In Sonamarg, for a day pecially prominent. During my vis- al tourists. some, the Royal Opera House is landscaped gardens of a trout farm. I lived the life of Kashmiri gujjar it to Old Srinagar, I enjoyed a priv- My visit to just one of the many Covent Garden. If opera is not The evenings were spent watching (nomad), travelling through the ileged door-to-door driven tour of orphanages in Kashmir was your thing, try ballet and get in the the sunset over Dal Lake some- desolate mountains and hop- the whole process behind papier- enough to remind me painfully of festive spirit with the Christmas times reclining in a shikara or scotching streams in search of the mâché and shawl making. At the the tragic costs of the conflict. Every performances of Cinderella. maybe enjoying a roadside corn- Thajwal glacier. Sonamarg seemed end, I was honoured with noon-chai family in Kashmir has known some In the evening go glam in the on-the-cob. almost untouched by man; the land (a traditional salt tea), parantha and loss. Establishing these primary Café de Paris, Sway or the Langley chaval roti at the home of a world links with schools and orphanages with its private booths to eat, drink “I lived the life of a nomad, travelling renowned embroiderer. may only be a tiny step in an ulti- and be flirty. For a different experi- through the desolate mountains in Kashmiri food is unrivalled in mate objective of harmonisation ence, get out your school tie and search of the Thajawal glacier” its variety. I had the pleasure of and peace, but in Kashmir I final- head to Los Locos for the weekly sampling a wazwaan, a popular ly learnt that even these seemingly school disco and big wedge of Kashmiri feast that occurs at cele- negligible gestures can have a tru- cheese. Awarning for guys though During the day, I went by was sprinkled with flocks of sheep brations. Live animals are slaugh- ly heart-warming strength. – watch out for the hen nights, those shikara to explore the life on Dal with the occasional bakarwhall tered in the open and the ground- The Kashmir Project will be offer- women can be brutal! Lake, travelling through the marsh- (shepherd) wearing his customary ing of spices and preparation of ing students the opportunity to trav- To sum up Covent Garden in one land, lotus fields and experiencing long winter coat and kangri (earth- meat are carried out by a family of el out to the valley and surrounding sentence would be to do it an in- the bustle and commerce of the en pot filled with charcoal in a wazas (cooks) with fire, stone and regions in association with some of justice. Quite simply, go yourself and floating villages. The lake is lined wicker basket). In Gulmarg, at 7500 copperware. Approximately 50 Kashmir's most prestigious schools. once visited the vibrancy, vitality by majestic houseboats, the legacy feet above sea level, I travelled on dishes are served periodically by Board and accomodation will be pro- and vivacity of the place will keep of British Imperialism. I saw the in- horseback through meadows nes- the wazas with dodarus (a lamb dish vided. Please email Shama you going back for more. tricate woodwork and carvings of tled between the Peerpanchal cooked in a sweet milk sauce) and ([email protected]) for more details. Meredith Beaumont

FASHION EDITORS: SARA NAGUIB AND NICOLE GOLDSTEIN 14 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk So Sexy...

Modelled by Aska & Takuya Styled by Nicole & Sara Photographs by Esther Teichmann Clockwise: Aska: Pink knickers £33 Flirt, Vintage Fur Gillet £60 Dixi’s Market Stall, Pearl Bracelet £4.99 Miss Selfridge, Pearls £7 Robert Sayle. Aska: Black Corset £40 Next, Earrings £1 Oxfam. Takuya: Fur £16 Oasis, Trucker Cap £15 Cult, Sweatband £4 Top Shop. Aska: Bra £102 Flirt, Earrings £7 Top Shop. Takuya: Jeans £80 Blumax, Hat £18 Cambridge Market, Belt £4 Oxfam. Aska: Kimono £15 Dixi’s Market Stall, Shoes £29.99 Mr Shoe. Takuya: Shirt £3 Cancer Research. Aska: Corset as before, Lace Glove £7.99 Urban Outfitters website, Necklace £4 Ebay. EDITOR: RONOJOY DAM ARTS www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 15 ARTS Call It Poetic Justice Esther Bintcliff puts poetry in motion

“There can be no doubt that in and interest even over and above our civilisation poetry is by its interest of meaning.” far the most discredited of the Today’s clichéd perception of po- arts, the only art, indeed, in etic experience - intellectuals in black Ronojoy Dam which the average man refus- polo-necks poring over a poem for es to discern any value.” hours on end; bizarre collections of Thus wrote George Orwell in words that you don’t understand 1943. Today, poetry as an art form thrown in some crazy formation can be found somewhere alongside onto the blank space of the page; mil- opera and ballet, being perceived lions of obscure references to the by our culture with a suspicious whole of literature in a single line – sideways glance – we know it is are in fact a forlorn reflection of the possibly beautiful, but our experi- way poetry has been abducted from ence finds it more often incompre- its roots in the everyday lives and hensible and frequently boring. stories of the general populace. Whether it means reluctantly This year is the fiftieth anniver- reciting Tennyson’s The Charge of sary of poet Dylan Thomas’s death. the Light-Brigade to your smirking Thomas’s poetry was frequently classmates in year seven; studying broadcast on BBC radio and in this the speeches of Romeo and Juliet in respect stands as a defiant vindica- year nine and wondering why you tion of poetry for the people. Last couldn’t just watch the film; or be- week saw an imaginative produc- ing dragged along to a poetry read- Courtesy of Coalition PR tion of Thomas’ poetic play, Under ing where an elderly lesbian in a Milk Wood, at the ADC. Although I kaftan recounts the experiences spoke to audience members who felt of her youth in disconcerting detail slightly overwhelmed by the lyrical – our collective memory of the po- drive of the play, they nevertheless etic experience has somehow be- admitted feeling moved – they were come skewed. We stay well away, not ashamed to confess the power because it seems irrelevant, elitist of language when it is given the or unintelligible. What is the an- quality of music. Thomas himself swer to the high drop-out rate of would, I imagine, be much more kids who discard their GCSE poet- pleased with this response than with ry anthology with gleeful satisfac- a complicated critical analysis of his tion, never to read or write a poem technique. “You can tear a poem again? Is the enjoyment of poetry apart to see what makes it tick... by only a tiny minority somehow You’re back with the mystery of hav- equal to a cultural loss, or is poet- ing been moved by words. The best ry a cultural dodo, an anachronism craftsmanship always leaves holes in a world captivated by the new and gaps... so that something that is linguistic conventions of MTV? not in the poem can creep, crawl, One of the hurdles in attempting flash or thunder in.” to popularise poetry is the mis- Poetry does not have to be com- conception that poetry is only plicated; neither do you have to un- about words on a page. Few realise derstand every line to appreciate that in every European language it. All this you may grudgingly ad- poetry came before prose; in the mit - but where do you come in? days before the printing press, po- Basically, Cambridge provides a etry was the best means of narra- fantastic opportunity to try out tive, and the essential orality of po- your talents and enjoy the efforts etry was fundamental to telling of your contemporaries. A new po- stories. If this all sounds a bit the- etry journal entitled Filament has oretical, then look back to Disney’s recently been set up which is en- animation of Robin Hood (1973), in couraging all submissions; next which Robin’s adventures are re- term will see the launch of The counted by an enthusiastic rooster- Mays, an Oxford-Cambridge an- minstrel called Allan-a-Dale. This thology of the best student writing; is not merely an invented gimmick; and the Cambridge Writers Guild in its own nostalgic, rose-tinted been roosters with a deep south thing printed... encourages obscu- pen. First, the poet must cater to the runs free writing workshops. As if way, Disney is referencing a true American accent, but the main idea rity and ‘cleverness’”. The simple new listening audience; clarifying this wasn’t enough, a beautiful, tradition of poetic narrative – that is that at its point of origin, poet- practicalities of listening to poetry that which might prove too obscure tiny cafe called CB1 on Mill Road of bringing stories to a public au- ry was about listening. – the fact that you only hear each for a once only reading. hosts regular poetry readings. dience through sung or recited po- As Orwell notes in his essay word, or line, once; the restriction Alternatively, as Gerard Manley Martin Espada once said, “poetry, etry. Admittedly very few of these Poetry and the Microphone, “the con- of not being able to re-read – means Hopkins suggests, perhaps poetry like bread, should be for every- minstrel characters would have cept of poetry as primarily some- that one of two things must hap- should be “heard for its own sake one”. Start believing it.

EDITORS: DUNCAN BARRETT / ELAINE TIERNEY FILM / LITERATURE www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 17 Neo, but hardly classical Why sometimes what goes around, comes to nothing 'Everything that has a beginning sequel, Reloaded. The direction is a has an end'. Or does it? lot better (which is to say that it Audiences at the 'final' instal- might pass a film school entrance iamge.net ment in the Matrix trilogy - the exam) and action and plot do propel curiously-titled Revolutions - the film forward, with meaningless might be rather less sure. Okay, posturing kept to a minimum. so the 'u' in there signals circu- Having said that, the story is ridicu- larity rather than answers (and lous, the characters two-dimensional, there are fewer revelations in the performances pretty middling and this film than might be hoped the resolution deeply insulting - not for) but the resolution ridiculous only to the audience's intelligence but and the sequel-mongering end- to the principles of freedom and self- ing pretty outrageous. knowledge that seemed to underpin At the risk of ruining your enjoy- the original. ment I'm going to give away the plot, If there is a definition of mindless because here at least - unlike with enjoyment - and I do mean truly mind- the last film - there's quite a lot of it. less - then this is it. The only thing is The first half an hour or so involves that with films like Pirates of the getting Neo out of the totally unnec- Caribbean proving a blockbuster can essary coma that he fell into last time be witty and sharp as well as explo- so that we could all umm and ahh over from Bill and Ted-style flashbacks in Machina - which would be kind of chines - nice in principle but bollocks sive, The Matrix's path from interest- an imaginary ‘To Be Continued...’ and an underground station - ‘Like, funny if not for the odd suspicion given that they have no redeeming ing break-out (or, for Keanu, come- ponder an ending straight out of one whoah, man, I'm stuck inside my that the whole film has been written features to make peace with - and back) movie to megalithic franchise of those great Adam West Batman own mind!’ – and able to return to around the pun. We then run straight everything settles down, leaving the seems rather disappointing. One can't episodes. Will Neo escape the clutch- annoying people by pretending to on to the pointless but necessary con- humans to lick their wounds (in- help feeling that the first film had an es of his own unconscious? Will Agent be Jesus Christ. Then the big fight frontation with Agent Smith, about cluding the loss of Trinity, plus ending in a way that this kind of elab- Smith find yet new ways to ham it up takes off - and it is pretty impressive whom the film has hitherto managed Keanu's eyes) and the clever pro- oration wil never improve on - and and yet again steal the show? to watch. Actually, the entire battle to forget about almost entirely. What grams to make portentous remarks frankly, they'd have done better to Well, 'Yes' is of course the answer sequence feels like a poor-man's re- we get is a kind of aerial acrobatic about the need for a sequel while have left the story there. Trilogies may to all of these, and after a rather turn to Aliens - only from a poor man fist-fight, which feels like a demo they take in the glowing sunrise. be a good bet for studio execs, but in pointless digression in which Trinity with an enormous special effects short to show they've worked out Now maybe all this sounds like this case the virtues of The One have and Morpheus outwit the budget in his pocket. how to animate rain. fun - and, actually, it is. I quite en- been rather tainted by a distinctly dis- Merovingian (not, sadly, a new Meanwhile, Neo is meeting God. Neo now has the mind-blowing joyed Revolutions and I found it a lot appointing Trinity. Vienetta flavour), Neo is released This version is the ultimate Deus Ex idea of forging peace with the ma- easier to get along with than the first Duncan Barrett Sex, Death and Automobiles Ballard’s fiction considered as a downhill motor race

Much later, when the article was obscenity is a deadpan attempt to con- Europe’s new elite, enriched by glob- finished, he realised that he had secrate, at the furthest imaginable alisation and the Internet, has with- been less interested in Ballard’s extreme, the ‘marriage of sex and tech- drawn to a swimming pool world, latest novel, Millennium People, nology’ that was bound to take place which behind its security fences is which he had not even read, than when our erotic impulses were dis- ‘eventless’ and ‘affectless ’. Bored by in describing the powerful connected from biological need and the run of middle class pass-times, monotony of his fictional preoc- incorporated into consumer society. his villa people turn under charis- cupations. Ballard, like de Sade, Sex sells, so it is hardly wrong to find matic leaders to petty crime, realis- wants to emulate the hypnotic accidents involving a car, the deadliest ing that cruelty and perversity ‘add repetition of pornography and to of all consumer goods, sexy. In Crash, to the possibilities of life’. Even shel- find in perversions a way of alert- Freud takes to the road- in an SUV. tered societies need to accommodate ing us to the silent perversity of In Why I want to fuck Ronald Reagan crime, because the guilt and fear it everyday life. Ballard had come to believe that the generates are the most potent of so- Blood, semen and engine coolant traditional idea of the independent self cial bonds. It is a philosophy dis-

Crash (1973) first revealed to a wider could not survive in an age where the chives missed within the novels themselves public that things were seriously media invades and relentlessly shapes as ‘Nietzsche on the beach’. The amiss. ‘Ballard’, the hero, is provoked our consciousness. In The Atrocity games get out of hand and lead to or- by a near fatal crash into identifying Exhibition (1969), we enter the mind of gies of mass killing. But again Ballard sexual gratification with car accidents. Dr Travers, after his mental break- quietly insists on the perversity of

Guided by his mentor, Vaughan, he down. But instead of laying bare a Ronals Reagan Ar our own societies, which try to reg- tries to exhaust the erotic potential of consciousness in the traditional way, versions of our own ‘belated attempt al grammars’ that we can use, like ulate for the chance of life on the one the car crash. He prostitutes his wife we are given instead a bizarre welter to return to a symmetrical world’. It Travers, to give a spurious connection hand and yet leave room for vicari- in a speeding car, seduces a widow in of alter-egos, ‘mental polaroids’, and is hard to know whether to be dis- to the meaningless disconnection of ous excitement at the doings of an Ian the vehicle with which he killed her people who behave not as humans but gusted or amused. Who, for example, the modern world. Huntley on the other. husband and scours photos of victims’ as ‘pieces of geometry interlocking could expect sympathy for a man who Nietzsche on the beach Tolerances of the Human Face crippled bodies to get ideas for new in a series of mysterious equations’. kills a woman for becoming an ‘un- In Cocaine Nights and Super Cannes, You can’t caricature Ballard, be- sexual positions. His favourite snaps, The Atrocity Exhibition is a nauseous bearable intrusion into the time geom- Ballard became a social satirist as well cause he’s happy to be a caricature of showing ‘unions of torn genitalia and fairground ride that makes madness etry of the room?’ Ballard becomes so as critic of modernity. These novels ourselves, a ridiculous prophet of sections of car body’, represent ‘tem- true sanity. Travers’s supposed con- hard to understand that all the read- take place in the rich villa communi- doom. He’s a home-grown, grown- plates of new genital organs’ and ‘units ceptual art exhibitions, which try to er’s notions of what it means to un- ties and business parks of the up Houellebecq; a Chapman brother in a new currency of pain and desire.’ make media illusions real- one chap- derstand - to divide the world into in- Mediterranean, viewed with true writing airport bestsellers. Read his Crash’s hymn to psychopathology ter is a ‘Plan for the Assassination of telligible categories - fall apart. Instead modernist excitement as a ‘huge at- books. Even Millennium People. is in the strict sense revolting. But its Jacqueline Kennedy’- are distorted of a meaning, he offers us ‘transition- tempt to hothouse the future’. Michael Ledger-Lomas VISUAL ARTS/ MUSIC EDITORS:ISABELA CHICK AND DAISY LEITCH/ ELLEN E. JONES 18 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk EVENTS Oh, the Unhomely There are lots of events on offer at Kettle’s Yard, both linked to the exhibition and to the permanent collection in Ann Fielding gets uncomfortable at home the House. One of the curses of academia is and the uncanniness of anything inan- There are lunchtime concerts, untranslatable German words. imate that looks alive. talks offering an introduction Words so slippery, so hopeless to This exhibition works wonderfully to the current exhibtion as define that the dictionary is only at Kettle’s Yard, because it reacts to the well as talks from the curator, so much help. strangeness of the place. The gallery Sebastiano Barassi. Most of This exhibition is named after one is attached to a museum that is still the events are free and stu- of the worst of these, a word so full called a house, even though no-one dents are encouraged to of pitfalls that it is no wonder that has lived in it for over twenty years come. Freud used it as the title for an arti- and even though the place functions cle, in fact a word that makes you won- in all practical senses as a museum, What are you waiting for? der whether Freud could have writ- with official opening hours and in-

ten in any language but German. ard vigilators who will tell you off, very

November 13: ‘Unheimlich’ translates as ‘uncan- s Y politely, if you touch a painting. ny’, but ‘heimlich’, unpredictably, On the other hand, it still looks like Lunchtime talk 13.10 - The means secretive, and both come from a house: there are bathrooms, though Unhomely, free ‘Heim’, which means ‘home’. This is with no running water; bedrooms, an exhibition about how the uncanny though the beds haven’t been slept in

November 14: fits in and outside houses and homes Courtesy of Kettle’ for decades and no little placards next and about how the same objects can Round the corner there is a candle- things together and writing. to the artworks telling you what to Friday Lunchtime Concert, feel safe and threatening, mundane less chandelier, a glorious concoction But the showstopper has to be think about them. When you visit you 13.10, free. and unexpected. of sellotape rings and the empty shells Carsten Höller’s four-meter long croc- can sit in the armchairs and read any The first artwork you see on walk- of biros, a completely useless mim- odile, which is orange, transparent, of the slightly battered collection of Are You Sitting Comfortably? ing in is Simon Periton’s Lantern X a icking of a useful object and a perfect and looks unnervingly alive. Carl Van books, and act as though you were curl up in the house and hear fragile layering of cut-out sheets of pa- example of how art can be funny, both Vechten thought that God invented guest and the hosts had just gone The Sandman from Tales of per, in the lantern-like shape of a in the ha ha and in the peculiar sense. cats so that we could have a tiger in down to the shops for some milk. Hoffmann, 16.00-17.45. Victorian brick bay window. It is an It takes a while to work out the odd- our houses, and Höller’s croc has the The place feels as though it were image of an utterly ordinary object - ity of the materials, because the ob- same mix of savage and domestic, waiting for someone to live in it, like November 20: walk around in Cambridge and you’ll ject makes such immediate visual with something in the twitch in its hips Miss Havisham waited for her wed- see thousands of them – but the deli- sense, despite making no practical that suggests it is coming for you. The ding, and with about the same chance Lunchtime talk 13.10, Italo cacy and strangeness of the artwork sense at all: the sheen of the sellotape artist apparently got the idea from a of success. Uncannily, though, it is Valenti by curator Sebastiano plays off the solid glamourlessness of and the light glancing off the biro cas- story in Freud about ghostly croco- also peaceful and welcoming. The ex- Barassi, free. the original. It is like seeing your front ings make them look as though they diles, but this object invokes a more hibition gains from this background room plated in gold, or your bicycle were always designed to be hung up general nightmare, that creeping sus- and becomes far more than the sum grow wings. and not to be wasted on sticking picion kids have that their toys move of its parts. “I went down the experimental road” Ellen E. Jones meets indie Mark, pop Mark and er...prog Mark ? Listening to your new album In Your think it is about you that the British Not at a night club, but I do it at par- Own Time it seems like you’ve got a public find so endearing? ties. real balance between ‘Indie Mark’ I don’t actually have a fucking clue! I Do you still remember them? and ‘Pop Mark’ is that something don’t know. I’m just not a dickhead, No, not exactly but I try and do a bit you’d agree with? that’s the truth. There’s a lot of nice of breakdancing. I suppose so, yeah, because after the people out there and there’s a lot of Me too. Green Man album I went a little more dicks. Y’know I’m just not a dick, I’m It often ends in disaster, though. down the experimental road [this was not really such a nice person. I have Yeah, breakdancing is hard…Who ‘Prog Mark’]. It’s still quite an organic good days and bad days but I don’t re- are your musical heroes at the mo- sounding record but a more complete omotions ally take it out on people. I take it out ment?

album and lyrically and melodically ild Pr more on myself . Hopefully I’m just I don’t really have ‘musical heroes’, I a little stronger. not a dick, but then sometimes I’m a mean I’ve always liked Radiohead. What was it like working with Gary dick as well… They’ve always been my band. I re- Barlow again? [Barlow co-wrote two Do you have a favourite Take That ally like Rufus Wainwright, Damien songs on the album] Courtesy of W song? Rice. The Stone Roses have always It was fun actually. I was a bit nervous was into and how I felt and that’s what alised I could draw bikes! Maybe I Definitely Back For Good and I’ve al- been one of my favourites. And about the whole thing initially. But it I aimed towards. should go to uni and study art…. ways had a soft spot for Never Forget, Queens of the Stone Age. I like them. was great. Gary basically just left me There’s obviously been some kind of Well maybe, yeah.Let’s see how this cause I had a hand in directing the Now you’ve been in the music in- to get on with it. Because of the style evolution, though. What sort of album does first, though. But, seri- video for that one. dustry for a while what words of wis- of music that he’s known for doing crowds do you play to these days. Is ously, do you ever think to yourself How did you feel about the homo- dom so you have to pass on? now [Barlow has writing credits on the there still the teenage girl element? “Oh, fuck it, I’m gonna give up the erotic subtext of Back For Good. Nothing really. I think everybody has recent Blue album amongst others] I prob- No I don’t think so. We’ve only done music business and open up a little There’s the line ‘Got your lipstick, their own journey, that’s the message ably wouldn’t have immediately uni gigs so far so it’s been full gift shop in Bognor Regis” or some- Mark, still on my coffee cup.’ of it. I suppose it’s good if you can thought of him, but he called and I of…erm…uni people. Which is a thing like that? I know! I had thought of that, yeah. try and keep some kind of record, be- thought ‘go for it’ and I’m really glad range, really. Some Take That fans still Erm….no. Not now, not at this mo- But I think it was just a slip of the cause it all becomes one long day I did it now. come along, but now they bring their ment in time, but I do eventually want tongue, I don’t think he meant it. in the end. Was there a lot of pressure on you to husbands and their kids. I guess peo- to be a fisherman. In Greece. That’s You don’t think Gary was accusing go in a certain musical direction af- ple have been coming more because of where I want to finish up. On a little you of wearing lipstick? Mark Owen will be performing at ter you left Take That? the past than where I am now, but it’ll fishing boat, in Greece is where my life No, and I didn’t drink coffee at the Shepherds Bush Empire on Dec 4th. People from the record company be interesting to see now that the new will come to its close. time either. would have preferred me to do more album’s out what sort of crowds we’ll You’re often described as very lik- Do you ever feel tempted to break out I like Mark Owen. He makes me feel sort of Take That stuff. I just wanted to be playing to...oh look I’ve just drawn able. You get called ‘the nicest man into any of the old Take That dance silly when I ask silly questions (which make a record that felt real to what I a bike [Mark is doodling] and I never re- in pop,’ for instance. What do you routines when you’re in a club? is only right really)

EDITOR:ELLEN E. JONES MUSIC www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 19 Waterdown The Boatrace, 8th November REVIEWS

Having a small fan-base and only After an eight gig tour neither filling half of The Boatrace, German Waterdown nor any of their support Elbow, Fugitive Motel Out Now,V2 hardcore six-piece, Waterdown al- bands, The Hurt Process, Linear 77, or Poor Guy Garvey. After years of impossible musical misfortune, Elbow finally most certainly had to be viewed with Dopamine let any energy drop, giving achieve the recognition his lovelorn anthems deserve, and what does it bring? an open mind. But to say this ambi- their all to an exceptionally receptive Endless schedules, months on the road and just as he was feeling some romantic tious new band thrilled the relative- crowd on their final night. reciprocation. Notwithstanding damage to the frontman’s stability, the vicious ly small crowd, would be one of the With their musical careers still in the circle has worked wonders. Fugitive Motel is majestic - a genuinely affecting, in- biggest understatements of the year. early stages, Waterdown are beginning explicably uplifting tale of said tour-strained relations, setting Elbow miles apart With two vocalists, two guitarists, to show potential that has seen them from the swollen ranks of sub-Coldplay melancholia. Haunting Indian strings an awesomely talented bassist (who front page of many music magazines, weave around Garvey’s poignant refrains and the accomplished subtlety of the changes strings whilst still playing!) including Kerrang and may very well Jupp brothers’ piano and guitar is a wonder to behold. Stunning. Jon Swaine and a jazz-trained drummer, take them a lot further. Waterdown were filled with prom- Lloyd Beecham Kid Symphony, Hands On The Money Nov 24th Universal Island Records ise, and frankly they didn’t let them- I really didn’t want to like this record. One listen and I was already polishing the selves down. vitriol for these chancers who sounded like they’d just staggered out of the The Raw, metallic guitars are pushed Good Mixer and were waiting for 1995 to come and take them back to the spiri- tight up against catchy melodic riffs tual source of their derivative, Jamie Oliver-tinged bollocks. Disappointingly, and elaborate time signatures to give though, a few more rotations revealed Kid Symphony have made a pop gem which this distinctive new breed of hardcore races along like they’ve nicked Supergrass’s soul and all their best riffs. Irresistibly rock a sound that Waterdown can cer- catchy and thoroughly likeable, this deserves FM radio ubiquity, and a backlash tainly call their own. in, shall we say, six months? Sam Elliot The two front-men deliver wildly divergent vocal lines, one screaming in absolute frenzy, the other in sheer The Veils, Lavinia Nov 17th Rough Trade contrast with soaring melodies that Listening to Lavinia, it’s impossible not to be suffocated by the overwhelming air would test any man’s range, giving a of ‘alrightness’ that limps feyly from your stereo. This isn’t a bad song per se, and dynamic edge to their performance. it has certainly nailed the melancholy-indie-song-about-a-girl trick, but it’s just These distinctive vocal lines are of- so brain-numbingly unambitious that the skulking wallpaper-rock behemoth of ten coupled with biting political com- Embrace casts its inanely boring shadow over every single affected refrain of ‘Ma mentary, pushing the melody to per- sweeet Lavinia’. True, The Veils have sculpted a sound in the Coldplay-Longview fectly frame the message of their lineage that will find some favour in trad-indie circles, if just for the pretty, breathy anti-racist stance, emphasised in the harmonies, but I just can’t help thinking that Rough Trade have something a lit- incredibly well received Bulletproof. Lloyd Beecham tle more dynamic to offer than this. T.E. Durno

Win Ten of the Best New CD Chemical Brothers, Get Yourself High Nov 24th Freestyle Dust / Virgin The Chemicals were once upon a time very big fishes in a relatively small pond Releases of big beat electronica. More recent years have seen them retreat from heavy re- liance on samples into a Kraftwerk-esque minimalism, but with each release they Bored of trying to pull girls using your personality alone? Fancy owning an seem to make sufficient advances on their previous work to avoid becoming impressive record collection, but can’t be arsed to go to the trouble of de- formulaic; they haven’t succumbed to the Rolling Stones syndrome yet. The sec- veloping your own discernable music taste? Then look no further, as HMV ond single from their recently released greatest hits package has a great bassline in partnership with Varsity Music are offering you, humble foolish reader and Canadian K-OS guesting on correspondingly slinky vocals, coupled with the chance to win 10 of the BIGGEST, BASHIEST albums out this winter. some tight rapping. It’s very good, but hardly one of their most memorable tracks. Kevin Glover Alicia Keyes Diary of… 1st Dec Kylie Body Language Out Now Missy Elliot This is not a Test 24th Nov Belle and Sebastian, Step Into My Office, Baby Nov 17th Rough Trade Outkast Spearboxxx / Love Below Out Now The return of the fey indie divinities to the twee shoe-gazing bespectacled ro- Pink Try This 10th Nov mantic masses presents a song rooted in the mundane everyday and filled with Primal Scream Hits Out Nov warm mug fulls of bathos, pathos and quintessential B&S tragi-comedy. With Red Hot Chilli Peppers Greatest Hits 17th Nov its breezy drawn-out strings and primitive drum-thumping poppiness, this REM In Time: Best of Out Now could easily be the theme tune to some kind of kitsch Saturday afternoon tv Suede Singles Out Now series about the 9 to 5 wilderness, which you ended up randomly watching The Strokes Room on Fire Out Now during a spliffed-out summer. But the record, while a bunch of glorious fun, complete with awesome title, still misses the spark expected of Belle and Sebastian’s usual wondrous glow. Ronojoy Dam All you have to do be in with a chance of winning all ten albums is answer this frankly piss-easy question: Q) Which of the ten featured artists released the album ‘By The Way’? Born Again, Starsailor Nov 17th EMI Was it…a) Pink b) Kylie c) Red Hot Chili Peppers NME described the second single from Starsailor’s latest album as a “majestic ur- Send an email to [email protected] with ‘HMV/publication com- ban hymn”. Imagine my disappointment to discover that Walsh’s self-con- petition’ in the subject box, making sure you include the correct answer along fessed Buckley’s influence is watered down to little more than a cliched indie with your postal address of where you would want the prize sent if you were drone, repetitive to the extent that it challenges David Grey in the dull stakes. to win…If your luck isn’t in on this occasion then don’t panic, you can get I’d be the first to acknowledge Born Again does not grate as harshly as prior of- all of these titles at your local HMV. And, more to the point HMV offer all ferings. However, perhaps this is due to a sacrifice of any personality the band us students 10% off* music, DVD and games purchases in-store or on-line previously possessed. As the single plods along, the bland, gospel-lite climax feels at www.hmv.co.uk/students. Why? Because students are brilliant. enforced. No wonder Phil Spector was driven to kill. Kate Collier

Closing date 30/11/03. No purchase necessary. One entry per person. No cash alternative. In the event of unforeseen circumstances the promoter reserves the right to offer an alternative prize of equal Finger Eleven, Good Times Out Now Wind-Up/Sonymusic or greater value. Promoter: HMV (UK) Limited, Film House, 142 Wardour Street, London W1F Good Times first single from Finger Eleven’s eponymous third album sounds a bit 8LN. *Terms and conditions apply – see www.hmv.co.uk/students or ask in-store for full details. like what Hoobastank, Nickelback and the astonishingly shit Puddle of Mudd would be like if they spent their spare time fighting angry tigers while on speed. That sounds crap. And initially it is, but the earthquake drums, the frenetic pace of the crunchy riffs, and Scott Anderson’s angry, barking voice may, quite wor- ryingly, make you jump around your room and, if you like that kind of thing, set fire to stuff. This may be the ‘radio-friendly unit-shifter’ angst-rock Kurt Cobain warned us about, but sometimes that’s not such a bad thing. Was Yaqoob

THEATRE EDITOR:A C BERWICK 20 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk You ain’t heard nothin’ yet, folks

A slinky chrome staircase. A veil; her character is flawed but also Maids, that parody the demure and silent jazz band in black tuxe- emotional and intelligent. fan fluttering dances of the concu- dos. A smoky bar. The opening The script is at times funny, but the bine, are effective but exaggerated. set to the CUMTS production of expected political irreverence fails to The cast – despite their apparent Hot Mikado was a classy and materialise; furthermore, it seems at distaste for straight acting – is strong. promising start to what proved times as if the lines are merely an epi- Tom Leonard’s camp and lanky Ko- to be a highly entertaining show. graph for each jazz number, which is Ko gives a memorable rendition of Tit- The plot is frivolous and seem- emphasized by the fact that the cast Willow, and Carly Sandbach’s Yum- ingly banal: the heir to the Japanese seem most passionate when singing Yum is excellent; her voice is strong throne, a young man, runs away and and dancing rather than acting. and she is a talented comedian. Sarah returns in disguise to wed the woman Admittedly, however, the music Bird’s sultry Katisha is moving and of his dreams, only to find she is tak- and choreography are excellent. Sexy impressive, and Tom Heathcote plays en. Afew steps and a couple of songs tap-dancing routines with ostrich a dynamic and evil Mikado. later and all ends well. However, the feathers, cool harmonies and catchy Overall, the show is a success. lack of serious plot underlines the swing and jazz give a convincing Certain aspects could be polished, satire; three of the four main charac- taste of the 30s, underlined by the au- but it remains a sassy and upbeat ters are deliberately shallow and two- thentic costume: pinstriped suits, production, fully justifying its title dimensional: they are motivated and mauve ties and fedora hats for the of “jazz and swing spectacular”. propelled by self-interest alone. The guys, and flared candy-coloured only likeable character – Katisha – is skirts with wide sashes for the girls. Giulia Miller ess Office portrayed as the villain, and is clear- Musically, the only complaint re- ly separated from the rest of the cast gards the Japanese style of the mu- The Hot Mikado runs at the ADC,

ADC Pr by a black widow’s dress and lace sic: numbers such as Three Little 7.30, every night until Saturday Let’s talk of graves, of worms, of epitaphs...

BATS’s production of Richard II a production that is unwilling to take both King and the rumbustious broke’s motivation, for example, is Yet perhaps I am being too harsh. begins with the monarch pre- risks: throughout, we are delivered Bolingbroke (Simon Evans). lost by casting him in such an ag- Aside from an unfortunate Welsh siding pompously over his a mildly naturalised Shakespeare This weakness of support may gressive mould, particularly in his accent at one point, and a little over- court, glaring rather catatoni- which, although perfectly competent, be a result of Mason’s conception of confrontation with Richard at Flint enthusiastic gesticulation from York cally into the middle distance. fails ultimately to inspire. the play as a “study of Kingship”: Castle: Henry’s zeal for the crown (Thomas Rainsford), this produc- It ends with Richard once again This is not to demean the thought- the throne is the focus of the lighting defies the tag of ‘silent prince’. tion delivers a fairly straight-laced enthroned, once again glaring fully minimal set and fine perform- and staging, and the complete dom- Suggestions of Richard’s homosex- rendition of one of Shakespeare’s into the middle distance, but ances from the leads, primarily the inance of the stage by the two kings uality are also dismissed (King, al- finest plays. Perhaps, again, this is now, crucially, dead. aptly-named Benjamin King as renders the periphery inconsequen- though slightly camp, is certainly not the problem. This rethronement of Richard is a Richard: his final act soliloquizing tial; even the wonderfully insidious Olivier’s “out-and-out pussy thought-provoking, perhaps sensa- demonstrates a subtlety of delivery Northumberland (Ed Alcroft) is left queer”), and, disappointingly, there ACB tionalist, but certainly welcome move that is elsewhere conspicuous by its under-sketched. The delicate nature seems to be no time to deal with the by director Conrad Mason; welcome absence, with the supporting cast of the play cannot but suffer. fact that the gardeners are speak- RII runs at the Fitzpatrick Theatre, in that it demonstrates invention in failing markedly to keep pace with The ambiguity regarding Boling- ing in blank verse. Queen’s, 7.45, until Saturday Man Boobs and Monkey Love The Ord ’s Martin Hemming and Will Mott escape from their cage for one night only to get a glimpse of Ross Noble at the Corn Exchange

Ross Noble is a very funny mate with said farmyard animal in or- Surrounded on stage by an elec- man. Firstly, he looks funny. der to produce a pig with a spike on tronic flowerbed of retractable green- With his six-foot frame, flailing his head that could be employed as a ery, Noble digresses into an impres- black hair (“It’s made of chlo- Weapon of Mass Destruction. sively creative and entertaining rine, plasters and pensioners’ Noble’s energy was unwavering stream of consciousness and im- Chris Saunders pubes,”says Noble), hawk nose, throughout, and definitely found its provisation, aided by the odd contri- shadowy eyes, and clad in black infectious way into the crowd; “I bution from the audience. Thus cas- jeans and shirt, he is a sight to didn’t realise you lot would like me tration, Ian McKellen, “sweet, sweet behold. In the words of one dancing around so much,” says monkey love”, the perils of cycling award-winning stand-up, he Noble at one point, in his Geordie while wearing a grass skirt, how to looks “like every character out twang. “I would have set the whole talk to someone with bog eyes (“Look of Lord of the Rings”. show to music.” He then proceeds at the good one. Just make sure you And that’s just when he’s standing to speedily re-perform parts of the look at the good one.”) and why he’s still. Throughout the two-hour-plus show in musical style. taken to doing his David Dickinson duration of the show Noble barely re- Most importantly, however, what impression in front of the jewellery mains in the same place for more than Noble says is, for the vast majority of counter in Argos, all find room in his a few seconds. He’s a big man but, boy, this show, very, very funny. Noble’s expansive repertoire. does he bound around. He treats us to material swings between the incisive- Not everything was in the best pos- vivid impressions of a group of Hare ly observational and the disturbing- sible taste (including the duet between Krishnas escaping a boozed-up tramp, ly surreal, with the emphasis on the Stephen Hawking and a monkey with what a gentleman with “man boobs” latter. Indeed, his current tour is called a Yorkshire accent), but Noble’s north- might look (and sound) like in a slow Unrealtime, and he lambastes rap- ern charms, his enthusiasm and the motion car crash simulation, and, most pers for not “keepin’ it vaguely imag- sheer fun he seems to be having on bizarrely, what it would be like to be a inary”. ‘Keeping it imaginary’ is not stage would allow him to get away YTS lad whose job is to hold a pig something Noble is ever likely to have with saying almost anything. And under his arm to allow a unicorn to a problem with. he does. Fantastic. “Anyone seen my eyelids?” EDITOR:A C BERWICK THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 21 It’s green, and hippies like it...

My instinct with Greeenworld cal, the use of African drum band by Ed Gilbert) make it clear that this is is to describe it as a sixties- Shekere and The Papadam Cinderella not a serious show. style hippy ‘happening’. Totally Minstrel Crumbasive is integral to the If you are considering seeing different to anything I have play, and all the cast can sing, with lead Greenworld you must be in the right seen either from BATS or else- Dizzy O’Storm (Lizzie Ostrom) hav- mood. It is only the goodwill gener- Sarah Sackman where in Cambridge, the show ing the most memorable voice; it was ated by the cast and the willingness is energetic, exuberant, and unfortunate that on several occasions of the audience to suspend their cyn- definitely aims to create the feel she and others were drowned out. icism that carries the show through. good factor. Feedback was also an occasional prob- Although I enjoyed the show, and The simple set design creates the lem, but these glitches should be sort- would especially recommend it to tone; a gorgeous hippy painted on ed out after the first night. children of hippies and even hippies canvas above the focal point of the From the simple girl-meets-boy- themselves, it will not be for every- stage and a stylised and infantile tree puts-him-on-a-diet-then-they- save- one. Greenworld provides a light- are the only set or props. Shifts in lo- the- world-plot, to the obligatory boo- hearted, tuneful and bouncy way to cation or mood are provided by cast ing of the villain (Ollie Rickman as spend an hour and a bit. members through dance, or by light- ‘The Starbinger of Doom’), the show ing and music; just as well, as the screams ‘Pantomime!’. Which is fine, Amy Blakeway amount of movement on stage at all especially as the opening arrival of the times necessitates a lot of space. elements and the inclusion of Jung Greenworld runs at the Fitzpatrick As you would expect from a musi- Travolta (comic timing delivered well theatre, 11, every night until Saturday Cross channel theatre Buz, Buz Cross Purpose is not an easy sonal emotions. The Playroom is a suit- sual presentation is achieved more play to perform, but Clare Actors ably intimate yet isolated space for ex- successfully in the final act, with vari- The Flies is a reworking of a Becca Small, a childish Electra, make a good attempt at present- ploring such ideas, but unfortunately ety of emotion, furniture-throwing and lesser-known Greek tragedy, dominated in emotion and action ing Camus’s world, where the the production fails to captivate in its hard-hitting conclusions. The play the Orestia, in which young by external events. criminal and the Christian come staging of such unusual attitudes. boasts a talented cast: Becky Stevens, Orestes returns to his birth- All the actors wear white on a disturbingly close. Long, complex dialogues dominate, does not overplay the evolving char- place – Argos – fifteen years white stage. The gradual spread of The play tells of a man returning with the occasional subtle comment acter of The Mother; Martha (Hattie after his father’s murder and black paint from hands and feet to home after twenty years absence; his easily missed; although speech is not Garlick) maintains a contorted and fo- his own escape, to find a peo- clothes, faces and floor during the mother and sister keep a hotel where, rushed, key phrases are lost, without cused posture throughout; and, in his ple wracked by fear and guilt, course of the play effectively em- unknown to him, they murder and rob sufficient focus on delivery. Director debut role, Rory Feldman as the and consistently tormented by phasises the irretrievable loss of in- travellers in the hope of one day es- Andy Rendel might have promoted Manservant is particularly impressive. a plague of flies. nocence of Orestes and Electra, and caping their bleak existence . Unable the symbolic moments - perhaps vi- Cross Purpose is worth seeing: it rous- Rachel Briscoe’s inspired direc- the development of darker, more to find the right words to reveal his sually - to convey Camus’s original es extraordinary emotions. However, tion draws attention to Sartre’s un- insidious emotions. Sound is used identity, the prodigal son spends the logic; Camus’s world is unusual and be ready to concentrate. derlying theme of the numerous appropriately to conjure up night in the hotel posing as a stranger, is dreary, but if a director is to por- and inescapable restraints on the swarms – whether of flies or of peo- thus becoming the next victim. tray this successfully, it must be done Gabriella Jozwiak freedom of men’s minds; Oreste’s ple – although it would have cer- Camus uses this bizarre scenario to with enough usual and interesting fea- attempt to free his people is tainly had more impact had it been explore themes of the absurdity of ex- tures to prevent tedium. Cross Purpose runs at the Playroom, doomed to fail in a world where louder at times. istence, spiritual hope and interper- The balance between aural and vi- 7.00, every night until Saturday man is always answerable to the The staging is varied and always gods and can never escape pun- interesting, and the graceful block- ishment for his crimes. ing gives an impression of seam- If you go down to the woods today One issue Sartre addresses is the lessness; more, however, could role of social interaction in shaping have been made of the Octagon The ADC’s Under Milk Wood had of the play. This was effective, with managed to create a fresh character for the beliefs and emotions of any in- itself, as one of the only Cambridge a fresh take on Dylan’s language, finishing touches supplied by accom- every scene; and the alchemically in- dividual, and Briscoe explores this spaces that is (almost) circular. and as well as the appealing plished acting, as the three actors deft- clined Catriona Mackay was power- further by setting the production This production treats it as if it character sketches, challenging ly portrayed the chattering, happy, ful, producing the edgiest , most mov- in a mental asylum. The chorus were rectangular, with the stage on moments of discord stood out sad, singing, angry and lonely crowds ing moments of the evening. wear ragged nightshirts and band- one side and the seating facing it, from the mellifluous narrative. making up this story of one spring day. Although the story is meandering, ages, and relentlessly stare and but since the ground is level and The storytelling was successfully ac- Director Hazel Pearson’s approach a production needn’t be, and clearer fidget. They are mad people, the stage only slightly raised, from complished by the velvet-voiced Rev. to the play’s language - by nature easy high and low points would have giv- townspeople, and also flies: crea- a few rows back it is difficult to see Marcus J. Ramshaw, the use of whom flowing - might meet with disapproval en more momentum. However, men- tures strong in number but indi- some of the action. So go, and get as narrator overcame many difficul- from lovers of melodic Welshness, but tion must be made of the excellent im- vidually worthless. The acting of there early. ties of staging this radio play. The stage the disjointed speech added realism provised music, which held together all chorus members is energetic was monochromatic and the scenery and intimacy. Laura Stewart brought an enjoyable performance, the inno- and passionate, and their effect as Emma Rose McGlone (mainly umbrellas) was schematic, humour, poignancy and sultry appeal vative direction of which yielded some a group is powerfully disconcert- with Ramshaw’s lilting tones the only to her characters; Chris Till, with the funny and touching moments. ing. Also notable are Gerald Garutti The Flies runs at the Octagon, vehicle for creating the various scenes role of every man in the production, Alice Fordham – a stern and imposing Zeus – and St.Chad’s, 7.30, every night until Saturday Comedy? But it’s not Footlights!

The first Clare Comedy of the Prolixity is the chief vice of Perrier Nominee Jeff Green’s headline

year saw the Cellars packed, and Cambridge comedians: an expansion set stole the show: he meandered for urner rightly so: a fine balance was of tenuous whimsy until its total dis- half an hour effortlessly from straight- struck between London comedi- sipation. Although there were some talking fathers to scuba diving, hard- Dave T ans and indigenous talent, all drawn out episodes, Dec Munro ly putting a foot wrong, except in his deftly compered by Matt showed how effective the sharpened attempt to empathise with Cambridge Kirschen, whose engaging stage one-liner can be with an explosive se- students by invoking Countdown. It manner allowed him to chirrup ries of pungent gags. was a master-class in how to transform winningly on a range of subjects. Clare’s native comedians displayed the prosaic, rather than merely invok- Londoner Josh Howie invigorated their gifts to great acclaim; Richard ing it. Asatisfied audience left with di- his set with a couple of Holocaust Alford was especially good in dis- aphragms aching, and looking for- jokes, resulting in an awed hush cussing the idiosyncratic local news in ward to more of the same next term. punctuated by hysterical laughter. his small, Welsh village. However, Jonathan Beckman

SPORT EDITORS: SHANAZ MUSAFER AND ALEX DRYSDALE 22 Nov 14, 2003 www.varsity.co.uk

Gavin The beautiful game - changing Versi for better or for worse?

Bob Dylan’s ‘The Times They Are have even begun to show contempt favour imports now enjoy: at the turn But critics of the modern game, the inceptions of satellite, digital and A-Changin’ could have been the for their most loyal followers: a group of the century they fielded eleven non- those who mourn the passing of interactive television provide us with soundtrack to football during the of Newcastle season ticket holders, English players in an English Premier what used to be a workingman’s as much football as we can cope with. nineties. From the influx of the for- who had bought 5-year bonds at St. League match. sport, are ignorant to the many pos- Those same individuals that be- eign legion to the televising of a James’ Park, had their seats moved to The London club’s wonton spend- itives brought about as a result of moan the death of the “working man’s dozen games a week, the beautiful the back of the stand to accommodate ing contrasts sharply with the finan- football’s revolution. sport” used to love the liberation that game is unrecognisable from the the needs of corporate hospitality. For cial struggles suffered by a glut of low- First and foremost, the standard of standing on the terraces and shouting sport I grew up with. many this embodied everything that er league clubs. Several have endured play has risen out of sight. The likes of obscenities on a Saturday afternoon The days of Elton Welsby and Matt is wrong with the modern game. administration in recent years, and Zola, Henry and Bergkamp have un- provided them. It was, of course, a Lorenzo (bless him) are a part of his- Whereas youth systems were it is only a matter of time before one doubtedly ameliorated the level of top- way of escaping from the missus. tory now. Football has, by popular con- championed throughout the eighties, of the 92 football league members is level football seen in this country. Terraces are gone, foul language is sensus, metamorphosed from the today clubs can go out and buy ready- forced to fold. The gulf between the Largely gone are the days of pre- now a finable offence, and the sport’s common man’s Saturday afternoon made foreign talents, as Chelsea il- haves of the Premiership and the dictable results in the top flight – fan base broadens by the week. sport to a multi-billion pound indus- lustrated so explicitly last summer. have-nots of the Nationwide league Fulham’s humbling of Man Utd at Old It used to be a male domain; now try. But has the game progressed? Homegrown players are bypassed, is as wide as Helen Chamberlain’s gob Trafford last month shows this. it’s a family-orientated entertainment, Season ticket prices have soared – often sent on loan to lesser clubs, and and getting wider. As Alan Hansen Furthermore, the armchair viewer where women and children are as wel- Chelsea charge upwards of £1,000 a then eventually discarded of. Again once said, “The strong get stronger can now enjoy ten times the amount come as the lager-swilling skinhead. year for a reserved seat – and clubs it is Chelsea who best exemplify the and the weak get weaker.” of football he could a decade ago, as After all, they have money too.

College Sport Fitz down Downing Trinity Clare first hurdle Round-up In the 65th minute, Clare Captain COLLEGE FOOTBALL Rob Coles hit a cross-shot that re- The CUCBC University Fours, one bounded off the bar, but within thirty of college rowing’s highlights, Adam Edelshain seconds Trinity had doubled their lead. saw LMBC, Trinity Hall and Clare A quick break saw a cross which ex- all putting in outstanding per- Billed as a potential upset, Clare Kestrel keeper Matt Lyst fumbled, formances. LMBC took the men’s were unlucky not to knock Trinity allowing Anil Stocker to score with an coxless fours title, beating rivals out of Cuppers. awkward volley from 5 yards. Clare by 41 seconds, although they Trinity started purposefully and on Despite heavy Trinity pressure, were beaten in the coxed fours 3 minutes Chris Austen was put clean Clare never stopped pushing for- Division One by Tit Hall, who through. However, Dan Wellings epit- ward and in the 88th minute, Dan recorded a time of 7 mins 31 secs. omised his team’s desire with a superb Wellings forced the ball home to The row of the tournament challenge that sparked third division make it 2-1. However, it wasn’t to be though went to the 1st and 3rd II Clare into life. Though Trinity edged for Clare, and Trinity go through. Boat which won the coxed fours the first half possession, Clare domi- In Division One meanwhile, Division Two in a time only two nated the midfield, with ex-Falcon Darwin beat dark horses Downing

seconds off the winning time of the Sam Richardson Tom Lodge outstanding. 3-2. With the score locked at 2-2, top division. In the women’s event, Fitz and Downing battle at the line-out With the game goalless ten min- Blues boxer Geoff Battye delivered Tit Hall were unlucky runners-up last fifteen minutes, and despite utes into the second half, things the knockout punch, smashing in af- in both divisions, Clare I taking the COLLEGE RUGBY Downing’s late charge they clung on started going wrong for Clare. ter a goalmouth scramble. Elsewhere, top prize and Magdalene II win- manfully. Elsewhere, John’s consoli- Trinity won a free kick just outside Girton beat the improving Pembroke ning the lower division. Sam Richardson dated their position at the top of the the box, and up stepped Captain 2-0, and Catz beat Fitz 3-1 to go top. In men’s hockey, Magdalene League by beating Catz 41-7. Rob Ogilvie to bend it around the In Division Two, Caius edged a won their crunch clash with A Fitz player told Varsity before College rugby has only just burst wall and give Trinity a lead they thriller against Fitz II 3-2, scoring the Emma. The 6-1 scoreline included their clash with Downing that into life because until recently the pitch- probably didn’t deserve. winner in the last minute. four goals from skipper Adam “we’re going to get hammered”, but es were deemed harder than the play- Briggs, who said the win sends “a ultimately it was the coffin of ers. One wonders what the clubs’ clear message to both John’s and Downing’s title ambitions into groundsmen get up to, when grass Alex Mair Robinson”. Robinson remain top which a final nail was hammered. squares in College are so pristine. “We after beating Downing 13-2, with Downing started strongly and took sit in our hut reading porn mags and attacking duo Coomber and an early lead, but in a feisty match they watching women’s rugby,” one Collins now having scored 25 soon had two players sin-binned. The College groundsman didn’t tell Varsity. goals between them up front. teams looked to their kickers, who re- Women’s rugby, often maligned, is In table tennis, Churchill, with sponded well, making a mark on the now underway, and deserved an in- Blues Captain Andy Sim in dev- match despite the farcical ‘mark’ rule. vestigation. Misunderstanding the con- astating form, took control of Ten points from John Cheshire’s boot cept of ‘sevens’, Jesus only had six play- Division One, with 6-3 victories proved vital for Fitz. ers for their clash with Sidney. But over the highly fancied Trinity and Tries from Tommy Lee, man of the the Jesuans’ pace was too much for a new boys Jesus. Churchill also match Si Mills, and Chris Pitchford, gutsy Sidney team. Anna Crofts (2) and went top of the pool league with gave Fitz a 25-23 lead going into the Alice Foster scored tries in a 17-5 win. Clare’s Zen Jelenje attempts a mid-air bicycle kick a 7-2 victory over Catz, although Men’s Hockey - Div 1 Women’s Hockey - Div 1 Men’s Football - Div 1 Men’s Football - Div 2 defending champions Robinson P W D L GF GA Pts P W D L GF GA Pts P W D L GF GA Pts P W D L GF GA Pts are well placed after beating Robinson 4 3 0 1 31 11 6 Caius 3210917 Catz 2200916 Caius 3210867 Magdalene 5-4. Magdalene 3 3 0 0 12 2 6 Jesus 1100203 Girton 2 2 0 0 4 1 6 Robinson 3 2 0 1 9 10 6 St John’s 2 2 0 0 11 4 4 Catz 1100203 Darwin 3 2 0 1 5 8 6 Churchill 2 1 1 0 5 3 4 Varsity is currently Emma 3201884 New Hall 3 1 0 2 2 4 3 Downing 2 1 0 1 12 3 3 Emma 1100613 looking for Cambridge Caius 1100312 Queens’ 2 0 2 0 1 1 2 St John’s 2 1 0 1 5 2 3 Homerton 2 1 0 1 3 3 3 Jesus 2101542 Trinity 2 0 2 0 1 1 2 Jesus 2201143 St John’s II 2 1 0 1 3 3 3 students’ all time top Cam City 2 1 0 1 4 3 2 Girton 2 0 1 1 1 4 1 Long Road 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Selwyn 2101343 sporting moments. E- Sidney 2 1 0 1 4 5 2 Emma 0000000 Fitz 1001130 Fitz II 3102683 mail your most memo- Pembroke 2 0 0 2 2 8 0 Fitz 2002070 Trinity 2 0 0 2 0 3 0 Kings 2002130 rable moment to Catz 3 0 0 3 5 13 0 Pembroke 2 0 0 2 0 2 0 Queens’ 2 0 0 2 2 5 0 [email protected] Queens’ 2 0 0 2 1 11 0 Downing 2 0 0 2 2 18 0 Visit our newly redesigned website at www.varsity.co.uk

EDITORS: SHANAZ MUSAFER AND ALEX DRYSDALE SPORT www.varsity.co.uk Nov 14, 2003 23 Sevens Star Amor Bares All SPORT IN BRIEF

Do you think its right that University Rowing England Sevens Captain and for- Cambridge and Oxford recruit a mer SPS student at St. Edmund’s bunch of ex-pros and Southern Hall Simon Amor talks to Alex Hemisphere players to come over After success at the Fours Head on the Tideway, where their coxless four Alex Drysdale Drysdale on allegedly ‘soft degree courses’ finished 10th beating three Goldie heavyweight fours, CULRC will again to play in the Varsity game? Is this compete alongside their CUBC counterparts this Saturday at the British As captain of the England Sevens fair on undergraduates and is it Indoor Rowing Championships in Birmingham. For this event the light- team, what are your aims for the actually representative of the weights have their own category, together with a junior event for the coming year? University? younger members of the squad. In the absence of OULRC they will thus We want to win the series - last It’s interesting, you need the best be looking to improve on last year’s haul of a silver and a bronze. Strong year was a real shame, we came players playing to make it a high contenders for medals this time round are Andy Hall (Queens’) and 2nd behind New Zealand. They profile game and to make it a high- President Doug Perrin (Trinity Hall) in the open age group and Tom had 112 points and we finished er standard…but you still want the Dyson (Robinson) amongst the juniors. on 108. We messed up in our first young players to come through to tournament and should have done that next level. teams and it’s going to be interesting better. This year we want to win it Do you think that being a to see how they react to it all. I think University Golf but we also want to win the Hong Blue…how shall I put it…gives you quite a few of their key guys haven’t Kong Sevens because that would a certain kudos with the ladies? been performing… at scrum-half be three times in a row for England. No, no I don’t... I just thought it they haven’t found the right guy yet With a convincing display against a strong Royal Wimbledon side last What does being captain of was a load of rubbish. I don’t think and Jonny is having the biggest dip weekend, the Blues team looks increasingly powerful going into Week England mean to you? one girl ever looked at me because I in probably his England career. Big 6. Impressive amongst many last weekend were Duncan Reid, who I’m very honoured… how do I put was a Blue, they just looked at me names like Lawrence Dallaglio are claimed two points on Saturday, and Ken Hannah, whose powerful long it? I’m really pleased, but in 7’s it’s a and thought hey he’s short! That was just not playing. The only person game earned him his first Blue last year. With team selection always a short game, there isn’t that much a pretty much it. who has held it together so far is problem given the strength of the squad, strong performances on oth- captain can do. What do you think of England’s Martin Johnson. erwise friendly fixtures, are essential. Best player you’ve ever played World Cup performances so far? Would you rather England won against? They’ve been a bit iffy haven’t the World Cup or the England Joe Rokocoko - the current New they? As much as they talk about Sevens Team become ranked first Choir Football Zealand World Cup star was quite how they deal with the pressure and in this year’s IRB tournament? good. (laughs) all the criticism they get it does affect No comment. The third season of the Inter-Collegiate Choir Football tournament be- gan on 19th October, with Trinity playing a nail-biting 1-1 draw with Christ’s. All the participating teams are formed from college choirs, and Hockey star attacked on pitch games are played six-a-side. Tournament champions last year, Clare A are second in their qualifying group, having beaten Caius and King’s (2- Loughborough player allegedly oxygen and was told not to play for 1 and 4-0 respectively). However, Caius are top of the group having won Shanaz Musafer raised her stick and hammered the three weeks. She later stated, “It was two of their four games, and drawing 1-1 with King’s on Sunday. Trinity handle into Rushe’s face, leaving her surprising as up until then I really are leading their qualifying group by virtue of goals scored, capitalising Cambridge University hockey play- with a black and bloodied eye. don’t think it had been a dirty match. on their draw against Christ’s in the first week with a comprehensive 18- er Claire Rushe was subjected to a Although Rushe’s own memory of When she hit me, I thought I was go- 0 victory over Clare B, thanks to ten goals from striker David Knappett. malicious attack during Cambridge the incident is vague, onlookers said ing to faint. My friend thought my eye II’s home defeat to Loughborough that two more players surrounded her, had popped out because blood was Uni III last week. one of whom hit at her arms and who gushing straight out of my face rather University Ice Hockey With ten minutes to go and got injured herself as Rushe sought to than running down.” Cambridge 1-0 down, Rushe was in- defend herself. Amazingly the episode The assault has been reported to volved in a tousle for the ball with a did not even result in a card being both BUSA and the police although Tuesday night saw the Cambridge University Ice Hockey team travel to member of the Loughborough team. shown to any of the players involved Rushe will not be pressing charges. the Lee Valley Ice Rink in London to face ULU in the first ever British However, long after the ball was - the umpire merely gave a bully-off. Astonishingly, BUSAhave said that Universities Ice Hockey League game. Cambridge Rookie sensation, played and with play continuing at After the match, Rushe was taken they will not be taking any action Matt Cumming (4 G, 5 A) set the tone early with a goal in his first ap- the other end of the pitch, the to hospital where she had to be given over the incident. pearance as a Cambridge Blue. Pairing up with Captain Andrew Ashcroft (2 G, 7 A), the duo were involved in 10 of Cambridge’s 11 goals in the double figure whitewashing. The night was also highlighted by Marc Guilbert’s first career hat-trick and a two goal performance from centre Cambridge women thrash Royston Francois Cote. Cambridge University Women’s five goals within minutes of kick- WOMEN’S BLUES FOOTBALL Football team recorded their most off, before right winger Laura convincing win of the season, Pugsley made it two with an un- Sarah Ambrose thrashing bottom of the table stoppable run and shot. Royston by 11 goals to one. Under constant fire from all sides, Varsity Rugby Competition WOMEN’S BLUES 11 The Cambridge forwards had Royston did well to pull one back a field day as top scorer Mandy when a Cambridge clearance luckily ROYSTON 1 Wainwright netted the first of her rebounded into the path of their strik- Win the complete Varsity Rugby day out er, leaving her clean through on goal, but one was all they had to offer. To win tickets to both the Twickenham match and the Official Varsity Solid challenges and slick pass- Ball with the players at Café de Paris, just answer the question below: ing from the Blues midfield trio of Reid, Ashman and Atchison led to Which Cambridge player scored two tries in last year’s Varsity match? four more goals before half-time, courtesy of Wainwright, Sarah To enter e-mail [email protected]. Closing date: midnight Tuesday. Parcak and two from Atchison. Last week’s answer: The lion on the Cambridge shirt is asleep for all Despite going into the break 6-1 matches apart from the Varsity match, when it wakes and roars. There up, Cambridge refused to let up and was no winner. their defence was hardly troubled and expertly turned every clearance into The Official Varsity Ball attack. Wainwright added three more to her personal tally and Parcak The Official Varsity Ball will be held at London’s Café de Paris on 9th ew Sims grabbed a second, before sub Alma December. Tickets are £20 and include limited free drinks. To apply for

Andr Donohoe made the margin even more tickets or for more information please visit www.varsityball.com Cambridge put another one past the hapless Royston goalkeeper emphatic with a skilful finish. QUINS TAKE CENTRE STAGE Alex Drysdale

The Harlequin scrum gave the Light Blues problems all night out-muscling them in much of the set-piece play. The professionals are so far unbeaten in 8 second team games this season. morning and don’t get as pissed as posed by a much bigger and stronger might well be on for their second and, although comprehensively beat- BLUES RUGBY Boschy does at Captain’s Cocktails (as Quins pack: this was a physically de- real thrashing of the season at the en, it is in games like these when the well as not having that last minute SPS manding game and whoever said hands of Premiership opposition. character of a team is truly tested. Fly- Alex Drysdale essay to write), the students showed football was a girls game was right. Indeed, just over a week since fresh- half Lewis took the philosophical ap- remarkable resolve. Indeed in a high- The Cambridge scrum was under im- er Charlie Desmond’s heroic 80m proach by using the defeat as a drop- HARLEQUINS 31 ly spirited second half the students, mense pressure from the outset leav- dash in Paris had downed a French goal practice. Whilst the number ten went down by just seven points. ing skipper Eru with no option but selection fifteen masquerading un- missed three from three, it is a weapon BLUES 6 Harlequins opened the scoring to pick and run. An inability to secure der the name of Leonardo da Vinci, that if perfected could prove the cru- with a Wilkonsonesque cross field a solid set piece ball, meant Light Blue the Blues were close to being down cial difference in the Varsity match. A stones throw away from a sub- Gary Owen which picked out the no.9 Dorms never really got the type and out in London. According to skipper Eru ‘we have dued Twickenham, with the number eight in acres of space, mak- of ball all scrum-halfs deserve. Credit However, the second half saw ‘la turned a new leaf in the book. Now we England team over 12,000 miles ing the Stoop pitch look like a country must go to inside centre Jason Wright resistance’ from the students. Getting have a lot of the seniors back on board away, an injury stricken Cambridge estate. However, undoubtedly the who was one of the few players who in the oppositions face and spoiling and I am able to pick a side that is start- team succumbed to a 31-6 bruising biggest loss of the first half was the in- consistently took the ball over the gain ball, defending with some huge mid- ing to look like a Blues team’. With 6 by a highly professional Harlequins jury to double try scoring Varsity hero line. However, Quins were never com- field hits and playing for the pride of victories and 4 defeats so far this term outfit. In just 25 days time the Light of last year Simon Frost who was miting more than four forwards to any the Cambridge shirt the Blues put the next three matches are going to be Blues will be revisiting the same stretchered off after just a few minutes break down, their hours in the gym some passion back into the game, crucial in terms of Varsity preparation. TW1 postcode with a different to add to the Light Blues waiting list and daily dose of creatin laced milk- something that was distinctly lacking As the Oxford coach quipped ‘We’re agenda in mind. at Addenbrooks. According to skip- shakes gave them a physical edge from the corporate juggernaut of at the business end of the term now’, The gulf between student and pro- per Eru the Blues have had ‘a terrible which the students’ diet of pasta and Harlequins, whose players were and for players wanting to stake their fessional was, in a word, marked. crop of injuries, but so far they have dry bread could not match. placidly content to grind out ‘another place on the pitch at Twickenham , as However, bearing in mind the happened with time left for recovery’. Going in at the break 24-6 down, day in the office’. Indeed, the boys can opposed to watching from row Z , Harlequins boys are in the gym every Little wonder, as the Blues were ex- it looked as though the Light Blues take great heart from the second half time is fast running out. Stirling performance reaps little reward

described it - totally outclass- fitting: like his Neighbours namesake, goal looked inevitable during the largely due to the protection given BLUES FOOTBALL ing their opponents, but ending he went missing for a significant pe- first forty-five minutes, but the to them by central midfielders up with little to show for their riod of time, only to return to the start of the second half saw a lull Harding and Devine, who neglect- Gavin Versi afternoon’s endeavours. Blues fold this year and breathe new that never really abated. ed their responsibility to support No fewer than five first-team life into the team. He was a constant In fact, the match almost did- attacks. Nevertheless, local boy Jon picks were missing through injury. threat in the first half, supplying strik- n’t take place. En route to the Darby was a colossus at the back, NORTHAMPTON 0 Vice-Captain Ben Allen was absent ers Chris Fairbairn, the skipper, and ground the team bus narrowly and partner Sion Lewis was simi- with an eye injury: explanations as Mikey Adams with plenty of ammu- avoided a collision with a revers- larly excellent. BLUES 0 to how he sustained this vary, from nition. Several half-chances were cre- ing van. “That was almost three “I think we should probably have a Friday night fracas, to being ated, but the home keeper stood firm. points to Northampton,” joked committed ourselves forward more,” If it’s possible to beat a team blinded by a French vixen in the ac- At the other end, the Cambridge de- Fairbairn. One man who may wish accepted Fairbairn, before adding: without scoring, Cambridge did ademic year 2002/03. Or maybe he fenders were about as stressed as the there had been a crash is John’s “I’m proud because even though we just that. A depleted Blues side was just exhausted after the wild typical SPS student. Nick Pantelides, who missed a sit- were dragged down we didn’t lose. toiled for ninety minutes on a celebrations that met his first ever If Fairbairn is a terrier of a for- ter five minutes from time, blazing The work rate was second to none. I sloping, bobbly playing surface goal for the Blues last week. ward Adams is most definitely the over from six yards out with the don’t think we’re going to lose in this – “pitches like that make you Harry Hughes recently instructed “fox in the box”. Wiry and full of goalkeeper grounded. league. It’s gutting not to get three want to quit football,”was how team-mates to call him ‘Rebos’, but running, he looked especially dan- “The defence was outstanding,” points but we’ll keep this in our former Captain Dave Harding his other moniker, Harold, is far more gerous in the opening period. A said Fairbairn afterwards. This was heads and stuff them at ours.”