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In a Useless World One08 Is a Very Notable Exception

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In a Useless World One08 Is a Very Notable Exception Thursday April 19, 2012, H&H Series 9 Restaurant Joseph Connolly The colours were beautiful: the ruddy pink of the tuna and the murk of balsamic, then a niçoise In a useless world salad brought alive by the zingy yellow of a quartered hard-boiled egg. “Just as tuna should be,” he said. “Very, very good.” And did I mention that Noel, along with his wife Lesley, owns One08 is a very and runs The French House in Soho …? One of the most famous, unspoilt and much-loved pubs – more like a club than anything, though open to all. Lately there has notable exception been filming there for the upcom- ing biopic of Paul Raymond (vari- ously called the Porn Baron or the There is nothing trivial about this restaurant which has King of Soho, who is being played by Steve Coogan). And talking of a reputation for being pretty good, proud of its locally the movie business, Noel’s son Guy is a producer based in Hollywood, sourced ingredients, fine food and excellent staff currently working on the SFX for the next James Bond, and a new Useless information: some eski- We were in One08, the annoy- film called Snow White and The mos use refrigerators to keep ingly dubbed restaurant in the ho- Eight Dwarfs … yes. In which, ap- their food from freezing. Grapes tel of the same name in Maryle- parently, the faces of such as Bob explode» if you put them in the mi- bone Lane (number 108, wouldn’t Hoskins and Peter O’Toole will be crowave. The world’s largest KFC you know). I reviewed this place magically grafted on to the bodies is in Beijing. In the last 24 years, at about 18 months ago and thought it of actual dwarfs and … oh look, I least 37 people have died as a result pretty good – but since then they’ve could fill the whole paper with all of shaking a vending machine. I got a new chef and new menus, of Noel’s wonderful anecdotes. could go on. You probably hope I while remaining very proud of Such as when he seriously contem- shan’t, so I shan’t. their fine local suppliers: Ginger plated forming AAA: Anti Alcohol- I only mention it at all because Pig butcher, La Fromagerie (one of ics Anonymous, the idea being that last week my guest for lunch was London’s very best) and others. It if anyone out there was panicked Noel Botham, who is known for has to be said that all the ingredi- into needing an early night, one of very many things, though one of ents here are very good indeed, as the team would rush round imme- the more notable was around 12 is the execution. The room is hotel- diately and persuade them to stay years ago when he and the late neutral, though with flashes of el- up late and for God’s sake have a great Keith Waterhouse formed liptical mirror and red Venetian drink. The Useless Information Society. I glass, while the service is eager We’d had a really good lunch at – alongside such as newspapermen and attentive to the point of paro- One08. Noel’s next book, out in Richard Littlejohn, Mike Molloy dy: I was asked three times by May, is called Catch That Tiger: and Bill Hagerty, the actor Ken three different people whether the true wartime story of how Stott, the chef Richard Corrigan “everything is all right” – and this Churchill ordered the capture of a and Suggs from Madness – had the not just before I had ordered a sin- German Tiger tank. The daring signal honour of being one of the gle damn thing, but before even ploy succeeded – and on TV soon, 20 founder members. Oh what hap- my guest had rolled up. And when by way of plugging the book, Jere- py days! We would congregate for roll up he did, he said to the waiter: my Clarkson will be driving the dinner in Soho every couple of “Large gin, slimline tonic, lots of actual thing (and how would he re- months, and at Armagnac time we ice, no lemon”. And the waiter said sist?). “Did you know,” said Noel in would stand in turn and deliver a “gin and tonic …?” Whereupon N Joseph Connolly and Noel Botham at One08 Picture: Polly Hancock passing, “that the man who found- piece of useless information. Each Noel very patiently repeated his ed the Commandos was a cross- high-profile journalist for much of Knocks renown (“he taught me of which had to be unknown, pithy, order. And – rather to my astonish- dresser …?” Useless information. his life, kicking off on the Surrey how to fly a plane”) and it was only amusing and completely and ut- ment – it arrived exactly as speci- Maybe not though, if at the time terly useless. Our Beadle – the mu- fied. Mirror and soon progressing to on his way to Hughie’s funeral that you just happened to be a comman- sician and arranger Kenny Clay- the Daily Herald on Fleet Street. Noel decided to disclose in the do. ton, in tricorn hat – would strike Generous His big break came in the form of course of his oration that Hughie All previous restaurant reviews the floor with his mace at the first He was havi ng Joh n Ross smoked an indiscreet servant to Princess was the father of Paula Yates – then N may be viewed on the website www. intimation of tedium or useful- salmon with capers, red onion and Margaret: the resulting series of Bob Geldof’s wife – and not Jess josephconnolly.co.uk. ness. mixed leaves. The portion was gen- revelations he sold on a freelance Yates after all. The fallout was con- All this merry idiocy spawned erous, and evidently unfatty and basis all over the world, and col- siderable. lared a tidy sum. During the course I nearly went the “Ginger Pig Noel’s Book Of Useless Information rather fine. “Excellent,” Noel pro- FACTFILE (quote on the cover from Keith Wa- nounced. “Unusually succulent. of his 30 or so books, he has occa- rare breed Longhorn dry aged for One08 terhouse: “This book is totally Love the capers.” I was having beef sionally returned to the Royals: at least 28 days” route, though set- N 108 Marylebone Lane, W1 bloody useless”) and last month he carpaccio with a mushrom and his last was called The Murder Of tled in the end for roast corn fed Tel: 020-7969 3900 published the seventh in the se- truffle oil dressing. This was very Princess Diana (Noel is not known chicken breast with autumn vege- Open seven days, noon-10.30pm ries, this one devoted to royalty. sweetly presented as six overlap- to pull his punches) which has tables (in April) creamy mash and N Food: Example: Richard the Lionheart ping and gossamer discs: fine, but been filmed. One night he was tarragon sauce. This was extreme- N (((((((()) Service: was a homosexual. Combined, the would have been so very much fin- awoken at 3am by a phone call from ly flavoursome and meltingly ten- N (((((((()) The Feeling: books have sold millions in more er had they not been icy cold. The Britney Spears, who wanted to der, the sauce just so. The mash N ((((((())) Cost: Usual higher end hotel prices. than 30 countries – proof, if proof dressing was smooth and merci- play the part. Ah – dear Britney: was just mash, though – not espe- N About £115 for three course meal for two were needed, that the entire plan- fully subtle, shavings of parmesan what can one say? Noel’s best cially creamy at all. Noel’s tuna with wine. et is by the second becoming more doing their thing. friend was Hughie Green of Double steak arrived just barely seared, and more useless. Noel has been a successful and Your Money and Opportunity as requested, and elegantly sliced. among them and at prices which will be pleasing to the pocket lovely mouth-hugging length, Le three-way blend I’ve already men- Garcia – for once not a synonym wine which as much as any made Claux Delorme 2011, Valençay, tioned is Collection, Fiefs Vendéens for tempranillo – in Abadengo Cri- me think of the smiley emoticons £8.95; two Kiwi chardonnays to Mareuil 2010, an appealingly sum- anza 2006, £8.95, from Arribes on – and L’Appel des Sereines 2009, challenge burgundy, The Society mery wine from the innovative Spain’s western border, close to Domaine Villard, £11.50, pure syr- Exhibition 2010, £12.50, and Mahi Jérémie Mourat, £7.50; great too is Salamanca. If more of the region’s ah from the northern Rhone with Twin Valleys 2010, £14.95; pure Domaine du Cros Lo Sang del Pais growers use it as well as Bodegas that savoury yet floral character pleasure in elegant, dry Vouvray, 2011, Marcillac, £7.95, from one of Ribera de Pelazas does in this per- which you find in fine expressions Le Haut Sec 2010 from Domaine south western France’s little- fumed, attractive wine, encounters of the grape. Huet, £14.95, and a close challeng- known local grapes, fer servadou, with Senor Garcia could become And a final friviolity: sweet froth er, Chenin des Rouillères 2011, An- which manages to combine sweet much more frequent. without stickiness in Moscato jou Blanc, from dedicated organic fruitiness and food-friendly dry Classic stars include Cotes du d’Asti 2011, just £6.75. Bring out the strawberries... grower Frederic Mabileau, £10.95. length, balanced and appetising.
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