26 April 2002 The Student Newspaper for Imperial College Issue 1233

IC / SAAL REFERENCE COLLECTION

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix/

The Worlds First Ten Mant how Loop Coaster Gets I tho d be The Felix Treatment. bigge (Page 5)

College Security Guard Knifed

Last monday, in the Blackett Laboratory, sure of Prince Consort Road and much of home to the Physics department, a secu- the surrounding area during the day. rity guard was attacked, seemingly with- The man was apparently asking for a out any real motive, by a man wielding a particular senior member of staff in the knife. Physics department, and while the It should be noted that this is the first attacker is not thought to be a member of serious attack on a member of college College itself, he is alleged to have security in over a decade, with the only described himself as 'a Physicist'. incidents being a few minor scuffles at Mr Gamble is recovering well from his various freshers fairs. attack, and was discharged from hospital The man attempted to enter the build- fairly quickly after being admitted for his ing, and was immediately challenged by injuries, although he is awaiting surgery Tom Gamble, a member of the Blackett on his hand. Meanwhile the assailant security team. On being challenged the awaits trial in custody. man produced a blade, and Mr Gamble In other security news, there have been was only able to prevent a potentially a number of thefts committed in Evelyn lethal blow to his throat by blocking the Gardens by an individual who is blade with his right hand, which was Physics Department: Scene of the Attack described as being very tall, having badly damaged in the incident. dreadlocks, and being of afro-caribbean When further members of college secu- was found to be surgical spirit. origin: anyone seeing him is advised by rity arrived the man was wrestled to the After the assailant had been subdued, security to call the police immediately. ground and swiftly disarmed, and it is he claimed to be in possession of an Alex alleged that he proceeded to spray those explosive device, and the Bomb Squad present with some sort of chemical. The rapidly joined the assembled representa- police and fire brigade were then called tives of the local emergency services. in, and after investigation the chemical This also necessitated the repeated clo-

/Li SiSilBsllliliiil sSsiS My editorial, which will possibly f explain why this issue is so small, ^ ^ and why I'm in a strange enough mood to pretend that the cat is dead. Oh deary me, Will has finally lost it.. union talk

The Union - A New Beginning

The last few months have seen a great ward and over the coming months the must continue to develop facilities and deal of change for the Union and College. Union has to increase these types of part- services on other campuses such as the Under the stewardship of the Rector, the nerships in all its areas of operation. new bar at Charing Cross and the gyms at College has undergone many changes. We Wye and Silwood. will see the creation of four Faculties, a Volunteers sustained drive towards improving the Early on in the year we made it clear that The culture global brand of Imperial, fund raising to volunteer support is crucial to the future of In addition to these new strategies, the develop our estate and setting up an the Union. The Union has more student Union has to introduce a more dynamic endowment to provide scholarships to the volunteers than any other in the country and pro-active culture. The environment in best students. These changes have been and we are heavily reliant on the support which we operate is changing rapidly, we implemented to ensure that Imperial of these volunteers to conduct our activi- cannot simply wait for things to happen College continues to be one of the leading ties. However we have very little in place and react to them, we must learn to antic- higher education institutes in the world. to support volunteers in the Union. One of ipate situations and act appropriately. This The Union too has taken the opportunity the most important priorities for the next is of course not without its risks and to review its operations. After one of the few months is to establish a volunteer indeed pursuing such a policy will lead to widest consultation process in recent some mistakes being made. We will have years we have a new way forward. Gone to accept them and move on because in are the old Constituent College Unions and the end I believe that we will deliver a bet- in come Student Faculty Associations. ter Union to our members. Council has been changed to allow more Here at Imperial there has been constant ordinary students to participate in the gov- talk of apathy amongst the student popu- ernance of the Union and a new informa- lous. I do not believe that is necessarily tion policy will allow for more transparen- true. Recently the Union called for a refer- cy in the Union adrmnistration. endum on our affiliation to the NUS. After' This represents a new beginning for the a hard campaign fought by both sides, we Union and a new direction for our mem- had one of the largest turnouts for any col- bers. One of the biggest challenges we lege-wide ballot in recent years, showing face is to ensure that we work more effec- students care about the issues and will tively to deliver practical and tangible ben- participate in the governance of the Union. efits to students. We must continue to build on this and it management programme, one that will is important for students to realise that Funding actively look at how we recruit, train and decisions made vnthin the Union can have One of the key issues the Union faces is reward the volunteers in the Union. We an impact on life at Imperial. funding. It is clear that funding from the have taken the first steps in this process; government is not enough to support the the Union has appointed a new member of The future activities of the College and consequently staff to co-ordinate student activities and If we are going to pursue with the devel- the Union. We are still heavily reliant on another will be appointed shortly to co- opment of the Union then we must face up College for provision of funds. The Union ordinate volunteering in the community. In to our challenges. It is important that the gets some £885,000 from College, it uses addition a new rewards scheme will be Union clarifies its vision and develops long this to provide a wide range of facilities launched later this term, but this is just the term strategies to meet these goals. For and services for students and this figure is start, we have a long way to go to deliver the first time we have two year sabbati- generally tied with the rate of inflation. a comprehensive and integrated pro- cals which I believe will be crucial to However, more and more students are gramme. ensuring continuity and development of participating in the Union and using its these strategies. services. If we want to continue to sustain Sites The year ahead promises to be an inter- this growth, we have to seek funding from One of the other key challenges for the esting and challenging one. We have elsewhere. I believe the Union has to Union is the way we deal with the many achieved a lot this year, but there is much actively engage in partnerships with campus sites. Imperial has a large number more to do. The way forward will rely on external organisations and individuals. of sites dotted around London and the improving services to our students, form- Recent examples have been the South of England and ensuring good com- ing external partnerships, integrating Goldman Sachs support of the night bus munication between them is crucial. sites and building support for volunteers. service and the collaboration with the The Union needs to dedicate more It is important that students continue to College Wider Participation programme to resources towards integrating the sites play an active part in this process to successfully bid for over £350,000 for vol- into the centre. There is no doubt that ensure that the Union fulfils its aim in unteer support over the next three years. South Kensington will continue to remain meeting the needs of the students. These partnerships represent the way for- the headquarters for the Union, but we Sen Ganesh, Union President imperial college

Thinking about a better future? w ww.shell.com/careers

the Queen's Lawn ff^mcHive bands in Sherfield tion and three course dinner

Games/Candvfloss

Satyr

7:38 -1a t p Tickets ° Dinner & Entertainment £50/£65 Entertainment only £25/£35 Available by telephone on 020-7594-8060 and frc le'Union Reception, JCR, BMS and Waterstones felix talk

Chaplaincy

Personality is Everything Yet how much do we understand about well as an introduction to the Myers- our own personality? We might have a Briggs model of different personality Cilia's frequent question on Blind Date sense that this person is not our preferred types, there will be practical exercises to is "What type of fella do you fancy" or type as a potential friend or partner. But help us begin thinking about our own per- "When it comes to women, what's your could we explain why? sonality...How do we make decisions? type?" The answers are usually to do How often do we do we talk about just How do we relate in groups? Where do with appearance and most especially the 'clicking' with somebody or about a terri- we get our energy from? There will also size of specific body parts. Obviously ble 'personality clash'? be an opportunity to see how under- appearance is instantly accessible. It When we move from the personal to the standing ourselves better can help us in takes time for inner qualities or lack of political the nature of personality has an all sorts of areas - including communica- them to become apparent. Hence the even greater significance. This week's tion, understanding individual difference, interest in what happens on the date and Budget has opened up the old debate managing stress, team dynamics, rela- the inevitably cutting comments that fol- about Blair and Brown and 'New Labour1 - tionships, choosing a career. More details low. is Tony really behind the budget or is he on www.chaplaincy.ic.ac.uk (book a place To give Cilia her due there is also talk of just going along with Gordon? Has Blair by May 6th) personality. The seeming impossibility of made an agreement with Gordon to pass In the light of current events in the finding a good date is the persistent on the leadership or do they just put on a Middle East we are holding Prayers for attraction of this show that's been run- show in front of the cameras to pretend Peace on Fridays at 1pm - a short time of ning since the last Ice Age. they get on? quiet reflection and prayer for the peace Personality is something that is often How far do we understand the ways in of the world. talked about. It is the ever present factor which we prefer to make decisions? How of the power politics in the work place. It easy is it to get along with those who do The chaplaincy can be found on the is the very basis of friendship. It is the things so differently from ourselves? East side of Beit Quad, through the double interplay of personality that makes being On Wednesday 29th May, two occupa- doors (sometimes requiring a swipe card) in a group so fascinating and so poten- tional psychologists will be running a and then through the door in front of you tially awful. workshop in the Chaplaincy Centre. As at the bottom of the stairs. talk 7e//x

The Colossus' at Thorpe Par

John Clifford encounters the worlds only Remembering I wanted Will to print You see, for all the looping and the ten loop rollercoaster, as well as the this, I headed off to the main event, and screaming, it's surprisingly short. Even world's most ominous queue prepared to be amazed. There's no doubt going round twice would make it a bit Pinned to my chair, I could see the sur- about it, Colossus is an intense experi- more of an experience, which was fine for real calm of Staines laid out in front of me, ence and at only fifty seconds, if you blink me as I didn't have to queue (and had got drifting placidly over trees and steeples. you'll miss it. Once I'd retrieved my con- in free). Riding that coaster 3 times in a Suddenly breathing became an effort, as tact lens from my neighbour's forehead it row was the most fun I've had in a while. clouds and grass all blurred into one and was time to experience it a second time, But if I'd paid to queue for up to an hour shot past me at a terrifying speed, turn- in order to analyse the experience fully (and the queuing provision was certainly ing my head into my feet and my spare and give a balanced review. Actually it generous) for a single, 50 second ride, I'd change into a memory. I had another 9 of was far too much fun to only go on once. be very disappointed. So while Thorpe these to go, and I couldn't wait. By the third ride, I'd concluded that the Park have certainly put a lot of effort into Whilst taking advantage of the free bar, first half of the ride is fantastic. You don't designing an expensive and impressive a terrifying thought occurred to me. With even have a chance to work out where ride, coming up with a name with ten albums, gigs, plays and such, it's you are as you hurtle past passers-by, loops (C-O-L-O-S-S-U-S -count them if you easy(ish). But what do you say about a dive underground, resurface and loop don't believe me), and dazzling the press rollercoaster? Cute girl from another stu- again. Around the fifth loop we're treated for an evening, like most theme parks dent newspaper suggested filing the six to the surreal sight of a bored looking ride they haven't really thought about the words "It had its ups and downs" before operator in a warm, calm room narrowly experience, which will involve a minute getting drunk. But, I explained, this is shooting past our heads at fifty miles an standing in a distractionless queue for Felix, and whilst you might not have any- hour. The corkscrew bit, which takes up every second spent on the coaster, which thing useful to say, the primary rule is to the last fifty seconds, consists of being isn't good enough for the fleeting atten- be drastically verbose and to employ gen- turned upside down four times in a row, tion span of the average TV viewer. erously a multitude of synonyms where a which to a speed freak like me isn't quite See www.thorpepark.com for more. singular might notwithstanding suffice. as exciting. Admission: £17-23 depending on demand.

McKinsey&Company talk back

Ayes right! non-Imperial people to this of the ULU Exec as well as offi- The people speak debate, and I make no qualms cers from Kings College, UCL Will, about it. The campaign of the and Thames Valley. The feed- Dear Felix, "Yes" team was always one of back obtained from those stu- After a lot of coverage by Felix education. The students I dents who actually stopped to Why has no one done anything over the last few months spoke to knew nothing about speak to these people was about the little gimps from the regarding the ICU/NUS refer- the NUS. They had many many very positive. If I was to re-run NUS that have decided to endum, I feel there was a need questions regarding the the campaign, I would do invade College and are annoy- to reply to a couple of the National Union, including exactly the same thing again, ing and misleading our stu- points made. "Why is it that every other as I believe it to be in the best dents? They have no right to To start with, on a positive University in the country bar interests of the students here. be here, the referendum note, the "victory" in the refer- one is a member, even though Thirdly, I would like to thank should be for students to endum does not lie with either they all hold referendums all those that took part in the decide upon for themselves, the "Yes" or "No" campaigns. every 3 years?", "What are the "Yes" campaign. Much fun was without external influence by The fact that over 28% of the benefits" and a whole stack had, talking to people, rebuff- people who have nothing to do full membership of the Union along the lines of "Is it true ing lies, designing websites with College. They have also voted sends a clear, uncompli- that..." The only way these (www.nusatimperial.co.uk). been telling people that beer cated message to College that questions could be answered From what I can gather, there will be cheaper if we join the we are an active Union. We are was through experience. are still a lot of people asking NUS. If the reports in Felix are a Union that takes part, that Experience of dealing with the questions. Asking what ICU true (saying that beer will go has debate, that is political NUS. Hence I invited people does for them. Asking how up in price by 10-15p per pint (small "p") if you will. This can who were a) London-centric much of the £900,000 a year with the NUS), then they only bode well for the future. and b) experienced in dealing they see of the money that appear to be spreading lies. Secondly, I would like to with the National Union. College gives ICU. Asking On top of this, they seem to be respond to a few of the letters People who attended included why they don't get discounts. quite offensive little self- your paper received. It was the ULU President, ULU Vice Asking when the next referen- important people, who don't always my intention to invite Presidents', a large proportion dum will be. To those people, I actually have any answers to urge you to keep asking. Ask questions such as what the until you get an answer that NUS has ever achieved. you're happy with; not one Unfortunately, it is too late to that will rob you of a vote for do anything about them, but another seven years. hopefully, no one has listened Thanks, to the yellow shirted prats and their little bits of yellow paper. David Francis, Chairman, Campaign for Re- Sid, Aero affiliation to the NUS Just to be clear, Felix did not say that beer prices would def- The Nays have it initely go up - we merely com- pared prices with another Sir University of London bar, where beer was more expen- What part of 'No' does David sive. As to whether anybody ^^^^ ^Jjjj^^^ Francis not understand? paid attention to the NUS dele- (Imperial rejects NUS, 20 gates, it appears they didn't. March 2002). AW Yours etc.,

Andy Heeps, Hello, IAT€ NIGHT WQ in TM£ GUAP Chairman, The NUS 'No' cam- Vance 'Tit mipniGHT paign I just went to South Ken to see the doc and picked up a copy 0A*$ close AT 12 Letters aren't usually edited of Felix while I was there. The .^peria, for spelling and grammar, but Easter Egg thing looks very l|K/ college often for length - keeping them comprehensive, and I suspect £ML^ union to the style of Mr Heeps' con- that you'll want to publish tribution certainly helps. AW this, as I am a ranting post- Ftice lOrmtAfT«R 10pm: Union 1.00/1.50 OTHCRS back talk

grad and you don't get much struggle to have a 10% turnout gon on to commit crime or ship is to provide awareness publishable mail. for an election, but we flock to become victims of crime. for drinkers, a proactive police Oh, and why have you the polls to vote on the The city of Westminster is one enforcement regime, and an stopped sending Felix to NUS??? Having spoken to peo- of the most popular areas for education programme for Hammersmith? It's one of the ple and obseved the queues at visitors and for Londoners to licensees and their staff. We few good things to read the ballot boxes, I'm expecting enjoy a night out. However it feel that this holistic approach around here. a previously unheard-of ridicu- must be acknowledged that is the most appropriate I'd like to say that the election, lously high turnout for this people do get drunk and cause method for dealing with a bur- and referendum, were a farce. vote by IC standards. The rea- problems for residents and geoning problem in London. I was not sent an e-mail telling son - people actually care and other visitors to the area. Within the next few weeks me of the referendum, like I want to express an opinion. The Licensing Act 1964 makes there will be a police enforce- heard other students were, Be it student discounts or club it quite clear that permitting ment programme aimed at therefore I didn't get to funding (seemingly the only drunkenness, serving a drunk, dealing with drunkenness in appoint a proxy in time, as the arguments for and against) we or allowing a drunk to remain licensed premises. times of proxy allocation were have a view. on licensed premises is an We hope that you will join us not communicated to me and So why don't we care about offence. in tackling the problem of therefore didn't vote in either. who doles out the funding?? With these points in mind it is drunkenness and making Bit crap really. I'd hazard its because we don't felt that positive action needs Westminster a safer and more So, the issues are: notice any changes from one to be taken to deal with drunk- enjoyable environment for its Why do medics only have one year to another, we don't enness and the issues arising residents and visitors. ballot box? Who decided this? know the candidates (so who from drunkenness. As such Why is there a serious commu- knows what job they will do) the Metropolitan Police in con- Yours faithfully, nication problem with getting and so none of us care. junction with the Portman info to students located at Is every Uni as apathetic as Group and the British Institute Christopher Bradford campuses other than South we are? Why do we care so of Innkeepers intend to launch Chief Inspector Ken? Who should pay for this? much about a card? And why an anti drunkenness strategy. I know that it is too late for the couldn't the sabbs sort out The purpose of this partner- election, or referendum to be two votes on the same day? re-run (I am personally quite Answers on a postcard..? happy with the result thank you) - but for next year, some- Libby Jackson thing should be done about Physics 3 this.

Ned Laver Sobering thought We're glad you liked the Easter Egg review. As for deliveries of Dear Felix, H1U rg Felix to Hammersmith, we do send copies on Friday every We thought it was important X fill /ort/ of your week, so they should arrive by that our customers read the Monday. If they appear to be following letter from the favourite music going astray, we shall certainly Metropolitan Police. follow it up. AW Yours, ^Eyeru friddu Mick (Union Bars Manager) Hi Will, c)Bs Bar open/ ol 8pm Now I'm no political expert, The purpose of this letter is to and I'm writing on Thursday inform you of the Metropolitan Barbeque from 10pm morning, when the polls have Police strategy towards deal- just opened, so I've no sub- ing with drunkenness in and Tree before 9pm stantial evidence to go on, around licensed premises in l.50/£2 guests after 9pm only my judgement. But I'd like Westminster. to raise a point: What does it There are Government statis- / ) Friday Night Out * , . ^ Supported by say about the state of our tics to show that there is a sig- * impeNdl Union, and the IC student nificant correlation between college body in general when we persons who are drunk and this week

Editorial k s Well, boys and girls. What an exposing myself in public Friday Weekend eventful time it's been for your (giggle). You see the problem Thi Wee friendly neighbourhood editor. is holidays. I made the foolish Would you like a full rundown error of going away for a on the happy events that have whole eight days, and I have Dolly Mixtures Ooh, Look led to my mental downfall? Of now learned that that is sig- Ooh err. Friday night I have some nice space course you wouldn't, but as nificantly longer than the s rebranded onee again. to elucidate further on usual, I have nothing better to attention span of certain peo- n This will be mostly this new night. There write about, and I've felt less ple who shall remain name- cheese, with some was this meeting, you bitter in the past, and quite less because while I'm bitter 'proper' music earlier in see, and they decided Unio

frankly, what's the point of I'm not a complete bastard. Event the evening... there should just be one editing a student newspaper Well I am, but not like that. Union, Night Time night, where everyone if you can't exploit it in such a Anyway the upshot is that way as to perform self analy- when I went away I was Revise ;-' T,-. ';~ee

1 1 1 s sis, and achieve some kind of happy and had a girlfriend, t oew"'eoii !. ' \ >.J - t cathartic closure, resulting and when I returned I was weot Vbn have .:e cjet, time. \'i i. ii finally in issue resolution and unhappy and did not. This M ,. - > the. you HSpX. Net ' 'i.-.i ; .. je.eeie a positive personality out- doesn't sound too complex, kiieiie ;(.....,". v' I - 1J i ; t v. h ; come? Eh? but it wasn't actually my girl- heee-LSe-eto. , ' u < ,an d get stoned in a pari'

So, first you may have friend who had the short Studen eed thee yeu'U look en v somewhere. It'll be fun, 1 Activitie noticed that Felix is tiny. This, attention span, she was mere- .5iw Mt)oM?'"AM .Day- promise. I'm afraid, will probably be an ly the unfortunate injury in an Count of Monte Cristo K-Pax ongoing problem throughout emotional crossfire I couldn't 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. I can't believe anyone's

the rest of this term, since we keep together. (Sorry.) s

e That is a good gag, isn't in this film. It just have no money. I have been So that's a fairly cryptic ref- it. Well it made me sounds like utter tripe to reliably informed that this is erence, and I realise that you laugh. Ummm... swash- me, but then I haven't due to the tragic events of Th all think I'm probably very t buckling, I suppose, seen it, so what do I

September 11th, which has silly, but you wouldn't believe A Movie because they didn't have know. He's from another led to a record low in graduate how relieving it is to publicly zips in those days. planet, or something. recruitment, and thus the air your sorrows. I hope I advertising on which I haven't made myself out to be Neighbours depend that funds this august some unfortunate soul who n Tad eeedse lalxedemes- Isn't ..ore:et .'Sir s.e'qaite- o organ. Basically we're out of has been trampled on, %mjs:-i to Eilye' Will Led frankly I'm just going to cash, so I'm cutting back. because that's not true. I sus- eeeafc. efi' to tbaeteeake ipraterid i.these:;: tmmAays Not to mention the fact that pect I deserve everything I dancing competiti o n ? ..deli'!; exist, We aS'ti that s get, but I'm still allowed to :5r&W"hae'a tea.in with; like Neighbours, but

nobody ever wants to help Radi tee. ),&:»?;..; 'M\en\k'p aSe Hp3% Parte during the summer term, due feel sorry for myself, so rasp- &

either to exam revision, berries to you. Televisio BBC <17:38 \ siepties; Bo?iMS..s™:t: ": exams, or the fact that they've Anyway, on a more cheerful Sonia Fariq Zen Guerrilla finished their exams and are note, it's summer, so at last I

s Ooh, foreign, and there- Very clever. I'm really therefore sitting in a hole can go out and look like a tit fore mysterious. Goes impressed. I am hereby

somewhere, surrounded by & trying to play frisbee, not to without saying. Maybe embargo-ing (if that's a their own excrement and evi- s mention wandering around she's not foreign, but word) this concert, dence of a significant amount subtly enjoying the lovely she sounds it, and that's because they've got an of drug abuse. Which is skirts that people (girls, usu- Gig good enough for me! overly clever name.

always my favourite option. ally) start to wear this time of Concert Monarch Garage To be honest, given half a year. And I don't have to do chance, I wouldn't be here nasty things like exams, so A: frog wiifked intee- a "Bailee- SieiM^ -.liafae: -is g n either, but then I'm paid, so I that's a bonus too. beek-, end' ap tcrtli©...first 'Patrieia^'Wiift^ I

: , : : suppose I should do some- cashier., Mi&i -a sroaj^ help-y^?' ;^::-^ "? ;'';'-j-

Good luck, however, to all of g thing to justify that. you who are sitting them this sfeeee, aha (for it was a ' Why certainly," replied Ga tedy nashier) greeted So that's one thing. The term. However, as I've said k tile fr&g.'"I-wealiilSe io . i'. .. ' " !,< eeiv i apply foi a lean" next thing I have to talk about before, you're going to work Fro

is more personal, but then I've for the rest of your life, but e '.i; : i ->-i e' J-e "Ob-e' i-epIie#;eMK'ieia.i

never been one to shirk from you're only a student once. Ban ) was a fregj, said,..,.' "lie' how rriudHe" Th week this

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

...cont Trivia Wednesday Wotsits Goat Juggling Dolly Mixtures just goes along every You know what this is, They used to be cheesy, Baaaaaaah. Maaaaaaah. Hmmm... This is going week, and knows what and if you don't, then and now they're not. No- Meep. Blu. Hang on, to make my diary even to expect. And that's there is no reason at all one has told me whether that's a puffin, what's it more boring, with the cheese. And, as I said, for going, because you this means less cheese, doing here? Hello, little same thing every week. maybe some house, won't win, because but I feel it's safe to say Puffin. Blu!. That's the It was going to be called trance, etc, playing ear- you're stupid. Bleh! that's unlikely... noise that puffins make. All Sortz, you know. lier for those who like it. Union, Go Early & Drink Union, Le Soir Queens' Lawn Union, Blah blah blah...

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David Holmes Cornershop Cyclefly

Come Get It I Got It Handcream For A Generation Crave

Out now on 13 Amp recordings Out now on Wiiija records Out now on MCA records

This mix CD from David Holmes has gen- Before I begin, why not take a minute to Cyclefly are a bit of a mystery. Comprised erous measures of funk, psychedelia and listen to the music press as they gush of two Irishmen, two Frenchmen and an old-style R&B, which come together as a about Cornershop's latest offering: Italian, the Cork-based quintet have def- heady Sunday morning pick-me-up. "warm and righteous sunshine..." initely got something strange going on. The songs you'll find on this album will (NME); "an early contender for album of Their last album Generation Sap was often escape the usual "Best Of..." type the year" (The Independent). Now, I've released three years ago, and fans have compilations - in fact, there should be a never been one to fly in the face of public been waiting anxiously to see if the prize for anyone who has heard of groups opinion, but on this occasion, I will have multi-national boys can come up with such as The Johnny Otis Show and The to give it a beating, dress it in a clown the goods again. And have they? Peter Thomas Sound Orchestra. outfit and leave it lying in the gutter. Thankfully, the answer is a resounding Holmes mixes the tracks together After 1997's eclectic and satisfying yes. expertly and with care. He also throws in When I Was Born For The 7th Time, this For owners of Generation Sap, a warn- some sampled speeches and quotations, new release comes as a disappointment. ing: this album is nowhere near as punk which sustain the feeling of era and While When I Was Born... was inventive as the last. In fact, the appearance of place - the album is lodged squarely in in a number of senses (the rhythms, Linkin Park's Chester Bennington on the sixties America. melodies and general vibes were a real desperately tense track Karma Killer Unfortunately, whilst the album starts assortment), this is a samey and over- demonstrates that Cyclefly have almost with very distinctive, exciting tracks, the catchy turkey of a record. turned to nu-metal. novelty wears off. Whilst it undoubtedly The good points first - no track on its The album begins with No Stress, the has cohesion, it doesn't possess the sty- own sounds particularly bad. Lessons forthcoming single. This is a metally listic variety of, say, the Pulp Fiction Learned From Rocky I To Rocky III is track, with plenty of low-pitched guitar soundtrack, which is perhaps its closest funky and bizarre, Music Plus 1 is good riffs and gravelly vocals. Then, Cyclefly counterpart in terms of celebrating the for the dancefloor, and Heavy Soup is progress through slightly darker territory music of sixties America. Even as the CD pleasant enough. The best track is prob- (Karma Killer and Selophane Fixtures), finishes, I can't help feeling that there ably Spectral Mornings, which features influenced perhaps by Tool and the early should have been a more significant end- Noel Gallagher's indifferent strumming. Smashing Pumpkins. ing - a twist, a curve-ball that the listen- But as a whole, Handcream For A Then we come to the title track Crave, er would never have seen coming. Generation is not much more than irritat- which is surprisingly different from the That aside, Come Get It I Got It does ing. Motion The 11 is possibly the lowest first three tracks on the album, being contain some of the finest songs known point, but when singing children turn up very soft and tender. Other recommenda- to humanity and fully deserves your on Staging The Plaguing Of The Raised tions include the quiet, almost gothic undivided attention. Platform, I know I've had quite enough. Crowns and the very dark Weary, which features some interesting chord progres- ID Patrick ODD Derek sions. This is definitely no "difficult second COMPETITION album", but it is perfectly possible that We've got a copy of Come Get It I Got It (see review, above left) to give away. old fans could be slightly disappointed. QUESTION: David Holmes wrote the soundtrack to which recent film? Then again, they could be thrilled - as I Please email your answer, along with your name, year and department, to am - that Cyclefly have found a few new [email protected] by Thursday 2 May. tricks and are using them with gusto. The winner of the A album (Issue 1231) is Emily Yeomans of Biology I. D Jess reviews music

INTERVIEW with OUT THIS WEEK

Manu Chao The following are due for release on Monday 29 April: ALBUMS Compared to my usual hungover Wednesdays, chasing the elu- BLUE LIGHT FEVER - Blue Light Fever sive French pop star Manu Chao around London was quite a DAN THE AUTOMATOR - Wanna Buy A Monkey? turn-up for the books. FISCHERSPOONER - #1 After I'd found the right venue - changed by Manu - and wait- PITCHSHIFTER - PSI ed half an hour, the man himself walked in, looking like any ordi- REDEFINE - The Daisychain Cycle nary bloke you'd sit next to on the tube, with his ever-present THE SUICIDE MACHINES - Steal This Record beanie. Some jumped up to greet the musician with the fervour SINGLES of teenage girls at a pop concert. Maybe they were just his TIMO MAAS feat MC CHICKABOO - Shifter friends. Anyway, Manu sat at the corner of a large table, sur- MOBY - We Are All Made Of Stars rounded by the groupies, while journalists from student and THE MUSIC - The People EP national media jostled for his attention. The slightly strange interview began with the predictable questions about his "inspiration", before progressing to the Singles subject of his two recent UK gigs. Roundup FELIX: How does the English crowd compare to France and South America? KOSHEEN - Hungry MANU: Really well. They were really excited on both nights, Some of the drum 'n' bass hardheads out there who particu- and I was surprised that people actually know my stuff here. larly enjoyed Kosheen's Hide U might find this a bit tame for Were you surprised that the crowd knew the songs you did their liking. On the other hand, if you prefer beats which haven't with Mano Negra [his old band]? come out of the jungle, this may well tickle your fancy. With Yes, it was a great to see that people knew that stuff, but I think acoustic guitars, inoffensive beats and a vaguely Corrs-like a lot of the crowd were from South America and so had heard a vocal, Hungry is about as hard as a walnut whip, but it's short, lot of my other music. sweet and perfectly nice. Did the time you spent in Brazil make your music sound more Brazilian? Derek Yes, it did influence me a lot, but I think Brazilian music has been ... [speaks in Spanish for a bit] ... pigeonholed too much. BILAL - Fast Lane They are making so much music and such a wide range that you This is fun. Bilal's scatting falsetto swoops over a funky Dre cannot just say it sounds Brazilian. But yes, I loved a lot of the production, with Jadakiss along for the ride providing an enjoy- music I heard out there. able cameo. Bilal sounds like a young Prince, with, bizarrely, What do you think of the state of latin music worldwide? something of a Jeff Buckley feel, which is of course a Very Good The music in South America is really exciting, but the "latin" Thing™. music coming from Miami has nothing to do with it. They have left behind their roots and changed to an American way of life, Toby G and they aren't making real latin music any more. It is a shame, because everyone in South America wants to go to Miami - they HAVEN - Til The End all see it as some sort of paradise. The same thing happens in This is one of the softer songs from the album, gradually Africa - the people I know there all want to get to Europe, which building up momentum as it reaches the chorus. Gary Briggs' in their minds is this paradise. heartfelt vocals work very well with the guitars. Unfortunately Since you seem to have strong views on these topics, have though, it sounds a bit too much like Coldplay. you ever considered moving into politics? [Looks offended] No, not at all, I am not interested in politics. It Tank is all corrupt - all of Miami is run by the mafia, and the govern- ments no longer have any control over what is going on. It is all HOOBASTANK - Crawling In The Dark controlled by organised crime or large companies. I am only Hoobastank are yet another Californian nu-metal band to be interested in affecting the neighbourhood where I can see launched this side of the pond, but with one difference: they are effects of what I do. My neighbour in Barcelona was a fascist, actually quite good. They manage to get the mix right between and would not talk to my girlfriend [who is black], but now he rock noise and noticeable lyrics, and (whisper it!) they actually has changed and he always speaks to her in the morning. He sing, rather than shouting or rapping over loud guitars. The har- saw me the other morning and came to say how beautiful he monies are clear, even when they're rocking out. Let's hope that thought she was! there's a lot more to come.

Nick Tank book reviews

Michael Connelly always wanted to be a crime fiction writer after reading the works of Raymond Chandler while attending the University of Florida. Once he decided on this career path he majored in journalism and when he graduated in 1980, Michael worked at newspapers in Daytona Beach and Fort Lauderdale, Florida, primarily specialising in the crime beat. In 1986 he and two other reporters wrote a magazine story on an aeroplane crash and the survivors that was later short- listed for the Pulitzer Prize. Michael then moved to the Los Angeles Times as a crime reporter. After three years in LA, Michael started to write The Black Echo, a novel featuring LAPD detective Hieronymus Bosch. Since then Michael has written a further ten novels, seven of which feature Harry. These works are reviewed below and an interview with Michael appears on the next page.

Michael Connelly Novels City of Bones Published by Orion Orion, Hardback, £17.99

In 1992 Michael Connelly wrote his first novel, The Black Echo, On the first day of the New Year, Detective Hieronymus (Harry) which later went on to win the Edgar Prize for Best First Bosch is called out when a man reports that his dog has Mystery Novel. The Black Echo introduced us to LAPD detec- unearthed a number of bones in the Hollywood Hills. The dog's tive Hieronymus (Harry) Bosch and saw him investigating the owner, a retired doctor, informs Harry that the bones are human death of Billy Meadows, a former colleague of Harry's during and it is soon determined that they are the twenty years old the Vietnam war whose body was found in a drain pipe at the remains of a twelve-year-old boy. Harry is drawn into a case Mulholland Dam. From the beginning Harry was very much a that evocates memories of his own past and for him this is one maverick whose conflicts with his Lieutenant and the hierar- case that he is determined to solve. chy of the LAPD would constantly see him in trouble but apart Most crimes that have gone undetected for twenty years from this Harry was regarded as a first-class detective. Instant never get solved but Harry is confident that he will bring this success with The Black Echo was followed with the next three killer to justice and after much detective work he discovers the Bosch novels The Black Ice (1993), The Concrete Blond (1994) child's identity and the background to his turbulent life. and The Last Coyote (1995). The Last Coyote being one of my At the same time as the case is unfolding, Harry starts an favourites (and also Michael's) in which Harry deals with his affair with a rookie female officer, Julia Brasher. After being suspension from the LAPD by re-opening a thirty-year-old emotionally hurt when his wife, Eleanor, suddenly left him, unsolved crime: the murder of his own mother. Harry is once again starting to open up to someone. In 1996 Michael wrote the stand alone novel The Poet which When a supposedly straight forward meeting with a former concerned crime reporter Jack McEvoy and the death of his friend of the murdered boy goes hideously wrong Bosch begins brother, a homicide detective. Jack finds that the best way to to doubt his beliefs in both his actions and the job he holds. As deal with the death of his brother is to investigate and write an the investigation heads towards its startling conclusion Harry article on suicides in the police force. When he begins his is on the verge of an almost unimaginable decision. research he soon makes the shocking discovery that maybe not With the Harry Bosch novels, Michael Connelly created one of all of these officers committed suicide. the greatest crime fiction series of the nineties. With City of In 1997 saw the release of the next Bosch novel, Trunk Music, Bones (and last years A Darkness More Than Night) this belief and in 1998 came the novel Blood Work. In Blood Work, can be carried into another decade as well. Michael is one of Connelly introduces, Terry McCaleb, a former FBI agent whose those rare writers that manages to never write a bad book. His heart ailment forced his early retirement. When Graciela Rivers description and feel for Los Angeles is haunting and the dia- asks him to investigate her sister's death, her story hooks him logue that his characters purvey is realistic and never over the immediately: the new heart beating in McCaleb's chest was top. The plot to this and all his novels show a mind that is both hers. In 1999, Angels Flight (Bosch) was released and in 2000, methodical and he is constantly asking his reader to think about Void Moon hit the shops. Void Moon features Cassie Black a for- the images that his work portrays. mer burglar who would rob wealth gamblers in Las Vegas finds As the Bosch series continues we've been witness to both the herself returning to Vegas for one last job. In 2001 saw a Terry highs and lows in Harry's life and this is one thing that keeps McCaleb and Harry Bosch novel, A Darkness More Than Night, fans returning to these works. With everything that happens in in which Terry investigates a murder and finds that Harry City Of Bones, Harry has some big decisions to make about his Bosch is the prime suspect. April 2002 saw the release of City future and if Michael Connelly writes (and I'm sure he will) more Of Bones, the latest Bosch novel and a full review appears on books of this standard there will be a lot more people following the next page. Harry too. reviews book

writers such as James Ellroy who has a similar background to him. At the time of putting Harry together Ellroy was getting a name for himself and it was clear to me that this guy was work- ing out whatever baggage the murder of his mother had left with him by writing mystery novels. I thought then about a detective who has the same sort of baggage but works it out by solving crimes. Harry really does come from all over. How has Harry Bosch changed over the years? I think that he has become gentler and more inward thinking and assessing of stuff he did. In Black Echo he was too stuffy, too much of an unyielding tough guy. By the time he got to Angels Flight he had learned more about the world and realised that there is more grey in the world than black and white. In City of Bones we come to an ultimate evolution I think with him, he is coming to a realisation that he may have been using the wrong fuel in his engine. For a long time, Harry held to the belief that Michael Connelly Interview he needed the badge to go out and conduct the mission which in his mind is solving murders to make up for the big one that changed his life. There is nothing wrong with this mission or that it is still intact in Harry's mind, but he sees another way of First of all, can you tell us about your background and what going at it now. you did before you became a crime fiction writer? So what is City Of Bones about? I was born in Philadelphia but I say I'm from Florida because I think it is about that on a character level. It is about him com- my family moved there when I was small and that's where I ing to a conclusion that it is time to turn his life in a different grew up. For the last fifteen years I've lived in LA although direction and not lose the emotional mission in his life. I'm lucky recently I moved back to a part of Florida where my wife is from because I write from a big picture view so I know what I'm going and we'll probably move again in a couple of years. I moved a lot to do next. I think this is a story about a guy coming to some con- in Los Angeles, seven times in fifteen years but it seems to be in clusions and changing his life and that is the very subtle part of my blood and it kind of helps me with my writing and I find it what is pinned to the mystery that he is investigating. The part invigorating. about the bones is something that I've wanted to write about for I decided in school that I wanted to be a writer and hopefully some time. I came across some academic literature on anthro- write some crime novels but I knew that at that point in my life pology and child abuse and it was something that I wanted to it seemed a long shot so I went to journalism school and hoped write about. The challenge was to get Harry emotionally that that would be a means to an end. When I left school I charged with a victim were there is no victim just bones. There became a police reporter and after a number of years of doing is no flesh and blood he can look at to get him angry to find the this I started to write books and for a while the two over-lapped. killer. That is why there is a pretty tough scene in the coroner's These days I'm no longer a journalist but it seems that I've been office when the doctor is going over the injuries with Harry and writing in some form my entire adult life. it gets to him because it could have been him. He was a thrown How do you go about writing a novel? away child so there is a connection between Harry and the boy. It has changed a lot over the years but in general and defi- What is going to happen to Harry? nitely more recently I do a lot of thinking before I even start to sit He is definitely coming back. I've just finished a stand-alone down at the computer to start writing. For me the thinking and novel and I'm getting back into Bosch. Basically, I've rocked his planning is the best part of writing as it can get you really excit- world like I've rocked mine with moving three thousand miles. ed and then you have to sit down and start writing it which is The next Bosch is written in the first person and he is not a pri- less so. In general I know the beginning and the end of a novel vate detective but he is going to get involved with solving those and the three hundred pages in between I make up as I go. It's cold cases he walked out of the door with. He will get a private hard to have the beginning and the end planned without having detective license about a month after he retires because it is a some idea of how the middle will shape out, for example, I might routine for cops in California to do so once they retire. Harry does know what clue will put the detective on the right track so I'm this, and what I've written so far, is it's now eight or nine month not totally in the blind when I get to the middle. after he retired and he is opening those boxes and looking In your first novel, The Black Echo, you introduce us to inside. My aim is to write two books with him on his own and LAPD detective Harry Bosch. How did you come up with the then I'm going to have him join the newly formed homicide character of Harry? squad that is being set in LA to solve cold cases that is going to He is definitely an amalgamation of many different things and be run by talented, retired detectives. My goal is to write two people. Real cops that I know or knew, fictitious cops from books Harry's in private and then bring him back into a bureaucratic and movies. The aspects of his personality even come from other setting because he is interesting to watch in this way.

Jonathan coffee break

Crossword by Turnip Henry

4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 1. 2. 3. Across Down I. Arse! Sounds like my 1. Silence after support is willy is nobbly. (9) a bit boisterous. (5) 9. 10. 6. Gastric juice around 2. Mathematical concept Bishop and his book. could aid sleep. (7) (5) 3. Brit chap has irritated

11. 1^ 9. Short lorry the French me. (4) write about. (7) 4. Seed Lewis cultivated 14. 15. 10. Attack may cause into small plant. (9) upset. (7) 5. Deride the practice of 16. 17. 18. II. Greeting for weather, eating greedily. (5) perhaps. (4) 6. Rub in the nude. (4) 12. Fast bird. (5) 7. Fruit with Penny in 19. 20. 21. 22. 13. Capital punishment for head gear. (-7) computer crash. (4) Plant that's always 16. On Saturday, a veg- colourful. (9)

23. 24. 25. 26. 27. etable became very 14. Drug is very smelly. (5) smooth. (5) 15. DNA structure without 28. 29. 17. Imply that it sounds drug makes a little like you consumed man. (5) 30. 31. during a misde- 16. Points to rarest form of meanour. (9) underground rodents. 19. Worsen aim around (5-4) 32. 33. Lothario. (9) 18. Sing about curved bot- 21. Stoneworker is free, tom stealing apples. perhaps. (5) (9) 23. Flower went up. (4) 20. Scum mixture Lesley imperial College ^^accommodation link 24. Quiet hunk is a bit fat. has makes you strong. (5) (7) Are you full of energy, personality, flair 26. Novel with a tonne for 22. Girl explodes: the and common sense? animal. (4) whole lot. (7) Do you have excellent presentation and 30. Alistair left a fusion 25. Tree left on a curve. (5) good communication skills? reactor for a great 27. Nipple is about right sportsman. (3-4) for a prize. (5) If so, then you are just what we are looking for 31. Shut away and regur- 28. Drink in the light to gitate tea with soil. (7) amaze. (4) We are now taking applications for Summer 2002 for people to work in the positions listed below 32. Girl from country in 29. Bread can trundle. (4) the sun. (5) Reservation Agent - £6.00 per hour 33. The best part is the Reception Shift Leader Days - £6.00 per hour Reception Shift Leader Nights - £6.50 per hour sun. (9) c Receptionist Days - £5.00 per hour 1 " < Receptionist Nights - £5.50 per hour Reception Supervisors Days - £7.00 per hour * Dr. Hot Fudge had absconded to Mexico with the prizes from both the GFQQ and the crosswords from the previ- Benefits include Free Accommodation during the Summer period ous two terms, and so in my fury I set out to find him with Full Training my chocolate seeking device, hoping to teach him a les- Part Uniform Provided son he wouldn't forget in a hurry. However, when I came Paid Holiday to getting on the 'plane, the security men deemed my Fluency in any of the following languages a plus: weapon too dangerous, and said I couldn't continue my Madarin, Cantonese, Japanese, Korean, Polish, Italian, Norwegian, German, Spanish, Dutch, Swedish chase without a missile-ectomy. Therefore, unarmed, I arrived in New Mexico, only to find that Fudge had been Vox an application form call into the Conference Office on Watt's Way, ring; 0207 594 9533 or e-mail [email protected] deported for DVD trafficking. Imagine my horror to return home to find him under house arrest with Slobodan Closing dale for applications is 30"' of April Milosevic. Well, suffice to say I couldn't have him write a crossword in that state, so here's one of my old ones from the crypt. And I've no idea where Bobby C is... club active

Yacht Club Misadventures

It all got off to a bad start. It We stayed in Poole just long Conditions for the weekend to be made to other yachts, was the weekend of the yacht enough to shower and go to were forecast to be excellent the second race went ahead clubs annual mad dash across the pub, and then headed for for racing with calm seas, with no problems and we fin- to Cherbourg and back again. along the coast to Lymington. good visibility and moderate ished 10th. Encouraged by the The plan was to leave The trip out of Poole harbour winds. Despite the fine days performance we London early Friday afternoon, was an exciting hour of spot- weather and the new boat we returned to Portsmouth and leave Portsmouth around nine ting flashing lights and match- soon encountered a problem. hurried to the pub for food and that evening, get to Cherbourg ing them to those on the chart, During a downwind run short- beer. for a late breakfast on Saturday, a task somewhat complicated ly before the start of the race a Sunday's weather was bet- go to the hypermarket and pub by a random cardinal buoy, and shackle broke, dumping our ter still, as was our perform- and then leave on Saturday the difficulty of distmg^shing spinnaker in the water and ance. During the first race of evening to be back in between a light flashing every sending its halyard to the top the day some superb team- Portsmouth on Sunday after- four seconds and one that of the mast. Quickly we recov- work and crafty tactics meant noon. Sadly this was not to be. flashed every five. ered the sail from the sea and we crossed the line in a very What with leaving London over We arrived in Lymington at hoisted a willing volunteer up pleasing 6th position. With the mast to retrieve the hal- an hour late, the mini bus half past midnight, with the this encouragement the final yard, completing the task in breaking down and not buying intention of leaving again at 5 race of the weekend started time for the start. After a rea- quick cook pasta for dinner we am, however, for reasons that superbly putting us in the top sonable start we worked our didn't leave until midnight. are unclear, this didn't happen. five for most of the race. way up the fleet of 23 other Having left the lights of Instead we left at half past Unfortunately as the saying yachts and, despite a close Portsmouth Harbour behind eight and went the short way goes it isn't finished until the encounter with the London we found that the wind was along the coast, reaching fat lady sings and the saying Business School boat, finished not in a direction suitable for record speeds of over ten knots couldn't be truer for sailing a respectable 11th. Following just pointing at France and and finding ourselves outside and we finished the race in a long lunch break, for repairs hoping we got there, and a Portsmouth Harbour very much 7th position. more zigzagged approach was ahead of schedule for the first recruired. time all weekend. So we found We started on a westerly ourselves a quiet spot and tack and stormed along at threw a buoy called John over- Imperial College rr S-.'3~K-:T. m'triJO^.Ti' AM: (mm nr. about seven knots for a few board until he was rescued hours, three of the ten crew on after spending hours in the watch and the others fast freezing water and losing both WE NEED YOUR HELP!! asleep, apart from the skipper legs. We then headed to the who had chosen to sleep next Isle of Wight for lunch and a Asthmatic and Non-Asthmatic to the chocolate and was there- quick drink before heading fore frequently disturbed by back to Portsmouth to hand Volunteers, age IS-55 members of the watch. Three back the boat, having had a Important Research into The hours later the first watch went fantastic weekends sailing Mechanisms Of Severe Attacks Of to bed and the next took over. even if everything hadn't gone Unfortunately at some point in to plan.... Asthma the next three hours the wind In slightly more serious Contact Dr Simon Message oi Professor Sebastian Johnston in the also decided to change and it Yachting news, over the final Dept. of Respiratory Medicine for more information became clear that we wouldn't weekend of last term a Yacht get to Cherbourg until dinner Club crew, out to prove that Tel 020 7 5943752 St Mary's Medical School time on Saturday, which would they weren't quite as incom- Email [email protected] leave us with only a couple of petent as the first half of this hours there before the long trip article suggests, enjoyed an All Efforts Rewarded home. It was therefore decided eventful two days of one- at a very sleepy six in the design racing in the Solent. morning that we wouldn't The company organising the bother, and instead we contin- regatta has recently pur- ued on our circumnavigation of chased a fleet of brand new the Isle of Wight, heading for Sunfast 37s and so we had the FIGHT THE COLD VIRUS; Poole which we reached nine pleasure of racing a boat that hours and a fine cooked break- had only been sailed once fast later. before. club active

Mud-Wrestling Extravaganza

A sunny day it was that Politically Correct affair, with This year's first bout (sorry, was to play Fryn 'Could Be dawned to see me scrabbling different divisions for each sex. but I just can't resist this) was Much Dirtier, But Is north on this country's famous Of course that kind of old fash- between Doug 'Pretty Filthy, Nonetheless Pretty Manky' rail network to one of the most ioned out-moded thinking was Really' Williams (seeded 4) and Farrer (5). bleak and desolate parts of right out at this year's event, Mary 'Slightly Soiled' Dane (6), After much to-ing and fro- England; to the very heart of and the foolish complaints of which passed relatively ing, Fryn beat Penny using a the North: Bolton. many that 'Girls aren't as uneventfully, apart from some surprise headlock, and went on I was here to observe that strong as boys' was bitterly slightly suspect play from Mary to face Ali, who had overcome fantastic new sport that is ignored, and quite rightly so. that seemed to suggest a swift Doug using his patent 'Four sweeping nation after nation, This sport isn't about mere kick between Doug's legs. Footer' Manoeuvre. catching all who experience it strength: this is a game that However, never one to give up, This final match lasted sev- in an upswell of enthusiasm, can be played on a mental level he came back to eventually pin eral hours, and both players like a veritable brown tsunami. as well as utilising speed, her down and claim victory. looked like they enjoyed every I speak of none other, of course, courage, and a vicious desire to The next three first round moment, but all good things than the famous 2002 Mud- expose your enemy's genitals.. matches all went as expected, must eventually climax, and Wrestling-Slow-Down-Mow- The rules are complex, and with the higher seeds all win- once the mire had cleared, it Round-Ho-Down Grand Finals. can't be explained in detail ning their matches. This led to was found that Ali was up to Last year's winner was there here, but it's fair to say that the Doug 'Really Quite Filthy, Now' his neck in it, leaving Fryn 'We to defend her title, but the for- first person who finds them- Williams (4) being up against Knew She Had It In Her To Be A mat of this year's bouts took a selves butt-naked up to their Ali 'Nasty Mucky Threesome' Really Really Dirty Little different format from previous neck in mud lost. Imagine, if Tehran (3), and current champi- Deviant' Farrer as the winner. ones. I can tell you that last you will, a lovechild of rugby, on Penny 'Dirty Filthy Dirty Rest assured: I will keep you year was a distressingly Non- wrestling and strip poker. Dirty Little Vixen' Monsoon (1) informed of future games...

imperial Presents m J| A JHBB1IA '..college „ve sport ||Q 5CREENS union on the A Personal Plea BARS

As you may have noticed by some 'we're enjoying the sun' this point, the sports section reports, and I can have a Saturday 27th April this week consists solely two whole new section that entire- i Ik ) Spurs v Liverpool 12pm articles concerning yachting. I ly relates your lazy afternoons i A J know that this will seem less sat in the park with your Ipswich v Man Utd 5.35pm than fair to some of you, but I friends rather than revising. would like to point out - so I Which is great. Let me repeat ' imperial don't get too much abuse from myself once more: there's * college union those of you who are not fans more to life than a degree, you CHARINOCKOSS BAR of the nautical arts - that there know. Like sunburn. was nothing else to publish. So as this, possibly the This is not a complaint weirdest issue of Felix ever directed at the ICYS, to whom published, draws to an end, it e^l Wed. 1st May ' imperial I am indeed most grateful, but merely remains for me to fill * college union at the rest of you bastards up the rather large empty half- f Ik "J! Real Madrid v CHARING CKOSS BAR who didn't send us anything page above my head. To do Barcelona 7.45pm at all. I know that the summer this, I'll tell you about my term is a busy and stressful enjoyable time at a certain time for us all but it's also a rapidly growing sport's finals. time for some of the finer Suffice to say I won't men- * it < A pleasures in life: cricket, and, tion the bizarre incident with FoAo dp ftail er, swimming, and all that the goat, the lightning and the Oftg , kind of stuff. small kitchen utensil used for So get out there and play crushing garlic, but the goat is imperial Special opening times for frisbee, you lovely people. Get happily living in Brighton with college ... .mm*, *7 out there, enjoy the sun, and the utensil, and I'm off to have union 3 the final 1 2-OPItl CHARING CROSS BAR mm -mw mmmmrn then come back and write me a nervous breakdown.