The student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London

Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year 2006, 2008

Issue 1,422 Friday 30 January 2009 felixonline.co.uk

felix Inside Clubs & Socs - Is the Union EWB Exhibition secure?Open all access to sensitive information on Sabbatical computers exposed, see page 3

Pages 30-31

Arts - Annie Leibovitz

Page 15

Film - 3D Movies

Page 18

Science - More news than you can handle

Pages 10-12 2 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 3 News [email protected] News News Editor – Kadhim Shubber [email protected] The world beyond St Mary’s try out new ‘safer Holocaust Confidential Union surgery checklist’ files lacking security college walls Memorial Day Dan Wan Muaad Abdula surgery checklist across the Trust and regarding the patient. News Correspondent News Correspondent we hope other hospitals in the UK will Nonetheless, the importance do the same.” of recalling the main details of a pa- event held at IC Imperial College Union have once St Mary’s Hospital, part of Imperial From the video example on the tient’s care in the operating room can- again become the subject of negligent College Healthcare NHS Trust has re- World Health Organisation website not be stressed enough. The power in Gilead Amit Germany for the United Kingdom in security, this time regarding confiden- Iraq cently been involved in a major inter- the ‘checklist’ basically consists of a this simple checklist is that it assumes Associate Editor the 1939 Kindertransport, Mr. Deut- tial data on sections of the Imperial national study. summary of the patient’s history, op- nothing about the patient. This is yet sch openly gave thanks to the Brit- College server. CGCU News website Saturday 31st January is the day Iraqis will go to the polls in local gov- The study, which involved eight hos- erative procedure and treatment plan another step in trying to minimise any The date of the 27th of January was ish parliamentarians of the time who Live! has revealed a concerning breach ernment elections. pitals around the world, managed to at three stages. risk that vulnerable, unconscious pa- chosen in 2001 in the United Kingdom fought to save as many of the children of database security that allowed them About 14,000 candidates are competing for only 440 seats in local provin- prove that the use of a ‘safer surgery One advantage of this is that it reit- tients would be exposed to. as Holocaust Memorial Day. Held each as they could. to access files and folders marked as ‘In cial councils and for the last few weeks Iraq’s streets have been awash with checklist’ would reduce deaths and erates to the surgeons and other staff Being able to reduce deaths and ma- year on the anniversary of the libera- Mr. Deutsch’s story ended on a tri- Confidence’ and ‘Sensitive’. party campaign posters, and TV stations have been filled with politicians complications after surgery. involved exactly what is going to be jor complications after surgery has tion of Auschwitz concentration camp, umphant note: having been forced to Live! claim to have been able to gain vying for votes. These elections are being seen as an important test for the The use of the checklist led to deaths carried out. Although the results are obvious benefits for both doctors and the day is characterized by memorial flee Austria in 1939, he returned later unchallenged access to important in- country’s young democratic falling by an average 40 per cent after impressive to say the least, there is patients. The ‘safety surgery checklist’ services and remembrance events all in life to become a tour guide in the formation relating to Union finances, political system which was es- an operation . Professor David Taube, nothing groundbreaking here. The will hopefully become a useful pre- around the country, centred in 2009 ‘beautiful city of Vienna’. Standing in disciplinary procedures, payroll and tablished after the war in 2003, medical director at Imperial College ‘safety surgery checklist’ basically con- ventative measure to complications as around a national service in the city of a country that had once tried so hard Union bar sales. as well as for the performance Healthcare NHS Trust has already sists of a series of “safety nets” which well as helping to avoid horror scenari- Coventry. to eliminate him and all those like him, Initial suspicions of open access of the Iraqi Army and Police in stated that: highlight what everyone in the operat- os such as the rare case when mistakes To commemorate the day, the Jewish being able to greet tourists with the arose when volunteer Union Officers CGCU website Live!’s screen capture of the open access to Union keeping voters safe. “We are now implementing the safer ing room should be concerned about do happen. society at Imperial organized a can- words: ‘welcome to my country’ held a were discovered to have unexpected servers. Confidential DPEW files and folders are displayed. Saturday is also widely seen as dle-lighting preceded by a talk from a special significance. amounts of access to these confidential a precursor to national elections Holocaust survivor. Mr. Otto Deutsch, Having finished his story and an- files. Furthering the suspicion, Live! to be held at the end of 2009, who was barely eleven when the Sec- swered questions from the thirty- Editor Kirsty Patterson additionally ex- Hannah Theodorou, and appropriate potentially lead to much wider-spread which will mark the completion ond World War started, grew up in a odd students and members of staff posed Union server security measures College ICT officials should have had consequences. The possible legal im- of a full 4-year term of Prime Vienna where the Nazification of nor- assembled, Mr. Deutsch was asked by accessing files from the Live! Editor the correct privileges for the docu- plications of potential public viewing Minister Nouri al-Maliki’s gov- mal society was at its most frightening. by Yoni Weiner, the President of the College account. Though the Union di- ments specifically flagged up by Live! of the information in question is some- ernment which was formed af- With great calm and gentleness, Mr. Jewish Society, to light the candle of rectory is normally hidden from view This is not the first time Union con- thing only time will be able to conjure. ter the last national election in Deutsch spoke of his youth in Austria, remembrance. on supposedly non-privileged College fidentiality has been breached due to Patterson herself was quick to realise December 2005. having witnessed both the public hu- As a final word to his audience, accounts, basic mapping functions negligence. At the start of the current her own role in the situation, stating miliation of the Jewish citizenry and Mr. Deutsch dedicated the flame to were able to locate these folders and academic year, boxes of Union docu- that, “having discovered information their determined fight to hold onto all those lost in the Holocaust and to files, and hence readily available to any ments were found in and around closet of that confidential nature was in those their dignity. victims of hatred the world over, and staff or students. rooms housing air-conditioning units folders, I knew the legal implications of As one of the 10,000 unaccompanied thanked those present for having come The most alarming folder lacking in the West Wing Basement of Beit students being able to see it.” She took Sri Lanka Jewish children allowed to leave Nazi to listen to his story. suitable permissions were those desig- compound. These closets were unse- a course of action but also condemned nated to the Union General Manager, cured and their contents unbeknownst the faults made, stating, “I immediately Sri Lanka’s 26-year long civil war looks like it is coming to an end as the currently Peter Haldane. Within this to the Media Group whom use the contacted ICT, though it should not Sri Lankan Army closes in on rebel held territory. folder, confidential documents relat- West Wing Basement. have taken someone poking around to The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), also known as the Tamil Ti- ing to named disciplinary and written For this latest lapse in security how- expose the lacking of security” gers, have been fighting for a separate country for the ethnic Tamil minority warnings were found. Folders enti- ever, there is debate about who is ac- Live! and felix have taken the respon- since 1983, and has controlled various swathes of land in the North-East of tled ‘Staffing’ and ‘Finance’ contained tually to blame. Imperial College ICT sibility to ensure all confidential and the island. But this most recent military offensive by the Sri Lankan govern- Union staff contracts and payroll department are said to be ultimately sensitive areas on the Union server ment has pushed the Tamil Tigers and civilians living in those areas back into specifics. responsible for all data protection have been appropriately “secured” be- an ever-shrinking corner. Screenshots on live.cgcu.net show within College; this including the Un- fore publication. Union President clari- Claims by the Sri Lankan government that there have been ‘zero civilian the extent of access Patterson had. The ion. However it is claimed Union staff fied this by saying, “As soon as we were casualties’ have been met with scepticism by the Red Cross and other aid Live! Editor has its own College ac- should have been responsible for di- notified of this problem we worked groups who say shells fired by the army have landed in a 35 square kilometre count and simply should have not been recting ICT in limiting the appropriate with ICT to secure the folders in ques- no-fire zone where thousands of civilians have gathered for safety. The Unit- able to gain the level of access evident data access. tion. Since then we have ensured that ed Nations have confirmed that their staff members working in the no-fire in the screenshot. Only present Depu- The Union is squarely claiming no re- all sensitive and confidential files are, zone to deliver aid have also been caught up in the fighting. ty President of Education and Welfare, sponsibility for this fiasco, which could and will continue to be, secure.”

Surgeons taking extra care to ensure that the operation is as safe as possible Holocaust survivor Otto Deutsch, telling his story to a rapt crowd Zimbabwe

And finally: Phantom Menace cuts off The cholera outbreak in Zimbabwe has now caused more than 3,000 Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London deaths according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), a body of SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. the UN. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest water to part of Princes Gardens The water-borne disease has affected larger and larger areas of Zimbabwe felix 1,422 Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper since August 2008, a result of the collapsing water, sanitation and public Friday 30/01/09 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2009. Jovan Nedić health system. This comes in the midst of an ever worsening economic situ- Editor in Chief ation, where 80% of Zimbabweans are unemployed, and those who do have work find that their salaries are worthless. Felix was brought to you by: The Student Accommodation build- But this week the main opposition party the MDC, led by Morgan Tsvanga- ing, situated in Princes Gardens next rai, has agreed to join a unity government with President Robert Mugabe and

Editor in Chief: Jovan Nedić Deputy Editor: Kadhim Shubber Associate Editor: Gilead Amit LOLCATZ to Weeks Hall, has been the victim of his Zanu-PF. The power sharing deal will see Mugabe remain as president some stealth attacks by a mysterious while Tsvangirai assumes the position of prime minister. It is hoped that this Copy Editors Science Editors Fashion Editor phantom menace. The building, which newest agreement will bring to an end the months of political wrangling and Louise Etheridge Mićo Tatalović Dan Wan also accommodates graduates on Mas- failed agreements that has occurred since national elections in March 2008. Jonathan Lloyd-Williams Daniel Burrows ter’s courses, as well as the main ac- Zoë Dobell Coffee Break Editor commodation officer for Imperial, was Sasha Nicoletti Film Editors Ravi Pall left without any water over the week- Dina Ismail Zuzanna Blaszczak end for no apparent reason.

Daria Nakariakova Jonathan Dakin Nightlife Editor o f t he W EE K On Monday morning, the hall man- Catherine Jones ager Vladimir Jarina and a water tech- Politics Editors: Food Editors nician, that’s a plumber to you and James Goldsack Rosie Grayburn Puzzles Editor me, went to investigate the problem. Katya-yani Vyas Afonso Campos Charles Murdoch It was found that someone had been tampering with controls to the main Arts Editors Technology Editor Clubs and Socs Editor water pipe outside the building, which Caz Knight Richard Lai Alice Rowlands is situated under the road. At this time, David Paw no one is sure who did it, or even why Emily Wilson What’s On Editors Sports Editors they did. Rachel D’oliviero Jack Cornish This wasn’t the first time the water The menace is lurking in the bowels of Princes Gardens Business Editor Lily Topham Mustapher Botchway supply to the building had been affect- Luke Dhanoa ed, but it was, however, the first time Music Editors Photography that there was no water supply for a full ply is a mystery in itself, and the hall the menace. Only time will tell if this Edited by Hassan Joudi International Editor Peter Sinclair Sami Michaels day and a half. The fact that someone manager has speculated about install- will capture the culprit and their iden- Hassan Joudi James Houghton Tom Roberts was able to access the main water sup- ing a camera in the hope of catching tity revealed to the public. 4 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 5 [email protected] Comment Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of felix Angry Geek survived, but not everyone does “The harsh truth is that thousands What is the Imperial Girl pays to look more like me point of the are struck down letter C? attractive, so dinner’s on you every day” Jovan Nedić “My European the end of it”. But if you see, we spend Editor in Chief a lot more money on things that you friends would get to enjoy about women. We have to erhaps you missed me. skills in ‘management’, go missed by spend on cosmetics (not just make-up, That’s understandable. Per- most students thanks to a poor educa- ou might have to bear with But where would you start? If you ask never let a girl maybe creams), we have to shave/wax/ haps the start of term was tion in the severity of the condition. me on this one, as it might me, I would start with the letter C. tweeze... all a little too much for you, Last week, my girlfriend found thick seem that I am a little cra- Think about this question: is there pay. Gosh – I I could go on. All this to look attrac- and you felt a bit scared, a bit textbooks with diagrams of ‘group lay- zy or, heaven forbid, poor any word in the English language tive... so a dinner isn’t too much to ask? retreating. And then, to make matters outs’ in them on my desk at home. I’d at English! where the letter C cannot be replaced am making the No? Pworse, the smiling, friendly demeanour brought them home a few days ago and In the 19th century, a Serbian linguist by another letter in the English lan- You see, I don’t deem paying the bill of good old A Geek isn’t even there to left them there not realising. When my Yby the name of Vuk Stefanović Karadžić guage, or where it is not used to make French seem as a monetary act; more as a symbolic comfort you at the end of week. That she noticed this, we immediately called went about to reform the Serbian lan- a ‘CH’ sound? act of how much effort or commitment can be a little shocking. But it’s alright. the doctor’s surgery and they agreed to guage. At the time, the used alphabet I have asked this question to a few exponentially the person wants to display to you. Just Daddy’s right here. admit us the following day. Unfortu- was Cyrillic, yet the main problem was people and the initial response has if I turned up on a date making no ef- Though I’ll be honest, I’ve not been nately, it was already too late. The next that the literary level in the country normally been “You’re an idiot!”. But more desirable! fort to look nice; hairy arms, messy in great shape recently, hence my ab- morning, before my admission to the was very low. Words were not spelled after they thought about it for a while, eyebrows, uncombed hair.... Exactly. sence. Yeah. I’ve taken a few knocks hospital, I went back to Imperial with- in an intuitive way and as such, made they began to realise what I was try- Not that they I’m more than happy to pay for a round lately, a few shocks to the old system, out realising which lecture course was it a very difficult language to learn if ing to say. Honestly, what is the point of drinks before or after the meal just and I’m getting old so I can’t always affecting me, and found myself in the you were not brought up on it. In 1818, of the letter C? Most of the words that needed my help” not the main event. I’ll do the frills, you take them on the chin like I used to. For middle of a classic case of a Business We thought we’d lose him. The management speak attacked his central nervous system. We were scared. Karadžić reformed the whole language we managed to come up with could bake the cake. instance, the other day I was exposed School Teaching attack. with the basic principal that “you write either have the letter K or the letter S There was this one time I was out to a member of the Imperial Business My girlfriend rushed me out and to as you speak and read as it is written”. instead. For example, looking at the ti- on a friendly dinner date with a guy School for thirty-five minutes – that’s Accident and Emergency as soon as and a series of therapy sessions where “We see people loitering around While the BBC’s Panorama team In essence, the entire Serbian language tle of the piece next to mine, the word ni has brought a great it awkward I found that there are a friend. The bill came to the table next only ten minutes below the lethal dos- we realised, of course, but at that point I was assured that money was not eve- the entrance here,” one security guard conduct investigations into the spread was made phonetic! ‘attractive’ could quite as easily be spelt deal of opportunity to go number of techniques that girls have to us and the guy pulled out his card age, remember. Doctors have spent the much of the damage had been done. rything, that Imperial did still contain explained to me, “pretty much every of Business School dealers through- The current state of the English lan- ‘attraktive’. Another example would on dinner dates. Though learned to employ in order decrease ready for the waiter. The card was re- last week flushing my systems and try- I’d been exposed to damaging analo- scientists, and that unfortunately, ac- day. Sometimes they, you know...” he out Imperial, or ‘lecturers’ as they’re guage could, at least by foreigners, be be the word ‘decision’ which could be these are often varied in the awkwardness of the situation. Two jected and there was this awkward si- ing to heal up as much of the damaged gies with nonsensical explanations for creditation with professional bodies pauses while he tries to find the words, known, all I can do is beg you to stay described as in the same way. Unintui- spelt as ‘desision’. As a solution, an idea conversation and cuisine of my favourites are the after-dessert lence. The girl rushed to her bag and brain tissue as possible, but they’ve otherwise extremely simple concepts; comes at a price. but he just can’t, “Ach, they’re throw- vigilant, and keep an eye on your tive, unclear and extremely difficult for I had was to not scrap the letter C, but there is one common nut that I have powder room escape and the other pulled out her card. said that I could be affected for life. faltering and vague promises that I was one of the lucky ones. But the ing their lives away. Good people, you friends. If you’ve not seen one of your people to learn are some ways of de- instead make it a ‘CH’ sound and re- Uyet to crack about dinner dates – who is the gesture of looking around in a By this time the whole restaurant It’s a sad truth that one in three of management affects every part of my difficult truth is that thousands more know? One day, they’re walking past classmates in regular lectures, or if you scribing it. Heck, I’m still learning the place all the words affected with either pays the bill? huge Mary Poppins sized hand bag had quietened down. I’m not sure who us will be affected by the life-changing life and is really useful; and excerpts like me are struck down every day by in jeans and ironic t-shirts, and you fear they may be reading the Business ins and outs of the language and how ‘K’, ‘S’ or ‘CH”. So, for example, ‘much’ The date has gone smoothly so far for a wallet they just can’t find amidst felt more embarrassed, the guy or the trauma of the Business School at some from the Financial Times, or ‘the silent the addictive qualities of the Impe- think, ‘Yeah. There goes one of the pullouts from their newspapers instead I can gain access to the ‘wealth’ and would become ‘muc’. (which was uncertain) but the certain every other imaginable item you could girl. Because that is exactly it, the fact point in our lives. Many often are com- killer’ as it’s known in medical circles. rial Business School. Many have been good guys.’ but you’ll come by late at of the cartoons page, please don’t hesi- ‘richness’ of the language. For those of you with an A-Level in bill is in the process of arriving. Now- I expect to get into a bag... Oh diddums! is that the girl looked embarrassed be- pletely unaware of the Business School I was rushed to St. Thomas’ Hospital sighted sneaking out of their depart- night, and there they’ll be, hunched in tate to get in touch by emailing anan- As a quick side note, I don’t really English might try and use the argu- don’t know how every girl feels but I I call this the bag drill. cause it is a bit taboo. infecting their degree for many months in London and treated with an inten- ments to attend ‘Entrepreneurship’ a corner by the revolving doors, trying [email protected]. see the point of using elaborate words, ment that the ‘C’ creates a soft sound know some find this the most awkward You know maybe it’s a culture thing. The best dinner date I have ever – early symptoms, such as new lectur- sive course of antibullshitics, regular courses, something which worries the to inject champagne or some shit right Together, we can combat Business either spoken or in written text. By in a word. But why can’t it just have a part of the date. Let’s break this down Many of my European friends stand been on was when a guy from the city ers dressed in suits, or courses offering doses of Engineering Mathematics, local police authorities. into their eyeballs. Makes you sick.” School teaching. Forever. using these complex words instead of T infront as is the case of ‘pence’, which into the different situations. guard to the fact that they would never took me to a plush oriental restaurant their simpler counterpart, you are ef- could just be ‘pents’. This is your first dinner date with consider letting a girl pay, friend or not and didn’t expect a thing afterwards. fectively excluding a large proportion The most likely argument against this guy, perhaps the first date at all. friend, first date or not... Gosh I am Walked me home and didn’t even try of the UK... change, I imagine, would be that any The ceremonial bill paying act is often making the French seem exponentially to make a move on me even though it The relatively high levels of illitera- changes to the language would destroy an indication of how they feel about more desirable! Not that they needed was a really flirty atmosphere. cy in the UK compared to the rest of it. But would it destroy it even more or the relation and even how they judged my help. If any guys have made it to the end of Europe got me thinking. What would would it mean that it would be easier your company for the date. Bad as it If it is possible it is perhaps it’s nice this article, I congratulate you. I realise happen if Karadžić was still alive and for people to learn. After all, it is the may sound, I expect the boy to pay on to wait a few months into the relation- this isn’t the most guy-friendly column Dan Wan will fly cheaply and expect nothing did the same to the English language most widely spoken language. the first date. Without a doubt. Even if ship to start letting the girl “go-dutch” in felix, but it’s all about diversity as as he did to the Serbian. Would the lit- Anyway, this can go on for a while, so he thought my company was compara- or even pay for the dinner. one columnist wrote. Valentines day is “Keep in context self for the sprint across the runway flights now land in the destination comparison to what you are getting; eracy levels rise, would people find the I leave it to all of you to find me a use ble to a slug. I know the guys reading this by now round the corner and if you are taking to the plane, there is an open declara- city’s main airport. Dublin and Berlin cheap international freedom. change easy and would foreigners find for the letter C, because at the moment Okay okay, maybe I am a tad spoilt. are probably thinking, “you have to be a girl out, spoil her for the night. She’ll what you have tion amongst fellow travellers; one that for example, two major destinations, Ryanair will never usurp the giants the language a lot easier to pick up? I’m really struggling. Talking to a friend who often finds kidding me”, “we would be broke by appreciate it more than you can tell. says “we’re all poor, but we also want use the same runways as British Air- of airspace as one of the major inter- paid compared to go on holiday, so we are taking this ways or Lufthansa. continental airlines. It is simply not in questionable flight at 5.30 on a Sunday Kawai’s article insinuates a lack of their business plan to do so. Despite to what you are morning to get to Xante.” professionalism and effort on the Rya- being a self-proclaimed “commoner”, Kawai should not complain. I do not nair cabin crew’s part. Contrary to Kawai sadly emits a skewed vapour of getting; cheap see any justification of her fanciful Kawai’s experience, every time I have snobbery from her writings. I’m sorry, grumble on the detriments of budget flown with Ryanair, the stewardesses but an article that is seven eighths rant international air travel. She admits herself that she have indeed had “the decency to tie about how shite Ryanair is, and one Wanted: dead or alive or cooked in garlic butter knows exactly what is to come when up their hair”. Not that it would bother eighth of, quite frankly, weakly ex- freedom” she books her cheap flight to Milan. me if they hadn’t. I don’t term ‘being plained fears of market domination by week ago, Swirly was just naturally took him North, specifically rently recruiting members to assist in I think any monkey that understands decent’ as having hair tied up, ‘airhost- budget airlines does not make happy or a lowly slime-mongerer, to Manchester, where the population’s our guerrilla operations. If you can of- the ethic of these increasingly emerg- esses’ or not. Budget airline cabin crew satisfying reading. rummaging in bins in Neanderthal mentality made the ma- fer skills and expertise in snail hunting, ing budget airlines knows what to ex- are professional enough. If you act like I believe the point I am making, search of credit card de- nipulative process considerably easier. molesting or general mutilation, join ’m honestly not sure why my spank my arse and call me a Satanist as pect; all of the above hustle and bustle. a cock to cabin crew because you think and not directly to Kawai because she tails. It is now rumoured Although he originally set out to infil- the alliance today: ‘Swirly is a C**t!’. parents bothered taking my I gladly fall to my knees at his achieve- She claims she must “physically they are undermined as people due to writes commendably, is that a rant can that he is the next Robert Mugabe and trate a city with a comparatively lower This group may be found on a certain brother and me on holiday each ments. He has opened up the rest of trawl” her bag directly off the plane their occupation and employers, you be an excellent read. I would know, be- Ais slated to have strong connections average IQ, the burning car on the side social networking site, whose name year. It’d end up with a guaran- the Europe for students, amongst the onto more public transport to her ho- deserve a bit of a bite back. These peo- cause most of my Comment pieces and with Mauritian gangsters. of the A57 even dissuaded the appar- cannot be mentioned for extreme se- teed tantrum, floods of tears, ever-increasing number of people liv- tel. I like the fact I can choose whether ple are, as well as trying to flog every Editorial columns end up as vents of How did he achieve this sudden no- ently fearless Swirly from entering curity reasons. Our group is offering burst blood vessels, and an unjustified ing on a tight budget (I promised my- to place a bag in the hold. If I’m vain single fucking thing under the sun to anger. But they need to be in context of toriety? Using the profit made from his Liverpool. a monetary reward for anyone able to Iharassing by Immigration Officers. No self I wouldn’t mention a certain eco- enough to think I need more clothes you from a catalogue, trained to take the subject matter. It is so effortless to identity theft business, Swirly hired Nevertheless, with Swirly’s power capture this fiend. more complaining though, because I nomic crisis in this article, but it looks than sense, I will pay the extra £8. The care of you as you perilously float sev- get carried away in the stream of hate- two moronic accomplices who were growing day by day, it is imperative that Help us eradicate this disgusting have escaped family holidays: my per- like I’ve failed). costs are only “hidden costs” if you eral thousand feet above ground. riddled consciousness, so much so that able to integrate him into human so- we make a stand against this malicious parasite from society, and we can fight sonal interpretation of annual Hell-on- Ryanair is marketed as a no-frills can’t be bothered to look and read your I fail to see how it is Ryanair’s fault in a piece loses sight of the initial point ciety. That’s right readers, Swirly is a moist menace! It is understood that together hand in hand. Earth. For a few years now, I revel in budget airline. It does not pretend to e-ticket, e-confirmation, and e-every- you spending the first day of your holi- the author initially set out to put across snail! he possesses one weakness, known to Warning: They may have taken the the choices I get: whom I travel with offer the very best air travel service, thing else they load your inbox with. day asleep in your hotel. Did the hor- to the readers. He has purposefully targeted the gul- only to his most devout followers. MI5 North. If you are situated above Milton and to where. because in fact, there isn’t much of a The airports that Ryanair flights land rors of unkempt stewardess hair keep As I step back into the shadows of the lible and simple-minded members of are working tirelessly to bring down Keynes, it may be too late for you! It’s Whom do I thank for this new-found service that they provide. It is more of at are peripheral city airports, hence you awake for the rest of the time? felix office for another week, I take no the British public, luring them with an this up-and-coming dictator. your own fault. international freedom? Irish entre- a ‘make sure everyone is in the glori- cheaper for Ryanair, and hence us. I’m So, the next time you’re in the “Z- bow, but neither a whimper of shame adorable fluffy pink façade. Even stu- His ridiculously meteoric rise to preneur and Ryanair Chief Executive fied tin can they call the plane’ job. quite sure they wouldn’t commission deck” of a budget airline plan (because for the writings of the felix team or the dents of Imperial College, renowned fame has caused a stir within the Im- Forever keeping the peace, Michael O’Leary. In fact, the same Hence, I expect a little hassle when I flights out to the middle of Rural Ar- by your own admission you will make student body. felix will always print for their high levels of intellect, have perial fraternity, and a small, dedicated Michael O’Leary that Kawai Wong fly with Ryanair. I expect to race the seholia. The second or third airport the “mistake” of taking one again), en- your views, opinions and expressions. fallen for this cheap ruse. band of freshers have rallied to oppose Crusaders of Mollusc Eradication had apparent nightmares about in her American family for seats on the plane of a large European city will always, joy the polyphonic Irish music as you The ones you have been meaning to The two accomplices, who cannot be his tyrannical rule. Those few among comment piece last week. Granted, any when boarding. A little elbow here, a without fail, be a taxi ride away from settle into your horrifically coloured write for months, the ones you’ve writ- named for legal reasons, assisted Swirly us, who have been brave enough to dream about an Irish middle-aged sug- little knee-jerk there. It’s all part of the city centre. Even Heathrow, the busi- seat, be a tiny bit tempted by the £12 ten on the spur of the moment, and in scouring the Nation for those of an stand against this cult leader, have C.O.M.E. ar daddy is probably not the epitome fun of flying no-frills. When you line est airport in the world pushes its tag stuffed airplane in the catalogue, and especially the ones on issues you most impressionable nature. This search formed a coalition group and are cur- He might be tyrannical, but anythings better than the Ant People!!! of bliss. If this man is the devil himself, up at the terminal gate priming your- as “London Heathrow”. Most Ryanair keep in context what you have paid in care about. 6 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 7 Comment [email protected] [email protected] Comment

Slutty Pumpkin is an addict Ka Wai Wong has a question. Does smoking Gilead Amit feels proud of “I couldn’t help his Exonian heritage but wonder: Is weed make you worse than a drunk driver? Facebook the able Latin words come above facts and posed truth of the universe. We can “In this last twelvemonth my “You may not have known that if figures? Linguistically Cannabis is more contribute our knowledge construc- new drug of this dangerous than Ketamine. Therefore tively to socio-political issues. We can accent, affectations and appearance you are caught in possession of Cannabis has been upgraded from a C begin here. This time and space. As modern society? to a B. Scientific finding doesn’t appear students. We live in our own scientific have so confused the general public marijuana, you can be jailed for up to agree so. and cynical world. Yes, we know what is How much can Has the wig-wearer tweaked the in- happening on the news. We care about that I have been taken for German, to five years and face an unlimited nocent scientist’s nipple and go “mix Gaza. We will put up a wall and have we rely on this all the test tubes you want. It really students scribble a few apologetic con- Australian, South African, and one fine? What about if you drink-drive? doesn’t matter at the end of the day”? dolences on it. Yes, I am all for Obama virtual world?” Why do we bother with an anomaly but wearing an “I Heart Obama” t-shirt memorable evening, for Welsh” Well then you are liable to a half result then? Let’s just go “Cannabis is will jeopardise my hard-earned geeky likely to be therapeutic. Because, uh. stature. he other day, after spend- mean that they are permanently con- year sentence and a £5,000 fine” Yeah.” No. People, we can take our drunk- am very disappointed with my prints characteristic of that glorious camera, and steadied my nerves with ing more than two hours nected? If this is the case, these people Of course it is not the lawmaker’s en political debates out of the pub. adoptive country. Which is not, country. It is a treasured possession, an hour spent watching laundry both one afternoon checking would be at the most advanced stage fault. People who spent 6 years in Law If people can’t hear us on paper, let I scramble backwards through whose place in my heart is second only shaken and stirred in a large tumbler, I my best friend’s brother’s of addiction, and I fear it might not be Schools are unlikely to have heard of them see us in real life. Let them hear barbed wire and under heavy to the complementary ID card distrib- crossed the threshold of my designated ex-girlfriend’s sister pic- reversible anymore. un time. I’m going to ask you loss of memory/aging of skin? You are cause harm and dependency than can- Web of Science. The problem with us, our say. You want more freedom on machine gun fire to point out to uted to me at the same time. It is tes- home away from home at half past ten tures on facebook, I realised that I had All right, Facebook has something to misbehave. All you have to going to quote me wrong now, aren’t nabis. It is not just me arguing using is that we are too preoccupied in our your stem cell research? Stop moan- you, this one. That fact may come as tament to my pride in my nationality this a.m. Ta problem. It’s like when you first real- addictive about it, but what are the ef- do is to select the behaviour you. “A glass of red wine a day helps my brain muscles then. I have some lab and too preoccupied to be cynical ing about the lack of it amongst your Ia surprise to you. It possibly may not. that my fingers invariably close around And this is where the tagline kicks ize that you have an addiction, you al- fects of this new drug? We know it is a that is conceptually less like- reduce the chance of coronary heart pharmacologists standing behind my to translate pub-debates into the real best mates in Biochemistry, who have It all depends on how easily surprised this card whenever I mean to present in. The experience was, all in all, terri- ways think it is harmless at first, that it sophisticated tool for networking and ly to do harm to the others. disease.” OK, what then if you are a lei- back. world. And this is not a question about exactly the same viewpoints as you do. you are and how excruciatingly little my college ID. Though my heart swells bly anticlimactic. I walked through the is just a little reward. The next stage is communication purposes. On Face- Here are the choices: A. Drunk driving sure cannabis user? Despite all my efforts arguing, I re- cannabis and alcohol anymore. We are It is comforting to live in a box where you care. By way of justifying this rev- with pride at the sight of it, the door to double doors today in the desperate when you finally convince yourself that book, your profile is some sort of pres- andF B. Smoking marijuana. What is the ratio of people admitted ally am not giving you a pat on the easily the most logical individuals on your arguments are nodded upon by elation I feel bound to mention that I the computing suite never ceases to be hope that hysterical bureaucracy and there is a problem and that the situ- entation card where you share your Have you picked a side? An over- into hospitals for brain damage caused back for smoking illegal drugs. My earth. Why are we letting people who your friends. Not too much so when it have been mistaken for an Englishman unimpressed. The arrangement of my diplomatic kerfuffliage would provide ation needs a change. So there I was, interests and you create a story, your whelming number of people I spoke by smoking marijuana to people get- finger, however, lingers on the discrep- merely have bigger mouths and bigger comes to persuading the law-makers in the past. In this last twelvemonth wallet, however, is perhaps a question me with some incident worth relating. feeling like a drug-addict in front of story. But the problem is that it only to agree that drink-driving is the more ting treatment for alcohol related in- ancy between law and reality. 1) Refer hair dictate unreasonably what condi- to grant you more flexibility amid your my accent, affectations and appear- for a happier hour. It didn’t need to be much – a trench- my computer screen, with an immense represents a very narrow and selective sinister of the two. Side-effects of alco- juries/diseases? Get into an A&E on to your selection above, does it seem tions we ought to live in without the bid to save the world. ance have so confused the general pub- As an Exonian national, whether liv- coated agent lurking in the corner, guilt and a single question: „Does this fraction of reality. Some aspects might hol? We can spell them back to front. a Saturday night and see for yourself. socially less acceptable to drink-drive? prior consultation of scientific facts? I understand the lawmakers toil away lic that I have been taken for German, ing at home or abroad, there are cer- armed men escorting me off to some girl have any single picture with her get distorted and this makes snap The tardiness in sensation. The faux- Frankly, the government should show 2) What does the dependency-harm You may fold your hands and sit in to balance everyone’s opinion before Australian, South African and, during tain obligations I am legally required abandoned mountain retreat for fur- new boyfriend? And if yes, where are judgements and prejudices far easier. beautification of a minger you danced more concern to the Camden popula- graph tell us about alcohol and canna- front of your computer to wait for the sealing the envelope. And I am sure one particularly memorable evening in to fulfill. It was therefore strongly rec- ther questioning: something, anything. those pictures? I need to see them.“ I Every time that I don’t know a person with in the club. The egotistic text to tion. How much do you think the gov- bis? 3) Trace your finger on the graph. citation number to go up. But isn’t a there are many politically active scien- the company of a gentleman who was ommended to me that I register with Anything humorous, exciting or inter- stopped my train of thoughts right very well and go to their profile, I al- your ex-boyfriend saying how terrible ernment has spent on patrolling the Tobacco is eviler than cannabis. But constructive way to convey to the gen- tists out there. But it certainly doesn’t scraping the literal barrel as assidu- the nearest consulate or embassy as esting would have gone down a treat. there and closed internet. It was time ways end up making up their story with a person he has been. Translate it to streets and sending off ambulances to all you people who are on par in terms erally scientific inept public the pro- hurt to have a few more. ously as the figurative one, for Welsh. quickly as possible upon a change of In my desperation, dear readers, I to change my habits and spend more the few pieces I find. And most of the the drink driving experience? You can’t rescue yet another blue whale stranded of tar saturation with the late Einstein On a whim I decided to humour the address. I have been reachable in NW1 had clearly forgotten what my country time reading or doing the things I times I can even describe the person react quickly enough to the chicken in a mixture of bile and undigested Ke- may be relieved to find that tobacco is poor soul by injecting a sparkling lilt as of September – across the road, as stands for. While I would be loath to did before this incredible Facebook- in one word: crazy, fat, ugly, slut, bor- crossing the road. The traffic light bab on the curb? £3 is quite enough to nowhere to be seen on the illegal drug into my otherwise staccato tones and it happens, from the Exonian embassy propagate the insulting generalizations phenomena started. But after search- ing. Facebook has a huge scope, many becomes a beautified mixture of red, cause failure in linear motions if you classification list. passed myself off as Huw. My imitation – and yet, what with one thing and an- that have plagued my countrymen for ing in my memories for some time, I people are not aware of this. If before yellow and green. An over-take seems don’t care what type of alcohol fills The punishment system, however, of a Mumbai taxi-driver was, I discov- other, it was only this morning that I generations, I think it only fair to in- realised that I didn’t remember what people’s lives and passions didn’t leave more doable than usual because you your bloodstream. To get stoned? £3? acts in a slight contradictory manner ered later, the talk of the party. brushed off the top hat and spats to pay form you that when one considers the those things were. I couldn’t help but the four walls of their home before, are Lewis Hamilton. The consequenc- The Dutch. They are liberal, aren’t to my arguments above. So what if I But, despite the stuffiness and self- His Excellency a visit. Exonians, originality, humour and ex- wonder: Is Facebook the new drug of now it can reach hundreds and some- es? You can have a KFC for breakfast. they? I don’t recall bloody faces and tell you now, that if you are caught in deprecation of my character, my parti- I must explain that fear has played a citement do not race to the fore of the this modern society? How much can times thousands of people. There is a You have created a chaos at the junc- men dressed in puke as common sight- possession of marijuana, you can be ality for triangular sandwiches and the significant part in my procrastination mind. These are not a people welded we rely on this virtual world? considerate lack of privacy and need tion without sieving through your ings on the streets of Amsterdam. jailed for up to 5 years and face an un- graphic and obscene acts of depravity I over this vital social function. Hav- together by the spark of creativity. Facebook is supposedly a social- of exposure nowadays. But we need to physics textbook. Above all, you have Stoners are usually tourists, and their limited fine? What if you drink-drive? allow myself to inflict upon our com- ing neglected to register within the The tiny hall of the embassy was in oriented website aiming to encourage stop sometimes and think: is this the crashed your car. hands are too shaky to even fathom a You are liable to a half year sentence mon language, I am not a native of first two months after moving in, the consequence a nanocosm of Exonia – and facilitate networking and bond- way I want people to see me? The government is worried about fistful punch. But I hear Lonely Planet and a £5000 fine. Provided you didn’t this sceptred isle. This fortress, built thought crossed my mind that it would the same people, the same depressing ing between people. With its many Escaping Facebook wouldn’t be the Skunk. It is a strain of cannabis that is is about to open a new section called hit anything. It reminds me of my by Nature for herself against infection, be impolite of me to disturb them after decorations, the same varnished wood applications and its extensive profile solution. It would be a very lonely and cultivated differently to the traditional “Urban Zoo – Guide to Drunken Birds caveman friend’s house rules. Pulling has no place within her walls for the so great a delay. Their reaction, more panelling and crystallized glass surfac- options, it’s become very easy to show already-lost battle. I think we have variations. Skunk has a significantly in London.” Logically speaking if there little sister’s ponytail equals ground- likes of me. With my distaste for tea, to the point, might also not be entirely ing, the same orderly piles of recycled every single picture that was in some to learn to live in these two parallel higher THC level, which is the bad are any chemicals in need of restrict- ing for the rest of one’s puberty, minus my unhealthy attitude towards crick- favourable. After two more months grey paper and floppy off-white hard- long-forgotten folder in your laptop or worlds –the real and the virtual one- boy behind the inexplicable funniness ing, cannabis shouldn’t even appear on all pocket money. Ironing little sister’s et and my preponderance for cheap had passed, I decided that it would be back books found in any government to inform the world on your immediate with our two identities and try to keep of a milk bottle and the fondness to the priority list. Why is there no MP face equals steak dinner being replaced stereotypes picked up from continen- unfair to burden them with the addi- office back home. My chances of find- personal status. As with any addiction, some consistency. If the gap gets too all things sweet. The government has debating the effects of chronic alcohol by sausages. Are you rethinking your tal travel guides of the prewar period, tional paperwork, and nobly hid myself ing something amusing to relate from there are also different grades of Fa- big, people might develop a wrong idea also drawn the public attention to the drinking then? Oh wait, I have heard of choice of misbehaviour now, hum? I am kept safely at arms length by the from their view. its interior are about as good as my cebook addiction. For example, I have of you, and that’s something we don’t “possible” link between marijuana and their wine cellars… While we scientists and engineers officials at HM Border Agency. Having experienced unpleasantness chances of finishing a sentence without to admit that I usually only check my want. I would even say that Facebook schizophrenics. Is this what they are I know you are all experts in reading abide to the laws our wig-wearing No; I am not a part of what Napoleon at the cold, merciless and hairy hands needing to replace the comma key on profile a few times a day but in short is that drug that Neo used to take in worried about? graphs. But allow me to patronise your counterparts make; why is it that they would doubtless have called this nation of Exonian officials in the past, the my keyboard due to overuse. sessions, never more than ten minutes. “Matrix” in order to jump between re- What about the “definite” link be- clever brains by moving your finger to can so conveniently ignored the paper of jobseekers. I am Exonian. I was born phrase ‘once berned, twice shy’ springs The result of my dreary yet merci- But I have already met people who ality and the virtual world. Except that tween alcohol and cirrhosis/liver can- the alcohol and the cannabis dot. What we strive to publish? Have flamboyant a Wylander, but the many happy years to the keyboard in an attempt to justify fully short session with the uniformed reply immediately after you write on we shouldn’t jump from a building. It cer/raucous behaviour/aggressiveness/ can you see? Alcohol is more likely to sentence structures and unpronounce- Is this worse than having a drink and then getting in the car? spent in Exonia have won me a small, such hesitation. But, having fortified and uninformed official is that I might their walls. Each single time. Does this might hurt. brightly coloured passport complete myself with a shot of Humphrey Boga- still be here next week; the necessary with the decorations and official im- rt walking purposefully away from the forms are still on my desk. We’ll see. Imperial College (NHS) Dental Surgery

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The foreigners’ view of the English, c.1931. Bowler cups, tea hats and horizontal Morris dancing felix has facebook. That makes us hip and cool... right? 8 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 9 Politics [email protected] Politics Politics Editors – James Goldsack & Katya-yani Vyas [email protected] Release of Iraq war minutes possible Religion, get Katya-yani Vyas Car makers’ warning Politics Editor out of my face More money is desperately needed to save jobs in the UK An information tribunal has ordered the release of cabinet minutes from 2003, disclosing secret government James Goldsack discussions in the build up to the James Goldsack Politics Editor Iraq war. This is following a long and Politics Editor grueling campaign arguing that that Tens of thousands of car workers could the public’s right to know what was lose their jobs as the motor indus- said is more important than the bu- ello all and a particu- same feeling of theocracy as in the US, try collapses unless the government reaucratic rules stating that the discus- lar welcome to those at except in the House of Lords. But then gives more financial help to the failing sions should be kept secret. According the Silwood Park cam- anyone with enough cash can find an companies. to current law, such information need pus, who I hear are avid opening there these days. Union leaders warned that help is not be released until 30 years after the readers of felix. I had a A recent news story involved the desperately needed, more than the £2.3 incident in question has occurred. chance meeting with one student there Georgian Orthodox church. A TV billion loan guarantee package already The decision that details of the ses- Hwhile I was back home in the West show entitled “Top Ten Best Geor- promised. sions on 13 and 17 March should be Country. gians” included in its shortlist 18 saints, Tony Woodley, joint leader of Unite, disclosed was upheld by the tribunal Earlier in the week I went to an 13 of which have so far made it into the said immediate financial support was but the request has been strongly op- event held by the CU which gave or- top 50. Upon reading that far I had needed to keep workers in jobs. The posed by ministers, who are arguing dinary, rational people the chance to assumed it was anti-religious people money already pledged was a welcome that the Freedom of Information Act is grill a Christian. Admittedly this year getting annoyed with how many saints start. not intended to allow for the publica- it was a HUGE improvement over last were in the shortlist to begin with. On Business Secretary Lord Mandelson tion of this kind of information. year, the panel for which was made the contrary, the head of the church, hosted a summit in central London. Whether the invasion was allowed up from immature, self-righteous and Patriarch Ilia II, has called for the pro- The problem facing the industry is under international law is a highly frankly slightly crazy Christians. It set gramme to be banned as it is “unjus- falling car sales amid a worsening eco- controversial issue and one that was me thinking. Why can people get away tified to make the public put them in nomic climate, leading unions to warn debated within these meetings. The with anything when they claim motiva- rank order”. of an employment “catastrophe” if the attorney general at the time, Lord Protesters in Trafalgar Square London against the war in Iraq, a microcosm of the mood rippling through the country. tion due to religion? This is a joke in itself. Saints were measures do not have an impact soon. Goldsmith, issued legal advice saying News flash for you: your views are just people who the church puts a title Several plants are on extended shut- that according to international law the not special. Religious beliefs are no on, they were still JUST PEOPLE. downs, with companies including situation was allowed, having previ- appeal to the high court, or to issue a conclusion as I did in relation to the still angry about the Iraq war.” adding released a few years after the decisions more valid than other beliefs for which The story gets worse still. Many Honda, Nissan and Jaguar Land Rover ously warned of the questionable le- ministerial veto banning publication. publication of the handwritten notes that “the people who took these deci- are made. Ministers need to be able to evidence is limited or beliefs which are Georgians consider the church above among those badly affected. gitimacy of the war. The Freedom of Information act that of the meetings.” sions, which were incredibly contro- speak to each other frankly and if this completely subjective. the law. Out of the two institutions, GKN, an engineering group which The government now has 28 days came into force in 2005 allowed the The mood amongst the opposition is versial, should be held to account,” He happens regularly, cabinet minutes The religious always seem to get the church and the state, which do the supplies parts to car makers includ- to appeal, meaning that it is not yet government to veto the publication of that the government need to acquiesce expressed his disappointment with the will become much less revealing over away with – sometimes literally – mur- citizens have a degree of control over? ing Land Rover and Ford, announced Car production lines such as this could soon grind to a halt indefinitely guaranteed that the minutes will be such information, but this clause has to this particular demand with some Labour government pointing out that time.” A more useful approach, Hague der in the name of their God and peo- Which has a fixed agenda? Which can on Wednesday that it had cut over 200 released. In addition, the tribunal de- not been used thus far. welcoming the tribunal’s ruling com- in his opinion “the Labour government believes, is to have an inquiry with the ple stand off and say nothing. Unless adapt when necessary? Which should jobs in the UK since October and may clared that this would not set a prec- Thomas commented: “I welcome the menting that it could be “critical” to has put up a wall of secrecy, in the years power to peruse the secret documents, it’s the Jews, you anti-Semitic jerks. Be have greater authority? If you did not have to lay more people off in the com- Woodley said more should be done which have factories around the coun- edent for the publication of all cabinet careful consideration that the informa- how the decision to go to war is per- since 2003, and prevented the full facts in an attempt to learn from the mis- warned, I will claw you. answer “The State” to all of the above ing months as the recession deepens. to help access credit to encourage car try” she added. minutes and that these were excep- tion tribunal has given to this impor- ceived by future generations. from coming out.” takes made. It seems both religious and racial questions, I do not think I would let Aston Martin became the latest sales. Tom Purves, chief executive of BMW, tional circumstances encompassing tant issue. I am pleased that the tribu- Suggestions that over-looking the On behalf of the Conservatives, Wil- The government will be subjected to comments have fallen under the iron you look after my kids. Crazy people. manufacturer to cut production, with Mr Woodley said: “These are the big described the meeting as “very con- legal pitfalls and public unrest over nal has upheld my decision that the 30-year time limit risked damaging liam Hague mirrored the Liberal Dem- the close scrutiny of the media and the grip of political correctness. A member of the House of Lords, workers at its factory in Gaydon, War- issues now. The government has lis- structive”, adding: “We are all working the issue. Previously, Richard Thomas, public interest in disclosing the official the effective running of government ocrats calling for a full inquiry into the public and will have to make a rapid It is supposedly “acceptable” for a Lord Ahmed, voiced concern over wickshire, starting a three-day week. tened intently to what we said.” in the same direction.” the information commissioner, had cabinet minutes in this particular case have been denied, arguing that the war stating that it would be one of the decision as to whether to comply with cashier in a supermarket to refuse to sell the broadcast of the film Fitna, which The government announced on “We have made it clear that yester- “We have seen an unprecedented ordered the government publish the outweighs the public interest in with- Iraq war is a case characterised by its first actions of a conservative govern- the tribunal’s demands, keenly aware alcohol to customers due to their own equates Muslims with terrorists. In- Tuesday an offer to car manufacturers day’s announcement was a good start drop in demand and the government minutes provoking an appeal to the in- holding the information. uniqueness and therefore should be ment should they gain power. How- of the consequences no matter which religious beliefs. Sainsbury’s is there to stead of allowing a free debate to un- of loans of up to £1.3bn from the Euro- but it will not in itself be quick enough understands that.” formation tribunal. Disclosing the minutes will allow the treated in an according manner. Lib- ever, he did make it clear that this was option they eventually decide on. It is buy booze from and if you can’t sell it fold, he threatened the organiser. The pean Investment Bank and guarantees to offset potentially tens of thousands Asked about the government pack- A decision as to whether to publish public to more fully understand this eral Democrat foreign affairs spokes- a special case surrounded by excep- certain that a tense atmosphere will then GET ANOTHER JOB. If anyone concerns of one man have overridden of support of up to a further £1bn for of job losses. We need an immediate age, he replied: “No-one can say the minutes will now have to be made particular decision. I am also pleased man Ed Davey welcomed the tribunal’s tional circumstances; “I don’t think in be pervading the halls of 10 Downing else refuses to do a part of their job for our right to free speech. No one is mak- lending. cash injection” he continued. whether it’s enough or not enough. The by ministers: the alternatives are to that the tribunal reached the same ruling, saying that “many people were general that cabinet minutes should be Street in the coming weeks. no good reason they would be fired. ing a fuss about this as Lord Ahmed is Mr. Woodley said as he left the meet- “The message is “well done – but conversations we had about taking ele- But oh no, not if it’s a religious Muslim. ing, at the Department for Business, there is much more to do’.” ments of the package on over the next reason. Ahmed’s fury over this “extremist” Enterprise and Regulatory Reform, Business Minister Pat McFadden two weeks has been very beneficial. You know these new atheism adverts event is ironic as he caused controver- that tens of thousands of jobs were said: “We understand the importance “I agree we need to take action quick- on buses? One bus driver in London sy in 2005 over hosting a book launch now at risk because of the “collapse” in of the car industry and we want to do ly - the government understands that” refused to drive a bus with such an ad- by anti-Semitic author Israel Shamir. car sales. everything we can to help.” he asserted. vert due to his belief in God. Instead I am not saying that Fitna is correct, Lord Mandelson was asked to offer “We also have to remember the im- Many car workers across the country of allowing everyone to have their or even that Islam is a violent religion. immediate financial support but Mr. portance of the supply companies are hoping he is correct. own views and accepting these, this My problem with this is hypocrisy and one person caused one hell of a hassle the way this man and others like him for the bus company which was kind are immune due to their delusional enough to give him the day off then re- beliefs. timetable him to ensure he only drove No other belief would be granted “God-friendly” busses. this much power. Certainly no other Normally I would not mind any in- delusion would. The power granted by conveniencing of private companies as this belief is obviously not only used public transport should really be re- for bad but often, and I do mean of- nationalised. It just makes sense. ten, it is. Think of the people who are However, at least have a good reason dead due to religious conflict. The fact to do so, not because of some insane that people are so self-righteous due delusion and the inability to accept to their religious belief leads to these anything contrary to it and holding atrocities. Think of the corruption of your own religious conviction above the early church. Think of how religion everything else. There are more im- has divided us and held us back from portant things in life. Again, this bus progress. Judaism and its runt off- driver would have been fired if religion spring Christianity and Islam all advo- had not been mentioned. George Bush cate violence in some way. This should killed many innocent Afghanis and not be respected. Iraqis because God told him to bomb I have no problem with the religious, the hell out of those nations. Well that only with the religions, the institutions, is ok then. Go ahead. Kill as many of the hierarchy, the theology. Who am I those dirty Arabs as you like. to tell people what to think? But then Religion has left conflict and death in who is that priest to tell you? its wake around the world. A force for Politics in many countries is guided good? Seriously, get a grip on reality, by religion: the Middle East, US, Geor- and do it soon. gia etc. Even we have our laws and If there is one thing I cannot stand, morals founded in Christianity. it is the mixture between state and re- Equally, political views should be on ligion. As I pointed out strongly last the same level as those of the religious. week, America have it bad. Strangely Your fascist conservatism is no more despite having an official state reli- correct than my caring socialism. gion here in the UK, you do not get the But I am right. Car sales have dropped in the US as in the UK, with unsold cars stacking up and the industry floundering An American soldier standing guard in Iraq, a situation that is reproduced all over the country regardless of public unease over the situation. 10 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 11 Science [email protected] Science Science Editor – Mićo Tatalović & Daniel Burrows [email protected] Electric shocks to the brain Prenatal screening Clubbers could pop Bees model for AI lead to faster learning of domestic vision? David Kinahan abuse victims in Weak electrical stimulation to the Arko Olesk brain allows people to learn complex pill to save hearing movements faster and remember them Sam Wong Researchers who studied the ability of for longer, a team of scientists from the Cameroon bees to recognize faces say the discov- US National Institutes of Health have A feedback system in the ear protects ered mechanism of ‘averaging’ might revealed today. Jessica Hamzelou the country were interviewed under us from damage to hearing caused by lead to improved artificial intelligence Writing in Proceedings of the Na- strictly private and anonymous condi- loud noise, new research has shown. systems. tional Academy of Sciences, they hope Scientists predict foetal death rates tions. Victims of abuse were asked to The discovery raises the possibility The study, published in PLoS One, that their technique will dramatically could be reduced if domestic violence identify the actions of their spouses as that drugs targeting this system one showed that honeybees can recognise improve recuperation from traumatic is nipped in the bud. A team of sci- emotional, sexual or physical violence. day could be used to protect musi- human faces even when they had seen brain injuries that can cause sufferers entists from the USA and Cameroon From the 2,562 women surveyed, cians and others from permanent them before from other angles. They to lose basic motor skills. have found further evidence of a link over half were victims of abuse. Physi- hearing loss. The ear transmits sound do that by averaging the previously The researchers, led by Dr Leonar- between domestic abuse and adverse cal violence was identified as the most waves into the cochlea, a spiral-shaped learnt views, according to lead author do Cohen of the National Institute of pregnancy outcomes. Victims of abuse common form, affecting 39 per cent organ filled with fluid. The cochlea Adrian Dyer of Monash University in brain is actually very good at learn- Neurological Disorders and Strokes, were found to be 50 per cent more of the women. Such abuse was more contains two types of hair cells. While Australia. ing to master complex tasks,” he said. have found that by stimulating a region likely to suffer foetal loss. These wom- likely to be inflicted upon older and the inner hair cells respond to vibra- “The relationships between differ- “That may point to efficient processing of the brain known as the primary mo- en were also at higher risk of repeated better educated women and accounts tions in the fluid, converting them into ent components of the object often algorithms.” tor cortex, the region that controls our incidents of foetal death, particularly were more prevalent among wealthier neural signals, outer hair cells amplify dramatically change when viewed “Computer and imaging technol- movements, whilst someone practises when subject to emotional abuse. groups. the vibrations. The loud noise created by this band will be a thing of the past from different angles,” Dyer said. “It is ogy programmers who are working a new skill can significantly decrease Using a statistical approach, the team Emotional violence, such as public Scientists have known for some time amazing to find the bees’ brains have on solving complex visual recognition the amount of time it takes them to estimated foetal death rates could be humiliation and verbal threatening, that stimulation of the outer hair cells evolved clever mechanisms for prob- tasks using minimal hardware resourc- learn and remember it. Artistic impression of what the shocks will do to the brain reduced by around a third with swift was found to have the strongest nega- by feedback pathways emanating from was designed to cause the receptor to researchers to conclude that the feed- lem solving which may help develop es will find this research useful,” Dr Motor skills, like walking and talking, and effective intervention. This effect tive impact on foetal survival. Worry- the brain dampens the amplification. respond more strongly to the release back system normally functions to improved models for AI face recogni- Dyer said. often require years to learn so that we is predicted to be strongest in victims ingly, such practice is often regarded as However, the function that this serves of transmitter molecules from the protect our ears from noise-induced tion systems.” The researchers used sugar rewards do not have to think about them. But shorten this process considerably. By the end of the process, the speed of sexual abuse, where almost half of an integral part of traditional culture in has remained uncertain. Scientists at feedback pathway. The researchers damage. “Most current AI recognition sys- to train bees to focus on one certain people who have suffered brain trau- Cohen’s team made their finding and accuracy of the tDCS group was foetal loss is preventable. some African communities. Johns Hopkins University in the US then tested how the mice were affected “We think this pathway could be a tems perform poorly at reliably recog- face from either one perspective or ma can lose these skills, and it is only when they asked 24 volunteers to learn significantly higher, and the difference The study, published this week in The scientists warn of “the erroneous investigated the role of the system by by exposure to 100 decibel sounds – a therapeutic target for protecting from nising faces from different viewpoints,” from two different angles (0° and 60° or through lengthy and often humiliating to play a targeting computer game over in performance was still as apparent The Lancet, analysed data from the idea…[of] underestimat[ing] the invis- creating genetically-modified mice. normal level for a rock concert. Mice sound damage,” says Fuchs. “There is he added. 0° and 30°), then presented them to a training that they can be relearned. five days. The 12 who received tDCS three months later. Although the tech- Cameroon Demographic Health Sur- ible scars of emotional and psychologi- Dr Paul Fuchs and his team intro- that carried the mutation had less sen- a real chance of finding ear-specific The brain of the bee with its 1 mil- novel angle (30° and 60° respectively). Dr Cohen hopes that his painless and did not learn the game any faster whilst nique has yet to be tried during recu- vey, 2004. Women of varying ages and cal abuse on human beings, women in duced a ‘gain-of-function’ mutation sitive hearing but were also less likely drugs in the future.” Until then, he sug- lion neurons is only 0.01 per cent of Only the group of bees, whose novel noninvasive technique, called tDCS, playing it but between practise sessions peration, Dr Cohen is confident that educational backgrounds from across particular”. in a gene that encodes a receptor to suffer from hearing loss caused by gests that clubbers and concert-goers the human brain but previous studies angle (30°) was between the original which uses weak current to excite they retained the skills better than the results will be positive. protein called nAChR. The alteration the loud sound. This result led the would be prudent to wear earplugs. by Dr Dyer and his colleagues sug- angles (0° and 60°), were able recognise cells near the surface of the brain, will those only given “sham” stimulations. gest that bees accomplish relatively the face, indicating that they averaged sophisticated visual tasks. “The bee the previously learnt views. Parents want genetic testing, New organic batteries to be but not designer babies Mars and Mercury: Louisa Garnier participants completed a survey to Climate models assess their attitude towards repro- developed Researchers at NYU have found that ductive genetic testing. The results although people are keen for addi- showed that 75% of the respondents Dr Tim Jones tional genetic testing for life-altering would elect for the screening of men- planetary leftovers? fail to predict and threatening medical conditions tal retardation, 56% would screen for Jacob Aron Increasing demand for electric vehicles such as mental retardation, blindness, blindness and 51% would screen for and portable electronic devices is driv- cancer and dwarfism, they are less in- cancer. In contrast, only a minority of A new theory suggests that Mars and earlier seasons ing a parallel need for environmentally terested in prenatal genetic testing for respondents would want genetic test- Mercury could have formed out of the friendly batteries. But combining im- positive traits including tall stature, ing for enhancements such as athletic “byproducts” of Earth and Venus, ac- Chloe Sharrocks as well as individual months warming proved performance with safe, eco-ef- superior athletic ability and superior ability (10%) or superior intelligence cording to Brad Hansen, an astrono- at different rates. ficient operations is a tall order. Michel intelligence. (12.6%). mer at the University of California, Los Researchers at Harvard University and The researchers, who published Armand of the Universite de Picardie “Our research has discovered that al- The researchers recognise that con- Angeles, who presented his research the University of California have dis- their work in the journal Nature, have Jules Verne, France, and his team, though the media portrays a desire for sumers may have followed their own earlier this month at the annual meet- covered that over 60 different climate examined possible mechanisms for showed that a sustainably sourced or- ‘designer babies’, this does not appear personal values or belief systems when ing of the American Astronomical models used by the IPCC have failed to the moving seasons. However, cur- ganic version of the ubiquitous lithi- to be true among consumers of genetic assessing choice for genetic tests. They Society. predict hotter and earlier seasons be- rently they have managed to only ex- um-ion battery could provide the an- testing services,” says Feighanne Hath- are also aware of the ethical concerns Current scientific consensus says tween 1850 and 2007. plain part of the mechanism thought swer (Nature Materials, DOI:10.1038/ away, a genetic counsellor at the NYU regarding prenatal testing for life alter- that the Earth and other planets were Analysing global temperature meas- to be responsible. They believe that a NMAT2372). Cancer Institute. ing conditions. The authors concluded formed around 4.5 billion years ago, urements compiled by colleagues pattern of atmospheric circulation in Armand’s battery, built around a nov- In the study, published online by the that, “it seems unlikely that the ‘Age of from a gigantic disk of gas and dust at the Climate Research Unit at the the Northern Hemisphere known as el lithium-hydrocarbon anode, delivers Journal of Genetic Counselling, 999 Designer Babies’ is near at-hand.” that surrounded the Sun. The force of University of East Anglia, the scien- the Northern Annular Mode may be up to three times the typical minimum gravity caused the minuscule particles tists discovered that winter tempera- part of the cause. energy capacity needed for practical of dust to come together, eventually tures have increased more rapidly applications; but is environmentally- forming pebble-sized objects that in than summer temperatures. Winter friendly too. The organic acids used to turn grew larger and larger in order to temperatures have risen by about 1.8 make the electrode are readily synthe- create the planets. degrees Celsius – almost double the sised on a sustainable basis from abun- The theory is not without its prob- summer rise. dant recycled plastics. They also ap- lems, however. Scientists normally as- “It indicates the models are missing pear as a metabolic by-product when sume the initial dust disk was the same some important process” said Profes- bio-organisms act on common hydro- thickness throughout, but crunching sor Peter Huybers, assistant professor carbons like benzene. the numbers in a computer simulation of earth and planetary sciences at Har- The team say their device generates shows that this would result in plan- vard. “There could still be surprises” less heat and is more thermally stable, ets of similar size with circular orbits. Huybers and his colleagues also dis- compared with conventional Li-ion In fact Mars and Mercury are much covered that the seasons are on aver- batteries with titanium or pure carbon smaller than Venus and Earth, and or- age coming 1.7 days earlier over land electrodes. That makes it an attractive Increasing demand for electric vehicles is driving a need for eco- bit the Sun in an ellipse. This discrep- than 50 years ago. option for hybrid vehicles, where the friendly batteries ancy is normally explained away by the Biologists, who have noticed sooner presence of petroleum fuels alongside presence of Jupiter, the largest planet Is Mars made up of Earth and Venus’ leftover materials? bird migration and the earlier arrival electricity makes battery meltdown in the solar system, which exerts a of spring buds, have also observed unthinkable. pacity when recharged from a partly electrode. heavy gravitational force. Hansen be- changes in the seasons. Snow has We glimpsed the consequences of charged condition. Performance of the The team also say their device is lieves he has a different answer. an “annulus”, capturing much of the ticles that would go on to form Mars been melting and sea-ice breaking up thermal instability in 2006, when a organic battery dropped off only slow- lighter, the novel chemistry allowing In his model, the dust disk is not proto-planet debris as they immerged and Mercury – Hansen estimates that earlier and these observations have all manufacturing defect in Sony laptop ly during repeated recharge cycles, in- replacement of heavier copper compo- uniform; rather it is clumped at dif- from the dust. only 10% of the initial material would been explained by how fast the Earth batteries caused some devices to burst dicating a desirable reversibility of the nents with aluminium ones elsewhere ferent distances from the Sun. He sug- Not all of the material is captured make up these two planets, with the is warming up. into flames. chemistry. ‘Before and after charge’ in the battery. That makes all the dif- gests that Earth and Venus formed in and some particles can be ejected into majority gobbled up by Earth and However, scientists now know that Lithium-ion batteries must show no X-ray diffraction measurements con- ference in an electric vehicle, where a particularly large clump, known as a different orbit. It is these ejected par- Venus. this is all as a result of earlier seasons The results of a climate model memory effect, so they retain their ca- firmed the structural stability of the every gram counts. The original article on Designer Babies 12 felix Friday 30 January 2009 © [email protected] Science 2 0 09 Accenture. All rights reserved. rights All Accenture. 09 Magazines give mixed Origins messages with healthy ads Apple juice and Maria Hogan Whilst this research doesn’t link ad- Alzheimer’s of verts directly with people’s decision Could your diet success be affected making/eating habits, junk food ads are Emma Stokes by the magazine that you read? Re- already banned from children’s maga- You have to rise above the crowd. searchers from Newcastle University zines in the UK because of fears over A new study suggests that apple juice methane have uncovered that UK magazines increasing levels of obesity. could delay the onset of age-related are filled with adverts for mostly sug- “Health bodies and the government cognitive diseases such as Alzheimer’s Gaetano Prisciantelli ary, salt-filled, low-fibre foods thereby are trying to encourage all of us to eat a disease. Researchers from the Univer- Just another day at the office for confusing any health messages their healthier diet, yet we found that many sity of Massachusetts found that mice Mankind is not the only source respon- articles were trying to put across. of the magazines, especially those tar- receiving the human equivalent of sible for greenhouse emissions and In the top 30 most widely read maga- geting lower-income families are full of two glasses of apple juice per day for a some forms of air pollution: the planet zines in the UK, over 25% of the food adverts promoting food that is largely month performed better than normal itself is releasing methane, ethane and a high performer. adverts were for ready meals. Almost unhealthy,” says Dr Adams, mice in maze trials. Not only did they propane. A new study, published today the same amount were for foods “con- “It’s a battle to stay on the right track perform better but the decline in per- in the journal Science, suggests that taining fat or sugar,” e.g. ice-cream, when choosing and preparing meals formance observed when the mice got this natural phenomenon plays a con- chocolate bars, sweets and full sugar and these adverts do little to help.” older was not seen in the mice given siderable role in the dynamics of the soft drinks. apple juice. atmosphere. “Obviously, it’s up to each of us to de- The team found that mice given ap- In the past, geologists at the Italian cide what we eat” said Dr Jean Adams, ple juice produced less of a protein National Institute for Geophysics and of Newcastle University. “But if we’re fragment, called beta-amyloid. This Volcanology (INGV) contributed to constantly bombarded with images protein fragment is known to form the United Nation’s Intergovernmen- of unhealthy food every time we pick plaques in the brain, commonly found In the past, scientists have shown tal Panel on Climate Change with es- up a magazine then we’re going to be in Alzheimer’s patients. They believe that apple juice may protect against timates on the amount of methane that swayed in what we choose.” the reduction in beta-amyloid could other diseases related to aging includ- naturally leaks in to the atmosphere The study, published in this month’s be the reason for the affect of the ap- ing cancer, brittle bones, and heart from underground compounds: 50 European Journal of Public Health, ple juice on the mice. disease. A study last year also found a million tons per year which, in terms of found key differences between maga- The lead researcher, Dr. Shea, com- link between apple juice and reduced greenhouse effects, is as much as 200 zines with different readerships. More mented that the results “suggest that wheezing in asthmatic children. These million cars produce in one year. adverts for high fat/sugary foods were regular consumption of apple juice findings add to the possibility that ap- While methane is a greenhouse gas, found in magazines aimed at women, can not only help to keep one’s mind ple juice may be better for us than just more harmful but less abundant than or with readers of a lower social class; functioning at its best, but may also be for the vitamin C content, and could carbon dioxide, ethane and propane both groups that suffer high levels of able to delay key aspects of Alzheim- be used as a dietary supplement to pose other concerns. Chemically com- obesity. In contrast, very few of the ads, er’s disease and augment therapeutic enhance existing treatments for many bined with light and air, ethane and only 1.8%, were for fruit and vegeta- approaches.” conditions. propane generate tropospheric ozone, bles and these were mainly in high-end which is poisonous if inhaled. This magazines. should not be confused with strat- ospheric ozone, the gas that shields the atmosphere from extraterrestrial ultra-violet radiation. According to the new estimates, nat- Visit our a-list lounge. Home treatment ural emissions represent around 17% and 10% respectively of the amount of ethane and propane traceable in the Doctors’ atmosphere. good alternative to “We used to have better data on man-originated releases”, explains Junior Common Room communication is INGV geologist Giuseppe Etiope, who authored the study together with Paolo 12th February 2009 hospital admission Ciccioli from Italy’s National Research Council (CNR). “However, we cannot improving Catherine Luckin understand enough about greenhouse gases and global change if we ignore Emma Quilligan tion they were given, often finding it A new study from the University of where one part of the released gases lacking in detail or hard to understand. Oxford has concluded that ‘hospital comes from”. A recent poll suggests that communi- This may be one of the factors respon- at home’ care programmes are just as An updated global map shows that cation between doctors and patients sible for a rise in readmission of eld- good as treatment in hospital. Such seepage spots are mainly distributed on Come and meet us on campus for some provide innovative solutions for many of It means working on up-there projects is improving. Published this month erly patients from 10 percent to nearly schemes could potentially reduce NHS the Northern hemisphere, by oil com- by the Healthcare Commission, the 14 percent within the last decade. medical care costs, while increasing pounds and geothermic areas. “Experts VIP treatment and your chance to win the world’s leading companies, helping with prestigious, big name clients, whilst survey of patient satisfaction revealed It is hoped that these surveys can hospital bed availability and allowing always considered such sources as that 83 percent of patients feel their highlight areas for improvement with- patients to benefit from recovering at marginal and negligible. This assump- fabulous prizes including iPod Shuffles, them to achieve high performance. So, receiving top rewards and first class doctors listen to them and 70 percent in the NHS, and give a much-needed home. tion is just wrong, as nobody had ever a pre-loaded credit card, a trip to Chicago what does being part of the Accenture a-list training. Being on the a-list is all in a day’s felt actively involved in any decisions morale boost to doctors in the UK. The programmes provide elderly measured them”, concludes Etiope. to undergo treatment. These figures patients who are critically stable with and more. mean? It means being part of a company work for our high performers. are a significant rise from the last sur- full medical support at home, avoiding vey in 2005. the need for hospital admission. Such which heralds the most talented people in Chief Executive of the Commis- schemes have proved popular with pa- sion, Anna Walker, praised the “very tients, their families and hospital staff As one of the world’s leading the industry. Enter our competition online. positive” findings of the survey, but and mortality rates now suggest that management consulting, technology said further improvements are still there is no extra risk to patients treated required. at home. Dr Sasha Shepperd of the Uni- services and outsourcing companies, we At the University of Cambridge, staff versity of Oxford says the study “found within the School of Clinical Medicine no evidence that ‘hospital at home’ are working to educate future doctors care leads to an increase in mortality”. in successful and active communica- However, home care is advantageous tion. Research suggests that more ef- because it can be provided for the same fective care could potentially reduce or lower cost. the current burden on the NHS caused The study gathered data from ten tri- by high readmission rates. als, involving over 1300 patients. Those However, Jonathan Silverman, As- involved had chronic obstructive pul- sociate Clinical Dean of the school ex- monary disease, were recovering from pressed caution over the survey find- stroke or were older patients with acute ings and felt doctors should be more conditions. concerned with why the remaining 17 Dr Shepperd cautions that these re- percent were not fully happy with the sults do not mean hospital care is haz- service. ardous but that there are benefits to Visit accenture.com/alistlounge The survey also showed that al- treating patients at home. She believes Hospital this way though elderly patients were most that more research must be done in or- satisfied overall with the care they re- der to see who would benefit from home ceived, this did not result from better care: “More work needs to be done to tant as the level of treatment available communication with their doctor. Af- determine if there are particular types to a person at home, and the ways of ter the 16-29 age group, over-75s were of patient who benefit from ‘hospital at delivering care in both the home and the least impressed with the informa- Doctor doctor, give me some news home’ care. This is especially impor- the hospital, change over time”. Ooo, methane being produced! 14 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 15 [email protected] Arts Culture & Arts Editors – Caz Knight, David Paw and Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. three acts we learn many home truths the window but then takes chunks of turbing yet realistic centrepiece. The Arts [email protected] with Tracy Letts completing the en- broken window pane and stabs him in I also felt drawn to Ivy and Little tire list of subjects to cover in modern the heart. I think this helps to make Charles as the black sheep of their re- American theatre. Alcohol – check, the three and half hours fly by – the spective families. Sally Morton and Ian drugs – check, violence – check, pae- storyline and characters do not follow Barford gave beautifully understated dophilia – check, incest – check. Why the norm. performances culminating in a touch- does everything have incest now? Each There isn’t a single bad link in the ing romance and one of the biggest plot member of the Weston family has their company, probably attributed to the twist of the night (I won’t give anything own problems to bring to the melting long period of time they have spent away but WOAH!). Art/Science pot of dysfunction with very few of developing the piece. The cast could Coming from a family of three daugh- them being resolved. Most plays start really pass off as a regular, if rather ters, I spent much of the play worrying Mashups with introducing the problem and disturbed, family. I took a while to feel that my family would evolve into the spend most of the time analysing and comfortable with Deanna Dunagan’s chaotic Weston family (little chance of solving the problem- that is they follow Violet. She swings from being off her that – for a start my family is teetotal). “Propp’s theory”. head in the opening scene to being As the middle child I saw a lot of myself Emily Wilson The theory of Vladimir Propp was completely normal in the next. Even in Ivy, and her character made me re- Arts Editor that every piece of storytelling can considering the character’s drug and alise some things about myself I didn’t fit into seven different basic stories. heath problems this seemed extreme. like too much. But this is what a good Each of these stories has thirty one She eventually settles down into a com- play should do; affect you so much that ell hello there and... ahem. Never mind. plot points and a certain number fortable middle ground and establishes you start to question yourself and your chaps, haven’t seen Back to what I’m supposed to be of “character types”. August: Osage herself as the star of the show, with her surroundings even after you leave the you since before talking about: ART! Now, I’m getting a County not only throws Propp out of monologue at the dinner table as a dis- theatre. HOW COOL IS THIS? Who knew we had a theatre named after us?? Christmas! And little fed up of people telling me “but, how WAS your Emily, I don’t like art – I’m a scientist!”. Christmas? Can you even remember? If you are the kind of person who pre- WMine was a pleasant food-filled, wine- fers science to art, the arts and culture fuelled season of festivities. But does pages of Felix are still worth a read. I’m anybody else find Christmas gets a lit- constantly trying to bridge the art/sci- tle more anticlimatic with each year ence chasm and pander to you folks. you age? Gone are the days when you This week I review the Hunterian Mu- spent all of Christmas Day hypnotised seum at the Royal College of Surgeons. Annie Leibovitz: living a dual life? by a Barbie camper van or a Power I do appreciate a nice museum of pick- Rangers Megazord. led body parts and freaky mutations. sees the Annie Leibovitz: A Photographer’s Life exhibition at the National Portrait These days presents are either stuff Doesn’t everybody? No? Several times Emilie Beauchamp you bought for yourself (and your par- in the past I’ve reviewed the Wellcome Gallery as not just a gallery of celebrity photographs, but as an insight into a very personal life ents write you a cheque for around Collection, which is like the Hunterian Boxing Day), or the contents of your Museum for the squeamish and prone Amazon wishlist, which doesn’t arrive to fainting. All of the medicine, none any artists are known Vanity Fair, Vogue and The New York- portraits collection, always elegant and in time. I’m still receiving CDs in the of the gore. If you’re not keen on medi- primarily by their er. During that period she snapped grandiose, denoting an atypical, often post I didn’t order myself – not that I’m cine then right on our doorstep, over masterpieces rather celebrities such as the Beatles, the provocative, collaboration with the complaining. On the bright side I’m at the Natural History Museum, there’s than by their name. Rolling Stones, Nicole Kidman, Dan- subjects and featuring amazing light- old enough for my parents to ply me the Dawin Big Idea exhibition, which I This is especially the iel Day Lewis, Queen Elizabeth II and ing work. Some of her most famous with booze of significantly better qual- am positively itching to go to. And let’s case in photography, where so many uncountably more. Some may say that photos are the nude and pregnant ity than what gets served in my student not forget the Science Museum. I hear Mauthors’ rights are given to agencies if you have not been before her lenses Demi Moore cover for Vanity Fair and flat. And there’s always money from there’s some sciencey stuff in there. in the tangle for celebrity. Therefore, if you are not quite a star yet... Whoopi Goldberg submerged in a bath obscure elderly relatives, a portion of If you don’t like science at all and I mention Annie Leibovitz, not many The exhibition Annie Leibovitz: A of milk, but sensibly all of her art has which I spent on getting something you’re at Imperial due to some ter- would know exactly who she is, how- Photographer’s Life 1990-2005 was been widely acclaimed and all her cam- pierced. Hurrah! rible drunken mistake, we’ve got arty ever famous she is in the field of por- first presented at the Brooklyn mu- paigns were successful. Beyond Christmas there was New art too! In this issue Lucy Harrold is trait photography. Already established seum in 2006 and is now being fea- However, what makes the exhibi- Years Eve, which I spent in London for at the theatre again, seeing a play rid- by the mid-70s, she worked as chief tured at the National Portrait Gallery tion truly interesting are the personal the first time. What could be better dled with drugs, paedophilia, incest… photographer for the magazine Roll- until Sunday February 1st. Most of the photographs that are displayed. In fact, than standing in the streets watching all our favourite things. We’ve also got ing Stone before working freelance for pieces displayed are part of her iconic while the period 1990-2005 was very Boris’s head projected on a building, Emilie Beauchamp on Annie Leibovitz, successful career-wise for Leibovitz, it giving the same garbled speech repeat- photographer to the stars. was also one full of ups and downs in edly, while swigging out of a can of Whether you’re more into arty art or her personal life. From child memories Stella? This NYE was a great deal more sciencey art, we’re always looking for to the death of her father and of her restrained than previous editions. Like new writers and contributions – email Here is one of the nasties in jars from the Hunterian Museum at the Royal College of Science (flip over the partner Susan Sontag, as well as the that year I drank far too much Bailey’s us! page for the main review!). I’m not sure what it is, but it certainly has a fine set of tentacles birth of her three daughters, Leibovitz exposes pieces of her private life and shares with the public the story behind the camera. Portraying scenes often intimate but always touching, they contrast deeply from her commercial works. The latter being bigger than nature and cosmetic, her personal art- work is of a fragile, almost naive truth. And you thought there couldn’t be In any case, she depicts perfectly bal- anced worlds every time... Most of the personal stories dis- played concern Leibovitz’s partner, or lover as she later declared, writer Susan a family crazier than yours... Sontag. They met in 1989, both already goes to see the very long but award winning established in their respective career, Lucy Harrold and Sontag is said to have had a huge theatrical production August: Osage County influence on Leibovitz from then on. Shortly after they met, Leibovitz start- three and a half hour play Bunch Movie fame, which got me and have the windows covered over ed exploring different, deeper themes where not very much quite excited, although he has one of so that the stiflingly hot house is in- such as the siege of Sarajevo during the happens and one of the the smallest parts. If, like me, you opt determinable between day and night. war in the Balkans, a publication of a characters mainly speaks for a matinee of the play because you Act one is concerned with the family collection (entitled Women) explor- Possibly Annie Leibovitz’s most famous photograph nonsense – doesn’t sound actually want to get home a sensible rejoining at the Weston house. First to ing the characters of women from all too appealing, does it? Yet somehow I time, beware you will be sharing the arrive are middle daughter Ivy, whom classes all over the world, and even Awas desperate to see August: Osage auditorium purely with gray-haired la- Violet think is too dowdy and boring, experimention in landscape photog- that sense, the exhibition itself is an es- and superficially aesthetic, or reflective County. It sweeped the Tonys winning dies who lunch and the National lobby and Violet’s sister, Mattie Fay, and her raphy. In 1998, Sontag was diagnosed sential part of that process, displaying and beautifully simple. Maybe Sontag Best Play, Best Leading Actress (Dean- with school groups. These old ladies husband Charles. Later the other We- with breast cancer and then started the photos of Sontag from the first doc- helped her to reconcile her two sides, na Dunagan), Best Featured Actress generally sit around you and natter ston children return; eldest Barbara long journey until her passing away in tor’s appointment to her lying on her and in the end Leibovitz declared in (Rondi Reed), Best Director (Anne about whether Tracy Letts, the author, with husband Bill Fordham and daugh- 2004. Leibovitz loyally photographed very death bed. Surprisingly enough, the exhibition’s book: “I don’t have two D. Shapiro) and Best Scenic Design is male or female. For the record, Tracy ter June, and youngest Karen with new various phases of the illness and ac- these are far from being disturbing; lives. This is one life, and the personal (Todd Rosenthal) and was awarded Letts is male. He just has a girls’ name. fiancé Steve Heidebricht. Finishing off companied Sontag at every stage. witnessing a desire to face what lies pictures and the assignment work are the Pulitzer Prize for Drama this year. August: Osage County focuses on the family gathering is Mattie Fay and What could seem at first like a curi- in front and in the end say one last all part of it”. Was it really? For the The National Theatre’s production has the reunion of the extended Weston Charles’ son Little Charles. ous documentation of the illness might goodbye. More joyful memories are slightly excessive amount of £9 (don’t brought over much of the original cast, family after its patriarch, alcoholic The entire show happens within one be interpreted as a way for Leibovitz also displayed such as Leibovitz’s three forget your student ID!), you can judge including Dunagan and Reed, and sup- academic Beverly (again with the girls’ glorious set; a lifesize, minimalist, to separate herself from the situation daughters, the first born when she was for yourself until February 1st... plemented it with experienced players name?!), goes missing after hiring Na- three story doll’s house complete with or even escape it, but feels more like 51 years old, followed by twins from a from the original Steppenwolf Com- tive American housekeeper, Johnna, veranda and loft conversion. The light- the natural continuation of the genu- surrogate mother 3 years later. pany where the play originated. to look after his unorthodox house. ing is sublime, and has to be to cope ine relationship between her, Sontag Overall, it can seem from her exhibi- Annie Leibovitz is on at the This includes Gary Cole of Dodge- Beverly and his pill pushing, mouth with what happens in the play. and photography, as well as a manner tion that Leibovitz was living a dual life National Portrait Gallery until 1st To be honest I always preferred Orange County ball, Talladega Nights and The Brady cancer suffering wife Violet rarely eat Through the next three hours and We leave you the choice: obvious joke or mature respect for an artist? in which to go through mourning. In through her photography: provocative February 2009. 16 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Arts [email protected] Imperial College London “Penis with syphilitic ulceration” Emily Wilson gets a few graphic lessons in anatomy and medicine over at the Royal College of Surgeons Summer Ball 2009 ho likes medi- mation about Hunter’s life and work. 20 June 2009 cal oddities? I do! So... to the body parts in jars. You I’m a big fan of name it, they’ve pickled it. Every ani- dead things in jars, mal, every body part, every disease, and there are jars every weird and wonderful mutation is aplenty in the Hunterian Museum at covered. Just to name a few, you can see Wthe Royal College of Surgeons. This “part of a lion’s oesophagus”, “the trunk was my second visit, and I’ve come to of a young crocodile dissected to show On sale now! regard it as one of the best museums in the viscera” and “intestinal worms at- London. The galleries are sleek, shiny tached to portions of whale intestine”. and modernised. Every item is clearly There are whole sea cucumbers, spi- labeled and explained, which is im- ders, wasps, termites, sea anemones, pressive given that the sheer quantity sea slugs cuttlefish, centipedes, various of STUFF here is astounding. It’s much beetles... Then there’s half a dodo skel- bigger than you would expect from a eton plus some skeletons of similarly little-known, tucked away gallery. It’s extinct flightless birds such as moa and all free to get into and rarely gets busy. solitaires. There’s also some evidence This museum makes for a very relaxing of gruesome animal experimentation, Saturday afternoon excursion, assum- such as “sections of cockerels’ heads ing you’re not too squeamish to handle with transplanted human teeth em- it. bedded in the combs”. For any medical history buffs out Visitors will be delighted by the there, the museum holds mostly ma- veritable freak show of mutations and terial gathered by the distinguished defects on display. “Skull of a 25 year surgeon and anatomist John Hunter old man showing enlargement due to (1728-1793). He spent much of his hydrocephalus” is impressive. It looks time collecting animal specimens and like the skull of one of the aliens out arranging them into a teaching mu- of ‘Mars Attacks!’. Next to it is “model seum. His museum contained nearly of Chinese patient with parasitic twin”, 14,000 specimens of over 500 differ- who looks unsurprisingly gloomy. The ent species of plants and animals. The skeleton of Charles Byrne (1761-1783), government purchased his collection the Irish Giant, is an awesome 2.31 me- in 1799 and it is now owned by the tres tall (7’ 7”). This chap suffered from Royal College of Surgeons, with the pituitary gigantism. Despite request- museum opening in 1813. A little nug- ing that he be buried at sea, his body get of trivia for you: Hunter died after was bought by John Hunter for £130 suffering a fit during an argument at St (cheeky!). Then there are paintings of George’s hospital over the acceptance midgets, siamese twins and a man who of students for training. The material weighed 52 stone. Here is the big man himself, John Hunter, figurehead of anatomy and surgery, and also pickler of cool dead on display now makes up only about a The impressive range of foetuses things. Not many people end up with multiple museums dedicated to them. Something to aspire to? quarter of Hunter’s original collection. includes guinea pig, porcupine, aard- He sold a lot of his minerals, paint- vark, anteater and armadillo. There is ings, prints and books himself in 1794 in addition to the huge selection of hu- nipples of a minke whale or a fruit bat? of the vaginal opening of the uterus”, There is an extensive range of surgical (he needed the money, and apparently man foetuses in jars, all different ages. I have now. “the end of a penis showing syphilitic apparatus and medical instruments, he preferred his bits of animal). Some Their eyes are clenched in a grimace Downstairs is mostly bits of dead ulceration” and “condom made from often highlighting how surgery has specimens were disposed of since his and their little mouths are gasping animals, but upstairs we move on to a sheep’s intestine, late 18th century”. progressed over time. Some of the in- death due to poor condition, and a lot open. Generally things are arranged focus on human pathology. Clearly the Lovely. A lot of the contents of these struments are enough to make even of skeletons and fossils were lost during according to what bit of anatomy we’re best case is the one with all the sexual jars are so warped and diseased they the hardened among us wince. bombings in 1941. If you’re interested, looking at. “Mammary organs” is a organs. Three favourites are “a uterus are completely unrecognisable. And The end of my journey around the the museum is crammed full of infor- good section. Have you ever seen the and vagina dissected to reveal closure it’s not all things that used to be alive. museum addresses the living patient and modern surgery, which is a con- trast to most of the museum but still utterly fascinating. There is up to date material on microsurgery, minimal access surgery, transplants, cancer surgery and stem cells. There are also some videos of surgery. I watch a solid 10 minutes of “removal of large benign brain tumour”. I have to look away Entertainments Only from the screen quite often, particu- larly when the scalp is getting peeled away from the skull. The drilling into from the skull makes me shudder. The actual £35 27 March poking about inside really isn’t so bad, and I actually laugh when they extract from the (larger than you’d expect) tumour, 15 May flick it into a jar and send it off to some £40 poor laboratory slave to tinker with. £30 Overall, this video made me feel sicker and dizzier than all of the museum’s jars put together. If you’ve made it all the way through Dinner & Entertainments this article without me repulsing you then you’re well prepared to see it for from yourself. This is undoubtedly one of 27 March the best museums London has to of- £70 fer, and you don’t need to be a medic (or a lowly biologist like myself) to en- from joy it immensely. I highly recommend £75 15 May it to anybody in search of an unusual £65 weekend attraction, and I hope many of you will go and experience it for yourselves. Say hi to the armadillo foe- tus from me!

Pop over to the Royal College of Surgeons near Holborn and see buy now from imperialcollegeunion.org their Hunterian Museum. Entry is Here are some of the jars on display – a teeny tiny crocodile and a headless bird. Don’t worry, there’s human bits too, so you’ll be among friends entirely free to all. 18 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 19 Film [email protected] Film Film Editors – Zuzanna Blaszczak and Jonathan Dakin [email protected] Recruits needed: Milk Coming soon: The chick-flick is still not dead, as They cannot be talking about the same movie... wants you! (not in that way) movies like He’s Just Not That Into You remind us once more. Critically acclaimed, nominated for 5 Oscars including Best Picture, The Reader left some of us in felix Film Milk HHHHK Jonathan Dakin visibly impressed, while others were left wondering at Hollywood’s power to ruin a perfectly good book. Director: Gus Van Sant patch and a couple who decide that Writers: Dustin Lance Black Film Editor they should break-up because the man Cast: Sean Penn, doesn’t want to marry the woman. The HHKKK Emile Hirsch, The Reader Stefan Carpanu film. Stephen Daldry chooses though Based on a self-help book that all film has a stellar cast including Jenni- to focus on the story of Michael and Josh Brolin women seem to know was once used fer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Ben Af- Director: Stephen Daldry It’s a weird day and age we’re living Hannah, thereby reducing both the in an episode of Sex And The City, He’s fleck, Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Writer: David Hare in. Films are being remade only one scope and the depth of the underly- Just Not That Into You is a romantic Connelly to name a few. Cast: Kate Winslet, year after the originals are released ing theme, pertaining to the fate of the Catherine Luckin comedy that chronicles many different It seems like this film is aimed at those David Kross, simply to suit the “American” market German people as a whole. The search people and their attempts at relation- who saw Sex And The City: The Movie, Ralph Fiennes (whereby American really means any- for a sympathetic character, which Milk is the inspirational story of gay ships. Set around Gigi (Ginnifer Good- as I am sure everyone in this film will one who’d rather watch a film in the Hannah is anyway given her predica- rights campaigner, Harvey Milk, which win from Walk The Line), a woman learn about life, but most importantly, English language), Uwe Boll is still in ment, is overstressed and diminishes has been nominated for numerous who keeps misunderstanding men and love (cheesy!). And they said the chick HHHHK Zuzanna Blaszczak the movie business, Jean Claude Van the impact of several key scenes, as awards, including the Oscar for Best how interested they are in her, she asks flick was dead! So if you love schmaltzy Film Editor Damme has received his first “fresh” if it isn’t allowed to portray a morally Film. It follows the final eight years of a local barman (Justin Long, appeared rom-coms, or need some lessons in rating from Rottentomatoes and Hol- ambiguous (and oblivious) person on- Harvey Milk’s life and is focused around in Die Hard 4) for help on how to un- relationships (although film felix can- I saw The Reader without realising that lywood’s policy of sticking its nose in screen without neatly cutting off the a recording he made, to be played only derstand men better. not guarantee you will be taught them it’s an adaptation of a book by Bern- Holocaust films remains unchanged. edges and flattening it to a comfortable in the event of his assassination. Dur- Other plots include a married cou- from this) then He’s Just Not That Into hard Schlink and maybe allowed me to How ironic is it that a film based degree. Moreover, when it tries to be ing these years, he embarked on a cam- ple who are going through a rough You is the movie for you! watch the movie with an unprejudiced on a book that deals primarily with smart, it simply spits out a bunch of paign for gay rights in America, driven and unexpectant eye, and that is why I the question of the German issue of delicate questions, just to drown them by the phrase “My name is Harvey found myself loving it for what it is, not Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet) has an unexplained obsession with guilt over World War II is produced in either silence or sentimentalism. Milk and I want to recruit you” and, being disappointed by what it isn’t. being read to. When Fiennes does the reading who’s to blame her? by Americans, directed by the British, It might be that as a reader of the after several attempts, he became the The main premise of the film is a love and acted out by a cast full of German book, I longed to see more of its inter- first openly gay man to be voted into a affair in post-war Germany between actors, only for all of them to be speak- esting half and less of its rather conven- position in public office. a 15 year-old Michael Berg (David in the concentration camps in Poland, fused emotions, not knowing whether ing English? Actually, the manner in tional part. Fact is, Ralph Fiennes, Kate The film is heavily informed by the Kross) and a much older, single and seemingly responsible for the deaths of to stick to your old, hard-set morals, or which words are coated with shady ac- Winslet and David Kross apply them- Oscar-winning documentary The Apparently he was married to Madonna once (Penn not Milk) - WTF? slightly mysterious Hanna Schmitz hundreds. to give in to the view of people as being cents best symbolises the fundamental selves well in portraying their charac- Times of Harvey Milk (1984). The long (Kate Winslet). I use the word ‘seemingly’ deliberate- grey and never black and white. problem of The Reader: it’s well shot, ters, and the interpersonal level of the list of friends and family acknowledged The affair only lasts for a summer ly, and this ‘seemingly’ is at the heart What’s absolutely brilliant about the well acted and nicely put together – film is fairly satisfying. A fine sound- in the credits, as well as the historical al man, making him human and engag- a powerful story, it would be easy to but the episode is one that leaves a of what makes The Reader so striking. film is that up front it can be seen sim- and that’s about it. The source mate- track emphasises the story’s emotions, consultation of at least two of the main ing. This is supported by a believable assume that this is enough for suc- lasting mark on Michael and his whole Stephen Daldry and Kate Winslet have ply as a love story, but if you analyse rial amounts to an involving read and but in truth, The Reader could have characters, demonstrate how well re- and emotive performance from Sean cess. However, Van Sant does not give life. This is because Michael does not achieved something amazing – in the the feelings it extricates and you real- Bernhard Schlink’s book is an intrigu- been so powerful that any soundtrack searched the film is. However, direc- Penn (Mystic River, 21 Grams), which in to such complacency and combines only have to deal with the heartbreak film they weave a story that manipu- ise that you’re sympathising with the ingly effective tale of alienation and would have been muted by the events tor Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting), has earned him an Oscar nomination careful research with a brilliant cast to caused by Hanna leaving him, but lates and jumbles the audience’s feel- wrong characters, then you’ll under- discovery, which hides at its core an unfolding on screen. As it stands, it is does not simply deliver an informative for Best Actor, as well as a superb sup- produce a thoroughly moving film. My more importantly with the fact that, ings and thoughts so that on leaving the stand on your own skin what a moral issue that could truly amount to be- little more than an adequate drama of historical drama. We also gain insight porting cast. advice is to go armed with a large sup- as it turns out, she was a female guard cinema you’re one great bundle of con- dilemma actually is. ing the cornerstone of an exceptional vague interest. into the personal life of this inspiration- As with any film based around such ply of tissues.

The majority of placements are in the London Region – Placements outside Bloody, gritty, gory and scary... and also in 3-D! London can be accommodated by request nothing else except for the fact it was My Bloody Valentine 3-D HHHKK really grisly. The extra star is for the 3D, because it works so well. Director: Patrick Lussier I would highly recommend all horror fans to watch this film, as they would
Writer: Todd Farmer et. al Cast: Jensen Ackles, probably love it. SSttuuddeenntt AAssssoocciiaatteess SScchheemmee ((SSAASS)) Jamie King, But for those of you who can’t stand Kerr Smith seeing people’s heads being forced onto the blade of a pickaxe, I would wait until the 3D films that are suitable Support secondary school Maths, Physics or Chemistry in London Jonathan Dakin for children come out later in the year. Film Editor Then you can truly enjoy the awesome- ness of 3D, without holding your hands What does the scheme entail? As soon as I had bought my ticket, the over your face in fear.  Undergraduates/Postgraduates undertaking a 3 week placement in June/July man at the box office handed me some As soon as the credits rolled, eve- in a school/college stylish and cool-looking, plastic 3D ryone let out words of amazement. I glasses. I was so excited! So was every- left the cinema smiling – 3D had won  Working alongside experienced teachers and assisting in classroom teaching one else. We waited nervously through me over!! Has the novelty of the film  Groups of up to 10 students can be placed in one school the adverts and trailers, until finally Have you ever wondered if Jensen Ackles looks as amazing in 3D? brought people back into cinemas?  Placements arranged by Exscitec a huge sign appeared on the cinema Well the fact that my screening of screen that read ‘Please put on your the film was packed and so was the 3D glasses’. Everyone ripped them out 3D action. horror movie – a remake of a Canadian because it is not a great film, it is just next one, judging by the queue as I of their plastic cases and shoved them It has to be noted that My Bloody Val- film of the same name, and you can’t standard stupid horror fare and so the was leaving, it proves that people are onto their face and in a matter of sec- entine is the first-ever 18-rated movie escape the fact that most horrors do film actually earns 2 stars. In years to keen to see Hollywood’s new gimmick. What are the benefits of the scheme? onds the film company logo flashed on made in 3D and, boy, does it earn not have astounding or original plots. come it will probably be remembered Either that or people are just bloody the screen, cogs turning and letters fly- that certificate. This is an extremely But what it lacks in realism and char- for being the first of its kind, but for disgusting.  Receive a £600 tax free bursary for completing the 15 day placement ing: all in amazing 3D! The audience let gory, splatter film and if you are eas- acter development, it makes up for in  Receive a free CRB Disclosure check out screams of delight as the opening ily squeamish, I would not recommend violence and this never seems to end.  Have something different for your CV credits flew towards us, and from that it. Within the first 5 minutes there is The film utilises its 3D-ness to amaz- point on we were all captivated. a hospital full of murder victims: their ing effect – pickaxes fly at you, blood  Develop new transferable skills and communication experience Okay, so I have seen a 3D film be- chests ripped open having had their sprays at you, even a severed jaw is Fancy writing for felix Film?  Gain first hand experience of what a career in teaching involves fore. It isn’t something new. In fact it hearts pulled out by a pickaxe-wielding thrown directly at the camera. The has been around commercially since psychopath. It seems that a cave-in in splatter is sometimes just a bit too We still need writers for the Film We Love section of felix Film. So if the 50s. But with dwindling moviego- the local mine has driven him insane much but it really suits the 3D style there’s a film you just can’t stop talking about, a movie that inspires ers, Hollywood has had to try to make and since it happened on Valentine’s of the film, so the audience can just you, a feature that changed your life or one that is your only remedy a special gimmick in order to get au- Day, he just couldn’t help but be festive about forgive the overall nastiness of for a miserable day, we would love you to write about it and have For more information or to apply contact Sarah Cooper: Pre-requisites : A- Levels in Maths, Physics or Chemistry diences back inside theatres and 3D is and so go on a killing frenzy. But once the movie. the guts to share it with the rest of Imperial, whether you are a [email protected] the one they have chosen. But this is a his 15-minute murder spree – one that There is one brilliant scene involving student or a lecturer. 01730 235683 new style of 3D: it is Real-D, a special involves heads and eyeballs flying to- sex, a mirror, a midget, a completely Links : www.tda.gov.uk / www.imperial.ac.uk/outreach / www.exscitec.com system that does not need two projec- wards the camera – is over, we move to naked woman running around a park- Please send a few hundred words about the film you love to: tors like conventional 3D films and 10 years later when the murders begin ing lot and, of course, the murderer this means that normal cinemas can again. But can the same man be behind and his pickaxe. You just have to see it [email protected] get these special projectors, hand out it? Or is it a copycat? to believe it! 3D glasses and everyone can enjoy the The plot is fairly lame but this is a The reason I gave this film 3 stars is

Imperial College Cross Country Club

HYDE PARK14.02.09 RELAYS www.union.ic.ac.uk/acc/crosscountry/hpr www.imperialcollegeunion.com/cross-country-71/category.html

Think you can do better, email [email protected] 22 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 23 Music [email protected] Music Music Editors – Peter Sinclair & James Houghton [email protected] Vivian Grrrls livvve Alexandra Ashford To see Vivian Girls walk out onto the drawn out and fuzzed up like shoe- Return of the Johnsons (and Tony) stage is to see a band who look exactly gaze. It’s not a wholy original sound, so The reason I like Vivian Girls is that as you imagine they would before you many bands have the same influences, Anthony Hegarty returns with his first record since the pop-electro masterpiece of Hercules and Love Affair. they appeal to some kind of nostalgic see them: lazily dishevelled, implacable but what Vivian Girls do is do it well. feeling in me, the way it felt to be a charity shop-esque clothes, smatter- Live, they are faster, harsher. Their Jorge Costa checks out The Crying Light - the latest release from Mercury winners Anthony & The Johnsons. teenage girl invigorated by the spirit of ings of ironic tattoos (teacups, cassette set is peppered with little bits of con- the riot grrrl movement but a few years tapes, milkshakes), unintentionally versation as they try to engage with the too late to be a part of it. Vivian Girls cool (well they did grow up in Brook- crowd. The venue was sold out (a rare are three girls with the nicknames Cas- lyn, New York). After several requests thing at White Heat) though the crowd sie Ramone, Kickball Katy, and Ali, for more feedback on the guitar, they was not a very enthusiastic one - at one who got together in 2007 to form an launched into songs from their debut point Katy asked “Isn’t this supposed all-girl indie rock band, unaware that it album (s/t), with simple guitar riffs and to be a party?” and was answered by a would cause the surge in underground monotonous vocals that reflect their few muttered chuckles and some shuf- Anthony & The Johnsons success and excitement of music critics impassive lyrics. fling of feet. The Crying Light that it has done. I do love it when girls They play music that is a cross be- Overall however, I’d say it was pretty Rough Trade are playing guitars or drums because tween the American garage rock of good, and if they release new material HHHHI we are a minority in the vast sea of the early ‘90s and the indie britpop of and tour in the future, there is a good male indie rock musicians, girl power! bands like Sleeper and Talulah Gosh, chance I will see them again. Jorge Costa

It’s been nearly four years since Antony & The Johnsons released their Mercu- ry Award-winning I Am A Bird Now. Rather than rest on his laurels, Antony Hegarty has spent much of that time contributing his uniquely androgy- nous alto to the likes of CocoRosie and Björk, while almost breaking out into the wider mainstream when Hercules and Love Affair (ingeniously) turned him into a disco diva on ‘Blind’ – argu- ably the best single of last year. All American Rejects looking like a bunch of cunts Despite the genre hopping, The Cry- ing Light sees Antony returning to the day job and the Johnsons’ third album in the US billboard top 100, telling us pretty much picks up from where Bird All American Rejects one thing and one thing only - America left off. ‘Her Eyes Are Underneath The Gives You Hell (single) is still a country of wankers, regard- Ground’ greets us with the delicately Polydor HIIII less of the fact that they were able to played piano and cello that have be- choose the correct administration this

“That this Nathan Ley “Three minutes particular track In all honesty, I expected very little and thirty-three from this single, and unsurprisingly it doesn’t end up delivered exactly that. Three minutes seconds of three and thirty three seconds of three chord unlistenable is a mediocrity is interspersed by the chord mediocrity” Anthony wears his heart on his face. Because he’s got no sleeves. It’s a laugh a minute down here in the felix office. whiny wannabe teenage vocals of Rit- testament to the ter, painfully aching for a return to an age when someone might have cared. time around. But maybe I’m being a bit band’s way with is even more prominent in the second instead by those of maternal love (the Dove’ slowly unfurls with shuffling Water’, he attempts Björk-ish mum- “Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to your- too harsh with this. After all, a lot of track ‘Epilepsy Is Dancing’, which sees aforementioned ‘…Ground’) and na- percussion and brass that sounds as blings quite successfully, but his overly self, where did it all go wrong” shouts teenagers love this bands’ music. But melodies” someone finding solitude in rhythm, ture where, perhaps rather mawkishly, broken and wounded as Antony, while aggressive delivery on ‘Aeon’ sees him Ritter rather poignantly. Well Sir, you that’s exactly the problem. It’s the sort as Antony marries lyrics like “All the he sings for the sun’s warmth on ‘Day- wailing flutes meet his anxiety and fear confuse raw passion for mascara- tell us. Oh wait - it never was ‘right’ in of track that may have sufficed back metal burned in me….cut me in quad- light and the Sun’. That this particular of a changing landscape in ‘Another strewn melodrama. the first place, was it? Towards the end when you were 14, getting pissed from come the band’s signature since their rants” to a gentle waltz. track doesn’t end up unlistenable is a World’. Those already unconvinced by An- of the song, the band attempts to haul the fumes of a can of Fosters at your debut, while Antony’s keening vocals This juxtaposition of the lovely with testament to the band’s way with melo- Unifying the record, of course, is tony & The Johnson’s balladry will it out of the depths awfulness with a mates’ house party whilst ‘rebelliously’ drape over a dark and sombre melody. the not-quite-so, forms the bulk of dies and the lovely production during a Antony’s take-it-or-leave-it vocals. find little in ‘The Crying Light’ that load of embarrassing background vo- going for a shit in their mums bed, but A richly quiet track, it beautifully dem- Antony’s metier, serving as a faithful dramatic key change halfway through. For the most part, he still sounds like will convert them, particularly if it’s cal chanting. Enough said. now it just ain’t funny. Move along onstrates Antony’s careful poetry and ode to butoh’s legendary Kazuo Ohno. This, together with the understated ar- he’s singing under a bright spotlight the voice that drives them away in the Apparently this song has reached #6 skipper. This one time in year 9, B*Witched came and played at my school, after they had become numberNGS::LISTIN 1. Cool. when he sings “I saw six eyes glisten- Despite the presence of Ohno on the rangements, is what makes the band while sitting on a smokey stage next to first place. However, those willing to ing in my womb/I felt you calling me cover of the album, the strong themes shine brightest in the gloomiest, most a grand piano (you know…), adding a explore a little deeper are likely to find :LISTINGS::LISTINGS::LISTINGS::LISTINGS:: in the gloom”, his panache for mixing of sexuality and identity are less evi- intimate moments. Starting with some huge amount of operatic theatricality that the four year wait was more than the romantic with the disturbing. This dent on this outing, being replaced murmuring acoustic guitars, ‘One to practically every song. On ‘Dust and worth their while. Friday Transglobal Underground :: Tuesday Thursday Bardens Boudoir :: Electronica Bass Clef :: The Fly :: Dubstep Seasick Steve :: Hammersmith The Aeroplanes :: 93 Feet East:: Jedi Mind Tricks + OuterSpace :: Max Tundra :: Cargo :: IDM Apollo :: Homeless Blues Indie Coronet :: Rap claimed album Call To Mind, released We Live’. The moody synths of DatA’s Buzzcocks :: Shepherds Bush Stereo Total :: Bar Rumba :: Soprano :: Dublin Castle :: Rap The Boy Least Likely To :: Soho in 2007. The Causeway and Logistics’ Murdera- Empire :: Punk Electron Judith Owen :: ICA :: Jazz Revenue Bar :: Indie Stylistically, Commix are different to tion pave the way for the deep bassline Shy Fx :: Fabric :: Drum and Glissando + The Monroe Transfer Friendly Fires :: New Slang at other drum and bass producers, with and mysterious vocal samples of Com- Bass :: The Macbeth :: Post Rock Mcluskys :: Indie plenty of tech housey influences as well mix’s Justified. Culture Shock :: Herbal :: Drum Sunday Delete :: Underworld :: Minimal Innerpartysystem :: The as a bit of minimal electro. Their last al- Touring through tracks from some of and Bass Joe Brooks :: Barfly :: Acoustic Underworld :: Electronic Commix bum, The Future Sound Of Cambridge the most innovative producers in d’n’b, Adam Beyer:: Ministry of Sound Denise :: Lyric Theatre :: Indie The Great Indoors + Empire of Frida Hyvonen :: Bush Hall :: Fabriclive 44: Commix Vol. 3 (Hospital Records), a joint-re- such as Spectrasoul and Calibre, Com- :: Techno Aeon :: Underworld :: Death Light :: The Roebuck :: Indie Sweedish Indie Fabric 591 Limited lease with Logistics and Nu:Tone, was mix build tension and then drop, in Look See Proof :: Barfly :: Indie Metal Crystal Antlers :: Bloomsbury HHHHH a great example of how, in contrast to the highlight of the record, their track GreenStone :: The Troubadour The Display Team :: The Bowling Lanes :: Psychedelic a lot of other productions, a great d’n’b ‘Bear Music’, with its heavy hitting and :: Alternative Rock Marlborough :: Acoustic Wednesday Les Figurines :: The Enterprise :: track doesn’t have to be a ceaseless au- cavernous sub-bass. The album winds The Rifles :: Banquet Records :: Indie Thomas Phillips ral onslaught across your entire hear- up perfectly with the smooth, down- Indie The Dresden Dolls :: Electric La Roux + De Tropix :: Notting ing range. Thankfully, this attitude has tempo ‘Photograph’ by Instra:mental. Monday Ballroom :: Alternative / Indie / Hilll Arts Club :: Rock Fabric’s latest addition to the Fabri- been directly applied to this album and With this mix, Commix are trying Rock DJ Scotch Egg + Others :: SE1 :: clive series comes from drum ‘n’ bass the end result is an unusually delicate to rekindle the interest of people who Saturday U.S. Girls :: Old Blue Last :: DIY The Airborne Toxic Event :: 100 8-bit Nintendocore producers George Levings and Guy and thoughtful mix – not just for d’n’b, gave up on drum ‘n’ bass a few years Pop Club :: Indie Rock Brewer, also known as Commix. Of but also for electronic dance music in ago. I think they will: Commix have Turbowolf :: 93 Fee East :: Hard Orphans & Vandals :: Hoxton Kelli Ali :: The Saughtered Lamb the Cambridge trinity – Logistics, general. created an outstanding mix that will Rock Square Bar & Kitchen :: Indie :: Dreampop Nu:Tone and Commix – they were the The whole mix flows effortlessly not only appeal to drum ‘n’ bass heads, Popular Workshop :: Buffalo Bar Alex Roots :: Rough Trade East :: Future Islands :: Barden’s Boudoir last to break through into the drum from one track into another, gently but to anyone who has interest in elec- :: Indie Punky Pop :: New Wave “Iraq DnB - Commix 2005”: No one turned up to the rave ‘n’ bass scene with their critically ac- opening with the duo’s own track ‘Life tronic music. 24 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Nightlife Act. Normal. Nightlife Editor – Catherine Jones (CJ) [email protected] (they won’t suspect a thing) Swaparama

...it’s like Razmataz Tequila! “You know it’s a

Catherine Jones good night when...” Nightlife Editor Catherine Jones reviews a confusing neo-rave “Bang Face 63” know a few people around col- I kept on thinking about this Blue lege, who clearly have the win- Monday thing. Is this more than some they did in the early nineties? clown lilo thrown overhead. The “club ter blues. I have been one of media myth? It’s hard to say. It is the Enough. My verdict? Bang Face was space” was symbolically appropriated that pathetic group lately. It has time of year people think about buy- Bang Face 63 HHHHH one of the most enjoyable club nights I by the crowd, a case of “power to the been a cold bleak January but it’s ing holidays and yes, I felt ready to skip have been to in sooo long. people”. 9th January The Union’s famous electro-house not just the winter chill that has been the country on the next available flight. I am ashamed to say I have no use- As for the music; acid, jungle, rave and modern house music night. Igetting me down. Everyday pressures Brazil would be nice and yes, that’s a Electrowertz, Torrens Street, EC1 ful analysis to make of this night ei- hardcore, drum ‘n’ bass, techno, elec- can be a struggle to cope with, but the hint. ther. Before you also go jumping to tro, breakcore AND electronica. The world seems very negative lately. It’s a bit of a cliche but I think the Best: Crowd conclusions – no, I hadn’t taken any specifics are hazy but I think it was Some days I could barely muster the Media is like a shot of tequila. It’s in- Worst: To nit-pick, the toilets illegal substances (I don’t agree with pretty effective as the dancefloor was Swap your clothes will to get out of bed. On Monday 19th toxicating, but you should take it with were skanky. it ). So instead of a review with a neat rammed. We danced most of the night, January I probably should have made a pinch of salt, a bite of lemon and be Price: £10 chronological narrative, all I have to with lasers overhead and glow-sticks in for our clothes! the call and stayed beneath the duvet. prepared for a bitter aftertaste. Just try present you with are a small selection hand. Some people could call it danc- Unfortunately, I have an almost scary not to vomit later on. And if you insist of incoherent but amusing memories. ing, others might just call it embarras- enthusiasm for my subject, so I decid- on vomiting, please not on any item of was looking for some excitement This is my reality, but probably not the ing random arm flailing, but we had ed to go to class. my clothing. Or anywhere near me. in that early January lull, before best review ever written. You had to fun. By late afternoon I had more than re- Still unsatisfied with life and ashamed the start of term. With nothing be there really to fully understand the After a hard slog on the dancefloor, Friday 30 January Friday 6 February gretted that decision. After two choco- of my excessive comfort eating, I knew to lose, I checked out the hyped Bang Face conversion experience. we took a few moments to chill in late bars and a gooey chocolate muffin, something had to be done. The solu- up night of the moment, Bang The circus theme was truly surreal! “Chin Stroking Corner”. Posters of 20:00-02:00 20:00-02:00 in what you could call an attempted tion seemed obvious; Blue Monday. Face. Yes, that’s right, Bang Face. Some people really went the extra mile George Bush, Simon Cowell and “a calorie overdose, I had reached rock I should be dancing to New Order’s I Billed as “The birth of neo-rave”, Bang with their circus costumes. I met a man thoughtful looking baby”, were hung bottom. “Blue Monday” rather than feeling Face is a throwback to the early nine- in a clown costume on the dancefloor. on the walls above us. We engaged in I was informed by many news out- blue on a Monday. So this week’s page ties rave scene. Remember those glow In a surreal haze of giggles, I was given topical conversation with a new ac- lets it was “Blue Monday”, officially the is dedicated to escapism, in its many sticks, smiley faces and stobe lights? a fake blond stick-on moustache. Not quaintance from Scotland. He declared most depressing day of the year. Why? varied forms. Have fun, have diver- The promotional material was full of in a sleazy way, you understand, just Daft Punk at The Arches in Glasgow Thursday 5 February – Psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall’s equa- sions for the mind, don’t let the world all those cliches and more. It’s hard to childlike silliness. I say ‘tache but this his favourite ever club night. Chin car- tion for depression says so. I am unsure get you down. And don’t drink too tell if, and how much, it was “taking the facial accessory was passed around as ressing increased pace as conversation only of the scientific basis of this claim but much. (Consider the long term impli- piss”. an eyebrow, sideburn and beard before moved on to Bang Face. “Is this night Scratch Perverts £2.00 I felt better knowing I was not the only cations of your actions for your health I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive it was settled that it was a “chest wig”. more than just nostalgia?” I pondered. one feeling like shit. and wellbeing.) about the night of madness ahead. Jan- It’s hard to say what was going on here. So what is Bang Face all about? I have a pint uary’s Bang Face was circus-themed, I think this illustrates the friendliness no rational or coherent explanation. Macpherson FABRIC LIVE “celebrating the birth of the first mod- of the people and the creative ‘anything Not that you need reason to have fun. ern circus on this day in 1768”. We were goes’ vibe. The closest analogy would be a very invited to dress accordingly, as clowns, This is not to say everyone bothered strange house party. Bang Face is a bit Pacso KOOL FM acrobats, jugglers and trained animals. dressing up as circus freaks. Quite to silly, but with a club full of fun, unpre- Not to be overly disparaging, it’s not the contrary. Most just came in jeans tentious people, how can you not have the easiest theme to pull off. and quirky T-shirts. A few hooded a great time? Still uncertain of what to wear, I tops were evident, as the temperature You know it’s a good night when... UNIONdjs (UNION@FABRIC) browsed the Internet for help. Oh lucky outside verged on minus figures. I your memories are a vivid, incoherent me, to stumble across some eyebrow think this shows Bang Face is a place mish-mash of euphoria and anecdote. raising reviews of the 2008 Bang Face you could just be yourself, not having I’m not quite sure if this night felt real, 20.00-01:00 weekender. To paraphrase, they read – to “dress up” hence “act up” as anything but it did happen. What’s real anyway? “I can’t recollect much from the night, more than you are. Pretence was left at All we have are memories and you can but it was definitely fun”! Suspiciously the door. trust them, right? double vague. I couldn’t help but the assume Electrowertz was decorated DIY Bang Face returns on Friday the 13th £5 - buy online now! smirnoff the author was off their face. There style, with amateurish A4 posters and February, with ‘Vexed Factor’ – a pop were no explicit drug references but I banners. Anywhere else this would tarts, celeb whore theme., and mixer thought I could read between the lines. have looked rubbish but at Bang Face If one night just isn’t enough, there’s only £3.00 Is this what Bang Face means? Get off the humour worked. From the “Safety the Bang Face weekender in April, ex- your face and mash up your head, like nets can just fuck off” banner, to the cept that has sold out.

Hip-hop, Dubstep & Drum and Bass

imperialcollegeunion.org/ents

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required.

Left and Right: Revellers having a good time at the confusing new-rave “Bang Face 63” 26 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 27 Technology Food Technology Editor – Richard Lai [email protected] Food Editors – Afonso Campos & Rosie Grayburn [email protected]

Shit happens Maladies are not Malaysian Weddings, banks ASUS vs. Pegatron David Wallis teleports us across the world to Kuala Lumpur sometimes The Taiwanese requiem of Steve Jobs’ fight against Apple? and you’re a liar

Richard Lai f you have never heard of Pega- Afonso Campos Technology Editor tron, you should have at least Food Editor heard of ASUS, the company behind the successful Eee PC irst of all, I would like to We are also expecting many other netbook franchise. And why his is what will happen; I Sachs campus presentation “for apologise about the uninten- interesting technologies and gadgets should you find this article interesting? will give you a scenario, the food” or the Boston Consulting tional rotation of one of the to emerge at some point this year. To IWell, the story shares a similar back- and you will play along Group skills session because you pictures last week: somehow name a few; USB 3.0, SDXC memory ground with Apple’s rise and fall: recall with it and take it in your heard “there’s a shitload of awesome the image format converter cards, Windows 7 (which I have been the year 1985, when Apple stripped stride to gracefully accept food there dude”. While at the decided to rotate the picture by itself playing with and frankly it’s stolen co-founder Steve Jobs of his manage- any assumptions I might make about presentation however, you forget you andF it managed to slip under our radar. more features from Mac OS X), mind- rial duties over a power-struggle with Tyou. More likely than not, they will even mentioned food and scribble away All I can say is that shit happens once controlled games (as mentioned in last the then-CEO John Sculley and so Jobs be correct and I can imagine it will be any religious word the HR rep standing in a while but the image should have week’s felix), more Android phones resigned. In the same year he founded hard to accept that someone you never 10 feet from you spews out. served its purpose anyway (the TV was and more energy-efficient gadgets. NeXT Computer, which went head- met (me) knows so much about you, The blasphemous use of food still as thin!). Apart from these, I can’t really think of to-head against Apple with their own based on perhaps only one criterion. as an excuse to do something is a Speaking of shit, it’s been a bad start anything else. Do send me an e-mail if computers and software. Interestingly, It’s freaky, it’s deranged and it’s a hell of cowardly act that innervates me quite to the year for many companies. Even you feel that I have missed out some- by the end of 1996 the failing Apple ac- a lot like astrology, palm reading, tarot severely. There is nothing wrong with large companies like Microsoft and thing very obvious. quired NeXT and six months later Jobs or the crystal ball. One thing is certain wanting to go to a stupid cousin’s Intel had announced that about 5,000 Apart from the obvious ones above, replaced Gil Amelio to become inter- though, you will cringe at the thought wedding, becoming a banker or going of each of their employees would have have you ever thought about what fic- im CEO (or more popularly known as Original image from Business Today of the person you have become. to that nerdy Sci-Fi Society meeting or to leave, although neither had reported tional technologies you would love to “iCEO”). Today, Jobs is the permanent ASUS co-founder Tung Tsu Hsien and ASUS chairman Jonney Shih You didn’t use to be a cynic before that perhaps overly hacky ePortfolio any financial loss; ASUS and Sam- see becoming reality? The other day I CEO of a healthy Apple Inc. which is coming to Imperial, but the thought review. The food at these events is sung reported their first-ever quarter thought of a reader that could convert worth $80 billion. that someone with 4 or 5 As at A-Level more often than not, undeniably good loss of about $100 million and $674 your thoughts into a Powerpoint slide- Such fascinating story is about to be founder and General Manager, Jonney claimed that Tung was forced to ac- has a different opinion to you is enough and available in copious quantities. million respectively but both had ex- show or Flash animation, thus saving replicated on the Taiwanese soil. Steve Shih, who provided generous funding. cept the chairman role of Pegatron, a to make you reformulate your entire As a foodie, this is something that is pressed that there would be no layoffs; you from those lonely hours in front of Jobs’ counterpart is ASUS co-founder, ASUS then took their 486 board to components company when his real belief system. nigh on impossible to pass on. There the worst sufferer of all was probably the computer screen. Tung Tsu Hsien, who is now the chair- Intel to try their 486 prototype proces- passion was in the establishment of the Imagine someone starts is also the mini-food conundrum. AMD, which reported a staggering My second idea was a “drinkable man of the one-year-old Pegatron. The sor on it (Intel Taiwan had the one and ASUS brand. The reason for this oust- slagging off Investment Bankers, It’s like a burger, only smaller and as $1.42 billion loss and has laid off 9% of sleep”: basically, if you’ve been up all origin of ASUS is quite interesting and only engineering sample for Asia back ing? So that Shih could let his brother- financial institutions or making a result, irresistible. Or small cocktail its work force (1,100 jobs). night (which is what’s happening to not often talked about, so allow me to then). While Tung and his team were in-law, Jonathan Tsang, take up Tung’s mention of how these destabilised sausages. Or even tiny little banoffee So how will this affect us? For start- me these days) yet you don’t have the tell you how it all started, which should waiting in a corner, they overheard ASUS vice-chairman role, thus leaving a previously perfectly sound pies. For some unbeknownst reason ers, we may experience a technol- time to recover in the middle of the help you understand the potential im- that Intel’s own prototype mother- Tung out of any executive decisions economy. This little situation, I or other to anyone, as human beings ogy slowdown which means fewer new week, you could drink a bottle of this pact of Pegatron; board went kaput, so they volunteered over ASUS. Even though Tsang had am almost positive, is something we are genetically predisposed to gadgets coming out this year. goodness that gives the same effect The year was 1989 and Taiwan had to have a look and – to Intel’s surprise also given financial aid to ASUS in you have experienced, given that fall madly in love with miniatures However this may also mean more as one night’s sleep. I would actually just finished celebrating Chinese New – managed to fix it. It was this mira- the early days, Tung had many rough Imperial seems to be full of wannabe of mundane things, and in the world effort will be concentrated on the pay good money for this stuff because Year. Tung, along with Ted Hsu, Wayne cle that established the strong link be- patches with Tsang as President of Melur HHHHK more fun locked in a bamboo cage starters being the chicken Satay. A dish communists loitering around hallways of gastronomy this is not any different. fewer products. For instance, Palm life’s too short with those wasted hours Hsieh and Liao Min Hsiung, were Sen- tween ASUS and Intel today. Marketing. Apparently he went against playing Russian Roulette with Christo- I have always viewed with suspicion, and aimlessly wandering around the Our insanity levels are driven through had gone quiet for years until their an- at night. A lot of the times I wished I ior Engineers at Acer and they all saw So what has gone wrong with to- the wishes of several key staff over the 175A Edgware Road pher Walken; and although I am sure this was a million miles away from the Sherfield Building, pretending to not the roof at the thought of a salmon and nouncement of the Pre smartphone at could be watching Family Guy instead the opportunities offered by the bloom- day’s ASUS? Jonney Shih is partly to laptop business and ended up with a Eat-in or take-away that genuine, authentic Chinese food depressing super market guff I have be interested in sneaking into the cream cheese finger sandwich the size 020 7706 8083 the CES and many critics agreed that of sleeping. ing market of Intel’s 386 microproces- be blamed. After Tung’s many years few significant resignations; but there holds many delights, the luminous previously been subjected too, with careers office to seek assistance in of your thumbnail. Our eye is locked the Pre will be the company’s saviour. If you have had similar creative im- sor and Microsoft Windows. The four of begging, Shih left Acer and became was nothing Tung could do about the Best: The grilled spicy mackerel orange gloop, gristly nuggets of meat juicy chunks of marinated chicken, finding a high flying job in a world they upon these heaven-sent little bits Expect to see it in stores in this half of aginations, please do send them in at made final discussions over the public chairman of ASUS in 1994. It was just board’s decision of his own ousting. and stodgy batter synonomous with char-grilled and served alongside a supposedly and outwardly hate. You see of paradise and our mind wanders. the year. [email protected] holiday and decided to resign, in order over a year ago when he decided to Thankfully, Tung’s renowned friend- Worst: Chicken and prawn noo- migraine-inducing, MSG laden take- bowl of wonderfully unctuous, freshly- this happening around you and start Because of the purity of spirit in which to start up their own motherboard de- split company into three units: ASUS, ly, caring management-style influenced dles (yet, not that bad) aways are definitely not one of them. made peanut sauce with hints of feeling despondent and dejected about such delicacies must be consumed velopment business. ASUS was thus Pegatron and Unihan. a handful of loyal, talented ASUS staff Prawn crackers are not bad mind you. lemongrass and chilli. The spring rolls having sent 14,000 investment bank I consider it to be completely born on 2nd April in the same year and Such restructuring was meant to let to move to Pegatron. With some of Price: Under £20 per head Anyway, being the oriental infidel that I weren’t bad either. graduate applications. You feel even disrespectful when one pretends to rumour has it that such name (a trun- ASUS concentrate on the laptops and these people he formed PEGA Design, am, it was with some trepidation that I With the mains ranging from an worse when you somehow get suckered hate the environment in which they Online Game of the Week cated “Pegasus”) was specifically cho- systems, with Pegatron taking care of which will take in orders for design- made my way down the stairs of Melur, apparently just-a-bit-too authentic into pretending you hate the industry are to be eaten, in a feeble attempt to sen so that Acer still lists alphabetically motherboard and component manu- ing laptops, desktops, modems etc. for Apart from the odd slither of raw fish a restaurant solely concerned with the fish-head curry (not one order or how you only went to the interview attract respect. Grow some balls and above ASUS – a noble homage to the facturing, and Unihan handling sub- any companies, starting in February. and a dash of wasabi, my culinary definitely unfamiliar fair of Malaysia. received to date) to the more familiar “for the food”. You find yourself actively learn to feel proud of the things that Dogfight 2 - The Great War founders’ ex-company. component and chassis production. With enough orders, Tung could then worldliness tends not to stretch much Turns out I needn’t have worried. noodles and curries one might expect, and loudly proclaiming your (fake) you do genuinely enjoy and care about. http://is.gd/hyW8 Even though opportunities seemed Many thought that this was just a plot let Pegatron do the manufacturing as further east than the Bay of Bengal. The food was delicious. The owner there is something here to suit just abhorrence for finance, but again you Like I was told at a 22.5 mile cycle last to be everywhere, the four bright en- to reset all employee pensions (there is well so that they are not working just Not that I haven’t dipped my toe, so to Sam, a wonderfully warm native about everyone. For the veggies, supposedly only went to the Goldman Saturday, harden the fuck up. Addictive games are often simple, gineers struggled to get attention for no Taiwanese law which states that all for ASUS. After all, this was how ASUS speak. I mean, I have even travelled as of Kuala Lumpur, had immediately the aubergines cooked in Sambal, a which is why Dogfight 2 has won their young company, as hardly any- companies have to offer pension plans), started before they released laptops far as Hong Kong, but if I recall cor- settled my nerves with her talk of traditional chili sauce, are definitely my heart. Your plane can fire bullets one saw the motherboard as a mon- but it appears that there is a darker side under their own brand (for instance, rectly, my gastronomic development staying true to that what she knows and worth a crack whilst for those slightly and drop bombs with bonus points eymaker. Eventually, ASUS decided to of this story. they still manufacture MacBooks as was at a somewhat nascent stage at the loves, sourcing, wherever she could, redder in tooth and claw, an aromatic awarded for special manoeuvres. manufacture their own motherboards According to Taiwanese magazine well as doing R&D for Apple). time and I pretty much lived off fried authentic ingredients and resolutely bowl of chicken curry would certainly Go try this beautiful game over the instead. This led to their first Intel 486 Business Today, during the split an- We look forward to the day when chicken and cheeseburgers (I know, I steering clear of that all too familiar satisfy. The grilled spicy mackerel weekend! prototype motherboard at the end of nouncement meeting in 2007, Shih Tung establishes his own brand again know). Yes, I’ve eaten Thai food with scourge of modern cuisine – “fusion”. was my particular highlight, with its 1989. Funnily enough, such develop- and Tung already showed signs of and hopefully overtakes ASUS, just like its red and green shades of blandness Her commendable philosophy is wonderful smokey flavour countered ment was made possible by Acer’s co- their icy relationship. The magazine Steve Jobs did with NeXT and Apple. and, as for my experience with Viet- reflected in a reassuringly concise and beautifully by the fish’s oily character. I, science namese, frankly, I think I’d have had wallet friendly menu, the pick of the Only the chicken and prawn noodles left me somewhat underwhelmed, but even this was far from bland. A starter followed by a main, together with a rice dish and the Roti Canai (traditionally made layered flat bread with a curry dip) would be more Which netbook? than enough to silence even the most Since the launch of the Eee PC, other the better, but sometimes you’ll tenacious of appetites and probably companies quicky followed ASUS’ have to pay a bit more (like the still see you get the best part of a fiver’s OUT NOW!! trend and released their own netbooks. ASUS and MSI). change back from a twenty. However, if Whilst most share similar specifica- you are one of those always with room Acer Aspire One A150 HP Mini-note 2133 Advent 4490 ASUS Eee PC 901 MSI Wind U100 tions, there are a couple of things that I consider the netbooks on the right for dessert, you could certainly do a you should watch out for: to be the best value. I won’t bother rat- Intel Atom N270 1.6GHz VIA C7-M ULV - 1.2GHz Intel Atom N270 1.6GHz Intel Atom N270 1.6GHz Intel Atom N270 1.6GHz lot worse than go for the somewhat 1. Seeing is believing: make sure ing them, as there is little physical dif- 120GB HDD, 1GB RAM 120GB HDD, 1GB RAM 120GB HDD, 1GB RAM 20GB SSD, 1GB RAM 120GB HDD, 1GB RAM unusual but warmly soothing option of you check out the real thing in ference between them apart from HP’s sweet potato, yam and sago cooked in person, paying special attention weaker CPU; it is really down to your Linpus Linux SuSe Linux Windows XP Home Xandros Linux Windows XP Home coconut sauce. Get your copy to the keyboard, touchpad, heat budget and your ergonomic preferenc- 802.11b/g 802.11b/g, Bluetooth 802.11b/g, Bluetooth 802.11b/g/n, Bluetooth 802.11b/g, Bluetooth Casually appointed and, with most of dissipation and LCD. es. Value-wise the Advent 4490 does 8.9” LCD, 0.3MP webcam 8.9” LCD, 0.3MP webcam 8.9” LCD, 0.3MP webcam 8.9” LCD, 1.3MP webcam 10” LCD, 1.3MP webcam the other diner’s conversations audibly 2. Brand reputation: after-sale seem to beat the rest of the group, but academic in nature, Melur is most 3x USB, 5-in-1 card reader 2x USB, SD card reader 3x USB, 4-in-1 card reader 3x USB, SD card reader 3x USB, 4-in-1 card reader from the Library service can vary from one coun- then again the brand is only so-so, so definitely student friendly and, with try to another for any company, do double-check with online feedback. 3-hour battery, 1.26kg 2-hour battery, 1.2kg 2.5-hour battery, 1.12kg 6-hour battery, 1.1kg 2-hour battery, 1.0kg a fully licensed bar and the chance to so use Google to check your If you have recently purchased a net- 1-year UK-only warranty 1-year UK-only warranty 1-year UK-only warranty 2-year UK-only warranty 2-year UK-only warranty win free meals and musical tickets in

destination’s feedback! book, reviews are always welcome! £189.00 (Amazon) £199.99 (Misco.co.uk) £229.99 (PC World) £261.74 (Amazon) £278.48 (Amazon) February and March, it is certainly 3. Warranty: obviously, the longer The view of the restaurant from the bar worth a visit. 28 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 29 [email protected] Clubs and Societies Is your club cooler than the cat that Clubs & Societies got the cream? Write to us. Clubs & Socs Editor - Alice Rowlands [email protected] Walking with their heads in a cloud Fellwanderers made their way to Snowdonia for a winter tour Alex Kendall tells felix about their adventures

watched the weather report for the weekend shortly before leav- IC Winds concert blows us away ing for Wales. There was one reports on the Coldstream Guards band and IC Wind bands power performance word which stuck out: storm. Anna Gooding And yes there it was, a giant white twirly thing approaching Wales mperial College Winds is a can appear as a small fanfare team, a picture by ian gillett Ifrom Ireland. group of enthusiastic brass, marching band, a jazz band or, as was This thought was momentarily for- woodwind and percussion seen on Wednesday, a wind band. The gotten as I met friends old and new players who meet weekly to band is directed by Lieutenant Colonel at the union and we prepared for de- rehearse. The music we play Graham Jones MBE who lead Wednes- parture. Nathaniel then revealed his ranges from folk songs, film scores and ‘brilliant idea’ and said that because of Imarches, to concertos and beyond. So “The guests departed the greater numbers of people on the far this term we have been concentrat- trip, we would be strapping our bags to ing on the Wind Power repertoire but from the Great the roof-rack, secured with a tarpaulin our concert on the 24th of March will called Gilbert and a set of straps called include Philip Sparke’s A Lindisfarne Hall buzzing with Bloody-Difficult-To-Use. It was a good Rhapsody which will feature our prin- enthusiasm for wind idea for the windless streets of London cipal flautist Phin Chooi. and gave us much needed room in the In September one of our trumpeters, bands and music in minibus for the 6-hour trip. The dinner Mel Tamplin (a member of staff in the break in Warwick was characteristic of College), had the idea of arranging a Imperial College!” the fellwanderers in that food was fol- workshop day with a professional wind lowed by an urgent trip to stock up on band. He contacted The Coldstream alcohol and chocolate. Guards who agreed to come down to day’s afternoon rehearsal and evening Arriving at the hut at 1:30am, after Imperial and spend a day teaching us concert, as well as having joined us minimum problems getting visas at the all they know! He mentioned the plan at two Tuesday evening rehearsals heavily-guarded Welsh border, sud- to friends and other staff colleagues, previously. denly Gilbert became our foe. In strong and what had started as a small event The day began with intimate re- wind and driving rain, Chris and myself escalated into the exciting spectacle hearsals in small sections based in the climbed onto the roof to undo Bloody- that took over the College on Wednes- Union and in the Blyth Centre. Some Difficult-To-Use and toss off Gilbert to day night. of our band members even managed get at the bags. In the space of 5 min- The Coldstream Regiment of Foot to have one-on-one tuition with a pro- utes all the bags were wet. There then Guards is the oldest corps by continu- fessional musician. At lunchtime six of followed the several rituals of turning the Guards performed three fanfares, round the minibus, finding beds and two on Dalby court and one under the making tea. “The programme Queen’s Tower. We stood back and Lord Professor Robert Winston performs “My Funny Valentine” to all on alto-saxophone The Saturday morning greeted us took a lighter turn watched in awe whilst selling tick- with driving wind and low cloud. We ets for the evening’s concert to other were doing the Nantlle Ridge behind with popular Beatles equally impressed staff and students. hits including With a Little Help From the Guards’ band master and featured nation of King George VI and that of the hut and within walking distance,. hits including With a In the afternoon we all joined together my Friends, When I’m Sixty-four, a tremendous male vocal solo. Lord Queen Elizabeth II, and now at Impe- The surrounding mountains were suit- and rehearsed en masse in the Great Michelle, Yellow Submarine and Hey Professor Robert Winston was then in- rial College London! able eerie as we gathered outside to Little Help From my Hall. As the two full-size wind bands Jude. The arrangement showed that vited up on stage to join the band for Finally the concert closed with the start the walk. Cloud obscured every- came together, there were around sixty Beatles music really has stood the test My Funny Valentine on his alto saxo- traditional play-off for the band of the thing more than 200m above our heads Friends, When I’m players on one stage and we made a of time, with the audience appreciating phone. This arrangement was a real Coldstream Guards, the Regimental and the dampened light brought out Sixty-four, Yellow truly formidable sound. each popular and familiar tune. This March, representing the link between the cracks in the rocks and the nearby The concert began at 6.30 with the was followed by Imperial Echoes a the band and the regiment, followed houses. It was not raining but every- Submarine and Hey Guards looking very smart in their su- short march which was chosen for the “What had started by The National Anthem. The guests thing was damp, the kind that gets to Jude” perb red uniforms and IC Winds dolled evening’s performance to represent as a small event departed from the Great Hall buzzing you straight away. Dom had other plans up in their Wind Power T-shirts. Lieu- the new link between the Band of The with enthusiasm for wind bands and and wore 7 layers to keep warm, which tenant Colonel Graham Jones joined Coldstream Guards and Imperial Col- escalated into the music in Imperial College! quickly reduced him into a sweating ous existence in the British Army, hav- us on stage wearing an all black uni- lege London. A few lucky members of the band wreck which was de-clothed as quickly You would think this lot might have learned by now that walking in Wales in the winter is likely leave them very cold and wet. ing been formed in 1650. The band form with white gloves and donned The next piece was an arrangement exciting spectacle that made their way to the Tanaka Foyer as possible. of the Coldstream Guards performs with medals. We opened with HRH of Welsh, Scottish, Northern Irish and took over the College where they were wined and dined Our ascent up to the ridge into the regularly at state ceremonial events Duke of Cambridge March: an uplift- English traditional tunes - A Very Brit- in true Imperial style. Lord Profes- cloud was steep. Gavin compensated who simply fell asleep. A quick drive soggy grey and soon we were too. As shop stocked more wine than anything crossed by several streams flowing into across London and beyond, and has ing, jolly march which set the scene ish Tribute. The selection included on Wednesday night” sor Robert Winston rounded off the for tiredness and cold by bringing out back, beautiful cooking by several ‘vol- the group stretched out we lost our- else. We all slowly warmed up. That the lake at the base of Snowdon. This just recently returned from a tour of for the concert. The programme took Danny Boy, Londonderry Air, World evening with a particularly amusing a bottle of port and hurriedly opening unteers’ under the whip of Charlie, and selves in the mist and all too often, all night was much like the last and in- seemed like a bad idea for the final day the United States of America. Due to a a lighter turn with Echoes of an Era in Union and I Vow to Thee My Coun- and memorable speech. Meanwhile, in it. This and Jim’s Father Christmas hat the tutoring of the club in Australian I could see of the others were darker volved us being visited by werewolves before a long drive back to London, so wealth of talented musicians, the band which featured several popular Beatles try. The arrangement was written by trombone show-piece which featured the SCR, the rest of the musicians were gave us a festive look which was a brave card games, took us into the night. Af- patches in the dark grey, in front and from Moldova and Austria. I am instead we went straight up the steep the Guards’ principal trombonist Col- having a real knees-up with a fantastic effort since we saw hardly anyone else ter a few hours of sweltering under the behind. The wind was the worst part, pleased to say we used the shortest day hill to our right which would eventu- our Sergeant David Desmond. meal laid on by the same team. Finally, on the hill that day. Once in the cloud heat of the stove which was burning at and by lunchtime we were pretty damn of the year well. ally lead to the summit we were aim- picture by ian gillett Next jazz singer Victoria Hart joined after a very long and tiring day of re- we were relying on the maps and even- a balmy billion degrees Celsius, every- miserable. A few of us got warmed up Monday was our last day in Wales ing for. Covering this slope was our us to perform a selection of three hearsals and socialising, we all made tually found our way up a grassy slope one slowly drifted off to bed. by climbing over the top of Castell y and the morning was spent pack- old friend Gorse, which was helpfully pieces from her new album, ‘The Lost our way home for some well earned to the lunch spot inside a walled circu- On Sunday we tried to do the Gly- Gwynt, a picturesque of somewhat ing and loading up the minibus. This spiky. We used our hands to climb the Gershwin’. Victoria Hart has become rest. lar pen. Everyone held their breath as ders. It was the shortest day of the year. absurdly dangerous rock formation meant the annoying task of replacing slope and nothing much eventful hap- affectionately known as the “Singing All-in-all the day was a huge success, Jim tried the fig jelly which somehow For those that do not know the Glyders, above a thousand foot drop. This led the batteries of all the fire alarms that pened before we took shelter in a stone Waitress” due to exchanging her job from rehearsals to concert to dinner. had found its way into the rations, but they are a few mountains which form to the sensible decision to get off the go off regardless of whether there is a shelter on top for lunch. There is no in a restaurant for performing in front The concert was attended by over 350 he gave it the thumbs up. The lunch a ridge several miles long and have mountains as fast as we could. Chris, fire or not. We managed to finish this need to describe the views; they were of George Clooney at a Cannes party. people who came and enjoyed the re- break was followed by a scramble along some of the most beautiful views in map in hand, led the charge with the in good time, and Nathaniel returned the same as the previous two days. We Her music is described as pop, with sults of our labours. The money raised a ridge, using wet rocks as hand-holds Snowdonia. Their peaks are covered in battle-cry of a hardened hill-walker from driving Heike to the station, look- spent a good few hours in Pete’s Eats influence from the 40s and 50s swing will be used to provide a music schol- and creeping along through the strong thousands of boulders littered around and strode off down a slope. Soon we ing surprisingly perky from having got before boarding the minibus for the re- era. She performs at various jazz festi- arship for an Imperial College student wind. The views sometimes cleared like shattered egg-shell and which were all lost. This wasn’t actually Chris’ up at 4:30am. turn journey. It was good to see the ice vals and has appeared at Glastonbury which will be known as the Coldstream down to the valley, but mostly the only make even the calmest days seem mys- fault but a more general joint fuck-up It was a short drive to Llanberis from cream shop open in December. Only Festival. The selection we played on Guards Scholarship. vision we had was grey streaking past tical. This was not a calm day. by all the map readers, and the prob- where we would be starting our last Wales. Wednesday was from her new album IC Winds would like to thank Mel and whistling through the rocks. We got up onto the ridge via the lem that what was meant to be a slope walk. The Pete’s Eats Café was open All in all, the winter tour was a great which is a collection of rare Gershwin Tamplin for his vision, dedication and We descended out of the clouds into Devil’s Kitchen, a beautiful climb up a was actually flat. and welcoming but, true hill-walkers, success. The company, the food and songs. She sang beautifully and looked enthusiasm, the College Events team a forest, which was a welcome change cliff surrounded by the black buttress- We gave ourselves confidence by we went straight past it and wandered the luxury mountain hut made up for extraordinarily glamorous in a slinky for putting together such a wonderful from the sodden grass of the hills. Our es of the Glyders and Y Garn. At this murmuring ‘I think it should be a bit through some fields towards a hill next the grim weather. Even though there long black number. day and of course Lieutenant Colo- course followed a clever idea that some point the wind had not picked up and more to the left’ and eventually found to Snowdon. The prospect of walking were hardly any views for the three Cossack Fire Dance was a real crowd nel Graham Jones and the band of crazy hill-person thought up to annoy the climb had a very lord-of-the-rings the lake which meant we had gone too straight into a café upon our return days we walked and we were constant- pleaser, featuring several amazingly the Coldstream Guards for coming to everyone else – the stream and the path feel as the cloud came down to meet far. It was only a matter of tracking gave us the needed inspiration to go ly buffeted by gales, rain and cloud, I talented soloists including a clarinet, share their expertise with us. were the same thing. After descending us. This led to some classic discussions back a bit to find the path down top back up into the grey mass that hung think everyone secretly enjoyed the a euphonium, a trumpet and a trom- To see video clips and read more this with much slipping, we eventu- as to who would be the group Golum, the valley, and we were finally on our above us. Our approach to the hill was weather. There were a few other people bone. It was an exciting and enjoyable about Wind Power, visit www.impe- ally found a proper path which took us which I will not repeat here. It would way out of the cloud. Spirits perked as easy enough, with views back down to on the hills that weekend, but certainly piece and the audience joined in with rial.ac.uk/news. If you’re interested in through the woods and back onto the have been easy to believe we were in we descended and began to get a view Llanberis and of the lowest few hun- no other groups of 19! All those 19 cer- some enthusiastic clapping! A fantas- Imperial College Winds, would like to hillside. And there it was, in the dis- middle earth as we saw no one else of the road far beneath us, the happiest dred metres of Snowdon. The plan had tainly showed that we love the hills for tic rendition of Crown Imperial ended see us again or want to come along and tance; the pub. The warm fire and lo- on the hills, except for a giant spider I have ever been to see a car. been to climb up to the ridge via a scree their own sake. You could almost say with an organ solo which filled the get involved, there’s more information cal ales immediately took the damp out called Shelob that had to be defeated Two hours later and we were safely slope which looked good on the map. ‘we choose to go to Wales in December whole room with a sense of grandeur. on our website: www.union.ic.ac.uk/ of us and the group soon divided into before lunch. installed in a café in Capel Curig which What we had not realised was that be- and do the other thing, not because it IC Winds and The Coldstream Guards produce a lot of Wind Power in the Great Hall The piece has been played at the Coro- arts/windband. those who got puddings, and those The rocks, sky and grass were a had hot chocolate and cake, and whose tween us and the scree slope was a bog, is easy, but because it is hard’. 30 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 311 Clubs and Societies [email protected] [email protected] Clubs and Societies

Exhibition of photography taken on Engineers Without Borders placements Engineers without borders Joe Corcoran the event in front of the packed Mech sion to Mars, the development of car- Imperial EWB President Eng Concourse saying ‘It is so good to bon nanotubes or new forms of fuel. Joe Corcoran tells felix how Engineers Without Borders are see so many students from the cutting The greatest engineering challenge of Every year EWB has a photo compe- edge of science and engineering here our time is captured in these photo- “removing the barriers to development using engineering” tition of images taken by students on taking an interest in development. I graphs this evening. It’s the challenge placements in international develop- hope they are all inspired by the photos of people. We have to work together ment. These photos illustrate the pow- to go and use their skills to make the to inspire engineers to meet this chal- er engineers have to change the world changes the world desperately needs.’ lenge. And there’s a great deal of work and go some way towards capturing The Institute of Mechanical Engi- to be done.’ the incredible experience of going on neers were so enthusiastic about our Some of the photographs featured in an EWB placement. The exhibition has exhibition that they asked if they could the exhibition can be see below. Below- travelled around other EWB branches host a day of the exhibition and re- top, titled ‘Chimney Construction’, was around the country but at Imperial the ception evening. Last Wednesday the taken by Dan Reader. The image fea- exhibition had an addition role almost Marble Hall at the IMechE HQ was full tures EWB-UK placement volunteer unique to the college. It has been said to the brim with senior representatives Lily Ryan-Collins as she works with that EWB is the most powerful force from various institutes, companies and members of the El Abra community in in keeping graduates from moving charities involved in development. Ri- Ecuador to construct a chimney for a into banking. The photos show the chard Cunliffe, an Imperial student new cooking stove being demonstrated huge impact any engineer can have in who has been on an EWB placement in the community. changing the world for the better; no spoke at the event and tells us that ‘it Today around 700 million people are placement volunteer can lead a con- is great to have the opportunity to ac- at increased risk of acute respiratory tent life in banking after experiencing tually show so many important people infections because of smoke inhalation the power they posses as an engineer. the good work EWB has done. I’m sure from burning wood and fuels in the The photos captured all the aspects EWB-Imperial and the IMechE will home. EWB-UK have been engaged of an EWB placement; not only the en- have plenty of opportunity to work to- in the design and dissemination of im- gineering worked on, but the culture, gether in the future.’ proved stove and chimney designs for the country, and most importantly the Andrew Lamb told assembled stu- over four years in partnership with an people and the impact that it has had dents: ‘The population of the world Ecuadorian community based organi- on local life. has tripled in my grandmother’s life- sation FAMUSOD. This year’s winner was Joe Mulli- time and it’s going to at least double Below-bottom is a photograph gan with his photo of school children again just in my working life. 1.2 bil- by Drew Corbyn, titled ‘Philippines crossing a bridge he helped build. As lion people don’t have access to safe Windpower’, the photograph shows the Thalia Konaris, former Imperial stu- drinking water, 2.4 billion people don’t assembly of a wind turbine on top of dent, and former co-CEO of EWB-UK have access to safe sanitation, 820mil- the tower before erection in Buli. Drew explains ‘Soweto East School Kids was lion are underfed and 1.1 billion people Corbyn has spent the past year work- chosen because it has a very original are overfed, 3 billion people have never ing with Sibol ng Agham at Teknolo- and appealing composition, it visu- made a telephone call and 3 billion hiya or SIBAT, Inc. (Wellspring of ally captures the essence of the project people have no grid electricity supply. Science and Technology) a non-profit combining final product with its most One out of every two people on this and non-governmental organisation critical users and also because it high- Earth lives in a city and one-third of engaged in the promotion and devel- lights the term appropriate in technol- them, about 1 billion people, are living opment of appropriate technology in ogies for international development.’ in slums. the Philippines. We were fortunate enough to have The greatest engineering challenge The photos will be used on the In- the exhibition sponsored by the Insti- of our time is not the Burj Dubai, is not stitute of Mechanical Engineers ‘En- PHOTO: Tim Sadler tute of Mechanical Engineers. Andrew the London Olympics or Crossrail, the generation’ website to inspire 14-19 Lamb the CEO of EWB-UK spoke at return to the Moon or a manned mis- year olds to become engineers. Andrew Lamb talking to students in the Mech Eng foyer

PHOTO: Dan Reader

Thomas Hills talks to felix about outreach projects run by Imperial Engineers Without Borders in local schools

o when did you first find out what an en- gineer was? Several PHOTO: Tim Sadler non-engineers have told me that if they Engineers Without Borders – Joe Corcoran, EWB-Imperial President “removing the barriers to development using engineering” hadS known about engineering while at school, they might have chosen it for their degree. With ngineers Without Borders- only EWB could? (On that note if any- a UK company to fly across the world just launched our schools outreach when applying to the likes of ARUP this in mind, three of us from Imperial is one of around one would like to come on a trip down to pat a baby lion on the head. Engi- programme, had a successful photo ex- or Mott MacDonald, a couple of our EWB set off to Christ College, 20 university branches that the London Sewers, let me know!) neering development is notoriously hibition, guest speakers dropping by al- biggest sponsors. EWB is such a well Finchley on Wednesday 21st to makes up Engineers With- Most people associate EWB with the hard to get into as a graduate with most by the week, got a weekend train- known and deserving cause that at- do a workshop on ‘Water for the out Borders-UK. The focus summer placements in international little experience. EWB gives students ing workshop coming up and that’s not tending any national events is bound World’, including a presentation of EWB is “to remove the barriers to development. The beauty of an EWB the opportunity to gain that first bit of to mention the social events! We have to see you rubbing shoulders with all Lily Ryan-Colins working with members of the El Abra community on water sources, treatment and developmentE using engineering”; what experience that is invaluable when ap- the right people. appropriate technology. After makes us unique from various other plying to graduate organisations like Last summer three Imperial students this, we created crude water charities with similar aims is that EWB “If anyone would like RedR. “You’re doing went on EWB placements. Amongst PHOTO:Drew Corbyn filters out of plastic bottles and is run by students, for students. EWB to come on a trip If you would like to find out more something that not these was Patricia Steven, 4th year several filtering materials. They is not just for engineers – many of our about placements, come along to the Mech Eng, who conducted an impact were used to filter muddy water, placements are not degree specific down the London 2009 Placements Launch event on 9th a lot of people could study into the existing improved cook- with varying results! and can often just require mathemati- Feb, Mech Eng Room 342, 5.30pm. stove in Kathmandu, Nepal. The work The aim of EWB outreach mot- cal competence, a scientific outlook Sewers, let me Speaking of RedR, as you read this do and are probably included background research, com- to is “to Inspire Today’s Youth to Engineer a Fairer Future”. A lot or project management skills. Almost know!” Martin McCann is probably speak- doing something of munity surveys, field testing, results PHOTO: Steve LONG all of our other events can be enjoyed ing in Mech Eng Room 342 (Fri 30th, analysis and reporting. Patricia reports of people, especially children, just as much by non-engineers as 12.30-13.30). Martin McCann is the genuine worth” back ‘Practically everyone studying at don’t know what is involved in engineers. placement is that they utilise the skills chief executive of RedR and must be Imperial has the opportunity to go on being an engineer, maybe due to the range of jobs that can be done by one. The skills that are learned EWB must be the best society at Im- you picked up by nearly killing yourself one of the most experienced and quali- an EWB placement from first year en- by engineers can be used outside the traditional workplace and this is what EWB aims to get across. perial. What other society gives you to pass Imperial exams. This tends to fied men in development and disaster been out for an authentic Ethiopian try summer placements to advanced Engineers can make a real difference in people’s lives by helping to build electricity generators, water the opportunity to live in far-flung mean that you’re doing something that relief in the world. This promises to be meal at the weirdest restaurant I have post graduate work. Working with supplies or whatever is needed by people who can’t afford (or don’t have the skills) to do it themselves. parts of the world with local people for not a lot of people in the world could an informative and inspiring talk so if ever been in and have camping trips, EWB as a student is the best oppor- The outreach programme aims to get young people impassioned about international development and weeks over the summer, gives you free do and hence you are probably doing it’s not too late; get running and come nights out and the EWB ‘Battle of the tunity you have to gain a placement in the possibilities of taking an active role in improving people’s lives. Although this may not be as exotic events like the photo exhibition last something of genuine worth and use- listen! If it is too late then not to worry, Bands’ in the pipeline. development and it is certainly an ex- or glamorous as spending a few weeks in a far-flung part of the world, spending a couple of hours mess- Monday, organises talks for you with fulness. You can rest assured that, on become a member and we’ll let you On a more superficial note, with the perience that I will never forget.’ ing about with plastic bottles and muddy water can be quite rewarding and breaks the monotony of an some of the most influential people in the whole, EWB placements are more know when our next talk is! credit of everything mentioned above, If you would like to get involved in otherwise dull week at Imperial! the world, and gives you all the other useful than the majority of other gap EWB really does have something for getting involved in EWB provides a or have any questions, please email miscellaneous treats and events that year voluntary schemes where you pay everyone, engineer or not. We have gem of a line on any CV. Especially [email protected] EWB volunteers help to assemble a wind turbine in the Philippines 32 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 33 What’s on... Clubs & Societies Calendar Editors – Lily Topham & Rachel D’oliveiro Coffee Break [email protected] [email protected]

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday The soundtrack of your life Christian Christian Christian Christian Christian Ravi Pall Union Free Union Free Union Free Union Free Union Free Coffee Break Editor Week Week Week Week Week ews just in! Jovan Nedić, down the street, listening to music on Christian Union’s week of ‘Surface Tension or divine Good news or outdated ‘Saviour or failure’? ‘Death-defying or outright felix editor has fortu- your iPod (substitute with other MP3 events starts with a talk enti- intervention?’ views?’ Do the teachings of lying?’ nately passed away. I device). Or just watch people as they tled: ‘Good or God? Who is Jesus matter? Is Jesus’ death really so know, right? Awesome! traverse London, with their massive this Jesus?’ Did Jesus really perform important? Did Jesus really rise from the There will be a party to headphones/earphones on. They all miracles? Time: 12-2pm dead - and so what? commemorate this momentous occa- have a different swagger dependent Everyone is welcome to Place: Union Dining Hall Time: 12-2pm Nsion on the 2nd of March. However, on what they’re listening to. Remem- come along - questions are Time: 12-2pm Price: Admission Free Place: Ante Room, Sherfield Time: 12-2pm me telling you this is completely point- ber that tune from the Matrix when encouraged! Place: Ante Room, Sherfield Price: Admission Free Place: Ante Room, Sherfield less, as only his closest enemies are in- the woman in red appears? Music al- Price: Admission Free Price: Admission Free vited. Just to rub it in we’re also going lows people to submerse themselves Time: 12-2pm to Byron on Gloucester Road. I don’t into their own little world, whether it Place: Ante Room, Sherfield Plainchant think there is a better way to celebrate be the Matrix, or starting to listen to Price: Admission Free the good news. Well other than mix- Foxy Lady in your head when you see Workshop iCU Cinema Valentine’s ing his ashes into a pint of snakebite someone attractive. iCU Cinema and downing it to absorb his Serbian Renowned plainchant expert iCU Cinema is hosting a Monty Survey strength. However if you are one of the What follows is a list of songs that rep- Christian iCU Cinema is hosting a Monty David Bleazard will be running Python themed week: “Every- few people who abuse him on a daily resent some of the editors’ lives: Python themed week: “Every- an open workshop on the art thing I Know In Life I Learned Leading up to “Understanding basis in the office, then you will hear Union Free thing I Know In Life I Learned of singing plainchant. No prior From Monty Python”. the opposite sex”, a Valentine more details later. Jovan Nedić: Want to be part of the latest and From Monty Python”. experience needed. event happening next week, This news has got me thinking Djurdjevdan - Bijelo Dugme blazin’est crew to hit the Union? Week We will be showing “The Life of Every Nation Christian Society though. About what kind of music to Afonso Campos: Now you can. All you need is a We will be showing “The Life of To book a place contact Brian” and “The Holy Grail” on will be surveying 100 people to play at our party. A soundtrack of his That’s The Way - Led Zeppelin Blazer, and to have been working Christian Union invites you Brian” and “The Holy Grail” on [email protected]. both Tuesday and Thursday. find out Impeial’s views on the life as it were. Not just his life, but Death by tray it shallfor the Union forbe. at least three Gilead Amit: to round off the day with an both Tuesday and Thursday. opposite sex. Results will be yours and mine as well. Let’s not talk 4:33 - John Cage months. You find us, we’ll find evening of live jazz. Time: 2:30 - 4:30pm Time: 6pm – Life of Brian collated and revealed on the about Jov any more. What I’m trying to Mustapher Botchway: you. Be prepared, heavy drink- Time: 6pm – Life of Brian Place: Ensemble 1, Blyth 8pm – The Holy Grail night! get at here, and admittedly not so well, Night Time Manoeuvers - Little Brother ing will ensue. With favourite Performed by students from 8pm – The Holy Grail Price: Admission Free Place: Union Concert Hall, Beit is that everyone has a soundtrack to Kadhim Shubber: drinks such as the Orange Zebra the Royal College of Music, Place: Union Concert Hall, Beit Price: £3 (one film), £5 (both Time: 12-2pm BLAZINGand Sambuca Rainbow, we drink their life. This covers their daily activi- Electric Feel - MGMT there will be lots of pizza and Price: £3 (one film), £5 (both films). Place: JCR, Sherfield and SAF ties, moments in the life as well as their Alice Rowlands: hard, then party harder. None of drinks and a few words for films). *ahem* death. You know what I’m talk- Fat Bottom Girls - Queen that drink till you puke business, thought from a guest speaker: Thai Night Membership to iCU Cinema ing about now right? Well if not, then Ravi Pall: that’s four pop collar cool. Roger Carswell. Membership to iCU Cinema can be bought on the door or think about it next time you’re walking When I Get Down - Logan Ummmmm, Sambuca Rainbow. I luvz it can be bought on the door or Thai Society invites you to ex- online for £3 and includes one Time: 7-10pm online for £3 and includes one perience the best of Thailand in- free film. Welcome to What’s On! Place: 649-652, Mech Eng free film. cluding Thai-styled live drawing, As usual, this page will Price: Admission Free Thai Boxing and Thai Sword Per- feature club and soci- formance. There are also prizes ety events running from to be won and and a charity auc- Monday to Sunday of the tion of a Thai painting which will Stricly Come following week, so get be drawn on the night! in contact to let us know SQUAD KnitSock Party Jam Night Dancing what you are up to! KnitSock is celebrating its 1st Jazz and Rock invites you to For further information, contact birthday! Jam Night. Admission is FREE [email protected]. Imperial The deadline for submis- Top Trumps and open to all. sions for next week’s edi- Join us for woollen party games Time: 7pm Hosted by Imperial College tion is midnight on Mon- including party hat pompoms, Bring yourself some beer money Place: MDH, Sherfield Dance Club, the first round of day 2nd February. pin-the-tail-on-the-sheep, pass and your chosen instrument. It’s Price: £15 ‘Strictly’ features all your fa- Cut them out! the parcel and of course, birth- a great way to meet like minded vourite ‘celebrities’ including a Send in the following to day cake. musicians and potentially form a Sabbatical and some lecturers [email protected]. band. battling it out on the dance- Time: 5pm ACC Bar Night floor. This will be a truly un- - Club name Place: Meeting Room 1, Beit Time: 7pm missable event! - Event name Highest score Price: Free/£2 (Members/Non- Place: dB’s, Beit Time: 8pm - Date(s) & Time Members) Price: Admission Free Place: da Vinci’s, Beit Time: 6:30pm - Place wins Place: JCR, Sherfield - Price (if applicable) Membership can be bought on For tickets and info, contact Price: Admission Free - Short description of the the door or online for £3. [email protected] event (max. 30 words)

Afro-Gala Collect them all! The Imperial College African and Caribbean Society is proud to present AFROGALA..... The Beginning!

This year’s 10th anniversary performance is not one to be missed with fashion shows, creative poetry, singing acts, African ‘boogie’, interactive Saturday street dances, futuristic choreography, a mini carnival and unprecedented acrobatic performances. Buy tickets online: https://www.imperialcollegeunion.org/afro-carribean-11/category.html. Watch this Time: 6:30pm (Dinner)/7pm (Show) space for Place: Great Hall, Sherfield Price: £10/£12/£20 (Members/Non-Members/Premium) additional cards 34 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 35 Fun & Games [email protected] Fun & Games [email protected]

A Quickie (Crossword) 1,422 FUCWIT Slitherlink 1,422 This week’s texts: 1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS 1,421 Solution 7 7 Characteristic of surgical after-effects 2 2 1 3 1 2 “Gilbert dougherty is irish. Word. (4-9) League Table 2 2 3 3 3 2 8 Paper round (4,4) Rumours around that he is an irish 8 9 2 2 1 3 2 1 3 9 Built-in (4) 3 1 3 nazi. Sick.” 3 2 3 8 9 10 A journey frequently undertaken (7) Team Shotgun 174 Points 12 Set of responsibilities (5) 2 3 1 2 “Raj, fancy leek soup sometime? 2 3 1 1 1 2 3 10 11 14 With sincerity (5) MÖchten sie mein Manschaft? 173 Points H&M” 16 Fabric with swirling pattern (7) 2 3 2 3 2 1 10 11 12 19 Buck (4) Giramundo 49 Points 3 3 3 1 1 2 3 2 “CHRISTIAN! Stop reading this 20 Withdrawal of money (4-4) 1 3 1 2 2 and do some work! We’re not pay- 12 13 13 15 22 NASDAQ, say (5,8) Hringur Gretarsson 26 Points ing you to read felix” 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 3 14 15 16 17 DOWN Jonathan Phillips 18 Points “Marco nardone loves men” 1 Fizzy water (4) Team Rubbish 17 Points MÖchten sie mein Manschaft burst 17 18 18 19 20 21 2 Obliqe text (6) 1 2 3 1 1 2 onto the Slitherlink scene for first time “To Katie. Whatever i said, what- 3 To reproach (7) in 2009 to just pip Shotgun to the ever i did, i didn’t mean it i just 19 20 21 4 Way of representing figures (5) Scii Comm 16 Points winners’ post. This makes me happy, 07726 799 424 want you back for good. Love Alex 5 In equilibrium (6) 1 1 1 2 2 3 and when I get happy, you get points! de Figueiredo” 22 23 6 XL (8) Team What What 15 Points 11 Annoy (8) How to play: “Dear pretty boy Rob. Please stop 22 Right then, the Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tourna- 2 2 1 2 2 13 Ecclesiastical robe (7) TEXT US! OR it. You think your all that, but your 15 Bequest (6) ment League is officially back, and it’s about time we explain what It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a not! Ok? And quit the smack, you 24 25 17 Tube (6) the hell is going on. 2 cell and must be surrounded with a WE WON’T fucking junkie.” 18 Group of musicians (5) 2 2 1 1 2 3 1 corresponding number lines. Lines 21 Barred enclosure (4) Basically, you get points for doing all the various puzzles and chal- cannot split and there can only be FEED THE CAT! “Pretty boy Rob. You left before I Solution 1,421 I must start with an apology. lenges, and at the end of the year, the winning team will win an iPod one continuous line. Any cells with no could make you breakfast.” nano! Pretty cool right? The scoring is as follows: 3 1 2 2 3 L I T H I U M V H E L L O Even though I did promise that numbers can have any number of lines. E N R O M N A A A E U R this year we (note we- defiantly Scribble box Look at the solution above for help. 5 points for the first correct answers for Slitherlink, Wordoku, Lon- G R A P P L E A V I A N D not passing the blame!) would don Underground and Quickie. 4 points for second, 3 points for I E D T A E N S O I D O I make no mistakes... last week, third, 2 points for fourth and 1 point for fifth. T R E S S L A U C T I O N we did. Bugger. What can I do? E A E S S D U N A N A A On behalf of my team I offer Double points will be awarded for correct cryptic crossword an- R O C K E T E C H I S E L the most sincere of apologies, swers, because it’s über hard. O U H E U N Z O S E A S but also congratulations of epic B R E A T H E G S E W E R proportions are in order for both W Simple! Now then FUCWITs, send in your answers to felix@impe- Going Underground O R M U C U E T A O I E Wordoku 1,422 Shotgun and MÖchten sie mein rial.ac.uk or [email protected]. Go! T W I N E C G H E R K I N Manschaft for getting in correct Scribble box I was informed by Shotgun that the Each letter in the alphabet is assigned I E S A E L M O S I N I A answers with MÖchten sie mein I T S first ‘Going Underground’ had two a value, 1-26 (see table) and when add- C H E S T M A R S E N A L Manschaft taking the win. answers, South Kensington and Liver- ed together for a specific word the sum T S R pool Street. Well done- 5 points! Last equals the total shown. All you have to week’s winners were Shotgun... again. do is scan and send the Underground S A Y I If you found COVENT GARDEN, your station that is hidden each week to su- Shotgun are really getting to me mother should be proud. [email protected] 1,421 Solution down here. Every week they win G D A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z W R E N S E U A K this. I offered you double points and still you ignore me. What 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Horocokes, that’ll be the Horoscopes on cocaine E K N W A U S R C D G S R L T else do you want? This week felix S A U R C K W N E is offering a Yorkie bar too. So This week felix got a large shipment of cocaine to help us through the long Wednesday night... I love you B A N K T D C U A K W S N E R please send us a correct puzzle! N E S C U R A K W 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. 2 1 14 11 = 28 Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio K W R E N A C U S Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; S D Y I A N K S R W E C U we’ve just replaced numbers Look at the stars, This week you This week begins It’s obvious that you U S E A K C R W N with letters. Complete the puzzle So which London tube station sums to 143? look how they shine decide to kick your with love and happi- are pretty. Pretty G T L R C W U E N K S A and then send the whole grid to for you, look how expensive habit, and ness in the air. The ugly that is. I suggest [email protected]. ______all you do is poo... substitute it with red new sense of inner you go to Liverpool Y A R You will not get credit for just the = 143 Well, that’s all about bull. You seem just peace is delightful, where you will look word alone. It’s not an anagram. to change. This is as edgy, but begin to but you know it passable. If you really not a rambling of a man that society has given worry when you start urinating blood. Why is won’t last. With two days of drudgery of Impe- want to look like a hot piece of flesh, make the up on like a 40 year old prostitute on laxatives, this happening? How much red bull have you rial behind you, you’re once again hollow and trek to deep-fried Scotland. They all look like things are on the way up. Just when you think had? Why am I now addicted to caffeine? You empty inside. You long for that plane ticket proper munters up there- especially in Glasgow. things couldn’t get any worse, it all works out. quickly take up some other addictive habit like back to Washington, ‘oh Obama... I’m coming If there’s one city that the world can do without- You get run over by a Robin Reliant. smoking to kick this one. to you, I long to kiss your presidential lips.’ Glasgow would be it. Freshly Squeezed! RCC Nighthike Quizzy Wizzy Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius Union banterings through the eyes of This Coffee Break challenge is brought mean prizes, so go check this for loads Huxley Building: The Huxley building to you by the Recreational Clubs of pictures and infomation, www.un- is the Maths and Computing building, This week, you This week a drugs The week starts out This week you’ll the Unreal Machine Committee, because in four weeks, ion.ic.ac.uk/rcc/nighthike. Here are but what subject was Thomas Henry think about whether raid on your room in well and is about meet a girl, or on the 28th February it’s the Annual this week’s questions for all of you hap- Huxley a professor of? you should buy your hall has turned to get better. You even a boy in the for much more than just the mate- RCC Nighthike. One crazy night of py hikers to digest: a ticket to the up unexpected have won a free kiss Union. But this is no Births rial things in life, but now remain just clue finding, adventurous walking and RCS1: What are the 2nd, 4th & 6th summer ball while results. Along with from felix editor normal encounter. Following a traumatic week of false chums. hopefully a bit of map reading (but if Blackett Laboratory: What giant names (Right to Left) on RCS1? it’s cheap, or blow the expected drugs, and Rugby player You are besotted accusations toward both parties of you can’t don’t let that put you off). covalent structure is depicted above the money on a G of charlie. You opt for the a child’s body was found in your cupboard. extraordinaire Jovan Nedic. Kisses are available from first glance and proceed to yell ‘I fucking homosexuality and park bench dwell- Marriages To launch the Science Challenge, this the main entrance? And now for the answers from the latter because you think it’ll make that night Cause of death, suffocation. Also found was a every day, 10am – 5pm to all genders in the love you’ over and over again. This is definitely ing, two little rays of sunshine have week’s titillation is on the theme of last edition’s library foray. Well done out in Fulham slightly better. Unfortunately snuff kit, gimp mask (complete with breathing felix office in the west wing of Beit. Attractive not due to the aforementioned cocaine that brought hope and joy in dark times. Following the precedent set by their the Royal College of Science, more Biochemistry entrance: What are to the winner, Wayne Kerr – come to you snort half in one line and throw up on the tubes) and various spem filled tubes and ladies are asked to bring tissues and all others you snorted whilst writing your article down in Ralph and Charlotte are proud to an- over-zealous facebook declarations precisely the questions are based on the names of the two Nobel laureates felix to collect a iPod shuffle. bouncers as soon as you get to the club. glasses. Bukkake anyone? should have masks. No facial Herpes. the felix office. Needless to say, you failed. nounce the arrival on Wednesday of love, two barely-adult freshers are the outsides of the various science who make the chemistry building a of two beautiful boys, Leopold and taking the plunge and playing house buildings. But don’t worry engineers, ‘National Chemical landmark’? 1st floor: Six is the number of the glass Wellington. They are in good health together. it’ll be your turn next week! study bubble in the red zone, shown by Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn and both are already showing strong All you have to do is track down the Chemistry: What date was the the number of spots on it. swimming skills. You know who your real friends are answers, email them to coffee@felix. extension to the Chemistry department Your friends taunt This week you So you think you It’s heaven when The old changing-the-birthday-to- imperial.ac.uk and you’ll get ‘RCC opened by the Royal Highness the 2nd Floor: Probably about three. you for being a coke discover the got rid of that extra you manage to tomorrow trick employed so cruelly points’. They tell us points definitely Princess Royal? head. Teasing you skin covering weight you put on release your penis Deaths by facebook sex offenders has often 3rd Floor: The Science Museum as you spew out the cartilage in over Christmas. Well from your flies. This caught out members of the victim’s library have a complete set of British the most random your septum has you didn’t and to is an experience In an effort to dispel any myth follow- lower social strata. However, this week Patents up to 1992. of sentences, while disappeared. You make things worse it that you will incur ing last week’s naked Mexican inter- has seen the emergence of a nefari- FAIL speaking as quickly as possible. You think have never noticed this before, and become was your New Year’s resolution to lose it. If it this week as you rush from the toilet to your rogation that took place in the filthy ous new technique, by which the rap- 4th Floor: Running with the Devil. everything is normal until you get arrested for quite worried. Enough so to post questions on wasn’t... look at the size of you! You’re a fucking 9am lecture. You don’t make that 9am. Or in underworld of the felix office, we re- ist sets out a rolling birthday date. We pulling out a gun. Where the hell did you get online forums. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone elephant, it damn should have been. You are fat fact your 11am are you are in Chelsea and gret to announce the loss of a much count ten initial non-friends, and three 5th floor: In the Economist book of a gun? It came with the drugs of course. It’s a on a drugs binge for 4 months, maybe you verging upon clinically obese, you disgust me Westminster hospital. If you are a woman, or loved couple. They took the age-gap bottom-feeders idiotic enough to post ‘Pocket World in figures’, pages 102 & dangerous world out there. shouldn’t have taken drugs full stop. and all that surround you. not equipped with a willy ignore this. Pint? controversy in their stride, standing birthday wishes the following day. Man down! This poor gent found it to be pretty fucking tiring last year 103 are titled ‘Stars … and Wars’ 36 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 37 Sport [email protected] Ask the captain - ICSMTheo Georgiou Delisle Badminton tour Holland by a business-like wake-up call at 8am Daniel Wang - For winning his dou- and Priya Garg the next day. bles at an unearthly hour and going Breakfast then made its inaugural ap- back to bed musing ‘was it worth it?’ as Winter, a bit chilly wasn’t it? Well, im- pearance. The classic Jam-Ham break- he ate peas and carrots from a jar. Sarah Rose Clayton agine if you will, the idea of going to fast is an oft-overlooked treat that not Theo Georgiou Delisle - For dress- another country over the festive sea- many individuals have the pleasure of ing as Super Mario on New Year’s Eve. son that was not only colder than the experiencing in this country. For us, ‘Theo is on fire!’. This week Jack Cornish meets up with his female counterpart United Kingdom but where you also however, a jam and ham combined Katie Wong - For supplying the gin had to play eight badminton matches combination was the pot of gold at and vodka as well as some handy bad- , the ladies 1st XI captain who has successfully a day. Whilst you were wallowing in the end of the breakfast rainbow…and minton hints for those of us competing Sarah Clayton the après-Christmas spirit, tugging with this solid culinary foundation for in the regionals. led a young team to some phenomenal results! FACT FILE at straining waistlines, stuffed with a the day, we were ready to hit shuttle- Thomas Ward - Competing with a mixture of turkey and chocolate, a few cocks at some Europeans. partner who had a twitch of flicking his Name: Sarah Rose Clayton noble ICSM Badminton individuals Competing in Regional High, Low leg up as he hit the shuttle. Good morning. First things first, think of the state of sport at the expansion of Heathrow. Do Team: IC 1st Women’s dusted off their badminton racquets, and recreational singles, men’s, wom- Rishi Patel aka Squishy - Took on how has your season been? Imperial? you think that they should per- Hockey picked up their passports and headed en’s and mixed doubles we shuffled off ‘Thomaaas Ward’ for some ICSM Bad- Really good thanks. We have lots of In general it is OK. Obviously it is haps build more hockey pitches? to the University of Twente, Holland to our games with destiny (nice girl, minton vs ICSM Badminton grudge freshers in this year so had a bit of shaky not a priority for Imperial students We have so many players in the club, Position: Defence with two hundred and fifty other stu- glossy hair). The tactics employed by matching. start but we are now doing well in both unlike some other universities, but I similar to that of the football club Date of Birth: 30/05/1987 dents from across Europe for the In- the Imperial Medics players were as Sandra Sadoo - One of the many the leagues and cups. We are the only think ICHC do very well, considering and rugby club, yet we only have one Hometown: Hong Kong ternational Student Badminton Tour- cunning as they were sexy. For many, names the intercom found hard to say. hockey team left in BUCS cup. the small numbers available. pitch to play and train on. If we only Course: 3rd Year Civil nament of 2008! a combination of power and accuracy ‘Sado’ managed to hit her way to sec- had a handful of hockey players then After the flight to Holland, it was proved the winning formula, for others ond place in the recreational mixed Any star players within the team? What about the rugby - who will it would make sense to only have one Engineering only a short three-hour train ride to gentle and dignified submission proved doubles. Well, I could be diplomatic and say win the J.P.R. Williams Cup? pitch, but we don’t. So if we could have Height: 5”5 our final destination, Enschede. Upon to be the more popular option. Da Way Wang - Won the recreation- my whole team. However my current I would love to say IC, but on cur- more pitches at the new grounds that Weight: 60kg arrival we were shown to our sleeping With a reassuring Jam and Ham lunch The Medicals badminton team showing theirs skills in Holland al players category and displayed some goalkeeper is great - she is the fifth one rent form and past history the medics would be great! quarters; to describe them as luxuri- to power us through the matches, we solar system themed-pyjama wear. we have had this season! will probably do it again. I hope I am ous havens of somnolence would be a finished the day (and each of the three Pram Chinduluri - Won the recrea- wrong! In my comment last week I was Sarah has been faced with a difficult challenge this year lie. It was a sports hall, which boasted days) exhausted but happy watching Union Bar and watching magnificent Special Recognition: tional players category and for being Why so many goalies? saying that the rest of the season - having lost a number of key players at the end of last amongst other luxuries, a gigantic and an amazing nationally ranked German fireworks with other students from Rahim Kanji - For crawling into surprisingly chirpy with an average of Mainly due to injury, but also due to So what are your ambitions in is now predictable for a lot of the season she has brought in freshers and senior players hockey and life? teams. Do you think the same can very cold floor. Luckily for some, alco- woman destroy the best national male England, Ireland, Italy, Germany and bed next to Theo at 4am and playing 15 hours kip during the trip. the fact that some of the freshers have alike to out together a successful squad. Her passion for hol was available from the start and so competitors on the show court. We our host country. matches again at 8. Naveen Setty aka Zelda - Won the found it difficult to fit in the hockey I want to play hockey for the rest of be said for yours? by the time it was a reasonable hour to clapped; she grunted. I won’t go into details of the remain- Priya Garg - Playing against some recreational players category and for with the social and work life of IC. my life. It is a sport that you can play I think our season is a bit different to drinking, hockey and the occasional epic boogie means climb blissfully into a warm sleeping New Year’s was the highlight of der of the festivities but all in all, on new giant women and changing several an extraordinary smashing leap cap- until old age! In life I am one of the few a lot of the clubs since we did have a she is made for ICHC! A true defender her play is solid Do you find fitting in hockey a bag, a floor and towel seemed like an the trip. A superb superhero themed year’s day, hungover and battleworn players names on the score sheets. tured in a photo. people on an Engineering course that massive influx of freshers this season. yet sometimes a little rural which is apparently perfect interchangeable alternative. night where The Crazy 88 and Super after many a shuttlecock had been hit, Sas Srinivisan - Playing, and win- Joy Palit - For her crazy dancing, problem? actually wants to stay in engineering! It meant that at the start of the season, In the hectic modern world in which Mario made a special appearance, we but refreshed by a ground temperature ning wearing two trousers, coat, jump- making the team survive the 5am New No - I simply work harder than most the team was new and not used to play- for the match against the medics in a few weeks time... we live, a lot can be said for a nice lie- danced away our stiff backs and aching of -14 degrees, we reflected on a great er and a scarf. Year’s call and thinking that a shuttle- other people I think. I use the week- Why do you think there is such a ing with each other, but now in. This attitude was however beaten shoulders and entered 2009 in style, tour, where hunger did not get in the Vishnu Aggarwal - For sleeping with cock was called a ‘cuttleshock’ until the ends to get my work done. The good gap in standard between the we have grown into a bruised and bloody submission drinking on the rooftop of the Twente way of us having a rip-roaring time. Sas and playing without complaint. tournament started. thing about hockey is that it is weekly ladies 1st and 2nds? as a team. I and scheduled so you know what time I think it is simply a fact think some you need to take out. that there are not enough of those last year, but I think we have definitely there watching the match even if they’re women at Imperial who games that improved. not playing. For the later matches of Clearly in some sports there is a want to play. Izzy (la- we narrowly hockey we get people screaming from big difference between the Medi- dies 2nd XI captain) has lost at Would you agree with the com- the sidelines which makes a good at- Rugby 1sts win first match cal and IC teams, why do you worked really hard to push the ment I made last week where I mosphere. I don’t know what it would ICSMBC sprint to victory think hockey is dominated by IC? the team forward and try criticised paying £10 to watch the be like for netball since they don’t have Continued from back page on hand to pick it up and beat 2 men to I think the difference is that IC is a and bring the teams closer, main event at Varsity? any viewing areas in Ethos, but it would Emma Stimson the girls is a result of the dedication of the final. However, the Senior Men’s cross the line. The kick converted, Im- mixed club and we train hard and play but at the same time I think it I don’t think a lot of people go along be difficult in general since everyone is the entire crew, described well by Cap- 1st VIII were successful in flattening to tap and punt the ball cross field perial were 19-10 up. Oxford hit back hard. Although this year the medics is good that there is a social to watch it really. Personally I enjoy all over the place. ICSMBC dominated the UH Winter tain Ola Markiewicz: “Races are not all competition, thoroughly deserving and off the pitch; a move that earned with some good phases of play from are a much better team than in previ- aspect to the hockey. Not a Varsity as en event because I play in it, Regatta on Sunday 25th January as won on the day, but by all the training, the medals that they won. him Twat of the Match. their backs, but were halted when out- ous years which will make Varsity far lot of people really want to but I don’t see why quite a lot of people Any sporting idols or people you they sprinted their way to winning a hard work and effort before-hand.” Of Team effort was vital on Sunday and The half time score was 12-7 in Im- side centre James Fletcher destroyed more exciting (although I hope our put in the time, but would go to watch all the sports. I go to the generally aspire to? phenomenal amount of medals. An course the commitment, perseverance all of the ICSM coxes were vigilant, perials favour, “Don’t change a thing” his opposite number with the biggest keeper does not get sent off this year!) just rather play hockey be- rugby match because it is the start to Mark Foster is fit! You can definitely impressive five finals and three vic- and devotion of the captains, coaches passionate and enthusiastic, to the ex- was captain James Pettit’s half time hit of the season. IC returned with a Who are you guys playing today? cause they enjoy it, and I rest of my evening before we all go back put that in. But in general no because I tories were achieved due to the sheer and coxes contributed enormously to tent that an attempt to converse with order. At the beginning of the second great 50m dash down the wing from think that is a good thing. to the bar to either commiserate or don’t want to be a sports player, that’s determination and solid team-work of each crew’s success. them between races was met with: half Oxford came out strong and their Adam Foley but was stopped just short Medics! What was the score last celebrate depending on the outcome. not my aim. the crews. The Boys Novice 1st VIII gave a ‘Must. Conserve. Voice.’. fly half sent IC back into their own of their line. Oxford conceded another time you played them? Do you think that there But I do find it quite odd that people The preparation and excitement be- strong, confident performance and Celebration followed the success in 22 with a good chase which made IC penalty in their 22 which the on form 3-1 victory in extra time. It was a very is a problem in terms of go along to watch the rugby match Focusing on women’s hockey gan on Saturday night for the novice were placed as the best UH crew. true medic-style with a pub crawl from concede a penalty. The three points kicker converted. 22-10 was the final frustrating game and we hope to beat depth of strength in the because it is a clear cut result and and women’s sport in general, crews who ‘carbo-loaded’ in Southside Having raced the previous day in the Gunnersbury to Hammersmith after conceded were a wake up call for IC. A score IC 1st XV had won for the first them by the usual margin at Varsity. women’s teams. it is only university level rugby, there is a clear lack of publicity halls. Quintin Head, (without a cox box!) the presentation of medals. A thrilling loose ball kicked was on and chased by time this season a more jubilant rendi- It is very frustrating for I mean I can pay £5 to watch for it. Even in the sports that are All members devoured copious the Senior Women’s 1st VIII managed day for all involved, ICSMBC has truly Flannan O’mahony but he was just un- tion of Silvia has rarely been seen! Man I understand that you have a lot the players that could come Saracens play and the level is publicised and televised, such as amounts of pasta, sweets, cake, and to beat St George’s men but unfortu- raised its game and shows great prom- able to collect it but Tom Carroll was of the Match went to Nick Johnstone. of fixtures to play this half of the up, such as Izzy and Bella, much better. Considering football and rugby, the female popcorn. After the inspirational talks nately weren’t able to beat RUMS in ise of further medals in the future! season - how are you coping with who are both good strong you do get transport as well, equivalent is almost nonexist- and encouragement were delivered, that? players, but there is sim- I guess it’s not that bad. ent. Seeing as hockey itself only the novices crawled into bed to be Well, the Wednesday’s are not really ply not enough space on seems to be in the spotlight come ready for the next day. a problem but if we keep succeeding the women’s first team to Do you think more the Olympics, would you say it is The Women’s 2nd VIII (a crew con- in cup games then Sundays will start bring them along. At of an effort should even worse for women’s hockey? taining two new members, one a nov- filling up. Sundays are always an issue the same time, there be made to create You’re right, there is clearly a lack of ice) had never rowed together before with getting a team together and mak- is not enough player a spectacle of the knowledge, especially for female hock- and therefore set out early Sunday ing sure the energy levels are up! development going other sports. ey, but I think there are people who are morning with their spirits high, hap- on to improve the I think it would be more interested in it than me. For ex- What stages are you at in the cups? pily battling the heavy rain, freezing standard in the Photo by D difficult to do since ample Vicki, who is my vice-captain, is cold and forceful wind with a purpose; In the BUCS cup we are in the 4th lower teams. everyone plays in dif- Argentinian and it is a huge sport over to train to win. round and in ULU cup we are through ferent locations. For there, so she could probably name all Is there As the weather cheered the Gunners- to the quarter-finals. avid Murray hockey I know the players and all the teams out there, bury UL Boathouse filled with anxious noth- we do get and she regularly watches the matches but enthusiastic ICSM supporters, Moving on from the state of play, ing that quite a crowd over the internet. shouting encouragement far louder how is the social side of ICHC? can be done watching I think it really is more of a cultural than any of the other supporters. Great fun - especially this year with to improve this the games, thing. Not many schools play hockey, An interesting start was made by the lots of freshers who have lots of time problem? mainly not many people play it in general Women’s 2nd VIII who raced GKT. and boundless energy! More pitch space would because from a young age therefore they don’t Due to no fault of our crew, the boats be great! It would mean we players know anything about it. The fact that came so close together the launch Any funny stories you want would have more space for start from the sport isn’t really shown in the UK commanded the race to stop and it to share? training since at the moment we will be dif- both would also make matters worse. was decided that the rest of the race Soho Slag has a tenden- have six teams all training on one ferent this time clubs should be finished from that position. cy to end up in Soho pitch. Also having coaches would be around. are Finally, anything you want to say? The girls refused to be distracted and with a certain Men’s great, at the moment we only have the Ladies please come and play hockey, so ploughed on and won all their races 3rd XI player! one coach and he spends his time with Was a shock losing we are lots of fun. Oh and see you in thereafter. the men’s firsts. so many players the union next week for the ACC bar Some absolutely beautiful rowing Moving on from last season night. The theme is quite good as we’ve was observed from the Girls Novice 1st Photo by Tom Roberts from the It was mentioned in last weeks then? got quite a few teams involved in a Ru- VIII who won all their races convinc- hockey club, issue that Sport Imperial have At the start of the season we bik’s Cube type theme. Should be fun! ingly. The fantastic rowing technique of The winning ladies team showing off their medals Alex Johnstone earning another three valuable points for Imperial what do you bought new land in Ealing due to started off with only six players from 38 felix Friday 30 January 2009 Friday 30 January 2009 felix 39 Sport [email protected] [email protected] Sport February is upon us again... Imperial 4ths vs Holloweiii! a laugh. Tom Ward And its not just a race. Oh no! There IC Riding 1st team kicks off Sports league IC 4s march on to ULU Cup quarter finals with run-a-way is a meal afterwards, complete with a This can only mean two things: Hyde party in the union. Style not needed. Team P W D L F A Diff % FI victory at Fortress Harlington against Holloway 4s Park relays and Valentines Day. Unfor- To all these fun events we add about the season well tunately this year they fall on the same 800 foreign students (including some 1 Squash Men's 1st 10 10 0 0 44 6 38 100 5.00 day (14 February, just to spell it out) lovely Italian men for your consump- Chloé Sharrocks formance saw Trisna lying in 6th place Imperial was inevitable. With only the 2 Fencing Men's 1st 7 7 0 0 934 533 401 100 5.00 J. Skeen Magical 1-on1 save, and rejected a 30 yard lightning bolt 9 but since if you are reading this, you tion) and students from other univer- after the dressage. top 3 scores from each team counting, 3 Volleyball Women's 1st 7 7 0 0 14 1 13 100 5.00 Football to highlight another (near) perfect performance. Minus 1 probably go to Imperial, it’s not a hard sities! Men - this means more women! As most students slept through their My horse James & I did not fare so the team results were already decided 4 Tennis Men's 1st 6 6 0 0 51 9 42 100 5.00 Imperial Men’s 4th XI 8 to limit ego. choice really is it? Women - this means less geeky men! 9 o’clock lectures on Wednesday 21st well, finding the photographer partic- and my jumping round was a mere 5 Lacrosse Women's 1st 9 8 0 1 139 31 108 89 4.00 Royal Holloway 4th XI 1 P. Meier Faultless performance at right back. As solid at the back 1 For those of you who haven’t heard of What have you got to lose, apart from January the Imperial College Riding ularly spooky and, like Trisna, I felt I formality. Nevertheless, riding speed- 6 Hockey Men's 1st 8 7 0 1 45 11 34 88 3.88 as dangerous on the break. Paul Scholes’ love child. the Hyde Park relays, it’s a yearly event a few pounds? 1st Team were busy getting ready for would have benefited from being a lat- machine Trio, I managed to jump the 7 Netball 2nd 7 6 0 1 262 134 128 86 3.71 where teams take it in turns to run For the women’s teams you need their first competition of the season. er rider on him to allow him more time only clear round of the IC team. 8 ICSM Netball 3rd 7 6 0 1 227 114 113 86 3.71 M. Southern “Golden Shins” failed to add to his tally for the season 7 round Hyde park, in an attempt to get four runners running 3km each, and Being a home competition at Trent to settle. A disappointing performance With obvious jubilation for winning 9 Squash Men's 2nd 7 6 0 1 23 10 13 86 3.71 James Skeen but produced a number of good tackles. Allowed Hol- the lowest total time. Naturally there for mixed and men’s teams your team Park Equestrian Centre (one stop from saw me lying 10th individually after the our home competition (and thus one 10 Badminton Men's 1st 10 7 2 1 52 28 24 70 3.50 loway a 1v1 play. are prizes - best men’s, best women’s must have six runners running 5km the famous Cockfosters station) the dressage. Thankfully Kathleen Duclos step closer to regional qualification) it 11 ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 4 3 0 1 18 14 4 75 2.75 (ed - For brownie points, can you spot M. Allen 1) Pushed on in the 2nd half (but rarely returned). 3 and the coveted wooden spoons. each. pressure was on the IC riders to per- on Phoebe and our team captain An- was also great to discover the success 12 Fencing Women's 1st 4 3 0 1 524 444 80 75 2.75 the 10 aviation themes in the article?) 2) Limited moaning at the referee. A perfect time to prove how much To register go online to http://www. form their best. dré Wilmes on Smithy rode fabulous of individuals. Kathleen and Trisna 13 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 9 6 1 2 45 17 28 67 2.67 Following the unbeaten run in 2009, 3) Solid running down of the clock. more of a (wo)man you are than your imperialcollegeunion.com/cross- In the dressage phase (aka ballet rounds, with André easily lying in first finished 5th and 6th respectively and 14 Table Tennis Men's 1st 10 7 0 3 114 56 58 70 2.30 ICUAFC 4th XI have shed last year’s M. Greatorex Quality goal to open the onslaught. Involved in at- 9 friends, coursemates, colleagues and country-71/category.html for horses) we were drawn to go first place individually after the dressage. André wowed the other competitors so 15 ICSM Netball 2nd 6 4 0 2 192 117 75 67 2.00 baggage, reclaiming their rightful posi- tacks and causing problems to Holloway’s substandard everyone else. So this February, instead of doing with Trisna Tungadi the first rider in Going into the showjumping we were much that they felt the need to double- 16 Hockey Women's 1st 9 5 1 3 28 22 6 56 1.67 tion at the top of Division 1. With soar- defence. With this short distance even non- something with the one you love (your the arena on our secret weapon Chess. in first place as a team and had high check his very high score before con- 17 Hockey Men's 2nd 8 5 0 3 32 22 10 63 1.63 ing confidence and Holloway failing to hardcore “50 miles a year, not 50 miles hand doesn’t count) come run and have Unfortunately we had been hoping she hopes of success. André was the first firming his individual win. 18 Hockey Men's 3rd 7 3 2 2 15 24 -9 43 1.57 put up little resistance this one was a M. Roshid Always wanting the ball which got him on the end of a 8 a week” people can have a go and have a laugh in Hyde park! would be the last rider on him as, ever IC rider to jump and one pole down After disappointment in previous 19 Basketball Women's 1st 7 4 0 3 326 309 17 57 1.14 truly one sided game. Deen pass, and finished by casualy skinning the keeper the exuberant horse, Chess goes better left him briefly concerned until he saw years at the home competitions, it was 20 Badminton Women's 1st 10 5 1 4 46 34 12 50 1.10 It was Holloway, however, who drew to put one in the onion bag. the more time there is to wear him out! the other riders on Dan also suffer sim- great to see IC Riding back on top form 21 Badminton Men's 2nd 6 2 2 2 24 24 0 33 1.00 first blood with an early goal ten min- M. Smith Didn’t shoot all game which dramatically reduced the 8 Sadly he remained as lively as ever, not ilar fates. Good rounds from Trisna on and we now have high hopes for our 22 Hockey Men's 4th 5 2 1 2 12 20 -8 40 0.80 utes into the game where a sliced cross total number of throw-ins and goal kicks compared to helped by someone scaring him mo- Charm and Kathleen (who managed to remaining two competitions before the 23 ICSM Football Men's 1st 8 4 0 4 12 17 -5 50 0.50 from a man who had slipped under the usual. ments before they went in to do their put aside her nerves of falling off the regional qualifying teams are decided 24 Rugby Union Men's 3rd 8 4 0 4 163 164 -1 50 0.50 radar crept in at the back post. J. Hill Good game and a class goal, but highlighted for the ri- 1 test. Nevertheless, an admirable per- big jumping Abbey) meant a win for in the near future. 25 Squash Men's 3rd 6 3 0 3 11 9 2 50 0.50 However Imperial controlled the re- diculous comment about the cup run being like Eminem, 26 Basketball Men's 1st 6 3 0 3 432 412 20 50 0.50 mainder of the half and Deen, recently “One chance, one opportunity.”. 27 Fencing Men's 2nd 6 3 0 3 722 690 32 50 0.50 compared to Diego Tristan, steadily SBM Photographic (http://www.sbmphotographic.co.uk) 28 Squash Women's 1st 9 1 5 3 15 25 -10 11 0.33 built towards a remarkable average of A. Childs Looking to attack the hole at the back door and get in be- 5 29 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 11 5 0 6 217 240 -23 45 0.09 2 goals per game netting a first half hind helpless defenders. Looked dangerous off the ball. 30 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 2nd 9 4 0 5 123 143 -20 44 0.00 hat-trick. R. Collins Right footed wonder volley, and made Holloway question 9 31 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 6 2 1 3 16 19 -3 33 0.00 Mamzi, Marc and Rich also pro- whether to play with two left backs to quell the threat. 32 Tennis Men's 2nd 6 2 1 3 27 33 -6 33 0.00 duced goals straight from the top 33 Football Men's 1st 7 2 1 4 13 18 -5 29 -0.57 drawer, adding their names to the rap- D. Bakare Another 4 goals to take his taller to 8 in 4 games. 10 34 Volleyball Men's 1st 8 3 0 5 7 10 -3 38 -0.63 Deeeaaannnooo!!! idly growing score sheet. Imperial fin- 35 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 3rd 8 3 0 5 98 179 -81 38 -0.63 ished the first half a staggering 6-1 up C. Mcilwham Produced the worst shot in recorded history which could 2 36 Football Men's 2nd 6 2 0 4 14 23 -9 33 -1.00 against Holloway. (R. Collins, 45) have taken the score to 9-1. 37 Tennis Women's 1st 7 2 0 5 26 44 -18 29 -1.43 Captain Jeremy painted a debonair J. Turcaud Usual French flair, combined with much theatrics and 8 38 Football Women's 1st 7 2 0 5 10 25 -15 29 -1.43 portrait on the touchline as his tactical (M. Roshid, 45) complaining to the officials. 39 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 1st 11 3 0 8 209 308 -99 27 -1.55 decisions, which have been previously 40 ICSM Netball 1st 10 2 1 7 254 362 -108 20 -1.60 criticised for the way he throws subs J. Lovett If he’d used the conventional 4-4-2 it would have been a 1 41 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 8 2 0 6 13 12 1 25 -1.75 on at half-time, paid dividends as fresh (Manager) cricket score. Predictable subs lacked inspiration. 42 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 5 1 0 4 7 16 -9 20 -2.20 legs on the wings from French Jeremy 43 Netball 3rd 6 1 0 5 62 204 -142 17 -2.50 and Ciaran continued to cause their 44 Football Men's 3rd 6 1 0 5 11 25 -14 17 -2.50 full backs (one nicknamed ‘Ghandi’, 45 Lacrosse Men's 1st 7 1 0 6 40 93 -53 14 -2.71 presumably because he too was shit at goal fest, ending the game 8-1. als, IC 4s believe they have the strength 46 Hockey Women's 2nd 7 1 0 6 6 32 -26 14 -2.71 football) problems. With the January transfer window and depth to really take off in this high- 47 ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 7 1 0 6 12 23 -11 14 -2.71 Johnny Hill and Deen added to the set to close and a number of new arriv- ly competitive cup. Cornish beasting out 5km in last years epic HPR (final time of 23.01) 48 Rugby Union Men's 4th 7 1 0 6 78 300 -222 14 -2.71 49 Rugby Union Men's 1st 11 1 0 10 114 380 -266 9 -3.18 50 ICSM Badminton Women's 1st 9 0 1 8 10 63 -53 0 -3.33 51 Netball 1st 7 0 0 7 137 271 -134 0 -4.00 in association with Sports Partnership 52 ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 5 0 0 5 3 32 -29 0 -4.00 53 Table Tennis Women's 1st 4 0 0 4 3 12 -9 0 -4.00 Fixtures & Results 54 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 4 0 0 4 0 12 -12 0 -4.00 Saturday 24th January Women’s 1st 0-4 University of Kent 1st Football Rugby Hockey 55 Rugby Union Women's 1st 1 0 0 1 0 80 -80 0 -4.00 ULU Men’s 2s ULU vs LSE 1s ULU Women’s 1s ULU vs Royal Holloway 1s Men’s 1st vs Canterbury Christ Church Uni The white horse manages to clear the fence with ease Football Men’s 5s ULU 3-2 UCL 5s ULU Men’s 2s ULU vs RUMS 1s ULU 1st ULU Cup Men’s 3s ULU vs King’s College 1s ULU Tennis Men’s 2nd vs King’s Medicals 2nd Men’s 1s 2-5 LSE 1s Hockey Men’s 4s ULU vs LSE 5s ULU Women’s 1st vs LSE 1st Men’s 3rd vs Royal Holloway 2nd Crossword No. 1,422 Answers to: [email protected] Men’s 4s 8-1 Royal Holloway 4s Men’s 3rd vs Royal Vets 1st Men’s 5s ULU vs LSE 4s ULU Men’s 4th vs University of Portsmouth 4th BUCS Cup Men’s 6s ULU vs Imperial Medicals 3s ULU Monday 2nd February Women’s 1st vs Brunel University 2nd 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Lacrosse Women’s 1st 4-4 RUMS 1st Men’s 7s ULU vs RSM 1s ULU Women’s 2nd 1-1 RUMS 2nd Across Down Men’s 1st 5-15 University of Hertfordshire 1st ULU ULU Cup Netball 9 10 Men’s 1s ULU 4-2 Imperial Medicals 1s ULU Men’s 5s vs Royal Vets 1s Women’s 2s ULU vs Uni of the Arts London 1s ULU Netball 9 Tiger seen roaming the desert (9) 1 x or •, for instance (1,4,2,3,5) Sunday 25th January Women’s 2s ULU 1-1 RUMS 2s ULU Men’s 6s vs Heythrop College 1s ULU Cup Women’s 1st vs Canterbury Christ Church Uni 1st 10 Military organization linked to 2 Brutish oaf once pursued editorship, Volleyball Women’s 1s vs RUMS 1s Women’s 2nd vs LSE 3rd popular television show characteristic bringing together the top characters BUCS Tournament Lacrosse Tennis Women’s 3rd vs University of Reading 4th 11 12 of Arab country (5) who worked on Vanity Fair (8) Men’s 1st 2-0 UCL 1st Men’s 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st Women’s 1st vs Brunel University 1st Squash 11 Fancy type of party thrown together 3 Retinue returns, come together (5) Men’s 1st 1-2 University of Essex 1st Women’s 1st 26-0 University of Kent 1st ULU Cup Rugby for formerly petrified woman (7) 4 Angels spare him being disfigured (8) Women’s 1st 2-1 UCL 1st Sunday 1st February Women’s 1s vs RUMS 1s Men’s 1st vs Imperial Medicals 1st 12 Those not involved with the church 5 Can excite the Queen’s husband – so Behold. Women’s 1st 2-0 University of Reading 1st Rugby Women’s 2s vs St George’s 1s Men’s 2nd vs University of Essex 1st 13 14 cover up a fraud using as few words I hear (6) Men’s 1st 22-10 Oxford University Greyhounds Basketball Men’s 3rd vs Imperial Medicals 3rd as possible (7) 6 Because sleep produces the most Enoch 13 Instrument homeless people have at truthful... (6) Monday 26th January Men’s 2nd 0-36 St Barts 1st Men’s 1s ULU vs Royal Holloway Men’s 1s ULU Wednesday 4th February Men’s 4th vs University of Portsmouth 4th 15 Netball Men’s 3rd 27-3 University of Sussex 2nd heart (4) 7 ...body of work, requiring new, 14 Accompanied Charon across the original, explosive device (6) Women’s 1s ULU 14-52 UCL 1s ULU Fencing Badminton Squash 16 17 18 Women’s 3s ULU 15-10 King’s College 4s ULU Squash Women’s 1st vs University of Cambridge 1st Men’s 2nd vs University of Surrey 1st Men’s 2nd vs UCL 2nd receding deep (10) 8 Approximate timing of a third hymn Solution to crossword 1421 Women’s 1st vs UCL 1st BUCS Tournament Men’s 3rd vs University of Kent 2nd 16 The more confusing type of throws off internal clock (9,6) N U I S A N C E S M A R I S Water Polo BUCS Cup Women’s 1st vs University of Bristol 1st Basketball mathematical statement (7) 15 Parliaments without leaders run off O R T O C O O T 17 Word of praise? (7) the tracks set down for them (9) A B O V O U P H O L S T E R Mixed 1s ULU 20-2 UCL 2s ULU Men’s 1st 4-1 University of Sussex 1st Men’s 1st vs Canterbury Christ Church Uni 1st Tennis 19 20 21 22 Men’s 2nd 3-2 Imperial College 3rd Hockey Women’s 1st vs Thames Valley University 1st Men’s 1st vs Brunel University 1st 19 Study of life-forms strikes gloomy 17 Mahogany-floored celebration of H N N P I I A H Men’s 3s ULU vs St Barts 2s ULU BUCS Cup note (10) New Year’s Eve (8) A C I L L E S T E N D O N Wednesday 28th January 23 U N E M R R G Badminton Volleyball ULU Cup Football Men’s 2nd vs University of Surrey 2nd 22 In the Middle East, Iran will instigate 18 Looking out for gin and tonic with a I R R I G A T E R E V E R E Men’s 1st 2-6 Brunel University 1st Men’s 1st 2-0 UCL 1st Men’s 1s vs King’s Medicals 1s Men’s 1st vs Roehampton University Mens 1st action (4) twist (8) 24 25 N T S C S S Women’s 1st 4-4 UCL 1st Men’s 2s vs Goldsmiths 1s Men’s 2nd vs University of Hertfordshire 3rd 24 Slowly approaching central tenet 20 Add to the end a way of approaching Volleyball C H A M P S C H E S S S E T Women’s 1s vs St George’s 1s Men’s 3rd vs Imperial Medicals 2nd Women’s 2nd vs King’s College 1st found in ancient spiritual text (7) situations (4,2) U I A O O O C Women’s 1st vs University of Surrey 1st 25 Support structure found in any 21 Inheritance caged up, reduced in Fencing Saturday 31st January Lacrosse B A N A N A R E P U B L I C Men’s 2nd vs Royal Holloway 1st Women’s 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st Men’s 5s ULU vs LSE 5s ULU disorganized state (7) size and held by lawyers selling their Fencing 26 27 A D B P E R I BUCS Tournament Men’s 6s ULU vs SOAS 2s ULU 26 To bring forth emotions is acceptable wares (6) T R I L O B I T E R A C E S Football Women’s 1st vs Oxford University 1st Men’s 7s ULU vs St Barts 3 ULU in the evening (5) 23 A loud indication to cut dynamite E N R T R U L B BUCS Cup Women’s 1st vs University of Kent 1st 27 Bird makes loud indication in easy short and duck (5) S A N T A S I S Y P H E A N situation (9) Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felix sport High resolution photos only Photo by Tom Roberts Rugby 1sts win atICURFC’s talentlast! and determination finally pays dividends as they outperform Oxford Greyhounds at Harlington.

would be one of those days, but for the Rugby first time this season IC heads didn’t fall. A good chase from the kickoff and Imperial Men’s 1st XV 22 sustained pressure produced mistakes Oxford Greyhounds 1st XV 10 from Oxford giving IC a penalty which Alex Johnstone kindly slotted. The first half carried on much the Nicholas Johnstone same way with great pressure from IC keeping their opposition firmly in their It was a bleak grey day at Harlington half. Oxford’s saving grace was the boot and IC were in high hopes for the New of their fly half pinning IC back when Year after an upsetting first term not they got possession. When IC kicked recording a single win. It was the re- the chase was strong even from more turn game of their heaviest defeat in unlikely members of the team, prop Joe 2008 against top of the league Oxford Sanders chasing his own hack through University Greyhounds. Pre-game the and winning a penalty. The pressure focus was high and the tension mas- gave IC three more kickable penalties sive, silencing the changing room. in the first half, all neatly put away. In- IC would receive the kick off and discipline from Oxford in their own 22 instantly the nerves showed, letting gave IC a penalty on their 5m line. The Oxford retrieve the ball. Poor com- excitement got the better of the IC fly munication in defence saw the Oxford half Joe Brown who took the decision number 8 run in under the posts in the first two minutes. It looked like it Continued on page 36

Trapmore’s ‘Detox-Row’ cleanses crews Christina Duffy tina Matteotti & Chloe Symmonds). ample time for the classic-mistake- Cox Fieldman was initially dubious is thanks to Capital T’s foresight and The transfer from men’s to women’s stockpile to be exhausted. about the visit but was relieved to dis- avant-garde tactics that there remains Quintin Head 2009: It was a risky boats had Fieldman struggling to make Imperial I under the management cover that he was a few inches taller only skill, prowess and savvy rowing move but Trapmore was confident the calls; “That’s good boys, eh, I mean of Cox Reddy came third in 14:06.8 than Lucy; a first for Henry at the club. manoeuvres within club members to short term losses would result in long girls… Whatever, just row”. behind University of Bristol in second Trapmore’s manly reputation may be utilise on race days. With the row- term gains. Quintin Head was ICBC’s They came third (14:24.9) behind (14:05.0) and Emanuel School in first slightly tainted after being spotted car- ing toxins purged and sarcasm levels first head race of the year and was the boat house neighbours Thames RC in (13:56.5) in the novice (N) category. rying ‘Monkey’ and a miniture pink reaching new heights, normal winning designated purification race where all second (14:29.2) and the overall WS2 Imperial II were coxed by Kate Wylie umbrella around the gym. However it operations will now resume. bad form was cleared out of storage winners City of Oxford (14:19.8). and came an impressive 11th in the and released in a total squad spring Pressure has been on the women’s same category (16:15.3), truly ridding cleaning. squad this year with seats hotly con- themselves of all rowing afflictions. International coaches concede that tested for the Women’s Head of the There were even rumours of an early rowing detoxs are harmless but ques- River in March. Their ability to follow crab, but that may have just been fod- tion the value of a ‘Detox-Row’ due to through the guidelines of the ‘Detox- der generated to impress coaching lack of supporting factual evidence. Row’ is a credit to all involved. staff. ‘New-age’ or ‘Alternative’ rowing is Temptations to perform well and The ‘Detox-Row’ was deemed a huge a relatively new concept but ICBC is dominate the race were brushed aside success and ICBC’s inadequate-rowing keen to keep it’s finger on the pulse of in true ICBC spirit. reserve was severely depleted over the modern rowing. Crews were quick to The three novice boats were all suit- 4km race from Hammersmith to Chis- adapt to the system displaying poor ably dissatisfied with their execution of wick Bridge. rock-over, short strokes, late catches rowing. The novice women narrowly Following the bismal performances and lack of rhythm. escaped being coxed by Officer Duffy, all crews reported improved health, The three racing crews masterfully a predicament which may have per- energy, vitality, resistance to disease, fulfilled the brief and finished down manently ended website race reports. mental state, digestion as well as a no- the field with the highest result of the Luckily the weathered hands of Libby ticed improvement in weight loss. day third in WS2 and N. Richards took control of the steering Stroke Louise Hart was even exhib- ‘Viper’ Fieldman coxed the senior and cruised to a solid sixth place fin- iting signs of a new maternal instinct women’s 8+ (Louise Hart, Rachael Dav- ishing (17:11.2) behind winners King- after spotting Trapette Lucy at training ies, Ellie Dorman, Erica Thompson, ston Grammar School (16:33.6). the following morning; “Aw… I can’t Stef Menashe, Clarice Chung, Chris- The almost 40 second deficit was wait to have children.” WS2 8+ prepare to boat