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Q32 How Attitudes Toward Sexuality Have Changed

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A Survey of the Modern Orthodox Jewish Community in the United States September 2017 Responses to Q32. How have your attitudes toward sexuality chanGed over the past few years? (This followed Q31, which asked if the respondent’s attitudes toward sexuality had changed over the past few years, in terms of their knowledge, personal expectations, etc.; this was asked of those who responded “Yes.”) A NOTE ON ANONYMITY: The responses are presented verbatim, without corrections of spelling or grammar. We value respondents’ anonymity very highly and treat it with the greatest respect and caution. To that end, all potentially identifying information (such as names of cities, shuls, rabbis, or other information that might identify a respondent) has been edited for purposes of anonymity [edits may be indicated by square brackets]. Please contact Nishma Research if you have any questions or comments on this matter. • More respectful of the wide variety of experiences of • I just learned more I think others • I got married; for obvious reasons as somebody that • Much moe tolerant of LBGQT didn't have premarital sex that changed everything! • Awareness of sexuality as more of a spectrum and • They have become more realistic. I also have to thank less binary Batsheva Marcus and Joy of Text and my sexual • Grappling with same sex relationships due to the fact dysfunction doctor who helped me with issues that some of our friends' children are in those pertaining to painful intercourse. relationships • drastically increased acceptance of LGBTQ individuals • More cognizant of transgender & LGBT issues. + attitudes • More accepting of my sexuality and others • Much more open to physical intimacy outside marriage • I got married • I discovered I was gay • As someone who became more religious recently, I have developed a slightly more traditional view of • Halakhah and shomer negiah were not designed for sexuality recently. singles in their thirties. Developing an ethical approach to intimate physical activity outside the • More conservative personally. scope of halakhah is an important part of my • I strongly believe that the Torah is the only guide for a adulthood. Jew to live a truly meaningful life, including all its Become more liberal restrictions on sexual activity. • - more sensitively. as a husband, it was important to • I have become more open and accepting of other me to recognize that it was difficult from my wife to people's sexual identity but as a cohen I personally go from "0 to 100" with little guidance/awareness have challenges with the young modern orthodox and specifically in terms of feeling that such acts are community. As someone who is observant the topic now allowed in marriage of sexuality can make dating more challanging. • More open to people's ideas and what they want to • Become more liberal. do • I have become more open to diverse human sexuality • Better understanding of gay Jews • Being married has taught me many new things! • Tzinut, humility, shomer negiah • I have learned more about hilchot niddah through a chavruta and that has changed my views on how I • just with aging I have learned more plan to keep taharat mishpacha. • I am more accepting of gay individuals • I have taken the opportunity to be exposed to more • Learned about a gay person viewpoints on sexuality than I had in my Jewish day • more open and informed school and have thus been able to grow in my • Much more open to homosexuality as a reality understanding of others' experiences. • I have become more accepting of people with • More stringent different orientations or who express their sexuality • I learned hilchos niddah b'iyun. more openly than I do – 1 – • More nonchalant • Moved away from yeshivish ideas and toward • I've become more secure with with own judgment modern, practical, biological ideas • As an 30 year old single in the Jewish community I • Not as judgey about same sex couples look back on the way shomer negiah was taught and • More open to gays. enforced in my community with a mix of horror and • Sexuality is an important part of our lives, even before shame. We do not cultivate healthy conversations marriage. There was very little discussion of sexuality around sexuality and the expressions thereof in and the anatomy of my body which left me feeling general and especially not for those who are single. unprepared to understand those topics. I do not think • I've become much more open to physical sexuality should be a taboo topic and that the relationships outside of the context of marriage and Orthodox community needs to make an effort to have stopped being shomer negiah. discuss these issues more openly. • Understanding and Including transgender individuals • much more open to sexuality as a spectrum and not into our lives one way or another • As I have gotten older it has been something that I • My attitude is more liberal. have both had to think about and has been more part • It's amazing how your understanding of the world can of conversations. I think that sex was not spoken expand when you educate yourself by taking the time about in high school, but once one is finished with to listen to a wide range of viewpoints and college it is part of the conversation with regards to experiences, both inside and outside the Orthodox dating- even if it is not a public conversation. and Jewish world. • knowledge • I have come to realize that sexuality is an important • I've learned more about feminism, intersectionality, part of my life, even before marriage. There is not masculinity, homophobia, misogyny, and have vowed enough discussion about sexuality and the anatomy to play an active role in disrupting sexism and of the body. This left me feeling naive and discrimination against LGBTQI community members. unprepared to deal with these issues. I am a bug • As I entered into my late 20's and early 30's, I stopped advocate for ending the taboo on these topics and being "shomer negiyah" privately when in a serious discussing them more openly in the Orthodox relationship. I am also very supportive of LGBT rights community. and specifically, Orthodox shuls welcoming LGBT • I discovered after I got married that I had a sexual members fully. This is due to the experience of having pain disorder. Thankfully things have gotten much a few close friends coming out as gay over the past better, but this was something that I had never heard few years, which pushed me from being hesitantly of was totally unprepared for. It took me a long time open to LGBT rights to being fully supportive. to understand what was happening to me and led to • More open to LGBTQ. Less judgemental of older me losing trust in my body for a while. I wished this singles being sexually active. was something that my kallah teacher could have made me aware of, because I've learned that this is • I no longer believe in sex outside of marriage (and, as actually fairly common and that there's a community such, stopped having it) of women who have gone through this. It would have • I support lgbqt rights, even though I believe this helped me to have been aware of this possibility perspective incompatible with torah before I got married, and also would have helped me • Its just more complicated and less ascetic than I feel less stigmatized. thought • Much more comfortable talking about sex in all • I have only been sexually active since my wedding 2 settings. years ago. I was surprised to find a sex-positive • From an opinion very critical of gay Jews who identify attitude in Judaism and learned about it during my as Orthodox to one of understanding that there is kallah classes. My relationship with mikvah is more little choice in sexuality (different opion re: gender), positive than I expected it to be, but my relationship and most would chose to be heterosexual if possible. with the harchakot and the yemim nekiyim is more Would like to see them accepted in shuls, but must negative than I expected. When I have questions I ask appreciate that it is still deeply complicated. a Maharat, or use the nishmat website, but the Maharat is not in my shul. – 2 – • I am very recently married, so I went from an • I became a doctor. I'm not scared of female anatomy immature view of basic avoidance to acceptance and anymore. enjoyment • my nephew is gay - opened up my mind • Got married • More accepting of homosexuals • I think it is a part of a person that needs to be • More strict controlled in a healthy manner. • Dealing with boys going through puberty • I've developed a more open-minded view as my • I look at sexuality through a Jewish lens and experience getting to know other people from other appreciate the family purity laws. walks of life and their perspectives. • Open to acceptance of homosexuality in modern I got married, so I have personal experience. • synnagogues • Become more exploration and encouraged spouse to • Different strokes for different folks do the same • Accept homosexual-lesbian self definition • Toward my own sexual needs, in the context of getting older and having children. • Not clear what you are asking for in this question. I will say that I have always been LGBTQ excepting and • Less restrictive a la my super-yeshivish kalla teacher. embracing. I am an Orthodox mother of a gay son and • I've become more halachically oriented I am fully open and embracing about it and him. • I have become very concerned that we are too • Much less opinionated modest in our discussions of sexuality.
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