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JEWISH SUBCULTURES ONLINE: OUTREACH, DATING, AND MARGINALIZED COMMUNITIES ______

A Thesis

Presented to the

Faculty of

California State University, Fullerton ______

In Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements for the Degree

Master of Arts

in

American Studies ______

By

Rachel Sara Schiff

Thesis Committee Approval:

Professor Leila Zenderland, Chair Professor Terri Snyder, Department of American Studies Professor Carrie Lane, Department of American Studies

Spring, 2016

ABSTRACT

This thesis explores how Jewish individuals use and create communities online to enrich their . The Internet provides who do not fit within their brick and mortar communities an outlet that gives them voice, power, and sometimes anonymity. They use these websites to balance their Jewish identities and other personal identities that may or may not fit within their local Jewish community. This research was conducted through analyzing a broad range of websites.

The first chapter, the introduction, describes the Jewish American population as a whole as well as the history of the Internet. The second chapter, entitled “The Black Hats of the Internet,” discusses how the Orthodox community has used the Internet to create a modern approach to outreach. It focuses in particular on the extensive web materials created by and Aish Hatorah, which offer surprisingly modern twists on traditional texts. The third chapter is about Jewish online dating. It uses JDate and other secular websites to analyze how Jewish singles are using the Internet. This chapter also suggests that the use of the Internet may have an impact on reducing interfaith .

The fourth chapter examines marginalized communities, focusing on the following:

Jewrotica; the Jewish LGBT community including those who are “OLGBT” (Orthodox

LGBT); Punk Jews; and feminist Jews. The conclusion explores the impact of the

Internet on the Jewish idea of “kehilla” (community). The use of the Internet has moved the Jewish community beyond brick and mortar buildings.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABSTRACT ...... ii

LIST OF TABLES ...... v

LIST OF FIGURES ...... vi

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ...... vii

Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION ...... 1

Who is “Jewish”? ...... 3 Communal Jewish Life in America in the Wake of ...... 7 The History of the Computer ...... 12 Creating Jewish Communities on the Internet ...... 14

2. THE BLACK HATS OF THE INTERNET ...... 16

Chabad: History of the Movement...... 19 Education and Outreach Online: Chabad.org and Chabad.com ...... 22 Chabad’s Visual and Auditory Media ...... 27 Chabad’s Engagement ...... 27 Aish Hatorah ...... 29 Aish: History of the Movement ...... 31 Outreach and Education through Online Texts...... 31 Aish’s Visual and Auditory Media ...... 33 Aish’s Engagement ...... 38 Chabad and Aish Together ...... 42

3. DIGITAL ATTRACTION IN A WORLD WIDE WEB ...... 45

Fear: A Result of Assimilation ...... 49 Online Dating: An Intervention ...... 54 Assessing the Results of Internet Dating ...... 66

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4. ONLINE JEWISH SUBCULTURES ...... 71

Jewrotica: Positioning Sexual Conversation in Orthodox Jewish Communities . 74 Punk Boots Find Jewish Roots ...... 84 Sharing a Bed with Jewish Traditions: LGBT Jewish Communities ...... 93 Voices that Carry: Jewish and Online Communities ...... 100 Understanding Subcultures ...... 107

5. CONCLUSION: THE ONLINE JEWISH LANDSCAPE ...... 109

BIBLIOGRAPHY ...... 118

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LIST OF TABLES

Table Page

1. Table of Intermarriage ...... 67

v

LIST OF FIGURES

Figure Page

1. Party Rock Anthem Lyrics and Parody ...... 36

2. Logo from Jewrotica website ...... 79

3. Comparason of The Sex Pistols logo with Punk podcast logo ...... 89

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to acknowledge both Robin and Dan Schiff (my parents) for the encouragement they gave me to follow my religious curiosity and to pursue my graduate degree, and for continually reminding me that I must finish what I start. It goes without saying that my Jewish roots would not exist without them. My grandparents, Tzvi and

Malca Schiff and Beatrice and David Danker, have all passed. Although they cannot read this, they were an important part of my discoveries and upbringing and for that I will never forget them. Brett Francis Poirier, your constant encouragement and “hounding” has allowed me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are my rock. Jackie Menter allowed me to battle and bounce Jewish communal ideas and discussions off of her for the greater part of a decade. Natalie Wong, I thank you for being you always and for making sure I did not settle for an education that did not cater to my personal curiosity. I also thank Drew Kaplan and Rabbi Yonah Bookstein for guiding my understanding of Torah and creating a local Jewish community I could attend. To my thesis advisors, Dr. Carrie Lane and Dr. Terri Snyder, I appreciate all of your assistance and suggestions. The knowledge you provided me would fill pages that I have yet to be able to write. Lastly, and most especially, thank you Dr. Leila Zenderland. Without your countless hours assisting me in writing and helping me with my vision, I would not have grown academically. In addition, you have helped me grow as a person. I still cannot believe one human being can edit for so long and with such stamina. I attribute my

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completion of the graduate program to your persistence. What seems humanly impossible for one to do, you have done. You are a female mensch in every sense of the word.

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1

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

When one thinks about , the computer does not come to the forefront of one’s mind. It seems like an odd pairing. This oddity is actually a pairing that is reshaping the way the Jewish American population views community. The Internet is redefining community in the 21st century in ways never before possible. are using the Internet to connect to one another on various levels. While the Internet has become a global phenomenon, the American Jewish community is specifically finding its own ways to interact with technology in order to gain access to people and ideas beyond a local region. This thesis will explore how the Jewish community interacts with the

Internet.

This topic holds a particular fascination for me due to my own family history as well as my love for technology. My is from Brooklyn, New York. My father is from , . They met at a Jewish singles dance in Norwalk, California on

Christmas Eve. Glendora, where I lived and my parents still reside, is a small suburb of

Los Angeles. During my formative years, it did not have an overwhelming mix of religions and races. Even today, only one percent of the population in Glendora is

Jewish.1 Throughout my childhood, I lived with a sense of being the “other,” someone

1 "Glendora, California Religion." Sperling's Best Places. Accessed April 07, 2016. http://www.bestplaces.net/religion/city/california/glendora.

2 who did not fit in well with my Mormon and Catholic friends on a cultural or religious level. At the age of 16, I was using America Online (AOL) to communicate with other

Jewish individuals in my age demographic. I saw it as an opportunity to communicate with other Jews. The computer allowed me to supplement a community I did not have contact with in my particular location. I met people online: in chat rooms, emails, and private messages. Soon, my online meetings transformed into face-to-face communication. I met my first “serious” boyfriend online and his handle name included the words “JewBoy.” Over 18 years later, I see that connecting Jewishness with computers was a response to my strong desire to find a Jewish community that did not exist in the proximity within which I was allowed to drive my car.

By 2002, I had become the president of Hillel Jewish Student Union at California

State University, Fullerton.2 Still in a location without a large Jewish community (only 4 percent of CSUF undergraduates are Jewish), I needed to find a way to create outreach and an awareness that we had a Jewish presence on campus.3 Simultaneously, MySpace and Facebook were growing in popularity and building a wide community of users. I found myself using these tools to cast a wider net to Jewish students who, like me, were in search of a community.

My love of technology and desire for community have led me to ask a lot of questions. Most recurring are the questions, “Has the internet changed how the Jewish community interacts with itself and others? If so, will the use of the internet change the

2 "History of Hillel." Accessed March 10, 2016. http://www.hillel.org/about/hillel-story.

3 " . "California State University, Fullerton." College Guide. Accessed April 07, 2016. http://www.hillel.org/college-guide/list/record/california-state-university--fullerton.

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Jewish American narrative and provide a solution to some of the community’s anxieties about the Jewish population?” I do not believe that definitive answers to these questions will be found in my lifetime. It will, however, probably be clearer in two generations how the Internet has impacted subcultural groups. Generation X and Generation Y populated the “frontier” of online (although not specifically Jewish) communities. This thesis explores the value and cultural anxieties of present-day American Judaism and its relationship with the Internet. It also evaluates how the Jewish community uses online resources to compensate for what their brick and mortar communities cannot accomplish on as profound a level without the Internet.

Who is “Jewish”?

Jewish communities exist all over the world, and each is unique. The Internet has allowed these communities to expand, providing a Jewish individual with more cultural and religious outlets than ever before. Defining Judaism—and deciding who is

“Jewish”—are not easy tasks. There are different levels of religious practice as well as different rules that particular denominations acknowledge as Jewish. Within these different denominations of Judaism, there are different layers of observance. There are complex religious and cultural issues that make the Jewish community hard to stereotype because there are always deviations. That being acknowledged, the five largest identifiable groups within American Judaism today are as follows: Reform,

Reconstructionist, Conservative, Orthodox, and secular.

The Reform movement came from Europe. It was formed in the early 1800s and came to America in the 1840s. This movement “reformed” traditional Jewish values, straying originally from Jewish rituals, but later in the century returning to some of them.

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“By 1880, more than 90 percent of American [identified as] Reform.”4 These synagogues are now the religious homes of 35 percent of the Jews in America.5

The Reconstructionist movement is the smallest group of organized Jewish thinkers. Founded in 1922 by in New York, it believed in a more progressive approach to Judaism. Kaplan founded a movement that believed in modernity and encouraged Jewish thinking while adapting it to American culture. “[Kaplan’s]

Reconstructionism sought to promote a blending of American and Jewish values.”6

Unlike the other sects of Judaism, the Reconstructionist movement heavily focuses on the merging of two identities, American and Jewish.

The Conservative movement, created in the 1940s, was designed to use English to make a “big-tent” for Judaism and . More traditional than the Reform movement, it was more focused on rituals and cultural norms and allowed for some prohibitions such as separate seating by sex and following laws of .7 This movement today does not follow these rituals, but still uses much more English than the

Orthodox movement in prayer. According to Lawrence Grossman in “The Birth of

Conservative Judaism,” in 1990 “43 percent of -affiliated households in the

United States identified themselves as Conservative, making it the largest branch of

4 ": The Origins of Reform Judaism." . Accessed March 15, 2016. http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/The_Origins_of_Reform_Judaism.html.

5 "A Portrait of Jewish Americans." Pew Research Centers Religion Public Life Project RSS. 2013. Web. 10 Mar. 2016. Accessed March 15, 2016. http://www.pewforum.org/2015/08/26/a-portrait-of-american- orthodox-jews/.

6 "Reconstructionist Judaism: The Fourth Denomination." My Jewish Learning. Web. 10 Mar. 2016. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/reconstructionist-judaism-the-fourth-denomination/.

7 Kashrut refers to dietary laws found in Leviticus.

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American Judaism. By 2000 the figure was 33 percent, dropping the movement into second place behind Reform.”8 The Conservative movement has continued to decline; by

2013, it claimed 18 percent of the American Jewish population.9

The most traditional and conservative of these movements is the Orthodox.. The

Jewish Orthodox population percentage in America is small. One in every ten Jews is

Orthodox.10 The Orthodox movement has many subgroups; they are different movements within an umbrella term “Orthodox.” Many Orthodox communities have similarities in

America. They follow traditional values, practice Jewish rituals, and observe the Jewish day of rest (the Sabbath). Today many also lean towards the Republican Party because of its strong support for Israel and opposition to homosexuality. Orthodox Jewish sects are sometimes colloquially described by their “black hats,” since they are known for their dark suits and black head coverings. Both men and especially women dress modestly and typically follow Jewish dietary laws. Some of the most commonly known Orthodox movements or schools in America are Chabad, , and Aish Hatorah.

A stark contrast from the Orthodox community, the secular movement describes itself with labels like “secular and Jewish” or “Just Jewish.” For the sake of my research, as well attempting to be consistent with other studies, the label “Jewish” will be used in referring to persons who identify with any of these groups. The definition adopted in

8 "Jewish Ideas Daily." The Birth of . Web. 10 Mar. 2016. http://www.jewishideasdaily.com/4426/features/the-birth-of-conservative-judaism/.

9 "A Portrait of Jewish Americans." Pew Research Centers Religion Public Life Project RSS. 2013. Web. 10 Mar. 2016. http://www.pewforum.org/2013/10/01/jewish-american-beliefs-attitudes-culture-survey/

10 "A Portrait of American Orthodox Jews." Pew Research Centers Religion Public Life Project RSS. 2015. Accessed March 10, 2016. http://www.pewforum.org/2015/08/26/a-portrait-of-american-orthodox-jews/.

6 most of the research I have found is a “self identified .” Neusner, the author of

American Judaism: Adventure in Modernity, explains, “the common people continue to regard [themselves] as quintessentially ‘Jewish,’” and carry important Jewish formative values. Because many of these people identify values as “Jewish” and do not find the need to observe Jewish rituals, “the least powerful and least effective figure is the rabbi.”11 This means that people who attach themselves to the mores, culture, or traditions of the Jewish people are grouped in this study as part of the Jewish community.12 The attachment to the Jewish label does not have to derive from a religious identity, merely a cultural one.

The American Jewish community can be described not only by sect but by location. These locations have a lot to do with what types of Jewish communities exist as well as their population. Adult Jews make up approximately 1.8 percent of the American population (roughly 7.1 million Jews). They are most densely populated in New York, which has an estimated 973,600 Jews in the state, making this state roughly 6.3 percent

Jewish. New Jersey has 314,400 Jews (4.6 percent) and Massachusetts 199,400 Jews (3.8 percent), followed by Florida (3.4 percent) and Maryland (3.2 percent). The 2 percent range is found in California, Connecticut, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. The rest of the country falls under the two percent mark.13

11Jacob Neusner, "Holy Man." In American Judaism: Adventure in Modernity (New York: KTAV, 1978) 35-60.

12 Jonathan D. Sarna, "Jewishness without Judaism." In American Judaism (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2004), 223-27.

13 "American Jewish Population Project.” Accessed March 10, 2016. http://ajpp.brandeis.edu/.

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Ethnicity also plays a role in Jewish identity. Sephardim (Jews of Spanish descent) and Ashkenazim (Jews of Western or Eastern European descent) are the most well-known subcultures within American Jewry. However, the ethnic and racial demographics of the Jewish community are complex. While most now identify as White, the ethnic composition of Jews is slowly changing.14 In 2014, 97 percent of American

Jews 65 years of age or higher identified themselves as White, while notably two percent identified as Latino and one percent identified as racially mixed. Interestingly, Jewish

Americans between the ages of 18-29 identified at 82 percent White, five percent Black, one percent Asian, nine percent Latino, and four percent mixed. These numbers show that between today’s grandparents and their grandchildren, several new racial identities have been introduced into the Jewish composition and the non-white percentages are slowly increasing. The Jewish community is slowly becoming more racially diversified.

Communal Jewish Life in America in the Wake of the Holocaust

The Internet has created a venue for Jews to connect and share their anxieties in a post-Holocaust world. According to the 2013 PEW report, 73 percent of Jews responded that remembering the Holocaust was a defining factor in their Jewish identities.15 This report states that this is the largest single factor relating to American Judaism.16 As the survivors of the Holocaust are passing away, there are two anxieties that have left a clear

14 "Religious Landscape Study." Pew Research Centers Religion Public Life Project RSS. 2015. Accessed March 10, 2016. http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/compare/racial-and-ethnic- composition/by/age-distribution/among/religious-tradition/jewish/.

15 "A Portrait of Jewish Americans." Pew Research Centers Religion Public Life Project RSS. 2013. Accessed March 10, 2016. http://www.pewforum.org/2013/10/01/jewish-american-beliefs-attitudes- culture-survey/.

16 The PEW Research Center is an organization that does nonpartisan cultural research for the American public as well as world attitudes and trends.

8 impression on the Jewish American population. The first anxiety is the fear that the

Jewish population (not just in America but worldwide) will not replenish what was lost at the hands of the Nazis.17 The other anxiety is about losing Jews to assimilation and other religions.18

There are many complex problems in defining contemporary Judaism. For example, according to Neusner, “The definition of ‘being Jewish’ begins with ethics… If it is ethical for a Jew to guide the frail old lady across a busy street, it is also ethical for a

Boy Scout to do so. And so being Jewish and being a Boy Scout functionally are pretty much the same thing.”19 This parallel between a Boy Scout and a Jewish individual is problematic for American Jews. If this ethical issue can be solved without religion at all, what makes a Jewish individual want to continue identifying as Jewish instead of just identifying as a “moral person"? Many American Jewish families do not want to be told by a religious figure what is appropriate religious behavior; instead, an ethical umbrella satisfies their Jewish upbringing and identity.20 This approach to ethics and identity threatens the community in a post-Holocaust environment and has increased the anxieties of community leaders.

The Internet’s use of building communities also correlates with how Jewish

Americans choose to spend their money, since this too provides evidence of Jewish

17 Daniel Adam Mendelsohn,. The Lost: A Search for Six of Six Million. (New York: HarperCollins, 2006).

18 American Jewish Year Book 2014: The Annual Record of the North American. S.l.: Springer, 2014.

19 Jacob Neusner, American Judaism: Adventure in Modernity. (Englewood Cliffs, N. J.: KTAV, 1972).

20 Gerhard Falk. American Judaism in Transition: The Secularization of a Religious Community. (Lanham, MD: University Press of America, 1995).

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American priorities. Jewish philanthropists are actively giving to Jewish causes, however, that is not the bulk of Jewish giving. The idea of philanthropic giving is heavily emphasized, making secular nonprofits the largest beneficiaries from American Jews.

According to an article from the Jewish newspaper Forward entitled “26 Billion Bucks:

The Jewish Charity Industry Uncovered,” the largest group to receive Jewish funding is healthcare and social services (33.61 percent), which has no religious communal impact.

Federations and foundations receive the second largest amount (24.61 percent), but again, some of that money is not used for specifically Jewish community growth. Education is the third largest category (17.5 percent), but this report does not specify if it is Jewish education or educational institutions without religious connections. Dauntingly, specifically Jewish groups received the least amount of money: approximately eight percent went to and community and one percent to religious groups.21

Higher than both of these is American Jewry’s contribution to Israel (12.13 percent).22

Directing money to Israel indicates a heavy importance placed on protecting a global

Jewish identity in a post-Holocaust world. The concern of many Jewish Americans is that the population of Jews that died in the Holocaust will not be replenished. This anxiety creates some tension within the community. It also reminds American Jews that Israel is a home for all Jews, in hopes that the Holocaust can never happen again. Sending money to Israel to maintain the country is almost like an investment in security for another generation of Jews.

21 "26 Billion Bucks: The Jewish Charity Industry Uncovered." . Accessed March 11, 2016. http://forward.com/news/israel/194978/26-billion-bucks-the-jewish-charity-industry-unco/.

22 Ibid.

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These anxieties about Jewish continuity and community still exist, despite low financial support for explicitly Jewish American institutions. A variety of Jewish communal organizations still function, such as: federations, day schools, synagogues, summer camps, havorim (Jewish groups for young families), youth groups, and Jewish homes for the aged. They have created connections that promote cultural identity. These communities do have religious implications, but do not require or might not have religious rituals embedded in their organizations. These organizations assist in aiding individuals within a community—by being around other Jews, the activity inherently is viewed as more Jewish.

Institutions such as summer camps play a vital role in the memory of children who participated in these activities. Between 1948-1958 the attendance at Jewish day schools doubled, infusing this generation with positive and deeply rooted connections to their faith.23 These summer camp participants often have a stronger attachment to the

Jewish American community. An emphasis on religious tradition and G-d was not a major focus because the social components were rooted in the closely knit community.

As Nathan Glazer stated, “It was here, in other words, that one could have only Jewish friends, eat Jewish foods, follow Jewish mores and culture patterns, and yet have little consciousness of being a Jew.”24 Nostalgia plays a large role in how these children later attach themselves to Jewish culture in an assimilated nation. It is this generation of children that became the adults of the 1970s. Although the correlation between Judaism

23 Gerhard Falk, "The Secularization of American Jewish Education." In American Judaism in Transition, Lanham: University Press of America, 1995. 263-90.

24 Nathan Glazer, American Judaism, Second Edition (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1989).

11 and the use of the Internet may not be intentional, these adults are the same generation that created the Internet technologies that now help to unite the Jewish online.

During the 1960s the suburbs also grew. This was a national development and it was certainly not exclusive to the Jewish population. However, many Jewish families of the late 1950s and early 1960s migrated to the suburbs in order to raise children outside of the city. According to Gerhard Falk, was the hub of Jewish life in

America for over 100 years, but this actually ended in 1981.25 As the density of the city increased, the suburbs became more appealing. This moved pockets of Jews that were once “the majority” within their communities. 26 The Jewish home became more assimilated in suburbia. Their homes were no longer clustered or sequestered from outsiders. American Jewish families were blending into the larger secular community.27

According to David Boroff, in these new communities the Jewish individual was

“likely to seem less an ethnic Jew than his urban counterpart, if we measure ethnicity by speech patterns, dress, and the like, but in significant ways--synagogue attendance,

Jewish community work--a more committed one.”28 Secular education allowed Jewish families to identify with being American, not just specifically with their religious identity. This split between a religious identity and a national identity became more of a

25 Falk, American Judaism in Transition..

26 Jonathan D. Sarna. American Judaism: A History. (New Haven: Yale UP, 2004).: 253.

27 , A People Divided (Waltham:: Brandeis University Press, 1993).

28 David Boroff, "Jewish Teen-Age Culture," Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science 338 (1961).:79-90.

12 challenge, creating assimilation anxieties. American values superseded traditional religious values as the Jewish ethnic community became diluted.

Before the Internet it was far more difficult to find new ways to discuss or address major anxieties within the Jewish community. For example, in his book Why Marry

Jewish? Doron Kornbluth includes a section called “Will the Kids Stay Jewish?” A subsection is entitled “The Sad Facts.” Kornbluth uses statistics as well as words that create fear, insinuating that not carrying on the Jewish lineage and culture is inherently saddening. He writes that “only 18 (percent) of the children of intermarriage agree with the statement ‘being Jewish is very important to me.’”29 The acceptance of the idea that

Judaism can be passed down paternally was not widely accepted. Traditional Judaism states that Jewishness is passed down from the mother. (The father decides the national allegiance, but the mother determines the faith.) The liberal and progressive movements of the 1960s and 1970s felt that one way to include more Jews was to accept paternal lineage. Traditional Judaism, however, often views this response as putting American

Judaism at risk for total assimilation. The introduction of Internet culture has made it possible to address many of these anxieties found within post-Holocaust Jewish communities in new ways.

The History of the Computer

Technology and Judaism have merged in new ways in recent decades. The computer was first developed for purposes of national defense. Over time, its capabilities for use on a personal level became evident. The technological breakthrough started in the

1970’s.

29 "Will the Kids Stay Jewish?" In Why Marry Jewish? (Southfield: Press, 2003). 94-104

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One development that powerfully reshaped the cultural use of the personal computer has been the development of the Internet. In 1959, Massachusetts Institute of

Technology (MIT) took an International Business Machine (IBM) computer and created the technology called “Time Sharing.” This function of the computer allowed it to interact with several users through remote consoles.30 This technology aided in multiuser programs and allowed access to programs from a distance. This is the core concept for online communication from one computer to another. Having computers in different locations allows for the creation of wider communities and is the foundation for the

World Wide Web. Jewish groups have used these tools in the 21st century to make possible a larger outreach in creating Jewish communities and developing a Jewish voice.

As computers were reduced in size and price, but became increasingly more efficient, the demand for them increased. In September 1975, IBM introduced the IBM

5100, the first commercially produced and portable computer.31 From the 1980s to the

1990s the personal computer became a familiar workplace and household item.

Approximately 60 % of all workers in the were utilizing computers during this time.32

Making online communication easier, in 1992 the Bulletin Board System (BBS) became a localized call on the World Wide Web, making the location of the computer superfluous. This meant that a person or company could create a site that allowed users to

30Roy A. Allan, "A History of the Personal Computer," in The People and the Technology(Shepperton: Allan Publishing, 2001) (accessed November 25, 2012).

31 Ibid.

32 “History." The History of Computers, and the History of Computers in Education, in the California State University Long Beach. http://www.csulb.edu/~murdock/histofcs.html.

14 post on the site, download, upload, and chat with one another. In describing the early

1990s, George Campbell explained that “there are really only three basic kinds of BBSs: personal systems, group support systems, and business systems. Personal systems are usually operated as a hobby by an individual, running right out of a home. These hobby systems make up the bulk of the BBS community.” 33 These were regionally-based networks that would have required a connection to its location in the 1980s, but expanded their reach in 1992 when BBS no longer carried a long distance charge despite its far geographic reach.

In the 1990s AOL became a household name, making online communication easy. Dial-up modems in the 1990s soon changed to Ethernet cables in the 21st century.

These changes made using the World Wide Web faster and much easier to navigate.

Currently, 98 percent of Americans have access to high-speed wireless internet, making it easy for Jewish individuals to connect with members of diverse Jewish communities that suit their personal desires.34

Creating Jewish Communities on the Internet

In many ways, the Jewish community uses the Internet differently than a number of other subcultures in America. Although many groups use online forums, they often use them to enhance what already exists. Jewish Americans, often sensing a lack of community, or those who cannot “find” what they are looking for, may have found particular ways to use online forums to create new kinds of Jewish communities.

33 George Campbell, "How to Start a BBS.," Atarimagazines.com. Accessed March 15, 2016. http://www.atarimagazines.com/compute/issue145/6_How_to_start_a_BBS.php.

34 Chris Evans, "98 Percent of Americans Are Connected to High-Speed Wireless Internet." The White House. March 24, 2015. Accessed March 13, 2016. https://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2015/03/23/98- americans-are-connected-high-speed-wireless-internet.

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This thesis will explore a number of different ways that Jewish communities have turned to the Internet. Each chapter highlights specific communities to illustrate how the

Internet has had a vast impact on a particular Jewish American subculture. The next chapter examines how the Orthodox community uses the Internet to create noninvasive outreach programs, using modern technology and popular culture to pique interest in the

Jewish faith. Chapter Three describes how some Jewish Americans have turned to online dating and transformed this practice into a cultural norm. The chapter suggests that the

Internet may even have had an impact on the Jewish American population by slowing down the rate of interfaith . The fourth chapter examines a variety of marginalized double identities: those who consider themselves Jewish and erotic, Jewish and Punk, Jewish and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender, or Jewish and feminist.

By looking at these examples, we can see that Judaism and the Internet form an interesting dynamic. There is also a connection between brick and mortar communities

(communities that utilize physical space) and Jewish online communities. This thesis will explore how they interact with one another as well as how they may exclude one another.

It also suggests some of the desires that more traditional Jewish communities seem to be leaving unfulfilled. These online avenues hint at changes in some Jewish Americans’ perceptions of what a Jewish community means and how individuals can interact with it.

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CHAPTER 2

THE “BLACK HATS” OF THE INTERNET

In his book called Thy Kingdom Connected, Dwight J. Friesen introduced the

“Parable of Google.”35 His theory is that people turn to Google in search of something.

He then correlates this kind of searching with the religious search for Christ. This theory works equally well for many Jewish websites designed for those searching for G-d.36 It is especially strong when the theory is applied to Orthodox websites and their growing popularity.

Hasidism presents a type of Orthodox community that has a distinct look about it.

The men often wear black hats, black suits, and white shirts, avoiding colors; they also often have long beards. Their wives are often covered from neck to ankle in modest attire; they also often wear .37 Because of their distinct look and separation from secular society, many outsiders associate them with common depictions from . These visions of Eastern European men scurrying to synagogue, while their wives tend to children at home, suppress any conceivable notion of modernity.

35 Dwight J. Friesen, Thy Kingdom Connected (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 2009).

36 Jewish custom is to not write The Creator’s name. In following that custom, all references to the Holy One will be written in this thesis as “G-d.”

37 A (a word for ) is a head covering that married women use to cover their natural hair for purposes. Others may wear hats or scarves, but these are referred to as head coverings and not typically described as a sheitel.

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Especially in settings like New York or , they suggest a paradox of an “Old

World” trying to survive in modern times.

Their attire and many of their social behaviors would lead many to believe that

Orthodox Jews have not tapped into the Internet. This is not true. In fact, the very notion of Orthodox Jews not understanding the importance of outreach through online forums is completely wrong. Their religious rituals have not changed, but the way in which the

Orthodox community uses space has undergone a major shift. Orthodox Jews are now using modern technology to convey religious practices and expectations in their community. Unlike in the past, sects of Hasidic Jews are no longer rejecting modern technology; they are embracing it. Groups such as Chabad and Aish Hatorah (“Aish”) see its potential for expansion of their religious movements.

While in the past, technology was usually thought to be a pathway to transgression,38 today several Orthodox communities have seen that the Internet can also be used as a tool to interact with the religiously curious. Using the Web as a tool creates anonymity and allows for space between the practicing and the curious. Sites like Jew-

Tube, .com, Askarabbi.com, jgog.com, Jewish.com and JDate.com all promote

Jewish engagement.

The Orthodox movement has utilized the Internet both to benefit financially and to proselytize. These online sites suggest that one does not have to belong to a

38 The Orthodox community is concerned with issues like access to pornography, gambling, and connections to people outside the community that may, in fact, influence community member to stray from Orthodox values.

18 synagogue to be a part of the Orthodox movement.39 The use of the internet by orthodox groups also suggests a paradox: the most modern technology is providing outreach to people in search of an older, traditional lifestyle. The Internet provides a forum for the

Orthodox movement to create a dialogue with as well as to educate the secular community about their traditions, rituals, values, politics, and lifestyle.

This need for modern outreach was an argument first made by one Hasidic community in the 1980’s. The Lubavitch community, also known as Chabad, recognized that while it is very possible to engage in secular activities online, it is also possible to connect to those who would not engage with Hasidim otherwise. Chabad became the forerunner of Jewish outreach online; setting an example of the capabilities that modern culture has to offer old world tradition. 40

Chabad’s website was clearly not developed for practicing Hasidic Jews; many of these people in the 1980s did not own a computer and had never engaged with websites before. Chabad.org became the first Orthodox Jewish outreach forum online. By the twenty-first century, Chabad’s website was hosting millions of browsing Jews and

Gentiles, looking for answers, religious literature, information about holidays, or a place to pray locally.

In this chapter, I argue that the Orthodox community is the fastest growing Jewish community and that their outreach is different than any other Jewish movement. The difference in outreach from the Jewish Orthodox community, specifically Chabad and

39 It is typical for most Orthodox to belong to a singular community that they identify with, but the sites analyzed here specifically are not created with the already practicing in mind. They are created to reach out to the curious.

40 The Hebrew word used in Chabad for outreach is “kiruv,” meaning to "bringing close."

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Aish Hatorah, is surprisingly contemporary, particularly considering that this community is so tightly associated with maintaining traditions. This chapter explores the emergence of an online presence and documents the history and development of this online movement. It focuses on the aims and contents of each of these websites. It also shows the effort that these communities are making to reach new audiences, ideally to connect them to the community and spread their ideology.

Chabad: History of the Movement

Chabad, also known as Lubavitch Hasidic Jews, is the largest Orthodox Jewish movement in the world. They are Eastern European in descent. Originally, this group was from the town of Lubavitch in Russia and was led by Shneur Zalman. This community lived in “shtetls” or little villages or small towns and kept to themselves. As

Chabad communities emigrated to the United States, they were able to maintain their culture. Today this movement is based in Crown Heights in Brooklyn, New York, but they have learning centers all over the world. 41

Chabad’s ideology is expressed through its name. It is an acronym: Chochmah,

,Its literal translation is "Wisdom, Understanding .(חכמה, בינה, דעת) Binah, Da’at and Knowledge." Chabad believes that humans are not inherently evil, but that they endure conflict and struggles that make them lose their path to G-d. The movement focuses on the mind and prayer as well as emotions. “Chabadniks,” as they are often called, are mindful of their decisions and inclinations to stray from Jewish laws. To outsiders, these Hasidic Jews are the “Black Hatters of Brooklyn.” The main leader or

41 Chabadniks do not refer to their buildings as synagogues; they call them “learning centers” in order to create a space for education that would be more alluring to secular Jews and the curious.

20 teacher, called the Rebbe, during Chabad’s period of growth and popularity was Rabbi

Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1789-1866). His great-great grandson, also named

Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-1994) became this group’s 20th century iconic spiritual leader. 42

Surprisingly, this leader encouraged the use of media to obtain more followers.

Using the slogan, “Ufaratzta43” meaning "you shall spread out," Schneerson’s 20th century followers provided encouragement that Chabad needed to spread its Jewish values outside of its community. As a result, outreach for Chabadniks is not a new concept. Prior to their online presence, they were engaging Jews on the streets of major cities. The “ Mobile,” for instance, was a bus that was driven around in many communities as a campaign for Jews to have access to do “mitzvot.”44 They would help men wrap ,45 have Jews say daily prayers together, place mezzuzahs46 on doors, provide , collect money for those in need, and encourage family purity.47

This bus is covered with vibrant pictures of Jewish women, men and children engaged in

42 Rabbi Schneerson is iconic to Chabad. His picture is typically found in the homes of Hasidic Jews as well as plastered on the streets of Israel, New York, Los Angeles and other religious Lubavitch communities. Some followers even thought he might have been the Messiah.

43 Genesis 28:14

44 A mitzvah literally means commandment from G-d. It loosely translates in common vernacular to a “good deed.” Mitzvot is the plural form.

45 A strap of leather wrapped around the arm and forehead of a man. It is a commandment to use Tefillin daily.

46 A small box on the right side, within the door frame, indicating a Jewish home. Inside the box is a scroll containing a prayer to sanctify the Jewish dwelling.

47 “Family Purity”: the efforts to have a religious atomic family focused on G-d and the Jewish religion, practicing cultural and traditional norms.

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Jewish activity. Its diversity provides a welcome feeling for both genders and all ages.

The bus is created to provide unaffiliated Jews with a Jewish experience. By advertising the bus, people might feel more likely to approach it, thus giving Chabad an opportunity to make connections in the community.

In addition, Chabad became identifiable to both Jews and when in 1980 it took to television. Their Chabad Telethon was a day-long spectacle of black-hatted men dancing as the money continued to come through the phone lines. They raised money for both Jews and Gentiles, providing food and shelter for those in need. Their branding of

Orthodox Judaism allowed them to become identifiable in a way that was unlike any other Jewish movement.

Chabad also grows without dues or membership charges—a striking fact at a time when other synagogues often charge several thousand dollars a year for family membership. This makes it incredibly difficult to an accurate number of Chabad’s members. Many Jews who attend Chabad services or now visit their websites are neither

Orthodox nor followers of the Chabad movement. What is known is that there is a vast expansion of their learning centers. (Chabad does not label their brick and mortar buildings as synagogues or temples, but as “learning centers” where people can connect to G-d). Due to their policy to not charge for membership, they are able to branch out onto college campuses, invite community members that cannot afford other synagogue memberships, create events for those who would prefer to not attend one particular

22 religious organization, and attract unaffiliated Jews that desire a place to learn without requiring prayer.48

Education and Outreach Online: Chabad.org and Chabad.com

By the mid-1980s, computers had been introduced to the average home; they had also become a resource for religious groups. Chabad, like many Orthodox communities, had rejected previously televisions and other secular devices (even though they sponsored a telethon). Their purpose was to avoid assimilation within American culture and keep their members close to religious values. At first, the fear of transgression was a major factor in discouraging community members from using the Internet. However, Chabad soon recognized that using the Internet did not require assimilating into American culture. This shifted how orthodox Jewish outreach and services could be provided to the secular community. In 1993, Chabad.org was formed.49 Because other Jewish groups still feared using modern technology, Chabad was able to gain popularity and develop a presence online before other groups had caught on.

The Internet puts religious resources at a person’s fingertips. These resources create a gateway into the community. It is like picking a portion of religion you want to know or be exposed to on some level. The sites provide a myriad of experiences at no cost. This is appealing for many. A free religious community that teaches through engagement and flexibility is alluring and makes Chabad a cost-free gateway and a welcomed online tool. Entering Chabad.org can be an overwhelming experience. As the

48 Chabad is the first Jewish group to not charge for membership, making it now the largest growing Jewish movement in the 21st century.

49 Later, Chabad.com was created, becoming a local reference for California and West Coast’s regional needs.

23 largest online Jewish resource for education and information, Chabad.org has developed into what looks like an online library of religious texts. Links guide the browser to information about holidays, candle lighting, and the Torah portion for the week. Jewish scholarly commentaries are lined up on the left side of the computer screen. Images presented with larger bolded tag lines stream in the center of the page while the bottom of the page waits for the curser to scroll down, engaging the visitor in multiple avenues.

The site is visually appealing. The long beards and strange attire of those photographed make the site look “authentically Jewish.” This “aesthetic authenticity” matters because the Chabad movement is based on traditional Judaism. Their purpose is to attract people to their movement and to have the visitor’s religious life flourish. This provides Americans with an “old world” traditional feel. This orthodox visual is important for seekers who want a “true” Jewish experience.50 By contrast, Conservative

Jewish groups mesh with the popular culture in most aspects of secular society. It is not that this level of Judaism cannot offer the same experience, but the visual difference immediately separates the traditional norms from modern society.51

The best part of Chabad’s site is that it appeals to all ages. There is a family section, a kid’s page, a place for young adults, and a place for aging seniors. (A typical article, for instance, is called “We’re newlyweds and we’re arguing.”) There are also places for the unaffiliated to seek information, , articles that address the life cycle, current commentary on political issues, and even a magazine. It is clear why this site has

50 “True” is used in quotes because many seekers of “authentic” religion are attracted to something that looks “old” or traditional. Chabad is not any older, in fact it is newer, than traditional as an ideology.

51 See Chabad.com and Chabad.org

24 more visitors than any other Jewish religious movement online, for it is literally covered in texts and resources.

The experience provides the visitor with choices. Unlike actual synagogues, the website promotes a culture of decision-making. Visitors have the opportunity to start reading something and then drop the article if they lose interest. Many of the articles are engaging. The ideologies and lessons are clear and concise, trying to make the message simplified for its audience. A Hasidic community member might find these articles rudimentary. They cannot fully satisfy a well-educated graduate. However, they build a foundation, which is a step towards Chabad’s mission. Every link and article provides some sort of educational component. I find it fascinating that other secular educational systems do not use Chabad’s website as a model for promoting education through modern technology. The articles are not for the knowledgeable, but for those who received a secular education and need Torah and broken down for them. This forum speaks to educated people in an educated way, but still makes the material easy to understand. It appeals to all levels of Jewish education, those who have no understanding to a lifetime’s worth of understanding, making Chabad a Jewish movement for all.

For instance, in May 2015 the website included a section called “What is

Passover?” It then explained: “The eight-day festival of is celebrated in the early spring, from the 15th through the 22nd of the Hebrew month of Nissan. It commemorates the emancipation of the from slavery in ancient Egypt. And, by following the rituals of Passover, we have the ability to relive and experience the true

25 freedom that our ancestors gained.” This is followed by a section called “The Story in a

Nutshell,” which was paired with colorful illustrations.52

Chabad.com is a sister site to Chabad.org. The site provides a local connection for

California and the West Coast region. This regional connection online sets a precedent by being in brick and mortar space as well as an online community. Although online, and maybe even hosted from somewhere around the world, the regional attachment links the global online community to local space and place. It has pictures of community members as well as articles written by local within the movement. This tactic allows visitors to the site to connect to others.

Local synagogues, in contrast, often have a calendar and photos on their websites, and usually a “brag” section. These make connections between community members as well as outsiders easier, but they are geared towards those who are members already.

They do not offer the same enrichment that a stranger can obtain from Chabad.org, which has no mention of membership or dues. The appearance of Chabad is more educationally based, not specifically to children, but to all age groups. There are more resources for growing spiritually without having to enter the public sphere. Most other places of worship require a physical presence.

Chabad has mastered the art of outreach. The movement also addresses the art of intervention. Chabad.com’s “Home Page” provides multiple links for crisis intervention, drug rehabilitation, the “Friendship Circle” (connecting people with children who have special needs) and community outreach. In many other Jewish organizations, trauma and

52 "What Is Passover?" - The Holiday's History and Observances. Accessed May 21, 2015. http://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/871715/jewish/What-Is-Passover.htm.

26 crises are often not addressed so openly. In fact, there has been no crisis information on any religious website outside of Chabad in Orange County that I have been able to obtain.

When people are lonely or in trouble, they seek answers or help from G-d, and Chabad caters to that need.

There is a cliché that “There are no atheists in a fox hole.” Chabad has recognized that this cliché, which links personal crises with the search for G-d, has merit and truth.

Their site provides immediate responses to questions and access to resources. Once

Chabad has been a resource for people in need, they may give back or find meaning in a

Hasidic lifestyle. With rates of suicide and drug abuse as high as they are in America,

Chabad.org recognizes that these are the moments when they have a chance of connecting to, and helping, a specific audience. This is a way to attract new members by reaching out to people at their lowest point and bringing them to G-d.

Chabad’s movement supports what Jews call “,” or “healing the world,” while promoting a Jewish life and following Rabbi Schneerson’s slogan

“Ufaratzta.” This religious idea of spreading the nets of Judaism wide open also means that Chabad focuses on reaching those who are in search of something. They understand finding a niche is something American Jews are looking for, and that assimilation is on the rise, and their approach coupled with their appearance makes them an attractive source for religious community online. The mission statement adds greater clarity, for it states that Chabad’s goal is to “[u]tilize internet technology to unite Jews worldwide.53”

53 "Our Mission." - About Chabad.org. Accessed March 30, 2016. http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/32812/jewish/Our-Mission.htm.

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In turn, they also hope that this site will increase the numbers in attendance at brick and mortar learning centers.

Chabad’s Visual and Auditory Media

Positive engagement is clearly the approach of Chabad. On the site Chabad.com, the first iconic image to the left of the title “West Coast Chabad Lubavitch” provided is a silhouette of a Hasidic Jew with swinging from his hips.54 This is Chabad’s logo.

The man’s hands are held above his head as though he is combining traditional with prayer. This silhouette conveys joy as the figure is clearly in a stance of celebration.

Auditory technology also provides insight into Chabad’s mission. Ideally, when someone is learning, they are able to put time aside for study. However, outreach would not be as effective if a movement assumes new students will push aside their secular activities immediately to learn. Chabad’s clear understanding led them to place podcasts of lectures and information in MP3 format. This accessibility makes learning possible while still maintaining a visitor’s daily routine. I find it great that while at the gym, in my car, or at a coffee shop, my eyes do not have to scroll over words at the end of the day.

Listening has become a way to engage in learning without much effort. The educational approach has become modernized.

Chabad’s Engagement

Chabad’s form of engagement transitions from online to in person. Once a web surfer has utilized the website enough, Chabad hopes this will lead to a transition to

54 Tzitzit are knotted ritual fringes sewn along the bottom edges of prayer shawls that are worn under men’s clothing. They typically look like tassels that swing from the man’s waistline. Wearing these tassels is one of the commandments that an orthodox Jewish man is expected to follow.

28 attending a learning center. As Chabad relies on their web-based approach, they also show up at Jewish events and ask men to wrap tefillin, raise money with the annual

Chabad Telethon, provide online classes as well as those in person, create festivities locally, and make personal contacts with those who have responded positively to any outreach. Although they do not push for conversion, the success of bringing a person closer to G-d means their engagement strategy and model works by answering questions and educating individuals on religious worship. The engagement level seems to be one of less pressure. At first, the online web surfer contributes to the online community. This is a change from traditional Judaism. In a modern context, this plays into the desire for speed, accessibility, and the response to demand expected by a new generation. If you do not have the Gen Y’er’s or millennials’ attention, you have lost them immediately. The website takes the guesswork out of it for Chabad. They have created a “choose your own

Jewish experience” event every time someone comes to their site.

We can even compare this kind of online religion to the modern context of a gym.

The gym may be open 24 hours. This allows those who work, have families, or go to school to still be able to address their desire for physical fitness. Chabad’s site is an open gym, but the exercise is religious education and practice. By having interaction be possible worldwide, there is always someone to engage and connect with at a convenient time for the individual. There is juxtaposition, since individuals want to make these religious decisions about prayer, customs, and practice on their own, but they want to connect with someone in the process; they want a community. If an online site cannot find the balance between the individual and the community, then its resources will not fit the needs of its visitors. Chabad.org has made sure that individuals feel like they get their

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Judaism a la carte, despite traditional Judaism’s ideology of following religious laws to the closest of one’s ability. This ideological compromise is also engaging for those who want a Jewish traditional communal connection without actually being traditional themselves. They can be connected to Chabad without becoming a “Chabadnik..” The movement gains a higher number of followers, creating more cultural and social acceptance of their ideas. This alters the community because it creates a wider base of knowledge, from the curious and newly affiliated, to those who have spent their entire life with Chabad’s religious education. This also increases the appeal because there is a myriad of levels, making it acceptable to see learning as a process. It also provides a buffer. Coming into a community where there is a natural assumption that there are those learning and those teaching means there is room for growth, and not everyone is on the same level of practice. However, since the goals are the same, they are united as a community despite their different paths.

Aish Hatorah

Aish Hatorah (literally meaning “Fire of Torah”), commonly referred to as

“Aish,” is a religious movement structured to bring Jewish people closer to G-d and introduce them into the Orthodox lifestyle. To do so, this organization provides education, community and structure to people from the secular world. Those who flock to

Aish come with curiosity and a level of knowledge that is rudimentary in comparison to that of an Orthodox Jew. Aish provides online information as well as a few brick and mortar synagogues across the country and abroad. Their purpose is to offer information and solicit a higher level of observance and excitement for Judaism.

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This organization launched its website, Aish.com, in February of 2000. Since then, it has grown to include sister sites and to win awards. In an era dominated by

Youtube and other media share sites online, secular Jews and Gentiles looking for a more spiritual connection still frequently visit Aish.com. This site provides a comprehensive compilation of modern Jewish materials that would be difficult to accumulate individually, such as modern films and modern rabbinical commentary. In fact, Aish has become a database, providing a 24-hour live webcam from the , blogs in audio, video and text formats, movies, sister sites in French, Hebrew, Portuguese,

Russian, and Spanish, a weekly parsha55 commentary, an Ask-the-Rabbi service, MP3 lectures on AishAudio.com, and other holiday, historical, political, and spiritual information.

Aish synagogues are located sporadically across the globe. This organization believes that to develop observant Jews, there needs to be an educational system set in place. Aish has a yeshiva in ’s Old City. This school educates men and women who choose to be there for various amounts of time. Usually, it is customary to attend these for a month or longer. Aish.com offers a baseline of knowledge and provides the curious mind with a private setting that allows them to decide if they feel comfortable enough to attend classes in person. The site also provides continuing education for those who have been through their yeshiva. The website is updated regularly, giving pertinent and current information that is relevant to its visitors.

55 A portion of the Torah read weekly. Rabbis or other religiously educated instructors will typically teach the congregation about the reading that week. The portion usually contains a moral or a can be used as a foundation for discussing other social issues that presently can be compared to the reading.

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Aish: History of the Movement

Aish Hatorah was created by Noah Weinburg, an Ashkenazi Jew, who believes in attracting people to Orthodox Judaism through a non-judgmental approach. Weinburg started the movement in 1974 after realizing he did not agree with the already established

Ohr Somayach yeshiva in Jerusalem. Ohr Somayach provided its students with a rigorous structure and little fluctuation for growth at a student’s own pace. Weinburg felt that outreach to the global community is most effective if students have options and learn in various capacities and spaces. This ideology has now grown from its roots in Jerusalem to over 35 cities globally and six continents. Aish, following Weinburg’s model, provides

Aish.com, drop-in classes and long term enrollment at their yeshiva. Aish is open to both men and women; however, it is not egalitarian in nature because it is a part of the

Orthodox movement.

According to AishInternational.com, the site gets over a million monthly visits and has 400,000 email subscribers. They further their claim to be a connected community by stating that 50,000 hours of Torah MP3s are streamed from their site. This translates to 4,500 people who attend their learning programs in Israel each year, but does not differentiate between Americans and those from other countries. Finally, they solidify their claim by stating 200 people have graduated from their rabbinical program. This suggests that their program is not only growing, but there is a demand for more rabbis and they will find places of brick and mortar to engage in occupational work.

Outreach and Education through Online Texts

Aish states clearly on their “About Us” section of the site that Judaism is a journey. Judaism is not an “all or nothing” way of life. This communicates that small

32 steps to a more observant lifestyle are adequate in the Aish community. These words immediately alleviate concerns and pressure. They provide a tangible expectation to a secular person who seeks to live like an Orthodox Jew. As the website provides a “how to,” it also provides the reader with a personal venue to accept or reject Aish philosophies. This forum welcomes the reader, instead of ostracizing non-believers.

Literature about politics, philosophy, traditions, and rituals can be found on a page called “Judaism 101.” The page provides answers for those in search of “why” or

“how”: Why and how does one deal with Anti-Semitism? How do I respond to the

Palestine/Israel conflict? Why should I support Israel and how should I go about it? Why is there pain and suffering in the world? The literature provides a massive database to address many common and not so common questions. Unlike a class, a student can browse the site without embarrassment and choose topics that spark personal interest. It is liberating to be able to decide what to read in a sect of Judaism that seemingly provides little to no choice.

Unlike the more conservative text from Chabad, Aish has modern contextual music and spoofs that separate Chabad’s audience from Aish’s. The writers are sometimes in their teens and twenties. (One recent article, for instance, deals with “Marijuana and Jewish

Joy.”)56 Other entries are written by rabbis prominent in the Aish community, but still piece together the information in a way that is not overwhelming to those being introduced to the material for the first time. Aish dispels the myth that being Orthodox means you cannot maintain some level of modernity in syntax. Slang, puns, and other literary devices invigorate topics that once would have been dry and boring to young

56“Marijuana and Jewish Joy.” On Aish.com, accessed on June 16, 2015.

33 readers. (For example, a section called “Jewlarious” includes a cartoon video called

“Super Power Poker—Live from Iran.”)57 The literature about prayer and ritual has a tone of excitement as the literature about more somber topics is tempered with a gentle tone, making it easier to read. Aish clearly understands that if they are not successful with online blogs and articles they will not be successful with getting people in their doors or to their yeshiva.

Aish’s Visual and Auditory Media

Aish has mastered the modern uses of media to serve religious purpose. Their outreach transforms old tarnished books into educational audio files, thus harnessing modern technology. The files are accessible on Aish.com or through an MP3 player.

Aish, like Chabad, understands that modern technological trends are important to follow.

It is easier to have someone pick up their iPod, iPhone, Android or other portable device than to have them read a book. Instead of rejecting these avenues, Aish has captured an audience through them.

Utilizing modern technology also works as a tool for self-promotion. As I went onto Aish.com, I decided to click on a video. Because that video was so entertaining, I decided to share the video on my Facebook page. Now Aish has acquired more “views” because my friends will want to see my post. This sharing of files online creates more traffic to the Aish.com website, providing free advertisement and exposure. If enough people share with their friends, the amount of “hits” on their page can bring in millions of viewers.

57 Ibid, accessed on June 16, 2015.

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The video I chose to share with my Facebook friends dealt with Rosh Hashanah of 5772 (Jewish New Year, 2013). As this holiday approached, Aish capitalized on the opportunity for celebration. Unlike what one expects from an orthodox movement, it presented a video that was modern and infused with popular culture. The title of the video was “Rosh Hashanah Rock Anthem” and it contained the tag line “It’ll make your head spin.” The tag line suggests mixing religious concepts and the style of street dancing incorporated in the video. The first segment is set in a yeshiva, an all-male school for

Jewish learning. Two men discuss prayer for the holidays. As one seems hesitant about prayer, stating it is less fun than secular New Year’s parties, the other tries to prove him wrong by breaking off for an alluring dance segment with six other yeshiva men in their late teens to mid-twenties.

The men are all dressed in black slacks and white, button-down shirts. Their collars are crisp and starched as the tzitzit swing from their hips. All of them have their heads covered in kippot, some with an additional black hat, to match the religious values their organization supports.

The song is a parody of “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO. The acronym

LMFAO means “Laughing My Fucking Ass Off,” which is clearly secular and not permitted to be listened to in Aish’s yeshiva. Even the name of the band creates a natural rift between what is viewed as traditional versus modern secular culture. However, the words have been changed in the song to place a new edgy sound on Old World traditional

Judaism. The words have clearly moved from a secular to a more “pop-” (pop-

Orthodox) feel. They include Hebrew words mixed with English set to a melody that can be found on many radio stations in America. Since this mix includes a familiar song, it

35 makes the secular community more inclined to listen. The familiarity adds to the welcoming idea that secular American life and Jewish traditions can be a blend for

Americans who want to attach themselves to their roots. The beat is joyful, as are the expressions on the men’s faces, suggesting that they are happy while being spiritually connected. This is a psychological phenomenon, mixing modernity with traditional values and adding happiness as the combining factor. In Figure 1, the left column is the original song, while on the right is the parody created by Aish.

The words have changed to become religious and completely transform what was once a secular party song to a song about religious harmony and joy. The words

“Everyday I’m Shucklin’” make a traditional experience sound like slang from a common rapper on the streets. “Shucklin’” is a Yiddish term that refers to the swaying movement that occurs during traditional prayer. The motion is to move back and forth, bending slightly at the waist. Not only is this a pun, but it infuses humor within their message.

This makes it more inviting and friendly, providing a sense of light-hearted fun while coupled with the seriousness of religion. The song infuses an understanding of deep religious texts with nonreligious popular culture. This fusion of high brow mixed with street diction makes it more appealing to its audience.

These men infuse rituals with the spiritual focus on G-d, providing meaning and substance as a tool to attract people. The song functions in several ways. It explains the holiday for someone who might lack knowledge; it also provides excitement and is constructed to make the viewer curious to learn more. Excitement and popular culture then redefine the image typically produced when you think of orthodox men singing about high holidays.

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LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem Aish’s Version: Rosh Hashanah Rock Anthem PARTY ROCK YEA Synagogue, Rabbi’s talk, going on for a while, can you Wooo!!!! LETS GO!! check the clock, huh Party rock is in the house tonight Cantor’s opera, lost my spot, do you know the place, Everybody just have a good time choir in the slot And we gonna make you lose your mind Wine we drink, with family now, good deeds you do, Everybody just have a good time [X2] good for your soul We just wanna see yaa! Fish head, ram's horn, blow, give some money, Shake That! appeal for dough In the club party rock look up on your Yo, I’m returnin’ to the fold can you explain mo’ She on my jock non stop when we in the spot Got this desire to know Torah scroll, say hello Booty move away like she on the block Our prayers rock, yeah, we’re the Jews and we question What the track I gots to know Got the pride, just cant stop, our lives are changin' Top jeans tatto cause I’m rock and roll Rosh Hashanah’s in the house tonight Half black half white diamino All the world is passing through the light Gane the money out the door Yoooo!! Let’s all get written in the book of Life I’m runnin through these hoes like drano Shana Tova – It’s High Holiday time I got that devilish flow rock and roll no halo Taking stock is what we do tonight We party rock yea! that’s the crew that I’m Shana Tova – it’s High Holiday time reppin Let’s all get written in the book of Life On the rise to the top no led in our zeppelin Blow the shofar and – Shuckle! Hey!!! Three times a day I’m shucklin’ Party rock is in the house tonight shucklin', shucklin' Everybody just have a good time Shofar blast, all across the world we will do this task And we gonna make you lose your mind Apples and honey, feelin’ glad – now stop, never get Everybody just have a good time [X2] mad We just wanna see yaa! Fill the Kiddush cup, my friends around Everyday I’m shuffelin Books are opened up, the challah’s round Shuffelin shuffelin All our history, we see it now Step up fast and be the first girl to make me Now please hear our plea, we’re prayin' now throw this cash Stand up, sit down, pass the prayer books around [X3] We get money don’t be mad now stop hatein is Pass the prayer books around, pass the prayer books bad around One more shot for us Rosh Hashanah’s in the house tonight Another round All the world is passing through the light Please fill up my cup Let’s all get written in the book of Life Don’t mess around Shana Tova – it’s High Holiday time We just wanna see Taking stock is what we do tonight You shake it now Shana Tova – it’s High Holiday time Now you wanna be Let’s all get written in the book of Life Your naked now Blow the shofar and – Shuckle! Get up get down put your hands up to the Everyday I'm shucklin' sound [X3] Put your hands up to the sound [X2] Get up [X9] Put your hands up to the sound To the sound Put your hands up !!!!! Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good good good time Ohhhhh!!Ohhhhhh!!!Ohhhhhh!!!Ohhh!

Figure 1. Party Rock Anthem Lyrics and Parody.

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What is not typical is their dancing. Their movements are not the ones you see in

Fiddler on the Roof or at and Bar . As the scene is set in Old

Jerusalem, the stone-covered streets and buildings provide an Old World feel. Ancient city streets and views of the Kotel58 are the backdrop for modern dance, presenting a dichotomy between old and new. These men are in sync with modern and secular dance moves, not expected from the Orthodox community. They use popular pop-in-lock moves and the “Shuffle.” The back flips and gymnastic quality of their dancing proves that these men are fit and infused with energy. They utilize the stones from surrounding street corners and architecture to jump, flip, and create a spectacle not commonly found in such a modest community.

Like many of Aish’s videos, they create a spectacle in hopes they will entice their audience to return to the site, or maybe even to make their video go “viral.” The amount of views means that more people are connecting to their material online. The more people link Aish’s website on their social media, the more others are likely to visit Aish’s site.

They use these street dances as a way to become more tangible to secular culture, like something that Americans would have seen on MTV in the 1980’s. Aish has mastered this type of video. They come out for most holidays and can be linked on Facebook,

Twitter, Vine, as well as other social media sites. Aish understands that the more modern and appealing their videos become, the more views they will get.

There is a shock factor related to even such a conservative message. The Internet is still an uncommon medium to observe orthodox-looking young men creating such

58 Kotel: The Wailing Wall, located in Jerusalem near the . Jews come to this historical site to pray and leave messages to G-d. The Kotel is considered one of the holiest sites on Earth and is a place where Jews pilgrimage to get closer to G-d.

38 modern videos. Chabad.org, has rabbis discussing Torah on a level that is still much more formal. These videos, however, are anything but formal; found in a section called “Jtube” they are to be taken as entertainment, but also as a way to invoke discussion for more serious issues. Using a forum such as Jtube taps into the YouTube experience. Viewers come and go as they please. Aish.com is making Judaism tangible in new ways. Now it is possible to become a religious “voyeur.” You can watch videos in the comfort of your own home, hit pause for a break, and rewind when you are in need of review. This gives the viewer complete control of the content they choose to experience. It is clear Aish understands that in order to attract young Americans submerged in popular culture, they must also provide them with content that connects with these familiar experiences. Aish is attracting a vibrant and younger audience, inspiring more young and unaffiliated Jews to join them, both online and in person for religious worship and education.

Aish’s Engagement

Aish’s model is clearly directed at a specific age demographic. It focuses on Gen

Y as well as Millennials. Unlike Chabad or synagogues, Aish clearly makes popular culture references to music and current events that pertain to these age groups. These are the Americans who grew up with a computer in their homes. They people who will order their food online, take classes online, and find their religion online as well. There is nothing they need that the Internet cannot seemingly provide. This age demographic expects information to be at their fingertips and are comfortable creating or responding to communities online. Gen Y and Millennials create teams and friends from online games such as Call of Duty and World of WarCraft. As popular culture continues to bring people together to form online communities, it paves the way for other interest groups to

39 create discussion forums as well as communities that are more traditionally rooted in physical locations used prior to online space.

Like Chabad, Aish provides links to information about their schools and drop-in classes. The website has articles like “Nobituary” with a photo of Whoopi Goldberg, and the caption attached states, “One Jew’s creative way to help people quit smoking.

Whoopi Goldberg is on board.” It also has “5 Strategies to Find Balance in Life,” explaining that things like the gym are not a guilty pleasure, but a religious issue that we as an American community need to address and can, through Torah. These articles show modern concerns can be answered with a religious lifestyle. No longer is their audience shamed by wanting to involve themselves in connecting what would seem like secular activities to religious activities. This all-encompassing acceptance of secular American culture makes Aish’s outreach effective. There is no substantial evidence to see if Aish’s movement is more effective than Chabad’s, but the more modern approach to the material does continue to set the difference in tone in these two online orthodox movements.

Previously, Jewish religious education was often considered highbrow. Religious education was done in formal settings, with books and using traditional educational techniques. The prescriptive nature of the material was handed out to all students, without providing specific materials that applied to an individual’s needs or curiosity. The educators were highly trained as well as conservative in nature. Now, however, religious education has become a commodity that attracts people with a welcoming common vernacular that speaks to a younger audience, and debatably a less educated one. This vernacular, coupled with humor, creates a welcoming space. This space is online, but presents itself as colorful and joyous. This is a paradox nonetheless, as the individuals

40 who are affiliated with the movement are still shrouded in a traditional black and white color palate.

Like many political sites, Aish covers Israel. However, many religious sites are strictly created for that local community. Aish makes sure policies and Israeli affairs are covered, but unlike Chabad, the diction and syntax focus on a demographic well under the age of 40.

Like many all-inclusive sites, the icons for Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and

Pinterest can be found. However, Aish also provides links to Jewish blogs, other videos, a specific place on their site to see the Kotel, and dating (promoting self-confidence and offering keys to long-distance dating), among other topics. They have a newsletter that anyone can sign up for, making Aish accessible via email as well as allowing them to obtain personal information about you. This connection takes away from a person’s anonymity, but does not expose them to a large online audience or allow them to be searched by other viewers. It maintains a level of “come and go as you please,” but provides the movement with a way to contact visitors. However, this has to be initiated by the browser himself or herself. This provides continued choice with an individual’s experience and level of interaction.

On one of the main page headers, there is a link to an online store. This store functions in a few ways. For one, its hundreds of items that range from clothing to ritual objects bring in additional revenue to the organization. However, purchasing something from an online store also creates ease of access to hard-to-find materials. There is something easy about going to Aish.com when geographically a Jewish store could be a few hours by car away. This is also more appealing for people than Amazon because the

41 money assists more Jewish community programming, whether it be online or within local brick and mortar communities. In addition, it makes the site literally tangible. It connects a website’s potential to come into an individual’s home. The store makes images come to fruition within the homes of those who make the purchase. Additionally, it provides Aish with information about who is coming and consuming their products. This commodification of religion is appealing for many Americans, who consider consumption a sign of wealth and prestige. The more consumption, literally the more buy-in one would have within the community, both online or in a local establishment. By including a store, Aish makes their movement commodifiable.

Unlike Chabad, Aish does charge for membership at local hubs, but not for the use of their online resources. According to Aish of Philadelphia, an annual family membership (for brick and mortar experiences only) can cost anywhere from $500-$720.

Creating the transition from online to in-person is tough. But like the store, there are other ways to create financial links to this community. For instance, people can donate their hard-earned dollars, if they want to do so. It is clear that Aish and Chabad follow similar models for public involvement. Once one has become involved, further engagement can take the form of personal connections within the community (one-on- one via internet or in person), no longer merely surfing online websites. Placing a monetary value on any portion of Aish creates an attachment, but a donation is asking for nothing in return. This donation communicates to Aish that they are creating a community and presents the individual with a sense of self-satisfaction that might provoke the individual to donate again. However, the online community is still free.

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Chabad and Aish Together

On an average Sunday, it is possible to see Evangelical Christian services broadcast on television. The leader looks larger than life on a jumbo-tron inside the church and thousands of people simultaneously submit themselves to the message presented before them. The church’s method is to gain community or an audience by expanding their reach through television. The Orthodox Jewish movements do not use television to expand.59 It is not practical for the movement. It would also require Jews to break the commandment of the Sabbath.60 Orthodox Jews try to gain membership or build community online because it enables them to do outreach without breaking Jewish laws. The audience can come and go as they please, but no Orthodox Jew is required to break any religious laws because the site will self-sustain during times when it is forbidden for an observant Jew to use it. This also means that there is no liability for the

Jewish group. They are not religiously held accountable for someone else’s actions if a

Jew or decides to visit the site during a prohibited time (such as the Sabbath).

Both Chabad.com and Aish.com’s websites actually push the traditional Jewish communal norms. As the first Orthodox Jewish community website, Chabad clearly has paved a way for Orthodox American Judaism to form communities online. They have attracted people to their communities by first engaging them to participate in a global network and then moving them into their buildings. This paradigm shift is clearly

59 The Chabad Telethon does not raise funds for the movement or religious enrichment, it raises money for charities in order to aid any person who is in need of material possessions: food, clothing, shelter, etc…

60 Orthodox Jews do not believe in filming images of themselves during prayer on . Orthodox Judaism prohibits use of electrical devices on Shabbat, which begins each Friday at sundown and continues until three stars are in the sky the following Saturday evening.

43 changing how American Jews connect to their religious places of worship and are reshaping how American Jews “shop” for communities.

Brick and mortar synagogues, mosques, and churches all have their sites actively showing what is happening in their community, but they serve as engaging advertisements to attract individuals to their specific place of worship. These sites are created to attract people to this specific location. They are not religious outreach sites.

Typically, synagogue sites have a calendar and a section reflecting joyous occasions or dates of mourning. They include pictures of their past events, and for those with school sites on the premises, a link to their school to attract new students. Although it is never published, it is obvious that in order to be a part of the majority of these communities, you must be geographically capable of joining.

Aish and Chabad are attempting to attract individuals to a movement that is far more than a local place of worship. They are examples of two different Orthodox movements that transcend location and form community through both brick and mortar locations and their online presence. Their sites make it possible to be local or far away while continuing to learn and engage in their community. According to Chabad.org’s

F.A.Q. page, “over 3,000 Chabad centers are located in more than 65 countries, with a new center opening on the average of every ten days.” Chabad also has emissaries and international conferences. The globe becomes a network. Location becomes less restrictive within a global community.

This accessibility has redefined how Jews can connect to religious movements and has redefined what it means to be a subscriber to a community’s ideologies. Being a member no longer means showing up to board meetings or walking into prayer services.

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Online religious movements have rebranded Judaism in a way that makes traditional

Jewish communities transcend brick and mortar in new and continually evolving ways.

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CHAPTER 3

DIGITAL ATTRACTION IN A WORLD WIDE WEB

While Orthodox Judaism has used the Internet to attract individuals to religion, a variety of Jews in America have flocked to the Internet for other purposes. This chapter will explore the ways that the American Jewish community has tapped into the World

Wide Web for romantic and interpersonal relationships. These Jews, not only Orthodox but of all other sects as well, have found access to one another through dating sites.

While his chapter is not specifically about Orthodox dating, Jewish dating sometimes reflects a merger between traditional Orthodox practice and modern secular dating.

Understanding the history behind Orthodox dating creates framework for basic understanding of cultural Jewish dating that affects many sects within the Jewish dating population.

Traditional Orthodox Jewish dating had longstanding traditions. Old World practices relied on matchmakers working with parents to arrange matches called

Dating (previously viewed as “courting” by traditional .(םי ִׁכּוּדי ִׁש shidduchs (in Hebrew communities, but now using secular vernacular) in the orthodox community is still a community effort and a social expectation for heterosexual Jews. A rabbi, an expert

46 matchmaker, or another religious figure within the community typically sets up a .61

Secular courtship in America is continually evolving, and this includes many sects of the Jewish population, excluding orthodox Jews until the 1990s. This change in

American courtship is especially true from the early 20th century. From “treating” in the

1920s to modern dating, secular love connections have been made through diverse avenues.62

As dating evolved in America, interfaith marriages became more prevalent. The

Jewish community, wanting to continue its traditions, generally feared that these households would no longer become practicing Jewish families. This was especially true in a post-Holocaust world. As Lauren Markoe summarizes, “In a religion whose adherents’ number fewer than 15 million worldwide, which lost 6 million souls during the Holocaust, and whose children feel increasingly free to choose whether or not they will produce a next generation of committed Jews, any changes regarding dating and marriage can be fraught with anxiety and emotion.”63 Therefore, anxiety about interfaith marriages became an increasing part of Jewish community conversations throughout the century.

61 Paul W. Eastwick Eli J. Finkle, Benjamin R. Karney, Harry T. Reis, and Susan Sprecher, "Online Dating: A Critical Analysis from the Perspectibe of a Psychological Science," Association for Psychological Science 13, no. 1 (2012).

62 For one example of changing practices from a large body of literature on this subject, see Kathy Peiss, "Charty and City Pleasures," Magazine of History 18, no. 4 (2004).

63 Lauren Markoe, "Conservative Jews Question Notions on Dating, Maring Only Jews" http://www.religionnews.com/2015/01/08/conservative-jews-hedging-whether-say-interfaith-marriages/ (accessed January 20 2016).

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By the 1990’s the Internet offered a new response to these anxieties, marking a shift from traditional Jewish dating practices to using new technologies. Jewish families, rabbis and traditionally observant Jewish individuals have responded to these anxieties by guiding the Jewish singles community in the U.S. to the Internet in search of a mate. Due to this paradigm shift, the Jewish community is the American subculture that uses dating websites more than any other. The use of algorithms, matching statistical data from one profile to another, is considered a solution for making romantic connections instantaneously.

In April of 1995, Match.com launched its website and was the “pioneer of the online dating industry and now services 24 countries and territories and hosts websites in

15 different languages.”64 Match.com was the original company created for Internet dating and provided an alternative to traditional dating. Match.com created a place where those in search of a partner could communicate and be matched through algorithms.65

This shift in dating allowed users to make assumptions as well as educated decisions about their attraction and interest in the other party without spending time face-to-face.

Due to its innovation and quick success, many sites followed suit and became part of an ever-growing business model that fed off of cultural anxieties, hopes, and expectations.

The Jewish community made its way from arranged marriages, secular dating, and social interactions into the online dating world in the mid-1990s. Although all of these forms exist, not one of these was fully replaced by the next. According to a 1990 survey, “62%

64 Match.com, "About Match.Com" http://www.match.com/help/aboutus.aspx?lid=4 (accessed November 26 2012).

65 Eli J. Finkle, "Online Dating: A Critical Analysis from the Perspective of Psychological Science." Psychological Science in the Public Interest 13, no. 1 (2012): 3-66. Accessed March 15, 2016.

48 of Reform Jews who married in the late 1980s had wed non-Jewish partners, a trend that

Reform leaders said threatens to decimate the American Jewish population.”66 In response to heightened concerns about interfaith marriage, JDate, launched in 1997, produced a forum for Jewish American singles to connect and cultivate a new sub-online culture.67 JDate is owned by Spark Networks, Ine. And was created by Joe Shapira.

JDate allows its users to culturally self-identify themselves as “Jewish.” Unlike

Match.com, JDate is geared to appeal to a particular subgroup. This subgroup has many different nationalities and races, but has a cultural connection through religious affiliation. However, American Judaism is diverse and does not have a single shared assumed set of values or a common level of religious observance.

The website also offers subscribers the ability to self-identify as a member of one or none of the major sects of Judaism: Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, traditional, or

Reconstructionist, as well as secular. There is no clear criteria or even cultural agreement upon what these labels mean. Although in major sects there is a clear ideology, identifying with the ideology and actually practicing at that level are not always synonymous. In the 21st century, the term “Just Jewish” has been more commonly used by Millennials. The phrase has become a “catch-all” for those who choose not to identify with a major sect, but are also not typically secular Americans. They are typically a hybrid of cultural upbringing mixed with religious practices that do not impede on their

66 John Dart, "Mixed Marriage Question Left to Rabbis," Los Angeles Times (December 16, 1996)..

67 JDate, "Learn More About JDate.Com" http://www.JDate.com/Applications/Article/ArticleView.aspx?CategoryID=1998&HideNav=True (accessed November 1 2012 2012).

49 lifestyle choices.68 This specifically means that Jews who identify as “Just Jewish” pick and choose how religion fits into their life and how traditional they are depending on the situation. They cannot consistently be defined by one sect’s practice or norm; they use multiple forms of practice according to their comfort level. By creating a plethora of choices, JDate creates a market open to any self-identifying Jewish person.

JDate’s online presence created a religious and cultural venue, a tool for connecting

Jews. Members of the Jewish community can filter through online dating profiles and search for people who share their cultural identity or share other commonalties, or are attractive to them despite religious or other differences. This new form of dating removes the need for a personal third party intervention, such as a rabbi or a matchmaker, increasing the individual’s privacy. Yes, the websites are a mode of third party intervention, but they do not provide personal opinions, or share information with others that the individual may know (and embarrassing them). They also provide the user with a way to pick and choose the frequency of use. In addition, modern dating technology casts a wider and more efficient net than the reach of human intervention, thus making it a commonly accepted part of the modern Jewish American experience.

Fear: A Result of Assimilation

The modern Jewish community in America largely functions on cultural association and not on religious traditions. Cultural awareness is found within homes as well as organizations, but rabbis continue to be a symbol of authority within the Jewish religion. Essentially, the responsibility to maintain faith is placed upon the rabbis, while those who associate with Judaism connect on a level that is comfortable to them, not

68 Yitzchak Baruch Fishel, "Jew or Just Jewish?," in Times of Israel (Online: 2012).

50 necessarily spiritual. This means that many people in the Jewish community look to the rabbi to pray and lead, but in their homes and social endeavors there are only cultural aspects of Judaism, with little to no connection with a creator or G-d.

Interfaith marriage has been a subject of intense conversation among American Jews for as long as Jews have been in America. Especially, as previously mentioned, for generations born after the Holocaust this conversation has taken on special significance.

After so much devastation, many American Jews fear that intermarriage will destroy whatever is left of the Jewish community.

According to Gerald Falk, “Orthodox Jews believe that interfaith marriage is the result of the abandonment of Judaism, not its cause… the final step in total assimilation of Jews to apostasy and view such as step as the certain outcome of the abandonment of the Jewish tradition preceding marriage.”69 This accusation that the Reform,

Reconstructionist, Conservative, and secular Jewish movements are endangering tradition comes from a fear of the rate of intermarriage and a decline in the Jewish population.70

Nontraditional Jewish movements believe that the Torah is a list of guidelines and stories that help a believer navigate through life, but are not the word of G-d. Due to these variations, the Orthodox community scrutinizes the other movements and argues that their lack of tradition has secularized their lifestyles and they have become unholy.

Rabbis wonder if “’Jewishness’ could thrive in America even in the absence of such standard components of religious life as synagogue attendance, ritual practice, and

69 Gerhard Falk, American Judaism in Transition: The Secularization of a Religious Community (Lanham, Maryland: University Press of America, Inc., 1995).

70 These Jewish sects handle the text of the Torah, the Holy Jewish book, differently than the Orthodox movement, who believes that the Torah is the absolute word of G-d.

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Jewish education.”71 Assimilation into American culture may not uproot social communities, but it does compromise the level of faith and the value of the religious component of Judaism. If all religious symbols are removed and traditions are lost, what is to become of the Jewish people? Without traditions, how would Jews be able to identify with one another? Because Judaism is cultural, Jews from New York,

Mississippi, and Colorado can relate on some level of their upbringing by recalling childhood memories and traditions that were customary in Jewish households. This unification allows Jews to feel a common bond despite regional loyalties and nuances.

In the1980s interfaith marriage was at the top of the American Jewish community’s concerns. As Rabbi Richard N. Levy stated in the Los Angeles Times, this was a “painful path” for the Jewish community.72 He explained that the rates of interfaith marriages were rising and rabbis were turning away interfaith couples that wished to get married and they were hesitant to refer these couples to rabbis that would marry them.

A 1983 article published in American Quarterly entitled “The Quest for the Ultimate

Shiksa” offers a critique of the enticing nature of a non-Jewish woman to a Jewish man.73

The article describes how various members of the Jewish community see such a woman, as a temptress who leads Jewish men to transgress. The rabbinical community “see[s] her as an intermarital threat to the survival of Judaism; parents fear that she will lure their sons away from family and faith; and Jewish men fantasize about her sexual and social

71 Jonathan D. Sarna, American Judaism (New Haven & London: Yale University Press, 2004)., 223

72 Alexa Bell, "Dilemmas of the Modern Marriage When Life Styles and Church Practice Sometimes Clash," Los Angeles Times, December 25 1987 1987. http://articles.latimes.com/1987-12-25/news/vw- 21187_1_interfaith-marriages

73 A Yiddish term for a non-Jewish woman.

52 desirability.”74 The use of the word “threat” promotes fear in the readership. It continues to discuss assimilation and other choices that the American Jew faces. The article argues that in literature, the “shiksa” is mysterious and that her “outsider” appeal produces sensuality. Intermarriage in this literature is portrayed as bad, as if the Jewish male follows his sexual inclination over his people. There is a fear that the Jewish men are weak in their identity since they are defying Jewish traditional norms and are contributing to the rise of interfaith marriages.

These fears continued in the decades that followed. For example, in 1989 an article from the L.A. Times showed concerns of children in religious schools in Orange

County, California.75 Rabbi Allen Krause of Temple Beth El in Mission Viejo stated that it is a major concern for his synagogue. Having children in an interfaith household created concerns and became a sensitive conversation for his congregation. The article described children’s confusion in interfaith homes. These concerns from multiple rabbis and community members only confirm that Jewish communities harbored longstanding but intensified fears about interfaith marriage.

Of all Jewish marriages performed between 1996 and 2001, forty-seven percent were between Jewish and non-Jewish partners.76 By this time, almost half of the

American Jewish population was marrying outside the faith. Questions of their children’s

74 Fredric Cople Jaher, "The Quest for the Ultimate Shiksa," American Quarterly 35, no. 5. Johns Hopkins University Press: 518–42 (1983). http://www.jstor.org/stable/2712814?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

75 Lynn Smith, "Holidays Divide 2- Culture Families: [Orange County Edition]," Los Angeles Times, December 1, 1989. http://articles.latimes.com/1989-12-01/news/li-504_1_jewish-holidays

76 Gabrielle Loeb, "JDate: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me an E-Match," The Philadelphia Jewish Voice, August 22, 2004. http://www.pjvoice.com/v33/33200groups.aspx

53 upbringing and cultural identity brought fear to the older generation, and continue to bring fear to the current generation, that there will be no Jewish legacy.

Both then and now, many Jewish leaders believe that interfaith marriage threatens organized Jewish religious groups. In the Orthodox and many conservative synagogues, it is still not acceptable to marry outside the faith. Chabad refers to interfaith marriage as a

“tragedy,” creating a rift between Jews who fall in love with people outside of the Jewish community.77 This exclusion often creates even more of a decline in synagogue membership, ostracizing those who marry outside the faith.

Moving into the 21st century, these concerns about marriage also affect synagogue growth and expansion. Marketing religious organizations such as a synagogue and its activities is more difficult because there was formerly an assumption that both parties had to be Jewish. If attendance is low, others are less compelled to join. The cultural stigma of intermarriage has also led American Jews to participate less in brick and mortar meeting spots. Because of the lack of attendance, younger Jews often do not show up to synagogues, making a dating connection difficult and pushing them into other avenues in searching for a mate. The logic is circular. Jewish singles do not attend brick and mortar locations due to lack of attendance of persons in their age group and because of this they turn to web-based alternatives. These web-based alternatives create a resource for Jews so they do not feel compelled to attend brick and mortar synagogues, and so the cycle continues.

77 Nissan Dovid Dubov, "What Is Wrong with Intermarriage?,” Chabad www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/108396/jewish/Intermarriage.htm (accessed February 24 2016).

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Online Dating: An Intervention

Many Jews see intermarriage as compromising the very existence of the Jewish population in the United States. However, the pressure or desire to marry may be stronger than the idea of having a Jewish partner. Logically, marriage takes two, but identifying as

Jewish is based on the individual. Having a Jewish home may be a compromise, but it is not a need for both partners to identify as Jewish to achieve a Jewish cultural household.

This specifically works for the secular, Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist Jews.

Orthodox Jews do require another Jewish partner before entering a relationship.

Intermarriage’s growth does place the legacy of the Jewish people at risk for a continuing decline in population. Looking at the statistics of intermarriage throughout the late 20th century, for “all American Jews [meaning all denominations], rates of intermarriage have increased since 1970, but the rate of increase has slowed since the 1980’s.”78 This statistic requires analysis. It is possible to speculate that the rate of intermarriage has decreased due to people delaying marriage in order to focus on a career, but then there would be pockets of time where these career-centric people settle down, get married, and start families. According to the National Jewish Population Survey, the increase in the rate of intermarriage has continued to be slow through the early 21st century. The major change to shape the American household in the 1980s was the personal computer and the accessibility of the Internet.

78 United Jewish Communities, National Jewish Population Survey 2000-2001 (Online: of North America, 2000-2001).

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Although prices vary, the average cost of an online dating service is approximately $30 a month.79 The two individuals can look at profiles, contact one another through email on the site, and begin a conversation. These conversations create the ability of knowing someone’s “profile” before actually meeting in person. Age, profession, appearance, level of religious observance, and hobbies are easily identified before the two parties agree to meet in person. Jewish websites are not any different than other subcultural websites looking to match people. The reason they are preferred is because they remove the guess work and enable individuals to zero in on specific traits they are looking for without footwork.

In an article from the Jewish Post entitled “Internet Dating’s Major Impact on

Jewish Life,” Rabbi Zev Wineberg states that “evolving social realities have created more of a need for Jewish dating websites” and “this situation becomes more challenging as both Jewish and American society grow and change.”80 Many young Jewish Americans have two identities, the secular and the culturally Jewish. This is complicated because the

Jewish American can identify with mainstream American culture (assimilation), but when asked what the culture of their home was growing up, they often respond Jewish, not American. They use religious labels to explain their upbringing without religious context. Not all Jewish homes are based on Torah, however; instead, holidays and foods may guide an individual to respond as such. This identity, despite not being particularly religious, has created a rift between culturally identifying as assimilated Americans or as

79 Websites claiming to know the average amount for a monthly subscription varied, so I checked a few sites myself. These prices varied from free subscriptions to approximately $45.

80 Oren Lee-Parritz, "Internet Dating's Major Impact Jewish Life,” Jewish Post http://www.jewishpost.com/culture/internet-datings-major-impact-jewish-life.html (accessed September 30 2012 1993-2012).

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Jewish, almost implying the two cannot coexist. Perhaps this underlying identity issue is why the number of Jewish dating sites exceeds any other subculture or religious group in

America.81 These sites are not limited to one sect of Judaism; online involvement has become a global resource, maintaining sites for every level of Jewish faith.

The shift in traditional Judaism has also moved towards utilizing the Internet for . Sites like SawYouAtSinai, Orthodate, and JWed82 are marketed to the

Orthodox community:

Concerning orthodox and ultra-orthodox dating sites, this may represent an interesting shift away from the traditional matchmaking practice by some communities. While some might have believed the shift would have been unwelcome, Rabbi Wineberg states that this is not the case. According to him, internet dating augments, rather than replaces, more traditional methods and thus “The more the merrier.” As far as old world matchmaking, in which marriages are arranged, the two spheres are so different that they do not overlap.83

Although other dating sites acknowledge different levels of religious practice and allow a user to indicate their level of religious observance, traditional Jewish groups who typically do not have as high a rate of intermarriage continue to create sites with the highly observant in mind. This serves two functions: it helps traditional Jews find a mate at any distance (with the hopes of increasing the American Jewish population) and it also makes online dating more accessible and attractive to another 10% of the Jewish community, thus increasing the Jewish presence in online dating.

81 Ibid.

82 Originally the site was entitled “Frumster.” Frum means observant in Yiddish, but since JDate is the number one Jewish dating site, it is easy to assume the change of name was due to ease, understanding, and popularity of its competition.

83 Oren Lee-Parritz, "Internet Dating's Major Impact on Jewish Life.” http://www.jewishpost.com/culture/internet-datings-major-impact-jewish-life.html

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JDate is the largest Jewish online dating community.84 Since 1997, the site has enabled users to communicate and meet other Jewish singles while in the comfort of their living room or even their bed. Users are able to on for free, but in order to communicate with one another the user must pay the monthly fee, with an option of getting several months for a discounted rate. The site also provides a questionnaire that that is used to set algorithms: attempting to match people based on commonalities, location, physical descriptions, language, education, desire for children, and sex/gender.

The website also encourages the user to upload pictures. If another user would like to express interest he or she can flirt, send an email, instant message, or be a secret admirer.

JDate specifically addresses concern within the American . Articulating the subculture’s anxieties within the mission statement highlights this fear and confirms that the fear is relevant. According to Friedman, who studied this site,“with more than 650,000 members worldwide JDate commands an audience of Jews who are committed to meeting other Jews, which means they have a sense of Jewish identity and involvement.”85 This identity separates them from the estranged or assimilated. JDate’s mission statement clearly articulates that JDate is created with the intention to

“strengthen the Jewish community and ensure that Jewish traditions are sustained for generations to come.”86 This specifically addresses the community’s concern that

84 JDate, "JDate Launches Online Magazine "Jmag",” Spark Networks http://www.JDate.com/newscenter/press/jd_press_060516.htm (accessed Septemeber 15 2012).

85 Miriam Pullman Friedman, "New Jewish Matchmaking: A Quantitative Analysis of JDate Users," Journal of Jewish Communal Service 84, no. 3/4 (2006): 345-52. http://www.bjpa.org/publications/downloadPublication.cfm?PublicationID=4446

86 JDate, "Building the Jewish Community for over a Decade,” SparkNetworks http://www.JDate.com/Applications/Article/ArticleView.aspx?CategoryID=2060&HideNav=true (2012).

58 intermarriage is impacting the Jewish population. There is a fear that the Jewish population will drastically diminish if the high rate of intermarriage is maintained. The mission statement also is infused with words like “traditions” and “values.” As for many religious groups, these words assist in providing a sense of cultural attachment, showing that JDate is in solidarity with the Jewish community at large. It helps maintain a cultural attachment between the service provider and the user. JDate promotes itself as a remedy for a decline in Jewish marriages in America.

Even more striking, JDate clearly and openly supports Israel.87 The mission statement continues to push for a cultural connection to the Jewish homeland, stating that it supports Israel and its people. Why does an online dating site have to align itself with a nation? Israel is a symbol within the Jewish community for both religious and political reasons; it represents a home, a culture, religious freedom, and safety for the Jewish people. American Jews often culturally identify with both America and Israel, looking to

Israel as a Jewish place to worship and also as a place of security. Jewish identity is reinforced as Israel provides the Right of Return,88 allowing Jews to immigrate based on a religious claim. Much of modern Jewish culture supports Israel, as it was created for

Jews that were in need of security before and following the Holocaust. The basis of addressing JDate’s support for Israel not only aligns the website with core Jewish values, but it utilizes universal Jewish symbols to create a bond between its users and their culture.

87 Ibid.

88 Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs, "Law of Return 5710-1950,” Israeli Government http://www.mfa.gov.il/MFA/MFAArchive/1950_1959/Law%20of%20Return%205710-1950 (accessed November 3 2012 2012).

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JDate also promotes Jewish-Jewish relationships in subtly visual ways. On the main page, for instance, there are two attractive individuals who have a clearly “ethnic” look.

By contrast, Christianmingle.com has two “Hollywood type” individuals. The female, in her graceful pose drapes her long blonde hair down her thin back. They have balloons overhead, suggesting a light and airy carefree vibe. The contrast is that the Jewish couple is in their finest clothing and looks like they are at a formal event, possibly a .

The image is a real couple. Over the Jewish couple’s head is the Jewish Star of David.

JDate’s “News Center” provides a survey addressing the demographics of those utilizing their site within the United States.89 According to the survey, JDaters are 51 percent female and 49 percent male. This almost even split indicates that JDate is valuable to both sexes. In addition, 41percent of all users have a Bachelors degree, while 33 percent have a Masters degree or higher. In addition, 70 percent of JDate’s users make 50,000 thousand dollars a year or more. Looking at the financial and educational demographics, it is easy to assume a few cultural distinctions. First, it is clear that education is held in high regard. The education level allows us to make judicious speculation as to why a user might feel compelled to use online dating as a resource. JDate may be attractive to users due to a lack of time. However, with competition like eHarmony and Match.com,90 lack of time in itself does not explain why Jews are flocking to a culturally infused site instead of a secular one.

89 Spark Networks, "Our Members,” Spark Networks http://www.JDate.com/newscenter/members.htm (accessed September 30 2012).

90 Both of these websites are commonly identified dating sites and both have commercials on national television. They are widely known due to their marketing and are not specific to any subculture.

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JDate released data in September of 2012 that showed that “76% of those who [are

Jewish] and used an online dating website used JDate.”91 This statistic implies that it is no longer culturally taboo to look for a mate online, and JDate, in regards to online users, is definitely not taboo. Placing an image of the user and personal information on the member’s profile dramatically reduces the level of anonymity. JDate is no longer a source of embarrassment, there is no paralyzing stigma about utilizing the site or its membership would not be as high as it currently is. The American Jewish community has an overwhelmingly presence in the search for a made online. Nearly 58 percent of JDate users state that they come to the site to look for “similar lifestyle[s] and values,” whereas

34.8 percent are looking for “physical chemistry.”92 In an outside study, 78 percent of individuals who use JDate stated that they were on the site to meet a Jewish partner for

“dating purposes.”93 These statistics highlight that many people come to look for core values and identify with the Jewish community, but there is still a human element that needs to be addressed.

Not all users on JDate are looking for marriage. The site provides a section where a user can indicate what type of relationship they are in search of. The list goes as follows: date, friend, marriage, long-term relationship, marriage and children, or an activity partner. These options allow room for a casual sexual relationship as well as

91 JDate Administrator, "JDate Reaches New Milestone for New Year,” Spark Networks http://www.JDate.com/blog/2011-09/JDate- infographic/?PersistLayoutTemplate=1&LayoutTemplateID=15# (accessed Novemeber 22 2012).

92 JDate, "Attitudes & Opinions,” Spark Networks http://www.JDate.com/newscenter/survey.htm (accessed September 30 2012).

93 Miriam Pullman Friedman, MAJCS, MPA. "New Jewish Matchmaking: A Quantitative Analysis of JDate Users." Jewish Communal Service 84, no. 3/4 (Summer 2009): 345-52. Accessed January 3, 2016. http://www.bjpa.org/publications/downloadPublication.cfm?PublicationID=4446.

61 something as platonic as an activity partner. These options create an online forum for

American Jews to search of others that have similar interests and objectives.

With Jews flocking to JDate to search for those with a common identity, the site has become increasingly popular and is known far beyond the community it was designed to engage. On Jimmy Kimmel Live and Stephen Colbert joke that they met one another on JDate.94 Colbert (not Jewish) banters wittily “he was trolling for Jews” on

JDate and met Stewart. Although these men are joking and utilizing a popular culture reference, the audience laughs, confirming that JDate is a commonly known and accepted site in secular American culture.

In 2004 JDate introduced the “willing to convert” option on their site for non-

Jewish users to indicate if they are there with the intention of becoming a member of the faith. There is no research indicating how this option was received, but it continues to be on the site, providing insight that the Jewish community did not create a public outcry over this option. The option and its length of duration on the site suggests that opposition was minimal or non-existent. According to an article in the Jewish Journal, non-Jews make up approximately 2 percent of the users on JDate. Of 21,000 reported marriages from 1997-2008, none are reportedly interfaith couples.95 Even if there are couples that have met on JDate that are interfaith, JDate’s overall objective is still accomplished.

Utilizing Jewish online websites seems to increase the number of Jewish marriages and a

94 "Jimmy Kimmel Live: Back to Brooklyn," in Jimmy Kimmel Live (2012).

95 Taffy Brodesser-Akner, "JDate’s Challenge: Everyone Wants In | Cover Story." Jewish Journal News. May 13, 2009. Accessed March 15, 2016. http://www.jewishjournal.com/cover_story/article/JDate_its_not_just_for_jews_anymore_20090513/.

62 large part of the Jewish public is apparently operating within the site for its intended purpose.

In many cultures, dating is not accepted without the approval of authority figures or family input. Culturally, Jewish women have a large amount of authority and involvement and are associated with handling family issues, especially regarding their children. The Jewish community continually pokes fun at the obsession of Jewish women finding a mate for a single Jewish man. A Yenta [matchmaker] or any Jewish mother will introduce two Jewish singles and a match will be made.96 However, this ethnic nuance and tradition has been transformed into a statistical reality within the Jewish online dating community. According to JDate’s online survey, 63 percent of all users’ families have encouraged them to join JDate and 22 percent of JDate users’ have paid for their membership at one point in time.97 Although mothers paying for a membership seems humorous, the percentage is substantial. It defines a clear anxiety and a desire from prior generations to continue Jewish lineage.98 Ignoring basic ideas like family contribution to a membership would miss the importance of the stress Jewish families experience. Jewish families place the mother at the head of many household decisions, specifically with the children. A mother’s efforts to match her child with another Jewish child is important for the American Jew’s experience.

96 Yenta is a commonly known Yiddish term for “busybody,” but often is referred to as a matchmaker and the term is accepted in communities outside of Judaism. Yenta has become popular culture slang. This term has also become commodified; being printed on shirts, mugs, and other items that can be found in retail shops, as well as online stores.

97 JDate, "Attitudes & Opinions.”

98 Rachel Rosenthal and Traister, "The Rise of the Jewish Single Woman." The Forward. February 23, 2016. Accessed March 15, 2016. http://forward.com/sisterhood/334041/the-rise-of-the- jewish-single-woman/.

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These statistics suggest that in many Jewish homes there are anxieties about interfaith marriage. In a Jewish home it is a reflection both of the individual as well as their parents. As interfaith marriage rates rise, it makes sense that dating outside the faith will become more acceptable. However, many Jewish families still envision this behavior as undesirable and on some level shameful. Maintaining some level of pressure to find a

Jewish partner is a cultural norm for a Jewish family. Directing a child to a site that promotes cultural identity proves that the Jewish community is in search of a remedy.

The encouragement has gone so far as parents (mothers are specifically identified in the survey) paying to perpetuate the Jewish population. These families are not just encouraging the use of online dating, but specifically promoting online dating in a Jewish context.

In Judaism, parents are not the only authority that carries this burden of perpetuating a Jewish legacy. JDate uses this spiritual authority to engage its users, featuring different rabbis to maintain a dialogue. In a section entitled “Ask a Rabbi,” users are able to discuss with a rabbi some of their concerns about dating, not just online dating. Another section called “Rabbi of the Month” endorses rabbis who have had a hand in actively cultivating JDate success stories. Having rabbis participate and engage users online confirms approval of the site by religious figures as well as fosters an online meeting place for religious direction.

Rabbis throughout the different denominations of Judaism also encourage Jews to connect with other Jewish singles online. SawYouAtSinai publishes a list of rabbis that

64 endorse the use of their particular site.99 The concerns about interfaith marriage do not resonate to just individuals, but it is a concern of the Jewish population as a whole that rabbis are addressing. Rabbi Donald Weber, a pulpit rabbi highlighted in Newsweek magazine, has not only endorsed JDate as a solution to interfaith marriage, but has personally paid for 24 six-month subscriptions. Identifying that Rabbi Weber is not the only rabbi purchasing subscriptions for his congregation, the Newsweek article states that the rabbis’ rationalization for paying for congregants’ memberships is “because of the gradual dilution of the faith through marriage.”100 Unfortunately, the article does not provide names of which or how many other rabbis feel this way.

The reception from rabbis in America varies. Rabbi Yaakov Salomon is an Orthodox rabbi associated with Aish Hatorah. This organization emphasizes religious affiliation and traditional practices, encouraging Jews in their twenties to become more engaged in

Orthodox Judaism. They are based in Jerusalem but also place themselves in highly populated areas in order to attract more people, including in Los Angeles and New York

City. In addition to their physical buildings, this organization uses the Internet to increase their audience and perpetuate their religious movement. Online, there is a short video featuring Rabbi Salomon who argues that online dating is making more connections, but

99 SawYouAtSinai, "Private. Personalized. Proven.,” SawYouAtSinai.com. Accessed November 28, 2012. http://www.sawyouatsinai.com/jewish-rabbi-endorsements.asps..

100 Tony Dokoupil, "Sex and the Synagogue," Newsweek: U.S. Edition, January 21 2008. http://www.newsweek.com/sex-and-synagogue-86547

65 the connections are shallow.101 This rabbi emphasizes that these shallow connections lead to short and meaningless relationships.

By 2014, Rabbi Salomon’s video had over 1,700 views and 534 subscribers. The reception or amount of views the video has received indicates that there is a conversation about the benefits and detriments of online dating. At least some portion of the Jewish community has engaged in Internet dating and is interested in hearing a rabbi’s thoughts.

People are creating a dialogue. The dialogue that the rabbi offers may be of interest to his viewers because he is challenging a huge dating industry that has not withstood the test of time.

Contrary t o Rabbi Salomon, Rabbi Jason Miller was JDate’s “Rabbi of the

Month” in January 2010.102 He shares on his blog that nearly one half of all couples he marries are from JDate. JDate has used Rabbi Miller as a part of its marketing material; he in turn uses their award to provide more foundation for his credibility (and possibly to market himself). The rabbi continues to encourage the use of JDate on his blog, explaining that JDate reaches the Jewish community. His emphasis is that geographical obstacles can make traditional dating deficient, lacking in what technology can provide.

Rabbi Miller’s perception of JDate communicates its effectiveness in cultivating Jewish marriages. It also tries to engage rabbis on JDate. Rabbi Miller’s positive assessment of

JDate is received not only by his congregation, but by all those who browse his blog or

JDate’s marketing materials.

101 Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, "Online Dating & Jewish Marriage," (YouTube: Aish.com, 2012); ibid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5fDB5nq89E.

102 Rabbi Jason Miller, "JDate Rabbi of the Month," in Blog.RabbiJason.com, ed. Jason Miller (Online: Blogger, 2010).

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Despite concern over the length of these relationships formed online, the emergence and acceptance of Jewish dating sites is overwhelming. But is this simply because it works?

JDate has created a discount system for rabbis who are willing to promote and purchase their product for congregants.103 Marketing to pulpit rabbis brings in more users that identify with Judaism as well as cultivating a larger pool for those in search of a serious life partner. Online dating may not result in a relationship, but it casts a wider net and creates more users for a larger pool of individuals online. The discount for rabbis also promotes an avenue for rabbis to connect with their congregation by making it affordable to the individual and not being involved within the process. No longer does the individual have to share the intimate details of their dating life. This provides more privacy and allows them to spare the details of their personal life.

Assessing the Results of Internet Dating

The anxieties of the American Jewish community were heightening at the same time that the internet was being invented. The two paths merged in the mid 1990s, when the technological breakthrough and capabilities of the Internet had been refined and released for public use. Utilizing these technologies has not stopped interfaith marriages, but it has made finding others to date of the same religion easier to identify, and over time this may greatly impact the rate of intermarriage.

103 Ellen McCarthy, "Rabbis Play Matchmaker for Jewish Singles," The Washington Post, Friday, February 20, 2009 2009. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp- dyn/content/article/2009/02/19/AR2009021900887.html

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The National Jewish Population Survey provides a breakdown of the intermarriage rates from 1970-2001 (Table 1).104 From these statistics, it is clear that in the years between 1970 and 1979, the decade before the Internet was made public, the rate of intermarriage increased 15 percent. This rate slows down a bit between 1979 and

1984, rising only 10 percent. The rate increases only 5 percent between 1984 and 1990, when computers were entering the common household, slowing down the increase. Most striking, between the years 1990 and 1995 there was no increase in this number.

Although it went up another 5 percent between 1996 and 2001, this rate of increase is still slower than it was 30 years earlier. This rate has dramatically slowed down in comparison to previous years, prior to the Internet. This suggests that there may be a strong a correlation between online dating and the declining rate of intermarriage within the American Jewish community.

Table 1. Intermarriage by Year Marriage Began

Year marriage began % Intermarried Before 1970 13% 1970 - 1979 28% 1980 - 1984 38% 1985 - 1990 43% 1991 - 1995 43% 1996 - 2001 47%

104 National Jewish Population Survey, "Historical U.S. Intermarriage Rates, 1970-2001," (Online: 2000- 2001). http://www.interfaithfamily.com/news_and_opinion/synagogues_and_the_jewish_community/Jewish_Inter marriage_Statistics.shtml

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The Jewish community has widely accepted online dating as a part of their modern tradition. The participation of rabbis, friends, and family have given JDate and other Jewish dating sites cultural acceptance. This acceptance has now become something like a traditional norm. Like many other traditions, Jewish online dating has required dealing with the unknown. According to its mission statement one of JDate’s goals is to ensure the longevity of the Jewish people. However, clearly this is a for-profit site. Older rituals and traditions have become, arguably, compromised and new ones like Jewish- specific computer dating have emerged, as created by a for-profit company.

Fears of intermarriage may have helped to fuel the growth of an industry that has made the American Jewish subculture one of the most prominent groups in the cyberdating world. According to Spark Networks, Inc., JDate makes more money than any other site developed for a specific demographic. As of December of 2011, there were 62,764 paying Christian subscribers to Spark Networks’s online dating sites, while there were

90, 094 paying Jewish subscribers.105 This information is astounding when paired with the religious population ratios. More than 78 percent of America identifies itself as some denomination of Christian, while Jews only account for 1.7 percent of the population.106

Clearly, online dating is a highly sought after approach and remedy for intermarriage within the Jewish community. The online presence that the small population of American

Jews has is a modern technological and dating phenomenon, unparalleled by any other subculture or religious community.

105 Inc. Spark Networks, Spark Networks, Inc. Segment Results from Operations (Online, 2011). http://investor.spark.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=155314&p=irol-newsArticle_Print&ID=1734814.

106 The Pew Research Center, "Major Religious Traditions in the U.S.," (pewforum.org: The Pew Forum, 2007). http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/

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The abundance of subscriptions purchased even in a time of recession shows that the Jewish community finds same-faith marriage of importance; the community’s anxieties are prevalent enough that intervention is needed. These data suggest that identifying with Judaism is still an important part of the American Jewish experience.

This subculture has traditionally valued community and now finds strength online in a post-Holocaust world while still trying to replenish its population.

Why is this not happening for other religious subgroups in the country? I argue that other religious groups; such has the multiple denominations of Christianity in

America, find that religious worship creates their communities. ChristianMingle, eHarmoney, and other religious dating sites are indeed helping make connections for people of faith. However, the ratio is different. Looking at the American Christian population offers a strong contrast to the Jewish community. Churches engage Christians in all age brackets and a Christian identity is formed around these religious institutions.

When Christians go to church or a bible study class, they can ascertain that each individual there is a believer in Christ and that they share many of the same fundamental values in common. The churches have large numbers of congregants from every age bracket. The environment is spiritual, but also social. Churches become places to mingle as well as worship. They do not need an online dating venue in the same way, since walking into a house of worship would indicate religious compatibility.

In contrast, synagogues in America are mainly comprised of families. The membership is structured in a way that even disengages many young professionals. Having to pay membership in order to interact with people who are not in the same place in life is less

70 attractive than the church model.107 Family events fill a majority of the synagogue event calendar. If there are not enough singles attending, the anomalies will have less of a dating pool to choose from. Shabbat services are full of senior citizens and young children; generally they do not harvest a following of single young professionals.

Within American Jewry, Jewish culture often takes precedence as an identity and an institution is not needed to maintain a connection with the community. Again, if Jewish people go out to eat together, this in itself can create the Jewish lifestyle. It does not require institutional walls, symbols of worship, or even traditional ties. This creates a problem because if there is no central space utilized for their organization or institution,

Jews have to work even harder to connect to their community. Even if an organization is promoting interpersonal relations, Jewish communal activities do not indicate religious compatibility and usually engage the community on a multi-age level. Online dating through Jewish websites helps provide commonalities among cultural and religious Jews, making the Internet an effective way to meet people of similar mindsets as well as expanding their reach.

107 Membership to a church is typically free and they engage singles in worship by holding age-appropriate services as well as singles groups for prayer and social activities within their religious institutions. However, tiding maybe requested or even expected, but is not seen as a “pay-to-pray” form of membership.

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CHAPTER 4

ONLINE JEWISH SUBCULTURES

I genuinely envy my friends and family who are comfortable in their congregations, even if, for reasons I can’t really explain, I’ve not really felt at home at a synagogue since I was a kid. It doesn’t matter that I’ve spent nearly a tenth of my life in Israel or that I work for the greatest Jewish magazine in the world (wink, wink), I would rather lie than say I didn’t go to shul on Rosh Hashanah. Adam Chandler “Confessions of an Unaffiliated Jew” 108

The emergence of new Jewish subcultures seems to be growing at a rapid pace due to a greater utilization of online resources. “Outliers” in the Jewish community—that is, individuals who do not fit in the “norm”—are becoming more accepted. Judaism is a perceived personal identity; however, there are other subcultures that can also shape an individual’s identity simultaneously. This chapter offers an exploration of how two or more identities can interact. These identities (gendered, sexual, or political) as well as religious identity help mold an individual’s behavior and beliefs. When faced with labels, one does not exclude the other. There are multiple factors that contribute to the growing acceptance of subcultures that are not based on traditional religious behavior. It is unclear if this is because of a widespread cultural acceptance of new kinds of behaviors or if it is because communities have created safe spaces where such differences are accepted. What is apparent is that not all practitioners of Judaism subscribe to traditional religious or

108 Adam Chandler, "Confessions of an Unaffiliated Jew," The Scroll (2012). http://www.tabletmag.com/scroll/113724/confessions-of-an-unaffiliated-jew (accessed September 2, 2013).

72 cultural norms. The Internet allows those who deviate from traditional Judaism and who have multiple subcultural identities or labels to have a voice. This voice allows the individual to discuss thoughts and describe personal behaviors without scrutiny. Online sites have become a place of acceptance and confession for individuals that deviate from the norm without local judgment from those who may perceive these identities to be transgressive or deviant.

In a Jewish individual’s developmental years, social and cultural norms are usually taught within the household. Judaism, for many, is at the core of their family identity. However, this identity can conflict with countless other subcultural identities, such as “metalhead” or “yogi,”109 when the individual becomes a teen or adult. This juxtaposition of traditional and subcultural norms can be a source of internal struggle and contention, making the individual marginalized within the Jewish community.

There are conflicts between old traditions and modern ideologies. For example, if

Jewish tradition implies that only a man and woman should marry, how can a homosexual subscribe to Jewish thought? Can erotic fantasies and dialogue about sex be integrated with Jewish marital traditions? Are women able to be vocal feminists in Jewish traditions based on older patriarchal practices? Is it possible to reject authority and be a part of the Punk community and still follow Jewish traditions, or are the fundamentals of the Punk movement too contradictory to traditional Judaism?

This chapter explores how American Jews who feel marginalized are able to use the Internet to adapt and feel included within the Jewish community. In this chapter, I argue that online communities help individuals discover themselves and hopefully accept

109 Common vernacular for someone who often does yoga as a regular practice in their daily life.

73 themselves, despite not subscribing to norms within their brick and mortar communities.

Although there are countless subgroups within the Jewish community, I am limiting my focus to four groups as case studies of marginalized Jewish communities. While there are many subcultures that could have fit within this chapter, I have chosen to focus on four that I believe demonstrate the most contrast and are the most interesting. The first of these is a community organized around the website called Jewrotica, which offers explicit sexual material for practitioners of Orthodox Judaism. The second is the Jewish

Punk community. The third is the Jewish Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) community. Lastly, I examine the feminist Jewish community. Information about each of these groups has been compiled by studying the websites they have created as well as other sources, since these allow for an in-depth look at these marginalized communities

A community does not have to be defined as a set of face-to-face relationships; it can also be a group of individuals with common connections. A community typically is used for support as well as to create a social outlet for individuals devoted to similar causes or lifestyles. If such a community does not exist in today’s culture, there is often a

“do it yourself” approach to creating a community that serves a need that is unmet. This approach to creating communities applies to Jewish community involvement and creation. 110 This chapter explores how these communities position themselves in an online environment and how the individual can cope with two conflicting identities by discussing and exploring them on the Internet.

110 Ron Wolfson, Relational Judaism (Woodstock VT: Jewish Lights Publishing, 2013).

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Jewrotica: Positioning Sexual Conversation in Orthodox Jewish Communities

While discussions of sexuality within the Orthodox community exist, this subject is not commonly spoken about publicly. These limited discussions within the Orthodox community about sexuality are predominantly confined to same-sex dialogue and focused on marriage and reproduction. Describing sex in Judaism, Rabbi explains that “Judaism offers guidelines, or what might be called erotic channels of communication, designed not to circumscribe our sexual routine, but to focus it and make it potent, so that sex becomes passionate and effective in conjuring up long-term emotions and commitment [marriage].”111 He adds that these emotions leave individuals feeling lonely when engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage. In Boteach’s book

Kosher Sex, he describes sex as the link holding marriages together. He does not focus specifically on sexuality and eroticism, but explains the practical purpose of sex and describes prohibitions within a sexual relationship.

In To be a Jewish Woman, by Lisa Aiken, Orthodox rules and prohibitions are explained explicitly. She writes that the merging of “hearts and minds alone does not legitimize two consenting adults having a physical relationship. Certain physical relationships are so distracting (incest, adultery, premarital sex) that they make it impossible for two people to integrate their physical and spiritual selves.”112 This prohibition on sex also includes LGBT individuals and women who are in (the first day of a woman’s period until five days after—a time of “uncleanliness”). The

111 Shmuley Boteach, Kosher Sex (New York: Doubleday, 1999), p. 10.

112 Lisa Aiken, "Sexual Intimacy and Mikvah." in To Be a Jewish Woman.( Lakewood: Israel Bookshop, 1992), pp. 153-75.

75 commandment from G-d is only satisfied when a man and woman come together sexually when they are both responsive to one another’s needs and during a time when the woman is “pure.”

A woman who is niddah is considered to have “hormonal abnormalities.”113

According to the Old Testament, "None of you shall come near anyone of his own flesh to uncover nakedness: I am the Lord" (18:6), and "Do not come near a woman during her period of uncleanness to uncover her nakedness" (18:19).114 These orthodox customs are still a part of daily life for highly observant Jews. The laws explain when touch between a man and a woman is deemed acceptable and when it is not. These laws are sometimes taken to the extreme of not allowing Orthodox males to sit next to unknown females even on commercial airline flights.115 These laws are created for specific purposes and roles within the Jewish community, however they have the potential for creating a sense of

“otherness” even amongst their own community members.

Much of the Orthodox portion of the Jewish community is confined by rules regarding attire as well.116 Cultural laws provide specifications of appropriate dress.

Within some Orthodox sects, women are instructed to cover themselves from their

113 Ibid.

114 Jordanna Birnbaum, "Shomer : Can't Touch This" http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Sex_and_Sexuality/Jewish_Approaches/Prohibited_Sexual_Relatio nships/Niddah/shomer_negiah.shtml?p=0 (accessed September 1 2013).

115 Michael Paulson. "When a Plane Seat Next to a Woman Is Against Orthodox Faith." . April 09, 2015. Accessed March 21, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/10/us/aboard-flights- conflicts-over-seat-assignments-and-religion.html?_r=0.

116 Lisa Aiken. "Modesty and Selfesteem." In To Be a Jewish Woman (Lakewood: Israel Bookshop, 1992), pp. 123-38.

76 neckline down to their ankles and at least three-quarters of their arm. Many of these women are also instructed, after marriage, to cover their hair with a wig, hat, or scarf.117

Some go as far as to shave their heads to abide by these laws. Men are to wear simple colors and modest shirts that meet their neckline, and to cover their heads. These modesty laws are a custom called “Snius.” Most Jews in the 21st century ignore these prohibitions, but they are still observed within many orthodox communities. The major sects of Judaism, outside of the Orthodox community, do not stress religious prohibitions of sexual experience and discussion. The Orthodox community, however, views “others” outside of their religious community as transgressors and finds their culturally accepted behaviors taboo. Because of these traditional ideas in a modern society, many religious

Jews struggle to find a balance between traditional Judaism and physical transgressions.

In Orthodox communities, the discussion of sex in mixed company is taboo. This specific prohibition limits sexual education in many religious communities and stunts understanding of sexual experience. Plainly, the lack of discussion has the ability to lead to misunderstanding and ignorance. Although the community does not lack understanding of scientific and health related issues, such as prevalent Jewish diseases, it does not promote dialogue about what to expect from sexual activity with a partner and how to navigate personal desires. The community stresses modesty of the body and sexual prohibitions throughout the duration of one’s lifetime.

According to an online article on Chabad,org, titled “ When Saying ‘No’ Can Be

Deadly: Protecting Our Sexuality,” male and female platonic relationships are not

117 Ibid.

77 natural.118 The article tells a story of four teenage males and four teenage females that want to go camping together and inquire about how to have kosher meals on their adventure. The author, Manis Friedman, explains that this event is already not kosher because it is mixed company. “A man and a woman alone together is a sexual event-- even if nothing else happens. According to Jewish tradition, a man and a woman who are not married to each other, and who are not blood relatives, may not be alone together in a room in which the door is locked. This applies to every man and to every woman. Moses himself being alone with Sarah, wife of , would constitute a sexual event.”119

The Orthodox community’s stance on mixed company is so strict that is would likely be rare that individuals are ever alone for much of their youth with others from the opposite sex. Due to this “norm,” this cultural behavior can make it difficult, not only for sexual exploration, but for dialogue between two individuals of the opposite sex.

These challenges provide orthodox individuals with a struggle between their sexual self and their “Jewish self.” How are they able to express themselves sexually, as an individual, and still remain in a Jewish orthodox community with which they have come to identify as their own? As Ruth Westheimer and Jonathan Mark summarize, “Sex

, in and of itself, has never been a for Jews…”120 Yet even Maimonides121 (1135-

118 Manis Friedman. "When Saying "No" Can Be Deadly: Protecting Our Sexuality." Marriage. Chabad.org. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/398918/jewish/When-Saying-No-Can-Be- Deadly.htm/mobile/false.

119 Ibid.

120 Ruth K Westheimer and Jonathan Mark. Heavenly Sex: Sex in the Jewish Tradition (New York: New York University Press, 1995).

121 was a rabbi who is also known by the Hebrew acronym Rambam,. He wrote in depth about sex and sexuality in an Orthodox community.

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1204) wrote about the “collision between (specifically lesbian) sexuality and Jewish tradition.”122 Discussion for sexuality is limited to same-sex conversation within the

Orthodox Jewish community, but in the context of religious texts ,it is talked about in religious education. In addition to dealing with sexuality within a social context, there is a struggle to communicate about sex even within marriage.

Complexities of sexual behavior affect both the Jewish community and the individual. The safe space of the Internet addresses some of these complexities for those who are curious or in need of sexual expression. Ayo Oppenheimer, a single Orthodox

Jewish woman, had a vision of creating a space for Judaism and sexuality online. A young woman with a religious Jewish background, she felt that the global Jewish community was marginalizing a very important entity in Jewish culture -- sex -- and masking it with modesty. Oppenheimer created a site entitled “www.jewrotica.com,” a hub for Jewish sexual expression. The site launched in October of 2012. The objective of the site is made clear in its name, “Jewrotica”—that is, to eroticize Jewish culture without ostracizing its traditional roots. Oppenheimer states, “Jewrotica is a pluralistic and inclusive web-based organization that welcomes individuals of all religious backgrounds and sexual orientations.”123 The website offers a solution to repressed Jewish sexual expression by using an online space. This pluralistic outlook provides a safe space for

Jewish conversations about sexuality.

122 Miryam Kabakov, “Introduction” to Keep Your Wives Away from Them: Orthodox Women, Desires: An Anthology (Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 2010), pp. xi-xviii

123 "Jewrotica" www.jewrotica.com (accessed July 22 2013). http://www.jewrotica.com

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Looking past her edgy marketing strategy of two silhouettes with Stars of David, shown in Figure 1. Logo from Jewrotica website, covering their genitalia, Oppenheimer sets the tone by arguing that marriage is actually the root of Jewish romance and that sexuality can be celebrated in the Jewish community while using a tasteful format. The following is the image provided by Jewrotica.

Figure 1. Logo from Jewrotica website.

On the next webpage, we see the following description of this logo:

[Damn, that logo is sexy.] Yeah, it is. You can appreciate the logo for just being a hot and arousing visual, but there’s actually a deeper meaning.

The male and female silhouettes are Adam and Eve, who frolicked carefree in the Garden of Eden in nothing but their birthday suits. When Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, the pair became aware of their sexuality, embarrassed of their nudity and proceeded to cover themselves with the proverbial fig leaf.

By replacing the fig leaves with Stars of David, we ask: Are we to be embarrassed about our sexuality, or are we not? Further, how – if at all – do our Jewish heritage, culture and values inform our sexual ethics and expression? We welcome you to the conversation.124

This method creates a different paradigm from modern society’s idea that sexual fantasy is commonly outside of wedlock, devious, or violent. Instead, Oppenheimer’s website promotes Judaism’s emphasis on marriage while pushing its modesty laws to a limit that

124 "Brandon Poland, Award-Winning Jewish Drag Queen." FAQ – Jewrotica. Accessed March 14, 2016. http://jewrotica.org/faq/.

80 still is inclusive to the Orthodox community by providing the site visitor with the choice of how explicit they want their experience to be. The website brings continuity to an individual’s desires and religious practice by illustrating that sex in a marriage can be both erotic and religious if the individual chooses to use the site in that particular manner.

The website has the visual layout of a blog. Its broad header posts in large and whimsical writing the word “Jewrotica,” while tools and options are located under the header. This layout makes the site accessible and user friendly. Unlike adult pornographic websites, there are no warnings or notices that you must verify your age. The website is alluring. The graphics are sensual, providing a romantic and sexual vibe without placing nudity at the forefront of the site. Navigating is easy due to the site’s clear buttons and tabs, making the content accessible.

Understanding that Jewish customs vary from one sect to another, each visitor’s online experience can be customized. Oppenheimer’s objective is to make a taboo conversation less ostracizing and more constructive. She carefully has designed the website, creating a rating filter that provides a range of material for those who prefer a more tailored discussion versus those who do not seek a filtered experience. This space and customization of personal experience on the site provides negotiation between the community and the individual.

The site’s following is continually growing as Oppenheimer has invented a space that lingers between the virtual and tangible world. She, along with a small part-time staff, encourages participants to write their experiences and thoughts. These ideas then become material shared in an online forum for visitors to read and discuss. By empowering visitors to also participate in dialogue with their submissions explaining

81 experiences or vocalizing fantasies, Jewrotica offers an opportunity to transform from a voyeur to an active participant. These participants become an online Jewrotica community, reading and learning from others and their experiences.

The site encourages the visitors to participate by submitting entries about their own experiences or fantasies. These stories usually consist of women explicitly discussing their sexual excitement in going to a mikvah125 (because it implies they are capable of having sexual contact with their husbands soon after) and their relationship to their own bodies. In many stories, there are graphic details about sexual events within the bedroom and other public places. For the high holidays, a three-part story emerged on the participant wall “written by ‘Dirty Di.’” The story line is about two observant orthodox Jewish lesbians. The content is a mix of religious observance and articulation of a taboo sexual event:

“Today is Shabbat Shuva,” she said, matter-of-factly. “But,” she continued rapidly, before Malka could utter a word, “since you are looking all hot and bothered,” she dropped the towel to the floor, “and I am already naked,” she climbed to the bed, “and it’s actually a mitzvah to indulge in carnal pleasure on shabbat,” she straddled Malka’s hips and lowered her lips until they were just a breath apart from Malka’s, “I think I’ll forego your learning for the day and let us focus on more, let’s say, pleasurable activities, shall we?”126

The references to the highest of holy days, the most holy time of the Jewish calendar, speaks to this audience and challenges norms. The holiday, , is the day of repentance. On this day G-d writes in The Book of Life who shall live and who shall die.

Due to the importance of Yom Kippur, Jews are encouraged to reflect on their

125 A ritual bath, symbolizing purity for women ten days after the completion of their period.

126 Dirty Di, "Teshuva, Tefila, Tzedaka- A Lover’s Guide from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur”,” Jewrotica http://jewrotica.org/2013/09/teshuva-tefila-tzedaka-a-lovers-guide-from-rosh-hashana-to-yom- kippur-part-2-of-3/ (accessed September 10 2013).

82 behavior.127 The objective is to become more cognizant of one’s personal actions. The dialogue expressed in this piece contradicts all that Jews are taught in brick and mortar communities. While a majority of practicing Jews are abstaining from sexual desires, food, entertainment, and are filling synagogues, there are Jews writing and reading passages that seemingly support and advocate this behavior. Entries such as this also establish Jewrotica as a safe place for homosexual as well as heterosexual Jews to express their desires.

Jewrotica is one of the first Jewish websites of its kind; it creates space for both the Jewish cultural “normal” community as well as the outliers to express sexual fantasies in a modern context while surrounding itself with traditions. With over 1,500 “likes” on

Facebook, Jewrotica proves to have a following. There is also a testimonial section that provides insight as to who follows the blog and views the website. Shimon Weiss, a wine maker in California, states, “Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!”128 This testimonial contains a mix of modern and cultural undertones. “Erotic” and “holiness” almost equate to “coolness” as Weiss praises the site. The word “progressive” is an interesting choice here because some of the website does offer an “alternative perspective” (on subjects such as homosexuality), however, most of the site instills sexual eroticism through marriage and Torah. Like Weiss, Valeria Steinfield, a young professional in Southern California according to the blog, states, “Jewrotica is awesome.

127 "The Fellowship--What Is the Meaning and Significance of Yom Kippur?" Askarabbi. Accessed March 16, 2016. http://www.ifcj.org/site/PageNavigator/eng/rabbi/askrabbi_yom_kippur08.

128 Shimon Weiss. "Testimonial." Editorial. Testimonials. Jewrotica. Web. 14 Mar. 2016.

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It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality.

Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox,

Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from,

Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo [the creator] being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.”129 Steinfield’s testimonial implies that the site is intriguing for those who come from strict households, and that the site’s intended audience is for Orthodox as well as other community members, since it welcomes a variety of backgrounds.

Although there is an option to share one’s personal identity on the website,

Jewrotica uses its ability to stay anonymous, while still empowering those that submit their writing and those that consume the literature to feel empowered by its message as well.

This becomes a place of empowerment for those submitting their narratives. Layla discovered her clitoris at 21, found her orgasm at 23 and was raised in a culture that forbade women from touching men prior to marriage. She loved her husband and he loved her, but they were both ready to take an evening’s field trip outside of their observant Jewish community to see what lay on the other side.130

Identifying female anatomy and equating its touch with pleasure is absolutely prohibited dialogue within the concrete walls of a synagogue and certainly is not an appropriate conversation topic in public for the Orthodox community. Modesty is pushed within the

Jewish traditional norms, but Jewrotica’s online community embraces pushing the norms and challenging those who venture to the site. The previous passage identifies women

129 Ibid.

130 Leia, "Her First Fan,” Jewrotica . Accessed September 10, 2013). http://jewrotica.org/2013/08/her- first-fan/.

84 and men’s inability to touch before marriage, representing tradition. However, the end of the short passage uses the words “take an evening’s field trip outside of their observant

Jewish community to see what lay on the other side,” implying that this couple has decided to leave traditional norms and venture into the secular community—at least online. One can infer that the couple will retreat to their space as they typically had before. Pushing them, the author of this passage implies not only that observant Jews want to leave their communities to experience different social norms, but that they fantasize about it. Using a combination of fantasy, cyberspace, and writing, Jewrotica becomes an escape, empowering other Jews to explore ideas that feed into their curiosity.

These anecdotes become the framework for spiritual conversation and the gateway of expression for Jews from all different walks of life through a dialogue between visitors and writers It is a place to hash out many unresolved feelings that are not articulated in the Jewish community’s physical space. Oppenheimer clearly believes that being Jewish should not preclude the community from being sexually expressive. She continues to engage and challenge communities to create a dialogue that is easily disregarded or portrayed as taboo. Ultimately, Oppenheimer’s Jewrotica is a constructive milieu for Jewish sexual expression and simultaneously cultivates Jewish learning. For the Orthodox, such a space would only be possible on the Internet.

Punk Boots Find Jewish Roots

The Punk movement that started in the 1970s continues to grow and develop. As the popularity of Punk grows, its definition changes. According to one Punk website,

“Prior to the mid-20th century, the term ‘punk’ carried a variety of meanings, none of them positive. Some of them, such as ‘male homosexual’ or ‘catamite’ were sexual in

85 nature. Others, including ‘hoodlum,’ ‘gangster,’ ‘ruffian,’ or ‘to punch or blow with a closed fist’ carried with them connotations of violence. It came to be associated with a particular genre of music (and the people who listened to it) in 1975.”131 Originally, being a Punk signified a defiance of social norms. An individual with this self-proclaimed label acted like they had the right to conduct their behavior in any way they deemed suitable. Connections between the Punk movement and religious communities were not commonly made because the Punk movement rejected authority of any kind. In a book designed for children entitled What is Punk? the movement is referred to as a

“revolution.”132 A revolution and a community based on rituals that are thousands of years old seems like a paradox.

Surprisingly, Steven Lee Beeber acknowledges a strong correlation between the

Punk movement and American Jews. In his book The Heebie-Jeebies at CBGB’s: A

Secret History of Jewish Punk, Beeber describes the Punk movement from a historical, yet “punk” (or what many would view as a crass or “low-brow” vernacular) perspective.

Beeber views Punk as a reflection of “ of oppression and uncertainty, flight and wandering, belonging and not belonging, always being divided, being both in and out, good and bad, part and apart.”133 His perspective articulates the very issue of belonging to a community, but never quite fitting in, always challenging the social and

131 ""No Future" Accessed March 03, 2016. http://academic.mu.edu/meissnerd/punk.html.

132 Eric Morse and Anny Yi. What Is Punk? (Brooklyn: Black Sheep/Akashic Books, 2015).

133 Steven Lee Beeber. "Introduction." The Heebie-Jeebies at CBGB’s: A Secret History of Jewish Punk. Chicago: Chicago Review, 2006. Xi-Xii. Print.

86 cultural norms. These challenges are made public in the Punk culture, whether it be in attire, language, or behavior.

In a chapter entitled “Hotsty-Totsy Nazi Schatzes,” Beeber talks about Lenny

Bruce, a self-identifying Jewish male in the Punk entertainment scene in the mid- twentieth century. Beeber describes Bruce as a Jewish misfit. Bruce pushed the limits of the American public, making controversial comments in his twenties, as the Holocaust came to an end. He saw the Holocaust as “merely another in a long line of crimes against humanity perpetuated by humans of every stripe. In one of his more controversial bits he

[made] an analogy between the Holocaust, the fire-bombing of Dresden, and America’s use of atomic bombs in Japan.”134 Not only is Bruce condemning Germany for their actions, but as a Jew (who is safe in America and was discharged from the army) he makes a scathing comment on the American government’s behavior towards Japan and

Germany as well. This unpatriotic display fits the very definition Beeber describes—not fitting in either “camp..”

Bruce, like much of the original Punk community, only had particular venues that would celebrate his alternative perspective. CBGB’s and Max’s in New York were two of the most popular Punk venues in America. Without the Internet, this subculture in

America had a limited reach. This probably made “anti-establishment” undertones far more believable for those within the movement because they were limited in their public reach. The movement could not cast a wider net to a larger group of like-minded people.

Beeber also argues that when Punk moved from different locations, the community itself

134 Steven Lee Beeber. "Hotsty-Totsy Nazi Schatzes." The Heebie-Jeebies at CBGB’s: A Secret History of Jewish Punk. 168-70.

87 changed, making it no longer the original movement. However, Beeber concludes that even Punk becomes mainstream at some point. He uses modern technology as his example of blending into suburban America. Although Punk once seemed on the fringes of society, the sounds of the Punk movement inevitably crept into suburban households.

“”I say aloud, it’s really there, that’s really the song, those are really the Ramones [Joey and Tommy Ramone were Jewish] playing out over a Nissan Pathfinder commercial.”135

Both the television and the car are symbols of modernity (and even conformity) that have merged so easily with a movement that formed to spite them.

This Punk subculture is still prevalent in the Jewish community. The concept of weaving themselves between the secular world, the Jewish cultural world, and for some, the religious world is difficult when these identities seem to conflict with one another.

Jews still wrestle with the idea of laws, community, and cultural norms. Arguably, this will continue to be a struggle and is presently expressed in many modern American

Jewish online communities. Micol and David Ostow provide a clear modern example in their novel So Punk Rock (And Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother).136 The cover of the book has high school aged boys playing in a rock band with kippot (Jewish head coverings for men). The image, along with the title, sends a message. Together they allow the reader to assume that the Punk movement is a “Jewish disappointment.” Not surprisingly, and consistent with the cover, at the end of the novel there is a short biography of the two authors. The term “endured ” is used to describe

135 Steven Lee Beeber "Afterward." The Heebie-Jeebies at CBGB’s: A Secret History of Jewish Punk. (Chicago: Chicago Review, 2006) 232.

136 Micol Ostow and David Ostow. So Punk Rock: (and Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother) (Woodbury, MN: Flux, 2009).

88 their education. This choice of words insinuates that the Jewish community was not the perfect fit for these two individuals. The novel, about identifying as Jewish and loving the

Punk scene, is a clear example that the two identities can become conflicting for an individual. However, these identities do not exclude the individual from either community. Throughout the novel, the characters attempt to merge both worlds.

Likewise, the Jewish Punk movement now uses online forums to create a community that is both Jewish and punk. Online communities are quite possibly what the punks of CBGB and the fictional characters from So Punk Rock (and maybe the authors as well) were not successful at accomplishing.

“Punk Judaism” is illustrated on the Internet by placing visuals within online media. These visuals are rougher than the soft fonts found on typical religious pages.

The text is distressed and resembles the same fonts from the Punk movement of the

1970s. For example, Figure 3 Comparison of The Sex Pistols logo with Punk Torah podcast logo, has two images show text that is popular within the punk movement. The first image is marketing material for The Sex Pistols, a popular British Band.137 The second image is for Punk Torah’s podcast.138:

137 The Very Best of Sex Pistols Remastered. Digital image. Music-bazaar.com. Web. 14 Mar. 2016. .

138 Punk Torah's Podcast Image. Digital image. Punk Torah. Accessed March 14, 2016. http://punktorah.org/?s=punk jew.

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Figure 3. Comparison of The Sex Pistols logo with Punk Torah podcast logo.

This contributes to a broader audience. The blogging community can easily find common themes from one Jewish Punk website to another. It is important to acknowledge this subgroup and the people who label themselves “punks” because the negative connotation that the word once had has now morphed into a definition of being an empowered and confident individual. The movement also signals stylistic and musical preferences. The term “punk” is now an embodiment of conviction that takes pride in ownership of one’s behavior and personal tastes.

Punk Jews is a blog that took on a life of its own and eventually became a documentary film.139 Its online community takes pride in this social label and adheres to many of its descriptors. However, these are not just “punks,” but self-identifying Jews.

They identify themselves as a group of people who contest mainstream thinking and yet also attach themselves to some Old World customs. One may assume that to be both punk and Jewish is a paradox, a literal walking contradiction, but the community is still growing and continues to have an online presence. Punk Jews made a documentary and toured the country, bringing their online presence to brick and mortar communities. They

139 Punk Jews. Directed by Jesse Z. Mann. Produced by Evan Kleinman and Saul Sudin. 2012. You Tube. October 23, 2014. Accessed March 3, 2016. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c29lJ3U_A0.

90 take pride in all of their labels. As Zook Mann stated in talking about this documentary,

“Punk Jews pushes buttons. Whether it’s a critique on , feminism, offending someone’s religious values… after we screen the film there are usually some intense feelings brought up in the question and answer period afterwards and we like that. We

LOVE that.”140 The blog’s mantra, to question and challenge authority, directly targets the traditional roots and customs of Judaism. Punk, by definition, means to be contrary and go against the grain, yet these groups attach themselves in some sense to a religion that contains 613 rules and use the label to challenge the standard archetypes provided by its traditional roots.

Punk Torah, another online expression of the Jewish and punk community, attracts its audience through Jewish education and dialogue. 141 Like Punk Jews, the diction and tone is welcoming to its audience. Both sites are progressive in nature. This online community comes in a blog format, but pushes the reader into online forums and a myriad of articles that have edgy headlines with surprisingly religious topics. These topics come in blog form and video, as well as eBooks. Some examples are: Parshat Tzav

(Matt Daemon Made Me A Better Jew), Parshat Pekudei (Jodie Foster, Adult ADD and

Zen Buddhism for Jews), and an “It Gets Better” section that combines women and

“GLBT” [sic] communities. Because the GLBT community is linked with women, there is an implication that both have less power, or voice, within the Jewish community.

140 Zook Mann, "Is Punk Jews a Movement? It Is to Us/," in Punk Jews. (PunkJews.com: Punk Jews, 2013).

141 Rabbi Patrick Aleph, "Punk Torah,” Punk Torah www.punktorah.com (accessed June 29 2013).

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Continuing on these themes, there are several layers within Punk Torah’s creation that peek interest. The site’s creator, Patrick Aleph, also maintains the website. Aleph, being a convert himself, decided to create a website for Jews that felt like they did not live within the parameters that major sects of Judaism prescribed. Based outside of

Atlanta, Georgia, Aleph’s popularity became a movement that started online. Aleph became one of the faces to push online Judaism, creating a shift from abstaining from the internet on Shabbat (as is usually done by the Orthodox) to using it as a tool to engage people in observing Shabbat. Aleph’s popularity brought him from behind the computer and pushed him back into brick and mortar congregations, conferences, and events. He has spoken all over the country.

Moving from behind the computer to creating face-to-face relationships, Aleph’s stance on Judaism has not waivered in the past eight years; however, his title has. Aleph became an ordained rabbi in 2013, allowing him to carry a social role of Jewish authority.

Aleph has not changed his practices nor has his rhetoric changed. In the Jewish community there is a desire for authority figures, such as a rabbinical presence. Aleph gravitated to the Jewish community, started a blog, proclaimed he is “Punk” and then became ordained as a rabbi in order to create legitimacy for his movement. It is hard to identify changes due to his new title. His workload has always been incredibly high, he still tours at the same rate, and the website continues to gain popularity. His online popularity can be attributed to using modern words like “Punk” to create a community for

Jews who do not feel like they fit within the existing sects of American Judaism. Aleph’s rabbinical presence on Punk Torah allows for a merger between traditional Judaism and the Punk world.

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In addition to Aleph’s voice online, Punk Torah accepts blog submissions from its audience. One blog entry entitled “Queer Jew, Punk Torah” by “Lucas,” uses the terminology “Queer Jew” as a self-identifier.142 He explains his battle with personal acceptance of his homosexuality in brick and mortar communities. His dialogue on his blog post discusses the use of these labels and terms. He states, “Punk was the only personal identifier I had in my arsenal and it fit well enough for a while. The word felt safe and all encompassing to me, I clung to it and used it to distract everyone away from the fact that I liked dudes.”143 Lucas places the Punk label on himself because he clearly connects its definition with his personal experience.

Further in the post, Lucas states that “Jews I’ve met, queer or otherwise, wonder how I can go to Shul [synagogue], pray, wear [a] and identify as a queer person and a Jew at the same time. They ask how I can have an honest connection to Hashem

[G-d], or just how I can be religious at all.”144 Lucas does not seem to have a problem identifying himself as a Jew, but he expresses social conflicts due to his religious conviction and his sexuality. Through cyberspace, Lucas has the ability to find other Jews like himself. Lucas has sought online communal support as a way of strengthening his personal identity. He expresses his lack of desire to leave Judaism and feels tied to his heritage while still battling religious norms. One of the many comments left for Lucas

142 No last name is provided.

143 Lucas, "Queer Jew, Punk Torah,” Punk Torah Accessed September 11, 2013. http://punktorah.org/queer-jew-punk-torah/..

144 Ibid.

93 states, “MY SYNAGIGUE [sic], Congregation Beth Haverim145 was founded in 1985.

The shul was founded by gay men and lesbians.”146 Lucas has now found another Jew who may individually have felt alone and came to a brick and mortar house of worship that accepted his differences. However, both parties are still online, which means that these Punk Jews are looking for a way to expand their community and support system.

These two men are networking under a guise of Punk, a label they both can agree on.

This label is different from sexual labels and sexual identity- they also identify as Jewish and both are strongly attached to their communities. Together, their commonalities lead them to an online exchange of support and empowerment.

This punk movement and the Jewrotica communities are similar because they are both seen as small subcultures within Judaism. They both remove themselves from mainstream Judaism, yet return to the Jewish community to create a unifying cohort for individuals who share particular behaviors. These behaviors have continually changed among a variety of identities (sexual, punk, and religious), but in this ebb-and-flow they have also returned to their Jewish roots.

Sharing a Bed with Jewish Traditions: LGBT Jewish Communities

Another important online subculture has been created by Jews who also identify themselves as LGBT. While the broader Jewish community has established and accepted several LGBT brick and mortar synagogues, the Orthodox community has not established an acceptance of this subculture. Beth Chayim Chadashim, located in Los Angeles,

145 The name of this brick-and-mortar synagogue translates to House of Friends

146 Mitch Morrow, Punk Torah http://punktorah.org/queer-jew-punk-torah/ (accessed September 11 2013).

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California is a congregation that assists in creating an LGBT Jewish community.147 They have events and an online presence. Their website is bright, with rainbow splattered paint on the home page. There is a “Queer archive” for the . This page clearly infuses spirituality with inclusive sexual identity.

In addition, Sinai Temple, one of the largest Jewish communities in Los Angeles, both in physical size and population, has an LGBT community as well.148 Led by Rabbi

David Wolpe, the LGBT group gains acceptance from the greater synagogue community.

Sinai Temple offers resources and suggests reading for both LGBT Jewish individuale and their families. The site also offers a connection to a greater community, Keshet.

Keshet is a national grassroots organization that works for the full equality and inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Jews in Jewish life. Led and supported by LGBT Jews and straight allies, Keshet strives to cultivate the spirit and practice of inclusion in all parts of the Jewish community. We began as a small, grassroots group working for change in the Greater Boston area, and we are now a national organization with offices in the Bay Area and Denver, in addition to our national office in Boston.149

This larger grassroots organization shows the LGBT Jewish community is not limited to one location, since there is a national desire to address the LGBT Jewish community’s needs.

The head of the rabbinical movement for Orthodox Judaism has continued to reject LGBT relationships and sexuality, referring to them as transgressive. This rejection can easily create a rift between an individual’s sexual and religious identities. In an anthology about orthodox women who feel torn between their religious lives in their

147 "Beth Chayim Chadashim." Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.bcc-la.org/. 148 "Sinai Temple - LGBT Resources." Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.sinaitemple.org/community/lgbt_resources.php.

149 Ibid.

95 sexuality, Temim Fruchter states, “[a]s a queer/granderqueer Jew, I was learning that feeling marginalized and shut out as a queer person could and should push me to learn about and connect with other anti-oppression struggles, and to work toward a more just world alongside and together with those movements… [I]t’s about living in the world and struggling in and with my communities to make it a little bit more just.”150 Fruchter’s words describe battling between these two identities as extremely taxing on an individual.

To identify with both being Orthodox and being (in this case) lesbian almost pushes

Fruchter to search beyond her local synagogue and to turn to another community.

Although she writes in an anthology published in 2010, it is clear that her voice speaks not only of her experience, but for the assumed many that may be voiceless. The internet serves as a forum for those voices.

This struggle marginalizes the LGBT individual, and often creates a sense of loneliness. One creator of a blog designed for LGBT Orthodox Jews explains his feelings in a poem:

Memo to Myself

When I am alone it's okay to feel lonely. It doesn't need to be more than that. It doesn't mean I will be lonely for the rest of my life. It doesn't necessitate action. I don't need to remedy the feeling right away. It will pass without me doing anything.151 -From the website Orthodox, Gay and Married Jew

150 Temim Fruchter. "The First Hug: A Story of Transgressions,” in Keep Your Wives Away from Them: Orthodox Women Unorthodox Desires (Berkeley: North Atlantic Books, 2010),pp. 6-13.

151 festerfest123, "Memo to Myself," in Orthodox, Gay and Married Jew (Online: 2013). http://frumgaymarried.blogspot.com/2013/12/memo-to-myself.html.

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As the title of this website suggests, this individual’s identity is very complex. He describes himself as Orthodox, homosexual, and married to a female. His loneliness, due to his sexuality, is a feeling that makes it difficult to connect with other members of his brick and mortar community. This makes him feel marginalized within the Jewish

Orthodox community. It is a feeling that is not always determined by proximity. He can be surrounded by Jews or homosexuals, but the two identities for him have merged, thus leaving him to feel alone despite communities that would easily accept one, but maybe not both of these identities. The separation between this individual and his community is complex. The layers of tradition, culture, internal language, and beliefs are intertwined.

George Chauncey examined the secular gay community in early 20th century New

York and found that there was a language its members used to classify themselves. This subculture had its own lexicon. Terms such as “normal men,” “wolves,” “punks” and

“fairies” provided a definition for how the male individual interacted with his personal identity as well as his identity in the LGBT community.152 Something similar is evident in online websites designed for this community. On a website called “Forever in Love,” a list of terminology for the modern homosexual is listed. These terms provide the community with a common modern vernacular that assists in describing people, partners, and behaviors. The list includes but is not limited to: “auntie,” an aging homosexual;

“camp,” to be obviously and obnoxiously homosexual; “to change your luck,” to engage in a homosexual sex act for the first time; and “cottaging,” the use of public toilets as a

152 George Chauncey, Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Makings of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940. (New York: Basic Books, 1994).

97 venue for meeting sexual partners.153 The list, which includes terms more graphic than those cited here, stems from a need to articulate behaviors and norms within the LGBT community.

The Internet has also become a place of self-reflection as well as empowerment for Orthodox Jews who are LGBT. Orthodox Jews use this space much like other marginalized communities. For Orthodox LGBT Jews --or those I will hereafter label

OLGBT Jews—online sites may be the only spaces they have to communicate their sexual desires and feelings.

As stated before, the Orthodox community recognizes only traditional households that involve marriage between a man and woman. When individual desires do not align with a community’s expectations, the individual becomes marginalized and isolated, even if it is a secret transgression. Any variation or deviation of this norm can place not only the individual but also their entire family in a compromising situation. A submission to

Tablet Magazine states:

Growing up in an ultra-Orthodox family in Brooklyn in the 1970s, Moshe struggled with his homosexuality. “I went to yeshiva and there were no gay characters on television,” said Moshe, who asked that we not use his real name. There was no discussion of gay issues at the yeshiva, either, he remembers: Everyone was implicitly taught that the only way to channel their sexuality was to get married—to women, of course.154

Although “Moshe” is not using his real name, the story he is sharing is nonfiction. Moshe clearly expresses that his orthodox community neglected a component of his identity.

153 "Homosexual Terminology (gay Slang)." Forever In Love. 2013. Accessed March 14, 2016. https://foreverinlove2013.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/homosexual-terminology-gay-slang/.

154 Michael Orbach. "LGBT Orthodox Jews Find a Safe Space in Online Social Media." Tablet Magazine. June 26, 2013. Accessed March 30, 2016. http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/136001/lgbt- orthodox-jews-online.

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This lack of discussion about OLGBT Jews conveyed to him that his sexuality was not acceptable within his community. Hiding his “true” identity is ironic. He is shifting from one veil to another. He cannot name himself online for fear he might be discovered, but he cannot share his sexuality within his brick and mortar community.

Using the Internet to communicate about sexuality anonymously is also becoming evident within other very orthodox communities. For instance, parallel to Jewish

Orthodox communities, Amish communities also live very close to one another and use this proximity to regulate community behavior. They are isolated from secular communities as well as other religious communities. The Amish avoidance of electricity also creates a more sheltered community that is disconnected from the outside world. It also leaves few outlets for marginalized Amish people and especially those who recognize themselves as LGBT. They live in secret, fearful of being shunned.155 Yet while their community is only supposed to be brick and mortar, like the Orthodox Jewish communities, the marginalized Amish have also turned to the Internet to create a community of understanding. For example, LGBTAmish.com is a community formed for support of marginalized Amish community members. Other blogs like “Growing up Gay and Amish” and “X Amish Atheist” are ways and means for Amish to connect to one another, similar to the OLGBT Jewish community sites.

Having an online presence allows these individuals to create a community with little to no hostile judgments from those condemning them. Learning from one another with pen names and different aliases opens up a world far beyond the borders of their

155 Natalie Hope McDonald. "Young, Gay - and Amish - G Philly." Philadelphia Magazine. October 09, 2012. Accessed March 18, 2016. http://www.phillymag.com/g-philly/2012/10/09/young-gay-amish/.

99 cities and towns. According to Psychology Today, shunning causes embarrassment, shame, jealousy, annoyance, and shyness.156 Using online forums provides a sense of strength to those who are marginalized. The Internet allows the individual to watch, read, and learn about other homosexuals within the Jewish community as well as outside the community.

General websites, such as the GLBT Community Center of Baltimore & Central

Maryland, have resources for individuals who are looking for support and 24 hour hotlines.157 For example, Jewish Queer Youth (JQY) is an online support group for

LGBT Jews and their families.158 The website has links for the following activities: pathways to join, financially supporting their programs, contacting them, and articles for readership. The headline on the website provides a welcoming feeling: “Jewish?

Orthodox? Gay? You are Not Alone” is in large print at the center of the page.

JQY’s mission statement reaffirms their purpose with clarity. “Our mission is to address the unique needs of LGBT frum [observant] and formerly frum Jews. JQY is dedicated to cultivating a Jewish community where no one feels alone, bullied or silenced because of their orientation or gender identity. Special attention is given to youth, young adults and their families; however we have programs for all ages.”159 Although support

156 Rosemary K.M. Sword Ph.D. and Philip Zimbardo, "Shunning – the Ultimate Rejection," (2013). http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201302/shunning-the-ultimate-rejection (accessed April 2, 2014).

157 "Glbt Community Center of Baltimore & Central Maryland,” GLCCB http://www.glccb.org/resources/hotlines (accessed January 12, 2016 2016).

158 JQY www.jqyouth.org (accessed January 15 2016).

159 Ibid.

100 for all LGBT individuals is important, having a site that specifically targets the needs of the Orthodox community shows that there is a large enough need and infers that this population of OLGBT Jews is ample in number. For instance, Hebro, GayJews.org, orthogays.org, HEbrew, and Jewishlgbtnetwork.com are among many of the OLGTB websites.

Sites like JQY can also make connections that might turn into face-to-face support. They list a large number of yeshivot (Jewish places of learning) that they are in connection with as well as events and the information an individual needs to attend them.

Resources like JQY solidify the idea that Orthodox Jews are able to live a Jewish life while still having an “alternative” sexual identity.

The existence of these websites shows there is a need for the Jewish community to address the OLGBT community and provide resources. The dual identities are also evidence of the desire to keep an attachment to their religious roots, despite possible tension from their religious brick and mortar communities. The websites provide a voice for the OLGBT community, using the sites as an outlet that they may otherwise not have locally. Forming meaningful relationships and communities online may be one of many solutions for individuals with alternative lifestyles struggling to fit into both communities.

Voices that Carry: and Online Communities

As the OLGBT community continues to strengthen its community allies, the

Orthodox has also found its way online. According to Dina Pinsky,

“Feminism operates in tension with Jewishness through androcentric religious texts, a patriarchal legal structure, male-dominated religious institutions, and exclusion of women

101 from prayer leadership.”160 In an article published on MyJewishLearning.com, Dr. Paula

Hyman explains that the general Jewish feminist movement is the “daughter” of the second wave of American feminism in the 1960s.161 She explains what she thinks is the catalyst for this wave of feminism coupled with Jewish identity. “But some women, whose Jewishness was central to their self‑definition, naturally applied their newly acquired feminist insights to their condition as American Jews. Looking at the all-male bimah [platform] in the synagogue, they experienced the feminist ‘click’–the epiphany that things could be different‑–in a Jewish context.”162 Although this fits within many sects of Judaism, feminism defies many of the cultural norms and traditions of Orthodox

Judaism, thus creating a need for a community online. Marjorie Ingall, a writer for the

Jewish periodical The Forward, writes:

As Naomi Wolf points out in the Fall 2005 issue of , feminism and Judaism go together like Courtney Love and hitting people with microphones while screaming in a drug-addled spittle-flecked nipple-revealing manner. (Okay, she didn’t put it quite like that.) Ms. Wolf did say, “We have a political history going back to the socialist and labor movements, where women were organizers and rabble-rousers,”which is close.163

Like the OLGBT community, Jewish feminists must consider what it means to be a female and find or create equality within an Orthodox patriarchal religious community.

160 Dina Pinsky. "Secular Adapters." In Jewish Feminists: Complex Identities and Activists Lives (Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 2010), pp. 43-59.

161 . "American Jewish Feminism: Beginnings." My Jewish Learning. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/american-jewish-feminism-beginnings/.

162 Ibid.

163 Majorie Ingall. "Why Are There So Many Jewish Feminists?" The Forward. November 18, 2005. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://forward.com/articles/2305/why-are-there-so-many-jewish-feminists/.

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This contrast between feminism and Judaism is often graphic and extreme, illustrating that there are stark differences between Judaism and .

The response from many sects of Judaism has often been to embrace egalitarianism. However, the Orthodox community has not subscribed to this modern practice, leaving Orthodox Jewish feminists to find a voice outside of brick and mortar space. These practices are challenged on a blog called Rising Voices. “I’ve come to realize that, although there is full gender equality in the more liberal branches of Judaism, egalitarianism does not necessarily equal feminism. The [a wall or barrier separating men and women within a synagogue] is a clear mark of inequality. Inequality in other communities is harder to see, but it’s still there. One example of this is that female Rabbis earn less than male Rabbis. This isn’t as easy to see as the mechitza but it’s still there.”164 Female rabbis are still a move in the modern direction, allowing women to lead a congregation. Inequalities that are still prevalent are not specific to the Jewish community, but are a symptom of a broader American gender bias that still exists.

The Jewish Women’s Archive (JWA) is a website that offers resources and information about the general Jewish women’s movement. On the front page is a picture of women from the National Organization for Women (NOW). They are sitting in a semicircle. Many of them have ethnic features. Under the image in large capitalized print, on the center of the home page states the following, “JEWISH WOMEN HAVE

PLAYED KEY ROLES IN BUILDING AND ADVANCING THE MODERN

164 Rana Bickel. "Sharing Stories, Inspiring Change." Orthodox Feminism. February 12, 2016. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://jwa.org/blog/risingvoices/orthodox-feminism.

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AMERICAN WOMEN’S MOVEMENT.”165 The words are empowering. They imply that women have advanced modern American culture and that not only are they

American women, but they are Jewish.166 The two identities merge, creating a powerful position for women in modern cultural society. The site contains but is not limited to the following: a blog, profiles, educational tools and resources, timelines, historical information, images, a shop, and a place to donate.167

When using the JWA browser, it is easy to navigate to Orthodox feminist content on the site. The Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance (JOFA) link appears at the top of the page. Their mission statement is printed: “The mission of JOFA is to expand the spiritual, ritual, intellectual and political opportunities for women in Orthodox Jewish life within the framework of [Jewish law]. JOFA also sponsors a popular biennial

Conference on Feminism and Orthodoxy.”168 JOFA is on the JWA site, but is its own organization and provides its own resources and website.

A small paragraph on the home page states:

JOFA is where you find the tools for advancing social change in your community. Being a member of JOFA enables you to connect with people, like you, who are working to make the religious world a better place for women -- and men. JOFA is you. It’s who you are. It’s your identity, your voice, and your community.

165 Ibid.

166 Deborah Dash Moore and Paula E. Hyman. Jewish Women in America: A Historical Encyclopedia. (New York: Routledge, 1998).

167 "Sharing Stories, Inspiring Change." Feminism. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://jwa.org/feminism.

168 "Sharing Stories, Inspiring Change." Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://jwa.org/feminism/glossary/jofa.

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Become a member and stay connected to people just like you. JOFA is where you belong.169

The mention of advancing social change might lead one to believe this grassroots organization uses the page as a forum for Orthodox women to convey frustrations or challenges. However, instead they are led to a blog called The Torch.170

The Torch, an online blog and forum for Orthodox Jewish women, provides information and articles. The content and subjects that are offered are vast. One, for instance, discussed the Biblical women Esther and Ruth. The article analyzes what it means to be a Jewish woman and the roles that are provided because of religious texts.

“Esther and Ruth symbolize the most disempowered of our society. In addition to being women, Esther is an orphan, Ruth is not only a widow and foreigner but also a Moabite, the most alienated of the gentile nations. Significantly, even these disenfranchised women are able to bring redemption to the Jewish people…”171 The article explains that these women started powerless, however, they grow to empower and “redeem” an entire group of people. Articles like this provide women with literature online, creating a voice for the feminist Orthodox Jewish woman.

Prayer and the women mentioned in the Torah are a source of power for Orthodox feminist women, creating conflict between their Jewish identity and their modern

169 "JOFA | Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance." JOFA | Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.jofa.org/.

170 "Candle Lighting’s Power to Connect and Transform Us." My Jewish Learning. The Torch Category. Accessed March 04, 2016. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/category/the-torch/

171 Yaffa Epstein and Meesh Hammer-Kossoy. "Did Esther and Ruth Break the Glass Ceiling? A Debate." My Jewish Learning. Accessed March 04, 2016. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/the-torch/did-esther- and-ruth-break-the-glass-ceiling/.

105 feminist identity. As Dina Pinsky states, “Since these women are religious, to varying degrees, they do experience tension between their Jewish and feminist identities. This is inevitable because their identities draw on an ancient religious system that does not easily translate into a new ideology such as feminism.”172 JOFA understands that these dueling identities need to be addressed when faced with religious traditional prayers and modernity. Addressing prayer and women, JOFA provides a list of Orthodox synagogues that “allow” women to say Kaddish173 and wrap tefillin.174 Since these religious prayers are not typically an outlet for women, notifying this progressive online community of the existence of such synagogues may assist in forming a larger brick and mortar community.

The Internet then becomes a link that assists communities that are welcoming to new prayer practices.

Blu Greenberg, a leader of the Orthodox feminist movement, argues that these traditional changes are drastically different than the social norms from three decades ago.

“While changes in Orthodoxy may not seem as stark as changes in the more liberal denominations, they are more remarkable in some ways because they represent a greater shift from the status quo,”175 she argues. Greenberg’s insight is particularly interesting because she grew up in an era when these changes seemed impossible. She implies that

172 Dina Pinksy. "Torah Warriors." In Jewish Feminists: Complex Identities and Activists Lives. (Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 2010), pp. 21-42.

173 is a prayer said in synagogue to praise G-d.

174 A morning ritual thanking G-d for life and a new day. In the prayer is a section that thanks G-d for not making men (who are typically the only ones allowed to complete this ritual) women.

175 . "Orthodox Feminism For The 21st Century." My Jewish Learning. October 2, 2002. Accessed March 04, 2016. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/orthodox-feminism-for-the-21st- century/.

106 these changes are just the beginning for Orthodox feminists. Greenberg explained the complexities shaping this community when she writes, “Another factor in determining future change is the ability of a community to distinguish between policy/community sensibility and halachic [Jewish law] prohibition.”176 Arguably, there seems to be a negotiation happening between old texts and modern desires. The community must agree upon new practices and find compromise. This is very difficult because old traditional texts were written by men and are taken as G-d’s word. Changing these words would be an abomination to the Orthodox Jewish community.

Like Greenberg, Harry Maryles, a male contributor for TheJewishPress.com, also takes issue with changing traditional norms. He uses the same argument as Greenberg for a different purpose: to combat the change of the feminist movement.177 In his article entitled “Is Feminism Compatible with Orthodoxy?” he argues that tradition has no room for equality and that to change religious rituals or cultural norms is to fight with G-d.

“The ‘rules’ of Judaism are based on what demands of us as His people. They are not based on rights which we may demand. In Judaism men and women are given specific roles. Each has their own area of responsibility for fulfilling God’s will,”178 he writes. Although Maryles argues that Jewish traditional norms cannot change and still be rooted in Orthodox Judaism, he is still acknowledging that there is a need for dialogue. In

176 Ibid.

177 Harry Maryles. "Is Feminism Compatible with Orthodoxy?" RSS. October 24, 2013. Accessed March 03, 2016. http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/haemtza/is-feminism-compatible-with- orthodoxy/2013/10/25/.

178 Ibid.

107 fact, by acknowledging this movement at all, his personal power (because he is a man) might possibly be threatened by what this movement suggests.

The Orthodox Jewish feminist movement uses the Internet differently than most subgroups do. Although there are organizations, articles, and blogs, this particular movement seems to lack clear-shared goals. Unlike the other groups in this chapter, there is a struggle to identify the individual’s and the community’s needs. If, in fact, the other groups also struggle with shared goals, it is less apparent. What is apparent is that

Orthodox Jewish feminists are using online forums as a way to convey thoughts and create dialogue in the interest of change within the Orthodox Jewish community.

Understanding Subcultures

The four subcultural Jewish groups analyzed here—the community created around the website Jewrotica, the Punk Jewish community, the OLGBT Community, and the Jewish Feminist Community, have demonstrated complex and multidimensional understandings of identity. Online communities have cultivated new kinds of dialogue that are not always permitted or accepted in brick and mortar synagogues. These online connections have created new kinds of communities and have moved marginalized individual into a safe space for expressing identity, particularly as it relates to sexuality and feminism. It is evident through these case studies that the Jewish community has multiple subcultures that need attention and support. Many of them now find this support online.

These groups have negotiated their connections to Judaism in different ways online. For searching Jew, online space becomes a place where taboo fantasies are acceptable within marriage or a safe sexual relationship. Jewrotica’s concept of

108 eroticizing marriage glorifies Jewish tradition and provides barriers that allow the audience to stay committed to their partner and religious conviction. Unlike the Jewrotica audience, Punks reclaim their Judaism by being deviant and challenging thousand-year- old traditions, while also personalizing their practices and voicing their disdain for traditional roles. For members of the OLGBT community, an online presence cultivates a safe place for an identity that is still not acceptable within many brick and mortar institutions. The feminist community has also reclaimed their voices within a patriarchal society by working online. For all four of these very different Jewish subcultures, the internet has become a safe place to vocalize individual, complex, and multidimensional

Jewish identities.

These websites highlight the fact that some individuals within the Jewish community wrestle with their Jewishness as well as with other aspects of their identity.

These competing identities have the capability of creating inconsistencies within particular communities, therefore making the individual seek acceptance elsewhere.

Specifically within the Jewish community, it is apparent that strict guidelines may cause conflict for outliers, but that an individual may identify with multiple communities simultaneously. The Internet provides these individuals with power. The ability to express one’s self without fear of judgment or consequence proves to be an outlet for these voices. Together, their voices form communities of Jewish traditions, joy, maybe even of sadness at times- but they are together. The use of the Internet has created alternative communities that provide support. Signing online through a computer may be the way that modern Jewish Americans can discover complex and authentic versions of themselves and can gain access to a world beyond their local communities.

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CHAPTER 5

CONCLUSION: THE ONLINE JEWISH LANDSCAPE

“Kehilla” is an ancient term that is still used in different ways to talk about Jewish communities, both secular and religious. This term suggests the feeling of being encompassed by Jewish traditions in a public space or area, as well as commonalities such as language, food, traditions, music, and religion. Many American Jews have also embraced the term kehilla. Arguably the Internet has become the most modern kehilla of all. It encompasses old traditions and new modern ideas. Kehillot (plural) on the World

Wide Web have embraced all forms of Jewish individuality and have possibly changed the landscape of the Jewish American experience. They have shaped the ways Jews interact with one another, how they communicate, and how they view communities. They have also created new and innovative ways for the small Jewish American population to use technology as a cyber kehilla of interaction. These online communities have created a space for Jewish Americans to keep one foot in a Jewish world, despite any conflicting or seemingly conflicting identities. These new uses of the Internet have made it possible for

Jewish individuals to maintain a connection with their cultural (and sometimes religious) roots.

Words like kehilla help shape the way American Jews see community. In a similar way, anthropologist Benedict Anderson focused on how to understand national communities. He argued that these kinds of communities are “imagined” because “the

110 members of even the smallest nation will never know most of their fellow-members, meet them, or even hear-of them, yet in the minds of each lives the image of their communion.”179 Although he is discussing communities with borders, such as nations, his theories about “imagined communities” can be used to describe the kinds of communities created on the World Wide Web by its users. These individuals also may never know or meet others in their “community,” yet they also continue to involve themselves and “imagine” a sense of communion.

Anderson explains the use of language and symbols that help reinforce communal identity and unity.180 Online Jewish communities also provide these types of symbols and language. For example, the Orthodox movement uses pictures of a Torah and “Old

World” imagery to establish their community online. JDate and other dating sites use symbols such as Stars of David and prominent rabbis are highlighted to create an identity that signifies to the visitor that they are essentially “in the right place.” Similarly,

Jewrotica uses Stars of David over their genitals. The Punk Jews also use Jewish symbols mixed with a kind of lettering that is widely associated with the Punk culture (including individual letters that look like they were cut from different sources for a ransom note).

Large rainbows over Stars of David make the OLGBT sites easily identifiable as both

LGBT and Jewish. Jewish feminists are a bit tricky to identify visually. This group also uses the Stars of David, however it is the language that is used that is the “feminist” indicator. Most sites use wording like “Women’s Organization” or “Women’s

179 Benedict Anderson, Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism (London: Verso, 1991), p. 6.

180 Ibid.

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Community.” The feminist aspect is really more distinguishable once the audience has read the material provided, such as “a women’s right to pray with tefillin” or when the site discusses changes in women’s roles in a Jewish household. Because there is no easily identifiable symbol for feminism within the Jewish online community, the site visitor must examine these materials for themselves as well as search for the broader messages that have been provided.

Such a large online presence shows that there is a need for newly formed communities and venues for those with dual identities. These Jewish online forums were created out of desires that brick and mortar communities were not able to meet or have not met well enough for these individuals. Technology has provided possibilities that previous structures could not support prior to the Internet.

This is evident even for the Orthodox community, which is considered the most traditionally Jewish. Chapter Two examined the ways the Orthodox communities use online forums. For them, the Internet is a source for outreach and education. These communities have found a way to merge modern technology and popular culture with

Old World traditions and texts. This merger is alluring and has an almost celebratory feel, which is welcoming to any individual that stumbles upon their websites. Their inclusiveness provides individuals with acceptance at any level of Jewish understanding.

Websites created and supported by Aish Hatorah (Aish) and Chabad have continued to provide sources that explain Judaism and its practices on multiple levels. Since Aish and

Chabad have acknowledged that many visitors to their sites have different backgrounds and levels of knowledge, they have made it possible for individuals to grow by providing levels of text from the introductory through the highly complex. These sites suggest the

112 intersection between modernity and Old World traditions. Because these Orthodox communities have infused popular cultural texts into their sites, they allow parallel worlds to connect—making them an epicenter for Jewish education and new kinds of resources.181

Online dating suggests another way for the Jewish community to use the Internet.

Dating websites suggest that the Internet has become the new Jewish “shtetl” (small

Jewish community). Using online dating to meet other Jews provides a broader range of choices and makes the possibility of finding another Jew more feasible. In the 21st century the Jewish population is spread all over the country, sometimes in areas sparsely populated with other Jews. Using the Internet to create a community in which single Jews can meet other single Jews removes the challenges of access. The Internet has not only alleviated some of the issues distance may create, but it also has made identifying other single Jews easy. Due to the use of online web dating services, proximity no longer has to be a major factor for why a Jewish individual does not find a partner.

This type of worldwide online connection was not accessible prior to the Internet.

Love was not typically described with membership fees and algorithms, but in the case of online dating, these are now major factors in making a connection. The role that the

Internet plays for Jewish singles may lower the anxiety of dating within a religiously identifying community. The websites take most of the guesswork out of finding other self-identifying Jews since individuals are encouraged to label themselves in the prefixed options section. At local bars or other popular venues for meeting people, it is hard to

181 "JNet Interactive Online Classes." Chabad.org. Accessed April 21, 2016. http://www.chabad.org/multimedia/media_cdo/aid/2954724/jewish/JNet-Interactive-Online-Classes.htm.

113 know who is Jewish. A website specifically for Jewish singles eliminates many of these issues. In addition, Jewish singles using online dating sites with the hope of connecting to other like-minded Jewish individuals may relieve some of the anxieties attached to replenishing the Jewish population in a post-Holocaust world. The fact that rabbis are also involved with these websites shows that there is not only an investment from the individual, but a sense that the community is invested in their search as well.182

Like the people who use dating sites, marginalized Jewish individuals are also in search of Jewish communities to which they may attach themselves. Chapter Four explored four very different Jewish subcultures: Jewrotica, Jewish Punks, Jewish

OLGBT, and Jewish Feminists. These subcultures have formed communities out of their desires to both affiliate as Jewish and to identify with an alternative community. They all struggle with the idea of dual identities. These dual identities suggest a small portion of potential subcultural mixes within the Jewish population in America. They use the

Internet to communicate their differences with and oppositions to traditional Judaism, but ironically they also use the Internet to connect with their Judaism. They all have found ways to articulate their struggles with their dual identities. However, these four groups do not share the same struggle. They combat different issues within their various social spheres.

The Jewrotica community’s existence usually does not challenge explicit prohibitions found within the Orthodox Jewish community. Its website creates a safe environment for Jews to express sexual thoughts along with Jewish identity. It provides a

182 Jahnabi Barooah. "Rabbis Play Matchmakers On New Jewish Dating Sites." The Huffington Post. January 19, 2012. Accessed April 21, 2016. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/19/rabbis- matchmaker-jewish-dating_n_1217303.html.

114 voice for Orthodox Jews who might be unable to share these thoughts and feelings within their brick and mortar communities, but it has not been met with large opposition because it does not directly challenge Torah. The discussion of sex online is deemed permissible by many practitioners of orthodoxy because the individual is in search of an observant community and a different kind of dialogue. In the event that someone from the Orthodox community is not interested, they have the opportunity to ignore the website. Jewrotica does not infringe on Orthodox cultural norms in a way that other communities are perceived to do.

Interestingly, Punk Jews use the Internet much like the Jewrotica community does. Their dual identities (Jewish and Punk) do not exclude them from either community. The Jewish identity is clearly more stringent and contains rules and norms.

Although the Punk community also has norms, it usually does not require much more than an “authentic” self. Being Punk does not infringe on the Jewish identity because there are really no particular norms or rules that provide direct opposition to the Jewish community. The Internet, for this particular duality, is not much different than a brick and mortar structure. What it does offer is a forum for a wider audience. The reach of the

Jewish Punk movement can easily increase using forums and technology as it has recently done. Arguably, the new Jewish Punk is anyone who chooses to identify with this movement. Whether or not individuals contribute to these websites, they can still identify with this unique dual movement.

Unlike participants in the Jewrotica and Punk Jewish communities, OLGBT and feminist Jews both have a very different struggle. These two groups are dealing with issues rooted in the Torah. They are competing with religious scripture and that is not

115 changing, however, they are struggling to change how these texts are interpreted. Both feminists and OLGBT Jews use the Internet to articulate their ideas and ideologies. In a manner of speaking, they are searching for a way to “skip the page” in the Torah that identifies their conflicting identities while still keeping religious traditions. Sadly, the feminist and OLGBT communities still have a way to go in their push for equality and understanding.

For instance, OLGBT Jews are faced with a sexual identity that is not permissible in the Torah. Their sexuality is not considered “kosher” and prohibits them from procreation, a commandment in the Torah. Although they can adopt children, this does not fulfill the commandment because it explicitly indicates that the child should come from both a man and a woman. The individuals who created the adopted child completed the mitzvah, not the adoptive parents. It is important to understand that this commandment is written in the Torah, meaning it will not change; however, it is possible that someday its interpretation may change, thus allowing a wider range of individuals to perform rituals and live their lives in different ways.

Feminist Jews also fight with Torah as they cannot say particular prayers or join in particular rituals. The difference between a man and woman is emphasized in the

Orthodox community, making egalitarian ideology difficult. The two ideas are opposing, providing challenges for an Orthodox feminist. Like the OLGBT Jews, this too can change, but it will take time and cooperation from not only individuals online. These ideas have to spread back to brick and mortar communities to change the Orthodox movement in America and globally.

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Despite these conflicts as well as other issues of identity, the Internet is changing the way the Jewish community accepts individuality and addresses desires. It is helping areas with fewer Jewish residents create communities and provides them with a voice.

These voices might be increasing in strength as the use of the web gains more momentum. Using the web to connect with Jews outside a local area or with those who share dual identities reshapes the way community is defined. Modern Jewish America is reshaping itself using online resources.

.This juncture in time may also be a pivotal point for the Jewish population, not only in America, but globally. The implications of this research suggest that these changes can be profound for the Jewish individual looking for an encompassing communal experience not only by joining a religious institution, but by watching or reading online literature alone.

The use of the Internet may indicate what the Jewish American population faces, both culturally and religiously. The web’s infrastructure has the potential to expand communities from one small Jewish subculture to another and may eventually affect the entire community. The use of the web also changes the way Jewish communities communicate. The dialogue is less tailored; the vernacular is less refined and more colloquial. Because of the anonymity, these individuals can express their inner thoughts and feelings without too much fear of judgment. These changes are transforming how

Jewish Americans view themselves and how they are wrestling with old traditional norms. A variety of new voices, movements, and identities now have the potential to evolve as never before.

117

In his book Thy Kingdom Connected, Dwight J. Friesen develops the metaphor of a lighthouse when talking about religion and the Internet. Friesen describes the lighthouse as a relic, almost archaic. He explains that although it once served a great purpose, it is now antiquated because of modern technology.183 It maybe extreme to say that synagogues and communities based in a physical space are not important, but the idea that they are like a lighthouse may have merit. Buildings and physical infrastructure can be beautiful, but they can also be limiting. Like the lighthouse, these buildings only work if individual can see them or if they suit their needs. The Internet is a modern version of a lighthouse, with better technology, for many Jewish individuals searching for a kehilla that suits them. As a new form of kehilla, the Internet has shaped and continues to reshape Jewish traditional norms in the 21st century.

183 Dwight J. Friesen "The Networked Kingdom." In Thy Kingdom Connected (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 2009), pp. 33-44.

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