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Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children?

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Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? 351 Pleasant St, Suite B-319 Northhampton, MA 01060 413.587.3500 HELPLINE: 1.888.PREVENT www.stopitnow.org [email protected] 351 Pleasant St., Suite B-319 Northampton, MA 01060 413.587.3500 Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? HELPLINE: 1.888.PREVENT www.stopitnow.org Preventing sexual abuse among children and youth 351 Pleasant St, Suite B-319 [email protected] Northhampton, MA 01060 413.587.3500 HELPLINE: 1.888.PREVENT www.stopitnow.org [email protected] Original Content by Joan Tabachnick Updated 2007 Design by JKG Group © 2016 Stop It Now! All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from Stop It Now! INTRodUCTioN As parents and caregivers, we want to do all we can to protect our children, while giving them the freedom they need to develop and become healthy adults. Sometimes, the world can feel full of risks, many of them obvious, and others more confusing. In order to strike the right balance between protection and independence for our children, we adults need the best possible information. This guide is for everyone involved in bringing up children. It explains that some children do sexually Our children are our future. We all have a abuse other children, describes how we can recognize the warning signs, and outlines some actions we adults responsibility to protect them. Take action can take to prevent sexual abuse. if you are worried that your child, or a child you know, may be sexually hurting someone. You are not alone. Help is available. Call the Stop It Now!® Helpline at 1.888.PREVENT to talk confidentially with professionals who have experience working with individuals and families with similar situations. Special thanks to our colleagues at Stop It Now! UK & Ireland, for permission to use copyrighted material. This is the third edition of this brochure. The two previous versions were Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? published by Stop It Now! in 1999 and Child’s Play? Preventing Abuse Among Children and Young People published by Stop It Now! UK & Ireland in 2003. 1 2 DO CHILDREN SEXUALLY WHAT IS HEALTHY ABUSE OTHER CHILDREN? SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT? “I didn’t have the words Most people already are aware of the risk of sexual Most adults understand that questions. Adults can help children to tell my parents what abuse that some adults present to our children. There children pass through different be comfortable with their sexual was going on. I said I is growing understanding that the vast majority of stages of development as they grow. development and understand didn’t want to be left children who are sexually abused, are abused by Sometimes, adults have more difficulty appropriate sexual boundaries, someone they know, and often trust. Unfortunately, acknowledging that, from birth, for example, adults can model alone with kids. I wish very few adults recognize that children and children are sexual beings. Like other appropriate, respectful behavior. they had listened to me.” adolescents also can present a risk to other children. areas of a child’s development, it is In fact, over a third of all sexual abuse of children is normal for children’s awareness and • Children with disabilities or AN adoLEscENT WITH developmental challenges benefit SEXUAL BEHAVioR committed by someone under the age of 18. curiosity about their own sexual feelings from special attention to their PROBLEMS to change as they pass from infancy into This can be a difficult issue to address, partly because childhood, and then through puberty to safety. Depending on the nature of it is often challenging for adults to think of the adolescence. their disability, they may develop at children or adolescents we know as capable of sexually different rates, which can make them abusing others. Also, it is not always easy to tell the • Each child is an individual and more vulnerable to being abused. difference between natural sexual curiosity and will develop in his or her own They may also inadvertently harm potentially abusive behaviors. Children, particularly way. However, there is a generally another child without understanding younger children, may engage in inappropriate accepted range of behaviors the hurtful impact of their actions. interactions without understanding the hurtful impact linked to children’s changing age For example, children with disabilities it has on others. For this reason, it may be more and developmental stages. These sometimes behave sexually in ways helpful to talk about a child’s sexually “harmful” behaviors may include exploration that are out of step with their age. behavior rather than sexually “abusive” behavior. with other children of similar power Particular care may be needed to or stature—by virtue of age, size, help children understand their sexual It is essential that all adults have the information ability or social status. Sometimes, it development and to ensure that these needed to recognize potentially harmful activities at can be difficult to tell the difference children and their caregivers can an early stage and to seek help so the behaviors can between sexual exploration that is communicate effectively about any be stopped. Every adult who cares about children has appropriate to a developmental stage questions or worries they have. an opportunity, as both teacher and role model, to and interactions that are warning show children how to interact without harming others, signs of harmful behavior. It is important to recognize that, while either while they are still children, or later, as adults. people from various backgrounds have Adults have the added responsibility of ensuring that • Occasionally, adults may need to different expectations about what all children who have been involved in a harmful set limits when children engage in is acceptable behavior for children, sexual situation, whatever their role, are given the behaviors we consider inappropriate, sexual abuse is present across all ethnic help they need to live healthy productive lives. even if the children may be unaware groups, cultures and religious beliefs. of potential harm. This is a chance to talk with them about keeping themselves and others safe, and to let them know that you are someone they can talk to when they have 3 4 WHAT IS AGE-APPROPRiaTE OR DEVELOPMENTALLY-EXPECTED WHAT IS SEXUALLY SEXUAL BEHAVioR? HaRMFUL BEHAVioR? Sexually harmful behavior by children While learning about their bodies and pregnancy. Experimentation with The chart shows some examples and young people may range from and sexuality, children may behave in same-age children, often during games, of common sexual behavior that experimentation that has gone too far to ways that seem out of sync with their kissing, touching, exhibitionism and we might anticipate seeing in our serious sexual assault. age or developmental stage. Many role-playing. Private self stimulation. children as they pass through It is important for adults to recognize that minor factors—for example, having an Uncommon: Adult-like sexual different stages of development older sibling—may increase a child’s from pre-school to adolescence. many children will engage in some forms interactions, discussing specific sexual of sexual exploration with children of a awareness of knowledge, attitudes acts or public self stimulation. Remember that each child and behaviors of an older age group. develops at his or her own pace. similar age, size, social status or power. Usually, unexpected behavior can be AFTER PUBERTY BEGINS: Not every child will show all these Sometimes a child or young person may redirected with a simple instruction. Common: Increased curiosity about behaviors at the same stages, or engage in sexual play with a much younger Of particular concern are behaviors sexual materials and information, necessarily experience specific or more vulnerable child, or use force, involving another child, in which either questions about relationships and behaviors at all. tricks or bribery to involve someone in child seems unable to control the sexual behavior, using sexual words sexual activity. While such manipulation behavior after being asked to stop. and discussing sexual acts, particularly The chart also describes kinds of may be a cause for concern, it is critical with peers. Increased experimenting behavior that are less common to realize that manipulation may not, Preschool (0 to 5 yrs.) including open-mouthed kissing, body- in a given developmental stage, in itself, indicate a tendency toward rubbing, fondling. Masturbating in and which may give cause for sexual aggression. Professional help and Common: Sexual language relating to private. concern. If you feel uneasy or advice is needed to determine the best differences in body parts, bathroom talk, have any questions or concerns way to support a child in managing any Uncommon: Consistent adult-like sexual pregnancy and birth. Self stimulation about a child you know, talk to concerning impulses. at home and in public. Showing and behavior, including oral/genital contact someone you trust, like a friend, looking at private body parts. and intercourse. Masturbating in public. family member, your healthcare Keep in mind: Uncommon: Discussion of specific Adolescence (13 to 16) provider, a counselor, or call the • Children as young as 4 or 5 may Stop It Now! Helpline at 1.888. unknowingly engage in sexually harmful sexual acts or explicit sexual language. Common: Questions about decision PREVENT. behavior, although more often those who Adult-like sexual contact with other making, social relationships, and sexual sexually harm children are adolescents. children. customs. Masturbation in private. For a more complete list or if you School-Age Children (6 to 12 years) Experimenting between adolescents of have any question or concerns • Usually, but not always, the child or the same age, including open-mouthed about sexual behaviors of a young person causing the harm is older May include both pre-pubescent kissing, fondling and body rubbing, child in your life, please call the than the victim.
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