Nobody Told Me That!: 10 Tools for Parenting Happy, Healthy Children
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
Nobody Told Me That! This page intentionally left blank Nobody Told Me That! 10 Tools for Parenting Happy, Healthy Children Roni Jay Vice President, Publisher: Tim Moore Associate Publisher and Director of Marketing: Amy Neidlinger Acquisitions Editor: Jennifer Simon Editorial Assistant: Pamela Boland Development Editor: Russ Hall Operations Manager: Gina Kanouse Digital Marketing Manager: Julie Phifer Publicity Manager: Laura Czaja Assistant Marketing Manager: Megan Colvin Cover Designer: Alan Clements Managing Editor: Kristy Hart Project Editor: Anne Goebel Copy Editor: Paula Lowell Proofreader: Kathy Ruiz Indexer: Cheryl Lenser Compositor: Gloria Schurick Manufacturing Buyer: Dan Uhrig FT Press offers excellent discounts on this book when ordered in quantity for bulk purchases or special sales. For more information, please contact U.S. Corporate and Government Sales, 1-800-382-3419, [email protected]. For sales outside the U.S., please contact International Sales at [email protected]. Company and product names mentioned herein are the trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners. Authorized adaptation from the original UK edition, entitled, The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do For Your Child, 01 Edition by Roni Jay, published by Pearson Education Limited, © Roni Jay 2008 All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the Publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published with- out a similar condition including this condition being imposed on subsequent purchaser and without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright holder and the above-mentioned publisher of this book. This US adaptaion is published by Pearson Education Inc. © 2009 by arrangements with Pearson Education Ltd., United Kingdom. Printed in the United States of America Second Printing November 2011 ISBN-10: 0-13-815673-5 ISBN-13: 978-0-13-815673-2 Pearson Education LTD. Pearson Education Australia PTY, Limited. Pearson Education Singapore, Pte. Ltd. Pearson Education North Asia, Ltd. Pearson Education Canada, Ltd. Pearson Educación de Mexico, S.A. de C.V. Pearson Education—Japan Pearson Education Malaysia, Pte. Ltd. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file. Table of Contents About the Author . .xii Introduction . .xiii Tool 1: Make Their World Solid . .1 Set Clear Boundaries That Don’t Move . .2 Use the Word “No” Wisely . .3 Carrots Are Better Than Sticks . .5 Rewards Versus Bribery . .7 Sticks and Carrot Sticks . .7 Praise Beats Criticism . .9 Be Careful What You Praise Them For . .10 Praise Can Mean Pressure . .12 How to Make Them Really Glow . .13 Praise Them, and Criticize Their Behavior . .14 Make Sure They Know Their Strengths . .15 Give Them Challenges You Know They Can Meet (and They Don’t) . .17 Let Them Know They’re Special . .17 Remind Them That You Are Not Perfect Either . .19 Nobody Told Me That! Your Relationship with Your Spouse . .19 Don’t Argue in Front of the Kids . .20 Present a United Front . .21 A Solid Foundation . .22 Tool 2: Give Them Some Magic . .23 Give Them Space . .24 Clear Some Time for Them . .25 Find Them an Empty Space . .27 Computers and TV Kill Magic . .28 Magical Times . .29 Make It a Tradition . .30 Pick Your Moment . .31 Bedtime . .31 Magical Settings . .33 Dens . .33 Get Out of the Way . .34 More Magic . .35 Tool 3: Show Them How to Separate Right from Wrong . .37 What Do You Think Is Right and Wrong? . .38 Where Do You Draw the Guilt Line? . .39 What Values? . .40 How to Instill the Right Values . .42 vi Contents Taking Responsibility . .43 Make It Fair . .45 Talk It Through . .46 Getting It Right . .47 Tool 4: Teach Them to Think . .49 The ABCs of Thinking . .50 Don’t Answer All Their Questions . .52 Practical Thinking Skills . .54 Lateral Thinking . .55 Decisions, Decisions . .57 Decision-Making Techniques for Children . .59 Have an Opinion . .61 Develop Their Thinking . .62 The 10-Year-Old Expansion . .64 Think It Through . .66 Tool 5: Let Them Lead You . .67 Let Them Be Themselves . .68 How Do Your Children See the World? . .70 What Is Their Motivation? . .72 What Are Their Shortcomings, Insecurities, and Fears? . .74 What Are You Going to Do About It? . .75 Will They Grow Out of It? . .76 vii Nobody Told Me That! Who’s the Best Person to Help Them? . .77 Talk to Your Child . .78 Notice Their Achievements . .81 Where Will They Lead You? . .82 Tool 6: Forget Quality Time . .83 Defining “Quality” Time . .84 Keep Boundaries in Place . .85 And That Goes For “Me Time,” Too . .86 Making the Most of Your Time . .88 Get the Focus Right . .90 Share Your Attention . .91 Don’t Believe the Soft-Focus Fantasy . .93 Balance Time and Attention . .96 Tool 7: Make Sure You See the Forest and the Trees . .97 One Small Step Versus One Giant Leap . .98 Take Stock . .100 Don’t Wait Too Long . .101 Teaching Techniques . .101 Everyone’s Different . .103 Be Their Memory Jogger . .104 Cleaning Their Rooms . .105 How to Clean . .106 viii Contents You Can’t Fight Nature . .109 What Are You Trying to Achieve? . .110 Emotional Preparation . .113 Woodland Management . .115 Tool 8: Teach Them the Value of Money . .117 Give Them Some Money So They Can Start to Understand It . .117 Give Pocket Money . .118 Let Them Earn Interest . .119 Pay an Allowance . .121 Match Funds . .123 Open a Real Bank Account . .124 Money In, Money Out . .125 Earning Money . .126 Getting a Job . .128 Raising Money for Charity . .129 Get the Right Attitude . .131 Don’t Keep Going On About It . .131 Be Sensitive About People Who Have More or Less Money Than You . .132 Show Them You Can Be Happy on a Budget . .132 Splurge Occasionally . .133 Be Generous with Your Money . .134 Money Sense . .134 ix Nobody Told Me That! Tool 9: Show Them That Broccoli Can Be Fun . .135 Healthy Eating . .136 Don’t Keep Unhealthy Food in the House . .136 Give Them Healthy Food with Variety . .138 Set Up Healthy Patterns . .141 Don’t Let Food Become an Issue . .143 Don’t Let Them Become Overweight . .144 Teach Them to Cook . .146 Keep Them Active . .148 Let Them Find Activities They Enjoy . .148 Get Kids to Walk or Bike to School . .149 Arrange Exercise by Stealth . .150 Ration Screen Time . .151 Healthy Mind . .153 Encourage Them to Have a Good Body Image . .153 Help Them Deal with Their Own Emotional Baggage . .155 Show Them How to Manage Stress . .156 Set Up for Life . ..