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Effective Leadership in Small Group Ministry Through the Application of Family Systems

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Effective Leadership in Small Group Ministry Through the Application of Family Systems Concordia Seminary - Saint Louis Scholarly Resources from Concordia Seminary Doctor of Ministry Major Applied Project Concordia Seminary Scholarship 12-15-1994 Effective Leadership in Small Group Ministry Through the Application of Family Systems James Knill Concordia Seminary, St. Louis, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://scholar.csl.edu/dmin Part of the Practical Theology Commons Recommended Citation Knill, James, "Effective Leadership in Small Group Ministry Through the Application of Family Systems" (1994). Doctor of Ministry Major Applied Project. 85. https://scholar.csl.edu/dmin/85 This Major Applied Project is brought to you for free and open access by the Concordia Seminary Scholarship at Scholarly Resources from Concordia Seminary. It has been accepted for inclusion in Doctor of Ministry Major Applied Project by an authorized administrator of Scholarly Resources from Concordia Seminary. For more information, please contact [email protected]. CONCORDIA SEMINARY EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP IN SMALL GROUP MINISTRY THROUGH THE APPLICATION OF FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY TO THE GROUP PROCESS A MAJOR APPLIED PROJECT SUBMITTED TO THE DOCTOR OF MINISTRY COMMITTEE AND DIRECTOR IN CANDIDACY FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF MINISTRY DEPARTMENT OF PRACTICAL THEOLOGY BY JAMES R. KNILL TRIANGLE, VIRGINIA DECEMBER, 1994 TABLE OF CONTENTS TABLE OF CONTENTS ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS vi PREFACE viii ABSTRACT xii Chapter I. INTRODUCTION 1 Why Small Groups? 1 Why Family Systems? 13 II. AN ORIENTATION TO FAMILY SYSTEMS THINKING . 16 The Development of Systems Thinking 16 The Development of Family Systems Thinking 19 The Contribution of Bowen Theory to Family Systems Theory 21 Basic Concepts of Bowen's Family Systems Theory 24 The Broad Applicability of Bowen's Family Systems Theory 26 Theological Dimensions of Bowen Theory . 27 The Therapeutic Dimension of Family Systems Theory 30 III. EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP IN THE SMALL GROUP "FAMILY": A TRAINING MANUAL 32 An Introduction to Family Systems Training Modules for the Instructor: Getting Started 33 A Word About Leadership 34 A Word About Family Systems 40 A Look at Six Principle Concepts of Family Systems Theory 43 ii Process Versus Content 43 Overfunctioning/Underfunctioning . 45 Symptom-bearer 47 Self-differentiation 49 Homeostasis (Balance) 50 Emotional Triangles 52 A Theological Basis for Applying Family Systems Theory to Small Group Ministry in a Christian Setting 54 Practical Details for Training Sessions 61 The General Setting 61 Schedule Options 62 Instructor Preparation 63 Further Resources 64 Training Module 1: An Introduction to Family Systems for Small Group Leaders 66 A Family Systems Approach to Understanding and Leading Groups 69 Six Elements of Family Systems Theory for Leaders of Small Groups 75 Conclusion 90 Training Outline 1 91 Training Module 2: The Effective Leader: Separate and Together 98 Definition of Self 98 The Importance of Self-differentiation to the Leader 101 Self-differentiation and Leadership Style 103 The Function of the Head in A System . 105 Two Traps to Avoid 107 Differentiation Vs. Undifferentiation . 111 Review of Three Main Characteristics of the Self-differentiated Leader . 114 Training Outline 2 118 Training Module 3: "Balance" in Your Small Group 124 The Reality of Balance in Small Groups 125 The Importance of Balance in the Life of the Group 127 Resistance to Change in the Balance of A Group 129 The Process of Introducing Change into the Life of A Group 134 Concluding Exercise 139 Training Outline 3 143 Training Module 4: It Takes Three: A Look at Emotional Triangles 148 Detriangling 155 Creating A Triangle to Help A Relationship 159 A Review of the Seven Laws of An Emotional Triangle 166 Concluding Remarks 169 Recommended Further Reading 170 Training Outline 4 171 IV. CONCLUDING COMMENTS 176 Analysis of the Effectiveness of the Training Module 176 Replicability of the Training Process 179 Contributions to Personal and Professional Growth 180 iv Recommendations 181 Appendixes A. EVALUATION SHEET: THE EFFECTIVE LEADER: SEPARATE AND TOGETHER 183 B. EVALUATION SHEET: "BALANCE" IN YOUR SMALL GROUP 186 C. EVALUATION SHEET: IT TAKES THREE: A LOOK AT EMOTIONAL TRIANGLES 189 D. SMALL GROUP LEADER REFLECTION ON THE APPLICATION OF FAMILY SYSTEMS PRINCIPLES IN SMALL GROUP MINISTRY 192 Sources Consulted 197 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS My secretary, Georgia Young, deserves the first line of credit for the talented and dedicated effort she has devoted to this project. Georgia has remained enthusiastically faithful through the production of this paper and throughout the entire six year process of notes, reports, drafts and papers that has been at the core of this Doctor of Ministry program. May God bless her! Others deserving of thanks are my young readers, Kirtlin, Matt, Leslie and Jere, who tested the training modules for understandable vocabulary and intelligible expression. I am also grateful to Jean Janssen, Mary Grubenmann and Jeanne Hinz, who joined Georgia in proof- reading the material and in checking the entire paper for clarity of thought. The small group leaders who participated in this project with me, Edna Burns, Rich Roth, Karen Smith and Cary Taylor, were invaluable team mates in the development of these materials. I am deeply grateful to my congregation, Concordia Lutheran Church of Triangle, Virginia, for permitting me to pursue this course of study and this project. vi I appreciate the hard work of my advisor, Dr. Joe Barbour, and the reader for the project, Dr. Glenn Nielsen, both of Concordia Seminary, St. Louis. Each has gone out of his way to facilitate the meeting of deadlines. I have attempted to spare my family any significant inconvenience as I worked through this process, but I know I have been less available than I would have been under more ordinary circumstances. I appreciate their bearing with me through this time. vii PREFACE This project combines two primary interests of the author: small group ministry and family systems theory, with a distinct emphasis on the latter. Although family systems theory developed primarily in the course of clinical research and practice in the fields of nuclear and extended family systems (Goldenberg and Goldenberg 1991), it is a principle of the theory, particularly as expressed by Murray Bowen (1985), that family systems theory applies to any natural system. Edwin Friedman (1985) and Peter Steinke (1993) have demonstrated the usefulness of the theory in the life and operation of the church. On the basis of a search of the literature and interviews with knowledgeable representatives in the field of systems theory and in the field of small group ministry, the author knows of no other attempt to join the concept of systems theory and the operation of small groups in the church. Subjects of the interviews included Edwin Friedman (1993), author of Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, Lyman Coleman (1993), leader in the field of small group work for more than twenty years and founder of Serendipity House publications, Bob Logan (1993), identified by a representative of Fuller Theological viii Seminary as the foremost authority in the field of church planting, and Lester Stroh (1993), founder of Cornerstone Consulting, former special assistant to Lutheran Church- Missouri Synod President, Ralph Bohlmann, and nation-wide conductor of seminars on how groups work. The goal of the project is to develop a means to improve the effectiveness of small group leaders through the application of elements of family systems theory. The thesis of the author is that no matter how effective a small group leader may be, he or she will have the opportunity to be even more effective as a caring leader through the informed application of family systems theory in the small group setting. Although systems theory should apply to any small group, the particular expression of small group ministry that will serve as the focus of the author's emphasis on leadership development is the kind found in a growing number of congregations at the present time. These are the gatherings that take place when congregations encourage their members to come together on a regular basis in groups of approximately ten individuals for the purpose of mutual support, growth in the Word, encouragement in the Christian life and, often, for outreach or some other form of Christian service. Others have used this approach to start new missions. The author will explore the concept further in the Why Small Groups? section of Chapter I. ix The specific methodology the author employed in support of this thesis is the development of a manual for training small group leaders. The manual includes background information on family systems theory for the benefit of the instructor. The section for the instructor also includes a theological basis for the application of family systems theory to the small group process in a Christian setting. The rest of the manual consists of four training modules for small group leaders. The first is a general introduction to family systems theory and its application to the small group process. The three other modules emphasize the application of principles of self-differentiation, homeostasis and emotional triangles in groups. Each module has a training outline for the instructor to reproduce and distribute to all trainees. The author developed the modules that appear in the training manual in consultation with small group leaders in his congregation. Following an introductory orientation to family systems theory, reproduced in large measure as the first of the four training modules in Chapter III, the leaders and the author selected three elements of the theory for the author to present as training modules for small group leaders. The author developed those modules and presented them during regular small group leader monthly meetings. Leaders responded to each presentation through an evaluation form prepared by the author Appendixes A through C present composite evaluations of the training modules on differentiation, homeostasis and emotional triangles.
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