ChristianChristian AidAid WeekWeek MayMay 1212--1818 If you receive an envelope through your door asking for a donation, please don’t just toss it away. The Newspaper of East Barnet Parish Christian Aid is genuinely 3000 FREE copies delivered each month May 2013 fighting to erase poverty throughout the world. Not convinced? See page 4

WALK TO HelpingHelping Barnet’sBarnet’s homelesshomeless CHURCH! Page 5

ST ALBANS Diocese — to which St Mary’s belongs — is asking people to OurOur EasterEaster walk to church on Sundays May 12, 19 and 26 as a practical demonstration of pilgrimspilgrims concern for the environment. . . . and help protect Page 6 Diocesan environment officer Helen Hutchinson told the Church Hill the environment Herald: “It will be an excellent way of promoting the policy drawn up by our Support the expansion of good group, which has this to say about quality public transport, the provision travel: of improved facilities for cyclists and Let us consider ways of reducing pedestrians and local Green travel travel-related air pollution and energy programmes. consumption. The full diocesan environmental policy Undertake the work of the Church in can be viewed on the St Albans ways which reduce the need for travel, diocesan website: New face in particularly by air and car. stalbans.anglican.org Encourage travel if possible by Walk to Church Sunday is to the office public transport, cycle and foot, and become an annual event in the St Page 17 where cars are necessary to share Albans Diocese from next year, said them. Helen. UnderhillUnderhill In Britain nearly 30 million vehicles contribute to the pollution of the air. Petrol fumes contain carbon mon- isis overover oxide, carbon dioxide, nitrogen oxide, soot, oil vapour Page 19 and lead - all potentially dangerous to human health. Lead free petrol is now being used extensively and cars with catalytic converters are being introduced. But it is only a start. ServicesServices Page 2 Herald in colour: www.stmarys-eastbarnet.org.uk

2—Church Hill Herald May 2013 May and June Services

Sunday May 5 6.30pm Evensong EASTER 5 Sunday May 26 Sunday June 23 10am Parish Eucharist with TRINITY SUNDAY TRINITY 4 Healing 10am Parish Eucharist 10am Parish Eucharist 6.30pm Evensong 6.30pm Evensong 6.30pm Evensong

Thursday May 9 Sunday June 2 Sunday June 30 ASCENSION DAY TRINITY 1 TRINITY 5 8pm Eucharist 10am All Age Eucharist 10am Parish Eucharist 6.30pm Evensong 6.30pm Evensong Sunday May 12 EASTER 6 Sunday June 9 Baptisms ...may be 10am Messy Mass TRINITY 2 held on the first Sunday of 6.30pm Evening Prayer 10am Parish Eucharist the month during the 10am Alternative Worship ‘Broken’ service or at 12 noon. Sunday May 19 Inquiries to the parish office, PENTECOST Sunday June 16 10am Parish Eucharist TRINITY 3 tel 8441 4401 (Mon-Fri 6.30pm Evensong 10am Parish Eucharist mornings).

FOR THE YOUNGER GENERATION . . . TODDLER PRAISE St Mary’s Church 10.30 to 11.45am, May 2, May 16, June 6, June 20 Info: Claire Driscoll, 07957 584516

SUNDAY’S COOL St Mary’s Church, at 10am on Sundays May 19, June 23, July 14 For stories, drama, games, music and music. All children from 5 to 11 welcome at the YMCA Youth Club, Church Farm, just behind the church. More info from Parish Office, 8441 4401 Mothers, Others and Tots (MOT) Pre-school Playgroup, every Friday 1.30-3pm in term time. Brookside Methodist Church hall, East Barnet Village. 8361 5823.

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—3 From the Rectory JAMES MUSTARD, PARISH PRIEST

Apology The Rector has received a number of complaints about items in the April 2013 edition of the Church Hill Herald, that they incite discrimination and violence against various members of our society and, therefore, our community.

The Rector and Editors would like to issue a full apology for the inclusion of these items in the Herald. St Mary’s Church in no way wishes to associate itself with violence and discrimination. St Mary’s is proud to call itself an Inclusive Church and deeply regrets that its magazine has fallen short of this aspiration.

We apologise unreservedly for any offence that has been caused. Heaven is not far away

AS YOU receive this, the “in control”. It can set up an im- Church is preparing to cele- age of Jesus as “up there”. It can brate Ascension Day on May 9 suggest that Jesus is remote from and Pentecost on May 19. us, that heaven is a long way Ascension Day is something of a from earth. “Cinderella Feast”, falling as it However, St Augustine of Hippo does on a Thursday, forty days suggested that the Ascension of after Easter. Pentecost — being Jesus, far from placing Jesus far fifty days after Easter, as its name away from us, makes Jesus radi- suggests — comes ten days later. cally close to the whole world. Jesus ascends into heaven to sit, Because God is different from us the Creed says “At the right hand – all-knowing, eternal, unchang- of the Father.” Where does this ing and so on – God the Creator imagery come from and what is radically close to every bit of does it mean? to my Lord, sit at my right hand.” creation, though not part of it. First, the image of the Son of This describes not Jesus, but the The Ascension places Jesus with God coming at sitting at the right king of the House of David as- God as closer to every one of us hand of God comes from the cending the throne in Jerusalem than we can ever know or imag- psalms. Psalm 110 Dixit Domi- as God’s agent on earth. Ascen- ine. nus ad Dominum “The Lord said sion Day gives us permission, The 1980s popular singer Belinda therefore, to say that Jesus is Carlisle sang “Heaven is a place King, Jesus reigns and so on. on earth”. This is not strictly DEADLINE DAY From the poverty of the manger, true, but heaven is a lot closer to Copy for the June edition Jesus is enthroned as king. earth than we might think and at of the Church Hill Herald This language can be problem- Ascension Day we celebrate that should be submitted by atic. For example, it sets up a fact that Jesus is present with May 5 at the very latest — model of Jesus which can easily God as close to us as our next preferably earlier. be abused to suggest that Jesus is breath.

4—Church Hill Herald May 2013 Christian Aid: the worldwide vision

THERE ARE many popular mis- Christian Aid is a Christian organi- conceptions about charities like sation that insists the world can and Christian Aid: such as they help must be swiftly changed to one only Christians, that much of the where everyone can live a full life, money they raise goes on admini- free from poverty. stration, and that a lot of it finds We work globally for profound its way into the coffers of change that eradicates the causes of crooked governments and offi- poverty, striving to achieve equal- cials. Here, a Christian Aid mem- ity, dignity and freedom for all, ber sets out the facts. regardless of faith or nationality. We are part of a wider movement for social justice. Final We provide urgent, practical and in Britain and Ireland and are man- effective assistance where need is dated to work on relief, develop- great, tackling the effects of pov- ment and advocacy for poverty Plant erty as well as its root causes. eradication. Christian Aid’s work is founded on Christian faith, in- Our vision spired by hope and acts to change Sale Poverty is an outrage against hu- an unjust world through charity – manity. It robs people of dignity, a practical love and care for our 94 Gallants Farm freedom and hope, of power over neighbours. Road, East Barnet their own lives. Christian Aid has a vision - an end to poverty - and we Our values SUNDAY MAY 26 believe that vision can become a Love and solidarity: We are called 2-4pm reality. to love and care for one another in compassion and humility, as we Percentage of sales to From last year, Christian aid's work stand alongside all those who strug- Macmillan Cancer Care has been focused around the goals gle against poverty, powerlessness and objectives identified in our cor- and injustice. porate strategy, 'Partnership for Accounting change – the power to end pov- Dignity and respect: We are con- Limited erty' . vinced that every human being has innate dignity. All people are of Our essential purpose equal worth, which is why we place Small Business To expose the scandal of poverty; honesty and respect for others at Specialist To help in practical ways to root it the heart of what we do. Accounting and Book Keeping out from the world; Personal & Corporate Taxation To challenge and change structures Justice and equality: We under- Duncan May FCCA FFA Principal and systems that favour the rich stand that where people lack and powerful over the poor and power, poverty prevails, so we sup- Tel: 8207 7355 marginalised. port work that empowers individu- Mobile: 07947 600512 als and communities. We fight in- Our mandate justice and inequality with courage, email:[email protected] We are an agency of our churches hope and determination, www.dmaccounting.co.uk 0513

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—5 Do you want to help change lives? Do you want to support a ‘Place of Change’ to help homeless people change theirs? IF YOUR answer is yes then YOU may be the person Home- less Action in Barnet (HAB) are looking for to become a trus- tee on our Management Committee. We are a small local charity that has been working hard for over 20 years to change the lives of homeless people in the Borough of Barnet. The HAB Day Centre in Finchley gives sup- port to homeless people in a range of ways – from offering advice and casework support to serving lunch five days a week; and by providing practical support such as shower facilities and medical help and advice. We have a tenancy support service to help peo- ple keep a roof over their heads once they have secured it and we manage a ‘move on’ supported housing facility. It is good work, but we need to do more. We need additional trus- tees to help us move forward with our plans to develop and main- tain our services - to continue to change the lives of some of the most vulnerable people in our community. If you think this work would interest you and you have skills that you could put to good use as trustee for HAB, we would love to hear from you. Please contact Joe Lee, Chief Executive HAB or John Bier, Vice- Chair of HAB Management Committee for an informal discussion and further information. Contact Details: Joe Lee – at HAB 020 8446 8400 / [email protected] John Bier - contact 07793 060171 HAB 36b Woodhouse Road, London N12 0RG www.habcentre.org Marie's Shoes Industrial and Provident No: 28076R Children's Shoe Specialist (With with over 20 years experience inin fitting) fitting

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6—Church Hill Herald May 2013

From left: Terry & Rod Barker, Roger & Heather Melling, Mick Brandrick, James Mustard, Sue Simpson, John Hawkins, Jacqui & Janet Barker, Jon Simpson, Debbie Windeler, Martin Wilson.

THEY set out from East Barnet at 7.30am on Easter Monday, these PILGRIMS doughty pilgrims from St Mary’s, and reached St Albans, some 13 miles away, six hours later. That’s only just over two miles per hour — not quite an Olympic feat, but OK when you take in breaks for PROGRESS bacon butties at St John’s, Barnet, and a pint of cheer elsewhere. It may have been freezing cold, but the unseasonal weather was not enough to hamper the traditional Easter Monday pilgrimage to the cathe- TO ABBEY dral and abbey. The pilgrimage has been going on for 69 years now and is very much a feature of St Albans Diocese. People walk from all over Something to celebrate? Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire to go to their cathedral for a celebration. Some other St Mary’s regulars motored up, including the Spiral Saxo- Then call phone Quartet, with 12-year-old Sean Payne making his debut in the group. They played before and after the pilgrims’ joyful communion ser- E.J.Disco vice. During this, collection buckets were passed among the two thousand -strong congregation to support the church in the Caribbean. A first-timer, stunned by the splendour of the occasion, commented: “This is what Easter should always be about!” See Easter joy, page 11 Cass Cycling

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—7

A NEW phrase has entered our vocabulary. It is ‘breaking news’. How the Good News This appears across our television screen as some major event is unfolding. Until recently, ‘The broke at Pentecost News’ has been a reporting of events that have happened. Now, into world-changers. such is the wonder of modern Breaking news in our own time information technology, we are will often continue to contain able to hear about things as they feelings of apprehension. But the take place, events so far incom- ‘breaking news’ of the New Tes- plete, but believed to be of major tament brings nothing but joy and news importance. praise, and it is still the responsi- bility of the church to proclaim But this is nothing new, if we just the same message to the world pause to reflect upon the excite- today. ment of ‘breaking news’ in the We must always be seen to do New Testament. Maybe it came justly, to love mercy, and to walk in more natural, possibly even ‘Rushing winds and humbly with our God, as we pro- supernatural ways, but the effect tongues of fire’. claim the Good News to the in every case was electric. world around us. It was the angelic throng that he has risen from the dead”. MARTIN HORTON broke the news of the birth of That ‘breaking news’ sent Peter Jesus in Bethlehem. Wise men running, John (being younger) too had sensed that there was outrunning him, to the empty breaking news in the stars and tomb. At the heart of our Chris- acted on that intuition. They suc- tian faith is always that good ceeded in being in Bethlehem just news of the resurrection of Jesus. after Jesus was born. Thus was the ‘Good News’ brought to the But the magic of the faith goes world. on. It was at Pentecost, this year on May 19, when Peter, exhila- As it was at the coming of Jesus rated by the coming of the Holy into the world, so was it when his Spirit with symbols of rushing life ended on Calvary. Soon there wind and tongues of fire, publicly would be mysterious but glorious proclaimed the ‘breaking news’ ‘breaking news’. Mary Magda- that would energise the future lene was the bearer of it, as, in- church. The Spirit had come, the structed by Jesus, she went energy of God which turned “quickly to tell the disciples that weak and frightened disciples MATHS TUITION BARNET AND DISTRICT

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8—Church Hill Herald May 2013 Greedy tricksters know their way around

THE BIBLE reads like a crime your explanations and, long before you novel, as you probably know. Decep- realise your purse has gone, they disap- tion, lies, and blood drip from the pear. Not to Lyonsdown Road, of pages, and even God’s nearest and course, but to rob their next victim. dearest are not immune to the con- How can you know who has really lost suming power of greed, lust, and their way, and who hasn’t? Quite jealousy. frankly, you can’t. Your best option is A blind father is tricked to give his in- to store your money safely, to keep Bettina 1 heritance to the wrong son. One brother your handbag locked, and not to leave kills the other. A noble king sends a your valuables visible. man to his certain death, so he can take Please be very careful when strangers Village Jewellers his wife. A man betrays his best friend appear on your doorstep asking to be for thirty pieces of silver. The list is let inside. It may seem rude not to let a Jewellery Repair Specialists long, and the ending mainly happy. pregnant woman inside who claims to God is forgiving, and I’m pretty sure feel faint and needs some water, but Stockist of Gold & that Jacob, Cain, this is an old con Silver Jewellery David, and Judas trick. While you at- are all up in heaven tend to that woman Hot Diamonds - Fiorelli now, honoured in your kitchen, her Troll Beads members of celes- accomplice secretly tial society. creeps in – the SEIKO SOLAR WATCHES Things have not woman has left the changed much in door ajar – and steals Watch Batteries & Straps Fitted the past two thou- everything he can * * * * * sand years. There find. are still plenty of So if someone like Open Tues-Sat 9am-5.30pm bad guys around that knocks on your 3 Church Hill Road, who try to do harm door, and you don’t East Barnet in one way or other. They might regret really know that person, don’t let her Tel: 8449 3320 their bad ways later and end up in para- enter your home. Hand out a glass of villagejewellersuk.com dise, but for the time being they’re best water through the open door while the 0313 to be avoided. If you can, that is, be- security chain is on, and call for an am- cause it’s easy to fall into their trap. bulance. It’s best to be on the safe side, Elderly people are prime targets. and you’ll still be acting like a good Line Dance Let’s take the following situation, for Christian. to be held at East Barnet instance. You come across a nice look- One of our parishioners once went to Baptist Church Hall on ing couple, who’ve lost their way. Barcelona, and had her purse stolen. Saturday May 18 to raise Frowning, they glance at the map in When she went to the police station to funds their hand. “We’re looking for report the crime, she met a couple who for Lyonsdown Road,” they say. “Would had been stripped to their bare necessi- Friend you please be so kind as to show us ties, her bikini and his swimming in how to get there?” trunks. Everything else – money, car, Need. Of course you would, and swiftly bend luggage, and passports – had been Look over the map to point out the way. The taken on their very first day in Spain. I out for husband is all ears, and repeats what assume they had to return home and local you have explained. In the meantime, ended up without their well-deserved shop posters. Have fun in the wife slides her fingers into your holiday. So in the terrible case your handbag. They thank you effusively for purse gets stolen, hold your breath and a very good cause!

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—9 Balmy days with the weather frogs

THIS has been the longest win- While the Queen was seen enjoy- especially since I once attended ter ever, I’m sure. ing one of the London Duck Tours one of their rare midnight per- There is always hope, of course, a while ago, some kind of am- formances (from midnight to and like every year the weather phibious adventure in cars that can around three o’clock in the morn- frogs promise a beautiful summer swim on the Thames as well as ing), which was one of these spe- after the strains of winter. drive through Whitehall, I had fun cial occasions you remember for Not that you can trust the weather on a river cruise from the Em- the rest of your life. frogs, but I will be shot dead if bankment to Greenwich including Balmy summer evenings are the there won’t be a joyful newspaper food, dance, and close encounters best time to watch a play, and as clip this summer announcing that with all kinds of hen nights, stag the weather frogs have promised we just enjoyed the hottest, driest, nights, and flirting tourists. lots of sunshine after the long or sunniest day since 1776, or This may sound doubtful, but in winter, there should be nothing to whenever, and that the weather stop you. frogs were right after all. For more information check out In joyful anticipation of raising Bettina 2 www.shakespearesglobe.com temperatures and lowering hem- Closer to home there is always lines I gladly give you advice fact it was a fun outing, and I’d do Ewa’s café in Oak Hill Park to what to do in London on a warm, it again. enjoy a beautiful day in May, and sunny day in May. The only strange moment oc- the food is adorable. I recently discovered a fabulous curred when the food was rolled I tend to go for the chicken wrap roof terrace bar and restaurant, in on a table on castors, securely with garlic sauce, and effectually which is certainly worth a visit covered under a white cloth for scare away any vampire crossing alone for the splendid view to be hygiene reasons. This feast on my path. enjoyed from up there. wheels really looked like a dead Why not have a teddy bears’ pic- The roof terrace is located on the body ready for autopsy. nic in the park with your little top floor of 1 New Change Shop- ‘The Tempest’ and ‘A Midsum- ones, or some romantic tête à tête ping Centre directly next to St mer Night’s Dream’ will certainly along the brook with strawberries, Paul’s Cathedral. No need to lure you in the direction of the bubbly, and the love of your life? climb up the stairs. A sleek glass Globe Theatre this May. I love the Just go for it, and have fun. You elevator will bring you safely to Globe, come rain, come shine, won’t regret it. the sixth floor, and down again. The view is breath-taking, ranging from the cupola of St Paul’s right Lily Blu Accessories next door (lit at night) to the Lon- don Eye, the Shard, you name it… for Just get yourself a drink, and en- Stylish and contemporary joy. Handbags - Purses - Jewellery - Scarves Another great outing on a warm & Clothes summer day is to join one of the Come and visit us online or at our shop, famous London Walks. These are guided tours through the capital, Building 3, North London Business Park each with a different topic. Jack Open Tuesday-Friday 11.30-2.30 the Ripper, the Beatles, Ghosts in We can also bring Lily Blu to you at house parties - Whitechapel… the list is endless, indulgence evenings - fayres and the walks are fun. Somehow Call now if you would like to book us they always seem to end in a pub… www.walks.com Tel: 07976 773768 1613

10—Church Hill May 2013 HOW SWEET THE SOUNDS . . .

HERE are the titles of 20 popular hymns, each one with the last word missing. Regular churchgoers and viewers of Songs of Praise should have no trouble in recognising them all. Or….?

1: Amazing...

2: All Things Bright and... Church Hill Herald Quiz with Joey O’Reilly 3: Alleluia! Sing to... 10: Come, Holy Ghost, 16: Holy God, We Praise 4: And Can It Be That I Creator... Thy... Should... 11: Come Down, O... 17: I'll Sing a Hymn to... 5: At the Lamb's High Feast We... 12: Dear Lord and Father 18: O Mother Blest, Whom of... God... 6: Breathe on Me, Breath of... 13: God of Mercy and... 19: Onward, Christian...

7: Battle Hymn of the... 14: Guide Me, O Thou 20: When I Survey the Great... Wondrous... 8: Bring Flowers of the... 15: How Firm a... Answers on page 18 9: Christ Be Beside...

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—11

AS I SEE IT By Editor Mike Pearce

WELL WELL, whatever next? Muslims praying here in an Angli- can church while such inter-faith friendliness is sadly lacking in Welcome to the some lands. Would you believe it? Hold on — it’s not so shocking as it sounds. Let’s see . . . A Scottish priest invited Muslims into his church because the nearby Lord’s house mosque was so small that some wor- shippers were forced to pray in the reach out to strangers: talk to them, the event and gave us a warm wel- cold outside. have a coffee with them, and above come. He was glad to hear how well The reverend gentleman said: “One all pray with them. his successor James Mustard (a year day when I was walking past the As far as we are concerned the sub- at St Mary’s already!) is doing. Evi- mosque, I found 20 or 30 people out- ject is probably hypothetical, but in dence of that fact was clear on the side on the ground around the pave- the end it comes down to a familiar previous day, Easter Sunday, when it ments with their hands and feet ex- and crucial question: what would was standing room only as our posed. You could see their breath. Jesus do? No answers on postcards church congregation swelled to well When I spoke to people at the church required. over 200. about the situation, someone actually “And it’s put about,” declared Rich- said to me this was not our problem, ard, “that religion is dying — huh!” but I had seen it with my own eyes, To pursue that point, it is true that so it was a problem.” fewer people than years ago attend His bishop recognised the problem, Easter joy church regularly, but have you ever and called it a case of hospitality and TO ST ALBANS on Easter Mon- stopped to think why this is? In my goodwill. Hurrah for both of them! day (by car, while Christians from opinion, it is largely because in for- For while the misuse of religion all over Hertfordshire bravely mer times people felt (like me) that brings so much deplorable antago- walked on a bright but chilly they had to go to church, while nism and misery in parts of the morning) for the diocesan’s annual nowadays (again like me) it’s abso- world, in peaceful Britain, by and pilgrimage. lutely voluntary and they enjoy it. large, tolerance rules. Such power, such joy! Two thousand Blessings galore on you all. Such tolerance has been in evidence believers united in prayer in the ca- here in East Barnet over the past dec- thedral, waving their banners, sing- We believe in free speech. ade, with multi-faith services at- ing lustily, munching picnics and Therefore any views or opinions in tended by our church members. We simply rejoicing in the resurrection this publication are those of the have even had a Jewish rabbi preach- of Jesus Christ. Wow! author and may or may not reflect ing in St Mary’s. Our former Rector Richard Watson, those of St Mary’s clergy or parish council. Events like this illustrate how we can now the abbey’s Sub-dean, organised

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12 –Church Hill Herald May 2013 HOLY and UNHOLY HUMOUR: 1 Smart kids!

A YEAR-TWO pupil came home “Yes miss,” said the young from school and said to her grand- boy confidently. “It means mother, “Grandma, guess what? We carrying a child.” learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little A 6-YEAR-OLD was asked surprised, tried to keep her cool. where his grandma lived. “That's interesting.” she said... “How “Oh,” he said, “she lives at do you make babies?” the airport, and when we “It's simple,” replied the girl. “You want her, we just go get her. just change ‘y’ to ‘I’ and add ‘es’.” Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her “GIVE ME a sentence about a public back to the airport.” servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman A GRANDMOTHER had her came down the ladder pregnant.” grandson visiting one day The teacher took the lad aside to correct when he asked, “Grandma, do him. “Don't you know what pregnant you know how you and God are alike?” said, “No, how are we alike?” means?” she asked. She mentally polished her halo and “You're both old,” he replied. Some words any parish priest would like to hear . . .

Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. Forget the church minimum salary, let's pay our I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 priest so he can live like we do. minutes over time. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before! I've decided to give our church £500 a month. Since we're all here, let's start the service early. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for Sunday Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment School. like our annual stewardship campaign!

East Barnet Residents’ Association Incorporating Friends of Oak Hill Park Helping Residents for 30 years

We are delighted to report that the residents of Russell Lane, and people who use the shops there, have succeeded in their struggle to prevent more of the historic green lane being paved over, and to prevent double yellow lines which would have affected local traders' livelihoods. Councillor Barry Evangeli, chairman of the Area Environment Sub-Committee, said "We all value the input from the East Barnet Residents' Association who are integral to our area of our borough for their input and the sterling work that they do, so thank you very much." Other recent successes for residents: 27 June 2012: Plans to rent out Oak Hill Park for "private events" were scrapped 17 May 2012: Plans to introduce parking charges in Brunswick Park Ward car parks were scrapped 11 May 2012: Plans to introduce parking charges in East Barnet Village car park were scrapped 9 December 2011: Plans to expand the park keepers' depot in Oak Hill Park were scrapped

Please join us! The more members we have, the more authoritatively we can represent residents in the East Barnet parish. Special offer - a £2 subscription will last right through to June 2014. Please visit www.eastbar.net or email [email protected] or call 020 8144 8469 for more details.

Church Hill Herald May 2013—13 HOLY and UNHOLY HUMOUR: 2 Here’s how to What a drag! get into Heaven COWBOY builder Fred A MAN dies and meets St. Peter at phones an ambulance because the Pearly Gates. Peter says: “Here's his mate has fallen off a how it works. You tell me about all the good things you've done. They ladder. Fred: “Get an ambulance here are all worth points. If you get one quick, he's bleeding from his nose hundred or more, you can come in.” and ears and I think both his legs “Well,” says the man. “I was happily are broken.” married for 52 years. I never looked Operator: “What is your location at another woman.” sir?” “That's great,” says St. Peter. “That'll Fred: “Er… outside number 28 be two points.” Eucalyptus Street.” “Hmm,” says the man. “This is going Operator: “How do you spell that to be harder than I thought. Well, I sir?” attended church regularly faithfully.” Silence.... (heavy breathing) and “Wonderful,” says St. Peter, “That's after a minute... worth another point.” GOVERNMENT Operator: “Are you there sir?” “One point!” says the man. “OK. I More heavy breathing and ANNOUNCEMENT was involved with a prison ministry another minute later... Due to recent budget for 25 years..” Operator: “Sir, can you hear me?” cuts and the rising cost “Wow!” says St. Peter. “That's This goes on for another few min- another two points!” of gas, oil utes until... and electricity, as well “Only two points!” says the man. Operator: “Sir, please answer me. “At this rate, it'll be only by the Can you still hear me?” as current market grace of God that'll I'll ever get into Fred: “Yes, sorry about that... I conditions, The Light at this place.” couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just the End of the Tunnel “Bingo!” exclaims St. Peter. “That's dragged him round to number 28 has been turned off. one hundred points! Come on in.” Oak Street.” ESTABLISHED IN EAST BARNET SINCE 1999 Dress to Impress HURCHILL Fancy Dress Hire C FAMILY FUNERAL DIRECTORS S A caring 263 East Barnet Road EN4 8SX and Tel: 8440 1413 personal www.barnetfuneraldirectors.co.uk Over 160 Outfits £10/£20 (Small deposit) service 24-hour service Eco and East Barnet area Private chapel of rest environmentally (small business) at all Home arrangements friendly funerals Call Cheryl on times on request Horse-drawn hearse 0779 634 7583 www.barnetfuneraldirectors.co.ukPrepaid funeral plans available 0313 263 East Barnet Road, EN4 8SX

14—Church Hill Herald May 2013 Steven Gray Your home, Architectural Design Services - Architectural drawings prepared for Planning and Building Regulation car and approval - Extensions - Loft Conversions - Internal Alterations garden Telephone: 020 3371 0629 email: [email protected] 0513

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16—Church Hill Herald April 2013 BARKERS BUILDERS R.S. LOCKSMITHS & DECORATORS MBLI All types of Building and Any type of lock supplied, fitted, opened Decorating work or repaired undertaken. 24hr Emergency Service Lofts & Extensions Freephone: 0800 09615 96 specialist Tel: 020 8362 0647 For free estimates call:- Fax: 020 8362 0642 Rodney Barker:- e-mail: [email protected] 07859064595 Dean Barker:- www.rslocksmiths.co.uk 07984974111 83 Russell Lane N20 OBA 0313 Or email:- [email protected] 0213 Mike Day BATEMANS Garden Driveways FINISHING Specialists in driveway TOUCHES Maintenance construction including new permeable block paving to Interior and Exterior For All Your Gardening meet local council Needs Painter & Decorator regulations General House Maintenance Regular Upkeep If Family-run business Clean and Tidy Work Required Over 15 years’ experience No Job Too Small For Friendly Reliable Competitive rates Fully Insured Service please phone Free estimates with NO Free Estimates Home — 0208 368 obligation References Available 7328 Contact Mr G Bateman Tel: 020 3509 9168 Mobile — 07904 Mob 07973728938 Mobile: 0797 921 1051 958345 www.finishingtouchesherts. Home 01707 642768 www.mike-day-garden-maintenance.co.uk freeindex.co.uk [email protected] 0413 References available 1013 0913 Gardens Unlimited J.A.Heating & OPTIMA Garden Design Plumbing Ltd and Maintenance Corgi Registration 212340 BUILDERS By Professional Lady Gardener Gas safety checks Just for our clients Qualified at Capel Manor College Certificates all building and construction work * Boiler Repairs & Service TURNING YOUR DREAMS Garden and Planting Design All plumbing works INTO REALITY!!! Garden Maintenance Friendly, reliable, local web:optima-london- One-Offs or Regular Visits builders.co.uk * For advice & rates call 0800 975 61 56 For all your gardening John Ardern or requirements Call Monika 8447 1734 Daniel Wisniewski on Tel. 020 8440 0670 079 44 55 1709 Mob. 07973 409 152 0913 07714 986009 0113 0313 www.gardensunlimited.net

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—17 New face in the parish office

TAKING over as parish admin- training organisation. Despite istrator this month is Margaret doing a wonderful job (as Ofsted Cranfield (right), twenty years a acknowledged) the organisation St Mary’s member and a singer closed suddenly due to financial in the church choir. Here is her difficulties a year ago. I have brief autobiography. been looking for work since then, I’m very much a North Londoner, and was delighted when I was of- as I was born in Chase Farm Hos- fered the post of Parish Adminis- pital and grew up in part of En- trator at the church I have known field. I went to Latymer School in and loved so long. I used to do all Edmonton and then to Manchester the administration for my own University, where I read English teaching project, which should Language and Literature. I moved help me at St Mary’s. back to Enfield after this and However, I’m not very good at worked for some publishers in telepathy so please tell me any- administration jobs. thing I need to know… and do pop Meanwhile I joined the City Lit in to the office and say hello if you Chamber Choir and met Graham, also both in the church choir, and who was a librarian working at the love being members of a church are passing. I look forward to British Library. We married in that takes worship seriously and is working with you all! 1979; I left work when our family friendly and supportive, with a started arriving, and we moved to rich variety of parishioners who BRITISH RED CROSS East Barnet thirty one years ago… are prepared to get involved when- Home from Hospital Service with the attractions of London and ever they are needed. Leaving hospital can be an anxious the countryside within easy reach, Our sons went to Brookhill Nurs- time. Could you help someone as and plenty going on in the com- ery School and St Mary’s School, they recover from a stay in hospi- munity, we think it is a great place going to different secondary tal? Join our friendly team of vol- to live. We support Barnet Foot- schools when the time came. unteers in Barnet and help vulner- ball Club and are also members of They all went to university and able people to regain confidence Barnet Choral Society. have now flown the nest, leaving and remain independent. We attended St James’ New Bar- us to the mercies of our third For further information please call: net at first, and then moved to St “rescue” cat, Theo. Anne or Sue on: 020 8216 5040 Mary’s just under twenty years I studied to teach in further educa- Email: [email protected] ago. I’ve been on the PCC (three tion and taught various groups at We are committed to welcoming years as secretary) and Graham is Barnet College, then left there to people from the widest possible di- a school governor and on the work with individual students who versity of background, culture and building group committee. We are had dyslexia at a young people’s experience.

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18—Church Hill Herald May 2013 HALL FOR HIRE LATEST NEWS FROM THE CHURCH COUNCIL AT OUR meeting on March 18 the Rector reported that four appli- Modern hall with large cations for the parish administrator post had been received. Inter- garden & fully insured 18ft views would be held shortly (position now filled: see page 17). bouncy castle. Applications for the new electoral roll were being processed. James expressed his thanks to Val Selby for making the new altar £75 for three hours, £15 every frontal. additional hour. £75 fee for The treasurer presented the audited accounts for 2012 which were adopted by the Parochial Church Council. The church’s current bouncy castle (not charged if income/expenditure continues to run at a deficit and this continues weather unsuitable). to be a concern. The Rector reported that as a result of work pressures, Jon Simpson Details: 07505 495081 would be standing down as churchwarden at the annual parochial email church meeting. Jon expressed his appreciation of the support he [email protected] had received from Chris Mears who would be continuing as churchwarden. James said that he was very grateful for all the sup-

port he had received from Jon. Not available Fri & Sat evenings or James reported that the diocese had revised the rules for the fund- for parties for over-14s ing of curate posts so that the financial demands on parishes would be much reduced. He believed that St Mary’s would provide a The Scout Hall, good opportunity for a curate and therefore we should consider Margaret Road, applying for a curate placement. New Barnet David Howard reported on the recent meeting of the building com- 1st & 3rd New Barnet mittee with the architects. There are a number of matters being ex- plored before a planning application can be submitted. James reported that he had prepared a draft mission Dr John Ioannou Lupus and related action plan having considered all the work that had BMedSci. MB BS. conditions been done at the ‘away day’. This would be circu- MRCP. PhD. Back pain lated shortly. Christian Aid Week is May 12-18 and Private Practice: Consultant additional volunteers were required. BMI The Cavell Hospital Rheumatologist Appointments: Specialises in treating: 1 Grace 2 Beautiful Quiz answers Rheumatoid Arthritis 020 8366 2122 3 Jesus 4 Gain 5 Sing Arthritis in adolescents Private Secretary: 07545 6 God 7 Republic 14 Redeemer 8 Rarest 9 Me 15 Foundation and young adults 397240 ioannou.rheumatology 10 Come 11 Divine 16 Name 17 Mary Osteoarthritis 12 Mankind 18 Bestows Tendonitis @gmail.com 13 Compassion 19 Soldiers 20 Cross

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Church Hill Herald May 2013—19

BARNET FC NEWS With Margaret Bees’ Corner Cranfield WHEN you read this, the season charges up the pitch trailing ban- will be over, and we will know It’s all over dages (he was always getting injured whether Barnet FC is still a league and insisting on playing on), fantas- club (we are doing better than we at Underhill tic saves from Lee Harrison, Jake have done in past years, but there Cole and lately Graham Stack… are very few points between the to run down a steep slope to do so. from massive Peter Beadle to tiny clubs near the bottom, so we may Everyone will have their own memo- Adam Burchill, we saw so many not be safe). ries of Underhill. One of my favour- great players there over the years. We may also know whether various ites has to be when we became Con- Bees who have gone on to greater players and backroom staff will still ference champions and were pro- things include Dougie Freedman, be with us for next season. (Do look moted to the Football League. As , , Linvoy on the website www.barnetfc.com Queen’s “We are the champions” Primus, Albert Adomah and Jason for more information on this.) rang out from the speakers, everyone Puncheon (who is now playing for What we do know, though, is that was screaming themselves hoarse, Southampton). Barnet FC will have played their last laughing, crying, hugging each Let’s hope that the Hive brings league game at Underhill Stadium. other, hardly daring to believe the equally happy memories and per- So it’s time to pay tribute to the day had come at last. formances to savour. Thank you, place where we have cheered, booed, Then there were the players – Giuli- Underhill Stadium, and goodbye. laughed, cried, shouted and sung in ano Grazioli’s goals, Liam Hatch’s Come on you Bees! support of the “Black and Amber Army” all these years. The stadium opened in 1907 with a match against Crystal Palace FC Yates Accountancy which the local side, Barnet Alston, Chartered Accountant and Chartered Tax Adviser won 1-0. (This club merged with (Barnet) Avenue FC and they be- Sole Trader, Partnership and Company Accounts. came Barnet Football Club after the Bookkeeping, VAT, Personal & Corporate Tax. First World War.) Barnet FC has played in the Athenian League (for Contact Lorraine Yates FCA on 07837742829 50 years) Southern , and Alliance Premier League, before or e-mail [email protected] a spell in the Football League from for a free consultation 0214 1991 to 2001, returning to League 2 in 2005. The playing surface itself is one of ST MARY’S INDEPENDENT GREEK the best in the league, thanks to our dedicated team of ground staff – SCHOOL though it has suffered from the long, St Mary’s CE Primary School, Littlegrove, East Barnet, EN4 8SR wet winter we have had this season. However, the most famous feature of  Classes from 4 years old (nursery) to GCSE the ground is the slope from north to  Greek language tuition and traditional dancing s o u t h .  Outstanding teaching / Excellent results www.footballgroundguide.com  Very small class sizes and secure premises describes it thus: “When you view  Family friendly environment the slope of the pitch, you almost think it must be an optical illusion,  Extremely affordable fees and free trial available as it is at quite an angle.” (Saturdays 2.00pm – 6.00pm) The Football League had to change its standards on the maximum slope Please call Joanna Christophi allowed to let the club into League  07720 293200 2! Players taking a corner kick have Company Reg. No. 3128223 Charity Reg. No.1057955 0413

20—Church Hill Herald May 2013 CHURCH DIRECTORY

RECTOR (PARISH PRIEST) READERS (LAY MINISTERS) The Revd James Mustard Mr Martin Horton, The Rectory, 136 Church Hill Road, EN4 8XD 38 West Walk, EN4 8NU Tel: 8368 3840 Tel: 8368 6341 [email protected] [email protected]

ASSOCIATE MINISTER (Methodist) Mr David Griffin The Revd Colin Smith, Parish Office (see below) Contact through Parish Office

PARISH OFFICE St Mary's Parish Office, Brookside Methodist Church, EDITOR AND ADVERTISING MANAGER 2 Cat Hill, East Barnet EN4 8JB. Mike Pearce 8361 5823 Tel: 8441 4401 Advertisement rates available on request. See page 14. [email protected] [email protected]

CHURCHWARDENS: JOINT EDITOR Mr Jon Simpson 8361 7030 Mrs Chris Mears 8368 6200 Bettina von Cossel 8440 7299 [email protected] www.stmarys-eastbarnet.org.uk

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