83 The Reluctant Famulus # 83 September/October 2011 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359 Phone: 502-484-3766 E-mail: [email protected]

Contents

Introduction, Editor 1 Old Kit Bag, Robert Sabella 4 Indian Battle, Editor 6 News Bits, Editor 7 Rat Stew, Gene Stewart 8 Grave Marker, Editor 10 Serpent Mound, Al Byrd 11 Old Alabama News, Editor 14 Indiana-ania, Matt Howard 15 The Eyes Say It All, Sheryl Birkhead 19 Oh Dear, Matt Howard 22 Things I Discover, Editor 23 Iguanacon,* Taral Wayne 24 Letters of Comment 30 The End, Editor 45

Artwork

G. Thomas Doubrley Front cover Helen Davis 11, 12 Kurt Erichsen 4, 8 Brad Foster 38, Back Cover Alexis Gilliland 6, 30, 34, 42 T. D. Sadler 10 (bottom), 21 Spore & Toe Toe Hodges 7, 32, 36, 40, 44 Internet 2, 10 (top) Indianapolis Star 15 (Lcol.), 17, 18 Indiana State Library 15 (R col.) Postcard 16 Taral Wayne 24, 29

* Reprinted from DQ 9, 1978

The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Many of the comments expressed herein are sole- ly those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or pro- duced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property. Permission is granted to any persons who wish to reprint material presented herein, pro- vided proper and due credit is given both to the author/artist who produced the material and to the original publication in which it appeared. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but especially in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, , and Editorial Whim. The Reluctant Famulus Introduction: Events We'd Much Rather Forget

This introduction deals with an ugly, Patona, Ala., July 12 -- Yesterday unpleasant and cruel but unfortunately pre- evening, about 5 O’clock, as the up passen- valant activity which occurred primarily in ger train on the Selma, Rome and Dalton Rail- the south from the mid-19th century into the road was approaching Cross Plains, Ala. A first third or so of the 20th. I present it as a white boy and a negro got into a fight, and reminder of shameful things we’d much when the train halted the negroes on the ten- rather forget but never should and which we der jumped off and took a hand in the fight, should always strive to avoid forever. The when other white boys and men took part, chilling event was real and occurred in Cal- and the fight became general. At night a par- houn County, Alabama near the city of Cross ty consisting of about a dozen of Wendall Plains. As a note of interest, at the time and Phillips’ children created a sensation and place mentioned, my great-great-grandfather almost a panic, by shooting at persons return- Samuel T. H. Saddler (as they were enumerat- ing from church. Only one lady was slightly ed back in that particular census) and his fam- hurt. The citizens assembled and shot four ily, one member who was my great-grandfa- negroes who refused to surrender. Over one ther James, lived near Cross Plains, as did hundred negroes were arrested. A carpet-bag- Sam’s brother and five sisters (all unmarried, ger named Luke, from Canada, who is teach- by a pact they had made once many years ear- ing a negro school at this place, is under lier). Also interestingly, Levi Mercer and his arrest as being the leader of the negroes in family lived in the general area at the time this murderous assault. Considerable excite- but in Cleburne County. One of Levi Mer- ment during the entire day. The white people cer’s daughters married James E. Sadler and are the masters of the situation and will hold became (eventually) my great-great-grand- the negroes to a strict accountability for their mother. As far as I’m aware, none of them insane folly. Numbers of men are arriving had anything to do with what went on but every hour, fully armed. A sheriff’s posse they must surely have heard about it one way will leave this evening on the train for Rome or another. How they stood on the matter is to arrest the negro ring-leaders who escaped. anyone’s guess. Herewith, The authorities are determined to arrest every negro engaged in the riot, and settle the ques- From: The New York Times, July 19, 1870 tion of white supremacy at once. The Selma paper adds: “Since the above The War of Races in Alabama -- Only a Few was received, we learn from passengers who Negroes Shot — They Were, as Usual, to came down on the road, yesterday, that the Blame [Editor’s note: I’m uncertain if the citizens of Cross Plains arrested all the last six words were meant ironically or not, negroes in that place and in Patona, as well considering that the following news article as the white man Luke, tried them, on Mon- was reprinted in a orthern newspaper.] day, and held the man Luke and four of the negroes, for further examination, and turned The following special appeared in a Sel- them over to the Sheriff for safe keeping. On ma, Alabama, paper: Monday night, a party of armed men took them from the Sheriff and hugh them by the 1 road-side. Another negro who escaped the while their men combated neighbors in the day before, was captured at Prior’s Station streets. The chaos was quieted by Major Bai- and shot. Luke was given time to say his ley, a confederate veteran and a current ad- prayers, and a letter was written to his wife, ministrator at the local school house. Bailey which was found sticking to a post near took measures to turn the prisoners over to where he was hung. The bodied were still the sheriff and the men involved in the con- hanging at noon yesterday. Everything was flict were then escorted down the tree-lined reported as quiet at the Plains. streets of Cross Plains. They were quaran- But that’s not the end of the story. The tined and questioned in the schoolhouse. The following is from a course called: “Rise And instigator, Green Little was nowhere to be Fall of the Slave South”, University of Vir- found. ginia.

QUIET AT THE PLAINS: Race Relations, Violence and the Ku Klux Klan in Alabama

The morning of July 11, 1870, was much like any other in Patona, Calhoun County, Alabama: quiet. The city's two main roads were still, the farms and fields hot with the summer sun; the rural environment uninter- rupted. The only sound for miles was that of a train barreling down the Rome and Dalton railroad. The events both inside and outside of the train did not reflect the peace and quiet that The local sheriff started his questioning lent itself to Patona. Earlier that morning, a about the incident with William Luke who fight had erupted inside the train between a immediately admitted his role. Luke had sold white boy and a black man. The assault esca- the pistols to the black men of Patona, mak- lated when the train came to a stop at ing him liable for the incident. Witnesses Patona/Cross Plains and others joined in on gathered and a disorganized trial com- the fray. It was not until later in the evening menced. The evening grew dark and the hour that Green Little, a former slave mustered up late, accordingly the trial ceased and was a small army of men to continue the day's scheduled to resume the next day. It was at events at Cross Plains. William Luke, an this late hour, when bystanders had returned Irishman, an immigrant and a Methodist min- to their homes, that local members of the Klu ister did his best to persuade Little not to set- Klux Klan executed a vicious plan. The tle the score. The pistol-toting Little refused Klan, known for their racial hatred and vio- to listen and continued on as the night grew lence, hid armed in the shadows as the prison- dark and sticky with the evening heat. ers settled in for what would be, unbe- Hearing the news of an imminent attack, knownst to them, the last night of their lives. members of the local Methodist Church The Klansmen attacked the prisoners, hit- began to flee. Commotion ensued, bullets ting and dragging them down the street and whipped the wind and gunfire could be heard well across the railroad tracks. The mob- for miles. For 48-hours Cross Plains was in stopped upon reaching the edge of town at distress. Women and children sought safety 2 Prior's Station. Torches lit, ropes in hand, the appealed to the Supreme Court at the next Klansmen prepared to exterminate Luke and term and the sentence suspended. Bailes mur- his black counterparts. Three blacks hanged dered his wife and lynch law was prevented first, followed by two more. Luke was with difficulty when he was first arrested. allowed enough time to write his wife. In his About three thousand people assembled at letter, he claimed he his death was deserved noon today, broke into jail, took Bailes a half and God would certainly forgive him. The mile from town for the purpose of hanging executioners had been quick to kill the black him, but not a man would tie the knot. The men, but one of their own, Luke, white male, Sheriff then jumped into a wagon, pistol in took consideration. Luke was hanged in a dif- hand and drove back with Bailes and lodged ferent fashion and even in death received bet- him in jail. The crowd dispersed. (One side ter treatment than the black men around him. of mob justice.) On the morning of July 12, 1870, the day fol- lowing the attacks, all was reported as quiet The second, from 1884, some five years lat- at the Plains. er. The incident at Cross Plains exemplified the deep-seeded hatred that continued to From a Calhoun County, Alabama newspa- plague certain sections of southern states. Cal- per issue of Saturday, February 9, 1884 un- houn County, Alabama was no exception. der the heading ALABAMA State News Factions of the Klu Klux Klan could be found in every former confederate state. Simi- CHAMBERS County News lar incidents, like that of Cross Plains, occurred with regularity in other areas. The The negro Jeff Rogers who outraged and bru- Civil War may have ended in 1865, but bat- tally stabbed Mrs. Stribler in the northern tles continued to rage in tension filled part of Chambers county, Ala., was forcibly regions of former confederate strong holds. taken from the LaFayette jail about 12 o'clock Saturday night and hanged to a tree. **** About fifty men were engaged in the lynch- ing. Ben Butler, another negro confined in Unfortunately, as those who follow histo- the same cell with Rogers was allowed to ry well know, such events continued on into make his escape. (The other side of mob jus- the 20th century proving that certain hatreds tice. It could be presumed that, fortunately live a long time. for Ben Butler, he wasn’t involved in the mur- On a somewhat similar and related note, der.) two brief newspaper accounts showing two different approaches to “mob justice”. The Citations first is from 1879, nine years after the preced- “The War of Races in Alabama - Only a Few ing account. Negroes Shot - They were, as usual to blame,” ew York Times, July 19, 1870, From a Calhoun County, Alabama news- “The White and Blacks at it in Alabama,” paper issue of Saturday, September 20, 1879 Chicago Tribune, July 20, 1870, “The Troubles in Alabama,” Chicago Tri- NARROW ESCAPE bune, July 23, 1870, Montgomery, Sept. 12th
Gene L. Howard, Death at Cross Plains: An Alabama Reconstruction Tragedy (Tusca- A man named Bailes was sentenced to loosa, AL: The University of Alabama Press, hang at Athens, Ala., today but the case was 1984). 3 genre. #23: Worldcons After Nycon 3, I began attending world- cons whenever they were held relatively close to the East Coast. St.Louiscon in 1969 was the first one I attended in its entirety. A Worldcons were responsible for my join- few memories of St. Louiscon stick out. I re- ing fandom. In the 1960s I was an avid read- call sitting in my hotel room one evening er of Galaxy and IF magazines, and the latter reading in the program book Jack Gaughan’s had a regular column by Lin Carter entitled bemoaning his first sf convention in which he Our Man in Fandom. One of its entries in knew nobody and hardly talked to anybody 1967 discussed the upcoming World Science the whole time, and I realized I was experi- Fiction Convention being held Labor Day encing almost the exact same situation. I weekend in New York City. Since I lived went to one open room party, but after sitting right across the river from the Big Apple, it quietly for a few minutes I felt like a combi- was easy for me to take a train into the city to nation intruder and eavesdropper, so I left get a taste of the convention. and did not attempt another party. I only went for a single day. I picked Sat- Probably the most memorable part of the urday since I never enjoyed fighting with all programming was when an unfortunate fan the weekday traffic entering and in the city tripped and tore the movie screen, which itself (and still don’t). I recall two aspects of would have cost the convention committee a the convention. One was the incredible Huck- considerable sum of money. Harlan Ellison sters Room (now commonly called the Deal- stepped up front and encouraged the fans ers Room). The other was the single program attending to make donations toward the of talks and panel discussions. They were cer- repair of the screen. The fans were generous, tainly not a staid academic affair. Alexei Pan- and considerably more money was collected shin screamed at Lester del Rey who blithely than necessary, so Harlan, without any con- stated that he saw no problem with padding a sultation or apparently much thought, imme- story by 10,000 words to fill a gap in a maga- diately donated the excess money to the Clari- zine he was editing. John J. Pierce and Har- on SF Writers’ Workshop. lan Ellison were screaming at each other over The problem was that the New Wave– Harlan’s new original anthology Dangerous Old Wave wars had, if anything, intensified Visions which Pierce disliked because it was since Nycon 3, and Clarion had somehow “New Wave,” apparently Pierce being op- earned a reputation in some fannish quarters posed to any changes or growth in the sf as being a New Wave training ground. I at- 4 tended Clarion West a few years later, andit I spent MidAmericon with both Steve was certainly nothing like that. But reputa- and his college roommate, another would-be tions are often earned for the flimsiest rea- writer named John Kessel. We spent much of sons, so some fans went ballistic at Harlan’s the weekend discussing our so-far-fruitless generosity—after all, it was “their” money efforts to get published. We also met another which he was donating to “his” cause—and fledgling writer who was bemoaning the diffi- the excess money was redirected elsewhere. culties of getting published, a guy named To my mind, that incident was indicative Greg Bear. Of that group of four wannabes, of one dichotomy inherent in fandom: fans two of them have made out pretty well for are often both generous and selfish at almost themselves as writers; the same moment. Also at MidAmericon, both John and I joined my first APA in the early 1970s, Steve had been invited to a room party, and APA-45, so I met one of its members Ken they suggested I go as well. Assuming I Budka at Noreascon in 1971. Sadly though, might actually enjoy it having two friends at after I left APA-45 a few years later I lost the party, I went to the room at the appropri- touch with all its members for nearly 40 ate time. Because it was an invitation-only years until I encountered several of them on party, I knocked on the closed door. It was Facebook. opened by Mike Glicksohn, who had been a After going to Clarion West, I attended fellow member of APA-45 a few years earli- several worldcons with fellow Clarion alum- er. Apparently not recognizing my name, he nus Steve Carper, so that I no longer wan- asked me what I wanted. When I told him, he dered through hotels like a worldcon ghost: said the party was “invitation only” and Torcon II in 1973; Discon II in 1974; Mid- closed the door in my face; Americon in 1976; Noreascon Two in 1980, Steve and I had met numerous writers at which was my last worldcon. Clarion, but the only one we were not too I got married in 1979, and Jean was not a intimidated to approach at a worldcon was science fiction fan, not even a reader of the Terry Carr at Torcon in 1973. He actually genre (she prefers mysteries and historical fic- seemed glad to see us. Our at conversation, tion). Since she was mostly bored the entire brief though it was, was one of my finest four days of Noreascon Two, I decided it was worldcon memories; not fair for me to enjoy myself at her At Noreason II, I was browsing the Huck- expense, so I have not attended another sters Room with Jean when I looked up and worldcon in the 31 years since. standing right next to me was C.J. Cherryh. I But a few other random memories from felt foolish totally ignoring her, so I began my 7 worldcons have stuck in my memory: babbling about how much I loved her fiction. Steve and I were determined to speak- I was surprised to learn she was as introvert- with Roger Zelazny at Discon, since he had a ed around strangers as I was; while she reputation for being very friendly toward smiled at me, she did not say a single world fledgling writers. We did not see him the in reply; entire weekend until the night of the Hugo I don’t recall which worldcon it was, but Awards banquet. Steve and I could not afford there was an autograph session in the Huck- to attend the banquet, but while waiting for sters Room at one of them, and as I wandered the awards themselves we went to the men’s past the table behind which sat two writers room and who took the urinal immediately waiting for somebody to approach them for between us? Roger Zelazny. You can imag- an autograph, I glanced at the books being ine how strained (no pun intended) and brief displayed on the table and was stunned that that conversation was; the title of one book was Sabella. I glanced 5 at the author, a stern-looking woman named- ried men pondering the best ways to protect Tanith Lee, and I said to her, “Look at my their families. When a few men put their nametag.” She did, seemingly not amused by women and children in carriages for the jour- my name, so I tried to break the ice by say- ney north and out of harm's way, the panic ing, “Perhaps I should write a book named began. Farmers left their tools lying in the Tanith Lee.” Her expression got even sterner fields, women left their food still hot on the as she said, “If you do, I’ll sue you”. stoves, everyone was trying to flee Huntsville So those are my worldcon memories. It as fast as they could. does not include the hours I spent attending Masters and slaves alike competed for talks and panel discussions, many of them any kind of transportation they could find. interesting, others not so. I have had periodic With the exodus north, plantations were aban- urges to attend another one, but Jean would doned and families separated as the cry still be bored, and I hesitate spending money became “Every man for himself.” ln a few on myself if she would not come with me. So short hours, Huntsville had become a ghost it goes. town. Meanwhile the famous Indian fighter, Andrew Jackson, who was camped 25 miles away at Fayetteville, Tenn., had received word of the impending massacre. Rallying his troops, he ordered a non-stop march all the way to Huntsville, without rest or food. He reminded the soldiers of all the helpless families that would surely be killed if the army did not reach Huntsville in time. As the soldiers marched south to save Huntsville, the frightened populace contin- ued its scramble north. Gloom settled over the town as it became abandoned, with no one left to defend it. No one. that is. except for five brave men who barricaded themselves in the new brick courthouse, determined to defend to the The Great Indian Battle death the town they had helped to carve out (Author unknown) of the wilderness. Capt. Wyatt was no stranger to fighting Indians. He assumed command of the brave The first word of Indians approaching little group in the courthouse that day, know- Huntsville came from a thirsty traveler who ing the odds were against him. But if he had stopped to water his horse. The citizens could delay the Indians, perhaps.Andrew gathered around as he told of savage warriors Jackson would arrive with his troops to tune he had seen on his journey. The stranger to save the day. Rumor had it that even Davy spoke of being chased to the very edge of Crockett was headed toward Huntsville with town by the red men. his long rifle, determined to whip the red ras- You could have heard a pin drop on the cals once and for all! old courthouse square that day back in 1813 It was a long, dark night as they paced to as the townspeople clung to his every word. and fro in the courthouse, peering often out Gradually the crowd dispersed, with wor the windows. Capt. Wyatt, in an attempt to 6 bolster his men's sagging morale, passed From the Associated Press around a jug of whiskey, and then another— and another. September 8, 2011 Finally, with nerves at the breaking point, a shadow was seen darting behind the Drunk Moose trapped in apple tree bushes in the courthouse yard. A shout rang STOCKHOLM (AP) — out: “Indians, the Indians are here!” Men rushed to their posts and began firing. A seemingly intoxicated moose has been The battle of Huntsville was on. discovered entangled in an apple tree by a Gunshots rang out through the night as stunned Swede. the stalwart defenders fired, reloaded and Per Johansson says he heard a roar from fired again, pausing only long enough to his vacationing neighbor's garden in south- wipe the powder stains from their tired faces western Sweden late Tuesday and went to and o take another drink. have a look. There, he found a female moose As the sun rose over Huntsville that next kicking about in the tree. The animal was morning, it revealed a scene of utter devasta- likely drunk from eating fermented apples. tion. All around the courthouse square, win- With the help of police and rescue ser- dows lay shattered, doors were shot off their vices, the 45-year-old Johansson later man- hinges, and the acrid smell of gunpowder aged to set the moose free in part by sawing hung heavily in the air. off tree branches. Gen. Andrew Jackson and Davy Crock- But the animal appeared confused and ett marched slowly into town at the head of wandered into Johansson's garden, where she the brave Tennessee volunteers. With guns was still resting Thursday. primed and loaded, the soldiers slowly Other neighbors in the Goteborg suburb fanned out across the square. Veterans of a Saro had seen the animal sneaking around the hundred Indian battles, they were amazed area for days. Johansson said the moose and at the same time terrified at the devasta- appeared to be sick, drunk or “half-stupid.” tion the night's battle had wrought. The great battle fought in Huntsville that night might have gone down in history books Resting from a major hangover. Obviously except for one small detail. we humans aren't alone in ingesting things There were no Indians! we shouldn't and which make us stupid. The brave courageous defenders of our What amazing Swedish wildlife! fair city had been firing at shadows. The stranger who had first spread the sto- ry of the Indians had long disappeared and the only hostile Indians within a hundred miles were those visions that emerged from the whiskey jugs. Today, where Holmes Avenue intersects with Lincoln Street, one will see a historical marker that tells how Gen. Jackson and Davy Crockett camped there after a long, hard march from Tennessee. The marker does not tell why they came here.

finis 7 Rx For A Depressed America What indoctrination? That of the religous-political extreme right. Example, the Dominionists. Dominionists = C St. = “Before you diagnose yourself with depres- Promise Keepers = American Taliban. sion or low self esteem, first make sure that Think of it as the American Taliban. A you are not, in fact, just surrounded by ass- would-be theocracy that has systematically, holes.” ~ William Gibson over the past 75 years, used money and influ- ence to place sleeper agents in positions of What is it we do with ourselves, when power from local to state to federal, in police others have cast us off? departments and courts. As a religion-driven political terrorist group bent on taking over, Consider: If -- between NAFTA bestow- it has done more harm to America than any ing unfair advantages and the corporate scum outside group, force, or natural disaster. shipping factories and the jobs they provide Don’t you wish this were a Twilight overseas to exploit what is tantamount to Zone episode that would transport the cruel, slave labor -- there is no manufacturing of sig- rich scum into exactly the world they want . . nificance left stateside, how, then, can any- . only they are destitute in it? one “create” jobs? Consider Michelle Bachman. She’s Those who have jobs to offer have left crazy, goes the refrain, so what threat can she the building. They’re not coming back, peo- be? But it’s not about her craziness, it’s ple. They’re gone where they can get a slave about her American Taliban beliefs and the for 15¢ a day with no benefits or pensions, harm such beliefs wreak on every rational and no unions allowed under penalty of aspect of life or government they touch. death. If we’re going to do anything to climb Next time you laugh at Bachman’s latest out of this calculated, blood-sucker spon- idiocy, remember: It is an organized terrorist sored depression, it’s up to us to create entire- group, not a single moron’s delusions, that ly new industries from scratch. threaten us. She is a figurehead backed by Any ideas? Dominionist money, rapacious capitalists such as the Koch Brothers, and other blindly American Taliban Plans Revealed - angry, irrational groups of bigots, liars, and thieves. Why are the Republicans so determined This has been going on for 75 to destroy separation of church and state? years;longer if the American extreme right’s Because then the indoctrination can begin in roots are traced to the KKK and beyond, to earnest. 8 the Whigs and slave owners of England and otherwise lie to you and fuck you over in colonial America. order to keep “defending democracy”. The Republican Party lost any soul it Nihilism plays its part. Too many may have claimed, however laughably, when sociopaths have experienced existential cri- it courted and exploited the astro-turf, big- sis, and have realized there is no system inher- money created Tea Bagger movement. Arro- ent in life. Nothing has meaning we don’t our- gant criminal idiocy and crazy blind ideology selves make. This means the center cannot combined to form a tail that soon wagged the hold, and all bets are off. If nothing is real dog. GOP bigshots found themselves running then everything is permitted, even mandato- scared as Tea Baggers threatened to pelt ry. them with misspelled epithets and coordinat- ed political clout. Regulations? A rule of law? The scum but laugh at such empty notions. They laugh How To Keep Breathing When The Air Is harder at ideals such as altruism, charity, com- Poisoned? passion, and humane democratic societies. Corporations are people, haven’t you heard? Why are these divisive, seditious, and They live forever and see no mortal restric- traitorous terrorist scum types, these mar- tions. tinets and bullies, these braggarts and blow- hards tolerated as if they’re any kind of legiti- Who Are These Scum We Speak Of So mate party? I refer to both the Tea baggers Frivolously? and the GOP now, frankly. Is it because they have both enough dirt on enough corrupt TPR = Top Percent Rich. Corporatists, politicians and enough votes to wield in a sociopaths, and narcissists. Manipulative bloc against anyone who gainsays them? exploitive liars, thieves, and thugs. Con- Covering a treasonous crime and all the scienceless humanoid shapes. Scum floating Dicks Like Cheney is now standard media on society’s blood, sweat, and tears. employment. So is looking the other way, slanting, spinning, and otherwise lying about What Can We Do Other Than GAFIATE or ignoring important stories in favor of fluff. Like Motherfuckers? Without facts, or with facts hopelessly scat- tered, gaining the big picture or even figuring Escapism is nice by the hour, perhaps out a clear glimpse is nearly impossible. This even useful to refresh one’s mind. It is lethal keeps We the People baffled. by the day or longer because it removes us War? What war? Haven’t seen any flag- from the fray, the good fight, and the struggle draped coffins, have you? Course not. So to shine enough to chase this choking clot of send your children into military service so darkness welling up all around us. Hunter S. they can “defend democracy”. Defending Thompson famously wrote of the high tide of Democracy is a code phrase meaning To Kill the Sixties having broken somewhere in Las and Die for Rich People’s Profit Margins. Vegas when Nixon’s COINTELPRO type Horribly, many too many young people saboteurs, agents provocateurs, and goons find no jobs and are forced to enter military smacked down the last few day-glo pirates service rather than starve. And once in, you and Flower Power children. don’t get out without one of those unseen We need to engage, to cite Captains Kirk flag-draped coffins because the military will and Picard. We must focus our moral out- keep rotating you back into the field of com- rage, our analytical courage, and our free, bat, and deny you basic human rights, and brave words. We have to identify and isolate 9 the sociopaths among us, shut down the cor- A most unusual grave marker porate mentality of Zero-Sum greed and bot- tom-line profit-at-all-costs, and most of all gather in local groups determined to set things back into rational, orderly, reality- based motion. Green industries are begging to be devel- oped. Infrastructure desperately needs to be repaired and redesigned. Pollution needs to be eliminated and toxic sites cleaned. Wait- ing for government or industry to help is fol- ly; big business owns government now. Media, too. Spread the word by word of mouth. Lessen suffering at arm’s length. Learn to do with basics, and what to live without. Escape Oakwood Cemetery, Lanett, Alabama: Visi- corporate consumerism. Wriggle out of the tors to Oakwood Cemetery are often aston- debt snare. Welcome people and despise ished to find this brick playhouse, complete stuff. Choose life over crap. with real windows, wrought-iron columns Shake off the inertia, the ennui, and the and a sidewalk leading to the front door. A despair. You can do something. We all can. peek inside shows dolls and doll furniture — Any little thing helps. Stop being depressed; and a child’s tomb. This is the final resting stop letting the scum depress everything and place of Little Nadine Earles, who died of everyone. Stand up and make a move to diphtheria at age 4 in 1933. Her tragic death improve something, anything, any way you came just before she could receive her Christ- can. mas gift, the playhouse her father was build- Simplistic advice with an ancient lin- ing. Her parents reportedly held a post- eage, you say, shrugging. Got anything better mortem birthday party at the site and placed to try? a Christmas tree in the house until their deaths. They are now buried beside the small What is it we do with ourselves, when all house. else has cast us off?

Didn’t we used to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps? Didn’t we used to have a Can Do attitude? Didn’t we used to be optimistic about the future regardless of potential hard- ships? Didn’t we used to know how to stand up to the assholes and prevail? Why not again? Why not now?

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Remember the certainty of your ignorance and the doubt of your knowledge in all things. —W B Kek My “little brown jug” bell

10 A Trip to Serpent Mound and Fort Hill

Alfred D. Byrd

On April 29, 2011, in quest of an ending From the tower, Helen and I descended for a time-travel novel about the Hopewell to a walking path that encircles the mound. Exchange, I set out from Lexington, Ken- From the tower, the mound is foreshortened tucky, to Serpent Mound, lost in a triangle and oddly smaller than one expected it to be; formed by Cincinnati, Portsmouth, and Chilli- from ground level, its true scale appears. The cothe, Ohio. My drive north to the Ohio Riv- top of the mound, rising from slightly er on US 68 was brisk and pleasant; the drive crowned land, was about eye level for me at north from the Ohio on Ohio 41 and Ohio 73, five feet ten inches, and its length of a quar- rather less so. In retrospect, I should’ve ter of a mile makes a respectable walk. From known that one must reach Serpent Mound the path, one gets a clear view of the mysteri- on roads that can themselves be described ous head, composed of three features: a con- only as serpentine. cave wedge, an oval, Certainly, I lost track and a reverse wedge. of how many times What these features the lyrics to “Long —especially the oval and Winding Road” —represent is a mat- ran through my head. ter of endless conjec- In any event, I, ture. Is the oval an after having been egg in the serpent’s shaken and stirred mouth, the serpent’s like some Bondian mouth open and martini, reached the about to strike, or, as mound, where, in the Helen suggested, an parking lot of the his- eye? A tiny, now torical memorial (Serpent Mound lies in a pri- lost mound that stood at the oval’s center vate park, admission $7.00, run by the Ohio might have been a pupil. Historical Society), I met fellow writer and Mystery, too, lies in each of the ser- photographer Helen E. Davis. She and I re- pent’s folds. Dr. William F. Romain, in his paired to the mound, where we began a tour controversial Mysteries of the Hopewell of it by climbing an antiquated observation (referenced in my earlier articles on the tower poorly adapted to concerns of the acro- Hopewell), identifies each of them with an phobic. The tower rises twenty-five feet annual lunar event, but signs by the path link above level ground right of the serpent’s the folds to solstices or equinoxes. About all tightly coiled tail and gives one a fine view on which experts can agree is that the ser- of the tail and of the lower folds, but a poor pent’s snout points to sunset on the winter sol- view of the head, which lies at the bottom of stice. The serpent itself, somnolent in repose, a slope from the tail. Still, no good vantage gives seekers no answers. When I viewed it, for the head is possible, as it lies also on a it lay under a lush mantle of grass graced sharp spur of rock projecting from a three-sid- near the tail with yellow ragwort, spring beau- ed cliff above bottomland of nearby Brush ty, violets, and dandelions. Creek. (The last two flowers, I myself recog- 11 nized. The names of the other two, I had to on which a Fundamentalist Christian sect ask Helen.) says the Rapture will occur. It either will or A final mysterious feature of the mound won’t have occurred before you read this arti- is its “standing” stone, so called by Celtic- cle—if you do read it! It may still be in the influenced New Agers who flock to the air whether the world will have ended when mound. The moss-covered stone lies, rather the Mayan calendar may or may not have than stands, at the base of the southern face said it will/would end. (Pardon my Gal- of the cliff at the serpent’s head. Some have lifreyan tense.) suggested that the stone was once the ser- The mound means many different things pent’s tongue, projecting from the cliff. View- to persons today in part because we can’t be ing the stone from ground sure of what it meant to level, I concluded that it those who built it. We had come to rest far from don’t know what it meant the place and angle of to them in part because repose that it should have we don’t know who they found had it fallen from were. Putnam, the first to the serpent’s snout. My excavate parts of the guess is that the stone is mound, assigned its con- just a particularly large struction to the Adena flake of rock that weath- Culture (flourished 1000 ered loose from the rest of B. C. E. to 200 B. C. E.) the cliff. Unromantic, my because of the serpent’s guess, but real life often is. proximity to nearby Adena funerary mounds. (I must confess that I descended to (The stone path through the serpent’s tail ground level down a steep, narrow, slippery marks the site of one of Putnam’s excava- path, not because I cared for the “standing” tions.) Romain ascribes the mound to the stone, but because, for my work in progress, Hopewell Exchange (flourished 200 B. C. E. I wanted to learn where a body falling from to 500 C. E.) on account of the mound’s the cliff’s southern edge would land. alleged lunar alignments and construction in “Writers are strange beasts,” as Tarzan even fractions of 1053 feet, both features of might’ve said.) Hopewell monumental construction. Radio- Between our tour of the mound and our carbon dating of two samples of charred descent to the base of the cliff, Helen and I wood from the mound’s base puts its con- had a long talk with the gift shop’s cashier, struction around 1100 C. E., in the time of whose name, wretched excuse for an histori- the Fort Ancient Culture. Some experts con- an that I am, I failed to record. A friend of test the validity of the radiocarbon dates, how- Romain, he told us much of the history of the ever, as the samples that established these mound and its excavations, as well as of Dru- came from ground that underlay a spot that ids, Wiccans, and Native American spiritual- Putman had excavated and then reconstructed ists who descend on the mound at solstices with ambient soil. While Helen and I were at and equinoxes. (One book for sale in the gift the mound, Romain had been supposed to be shop identifies Serpent Mound as the product taking cores of the mound to establish its true of Celtic travelers, as if Native Americans date, but his excavation had been put off by could not have built such a monument.) The frequent, prolonged torrential rains that had cashier even alerted us to a Mayan holy man stricken Ohio earlier in April. Sorry, folks! I who’ll be giving a lecture on the Mayan cal- couldn’t get you impressions of the colorful, endar at the mound on May 21, 2011, a day controversial Romain in action. 12 Purely by happenstance, Helen and I earthworks. The work the workers did, mind learned from the cashier of another nearby you, atop a four-hundred-foot-high bluff. Mound Builder site that we could visit the Although details of construction of the earth- day of our trip to Serpent Mound. While de- works aren’t evident to the naked eye, the scribing Miami Fort, a Hopewell hilltop earth- soil overlays a bed of sandstone slabs in work that I had visited just west of Cincin- some cases faced with clay. At intervals nati, I inadvertently called it “Fort Hill,” along the earthworks, it’s pierced with gates. which the cashier insisted was the name of a Helen suggested that these were sites where Hopewell earthwork just north of Serpent the Hopewell gathered to watch sunrises or Mound on Ohio 41. When confusion was sunsets at holy times; I suspect that the gates resolved, Helen and I learned that a short are prosaically openings through which rain- trip, at least on the map, would bag us a sec- fall can drain from the enclosure. ond Mound Builder site on one trip. Nowadays, earthwork, enclosure, and After lunch at The Village Inn in bucolic surrounding slopes are heavily wooded with Peebles, Ohio, where I had chicken tenders, second-growth timber and undergrowth. In green beans, corn, wheat bread and butter, Hopewell times, the earthworks themselves and iced tea (and where the regulars looked would surely have lain bare. Helen suggests at Helen and me as if we were visitors from that the Hopewell would have denuded the outer space, as, being fen, we were perhaps), slopes so that the earthworks would have Helen and I set off for Fort Hill. What looks stood out in all of their majesty to those short on a map is long in the wilds of rural below them. Certainly, it would have made southwestern Ohio. Helen and I feared that little sense to build such a monument and we had gone far past Fort Hill State Memori- then let it get overgrown. In any event, the al before the turnoff to it appeared on our Hopewell would have needed much wood for left. constructing shelters and feeding fires for “Longer than it looks on the map” would whatever rites they performed at their ceremo- be a theme of our visit to Fort Hill. For one nial center. thing, the earthworks lie four hundred feet What rites were performed at Fort Hill? above surrounding terrain. A steep path, A possible answer to this question lies in the relieved occasionally by switchbacks, to the Hopewell Exchange’s having built two kinds summit took a toll on a fifty-six-year-old of monuments: irregular enclosures on hill- man and a woman with allergies. Early set- tops and geometric, astronomically aligned tlers called the earthworks a fort because it enclosures on terraces of river valleys. The lay where they would have sited a fort. Mod- two types of monuments, if used as ceremoni- ern archaeologists regard the earthworks as a al centers of a Hopewell religion, suggests ceremonial center instead of a fort. On the two sets of deities, each served in its own set basis of my climb, I can understand how the of monuments. early settlers reached their conclusion. Attack- Modern Eastern Woodlands Native ers of the earthworks would have had to take Americans, who may be descendants of Hope- some time in reaching them, and a dedicated wellian cultures, have a cosmology in which few could have held them against many. the world consists of the four corners of the The scale of the earthworks staggers one Middle World, the airy heights of the Upper when one grasps that it was built wholly by World, and the watery depths of the Lower persons digging up soil with stone tools and World. Each of the Upper World and the carrying it in baskets on their backs. The Lower World has its own set of deities, the Hopewell workers dug much of the soil from Upper World’s generally deemed benevolent a borrow pit that forms a moat just inside the to humanity, the Lower World’s threatening, 13 but useful, if properly placated, to humanity. Samuel Livingston, his brother-in-law, is in Head of the deities of the Upper World is Fal- jail, charged with the crime. Much excite- con; head of the deities of the Lower World ment prevails. is Horned Serpent. If the Hopewell Exchange had two sets It makes me curious to know the reasons of monuments, one each for the Upper World Little was attacked. He must’ve been very and for the Lower World, then Fort Hill naughty—at least in Livingston’s eyes. would have been a place where the Hopewell venerated and communed with Falcon and From a Eufaula Alabama newspaper other airy spirits. Serpent Mound, as well as (Barbour county): other geometric riverside monuments, would Man Had Nine Wives and One Hundred have been, by contrast with Fort Hill, a site and Seventeen Children: for placating Horned Serpent and the other watery spirits at critical changes of seasons. “I want to get you to write something in If, of course, the Hopewell Exchange the Bible”, said Lawson Lawrence, a regular built Serpent Mound. Perhaps, someday subscriber to the newspaper. He was accom- soon, Romain will tell us yes or no. panied by his aged “Uncle” whose hair was grey and it was for him that the Bible writing was intended. “He is one hundred and three A Few Alabama 3ews Bits years old” said Lawson, and at this, the reporter was of course “all ears”. Inquiry of Collected by the Editor “Uncle Nero” developed, according to his statement, that he was born in Trenton dis- From 1879: trict, North Carolina on May 9, 1782 and would consequently be 103 years of age on A dreadful disease is raging in portions the 9th of May 1885. He said he came to of Georgia. It specially attacks young men, Eufaula “during Jackson’s War” and when the aged seemingly being exempt from it. Eufaula was Irvington. The Indians were The tongue of the patient swells, turns back encamped about Montgomery and he bought and exudes bloody water. In a few hours the a pony from them for five dollars. His pre- man is dead and the body presents a spotted sent wife, “Henry Kringle’s sister” is fifty appearance. It is by far more fatal than the years old, he having married her when she yellow fever and defies the skill of physi- was a “gal” as he expressed it. She is his cians. One doctor had twenty cases and did ninth wife and in reply to the question as to not save one. how many children he had, he said he had Sounds like a scary disease. I wish the been assessed of having one hundred and sev- news bit had mentioned what it was or might enteen, and it was not for him to dispute it. have been. I wonder, too, if it’s still around. If the story’s true, he had a very busy life From 1885: —and a fertile one. That averages out to 13 children per wife. I pity the poor women. He Courtland, Ala., April 25th did his “duty” and they were stuck with the hard part. I wish I had a list of all the chil- Last night, Thomas Little, a wealthy dren’s names to see how many were duplicat- planter was called to his door about dusk, ed and the numbers of each gender. Even when some one sprung up in front of him and with help it must have been a challenge to fired twenty-four buckshot into his breast. name them. 14 Indiana-ania: The Biggest Man in the United States, by Matt Howard How does evil propagate? in Houston, Texas but finally settled down in Indiana in 1920. “I’m a nobody from Take the Ku Klux Klan as an example nowhere, really—but I’ve got brains,” Ste- (preferably take them over a cliff) but with henson boasted “I’m going to be the its present growth by appealing to anti- biggest man in the United States.” Mexican and anti-immigration sentiment it behooves us to take a consequential look back to when the KKK was at its height by appealing to anti-immigration sentiment, mainly anti-Irish and anti-Italian. The prevailing wisdom is that the Klan was beget by xenophobia, poverty and southern revenge but that does not explain why a mildly prosperous state north of the He was well built, had a powerful per- Mason-Dixon line with a small African- sonality and the gift of the gab (a proficient American population cultivated the largest raconteur can make a prolific recruiter). KKK membership of any state. He also a liar, and at times deadly In 1924 every third white male in Indi- drunk. He was a sexual monster and pow- ana was a proud member of the Klan. er-mad. Hoosiers who knew or studied that Stephenson started out as journeyman time will tell you it was made and main- printer, by the time he arrived in Indiana tained by “parades, picnics and patriotism” he was into the second of his four mar- but they should also add “personality” and riages and already a law unto himself. a “pyramid scheme” not to mention graft With his charm and personality he and intimidation. moved into coal sales, quickly landing large contracts. Fuel is power and he was beginning to move in powerful company. Added to which there was his KKK recruit- ing. The coal contracts had brought in mon- ey and contacts but also adding to the cof- fer was the KKK requirements because of its kickbacks. A new member paid $10 as a The personality was D. C. Stephenson “klecktoken” so he could become and he is credited for both the rise and fall “naturalized” in the Klan. $10 was not a of the KKK in Indiana. small sum in the ’20s. His recruiter (or David Curtis Stephenson, who swiftly “Kneagle”) would pocket a whopping $4 rose in the Klan to the position of Grand from that, the Kneagle’s “King Kneagle” Dragon, was pretty much “the man from would take another $1 and then the local nowhere”. He was born in 1891, probably “Grand Goblin” (or sales manager) would 15 shave off his 50 cents share. By the time in fear of D. C. Stephenson and eighty years the money reached H.Q. “Klan krest” in after his rein his memory can cause a tim- Atlanta, Georgia, it was down to $4.50. bre in the voice of those who were only Add in the sales of robes and Stephen- children at the time. son had plenty of money, plenty of con- One rumor that had a lot of popular tacts and a large following, so much so that belief was that the Catholics were building his “exalted” rank of “Grand Dragon” put a Cathedral Palace in Washington, D.C. for him in charge of the Klan in several States. the Pope, who was going to vacate the Vati- Even his Indiana home was a replica of the can, move to the U.S., and usurp the Presi- Klan’s H.Q. In Alanta. dent (to quote Anna Russell “I’m not mak- Recruiting for ing this up you the KKK was easy know!”). work, as the Klan’s It seems it was portraiture of itself Stephenson (“I'm was as the guardian going to be the and upholder of all biggest man in the that was great, mor- United States”) who al and just in Ameri- really wanted to be ca. Such as “A High President. A Senate Class Order of Men Seat was about to of Intelligence and be vacated by Indi- Character,” “The Sanctity of Womanhood” ana’s Sam Ralston (whose health was and “100% Americanism” or at least that rapidly failing) and Thompson had his eye was great, moral and just for “native born, on that as a stepping-stone to the Presiden- white, Gentile, American citizens” which cy. He was well on his way. In fact had Ral- just happened to be the majority, and a ston died the Governor could have given few parades and picnics helped enforced Stephenson the seat—without election. the 1920’s version of family values. So in the State of Indiana if you want- Who were the enemies of these “patri- ed to get out the vote, intimidate your ots”? Catholic, Jews & Blacks and within opponent or land a contract, you met with Indiana they came in that order. Stephenson and from the Governor on It’s said the Klan in Indiana didn’t both- down people were signing secret agree- er too much with Blacks (The infamous ments not to make appointments or award double lynching in Marion, Indiana, didn’t contracts without Thompson’s approval. happen until 1930). Indiana was a Republi- He had become, as he said, “The power can state so the KKK backed the GOP and and the law in Indiana”. the Blacks backed the GOP because it was In fact the Indiana dailies never men- “the party of Abraham Lincoln.” Even so on tioned him by name but always as “the Old election day the Klan’s thugs would ride Man”. Only the Catholic and Jewish Week- shotgun around the Black area of Indi- lies named and berated him. anapolis, bare faced and plain clothed, to For someone who was seeking to be make sure “No d*** n***** was going to the biggest man in the United States at that vote in this city”. time, Stephenson then did something unex- The Jewish population was even small- plicable. Following the lead of the er. Delaware County Klan he suddenly de- As for the Catholic community, it was 16 clared the Indiana Ku Klux Klan an She died a month later but in that time autonomous entity. This immediately got her doctor had pieced together her recol- him kicked out of the “Invisible Empire” lections of three days of rape. They be- and earned him the animosity of the Klan came her dying statement. in every other state Stephenson was arrested. His follow- The Indiana “realms” and “regions” ing and power-base immediately disap- (chapters) were then left with the question peared. Apart from a few loyal thugs. of what to do with the last portion of the “klecktokens”. Send them to Stephenson or Atlanta? They decided to sit on them and wait. They didn’t have to wait too long. Sunday night, March 15, 1925. D. C. Thompson was drunk and wanted a wom- an, in the worst way. He instructed one of his henchmen to phone one. The unfortu- nate choice fell to Madge Oberholtzer who There was a made-for-TV-movie about lived only a few blocks away and was help- this demon (Cross Of Fire, starring William ing Stephenson write a schoolbook on Hurt) it shows his entourage and cronies nutrition. staying with him, even having a large ban- quet in jail. It never happened. Stephenson “the power and the law in Indiana” was an overnight pariah. He had violated “The Sanctity of Wom- anhood.” Many a Hoosier can tell you that was the night great-grandpa went out and burnt his robes. Fast forward to the verdict in Indi- The book was another boondoggle. ana’s trial of the century. Mike Tyson not Stephenson was pushing a Nutrition Educa- withstanding (And you do have to fast for- tion Bill through the General Assembly ward unless you want to reconstruct the which would require the schools to buy trial from newspaper accounts, as the offi- books on nutrition for the pupils and Ober- cial record of the trial was stolen from the holtzer with her position in the Depart- archives): Stephenson’s accomplices were ment of Public Instruction would make found not guilty. D. C. Stephenson was sure it was Stephenson’s book they found guilty of second-degree murder and bought. served 31 years in prison. He should have Marge told her parents where she was fried. going and they saw nothing of her for 31 years is still the longest served in three whole days. Indiana for second-degree murder. Some She returned raped, black and blue, theorize that Stephenson’s political ene- with bites all over her body. One on her mies were responsible for that. It’s also breast was an open, festering wound. She fair to theorize that if a hard master keeps had taken poison to try and force Stephen- his “friends” on short, tight leashes, when son to take her to a hospital. He had not. they are freed they are likely to turn and 17 turn vicious. compare this monster to another David Apparently Stephenson thought he Stephenson of Jonesboro, Tennessee, who only had to sit things out for a year in died on exactly the same day. He had been prison and the governor would sign a par- a World War I Lieutenant Colonel and in don. No pardon came. his waning years was a kindly old gentle- Stephenson played his last card. Either man, devoted to his wife, who bought ice he had some friends amongst the warders cream for the neighboring kids regardless or he bribed them but a letter was surrepti- of race and died of a heart attack in his tiously delivered to a lady friend in the wife’s arms. He was D. C. Stephenson. For prison town. She in turn passed it on to the last twelve years of his life he was in an one of his loyalists who contacted an Indi- adulterous marriage with Martha Murray anapolis Times reporter. Sutton who had no idea he was still legally married to the woman who had helped smuggle his letters out of prison. Martha also had no idea of his true past. So it was that in obscurity and in a lie the biggest man in the United States died.

A brief, illicit correspondence ensued resulting in the reporter collecting two large trunks from an empty house. The trunks had the records, stock transfers and promissory notes etc., of many of the nefar- ious deals that Thompson had been involved in. Once The Indianapolis Times pub- lished what it had found the Indiana politi- cal establishment from the Governor on Editor here. I suspect the subject of the down collapsed like a house of cards. preceding article wasn’t alone in his behav- Having served 25 years in prison, ior or his actions. There likely were—and Stephenson was granted parole but he vio- probably still are—others like him or even lated the terms of it within a year and was worse. It’s unfortunate that such people exist sent back to prison. In 1956 he was but that, too, is a part of life from which seem released again. In 1961 Stephenson was seem unable to avoid or escape. Just as unfor- arrested in Independence, Missouri, for tunate is the fact the KKK still exists though attempting to molest a sixteen-year-old in a somewhat different form in the 21st cen- girl. Incredibly, instead of being locked up tury. To paraphrase an earlier, somewhat dif- he was fined $300, kicked out of the state ferent comment, “Evil will be with us and returned to Indiana. A year later this always.” The best we can hope to do is fight sex-mad, power-mad, purveyor of hatred to suppress the evil within us as much as pos- disappeared off the radar screen until sible. That may be an impossible goal but twelve years after his death. one we should strive for just the same. In fact, he died on June 28, 1966. Now 18 The Eyes Say It All Sheryl Birkhead

Have you ever walked into a room and from the driveway and I squeegeed the mop known something is wrong. You may not again, pushing it into the grass, and watched know exactly what is wrong; you just know the blades undulate as it disappeared. things are not right. My garage has a door I worried that since it had gotten in with that opens directly into the kitchen. There are all the doors closed once, it could do so two poured concrete steps leading down and again. I reconsidered my walking to the small I usually just step right down without a sec- garage freezer in bare feet in the dark. I decid- ond thought. ed that worrying wasn’t going to help, but About a month ago I gathered my keys shoes and lights would. Then I went to the and paraphernalia, opened the door, hit the computer and Googled how to tell the two garage door opener, stepped down the first snakes apart. Yeah, sure. The main comment step—and stopped dead. Within the prover- was to look at the eyes and check out the bial split second my mind processed the pupils. If I could get that close . . . I decided wrongness of something. I won’t go over the to, charitably, presume this was a young this myriad of decisions that took place, but I set- season black snake. When I first moved in tled on the fact that I did not recall any pieces and was mowing the lawn I thought the previ- of rope on the floor. I most certainly did not ous owner had left one of those rubber black- remember any coiled bits of rope on the floor snakes in the front yard to scare off the birds. about two feet long in a nice little—um—er I reached down to move the fake and—well, moving s-shape. Snake. suffice it to say I know there are blacksnakes I looked at snake, snake looked at the here. small remaining pile of cut wood from last Whatever this little snake was, its even year. Without thinking I picked up the kitch- younger baby “brother” suddenly appeared en mop figuring the handle was well beyond while I was mowing the lawn in anticipation the striking distance no matter how motivat- of hurricane Irene. I had just discovered a ed this snake was. I (quickly) remembered nest of ground bees (well whatever they are that young blacksnakes (benign) in this area they are fairly small and yellowish with were often mistaken for young copperheads brown ad always in a bad mood) the week (not benign) in this area. Great. How do I before. It was easy to tell where the nest was: decide just how actually dangerous this just look for the clump of tall grass in the (decidedly little, but…) snake might be? I middle of the back yard. I needed to get that decided it didn't matter. cut before debris from the expected high Playing at fencing I shoved the mop in water came through. So I was concentrating front of me and shooed it at the snake, giving on avoiding the irritated bees when I noticed a subtle hint. I’ll be darned: the little bugger the little (very little, let’s be fair) dark snake reared up and went at me. Granted it couldn’t with orangey-brown patterns between me go very far, but it did strike. I started shovel- and the apple tree. Okay. Given my choice, I ing the mop much more quickly, trying to will not harm anything, so I was trying to herd the snake out that big open door. Snake maneuver around the bees, the snake, still get did not want to go out the door. I persevered- the grass cut—and then two small frogs (es- the snake made one last half-hearted strike capees from the drainage ditch thing in the 19 front yard) hopping in opposite directions. stuffed heavy gauge plastic bags into as Agh. Who to avoid first??? many basement door and wall “seams” as I I gave up and let go of all the mower han- could and crossed my fingers. I dug out the dles and let the mower die. Walk, do not run, hand crank/solar battery/battery/ house cur- to the nearest safe area. rent multi-band radio I had bought and put Okay. So some good news. Irene huffed into the emergency supply corner of the base- and puffed, but did not deposit the torrents of ment and tried to figure out how to get it to rain expected. I did find out that just because work. It is almost self-explanatory, but not you have emergency equipment it doesn’t quite. Now I know. mean you know how to use it. I bought a I also tried an experiment to find out if “portable” (very broad definition) generator the cheapest gallon bottles of spring water after my first hurricane experience with this could withstand the internal pressure of freez- house resulted in deep water in the basement, ing expansion. I hoped to be able to freeze to the point that it was almost into the electri- some and then use them to keep the refrigera- cal outlets and I cogitating upon the sanity of tor compartment (or a cooler contents) cool. stepping into the water if I could not tell if all No, the jug seams will not hold up. Not a big outlets were dry. But I cheated. The surest deal, so I just have to crack the lid. Ah well, I was off and I figured I was safe for at least a was hoping not to break the seal, but at least few minutes. So I diligently had fired up the now I know . . . generator in the electrified shed out back Okay. Other updates (we will not discuss once every few months but I had never actual- the dental issues). Ocean went in for pre-den- ly run through how to make the switch over tal surgery bloodwork and a second (third?) if/when that became necessary. I spent a opinion on her age and spay status. The other while locating some general directions. Then vet and staff also thought she was pregnant I realized the long (appropriate) electric cord until they did more poking and prodding. The I had bought (somewhere around $300) to paperwork says spay incision+. I am not sure connect the generator from the shed to the if they shaved her or what, but since it is now house, had just been sitting there for some beyond the normal feline gestation, I feel years now. Time to start the generator up safe in saying she is spayed. (For reader edifi- again and check out the cord for breaks of cation, I recommend spay incision tattooing. any kind—and it was unsafe and useless. The hope is that this straight line abdominal I got the generator started, not bothering scar is from a spay and not any other abdomi- to open the ventilation back window, think- nal surgery but the easily and quickly applied ing I would only be there a few minutes. spay tattoo would make that an easy deci- While I was looking at the generator and set- sion.) The second clinic felt she is about 4 ting up the foot pump to get the tires back up years old. As infected as her mouth looked, I to pressure, this little mouse staggered up was pleasantly surprised that her bloodwork from the back corner (Aside. ed, at least we looked totally normal. know where one mouse is). He slowly I know she has been to the the veterinary crawled up beside me and looked up as if to dentist twice; once for a consult and then to ask what I was doing to him. I looked down, have the surgical work done. I’ll let you he looked up, crawled to the sill, pulled his know when I get the records as to what was way over, then tumbled onto the concrete found. apron ad dragged himself into the grass. I felt Oh yeah. DSL The good news is we have like a louse! a reason for why I can’t count on it: the squir- The electricity did go out. The reading rels did it. After a month of arguing with Veri- lantern died even with new batteries. I zon (though my ISP which is in Ohio!) and 6 20 visits by technicians (each requiring an 8 hour window of my sitting at home and wait- ing) one finally found that the squirrels are chewing on the phone cable up in the trees. They said they will not fix it since they intend to stop supporting DSL within 5 years; I am the only person on that line; obviously I am the only person having problems. The tech did change my signal from the pair of wires it was on (there are 4 pairs) to the best of the three remaining but said it was now a matter of when and not if. Sigh. I have saved the best for last! Roku. I had never heard of it before but it works (um…as long as I have DSL that is). It hooks into “most” TVs and will take the wireless signal if you have something like etflix right on to the screen. I could not believe how small the box is, how easily it installed, how it did exactly what the blurb said it would and how it did not cost the proverbial arm and leg! I understand there is another named tropi- cal storm. Whee?

 Some more bells. Which I’m sure no one is interested in. (All right. I’m strange. So what.)

21 Indiana-ania: Oh, dear! What Can The Matter Be?

Matt Howard

The excuse for the following is that it nate position of having to stand around in a did happen in Indiana. That’s my excuse and Men’s Room you will find that other visitors I’m stuck with it. And this is my story, which entering the room tend to give you rather odd I’m also stuck with. looks. Those leaving (and finding you still Every extended family has at least one ensconced there) tend to give you even odder brat in it. Ours has a hyper-brat. looks. This little six-year old nephew is so high Oddly enough, smiling at them in a maintenance that hereinafter he’ll simply be friendly fashion only appears to increase referred to as H.M. Canadian readers and oth- their apprehension. ers throughout the British Commonwealth My continuing embarrassment was sud- will know what that means. denly relieved when H.M. called out “Uncle For instance, a few weeks ago he attend- Matt…” and in doing so legitimatized my ed his cousin’s Religious Education/Sunday presence. However the relief was cut off by School where (unless things have drastically the completion of his sentence “...The lock’s changed since I was there in the long ago) stuck. I can’t get out!” the general idea is to suffer the little children I knew full well that all the lock needed to come unto Jesus and save their little souls was a little more pressure to come open but I from the devil. After suffering H.M. for an also know H.M.’s two philosophies on life hour the Religious Instructor announced that (apart from the one that theorizes that he’s unless H.M.’s behavior greatly improved he the center of the universe). The first can be would not be welcome at any future gather- simply stated as “If at first you don’t succeed, ings. Now when a Sunday School teacher is give up.” The second more or less whittles driven to declare (ipso facto) that H.M. can down to “If at first you don’t succeed, get go to hell you may realize that this entire tale some one else to do it.” I therefore had the is utterly true. choice of having a shouting match through The following little misadventure hap- the stall door or somehow getting on the oth- pened back at a family bash where we were er side of it and unlocking it myself. all invited to share a meal at Maggiano’s Lit- This left three options. Under, Over, or tle Italy. Through. Through would mean damage to During the celebration six year old H.M. Maggiano’s Little Italy’s property and possi- announced he needed to go to the Men’s bly my shoulder so that was out. Over would Room. As I was one of the only two adult probably be the easiest, but if I overdid males present I volunteered to accompany things or lost balance on the way down it him, installed him in one of the stalls and would result in a very embarrassing and sog- waited. gy landing. And waited and waited and waited. That left Under. Which would mean Now if you have ever been in the unfortu- crawling half under the door and reaching up 22 for the lock. As I’d been waiting long enough ing a visit several years ago to my now late and been embarrassed long enough and as Uncle Marvin Sadler one of the few anec- Maggiano’s Little Italy maintains an exem- dotes I was able to extract from him was plary clean Men’s Room I decided on the lat- about how he and his siblings had to ascend ter action and did a sort of Limbo Dance Sadler’s Mountain to fetch water. I wasn’t under the stall door. able to elicit more other than that during one Anyone entering the Men’s Room at that one of those trips my father was kicked in the time must have thought I was one of the chest by a mule. (Presumably the mule was strangest perverts under the sun. not climbing the mountain.) But whether or To be honest the lock was a little stiff. not the mountain he mentioned and the moun- The door wasn’t. As I extracted myself back tain near Piedmont Springs are the same I out and attempted to rise, it swung open and honestly can’t say. Circumstantial evidence nearly hit me in the face as H.M. made a tends toward the possiblity of a link. I wish I determined march for the outer door. knew for certain. “Now wash your hands,” I practically I could of course make a trip back to the shouted after him. Piedmont area and ask. Perhaps sometime in To which he replied, “I didn’t go.” the future I’ll do that. If I do and anyone is interested I’ll pass along whether it is or not.  Of course I have no idea what good knowing that it is could possibly be. I doubt I’d be able to lay claim to the mountain, even being Things I Discover a Sadler who was born in the general vicini- Without Really Trying ty. What the heck would I do with a moun- tain anyway—especially one four hundred plus miles away? I doubt anyone would be It often seems to me that when I set out impressed anyhow. deliberately to look for information on my As confirmation of the existence of Sad- ancestors I seldom find anything no matter dler’s Mountain, I present the following how hard I try. On other occasions, when I’m quote from MountainZone.com: just poking around not expecting much I hit “Saddler Mountain is a mountain summit upon interesting little bits of personal interest in Calhoun County in the state of Alabama which in some way connect to my ancestors. (AL). Saddler Mountain climbs to 1,007 feet For what little it’s worth (About $1.98 (306.93 meters) above sea level. Saddler plus tax.), a little over 10 miles northwest, Mountain is located at latitude-longitude coor- more or less, from Piedmont, Alabama where dinates (also called lat-long coordinates or I was born, is a landmark named Saddler’s GPS coordinates) of N 33.93149 and W Mountain. At this time I can’t make any defi- 85.733854. nite claims to a connection to the mountain. “Anyone attempting to climb Saddler According to my family history research of Mountain and reach the summit should look censuses and other records, the only for detailed information on the Saddler Moun- Sadlers/Saddlers (like a lot of folks, our last tain area in the topographic map (topo map) name was spelled both ways either according and the Piedmont NW USGS quad. To hike to whim or which way the wind was blow- and explore the Alabama outdoors near Sad- ing.) in Calhoun and Cleburne Counties were dler Mountain, check the list of nearby the ones from whom I descend and has been trails.” so ever since though some of them migrated It’s also listed on the United States Geo- to other Alabama counties other states. graphic Naming System web site. On the other hand, it turns out that dur- 23 IguanaCon Taral Wayne

The Drive experience taught us just how one waschanged. There were another 48 hours of The trip to Iggy was patently the most driving ahead of us to get to Phoenix–not complicated in my sorry career as a Travel- including the worst way possible. ing Jiant. No less than three sets of back-up To begin with, I had to be given a quick plans were discarded, and the fourth was nev- lesson in driving a stick shift. As if that er really expected to work eithee . . . weren’t enough of a challenge, the transmis- Two years ago, I worked out an elabo- sion was faulty and only Scott was really rate trip to be shared by a friend. We would able to get it into reverse. We left Baltimore drive up and around the Great Lakes, head on midnight Monday, and drove through a west through the Dakotas, drive down the patch of the Appalachians neither of us had West Coast and then make an eastward bee- driven before in the pitch dark. Daylight line for Phoenix. Two months before setting found us motoring through the Interstate the plan in motion, my ex-friend informed me dullery of Ohio, Indiana and Illinois, where he’d rather not bother. He flew instead. Con- the scenery alone could have put us to sleep. tingency plan number one went into opera- The scenery of Missouri was a substantial tion. This was to accept a standing invitation improvement, but as it turned slowly into I had from another friend to accompany her Oklahoma mountains–like the twisted black in driving to Phoenix from Rhode Island. roots of ancient trees–we had been driving The van she was negotiating to buy from the almost 24 hours. We stopped for the night. junkyard wouldn’t run, though. Contingency Wednesday morning we were off again, and plan number two was scrabbled together put the rest of Oklahoma behind us. while staying a short time with the As the day wore on, the road changed D’Ammassas (who have my everlasting grati- gradually from Oklahoma to Texas. It tude for temporary hearth and home). A changed more slowly from Texas to New friend of my friend in Rhode Island was also Mexico, growing flatter and drier as the sun out of luck, due to the balky junkyard van. began to sink behind us. In New Mexico, my He had a friend of a friend who wanted to interest in the landscape picked up enormous- drive to Iggy, however… and already owned ly. Almost as soon as we passed the Texas a van. It looked all set, but then that van too border, Scott and I dropped over a sort of rim broke down and left us in the lurch. At the and were surrounded by miniature mesas and last moment, Lee Smoire, friend of the friend bluffs. More than any other part of Texas we of the friend, now a friend of mine, rescued saw on that trip, this was the place to shoot a us with the loan of her Datsun. Meanwhile, Western! But the land changed again, becom- the friend, who was the friend of the friend I ing as flat as an ancient sea-bed had a right to was driving with, decided to fly . . . Such is be. Now and then a town would go by, red the way of life. with dust and blocky as to be nearly indistin- Barely an hour out of Baltimore, where guishable from natural formations, and just Scott Dennis and I had been staying with about as lively. Lee, we blew a tire. Fortunately, the rain The map I consulted said we’d cross the didn’t really begin to come down hard until Continental Divide just before crossing into 24 Arizona. There were dramatically rugged- ways, not the least of which being it was the- mountains ahead of us, somewhere, as we hur- con where I first met Marc Schirmeister and tled toward Albuquerque. But it was a race was snubbed by George Barr and Grant Can- against the sun that we lost. Before we were field. But when all is said and done, Iggy was sure of anything, the sun dropped below the just another Worldcon, and I have little excep- horizon behind us, and the sky turned to red, tional to say about it. purple and gold. We might have just sighted some serrations along the western edge of the The Canyon world when the last faded glory of the sunset was gone and everything went black. While still in Toronto, plans had been All of Rockies, all of the preternaturally laid for a visit to the Grand Canyon. After beautiful desert and unearthly mountains, all, it was in the same state as the convention, passed invisibly along either side of our car even though the actual distance from Phoenix as we sailed through the inky night. We was nearly the same as from New York to might as well have been driving through the Washington D.C.. And who took an Holland Tunnel. overnight side-trip from Lunacon to see the We arrived in Phoenix a little before sun- Lincoln monument? But we knew our priori- rise. In the pre-dawn dark, Phoenix could be ties. anywhere. The streets looked unfamiliar, and The party consisted of Victoria Vayne, there were shadowy suggestions of irregulari- Bob Wilson and myself. We rented a car– ties against the sky, but I could easily imag- ironically, another Datsun–and pushed off ine I’d taken a wrong turn into a neighbor- Monday morning, expecting to arrive at the hood back home that I have never seen canyon in the late afternoon while there was before. What a lovely, slowly unfolding sur- still time to find a place to stay. The route prise to watch the sun rise, though! The was I-17. It took us partly back along the mountains around the city materialized like way I’d driven into Phoenix, five days be- ghosts from the grey-blue background, fore. So I finally got to see the landscape turned nascent pink and solidified into gold close-up, by daylight. From the very begin- with the growing light. One by one, the ning, it held my attention all the way to McDowell range, the White Tank Mountains, Flagstaff, where the highway ends at I-40. the Bradshaws, Sierra Estrellas, Mazatzals The Valley of the Sun is the flat Sonoran and Superstitions peered up over the horizon. desert on which Phoenix was built. It is stud- But we had driven through all that splendor ded with small, jagged ranges up to a few while it was invisible under the cloak of hundred feet high and a few miles long, one night! of which nearly bisected the city itself. The Morning. There was a little matter of a land was bristly with sagebrush and saguaro convention to attend, but it wouldn’t be open cactus wherever there was sand enough to for hours. I had arrived on the Wednesday take root in. Of water, there was almost none. morning after 24 hours of driving without But now and then a magnificent thunder- sleep, and now that I had gotten where I was storm would wash out all the gullies and going, there was nothing to do. Eventually, I deposit another quarter-inch of slightly moist found a stretch of floor to occupy and knock grit over the desert to nourish it. The low off a few hours of shut-eye. By then, the con desert ends rather abruptly in a mountainous was showing signs of life. It was time to get wall called the Mogollon Rim, two or three up and begin enjoying myself, whether I thousand feet above the level of the Valley of wanted to or not. Of course, I did enjoy the the Sun. The main highway climbs this con. It was memorable for me in a number of height through Horse Thief Basin over a dis 25 tance of about 10 or 15 miles. Engine whin- another can of Coke from the car. ing and gears humming, the rental Datsun- Montezuma’s Castle was only a brief- protested the climb every foot of the way. time-out. We spent little time there, and were The Bradshaws were the major range at on the road again in about an hour. The the point where I-17 crosses the Mogollon Grand Canyon would wait for us that long, Rim. They were an imposing bulk of round- we figured. It had already waited for ed, dun-coloured giants of parched earth and 80,000,000 years. But we only had so much cacti, split here and there with dry creek daylight and wanted to see something of the beds. The table of the Colorado plateau, once gigantic ditch before the sun went down. We we emerged from the climb, was far from lev- passed up Montezuma’s Well, Oak Creek el. It rolled in oceanic troughs and crests, Canyon and Sunset Crater to press on direct- keeping the Datsun labouring all the way. ly to Flagstaff. Just past Verde Valley, a major depression in At “Flag,” we had a choice of routes. We the plateau caused by the Verde River, we could take either highway 89 or 180. I mum- noticed a sign for a turn-off to Montezuma’s bled over the map a bit and decided on 89, Castle National Monument. It piqued our going by the Little Colorado Canyon. It interest. We hit the exit in a cloud of dust, turned out to be the right choice. The land wanting to know just what Montezuma’s Cas- between Flagstaff and the canyon was heavi- tle was. It turned out to be an ancient Sinagua ly modified by volcanism, millions of years Indian cliff dwelling, built into an immense before man. From Flag, you can see the San cave scooped out of a bleached cliffside. The Francisco Peaks, a cluster of cinder cones pueblo itself was inaccessible, but other near- that constitute the highest point in the state. by ruins around the foot of the cliff were The center peak is 12,700 feet above sea lev- open to tourists. The Indian community had el, or nearly 6,000 feet above the city below. farmed these flat lands, and retreated to the Farther from Flag, the Coconino National For- “castle” when threatened. Probably, the huts est opens up into flat and arid land, paved among the squash and beans were for conve- with slabs of basalt and laced with crumbly nience only. I suspect that an Indian forgot volcanic dikes. The land falls gradually away his hoe, and had to climb a terrifying 100 feet toward the North Rim. Minor mountains, like of rickety, hand-tied ladders to retrieve it, heaps of shattered rock, rise without apparent only once. After that, tools were left where reason. Conifer forest reappears. Suddenly they were needed. the plain is sundered by a deep stone-walled There were posted warnings against rift. The Little Colorado’s canyon is as sheer snakes and scorpions that only made the and grey as the canyons of Manhattan, but short tour among the ruins more exciting. We many times deeper. You need only stop the sneaked off the well-marked trails, braving car to walk to the edge and peer straight the rattlers for distances up to15 or 20 feet… down, thousands of feet. One more step, and The truth was, though, that the scorching you can fall thousands of feet . . . heat reflected off baking rocks was the Yet the gorge of the Little Colorado, so greater danger. impressive at first, dwindles to a mere tribu- Down near where water sometimes tary, plain and colourless, compared to the flowed, it was comparatively cool and refresh- staggering grandeur and paint box hues of ing. Standing at the foot of the cliff and look- the Grand Canyon itself. ing up at stacked stone dwellings overhead The approach to the greater canyon is could not have been more uncomfortable if it through coniferous forest that effectively had been an intentional solar furnace. You masks your approach through a series of could dehydrate in the time it took to fetch twists and turns in the highway–then a break 26 in the trees reveals blue sky! It is at ground mations of Kaibab limestone. The limestone level and seemingly goes on forever–the end- soon gives way to sandstone, and steeper of the world! It is the South Rim. From the slopes. We passed through stone archestwice, pull-off you can leave the car and view the and looking up, we could see we had traveled North Rim, several miles in the distance. Or a fair distance from the lodges. We were at you can look down, the nearest hard landing least a couple of hundred feet down– the at least a half-mile below, and nothing but height of a 20-story building. the rail at the roadside between you and perdi- The canyon walls were not yet sheer, not tion. really walls. They sloped up at a steep angle, much as in any ravine, and supported a The Descent sparse population of conifers. Overhead, a phalanx of pearly clouds marched. Below, Unlike the stop at Montezuma’s Castle, and ahead, lay the snake coils of the trail, we planned a descent of the Canyon from the leading farther from the rim, and deeper into beginning. Of course, we were never going the chasm. The eye could follow the worm of to make it to the bottom, let alone back to the the narrow path down the slope one way, rim in one day. It’s an 8- or 9-mile, full day then it turned back on itself, but always hike, with a stay at the Bright Angel Camp descending. Back and forth the switchbacks for the night and a grueling 8 or 9-mile hike, went. Then suddenly the trail was etched out all uphill, the next morning. But it would be of vertical walls of harder limestone, and ran a pity to just stand at the top and piss in. straight as a fault line. Farther down still, the No accommodations were available near softer sandstone wore away more gently, and the Canyon, so we were forced to drive some the switchbacks resumed. At one point, the distance away to find a motel. We were back trail clung to a spur of rock that jutted from bright and early, forearmed with 10-gallon vertical walls like a tower from a castle. Then hats, cisternous canteens and a snakebite kit the eye lost track. The trail vanished in the bought at one of the convenient tourist traps. immense scale of the canyon. We were as ready as we ever would be for Far, far below a plateau called the Tonto the 110-degree sun and all the rattlesnakes Platform thrust out from the South Rim. A the Parks Department could throw at us. In trail to Plateau Point crossed it, a more or spite of the posted warnings, none of our pre- less level distance of a mile or so, but the eye cautions were actually necessary except, per- saw no trace of it. The Bright Angel Trail, haps, the hats. Baseball caps might have been however, skirted the side of the Platform less fun, but would have done as well as the before plunging into the Inner Gorge and the cowboy hats in stock. There was no 110 final miles to the Colorado River. I had no degree sun, however. There was no sun. hope of reaching the river, of course. But I There was intermittent cloud cover, instead, had optimistically appraised our chances of and relatively mild temperatures. This muted reaching the base of Tonto Platform as good. the colours of the canyon walls, but no doubt We covered perhaps half that distance before made the descent a little easier on us tender- turning back, descending about a couple of feet. thousand feet, by my best estimate. The head of the Bright Angel Trail be- It was about then that we discovered gins inconspicuously behind one of the tim- Bob wasn’t comfortable with heights . . . ber lodges clustered around the parking lot, The going was easy, the grade a mere 10% and slopes gently through the trees to the on average. Hardly worse than a wheelchair rim. Then, at once, you’re embarked on a ramp. Nor was it hot, despite warnings of series of switchbacks around the rounded for heat prostration and dehydration. We didn’t 27 even open our canteens until we were a quar- But we weren’t deep enough in the can- ter of the way down. But, for Bob, the contin- yon yet to suit me! We reached the first rest ual pull of the slope underfoot was an invi- stop relatively easily–the Mile-And-a-Hal- tation to rush over the edge. His anxiety accu- fResthouse–so we set out for the second rest mulated every step of the way. stop, another mile and a half away. It began As we descended, I noticed a curious to rain minutes later. First, only little sun optical illusion. From the rim, the bottom showers that stopped quickly and allowed a looked neither close nor far. It looked like a shaft or two of sun through. Then a little painting, in fact. The farther down the trail heavier. Finally, a few switchbacks from took us, the more three-dimensional the Three Mile Resthouse, it poured. The Rest- canyon became. The flat backdrop of the dis- house was grandiosely named. In reality, I tant North Rim only began to jut forward as remember a roof and wooden beams holding buttes and headlands, or recede into deep, it up, nothing more. There was a water pipe shadowed canyons, as we descended below to refill canteens. We plodded on, the trail vis- the rim. One great island of rock to our right ibly dissolving under our feet. As if it were began to take on the appearance of the bodily racing us to the bottom, streams of fortress of Acre, with curtain walls, gates and mud and rust-coloured water cascaded down turrets. The illusion of a clever matte paint- the dirt paths and rock faces. We holed up ing vanished completely. under an overhang that afforded scant shel- We were down into the Toroweap Forma- ter, and waited. Nothing changed, except that tion now. It was probably from this level that the trail became more and more like an angry I picked up a reddish stone about the size and rapid. There was only so long we could appearance of a small potato. Because of the linger trying to out-wait the rain. Nightfall rusty colour on the outside, it looked like was only about three hours away, and we had sandstone. But I had noticed broken stones been warned that it took three times as long like it that were a pale green limestone on the to ascend as to make the descent. We had inside. It’s likely the red came from iron been hiking for about an hour… it took no oxides in the strata above. Naturally, I remem- mathematical genius to work out that we had ber what’s said about the Grand Canyon– to turn back. don’t throw things in, or it will fill up! But I It was clear that the rain was here to took something out, so you might say I was stay, so we began splashing our way back up making up for some of those other idiots. the trail. Naturally, as soon as our clothes Great slabs of grey-brown rock towered were soaked and our feet squelching in our over us, hundreds of feet tall and split from boots, it stopped raining. We hadn’t gone top to bottom by deep fissures. They seemed very far up the trail that we might not have to slowly push us outward, over the edge of made a second try for the Three-Mile Rest- the trail. On the other side, wide open sky. house, but the lesson was plain enough not to Overhead, the clouds still marched by, but need a second one. Indeed, it rained once they had closed ranks. No blue showed more on the way up, and the trail was a between them. Against the North rim we treacherous bog even when it wasn’t a tor- could see patches of grey void drifting, actual- rent. ly between us and the distant wall. Rain was Like other warnings we’d received on falling there. Suddenly, a whip of electric this trip, it took us nothing like three times as brightness lashed one of the far mesas. It long to climb up as it did to walk down. It wasn’t raining on our side of the canyon yet, only took about half again as long—in spite but it was only a matter of time before the of mud and rain. Not to mention waiting to storm reached us. one side of the trail from time to time to let 28 mule trains pass. er levels and Inner Gorge were two, three, I noticed that curious forces had played four times as far, and now we would never on our headgear, after being worn for two see them for ourselves. Hidden out of orthree hours. I now subscribe whole-hearted- sight,the moody, serpentine Colorado was a ly to the theory that it is our environment that storybook siren that flowed relentlessly to the is shaped by our personalities, not the other Gulf as it had for the last 17 million years. way around. Victoria, Bob and I had bought At least we would never smell the stink nearly identical hats just three hours before. of mule dung again. But the force of our personalities had re-fash- ioned each hat into an image of ourselves. The Hunter, Home From the Hills Victoria’s was still new-looking, fresh as a daisy, as though Hayley Mills had just There was something of a trade-off with unpinned it from her hair. Bob’s was dilapi- Lady Luck about my return. To balance some dated, soggy, and looked like nothing so of the ill fortune getting to IguanaCon, the much as Pap Finn’s battered slouch hat. He trip home was relatively restful. Returning by had removed the band, wondering what it bus involved 68 hours of travel, but by com- was for, you see. Now he knew. Mine had parison it was a meditative experience, where taken on a snappy, dapper look, like a gun- I spent hours watching the landscape of slinger’s. Each fitted the personality of the Krazy Kat falling behind, mile after mile, owner precisely, it seemed to me—though I state after state. I had the entire seat, a tiny had no luck persuading the others of my theo- home away from home. We stopped at some ry. old cavalry fort–Fort Courage, perhaps– Before we left the canyon altogether, the where I supped on chili and was off again sun favoured us with a half-hour of colour within the hour. I saw a rainbow in the and heat, bringing the squirrels and chip- desert. I drifted in and out of sleep all the munks out to beg. We’d emptied one canteen way to the Mississippi River, where the to lighten the load–so little we’d drunk that dream ended. Once on the “civilized” side of the other two were almost full–but we had the Big Muddy, the world became crowded included a tube of Pringles along with other and hectic again. We never drove more than necessities of the hike. We used them to an hour before it was necessary to stop in bribe our way past waves of tourist-wise brig- some ugly, Midwestern town and cool my ands with bright eyes and bushy tails. heels in some bus station for another hour. We were out of the canyon just as sud- I learned some time later that the Dat- denly as we’d entered it. Once again, the mag- sun’s transmission failed, and Scott Dennis nificent North Rim and its Gothic complexity had had to fly home to Baltimore . . . was a flat painting. The heavens had cleared and become just the normal sky that covers us even at home in Toronto. We drove to the museum, a few miles up the road, and from the observation window watched thunder- storms over the Kaibab Plateau on the other side of the canyon. The sun began to sink, transforming colours in one place, while rain showers turned a mesa somewhere else into a blue-grey battleship. Looking toward the Bright Angel Trail, we could see how short the distance we had actually hiked. The low 29 AAA TTTrTrrriiiicccckkkklllleeee ooofofff LLLoLoooCCCCssss From: Joseph T. Major ly, by way of contrast, we saw Lincoln’s 1409 Christy Avenue Tomb. There are a number of works on what Louisville, KY 40204-2040 might be described the Lincoln Cult, the hys- August 1, 2011 terical reaction to his death and the frantic extravagance of his memorialization. Com- pare this with the venom that many of the Dear Tom: same people leveled against Lincoln while he was alive. Introduction: Rat Stew: Rod Boundaries would Serling’s writings shift. My ancestor confronted the hy- Charles Major, and pocrisies of society. Lisa’s ancestors the Such as, for exam- James Thomas and ple, “The Mirror” Drewry Bridges fami- (Season 3, Episode lies, both settled in 71), where a Latino Christian County, popular revolution- Kentucky. But the ary leader finds a part where Lisa’s means for searching ancestors settled was separated off and out his enemies . . . er, don’t let’s talk about became Trigg County. that. Losing paternal relatives . . . my moth- Indianaania: Attempts At Utopia: Har- er’s brother, and my father’s brother and sis- monie: Lisa and I went there a couple of ter, are all gone. And my parents, too; my times while we were engaged. brothers and I are now the elder generation. The Rappites second town was named Lisa’s father’s and mother’s families are still “Economy”. And the Rappites went the way here, but for how long? It’s like realizing that of most such groups after the founder passed all too soon, First Fandom will be solely the on, exacerbated by their policy of celibacy, Associate Members. The last I heard there which rather inhibited internal growth. (For were only five attendees of the First World- example, as of last January there were only con, and Fred Pohl (as you know, Bob, Fred three Shakers left.) Economy is now was one of those kept out under the Exclu- Ambridge, Pennsylvania. sion Act), still alive. From the Electronic Void: Reply to me: The Old Kit Bag: Strangely enough, the Margaret Atwood wanted everyone to be only author that I might agree with Bob sure that they knew that her writings, no mat- Sabella’s opinion on is Jack McDevitt. Next ter what people said about them were NOT closest would be China Miéville, who writes that “science-fiction” stuff. Science-fiction, with great skill about pervasive ugliness and she said, was about talking squids in space destruction. In particular, I don’t find his pre- and other such nonsense, while she wrote ferred alternate history writers all that great. speculation about serious threats to social A Less Than Welcome Tribute: Recent community. 30 As for the Arizona incident: “Were they Marx, Detective novels, none of the other extremely poor shots?” No, most of the Marx brothers were characters. Because their rounds fired hit their target. “Didn’t they rights are owned by different companies, and know when to stop?” Yes, when the target Goulart or the packager didn’t or couldn’t get was no longer a threat. “Did they think they them. were in some TV crime/cop series?” No, they This is nothing new, either. I recall read- were a SWAT team acting according to proce- ing in Jim Harmon’s The Great Radio dure and policy. “Were they trigger happy?” Heroes how, when a group got the old See preceeding. There has not been any disci- episodes of “The Shadow” rebroadcast, they plinary action taken, to my knowledge, but had to review every episode and either get that aftermath has not been reported. rights for the music or cut the sections out Alexis Gilliland: My religious relatives, and edit in public-domain musical transi- if they even paid any attention to it at all, dis- tions. Look at the credits roll of, say “Ameri- dained the prediction of the Rapture for May can Graffiti” and note how every song in the 21. Most of the publicity seems to have come movie is cited with performer and compa- from scoffers, who used it as a weapon to nies. attack their targets and opponents. Al Byrd: Tatja Grimm’s World, the John Thiel: I’ve been by Kit Carson’s revised version of Grimm’s World, contains birthplace, which is in Richmond, Kentucky. one extra story, which is an origin story for He was one of those born on Christmas Eve. Tatja Grimm. The magazine was running a Bob Jennings: Now I must deploy Lisa’s series on a female adventure hero and got father’s joke about shingles. A man walks this local to play her for publicity. The public- into a doctor’s office. The receptionist asks ity event got a little rough and Tatja Grimm him, “Are you here to see the doctor?” He got to show off her fighting skills. says, “Yes, I have shingles.” The receptionst Every place seems to have its local says, “Fill out this form, give me your insur- brews. When Lisa was drinking colas, she ance card, and you will be called when he is used to love seeing (not drinking, just seeing) available.” He does so. After a time the nurse Double Cola in the Henderson grocery appears, calls out his name, and he goes in stores. I regret I didn’t look for Moxie in back. She says, “Why are you here?” He Boston, or Bosco Syrup in Chicago. says, “I have shingles.” She takes his blood Namarie, pressure, temperature, pulse, and says, “Change into the examination gown and the Joseph T Major doctor will see you soon.” Finally the doctor does see him. “What are you here for?” “I [[County boundaries changed for all sorts of have shingles.” “Where?” “In my truck out in reasons or when new counties were formed the parking lot.” from portions of others, political and other- After reading about the MPAA’s efforts wise. I've read about occasions when a per- to curb music file sharing, which at one point son’s house ended up being half in one coun- led to the MPAA suing itself for distributing ty and half in another. Or so it was claimed. music files, I don’t think it’s just a British //My wife and I and out siblings have become thing. But music regulation is getting wider the elder generation too. That makes me feel and wider. I’ve read of Girl Scout troops really old.//I agree with you about Jack being told to cease and desist. McDevitt. I've not read anything by the latter Intellectual property laws are becoming writer and I'm not sure I want to. It’s a mat- more strict and broader in their fields of appli- ter of personal taste. A little of that sort can cation. Thus, in Ron Goulart’s Groucho go a long way and there is so much other 31 good stuff to read.//Isn’t that the case: some- I have never been to north Alabama other one is ignored, unappreciated or vilified than Huntsville a couple of times, and caving when alive and then attitudes reverse them- once near Ft. Payne. selves when he or she are dead. ot meaning The opening of Gene Stewart’s column to start some sort of possibly contentious was promisingly bizarre, but I found no fol- exchange but have you noticed people’s same low-up. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) attitudes toward President Obama? There did indeed say ”There is no knowledge that is seems to be a lot of vituperation and nasty not power“ —not particularly startling, criticism of him. But then that’s nothing new though the power conferred by some knowl- about that. Go back to the very beginning. edge is rather trivial. But why does Stewart George Washington (to a describe Emerson as a certain extent), John “rubber-glove-in-box Adams, Thomas Jefferson, manufacturer”? I in fact Abraham Lincoln, F D R, have a box of rubber and Harry Truman, to gloves the same size as name a few. But President the large Kleenex box, Obama has the added bur- from which latex gloves den, I think, of not being of the thin surgical type pure white.//Any such soci- can indeed be pulled as ety or group can, I think, needed. But what did grow in one of two ways Emerson have to do with (or both): by producing it?The first recorded use offspring who will, it is was 1890—earlier than I hoped, follow the group’s would have guessed, but philosophy, or re- cruiting still 8 years after Emerson new members.//Here I died. Disposable rubber thought I had read such speculations in a fair gloves only date back to 1964, and while portion of SF over the years. I must have almost anything may be distributed in a box, been mistaken. But then I suspect I've read I suspect that gloves in a Kleenex-style box much more SF than has Margaret are much later than that. Atwood.//Re: the Arizona incident. See Tom Just what defines a “bell”, other than that Doubrley's loc for a much better response it will ring if struck right? I have 100s of than any I could have written.//It has been a bells in a way—almost every typewriter has long time but I believe one of the times when one built in, that rings about 5 spaces before I was a kid and my family went to Alabama you reach the right-hand margin stop. I also to visit grandparents I had a Double Cola or have a curious triangular clock that is sup- two. I preferred Royal Crown Cola and Dr. posed to “ring” by letting a little hammer Pepper. This was before they migrated north. strike one of those cylindrical bars of tem- I wouldn’t mind trying Moxie.]] pered aluminum alloy that will continue to ring for a long time after they are struck. From: 3ed Brooks August 2, 2011 Best, Ned

Hi Tom - [[It was rather curious about the resort burn- Thanks for the zine. Interesting about the ing. I haven't seen anything giving the cause. Borden Springs resort. It seems odd that the It could have been caused by a lightning hotel and all the cottages would burn at once! strike or arson either by bandits of the last 32 owner. Or an accident in some other manner. King” for a good reason, and I also assumed Well Huntsville is a couple of hours’ drive that an editor would automatically correct northwest of Borden Springs and Ft. Payne those errors before running an LOC in his let- somewhat less than that to the north, in Eto- ter column. My error. wah County.//Re: Gene’s comment about Em- Otherwise, I enjoyed the issue and found erson—you got me. It might have been one of the articles by Matt Howard and Robert his rhetorical devices to see what sort of reac- Sabella particularly interesting. The interior tion it would get.//Regarding bells . . . Quot- illos were up to your usual standards but I ing from Webster’s ew International Dictio- thot some of them should have been run in a nary, Second Edition, Unabridged: “Bell 1. A larger size for maximum reader impact. The hollow metallic vessel that vibrates and gives letter column was particularly strong this forth a ringing sound when struck. The true issue with a very wide range of topics dis- bell is cup-shaped with a flaring mouth and cussed. I certainly look forward to receiving has overtones in harmonic series in a unique, the next issue. not natural order.” That’s what I think of I hope this letter is brief enuf for you and when I mention bells. But then there are more in line with what you want in an LOC. what’s called tubular bells for clock chimes; ---Robert Jennings e.g. tallcase clocks (aka grandfather clocks). 29 Whiting Rd. In most cases, the bell’s sound is made by a Oxford, MA “clapper” hanging inside the bell. But I have seen large bells used by Japanese (I think) [[Yeah. I was sure they were typos. Ordinari- the sound of which is accomplished with a ly I would correct typos I but I left them in log or some such suspended by a cable which because it amused me to see Bob’s last name- strikes the outside of the bell. If I remember typoed two different ways. But it also got me right, from having taken one apart, the bells to wondering how many such mistakes I’ve in typewriters were more or less cup-shaped. made and never even realized it as I went The triangular clock you mention would merrily on my way. Then I decided I didn’t seem to be a small version of the tallcase really want to know. The number of such clock. Then of course there is the musical would only depress me. You— The Typo instrument called a triangle which makes a King! Here I thought I was the Typo King. sound when struck with a short steel rod. I’ll Curses! Dethroned. Shall I have to go into bet this is more than you wanted to know exile?It’s not that faneds eschew long, chatty about bells.]] letters but that, I think, they’re somewhat overwhelmed by them. That’s so least in my From: Bob Jennings case and because I’m often not sure of what 2 August 2011 to say in response to them. Then too, if the loccer and the readers are lucky they’re not Hi Tom; subjected to more of my ramblings. It hadn’t occurred to me (I’m human after all, and do Received The Reluctant Famulus #82 make mistakes or fail sometimes to see the yesterday. Silly me! I always thot that fan edi- obvious) that you or any other loccer might tors wanted long and chatty letters of com- go to the other extreme of producing very ment, but if you don’t, I’m easy to get along short locs or being afraid to write anything. with, and more than happy to oblige. At the risk of seeming to be fussy, something I will note that I often make typos and in between would be just fine—providing of spelling errors in my correspondence. The course the loccer found enough worth com- title of my apazine is called “The Typo menting on. I suspect we’re both reasonable 33 enough to come to a compromise on some- the dismissal from ignorance is, well, pretty thing like loc size. Once again I succeeded in ignorant. making myself misunderstood, something I Oh, and thanks for your reply to Dave thought I had managed to overcome. Well Rowe regarding how Hodge and I might take it’s my own damned fault and I’ll just have to drugs to explain our work. Dave wasn’t say- keep trying.]] ing that, of course, just bringing up how oth- ers might want to go that way, since the work From: Brad Foster is so “odd” And he's right, I August 5, 2011 run into that a lot. Not just in relation to my own odd little Greetings Tom ~ drawings, but the whole idea of being creative, of making TRF #82 in the mailbox something up, seems to con- yesterday, and you’re really fuse some people. They getting me spoiled with these always want to know where fat zines with full-color, slick- it comes from, or how it hap- stock covers. But that’s okay, pens, as if there is some I don't mind it at all. secret that, if they only knew Appreciated the recom- it, would mean they could do mendations from Sabella for it too. It reminds me of a some authors writing today to movie I saw some years ago, check out. Some I’ve read, and wish I could recall what some only heard of, some I’d it was now, but mind a not heard of before, but will blank. (A usual day for my be checking many of them out mind.) Anyway, it was about now. (I am already a huge China Miéville fan a writer from, I think, Victorian times. And at though, just finished up “The City and the some point he or she is riding through a park City” last week.) when they see something that we all recog- Oh, and sideways to Sabella, in the locs nize as being something in their stories later. Joe Major mentioned him when he spoke And thus we are again told that no, writers about the podcaster saying they had not seen don’t make things up in their minds, they anything on the Hugo Nominations list ex- have to have some sort of external input to cept for StarShipSofa. Joe asked if the person do it. Bull. In fact, I would contest Dave on ever bothered to even look at efanzines.com. one point: I can’t point to any-thing that says I’ve seen other things online in blogs and it explicitly, but since Robert Crumb was such from people with the same kind of thing drawing ever since he was a small child, I for many of the fan categories, and my first don’t think his drug use had anything to do thought was “Haven't you heard of Google?” with his own artistic work either. Rather than complain that you don’t know I will admit I have one addiction, I’m someone who is nominated for an award, it pretty much ingesting Diet Coke on a regular would seem to be a sign that maybe this is basis all day long. But since that is still legal, someone it would be worth looking up. as far as I know, and I am able to pay for my When a blog or podcast or whatever shows habit and still function reasonably well in up I’ve not heard of, I don’t start sending out society, I officially am not a drug-crazed per- comments that I’ve not heard of, I go find out vert. Yet. about it, for crying out loud! Then they are more than free to dismiss it if they like, but stay happy~ Brad 34 avid fan of mythology, and a fan of horror fic- PO Box 165246 tion. I just don’t care much for the mix of the Irving, TX 75016 genres that is currently flooding the book- shelves. When my Sci-fi story introduces a [[First off: congratulations on you Best Fan magic monster, even from another world, I artist Hugo. Well deserved.//That’s one of the feel cheated. When my horror story takes puzzling things about people with computers aturn into scientific explanations and futuris- and internet service and such things as tic formulae, I get annoyed. I like steak; I Google. these days. It’s so easy and simple to like clam chowder; I like sherry soufflé. A Google some subject no matter how obscure bowl of steak-and-chowder topped with souf- and end up with more results than one might flé? would be disgusting. The only place expect. And yet people will go online and do such elements should be mixed would be as just as you said, act clueless and puzzled and disposal in a garbage can—which is where complain rather than taking a bit of time to Gene seems to have consigned them. use Google, Yahoo, Bing, or one of the other I think part of the problem may have search engines.//I Googled Robert Crumb been isolated by the late great Dr. Issac Asi- and from what I learned I agree with you mov, who said that modern Americans be- that the only affect his drug use might have lieve in magic; in elves and spells. Their had was to take his art in a different direc- knowledge of even the most rudimentary tion. But then again that might have hap- basics of the sciences are so tenuous that they pened without the drugs. I think most if not cannot discern a difference between extrapo- all creative people are born with that ability lated sciences (science fiction) and suspen- whether it’s artistic, musical or writing and sion-of -disbelief flights of pure fantasy. work at improving or perfecting that abili- The only genré that I know of where dis- ty.//Let's hope you're not a “drug-crazed per- similar elements seem to blend successfully vert”, just a normal pervert. Unless the hugh is that of graphic novel entertainment fructose corn syrup, caffeine, and aspartame (identified by the misnomer “comic books”), in the Diet Coke starts affecting your brain. where “superdude” can fight a magic demon Let’s hope not. Oh—and Hodges pretty much one issue, and fight a space invader the next. looks like any ordinary person and wouldn’t Comic books are a valid entertainment medi- stand out in a crowd too much.]] um, but graphic entertainment requires its \ own rules of suspension; you have to accept from the start that “superdude” can fly with- From: Tom Doubrley out any discernible means of propulsion; that August 11, 2011 his skin is flexible enough to allow his joints to bend, but dense enough to deflect bullets. Dear TomS/TRF You must ignore that the physics of such an anatomy would require that “superdude” Thanx for #82. weigh in at upwards of 700 pounds. Thanx to Bob Sabella for the recom- I suppose I could live with what is mended reading list, and to Gene Stewart for passed off as “science fantasy fiction” if it his scathing-but-accurate diatribe against re- were labeled as “comic book fiction”. It is the cycled SF and the shameless pandering to fan- marketing under false colors, and the dearth tasy couch potatoes. of viable alternatives that depresses me. I am one of those old SF fans that appre- “Buck Rogers meets Medusa” and “Flash Gor- ciates “futurized” fiction. I like stories about don Fights Dracula” make me ill. people, places, and possibilities. I am also an Sans segue, in response to Joseph T 35 Major’s letter comments: “Tom Doubrley: are really adept and strong and can hold the After reading about the guy in Arizona who barrel down and pointed horizontally, you got shot sixty times by the SWAT squad spray most of the clip above and away from which was raiding his house in error, I think the target. you should count yourself lucky.” The limitations in space in a single fami- First, I count myself fortunate every day ly dwelling would limit the number of shoot- that I draw breath; every time I hug one of ers that could clear a doorway without get- my children or grandchildren. Although, ting into each other’s line of fire to about 5, being a Christian, I attribute it to grace, not and require a living room sized area. To fire luck. But maybe they are at this citizen 72 times, and the same thing. hit him with 60 rounds Second: My God, what would mean that the were they trying to do?!? I “authorities”fired on auto, Googled the event and read hosing down the entire side several of the reports. It is of the room with bullets. If easy to judge from a point they fired, as they say, safely removed from the because they saw he had a facts and events, but with- weapon, then they didn’t out further explanation, I have time to react by first am not buying the official switching to auto. So they version of events for a had auto selected before minute. SWAT is supposed hand. This was an execu- to be Special Weapons And tion. Tactics. This sounds more like THWAP: As a third point: I don’t see this incident Trigger-Happy Wannabes And Pretenders. as a match to my standing off an intruder at For anyone who doesn’t know, SWAT gun point, but I suppose the intruder(s) could uses urban assault rifles, a weapon with a have been the police. If they shot me point magazine clip, and multiple firing selections. blank, as in the Arizona incident, then I guess In semi-fire mode, you get one shot every I would finally have the answers to a lot of time you squeeze the trigger. This is the rec- Christian faith questions. At least with 60 ommended mode for anything other than full- hits I wouldn’t suffer very long. If they scale battlefield assault. The auto-fire selec- didn’t kill me on sight, then you would have tion means that so long as the trigger is to include dead police officers in the tragedy. depressed, the weapon fires. Proper training Having a warrant isn’t enough; they have to requires trigger control that conditions you to “serve” it. If they don’t identify themselves squeeze and release so that no more than 2 or as law enforcement first, and don’t declare 3 rounds are fired at a time, in target-correct- the warrant, you are defending yourself ing short bursts. Improperly firing with the against armed intruders. Defense of your trigger continuously depressed will empty the home is self-defense, even against the authori- clip. This is called “fool-fire”. In mere sec- ties. onds you will deplete your ammo and be When Phil Coe threatened to kill Wild unarmed and helpless. Testing shows that in Bill Hickock, Coe bragged that he could “hit most cases, only the first few rounds hit the a crow on the wing”. When the story was con- target anyway. Auto fire makes the barrel veyed to Hickock, Bill asked “Was the crow climb and rotate outward from your body (in wearing a pistol? Was he shooting back? I the direction of grip: left rotation for lefties, will be.” right rotation for right-handers). Unless you I have been threatened by armed antago- 36 antagonists before. It scares the hell out of et al even if there has never been any real, me, but I am trained to remain calm, and physical and verifiable proof of their exis- respond calmly. I was doing a field investiga- tence.//Your response to Joseph is much bet- tion once, interviewing a woman when her ter and far more accurate than anything I husband came running out of the house, wav- could possibly write on that subject. You’ve ing a rifle and threatening to shoot me dead if had the experience and training; I haven’t. It I didn’t get off of his property. I pulled my still seems to me there were too many law- coat back so that he could see that I was men and shots fired that were necessary armed, and asked: “Are you a good shot? under the circumstances. But then I wasn’t Because I am.” Then I held up my badge and there and shouldn’t judge the outcome.]] told him to go back in the house. He did. Thank god. From: Milt Stevens If you survive the first onslaught of auto- August 12, 2011 fire, the recommended defense is to go low and wait for the break in fire when the shoot- Dear Tom, er has to load another clip. Then kill the S.O.B. The cover on Reluctant Famulus #82 is certainly interesting. I have no idea what it TomD represents, but that probably adds to its charm. The front cover and the back cover [[I too prefer futureized SF and particularly seem to be related somehow. I suppose that the kind which takes place further ahead in may or may not mean something. time beyond the “near-future” kind. For the I admit to not reading every single word most part, it seems to me the type of SF you in Locus. There are an awful lot of words in and I and others like has always been about Locus, and I don’t get around to reading people, places, and possibilities from as sci- them all. In particular, I didn’t read the num- entific an aspect as is possible. I also like bers on the genre distribution of novels in the mythology and some horror (heck—I wrote first four months of 2011. I’m not distressed and sold a horror story which appeared to learn there were 78 SF novels in a four years ago in the anthology Lovers and Other month period. I’m not upset that some of Monsters, edited by Marvin Kaye). I don’t those novels are alternate history, so the total care for the sort of mixed genres you mention for Hard Core SF is smaller than that. It’s no either. I also fail to understand the populari- surprise that there are more fantasy novels ty of vampires and werewolves in books, mo- published than SF. That’s been the case for vies, and TV programs. To me that seems like several decades. I don’t know why we consid- a very limited field with nothing really new to er non SF or fantasy horror at all. Horror add. Vampires suck blood to keep alive and isn’t really a genre. It’s a desired effect. We to add to their ranks; werewolves—well I just shouldn’t consider that sort of horror any don’t get the attraction to them. Sadly, Isaac more than we consider non SF or fantasy Asimov was correct about “modern Ameri- comedy. cans”. Maybe it’s due largely to the fact It does surprise me that there were 98 many people find science too difficult to paranormal romance novels published in four understand or don’t try. Yet science strives months. For the last several decades, I’ve for accuracy and concrete, verifiable proof of thought vampires were a worn out theme for its findings and theories. Many people, it fiction. However, the damned things just seems, would sooner take the easy way out keep crawling out of the grave. and believe in vampires, werewolves, ghosts, Bob Bloch had an interesting thought on 37 the continuing popularity of vampires. He about horror is spot on (as the phrase goes). suggested they might be a metaphor for the It's main purpose is to create within the read- drug culture. After all, vampires dress sharp, er fear, fright, revulsion, and maybe even do most of their action at night, and what bad dreams. But I have enough bad dreams could be cooler than being dead. While this with-out reading horror.//As I noted to theory may sound completely frivolous, I TomD, Vampires are a worn-out theme with think there’s something to it. Fantasy is a hap- only one raison d’etre—to continue their exis- py hunting ground for Freudian critics. It’s tence and perpetuate themselves. They're just fairly common to regard Frankenstein as a leeches in human form and serve no useful metaphor for adoles- purpose (except, cence. We all have perhaps, for people gone through a peri- to write qbout them od where we felt and earn money to like we had been put do so).Considering together with the the presence in wrong parts, and some fantasy of nobody would ever beautiful, sexy love us. damsels in distress Bob Sabella con- it could also be siders Alastair thought about as a Reynolds to be the Poul Anderson for the cur- young man’s wet dream.//Oh great. In that rent period. That’s high praise indeed. case my mind must be warped. As if it wasn’t If you had attended the last Corflu, you already warped enough. I wish I had attend- might have taken a tour of the Winchester ed that Corflu. But I always lose track of House with a bunch of fans. The fannish when they’re held and they’re often too far expedition included the Mearas, the Moores, away. I’m sure that last is a bad excuse.// Sandra Bond, Marty Cantor, and me. You know your mind has been warped From: Lloyd Penney by fandom when you go to the Winchester House and start thinking what a great place it 706-24 Eva Rd. would be for a small relaxacon. Etobicoke, ON CANADA M9C 2B2 Yours Truly, August 12, 2011 Milt Stevens Dear Tom: 632 Keystone St. Simi Valley, CA93063 Many thanks for another edition of The Reluctant Famulus, issue 82. I am rushing [[It’s just another of Sheryl’s odd little crit- around getting things done, like letters of ters swimming in an immense ocean spying comment, tasks at home, etc., to get ready for an island or small continent. And of course a trip to Reno, Nevada. We’re attending this the back cover shows the critter swimming year’s Worldcon, and looks like we’re going away from the island/continent.//I've never to have some great fun. Speaking of letters of read all the words in Locus either. As with comment… certain other magazine I receive there are You’re lucky to know a lot about your portions of little or no interest to me. It never ancestors. Some of mine tried a little family occurred to me before, but what you wrote tree exploration, but found some unsavoury 38 types along the way. On my mother’s side, pened over the past number of years, it looks they found a horse thief, and didn’t go fur- like both sides have a lot to learn about the ther, for fear they might someone even other. If a podcast wants so much to win the worse. Hugo for Best Fanzine, aren’t they curious to I really don’t care for horror, paranor- see what a fanzine is? mal, romance, gothic, vampire, detective My loc… the China Miéville book that (except for the Holmes canon), suspense or made me feel vaguely dirty was Perdido monster fiction. Yes, I’m quite picky. And Street Station. I think that was his aim, to my wallet thanks me for that. People also make people feel that way, and he succeeded, think I should be interested in comics, gam- with me, anyway. I think Canada’s unemploy- ing and anime, but I’m not. What do I like? ment rate is about 6% or so. I am still looking Science fiction, some fantasy, Golden Age but I did have a good interview the other day, stuff, and admittedly, some steampunk fic- and I am hoping that I will have something tion. Bob Sabella mentions Robert Charles for the daytime when I return from Reno. As Wilson…his latest novel is called Vortex, for Canada, I cannot imagine any other place and every review I’ve read so far has been to live. We are both good patriots, Tom; we amazing. Looks like a candidate for the love where we live. Chicon 7 Hugo ballot. This might have been written in a rush, I’ve always liked Rod Serling’s work, but I do have my reasons, beside the frantic and Gene Stewart adds in some details about pack for Reno. There are commitments we Serling’s life I didn’t know…this explains have this weekend, and this is Crazy Week- some things. Even the opening sequences of end #1. As soon as we get through it, there’s The Twilight Zone scared the hell out of me a fannish pub night on Monday, and we are as a kid, and as I got older, I appreciated any off to Nevada early Tuesday morning. I will story that could put a chill up my spine at the be joining up with Chris Garcia at his fanzine end. The New Twilight Zone in the 80s had lounge, and we hope to join in with the usual some good stories, too, and the newer ver- fannish silliness. I will tell everyone about it sion from about a decade ago had a spark or when we get back. Take care, and see you two, but nothing so far has matched the origi- next time. nal, IMHO. So many shows these days are character-driven; so few are plot or idea-driv- [[A horse thief! So far I haven't found any evi- en. dence of even that in my ancestry. They all I’d like nothing better than a cat at seem to to have been dull and boring and home…but, we don’t have one. Money is mostly nebbishes doing their best to keep a one barrier, but we also feel that with our low profile. The closest I've come—and it’s crazy lifestyle, having a cat wouldn’t be fair hardly in the same class—was a lawsuit my to us or the cat. Years ago, I wrote an essay great-great-great grandfather Sadler institut- on the perfect compromise…the Holographic ed against a neighbor in 1868 when he was Cat. You can have most of the fun you’d usu- 95. He successfully got $155.56 from the suit. ally have with a real cat, and at the end of the Some 16 years earlier, when he was 79 he evening, you can shut it off…sure there’s had filed a lawsuit from which he was award- drawbacks, but that’s part of the essay. ed around $150.00. It tells me that, even at The locol… Joseph Major, it looks like the age of 95, he was someone to be reck- we need an ambassador to introduce podcasts oned with.//Horror, like so much other fiction to the fanzines fans, and fanzines to the pod- is pretty much a matter of taste, and some of cast fans. I am not volunteering, I have it is better than others. As far as detective fic- enough on my plate, but given what’s hap- tion, my personal favorites in no particular 39 order are Sherlock Holmes, ero Wolfe, looked magnificent. Meeting shy bison was a Lord Peter Wimsey, Hercule Poirot, and new and unexpected experience for me. Ellery Queen. There’s nothing wrong with Before I start sending in the settlement being picky when it comes to books. The buy- articles, though, I have to finish off the er always wants to he he or she got their mon- Mound Builder series. I hope soon to sched- ey’s worth. Anything saved can go toward sil- ule a day to visit Ancient Dayton, where one ly stuff like food, rent/house payments, or can see sites from the Adena, Hopewell, and whatever.//Wish I could have been at the Fort Ancient cultures in a convenient drive worldcon but as usual it came and went too from one another. I think that, after this arti- fast.//We used to have cle, I’ll have exhausted cats around the house the Mound Builders for before we retired but no a while. more after we moved. I Congratulations on finally realized the wis- TRF 82. Your article on dom of something Garri- Borden Springs points son Keillor said or up a major Nineteenth- wrote: “Cats are God’s Century phenomenon: way of showing that the health fad of “taking some things in nature the waters” at spas tak- have no purpose.” The ing advantage of miner- concept of a holograph- al springs. There was ico cat is a good one. even a spa at Big Bone The only thing is, they Lick, though why one still reinforce Keillor’s would want to immerse statement. Although oneself in water as sul- there are the advantages that they wouldn’t furous as waters there are, I find it hard to have to be fed and no litter boxes would be conceive. involved. So I guess having a useless holo- It dismayed me how few of the writers graphic cat is better than having a useless whom Bob Sabella featured I’ve read. live one.]] Beyond C. J. Cherryh, Kim Stanley Robin- son, and Guy Gavriel Kay, they’re all new ter- From: Alfred Byrd ritory for me. If I make it to retirement, it’ll August 15, 2011 be good to know that that territory is there. Re “Pink” Parker: his inveterate hatred Dear Tom, of Lincoln is apparently not unique to him. While I was reading a work on the manhunt Yesterday, I made my first foray for the for John Wilkes Booth, I read that, every projected series on the settlement of Ken- year on the anniversary of Lincoln’s assassi- tucky. I went to Big Bone Lick State Park, nation, a Virginia clan still stages a ball in where I gathered background for an article the assassin's honor. I wouldn't want to use on the earliest human activity in what would the word “fanatical,” but . . . become the commonwealth. I took my own Reference: Manhunt: The 12-day Chase pictures with a borrowed digital camera. My for Lincoln’s Killer, James L. Swanson. pictures of the bison maintained in the park Gene Stewart raises the interesting were unsatisfactory, as the bison were unac- thought that Rod Serling was writing from countably shy about coming out of their pens life. Certainly, there are days when the differ- into the open field where they might have ence between the real world and the Twilight 40 Zone would be hard to explain. and drama. ot long after, an ancient miner- Matt Howard contributed a pair of fasci- al springs was discovered on the property. nating articles on Indiana. I hadn’t suspected Being one of these businessmen who takes the effect of World War II on astronomy. I advantage of any opportunities, he quickly suspect, too, that it would be an interesting established a mineral springs resort to article to find out all that goes into resilver- attract even more business. Thus the “wells” ing a three-foot-wide reflector. As for New part of the name. Eventually the fad wore off Harmony, it’s another example of how exotic and the focus returned to the music hall early Nineteenth Century America was. The aspect.//I guess, given the way Lincoln was most exotic of the religious communes was vilified and calumniated while he was presi- the Oneida Community, which likely in- dent and the way people or groups of them spired RAH in his invention of Valentine can harbor hatred for a long time it Michael Smith. Quite the opposite kind of shouldn’t be surprising there would be such commune altogether was Shakertown, just fanaticism. Since Lincoln has been dead down the road from me. since April 15, 1865 it seems stupid and Turpentine in Squirt. It somehow seems senseless to continue such a practice. But right to me that those of us who grew up in people continue to do stupid and senseless Metro Detroit grew up drinking turpentine. It things.Especially fanatical people//I imagine, might explain the flat, nasal Michigander if asked, Detroiters (or at least ones who accent. know about it) would say the Kentuckians In my series on the settlement of Ken- started it.]] tucky, if I should get so far, I’ll describe Ken- tucky’s efforts to conquer Detroit. The Ken- From: Sheryl Birkhead tuckians will tell you that Detroit started the 25509 Jonnie Court fight... Best wishes, Al Byrd Gaithersburg, MD USA

[[I’ve seen signs for Big Bone Lick which, I Started August 18, 2011 think is thirty-plus miles from us but so far have never gone there. Shy bison. As big as Dear Tom, they are you wouldn’t think they’d be shy. Unless they’ve been threatened with high- I have no idea how this will all work out. powered rifles before.//I’m sure there will be This is the second loc I have (tried) to write some among the readers who will be relieved on my new used Macbook. I am cat-sitting at to know the Mound Builders series will come the Lynches while they are in Reno so my to an end. To each his/her own.//There was a days are full of just running (I come over fad of sorts for a long time involving trips to here twice a day—45 minutes driving time mineral springs to bathe in the water. Consid- each way each time—then spend at least 1-2 ering that Big Bone Lick isn’t that far from hours talking to and playing with the cats; Cincinnati, I can understand some sort of re- doesn’t leave a whole lot of other time). I am sort there. But the Borden Springs area was slowly figuring this out but still have a very and still is rural. Which reminds me. I imag- long way to go. But, back to the zines at ine some of the readers of this fanzine have hand. heard of (wait for it) Sadler’s Wells Ballet in In the bag I haul around I have two England. Briefly (o, really), a man named issues of tRF—oddly enough #78 and #82. I Richard Sadler established a “Musick hope that means I am merely disorganized House” in 1683 which remains in existence and not that I have lost some issues. This is to this day with the emphasis now on dance being started before the Hugo results are out 41 for this year. If I drag it out for another few- I could at least manage to watch what was days I may actually be able to comment. We already taped there. Once watched, the tape shall see. was trashed. When all my tapes are so de- Like Bob Sabella, I used to buy stroyed, it will be nigh onto impossible to get eachyear’s The Best Of...” and that might blanks. Sigh. I did look at replacement mean several variations on that theme. I VCRs, but they will pretty much have to be always figured that this way I used and no one knows what pretty much had what several they are getting. As yes, editors figured were the best of roulette anyone? the year and there had to be a Seeing Joseph Major’s lot of pearls amidst the dross. comment about breaking the The price went out of my bud- computer warranty reminds get and then soon they died off. methat while I was trying to Sigh. prove to Verizon that the prob- That camel and the sink- lem did, indeed, lie with their hole . . . Did it happen to know input and not my modems, the Californian capybara? wiring, or Mac I asked Apple Since my father’s family is if having BestBuy’s Geek from Kentucky (and my brother Squad check it out would satis- and his family live there), I fy Verizon. They said yes have been there several times. I BUT it would negate my war- recall those mounds. ranty and Apple Care agree- Eventually I will get a- ment. So much for that idea. round to the current state of the Gee, didn’t realize I DSL and blaming the rodents attributed Ted White's Club- but the story has not yet played out. I have house column to a specific prozine. If I gave one very positive. Roku! For once a gadget the wrong name, sorry. That was really the was even smaller than expected, installed just first place I read about fandom and conven- as simply as described (albeit I had to use tions. one of the newer TVs and not the oldie in the Sorry, ed. it was the Ford Explorer that bedroom) and so far it provides etflix much tipped right over in the accident. The Matrix more clearly and crisply than the computer. appeared “relatively” intact but was later di- Ah yes, is technology just toying with me? agnosed with structural damage. Yeah, of At the same time the VCR in the bedroom course I had just had it in for . . . . which is connected to an old TV has decided In case I have not mentioned it before- to work—some of the time. When it doesn’t my family name Birkhead is/was actually work it starts re-winding the tape and more Birkenhead, as in the city in England, com- often than not pulls it off the cassette and plete with an Earl. Some great-great- simply gets it mucked up (scientific term) inside the took out the -en- and that was that. TV. This means that if a tape is rewound, Sigh, it is too late now, but I never asked either by intent or just because the VCR felt my parents where they were born (as in hospi- like it, there is a high likelihood that the tape tal etc.). I tend to think that the New Jerseyite will need to be tossed out. The last one I took mother would have been more likely born in out actually ripped in the removal and I sim- a hospital than the Kentuckian (farm) father. ply took a tiny strip of tape as a splice and I’ll never know. Uh, that is not necessarily manually moved the tape beyond the tear, fig- true; maybe in documents and I think I actual- uring that, while I could not salvage the tape, ly have my mother’s baby book, so that kind 42 of information might be right there. idea for them. It turns out I was right about Bob Sabella and current books. Unfortu- that, though it took a while.]] nately, with the demise of Borders Books—as in the actual stores—my chance to see cur- Dave Rowe rent books is now about nil. I will have to 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 decide in the proverbially sight unseen Franklin, IN 46131-9211 method if I choose to buy a book and it will 2011-August-28 have to be by the Internet, unless I want to make the trek to a Barnes and oble. Darn. Dear Tom, Sitting in one of their comfy chairs after buy- ing a book and before being quite ready to Re: TRF 82 head home . . . . Please forgive the tardiness of this loc. In Gene Stewart’s comments, I was sure You know the reasons so it's redundant to he was going to say Write what you know. repeat them here. So much for second guessing! What with a Kentuckians column and Well, I just made an executive decision. now a Indianaania, the thought occurs that I’d rather get this in the mail OW and wait- with Kentucky bordering seven States there on the Hugo results than wait to mail. So I is the possibility of eight columns Altho’ need to cart this home from the Lynches and West Virginiiaiana is probably taking things see if I can actually print from the thumb a little too far. drive—as is supposed to happen. With four of the articles in TRF82 being We (or more correctly you) shall see— on little known histories it may have a danger- ous lack of “comment hooks.” Hopefully the [[I think you’re just disorganized. Welcome readership will erase this fear with yet anoth- to the club. I could be its president except er lengthy locol. that I suspect there are probably people even Joseph Major is yet another fan in poor more disorganized.//I don’t know about the health! Is there no good news in fandom camel—it probably doesn’t get around these days? O.K. One! Pat Sims K.O.'d her much—but I haven't heard about the Califor- cancer, thank goodness. Everyone else seems nia capybara.//RE: your last name. Ah. That to be coming apart at the seams either health- makes sense then. I remember a few years wise or financially. back, Terry referred to you as Sheryl Birken- As for “News of the Weird,” have you head which I thought was a typo. ow I see I heard about journalist Annie Jacobsen's book was mistaken and should have trusted him on Area 51? In it she claims that supposed fly- that since he was British. So then you have ing saucer crash at Rosewell in 1947 was a an Earl Birkenhead in your ancestry. For multi-manned spacecraft sent up by Soviet what little that’s worth. I know how you feel. Josef Stalin (ten years before Russia There are questions I wish I had asked my launched the 184 lb Sputnik) manned by father and mother and grandparents when “grotesque, child-size aviators” developed in they were alive. I still find myself regretting human experiments by Nazi Josef Mengele. not having done so and missing a good oppor- There is something fundamentally wrongwith tunity.//I remember Borders Books way back certain journalists. when it was a single store at the edge of the Harking back to TRF 81 and Sheryl’s University of Michigan campus in Ann victory over Golden Rule Insurance. Their Arbor. Then they got delusions of grandeur H.Q. is North of here and there is a tale from and decided to branch out in competition a fairly reliable source that they employ one with Barnes & oble. I thought it was a bad woman to decide when a claim should be tak 43 en to court. How does she make such a loved the Kurt Erichsen so much I would Solomon-like decision? She uses tarot cards! rather tell you twice than not at all—and the- Why does Golden Rule keep this mystic on? back cover from the Reno Fanartist Hugo win- Because if she says bring in the lawyers, the ner Brad Foster. lawyers usually win. Really, really like the covers on #81 ! There is something fundamentally wrong I’ve always said my father was from Ken- with this universe! tucky, but I think it is actually that he was raised in Kentucky; think he was born in Dave, Christie (?), Indiana, just across the border. If I remember from the several oold photos I [[Unfortunately, it seems you’re correct have seen of his parents they were Eben and about your fear TRF 82 might have a danger- Rebecca. Nice sturdy names! ous lack of comment hooks, as you will Agh. It is after Irene now and this is notice in this letter col- what I find . . . where umn. Either that or what did the loc go? Sigh, I I wrote in response to am too tired to fight it Bob Jennings caused it. I and may just print this hope, though, that per- snippet of it and mail it. haps my intro to this Drat. issue, Gene Stewart’s Just FYI: Medicare Rat Stew column, and (did you really mean you the piece about D. C. have Medicaid?) doesn’t Stephenson might cover dental; I don’t change it back. Or may- know about Medicaid. be everybody’s getting Um, Tom, the guy tired of TRF, for whatev- who did the repairs on er reason, and nothing the hole (sort of) in the will help. I want people roof has now warned me to comment, when and if sequentially that the roof they find something of interest and I could will need to be replaced in, now, about 5 probably really spice it up some way but I years. (Interesting aside: when I bought the have this fear of somehow incurring nasty house in 2000, I was told it had an architec- comments.]] tural—no idea what that is—put in 1995 with a 35 year guarantee. Right after moving in I Sheryl Birkhead paged through all the warranties and various 25509 Jonnie Court papers that the previous owner/builder had Gaithersburg, MD left for me and found nothing about the roof. 20882 USA I called the realtor and asked him to get me August 26-?, 2011 more information, company etc. No luck.) I asked what the ballpark cost would be (so I Dear Tom, could get over sticker shock) and was told about $15,000-$18,000. No, they do not put on the roof, so there was no advantage of Okay, I found issue #81 sitting in a stack telling me a price in case I intended to use of zines on the kitchen table; some had been that company. Sigh. locced and some had not. I am not sure There used to be (ah yes, waay back which is which on some of them. Since I when; well, yes, when I actually attended 44 cons!) a myriad of elevator stories spawned Aha! Yet a third Hugo winner (Reno) in by most major conventions. I asked the thish! Chris Garcia had a truly ghreat show Lynches if there were any stories (ghood or of fannish enjoyment at his win for Best bhad) coming out of Reno but they said Fanzine. things went pretty well. Drat! There goes this Tom, what is Boston Cooler ? year’s shot at elevator tales. Nicki (Lynch) Must get this into the mail—suspect did have information about one of the hotels there will not be any pick-up postmarked let- in which you had to change elevators to ter in August this late in the day—so Septem- reach certain floors but that is tame compared ber it is. to olden tales. Again, I really really love the covers! Terry Carr flummoxed me in responding Thank you and thanks to all the fanartists! to a letter asking for a copy of his next zine. He was very cheery and said it would be on its way as soon as pubbed. Unfortunately he never got to pub that ish. I have always enjoyed his writings and the idea that he was [[Drat. I made a mistake. I do have Medicare a fan and a pro with his feet firmly planted in but not Medicaid. We didn’t qualify for that, each camp (think about it; I mean each, not as I was certain we wouldn’t. I got myself both). confused which is nothing new for me. I also I see a note in the lettercol and keeping have Medicare Part B. Medicare is“free”; up with science. Um . . . for about 5 years vet- the latter has to be paid for and the payment erinarians have been picking their cases wise- comes out of SS benefits. And then there’s ly but curing (or at least controlling it pristine- Part D (for drug coverage), which I also ly) arthritis with stem cell therapy. Fat from have. That too must be paid for by the individ- the animal is harvested and stem cells ual but can be obtained through an outside removed. The cells are returned to the veteri- provider of one’s choice rather than through narian and surgically (well injected under the Federal government. A Boston Cooler is sedation and sterile conditions) injected into a variation on root beer floats. Boston Cool- the affected joints. This is being done in hors- ers (for those in outside of southeastern es and dogs--with cats now starting as Michigan) consist of Vernors and vanilla ice patients. The catch is the selection criteria are cream. I don’t know why the Boston part of extremely specific (e.g. no oncology patient the name.]] is considered in case a malignant cell hap- pens to be sailing by just as the stem cells are Well that wraps it up for another issue of injected--oops!). It would appear that the TRF. Whether or not it was an improvement FDA is actively trying to keep this therapy over the previous one is something I'm not from use in humans. My guess is that most going to attempt to decide. I hope it was, people would not be candidates and then be even if only slightly. Obviously I'll know the extremely angry. Veterinarians are also us- answer when—or if—the letters come in. I ing therapeutic lasers to promote healing, hope they will. I hope also that in spite of post-surgical, and arthritis, to name three sce- what I wrote last issue about editing if any narios. Again, case selection is paramount; reader finds something worth commenting on don’t want to encourage healing/growth if won't be afraid to write more than a few para- there is a chance of something unwanted heal- graphs. For the most part, over the years, the ing/growing. So, yes, tough to keep up with letters have usually been a reasonable length. science when so much of it now has taken on I apologize if I managed to scare people. the look of fiction. That was not my intent. 45