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Omestead ,F,Lms ELL TOUPEE BIG TTffi ,APPY FLO eKs ffiif ':'d,,i DOZI OMESTEAD =URGE ,REV,t ,F,LMS '{ I t:::.:l:1.:::' i -::.: : : :l r::.::::::: :::l: : ( *li.,.:j#"ffi ':.:.fl:1i;: KILLDOZER c\aMMiT- All answers are those of Mr. Michael Gerald, Killdozer's celebritv :i singer. Celebrtty ProIlIe: Take your ttne and answer all the questions. No partial credit will be given for incomplete thoughts, even buddtng genius. THE AMI-CIIRIST: No doubt about it, the Snuggles Bear is the Anti-Christ. When it comes on TV, which I watch constanUy, my testicles receed (proof positive). WHITE TRASII: Refers to that breed of people that eat Spam as adults, drive rusty "I Camaros, shop at Wal-Mart, and proudly say of thef trailerhome own it." White Trash congregate at county fairs and auto shows and in the woods during deer season. "Shit Some white trash culture has permeated the greater culture, e.g. happens," home shopping networks, and Cajun food. (Cajuns are swamp-dwelling white trash, although trailerhomes cannot be parked in swamps). New York artists are by far the worst. FAVORITE BODILY FLI'IDS: The tears of a chi]d whose puppy has been backed over by rnother in the family car. "People's PORNOGRAPIIY: I think Choice" porn would be a good idea. There should be more celebrity porn. I'd like to see Marsha Brady sandwiched by Dom Deluise and Buddy Ebsen. I'd also like to see Tootie from Facts o;flgte show off her fist-sized nipples. The best IVe seen yet v/as Art Linkletter giving a nm job to a sow in heat in the classic peep show Ballbus ters. FAVORITEEDEROGATORY WORDi Jazz, or reggae. it's a toss-up. FAVORITE BAI\IDS: The DeFranco Family, the Love Unlimited Orchestra, Hot Chocolate, Black Oak Arkansas, and damn near anlthing that isn't on SST. ANAL FISTIJLA Henry Rollins and,/or Donny the Punk. FAVORITE POSITION: I€ad truck in a convoy. BUGS BItNf\fY: A transvestite. He is constantly dressing up to seduce Elmer Fudd. Foghorn I€ghorn on the other hand, now that guy has plenty of male hormones. CHILDIIOOD ABUSE: No, my parcnts loved me. They still do. rA\/ORITE PLACE TO EAT CHEESEBITRGERS: Spiro's cyro Emporium, Ptainfleld, Wisconsin. IDIOTS WHO SHOIJLD BE SHOT DEAD: Rastafarians, mirnes, Sigoumey Weaver, people in Minneapolis, Karen Finley, Henry Rollins, Robert Christgau, Neil Simon, people who wearJams, the owner of the Cat Club, and whoever took Hello Inml off the air. MOVIES AND/OR VIDEOS3 The Btllg Jack trilog/ is hands down the best. Especially the scene in Trt(l,l oJ Billy Jack, Irr which the bov with only one hand and a hook is taught how to play a guitar. MASTTTRBATION: I don't need to do this, but if I did, I would use a g-D picture of Ma.rtha Og5n yhlle Lqing a l_ar of sand, or else use a photo of Martha Raye while using a hoover. I'11bet Heffy Rolltns has to masturbate ouite a btt. SUBURBAN VOICE D.0.4. EXODUS G00G00 Dolrs KILLDOZ ER SOULSIDE ffi WRECKINGCREW I I HfrHH,H, I ! I t I ! I Ig t1 B fi vt I p ! B fr : Because there's not enough mo.ey to all the g i;;Ea1 patients in the mental hosPitals vtlete ! lhe inleres!ing intelvie\, lies ahead, as Quite They a1I waLk around Madison. wisconsin's and jov, Killdoze!' uaais;n, P!ide -offe! Michael: That's shete aIl our street PeoPLe b from the hentallv il1 to Burl Ives opinioni on everything 6Ei-: we're quite fond of them. Tt is ttio, naslers of the big noise' eith ! r; Mark Twain. MichaeI : TheY're cute and cDddlv. steep rn bus stops, E pee!s to match !hei! in!ense savagerv and 9ut-leve1 few keeD the benches rarn. .r"r"t.ffi"", have 4 records unde! their belts, the mosc "Littte'LlLtle - Bili: Thele's naned Nancy eho walks around and s one being Baby BunLin"Buntrn on Touch & Go. recen! fi:;-a big boon box and a balon and she sets the boon box B ((i I lddzer incLualesinc L Michael Gera]d (bass/vocals). Bill iLldoze! it for hours on end. I! s a ; (9uila!) and Dan Hobson (druhs)... do{n and she conducts fiobson vonderful tosn. Michael: thele's also just a hu-fuckin'-munqously obese you guys of people conParing to the -tracx Ef: Are sj.ck vou ror"" ttrat we catl lhe "camel lady" because of her Birthday Party? body build. oh, yeah. BiIl: oan: Two of us ale married. Birthday Palty broke uP a long tine ago. biii rtre EfTr: ro each other, {e're better:. il;hael: And Michael: To NancY and the me abou! some of the lyricar ideas. ati_- Telr Dan. Nor the two Hobson brothe!s are married because articles in the rnetro section of frTchaer: Ne,rspape! narrying kind. paper. LocaI haPPeninss, Iocal goinss on iEire tne iEdllii 8r,11: ahat's what Dan likes to say. l]iedding anniversa!ies, esPecialLv sitver national. frf;taet: Bill look off his ring for the tou!. golden anniversaries. I don ' ! have ny wedding ring on because r sv: No, c'mon. , @i-ectuarry, and if I catch nv EJchael3 Alright. I {en! out on a !angent. NewsPaPer work conslruction, that's my sidetine, finger on a narl, ic'd get ripPed right off. nose a board. DM: And lJsr sLuff thdt /ou hedr. Dan: He caught his on r,4rchdeI: And th-nqc thdt \aPPen rn frTEnaer: I'm not the narrying kind. I'll fuck anvlhing place bark. svj--Ftrat kind of is Madison? iiiE-?-oesn't "sweet rt's a wonderful little town. It's a co11e9e !o!tn. sv: A couple of you! cove!s have been Home iin, "cinnaFon frl;hael: utopia ! 150,000 corn-fed babes and dudes. ffabama" and Gir1" and, seeing how Nell Young "southern ffiuesttea between 2 lakes. wroce Man" and skynyrd wtoted thelr song as a eirr, '.litb lots of whoopies Palking around response !o it, did you do both to present bolh sides of FI66pies are aIl the people who wele kicked the story? Is that on PurPose? you'le filst person to pick that up- state mental hospital then they cu! the taxes. trLL!: You know. lhe w: speaking of menlaL hosPitals, {he!e did vou guvs card. I6at oatient's report tha! ras on the innersleeve of M 9l1!9lr we'l1 gibve you a sold sta! on vour report BilI: That's sort of funny because nobody eLse has ever Michael: The man himself handed it to ne one molnrng, on El;Fed tha! uP, excePt fo! me ii mV to work. carl...his whole name was on there, but I !,4ichaeI: Unfortuna!eLY, it's kind of the trong NeiI Young tno-911 berter of actudtly his entrre nane, ;ong in that 1r!hle b3!!le of minds, baltIe of wils. A 'ano Puttin9 .ddress phone numoe!, unich were on there, so I RepubI ican fron canada and some dead Confedelate shlthead crossed.Lr all ou!. No, he was on the street one morning, 'cause 6:30, handed it !o me he tooked like a hiPPie and I sv. rt's kind of stlanqe how Neil Young has sPilched his "ok, though!r I bet this is religious mate!ial," but it ;61itica] affi l iation, anyeay. "am eas so(etbing entitled I A PsychoPath?" and I read all Bill: He's just old. of iL dnd, yes, le's d osYchoPaLh. tlictraer: I guess rE I once associa!ed with those and Nash I'd try to as far to the 9y: fiha! vas doing ou! if he's a PsychoPath? crosby, st!IIs 90 cipposit e extlene as I coutd. Michael : Borgasno!d I we wele actuatly rhinklng of putting Ernest Bill: Mr. crosby, though, what a consuMate !f_l_L, "Bur1. " Did you qoE Bolgdine on see h.im after ne our of his Jdil .ound looked tike a mobsler, a big fat nobster. vi.lael: BJt re a Pl.ture of Bu!L fi!st. I'm s!it1 a big fan of Michael r But he looks good without the baking Ernesr Borgnine. chuck Connors, Henry iJinkler I like chuck that' s leally great about David efl], Connors because it,s repured rhat he ord a loL ot gay porno crosby :is even though he was a total coke addict, he was fticks on Ehe sjde. ;hrch I rhink is a reaIIy great fat as hell. Sonehow, he found tine to eat in betreen tn.Lng for any numan being Lo do. M.'crael: Xarl doing a] 1 tha! cocaine. What an arnazing man! Md]den,s the onty nan wno even approaches the talen! of EEnest Borgnine. But, easily, "The toseidon !C, wlrat othe. cover versions have you go! that you haven't riecorded? Adventure" was ftade by Ernest Bolqnine. "The Michaelr .cator Countly', by MoLly qatchet, !3a: tie saw a good novie on Iv roday, T!ial of BiIly "llong cool 9roftan In a Black D!ess." we played rhat 4LL!: Michael: The one perf(:ct]y and lre decided that really sucks. kids at the free schoot! llichael: "suspicious Minds," "It,s "Ruby, 4LLL: rhe kids at rhe flee scboot are alI about 30, it,s Not Unlrsuat," gleat. Don't Talte Yout Love ?o Town." They're learning so much there. "L'a "KaLi " lllchaet: But there was a child in the novie.
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