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Fostering Healthy Attachment in Children

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Fostering Healthy Attachment in Children FosteringFostering HealthyHealthy AttachmentAttachment inin ChildrenChildren ForFor FamilyFamily TeachersTeachers andand FosterFoster ParentsParents WhatWhat isis HealthyHealthy Attachment?Attachment? ¾ AttachmentAttachment formsforms thethe foundationfoundation forfor aa child'schild's physical,physical, cognitivecognitive andand psychologicalpsychological development.development. ¾ AA bondbond thatthat formsforms betweenbetween aa childchild andand hishis oror herher parentsparents oror primaryprimary caregiver,caregiver, healthyhealthy attachmentattachment occursoccurs whenwhen thethe caregivercaregiver providesprovides notnot onlyonly thethe basicbasic necessitiesnecessities ofof food,food, sheltershelter andand clothing,clothing, butbut alsoalso thethe emotionalemotional essentialsessentials withwith touch,touch, smilessmiles andand eyeeye contact.contact. AA healthyhealthy attachmentattachment betweenbetween aa childchild andand atat leastleast oneone adultadult helpshelps toto ensureensure thatthat thethe neuralneural pathwayspathways withinwithin thethe childchild’’ss brainbrain becomebecome sculptedsculpted withwith thethe bestbest possiblepossible connectionsconnections mademade toto handlehandle stress,stress, reducereduce anxietyanxiety andand easilyeasily absorbabsorb newnew informationinformation andand experiences.experiences. For a child, developing a healthy attachment with at least one adult is associated with: ¾ higher self-esteem and confidence ¾ greater willingness to explore ¾ better control over emotions ¾ fewer behavioral problems in school ¾ greater problem-solving abilities and coping skills ¾ better communication skills and higher literacy levels ¾ better social skills and more positive relationships with other children. WhatWhat isis AttachmentAttachment Disorder?Disorder? ¾¾AttachmentAttachment disorderdisorder isis aa treatabletreatable conditioncondition inin whichwhich individualsindividuals havehave difficultydifficulty trustingtrusting anyoneanyone oror creatingcreating loving,loving, lastinglasting intimateintimate relationshipsrelationships duedue toto seriousserious disruptionsdisruptions inin formingforming thatthat bondbond duringduring earlyearly childhood.childhood. DevelopingDeveloping AnAn AttachmentAttachment WithWith YourYour ChildChild Infant attachment: ¾ Engage in appropriate physical contact with your child - holding, cuddling, stroking, kissing. ¾ Develop face-to-face contact with your child, particularly eye contact - play 'peek-a-boo'. ¾ Respond to and repeat your child's vocal and verbal expressions. Repeat rhymes and songs with your child. ¾ Use a gentle tone of voice. ¾ Learn appropriate age-development skills and work with your child to master them. ¾ Play games. ¾ Look for and identify characteristics of the child that remind them of themselves or family members. OlderOlder ChildChild AttachmentAttachment ¾ Read a book to your child every day, that you choose together. ¾ Show interest in your child's development and autonomy and support skill-building efforts and emotional closeness. ¾ Encourage your child to teach you something that they are good at. ¾ Be supportive in meeting your child's environmental needs, such as personal preferences in clothing, food and room decoration. Provide guidance in learning proper hygiene and dental care, and respond quickly to illness. ¾ Balance your priorities so that you can spend time with your child. Engage in activities and ensure that your communication with your child is positive, for example - singing, coloring in, completing a jigsaw. ¾ Ensure that non-parental child care of your child is warm, consistent and adequately supervised. ¾ Allow your child to learn new skills independently to gain self-awareness and confidence. Try not to overprotect your child from experiencing normal life frustrations, for example - letting your child make dinner. ¾ Buy a plant for your child and teach them how to care for it. ¾ Respond to your child in a warm, loving and nurturing way, and provide comfort to your child in a positive way. ¾ Find a balance between discipline and love, logic, fairness and consistency - household chores promote responsibility, pride and self-respect. ¾ Support your child's intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social growth by attending school functions, helping them with homework and encouraging healthy peer and family relationships. ¾ Tell the story of your child's adoption over and over again. ¾ ROADBLOCKS to healthy parent-child relationships include: abrupt loss of a parent through death or illness multiple caretakers invasive or painful medical procedures hospitalization abuse and/or neglect mother's poor prenatal care or prenatal alcohol or drug exposure neurological problems ¾ A child is at highest risk of attachment problems if these experiences occur in the first two years of life. WhatWhat dodo attachmentattachment disorderdisorder symptomssymptoms looklook likelike ?? ¾ On the outside, children with attachment disturbance often appear charming and self-sufficient. ¾ Inside, they may teem with insecurity and self-hate. "I'm unlovable," the child thinks, and goes about behaving in a manner that reinforces that thought. ¾ These children have difficulty giving and receiving affection on their parents' terms. ¾ They can be overly demanding, clingy, and annoying with endless chatter. ¾ They may show indiscriminate affection to strangers. ¾ They may have abnormal eating patterns, and poor conscience development.. (Cont’d) ¾ Their parents and teachers may catch them in chronic "crazy" lying, cheating or stealing. ¾ In school, they often show signs of learning problems such as disabilities and delays. ¾ They may be destructive to themselves or others, cruel to animals, or preoccupied with fire, blood and gore. Often, they don't get along well with their peers. AttachmentAttachment ChallengesChallenges Children and parents have times when they face challenges in forming healthy, secure attachments. In such circumstances, seeking the assistance of competent professionals and receiving guidance on forming better, healthier relationships is best. Parents need to understand that attachment challenges may result from a variety of factors, including: • Temperament of the child • Prenatal or birth trauma (low birth weight, extended time in medical care, fetal alcohol syndrome, etc.) • Adoptive circumstances for the child • Foster care circumstances for the child • Significant family trauma (divorce, death, etc.) • Poor family modeling for parents (parents in childhood had poor attachments themselves, etc.) • Troubled or hostile home environment These and other factors can, at times, significantly inhibit healthy attachment formation. TheThe BenefitsBenefits ofof HealthyHealthy AttachmentAttachment ¾¾ ParentsParents andand otherother caregiverscaregivers provideprovide thethe "attachment"attachment web"web" ofof relationshipsrelationships aa youngyoung childchild needsneeds toto thrive.thrive. HealthyHealthy attachmentsattachments provideprovide youngyoung childrenchildren withwith benefitsbenefits suchsuch as:as: •• AA sensesense ofof trusttrust •• AA willingnesswillingness toto exploreexplore •• AA positivepositive viewview ofof oneselfoneself •• AnAn understandingunderstanding ofof empathyempathy •• AnAn abilityability toto expressexpress emotionsemotions EightEight KeyKey StrategiesStrategies toto FosterFoster AttachmentAttachment #1:Make yourself available. Young children can rely on you and come to trust you only if you are present. Do your best to manage your schedule and life so you are physically available to children when they need you. This may mean making tough lifestyle choices. Work within your circumstances to find time to be available to your children. Also, try to make sure you are mentally engaged in being available and attentive to your children when with them, not just a warm body that is present. #2: Increase your knowledge and experience interacting with young children. Fostering positive, attentive interactions with young children that build secure attachments requires knowledge and experience. Find specific opportunities to interact with your own or other young children by volunteering in child care or school settings, attending play or social groups, going to interactive classes with your child, etc. Pay attention to their likes, needs, desires and behaviors. Also, take advantage of opportunities to increase your knowledge by taking classes, reading books, watching videos or otherwise learning about parent-child relationships. #3: Be attentive to your child's cues. Fostering a secure attachment begins with attending to your child's needs. Attention begins with focusing on your child and perceiving his or her cues that care or comfort is needed (cues such as crying, holding arms out to you, etc.). Then you need to interpret the signal correctly (understand what he or she wants) and respond in a way that comforts or assists the child. Children may express a physical need or a social need. Attentiveness means "tuning in" to your child's signals and recognizing when he or she needs to be held, needs to talk, needs a new toy, needs a new diaper or is tired and needs to rest. #4:Provide a quick, consistent response to your child's needs or cues. Children learn trust when someone responds promptly and consistently to their needs, especially during the first year of life. Infants, especially, simply do not understand "waiting" for someone. Adult responsiveness and encouragement reinforces a child's
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