Copyright by Esther June Kim 2020 The Dissertation Committee for Esther June Kim Certifies that this is the approved version of the following Dissertation: CITIZEN MAKING IN RELIGIOUS SPACES: ENCOUNTERING THE “OTHER”/EACH OTHER ON SCHOOL MISSION TRIPS Committee: Anthony Brown, Supervisor Jennifer Adair Madeline Hsu Katherina Payne Cynthia Salinas David Wang CITIZEN MAKING IN RELIGIOUS SPACES: ENCOUNTERING THE “OTHER”/EACH OTHER ON SCHOOL MISSION TRIPS by Esther June Kim Dissertation Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of The University of Texas at Austin in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy The University of Texas at Austin May 2020 Dedication To 엄마, 아빠, 할머니, 외할머니. Thank you for your love, sacrifice, and faith. Acknowledgements To all my former students in California, Seoul, and UT, my love of teaching was born and nurtured because you all were the best students I could ever have hoped for. This dissertation came out of a desire to be a better teacher for you all. To Calvary Lutheran and all my participants, thank you for welcoming me into your community with love and honesty. To the Missions teachers: I am so humbled by what you have and continue to build. Thank you for being so real with me and for showing me a way to love the world with integrity and humility. To the participants who shared stories of their pain: without your permission, your encouragement, and your hope, I could not and would not have been able to do this research. I am honored that we could share some of the collective pain and laughter. Thank you for entrusting me with your stories. To my committee: Jennifer Adair, thank you for all your support, encouragement, and critique. You helped me understand the importance of integrity, care, and reflection as a researcher. Madeline Hsu, I admire and respect your scholarship and teaching more than I can express. But what also sets you apart from so many in your field is that you somehow make the time to do so much more: to ensure that Asian American students like myself are holistically supported, to work with K-12 teachers who crave the intellectual sustenance you can provide, to partner with marginalized community groups, and of v course to rescue Jack and Sasha. Thank you for the many lessons I learned by your remarkable example. Dave Wang, I’ve always enjoyed your sermons the most at every church we’ve attended together, even before I personally met you. Your scholarship, theology, perspectives, and actions all seamlessly fit together, and it is evident in how you live in community with others. To my Social Studies committee: Katie Payne, from the first phone call where you answered the millions of questions I had, you have been a source of kindness, comfort, and knowledge. Thank you for helping me sort through the muddle of thoughts and data in my head whenever I needed and thank you for the many ways you are present for your students. Cinthia Salinas, throughout my time at UT, I have been surrounded by support, love, and care, thanks in large part to you. And not just the countless hours, seafood meals, hugs, Hoppy time, and intellectual brilliance you provide, but the family you take the time the build with those of us lucky enough to be in your orbit. To my dissertation chair, Anthony Brown, you introduced me to scholars and theories (in addition to your own example) that not only shaped my academic path but helped me make sense of my own history and gave me a glimpse of how I want to be in this world and with others. I am so thankful for the wisdom, grace, and opportunities you have always extended to me. Professor Sylvia Wynter, you are the most generous “weaver of ideas,” as you so modestly describe yourself. Your ability to see what is happening with piercing clarity and to name what is insidious and inhumane in such meticulously thought out and researched ways, yet the hope and the compassion that guides your work and life were vi exactly the spiritual and intellectual nourishment I needed when you opened your home and life’s work to me. Thank you for your care, your humour, and your encouragement. Anna Falkner, you are so much more than an academic sister. You challenge me and at the same time accept me without reservation. You graciously share your time, your brilliant insights, and your loving family. I am so grateful to you and for you. Austin, Atticus, Lillian, and the Falkners (in Austin and Mississippi), thank you for all your care and support! Noreen Naseem Rodríguez, what can I say but that you are irreplaceable as a friend and mentor. You set the example not only as a scholar and colleague, but also as a human being who cares deeply for what is just and right. You live, dance, sing, mother, and work with an openness and passion that inspires and gives words to those of us still finding our way. Dee Hall, you are filled with joy, love, and a genius creativity. Your friendship means lots of laughter but also an extra shoulder when carrying a burden. You know how to embrace and love through the good and the bad. Neil Shanks, you were an academic and emotional rock during some tumultuous personal times—one of the most steadfast people I’ve had in my life. Your friendship has meant so much to me. Steven Montemayor, you are radiant. You make everyone around you shine more brightly. You see straight into a person’s mind and heart, and all that is lovely, irritating, and ridiculous. Yet you manage to stay beautiful and full of loyalty and compassion (even when you try to hide it!). I am so lucky to have you in my life. vii Bedour Alagraa, you set the example of how to think, love, and offer friendship so grandly. Every moment with you inspires me to push beyond boundaries and expectations. Kevin Magill, you made me feel so welcome from day one. You always gave invaluable advice, and I’m thankful for your willingness to perform for the joy of others Amanda Vickery, thank you for the Winnie updates, videos and photos! But more so, thank you for your guidance and your support these past five years. To my colleagues: Michael Joseph, I am so happy that our years at UT overlapped. You’re a solid friend, office mate, and colleague. Working and laughing with you has been a true pleasure and joy. Heath Robinson, I have learned so much from our theory talks, to the way you truly listen, to how open and nice you are while constantly reflecting on how you can be a better scholar, teacher, and person. Joanna Batt, you show such care for the people around you. I’m so happy for all the new teachers who will have had you through their preparation. Melissa Rojas Williams, you have the best laugh and it always warmed my heart to be with you and your kids. Jenna Anderson, thank you for your friendship and all the ways you kept me sane. You have inspired me in many ways and I’m so grateful for the years you were in Austin. Ashley Moline, you are one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known. Thank you for being a friend, a sounding board, a lifeline, and a constant encourager. Jane Roh, your friendship and constancy have been a support that enabled me to go and live anywhere at anytime. I’ve loved journeying through so much of life with you. viii To my Kakao friends: Jane, Janet, Joyce, Keren, Ann, Michelle, Mia, and Una— whenever I needed anything (books, prayer, encouragement, a space to vent, proofreading, a laugh, a photo of Bernie, Jeter, or Wally), you were always present. Through our ten, twenty, and over thirty years of friendships, your unconditionality has been unparalleled. To my Bruin roomies: Bonnie, Jeannie, and Julie—the three of you were the first to make me understand that I could be exactly who I am without fearing rejection— something I’ve learned always looms over the heads of academics. Time with the three of you reminds me that I’ll always have a place where success or failure will never matter. To my CA church and Solidarity friends: Bethany, Tommy, Matt, Jay, Dave, and everyone else too numerous to name, thank you for showing me a community that lives in a way that really is what Jesus would do and did. This is the first space where I saw how privilege, racism, neoliberalism, and fear could be countered by the Gospel. The honesty, humility, and constant willing sacrifice by which you all live your lives proves to me that a “radical” alternative is possible here on earth. To my aunts, uncles, and cousins who showed me that an academic life is not easy nor always fun, but that it should always be driven by love of learning. And especially to New York 이모 for providing the many writing retreats I needed to finish this dissertation. To Richard: Brother, no one else knows better why I am who I am. We faced some heavy challenges together, sometimes from opposite sides, but I would never exchange any of our life together because no matter the mistakes we’ve made and keep ix making, it continues to teach us how to live and work more deeply in grace, faith, and love. To my parents: 엄마, 아빠 you always saw the best in me and named it but held me accountable when my worst appeared and would listen when I did the same.