Victorian Parenting

Motherhood

In Titcomb’s Letters to Young People, Single and Married (New York: Charles Scribner, 1858) Josiah Gilbert Holland writes, “The foundation of our national character is laid by the mothers of the nation.” And he argues that “a woman’s life is directed to the role of motherhood.”

Two years later, Godey’s Lady’s Book claimed that motherhood was the most “striking and beautiful” aspect of the female character providing “the fulfillment of a woman’s physiological and moral destiny.”

Social critics were becoming concerned about the drop in birth rate and the influx of European immigrants which threatened the stability of the existing social order. Consequently, motherhood was promoted among Victorian women to insure the ‘good native stock ‘ of white Anglo-Saxon Protestant Americans.

Children began to be seen as the key to the future. By the early 1800s, the Post-Enlightenment preached optimism on the good nature and ‘trainability’ of children. That cultural shift, along with technological advancements in the printing press, resulted in a number of popular books on childrearing which established a new view on a mother’s responsibility to her children.

Maria’s Advice Please note: quotes appear here as written in the letters, including original spelling and grammar

Being Home Sick ~ October 1859 letter to Emeline,Maria writes: “We feel as badly to be separated from you as you do, but it is our duty to submit cheerfully to whatever we think is for our best good.”

Proper conduct ~ January 1859 “I hope you will not get tired of my lectures as I feel so anxious about your wellfare.” Maria advises “…don’t be lazy as that never can make any one happy… when you are in a company with both gentlemen & ladies dont give your attention entirely to either but divide your attention equally between both…dont be too anxious for the company of, or to attract the notice of any one but treat all civilly… if any of the girls or any one take it in their to be mad at nothing mind nothing about it take no notice of their sleights but treat them civilly.”

~ March 1861 “While in your room I wish you to drop all this low vulgar witty talk as you will see none of it in good society & I wish you to form the habit of talking when together in the same language that you would were you in company…”

“….act rationally & not giggle all the time see if you cannot appear… sensibl[e c.1860 Photo: Maria Joslin

~ April 1861 “I want you to be very particular about your language & be sure that your words convey your meaning… talk proper then it will come handy to write so, you know I do not but there was no pains taken with me when I was young but I hope you will take care & try to use good language all the time.”

Practical Advice ~ October 1859 “if your calico dresses are dirty have them washed & hang them up in one corner of your closet where they will be most out of your way” “…dont get engaged in reading novels or any light reading not that I am afraid it would have a bad influence on your character but a bad effect on your eyes…” “I am very glad you hold your pen right now.” c.1850 Tintype: Emeline, Elias and Maria Joslin

School work ~ March 1860 Emeline has to give a lecture about Rome and Maria suggests she “say considerable about the first part of their history… then touch upon some of their greatest generals & tell of their greatest battels &c…”

~ September 1860 Advises Emeline about a teaching exercise on politeness that she has to give to other Normal School students: “I suppose it is over with by this time & you are fretting because you did no better but stop short now & think no more about it & turn your mind to what are to do next… If you have not given it you can say that a person that is really good is seldom impolite… treat others as we wish to be treated &c… true politeness… should be carefully cultivated especially by teachers…”

~ March 1861 “in every lesson leave no stone unturned, examine every part of it… get every lesson as perfect as possible… you need not commit it all to memory but read it over… many times… then write an abstract of it… then compare it with the book & see if you have not the sense of it… I think it better than committing it word for word, as it will cause you to think .”

“I want you to write me an answer, what is the bason of a river?” She adds that “Dr. Thayer & Mr. Titus spoke upon the way they wished the scholars to get their lessons… they not only wished to have a lesson committed properly but they wished it to be got wide… when a character was introduced, or a river or any thing they did not know about, go to some book & find all about it, if a person find out something about him… If a river find out where it runs, through what country it flows &c &c, And do so in every thing, in all your studies studies instead of edging streight through... but both resolve at once to get wide lessons, do, girls, do.”

“I am reading now “Home Life in Germany, by Charles Loring Brace there are many German words you might learn in it I want you to learn about their ways &c then you will be able to ask questions… better than you otherways would… get wide lessons & dont waste one moment.”

Traveling ~ May 1861 “be careful & not lose any [money] on the counter when you make change… Dont get any thing but what you need… I hope you will have a good time at Lex[ington, MA] have them show you where the first men were killed, of the revolution… I dont want you to get tired out running round…” “Both of you count your money before you go to Boston then keep an account of all you get…”

Marmee’s Advice

“My dear, don’t let the sun go down upon your anger; forgive each other, help each other, and begin again tomorrow".

“I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished and good; to be admired and loved and respected, to have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married, and the lead useful, pleasant lives with a little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.”

“ To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman; and I sincerely hope my girls may know this beautiful experience. It is natural to think of it, Meg; right to hope and wait for it, and wise to prepare for it; so that, when the happy time comes, you may feel ready for the duties and worthy of the joy.”

“ My dear girls, I am ambitious for you, but not to have you make a dash in the world – marry rich men merely because they are rich, or have splendid houses, which are not homes because love is wanting. Money is a needful and precious thing – and, when well used, a noble thing – but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for.”

Spring Byington as ‘Marmee’ in the 1933 film version of Little Women; “I’d rather see you poor men’s wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without Jo (Katharine Hepburn); Amy (Joan Bennett); Meg (Frances Dee); Beth (Jean Parker) self-respect and peace.”