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INVENTING OUR OWN KIND OF OBSCURITY SINCE 1992 PHOTO BY BRIGITTE SIRE VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 16 | APRIL 16-22, 2015 | FREE [2] WEEKLY ALIBI APRIL 16-22 , 2015 APRIL 16-22 , 2015 WEEKLY ALIBI [3] CRIB NOTES alibi BY AUGUST MARCH VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 16 | APRIL 16-22 , 2015 Crib Notes: April 16, 2015 EDITORIAL 1 Albuquerque’s new Superintendent of MANAGING EDITOR/MUSIC EDITOR: Public Schools is none other than Samantha Anne Carrillo (ext. 243) ____________________. [email protected] FILM EDITOR: Devin D. O’Leary (ext. 230) [email protected] a) Dr. Brad Allison FOOD EDITOR/FEATURES EDITOR : b) Dr. Luis Valentino Ty Bannerman (ext. 260) [email protected] c) Dr. Analee Maestas ARTS & LIT EDITOR/ WEB EDITOR : Lisa Barrow (ext. 267) [email protected] d) Ms. Hanna Skandera CALENDARS EDITOR/COPY EDITOR: Mark Lopez (ext. 239) [email protected] A district judge recently CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: 2 Cecil Adams, Sam Adams, Steven Robert Allen, Captain _____________________. America, Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny, Shawna Brown, Suzanne Buck, Eric Castillo, David Correia, Mark a) Took Bernalillo County District Fischer, Erik Gamlem, Gail Guengerich, Nora Hickey, Kristi D. Lawrence, Ari LeVaux, Mark Lopez, August Attorney Kari Brandenburg off a March, Genevieve Mueller, Amelia Olson, Geoffrey landmark police shooting case Plant, Benjamin Radford, Jeremy Shattuck, Mike Smith, M. Brianna Stallings, M.J. Wilde, Holly von Winckel b) Declared New Mexico a sovereign kingdom PRODUCTION c) Enforced a court mandate requiring ART DIRECTOR: Jesse Schulz (ext. 229) [email protected] that pizza be served at all weddings PRODUCTION MANAGER : d) Spent hours gathering ideas from Archie Archuleta (ext. 240) [email protected] “Law & Order: SVU” episodes EDITORIAL DESIGNER/ GRAPHIC DESIGNER : Tasha Lujan (ext. 254) [email protected] In local boxing news, Burque’s Josh “Pit ILLUSTRATOR/GRAPHIC DESIGNER : 3 Robert Maestas (ext.254) [email protected] Bull” Torres won a version of the super STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: lightweight belt against contender Eric Williams [email protected] _______________________ last weekend at CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS: Ben Adams, Eva Avenue, Cutty Bage, Max Cannon, the Albuquerque Convention Center. Michael Ellis, Adam Hansen, Jodie Herrera, KAZ, Jack Larson, Tom Nayder, Ryan North a) Pinky Mitchell SALES b) Floyd Mayweather Jr. SALES DIRECTOR: c) Johnny Bumphus Sarah Bonneau (ext. 235) [email protected] SENIOR DISPLAY ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE: d) Ranee Ganoy John Hankinson (ext. 265) [email protected] ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES: Rudy Carrillo (ext. 245) [email protected] 4 Illegal street racing is apparently going Valerie Hollingsworth (ext. 263) [email protected] on along _____________________. Laura Liccardi (ext. 264) [email protected] Dawn Lytle (ext. 258) [email protected] a) Central Avenue Sasha Perrin (ext. 241) [email protected] b) Bridge Boulevard ADMINISTRATION c) Tramway Boulevard CONTROLLER: Molly Lindsay (ext. 257) [email protected] d) North Fourth Street ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE : Courtney Foster (ext. 233) [email protected] FRONT DESK: Last Sunday afternoon, the Constance Moss (ext. 221) [email protected] 5 Albuquerque Isotopes bested the Renee Chavez (ext. 221) [email protected] EDITOR AND PUBLISHER: _____________________ 16-10. Carl Petersen (ext. 228) [email protected] SYSTEMS MANAGER: a) The Reno Aces Kyle Silfer (ext. 242) [email protected] b) The Los Angeles Dodgers WEB MONKEY: John Millington (ext. 238) [email protected] c) The Albuquerque Dukes OWNERS, PUBLISHERS EMERITI: d) The Washington Senators Christopher Johnson and Daniel Scott CIRCULATION CIRCULATION MANAGER : Geoffrey Plant (ext. 252) [email protected] Answers: INFORMATION 1) B. Dr. Luis Valentino, a veteran educator and PRINTER: administator from San Francisco, Calif., was named The Santa Fe New Mexican to the sometimes controversial, pivotal leadership IN LOVING MEMORY: Doug Albin, Martin Candelaria, Michael Henningsen, Eric post last weekend. Johnson, Greg Medara, Mina Yamashita 2) A. INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER: Second Judicial District Judge Alisa Hadfield Southwest Cyberport (232-7992) [email protected] made her historic ruling on Thursday, disqualifying NATIONAL ADVERTISING: Brandenburg from prosecuting two cops charged in VMG Advertising (888) 278-9866 www.vmgadvertising.com the alleged murder of a homeless man last March. NUCITY PUBLICATIONS, INC. 3) D. Torres beat Ganoy in a majority decision after a 413 Central NW, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87102 brutal bout. BUSINESS HOURS: 10AM–5PM MON–FRI PHONE: (505) 346-0660 FAX: (505) 256-9651 4) C. Local residents say that Tramway Boulevard— Alibi (ISSN 1088-0496) is published weekly 52 times per year. The content of this issue is Copyright © 2014 by NuCity Publications, Inc., and may not be especially the section that passes through the reprinted in part or in whole without written consent of the publisher. All rights Sandia Heights neighborhood—seems to be are reserved. One copy of each edition of Alibi is available free to county residents and visitors each week. Anyone caught removing papers in bulk will plagued by speed demons. be prosecuted on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law. Yearly subscription $100, back issues are $3, Best of Burque is $5. Queries and 5) A. A high-scoring game saw Burque’s Isotopes manuscripts should include a self-addressed stamped envelope; Alibi assumes no responsibility for unsolicited material. score five runs in the fourth inning and six in the eighth. The final score was a 16-10 victory over the Association of Alternative Reno Aces by our local Rockies farm squad. a Newsmedia [4] WEEKLY ALIBI APRIL 16-22 , 2015 Two days before Easter, Estero villager considered human trafficking. Perhaps they Dateline: New Jersey Caroline Tidwell woke up to find a 300-400 lb. skipped the class on Louis X proclaiming the end Those damn neighborhood kids! The baby goat ODDS black bear in a sugar-glazed stupor in her living of slavery on France in 1315? According to kind that is. Police in the borough of Paramus room. Clearly embarrassed, the ursine French authorities, Carmen and Mike Gorgan recently responded to multiple reports of “a confection thief ran away. Tidwell was relieved bought a newborn Romanian baby in 2013 from D disorderly goat head-butting a door.” It took two that it only ate the sweets and not her cats, but a woman with six other children. Mrs. Gorgan officers to capture the criminally rowdy mammal N ENDS was not in a hospitable mood when the bear told reporters, “We didn’t think we had done that was running amok in the street. Neither the A came back for seconds the next day. She anything wrong. ... We saved a baby from goat nor the policemen were injured in the opened a window and enlisted her family in poverty. As far as we know, this baby may have apprehension of the animal. Wrapped in a large WEIRD NEWS banging on pots and yelling “go away, bear.” Its died if it wasn’t for us.” Midwives at the hospital piece of yellow plastic, the small, white goat took feelings terribly hurt, the Easter Bear left to go became suspicious and alerted police when the it all in stride, posing for photos with the track down the Easter Bunny for something a Gorgans stayed by the pregnant woman’s bedside grinning officers. Local authorities believe the little more savory. BY RENEE CHAVEZ for two whole days, then took their “gift from goat, who is currently awaiting bail at the local God” and left the new mother crying in her animal shelter, escaped from a nearby residence Dateline: Iowa Dateline: California room. Ten others are facing charges in and are to commence “interrogoation” soon if he Watch out: A new supervillain has hit the In Santa Cruz another larcenist is on the lam— connection to a Romanian infant-smuggling ring doesn’t give up the name of his owner. a streets! The Joker? The Riddler? No, it’s the this one for robbing a bank in a Robin Williams- that usually sells the bundles of joy to French Dastardly Dung-Napper! Des Moines poo-lice esque drag outfit. Dubbed “Mrs. Doubtfire,” the families for about $10,800. The Gorgans are Compiled by Renée Chavez. Email your weird news to recently responded to a burglary report only to male thief’s guise included a styled blonde wig, facing possible jail time up to two years as well as [email protected]. find that the stolen item was a bag of dog feces. prescription glasses, navy scrubs and a purple a fine of up to $32,490—equal in price to about According to the victim, the unidentified poo- undershirt. The ensemble was completed by a three babies. pilferer used a blunt excrement ... ahem, purse and gold locket. With a confident swish of instrument to break open the driver’s side door of his hair and a Sasha Fierce glare over his the victim’s truck and proceeded to stink at fashionable frames, the burglar handed a demand hot-wiring the vehicle. When the turd-bandit’s note to the teller and made off with a wad of Grand Theft Auto attempt failed, stealing cash. No one was hurt, and though he didn’t anything in the truck appeared to be the next appear to have any weapons other than a killer option. A bag in the truck bed was the only sense of fashion, police are on the lookout for the available treasure, and one can assume that “Aw, hunky femme fatale who was spotted later the crap!” was the sentiment of the would-be car thief same day casing another joint. upon opening the bag of smelly swag. If apprehended, the caca-klepto faces third-degree burglary charges for the doo valued at $1. Dateline: France A couple in Marseille are coming to terms with the outrageous idea that you cannot buy a Dateline: Florida person—not even for the whopping sum of Next time you eat all of your kids’ Easter $8,664 plus a used BMW—because it’s candy, just tell them the Easter Bear did it.
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