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Felix Issue 0985, 1994

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Felix Issue 0985, 1994 Voted In, Freaked Out Next Year's Four ICU Sabbaticals: Dopey, Smiley, Baldy and Owain 1 News Sabbatical Elections Results BY THE NEWS TEAM going to start talking about the second-hand bookshop now, This year's Imperial College Union because that is something that I can (ICU) Sabbatical Elections have work on, not being in power, shocked candidates and bystanders without treading on someone's alike. toes." Following the casting of over In the other elections, the job of seven thousand votes, the much the Mary's vote was merely one of feared St Mary's block vote seems confirmation. All of the victors to have lost the 'king-maker' power secured a sufficient majority of which has marked recent elections. votes without the Mary's block. In The number of votes also caused addition, all of the other posts were problems, with the first counts only decided on the first count. The finished at 10:30pm. Those victorious candidates are: Dan involved in the count spent six Look, Deputy President-elect hours poring over ballot papers. (Finance & Services), the winner After the results, Steve Dunton, one with a margin of 111 votes; Ian of those counting, said: "It's been Parish, Deputy President-elect very tiring." (Clubs & Societies), claiming a The greatest surprise occurred in margin of 21 votes and Owain the race for the Presidency. At the Bennallack, Felix Editor and Print first count, St Mary's support put Unit Manager-elect, sporting a New Election in second place to margin of 337 votes. The over- Lucy Chothia. Paul Thomas, whelming mandate given to Mr expected to be one of the stronger Bennallack would have resulted in a contenders, had the least votes. win even if his 336 Mary's votes After the re-allocation of Mr had gone to Joe McFadden. Thomas's votes, the result was still Those elected will take up their undecided. It was only after the posts on the 1st July. The current second reallocation (of Kamran Sabbaticals finish their employment Bashir's) votes, that Lucy Chothia on the 31st July, following a one was declared the winner with 870 month 'change-over' period. The votes. importance of training has been Commenting to Felix on the way stressed by ICU President Andrew Andrew Wensley, Returning Officer, on his way to announce the results forward, Miss Chothia said: "I am Wensley. Mech Chem Mines/ Silwood Mary's Union TOTAL Candidate Chem Eng Elec Eng Maths JCR Eng President 313 Kamran Bashir 35 27 29 56 79 29 9 n 38 Lucy Chothia 75 83 66 126 93 63 19 19 68 612 Paul Thomas 22 48 28 68 30 28 7 12 39 282 New Election 10 8 23 39 17 8 5 326 27 463 Spoilt Papers 4 30 12 24 17 20 11 21 10 149 QUOTA 837 DP (C&S) Mark Baylis 14 6 38 22 16 15 4 8 11 134 Maria Moratis 39 62 37 113 76 59 23 17 44 470 Ian Parish 48 96 47 109 90 52 5 316 72 835 New Election 33 11 18 38 30 7 7 7 36 187 Spoilt Papers 12 24 14 27 17 15 12 14 15 150 QUOTA 814 DP (F&S) 43 419 Tim Brown 45 60 37 112 61 39 13 9 Dan Look 54 83 80 114 104 60 17 320 84 916 New Election 33 21 28 64 43 26 7 12 39 273 Spoilt Papers 13 29 12 25 22 20 12 8 14 155 QUOTA 805 Felix Editor 114 1143 Owain Bennallack 88 96 82 191 149 72 15 336 Joe McFadden 30 42 43 57 55 35 19 7 35 323 New Election 10 7 26 28 15 15 6 14 23 144 Spoilt Papers 17 15 8 30 17 24 11 13 11 146 QUOTA 806 7114 Total 582 748 628 1243 931 587 202 1470 723 News Extinguisher Mayhem Obituary BY MIKE INGRAM and was kicked in the groin. He was We weren't aware of Whiskas' birth. dent of Felix was proved when he assaulted again outside the Union To go back to basics, he was an graduated to an enormous, palatial Crime at Imperial College is again in Office after attempting to stop the abandoned child. During a long, hot cage. Us hacks were truly scared of the spotlight after an assault group escaping. summer of animal right activism in him - the grisly demise of the cage's occurred in the Union Building. The assailants drove off in a Biology, of all places, Whiskas the former owner was never reported. Several members of the Chess black Ford Fiesta, whose registra- mouse was found scuttling across I never saw Whiskas during the Club were attacked in one of the tion number was taken down. Beit Quad. day - no bad thing as dispatches say committee rooms on the top floor. However, when it was checked, the What was this creature? Did it he was nocturnal. Most, indeed all, The incident took place at about number was found to belong to a have some terminal virus? Some news stories were written to the sweet 11:25pm on 9th March. white Honda motorcycle. Police hideous disease? Who cares? He accompaniment of crunching Three people forced their way have descriptions of the assailants, was, after all, the same height as the sunflower seeds, sucking sounds from into the room and sprayed the occu- and are following up the incident. editor who found him two years ago the water bottle and mouse pee. pants with water-containing fire College Security urge anyone and, at three in the morning, a consid- Sometimes he was let out into the extinguishers. One of the victims, a who has been the victim of any erable force to be reckoned with. community, allowed to roam over Mr Moody, challenged the group crime to contact them on ext 3372. His first home was a bucket. A desks and stand as a sabbatical Pentel box as a bed and bountiful candidate. His bid for stardom was supplies of blu-roll enabled him to thwarted by mere pedants. Whiskas live a life of considerable luxury. died last week, the eminence gris of DoC Rated 'Excellent' However, his true status as life presi- Felix. BY LYNN BRAVEY told Felix: "We deserve it and our students think that we deserve it." The Department of Computing has The success follows that of the Womens' Club been rated 'excellent' by the Higher Chemistry Department and the Education Funding Council for Management School earlier this A new social club for women will be RCSU Ents Chair Karen Barnes (Bio England (HEFCE). academic year. Vernon McClure, initiated tonight in the Union Bar. II), the club is not a dedicated The Department received this Academic Registrar, commented: Named 'Vixens', the club intends 'drinking club'. They say that people rating for its teaching standard "For an institution which is perceived to give women the opportunity to they have called it "a good idea" and following a three day assessment to be research orientated, to have it meet other female students, past and "long overdue". The organisers can from the council. Professor Tom confirmed that its undergraduate present. According to its organisers, be contacted through the RCSU or Maibaum, Head of the Department, teaching is excellent is terrific." Rag Chair Jane Hoyle (Bio II) and Rag or via departmental pigeonholes. • FRESH HAIR SALON the best student offer in london! CUT Sc BLOW DRY £14 LADIES £12 MEN Normal price : £28! 1 minute walk from South Kensington Tube Station!! Call: 071 823 8968 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, SOUTH KENSINGTON, LONDON SW7 3 ES I Feature John walked slowly along Queen's Gate, the small print in the contract, Time realised that pondering the many basic questions of life; why nowhere did it mention which direction it had to are we here? Is there life after death? And, above go in. After a bit of thought (and a few attempts all, what on Earth was he doing trekking to the at going sideways) it decided that backwards Huxley Building at 9 o'clock in the morning? was as good a way to unwind as any. He noticed little as he walked robotically Anyway, John's hand had by now more or towards the entrance. The unusual preponderance less completely turned the door handle. He of tourists was not in itself surprising - someone pulled and was confronted by something more was probably just selling the Americans real IC dreadful than anything else he had ever seen! Union sausage rolls with Union Jacks stuck on Could it possibly be...Jimmy Tarbuck! Clearly, them. The blood which was gently seeping out of the extent to which Time and Reality were in the windows and down the walls, however, may trouble had been underestimated by all. have made a more weak-willed student Confronted by anything as terrifying as suspicious. Jimmy Tarbuck, many students would run to Not even John's almost legendary lack of their nearest Neo-Marxists For Chicken Rights observational skills could deny that something Society for refuge. John, however, was a was definitely wrong when he entered the computing student made of sterner stuff, and building. As alarm bells made a noise thus devastatingly bad taste was normal for him. somewhere between an evacuate signal and the Clearly, the situation demanded action. The hallelujah chorus, his first instinct was, first action which came to John's mind was naturally, to jump for the lift. Which he did. (As serve. The soup gently lapped against a closed purchasing a stiff drink (in situations like these, every good student knows, safety regulations door which was marked 'WARNING: CLASS 1 even the Union bar is appealing).
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