Volume III, Number 9 A friendly Orthodox Christian ‘Zine SEPTEMBER 2008 PSALM 99 The Footstool of the Lord The Lord reigns, let the people tremble! He dwells between the cherubim; Let the earth be moved! The Lord is great in Zion, And He is high above all the peoples. Let them praise Your great and awesome name—He is holy.

The King’s strength also loves justice; You have established equity; You have executed justice and righteousness in Jacob. Exalt the Lord our God, And worship at His footstool*—He is holy.

Moses and Aaron were among His priests, And Samuel was among those Who called upon His name; They called upon the Lord, and He answered them. He spoke to them in the cloudy pillar; They kept the testimonies And the ordinances He gave them. You answered them, O Lord our God; You were to them God-Who-Forgives, Though you took vengeance on their deeds. Exalt the Lord our God, And worship at His holy hill; For the Lord our God is holy. NKJV Orthodox Study Bible *see p. 3. THE FRUIT BASKET Edited and published monthly by AnOrthodox Christian The goal of this publication is to provide a friendly, light , Orthodox Christian ’Zine (a mini-magazine) that contains a blend of “some- thing to exercise our minds, something to make us laugh, and some- thing to make us meditate on spiritual matters.” It is also a venue for sharing our insights and interests. Articles or comments from our readers are welcome. We reserve the right to edit for suitability, clarity and space. Printing of items does not imply endorsement by the or the priest or even the editor of this publication. Send comments or articles by phone to Margaret 440-238-7867 after 6 pm. Email to [email protected] or by snail mail to The FRUIT BASKET, 18893 Howe Road Strongsville, OH 44136 © 2008 The FRUIT BASKET

www.sttheodosius.org Click Parish Publications for back issues.

Dear Folks, We would love to hear from you. 1.Please send in (a) short items of interest, inspirational or otherwise; jokes, puzzles, other, traditional holiday custom or recipe, or what have you. (b) Original writing that could be an encouragment to the rest of us in our Orthodox Christian walk—gleaned from reflection, or experi- ence during your life as a practicing Orthodox Christian. It could be a passage from the Bible or from a sermon, and tell why it is meaningful to you. 2. Typed or handwritten is fine. Don’t worry about spelling, gram- mar or punctuation— all material is proofed before printing. 3. If your submission has already been printed someplace, please include the source of your material, if possible.. 4. The whole name of the person submitting material will be printed unless some other preference is indicated. A publication like this needs the heartbeat of the people—your wisdom, insight, humor, etc.—to make it come alive. The Editor 2 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 *Comment from Orthodox Study Bible The footstool of the Lord is seen by most patristic and liturgical sources as His Cross. Thus this Psalm, highlighted by v. 5, is sung at the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross commemorated on September 14.

Meditation He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose —Jim Eliot

Father, give me the courage to give myself—my life— to You to gain eternal life. Amen.

from Bless Your Heart Each New Day calendar. donated by Kathy Z. of Parma

DEAR EDITOR... Thank you so very much for your monthly “The Fruit Basket.” I enjoy it so much and so does my daughter. I am feeling better and am back to my daily chores. Thank you again! Lovingly, Marie Kalchoff

I really enjoyed the CD you gave me of the Church Choir. Sure do miss being in church. I am also grateful for receiving The Fruit Basket every month. Very inspirational. Sincerely, Dorthy L.

Really appreciate all of your dedication and work in this ministry. Tom and Maria Broslawik I do really appreciate feedback from you folks. As I have said many times, that is what keeps me going. Thank you so much. The Editor 3 Invocation O , beyond being, beyond divinity, beyond goodness, the Christians’ guide in the knowledge of divine things: Lead us in a straight path to the highest summit of the mystical scripture, which is beyond unknowing, and beyond brightness, where the simple, absolute and unchangeable mysteries of God lie hidden, in the hidden mystery of silent, dazzling darkness. In the deepest darkness they enlighten with overwhelming brightness that which is beyond manifestation, they fill our unseen minds with a splendor that is beyond beauty to plenitude beyond plenitude. —Dionysius the Areopagite

COMMUNION: THE DAILY BREAD Holy Communion illumines, brightens, and sanctifies all the powers and senses of man’s soul and body, and strengthens the soul in doing the commandments of the Lord and every other virtuous act. It is the true food of the soul and of the body, as our Lord says, “My flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.” Common bread is improperly called our daily bread, because it strengthens only our body and not our soul. Properly and principally the term “daily bread” denotes the body of our Lord and the word of God, because they strengthen the soul as well as the body. For this reason, those of us who have received spiritual regeneration through the divine Baptism must continually eat this spiritual food with warm love and a contrite heart. Just as breathing is necessary for life, and just as food is necessary for the sustenance of the body, so is frequent communion necessary for the life of the soul and for the sustenance of its substance, or rather it is incomparably more necessary —St Macarius of Corinth

4 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 The Nativity of the Most Holy Commemorated on September 8 The Nativity of the Virgin is one of the oldest of the Marian feasts. It’s celebration stems from the Protevangelion of St. James, a 2nd century apocryphal book supposedly written by James the Brother of the Lord, which describes the birth of Mary to her elderly parents, Joachim and Anna. The story runs much like the biblical account of Abraham and Sarah or that of Zachariah and Elizabeth; two elderly people considered cursed by God because of the woman’s barrenness were suddenly promised a child by God. Although the Church probably placed this feast in its official liturgical cycle between the 7th and 8th centuries, a written by St. Romanos (6th Century) indicates the celebration of the feast began much earlier.

This feast reminds us that the Virgin Mary is one of us, a human being, born like us in original sin. It refutes those who, like the Collyridians, who attempted to deify her and desecrate her dignity by calling her something she is not. The feast reminds those, such as the Docetists, who believed that Christ was only a phantom, having no real human body, that His Mother was a real human being, born of the generation of David; there- fore, the one born of her must in the same way partake of her nature. http://www.antiochian.org/

Nativity of the holy Theotokos and Ever Virgin Mary from http://www.oca.org/FSlives.asp 5 FEAST OF THE EXALTATION OF THE MOST HOLY AND LIFE-GIVING CROSS

S E P T E M B E R

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Troparion - Tone 1 O Lord, save Your people, And bless Your inheritance. Grant victories to the Orthodox Christians over their adversaries. And by virtue of Your Cross, Preserve Your habitation.

Kontakion - Tone 4 As You were voluntarily raised upon the cross for our sake, Grant mercy to those who are called by Your Name, O Christ God; Make all Orthodox Christians glad by Your power, Granting them victories over their adversaries, By bestowing on them the Invincible trophy, Your weapon of Peace.

Before Your Cross Before your Cross we bow down in worship Master and your holy resurrection we Glorify.

6 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 Today the Cross Armenian Chant Tone II J.G. Today the Cross is raised on high, and all the celebrates in its saving power. For You who are enthroned with the Father and the Holy Spirit have spread your arms upon it and drawn the world to know You, by Your Holy Cross, O Christ. The Cross is the Guardian Znamenny chant Motifs The Cross is the Guardian of the whole world! The Cross is the beauty of the church! The Cross is the might of Kings! The Cross is the strength of the faithful!The Cross is the Glory of Angels and the Resurrection of the fallen.

Elevatin of the Cross Lord, I Call: Stikhera Special Melody: Tone 6 “Having laid aside all...” O Most Venerable Cross! Angelic orders joyfully surround you, and on this day we elevate you for by divine command you axalt all things that through the stolen fruit were driven away and given over unto death. Wherefore in embracing you with hearts and lips, we the faithful gain our holiness as we cry out unto you: Exalt Christ the Most Gracious God and fall down before His divine footstool!

O Marvellous Wonder From the Litia for Elevation of the Life-Giving Cross Znamenny Chant Model Melody ‘O Preslavnago Chudesa’ O Marvellous. Wonder! The most holy cross, the life-giving tree is lifted up on high this day and shown to the world! All the ends of the earth give glory; All the demons are driven away. How great a gift is here bestowed on mortal man. Through your cross save our souls, O Christ our God, You who alone are filled with compassion.

The icon and the “songs” that follow were copied with permission from the website of the Orthodox Church of the Holy Cross,OCA , Medford, N.J. Thank you, Fr. John S.

7 CHURCH NEW YEAR Commemorated on September 1 The first day of the Church New Year is also called the beginning of the Indiction. The term Indiction comes from a Latin word meaning, "to impose." It was originally applied to the imposition of taxes in Egypt. The first worldwide Indiction was in 312 when the Emperor Constantine (May 21) saw a miraculous vision of the Cross in the sky. Before the introduction of the Julian calendar, Rome began the New Year on September 1. According to Holy Tradition, Christ entered the synagogue on Sep- tember 1 to announce His mission to mankind (Luke 4:16-22). Quoting Isaiah 61:1-2, the Savior proclaimed, "The spirit of the Lord is upon me; because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent me to proclaim release to captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the accept- able year of the Lord…" This scene is depicted in a Vatican manuscript (Vatican, Biblioteca. Cod. Gr. 1613, p.1).

Tradition says that the Hebrews entered the Promis Land in September.

http://www.oca.org/FSlives.asp

HOLY — THEOLOGY IN COLOR One of the first things that strikes a non-Orthodox visitor to an Ortho- dox church is the prominent place assigned to Holy Icons. The is covered with them, while others are placed in prominent places throughout the church building. The walls and ceiling may be covered with iconic murals. The Orthodox faithful prostrate themselves before Icons, kiss them, and burn candles before them. They are 8 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 censed by the and carried in processions. Considering the obvious importance of the Holy Icons, then, questions may certainly be raised concerning them: What do these gestures and actions mean? What is the significance of Icons? Are they not idols or the like, prohib- ited by the Old Testament? Icons have been used for prayer from the first centuries of Chris- tianity. Sacred Tradition tells us, for example, of the existence of an Icon of the Savior during His lifetime (the “Icon-Made-Without-Hands") and of Icons of the Most Holy Theotokos immediately after Him. Sacred Tradition witnesses that the Orthodox Church had a clear understanding of the importance of Icons right from the beginning; and this understand- ing never changed, for it is derived from the teachings concerning the Incarnation of the Second Person of the Holy Trinity — Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The use of Icons is grounded in the very essence of , since Christianity is the revelation by God-Man not only of the Word of God, but also of the Image of God; for, as St. John the Evangelist tells us, “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). "No one has ever seen God; only the Son, Who is in the bosom of the Father, He has made Him known” (John 1:18), the Evangelist proclaims. That is, He has revealed the Image or Icon of God. For being the brightness of [God's] glory, and the express image of [God's] person (Hebrews 1:3), the Word of God in the Incarnation revealed to the world, in His own Divinity, the Image of the Father. When St. Philip asks Jesus, “'Lord, show us the Father,' He answered him: 'Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father'” (John 14:8-9). Thus as the Son is in the bosom of the Father, likewise after the Incarnation He is constubstantial with the Father, according to His divinity being the Father's Image, equal in honor to Him. The truth expressed above, which is revealed in Christianity, thus forms the foundations of Christian pictorial art. The Image (or Icon) not only does not contradict the essence of Christianity, but is unfailingly connected with it; and this is the foundation of the tradition that from the very beginning the Good News was brought to the world by the Church both in word and image. From the Website of The Orthodox Church of the Holy Cross 9 BIBLE BRAIN WORKOUT SEPTEMBER 121.When was a whole army put to fight [flight?] by a noise? 122. Which Hebrew king was smitten with leprosy? 123. Who had for his personal servant “a devout soldier”? 124. What people does the prophet Isaiah rebuke for consulting astrologers? 125. Who built a wall with one hand, while grasping a weapon in the other? 126. When was consuming fire quenched in answer to prayer? 127. Which king publicly declared that God liked him? 128. Where do we find the earliest instance of saying grace before meat? 129. Who killed a lion in snowy weather? 130. When did an apostle exhort two women to agree? Answers on page 22 How did you score? A+ Bible Scholar 6 or more Correct ; A Superior 5 +correct; B+ Pretty good 4+ correct: C Fair 3+ correct; Less than 3, an opportunity to make reading the Bible daily a wonderful habit!

PRAYER BEFORE READING THE HOLY SCRIPTURE

Illumine our hearts, O Master Who lovest mankind, with the pure light of Thy divine knowledge. Open the eyes of our mind to the understanding of Thy gospel teachings. Implant also in us the fear of Thy blessed commandments, that trampling down all carnal desires, we may enter upon a spiritual manner of liv- ing, both thinking and doing such things as are well-pleasing unto Thee. For Thou art the illumination of our souls and bod- ies, O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe glory, to- gether with Thy Father, Who is from everlasting, and Thine all- holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

10 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 Quiz for People who Know A lot These are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the partici- pants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. 6. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 7. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 8. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.' 11 WORD SEARCH FOR SEPTEMBER

12 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 Word List for SEPTEMBER Autumn begins Monarch Butterflies Autumn Equinox Nativity of Theotokos Birds migrating Orange and reds Church New Year Prophet Jonah Elevation of the Cross Prophet Zachariah Gold and yellow Righteous Elizabeth Holy Prophet Moses Righteous Joachim and Leaves turning color Anna Martyr Ludmila School starts Martyr Nymphodora Tremont Arts Festival Martyr Sohpia Ven Sergius Marytr Euphemia Ven Theodora Miracle of Archangel Michael Virgin Martyr Raissa

LEAVE IT TO KIDS! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

LEAH (age 4) asked her great grandmother "why do you have crinkles on your face?” from an email fwd. 13 MAZE PUZZLE To solve this puzzle try to find the path that leads to your lunch. Use a pencil so you can see where you have been. Have fun!

START HERE I’m hungry! But I have to find my lunch!

LUNCH

14 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 Cryptogram Challenge for September The following message is written in code using regular letters instead of numbers or other symbols.Your task is to figure out which real letters the code letters stand for. Then you can read the message.

M W S I W B Z X J M N E Z T E Z T R Q J G B E O X R F Q M W N Q O Z Q F I W N J L B T B Z T

I F Q I ? X N H Z I N D R E F Q N B Z T I N X K N I F Q I H N R J , R Q J T N O N Q H , R Q J H Z T Q

R Y R F Q H B H W N X B T J .

X R E N Q H H F B Q I 3 : 3 9 CHEAT CHART--START WITH THESE LETTERS. REAL LETTERS a e i o u y s n p CODE LETTERS R N F B Z S I Q O

Whose point of view? An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and told the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Har-dee Har Har! Where do tuff chickens come from???? Hard Boiled eggs! Why do cows have bells???? Because their horns don't work! What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it? None. It just lets out a little wine.

15 GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTON... The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, HungryJack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his colorful wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occa- sion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it. submitted by June K. I’VE ALWAYS WONDERED... Q. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

A. It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. submitted by Augie 16 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 WEATHER REPORT For telling the weather on your street, it's hard to beat a system devel- oped by our ancestors and taught to me by my father nearly 50 years ago. It's not only economical, but it's accuracy cannot be disputed. First, tie a string around a rock that weighs approximately one pound. Next, tie the other end of the string to a tree branch in a manner that positions the rock and string to allow the string to hang perpendicular to the branch, unencumbered by other branches or obstructions. When you want to know what the weather is on your street, simply look out your window at the rock. If the rock is wet, it's raining. If the rock is white, it's snowing. If the rock is easy to see, it's sunny. If it's hard to see, it's cloudy. If the string is not perpendicular to the tree branch, it's windy. A missing rock indicates tornado conditions. During my five decades of weather watching, this is the only method that has proven to be 100% accurate, 100% of the time.

HMMMM... Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?"

WHY IS IT THAT WHENEVER YOU ATTEMPT TO CATCH SOMETHING THAT'S FALLING OFF THE TABLE YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO KNOCK SOMETHING ELSE OVER? 17 ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE It might be a miracle story in your life or that of a friend or loved one, or it might be a story you read in a magazine or heard TV. Whatever the story, if it’s a positive one with merit and applicability to the discouraged person, tell it! Keep the good news flowing. The New Testament of the Bible offers this advice: Whatever things are true, Whatever things are noble, Whatever things are just, Whatever things are lovely, Whatever things are of good report, If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8 Certainly those beaitiful words are appropriate for any person in any era. What is truly amazing, however, is that they are the words of a man, the apostle Paul, who by his own account endured five floggings (of thirty-nine lashes each); three beatings with rods, floundering in the open sea; seemingly endless journeys, weariness, hunger, thirst, fastings, exposure to the environment; and virtually constant criticism from all sides during the last half of his life. The words written to the Philippians came from the quill of a man imprisoned (and in retrospect, living on “death row”)! HOLD OUT HOPE Rather than tell your discouraged friend about the time you felt just as down, tell him what you did to get “up “ again. Rather than tell your sick friend about a relative who died of the same ailment, tell her about the person you know who survived the disease and has gone on to live a full and meaningful life. Rather than console your divorcing friend with statistics that put him in the majority of his age group in our society, tell him about how your broken heart was healed, and encourage him to look to the future with hope. Rather than commiserate with your bankrupt friend over the national debt, explore concrete ideas about how she might regain her financial balance. If there’s a 60 percent chance of failure, focus on the 40 percent chance of success.

18 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 If there’s a 90 percent prediction of death, focus on the 10 percent possibility of life. For every negative prognosis or projection, there’s at least one “exception.” Choose to talk about it.

BELIEVE THE BEST You don’t need to ignore reality or overlook difficulties, however. Face them with hope, believeing for the best possible outcome and continuing to believe, no matter what circumstances arise. Believe for the marriage to be healed until the divorce decree is final. Believe for the disease to be cured or go into remission until the final breath. Believe for the child to return home until she does. And even when divorce, death, and disappointment prevail, keep believing for something good to come in the future. Every end is the beginning of something else. Remember: The tragic story, the down-turned countenance, and the negative outlook discourage. The uplifting story, the smiling face, and the forward-looking gaze encourage. Some people will not receive the encouragement you attempt to give. To receive your words and deeds of encouragement, a person must be at least partially willing to be open to the idea of encouragement. If she isnt, then you can’t. Sometimes you won’t be able to reach the depressed, despondent, or discouraged friend in need. Someone with a different personality or way of communicating may be more effective. Sometims you won’t have the information, skills, or experience required. Sometimes the timing won’t be right. • Do what you can do. •Help in all the ways youknow to help,. •Say what you know to say. •And if you receive no response, move on.... There is always somebody else around who needs encouragement, even the person you think has it all together.

Taken from 52 Ways to Encourage Others by C.E. Rollins; ISBN 0-8407-9614-5 19 THE “LITTLE” THINGS As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start. One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone ... All the little things that annoy me. I think to myself, This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong — You dropped the carton of milk and had to take time to clean it up, You can't seem to find the car keys, You hit every traffic light, Don't get mad or frustrated; It may just be that God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose. Submitted by Augie Q. 20 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 NEW SCIENTIFIC ELEMENT Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

IMPOSSIBLE OBJECT

from www.cleanjoke.com used with permission 21 On the Light Side It was their fifth anniversary, and Al and Alice had just returned from the movies.Alice was feeling romantic. 'Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?' she crooned. Why not?' Al grunted. 'Didn't I love you through four other shades?'

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Answers To Quiz for People Who Know a Lot 1. Boxing 2. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.) 3. Asparagus and Rhubarb. 4. Strawberry. 5. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. 6. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthe- sis, braces, and ellipses. 7. Lettuce. 8. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

BIBLE BRAIN WORKOUT ANSWERS 121. 2 Kings 7:6-7 126. Num. 11:1-3 122. 2 Chron. 26:19-23 127. 1 chron. 28:4 123. Acts 10:7 128. 1 Sam. 9:13 124. Isa. 47:1, 12-13 129. 1 Chron. 1:22 125. Neh. 4:17 130. Phil.4:2

22 THE FRUIT BASKET September 2008 ...and then the fight started... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some- place expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station...... and then the fight started....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my 25th high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at anearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My Goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' ...and then the fight started.... submitted by Augie

If you’re feeling bad about your family, just remem- ber that families are a lot like fudge—mostly sweet with a few nuts scattered here and there. Submitted by Dorothy L.

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tappen on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After abut 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanutrs. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another btch again, he asks the little old lady, “Why don’t you eath the peanuts yourslf?” “We can’t chew them becuse we’ve no teeth,” she replied. the puzzled driver asks, :Why do ou buy them, then?” The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate arund them!” It pays to be careful around old people—they hate to waste! Submitted by Elsie S.

23 l 18893 Howe Road 18893 Howe Road Strongsville, OH 44136 Strongsville, OH 44136 18893 Howe Road Strongsville, OH 44136 18893 Howe Road 18893 Howe Road Strongsville, OH 44136 Strongsville, OH 44136 Sunshine Greetings from Sunshine Greetings from Sunshine Greetings from Sunshine Greetings from Sunshine Greetings from

CALENDAR for SEPTEMBER 2008 St. Theodosius Orthodox Cathedra

1 Church New Year 8 Nativity of the Holy Theotokos 9 Glorification of St. Theodosius 14 Elevation of the Cross

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