Leonard Tushnet, whose first F&SF story appeared just 10 years ago, died on November 28, 1973. Dr. Tushnet was a physician who had a general practice in New Jersey until he turned to writing in the mid-sixties. He probably never thought of himself as an sf writer, but he brought a fresh point of view to this field and always told a good, unaffected story. We will miss him. In the World of

by LEONARD TUSHNET

I got the idea from an we're it. We're minus population advertisement: "To reach the growth here in the States. And it's Magic Kingdom, call your travel no better in the rest of the world. agent." That didn't mean our How bad conditions were we Magic Kingdom; it. meant that heard at the international meeting travesty of it known as Disney last Hallowe'en. The Chief Grem­ World. But the slogan started me lin, despite the glowing report he thinking. gave on how effective were I was a local recruit~r. in the developing computer tech­ Recruiting is practically nil these nology, had to admit, nevertheless, past hundred years. The United that the fouling of things up was States was never a good source at being attributed to what the its best, but still we got adult engineers called Murphy's Law: "If believers here and there over the anything can go wrong,- it will." years, mainly from lunatic asylums. That law substituted science for No more. Patients are either on faith, with the result that. many drugs or having various forms of gremlins had disappeared through psychosurgery "to straighten out sheer desuetude. their thinking." We used to get The situation was worse else­ some , too, but now- where. Fungicides and weed killers adays babies are born in hospitals, had eliminated the rings in and those few that aren't are always England. The Irish hadn't seen a under the eyes of their kinfolk. The since the establishment kids don't read fairy tales any of the republic. In Scandinavia the more; they watch TV. When it languished under the bridges comes to zero population growth, because even in the country 123 124 AND districts motor vehicles had done I went about my task system­ away with pedestrian traffic. In the atically. I picked out a store in a Soviet Union, Krylov's , low-rent district near a housing taught as classic literature, turned project where there were plenty of off in boredom the generations children. I put in a lot of travel coming up. German were folders describing the wonders of displaced by industrial mining. Never-Never Land, Oz, and the Djinns passed away with ~he advent Other World. I hung colorful of the pan-Arab nationalism that posters of 's Ball, aped the worst features of Western Rumpelstiltskin and the Miller's culture. Brownies had disappeared Daughter, and the . in the face of labor-saving On the windows I put up big signs: household devices. In Iran the Send your Kids to the Magic Shah's new schools taught that World! An Unusual Experience were superstions of the Every Child Should Have! Special ignorant, unworthy of the edu­ Reduced Rates! cated. were driven Of course the rates were cheap. away as swamps and marshlands As a matter of fact, I didn't have to were drained. charge anything at all. But if the We had hoped that LSD and trip were free, no one would have the rising interest in the gone. Parents would have thought would be of help to us. We were there was a catch in it somewhere. wrong. The LSD users were People, especially poor people, are self-centered, so intent on ex­ very suspicious. panding their minds that they never Inquiries came immediately. thought of us. And those occultists "What airline do you use? ... Do who didn't get lost in yoga the kids stay in cabins or tents? ... Is foundered in , astrology, there a pool? ... How much do the and I-Ching cards or started their hidden extras come to? ... Do you own pseudomythology to attract have adequate medical super­ followers to support them in luxury. vision?" We had nothing to lose and I gave the mamas and papas the much to gain by trying a novel travel folders and described the mode of recruitment. If we couldn't wonders of the trip. "The children lick so-called progress, we had to take th~ from our bend its methods to our use. I own private airport. No worry communicated my proposal to about getting to Kennedy or La Queen Mab, the Zhar Ptitsa, and Guardia, and no expense. A bus . I got the go-head. picks the children up right here and IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC 125 takes them to the airport. They stay what I told you about washing at Bluebeard's Castle. The service behind your ears!...Remember it's is out of this world, under the not nice to pick your nose in expert direction of Miss Mary public!.. .Make sure you flush the Poppins. The children can splash in toilet when you go!...Bring daddy the Fouqtain of Youth or ride on back a little souvenir!. .. If you go on dolphins if they like water. Meals a hike, put on shoes, not are included in the cost of the sneakers!...Drink all your milk!... package. The kids'll love the Don't use up all your spending fabulous desserts: blackbird pie, money the first day!. .. Call us up Christmas plum pie, and the collect if you get homesick. The special Billy Boy's cherry pies. counselor will tell you how ... Have a They'll have a grand time with the good time, sweetie!. ... Good-by, Three Bears, the Three Little Pigs, honey, good-by!. ... Good-by, good­ and Snow-White and the Seven by!" Dwarfs, not to mention other The kids chattered and sang characters. There's a marvelous zoo songs in the bus. I sat next to the with animals right out of Dr. driver, where I could keep an eye on Doolittle and Dr. Seuss ... " him. He was Phaeton, the only one Some of the parents were · available who could handle a hesitant. They asked about the vehicle. He was a show-off; so every qualifications of the counselors. I time he started to speed up or get resolved their doubts by having careless with the white lines, I them interview a few girls from pointed to the sun, still not setting, Titania's court in their tutus; the it being daylight-saving time. mothers loved the idea of their Twilight lowered over our darlings getting ballet lessons at no stopping place at Sleepy Hollow. extra charge. The fathers were That's when I should have called pleased on seeing those Captain the whole thing off. The children Hook's pirates I had for the boys. got out of the bus and looked Thirty-three, the full quota, around. I tried to herd them onto signed up. We left on Midsummer the Magic Carpet, but they balked. Eve. The boys and girls, carrying "Where's the airplane? ... I thought their suitcases, lined up to get on we were going on a 747!... Where's the Parnassus bus. Most of them the control tower? ... Where are the were giggly; a few had tears in their other planes? ... I'm not going on no eyes when they kissed their parents propeller job! My father paid for a good-by. The air was full of jet!" I made all sorts of excuses, last-minute advice. "Don't forget cajoled them, and finally got them 126 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION seated on the Magic Carpet. hard-headed pragmatists, and we It rose quickly, and in the would wither away in the gloom of twinkling of an eye we were in skepticism and modern "relevant" . I expected them to be • pedagogy. amazed at the speed of our travel, I admit my patience was sorely but all I heard was grumbling. tried. They complained about the "Too fast. I couldn't see anything ... ambrosia and nectar we served No seat belts or nothing ... ! didn't them. "No soda pop? ... No ham­ have a chance to see how the toilet burgers? ... No hot dogs? ... No ice works ... We didn't get anything to cream?" The evening's enter­ eat on the ride." tainment board them. They hissed Do you think they ooh-ed and Ariel and applauded Caliban at the ah-ed at their first sight of wrong times. They groaned at the Fairyland? Not on your life! The March of the Wooden Soldiers and hazy golden sunlight, the terraced at the Nutcracker. I was glad at last gardens, the vh:id flowers, the when the Sandman came around. castles and the turrets, the "Maybe they were overtired and themselves, floating over their nervous from the trip," said the heads, fluttering their iridescent Fairy with the Blue Hair. "What wings - nothing impressed them. are your plans for tomorrow?" "What is this? A movie set? ... "A general tour," I answered. Where are the rides?" And above "Down the Rabbit liole, through all, "When do we eat?" the Looking Glass, Ali Baba's My carefully prepared reception Cave, the Gingerbread House." fell flat. So did and The Fairy with the Blue Hair Tinker Bell, bowled over by the nodded. "That should be fun for rush of kids to the picnic tables set them. And at the end let them play up in the outer courtyard. For a with the Cloak of . moment I toyed with the idea of That'll be even more fun." calling the Old Shoe Woman, but Tastes in fun have changed. only for a moment. I realized that The children liked the thrill of the children had to get accli­ falling down the Rabbit Hole but matized, so to speak. After all, the refused to walk through the purpose of our having them was to tunnels: "Were are the cars?" they propagandize them, to show them asked. They sneered at the chess the wonders of imagination, to pieces and trampled on the rose awaken them to the glories of garden. They overturned and broke fantasy, to have them believe in us. the jars in the Cave. At the Otherwise, they would grow up Gingerbread House they said the IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC 127 shingles were too spicy, the before they began using her as a peppermint columns too sweet, and target for pebbles they picked up. the rock-sugar windows too hard to Thev paid no attention to the eat. The first boy to put on t~e Water Babies. I overheard one girl Cloak of Invisibility began to lift saying to another, "So what if the girls' skirts. The girls squealed they're living underwater? They're and tittered. I had quite a time little babies, and you know what getting it off him. Day Two was a they showed us in sex education flop. Every minute I was plagued class - all little babies live in a big with "Where are the rides? ... Don't water bubble inside of their we go swimming? ... Where are the mothers' bellies before they get cowboys and Indians? ... Where's horned." They firmly objected to Donald Duck? ... Where's Mickey going into the water nude. "My Mouse? ... And Superman." mother told me never, never, never I was flexible. If they wanted to let anybody see me ... My father rides, I'd give them rides. The third warned me about people who day we divided them into four around little boys ... Boys and girls rotating groups: one each for the can't be naked together! That's Enchanted Swans, the Storks, dirty!" I gave in. The boys wore Pegasus, and the Cockhorse. I wee, wee trunks and the girls even didn't see them until evening. tinier bikinis. They were wild in the "How did you like the rides1" I water, scaring the Kraken and asked them. pulling the ' hair. They "Big deal! Coney Island's got seemed to be having a good time, better!. .. No Ferris wheei!. .. No but I still heard complaints. "No merry-go-round! ... No crack-the­ sand. How can we build if there's whip!. .. Dumb birds just flying all no sand? ... I'm laying here two around and going nowhere!...And hours already and my skin's the the ones on the lake! They were for same. My mother'll whale me if I the birds, ha-ha!...That stupid come home without a tan ... They horse went flying instead of don't have any big water toys ... Or galloping like he should!" No one plastic beach balls ... Or waves for got to Banbury Cross because no jumping." one mounted the Cockhorse. Meals were a constant head­ "That's for babies!" ache. The kids drank the Purple Next day was for water sports, Cow's milk readily enough, but the prospect of which delighted the they turned up their noses at the children. We went to Swan Lake. other varieties of food provided. They watched for a while They ate grudgingly of the pickled 128 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION peppers, the gentlemen's eggs, and the would teach the girls the curds and whey. They clamored twirling. Loud applause. In the for what we didn't have: potato afternoon, we'd have a perform­ chips, fudgicles, and cokes. ance of A Midsummer Night's I had planned that the fifth day Dream. Groans. In the evening was to be unorganized. The we'd have fireworks, with an children could wander around extraordinary demonstration of fire freely and do what they wanted. eating by Loki. Cheers. Only a Always a fairy or two would be at couple of voices called out, "Don't their sides to tell them stories or we ever get to see any movies?" play hide-and-seek or other games It was a wonderful day. with them. After breakfast (of Everyone seemed to be ~njoying Captain Jenks's pork and beans, himself and herself. Only two which they wolfed down with incidents. One of the boys snitched appetite, more so than with the Aladdin's Lamp and dented it by Mama Bear's porridge which they kicking it around. A girl amused had had up to now), when I told the herself by catching will-o' -the-wisps children they had a free day, a in a bottle. babble broke out. Everyone (on the staff, that is) "Where's the TV? If there's congratulated me. They were eager nothing to do, I want to see to see what the next day would cartoons ... That's not fair! My bring, when the boys and girls mommy and daddy are paying for would be given a brief span of time me to have a good time, and you're to use magical powers. Once they"d supposed to provide entertain­ have such an experience, they'd ment!...! want to buy things. never forget it. We had high hopes. Where's the five-and-ten?" Some Alas! All went awry. The children started weeping. The depravity of those children cannot thought of a day on their own be imagined. The weavers of frightened them. They were ac­ dreams wove tales of violence, customed to being directed. A few blood, and murder so horrendous boys came to me asking for bats that even 's shuddered. and balls. Several girls grabbed a The painters of illusion painted fairy and tried to pull off her gauzy pornography, puerile of course wings. I sensed the spreading because they were only children, hysteria and announced a quick but pornography nevertheless. The change of plan. During the early jumpers and climbers and levit­ part of the day the would take ators pelted those on the ground the boys for a hike in the woods and with coconuts and breadfruit. The IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC 129 growers grew monstrous hybrids. was interrupted by a little boy who The theranthropes fought each got up and said, "That's all other with fang and claw. Despite garbage. I can tell a better story." the lecture before the powers were He could, judging from the endowed, pointing out that magic applause when he finished an should by preference be beneficent involved tale about the battle and, if · not that, at least between the Mafia and a gang mirth-provoking, never malicious, trying to muscle in on the drug the children used their powers to traffic. I called off the storytelling. torment others as no would After lunch we had a treasure dare to. hunt. We arranged for everyone to The witch situation caused the find something of value: for the most trouble. As soon as the first girlstinyglass slippers, a gold ring, a one appeared, all the kids wanted silken scarf, or a cameo brooch; for to become . The first one the boys a little silver hammer, a· was a clever girl. She taught the jewel-encrusted spinning top, fancy others the abracadabra, and - leather gloves, or an opalescent behold! - the sky was full of hoop. The kids had a ball. No witches riding . They trouble, no complaints at all. Their looped-the-loop, they tried to eyes glowed as they carefully stowed topple each other, they yanked at away their finds in their pockets cloaks, they knocked off peaked and purses. Then came the final hats. I had to call for help from game - following the rainbow. Grimalkin. The deveil-cats sprang They ran and they leaped through into the air. Each seized a witch the fields of daffodils and tulips, and spat at her, transforming her over hill and dale, until they back into a little child with amnesia reached the pot of gold. I watched for the charm. benignly at first while they tried to The laughed empty its inexhaustible store of at my long face that night. "Don't gold pieces. Then I got worried. worry," she said. "Those kids have They were throwing away their learned a lot in the past six days. precious gifts for the worthless We'll all be as real to them from gold. I called out to them, now on as their playmates." "Children, that's only fairy gold!" "I hope so," I said. "I hope so." but they paid no attention to me. The last morning we had They kept on scrambling for the Momus and Comus tell stories. gold. All except two, a girl and a Very unsuccessful. Lots of yawning boy. The boy, brown-haired and during the first story. The second dark-skinned, stood dreamily 130 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION fingering his silver hammer. The spaghetti for lunch? ... They kept girl, whose dull expression had set showing us magic tricks like in her apart from the others at the assembly in school until we got beginning, fuddled with the gold tired of them ... No death ray ring on her finger; her eyes were guns ... No Western acts. No starry as she mumbled. rodeos ... No horseback rides like Time was up. The children, so they promised ... I'm so hungry! Will ladden with the gold pieces they you make me a peanut butter-and­ could hardly walk, staggered off to jelly sandwich when we get home, where their suitcases were already please, Mommy? ... We didn't have waiting on the Magic Carpet. The ice cream once, not even snow­ Sandman came. We started off and balls!... When we went on a hike, I in a twinkling of an eye were at the was frightened by all the wild Hayden Planetarium. There I animals roaming around, even a harnessed a comet, and we rode big wolf with terrible sharp back on its tail to the travel agency teeth! ... Bending sticks instead of office, arriving there just at dawn batons like the high-school girls and just before the first parents have! ... A fake treasure hunti...Can arrived. I told the children to wait I have a chocolate malted on the on the sidewalk and went inside. I way home, Daddy?!' And very locked the door and pulled down softly in their parents' ears, "Girls the window shades. I left the wearing only short slips you could transom open and perched there see right through!. .. Boys with such invisibly so that I could see and tight body suits I had to blush!" hear what the children would tell The papas consoled their their parents. disappointed daughters; the I shouldn't have. The parents mothers gathered their frustrated scolded the kids for bringing back boys to their bosoms. "I'm going to so many dried leaves in their call Bess Meyerson," one woman pockets. ("I told them it was fairy said. "I paid out good money to gold!" I whispered.) The children that crook!" Another cried out, shrieked at their parents for "The Action Reporter on Channel sending them "to such a dumb 5! He'll do something fast:" A man place. A lot of actors and actresses growled, "The kids thought they'd all dressed up like and no get a real kick out of this trip, but it space rockets and no submarines was like everything else- hokum." and no real airplanes, not even a And his neighbor, hugging his son helicopter!" My heart sank. " ... The and daughter to him, muttered, "A food was awful, Mama! Can I have guy that'd take advantage of little IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC 131 kids like that ought to be lynched!" into Merlin's Mirror of the Future. Only the boy with the silver The little girl was a young woman hammer and the girl with the gold rocking in a chair in an institution, ring seemed happy. The girl, her smiling vacantly into the distance. mouth drooling as she sang a Only when she fingered the gold nonsense song, walked home hand ring hung like a locket on a piece of in hand with her mother, who wept string around her neck, did stars all the way down the block. The boy appear in her eyes. The little boy stumbled after his father, who was a poet breaking his heart looked despairingly at him when he strings for the unlistening ears of a failed to answer his questions, workaday world. being lost in his thoughts. I resigned as recruiter. When I got back I took a look

Coming next month Something truly special for July, an unusual novella in which an old friend, Brigadier Donald Ffellowes, returns - but this time the Brigadier's tale concerns Ffellowes' father! The story takes place in the Fall of 1881, on the island of Sumatra. The senior Ffellowes and a mysterious companion are confronted with a monstrous adversary in the form of giant, rodent-like creatures ... Need more be said? Don't miss "A Father's Tale" by Sterling E. Lanier, in the July F&SF.