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MARITAL COUNSELLING in the CONTEXT of the ANGLICAN CHURCH of RWANDA by ELISABETH H. VERWIJS-VOGEL a THESIS SUBMITTED for the DE

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MARITAL COUNSELLING in the CONTEXT of the ANGLICAN CHURCH of RWANDA by ELISABETH H. VERWIJS-VOGEL a THESIS SUBMITTED for the DE MARITAL COUNSELLING IN THE CONTEXT OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH OF RWANDA by ELISABETH H. VERWIJS-VOGEL A THESIS SUBMITTED FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER of THEOLOGY at the SOUTH AFRICAN THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY in JANUARY 2011 SUPERVISOR: PROF. ARTHUR SONG, D. PHIL The opinions expressed in this thesis do not necessarily reflect the views of the South African Theological Seminary. DECLARATION I hereby acknowledge that the work contained in this thesis is my own original work and has not previously in its entirety or in part been submitted to any academic institution for degree purposes. ___________________________ Elisabeth H. Verwijs- Vogel Kigali- Rwanda, January 15th 2011 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS First and foremost, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to my supervisor, Professor Arthur Song D. Phil. for his continuous support during my Masters research. I thank him heartily for his knowledge, spiritual support, encouragement and patience. His guidance helped me during the time of research and writing of this thesis. Besides my supervisor, I would like to thank my friend Mrs. Jean Mc Allister Ph D. Lit., missionary in Rwanda. I am very grateful that she used her precious time to correct and edit the greater part of this thesis. My sincere thanks go out to the people I interviewed: to the Rt. Rev. Archbishop Emmanuel Musaba Kolini of the Province of the Anglican Church of Rwanda, Rev. Emmanuel Gatera, General Secretary of the Province of the Anglican Church of Rwanda, and Canon Rev. Petero Twahirwa, pastor at the Anglican Church of Rwanda (Diocese of Kigali) for taking their time and for their encouragement; to the 35 pastors of the Diocese of Kigali, for answering the questionnaire; to the four anonymous couples, for permitting me to dig deep into their personal lives; to other anonymous interviewees, for trusting me. I would like to thank our Mission organization, the Reformed Mission League (based in Driebergen, the Netherlands) for enabling me to pursue my studies. During my quest for literature several institutions1 allowed me access to the libraries on their premises. I would like to thank them for their support. My special thanks go out to Dr. Gerard van „t Spijker for sending me his book and other literature. About my husband Adriaan Verwijs and my sons Marijn, Teun and Joop: words cannot express how grateful I am for their love and continuous support. Elisabeth H. (Lisette) Verwijs- Vogel Kigali- Rwanda, January 2011 1Centre Saint Dominique at Kigali (RW), Faculté de Théologie Protestante de Butare (RW), National University of Butare (RW), Centre de Formation et de Documentation de l‟Eglise Presbytérienne au Rwanda at Kigali (RW), Kigali Anglican Theological College at Kabuga (RW), Afrika-Studiecentrum at Leiden (NL), Afrika Centrum at Cadier en Keer (NL), Interuniversitair Instituut voor Missiologie en Oecumenica at Utrecht (NL), and Landelijk Dienstencentrum at Utrecht (NL). SUMMARY This thesis is based on the research that has been carried out on marital counselling within the context of the Anglican Church of Rwanda, Diocese of Kigali (EAR/DK). Marriage plays an important role in the Rwandan society, and the traditional Rwandan wedding customs are highly valued. Usually three legal paths are followed: the civil wedding before the government officials, the religious ceremony in the Church (where God‟s blessing is invoked over the couple) and the traditional wedding ceremonies before and after the other ceremonies. On one hand a strong resistance to question or change to these ceremonies was observed, including in the case of a clash between traditional and modern culture. On the other hand a lack of knowledge of Church members and pastors on the Biblical principles of marriage was observed. The purpose of this research was to study the continuity and discontinuity of traditional Rwandan marriage customs in the Church in order to be able to make a contribution to the pastoral counselling in the Anglican Church of Rwanda. Thus the following questions were raised: What is the view and attitude of the Anglican Church in Rwanda on marriage? What is the view and attitude of the Church towards traditional wedding ceremonies? Does the Church offer (pre)marital counselling? One hindrance was that here was hardly any material available, mainly due to the emphasis on oral culture and the impact of the genocide on the country and the Church. To be able to present an overview of Biblical marriage principles, first the results of the exegesis of some key texts from Genesis 1-2, Matthew19: 1-12 and Ephesians 5: 22-33 were described. A literary research was done, about traditional Rwandan marriage customs (mainly based on the available literature of the fifties and sixties). To be able to get actual information, different interviews were carried out. Three senior leaders of the Anglican Church were interviewed. The pastors of the Diocese of Kigali were interviewed through a questionnaire with quantitative and qualitative questions, about their knowledge of and involvement in the traditional Rwandan marriage customs. Four married couples within the AER/DK were interviewed through in-depth interviews. The results of these interviews were described, compared with 4 one another, and with the findings from the literary research. Finally, these findings were compared with the Biblical principles, as they had been formulated earlier. The outcome of the research was that many of the traditional wedding ceremonies are still celebrated today, although some customs simply disappeared, have been abolished, or have changed in character. The principal conclusion was that the Anglican Church of Rwanda never really studied neither the Rwandan marriage customs, nor the Biblical principles. The Church did not formulate a view on marriage, and did not provide guidelines or teaching material for pastors. The pastors received hardly any training on the matter and a lack of knowledge of the pastors on Biblical principles was observed. The pastors seemed to put more emphasis on the traditional ceremonies than on the wedding ceremony in the Church, and were said to be very involved in them. Although pastors claimed to give premarital counselling, they were not equipped well for this task. The research showed that the pastors‟ teachings were more culturally oriented than Bible based. The results revealed that the Church is not prepared to give premarital and marital counselling, even when couples find themselves in a clash between three cultures: the traditional and the modern Rwandan cultures, as well as the Christian culture. It is recommended that the Church formulate a Biblical view on marriage, and provide proper teaching for its pastors to be able to teach a Biblical foundation on marriage, to equip couples for marriage and to help its members in case of marital problems. Apart from that, the traditional Rwandan cultural concepts of marriage ought to be reviewed. The Church would do well to study the traditional wedding ceremonies in light of the Biblical principles, and provide guidelines for its members. The candidate hopes that this thesis will contribute towards a better understanding of the Biblical concepts on marriage and that the Church will accept the challenge to elaborate on a theology on marriage, and provide proper education and Biblical marital counselling, in order to be able to build solid marriages that reflect the Biblical principles. 5 TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION 1.1 Preamble 11 1.2 Background, problems and research questions 11 1.2.1 Background 11 1.2.2 Observed problems 13 1.2.3 Research questions 15 1.3 Motivation and objectives 16 1.4 Research design and methodology 17 1.4.1 Original research design and methodology 17 1.4.2 Problems faced; final design and methodology 18 CHAPTER 2: BIBLICAL MARRIAGE PRINCIPLES 2.1 Introduction 22 2.2 Hermeneutical reflection 23 2.3 Biblical keynotes from Genesis, Matthew and Ephesians 27 2.3.1 Genesis 1 and 2 28 2.3.2 Matthew 19: 1-12 55 2.3.3 Ephesians 5: 22-33 60 2.4 Summary 66 CHAPTER 3: TRADITIONAL RWANDAN MARRIAGE CUSTOMS 3.1 Introduction 69 3.2 Different customary marriage steps 70 3.2.1 Concept of sexuality and marriage; preparations during childhood 70 3.2.2 Kuranga, inquiries and establishing contact 74 3.2.3 Gufata irembo, booking a bride 78 3.2.4 Gusaba, betrothal 79 3.2.5 Gukwa, handing over of the dowry 81 6 3.2.6 Gutebutsa 82 3.2.7 Gushyingirwa or ubukwe, the actual wedding day 83 3.2.8 Kurongora, imposition of the umwishywa 84 3.2.9 Gutinya 87 3.2.10 Gutwikurura, unveiling 89 3.2.11 Ways to start and end living together 90 3.3 Assessment 93 3.3.1 Introduction 93 3.3.2 The role of the inkwano (dowry) 93 3.3.3 The view on adultery 98 3.3.4 Changes in the Rwandan marriage customs 100 CHAPTER 4: MARRIAGE IN THE ANGLICAN CHURCH OF RWANDA, TEACHINGS AND PRACTICES 4.1 Introduction 105 4.2 The Anglican Church of Rwanda and its view on marriage 106 4.2.1 History and organization of the PEAR and the Diocese of Kigali 106 4.2.2 The church wedding in relation to the civil wedding 109 4.2.3 The church wedding in relation to traditional wedding customs 111 4.2.4 The role of the church in marriage preparation and counselling 114 4.3 The pastors, teaching and practice on marriage 121 4.3.1 Introduction 121 4.3.2 Teaching by the pastors and the preparation concerning marriage 124 4.3.3 Traditional rites and the involvement of the pastors 138 4.3.4 Marital counselling and involvement of the pastors after the wedding 146 4.4 The experience of four couples within the Anglican Church/DK 150
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