ISSUE 11 GET SWEET LOOT WITH A 2016 ONECARD ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD

FLASH YOUR 2016 ALTO CAFE PITA PIT - GEORGE ST Any two breakfasts for the price of one Buy any petita size pita and get ONECARD AT ANY Monday - Friday, 7am - 11.30am upgraded to a regular OF THESE FINE BEAUTÉ SKIN BAR & PIZZA BELLA BEAUTY CLINIC Lunch size pizza & 600ml Coke range for $10 BUSINESSES AND $45 brazilians, $20 brow shape, $45 spray - or - any waffle and coffee for $10 tans + 10% off any full price service or product SAVE CA$H MONEY! POPPA’S PIZZA BENDON Free garlic bread with any regular or large AMAZON SURF, Free wash bag with purchase over $50* pizza* SKATE & DENIM CRUSTY CORNER RAPUNZEL’S HAIR DESIGN $5 BLTs, Monday - Friday $99 for pre-treatment, 1/2 head of foils or 10% off full-priced items* global colour, blow wave & H2D finish ESCAPE - or - 20% off cuts BOWL LINE 20% off regular-price games* 2 games of bowling for $15* RELOAD JUICE BAR FILADELFIOS GARDENS Buy any small juice, smoothie, or coffee and 1x medium pizza, 1x fries, and 2x pints of Fillies upsize to a large for free* CAPERS CAFE Draught or fizzy for $40, Sun-Thurs 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* ROB ROY DAIRY FRIDGE FREEZER ICEBOX Free upgrade to a waffle cone every Monday COSMIC 15% discount off the regular retail price & Tuesday 10% off all in-store items* GOVERNOR’S CAFE SHARING SHED $6 for a slice, scone, or muffin $5 off all tertiary-student hair cuts LUMINO THE DENTISTS and a medium coffee $69 new patient exams and SUBWAY HALLENSTEIN BROTHERS Buy any six-inch meal deal & upgrade x-rays, plus 10% off further 20% off full price product in-store to a footlong meal deal for free* treatments* HELL PIZZA TASSE CAFÉ Spend $20 or more and receive either free High Tea for one for $24* NANDO’S wedges, dessert pizza, or a 1.5L drink Free regular peri-peri chips with THE BOG IRISH BAR LONE STAR $7 house beer, wine and spirits from 8-11pm 02 every flame-grilled chicken, 10% discount + Book your 21st with on Thursdays, $15 roast of the day on Sundays wrap, pita or burger* us in 2016 and get $6 tap beers, house wines and house spirits* THE FORTUNE THEATRE QUEST 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night MEGA ZONE performances 10% off all non-sale items* Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag and get a third free THE FRONTRUNNER STIRLING SPORTS 15% discount off regular retail price OMBRELLOS KITCHEN & BAR 12.5% off all non-sale items $15 Ombrellos Big Breakfast / Big Vege* THISTLE CAFE & BAR 10% discount THE POOLHOUSE OUTSIDE SPORTS CAFE & BAR 15% off rental, 15% off workshop, and 10% off VAPOURIUM 2 for 1 coffees $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* retail (full price items only) PHONE SURGEONS VIVACE KARAOKE BAR VOID CLOTHING 10% off all phone, tablets Hire a Karaoke room for an hour and get 30 10% off all non-sale items & computer repairs minutes free *terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard/ for details ISSUE 11 GET SWEET LOOT WITH A 2016 ONECARD ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD CONTENTS | ISSUE 11

NEWS & OPINION FEATURES FLASH YOUR 2016 ALTO CAFE PITA PIT - GEORGE ST Any two breakfasts for the price of one Buy any petita size pita and get ONECARD AT ANY Monday - Friday, 7am - 11.30am upgraded to a regular 06 News In Briefs RE-CAPPING THE CAPPING SHOW OF THESE FINE BEAUTÉ SKIN BAR & PIZZA BELLA Mikayla Cahill on the Capping Show’s long tradition BEAUTY CLINIC Lunch size pizza & 600ml Coke range for $10 of irreverence and hilarity where nothing and nobody BUSINESSES AND $45 brazilians, $20 brow shape, $45 spray - or - any waffle and coffee for $10 08 Execrable p 18 tans + 10% off any full price service or product is immune to ridicule SAVE CA$H MONEY! POPPA’S PIZZA BENDON Free garlic bread with any regular or large Free wash bag with purchase over $50* pizza* 09 Campus News I NEVER REMEMBER A FACE: AMAZON SURF, LIVING WITH PROSOPAGNOSIA 18 SKATE & DENIM CRUSTY CORNER RAPUNZEL’S HAIR DESIGN $99 for pre-treatment, 1/2 head of foils or Lucy Hunter talks to three people who have difficulty $5 BLTs, Monday - Friday p 22 10% off full-priced items* global colour, blow wave & H2D finish 10 News recognising faces ESCAPE - or - 20% off cuts BOWL LINE 20% off regular-price games* 2 games of bowling for $15* RELOAD JUICE BAR CONSENT ON CAMPUS FILADELFIOS GARDENS Buy any small juice, smoothie, or coffee and 14 Sports 1x medium pizza, 1x fries, and 2x pints of Fillies upsize to a large for free* Amber Allott discusses sexual consent, the myth of the CAPERS CAFE Draught or fizzy for $40, Sun-Thurs “grey area”, and resources available for sexual assault 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* ROB ROY DAIRY 16 Politics FRIDGE FREEZER ICEBOX Free upgrade to a waffle cone every Monday survivors p 26 COSMIC 15% discount off the regular retail price & Tuesday 10% off all in-store items* GOVERNOR’S CAFE SHARING SHED $6 for a slice, scone, or muffin $5 off all tertiary-student hair cuts LUMINO THE DENTISTS and a medium coffee Review Columns $69 new patient exams and SUBWAY HALLENSTEIN BROTHERS Buy any six-inch meal deal & upgrade x-rays, plus 10% off further 20% off full price product in-store to a footlong meal deal for free* treatments* HELL PIZZA TASSE CAFÉ 37 Games Spend $20 or more and receive either free High Tea for one for $24* 30 Letters 35 NANDO’S wedges, dessert pizza, or a 1.5L drink 38 Film Free regular peri-peri chips with THE BOG IRISH BAR 32 Conversational Intercourse LONE STAR $7 house beer, wine and spirits from 8-11pm every flame-grilled chicken, 10% discount + Book your 21st with on Thursdays, $15 roast of the day on Sundays 40 Technology wrap, pita or burger* us in 2016 and get $6 tap beers, 33 Dear Ethel house wines and house spirits* THE FORTUNE THEATRE 41 Books 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night QUEST 33 Science, Bitches MEGA ZONE performances 10% off all non-sale items* Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag and 42 Music get a third free THE FRONTRUNNER 34 Clark v Woodhouse STIRLING SPORTS 15% discount off regular retail price 44 Art OMBRELLOS KITCHEN & BAR 35 Matters of Debate 12.5% off all non-sale items $15 Ombrellos Big Breakfast / Big Vege* THISTLE CAFE & BAR 10% discount 4 5 Food THE POOLHOUSE OUTSIDE SPORTS 36 The Weekly Doubt CAFE & BAR 15% off rental, 15% off workshop, and 10% off VAPOURIUM 45 retail (full price items only) 2 for 1 coffees $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* 36 Sexcellent PHONE SURGEONS VIVACE KARAOKE BAR VOID CLOTHING 10% off all phone, tablets Hire a Karaoke room for an hour and get 30 46 Love Is Blind 10% off all non-sale items & computer repairs minutes free *terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard/ for details 16 May | 2016 HOW FAR CAN YOU MAKE IT ACROSS USING ONLY RED BULL AS CURRENCY ?

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OCE A WESTERN AUSTRALIA SOUTH AUSTRALIA

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ISSUE 11 HOW FAR CAN YOU MAKE IT ACROSS AUSTRALIA Editorial USING ONLY RED BULL AS CURRENCY ? Issue 11 Editorial Editor HUGH BAIRD Deputy Editor LUCY HUNTER Sub Editor LAURA STARLING News Editor JOE HIGHAM Get your journey started at www.redbullcanyoumakeit.com.au Chief Reporter HENRY NAPIER Design PAPUA Technical Editor TASH MURACHVER NEW GUINEA Features Designer CERI GIDDENS

TIMOR Section Editors N ESTE Books JESSICA THOMPSON S E A Games CAMPBELL CALVERLEY OR I M Technology ANTHONY MARRIS T G Time of year to ask questions U C L F A R P O E N F Film NITA SULLIVAN W E T A R I A Food KIRSTEN GARCIA of NZUSA Politics JOEL MACMANUS S Music MILLICENT LOVELOCK NORTHERN TERRITORY Sport SEAN NUGENT nce again, as it does each year, the are these really initiatives worth the fee paid Contributors argument surrounding whether or not each year by students? Is there even a need for Mikayla Cahill, Amber Allott,Taoran Li, Gini NZUSA is of any value has reared its ugly a national president? AUSTRALIA C OR A L O Jory, Lisa Blakie, Robyn Maree Picken, Sam little head, with approximately two percent of Why not instead adopt a system in which all Fraser, Sam McChesney, Sally Wilkins, the student population giving a shit. presidents from all associations form a commit- QUEENSLAND Georgia Vosper, Magnus White, Hayleigh It has come to the fore this week after the tee, rotating the role of President or Chair of the Clarkson, David Clark, Michael Woodhouse, University Student Association an- committee every month, similar to the United OCE A WESTERN Willy Chapman, Hannah Davis, Julia nounced its notice to withdraw from NZUSA. Nations Security Council which rotates the AUSTRALIA BRISBANE Stewart, Tommy T, Amia Yunos, Chloe AUSA made its decision on the basis of a re- President of the council each month. The presi- SOUTH AUSTRALIA Banks, Alex Cuff view their executive undertook. Whilst they dent of the month would be tasked with agenda understand the importance of a national student setting, presiding over any meetings, and would NEW SOUTH Production voice they don’t currently feel that the service be the voice of the committee issuing statements WALE S Online Content Manager AMAN JAMWAL is worth their substantial levy. They believe that subject to consesus from members of Distribution ROSS NICHOLLS there is a great need for better levels of organ- the committee. isation and communication, including better Presidents would remain fresh and bring a GR E A T Advertising Sales consultation with members. So it begs the varied array of ideas to the fore while money A U S T R ADELAIDE A Elaine Byron, Hannah Griffin, question: are we here at Otago getting our bang that would be spent on membership fees could L ACT I A VICTORIA N Peter Ramsay for our buck? be spent on funding local advocacy group who B I Conveniently, just the other week our news are doing good in our own backyard. Groups GH T MELBOURNE editor Joe “recently vegan, tell a friend” Higham such as Generation Zero, Choose Kids, or 05 Read Online quizzed NZUSA President Linsey Higgins about Ignite, for example. critic.co.nz what the national organisation had brought to For students in a national voice issuu.com/critic_te_arohi our student body here in the south. is incredibly important. At the current moment TASMANIA After a bit of a pause, Higgins commented that students right across the nation face growing Get in touch the Union had held training days for presidents debt and living costs. However, as it stands, the [email protected] across the country, launched a successful left-leaning NZUSA seem to be stonewalled by facebook.com/critctearohi Thursdays in Black campaign, and held a na- this National government, whining in the corner tional day to highlight student debt hitting $15 yet unable to provide tangible solutions. Perhaps 03 479 5335 billion (ironically, their fees add to our debt). a broader approach could be the answer? P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin These of course are all fantastic initiatives, but

Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Hugh Baird Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not neces- sarily represent the views of the Editor, PMDL, or OUSA. Critic editor Press Council: people with a complaint against a magazine should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be 16 May | 2016 addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. News in Briefs

World Watch

Wuhu, China A Chinese university is offering students a 50 percent discount in its canteen if they show some common courtesy to staff. To qualify for the discount, which cuts the cost of a meal from six yuan to three yuan, students only have to say niceties such as “hello”, “please” and “thank you”

Pennsylvania, An Italian economist says his flight was delayed after a fellow passenger saw him working on a differential equation and alerted the cabin crew. The man was taken off and questioned by agents who did not identify themselves. He then showed them what he has been writing and the flight eventually took off around two hours late

Russia ’s largest of manufacturer small arms is branching out into fashion as a result of Western sanctions. The Kalashnikov Concern, maker of the AK-47 assault rifle, will launch a ‘military style’ casual clothing and accessories range as part of a diversification drive after it lost access to major markets. Up to 70 percent of the company’s hunting and sporting weapons were sold in Europe and the US but these markets had been lost because of sanctions

China Chinese live-streaming services have banned people filming themselves eating bananas in a “seductive” fashion. New regulations mean that live-streaming sites must monitor all their output around the clock to ensure that nothing untoward is going on, especially keeping an eye out for any “erotic” banana-eating. The move is the authorities’ latest attempt to clamp down on “inappropriate and erotic” online content

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ISSUE 11 news

Finland 35% of people who use personal ads for A 10 year old Finnish boy has been given US$10,000 after he found a security flaw in dating are already married image-sharing network Instagram. The boy, who technically is not allowed to even join the site for another three years, found a bug that allowed him to delete comments made by other users. The boy was paid soon after – making him the youngest ever Human thigh bones are STRONGER recipient of the firm’s “bug bounty” prize than concrete

Tunisia EVERY HOUR, at least one person is killed A couple in Tunisia have walked away with an unusual prize, a cow, after they by a drunk driver in the US recorded the top score in a locally developed mobile phone game. Pamela the cow spent two weeks at the game developer’s headquarters in Tunis before jump being awarded to the unnamed couple. The game was called “bagra”, or “cow”, The flea can 350 times its body length which consists of keeping a herd of cows and preventing other players from stealing them An average human loses about 200 head hairs per day Philippines Rodrigo “Digong” Duterte, the controversial politician known as the “pun- A cat’s jaw cannot move s i d e w a y s isher” due to his promises to kill criminals, is the presumptive winner of the Philippine presidency. Duterte has received frequent criticism from human rights groups for endorsing extrajudicial killings of alleged crim- The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes inals by vigilante death squads. He was also criticised last month for making jokes about an Australian missionary who was raped and had her throat slit in 1989 during a jail uprising in the Philippines The US Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper

Athens, Greece Tens of thousands of protesters clashed with police in the streets of Greece as Nepal is the only country that doesn’t have the country’s government agreed to the toughest austerity measures yet in a RECTANGULAR FLAG order to receive more bailout funds from the European Union. Violence broke out as the austerity measures were announced with protesters hurling rocks and Molotov cocktails at security forces, who responded by firing tear gas to Every year four people in the UK die putting disperse the crowds their trousers on

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16 May | 2016 news

Auckland Uni Students Execrable Association practices pull-out method

by Joe Higham uckland University Students’ University student organisations pay levies from NZUSA, as NZUSA’s constitutional require- Association (AUSA) has given a notice of $45,000 to be a constituent member of the ments means that the withdrawal of a member A of withdrawal to the New Zealand Union NZUSA organisation, an amount that numerous association takes a year from the date notice is of Students’ Association (NZUSA). student organisation presidents both past and given; therefore AUSA’s resignation is due to The decision to give notice to withdraw from present have labeled excessive and not worth it. take effect on the 8th May 2017. the organisation comes as a result of an AUSA OUSA Administrative Vice-President Jarred OUSA President Laura Harris says the “per- review of NZUSA, which the AUSA Executive Griffiths told Critic his personal opinion is that formance of NZUSA, as well as its relevance to began in January 2016. “I can understand the rationale of giving notice our students will be monitored closely for the Despite this move, AUSA President Will as leverage but if everyone starts doing it it remainder of the year, and evaluated at the end Matthews said AUSA was keen to work with begins to lose its effectiveness.” of our term on the executive.” NZUSA to resolve its concerns and has not ruled “We can’t just work through and raise issues Much like an ultimatum, Matthews says, “We out reversing their decision if NZUSA improves simply by issuing notices; it’s crazy. It puts are committed to reviewing our decision at the their service to students. NZUSA in a very precarious situation as they end of this year, and if the Executive sees some Matthews noted that AUSA has been very can’t then rely on their members staying to- clear progress in the issues then we will reverse clear it is “is supportive of the concept of a na- gether and may lead to situations where more our withdrawal. tional student voice, and wants NZUSA to provide student associations start to leave.” He went on to say: “This isn’t the end of the that voice. We want to be a part of NZUSA, but He concluded by saying: “student associations AUSA-NZUSA relationship, rather the beginning at the moment we don’t feel the service is worth are stronger when they stand together.” of a conversation about the future of it.” the substantial levy that we pay.” AUSA is not allowed to immediately withdraw DID YOU KNOW DIDEXAMS Y AREOU IN K 4N WEEKSOW?? EXAMS ARE IN 4 WEEKS

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Why NZUSA sucks, & what we can do about it

NZUSA in 2016: by Sam McChesney as useful as a shit-stick lolly hat do poop-flavoured lollipops, tits on a bull, and Matthew W McConaughey’s shirts all have in common? They’re all slightly more useful than NZUSA. 1 Money. The NZUSA budget is written by the 4 Participation. The NZUSA board is made up of Last month, the annual chorus of boos aimed president at the start of the year, with little the presidents of every member association. at the New Zealand Union of Students’ consultation and no professional input. The Because student presidents are usually over- Associations began, kicked off by Massey student fees are too high, the organisation has no staff, worked and possess colossal egos, this goes president Tom Pringle in Massive magazine. yet it still runs a deficit. about as well as you’d expect. Any time a local NZUSA is a left-wing clique. NZUSA is too ex- Solution: contract an accountant or auditor president spends a lot of time on NZUSA mat- pensive. Nobody even knows what NZUSA does. to inspect the budget. (This really isn’t ters, it’s either because they’re trying to with- All true. But nothing’s going to change. rocket science.) draw or because they want to be NZUSA Just to reiterate: something like this happens president. every single year. Since 2008, most of NZUSA’s 2 Referenda. When local associations think about Solution: require all member associations to member associations have threatened to leave. withdrawing from NZUSA, they usually hold a have a dedicated national affairs officer on Only two have actually done so – Waikato referendum. The problem – aside, of course, their staff or executive. This person will be the Students’ Union and the University of Canterbury from the abysmal turnout, lopsided contest go-between for NZUSA and local associations Students’ Association. Others have tried to leave (nobody can ever be bothered running a proper and will sit on the NZUSA board. but changed their minds – the Otago University “leave” campaign so “remain” always prevails), Students’ Association (OUSA) twice and the and low voter information – is that a referen- 5 Membership rules. Currently, membership is Victoria University of Wellington Students’ dum is a zero-sum game. If the vote is to re- indefinite, and associations have to give an Association once. Most have simply complained, main, NZUSA “wins” and can go back to being entire year’s notice to withdraw. When an and done nothing. useless again, sidestepping the possibility of association gives notice, this triggers a pro- NZUSA doesn’t provide value for money, but genuine reform. Case in point: last year, the longed circus full of recriminations, passive this shouldn’t surprise anyone. For the past few OUSA executive wanted to withdraw on ac- aggression and massive, massive wastes of years, NZUSA has been one person sitting in a count of NZUSA’s excessive membership fees time and energy. Cuba Street office, banging their head against ($45,000). They held a referendum in which Solution: replace indefinite membership with the brick wall of this National government while three percent of its members voted to remain, three-year terms, to prevent this being an everyone yells threats at them. It’s hardly the versus two per cent voting to leave. NZUSA annual exercise in pointlessness. Reduce the revolutionary vanguard. celebrated by, and I wish I was kidding, raising notice period to six months at most. In response to vague and unspecific pressure, the fucking membership fees. NZUSA has reformed at least three times in the Solution: stop holding stupid cop-out refer- 6 Branding. Be honest: if you’ve ever heard of past six years. None of those reforms were par- enda and have a genuine discussion for once. NZUSA, you’ve probably heard that it sucks. 09 ticularly well thought out or transparent. Most (Again, not rocket science.) At this point, the association is basically were just reform for reform’s sake. The upshot a byword for sucking. Besides, the name is is that nobody seems to know how it all works 3 Elections. The NZUSA presidential election is too long, and the initialism looks more like a any more, and suggested improvements are held in summer, and is voted on by delegates defence pact than a malfunctioning union full often shallow and poorly researched. Memorably, from local associations. The event itself a se- of careerist tosspots. the OUSA president spent last year telling NZUSA cretive, cloak-and-dagger affair that’s one Solution: change the name. (But probably to adopt a “federal model” that it had, in fact, part coronation, two parts bitchfest. Four of the change some other things first.) already adopted. last six have been uncontested, and four of the So, in the hope that this debate ACTUALLY last five have been total clusterfucks, complete FUCKING GOES SOMEWHERE FOR ONCE, here’s with backstabbing and tantrums. six of the biggest problems with NZUSA, and six Solution: hold the election during the academic potential solutions. year, make it public, and let students vote.

16 May | 2016 news

Increased funding good news for Hep-C sufferers

by Henry Napier epatitis-C suffers may be able to access buyer’s club which provides access to cheaper, territory (India) which then conveniently falls currently unavailable, highly effective generic versions of the pharmaceuticals such into a FedEx box exiting India on the Indian H medicine in the near future following as sofosbuvir, lepdispavir and declatasvir, all prescription and entering NZ on the New Zealand increased funding from the Government. Last currently unfunded by PHARMAC. The patent for prescription,” says Dr Freeman. week the Government announced an increase the drug Harvoni, which is a combination of In response to an inquiry made by Critic last of $50 million to the PHARMAC—New Zealand’s lepdispavir and sofosbuvir, is owned by month, PHARMAC were unable to confirm the drug buying agency. American biopharmaceutical company, Gilead status of negotiations with potential supplier The announcement, made by Prime Minister Science. The drug currently can cost up to US Gilead Sciences due to “commercial sensitivity”. John Key, Minister of Health Jonathan Coleman $84,000 for a 12-week regime. However, the Pharmacology and Therapeutics and PHARMAC Chief Executive Steffan Crausaz, The buyer’s club operating in Australia is run Advisory Committee (PTAC) —the official advi- was accompanied by the suggestion that the out of an online general practitioner’s clinic sory committee to PHARMAC— meeting minutes budget increase will allow the funding of a called GP2U by Dr James Freeman, who says the from May 2015 shows Harvoni as recommended number of drugs under consideration. The new purpose of the service is to provide Hepatitis-C for purchase. budget allocation will open the door for sufferers with the necessary medication at an In response to the announcement of increased PHARMAC to potentially fund Hepatitis-C affordable price, by exploiting a loophole where- government funding, PHARMAC has confirmed medications such as Harvoni or Viekira Pak by the drugs are sourced through countries its consideration for Harvoni and Viekira Pak. —both of which have had an extremely high where pharmaceutical patents are not recognised. “On the back of the Government’s funding cure rate in patients. “In essence we looked at the legal landscape announcement last week, PHARMAC announced Hepatitis-C sufferers in New Zealand currently and said Gilead [Sciences] is using monopoly that it has opened consultations on seven new only have access to Pegylated Interferon and power to demand high prices. Rather than get treatments across a wide range of health areas, Ribavirin, drugs which are both considered as mad we looked for loopholes to allow patients including hepatitis C.” marginally effective, or ineffective in patients to get even.” “The proposed hepatitis C treatments include with late-stage liver disease. “The [buyer’s] club simply assists the patient Harvoni and Viekira Pak,” says a spokesperson The announcement follows the imminent in having a medical consultation with a doctor for PHARMAC. closure of a Dunedin Hepatitis-C clinic which in India, who writes a local script, which is then helps to facilities patients into an Australian used to source medications within the licence

Young woman narrowly escapes abduction attempt

by Joe Higham n 18 year old female, walking on Forth grouped alongside harassment) are more or less bandana, black gloves and had a bag over his Street in North Dunedin at 4.25pm on stagnant, with 264 incidents in March 2016, 273 shoulder. He was 178cm tall and of medium build A 7th May was reportedly grabbed by a in February, and 258 in January. Of the 264 in- and the ODT noted that the “man demanded cash 10 passenger in the back seat of a parked vehicle, cidents in March 2016, only 33 were strangers but left with nothing, and was seen heading in an attempt to abduct the young woman. to the victim, which despite being over one a north on Highgate after leaving the dairy.” Despite the driver aiding the passenger in day shows how rare this offence is in relation to The incident comes a short while after a spate pulling her into the vehicle and also attempting abductions or harassments where the victim of vehicle arsons, and a stabbing of a Dunedin to push her onto the back seat of the vehicle, the and the offender are known to each other. man in the neck and back outside the “Bottle-O” victim managed to fight her way out of the ve- Moreover, despite Dunedin seemingly having liquor store just two weeks ago. hicle, and was physically uninjured. a plethora of serious criminal behaviour, involv- As usual, the police are appealing to anyone The Dunedin Polices’ website state that: “The ing stabbings, abductions, robbery and extor- who has information about the vehicle or wit- vehicle is described as an older 1990s type sta- tion, total offences have been at their lowest nessed the attempted abduction take place. tion wagon in dirty condition with black roof during this March than any month in the six Contact them on 03 471 4800, or anonymous racks. It was parked on the left hand side of Forth month prior to it. information can be passed on to Crimestoppers street facing North.” In addition, the Highgate Dairy in Maori Hill on 0800 555 111. The occurrences of abduction (which are was robbed at knifepoint by a man wearing a

ISSUE 11 news

130 Dunedin activists protest ANZ’s $13.5 billion investments in fossil fuel

by Joe Higham pproximately 130 people took part in warming. In addition, the company are A Stuff.co.nz article on a similar protest in a peaceful protest on Thursday May 12 Australia’s largest lender to fossil fuel projects. Auckland, wrote that ANZ spokesman Stefan A against Australasian banking giant Herrick told the news site that ANZ New Zealand ANZ’s investments in the fossil fuel industry. “They’ve done more had less than 0.27 percent of its total The protesters peacefully blockaded the en- in 10 min than lending invested in fossil fuels and most of that trances to the two ANZ banks on the corner of you’ll ever get off was in gas. Hanover Street and George Street and sat be- The action is part of the ‘Break Free 2016’ neath the ATMs in an attempt to disrupt the ya ass for mate” movement, a “two-week global wave of esca- business practices of one of Australia and New lated action to keep coal, oil and gas in the Zealand’s largest banks. Currently, the world is speeding towards the ground”, according to the Break Free 2016 web- The organisers were a group named 350 point of no return in terms of global concentra- site. The site highlights action taking place Aotearoa, who are the New Zealand branch of tions of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. In globally, including a shutdown of the United the International climate movement 350.org, one measuring station, located in Cape Grim Kingdom’s largest coal mine by 300 climate which “aims to unite the world around climate Australia, scientists are expecting the first activists and peaceful protests in South Africa, change solutions.” reading to be in excess of 400 carbon dioxide Australia, Indonesia, the US, , Nigeria, ANZ currently has NZ$13.5 billion invested in parts per million, or 400ppm. Scientists warn and many more. the fossil fuel industry, which the protesters that once the atmospheric measurement Within New Zealand, protesters took part in claim is unethical because of the causative effect reaches this milestone, it will never return to civil disobedience in Auckland, Wellington between fossil fuel extraction and global below 400ppm. Christchurch and Dunedin, with some closing down their respective ANZ branch for the day as a results. Discussion began shortly after 4pm on the day of the protest on the ‘Overheard @ Uni of Otago’ Facebook page with a post by David Fonder reading, “Who the fuck do these people think they are? Davids about to go down to George st and steam roll these cunts.” One user, Nick Laurence: “I mean climate change is killing the planet and everything, but god forbid we have to go to a different bank on this one day of the year.” Another commented: “These people are trying to make a change, they’ve done more in 10 min than you’ll ever get off ya ass for mate.” Some comments were not so supportive. One comment by Hamish Mabon-Ross said, “Have 11 your opinions, but maybe a bit of human decency for someone who is clearly struggling to step over you… Like, some people still have shit to do, regardless of your opinion of their bank.” Apart from ANZ’s $13.5 billion investment, the Commonwealth Bank of Australia (parent com- pany of ASB) has $10.6 billion invested in fossil fuels, National Australia Bank (parent company of BNZ) has investments of $8.86 billion, and Westpac have $6.33 billion. Rabobank, SBS Bank, The Cooperative Bank, and TSB Bank all have no investments in fossil fuels at all.

16 May | 2016 news

Police officers breath easy after J-Day protest

by Sam Fraser ach year our national J-Day sees Otago NORML President Abe Grey admitted that The event ran from ‘high noon until 4.20’, and cannabis enthusiasts turn out to protest the police had visited him at the Otago Cannabis NORML’s theme for this years event was ‘stop E New Zealand’s prohibition of the drug. Museum to check that this year’s event was not the war, start the healing’. At 4.19pm, the crowd Around 200 partook in J-Day in Dunedin’s going to end up in another smokey protest inside counted down the final ten seconds towards 4.20, Octagon which falls on the first weekend of May the station. before smoking a range of pipes, bongs and each year. This years events marked the 25-year Dunedin’s event was typically chill, as its joints. Following the mass blaze, a series of anniversary since its foundation in 1986. The protesters lounged on the Octagon’s upper lawn speakers gave short speeches on personal ex- R18 protest is famous for large-scale demon- smoking weed, playing hacky sack and discuss- periences with cannabis and the movement strations which sees its participants smoke weed ing the various aspects of cannabis culture and towards law reform. in public areas. The protests are typically peace- the benefits of decriminalisation and legalisa- Abe Gray spoke to Critic at the protest, stating ful affairs aimed at raising awareness around tion. A DJ was set up to provide the protestors that the protests were “basically people coming the medical properties of cannabis, the societal with a variety of techno, drum and bass out in public to show their support for cannabis harm prohibition causes and the benefits of and reggae. law reform, to show that they think that prohi- decriminalisation and legalisation of cannabis. The Otago NORML (National Organization for bition is causing more harm than it is prevent- The day’s event was marked by an absence the Reform of Marijuana Laws) organised the ing”. Gray explained that prohibition marginal- of the police. For the last two years Dunedin’s non-violent protest and provided various infor- ised cannabis users, creating a negative stigma J-Day has seen it’s protesters march to the mation panels along with a small stall selling around cannabis use. “J day is a day for people Dunedin Police Station at 4.20pm. On arrival the pipes, and other pieces of cannabis who support law reforms to come out in public protestors hot boxed the station’s reception. paraphernalia. and show their support, not hide it away”.

Dunedin addresses listed in Panama Papers Local Dunedin accounting firm says their inclusion is a “mystery”

By Henry Napier he release of 240,000 names by the the company had previously occupied but since John Sneddon, a partner at Dunedin account- International Consortium of Investigative moved from in 2011. ing firm Hannagan & Devereux, says the inclu- T Journalists (ICIJ) following the Panama The address – C/HANNAGAN & DEVEREUX; sion of their company as the address for a foreign Papers leak, has left many New Zealanders Moran Building, No 8 The Octagon, Dunedin 9016 trust is a “mystery”. perplexed as to how they were implicated despite – was listed as the official address for Thomas “No, we have never heard of the Grangers or having no involvement in so-called E. Granger and Deanna W. Granger, joint-share- Accelonic Ltd. We don’t do any “foreign trusts”. “foreign trusts”. holders in Accelonic Ltd, a company located in It’s a bit of a mystery how they linked our name 12 The online database, created by the ICIJ, went British Virgin Islands. to them,” says Mr Sneddon. live last week and allows users to search the Accelonic Ltd, which has linked over 1000 “Our address changed about 5 years ago as content of the Panama Papers leak either by names, has been reported as a continuation of well so the address they listed is also incorrect.” company, name, address or country. The data- a scam that began in Washington State sometime New Zealand has been thrust into the inter- base upload has since been met with a stream in the 1980s. Investors are reported to have national spotlight after Prime Minister John Key of stories from people who claim to have no originally believed they were investing in a was named personally by the unknown leaker knowledge or involvement in “foreign trusts”. Washington State real estate partnership, how- of the controversial Panama Papers documents. Five Dunedin addresses were included in the ever the firm was sold on a number of times New Zealand has been accused of being a “tax leak as the official addresses of trusts which are before eventually being incorporated into an haven”, whereby foreigners are able to store supposedly being used for tax evasion purposes. offshore company that mined cobalt in Uganda, their money untaxed through the use of “foreign The address is listed by the beneficiary called Blue Earth Refineries Inc. Since the data- trusts”. This has been disputed as New Zealand’s of the trust. base was uploaded nearly 800 residents in the “foreign trusts” for tax purposes differs signifi- The address of local accounting firm Hannagan Washington State area have found their names cantly from the way other so-called “tax havens” & Devereux was included in the papers which to be included in the Panama Papers leak. operate to allow users to avoid taxation.

ISSUE 11 news

Questions asked of Silver Fern Farms suitor

by Sally Wilkins esearch released by New Zealand First The New Zealand First findings place the total transaction requires a higher threshold of voter has questioned the viability of the pro- debt of Shanghai Maling at NZ$353m compared approval than what was achieved in R posed merger of Dunedin based Silver to the NZ$121m held by SFF. New Zealand First October last year. Fern Farms (SFF) and the “indebted” Chinese also claim that further financial analysis re- A group of 80 shareholders requisitioned the company Shanghai Maling. vealed that Shanghai Maling underperformed SFF Board for a Special Annual General Meeting The merger comprises of a NZ$261m cash in “most key financial areas.” to consider a “special resolution” of shareholders investment on behalf of Shanghai Maling in Mr Peters claims that the weakened financial requiring 75 percent of total shareholder return for a 50 percent share in SFF. The capital status of Shanghai Maling raises serious doubts approval. injection was seen to provide promise for alle- over the investment, considering the deal “hands Rob Hewett, Chairman of SFF, in an interview viating SFF’s debt burden, dispelling uncertainty them all the levers of economic control including with The Country noted that the Board was le- in the industry and the potential to facilitate the chair’s casting vote.” gally required to schedule the AGM under the expansion into the growing Chinese market for The findings are the latest in a string of con- Companies Act, though the resolution reached premium meat. SFF shareholders approved the troversies surrounding the merger. On April 18, would be a “waste of time and resources” with deal in October 2015 with 82.2 percent voting in New Zealand First lodged complaints with the no legal effect. Hewett stressed that SFF were favour on a 67 percent turnout. Financial Markets Authority and the Companies legally bound to continue with the transaction In light of the New Zealand First research, the Registry Enforcement Team. The complaints and that it remained in the “best interests of Rt Hon Winston Peters said in a Scoop Press address alleged misleading financial information the company.” Release, “Shanghai Maling has been talked up circulated to shareholders in a document in The Official Investment Office is currently as a massive company and a game changing September and the failure of the decision to be considering the investment and a decision is investment for Silver Fern Farms, but the reality classified as a “major transaction” under the expected before June. is that it is not.” Companies Act 1993. Under the Act, a major

North Korea seeking peace?

by Georgia Vosper im Jong-Un has stated that his track record on banned nuclear the events and has quoted Kim matter for his government and that North Korea will not be testing and long-range rocket Jong-Un as saying that North Korea the South should “hold hands” with K the first to use Nuclear launches. The statement may be “will sincerely fulfil its duties for the North for unification, as reported Weapons. Jong-Un recently de- aimed at building an alliance with the non-proliferation of nuclear by the KCNA. clared this at the National Workers’ China, who were upset with North weapons and work to realise the Pardee Rand Graduate School Party congress, the first congress Korea’s actions in its nuclear weap- de-nuclearization of the world”. He senior defence analyst Bruce meeting in more than 35 years. ons programme. North Korea car- also called for more talks with Bennett has suggested that North North Korea has said it will ried out its fourth nuclear test in rival South Korea to reduce Korea seeking peace with the South 13 strengthen self-defensive nuclear January and has earned substantial misunderstanding and distrust to end the Korean war is “to lay the weapons capabilities in a decision worldwide condemnation for their between them and urged the groundwork for the US to withdraw made at congress, this is in defiance actions as well as tough United United States to stay away from from the Korean peninsula, at which of United Nations resolutions. This Nations sanctions. inter-Korean issues. point the north would be able to decision exemplifies the position A group of around 128 foreign North Korea had spent the past attack the South”, suggesting that held by North Korea where they journalists were invited to months resisting talks with the Kim’s comments to the Worker’s disavowed the use of nuclear weap- Pyongyang for the congress to south and threatening attacks Party congress ought to be taken ons, unless their sovereignty is first cover its proceedings, however against it, however Kim Jong-Un with a grain of salt. infringed by others with they were not granted access and spoke with a supposedly different nuclear arms. some were asked to leave. The tone at the conference, stating that Kim Jong-Un’s words are not Korean Central News Agency “fundamentally improving” in- likely to carry much weight given (KCNA) is the main source covering ter-Korean relations was an urgent

16 May | 2016 S P O R T

The Oklahoma City Thunder & Arsenal F.C.: The Perennial Also-Rans that promise so much but deliver so little

by Sean Nugent very year seems to be a repeat of the Two star players last for both the Oklahoma City Thunder Both teams have two players that stand out from that, the two sides have gone through periods E in the NBA and Arsenal in the Premier the rest. Sanchez and Ozil are easily the best in of poor form. The Thunder lost an incredible League. As the Thunder stare down the barrel of the Arsenal squad, as are Kevin Durant and thirteen games that they led going into the another playoff defeat, it makes one wonder Russell Westbrook for the Thunder. All four whether they will ever get a better chance to determine the performance of their side week A joke has win the NBA championship. Having made the in week out. If they do not perform, the chances emerged that NBA Finals in 2012 with a bunch of young stars, of losing greatly increase. Disappointment and Arsenal are many believed that they would build a dynasty failure has seen all of them become frustrated over the next decade. Yet, four years on and there and disillusioned at their respective franchises trying to win the has been nothing aside from frustration and as well. Durant has seen his contract run down battle for fourth- disappointment. Arsenal are in a similar situa- in order to enter free agency this offseason, while place rather tion, having not won the Premier League since Westbrook is likely to do the same next year. than actually 2004, despite finishing in the top four in every Whether either will stay is still up in the air, as season since. For the fans of both sides, the Durant has not committed to anything just yet, challenging for frustration lies in the fact that so little progress but chances are that both will be gone by the the title has been made, and at times the heart-breaking start of the 2017-18 season if things defeats mirror those from previous seasons. do not improve. fourth quarter, worse than even the woeful In the 2003-04 Premier League season, Sanchez has shown in recent weeks that he Philadelphia 76ers. As they battle it out in the Arsenal went all 38 games undefeated, the first is growing increasingly frustrated at the poor playoffs, most are wondering when, not if, time that had ever happened in the top tier of performances and lack of ambition shown by they disappoint and get knocked out. English football since the 19th century. An FA his club. In a game against Norwich a couple of Arsenal are no strangers to throwing it away, cup victory and Champions League final followed weeks ago, he became vividly upset at being having led the league at the turn of the year, in the next two seasons, before the building of a substituted and walked straight down the tunnel before going through a poor run of form, dropping new stadium meant funds were short and con- and out of the stadium. For Ozil, a lack of a gen- out of the title race, and gifting it to Leicester. It solidation was needed. Long-time manager uinely world-class striker playing in front of him was another typical Arsenal season, bottling it Arsene Wenger did well to keep his team of kids has often left his brilliant passing go to waste. just when people started to actually believe they in the top four during this period, especially Both players have been linked to moves away could finally win. A joke has emerged over the considering the financial struggles of other large from the club, and neither player has committed last decade regarding Arsenal’s consistent, yet clubs like Portsmouth and . But in 2013 a to a contract extension at this point. underwhelming performances every year, with signal of intent was made with the signing of the belief that the side are trying to win one of Europe’s best playmakers in Mesut Ozil, the battle for fourth-place rather than actually for £42.5 million, proving that the tough times Expectation & subsequent challenging for the title. 14 were behind them. The signing of winger Alexis failure For both sides there has been too much of the Sanchez the following year saw most supporters Obviously having such talented individuals same old mistakes and not enough consistency start to believe that the glory days were returning means that both teams are always going to to push over the line and win the championship once more. However, even with these great be expected to, at the very least, challenge they have been craving. players, nothing has changed, and year after for the title. Pundits usually consider them year Arsenal continue to throw away the title to be one of the favourites going into every through a combination of bad form and injuries. season, yet neither side has delivered on the “One piece away” Fans are frustrated at the similarly stagnated promise it has shown. Both have struggled It seems that every year we see people talk about progression of the club. with injuries – the Thunder have lost both how both teams are missing that one player that So in what ways are these sides similar? They Durant and Westbrook in the last two playoff would take them to the top. Since the Thunder are two very different teams playing two very runs, while Sanchez missed a large chunk of traded James Harden in 2012, they have struggled different sports, yet they are eerily comparable. the season around Christmas time. Besides to replace him with a reliable third-scoring Let’s break it down. option. Many shooting guards have come and

ISSUE 11 S P O R T

gone, none of whom have succeeded in nailing down the role that Harden made his own. Watching Harden score over 25 points per game every season must make the Thunder hierarchy regret their decision to let him go for peanuts. Just to rub it in, the man they chose over Harden, Serge Ibaka, has been on a downward spiral ever since. Now fans can only imagine what could have been had Harden stayed. Arsenal, until the last three seasons, were regarded by many as a feeder club for their rivals, as they consistently sold their best players to the best sides in and Europe. Now fi- nancially stable, they are one step away from the top, something everyone can see it seems, except Wenger. The aging manager has stuck by the “lamppost” Olivier Giroud, who until last weekend, had not scored in fifteen Premier League games. For the third summer running fans will be pleading for Wenger to go and buy Two star players: Russell Westbrook a world-class striker to finish the chances that & Mesut Ozil the likes of Ozil and Sanchez create on an ev- ambition, or an ability to crumble under pres- mentality is in the world of sport, and how talent- eryday basis. Whether it will happen is a totally sure, both have failed to even come close. Despite ed teams that don’t have the drive and heart to different story. playing completely different sports, the two be the best, usually won’t. It really is a shame to To conclude, both these sides have an abun- franchises are surprisingly similar in the way see these sides not fulfil their potential, but there dance of potential and should be winning titles they are run both on and off the field. If anything, is still time to turn things around. Hopefully for with relative ease. Yet, whether it be a lack of it shows how powerful a winning culture and our sake it will happen sooner rather than later.

Kangaroos kick Kiwis’ winning streak to the curb

by Willy Chapman here has been a feeling of disappointment Unsurprisingly they struggled to gel and were also quick to criticise their team’s perfor- from both sides of the ditch after last looked disorganised on attack. While Kiwis’ mance. Looking at the stats, the Kiwis were T weekend’s annual ANZAC coach Steven Kearney was pleased with the dominated all over the park, as the Kangaroos test match between the Kangaroos and Kiwis. defensive effort he admitted that they were not enjoyed a wealth of possession and territory. Despite the Kangaroos coming away with the effective enough with the ball, as they rarely However the strongly favoured Australian side 16-0 win, critics have labeled both sides perfor- threatened the Kangaroos’ line. were unable to convert this dominance into tries mances as underwhelming. Without veteran Benji Marshall who was yet as the Kiwis showed tough resilience on defence. 15 As the Kiwis looked to go four games unbeaten again snubbed by Kearney, the Kiwis offered no The Kangaroos certainly did not look fluent as against the Kangaroos, a horror build up, with flair, which prompted former Kiwis manager their performance was oddly disjointed for a injuries and suspensions to key players meant and Warriors coach Tony Kemp to criticise se- team of such vast experience. Well respected the side were on the back foot before the game lectors. Kemp argued that specialist players like rugby league commentator Phil Gould did not was even started. The absence of playmakers Marshall needed to be picked, as having players hold back during the game where he issued a Kieran Foran, Roger Tuivasa-Sheck and Issac out of position created a mismatch, which the scathing attack as he demanded that changes Luke meant a lot of players were out of position Kangaroos were able to capitalise on. Kemp are going to be needed if the Kangaroos are to for the match. With back rower believed the Kiwis didn’t have enough players defend next year’s World Cup. playing in the centres and the makeshift dummy to trouble the Kangaroos’ defence and someone halves of Lewis Brown and Kenny Bromwich, the like Marshall could have offered the spark that Kiwis were always going to have an uphill battle was required. on their hands. Despite the Kangaroos win, Australian media

16 May | 2016 politics

The Healthy Homes Bill is Andrew Little’s ‘Cool Runnings’ moment

by Joel MacManus “ eel the rhythm! Feel the ride! Get on up, it’s bobsled F time!.” The 1993 family sports comedy Cool Runnings (AKA the greatest movie ever made), tells the tale of a rag-tag group of failed Jamaican sprinters who team up to become their nation’s first Olympic bobsled team. With the help of a disgraced former coach, they train for months on the island with a homemade go-kart on hilly dirt tracks. Before they earn their place at the Olympics, they need to break 60 seconds at a qualifying event. When they show up in it doesn’t look good - They can’t skate, the team is at each others throats, and they don’t even have a sled. They’re the laughing stock chasing soundbites on whatever and National a defeat in the process. them a medal, the passage of this of the whole event. issue of the week happens to be in No Leader of the Opposition has one Bill won’t win Labour the next Eventually, the US team takes vogue in an attempt to stay visible. successfully passed a public election. But it will qualify them. It pity on them and gives them an old, He’s been chasing an out-of-con- members Bill since 1949, which gave the Jamaicans the chance to beat up training sled. It’s not per- trol go-kart down the side of a makes this Bill about as unprece- show that they were just as capable fect, but the Jamaicans eventually mountain, not controlling its path. dented as Jamaican team at the as the dickish Swiss team, and it get used to it and learn to thrive Three issues ago I wrote that Winter Olympics. will give Andrew Little the chance with it, getting through the quali- Little would have no real impact The Healthy Homes Bill is a good, to prove that he can be an effective fying round with a time of 59.46, until he can convince the voters to populist piece of legislation. Quality leader and legislator, not just an- just enough to earn their spot at the see him as a “credible alternative”, housing regulation that protects other forgettable white male Labour start line. and suggested standing with children from getting sick is an leader with the charisma of a wet Now, mostly because I want an National on a major bi-partisan issue which just inherently feels sock. He can finally show that he excuse to write about Cool issue, such as the flag referendum right, which makes it awfully hard has he is a credible alternative Runnings, I am going to attempt to or the TPP as an example of a way to argue against. If National wants Prime Minister capable of getting 16 prove why this is an appropriate to prove himself as a statesman. He to make this into a fight, it’s a fight things done. If he wants any chance metaphor for the leadership of the has so far failed to do that, and his Labour is more than willing to have. at the next election, it is absolutely modern Labour Party. poll numbers have started to dip. The Bill’s passage is still reliant essential that he convince the vot- For the past 18 months since Then last week, just as the US on Peter Dunne, who has attached ers of this. Andrew Little took the helm of the team came along and donated a a caveat to his support that the Of course, after the Jamaican Labour Party, he has been learning sled, Peter Dunne unexpectedly special committee must ensure that bobsled team earnt their place in the ropes of a brand new sport, handed Little the 61st vote on his costs are kept under control. That’s the Olympics they ended up vio- getting to grips with leadership and Healthy Homes Bill, enough to pass unlikely to be an issue, as Little will lently crashing into a wall and navigating the media scrum. He first reading. Passing his Bill offers be falling over his own feet to ac- finishing dead last but certainly has some promise, but an even greater opportunity to not commodate Dunne’s concerns. hey, who knows? lately he has been floundering, just prove himself as an effective Just as the Jamaicans qualifying lacking direction and desperately consensus builder, but to hand Key time of 59.46 wasn’t enough to earn

ISSUE 11 politics

Flex those democratic muscles and vote now in the 17 OUSA ONLINE REFERENDUM voting.ousa.org.nz Between 9am Monday 16th and 4pm Thursday 19th of May.

16 May | 2016 RE-CAPPING THE CAPPING SHOW

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ISSUE 11 This week you’ll have the chance to see the 122nd annual Capping Show. “Making Grad” is the latest installment in a long an you imagine jumping The university did not always many actors tradition of irreverence up on stage in a weird perceive the Capping Show so and hilarity where costume and making positively. In the past it has were so funC of the proctor? If you did, you’d upset audiences with outrageous nothing and nobody be part of a long tradition of Otago comedy sketches, sub-par acting intoxicated is immune to ridicule. students making fun of important performances and questionable they couldn’t Is it all just good people. If you’re a fresher, you dedication. Thankfully, under new may not know what I’m talking management and a dedicated team remember fun? Mikayla Cahill about, yet. The Capping show is an of writers, actors and technical investigates the history epic scale of a high school drama workers, The Capping Show has be- their lines, of the Otago University department production, and one come a fun and relevant spectacle or would that encompasses all aspects of of student culture, both on and off Capping Show. entertainment, from the hilari- screen that is enjoyed by everyone project ous Selwyn Ballet, the Sextet, the who attends. Sexytet – Otago’s infamous a The Capping Show first began them far capella entertainers who offend as an unformulated and unre- too loudly or and delight in the sexually charged, hearsed show at a graduation student focused banter, as well as ceremony in 1889. Students saw illegibly a main storyline accompanied by the opportunity to take advantage unrelated comedy sketches, dance of the three hundred plus audience performances, and music that ease at the ceremony. They donned tension and generate beaming costumes and poked fun at those laughter. in power through the variety of The Capping Show has evolved improvised sketches to popular since its debut in the late 1890’s. show tunes of the time. A mere Not only has it generated huge five years after its debut in 1889, revenue and successes, it has The graduation show’s flouting of challenged the views and bound- morals and social expectations of aries of what the audience will find its time garnered disapproval from funny for many years. Its glorious numerous university officials. After and prestigious history is dotted 1894 the shows were not allowed 19 with speculation, scandal, and at the graduation ceremonies. The controversy as well as an insight show didn’t end, but it did change into Otago University’s unique ownership. It was taken over by the student culture. The Capping Show Student’s Association, and much is almost as old as the university like receiving a cool new boss itself. It has emerged in recent who lets you have piercings and years as a frontier of Scarfie culture, tattoos, the graduation show was countering the couch burning, revitalised. class skipping, and unwholesome From this point up until the mid attitude often associated with the to late twentieth century the struc- university. tural makeup of the show remained

16 May | 2016 relatively the same – including the few years of immaturity we get to the following year. Alcohol wasn’t infamously notorious acts such experience during our time at uni. regulated before 1994. Many actors if you as The Sextet, an a cappella group The Capping Show remains an were so intoxicated they couldn’t couldn’t made up of male students, the aspect of student life here at Otago, remember their lines, or would Sexytet – a female a capella group with great successes along with its project them far too loudly or illeg- actually act, performing even sexier and risqué fair share of bad seasons and un- ibly. The Capping Show never used your chance numbers than those of the Sextet, impressed audiences. With all the to hold auditions; they let whoever The Selwyn Ballet, and of course all fame and glory surrounding it there wanted to participate be in the at being on of the crass and borderline funny/ is almost a guarantee that at least show, Jerome Cousins, who over- offensive interludes and sketches one small gossip train of horror will sees the production this year, said stage was – like the video sketch that ripped emerge from the backstage arena that that lead to casts in some case out the door into Kim Dotcom and his internet of the glitz and glamour that we numbered up to “thirty…some- party run in the 2014 general elec- see (there is and we’ll get to it. Hold times forty members”, creating a tion, causing a ruckus of laughter your horses). The ‘bad seasons’ chaotic and unmanageable cohort among the audience. were years where the public and of bumbling, undirected students The Sextets, with all its sexually hype around the show didn’t match on the stage. fuelled and borderline creepy ban- up with the performance. The In an attempt to spruce up their ter through parodies of well-known centennial show entitled Still Crazy image, The Capping Show decided songs, started off as a group of After All These Years that hit the they needed to become more blackface wearing white students stage in 1994 failed to generate the professional. They implemented an who dually called themselves The amount of expected profit and fell ethos of commitment and sobriety Coons, and sung racist parodies of short of even breaking even. OUSA both on and off stage throughout charity of the year, later revoking popular show tunes, fitting right had to make up the cost of lost the entire process of its creation. As and boycotting in 2014, when it was at home to the controversial but funds and felt weighed down by the well as the alcohol reforms, a strict announced as the official capping ‘funny-at-the-time’ values of the lack of professionalism apparent in and professional, but still a fun and Show Charity. Large wrote that revue and their audience. Thank- the production. playful process of choosing who The Capping Show stuck to a rigid fully though, the Capping Show has Exorbitant cast numbers, a lack could be and couldn’t (or shouldn’t) policy of “equal discrimination”, an moved on from its racist roots, and of alcohol and narcotic regula- be involved emerged near the argument some believe is used to now tries to be just as funny and tions, and technical capabilities late ‘90s. In other words, if you subjugate those offended by acts more progressive year after year. all contributed to the negative couldn’t actually act, your chance in the play. I asked Jerome about Just as good, are the Sexytets, a response from audiences; some at being on stage was out the door, equal discrimination, and whether group of young women who per- people walking out halfway according to David Large, author it could potentially cause friction or form the same cheeky, provocative through the performances, despite of Capping It All Off: A Change of worry among the politically correct and innuendo based humour, receiving glowing reviews from Scene for the Capping Show. population of university students. 20 much of which acknowledges that the Otago Daily Times heralding In 2010, the Sextet was accused “As executive producer I get the women are sexual beings who the centennial celebration “night of by Rape Crisis Dunedin of trivialis- final say in all content that gets the deserve orgasms too. The Sextet, outstanding performance”. These ing both sexual abuse and rape. As go ahead and sometimes I do say The Sexytet, and The Selwyn Ballet ‘bad seasons’ were not consecutive. a result, the line that was causing ‘look, no, it is really cleverly and interludes each provide the cheeky The occasional off year usually particular offence was removed well written but we just can’t have tongue poking humour that all meant students would work even from its song in the Sextet. The this in the show… Capping Show of us go through in the brief last harder to provide a better show charity declined to be the OUSA has always had an attitude of of-

ISSUE 11 head audio projecting. 10 years ago “Second Longest Capping Show in delivering a concise and nuanced the list of the show had a skit with the punch the World” claim perpetuates the version of the show than had been things that line “Gay-bashing: the real fruit hype surrounding the event, and it previously attempted emerged as hit”, something David Large had may not always live up to it, but it the show gained credibility and were once enlightened me too. This sketch nevertheless provides a vital stage chose to deliver a more widely considered prompted a harsh, heavy and fast for young writers, technicians, and acceptable and inclusive show to response from UniQ (Otago’s queer actors at the university who are their audiences. Alcohol reforms “fair game” rights group), who felt very “un- able to present their talents to an and the introduction of auditions to comfortable with the vibe” of the audience of 500 people for each of be a part of the cast helped create like racism, jokes, who took it up with the Critic the 10 nights the show runs. It al- the popular and successful atti- sexism, and to voice their concern and outrage. lows audience members an annual tudes of the Capping Show we have Despite its setback caused by dis- glimpse into the unique student today. Although a high quality ableism appointed audiences and drunken culture present at Otago University, production, with hours and hours are now performers, or its policies of ‘equal’ whilst also offering commentary of hard work put into it by those discrimination, the Capping Show on issues and incidents pertinent to both on and off stage, the Capping discouraged has managed to generate a huge the students here. Show has had issues in the past, amount of success over its lifespan. The fact the show is written by perhaps because the focus is often Putting aside its continuous young adults means it is perhaps still on trying to mildly, albeit in- battle with issues of political more susceptible to the risqué nocently, offend every group in the correctness, the cast and crew of jokes and boundary-pushing ex- audience equally. However, a lot of the show also know how to let plored by few comedy shows, and work goes into ensuring that The fend everybody equally so nobody loose and have a damned good this is a draw for many in the same Capping Show is lighthearted and is discriminated against.” time. The Capping Show is famous way that comedian Frankie Boyle fun for everyone in the audience! Jerome clarified that the list of for its off duty antics as well as or parts of Monty Python are/were I would encourage you all to go things that were once considered their performance. Capping Show for millions. Of course, the years in along attend this year’s production “fair game” and it includes things after-parties and cast do’s are wild which the metaphorical line was of Making Grad, the cast and crew like racism, sexism, and ableism and rambunctious. The intimate crossed between dark comedy and have worked endlessly week after that are now actively discour- connection between those that are offence causing outraged audienc- week to make it happen! aged and surveyed. He said it is often strangers to each other at the es to actively leave the venue can important to remember is that the beginning of the production dis- be struck out as anomalies rather ideology of equal discrimination seminates in the keg fuelled, pizza than regular occurrences over hasn’t necessarily evolved nor funded all-nighters that are put on the show’s history. Such a long evaporated, but rather that the to help alleviate stress, and they running show will always have content which tackles controversial often include a pants-off hour! great years along with substandard issues is self-reflexive and self- The Capping Show has ones, just as some performances 21 aware of the situation in which they seemingly resurrected the correct will go too far and others may not are satirising. concoction of vital ingredients it go far enough, leaving the audience It is one thing to make fun of needs to present the wider Dunedin underwhelmed. drunken scarfie lads, and another community with the nuanced The shift in attitude towards to show a sketch of people beating and unique comedic show we are professionalism in the show’s pro- up a queer character with the over- exposed to once a year. Perhaps the duction processes, and a focus on Human beings rely on being able to recognise other people I Never by their faces for normal social interaction. Lucy Hunter talked to three prosopagnosics, Remember people who have difficulty recognising faces, about some of the problems their condition A Face causes in their everyday lives. Living with prosopagnosia

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ISSUE 11 You can see the sheep just fine, “He’s got one of those faces your eyes just slide but if you met a normally most of the time, but finds the off,” said twelve year old Cindy, trying to describe condition frustrating and embarrassing. “As a kid a boy to a friend. The friend didn’t know what I don’t think I could see faces as well as I do now. she was talking about. A few years later at high sheep once, could I remember my early childhood as a vague kind school, her best friend had a new boyfriend who of blur of humanoid blobs and disorientation. Cindy had met a couple of times and thought you pick her out Now, once I have met someone about five or ten was an idiot. One night they were at a party and times, their face usually sinks into my brain.” Cindy nudged her friend and pointed, “look at of a flock? Sometimes her brain erases faces at random. that blond guy. He’s so cute.” Cindy asked if she If she meets someone who reminds her of knew who he was. “She thought I was making a someone else, her brain overwrites their face bad joke – it was her new boyfriend.” with that of the person they remind her of. The word “prosopagnosia” is from the Greek: “prosopon” (face), and “agnosia” (not knowing). Most people are able to identify familiar faces Dunedin art student Caitlin Lester and Wellington This is a more accurate term than “face without thinking about it, and many people musician Jon Lemmon also have the condition. blindness”: people with face blindness can see can identify thousands of individual faces. Our Caitlin is particularly bad at telling men apart, faces, but they have difficulty remembering brains have evolved to pay special attention especially when they have what she calls them. Damage to the occipito-temporal lobe to the nuances of faces, and this expertise is “generic man faces.” Caitlin, Jon, and Cindy all can cause prosopagnosia, but many people nearly universal, not only in humans but in have a hard time watching movies, especially appear to suffer from it from birth. The condition other primates. Everybody mistakes somebody gangster movies, where all the characters are seems to be hereditary, with most congenital for someone else or forgets a face on occasion. men with the same hair and wear suits. Cindy prosopagnosics having a close family member But up to one in 50 people struggle to identify told me “my boyfriend accused me of racism with the same condition. people by their faces. In the worst cases, a person because I couldn’t tell the Italian actors apart.” may not recognise their spouse, their child, or Caitlin’s face blindness can be an inconvenience, You may have some degree of prosopagnosia if even their own face in the mirror. The condition like the time she hitchhiked with an older you can relate to the following situations: if you is called prosopagnosia, or face blindness, and couple. “We stopped off in Temuka for a cup of have failed to recognise a close friend or family it can make living a normal, social life very tea and I split up with them to go to an op shop. member, especially when you weren’t expecting difficult. The people I spoke to have milder Then I realised I wouldn’t be able to recognise to see them, if you tend to remember people cases, and are able to function and socialise them.” Caitlin ended up waving at and greeting you are introduced to by their hairstyle, voice, fairly normally. Severe prosopagnosia can cause a strange woman. Eventually the old couple or a feature other than their face, if you confuse enormous problems for those affected by it, found her. characters in movies or on television more than including social isolation and depression. other people, if have failed to recognise yourself Cindy, Caitlin, and Jon are social and love in the mirror and/or have difficulty identifying To get an idea of what it is like, imagine that meeting new people. They have all had times yourself in photographs, if you usually don’t instead of telling people apart, you were trying when they’ve made a new buddy at a party, 23 recognise people who greet you in the street or to remember the differences in individual sheep. had a long conversation with them, and then if they get a haircut, and if you have difficulty You can see the sheep just fine, but if you met completely forgotten what they look like. Caitlin recognising neighbors, friends, coworkers, a sheep once, could you pick her out of a flock? will sometimes be at a party and look around clients, schoolmates etc. out of context. Would you recognise her if she dyed her wool at all the faces feeling bewildered about who or lost a lot of weight? Or if she popped up in a she should talk to thinking: “which ones are Cindy (not her real name) has moderate paddock you didn’t expect to see her in? This is my friends, again?” Jon said sometimes when prosopagnosia. She can function and socialise what it can be like for people with prosopagnosia he is talking to someone at a party he will be trying to tell humans apart. a patch Caitlin put on her back to make things easier at a music festival

“Which ones are my friends, again?”

Cindy remembers driving with her mum to a friend’s house to pick something up. She’d been there probably 20 times, but couldn’t remember which house it was, or even if they were on the right block. “My mum was mad cos we were in a hurry. I was staring at this house for ages but I just couldn’t remember if it was the right one. All the houses looked exactly the same. It’s embarrassing.” Jon said “I never know which

thinking, “okay, the person I’m currently talking He couldn’t recognise faces or facial expressions. street to turn down in Wellington when I’m to is either Sarah or Rebecca. Now how am I Moreover, he could not identify, or even trying to get somewhere and I always get really gonna figure out which person it is?” and has categorise, objects, so was unable to recognise confused when other people instinctively know to wait until they give away a “clue”. “It’s weird a glove, to distinguish it as an article of clothing, which street to turn on.” cause I might know both of them fairly well, I just or to perceive that it resembled a hand. As he can’t tell them apart when I see one of them at a was writing the book, Sacks realised he related Sacks wrote about similar problems with party.” Jon has a friend with the same problem to Dr. P., and on publishing the book he received navigation. He tells a story about going for a who told him he kept seeing these two guys at letters from people who couldn’t tell their friends walk with his nephew who was staying with him parties he went to, and one of them he really and family apart. He realised prosopagnosia and getting lost trying to get home. “After two liked, and one of them he couldn’t stand. A year could be on a spectrum, with far more people hours of walking around, during which we both later he found out they were the same person. than previously known living normal lives with got thoroughly soaked, I heard a shout. It was my 24 Cindy once hugged a random man in the street milder versions of the condition. landlord; he said that he had seen me pass the thinking he was her friend. house three or four times, apparently failing to Prosopagnosics often have trouble with recognise it.” Famous prosopagnosics include Brad Pitt, Jane navigation. Cindy says “I can drive, but I don’t Goodall, the late Oliver Sacks, and the artist like doing it.” Driving alone she is fairly happy Cindy eventually went to a doctor, worried she Chuck Close. Close has severe face blindness; to potter around, lost, but relies on passengers had some kind of dementia after getting lost part of the reason he chooses to paint enormous, to navigate to when she has company to avoid walking home. The doctor asked her how her photorealistic human faces. Sacks wrote a book wrong turns. Walking is no different. “My friend memory for other things was - studying for called “The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat” and I meet for coffee every week and I get lost exams, remembering events, etc. They were about a Dr. P., who had a severe visual agnosia. going to the café. It’s on a weird intersection.” all fine. The doctor suggested she may have

ISSUE 11 We stopped off in situations if he failed to recognise people he After failing to recognise a friend at a music knew. Like Sacks, Caitlin, Jon, and Cindy tend festival, Caitlin found a temporary solution to Temuka for a cup to greet strangers as old friends. They avoid her problem. He was a friend Caitlin had failed greeting people by name and often depend on to recognise a lot, and it offended him. “He was of tea and I split others to save them from the worst of their social one of those “faceless” people who I couldn’t blunders. keep hold of. It was particularly embarrassing up with them to cos I saw him every week or so. My whole body Caitlin once made a new friend at a party who flushed. I felt like dying.” Caitlin made a sign go to an op shop. she was getting on well with. After about half and put it on her back, stitched to her overalls. It an hour she had “a click moment” and realised said “I’m sorry, I often have trouble recognising Then I realised I that this wasn’t a new friend at all - it was faces. Please re-introduce yourself to me and an old friend who had cut off his dreadlocks. don’t be offended if I don’t recognise you.” She She remembers some people better than said the response was positive and it generated wouldn’t be able others, and finds people with “ordinary faces” a lot of conversation “because people don’t know and conventionally attractive faces harder about this. They think you’re just being rude to recognise them to remember than others. “I’ve noticed a or don’t care about them.” Jon has thought of lot of my friends are quite unusual looking. doing something similar. “People take it really face blindness. “I felt a lot happier having a Maybe I subconsciously pick friends who have personally when you don’t recognise them. And name for it, and knowing I wasn’t going crazy interesting faces.” Cindy sometimes has trouble when you say “Sorry, I’ve got facial blindness” or senile.” Caitlin is also not as bothered by her with even her friends, especially if they are “out it sounds so ridiculous they don’t believe you. prosopagnosia since putting a name to it a year of context” or not in a place where she expects There’s a real lack of awareness about the or so ago. She learned about it when talking to them to be. “One of my best friends came to condition. I thought about making a card I could a flatmate who had similar problems to her. visit me in the office. She had different hair pull out at social occasions that says “I’m sorry” “Everything made sense for me.” and I didn’t recognise her.” Jon once introduced on one side, and on the other side it explains himself to a “new girl” at work, and she said to what prosopagnosia is.” Face blindness can make a person seem him “Jon, are you serious?! We’ve been working rude, aloof, or snobby. Sacks was accused of in the same office for the past year.” Turns out Prosopagnosia can make you a better person. absent-mindedness, shyness, reclusiveness, she’d just cut her hair. Many face blind people are friendly and social ineptitude, eccentricity, even of having welcoming to everyone they meet, because they Asperger’s syndrome. He believed these Some prosopagnosics have trouble recognising don’t know if they are a friend or a stranger. Jon assumptions were at least in part consequences their own spouses. Cindy isn’t that bad, but said “The main way I cope with it is by smiling at of his difficulty recognising faces. she says “One time my boyfriend shaved his everyone I see and pretending like I know them hair completely off. He had warned me about already, because chances are I might. It’s not 25 Prosopagnosics tend to develop strategies it, but when I saw him I didn’t recognise him too bad really, it’s nice to pretend like everyone for identifying people. They get good at for a while. Like, for a few seconds.” She also is your friend.” But Cindy doesn’t like it. She remembering voices, gait, context, and physical remembers having a huge crush on an old says “It’s different to being bad with faces. I can attributes like hair colour and clothing style, boyfriend, going to meet him at a bar, but then feel my brain mucking things up for me. People even jewellery. But the condition makes some not being sure which one he was. “I was so crazy think I’m stupid or snobby.” Next time someone people avoid large social events for fear of about him, and I knew I found him attractive, but you know fails to recognise you, consider that embarrassment. Sacks avoided conferences, I couldn’t figure out which man was him. I was the situation may be far worse for them than it parties, and large gatherings as much as he looking at all these guys thinking are you my is for you. could to avoid anxiety and embarrassing crush? Or is it you?”

16 May | 2016 26

ISSUE 11 CONSENT ON CAMPUS by Amber Allott

little over a fortnight ago, I was scrolling like students are ready and wanting to talk about Rape and sexual assault on through Yik Yak before bed one night this, and also wanting the University to talk about campus is not a nice topic, Awhen something disturbing caught my it – for me, the goal (of Rape Awareness Week) is but one that everybody at the eye. Somebody was anonymously appealing conversation and openness.” university needs to think about. to the Dunedin community for help. The night before, their flatmate had sex with a woman who The Hunting Ground is a documentary exploring Amber Allott discusses consent, was so drunk that she passed out. People were sexual assaults on college campuses. It focuses the myth of the “grey area”, offering advice and support, but I was shocked to on several different areas of concern, including and resources available for the point where I felt a little bit numb. Sure, you the failure of the institutions to report and ade- hear about this sort of thing every now and then, quately handle cases of sexual violence, as well sexual assault survivors. but here? In Dunedin? I’d always imagined that as how the subcultures that spring up around in such a small, tight­knit community of students, university students can perpetuate and even there was relative safety, as well as common encourage rape culture, with the examples in the knowledge of what is and is not okay in terms film being fraternity and college sports subcul- of sex. I sincerely hope the woman is okay, and tures. The film cited a wide range of startling sta- is receiving any help and care that she needs, tistics surrounding sexual assaults on campuses, but the whole horrifying situation has left me and although most of them pertained to the U.S., wondering; how much of the Dunedin stu- one has to wonder how different they really are dent population are fully aware of what active, here. More than 16 percent of women are sexually enthusiastic consent IS, and what it is not? And assaulted in college, but according to the film, 88 furthermore, how are cases of sexual violence percent of women sexually assaulted on campus dealt with at the University of Otago, and in the do not report it. This is hardly surprising, when wider community of Dunedin? only 26 percent of reported rapes in the U.S. lead to an arrest, and only 20 percent lead to a pros- Two weeks ago, from the 2nd to the 8th of May, ecution. There is minimal data on men who are was Rape Awareness Week. The week involved victims of sexual violence, as men face greater activities such as a quiz night, a clothes swap, the chances of being disbelieved or even ridiculed if annual street appeal for Rape Crisis, and a region- they choose to report. al Hui to enable various community agencies to network. According to Rachel Shaw, a communi- Reporting sexual assault on college campuses ty educator for Rape Crisis Dunedin, the primary in the U.S. is a whole different kettle of fish than goal of Rape Awareness Week is to inspire con- it is here. Universities are protecting a brand – 27 versation amongst the community. She believes like a business, they rely on advertising to pro- the people of Dunedin are at a “really good point mote their product. They want to keep statistics at the moment to have that discussion,” in light that would negatively impact their image, like of recent events on campus, such as a screening sexual violence on campus, down. According to of American documentary The Hunting Ground, The Hunting Ground, this results in unfair and and a recent forum on student harassment. “I feel inappropriate handling of reported sexual vio-

16 May | 2016 lence; meetings with the Dean or Chancellor are ous cases. People seem to feel safe voicing their ignored or passed off, victims are discouraged doubts and concerns about sex and sexual 88 PERCENT from going to the police, and even staff who stand situations in the app’s anonymous forumtype­ up for victims face retaliation – getting branded structure. All too often, people seem confused OF WOMEN as activists and troublemakers – often failing to about what is expected from them sexually, and get tenure. tales are told by people in relationships, male and SEXUALLY female alike, of their intimate partners pressuring I spoke to Otago’s Campus Cop, Senior Constable them for sex, or of feeling obliged to try some kind ASSAULTED ON John Woodhouse, about what the protocol here of sexual activity they otherwise wouldn’t want would be if somebody were to report a sex- to, because they believe they are supposed to CAMPUS DO NOT ual assault. “Often, what would happen is that enjoy it. Rachel Shaw, from Rape Crisis, believes the occurrence would be reported to the frontline if people are asking questions and seeking clar- REPORT IT police or campus watch – who would call for a ification in this way, that there is a misconcep- police response. At that stage, they would call tion about what consent is. To describe, simple in a specialised detective who would have their and succinctly, what consent is, Shaw would say, own protocols for evidence and scene preserva- “Consent is the act of negotiating a free and will- tion.” With the police response, all possible steps ing yes from your partner.” for care of the victim would be taken. The Uni- versity maintain an ‘innocent until proven guilty’ Now, let’s take a look at what consent isn’t, de- approach, and would wait on the result of the po- spite what some common practices and beliefs lice inquiry before taking action. The exception may suggest. According to Shaw, “It isn’t some- would be in a situation where somebody would thing that only happens once – it can be negoti- feel threatened, such as if the accused and ac- ated at any time, it’s not a fixed thing. It’s not cuser were in the same hall, in which case there something that happens under pressure. It would be an immediate response. According happens as a conversation as well – it happens to Woodhouse, the University’s job would be to between people, it’s not one sided.” She notes protect both of them until there is a result. Whilst something that often comes up in her workshops support would be offered to the victim – in the is the term ‘grey areas,’ or areas where the situ- end, what help they required would be left up to ation is not black or white, which in the student them. “Every case is different – there’s no blan- population, can often come down to alcohol and ket policy.” Still, Constable Woodhouse would drug usage. “Often students are surprised to hear like to emphasize that, “the university would that the standard rule of thumb is two standard never condone covering something like this up drinks in an hour to give consent... People be- for the sake of statistics.” lieve that if someone says “I want sex,” when 28 they’re drunk that it’s totally fine, but that’s not The story I chose to open with is unfortunately not the case. You can’t negotiate true consent when the first time I have seen this sort of thing on Yik you’re drunk. ” Still, Shaw maintains that despite Yak, although it is, perhaps, one of the most seri- alcohol being a factor, it is part of a wider issue

ISSUE 11 around the lack of knowledge of what consent, of students, the flatting situation, and the alco- and therefore rape and sexual abuse, actually is. hol, students are often safer here than in their CONSENT IS In terms of what some of the main issues with home towns. If you need help, Campus Watch are what students may believe counts as con- never far away; this is a pretty safe environment.” THE ACT OF sent but actually is not, Shaw would say that The problem then, rather than being the Scarfie alongside alcohol, coercion is probably one of the and party cultures as a whole, lie in the norms NEGOTIATING most significant. that are associated with these cultures, in which, sometimes, consent is misunderstood. So, if you A FREE AND Coercion is pressuring other people into partici- see somebody on Yik Yak or anywhere else ques- pating in activities, and Rape Crisis often use the tioning something that has happened, to them or WILLING YES ‘Green Eggs and Ham,’ analogy to best describe to somebody else, the key is to have no judge- it. In Dr. Seuss’s classic children’s book, the main ment of the situation. Still, Shaw recommends FROM YOUR character doesn’t want to eat the titular meal, giving people other options that can help them is PARTNER but Sam I Am continuously tries to convince him the best way to support them. Rape Crisis Duned- that he’ll like it if he tries it here, or if he adds this in have staff trained to support people who may or that to it – he keeps pressuring and pressur- be unsure about what has happened to them, ing, until eventually, his friend gives in. Shaw and whether it constitutes rape or sexual abuse. believes that this pressure is present in a lot of Their website has useful definitions, and links to student situations, even, or perhaps especially other sites and services which may be able to so, for students in relationships. “Consent doesn’t help meet individual needs better. stop being negotiated just because you’re in a relationship. The stats reflect that upwards of Although the university and the police will do 40 percent of sexual abuse is undertaken by an their utmost to protect and support survivors intimate partner – so it definitely still happens.” of sexual violence, there is a fundamental lack One of the key instigators of sexual violence of understanding as to what consent entails is a on campus in the film ‘The Hunting Ground’ very real, very serious problem here in Dunedin. is student­oriented subcultures, such as fraternity It is not only our job to make sure, when we have and college sports. One has to wonder, are there sex, that we have the free and willing consent any parallels between this and Dunedin’s Scarfie of our partners, but that we stand up for and subculture, or more candidly, the image of the support others. We want our city and our univer- ‘Scarfie Lad’ that seems to pop up so frequently in sity to remain a safe place for everyone, and that it? We Scarfies are known – and often criticised – involves open communication and acknowledg- for our unique and vibrant party culture, which is ing problems when they occur. Because if there’s known for high rates of alcohol and drug usage, no consent, then it isn’t sex. It’s rape. as well as casual sex. According to Sr. Cst. Wood- 29 house, who has been our Campus Cop for around Rape Crisis Dunedin: two years now, cases reported to the University 24 Hour Hotline – (03) 474 1592 are very, very rare. “Considering the number www.rapecrisisdunedin.org.nz letters

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hroughout my 3 years at this University Your first fact and little women being pencils didn’t seem too far fetched, but then you lost me the one thing I have always relied on is confuses me. This is because I had to read it with whole “little women.” Anyways, after I got GREAT VALUE GREAT VALUE GREAT VALUE T that the facts and figures of your maga- about 3 times to double check you were actually my head out of the gutter, I realised you were $ $ $ zine be true. I am struggling with the idea that saying “pens” and “pencils.” For some reason I talking about pens and pencils, which still con- 128 138 199 I may have to find my own pointless facts if these read the word based off the first 3 three letters. fuses me. Could I get some clarification on what continue to be fictitious. At first, I saw penises are little men and I that that means? Just so I can add that info to my long list of pointless shit that I know. Goldair Dimplex Sincerely, Goldair A Pencil Convector Heater Panel Heater Micathermic 2KW 425KW Heater 2KW 224299 279425 279478 Dear Critic, or more specifically Ms. Lovelock Dear A Pencil, SAVE $20 GREAT VALUE GREAT VALUE The disdain that people share for teenage Hi Patriarchy, Perhaps you would be more discerning fans is not misogyny and i think that the if your mind weren’t so clogged $ $ $ disdain for teenage fans is more than under- First of all I would like to say that I’m so gripped with filth. 139 218 599 standable. They’re often obsessive and vapid by your fascinating and totally original opinion with little more character than a lawn orna- on teenage girls. Sincerely, Celsius Dimplex ment. It’s annoying but relatively mundane. Secondly, I’m not going to argue with you as The Proud Penis and Pencils of Critic Aerlite Dehumidifer Tango Electric To frame the annoyance people share at this you are clearly resolutely incapable of critical Heat Transfer phase that many girls go through as “misog- thinking, an annoying quality often found in 8L Fire 2KW yny” or hate is a vast exaggeration. patriarchal figures. I will ask, however, that you 242256 191594 Kit 3 Room Why, my own sister was one of those think about why it’s so embarrassing and irri- 172397 teenage fans at one stage and her constant tating to like Justin Bieber and One Direction Correction: GREAT VALUE SAVE $531 GREAT VALUE obsessing over Justin Beiber [sic] drove me beyond the insipid argument that you personally $ $ $ and my parents to madness, probably as don’t like it or understand it. You describe your Wee correction from last weeks 259 2199 2199 much as my propensity to get into trouble at sister’s teenage interests as ‘vapid’, but can you story on asbestos… We jumped school irritated the parents. explain why pop music is any less substantial the gun a little due to our dead- One of my sisters first acts upon returning than your teenage interests? lines… Apparently no absbestos. Dimplex Hitachi Masport from her overseas tertiary education a more I’m sure you exited the womb ever discerning Wood Fire 20KW mature young woman was to tear down the and armed with fully formed ‘mature’ tastes and Yay :) Micathermic Heater Heat Pump 30 280591 posters and photos that tessellated her wall interests, but do try stepping outside yourself 2.4KW 7.0KW Free standard flue kit (composed of Justin Beiber, One Direction for just a moment. If you need some help thinking 279480 215842 113504 / 113506 and “just girly things” pictures), now sharing about these questions you’re welcome to read my disdain for her younger, more vapid and my upcoming thesis regarding teenage fans and immature self. how they interact with mass media in ways that Dunedin If teenage boys frothed at the mouth and radically alter traditional models of popular 350 Andersons Bay Road squealed excitedly in the same manner, you culture. Phone: 455 3344 would probably see a very similar reaction. The dislike for this teenage fans is not hate. Sincerely, It’s annoyance, and one that is relatable for Ms. Lovelock Opening Hours most people Regards Monday - Friday 7:00am-6:00pm The Patriachy [sic] Saturday Sunday & Public Holidays 8:00am-6:00pm

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Solid science, smoked salmon bagels, & social democracy

–BIOCHEMISTRY SENIOR LECTURER SIGURD WILBANKS

by TAORAN LI hen Sigurd informed me that for picturesquely in the middle of the cold Dunedin breakfast, he had smoked salmon winter of ’98, he has been part of the Biochemistry W bagels with cream cheese and Department for 18 years. Russian Caravan tea, I thought it summed him Sigurd’s own philosophy toward education is up perfectly. that of a liberal one. While it seems unorthodox As part of a deal for students to finish a lab by that he studied Classics, a liberal education 6pm, Sigurd once promised the biochemistry meant he was encouraged to explore another class a handstand, which according to a reliable subject to an appropriate depth at the same time. source, was executed flawlessly. Of course, noth- He chose Biochemistry, which for Sigurd, is just ing less is to be expected from the ex-president one of the ways in which a “fundamental expla- of the Harvard University Gymnastics Club. Now, nation” is offered of life. He admits that while Sigurd bikes sixteen kilometers a day to and specialization is necessary to achieve a deep from work on a track bike, and experiments understanding, “you need a number of different occasionally with watercolor painting and dry- perspectives to balance that understanding.” point printing. “Different disciplines” he says, “aren’t just A long way from home, Sigurd grew up in different because they’re looking at different Berkeley, California, which at the time of his things, but because of how they organize knowl- childhood was the epicenter and genesis of edge and the structure with which they student protests of the Free Speech Movement. perform their analysis and criticism. This gives impact publication, but the discovery may He recalls his older brothers being allowed to go you an appreciation that there are other equally sometimes lack the answer that hits the nail on down to watch the riots and while too young to valid, and completely distinct ways of the head. To this, Sigurd reflects that he has been go himself, one of his babysitters was Mario organizing knowledge.” fortunate to work with advisors that have taught Savio, a leader of the Free Speech Movement. With a strong commitment to social democ- him the balance between having ambition, and After completing an undergraduate degree in racy, Sigurd observes that there are pressures doing “really solid science that will stand the Classics at Harvard, he then spent the next two to make the University more careers orientated test of time, even if it costs you getting there first.” years working as a lab technician for Harvard than broadly education orientated. These pres- Another influence from Sigurd’s advisors was 32 Biology Professor Lawrence Bogorad. Post sures are “the combination of economic models the principle of “humanely treating the people Harvard, Sigurd dived back into the academic amongst some politicians that think everything you work with” which in any competitive field, world to complete a PhD at the University of needs to be quantifiable by money, and impos- may be a problem. We see this principle mani- California at Berkeley and finally undertook his ing debt on students, [thus] making employ- fested through the comments of India Alexander, post doctorate at Stanford University for six years. ability very important to the student in terms a third year student in his biochemistry lab who Sigurd had never heard of Otago till he saw of evaluating whether their university experi- describes Sigurd as an ‘original hipster’ says, an advertisement recruiting for lecturers in the ence is worthwhile.” “he is patient to the pace of others and treats journal Nature. After turning down a biotech job The world of scientific publications can mean everyone with respect. We are lucky to have him.” in the San Francisco Bay Area, and arriving that making a discovery first will lead to a high And indeed, we truly are.

Critic's column offers a few discussion points for when trying to blow smoke up your lecturer’s ass. Got a lecturer you want to know about, write us at: [email protected]

ISSUE 11 columns

DEAR ETHEL SCIENCE, BITCHES Sick of eating balls Global warming. Not cool Dear Ethel, By CHRIS SADLER “ limate Change ignorance” used to be bliss. It used to I’m broke! How am I going to get through be all-good to not care. Now it has become a more to the end of semester? I’ve been stay- C obvious problem and we reach new levels of stub- ing at uni all day to catch up with as- bornness as we continue to ignore this elephant in the room. signments but it’s so expensive to buy The earth’s climate has already changed, so let’s talk food on campus. I’ve been living off rice numbers. balls but soon it will be nothing. This year’s average temperature for March was 1.22 degrees -From Hungry Harry hotter than the 20th century average for the same month. This follows nine consecutive months of record breaking temperatures. To put that in context, scientists have accepted that even two degrees of warming will be catastrophic for Dear Hungry Harry, humanity. We’re on the cusp of it. Climatic models suggest that at our current rate of C02 emissions, we will reach that Ah, the old SGTS (Student Grumbly whenever the next meal. Only $1 two degree threshold in approximately 30 years. Tummy Syndrome). It is almost the more if you want dessert. The fruit According to NASA, Arctic Sea Ice Extent is falling by 13% time of year when SGTS is as rife as and veg stall on campus or Veggie annually. We’re losing 421 billion tonnes of land ice from fresher ‘flu. If you managed to get Boys on Albany Street both have Antarctica and Greenland every year. Methane imprisoned some cash behind you over sum- great deals. in Greenland’s ice could be expelled into the atmosphere mer, it’s probably long gone and If you’re broke and the flat pan- causing further warming. Maybe we don’t have 30 years. you’re down to the unrealistic try is bare, drop into OUSA Student “Fuck the ice” amount Studylink expects you to Support Centre at 5 Ethel B and pick Last week, a fire in Alberta forced 80,000 Canadians to healthily live on. George Orwell yourself up a FREE food pack. It’s evacuate Fort McMurray, and the Great Barrier Reef just had wrote that “hunger reduces one to simple fare but will tide you over its greatest bleaching event in history. These are not an utterly spineless, brainless for a few days. If you are feeling coincidences. condition” (Down and out in Paris overwhelmed by financial worries, “meh” and London). I’m not sure about have a chat to an advocate there. That’s not to mention the increasing likelihood of more ‘spineless’ but the brain definitely They may be able to identify other floods, droughts, megastorms, rising seas, and climate related functions best when we are sources of financial assistance, can mass migration. Emissions in NZ are produced via transport, adequately fed. set you up with a budget advisor power stations, and agriculture. But what can you do, without There are some practical things (free, of course), and will help get breaking a sweat, to reduce your emissions? 33 you can do to make most of your you set for the longer term. You can avoid buying a new petrol car. If you are going to student dollars. Save by starting They’re also great when it comes buy a new car, get an electric one. They’re cool, fast, reliable, your day with a FREE breakfast at to flat budgets. and they save you money once bought. They’re good for our OUSA Clubs and Socs on Albany So, before you start dumpster economy and could save us 8 billion dollars annually. Street. Plenty of toast, spreads, tea diving or buying meat from the ‘pet They’re safe, they’re stylish and they’ve got plenty of range. and coffee to get you off to a good food only’ section of Pak N’ Save, Some of them even drive themselves. Most importantly start. Clubs and Socs also host the come and see us! Things shouldn’t though, they don’t fuck with our atmosphere. Tell your parents, world-famous $3 lunch, where you be so tough that they suck all the tell your mates. It’s basic science. can get a hearty vegetarian meal, joy out of life. If they are, we’ll do with loads of protein and carbs to our very best to get you fed, warm keep you going through to and happy! Whole lotta love, -Ethel xox

16 May | 2016 columns CLARK V WOODHOUSE

What does the Kiwi dream mean in 2016?

by DAVID CLARK by MICHAEL WOODHOUSE ew Zealanders don’t ask a lot, but there are some things re we still the Half-gallon Quarter-acre Pavlova Paradise that make us who we are and define our place in the world. made famous by the 1960’s book of the same name and to N We call it the Kiwi dream. A which our parents and grandparents aspired? I think so. But It is about opportunities for everyone to succeed, no matter where while those metaphors for paradise are still used, the things they they live, or how deep their parents’ pockets are. We all want the security represent have shifted somewhat. and freedom to make our own choices. Kiwis want to be able to dream It’s also worth reflecting on whether past days represent the utopian of owning their own home. And we want to be able to have pride in our ideal of egalitarian New Zealand living. Sure we were all equal back in independence as a country and our clean green environment. the old days. Unless you were female. Or Maori. Or disabled. Or mentally That’s the New Zealand we want and deserve. ill. Or gay. Or a few other attributes. Other than that, completely equal! But it feels like we’re losing control of our future. The interests of the The dream of my parents was to be married with children (they had super-rich are being prioritised over the interests of middle New Zealand. a lot!), own their own home and car and have a job that earned sufficient More and more people are telling us John Key’s National Government money each week to support the family. They wanted their children to no longer seems interested in those things Kiwis care most about; the do well. They wanted to be safe in their homes. They wanted health Government appears increasingly arrogant, and out of touch. care. Modest but reasonable expectations. Largely met. Is that still the When John Key says there’s no problem in the housing market, it Kiwi dream and how do we compare with the past in achieving supports the idea that he is plain out of touch. The fact is home ownership that dream? is the worst it’s been in 60 years, and many students are giving up on Relationships matter but marriage is less important to Kiwis. the idea of ever owning their own home. The Kiwi dream is slipping Marriage, de facto, Civil Union and same-sex marriage are all part of away. Jobs are less secure. Houses are harder to buy. Our heartland the relationship mix. It’s also easier to end a relationship, a particular towns are being neglected. Actually, most New Zealanders are feeling improvement if one is in a violent or risky relationship from which the squeeze. previously it was socially difficult to extricate from. The Kiwi dream depends on us as New Zealanders owning our own We aspire to do what we love workwise. I was advised by my father future. Instead the government seems intent on asset stripping the to get the equivalent of NCEA 2 so I could get a job for life in a bank or country. Public assets are being underfunded or sold off. Homes are Government Department. That dream changed under the fourth Labour being bought by speculators. An increasing amount of land is sold Government. Despite the pain of Rogernomics we now have more New offshore without tests to see what value that sale brings to New Zealand. Zealanders completing a post-secondary qualification. Graduates have Backroom deals, like SkyCity and the Saudi sheep scandal, seem more materially increased under this Government. We have also set chal- important to this Government than funding education properly, or lenging targets for school leavers achieving NCEA 2 and the improve- diversifying the economy. ments have been dramatic. 34 There is a better way. Labour’s backed Kiwis for 100 years. We’ve Some might say the Kiwi dream is fading due to growing income always focused on creating well-paid jobs. When Kiwis need homes, inequality. Actually after growing in the wake of the fourth Labour we build them. When Kiwis look for security, we help them save. When Government’s reforms, income inequality has remained static or drop- Kiwis take a stand, we stand with them. We revived the Treaty together. ping under National. It drops further this year with the first increase in We went nuclear free together. We have a history to be proud of, and a benefit rates in over 40 years. vision for the future. Buying one’s first home seems more challenging than in my parents’ Labour has a plan to work with New Zealanders to make the Kiwi time and there are many reasons for this. Despite the breathless de- Dream real again. A future Labour Government will build thousands of scriptions of house price inflation from the opposition, houses actually affordable homes. We’ll back our businesses to build a stronger economy increased in price by a greater percentage under Labour. Thanks to that delivers decent work and higher wages. We’ll care for the envi- significantly lower interest rates and increased after-tax incomes, ronment so we can all enjoy it, now and in the future. We’ll ensure three homes are more affordable under National. years of free tertiary education so New Zealanders from all walks of life The 2016 version of the Kiwi dream is similar but different. And better. can dream big and succeed. A bit like New Zealand overall I reckon.

ISSUE 11 columns Matters of debate

This column is written by the Otago University NEW ZEALAND SHOULD EMBRACE Debating Society, which meets for social debating NUCLEAR ENERGY every Tuesday at 6pm in the Commerce Building

+AFFIRMATIVE by BY OLD MAJOR –NEGATIVE by SQUEALER THE PIG

Of the renewable energy methods which exist at present (i.e. Chernobyl! Fukushima! See how easy that was? I’ve already geothermal, wind, hydroelectric, solar) nuclear fission is the won this argument. News flash to the person writing the other most proficient, supplying 14 percent of the world’s electricity, side: Nuclear disasters happen and they’re pretty shitty. and providing the only green source which can currently Countries have been moving towards phasing out nuclear match the energy output of fossil fuels. It should be the bread power; after the disaster at Fukushima, immediately and butter of a nation devoted to its ‘pure and green’ image. shut down eight of its 17 reactors and is working towards Yet David Lange’s impassioned campaign to establish the having them all closed by 2022. New Zealand is also on a country as a nuclear free zone has made anything with the major fault-line, no matter how well built the reactors are, word ‘nuclear’ anathema to many New Zealanders. Since the there is always a chance that there might be a disaster. It’s Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in 1959, we as a nation not a risk that we should take. have been in staunch opposition to atomic weapons. Yet with A further point of concern is that nuclear power plants are nuclear power established as a rich energy source, bereft of liable to attack by terrorist organisations. After the Paris the restrictions associated with nuclear weapons, surely the attacks, security has been heightened at plants in the region. policy now does more harm than good for New Zealand? The Belgian government is providing everyone in the country The nuclear disasters of Chernobyl and Fukushima are with iodine pills. The Dutch government has ordered 15 million terrible; but in perspective, of over 500 reactors spanning pills. Why? Because these countries think there is a risk half a decade of operation, barely one percent have faced any terrorists will successfully attack a nuclear power plant; iodine potential crisis. According to the World Nuclear Organisation pills help to reduce radiation build-up. If that’s what you want (WNO), who claim “even a major accident and meltdown (as New Zealand to look like, sure, go for it. I’m just not so sure at Fukushima in 2011) would not endanger its neighbours”, how good we’d be at stopping a potential attack. I mean the the risk or irradiation does not outweigh its potential benefits. police can’t even stop people lighting couches on fire. The few reactors which have faced problems are those fitted Highly radioactive waste is created as a by-product of with outdated, degraded technology which is no longer nuclear power. One of the most common ways of getting rid permitted to exist. There is no question that such events have of nuclear waste is to bury it deep underground. If that sounds cautioned the nuclear industry and ensured tightening of its as childish as fuck to you, you’re right. It’s like these govern- safety threshold and its policy for environmental preserva- ments are cats who are trying to bury their shit. There are tion; it is, as the WNO states, “the only energy-producing different estimates of how long the waste remains radioactive industry which takes full responsibility for managing all its for, ranging from 10,000 years to millions of years. It’s not wastes, and bears the cost of this.” pleasant to find week old cat poo in your sandpit, similarly it And yet, our evolving technology offers methods to ame- wouldn’t be nice for people in a few thousand years time to liorate the risks that we associate with nuclear power. dig down and find radioactive nuclear waste. On top of that 35 Thorium, an element abundant in minerals throughout the there’s also always the potential of leaks. earth’s crust, provides a fertile material for nuclear fission I won this argument with the first two words. And then which requires far less uranium and produces a more stable I said more stuff. Clearly New Zealand shouldn’t turn to reaction with fewer harmful by-products. Yet use of thorium nuclear energy. as nuclear fuel is impeded by lack of research and innovation in this area, and continued stigmatisation of nuclear energy will do little to alleviate delays in studying them. To conclude, the field of nuclear science holds massive potential for the future of green energy.The sooner the better it will be, that we can surpass our concerns about the industry and gain a better understanding of its potential benefits to New Zealand.

16 May | 2016 columns

THE WEEKLY DOUBT Butt don’t forget Belle Gibson to use a condom Dear S, & “Clean Eating” My boyfriend asked me to try anal and I had a friend that tried it who said it really hurt and it made her cry. However, By WEE DOUBT I am open to trying new things and want to give it a go. f something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Is there a way that I can prepare *down there* to make Australian conwoman Belle Gibson has just been fined it less sore? I over one million dollars for stealing a killing, and possibly - Adventurous killing other people. Gibson claimed to have cancer in her kidneys, brain, blood, Hi Adventurous, spleen, liver, and uterus. She also said she had heart surgery and had suffered a stroke. She then claimed to have cured I’m so glad you asked this question. Make sure you’re aware of the herself of all her illnesses through healthy, “clean” eating. The first time I tried anal it was logistical ins and outs (hehe) of anal Gibson made a healthy eating app, wrote a cookbook, and much like your friend’s experience sex. You don’t want to be worrying raked in around a million dollars. She promised to give most and I was in so much pain that I about the fact that you’re using an of it to charity. She didn’t. cried. The guy seemed to think that exit route, so consider investing in And Gibson looks fabulous. She has perfect skin, a pretty I was Belladonna, so he decided to a douche. A douche (French for face, and lovely clothes. She is the picture of health. The go at it like he was digging a hole shower!) is a butt cleaning tool that reasons she looks so good are as follows: she is naturally to China. Not wanting to be the can be used in the shower and is good looking, she spent stolen money on beauty products killjoy that didn’t live up to his pretty much a warm water rinse for and cosmetic surgery, and she was never sick. Not only did pornographic expectations, I wiped your anal cavity. It’s a good idea if she not have all of the health problems she claimed to have, away my tears whilst telling him you’re particularly frightened of she had none of them. that it was incredibly hot, before any dirtiness, or if you’re neurotic Gibson’s fraudulence was made possible by the “Clean rushing off to the shower to clean in general. Eating” movement. The movement is based on common the jizz out of my everywhere - so It is IMPERATIVE that you use sense. Eating more fruit and vegetables, less processed food, I definitely feel your mate’s pain, lube - SILICONE BASED lube. The and exercising more is basic health advice that everyone and understand your reservations. anus isn’t self-lubricating like ye knows. Clean eating takes this advice much further, implying It would seem that the majority of olde vag, so it’s really important to that if a food isn’t “clean” then it must be “dirty” or impure, young men get their anal ideas use a lube that isn’t water-based, causing sickness, unhappiness, and early death. It implies from porn, but they are probably as water-based lubricants tend to that a sick person would be cured if they had a purer lifestyle. very unaware of the background dry up and need replenishing often. It implies that if you don’t have enough time and money to production that goes into making Lastly (and most importantly), make homemade, organic food from scratch for your family, anal sex a comfortable and enjoy- RELAX. When I was a kid and the 36 you are harming them. able experience for all involved. health nurse was giving me my The worst thing Gibson did was, in her own words, “count- The first advice I will give is to Tet-anus and MMR jabs (I’m old less times helped others” to forgo conventional medical ensure that you are fully comfort- remember, this was in the late 80s), treatment for cancers and to treat themselves ‘naturally’, as able and on-board with everything she gave me some good advice: if well as “leading them down natural therapy for everything that you do sexually - if you think you tense up, it’s like the needle is from fertility, depression, bone damage and other types of that reluctantly submitting to a trying to go into a block of wood. If cancer.” Gibson befriended the parents of a young child with sexual practice that you’re not that you are relaxed, it’s like the needle brain cancer, and proceeded to “fundraise” for the child’s excited about is a good idea, then going into a bowl of jelly. So, on- treatment without informing the parents. The family believe perhaps you want to be rethinking wards my noble steed! Enjoy your she even used information she had gleaned from them to what constitutes a respectful sex- salacious ass-fucking. You will help make her fantasy “cancer” more believable. ual partnership. never know until you know. Healthy eating is a good idea, but it cannot replace medicine However, if you are really into for serious illnesses, no matter how nice that idea is. the idea, then let us proceed indeed! Best of luck -S xxoo

ISSUE 11 games THE WITNESS

PC | Developed and Published by Thekla, Inc. RATING: A

By CAMPBELL CALVERLEY It is hard to make a player feel completely alone indicated by symbols on each grid. Coloured impression that a fragmented culture of some in a game and still keep them engaged. It is even squares indicate that you must divide the grid kind lived on the island. Disparate statues show harder to make a puzzle game that treats the according to the squares’ colour; tetris blocks the residents’ occupations a la Bioshock Infinite, player intelligently while forcing them to learn indicate that you must draw a particular shape and a variety of locations and machines demon- new problem-solving skills. The Witness is the on the grid; and dots indicate paths that the line strate the inhabitants’ hobbies and means of latest puzzle game from game designer Jonathan must cross before it reaches its end. Each puzzle surviving. Even the title, “The Witness”, implies Blow, most famous for his time-bending puz- element is introduced gradually, with very that some crime or disaster has taken place on zle-platformer Braid in 2008. That was a game simple puzzles teaching you how they work the island and you are it’s only survivor. that utilised its two-dimensional art style very before the puzzles get more complicated. Once However, without spoiling anything, this is a red impressively: it implemented time-manipulation you have explored and unlocked more of the herring. If you are expecting a giant revelation mechanics alongside basic Mario-style plat- island, the puzzles start combining elements at the end, you will find the game building up to forming to subtly teach players how to solve its and becoming more abstract. The puzzles to- what you think is one, and then you will be sorely puzzles. The Witness moves this kind of puz- wards the end of the game are infuriatingly disappointed. zle-teaching into three-dimensions, and makes difficult, and a walkthrough will not necessarily Fortunately, one does not need to play The a game that is quiet, awe-inspiring, shatteringly help: even if you learn what the solution to a Witness for its story. It is a beautiful and atmo- beautiful and contemplative. puzzle is, you may not have learned WHY that spheric puzzle game, and that is all it needs to The Witness is very heavily inspired by the was the solution. be. Even if the plot hints lead to nothing special, 1993 point-and-click adventure game Myst. Both There could easily have been a great disparity they cast an aura of mystery around the island are puzzle games, both are set on an abandoned between the grid puzzles and the environment. that is oddly seductive even if one knows the island, both have an emphasis on exploring the The two appear to have nothing to do with each ending. And if you do know the ending (and its gorgeous environment, and both have an un- other. Thankfully, the environment is incorpo- secret endings), the game and the island become 37 settling, empty atmosphere. Every element of rated into the puzzles in a variety of ways. One puzzles in themselves, leaving players to guess The Witness’ aesthetic design is breathtaking, particular puzzle has multiple solutions, with why Jonathan Blow would have designed the from the pastel-colour architecture of the island each permutation changing the position of a game to be so esoteric and so softly metafic- itself to the exquisite sound design. However, swampy bridge. The solutions for another series tional. The Witness is a masterpiece of integrated while Myst relied on combination-based puzzles, of puzzles are influenced by the positions of game design, and one that is well worth your the puzzles in The Witness are deceptively com- shadows cast by surrounding tree branches. time and mental energy. plicated. Each of the roughly 700 puzzles in the Another series of grid puzzles revolves around game looks almost identical: each consists of a navigating through hedge mazes lined with grid of squares, and each is solved by drawing pressure-activated platforms. Almost every way a line across the grid from point A to point B. This in which the puzzles could have been integrated sounds childishly simple, but it is not. into the environment is explored. The difficulty of the game comes from the The one main down point of The Witness is introduction of different puzzle elements, its story. Throughout the game, I got the

16 May | 2016 film NIU SILA Play directed by Daniel Pengelly RATING: A+

by GINI JORY Niu Sila tells the story of two boys, something much more serious and Ioane Tafioka and Peter Baker, harmful to our society. Casual and growing up in the same street in inherent racism is hard to escape 1970s suburban Auckland. One in such a bi-cultural colonised fresh from the Islands, the other as society, and as young children, white as they come, this story most of us probably don’t even spans 40 years of friendship, cul- know what we are thinking and tural differences, and takes a closer saying, and definitely wouldn’t be they are a family of intelligent the audience. This was a well told look at the racism inherent in our thinking about the ways it has been people, most of whom have been story that had the whole crowd kiwi society. ingrained in us since birth. put into their stereotypical boxes laughing for the entire hour and a Written by Oscar Knightly and The majority of the pakeha char- because of the society and culture half, and is one I would definitely Dave Armstrong, this play has that acters in the story look down on that tells them they are inferior. recommend for lovers of kiwi com- classic kiwi comedy vibe. Telling the Tafioka family because of their Also explored are the ways that edy - this is truly a classic! the story through the eyes of two race. The children are held back in colonised cultures regard each Niu Sila is running from April young boys as they grow up and school because they are seen as other in the hierarchy of white 30th till May 21st, and will then be take their stereotypical paths in life, simple and may hold the other society, through the way Ioane touring Southland and Otago from there are plenty of classic dick (white) children back, and are gen- views Maori despite how similar May 24th till June 4th. jokes, kiwi slang and good old erally shown disdain when they their cultures are in many respects. childhood throw backs to keep you move in - as the pakehas are sure Both actors play a small handful entertained. they will bring rape and murder to of characters each, and do a fan- However, below the light-heart- their pleasant white suburb. But tastic job keeping them all separate ed surface, Niu Sila is discussing through Peter’s eyes we see that and making them recognisable for

any romantic comedy follow this Jennifer Aniston is also hanging successfully since Love Actually, out in this, she was probably the so WHY do they insist on continu- only good part about this film be- ing to make them? cause she’s great and I’m glad she’s This was the longest and most still getting work, even if the scripts boring two hours of my life. The are terrible. None of the plot lines attempts at seeming “fresh” and meet up organically and everything “liberal” fall flat completely as feels forced, clichéd and awkward. social issues are used as a punch She has a romance with Jason line (which is never funny btw, I Sudeikis (that guy from Horrible didn’t laugh once. NOT EVEN Bosses) who can’t cope with pur- ONCE!!). Gabi (Sarah Chalke) is a chasing tampons for his daughter lesbian and her sister, Jesse (Kate at the supermarket or even say the Hudson), is married and has a child word out loud which I think was MOTHER’S DAY with her husband who is apparent- supposed to be a joke? Like, haha Director: Garry Marshall ly non-specific “Indian”. For what- how gross and weird are periods RATING: D (CAN I GIVE THIS AN F? IS THAT A THING?) ever reason, their crazy xenophobic right! So weird that men can’t even parents are just so disappointed in say the word tampon! Hectic. by LISA BLAKIE them but their characters are so Anyway, this movie sucks and What is it with holiday specific New Year’s Eve and now to add to cartoony and the seriousness of you don’t need to see it. Let’s work movies always being so terrible? the list, Mother’s Day. All of them this kind of bigotry doesn’t work at together to not support these “in- I’m not meaning Christmas movies follow that same formula of inter- all. How can they make it out to be sert non specific holiday name- (although there a lot of disappoint- twining characters that meet and ridiculous when it’s still a very real day” movies and maybe eventually ments there) I’m meaning films like somehow know each other but it and relevant issue, particularly in they’ll stop? Valentine’s Day, The Holiday, just always falls flat. I’ve not seen the United States?

ISSUE 11 film who had a dream, told he wasn’t like Eddy who only get to qualify EDDIE THE EAGLE able to achieve it, met a mentor, because of loopholes of vacant had a training montage, and finally sports. Should the Olympic spirit Director: Dexter Fletcher RATING: B achieved that dream. accommodate amateur athletes Faithful to this formula, Eddie the who only want to compete for the by TAORAN LI Eagle is based on the real life story sake of competing despite their ‘Eddie the Eagle’ was advertised as then dissipates into thin air, much of British amateur ski jumper chances of winning? Are such peo- the “feel good movie of the year”, like the way a fart does, as you walk Michael ‘Eddie’ Edwards (Taron ple taken seriously or do they and you really have to give it to out of the cinema, and you are re- Egerton) who, despite being no embarrass the establishment? How mainstream filmmakers, that’s minded about the other times that born athlete, had an undying dream far can talentless but inspired hard exactly what their movies do; make you were inspired for a solid twenty to compete in the Olympics and workers actually go? From the you ‘feel good’. This good feeling minutes from a film about a boy ultimately gets to compete because movie, I don’t know. of a loophole in the system. His Perhaps Director Dexter Fletcher disciplined and loveable naïve should think about directing a qualities are contrasted to his jaded thriller next, as he does do a good alcoholic mentor Bronson Peary job at making you anxious and (Hugh Jackman), who had the nat- uncomfortable in the climax of a ural talent but lacked Eddie’s nev- jump as you wonder if the Eagle will er-give-up attitude. I don’t need to land or break his spine. explain the rest of the movie; you might as well go watch Rocky. The movie did lightly brush upon the bosom of polemical topics in sport. Not shown in the movie, the ‘Eddie the Eagle rule’, was instituted by the International Olympic Committee in response to amateurs

Avengers are split down the middle Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) CAPTAIN AMERICA: as to whose side they are on; and Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) Captain America’s, or Iron Man’s. were both interesting, awesome CIVIL WAR Soon after this debate, Bucky female characters with their own Director: Joe & Anthony Russo (Sebastian Stan), the Winter Soldier motivations and interests. I partic- RATING: A+ and Captain America’s old friend, ularly enjoyed watching Black is accused of attacking a meeting Widow beat the living shit out of by LAURA STARLING hosting world leaders discussing multiple people. The Vision (Paul The UN is calling for the registration attracted and fought by the this issue. Captain America goes to Bettany) was adorable in his sweat- and employment of super powered Avengers. However, Captain Bucky’s defense, and everything ers, attempting to cook for Scarlet people, making them accountable America (Chris Evans) believes that escalates very quickly. Witch and emulating humanity. to something more than their own the best hands are their own, ar- The basic premise very similar The fight choreography was well moral compass. Iron Man (Robert guing that world leaders have to the comic version, but the film is executed and each character had Downey Jr.) believes this is the right specific agendas which would successful in executing the concept their own, distinctive combat style. 39 course of action, considering the prevent them from helping some believably. The debate between the The fight scenes featured a lot of lives lost due to the battles caused, and forcing them to help others. The two sides was convincing and the dialogue, so you weren’t just watch- tension was palpable. I could hon- ing people punch each other for estly believe this was group of long sections of the movie. There friends morally disagreeing with was a lot of room for jokes and each other. Though Captain humour, which was handled well America is the titular character, it without taking away from the more was not entirely in his perspective. serious parts of the film. While ultimately I agree with Oh and, Spiderman (Tom Holland) him on this one, I can easily see was AMAZING - the best version of why one would side with Spidey to grace our screens yet. Iron Man’s pragmatism.

16 May | 2016 technology WHY DO WE NEED.. . Cryptocurrencies?

by ANTHONY MARRIS Cryptocurrencies are a digital money system The authentication system used to verify which promotes transactions between parties transactions is called mining. Nakamoto’s initial bypassing a central fixed point like a bank. idea was to have individuals use their computers Arguably cryptocurrencies are an updated ver- to analyse and verify the blockchain information, sion of the hawala system of money transferring, and in the process earn themselves bitcoin for where money was passed along until it reached their services. However, enterprising individuals the intended recipient. The main focus of this banded together to speed up the analysing time piece is Bitcoin (and bitcoin), though the idea of allowing for more coins to be mined, and thus a digital currency has existed since 1982. more money to be made. These coalitions also The alleged creator of Bitcoin is the reclusive take voluntary processing fees to speed up the Satoshi Nakamoto. He has never confirmed his six time authentication process. involvement, and there is speculation if the name Cryptocurrency like bitcoin sometimes have and the face associated are the same person. a real world representation. Casascius coins are Nakamoto’s goal was a financial system based minted metal coins containing a piece of paper on cryptographic authentication and not one embedded in the coin with the value amount reliant on trust (or motivated by greed). (1, 10, 25, 100, 1000 bitcoin) hidden under a ho- According to Nakamoto, the supposed total lographic seal. A bitcoin today is roughly worth amount of bitcoin allowed in his system is 21 $600 NZD, though it is extremely volatile. At its million units. low it was worth $0.10 NZD (late 2010), and Those unfamiliar can be forgiven for not peaked at $1813.26 (late 2013). Initial popularity knowing the difference between Bitcoin and for bitcoin was gained from their use on sites bitcoin. Bitcoin (capital B) is the system which like Silk Road, and later Amazon. facilitates the movement of bitcoins, and bitcoin There is no overt consideration towards the (small b) is the unit being used in transactions. mass adoption of cryptocurrency. As Rainer Think of Bitcoin as a newspaper, and a bitcoin Böhme et al (2015) note, this is due to vulnera- as an individual word on the page. bility of computer servers from DDOS (Also a bitcoin ATM in the Czech Bitcoin uses a block of letters and numbers known as ‘doxxing’) attacks, but the biggest Republic to create a bitcoin (a digital dollar) that relies on concern is a repeat of Mt. Gox. In 2014 Mt. Gox, a other computers to verify if the transaction Japan based bitcoin exchange suspended trading contains the correct alphanumeric sequence after 850,000 bitcoin “vanished”. At the time, from the payer, the recipient, and the amount Mt. Gox was handling 70-80 percent of global A bitcoin today sent. These are all collected into a massive se- bitcoin transactions. Bloomberg notes that this is roughly worth quence called a blockchain. The entire blockchain loss was due to Mt. Gox failing to keep most of $600 NZD, though contains the transaction information relating to the bitcoin they oversaw on an air gapped com- all bitcoin spending to date to prevent multiple puter to prevent breaches. The approximate it is extremely 40 spending of the same bitcoin. A transaction value lost, $480 million dollars (USD). volatile. At its between parties is only believed to be authentic The potential that authentication systems low it was worth when the transaction has been analysed which cryptocurrencies use is quite progressive. 10 cents six times. It could verify real estate ownership, or even be Despite current thinking, bitcoin transactions used to authenticate online electoral voting. are not completely anonymous. While the trans- While I like the development of technology like actions are anonymous insofar as the user and cryptocurrencies, widespread usage could result recipient are represented with an alphanumeric in inflation, speculation, or the complete disso- combination, bitcoin transactions can be iden- lution of a global economy. tified and traced back to the user. I am not telling TL; DR – Cryptocurrencies are designed to shift you how transactions can be traced, I am having away from central banking. Google Mt. Gox and no part in your money laundering operation. you will see why this is a bad idea.

ISSUE 11 books BY THE BOOK Writers on Literature & the Literary Life from The New York Times Book Review EDITED & INTRODUCTION BY PAMELA PAUL, FOREWORD BY SCOTT TUROW by HAYLEIGH CLARKSON Have you ever wondered what would it be?” Other questions are authors, actresses, scientists or related specifically to the inter- professors read? If you have, then viewee, for example, Colin Powell, this book is for you. Pamela Paul, the former secretary of state and the editor of The New York Times national security advisor is asked Book Review, has put together a to recommend a book to a student collection of interviews of 65 well- of government, (his answer is known people, ranging from Lena “none, and I wouldn’t want to mis- Dunham and JK Rowling through lead anyone”). to Sting and Lee Child. Each person It is also a book that will make is asked a series of questions about you feel better about your own their book reading habits or the reading habits as a lot of interview- books they have published, and ees are asked to “name a book that Pamela has collated the answers you just couldn’t finish” or “what and formulated them into an easy book did you feel you were sup- question and answer format for us posed to like but didn’t.” These to read. earned answers of “The Girl with The answers give you a deeper the Dragon Tattoo,” P.J O’Rouke insight into the person, help you stunned me when he said his understand them and get to know daughter stopped him reading the their personality better. Most of the final Harry Potter novel it was “too authors come across humble, mod- much teenage mush,” and Dave est and sometimes a little humor- Barry’s perfect answer of “the ous - with the exception of John Twilight series. I can’t get past the Irving. One of the questions to the premise, which is that a group of authors is “of the books you have wealthy, sophisticated, educated, written, which one is your favour- highly intelligent, centuries-old ite?” to which most authors reply vampires...have chosen to be high that choosing just one book is like school students.” picking a favourite child, you just With the questions repeating can’t do it. But John Irving, who themselves often, the book can get came across as arrogant and a bit tedious at times, and it be- pompous, took the opportunity to comes easy to skip the question promote his own work and listed and go straight to the answer. Some 41 no less than five of his titles in his of the interviewees are fascinating lengthy eleven sentence answer. people and I felt their questions He also answered the question could have been a touch deeper but “what do you plan to read next?” overall, it was an interesting read with a very blunt and dull “I plan that at times made me laugh, yawn what I write, not what I read.” and nod along with their answers Some questions are repeated for feeling that I wasn’t as out of touch each person, for example “what with literature as I had thought. book is on your nightstand now?” This is a great book to peruse when and “if you could require the you have some spare time. President to read one book, what

16 May | 2016 music —THE END TOUR

60s, 70s and 80s feel like they’re all growing old and falling away. It’s surprising when looking at Ozzy’s history, that he’s still standing. In the taxi on the way to the concert last Saturday, I was discussing this with the taxi driver. “It’ll be him and cockroaches” he said. “What?” “. He’ll survive the apocalypse. Him and the cockroaches – and nothing else.” We arrive; I buy a tee and put it on straight away. This time we’re in standing. This One of the most influential bands of all time. They spearheaded their by LAURA STARLING way to the top, fast, I’m staring at myself in the mirror as I layer on in a pink, polka dot dress. My boyfriend insisted and developed a black eyeshadow, heavy black eyeliner and I change, and was not convinced by my com- new genre black mascara. I choose the darkest red lipstick ments such as “no one will care! They’ll be I own, and apply to my lips generously. Happy looking at the band. We’re seated anyway. It with my suitably dark aesthetic, I pull on my doesn’t matter!” I put on black jeans and a black time I’ll be in the thick of it, in the atmosphere. ripped jeans, black tee, torn up flannel and my tee. When we arrived at the venue, and I looked It’s exciting. There’s a mix of old and young docs. Do I look the part? Do I look like a Black out into an ocean of black clothes, I turned to my attending, but most seem drunk. A lady stumbles Sabbath fan yet? Does my pink hair give me boyfriend and said thank you. towards me as we head towards the gate. My away? I ask my husband, he shrugs “you look Black Sabbath formed in 1968 and released friend comments that the hordes of people am- fine”. I’m satisfied. their first album in 1970. So this means that bling towards the venue are like zombies from I remember the first Sabbath concert I went they’ve been going for 48 years. Their last album the Walking Dead. to. I was 20, and I didn’t know their music. My was released in 2013, and while that was three Black Sabbath is one of the most influential then boyfriend (now husband) wanted to go, so years ago, and they’ve had their breaks during bands of all time. They spearheaded their way together we made our way to Auckland to see their time, it’s still bloody impressive. Front man to the top, fast, and developed a new genre. 42 one of his heroes perform live. I wasn’t expecting Ozzy Osbourne turns 68 this year. He is known There’s a grocery list of bands which cite Black to enjoy it – metal isn’t (wasn’t) really my thing. for his bizarre behaviour. Biting off the heads of Sabbath as a direct influence on their work - But the hype, the excitement got me caught up. bats and birds, doing copious amounts of drugs, everything from Metallica, to Nirvana, to The Shihad opened, it was badass. I remember Jon drinking far too much alcohol, partying like a Smashing Pumpkins - pretty much any heavy Toogood excitedly exclaiming something like fucking rock star. He’s a caricature. He’s rock band since the 70s. Very few bands make “I’M OPENING FOR BLACK FUCKING SABBATH! unstoppable. it this big and there are even less that can take OH MY GOD!” and everyone cheered. Soon Black At the moment, the lives of musical heroes credit for creating something totally new. Sabbath entered. The seated audience stood. War seem to be standing on a precarious ledge. Earlier The lights dim. The crowd begins to scream. Pigs blew my mind. I was a changed woman – I this year fans were devastated by the death of Up on the big screens a heavily CGI video begins liked metal now. David Bowie, Motorhead singer and songwriter to play. In the centre of a dark room is a black The reason I’m so concerned with my appear- Lemmy within the same month, and just a few egg. Out from the egg bursts a devil. It screams, ance is because last time around I tried to attend weeks ago, Prince. The musical genius’ of the twists its head exorcist style, and stamps its foot,

ISSUE 11 music

and ignites a fire-y explosion. He breathes fire into the camera, and out of the flames appears the name Black Sabbath. And suddenly, the band is on the stage, and they’re playing the start of the song Black Sabbath. Ozzy is in a long black coat, sequins adorning his shoulders. His eyes are thick with eyeliner; his hair is long and glo- rious. It is epic and ridiculous and heavy handed all at once. It’s perfect. The crowd is going nuts. They weren’t always intending to be so dark. Black Sabbath started out as a blues rock band by the name of Earth. However, after being mis- taken for another band named Earth, they de- cided to change. There was a horror film showing at the time, titled Black Sabbath, and the bassist (), noted that people paid a lot of money to see horror films. Soon after, the song Black Sabbath was written, and the new band formed, beginning down a much darker road than originally planned. Their music infuses rock, blues, jazz with heavy distortion to create their particular sound - and honestly, there’s really nothing else out there like it. Even more so, the music was so incredibly different to everything else in the 60’s. Christian circles have labelled Black Sabbath a Satanist band, and while Osbourne denies those claims, stating that he is a member of the Catholic Church, the band has definitely used that infamy to promote their doomy style of music. The founding bassist Geezer Butler, drummer This was my last opportunity to see Black Auckland concert in 2013 Osbourne would thank , and founding guitarist Tony Sabbath live. Sure, their tour has extended fur- the crowd politely between each song. What Iommi. Each member is met with cheers from ther, and this wasn’t the last show they are ever 43 really stuck with me was his comment “god bless the crowd, but none more than Iommi. He is going to play, but it’s most certainly the last you” before launching into singing the song God considered one of the greatest guitarists of all concert they’re going to play in New Zealand. is Dead. It’s such a contrast to the image curated time, known for his legendary riffs. Watching And it was good, but not as good as the one by the band – there they all are in their black him play is magical. He smiles and waves a hand in 2013. and leather, and there’s the devil on the screen, while the crowd screams for him. Perhaps I was too sober for the night. I didn’t and here’s the dark creepy music with the sinister At the end of the concert there’s an encore, drink. Maybe to be in the crowd, you need to be lyrics… and here’s the friendly (although unbal- obviously. Osbourne makes the crowd chant drunk to deal with the crap, to ignore the creeps. anced) lead singer blessing and thanking us “one more song” before returning to the stage It was a good concert. War Pigs is still my (and politely for attending his humble concert. to play Paranoid. The concert ends. As we’re everybody else’s) favourite. Between songs Osbourne introduces the band leaving the venue I feel a sense of sadness. As Goodbye, Black Sabbath. The End. members: keyboardist , the name of the tour suggests, this was the end.

16 May | 2016 art THIS CLOUD IS QUEERING! VAL SMITH Talk & workshop presented by val smith at Blue Oyster Gallery on Saturday 30 APRIL, 2016

by ROBYN MAREE PICKENS “What if you had the agency to take your attention anywhere?” val smith asks. We are in the small back-gallery space of Blue Oyster Gallery on Dowling Street. It is Saturday afternoon on the last day of April. By asking about agency, val is subtly directing our attention away from the traditional perform- er-spectator relationship, in which a designated audience watches a designated performer on a pre- scribed set-stage. “What if the performance was the sound?” they ask. The sound does seem to dominate the space. It is the sound of forced air: a fan, a vent – machine sound. “What if the performance was that wall?” The wall is a repurposed ceiling-as- wall: the plasterboard kind pep- meditative environment in which individuals and communities impinging on it in any way. For to pered with small regularly spaced traditional cognitive means of navigate heterosexualised space. do so might involve a queer colo- holes. val continues to draw our perception are suspended. Perhaps As the 2016 Caroline Plummer nisation of space - and space (the attention to the wall by framing it the word that comes closest to fellow, val has been mapping queer earth), as we are only too aware, is as a performance. They lead us to describing the experience is trance, and trans experiences of public colonised to the point of ecological touch it, to close our eyes and en- but finding the right word is pre- space across Dunedin through one- collapse. In a similar vein, panpsy- gage with the kinaesthetic experi- cisely beside the point for val. As on-one conversation-walks, dis- chist philosopher Freya Mathews ence of it. In such a way, over the a dance artist, choreographer and cussions, classes and workshops. frames existence as one “without course of this first hour we are community organiser, val is inter- In somatic experiences such as the need for one party to impose encouraged to interact with the ested in transforming momentary the one at Blue Oyster, val places itself on, or violate the conativity objects in our immediate vicinity. responses to space, people and emphasis on listening to space: of, another.” Somatic is the term given to this objects into movement, not words. attuning, sensing, waiting. In rela- For the first three days of 44 type of interaction with objects, Somatic experiences, improvi- tion to the concept of queering Diversity Week (16-18th May) val people, and space and it feels like sation and site-oriented projects space – or the politics of living smith will be presenting an instal- the right term. This is the second are various methods val employs safely and fully in heterosexualised lation of gender inclusive compost- workshop of val’s I have attended, as part of their practice; one fo- space – val offers the idea of not ing toilets (Union Lawn). and each time they have created a cused on the ways in which LGBTQI marking the space (as queer), not All welcome!

ISSUE 11 food BRAIDED BREAD

by KIRSTEN GARCIA My flat “Star Whores” had a potluck make because it has very minimal fillings as you can make it sweet for May the Fourth, Star Wars day. prep. The technique of the twist is or savoury. As well as supplying Sangria and straight out of a commercial bak- Usually when I make this I split the Pimms, I thought I would contribute ery. I would recommend making dough into two and make a Nutella some fresh made bread for starters. this for casual baking or if you had one and a garlic, herb and cheese I totally froth over bread baskets. to bring something to share at a one. I’ll leave it up to you to put your This dough recipe is so easy to gathering. It’s really versatile for own spin on it!

INGREDIENTS In a medium bowl, mix water, Flour a flat surface. Use a rolling Braid by twisting one-half over the 2 1/₄ cups of flour sugar and yeast, cover for 10-15 pin to roll the dough into large other. You can leave it as is, or 1 tablespoon of sugar minutes. rectangle about 1cm thick. make the two ends meet like ring. 1 teaspoon of active yeast 1/₂ teaspoon of salt Add oil to yeast mixture and stir. Spread desired fillings generously Let the dough rest for 20 mins. 2 tablespoons of oil leaving a centimetre around Preheat oven to 180C. ³/₄ cup of warm water In a large bowl add flour and salt, the edge. mix well then add yeast mixture. Place dough on a lined baking tray. Filling Ideas: Nutella! Or a Roll tightly from the longer side, You can brush it with milk or beat- layer of butter with cinna- Knead for 10 minutes. Dough Pinch the ends to close. en egg so it comes out golden. 45 mon and sugar. For a should be smooth and not sticky. savoury option, try pesto or Leaving one end intact cut the log Bake for 15-20 minutes until bread butter + any combination of Cover dough with wet kitchen down the middle with a knife. Twist has browned at the edges. cheese, garlic, herbs, onions, towel, keep in warm place to double each side upwards for the filling to peppers, marmite, ham… in size, should take an hour and half. be seen.

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16 May | 2016 love is blind Critic’s infamous BLIND-DATE COLUMN brings you week- ly shutdowns, hilariously mis-matched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Dog With Two Tails, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email [email protected]. But be warned —if­ you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. And that won’t end well for you. hers his A NORMAL GUY ME & MY FRIENDS

I came in hot, realistically way too hot. I was honestly too hot about OMG, I was so nervous. After preparing for several weeks and months two hours before the date even started. Somehow, I did manage to for the Blind Date the day had finally arrived. After several drinking make it to the date. After a wine and toga themed red card, I was lucky games and a few dances to classic 90’s throwbacks, I was ready to go. to have made it at all. When I did show up, there was about 5-10 girls I was so amped but way too afraid to go without all of my flatties. We there surrounding one table. I didn’t think much of it but as soon as I do literally everything together. Like a good McNugget Combo at 2am. told the waiter that I was there for the blind date they giggled and The bar was empty, and I felt so awkward. I had never talked to a boy separated. I remember briefly chatting with one of them but I don’t before. My flatmates squealed when they saw my date, he was really remember what I said or what she said. Finally, I met the one that was cute. And American! I had to text my friends every single word he said. my date. I was rather excited for I had never done anything like this Thank god my flatmates were still there to help me not make a dick of but my excitement soon vanished. Immediately I knew I had compe- myself in front of this guy. I needed another drink. tition, her phone. Maybe my mind had convinced me of other realities When I came back to the table, my flatmates did the unthinkable and but I thought I was being rather nice and outgoing. But her phone was had left me at the table with my date. It was just me and him. What was out a lot and she was doing a lot of texting. I suggested getting food I meant to do, talk to him? Yucky! I was texting frantically, where did and drinks but she wasn’t having it. I was hungry as hell and I went you go, and then rushed to the bathroom and I did what any smart girl up and ordered. I was not going to let free food slip from my grips. At would have done, I swiftly called my girls and they were just as quick this point, I started to realise that the technology might be beating me. to pick me up. I immediately felt better in their presence and continued She continued to look at her phone and our conservation continued to to make a ruckus in my normal state at the BYO they were all going to. go nowhere. Finally, she just kind of left. I’m sure I must’ve said some- We felt happy, like a good McNugget Combo at 2am. thing or made that one comment that you would wake up the next I don’t know how American blind dates are said to go but let’s just morning and be like ‘wow I’m stupid’. I wish I could give the details but say we had a bit of a culture clash. He was trying to talk to me with his I just can’t remember. My memory of the whole thing is blurred but mouth ffs wtf. And he turned up on his own, what a no-mates! But hey, one moment she was there and the next she just, kind of, wasn’t. The gotta kiss (or not) a few frogs to find your prince right? realisation that I was alone in the bar took quite a while to sink in. The Shot Critic for the night - sorry that I couldn’t attempt to stay and chicken burger and curly fries had taken over a fair portion of my mind. take full advantage of the bar tab. Maybe next time? After a couple of minutes, it finally sunk in that she was not just in the 10/10 would not bring a friend.* 46 bathroom or outside for a smoke. It was probably my fault she left so quickly but I wasn’t gonna let that bring me down. I saw a couple of *Critic response - we don’t recommend bring- mates from uni and we shared the rest of the bar tab together. Looking ing all of your friends, and your mum, and back, I have fond memories of the evening and day as a whole, but the your mum’s friend on the Critic blind dates. date, the date was just about as bad as it could’ve gone. I honestly don’t What are you, 12? even know her name.

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ISSUE 11 President’s Column Diversity Week is here! Running from the 16th-20th Room at our Clubs and Socs Centre is the place to be. institutions is how diverse the culture is here. You of May it includes several events organised by the Queer Friendly Staff Network (QFSN), Staff & Post- really get a chance to not only learn about yourself, ever dedicated Hahna Briggs, our Queer Support grads Nibbles is a great opportunity to learn more but about how other people are making their way Coordinator and her team at UniQ. These events are about your students that may fit into these minori- through this journey that is life. This is yet anoth- designed to raise awareness and visibility of sex, ties, and little ways that you can make their experi- er example of how we get to learn about different sexuality and gender diversity on our campus - ence here at Otago just that bit better. Things like get- groups within our own community and ways we can they are there for you all to engage with and show ting the right pronouns, or knowing which support help everyone feel more included. your support for. services are available for queer students are just a Ultimately, we are extremely lucky to be the only There’s something for everyone, including a couple easy things you can do to signal that you care. campus in New Zealand with a coordinator in our Queer 101 workshop - to learn how to better create Furthermore, this year we are making all the bath- Student Support centre dedicated to queer students, an inclusive environment for our diverse campus. rooms in our OUSA buildings gender neutral for the their welfare and their representation. The bathroom The Queerest Tea Party - where you can decorate duration of Diversity Week as part of the campaign. campaign is a cool initiative illustrating some of cupcakes for prizes and celebrate the International This is with the view of eventually making the those issues students in the queer community face Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Bipho- ground floor of our Clubs and Socs building perma- on a regular basis, and I encourage you to engage bia (May 17th). Or even the UniQ Quiz Night on the nently gender neutral. It’s a simple but effective way with any diversity event you see happening on cam- Wednesday, 7pm Main Common Room, $20 a team to support our trans and gender non-conforming pus during the week. - who doesn’t love a quiz night? students and to raise awareness about the ongo- Take care, If you are a member of staff or a postgraduate ing struggles of those members of our community. Laura Harris university student, Thursday May 19th in the Otago One of the most liberating things about our tertiary [email protected]

The 2016 Capping Show starts this week! Get your tickets from bit.ly/MakingGrad

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