29 The award-winning student

newspaper of Imperial College . 01

“Keep The Cat Free” . Issue 1,451 10 ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk Films of 2010 This week.... Smoke-free campus? DPEW felix looks ahead at the rreleaseseleases set tries to ban cigarettes to blobloww our minds! PPageage 17

for I voted News, Page 2

Ashley Brown STOIC makes a triumphant comeback... ish... as ICU President

So News, Page 3 felix celebrates record label what’s Tru Thoughts’ anniversary

Music, Page 21

changed? The iPad: giant iPhone, pile of poo or both?

We interview Union President Ashley Brown on the successes and failures of his term, Pages 4 & 5 Tech, Page 25 2 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 News Editor Kadhim Shubber NEWS [email protected]

Smoking stubbed out on campus? The world beyond AAlicelice RowlandsRowlands through. This reporter wonders wheth- er Mr Silver’s dislike of walking through the Quad may go some way to explain John James, Deputy President (Wel- his sporadic attendance at the office. College walls fare), presented a controversial paper A lot of people feel a student of Im- to central Union’s Representation and perial College ought to be able to ask Welfare Board (RWB) last Thursday, another to alter their behaviour, if they calling for a ban on smoking on all Un- see it as offensive. As pointed out by ion premises, including Beit Quad. The non-smoker, Jess Poore: “If it’s got to paper asks the Union to: Implement a the point where we can no longer rely ban on smoking in any part of Union on common courtesy and the ability to Sri Lanka premises and a ban on the sale of tobac- ask someone to move away from you co by the Union and to lobby college to if you find them smoking unpleasant, implement a smoke free campus. and instead need to enforce school- n Sri Lanka’s first presidential election since victory in the During the meeting, concern was ex- like rules, we should be concerned civil war against the Tamil Tigers, the incumbent Mahinda pressed that a ban on smoking in the about the general conduct of our stu- Rajapaksa has been declared winner with a majority of 57.8 Quad would result in smokers congre- dent population rather than a bit of percent. gating by the entrance on Prince Con- smoke.” IBeing the first President to have led a successful campaign against sort Road or at the back of the Union Talking to students around campus, whether students want a smoke free the Tigers, it may have seemed that Mr. Rajapaksa was in no threat of building near the Albert Hall. Anyone it appears there is little support for a campus at the next Council meeting losing his post. But his main rival in the race was General Fonseka, entering the Union would still have to full ban on smoking in the Quad, even on the 15th February. Any student may the head of the army during the war, who got 40% of the votes. walk past smokers, as would pedestri- among non smokers. Amanda Cheung attend Council and voice their opin- Soon after the results were announced by the Electoral Commission, ans using the pavement. told felix: “I think a full ban is a bit ion, though only Council members can troops were deployed around the hotel where General Fonseka was John Silver, Deputy President (Edu- extreme but it would be nice if peo- vote on whether to pass a paper. staying. The General has since lodged a complaint to the Electoral cation) expressed his dislike of people ple who don’t smoke could sit outside Aside from soothing the sensitive Commission alleging vote rigging. smoking in the Quad, implying he felt without having to breathe in cigarette nose of our DPE, many question the unable to ask them not to smoke near smoke, especially with the summer motivation of the paper and whether him. He said that he was put off go- coming. How about implementing this is really one of the biggest Welfare ing into the Quad because he “gets a designated smoking in the Quad?” issues affecting Imperial students. If face full of smoke” every time he walks Smoker Matt Kaufeler joined a the aim is to improve the atmosphere Switzerland number of students in questioning the of the Union, the pools of snakebite sanity of the motion telling felix: “If and vomit, odour of student and this is anything more than an attempt general decor, should probably be he five day World Economic Forum has opened its doors in Deputy to stimulate a debate on smoking, then attended to before smoke in the Quad. Davos, Switzerland, where 2500 leaders in business, govern- President it is idiocy. A short term ban would Alternatively, if the aim is to stop ment, and civil services are expected to meet. (Welfare) probably be accompanied by a short selling students products that may Already there has been confrontation between bankers and John James is term boycott, which may lead to a long harm their health, I’m sure the Union regulators. Barclays head Bob Diamond, and Lord Levene, proposing a term loss of custom” has served me ‘meals’ that pose a far chairmanT of the insurance market Lloyd’s, have both lashed out at Barack campus-wide The meeting resolved not to pass more imminent danger to my Obama’s plans to break up banks ‘too big to fail’. Mr Obama’s proposals, which smoking ban the paper, but to ask Council to vote health than a few need congressional approval, would also prevent banks or financial institu- on whether to hold a referendum on cigarettes would. tions that own banks from owning hedge funds and bar them from propri- etary trading. Lord Levene was quoted as saying that “We need good regula- tion, better regulation but not more regulation.” s

s Imperial Business School climbs e n i up the Financial Times rankings s

u Nigeria Business, page 10 B Business ays of violence between Christians and Muslims in the city 29 of Jos, Nigeria, have left nearly 500 people dead. Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. The riots started in Jos, but then spread to neighbouring

Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, . towns, and dozens of houses, churches, and mosques have 01 Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. been burnt down. Police are still removing bodies from wells Jigsaw font by typotheque.com. and pits, whilst residents are fleeing to military camps set-up around the city. felix 1,451 . D Copyright © Felix 2010. 10 This is not the first time the city has experienced such trauma. Indeed, an estimated 200 people were killed in religious clashes in the city in late 2008. The political situation in Nigeria isn’t helping the situation either. It’s Presi- This issue of felix was brought to you by: dent, Umaru Yar’Adua has been in hospital in Saudi Arabia for two months, and the Senate has called on him to concede his powers to his deputy, to allow Editor-in-Chief Deputy Editor Deputy Editor Copy Chief him to take up presidential duties. Dan Wan Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit Sasha Nicoletti

News Editor International Editor Science Editors Sports Editors Kadhim Shubber Raphael Houdmont Brigette Atkins Mustapher Botchway United States Nathan Ley David Wilson News Reporters Film Editors Indy Leclercq Politics Editors: Dina Ismail Zuzanna Blaszczak Nightlife Editor James Goldsack nder mounting political pressure, Tim Geithner, U.S. Joanna Cai Ed Knock Charlotte Morris Arts Editors Katya-yani Vyas Treasury secretary, testified on Wednesday for the bailout Alex Karapetian Caz Knight James Lees of AIG, the world’s largest insurer. Alice Rowlands Technology Editor What’s On Editors Rosie Milton Phillip Murray Specifically in question are AIG’s payouts of collateral- Samuel Gibbs Rachel D’oliviero Lucy Harrold ised debt obligations (CDOs) at full value to undisclosed Assistant Editor Lily Topham Feature Editor counterU parties, who were comprised mostly of large banks. As a result, Jovan Nedić Fashion Editor Photography Afonso Campos many politicians and pundits are labelling the bailout a further opaque hand- Kawai Wong Coffee Break Editor Ben Smith out to banks. Geithner defended the bailout of AIG and the measures taken Layout Editor Charles Murdoch Holly Farrer to uphold its credit rating as “absolutely essential.” This testimony and the Carlos Karingal Music Editors Catnip Editor Rox Middleton uncertain confirmation of Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke for a second Kadhim Shubber Clubs and Socs Editor Rhys Davies Matt Colvin term come amid a rising wave of populism in the U.S. and elsewhere, affecting Comment Editor Alex Ashford Alex Kendall Lizzy Griffiths global politics and economic reform. Charlotte Morris Luke Turner Games Editors Ayyub Kamaludin Puzzles Commodores Katie Clemence Jamie Beal Business Editor Travel Editor Sean Farres Adam Lane Richard Howard By Raphael Houdmont & Tom Greany Sina Ataherian Dylan Lowe Milli Begum (APPLY NOW!) Stefan Zeeman felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 3 [email protected] NEWS Guilds Vice President AWOL? Not likely, he says

DanDan WanWan Editor-in-Chief when “no indication of sympathy” was given to- wards his situation, de- In a long line of mishaps involving the spite immediate contact City & Guilds College Union, their and a full explanation. Vice President (Finance & Societies) “Upon seeing the article Rikki Norris has been criticised for his I immediately contacted absence about College, but has now the editor to request that spoken to felix to clarify the situation. he temporarily took the arti- On 21st January, the CGCU’s news cle down, and that upon my return I website Live! reported that Jenny Wil- would happily go through the issues he son had to take up some the slack cre- had raised in order to present a more ated by Norris’s absence by process- accurate interpretation of what had ing nearly £2,000 worth of claims. Mr. been happening to the clubs in CGCU, Norris has since said he has been ill for rather than mere speculation. an “extended period of time”, and feels After Live! Editor Lawrence Weet- that the Live! article is largely unfair to man refused to take down or alter the article, stating that the article was “fac- Left: The ‘offending’ Live! article, and right, CGCU Vice President visits the felix office to announce his return tually accurate.” Mr. Norris found his Mr. Norris found his reluctance to update the article “some- what unnerving.” [Laurence Weetman’s] the beginning of December.’ was going on.” have ‘found them [claim forms] piling Mr. Weetman was unrepentant about reluctance to update He was reported to be ‘absent without Live! also reported on the amount up in the CGCU pigeonhole in Student his actions claiming “Rikki [Norris] is leave’, and many members of the Union of outstanding claims that Mr. Norris Activities Centre’. Mr. Norris admitted more than capable of coming to Live! the article “somewhat and CGCU unaware of the wherea- hadn’t been able to process, claiming to he needed some assistance in this mat- and posting a comment. If he believes bouts. However, Mr. Norris says that ter, but has himself been playing catch- that anything in the article is unfair or unnerving.” he had made contact to explain himself up after returning the College. untrue then he may, as always, follow and this matter took some time to tran- Live! Editor “The DPCS, Jenny Wilson, very the correct complaints procedure or him in light of his illness. scend through the offices. Lawrence kindly carried out a cheque run in my email the editor.” His disappearance has been largely “Some of the Union officers were Weetman absence to try and reduce the strain on Mr. Norris has since decided to speak condemned by the news website and aware that I had been ill, but I don’t refused to Guilds clubs. to felix and issue a formal statement. He its readers leaving comments on the think that they were aware of the ex- update an “By the time this has gone to print, stated that he is now around College. article, even citing comments from tent of my situation until it became insensitive I have also carried out a cheque run “I’m around again, not in full capaci- Union officers such as Deputy Presi- apparent that I had been absent for an article about which should have cleared out all valid ty, but I’m around and will be operating dent (Welfare) John James. It read extended period of time. As such, the CGCU Vice outstanding claims.” as Vice President (Finance & Societies) ‘John James explained to Live! that he message would not have been passed President Rikki Mr. Norris took the opportunity to for the CGCU once again. I’ve been in was awaiting a claim of £200 for items down to CGCU until the higher ech- Norris talk to felix to admit he was “rather contact with those affected. Normal he bought on behalf of a Guilds Club at elons of the Union had realised what disappointed” with the Live! website service will resume shortly.”

Ultimate Imperial storming A Big Show relaunch for STOIC through Field Trip

SSimonimon WWorthingtonorthington AAlexlex KKarapetianarapetian

Last Friday Imperial College Union’s Five teams of Imperial students who own television station relaunched itself entered BP’s Ultimate Field Trip com- with the airing of the first live broad- petition are through to the semi finals, cast of the year. STOIC (Student Tele- in which they will compete by present- vision of Imperial College) transmitted ing their ideas on tackling the carbon live the first episode of their new flag- challenge to a panel of BP experts. The ship magazine programme ‘The Big fifteen students are competing for the We don’t know what they mean either Show’ directly to the JCR and on-line. opportunity to receive a paid intern- Featured on the show was a tour of the ship with BP in their North Sea busi- Queen’s Tower, a live scientific experi- ness unit this summer. Hunter and Ben Said, who are second ment in the Beit Quad and an exclusive The five teams were selected from years, studying an MSc in Geology; IC interview with Carol Vorderman, all fifty two entries after grabbing the at- Engineers, made up of first year Chem- presented and filmed by members of tention of the judges with their initial ical Engineers Eugenia Ho, Eileen the society. five minute pitches. The expert panel, Brandley and Yan Isis Xie; Hot Carbon, STOIC has fell on hard times in re- formed of some of BP’s leading scien- with second years Tom Wesby, (MSc in cent years with a select group of hard- If you have that many TVs, why put Channel 5 on every single one? tists and CCS experts, were especially Geology & Geophysics), Carmen Pin- core members keeping the society go- satisfied with the ideas presented and to-Ward and Miriam Wright (MSc in ing, and it is hoped the relaunch will the concepts proposed. Geology); and West 3, formed by first get more people interested in making issue, felix was told “the great thing other new direction giving students The teams are: SINCE, formed of years Patrick Delaney studying Geolo- content and getting involved. “It’s tak- is we’ve got forty years of history, but the chance to shoot on Super8 film, Chia Wei Hong James, Aw Seng Sean gy & Geophysics, Lee Shyen Lee study- en us a term to get to this stage,” says some of our equipment is forty years a format used by many professionals and Yuen Yu Leng, who are first years ing Chemical Engineering and Mikaela Dominic Rees-Roberts, executive pro- old too. Though that is part of the fun today. studying Chemical Engineering; Melt- Bryant-Meisner studying Physics. ducer of The Big Show, “but the station of it, on Friday we were particularly Work has already started on the down, consisting of Lizzie Riley, Chris The students will have to compete is open for business.” tested.” next episode of ‘The Big Show’, and against teams from the University of However, the first broadcast did not When asked about what the future the society is looking for interested Cambridge, Durham, University of Ab- go off without problems. At the sched- holds for STOIC, Dominic men- students to help out. “What we need The BP Ultimate erdeen, Robert Gordon University, Uni- uled start time of 1pm, viewers were tions that the relaunch continues are people who have got ideas for Field Trip versity of Oxford, University of Notting- greeted with a colourful placeholder with other events. STOIC is run- the next show or want to film with is an annual ham and the University of Manchester. and informed that the station was ex- ning a film competition, challenging us. We’re looking for students who competition that The Imperial teams will present their periencing ‘technical difficulties’. The students to make a film in a week can be committed, but most impor- gets students ideas in February at the semi finals, wait continued for almost an hour un- using a prop, character and line of tantly want to have fun doing it.” across the UK where up to six teams will enter the final til the show was ready to air, and by the dialog set by the judges. All films If you missed the live broadcast involved with on April 12th at the Natural History Mu- time the program began many viewers will be shown in collaboration with of ‘The Big Show’, you can catch- climate change seum, hosted by BBC broadcaster, John had left the JCR to get back to work. FilmSoc and there is a prize for the up online on the STOIC website at problem solving Humphreys. Progress can be followed While investigating the cause of the winning entry. Ciné Division is an- www.stoictv.com. online via the #BPFieldTrip Twitter. 4 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 NEWS [email protected] THE STATE OF OUR UNION KADHIM SHUBBER INTERVIEWS UNION PRESIDENT ASHLEY BROWN ON HIS ACHIEVEMENTS AND FAILINGS AS PRESIDENT SO FAR

music lineup. Once you’ve got com- A - Not as well as I hoped if I’m hon- think about what students want. pletely pissed, you just want cheesy “I know est, mainly because I’ve been running Look out in Beit Redevelopment music and to dance around. So we’ve people won’t around doing so much other stuff. K - Why do you think that students next week’s given them that and it’s been a lot bus- notice much What I’ve found is that I’ve got less would rather eat at say, the Library felix for ier in dBs. change this than a day a week, if that, to work on Cafe, than the Union? the chance Kadhim - Let’s start by talking about year and the my manifesto points, and the rest of my the third phase of the Beit Redevelop- K - A large part of the renovation of dBs next President time is spent trying to stop the Union A - I think it has something to do with to rename ment. What’s the vision? involves turning it into a high quality will get all crashing down around me. the location, and what we are capable dBs and live music venue, but what’s the point the credit. of serving. The kitchens are so old and daVinci’s Ashley - Our aim is to create an atmos- when like you say, it’s drunken cheesy You don’t do K - So you’ve found that the demands of knackered we cannot produce some- phere where people feel like they’ve got music that’s pulling people in? it for credit your job day-to-day mean that it’s quite thing of the same quality as say, the a high quality product but not extor- though, you hard to reach out to students? Tower Rooms. When I was a fresher tionate prices. We want to have a venue A - One of the key things that came out do it so that there would be a massive queue in dBs that’s for students but that’s also really of the Trading Survey 18 months ago you can make a A - Yes, much more difficult than I for baguettes at lunchtime, but then good quality. was that students wanted to see more difference. imagined. During Freshers Week we the JCR started offering baguettes and live music. And we also want students connected well with a lot of students. people didn’t come over anymore, so K - You’ve been asking for student input to be proud to come over here and ” I must have spoken to hundreds of stu- our location is a disadvantage. into the redevelopment. How has that say “Well, actually we’ve got a really dents that week. But then term starts been? good Union”. Which means, on Sports and everything kicks off. You’ve got to K - Let’s talk about food in the evening. Night, then we cater to the situation help individual students with problems When you campaigned you wanted to A - I’ve found that people just doo- but on say, a Friday, we can put on and there are committees to go to; you re-introduce table service. Why hasn’t dle or draw jacuzzis on the plans; we some good live bands. find that you’re running around all the haven’t had a lot of positive input. If time. After the initial burst in Fresher’s students want to have input then they K - Well this year a “Freshers Festival” week it’s been more difficult. should give proper ideas, otherwise was held, with live acts. It wasn’t a wild we’ll do what we think is right, and if success you might say. You’re aiming Promises kept? that turns out to be wrong, well we’ve to have more live music, but does that given students a chance. sit well with the failure of the “Freshers Union food Festival?” Table service in the K - Don’t you think that if the union ac- tively went out, face-to-face to get stu- A - The problem with the Freshers K - Let’s talk about the changes in da- evenings dent input, it would work better? Festival was that it was a week after a Vinci’s. What’s happening there? heavy freshers week. We should have A - We did actually go around the JCR lumped it in with Fresher’s Week, in- A - We’re going to change the design with the plans for the redevelopment cluded it with the marketing for that of the kitchens because we don’t need Better induction showing them to students. We got some and dropped the price, then it would them in their current state. The Tower Coming good ideas but most people, like I said, have worked a bit better. And there’s a Rooms has damaged our lunchtime training for bar- just messed about. The feedback hasn’t difference between doing a live gig on trade. The idea is to have a grill kitchen Soon been as good as we’d hoped but if stu- a Friday night and doing a whole week- like the Prince Regent, which doesn’t staff dents don’t submit ideas then there’s no end of music. take up a lot of space, but they can way we can take it into account. We’re still cook a lot. But we’re still discuss- still working on the plans so there’s still K - One of your manifesto points has ing what that lunchtime trade will be, a lot of space for student’s ideas and been to have more student input into and actually that would be quite a good Student input in Coming comments to be worked into it. We the planning of Union events. What thing for students to have input in. I also have a working group of around 10 have you done so far to achieve that? think we still need to keep some form events planning Soon students which has provided good feed- of lunchtime food at the union, but it’s back so it hasn’t all been bad. A - At Southampton university, their whether we stick with hot food or just executive committee (which is made a sandwich bar. K - Do you think that the problems with up of students) receives the term plan- Support for club say, dBs, are a bit overblown? ner in advance and can say we want Find the K - The catering is quite a financial this to change or we want to tweak this. plans for burden on the Union right? events at the Union A - The bar service capacity, even with So we’re going to bring that method in. the re-de- the mobile bar, is terrible. With the re- But what I’ve wanted to do, which is velopment A - Lunchtime catering was losing us development, the bar will be twice as the best way to ensure that students are online on around £80,000 a year, we’ve made big so on busy nights there won’t be a getting what they want, is to get clubs some changes which reduced this to Remove entrance problem with getting drinks. In terms to hold events at the Union and sup- the Union’s around £40,000 a year but it’s getting of getting students into dBs, it’s been port them doing that. website better still. If we were making a profit, fee on Sports night much busier this year on Wednesdays then we’d keep it in its present state but and Fridays since we’ve tweaked the K - How’s that worked out? union.ic.ac.uk with a new venue it’s a good time to felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 5 [email protected] NEWS that happened? K - At the moment, the bar-staff get “ paid near enough minimum wage. Do It takes a Faculty crisis Tuition Fees A - The problem with table service is you think that acts as a disincentive to long time to get R.C. that people move around and then the really care about the job? into the role. If bar-staff waste loads of time looking I could go back The Union’s policy is to oppose a rise in tuition for them, and then your food gets cold. A - Yes. But it’s not as simple as that, to September K - The RCSU and CGCU Autumn fees. When you’re representing the Union On busy nights we can’t spare the staff because we have to structure it to be knowing what Balls attracted a lot of controversy last externally what do you say when someone asks to do table service. We’re discussing, fair. It’s great to give people extra pay I know now, term. Did they spend too much money with the re-development, to introduce if they’re experienced, but how do you then I would on their events? ‘how are we going fund education without raising hand held buzzers which will tell you define if they’re experienced? There’s get a lot more tuition fees?’ when you can collect your food. the basic pay when you first start and done. There’s A - They lost money, so you’d say yes that wouldn’t go up because there’s a lot of stuff they spent too much money, but it’s K - Why isn’t it coming in this year? quite a high turnover, and you don’t that you don’t not as black and white as that. The FUs That’s never come up actually! So far, no one has want to invest resources if staff aren’t necessarily have two main roles. One is welfare for actually come up with an alternative model. If you A - I didn’t expect the refurbishment going to stick around. Hopefully this imagine as their students, which is the most im- look at the NUS model, that involves graduate to happen this year, we were told that will start coming in around March. taking up a lot portant thing that they should be do- we wouldn’t get any money from the of your time ing and they should be spending time tax, which we’re opposed to, because our policy College, but we put together a good but you get into on that. If you get people involved and also opposes it. My problem with this question is business plan and reduced the scope the job and you comfortable about talking to the FU by that I can only say what the Union’s policy is and of what we’re doing to the point where Drinks prices ask yourself throwing parties, then great. The oth- we can afford it. So now it makes more “Where’s all my er role is to foster a community spirit we don’t have a policy on this. We’re working sense for a lot of the stuff that I wanted time gone?” with the FU, which is the reason for the quite closely with the other non-NUS universities K - to do this year to be included with the The price of drinks usually increas- parties, but I’m not sure that you want to bring about an alternative model for funding. refurbishment. es every couple of years, is this going to ” to be spending extortionate amounts happen next year? of money on that sort of stuff. There’s going to be a survey of students this K - Another thing that you promised term which will help form a policy on this so A - K - in your manifesto was to have “secret It will go up this summer, probably The CGCU President last term, hopefully next time I’m asked that question I shoppers” to report on the quality of by about 10p. We managed to avoid Kirsty Patterson, responded to criticism service in the Union. Is that happening? putting the prices up last summer be- about the amount of money spent on can say our policy has an alternative model. cause we had a deal with a new sup- the CGCU’s Masquerade Ball by refer- A - It’s starting this term. I haven’t se- plier, but as result of that it has to go encing Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’. Do Accommodation lected the secret shoppers yet. Basically up this summer. Obviously there’s an- you think that was an appropriate way you’d go to the Union, get a meal, fill other issue with the wider crackdown to explain to engineering students why Are you worried that the price of accommodation in a form about it and we’d refund you on cheap drinks. If the government money was spent in the way that it was? at Imperial excludes students? so you get a free meal. Anyone who’s decides to introduce minimum drinks interested, give me an email. We actu- pricing then our prices could go up, but A - No, basically. I’m fairly laid back ally did it over the summer, with the then prices could go up everywhere. and if people think that I’ve screwed My main worry with accommodation prices is barbecue that we had outside and we something up, I should talk to them and that you end up with a sort of class system with identified some problems which were K - In your manifesto you promised explain why things have or haven’t been fixed. I wanted to start it straight away to do more deals on spirits. But that done, which is why I’m doing this inter- halls. You’ve got the really rich people in premium at the beginning of term but I found hasn’t happened. view. I think that you have to do that be- rooms and less well off people in triple sharing that there was no need because even cause people have voted for you. rooms in crappy halls. There is an idea with as President at times I was getting poor A - Nope. We did some deals at the service. We’ve got to the point where I beginning of the year, but part of the K - Also, the CGCU’s Welfare Officer, some people at college that Imperial shouldn’t think the service standards have come problem is that alcohol license holders Alice Rowlands criticised the amount do anything second-rate, so all accommodation up, so now maybe I’m too close to it and are being told, in no uncertain terms, of support that you provided to the should be of a very high standard. Which is so hopefully the secret shoppers will not to encourage excessive drinking. CGCU in an article in felix. Do you feel help to iron out any problems that I’m If we introduce, for example “double that her criticism was fair? great, if they’re affordable, which they won’t be. unaware of. up for 10p”, as a new promotion, then My argument is that to ensure that everybody there’d be issues with the licensing A - The problem with the CGCU was can afford to be at university, then you have to people. I would like to see some deals that nothing was written down. I told on spirits, but squaring it with licens- them that we’ll support it and we’ll provide a range, which includes lower quality, Bar service ing authorities is a problem. find an act for it. The Union Entertain- affordable, accommodation. There won’t be any ment team offered them a number of more re-development for quite some time after acts that they could choose and they K - In terms of motivating student staff, went for an expensive one. That’s their Eastside and Southside so for now we can keep what can you actually do to, say, speed Smoking ban choice. Our role was not, and was the balance that we have at present. I mean, when up bar service? never going to be, to run their event people can afford to pay £37,000 a year in fees for them and give them the profit. The A - What I want to do is hold on to ex- K - Do you think that students should situation was that we’d support them then you might say that you can afford an extra perienced bar staff, which you can only care about what goes on at the Union? in their event and on the Friday before £150 a week for accommodation, but if you’re do by offering them money. We’re try- I was with the President of Guilds get- paying those fees and over-stretching yourself ing to put in a training program. What A - It depends on what’s going on. For ting things prepared for the Ball. The the Union does quite badly is that we example, there’s a motion coming to support was there, they just had to ask then you need cheap affordable accommodation. throw people in at the deep end and Council this month asking for a refer- for it, not just sitting there and whinge- then people complain that they can’t endum on a smoke-free campus. Now ing. They should have come and said pour a pint properly, well what can we if students think that’s a good idea, or ‘this is going wrong, what can you do?’ expect when we don’t train them prop- a bad idea, then they should come and right, because we don’t get the oppor- erly. That said, we do have some excel- have their views heard. If people want K - Regarding the Freshers Festival, tunity to spend that kind of money very lent bar-staff who could be part of that things changed, then they should come Dan Fowler, the organiser said they often. training process. to Council. didn’t get enough Union support either. K - The elections for next years sabbati- K - When is that going to come into K - Will a smoking ban have a positive A - That was our fault like I talked cal will be starting soon. What do you action? impact at imperial? about before, and they did get less sup- think next year’s President should be The port than Guilds did. But we learned focused on? A - We’re trying to get an intern from A - It will definitely cause problems in a lot from that and I wouldn’t say the College because we don’t have the staff some areas. For example, if you’re in smoking Guilds didn’t receive enough sup- A - There are probably two things, first- resources to do it ourselves. If that hap- the bar, you’ll have to go all the way out ban refer- port. When I asked them to really lay ly pushing Phase 3 of the re-develop- pens, then we’ll have someone starting to Prince Consort Road, which is quite endum will out what they expected from us, and ment through smoothly. But also mak- If you have in March to build this training package inconvenient. be debated what we didn’t give them, they didn’t ing students aware of the representation any comments for about six months. There is training at Council respond. I can’t do anything about that network and the changes that have been or queries at the bars already, which needs re- K - Do you agree with the principle of if they’re not going to tell me what they put in place. Students fill out surveys regarding finement also. The problem is that we a smoking ban? on the 15th expected. and then wonder what’s been done but the issues didn’t do this in October so we didn’t of Febru- for example, we have a new Dean of discussed in train all the new staff as we would have A - Students are adults and if they ary in the K - What is your main aim for the rest Teaching and Learning to deal with stu- the interview, liked. So it’s behind where it should be. want to smoke, that’s their choice. I’d Union Din- of your time as President? dent’s issues. The university created a Ashley is We also want to review pay-scales so be in favour of more rigorous controls ing Hall at whole new position specifically for that happy to hear that student staff that progress through to stop people smoking by doors, but A - Getting the re-development done and the challenge I think is to ensure them. Email the training and stay on longer will see not a complete ban. Of course, policing 6:30pm properly. Even if I do nothing else, I that students know about and are able president@ an increase in their wages. that sort of thing is a right pain. want to make sure that we get that to take advantage of these changes. imperial.ac.uk 6 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 NEWS [email protected] Somali jihad recruitment at universities

AAlexlex KarapetianKarapetian Not Imperial’s first run-in with terrorism Around a dozen British Islamic stu- dents from some of Britain’s top Uni- Babar Ahmad, a former employee of versities are travelling to Somali to join Imperial College, was first arrested Al-Shabaab, an extremist rebel organi- under anit-terror laws in December sation with links to Al-Qaeda. The or- 2003. He was released without charge ganisation has been blamed for many but arrested again in August 2004 and deaths, and Somali leaders in the UK charged in a US court two months say students from LSE, King’s College later. London and Imperial are among those Babar allegedly used US-based who have been recruited within the websites to recruit fighters for causes past year. in Afghanistan and Chechnya. He was Following the case of Umar Fa- also charged with maintaining e-mail rouk Abdulmutallab, the engineering contact with a Chechen rebel leader. graduate accused of trying to blow The Sir Alexander Fleming Building: A medical student from Imperial is said to have travelled to Somalia He remains under arrest due to an ex- up almost 300 passengers on a trans- tradition warrant from the U.S. atlantic flight on Christmas Day, in- Babar is a former Imperial College vestigations have shown that this ter- in order to recruit students from Lon- rying case of a 24 year old woman been linked with extremism. In 2004, student staff member in the IT depart- rorist ‘’pipeline’’ to Somalia suggests don. Although many of them were studying biomedicine at UEL leaving Babar Ahmed, a College IT employee ment and has remained in custody Britain may have become a breeding born in Somalia, they are British citi- Britain telling friends she was joining was arrested for a second time due to since 2004, without trial. To this day ground for Al-Qaeda. zens and have grown up in the UK. Al-Shabaab’s ‘’medical team’’. Two stu- suspicious material on his computer. he is the longest detained-without- Al-Shabaab, Arabic for ‘’the youth’’, ‘’It’s unbelievable’’, Ahmed remarked, dents from west London are also be- He has yet to be charged and is now trial British citizen held as part of the is engaged in a violent struggle against ‘’the group’s supporters and recruiters lieved to have travelled to Somalia for fighting extradition to the US. ‘war on terror’. Somalia’s western backed government. are free to do what they want.’’ similar reasons, one of which was a 23 King’s College, LSE and Imperial said ICU passed policy in 2004 fully sup- Experts consider it an African fran- Students are leavingeaaving fforo Somalia year old Law graduate from King’s Col- they had no record of the mentioned porting Babar Ahmad and his fight chise of Al-Qaeda, and religious leader with suspicioususpicioous reasons,re an lege and the other a 25 year old finish- students, but Britain’s Somali commu- against extradition and maintain their Sheikheikh Mohamed Ahmed warns that exex-- aam amplemple being ing a MMedical degree at Imperial. nity use a variety of names to refer to stance that he is entitled to a fair trial. Al-ShabaabShabaab is exploitingg a loopholoopholelooophpholle tththehehe worwowor-rr- ThisThis isis notnot thet first time Imperial has them.

cienceI,SWinterc 2009 ience WinterI 2009 I,S ,Science Winter 2009 OUT

1 NOW Inside:Inside:IIn Copenhagen Conference CCopenhagen ConferenceInside: 1 Copenhagen Conference

1 IN THIS ISSUE , s ience Copenhagen | Plasmas | Catapults to the Moon I c  e Imperial College science magazine felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 7

Science Editors Nathan Ley & Brigette AAtkinstkins SCIENCE [email protected] Reversing the arrow of time Bioterrorism Forgotten what happened last night? Now you know why and Botox Even if you had a million baboons con- and it’s then copied and recorded in her AArjunrjun HHassardassard ducting thermodynamics experiments memory and on her computer’s hard NNathanathan LLeyey Science Editor all day since the dawn of time. No toilet drive. That information flow from atom This may end up in the bullshit grave- breaks. I’m serious.) to lab increases entropy, according to yard of sensationalist physics specula- So what this clown Lorenzo Maccone Alice. Because Bob doesn’t see the re- t’s pretty much February now quantities (80 mg). If carefully regulat- tion, but seemingly impossible occur- reckons is that counter-intuitive de- sult, from his perspective the spin state so understandably you may be ed between a few licensed companies rences – such as a shattered pane of creases in entropy happen all the time, of the atom never resolves itself into up reading this whilst depressed it doesn’t pose a threat to our safety, glass returning instantaneously to its the snag is that we just fail to remember or down. Instead it becomes quantum and/or fed up with life, espe- but a cheap unlicensed version has al- original form, a Latte separating back them! Before you sigh and flick to the mechanically correlated, or “entangled,” I cially in light of how much legedly been produced in Chechnya, into pure coffee and milk, or Megan centre page (I’ve seen it already and I can with the quantum state of the lab. He work you claim to have to do. But an area frequently associated with Fox replying to my emails – are not as quite sincerely say unless you are bulim- sees no information flow and no change you should see it as a positive thing. Muslim extremism. Put two and two conceptually absurd as they may ap- ic it’s not worth it), Maccone claims his in entropy. It's not unfair to say that the times together, and we have the next epi- pear at first glance. findings do not violate any laws of quan- Bob has total control of the quantum where the going gets tough define sode in the story of “Bioterror”. Take the Starbucks Skinny Cinnamon tum physics. Plus he went to MIT, so he state of her lab. To reduce the entropy our character. England cricket players In a tenuous but not totally unre- Dolce Latte for example. Intuition tells can’t be a complete head case (MIT is of the lab from Alice’s point-of-view, don't have their greatness measured lated link to this, the news came last us that once you have mixed the key in- almost as good as Imperial right?). Bob reverses the flow of that one bit of by how many test match double cen- week that Heidi Montag recently un- gredients of coffee, milk, cinnamon and His argument is based on the premise information by removing any record of turies they pile up on a concrete road derwent 10 plastic surgery treatments pretentiousness, you can never recover that according to quantum mechanics, the atom’s spin from Alice’s hard drive against Bangladesh, nor is a football (including botox) within one day, at them in their pure form. Yet the laws of if anyone does observe an entropy- and her brain. He does so by perform- team’s success for the year determined the age of 23. On the one hand we physics that we worship and occasion- decreasing event, their memories of ing a complicated transformation that by how far they go in a domestic cup have here a sad story about an Ameri- ally tattoo on ourselves are for the most the event “will be erased by necessity”. disentangles the lab’s quantum state competition. Nope, nothing good can celebrity that is totally insignifi- part ‘time-invariant’ – in lay-douche Your memories will form and then from that of the atom. ever came easily. So get your head cant; on the other we have a remark- terms, that means they work just as well be subsequently erased. Witnessing From Bob’s perspective, the quan- down, stick at it, and don't give up. If ably dangerous precedent. Consider going forwards and backwards in time. a system or process means you enter tum information of the atom plus Al- you do bottle it, it says a lot about you. not only the irreparable damage to They are fundamentally symmetrical into a “quantum entanglement” with ice’s lab is the same whether or not the Anyway that was just a point I wanted her young body that she's inflicted, equations. So why can’t the chav un- it (there’s scope for yet another dorky two are entangled – there is no change to get across. but also the knock-on mental and so- break a library window and un-verdict chat-up line here). In other words, you in entropy as viewed from the outside. Topically speaking, "Bioterrorism" cial effects. You think she'll be happy himself an ASBO? and the system are entangled and can- Such reversals could happen in real life was an official line spouted by gov- with these looks forever? Not likely. The reason is that in the real world not truly be described independently. but because the Universe – like Alice – ernments for a fair while, although It is just the thin end of the wedge, a (i.e. the one where Mr T is not allowed The entanglement, according to our would retain no memory of them, they it has died down recently (in light of, wedge which commits her to a life- to randomly murder warlocks) – the amico Lorenzo, is between your mem- would have no effect on how we per- you know, nuclear stuff). This is the time of regular cosmetic alterations. majority of physical processes are ‘ir- ory and the system. The crucial step is ceive the world.’ threat that we may all die at any given The worst thing is that as these reversible’. This is governed by the the removal of this entanglement, and You might say that since this thought moment as a result of terrorists using things occur more frequently, they’ll super-exciting ‘Second Law of Thermo- “the disentangling operation will erase experiment is attempting to portray germs or other biomaterial as weap- become seen as more acceptable, dynamics’, which states that the change this entanglement, namely the observ- Maccone’s ideas as viable in the real ons of mass destruction. To this day and will be catered for by a more ac- in entropy of a system is always posi- er’s memory”. world, he’s is doing himself no favours no such thing has quite materialised. cessible industry. How long until we tive. The entropy of a physical system This all sounds a bit like something by pretending one of the physicists is 2001 brought the US anthrax attacks, reach a stage where it will no longer is its extent of disarray, essentially the Morpheus would say to Neo, before actually a girl. Alice? More like Alan. wherein letters containing anthrax matter if you are born with something number of ways in which the system re-adjusting his ridiculous specs and Either way, my opinion is that his logic spores were sent to various news of- you don’t like, because you can just can be arranged. Windows can be shat- scratching his ass. Nevertheless the seems to hold. Whether it applies to our fices, killing 5 people. But even this change it with a commercially avail- tered, which increases disorder, but thought experiment Maccone uses to universe is incontestably another ques- is considered by many to have been able product? Before you dismiss will never spontaneously un-shatter. elucidate his idea is fairly easy to under- tion altogether. But, like a cup of coffee nothing other than an inside job, rath- this idea, you cannot say that socie- Gases disperse naturally (especially in stand (Medics...don’t worry about it): getting cold while you argue with the er than the work of a terrorist threat. ties don’t change and embrace liberal crowded elevators), but will not spon- ‘An experimenter, Alice, measures Library cafe staff about the necessity This week, however, New Scientist ideas. You only need to look at the taneously compress themselves. There- the spin state of an atom sent by her of a tray, or a pint glass shattering into reported on a new threat from none change in public opinion on topics fore the ‘entropy of the universe’ always friend Bob, who is otherwise isolated hundreds of pieces due to reasons un- other than our favourite facial en- such as abortion, homosexuality and increases. (Disclaimer: for every macro- from Alice’s laboratory. The atom is related to Snakebite, it would be ‘sick- hancer – Botox. It stands for the Botu- the voting rights of women. Unlike in scopic system there IS a finite possibili- in a combined state (superposition) mansick’ if these things did happen in linum toxin produced by Clostridium these cases though, change will not ty that the entropy can decrease, but the of spin-up and spin-down until Alice reverse. And memories of events being bacteria, and it is the most poisonous be for the better. These are worrying probability of this happening is so small measures it as either up or down. erased by necessity, especially if that known natural substance. It paralyses times for society, on one front more that it is unlikely to have occurred once From Alice’s perspective, her lab gains event is Sports night, is something you muscles, and can kill you in minute so than on the other. since the beginning of the universe. a single bit of information from outside, are all familiar with.

Climate panel Ambidexterity linked Hidden by the digital credibility in question to hyperactivity revolution The head of the Internation- A new study at Imperial Col- In a talk entitled “The de- al Panel for Climate Change lege London has revealed that tection of extra-terrestrial (IPCC), Prajendra Pachauri, ambidextrous children are life and the consequences has told critics he does not twice as likely to be hyperac- for science and society”, Dr intend to step down follow- tive and struggle at school. Frank Drake has warned ing a mistake made in the Dr Alina Rodreguez, who that our technological de- fourth annual IPCC report led the investigation, said that velopment may hinder our released in 2007. “differences in the brain might progress to find extra-ter- The error which sparked explain these difficulties, but restrial life. During the ana- the row is the date of 2035 being set in the report as the there needs to be more re- logue TV age, transmitters surrounded the Earth with a 50 milestone for when the Himalayan glaicers could have disap- search.” Not only were the ambidextrous children found to be light-year-wide ‘shell’ of radiation. The digital signals used to peared. In an interview with the BBC he stressed that despite more prone to learning difficulties such as ADHD, but the se- transmit information now would be virtually indistinguish-

In brief the data in the report being questionable, it “does not detract verity of any such condition was increased amongst this group. able from background level radiation. from the fact that the glaciers are melting.” This news comes Dr Rodriguez stressed however that the results “should not Dr Drake of “Drake Equation” fame believes that there at a time when the credibility of climate science is still uncer- be taken to mean that all children who are mixed-handed will could be up to 10,000 detectable civilisations within our tain following the leaked emails from the UEA Climate Unit have problems at school.” galaxy. However, 50 years of scanning the skies has failed to late last year. confirm their existence. 8 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 Comment Editor RaviRavi PallPall COMMENT [email protected] David Stewart has diet tips for the fat and lazy “Imagine you have a tapeworm, whom for the sake of argument we’ll call Terry”

uppose you’re worried about oily turds, which, depending on the Your body then burns more food to re- like a mate who follows you around all ordering a box of meat. Also, as it’s a your weight. Perhaps you feel amount of fat you’ve eaten, can make place this energy. Upshot: you get hot, day with a fork picking at your plate carbohydrate, this also means you can’t you could lose a few pounds. them so greasy and loose that they can you lose weight. This might make you of food. The only difference is that drink alcohol, which is probably the The modern way to deal with actually slip out during the day. Eat sweat like a pig. In fact it was banned he lets you eat it first. He gets fat so main reason you actually lose weight. Sthese feelings is to smother enough KFC and your rectum can get when people took so much of it that you don’t have to. Terry can grow to a Unfortunately, since your diet will be them with anti-depressants, so you so full of grease that a fart will splatter they died of a fatal fever. Also associ- metre in length inside your guts soak- essentially that of a desert jackal, you could take a fistful of Prozac washed oil all over your underwear. In combi- ated with cataracts in women. ing up all your Snickers’ and stuffed can expect to smell like one. down with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and nation with white shorts, this is a great Next, there’s Ephedrine. Your nerve crust pizzas. The only trouble is that Now, the real boon comes from com- call it irony. idea for a dare. cells can’t tell the difference between you’ll need to abort Terry before he bining all these at once. Get yourself in- Still, some people are picky and may 2,4-Dinitrophenol (DNP) was one of this drug and adrenaline. However, gets too long because otherwise you fected with a tapeworm, start swallow- entertain certain objections with this the first to be invented and remains the Ephedrine causes your nerve cells to might find him burrowing his way ing your FSD, DNP and ECA and don’t advice. If you’re one of these people, most effective, some consider it a ‘won- fire much more rapidly. Upshot: ephe- out of your abdomen or the walls of even look at a potato. Then you can ex- you will have to investigate other med- der drug’. Your cellular currency for drine makes you hyper, suppresses your anus. If this happens, wave a ba- pect to find yourself pimple-covered, ications. There is a panoply of sub- energy is called ATP. Once it is spent, your appetite and helps you concen- nana around your bum-hole, grab him taking a sweaty winter stroll through stances you can take these days, which it becomes ADP, which must then be trate. Sounds good except you might when he comes out to investigate and Hyde Park in your underwear, while might seem daunting to the prospec- recharged again. The process for doing be busting for a piss which you can’t then slowly wrap him around a pencil. you munch your way through a can of tive pill-junkie, so I’ve reviewed a few this, ‘chemiosmosis’, involves a huge squeeze out and paranoid that people You can decide how lavish to make the Prince’s hotdogs, farting grease into of the current offerings on the market. cylindrical molecule, rotated about by are laughing at your inability to uri- funeral. your increasingly transparent briefs so Alli is the latest drug to be released, the passage of hydrogen ions across nate. Also you can get acne. Or die. Of- Try the Atkins diet. The idea is to that the seething mass of worm heads and unusually, it’s actually legal as well, an electrical potential. As the mol- ten mixed with caffeine and aspirin to cut all carbohydrates out of your diet, poking out of your rectum are on view which is of course a bonus. Alli is a li- ecule spins round it adds a phosphate form an ‘ECA stack’. thereby teaching your body to me- to passers-by, who will be vomiting in pid-absorption blocker. In other words group onto the ADP molecule, turn- Get a tapeworm. (Warning: Don’t tabolise fat and protein. So you can horror and calling the police to have it’s a Fat-Shitting Drug (FSD). Because ing it back to ATP again. DNP blocks read this while eating). A Big Mac eat as much meat as you like. Have the you taken away and sectioned. fats aren’t absorbed by the digestive this process, allowing protons to flow shared is a Big Mac halved. Imagine burger, not the bun; the sausages, not But of course, if you find such a pros- system, they will appear in your faeces. unhindered across the potential, doing you have a tapeworm, whom for sake the mash. Kebab vendors can be very pect horrifically depressing we have a This means that you will be curling out no work and simply generating heat. of argument we’ll call Terry. Terry is helpful, and there’s nothing quite like solution for that… Rory Fenton worries for Irish politics

“Ireland has a painful history of religious intolerance”

his New Year, the media’s still viewing ‘the other side’ through a turn religious difference into religious to mean simply being against ‘Ameri- ing interreligious understanding. This focus was back on North- prism of suspicion and fear. The causes intolerance relies on the ability to mis- can Imperialism’. A no doubt insulting year saw the birth of Imperial College ern Ireland, my home coun- of the ‘Troubles’ are complex but re- represent differing opinions while al- thought for true Islamic believers and Interfaith; a new society, comprised try. Only this time it wasn’t ligious intolerance is clearly the main luding to political and social prejudice. yet Islam was so clearly abused in the entirely of students, set up to do just Tabout bombings, shootings culprit. I remember a ten year old Catholic case of the failed December bomber that. Uniting Christians, Muslims, or kidnappings, but the extra- marital Ireland has had a painful history of child boy telling me that of course he Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, ex-pres- Baha’is, Jains, Hindus, Jews, Sikhs and affair of NI’s First Lady, Iris Robinson. religious intolerance dating back to knew Protestant beliefs, “Don’t they ident of the UCL Islamic Society. It is Buddhists, the society is taking apart Good old normal politics had finally the infamous Penal Laws, banning or believe in God the dog and God the against such people that all religions misunderstandings between faiths by returned to Northern Ireland. But attacking anything Catholic in pre- cow and all that?” Reverend Ian Pais- must unite. We cannot deny the im- encouraging dialogue. The fantastic while an affair between a 59 year old dominantly Catholic Ireland, the de- ley himself denounced the Pope as the mense and powerful beliefs common opening event in November (Unifaith) and a teenager could happen anywhere, nial of soup to those who would not antichrist to his face. It is when reli- to all our faiths. We cannot allow prej- was a perfect example of this, bringing the response to the affair was uniquely convert to Protestantism during the gion ceases to be about God and turns udice to cloud our view of other reli- together speakers from six different Northern Irish. Nowhere else could Famine which was to claim a million tribal that religious intolerance thrives. gions. Yet it is people such as Abdul- religions under the one banner of un- such an incident have triggered the lives and vicious retaliations leading to Catholicism means being a Republi- mutallab who claim centre stage- just derstanding. This coming week marks threat of increased sectarian tension. the slaughter of innocent Protestants. can and Protestantism means wanting as with Northern Ireland it has often the Union’s One World week, at which And yet this is exactly what is at stake And yet there is nothing whatsoever British rule; these are hijackings of re- been the extremists whose bombs Interfaith is set to have a large presence in a frighteningly fragile peace process. in the teachings of either Christian de- ligion. There was never a petrol bomb spoke louder than the prayers of oth- with stalls on Monday and a massive The slightest hiccup could bring the nomination that justifies this; nothing thrown in the name of the Sacrament ers. As the great Irishman W B Yeats Question Time style event on science whole house of cards crashing down that should have lead to such violence. of Confession or a bomb in defiance of said, “The best lack all conviction, and religion. This is Imperial students and threaten to restart the longest civil Rather, it has been ignorance and po- papal authority; rather it was people while the worst are full of passionate standing against religious intolerance, war in world history which claimed litical opportunism that has caused so abusing religion for their own ends. intensity”. creating not just passive tolerance but over 3,500 lives during the last 40 years many of these tragedies; and continues This is not just an Irish problem. In- But the ‘best’ are out there; challeng- dialogue and understanding. This is and has left many living in segregation, to threaten them today. The ability to creasingly, being a Muslim can be seen ing religious intolerance and promot- Imperial College Interfaith. felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 9 Ken Wu on how rubbish TV is these days... “I have managed to find 5 hours of quality TV I would watch, most of it being comedy ”

nyone who has lived in mornings, serving more as a waking what will be on the main TV channels Soaps, which in their wonder years episodes long where as our TV season the new Eastside/South- up mechanism than anything else. Al- (BBC1/2, ITV, C4/5) in the following could pull in more than a third of the is only 8-10 episodes long. side complex of halls though this circadian pattern has been week, things didn’t look any better. population of Britain are increasingly Extending the TV season could mean in Princes Gardens (of disrupted by the Australian Open in Being an Imperial student I will bring diluted by eye-candy and improb- that good programs such as Spooks or A which I am one!) would the past week or so, I am certain that some mathematics into this. If prime- able reincarnations of old characters. Hustle can last longer and attract more know that every kitchen comes with a once Roger Federer has won that, all time is defined as the period between The only genre worth watching has of an audience but there is still a lack flat screen plasma TV. To achieve su- will return to normal again. 7pm and 11pm, it would give 28 hours been the comedy programs, and even of quality programmes. I had hoped, periority, this fact would be bragged Even though I am massive fans of of supposedly worthwhile TV to watch. though I still find the classics such when I was about 12, that when I get about countless times in conversations all 4 programmes, I find this peculi- Excluding films, I have managed to as Blackadder better, the comedies to university I would finally be able to with friends of other universities or arity very depressing. I would have find 5 hours of quality TV I would of today are still compelling enough escape the parents shouting for me to even with the older years at Imperial. thought British television could con- watch, most of it being comedy and in- to watch. I do often wonder, with the tear myself away from the TV and get I think having a plasma TV is a lot jure up some form of mass entertain- cluding an hour of the aforementioned money from the licence payers, why to bed. Well the day has come and how less impressive than it sounds. Many, ment appealing to the lazy, procras- Top Gear. This is a poor reflection of Britain cannot produce good quality frustrating is it that there is no good if not most of my fellow friends shar- tination-prone university students of British TV and it is hardly a surprise. TV. Maybe it is true that Jonathan Ross TV to watch in defiance! I hope, with ing the same kitchen as me would today. I was wrong. Briefly scanning With Saturday prime time dominated has pocketed all of it! the economy now out of recession, that humorously mention that the envious the “Favourite TV Programmes” of my by so called “Talent” shows, it is no It may seem unfair to compare the the BBC can actually use some money TV would only ever show a mixture of Facebook friends, I noticed a distinct wonder the quality of TV drama has British television industry to the mili- to make some good programmes so Friends, Scrubs, The Simpsons or Top pattern: people either liked the Ameri- deteriorated so badly over the last dec- tary might of Hollywood who seems that students can use the plasma TV Gear repeats on either E4, Channel 4 can programmes of the present or the ade, catalysed by the conception of Big to effortlessly churn out the law, crime to good effect rather than relying on or Dave (or E4+1, Channel 4+1, Dave British comedies of the past, myself Brother whose life will shortly end and and medical dramas that we know so a laptop screen. But for now, I really ja vu). Occasionally BBC Breakfast, included. will serve as a massive relief for many well. It may be down to the fact that the couldn’t care less: my 7-season West as its name suggests, is shown in the Having also had a look ahead to people who literally “couldn’t care less”. American TV season is normally 24 Wing Box Set arrived in the post today! Gilead Amit and the abuse of sympathy “One must try to look beyond emotions and beyond the feelings of sorrow”

his has been a busy week on makes political, strategic and humani- human shields to protect themselves has the region not developed the best But why? Gaza does not only share a campus. Imperial Christian tarian mistakes, and in my opinion it from Israeli reprisals. Few stories reach schools in the Middle East? Why are border with Israel; it shares one almost Union have been hosting needs to accept its share of the respon- us of the Palestinians whose buildings there no hospitals in Gaza to rival those a fifth as long with Egypt: another Ar- their free thinking week, sibility. But when we discuss the human explode when a next-door neighbour across the border in Israel? Why have abic-speaking, Muslim region. Surely, Tand the Palestinian Society rights situation in Gaza, we need to di- makes a mistake in calibrating an explo- gardens left behind by the Israelis not then, the assistance across that border have organised a Gaza awareness week. rect our criticism appropriately, and not sive device; a device intended for deto- been urged to give fruit to new masters? must exceed anything received from And being a conscientious, participat- be blinded to the central issues at hand. nation among Israeli schoolchildren. The simple and depressing answer is Israel? Surely the welcome received at ing member of the Union, I’ve tried to Sympathy with suffering, and indeed Over the past twenty seven years, that munitions are expensive. One can- the Egyptian border is one of sympathy get involved with all these conflicting even suffering itself, are not certificates over 6 billion dollars in aid have been not build up an arsenal of rockets and and even brotherhood? activities as best I can. I came to some of that guarantee one is telling the truth. poured into Gaza and the West Bank. explosives while at the same time im- One need only look at the way in which the Christian Union events, ready for an One must try to look beyond emotions Even during the Gaza war, Israel im- proving the education of one’s children. ethnic Palestinians have been treated argument and the free doughnuts, with and beyond the feelings of sorrow we ported thousands of tons of medi- If the choice is guns or better living, we in Egypt, Jordan and Lebanon to get an my fists clenched and my cheeks turned. automatically and instinctively extend cal supplies, fuel and grain into Gaza. know from experience which way the understanding of how the Arab world I even went to some of my lectures. to those who have been abused. Even when the ceasefires convoked to Palestinian leadership always swings. regards the people of Palestine. It is all But I haven’t gotten involved with Those who style themselves as pro- allow the safe passage of medical sup- And why should they choose any dif- too easily forgotten that areas of Gaza Gaza awareness week, even though it’s Palestinian speak very eloquently, and plies were broken by Hamas militants. ferently? The less well-educated their were under Egyptian control for nearly a subject closer to my heart than Rich- in great detail, of the human rights vio- Even when aid lorries and ambulances people’s children are, the easier it will be 19 years, during which time the Palestin- ard Dawkins or even the Foundations lations Israel inflicts upon the residents were hijacked and hospitals used as to fill their heads with extremist, anti- ians were subjected to brutal oppression of Quantum Mechanics. And the rea- of Gaza. We constantly hear how the safe zones by gunmen. Even when the Israeli dogma. The fewer hospitals are and appalling conditions in the refugee son for my silence is there hasn’t been Gazan population must endure Israeli tunnels leading out of Gaza were used functional, the more obvious it will be to camps were allowed to perpetuate. If anything for me to say. One year ago, security checkpoints and searches, Is- to import weapons and explosives in- all in the sensitive, caring West that the only the flow of genuine assistance were hundreds of people were dying in a raeli blockades on necessary goods and stead of medicine and food. The total Israelis are irredeemably in the wrong. as bountiful as the flow of anti-Israeli horrendous and avoidable war. Thou- services, and the constant threat of Is- aid received by the Gazan population There are thousands upon thousands rhetoric. At least, then, people would not sands of others suffered and the cause raeli bombardment. is over five times as much per capita of innocent Palestinians whose suffer- be dying for the sake of hypocrisy. of peace has been irreparably harmed. We rarely hear of the ongoing feuds as post-war Europe received under the ing is so great as to make description The systematic abuse of the Pales- There should be time to grieve. between adherents of Hamas and fol- Marshall Plan. And the Palestinians impotent. But they have been callously, tinians by their leadership and the rest But grief cannot be isolated. Tragedy lowers of Fatah, feuds which in the need it. They deserve enough money cynically and relentlessly abused at the of the Arab world has to end, and this does not occur in a vacuum. We must duration of Operation Cast Lead alone to build the finest schools, maintain the hands of their supposed leaders. But if can only be achieved by removing the learn from horror and atrocity, and do our killed dozens and wounded many most advanced hospitals, and develop a the self-proclaimed Palestinian advo- joker from the pack. The instinctive, utmost to ensure it is never repeated. And more. We are seldom told of the plight flourishing Palestinian economy. cates are to be believed, it is the sole ritualised demonisation of Israel must when it comes to the Middle East, I think of the Palestinian families who wait So why hasn’t this happened? Why, responsibility of the Israelis to ensure cease, or else the motivation to provide the world is learning the wrong lessons. in terror lest militants commandeer in the years since Israel pulled its set- the well-being of those living in Gaza. aid to the suffering will drop, and the Israel is far from irreproachable. It their property or use their children as tlers out of every square inch of Gaza, Their suffering is Israel’s failing. manipulation of the weak will continue. 10 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010

Business Editor Sina AtaherianAtaherian BUSINESS [email protected] IC Business School climbs FT rankings As Imperial College Business School continues to gain international acclaim for the quality of its academic teaching and research, and the success of its alumni, felix interviews its Principal, Professor David Begg

Imperial College Business School: FACTS AND FIGURES

The School is mainly active in four areas of research - entrepreneurship and innovation, organisations and management, finance and accounting and healthcare management. Of these, it is particularly renowned across the world as a leading academic center for entrepreneurship and innovation. ICBS maintains strong international links and has especially strong connections with India, whose 7th Prime Minister, Rajiv Ghandi, is a notable alumnus of the College. The School takes particular pride in its diversity and international outlook: Women faculty 19% Women students 16% Women board 36% International faculty 74% International students 72% International board 55% International mobility rank 47 International experience rank 75

ICBS Principal, Professor Begg, who is frequently commissioned to advise national and supranational governmental Of course there are many problems with facilitating so many students organisations such as the Bank of England and the IMF, is pictured here meeting UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown. from so many countiries (and one in particular). But Professor Begg is confident that the School is right to expose its members to this level of he Financial Times World ture, Professor Begg said, “we pursue advantages of working with the private international diversity, “our students will have to survive in a world of Rankings is one of the improvement through having a clear sector: “Imperial’s avowed policy is increasing cultural diversity and we cannot shield them artificially. We most respected interna- strategy - to focus on Imperial’s areas to build other funding sources [than tional league tables for of strength, drawing on engineering, the state] as quickly as possible, and have however embedded more pedagogical technqiues - recording T Business Schools. In their medicine, and science - and by creat- the Business School is at the forefont of lectures, web-based environments, that allow students to review latest annual assessment, released ing a culture in which our faculty enjoy of development of deep commercial lecture material in what may not be their first language.” Despite the this week, Imperial College Business creating excellence in education and relationships.” School has moved up seven places to research. In addition to our teaching Another issue that many prospective School’s committment to maintaining its bredth of expertise rather 32nd place in the world. Its Principal, strengths, we also beat both Oxford students have with business schools is than specialising in investment banking, its students still have fairly Professor David Begg, has given felix and Cambridge in the last assessment their high cost. Many studies have sug- good career prospects: Business his thoughts on the School of research excellence. Students gain gested that with so called ‘degree infla- and its future plans. a distinctive edge in the marketplace, tion’ caused by increasing numbers of Although ICBS’s overall FT rank- and Imperial is a worldwide brand.” students at universities, they may no ing for 2010 is 32nd, Professor Begg The higher education sector across longer be a good investment. The ICBS Average salary US$120,306 points out that, “within the last two the world has been criticised in recent Principal, however, begged to differ, months, the Business School’s Masters years for focusing too much on league describing the Imperial MBA’s £34,000 Salary percentage increase 107 in Management has been ranked the tables at the expense of less measur- price tag as “tremendous value” and best Masters programme in the world able marks of quality. Professor Begg countered the idea that the degree only Value for money rank 17 for entrepreneurship. Last Monday, explained that the Business School has makes sense if someone else pays for the Financial Times ranked our MBA avoided this: “We continue to enjoy it: “Few of our full-time MBA students Career progress rank 35 programme the third best MBA in the forward momentum, and the spread are sponsored. Most work for a few world for entrepreneurship - and also of our reputation, but rankings are years, then come back to achieve a step Aims achieved rank 71 the sixth best for economics and the not the whole story. For example, if we change in their subsequent career.” seventh best for marketing.” specialised in investment banking, our He added that he is looking forward Placement success rank 51 It is clear that applying entrepre- students would get even higher salaries to greater achievements in the future neurship to Imperial College’s aca- and our education ranking would rise for the Business School by aiming to Employed at three months 85% demic strengths across science, tech- as a result. But successful strategy en- take advantage of, and supporting, nology and medicine is central to the tails being true to one’s roots. We will Imperial College’s existing areas of Alumni recommend rank 67 Business School’s vision. Professor always have a strong role for innova- expertise: “The Business School has Begg believes that its main commit- tion and entrepreneurship, even if this been growing at 15 to 20% a year, and ment is to “creating a world-class prevents us getting to the very top of we intend to continue to build on our Some departments such as Electrical Engineering include compulsory business school that is as distinctive the MBA rankings.” recent success.” By 2020 he sees the as Imperial itself. This means three Given the School’s commitment Business School “working much more management modules delivered by the Business School. The School things - rigour, translation of scientific to enterprise, it is ironic that like all closely with other faculties - on dig- also offers a range of optional courses on management, finance, thinking into managerial applications, universities, it depends on the Gov- ital business, on risk, on sustainable accounting, enterprise and innovation to third and forth year and acknowledged excellence.” ernment for much of its funding. Pro- energy, and on advances in healthcare Of the School’s plans for the fu- fessor Begg claimed to recognise the management.” felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 11

PPoliticsolitics EEditorsditors JJamesames GGoldsack,oldsack, KKatya-yaniatya-yani VVyas,yas, JJamesames LLeesees aandnd PPhilhil MMurrayurray POLITICS [email protected] France to ban the Supreme Court terror ruling wearing of the niqab

JJamesames LLeesees Politics Editor France is currently home to over 5 million Muslims, the largest Islamic population of any European nation, France, a country known mainly for most of whom are ethnically descend- cheese, wine, surrendering, gourmet ed from North Africa where Muslim food and the Eiffel Tower, is not a women don’t typically wear veils that country I often praise. There is, how- fully cover the face. Reports suggest ever, one thing which I envy about there are approximately 1900 women France: the way the French Republic who currently wear the niqab or burqa sticks to its principles – mostly. in France. Sources claim that 90% who This week, a French parliamentary do are under 40, 2/3 are French na- committee published its report recom- tionals and nearly ¼ are converts. This mending a ban on wearing veils which means that the vast majority of those cover the face in public places. This wearing the full veil are women whose is the latest episode in a movement mothers did/do not wear the full veil, within France to stop the wearing of from which it has been concluded that the niqab, which the French press the increase in women wearing the and government is belligerently, and veil in France is not from immigration wrongly, calling the burqa. The niqab of people from the Gulf, but from the is a full body veil with slits for the eyes. growth of ultra-puritan Islam amongst The burqa, a full body-and-face cover- the population. ing garment with a mesh allowing the Whether the ban will actually mate- wearer to see, is from Afghanistan and rialise is another matter. The expected all but unseen in France. course is for the report to be followed Last year, President Sarkozy made by the drafting of a bill and a debate in the first presidential address to par- parliament. The main opposition party liament in 136 years. The speech was has stated it is against the ban, and the broad and wide-ranging, and until that far-right movement led by Jean-Marie year had been banned to protect the Le Pen has said a ban is unnecessary as separation of powers in France. This French law already prohibits being out The unlawful decision to freeze the assets of five terrorism suspects has been overturned by the UK Supreme Court alone sparked controversy, especially in public with a mask on. as it was held at the Palace of Versailles leading some to perceive connotations JJamesames GoldsackGoldsack Politics Editor the Terrorism Order. “This is a clear of monarchy and a thirst for increased example of an attempt to adversely af- presidential power. However, the real fect the basic rights of the citizen with- controversy was not the move towards The UK Supreme Court has ruled that out the clear authority of Parliament,” The Suspects a king-like president, such as the posi- the government exceeded its powers he said. tion has become in America, but from by unlawfully freezing the assets of five Lord Hope said that one of the five a few remarks that Sarkozy made. terror suspects. men, Mohammed al-Ghabra, had been All five have now been named: In his address, he stated that “[the The court said the government denied a basic right to challenge his burqa] will not be welcome on French should have obtained approval for restrictions. Mohammed al-Ghabra soil... We cannot accept, in our coun- asset freezing from Parliament. The In the explanation of the judge- try, women imprisoned behind a ment, Lord Phillips, president of the mesh, cut off from society, deprived of Supreme Court, said: “Nobody should Hani el Sayed Sabaei Youssef all identity. That is not the French re- “We must conclude that the result of these ap- public’s idea of women’s dignity.” peals constitutes judicial interference Since then, the wheels have been set be careful to with the will of Parliament. On the Michael Marteen, formerly in motion in this further progression contrary, it upholds the supremacy of Mohammed Tunveer Ahmed towards a secular nation. Secularism, guard against... Parliament in deciding whether or not or ‘laïcité’ as the concept is known measures should be imposed that af- in France, is part not just of the cul- fect the fundamental rights of those in Mohammed Jabar Ahmed ture, but part of the constitution. encroachments on this country.” Wearing ‘conspicuous’ religious A spokesman for the Treasury said Mohammed Azmir Khan symbols was banned in schools in personal liberty” that it would attempt a change of leg- 2004. It follows then that France islation as soon as possible but would should forbid the wearing of five men at the centre of the case have abide by the ruling. Mohammed al-Ghabra, a 29-year- such a prominent religious sym- been living off £10 a week in cash and “It’s important to be clear that this old British citizen born in Syria bol as the niqab. What is inter- require special permission for other ruling does not challenge the UK’s allegedly provided “material and esting, though, is that many of expenses. The judgement has been logistical support to al-Qaeda and the arguments for forbidding suspended for a month by the court, other terrorist organisations”. He lives the burqa revolve around se- allowing the government to change “This is an attempt in east London and used to publicly curity concerns and the diffi- the law to lawfully freeze alleged ter- campaign for the rights of Muslim culties in cultural integration rorist assets. The two orders to freeze to adversely affect prisoners. He has denied involvement of someone who cannot be assets were brought in by Gordon in terrorism. seen, rather than in further Brown when he was Chancellor of the the rights of the Hani el-Sayed Sabaei Youssef, known removal of religion from Exchequer. the state. People press- In the ruling, the Supreme Court jus- as Dr Hani al-Seba’i, is director of ing for the ban com- tices said that if the government want- citizen without the Al-Maqrizi Centre for Historical monly point out, just as ed to take “far-reaching measures” to Studies in London. Sarkozy has, “The burqa combat terrorism, then approval from the authority of An Egyptian Islamist dissident, he is not a religious sign” Parliament is needed. Lord Hope said: sought asylum in the UK claiming he and that “neither the “Even in the face of the threat of in- Parliament” had been tortured by his country’s burqa, nor the niqab,” ternational terrorism, the safety of security forces. This was rejected as Dalil Boubakeur, the people is not the supreme law. We obligations under the UN Charter to because the British security services rector of the Paris must be just as careful to guard against freeze the assets of suspected terror- believed he was a member of Egyptian Mosque says “nor unrestrained encroachments on per- ists, which we will continue to meet. Islamic Jihad, an organisation behind any all-over veil, are sonal liberty”. He continued that the We will introduce fast-track legislation a number of attacks against ordinary religious prescrip- Treasury had exceeded its powers in to ensure there is no disruption to our tions of Islam.” how it had devised and implemented terrorist asset-freezing powers.” citizens. Event Tasks Theme Monday 1 February • Silent Documentary light-hearted yet thought provoking documentary broadcast round Gender Equality campus tackling sexism in the lab • Interfaith Interactive 1200-1400 JCR Slightly out of context on the Monday; come along and fi nd out about different faiths at Imperial. Hosted by the Chaplaincy.

Tuesday 2 February • Film: Milk 1200-1420 Meeting Room 3 Union, FREE POPCORN!! Sexual Orientation • Quiz: 2000, da vincis, Union Wednesday 3 February • Forum: ‘Religion and Science Question time?’ 1800-2000 SAF LT1 Religion

Thursday 4 February • Film: A Beautiful Mind 1630-1900 Meeting Room 5 Union, FREE POPCORN!! Disability

Friday 5 February • International Night 1930 £5 Students, £8 Non-students, Great Hall Race Equality / • After party 2200 Union, ½ price with iNight ticket, free for performers/society members. Internationalism one worldd more articles and information at imperialcollegeunion.org/oneworldweek

Gender Religion by Charlotte Ivison by Rory Fenton & Obadah Ghannam

What if an object had a gender? After all, providing identifi able, successful female role This New Year, the media’s focus was back differing opinions while alluding to political ‘male’ and ‘female’ electrical components models in the scientifi c fi eld. Regular events on Northern Ireland. Only this time it wasn’t and social prejudice. I remember a ten year are commonplace. Say we’re in a lab. If we’re include networking events with leading female about bombings, shootings or kidnappings, old Catholic boy telling me that of course going purely on appearance, then a pipette scientists as guest speakers, workshops but the extra-marital affair of NI’s own First he knew Protestant beliefs, “Don’t they would be, for obvious reasons, male, and tailored for female scientists focusing on Lady, Iris Robinson. Good old normal politics, believe in God the dog and God the cow a test tube would be female. Similarly, a developing Curriculum Vitae, application and it seemed, had fi nally returned to Northern and all that?” Reverend Ian Paisley himself laser could be masculine, whilst a telescope interview skills, and open days for schools. Ireland. But while an affair between a 59 denounced the Pope as the antichrist to his could be considered to be more feminine. year old and a teenager could have happened face. It is when religion ceases to be about But is this right? Have I made assumptions One WSET created initiative, ‘Robogals’, is anywhere, the response to the affair was God and simply turns tribal that religious about the gender of the equipment based on specifi cally designed to encourage female uniquely Northern Irish. In nowhere else intolerance thrives. Catholicism means being stereotypical gender-defi ned roles? Would school students to pursue a degree in science. could so isolated an incident ever have a Republican and Protestantism means the objects wish to be primarily viewed as Female Imperial students, trained in using triggered threats of increasing sectarian wanting British rule; these are hijackings male or female, or would they rather be LEGO robot technology, go into schools and tension. And yet this is exactly what is at of religion. There was never a petrol bomb considered fi rst and foremost just as people? teach the female students to use the robotics. stake in a frighteningly fragile peace process; thrown in the name of the Sacrament of This is the focus of a documentary created As well as fostering a sense of scientifi c the slightest hiccup could bring the whole Confession or a bomb in defi ance of papal for Gender Equality Day, part of One World achievement, the workshops encourage house of cards crashing down, leaving in authority; rather it was people abusing Week, by Women in Science, Engineering and female students to view a scientifi c career as its wake the threat of restarting the longest religion for their own ends. Technology, a group run by female students being both attainable and interesting. civil war in world history which claimed over for female students at Imperial. In the semi- 3,500 lives during the last 40 years and has This is not just an Irish problem; it is comic documentary, WSET use the idea of Another project, entitled ‘100 Women, 100 left many living in segregation, still viewing evidenced in Britain as well. Increasingly, gender possessing lab equipment to tackle Visions, saw British Professional Photographer ‘the other side’ through a prism of suspicion being a Muslim can be seen to mean simply the issue of sexism in the lab, an ever present of the Year Jackie King taking portrait photos and fear. The causes of the Northern Ireland being against ‘American Imperialism’; issue given that the laboratory is a traditionally of 100 female students and staff members ‘Troubles’ are many and complex but in a thought that is no doubt insulting to male dominated workplace. Billed as being to produce a series which celebrates the a province divided between Catholic and true believers in Islam and yet Islam ‘light-hearted yet thought provoking’, it aims diversity and talent of female scientists at Protestant, religious intolerance is clearly a was so clearly abused in the case of the to challenge preconceptions about the roles Imperial. An exhibition of these portraits will large culprit. failed December bomber Umar Farouk of male and female scientists in the lab, and be held in London City Hall in March and Abdulmutallab, who had been president of questions whether the lab is currently truly a February, and an online exhibition of the Ireland has had a painful history of religious the UCL Islamic Society. It is against such gender neutral environment in which to work. photos is available at imperialcollegeunion. intolerance dating back to the infamous people that all religions must unite. We org/100women100visions. This year, as part Penal Laws, banning or attacking anything cannot deny the immense and powerful Women in Science, Engineering and of International Women’s Day on the 8th Catholic in predominantly Catholic Ireland, beliefs held in common between our faiths. Technology is an Imperial College Union of March, WSET are encouraging Imperial the denial of soup to those who would not We cannot allow prejudice to cloud our view society dedicated to supporting the growth students and staff to get behind the lens to convert to Protestantism during the Famine of other religions. And yet it is people such and development of female students at take pictures representing women at Imperial, which was to claim a million lives and as Abdulmutallab who claim centre stage, Imperial. Created in 2007 by Eirini Spentza, as part of a photographic competition and vicious retaliations leading to the slaughter whose voices are shouted from the mountain Ellin Saunders and Milena Peric, three Imperial exhibition run in collaboration with PhotoSoc. of innocent Protestants. And yet there is tops- just as with Northern Ireland it has graduate students, its aim is to encourage nothing, nothing whatsoever in the teachings often been the extremists whose bombs female students from secondary school to The documentary produced by WSET for of either Christian denomination that justifi es spoke louder than the prayers of others. As graduate level to pursue careers in science, Gender Equality Day will be shown on the this; nothing that should have lead to such the great Irishman W B Yeats said, “The best engineering and technology. day (1st Feb) on televisions around campus violence. Rather, it has been ignorance and lack all conviction, while the worst are full of and projected onto the Queen’s Tower. To get political opportunism that has caused so passionate intensity”. The activities of the group are multifaceted, involved, or for more information about WSET many of these tragedies; and continues to and include teaching, challenging activities, contact [email protected]. threaten them today. Religious difference But the ‘best’ are out there; challenging preconceived gender-based notions about need never to turn into religious intolerance, religious intolerance and promoting scientists and engineers, and inspiring by but does so when groups misrepresent interreligious understanding. That’s why imperialcollegeunion.org/oneworldweek Disability

by Hannah Theodorou

It’s all too easy to associate wheelchairs It’s not about labelling- if someone with Things like depression and specifi c learning and hearing aids with the word disability, as chronic depression doesn’t want to disabilities are surprisingly common in the d week1-5 February 2010 they are so visible. However the majority of call it a disability, that’s fi ne. However, student population and it’s a shame that disabilities in the young are ‘hidden’, including acknowledging it as a disability means you few people will talk about their experiences things like specifi c learning disabilities, mental may be eligible for additional support. It’s of it and admit they may need help. There health disorders and chronic health disorders. about knowing your rights, and specifi cally are a number of services available but Disability is defi ned as any physical or mental that you are not discriminated against the fi rst point of contact should be the impairment that has a substantial, adverse because of your condition and that you have College’s Disability Advisor. Every person’s and long-term effect on his/her ability to carry equal opportunities to resources that your requirements are unique so support will out normal day to day activities. For example, peers do. be tailored to you, and they will be able to conditions that are classifi ed as a disability suggest other services which may be of can include: Things that may be available to disabled benefi t and advocate on your behalf. • Mobility diffi culties students at Imperial, depending on their • Aspergers and autism circumstances, include: Having a disability shouldn’t hold you back! • Chronic health conditions, for • access to lecture notes in advance Below are some famous people and their example asthma, diabetes and • special examination arrangements disabilities. epilepsy • fi nancial support from the Disabled • Deafness or blindness Students Allowance Do you each of their disabilities? • Depression, schizophrenia and • continued eligibility for eating disorders accommodation in halls The answers are underneath.

this year saw the birth of Imperial College Interfaith; a new committee, comprised entirely of students, set up to do just that. Uniting Christians, Muslims, Jews, Baha’is , Jains, Hindus, Sikhs and Buddhists, the society is taking apart misunderstandings between faiths by encouraging dialogue. The fantastic opening event in November (Unifaith: Road to Dialogue) was a perfect example of interfaith dialogue, bringing together prominent speakers from eight different religions under the one banner of understanding, and coincided with the UK’s fi rst ever National Interfaith Week. Rodney Eastwood, the College Secretary, was also present on the day on behalf of the Rector. He gave testament to the religious and cultural diversity of the college community, which thus necessitated the endorsement of such events. We can only truly learn the reality of others religions by speaking to those who practice them.

This coming week marks the Union’s One World week, at which Interfaith is set to have a large presence with stalls on Monday and a massive Question Time style event on Religion and Science. The aim is to bring different faith perspectives together to address the clashing notions of faith and science: do they confl ict or complement each other? Can the morality we derive through religion also be drawn from science, or is religion exclusive in providing this? Can we be scientifi c about spirituality, prayer, consciousness, good works, God and our intrinsic beliefs? Regardless of our conclusions, we will still be able to work together towards common objectives.

This is Imperial students standing against religious intolerance, creating not just 1 Heather Mills - Amputee 2 Michael J Fox - Parkinson’s Disease 3 John Prescott - Bulimia Nervosa tolerance but dialogue and understanding. 4 Billy Connolly - ADHD 5 Stevie Wonder - Blind 6 Stephen Fry - Bipolar Disorder This is Imperial College Interfaith. 7 Richard Branson - Dyslexia 8 Steven Spielberg - Aspergers 9 Halle Berry - Diabetes 14 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 CULTURE & ArArtsts Editors Rosie Milton, Caz Knight & Lucy HarroldHarrold THE ARTARTSS [email protected]

Bloggin’ From Russia with Satire on a sunny Christopher Self explores Russian Literature... and Stalin

afternoon rtists are fascinating Heart of a Dog, the censor cracked hand; just because a book has a message creatures, the drive and down, confiscating the manuscript be- doesn’t make it a good read, and this LLucyucy HHarroldarrold Arts Editor natural ability to create fore he could publish it. He never got is one of the reasons I particularly love something in which oth- another book published during his life Bulgakov’s books. Written as they were A ers find genuine meaning time, falling with his wife into a state under the oppressive atmosphere of the t’s a rather miserable Tuesday actually looks at my blog, although it is an incredible power. And one that of poverty. This unimaginable sense of Soviet Union, the satire in The Heart of luncthime. Yep it’s January, is, of course mainly my friends. seems to attract characters whose own entrapment eventually led him to write a Dog and The Master and Margarita is its bloody freezing and this My little sister has now decided she lives are as noteworthy as any of their to Stalin himself begging to be allowed always veiled. There is an added depth is your first arts section since wants one too, this time about art and great works. to leave the country. to a good story that genuinely leaves you I Christmas. craft, so I’ve had her asking how to do There’s a Stalinist era Russian author Bulgakov’s relationship with Sta- sitting back thinking “Well I bet that How was your Christmas? Mine was the coding for it. Finally a reason to be called Mikhail Bulgakov who exempli- lin is truly surreal. Stalin was the first character symbolises…”. More than just alright, strangely my favourite present a geek who can do html! fies this phenomenon, a young doctor reader, the censor in chief, and at this a critique of Soviet life his books reflect was a pair of red ballet shoes from my So if you like theatre, you’re welcome with a bourgeois intellectual back- time was probably well acquainted his own existence and are genuinely im- parents. I don’t do ballet but they will to check the blog out at http://the- ground whose life became embroiled in with Bulgakov’s works. Following his bued with a fantastical sense of magical be put to good use scrambling around atregirlinascienceworld.blogspot.com the turmoil of the Russian Revolution. letter the first citizen personally called absurdity. the floor pretending to be a hippy for and if you don’t, you should still check Unable to escape the new soviet nation the author and Bulgakov talked frankly The Master and Margarita in par- our spring show Hair. out the arts section as you might find and having been forced into combat with the autocrat about his personal ticular has become one of my favourite I also finally got to update my blog something you do like. as a frontline medic in the civil war he and political problems, a conservation books, an incredible tale that Bulgakov over Christmas as exams tend to get This week, Christopher has been im- eventually found himself in commu- that ended with Stalin arranging work never finished re-writing that draws on me thinking about anything other than mersing himself in Russian Literature nist Moscow writing reports and satire for him as a director. He publicly criti- all of his experiences and frustrations Chemistry. Yes, I have a blog and yes and the life of Mikhail Blugakov and for some of the leading publications. cized Bulgakov’s works but never de- and is packed with satire so cleverly it is about theatre (what else did you his mate Stalin. This takes me back to The state was new, just finding its feet, nounced him as an enemy of the state; interwoven into the story that it can expect?) Its mainly a chance for me A Level history, studying Stalin and and censorship was not the all pow- Bulgakov was never threatened with be read entirely in abstraction from to vent my anger over things like John “consolidating our notes” (my teacher’s erful controller it would become. He the gulags. Indeed when he penned a it. It always seems odd to talk about Barrowman’s sorry excuse for a Satur- favourite phrase). eventually began to write books suc- play that depicted Stalin as a kind and how well written one finds a translated day evening show “Tonight’s the Night” Rox Middleton takes us on a magical cessfully, publishing a few that, though gentle wartime leader in the civil war, foreign novel. But let me just say that and the plight of British Musical Thea- journey through the world of comedy well received, began to earn him a that too was banned as an executive this is one of two foreign books I’ve tre thanks to Andrew Lloyd Webber songs and shows us how they can be reputation as a counter revolutionary, decree from the leader himself, who read that have actually made me want and co. I also tend to put reviews for used to pass Chemistry exams (umm, something particularly dangerous for declared that Bulgakov was just trying to learn the parent language, just to shows I’ve paid for on there which tend bit late for me Rox) and I’ve been out to a person with his background. While to win him over. But satire is a subtle see if the author’s prose were really as to be the more obscure choices. I love see Legally Blonde the musical. Finally. writing his fourth satirical work The thing that is often done with a heavy breathtakingly good as they appeared. looking on Google analytics to see who A new musical! Comedy Comedy Comedy...Tonight! Well, comedy songs. Rox Middleton shares some of her favourite examples from Lehrer to Minchin.

s comedy art? There’s a certain graphic jokes are common; the idea objectivity or rigour. So let’s start with of two very quaint men singing abut snobbishness, I think, which is that they make you laugh, but then The Best. I don’t want to make this date-rape. says no. There’s a tendency to make you stand around to really think ramble through comic songs to be all For something a little more mod- consider comedy merely cheap- about what the artist is really trying about Tom Lehrer, so it won’t be; but ern, you probably already know The I ly scoring laughs, compared to to do. Because heaven forbid the art- it’ll be tough. Tom Lehrer is a math- Flight Of The Conchords, whose in- the magnificent themes of True Art. ist should be really trying to make you ematician whose songs you may have genious flashes, like the binary solo, But is this so fair? Everybody likes to giggle. Comedy has such physical and heard, what chemist worth their salt or hip-hop-opotamus, make up for the be made to laugh; dramas are praised emotional power that it is absurd not to could have missed The Elements Song, sometimes rather tediously adolescent for their ability to joke whilst heaving admit that it has artistic merit. In fact, which lists every element of the peri- sentiments. For something more excit- towards their epic goal. Sculptural or brilliant jokes take such originality and odic table (of the time) to a galloping ing, Weird Al’ Yankovic is pretty good; skill that the best are surely some of the jingle? Most of his songs are still fresh I love Amish Paradise, a parody of world’s most beautiful things. as ever, although he left the public eye Gangsta’s paradise but with an excel- Well, some hyperbole perhaps, but to return to mathematics and teaching lent video of an Amish town (Tonight a particularly exquisite specimen of - having written only 37 songs, in 1960. we’re gonna party like it’s 1699). Tim comedy is a subject dear to me; the His subjects range from STDs to soci- Minchin is a rising star with some re- comic song. Although nominally mu- ology, bombs, scouts, plagiarism and ally good material, like a song in which sic, the tune can vary from catchy masochism besides much more. The he points out to his girlfriend that melody to a repetitive riff for the lyr- lamer ones can’t take much repetition, while he thinks she’s special she obvi- ics. Ideal to sing or to listen to, perfect but in general they are miles ahead of ously falls within a bell-curve. Mitch for the musical and non-musical alike, most comic songs in originality and Benn is another comedian songwriter they are more than the tameness and energy, and are still setting the stand- with pleasantly weird imaginings, but cringey innuendoes of George Form- ard for the next generation. surpassing most others by singing by’s Little Stick of Blackpool Rock (or For more musical whimsy there is about topical news as well. There are is he just pleased to see you type…) or also Flanders and Swann, very much also Imperial graduates The Amateur even my Granny’s favourite, Bernard more old-fashioned and wordy with Transplants, with very funny medi- Grandad of cringe Cribbins, I just put Cribbins, who said Right Said Fred. some slightly outdated topics. Al- cally themed songs in their repertoire him in because I love Doctor Who. Good comic songs are a rare substance though a few have not stood the test of and their Black and White Menstrual because their creators tread a fine line time, others are addictive, even catchy; Show. And these acts nestle amongst between edgy and obscene, whimsical amusing songs are the Song of the Re- gazillions of funny musicians, ready to now and then, notably Victoria Wood, and twee. So for this purpose, as so of- luctant Cannibal (If the JuJu had meant be discovered or perhaps discarded. Hugh Laurie and also Monty Python, ten is the case, Youtube is your friend us not to eat people, he wouldn’t have I haven’t mentioned comedians like whose Every Sperm Is Sacred, and The (especially if you like your friends made us of meat), and the brilliant First Bill Bailey, Victor Borge or Kit and Lumberjack Song are gems from their slightly fuzzy and with low quality and Second Law of Thermodynamics The Widow, whose comedy is focused smallish offering of humorous tunes. slide-shows). (Heat won’t pass from the cooler to more on the music itself than the lyr- This article is futile in attempting to I plan to make the following a pleas- the hotter, you can try it if you like but ics, and are all definitely worth a watch. convey the brilliance of these comedi- ant potter through the genre of co- you far better notter). Try Have Some Then there are also so many comedi- ans without their music, so I say go and Minchin, the new God of comedy song medic song with absolutely no sense of Madeira M’dear for the bizarre sound ans who have dipped into comic songs get some culture down you today. felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 15 [email protected] ARTS Omigod You Guys, like a New Musical! Lucy Harrold finally gets to see a new show after a long theatre draught and luckily it’s a rather awesome choice

ou know how it is, you dance breaks and Elle’s discovery of a wait all term for a new key witness’s perjury is now empha- musical to open and fi- sised in “There Right There” (guess nally one does. Two days what that’s about). Y before my exam. See what Laurence O’Keefe and Nell Ben- I sacrifice for you dear reader; who am jamins’ score is catchy and captures the I kidding? I needed a break and Legal- fun of the show without being superfi- ly Blonde the Musical was the perfect cial and the lyrics are very witty with a excuse. sense that they are in on the jokes too. The Savoy theatre places host to Music wise, highlights for me were the the show and is possibly one of the ballad “Legally Blonde” which I must ugliest theatres in London, built in a admit nearly made me cry and “So tribute to Art Deco it is more a lesson Much Better”, the act one finale that, in dodgy concrete and tired looking in the hands of Sheridan Smith, gives velvet curtains. I was hoping that the Wicked’s “Defying Gravity” a run for show would be good enough to make its money. I must give a little shout out up for the eyesore it played in and to O’Keefe’s orchestrations, full and luckily I was right and even the many brassy is how I like my shows and full crusty old critics around me agreed! and brassy is what he gave me. If you’ve seen the film of Legally Jerry Mitchell’s direction is fun and Blonde, the general storyline is the bouncy and makes great use of some same; Elle Woods, a sorority queen brilliantly designed mechanised sets, from Malibu strives to get into Har- including a dormhouse frontage and a vard Law School in an attempt to very cleverly designed judge’s podium win back her ex-boyfriend Warner cum toilet suite! His choreography Huntington III but instead finds her- is vibrant and incredible intricate, a self fighting to fit in and be taken se- stand out being “Whipped into Shape”. riously. She is helped in her quest to This was a complex number involving become a lawyer by the dowdy but some amazing jump rope (or skipping sweet Emmett and love-lorn Paulette. rope for us Brits) stunts and a strong The play takes this storyline and bulks performance by Aoife Mullholandow The incomparable Sheridan Smith as Elle Woods bags herself possibly the cutest guy ever in Alex Gaumond as Emmett it out a bit, adding a back-story for to the matter of the cast. I must ad- Emmett and expanding Paulette’s love mit that when first announced, I was life. This makes for a much more satis- incredibly sceptical- three TV person- she was phenomenal and even better seen in any other role other than the Despite these few niggles I was re- fying book and well-rounded charac- alities, two reality TV hopefuls and a than Laura Bell Bundy on my well worn fifth Doctor Who. “Blood in the Wa- ally impressed with Legally Blonde, the terisations lifting the story from shal- popstar does not fill one with much out cast recording. Her comic timing ter”, a song I would normally skip on cast were full of energy and genuinely low and girly to smart and funny. hope. For some reason in England a was perfect yet did not hamper any of the album was well executed by Davi- appeared to be having a good time. The movie really suits musicalisa- musical cannot be successful with- the more serious moments and boy has son who even added a jazzy lilt to this The play stays faithful to the fabulous tion, certain scenes were just scream- out having a *star name* to entice Joe that lady got a voice! I loved Alex Gau- patter song. film yet adds a new dimension and ing out to become large production Public in. Why can’t a musical be sold mond as Emmett; his high note and lit- My cynical predispositions were not the music is infectious without being numbers and luckily the creative team on the merit of its book and songs!? tle dance at the end of “Chip on Your entirely unrealised as I felt Jill Halfpen- grating. have chosen the right situations to Rant over. On the whole I was very Shoulder” sent me into a frenzied mo- ny, although a fine actress, was totally The show’s unexpected draw was its receive this treatment. The Bend and impressed with the casting and should ment of “awww, he’s so cute”. Another miscast as Paulette. The part can be heart. I truly did feel all warm inside Snap has naturally become a hip- learn to be less sceptical. Sheridan revelation for me was Peter Davison taken in two ways- sassy yet vulnerable by the end and this is a testament to hop inspired anthem with additional Smith stole the show as Elle Woods, as Professor Callahan, who I’d never or playing for laughs. Halfpenny didn’t the entire package- writers, produc- do either and didn’t really have the belt tion team and cast. Perhaps a winter to pull off Paulette’s showstopper “Ire- opening was a bonus to entice freezing land”. Duncan James, although he well shoppers off the streets and into the suited the part and sings very well, just theatre and I say good on them! didn’t seem right in the cast- whether If you only have the opportunity to this was because he looks too old to see one movie musical this season, be at Harvard or that James isn’t yet make sure it is Legally Blonde, you’ll comfortable in the theatre surround- feel better for it. Plus it offers a lottery ings is yet to be seen. It doesn’t help system where by turning up two hours that he has one of the weakest songs before the show your name is entered in the show and little else to do yet into a lottery. If you are pulled out you has been the main feature of publicity can bag yourself some very cheap front campaigns. row seats. Yay for cheapness!

Want to go to a show but its too pricey? Every winter the Get Into London Theatre Initiative offers tickets to top shows for under 26s for bargain prices- £10, £15, £25 or £35! And these aren’t just any old shows, these are top West End Shows. Current offer include £60 Legally Blonde tickets for £35 and £50 Hairspray tickets now at £25. For this you’ll get a nice stalls seat and an awesome view. www.getintolondontheatre.co.uk

Don’t forget the “A Night Less Ordinary” Scheme where you can get free (yes free!) tickets to shows at selected theatres including the National and the Donmar Warehouse. Again, all need to be is under 26. www.anightlessordinary.org.uk. Or we’ll get you tickets if you want to review a show, email us at [email protected] Lets play “One of these things is not like the others”, any ideas? I’ll give you a clue: Duncan from Blue doesn’t count. 16 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 Film Editor Ed Knock FILM [email protected] This Prophet is hardly a heavenly type

mate or be killed. Upon accepting the his path to glory. Malik is reborn with- Skipped, a Parisian criminal thriller mission, he is told he must hide a razor in the prison where he experiences about an aspiring pianist. Audiard A Prophet blade in his mouth to be allowed access a new type of paradoxical independ- will be undoubtedly a commanding Director Jacques Audiard into the inmate’s cell where he can take ence which he could not experience contender for this year’s prize and is Screenwriter Jacques Audiard the victim’s life. He must initially over- in the outside world. The film is made certainly a name to look out for in the Cast Tahar Rahim, Niels Arestrup come his conscience before he can kill with near perfect execution. Director future. A Prophet won Best film award Adel Bencherif a stranger. The scene is gut twistingly Jacques Audiard produces a claustro- at BFI London film festival and Grand intense yet vividly real. phobic view of prison life, whilst main- Prix at the Cannes film festival, and it’s Malik is played by Tahar Rahim, who taining a gripping portrayal of Malik’s clearly visible why. This powerhouse SStefantefan ZeemanZeeman was relatively unknown before the film, rise in the prison hierarchy. Jacques production contains a potent formula but has shot into the limelight with a Audiard won the 2005 Best Direc- for a fierce prison thriller that’s defi- fantastic debut. Rahim produces a gritty tor award for The Beat that my Heart nitely worth seeing. A Prophet is the latest masterpiece that performance, evolving brilliantly from has emerged from France. The story timid teenager to criminal mastermind. focuses on Malik El Djebena, a 19 year During Malik’s stay, the prison’s old Arabic man who is given a 6 year demographics change, to which he sentence in a corrupted French jail. He takes full advantage. He slowly gains enters the prison with no family, no the trust of Corsican kingpin César, religion, and no friends. His only dis- whilst involving himself within a group tinctive previous home was a Juvenile of Arabic prisoners, who aim to take hall, and is now left alone in a cruel control of the prison. Battling between new world. the politics of prison life and his own With a six year stretch ahead of him, survival, Malik mercilessly attempts to Malik is clearly vulnerable within the climb the criminal ladder in and out of prison walls. At first, the naïve Malik the prison. The film constructs a bril- has every intention of keeping his head liant insight into life within a prison, down in the prison where he is notice- and makes anything conjured up in ably out of his depth. Unfortunately films like The Shawshank Redemption the prison has other plans for him. look like a weekend stay at a Holiday He is approached by a group of Cor- Inn. The brutal dog-eat-dog world sican inmates, who control everything never forgives or takes a break. that happens within the prison. In ex- Kingpin César is played superbly by change for their protection, he must Niels Arestrup. The cold hearted man complete a series of tasks for them and slowly deteriorates to desperation as soon becomes caught in the criminal the world that he previously ruled cobweb that fills the prison. crumbles around him. César’s evident He is first told to kill an enemy in- weakness becomes Malik’s strength in

since man has turned against each oth- nibals. The relationship between the this is strictly a film about Mortensen ient truth. Hillcoat’s take on the ‘end The Road er, resorting to theft, murder, rape and two is never over-done. The boy is by and Smit-McPhee and doesn’t deviate of the world’ genre may be quieter and Director John Hillcoat cannibalism. The naïve son, who still no means too vulnerable to be cute, away from that. more subdued but it’s hard to deny Screenwriter Joe Penshall has his youth and innocence intact, and the man is not portrayed as the The scenery couldn’t be more dde-e- that The Road is more in- Cast Viggo Mortensen, Robert Duvall is desperate for them to be “the good omnipotent superhero who is capable pressing. Dead trees and ccropsrops llineine tense and effective than guys.” And the father doesn’t have the of saving his son time after time. There the pathway and there isn’tt even an anything else we have heart to tell him that not everything is a raw, genuine connection between inch of greenery in sight whichhich is the seen before. JJohnohn PParkark works that way. But of course, when the father and son who aren’t perfect. truly terrifying nature of the film. The society has been damaged to such an As the film progresses the conflict of bare, grey emptiness constantlyntly re- extent, survival involves getting your ideals between the two becomes more minds us of death and destructionruction The cause of the mass destruction is hands dirty, an idea never fully grasped apparent. The man is prepared to steal all-round. Even when we do sseeee never explained and the audience is by the boy who was born during the and kill for survival whereas through humans, it’s never a welcomingming never encouraged to care. The point most unfortunate times. the eyes of the boy, one should never sight, since they’re most likelykely is everything has died. No plants or Smit-McPhee is convincing in his do such things no matter what the to be violent gangs of cannibalsbals animals have existed for the past few purest, boyish form, shocked and hor- circumstances. who will stop at nothing to eeatat years. It’s only the humans who have rified at every dishonesty and moral A couple of equally talented actors a bit of flesh. survived, and since all we make is corruption from his surroundings. play minor roles. Charlize Theron The Road is a truly heart-feltfelt trouble, this sets the perfect apoca- Mortensen gives a truly moving per- plays the wife in flashbacks and Rob- portrayal of love, pain and hhu-u- lyptic scene. An unnamed man (Viggo formance as the father who will do lit- ert Duvall plays an old man who is also man values during the chillingling Mortensen) and his son (Kodi Smit- erally anything to protect his son; he’s wandering aimlessly. They have very days of a devastating apocalypse.pse. McPhee) struggle on, heading south, even prepared to shoot the boy himself little screen-time and although it’s easy The brutal reality of humann nature hoping it will be warmer and more to spare him the misery and pain of be- to think that their acting abilities were is never easy to stomach, bbutut what habitable. Their journey is never easy ing captured by a hungry band of can- under used, The Road reminds us that the film shows is the ugly, inconven-

Avatar robs No.1 spot Hobbit film delayed No end in sight for George Lucas’ new from Titanic until 2012? vampire films musical with CGI fairies James Cameron has lost to errr Peter Jackson is producing and Sam Worthington, last seen as a News from Lucasfilm has himself! That’s right Avatar Guillermo del Toro is directing 12 foot smurf in Avatar, is in talks leaked onto the blogosphere has now totalled $1,846,179,737 but rumours are being passed to star in Universal Pictures’ regarding a top-secret project. making it the most successful around that financial woes are Dracula: Year Zero. Apparently SingingTtinkerbells may not film of all time. Though if you hampering production of The an origin story in which Vlad be everyone’s cup of tea but count in inflation, Titanic still Hobbit. New Line Cinema have the Impaler is granted powers that’s what Lucas has planned beats it, however, Gone with the stated the most probable time to repel the invading Ottomon probably involving milions of Wind would total a staggering we’ll get another dose of hairy Empire but transforms into dollars worth of CGI constructed $3,5 billion!!! feet is the last quarter if 2012. Dracula as a result. Interesting. fairy cityscapes. News Strip News felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 17 [email protected] FILM 2010: A film odyssey ( hopefully) Ed Knock takes a look at the most anticipated films of the year

There is lot of excitement Precious - January 29 about this directorial debut from Tom Harper Let’s ignore Oprah Winfrey’s endorsement who whose short films have jumped on the bandwagon after Precious won the Spring won awards from BAFTA. Grand Jury Prize at Sundance. The film’s subject From the trailer it looks like about child abuse is apparently very harrowing February 12 - A Single Man traditional kitchen sink fare but inspirational none the less. Critics have raved A gay professor in L.A. struggles with involving burning caravans about all the cast’s performances including the the death of his long term partner. and lost children. If you screen debut of Gabourey Sidibe and a tender enjoy anything by Shane appearance by Mariah Carey. February 12 - Ponyo Meadows and Ken Loach Hayao Miyazaki will delight the world then the chances are you’re once again with his latest anime. going to enjoy this film. Thomas Turgoose, the fastest February 19 - Crazy Heart rising star in British cinema, Jeff Bridges plays an alcoholic ex-country confidently fills the boots of Shutter Island - music star who tries to get his life back. the film’s protagonist who finds himself out of his depth March 5 - Alice in Wonderland after a little lie goes wrong. February 29 A sequel to Through the Looking Glass instead of the original book. Mental. 2010 is already a better year than for Book The Scouting 19 - March Boys 2009. Why? Because the great Martin April 2 - Kick Ass Scorsese returns with his latest Another fresh take on superhero genre. masterpiece since The Departed. Looks very watchable though. Scorsese turns his attention to the horror/thriller genre, an interesting April 7 - Cemetery Junction choice for the veteran director famous New Ricky Gervais and Stephen for his ‘Mob’ films. The film looks Merchant ‘insurance salesman’ comedy. fantastic from the trailer, my only fear is that Marty may use too many stupid May 14 - Robin Hood camera tricks which nearly wrecked Ridley Scott’s serious take on the legend, The Departed. Alas still no Bobby it looks terrible from the trailer. de Niro but Leo de Caprio is a great stand-in. Summer

May 28 - Prince of Persia What? Jake Gyllenhaal in an action film Invictus - February 5 based on a computer game? Yup! Morgan Freeman finally gets his chance on the June 11 - Get him to the Greek role he was born to play - Nelson Mandela. And Russell Brand resumes his role of Aldous with Clint ‘never makes dud’ Eastwood behind the Snow. Guaranteed laughs. camera, Invictus looks set for a lot of nominations in March. Feedback is positive, with Matt Damon’s July 23 - Toy Story 3 portrayal of Springbok captain François Pienaar Buzz and Woody are back! Andy’s grown being especially praised though some Rugby fans up and the toys are thrown out. Oh no! have been mumbling about the accuracy of the scenes involving the game. July 30 - The A Team Bum buh bum buuhhh! Da dan daaaaah! BA and friends pity some fools.

August 27 - Scott Pilgrim Vs. The Tron Legacy - World Inception - August 13 Michael Cera has to battle the six evil exes of his new girlfriend with a sword! December 26 I would be easier to find out the colour of Pope’s underwear than to discover the plot of this film, such is it’s secrecy. Christopher Nolan describes it as “a science fiction Rumours of a sequel to the 1982 cult thriller set in the architecture of the mind” and that’s all film Tron have been circulating for we know. However from the teaser trailer, Inception looks Green Zone years, and now a film has materialised. incredible involving crazy folding cities. Jeff Bridges is back, he has a son and Winter Films on the Iraq might be a baddy. But who cares? War are slowly The light bikes are back too and look starting to emerge, awesome! A teaser trailer is already September 3 - The Other Guys though not like online for the film which should It all goes wrong when two cops try to the onslaught of contain your excitement...for now. attain the heights of their star colleagues Vietnam films are parents were November 26 - The Fighter subjected to. First A professional boxer’s relationship with we had the brilliant his older brother, sounds like Raging Bull The Hurt Locker and now Green Zone is December 17 - Yogi Bear promised to be a Expect crazy antics as Yogi and Booboo gritty thriller delving piss off the park ranger. into the secrets of those pesky WMD’s. unionpage

The latest on our new bars and nightclub Daniel Hill Deputy President (Finance & Services) taken from the Phase 3 Blog where you can get all the latest updates [email protected]

Pillar Problem This is the view from the stage in the new nightclub. Would this ruin the venue for live bands?

The big problem that has arisen recently is the presence of a steel pillar in the nightclub and its close proximity to the new stage. The pillar obscures part of the stage area and could be a problem when it comes to hosting live bands in the new nightclub. We are currently looking at ways of removing the pillar however they look set to be costly and very time consuming. Look at the image below and give us your views on what to do…

Do we really need to spend the time and money on removing this pillar?

Will this pillar prevent bands from touring this venue?

Feedback We will continue to keep you up-to-date on this project as it continues via the Phase 3 Blog – look out for videos and pictures when the building work gets underway.

Remember: it’s your Union, so tell us what you want. You can send your views to Daniel Hill, the Deputy President (Finance & Services) on [email protected]. Or include our #phase3 tag in your tweets. see all the proposed plans online at imperialcollegeunion.org/phase3

imperialcollegeunion.org felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 19

TTextext in to 07832670472 CAT-NIP Email in at [email protected] DrDropop us a message at felixonline.co.uk

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? We Need You! THE LIBRARY: LOVE IT OR HATE IT? (Call Me!) felix is a student newspaper. Specifically, it’s your student JOKES, LETTERS, OPINIONS  WE WANT THEM ALL! newspaper. It can’t go on without your support. And nowhere is this more true than Catnip. Without you, this page would be Email: [email protected] Text: 07832670472 just be blank. Now this means less work for me but it’s boring. Boring doesn’t belong in felix. Lectures are boring. Tutorials are boring. Coursework is boring. Exams are...terrifying! But Facebook: Felix Fan Page Twitter: @felixcatnip felix will never be boring! But we can only continue to liven up your Friday afternoons and beyond with your help. We need your jokes, your letters and your opinions. And we certainly need the photos of your totally gazeboed mates in all their digital glory. And more than that, we want them! So write in today! Drunken-mate photo of the week The Best And Worst Got a picture of Of Your Science Jokes Catnip: Apparently no one knows any good science jokes. your mate being Either that, or your taste is just awful! These made us cry! A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a pint?” an absolute waste Barman says, “For you, no charge.” Physicist of oxygen? Well, In the pub, a man asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate. Barman says, “That’ll be 80p” get your camera First Year Medic Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates! out and email your Second-Year Medic How many guacs are there in a bowl of guacamole? Avocado’s drunken-mate number. Union Bar Staff photos to catnip. What is the fastest way to tell the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes! [email protected] First Year Biologist A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She I’m not sure whether this person is actually drunk or not but they must have a glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I very good reason for turning this course guide into a colouring book. Maybe. would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean...” Senders must have permission to use submitted photos and she whispers, “... I would do... anything.” He returns her gaze. accept full responsibility for them “Anything?” “Anything.” His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you... study?” Third Year Engineering Student xkcd.com 20 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010

Music Editors: Alexandra Ashford, Kadhim Shubber & Luke TurnerTurner MUSIC Online Editor: Christopher WalmsleyWalmsley [email protected] www.felixmusic.tk

Who’s afraid The Bowie experience of the big bad Charming, experimental and British. Eliot wolf? Barford takes a retrospective look at the LLukeuke TTurnerurner Music Editor re-release of Bowie’s debut album

o David Bowie’s eponymous Gnome”, which almost needs no expla- ’m afraid of the big bad wolf, ecution of creativity, as it is now. debut album is getting the nation. Terrifyingly, despite its pun on the wolf in this context, it being There is a huge aura of fear that sur- re-release treatment, with “London School of Eco-Gnomics”, this the looming power of the music rounds the ‘top dog’ of a record label, a Disc 2 filled with A-sides, song became a Top 10 hit after Ziggy industry, in all its underesti- but in my opinion, fear arises from the S B-sides and stuff that didn’t Stardust came out! I mated, dream crushing glory. It ability for them to do harm to you in make it to release. Is it worth your What about the new stuff? While the is an enormous hive of killer bees that some way, and this is what happens time? Well, some have put it down as stereo mixes eliminate the mono’s pe- meddles where it needn’t meddle and more often than not. It’s the musicians a misstep better forgotten, but I think riod quality, they might enrich the ex- seems to be ever growing. It feeds from with the songs, the look, the influence, it’s more than that. That’s not to say it perience if you ever want to revisit it. the excitement and enthusiasm of the passion and most importantly the doesn’t have its blemishes though. Most of the unreleased material and B- pretty young things, before devouring creativity, everything these people As Bowie’s very first LP it should sides are mediocre, but “The London them and leaving the carcasses for mu- probably lack. It’s true to say that they spark interest in any fan of the man. Boys” deserves note as a noirish look at sic journalists such as myself to pick at have the power and don’t need you, Its songs are a mixture of orchestrated Mod excesses. The BBC sessions large- until a page in a newspaper is filled. To but they need new musicians and it ballads and music hall yarns with a few ly rehash what is present on the album. say I have no grudge against the music shouldn’t be them to decide who the somewhere in between. The first, “Un- Verdict? I honestly quite like it, but industry would be a painful lie but, a musicians they need are. cle Arthur”, is a cheesy, innocent, char- lots of Bowie devotees will probably first hand account is surely worth more A friend of mine was signed to a suc- acteristically British tale. The next, my find it embarrassing. I think it’s in- than rumours. cessful American record label (they will favourite, is the melancholic “Sell Me a triguing to see where this “pop genius” I once heard an amazing quote by remain anonymous to preserve their Coat” and its graceful vocal melodies. came from, and it’s all there: the sto- Elvis Costello which said, “Music jour- dignity), as a drummer in a band and “Love You Till Tuesday” will make you ries, the theatricality, even the dystopi- nalism is like dancing about architec- was set to record in their studios. Be- cringe with its menacing refrain and an messiah-fantasy (“We Are Hungry ture”. This is something that almost fore the studio time, he was informed reek of “light entertainment”. “There Is Men”). Above all, David Bowie shows can’t be done, an art in itself because by them not to turn up to the sessions a Happy Land” looks as Bowie’s idea of the man experimenting with existing music is to express what words can’t. as they were going to employ a session childhood idyll. The album progresses tropes to deliver more than just a sonic This would be true if the raw musical drummer to record his part, however thus, between good pop/rock songs experience, and isn’t that what made material from so many recording art- his name will appear on the record. coming more questionable tracks. Top him famous when he transformed into ists was left as it was. Instead much This is the type of music crimes that of this pile is the B-side “The Laughing Ziggy Stardust? of the music nowadays is subject to are being committed by the big men in not only months, but years of being suits, who care not for the music, but churned through the meat grinder the money, and how to make more of it by the killer bees, leaving it over- by wringing out the wide-eyed, bushy produced and souless. Song writing, tailed innovators. a demo, live performance, rehearsal What I want to see, is an album cre- 550 1966 1 and an album are the steps that ought ated by a handful of people, in one The year David Bowie The number of O-levels to be taken that would allow the music month without computers. If to you Approximately the number changed his name from David Bowie received at someone makes to naturally develop. this seems impossible, come back to of songs David Bowie has I’m not saying this shouldn’t be a rocky Earth, it’s music not a shuttle launch. David Robert Jones to school. It was in Art from road with an incredible amount of That will be the music that captures a written throughout his carrer. David Bowie. He was 19. Bromley Technical School. work put in, but it shouldn’t be an ex- generation, ‘That’ll be the day’.

KRYSTLE WARREN THE SMOKING THE BIG PINK CIRCLES BELLERUCHE HEARTS Reviews VELVET BECAUSE THE LIBERTY PRIDE OF 4AD MUSIC TRU THOUGHTS NOWHERE SINGLE LP ALBUM ALBUM

This new single writhes with dirty elec- A jazzy fusion of Ray LaMontagne and This is handmade hip-hop in a sim- A powerful combination of musical HIM tronic sounds laid underneith a hum- Paulo Nutini, Krystle Warren uses her ple form with jovial uses of a sampler. rebels, amplifiers, and a damaged voice HEARTKILLER SIRE RECORDS ble choir hum. A well structured song beautiful voice in a range of ways to Rapid vocals with laid back break-beat gives rise to The Smoking Hearts. This SINGLE that catches your ears with heavy lay- vary her music. This is feel-good and drums, this has a vintage sound despite is angry punk rock which despite it’s ering and distorted sounds. This is not laid back to its very definition, ‘Three its recent release. A gentle, sweetly clearly audible passion, fails to vary a breakthrough music, not hugely inter- Women’ a smile in musical form. Gen- contained album that is just the right huge amount throughout. This loud This is classic HIM, with a touch more esting but it has spirit and a feeling of tle acoustic guitar and crisp clear vo- amount of Belleruche, any more may five-some are having a ball of a time sanity. This single is extremely tight in fight. A nice follow-on from prievious cal matched up with an upright bass in bring on a repetitive itch, but a talent- playing this music, and metal-lovers all aspects. The sound of crunching music of theirs. - Luke Turner ‘Title Track’ speaks soulful music. This ed group of musical minds. will enjoy this true to the form album. guitars under an American pop-style is quite refreshing to hear whilst re- - Luke Turner -Luke Turner vocal, with pauses to accentuate the ANIMAL viewing albums in the felix office dur- lack of dynamics throughout. It feels to KINGDOM ing sports night at the union, maybe I’d SERENA me as if this is HIM on a leash, out for TWO BY TWO rather be here when it’s music like this MANEESH CHAPEL CLUB a Sunday walk, but it can’t be denied WARNER MUSIC that’s my subject,and a pint of Guiness. NO 2: ABYSS IN O MAYBE I UK B MINOR EAST CITY it does call for a night of rock. It must SINGLE Beautiful. - Luke Turner 4AD RECORDS be said the lyrics lack something when ALBUM SINGLE ‘come hither’ is a theme. -Luke Turner Bringing back the quirky sounds of join the felix music indie guitar, this song is filled with A blur of speed and distorted sounds, A song of confusion, uncertainty and tell us what you layered clean guitar riffs. It’s pure in group on last.fm this album is musically intelligent but love... The music is certainly not con- a dirty way, mainly due to the politely true to it’s album name, an abyss. A fused and has a bop-along feel. Bring- think, music.felix@ restrained vocals singing truths of the by visiting: deep sounding melancholic mash of ing back memories of The Mystery human race. This song is pretty guitars souds that quite often don’t match Jets; it feels as though this music might gmail.com and a pretty vocals with impressive felixmusicchart.tk well, full of dischord; it is individual be a few years behind. In all it’s an en- drumming. - Luke Turner but not my cup of tea. -Luke Turner joyable, docile sound. - Luke Turner felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 21 [email protected] MUSIC Ten years of independence: Tru Thoughts Founded in 1999 by Paul Jonas and Robert Luis, Tru Thoughts independent record label has been managing leading jazz, funk, soul and hip hop artists for the past ten years. Kadhim Shubber gets in a word with Paul Jonas

hat were your away from this level of club promo- to this the more classic sound of The recordshops also have been in de- aims when you tion and concentrated on selling mu- Bamboos (check out the video of On cline. What has Tru Thoughts done founded Tru sic around the world and in that time The Sly on YouTube) and Quantic’s differently? Thoughts? What also the licensing laws changed and Flowering Inferno project. This comes down to where I men- was the label’s clubs compete with bars; things have tioned the way that we run the label. raisonW d’etre? gotten more thinly spread over town. NOSTALGIA If you could sign anyone, who would We started with little money so we We started the label in 1999 from I think it was great that the clubs were 77 you take on? had to do everything ourselves, and Rob Luis’ stairwell and the reason for packed. You couldnt book a venue in We have had the pleasure of work- this kind of stuck over the years. We “A fusion of are careful with money and let the mu- starting the label was that we were Brighton on a weekend night as clubs mixed jazz & ing with a lot of the people we wanted running a weekly club night (called were so popular, and now you can eas- Hip-hop” to. There have been one or two acts sic do the talking. If a country loves a phonic:hoop) and we noticed promot- ily go and get a club for a birthday par- in ten years that we have tried to sign certain album then we put money in ers were coming in and pinching our ty. Back then it meant people had to and lost, but it is a pretty small per- to support that and so on and so forth. AZAXX acts, so we thought that if we released work hard to deliver something spe- centage thankfully. We were sad to see Some feel this is us being too cautious, their music then we would create a cial and parties were bigger. But I am Alice Russell leave the label, but this but we have unfortunately seen so roster of acts for both club and label. not one to dwell on how things used can happen when acts want to try a many of our favourite labels go down “Brazilian beats and Musically we wanted to release soul, to be, as I am as excited about our mu- different route to selling music. It is because they took big risks. We want grooves” jazz and funk, but in its more contem- sic and nights as I ever was. Brighton complicated to explain, but people to be around for the next 30 years and porary terms. is an ever-changing and developing have different ways of looking to sell onwards. music town and that remains strong. music and we have a certain model Has it changed at all over the last that has worked well for us and at- Increasingly, records are being re- ten years? When the label was smaller you HOT 8 BRASS tracts some acts, but with Alice she leased through vinyl and mp3 only, I think our love of music and our must have been choosing your art- BAND wanted a different form. We hope do you think that combination is the dreams of running a label have re- ists personally, has that changed? she will record for us in some form future? mained, and the people we work with When we started we did tended “A true New again soon. In terms of others, well The business is ever changing. Vi- Orleans brass nyl was dead a few years ago and now on the label, in the office and day to to sign people based in Brighton, or band” we would want to get some massive day follow that same philosophy. Mu- friends of people down here, so that acts of course! I dont know maybe the people are saying it is becoming more sically it has been an enjoyable jour- meant Nostalgia 77, Natural Self, Quantic/Stevie Wonder album is what popular (it is growing in the States for THE ney. We have always supported our Quantic, Bonobo etc. Nowadays we should aim at! instance). We keep an eye on changes BAMBOOS key producers on the journeys they we get sent demos from all over the and consider each release on what we have taken. So Nostalgia 77 went world. But in a way our scene (which How did the Unfold/Tru Thoughts think will work. We still sell a good “Drum-break from hip hop, funky 7s to winning the doesnt really have a name) has a net- Covers album come about? Was that number of CDs worldwide and the al- driven grooves” John Peel Play More Jazz Award with work across the world. So we are your idea or the artists? bum format does tend to be central to his jazz releases, Quantic went from friends with the labels who do our When the Quantic Soul Orchestra our ways of working music. bedroom producer to fronting a funk music all over the world and so it feels album was being put together Quantic band (Quantic Soul Orchestra) and like the same family in Brighton, but and ourselves felt that the retro cover How do you think the music in- then moving to Colombia and making in a larger sense. version was an overdone thing, and dustry will overcome the problem music with artists from South Amer- QUANTIC so Will (Quantic) did versions of Mr of music piracy? Or continue to be ica (Quantic and his Combo Barbaro) Considering your releases range Scruff, Sunshine Anderson and 4Hero. profitable in a world where people “Deep funk, and Lance from The Bamboos has from electronica and drum & bass jazz and tough That theme has stayed throughout the download music for free? done music as The Bamboos (funk to soul & funk, what is the unifying drums” label with Nostalgia 77 and Alice do- It won’t be able to overcome it I and soul), Lanu (broken beat and thread between all the artists you ing Seven Nation Army, The Bamboos think, it is a rare business where the dance music) and introduced us to have signed? doing Max Sedgley’s Happy etc… and thing it sells – the CD – can be easily Kylie Auldist (soul, jazz, funk singer). Rob picks the acts based on some- we got asked a lot to put them all on an given out between people for free in ALICE All of these journeys have happened thing that he likes in their specific ear album. We felt conscious of the whole the same quality. That will remain. For RUSSELL organically and we have been involved for a tune. So when we signed Flevans Mark Ronson thing, but wanted to put us we hope that enough people don’t “A soulful and all the way. We may not have planned the first time around he was doing them out anyway as we have ten years want to do that. I buy music when I timeless voice” all the stages, but we have enjoyed music on a 4 track, but Rob liked his of them. It is a great album. Really want to get something as I want the where they have gone and have sup- quirky sounds and how he put them handy for party DJing! artist to get paid and make more ported them. together. Flevans thought it was a money. This attitude is shared by a lot mate pretending to be Rob, when Rob Tell us about Zebra Traffic. How did of people I feel. Maybe we won’t sell When you were running it from un- called him. Rob has never told me this, that get started? a million cds but we might just sell derneath Rob Luis’ stairs, did you but Flevans mentioned that he thinks We always wanted hip hop to be 100,000 and we can make a living and think that you’d reach your tenth he told him in colourful language to a part of our releases. We felt that it release more music for that. Tru anniversary? um, go away. But all of our acts have needed its own label (and hip hop Ha ha, no chance! I was running a certain individual sound and that is buyers are a bit unforgiving if you mix Do you have any tips for musicians Thoughts around trying to not get caught what we are drawn to. genres!) but one of the key things was who want to copy Tru Thoughts putting posters in illegal places and the potential of releasing music by Phi model of starting a label to release An independ- Rob was mostly buying and develop- In which musical directions are you “ Life Cypher and Life, who remain one their own material? Or for anyone ent record la- ing his huge record collection. looking to expand the label? of the best crews the UK brave enough to go about starting bel formed in Last year was our 10th birth- I was running has seen. their own label? Prince’s party How did the label fit in with the day year and it was enjoyable I think it is all about promoting year of 1999, music scene in Brighton around the doing the parties and our spe- around trying to not Are there any plans for the music. The worst thing people in Brighton, millennium? Do you think nowa- cial 3 disc booklet. But we an album of hip hop do when they start a club night for by Robert days that the Brighton music scene also sat at the end of the year get caught putting covers by Tru Thoughts instance is think that they can put a Luis and is assumed to just involve skinny and decided that we wanted artists? We thought that small advert in one mag and then their Paul Jonas. jeaned indie pop? to take the label back to its posters in illegal Hot 8 Brass Band would club will be full. You have to poster, ad- Specialising When we started the label, the town route of more future look- sound good covering vertise, do online promo, tell everyone in electronic was popular for the style of ourselves, ing music. This year we have places and Rob was Snoop Dogg and maybe you have ever met and go into every music they Skint and Catskills Records. Trip hop, signed Maddslinky aka Zed Alice Russell covering shop in Brighton and invite them. The released their nu jazz, big beat, whatever the names Bias, who is collaborating with mostly buying and Wu Tang Clan. What do same is the case for a label. The music first records were, it was a stage where people and getting mixes from people developing his huge you think? bit is the simple bit. You then have to in 2000 were sampling, looping, cutting up like Toddla T, MJ Cole, Omar, Nice idea! I might pinch work hard. Don’t be put off though. they now and mixing styles. Very hip hop in its Skream, Mr Scruff, Blame and record collection. that, Thanks!!! Alice do- It is a a great job to have. But maybe have over 30 base, but with a world of influences. AtJazz, which is an exciting ing Wu Tang would be don’t expect to make a huge living! successful Our weekly night (and our Mr Scruff project with all these quality classic. recording monthly night) pulled in around 2000 artists from a range of gen- You can listen to Tru Thoughts artists artists and people a month, so there were some res. We have also got a double Tru Thoughts has pros- on their regular radio shows on counting. amazing parties. We have changed compilation album form Zero pered in a time when Brighton’s Juice 107.2 Radio Station, things around over the years, moved dB (Ninja Tune) and then add ” independent labels and or online at totallyradio.com. 22 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 MUSIC [email protected]

Wolfmother face-melt with 70’s Most listened to this week by rock at the Brixton Academy Felix Music members on last.fm Jonathan Richens gets taken back in time with Wolfmother 1. Muse 2. Bloc Party he Australian four-piece love it. The crowd is predominantly Wolfmother, returning middle aged men in leather jackets 3. Radiohead to the UK for the first and early teen greebo’s, but they time since 2008, took to hang on every note like a spaniel 4. The Killers T the stage at the Brixton dangling from a postmans arm. Academy and could be seen per- The gig started with their rock and 5. Four Tet forming songs from thier new album roll ‘dimension’, followed by a more ‘cosmic egg’. This new album hails a moody, Doors-sounding ‘carnival’, 6. Florence + The Machine U-turn in their music direction, with showing that the band can display harder and faster guitar playing and more diversity than the average rock 7. The Beatles an unmistakable Black Sabbath in- band these days (whatever that sta- fluence, clashing on stage with thier tistic may be). Classical rock is a nice 8. Foo Fighters old ‘Led Zepplin’ style classic rock. juxtaposition to the modern music Read any review of Wolfmother and scene, where new bands strive to 9. Coldplay you’ll undoubtably find a compari- make their music more punchy and son to Led Zepplin, and with good fresh, and its appeal is obvious to any reason. All their riffs and singing young soul runined by dubstep. But 10. La Roux styles, they seem to have borrowed I’m not quite convinced that the solu- The apperance of The Beatles from 70’s rock royalty and then sold tion is to copy great bands and create in this top-ten is amazing, it back at a resonable price with an dated music that makes the Brixton shouldn’t be amazing really, seeing australian twist. Its kind of like a Academy feel like a pub gig. as a top-ten chart ought to be the subway sandwich doing low fat fish best available music to listen to and chips, and somthing just doesn’t at the current time. Seeing as The feel right. Wolfmother Beatles’ music is available for free on lastfm, I’m surprised it’s only Anyway, although they’re an easy The O2 Academy Brixton charted now. band to musically tear apart, the truth 21st January of the matter is they deliver incread- ★★★✩✩ -Luke Turner Rock so hard his own face is melting ibly tight psy-rock and the punters felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 23 Fashion Editor KawaiKawai WongWong FASHION [email protected] Fashion’s Rugged Gentleman Fashion and In the aftermath of men’s fashion week, Saskia Verhagen explores the Men secrets behind the enigma that is the well-dressed man. KKawaiawai WWongong Fashion Editor ecently it has seemed heavy tweeds and tailored trousers shirt in a similar like the popular choice of combined with heavy leather military colour and tailored smart menswear has be- ou’ve always got to admire meanour. Saskia Verhagen returns this boots, providing a hard edge to this dark green wool a fashionista’s chutzpah. week to fill us in on the latest know- come rather banal. The otherwise classic men’s look, all in a suit trousers. Rlooks are tediously cookie-cutter; it’s pared-down palette of black, grey and It takes courage to wear hows in order to look nonchalantly Effortless, ripped tights while bar stylish. Nonchalance - a word that men close to impossible to differentiate espresso. Raf Simons achieved a simi- masculine hopping. It takes cour- should bear in mind while attempting one insipid middle-class estate agent lar effect, taking a timeless charcoal chic at its Yage to wear bold shoulders to col- any trend GQ may persuade you to with a bad suit and a worse personal- grey wool suit and adding the textural very best. lege. When it comes to men’s fashion, follow... ity from the next. My ideal personi- variety of an acrylic black bomber Remem- there’s only a very thin line between Lastly, just a thought, are gay men fies more than an external projection jacket or a thick patent-effect overcoat ber though, looking stylish and looking like a generally more stylish than straight of ‘smartness’ – it requires a quiet effortlessly creating an easy, youthful, gentlemen, tranny. A friend (male) almost died men? if so, are they are more prone to confidence, a quirk and a bit of in- sexy synthesis of fabrics and concepts the key uni- of shock when he saw a man wear- expressing themselves creatively and ternal angst. This is not your awful that ought to be totally incongruent. fying factor ing a pair of skinny jeans - turned up artistically in terms of outerwear? If so, generic city boy – this is a damaged At Cavalli we saw a type seemingly in this time- revealing a red pair of socks and kept why is this? Do they simply not care or hero, a man with a purpose; the man less trend is snugged with a knee length mink fur if they do, are they afraid of the inner who left everything behind to ex- confidence. coat. He was definitely living at the feminine side catching up with them? plore the world, the cardiac surgeon “...this is James Convince your fashion forefront in Shoreditch. Out- Having said that, I’d much prefer to who fixed someone’s broken heart – Bond, Rhett Butler, potential damsels side of Central London though, I’m not have the mirror to myself in the morn- a man who embodies exactly what a that you are the sure if he’d even survive… ing, rather than having to force a style- man really ought to be: this is James Rick Blaine – rugged missing piece in The Shoreditch crowd, for some obsessed boyfriend out of the way just Bond, Rhett Butler, Rick Blaine – their personal life bizarre reason, always seem to don to get a slice of the mirror. rugged heroes with a tainted past heroes with a epic without saying major trends two seasons early. Look My good friend Igor Ostrikov offers and a fabulous wardrobe. a word, and watch at the trend dominating the Autumn/ his views on the straight versus gay is- The rogue returns, shuns his daily tainted past and a everything Winter 2010 runway – furs, furs, furs, sue on fashion: some gays dress over- uniform, and dons instead a flawless else fall into furs - although they are pared down the-top and they look hideous. Some bespoke suit – but the nonchalantly fabulous wardrobe” place… versions of the knee length coat seen of them go to fashion parties and they ruffled hair, the sense of insatiable on the tranny-looking man. (Tranny? wear art but not clothes. On an every- intent, the subtle air of he- Stylish?) day basis, ties are straights who dress roic arrogance are all main- inspired by the Gossip Girl character Anyway, there are more plausible as well as gays. tained. He becomes the Chuck Bass – the brighter palette ways of expressing your stylish self So there. The gays are still winning perfect oxymoron – incorporating peacock blue and without selling out your manly de- the fashion marathon. sexily dishevelled crimson requires that extra touch and impeccably of intolerable conceit that put-together; a Chuck seems to have nailed. man who seems not A more casual look with a to care much for bit more rockstar appeal in- style, but knows corporated the luxury of a Paris Couture Roundup enough about heavy navy double-breasted what looks good. overcoat with a thick fur KKawaiawai WongWong Fashion Editor to wear as well as couture runways) is He has sufficient collar and a striped silk also very refreshing. confidence to scarf with a rugged rubber- Jean-Paul Gaultier’s creations were carry it off with soled brogue. The week of uber-eliticist fashion heavily influenced by ethnic tribes in that enviable Contrastingly, the clean, shows is back. The Spring 2010 season different parts of the globe. Straws, semblance of, “Oh classic lines were unmistak- of the highly exclusive Paris couture chains, geometric origami, leaves, this old thing? Had it able at Ferregamo; the perfect show ended on Thursday the 28th after feathers, spikes and leather pleating for years…” dove-grey wool Chesterfield coat a short schedule of only 5 days. with raw colours accompanied the The men’s runways and then the fabulous collared 19 designers and classic fashion usual Gaultier strong-edged, slightly for Autumn/Winter cardigan à la Steve McQueen in Clockwise houses completed the first four days fetishist style. Models looked like styl- 2010-11 were littered forest green – probably my pick from left: Roberto of the schedule with the last day of the ised tribeswomen coming straight out with these haughty of the season, and in a colour seen Cavalli, Ferregamo, week reserved for artistic jewellery. of an Amazon rainforest or a tribal masculine heroes. At everywhere during men’s fashion Ferregamo, Raf At the time of going to print Val- conference in the rural part of South- Louis Vuitton we saw week – paired with a band-collar Simons, Louis Vuitton entino has just closed his show. The east Asia. collection featured vibrant and youth- Even Chanel has moved on from ful short dresses that featured a lot the classic boucle and pearls. Models of the classic Valentino fine draping donned sheer metallic leggings and Armani and spiral-cut organza. Valentino has Lagerfeld-esque gloves in shiny silver- Givenchy Thimister renewed the idea of celebrating the clad leather. Elie Saab continues to Prive RRiccardoiccardo Tisci’sTisci’s TThishis justjust hasn’thasn’t gotgot womanly curve by the brilliant draped prove to the fashion world that he is firstfirst ttakeake onon tthathat hautehaute couturecouture mummy-like bodysuit. The use of a the man to look to if wedding dresses IInspirednspired byby MMoonoon hautehaute couturecouture llook...ook... fluorescent palette which diverged are in question. Galliano again went from the widespread candy floss col- back to the Dior archive and created a * * * * * * * * * * * ours that have infested Spring (ready New Look dash Equestrian hybrid.

Chanel to raise price on handbags Victoria Beckham’s next step up Fashion Fringe winner recognised Princess dresses exhibits at the internationally From Feburary the first, Chanel is to the style food chain? A Lagerfeld- V&A Beckham collaboration? increase the price tags on its various Shot to fame with a Fashion Fringe win Grace Kelly lived the dream of all young lines of handbags of up to 5%. According There have been rumours this week that with her gothic-esque draped layer girls; she was the Hollywood starlet to the Cut Blog, the classic jumbo caviar Victoria Beckham has been approached designs, Jena Theo is heading to NYC, that went on to become a princess. Her News Strip leather bag will go up to $2,995 from to design a luxury hotel in Dubai. Karl after Bloomingdales invited them to journey and incredible personal style $2,650 if purchased in America. Lagerfeld is a design development showcase their new collection at its will be celebrated at a new exhibition GGabriellaabriella GentilcoreGentilcore If you have got a few hundred or consultant for the development. If the Soho store. Fashion Fringe at Covent at the V&A. The exhibition will run thousand quids to spare, now is the time story is to be believed then Victoria will Garden director Collin McDowell says from April and will feature dresses, Fashion Reporter be set to pocket £25 million for her input that he is thrilled that the designer’s haute couture gowns and her amazing to invest in a timeless piece that can be collection of jewellery. passed down the family tree. into the project. talent has been recognised. 24 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 TTechnologyechnology Editor SamuelSamuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Big Brother Internet Feroz Salam takes a look at the global state of internet censorship Just the same now bigger hina and Google have begun squaring off in what is bound SamuelSamuel GGibbsibbs Technology Editor Cto be a protracted political and legal battle that might take years to set- tle. Yet whatever the outcome, the fu- rore over China’s attempts to infiltrate t’s here, the mythical Apple tab- smartphone experience for the larger Google has kicked up an issue which let, the saviour of the computing ‘smart-tablet’, but I don’t know about has been brewing for many years now universe, the Apple iPad. Wait a you, if it won’t fit in my pocket it’s not – the effects of internet censorship. I minute, iPad, you having a laugh? likely to come with me. spent the majority of my childhood in IYou sure it doesn’t come with ‘flexy Of course there’s also the bog-com- Saudi Arabia, where the state of the wings’ and should be kept in a woman’s puting segment. That one place where internet is markedly different from handbag? OK. you sit but can’t really have a laptop the rest of the world. Not only are the Yep, the Apple iPad, not the iSlate or on your legs. Bit pricy for me, perhaps standard ‘morally corrupting’ websites iTablet, but iPad. To be honest I’m not Steve Ballmer might be interested. blocked, but so are most websites that quite sure why Apple didn’t call it the There’s also the often lucrative medi- we take for granted here in the UK, iPod touch HD or iPod Maxi, because cal or educational sectors that the iPad such as Facebook and Myspace - the that’s essentially what it is. A giant iPod might be useful in. Of course, we fit latter remained blocked when I last left touch. I have to admit, I’m a little dis- squarely in the educational sector so the country in 2007. appointed. I would have liked some- can you see it in your work flow? Per- As we enter a decade where perpet- Internet freedom, you take it for granted but should you? thing more like an OSX touch tablet, haps as a much more flexible and faster ual internet connectivity isn’t as much not some iPhone OS running maxi eBook reader for text books? But then a luxury but a necessity and access to iPod touch. there’s no multi-tasking so no Spotify the internet is being legally defined as a lars. Saudi Arabia has taken a different many free speech related human rights Anyway, the proof will be in the play- whilst you scan through Molecular human right in a handful of countries, approach to the problem, routing all transgressions go virtually unnoticed. ing with it, as to whether it’s any good Microbiology of the Cell. the extent of global internet censorship traffic through a server farm at a uni- Just three years ago a prominent Saudi or not. Apple’s trying to slide this one Talking about eBooks, Amazon is rather surprising. Most governments versity, where all requests are filtered blogger, Fouad al-Farhan, was arrested in a space in between the laptop and should be seriously worried at Ap- maintain some form of filtering; even in with those relating to blacklisted URLs and held without charge, seemingly the smartphone. I’m not entirely sure ple’s announcement of the iBooks the UK all ISPs are required to monitor immediately blocked. This filtering to set an example to those who might there’s actually a market position in store. It was bound to happen with traffic for suspected child pornogra- is of course a major limitation on the question the government about policy. there for the iPad to fill. It’s not as ca- the release of an Apple tablet device. phy. Yet a handful of governments take national internet infrastructure. Saudi The issue raised very little attention pable or cheap as a decent netbook iBooks could do for the eBook market this much further, blocking access to a internet providers are among the few internationally, with 5 months passing and it’s not as portable as an iPhone or what the iTunes music store did for wide variety of websites, justifying the to still offer dialup connections, with before he was released without charge Nexus One. music downloads. They’re support- censorship as vital to their national or their fastest DSL connections maxing and being told to “tone down” his com- The iPad’s also got a dock connector ing the ePub format which is nice and religious interests. The culprits tend to out at 10 Mbps, costing a whopping 42 mentary by the authorities. and it’ll take accessories like an iPhone they’re making as many distribution be monarchies, pseudo-democracies pounds per month excluding installa- Whatever the result of Google’s bat- or iPod touch like the dock keyboard. deals as possible. OK, so the iPad may and the handful of communist nations tion (makes BT in the UK look posi- tle with China is and whatever Google’s Great a portable keyboard for the iPad, not be the best reader around as read- that still remain - countries that have a tively cheap). motivations, it’s obvious that there’s I’ve been after one for the iPhone for ing from backlit LCD is always much lot to lose by allowing citizens free ac- The political nuances involved in a deeper issue that’s slowly coming to ages. Nope, Apple’s dock keyboard is more tiresome to the eyes than print cess to view and transfer information. reducing internet censorship doesn’t the fore in many countries that practice a full size keyboard that sits on your or E-ink, but I think the eReader is a Of course maintaining censorship help things either. While the US was widespread censorship. The internet desk. Yes that’s right next to my com- dieing breed. It’s too limited and the incurs quite a hefty economic cost as quick to denounce the Chinese at- has changed from a luxury to a neces- puter with it’s own full size keyboard. refresh-rate of the E-ink display is far well as deterring otherwise profitable tempts to infiltrate Google, with Hilary sity. Globally, individuals need easy ac- Who’s stupid idea was that? I mean too low to support any intuitive UI. foreign investment projects. To put Clinton warning of an ‘information cess to a good connection, while busi- surely if it’s full size and sits on your In fact I think if OLED screens ever the task of internet censorship into curtain’ that is descending across the nesses require the confidence that they desk why the hell wouldn’t you just use get into a device like the iPad, reading perspective, one need only consider world, it’s surprising that an American can move confidential information your computer? Novelty value? Now, from a tablet screen might just be good the fact that China has 300 million in- company maintains the blacklist that across the globe in a secure and quick if they made a docking a collapsible or enough. I know I’ve been dreaming of ternet users, about the same number allows Saudi Arabia to block all web- manner. Without being able to provide mini physical keyboard now that might an eReader device that’s good enough as the entire population of the US. To sites “related to drugs, bombs, alcohol, these assurances, these countries run make sense, but no sign of anything to read journal articles and be able to handle filtering of that kind of traffic, gambling” and most vaguely, “pages in- the risk of creating a data black hole, that useful. scrawl notes on them. It sure would China spent five years designing the sulting the Islamic religion or the Saudi letting the pervasive computing band- It may look pretty and it’s apparently save paper and be a hell of a lot more majestically named ‘Golden Shield laws and regulations”. The close mili- wagon pass by without harnessing it’s a pretty slick experience, but where’s portable than that stack of articles you Project’. Mere preliminary work on tary and political relations between the potential for growth and possibly cre- the need for it? Perhaps you could get need for that literature review you’ve the system cost roughly a billion dol- West and Saudi Arabia also means that ating a connected divide. it and buy a dumb-phone, forgo the got to hand in tomorrow.

Weekly Wrap-up: A quick guide to the bestes of the rest you might have missed

SSamuelamuel Technology released from sugar break- on when it’ll hit retail but if it does is identify and extract more importantlyortantly fire GibbsGibbs Editor down to generate electricity. takes off we could see a whole structured data and puts it enormous guns.guns. Soon, Of course efficiency is entirely host of sugar powered toys. right in your search results. the weightt carrying You could be forgiven for dependent on what kind of More weird tech hit the news dents andd ototherher smsmalla Excellent if you want an an- aspect mightight actu- thinking that this was an Apple liquid you feed this week including a pair of pets to use as USB drives com- swer quick, but it could be re- ally reachh realitrealityy only week. But the blackhole of itit.. Coke is shoes that can Tweet. Obvi- plete with red LEDs for eyes. ally damaging for content web- if Lockheedeed hahass non-Apple related news that is ggoodo but ously the makes of the Rambler Just remember to eject before sites. Users won’t need to leave anything to ddoo an ‘Apple Event’ let slip a few ggrape Sneakers have a low opinion of unplugging OK? Google to find the answers about it. PackingPacking interesting tidbits which I’ve juiceju is the inane chatter that occurs This week saw the first real they’re looking for and so a 3-day capablecapable selected for your enjoyment. appar-a on Twitter, creating a pair of time tweets from space, as the they won’t bother going to the fuel cell tthehe Have you ever thought that entlye the shoes that tweets every time ISS got hooked up to the ‘net. original site. Rupert Murdock HULC ppow-ow- your ordinary everyday RC car best.b All you take a step. What’s next? Essentially astronauts on the has accused Google of ‘steal- ered exoskel-oskel- was looking a bit 20th century? yoyou have A toilet that tweets every time ISS can remotely access a com- ing content’ and this move by eton hhelpselps Wondered what would hap- to do to powerpow this you... Think I’ll pass thanks. puter on the ground from the by the search giant certainly soldiers easilyasily pen if it was powered by sugar? little eco-racer is top it up with Ever lost a small pet and station. It’s no broadband, but seems like it. march wwithith Yeah, me neither, but Tomy has soda and watch it fly. Don’t thought, I wish I could carry better than nothing I suppose. Exoskeletons have always 200lb loads.oads. just unveiled the Ene Pocket. expect it to break any speed my essays and presentations in More Google action this been the dream of the SciFi sol- Next up shoul-houl- This hideous looking box of a records, but it’s certainly an ‘Hammy’? OK, maybe not, but week too, with the roll out of dier, to be encased in a metallic der mount-- RC car runs on the Sony Bio innovative (if somewhat odd) now with the Taxidermy USB a feature called ‘Answer High- fighting suit, able to lift enor- ed auto- Battery which uses the energy use of sugary drinks. No word stick you can put your dead ro- lighting’. Essentially what this mous weights and possibly cannons! felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 25 [email protected] TECHNOLOGY Apple’s latest creation named: iPad Samuel Gibbs takes a look at the mythical device that’s captivated the tech world & will be here in 60 days

f you haven’t heard by now Apple had an event on Wednesday this week at the Yerba Buena Center in San Francisco. After all the hype, Key Features couldI the much rumoured Apple tablet possibly deliver? Apple is aiming the iPad (not the iS- 6/2006 late, iTablet or iPod HD/Maxi) to fit in Google sells its share in Baidu. between your laptop and smartphone, 9.7” IPS display a device space that doesn’t necessarily exist at the moment that is normally 1024-by-768-pixel LED backlit covered by the netbook or eReader. If capacitive touch-screen display with you had your hopes pinned on a fully fledged tablet computer I’m afraid I’m IPS technology, which helps enhance going to have to disappoint you, the viewing angles especially for video. iPad is essentially just a giant iPod touch. It may have a few fancy fea- tures like a 9.7 inch screen and an Apple developed 1GHz processor named the A4, but essentially it’s the same capacitive-touch screen experi- 1 GHz processor ence you are already familiar with. On-board the device you’ve got Apple’s own 1GHz ‘A4’ processor that custom versions of the usual apps came from the PA Semi purchase. you’ve come to expect on Apple iDe- ‘Powerful yet power saving’ vices: iTunes and the iTunes store including the App Store, Maps, Cal- endar, Mobile Safari and email, each looking like a cross between what you find on a Mac and the iPhone. The main difference comes when you explore the greater real-estate 10 hr battery provided by the new screen size. The Email app for instance provides 10 hours of continuous playback and an experience similar to that of a one month of standby quoted (real desktop with a two-pane view dis- life battery life remains to be seen). playing a list and an email preview. Likewise browsing on the iPad is like that on the desktop with a fair- ly standard 1024x768 display. Something that’s brand new for the iPad is Apple’s movement into the eBook market with iBooks. Es- 16, 32 or 64GB sentially aiming to be the iTunes music store of books coupled with Flash storage for photos, videos an eBook reader application on music and apps. the iPad, the iBooks store allows you to buy and read ePub books. I’m not sure what the screen read- ing experience is going to be like on that LCD, but Amazon should definitely be scared. Text is entered on iPad via a WiFi 802.11n virtual chiclet-style keyboard which looks like a cross between WiFi networking for web browsing, that found on an iPhone and a email, video and iTunes. MacBook. The iPad essentially runs iPhone OS and therefore can run almost all App Store apps either at native or 2x resolu- tion with more iPad specific apps in the works including an iPad version of iWork. 3G for data The iPad will be available with WiFi only in 60 days from GSM capable 3G modems built-in $499 and WiFi+3G in 90 days as an optional extra for on the go from $649. International pricing surfing (great, another contract). and data contracts are TBA.

Mic Compass Dock connector Speaker Bluetooth

A built-in mic for recording your The iPad comes packing a compass as The iPad sticks with the iPod A built-in speaker provides for Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR on board grating voice and inflicting it on well as an accelerometer just like the style Apple Dock connector for impromptu concerts (just don’t for streaming audio and headset others across the world. iPhone 3GS. accessories, charging/syncing and expect great quality). Of course connection USB connectivity. there’s also a 3.5mm headphones port for a more personal experience. 2 felix FRIDAY 06 NOVEMBER 2009

felixOnline.co.uk Read the latest news online Leave feedback by logging in with your College ID, and tell us your thoughts on the latest issues and happenings featured in felix this week.

Email us your feedback to felix@ imperial.ac.uk felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 27 Food Editors Chris Sim & Holly Cumbers FOOD [email protected] Thai food has one too many choices Chris Sim visits Addie’s Thai Cafe and Thai Taste and found many treats were awaiting. But how did they compare?

he following waffle is my comprehensively covered, but for me, mented with generously-sized prawns. typical thought process each had one standout dish. At the same time, Addie’s Roast Duck upon scanning a Thai Som tam (papaya salad), sticky coco- Curry comprised juicy duck pieces restaurant menu, and the nut rice and grilled chicken is just one embalmed in a fragrant coconut sauce, T confusingly colossal co- of those combinations which makes created with an optimal amount of nundrum of choices which engulf my you think that they should create a lemongrass and sweet basil. brain. ‘I want something light, refresh- Nobel Prize for Gastronomy for the You might’ve guessed from the above ing, and a bit spicy. Perhaps a salad. genius who conceived this immacu- that the overall level of skillsmanship Actually I could go for something a tad late trinity of joy. Since trying it on of both restaurants’ culinary creations heavier, so I’ll go for something more the streets on Bangkok I have craved means that Thai Taste and Addie’s are rich and unctuous, packed full of her- to find a source of this pleasure closer pretty much level pegging in the food baceous flavours. A curry fits the bill. to home, and fortunately for me, Thai department. Service is pleasantly ef- On second thought, something more Taste does a pretty good rendition of ficient at both, and portion sizes are simple and punchy will do it for me, it. The slight crunch of the papaya and pretty agreeable considering most perhaps a stir fry. Ah, but I want that its spicy yet subtly sweet sauce, com- main dishes cost between £7-9. To ubiquitous soup which encompasses bined which the meaty chicken flesh conclude, whilst it is normally my job sweet, sour, hot and salty flavours. and its beautifully caramelised skin is to name which restaurant triumphs Oh but that noodle dish always hits married with the mellow richness of over the other, on this rare occasion, the spot… But they’ve got those crab the rice to create an uplifting flavour it’s too close to call. But at the very cakes…’ combination. True comfort food. Ad- least, I do hope that this article has I’m normally a bit disoriented at this die’s star act isn’t too bad either. The provided you with gastronomic guid- point so I just make my decision based Som tam, sticky rice and grilled chicken, Bangkok style. Try it at Thai Taste. english translation of this dish’s name ance when paying a visit to either of on my gut feeling. Nine times out of doesn’t quite do it justice. ‘Grilled these fine establishments. ten, upon receipt of my delicacy, I’m neck end pork with special sauce’. But pretty happy with it. But there is that this article with a view to helping make and it’s definitely the better of the two it could be called anything to be hon- odd occasion where I peer across at the choosing the right dishes that tad eas- for gathering a lively group for some est, and it wouldn’t take anything away delights on a neighbouring table and ier, and to help others avoid that feel- banter or as a pit-stop before a night from the tender pork with its distinctly Food: Equally Tasty: 9.0 think that perhaps my decision wasn’t ing of gastronomic regret. I’m going out. Thai Taste appears more formal barbeque-esque overtones, accompa- the best one after all; a thought which to keep it simple by picking out some to the eye with its all-white interior, nied by a sweet sauce containing lively Value: Equally Priced: 8.0 is really hammered home when a whiff noteworthy dishes at the two best lo- yet somehow feels more laid back. No chilli and refreshing coriander. Service: Equally Efficient: 7.0 of those hot-off-the-wok scents me- cally-based mid-ranged Thai eateries, matter which restaurant your foodie Both do the classics pretty well too Ambience: Equally Average: ander their way into my nose. I don’t Addie’s Thai Café and Thai Taste. sixth sense has led you into, the arrival and whilst these dishes weren’t quite like this feeling of leaving the restau- Neither restaurant has a particularly of the menu signals the commence- up to the standard found in the Land 7.0 rant wishing I’d chosen an even more striking décor nor unique ambience, ment of that daunting challenge of of Smiles, they weren’t too far off. Thai mouth-watering alternative, or that I’d but both are pretty effective at do- choosing your tummy-fillers. Both Taste’s Pad Thai had an appropri- loosened my belt, emptied my wallet ing what they set out to do. I like the restaurants have the spectrum of Thai- ate injection of tamarind, a touch of Overall: 8.0/10 and tried a bit of everything. So I write chic-ness and informality of Addie’s land’s culinary masterpieces pretty sweetness and was pleasingly comple-

A great way to beat the winter blues... indulge in some chocolate Holly Cumbers shows that a bit of care and thought can go a long way in discovering the right chocolate

have been making a promise that cocoa gives a strong flavour and chocolate – after all, it can be disputed chocolate pizza on the internet, which marshmallows mixed with Belgium to myself for the last couple of therefore the more the cocoa, the whether it is actually chocolate at all will surely help you through dooming chocolate. weeks now, to eat extremely stronger the flavour) sugar or other due to its lack of cocoa – in my mind weeks of revision and the depressing Trust me, the pictures alone are healthily and to start going to natural sweeteners and cocoa butter. the essential ingredient of chocolate. I January blues! The pizza is available in enough to get your mouth to water, I the gym regularly to make up Make sure you avoid buying any dark have also found that most chocoholics five chocolaty flavours; dark chocolate let alone the taste. On a closing note, for all the fatty foods I have eaten over chocolate which includes vanillin, or I have met also tend to dislike white with cranberries; smarties mixed with you shouldn’t feel guilty when scoffing Christmas. But then I realised that artificial flavourings. Also, for all you chocolate, claiming it is far too sweet. jelly beans and white chocolate; hon- your face with chocolate – I think we not only was this impossible but also health fanatics out there (and I am I am sorry if I have offended you in my eycomb; chocolate brownie and finally all do deserve it! going to be extremely boring. So this sure you will already know this) dark neglect of white chocolate! week I have decided to write an article chocolate is by far the healthiest. For all the fellow chocoholics out all about chocolate, (well to be more Getting a good milk there, you can now buy a precise, about ways you can select the chocolate is also very most mouth watering chocolate – even satisfying and there is a without blowing your budget at Hotel lot of difference between Chocolat) as a protest to the amount a good milk chocolate of articles in popular magazines at the and the most basic you moment about dieting! Articles which can get. The ingredients I personally think are a lot more boring should include all those than any revision we all have to endure that are in dark choco- over the following weeks! late and, obviously, milk. The most important thing about en- I personally prefer milk suring you buy a chocolate to be proud chocolate with cream, as I of is to carefully examine its ingredi- find this has a richer and ents; these are the only things which smoother taste, however, determine whether a chocolate is to be it can also be in the form of left on the shelf or lovingly consumed. milk powder or whole milk; Dark chocolate is, I believe, the one you it might be worth experi- really have to get right; buying a horri- menting with different milk ble dark chocolate really isn’t very nice chocolates to see which one you and leaves you with a sour taste in your prefer. mouth. A good dark chocolate should I have decided not to discuss include; plenty of cocoa, (bear in mind the best ingredients for white

felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 29

(We’ve(We’vvee ggoneoonne greengrgreeeen forffor GreenGreen Week,Week, HHangmanPuttingPunuttingga thethen cat outouogut totom drydryry an nonnotot tththataatt wewe weren’twew ren’t greengrg een before...)bbefore...) [email protected] THE LEGEND OF XYRON What became of Lord Fiddler Crab? Will Xyron, our beloved hero, ever find love? Meanwhile...

AAnonymousnonymous Hangman Editor Meanwhile, Edgar Rock, the Helix film editor, is busy writ- It‛s a Wednesday afternoon in ing his review for Avatar the cold and unwelcoming ‘Helix‛ basement. The Editor-in-Chief of the ex-award-winning stu- Executioner: There have dent newspaper, Dane Wayne, is not happy with ‘ Executioner‛, only been two issues. You haven‛t seen Xyron‛s many depths. He really likes horse-riding.

Dane Wayne: ...Is that it?

Executioner:...no. He also likes...actually, yeah that‛s it

Dane Wayne: Stop cutting to Dane Wayne: Well, let me Dane Wayne: A cartoon!? A unrerated scenes! That‛s the see what you‛ve written this shitty cartoon!? What happen probrem with you Executioner. week. Wait a second...Is to the beginner guides? They You‛re getting boring and pre- that meant to be me!? were hirarious! No-one like dictable. I mean, a crab!? You shitty cartoon! It not funny! resorted to a fucking crab?

Executioner: I wanted to Executioner: ...it was a do something different. fiddler crab! And thus everyone learnt to shut the fuck up and leave Hangman alone to do whatever the fuck he wants! Dane Wayne: You pick on rug- Dane Wayne: I don‛t give a by team every week. how that shit what it was! The fact is, different? You‛re running out you wun out of ideas and re- of ideas. Can‛t you see you‛re sort to a stupid talking animal! ruining your reputation around correge? Even your fellow Executioner: Not exact- Heerix editors are turning Executioner: ...but it had ly no. I may have loosely against you. a fiddle...and a moustache! based some of my charac- ters on people I know but TTWATTERWATTER they‛re completely fic- Dane Wayne: But that‛s not tional. That is apart from Barack_attack_l33thaxor funny! It‛s just a crab with a the film editor... I really fucking violin and a moustache! did catch him wanking over Hey Guyz. Gess wot Obie’s doin? Only Avatar. reformin da fuckin banks!! ;)

Executioner: ...but it was floating about in a cloud Dane Wayne: But I‛m not SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 Executioner: Ha. Your impru- China Man! I From Watford. dence humours me. You think You‛re repracing the ‘L‛s with I care about the thoughts of OMGZ, I’m gona copy and paste dat shit :p ‘R‛s. That‛s wacist! What have Helix editors? Executioner you become Executioner? cares not for such simple- You‛re not funny anymore. It‛s minded morons. The humour is almost like you‛ve rost interest simply above you Dane Wayne. CAMer0n_DA_MAN3r0n in this article now. I suggest We can’t go on like this chappys. I’ll cut the you give this shitty comic up and go back to writing funny deficit, not the NHS. Dane Wayne: There are two stuff. Aggravated Nerd has things Imperial students like, consistently managed to deriv- peurile jokes about sex and er week in and week out, but SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 puzzles. They fucking love you‛ve lost your way. I‛ve seen puzzles. Why can‛t you be this happen to so many come- FFS Dave u airbrushed twat! Ur policies r well more rike coffee break? dy writers. You‛ve burned out. gay and lame. ur just a big gaybo. Hope u don’t You resort to cheap racist hu- get 2 b prime min >:( mour and when you‛re strug- Executioner: How dare gring to finish the shit-piece SexyOsama69 you! of an article off, you just go Dane Wayne: Look! This Xy- for some incohewent imprau- borg character is too one-di- sible and eraborate - What Aw dw Gor. I can pull a few strings if dat posh Dane Wayne: Sorry Execu- mensional. He‛s just your ar- the fuck is that sound? Oh no gaybo wins ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) tioner. That was unfair of me. chitypal Sci-fi geek. prease don‛t touch the Macs! 30 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010

CCoffeeoffee BBreakreak EditorEditor CCharlieharlie MMurdochurdoch mm m m COFFEE mm..... BREAK [email protected] Stuff Imperial Contains numerous rants and/or rambling students don’t like:

CCharlieharlie MMurdochurdoch Coffee Break Editor 12.“This bus is being held here for a short ’ve been thinking, well, com- no real evidence to back that claim Had a little think about the recession plaining and moaning is prob- up, but it’s that type of place, use your and the banking crisis because it tied while to help regulate the service”: ably more accurate. Last Sunday, creative instinct. Besides it’s their own neatly in with a rant at a certain com- I I frequented the bar with Mr. fault that they attract such obscure pany who can’t be named. All I can say Philpott of the ground breaking quote- clientele- with Foster’s (or what they is that they provide loans, and gener- Sorry? You are planning on doing late on the shitting buses. ‘who needs women? Women are for call Foster’s) at £1.87 a pint you’re go- ally to students. I should feel sorry for what to this bus? Holding it here Funnily enough, I’ve never heard gays.’ That, my friends, is what the elite ing to get some Class A retards kick- Lucy, but in fairness if she’s going to for a short while? Well for how long that message played on a night bus. firms of this world like to call ‘blue-sky ing about. What do they want? A slap act like a cunt, then I’m going to treat is this proposed while? I want facts No need to ‘‘regulate’’ services people thinking’- whatever the fuck that really round the head? Yes, they do. her like a cunt. In reply to my question and figures. I have places to be, hardly go on? I’ve almost been killed means, I’ll leave it to you. In one fell I ramble… yes the bar. That place ‘how much is the maintenance loan for people to see, and things to fucking four times by fucking mental drivers swoop I had to re-evaluate my whole was a shitting train wreck. I don’t claim a final year student in London?’ she do. Besides, this bus smells of piss who want to get back to the depot outlook on life, it didn’t take long as it to still have a fully functional brain, in gets back to me with ‘I don’t know.’ and if that kid doesn’t stop crying in record time. Apparently, that also turned out that Philpott was being a fact I know a good chunk of it is miss- Pressing her further I enquire- ‘no idea I’m going to belt him. includes picking up passengers, thus phenomenal twat. I ramble… yes bar. ing and I’m partly unhinged. Never- at all?’, she helpfully replied ‘no, none’, You can’t even drink on the bus rendering the whole exercise useless. So sitting in Da Vinci’s after a day try- theless I have never, not even once, felt so I throw some figures down ‘well, is anymore to try and get you through ing to splaff out Entrepreneurship re- that I need to wear a lycra wife beater it 10p or 10 grand?’. Communications it. Probably a good thing, because vision, but in reality just pissing about, to the bar. Literally never, essentially, were beginning to break down, that I would assume that the number we took on the role of your classic pe- if I was asked to define acceptable bar much was obvious, but Lucy in her of glassing incidents would go up culiar old men grumbling in the corner. wear, lycra would not feature highly on infinite wisdom managed to come up about ten fold whenever that mes- You know, there is always one per pub, my list, if at all, not even if it weren’t with the fucking Mt. Everest of wank sage is played. What are they hop- and he usually has a few stories that he fucking snowing outside. This didn’t replies, ‘I don’t know, it could be either.’ ing to achieve by holding a bus for simply must bore your tits to the floor anger me, because to be fair, he was No love it can’t. Even I know that you an indeterminate amount of time? with. Unless you happen to be haunt- up and dressed, so what more do you stupid fucking bint. So, generally, the The nature of the bus service is in- ing the exclusive Public House that is want? Now, if he’d flopped his wang reaction wasn’t good. herently to fuck up so no amount The Goose on North End Road. That out and started to exemplify the finer I also got a complaint from an Amer- of ‘holding’ will ever ‘regulate the place is rammed like three fat men in a art of the windmill, without question, ican about the ‘What IC Students Like’ service.’ Besides, people expect a lift designed to take only two fat men. I would have been very much less than piece. I know it was all in good hu- shit service so what’s the point of Seriously it’s fucking weird. Last year impressed. Actually, I’d have made the mour, but I was in the bar. Drinking. trying to higher our expectations? there was an offer on giving you a free apocalypse look like a fucking sparkler. So if you really don’t like it, have you It’ll then be less of a chore to get the stab vest if you had nine pints- I could Aside from that small episode my ever considered- you know, just con- bus, and we won’t be able to blame tell that things were about to kick off week, as I sure you are itching to know sidered- fucking off and reading some- rocking up to a lecture 20 minutes What the fuck is that? Shit! Americans so I got out of there. I actually have about, has been relatively nondescript. thing else?

Aristotle: “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” Quote of the Week Wordoku 1,451 Wordpath 1,451 Solution 1450 Solution 1450 INTERMEDIATE EVIL I L K C O R D E P ORIGIN: MOST O C R E D P L K I HOST (LS) T I H S E A I H E D P I L K O C R H E A D TILE via HOSTILE R E D P C O K I L VILE (LS) A H U S P P K O L R I E D C DESTINATION: EVIL (An) L I C K E D P R O S U R R H E C O E D I L R P K T A I L There were many D P L R K C I O E solutions this week. S T N P N K R I O P E C L D On average 10 steps. How to play: That was until this T S P E R A T A S K T N P E I Make a path from the origin word to the destination 4 step solution was P N E S I A K T T word by taking steps between words using one of the submitted by new I R A S R I T K E P T A S N three following methods: face Steve Malkin E I P N K S T T A and obliterated the A S U N H N K T A T I E P S Letter Substitution: Substitute just one letter. competition! S T A T E P I N K e.g. WORD -> WARD H C A N S R A E I T N T S K P Anagram: Rearrange the letters. Scribble box K S N P A E T I T e.g. WARD -> DRAW N I U C A E H T P T I S K N A E Wordslide: Replace the current word with a new 4 letter word from any 5+ letter word that contains them both. LastLast iissue’sssue’s Wordoku’sWordoku’s hadhad a How to play: Scribble box e.g. DRAW -> WING (via DRAWING) ssharedhared ssolutionolution pphrasehrase aacrosscross Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; we’ve just replaced bothboth ggrids,rids, hence:hence: ‘LICKED‘LICKED numbers with letters. Complete the puzzle and then send No consecutive steps may be made by the same method. PROSTATEPROSTATE PPINK’INK’ - We’llWe’ll letlet youyou the whole grid to [email protected]. You will e.g. WORD -> WARD (by LS) -> WARE (by LS) would decidedecide whatwhat itit means.means. not get credit for just the word alone. It’s not an anagram. be invalid. Anyhoo, the winner of the Inter- mediate was the Harry Potter Evil Wordoku is exactly the same... only harder... and Points are awarded for the earliest SHORTEST valid path Trio, who also won the Evil one there’s a letter missing... that MAY be a duplicate - just between the two words. Dubious words will be checked too. Well done. Maximum points solve it like normal and insert the letter that you believe against the OED. Send your solutions to sudoku.felix@ from you. makes the word. imperial.ac.uk. felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 31 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Slitherlink 1,451 Solution 1450 FUCWIT League Table 3 223 133 2 222 3 TTeams:eams: 22312 2 3 2 2 2 2 1 1 2 Harry Potter Trio 131 Points 2 3 3 3 The Tough Brets 119 Points 2 2 2 2 3 2 32 332 2 11 The Cool Kids and Fergal 33 Points 3 121 221 23 3 2 3 3 2 3 2 2 IIndividuals:ndividuals: 1 3 Matthew Colvin 110 Points Well done to last week’s winner GTL Ying Liang 50 Points 01 2 lots of positive feedback for this puzzle last week! Please keep the answers Kelvin Wong 43 Points coming in so we feel good about 222 2 3 2 ourselves. How to play: The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament League is 3 13 1222 new and improved, with an iPod nano for both the team and the indi- It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a vidual with the most points at the end of the year. 3 112 2 cell and must be surrounded with a 5 points for the 1st correct answers for all puzzles on these pages, corresponding number of lines. Lines 4 points for 2nd, 3 points for 3rd, 2 points for 4th and 1 point for 5th. cannot split and there can only be one continuous line. Any cells with no Now then FUCWITs, answers to [email protected]. Go! 2 2 2 3 1 3 numbers can have any number of lines. Look at the solution above for help. Nonogram 1,451 2 2 2 4 2 Guest Puzzle 1,451 How to play: 2 4 3 4 5 1 4 1 The numbers represent the size and order of blocks in each 1 1 1 2 4 2 23 1 3 How to play: column and row. There must be at least one space between 1 R. to R. T. A. each block. See last issue’s solution below for more help. 3 2 Each clue represents an expression, 2 W. in a F. or description with each capital letter representing a word beginning Solution 1450 7 3 G. make a H. with that letter and each number Big competition her 5 representing itself. 1 3 3 2 2 last week, but a new e.g. 1 S. S. for M. 1 1 3 4 F., 1 T. 4 2 2 1 2 5 1 6 8 3 team have formed and 8 = ‘One small step for man’ 1 1 1 1 1 are simply going by the 5 T. at H. A. 2 W. on a B. 3 5 5 3 1 6 name GTL. Well done = ‘Two wheels on a bicycle’ toy you and welcome 2 1 3 6 C. on a P. F. tot eh winners hall of 2 1 felix wants your puzzles! Just send 1 1 1 fame. 7 D. S. and H. V. them to us at sudoku.felix@imperial. 1 3 4 Remember to sub- 1 2 1 ac.uk and if we like them we’ll print 6 mit as soon as you 8 P. in the S. S. them* and credit you however you 5 possibly can. I shit 1 2 1 2 desire (photo, name, alias, whatever)! 3 you not seconds really 1 4 1 9 A. C. in T. P. 2 do count down here. *THE SMALL PRINT: your puzzle will belong to us etc. 4 3 Some people actually 1 2 1 Submitted by: Daniel Rice We reserve the right to make changes. This puzzle will get answers in by 12! not be eligible for FUCWIT League points. Sucks to ffelixelix LLoveovestruckstruck be this “Armyboy. You look so goddamned youre up for a bit of kamasutra’’ good in your uniform- especially Matt Lock that hat. I hear that your weapon is awfully impressive- maybe you could “Hey anyone up for a bit of fun no guy: show me sometime- maybe you could strings attached get in touch.” show me sometime. You’re welcome to Laura Scott conquer me territory and day ;)” Uniform Lover “dan wan sucks off many little three Best of year olds most days. normally three “Dear sunitha, i know things have to four times per day to get the full been a little tense between us but sperm hit that he needs. What a i want you to know that you mean horrible little china man. I wish lolcat everything to me and i love everything he’d go back.” about you, even if there isnt that much 07726 799 424 of it! Meet me in my room later if Coffee Break Editor 32 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 COFFEE BREAK [email protected] A quickie (crossword) 1,451

1 2 2 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS 7 Solution 1450 7 Demented bovine plague (3,3,7) 18 Club for smart-arses (5) 8 Controversial gallic pâté (4,4) 21 Typical porcine retort (4) 8 10 9 Babe ____; baseball star 1914-35 MO T OA C O M OP B O S OI P MO (4) P H A L L O C E N T R I C 8 10 9 10 Escorted (at cinema?) (7) Not too hotly contested last week, so ON O OR I OH N O E OCA I E N M 12 Ditches/lesbians (5) please pull you fingers out for this one. B R I N G O F F RI C A C K OC OA OP I OR C AO Y OT K A E CH 14 12 Minute period of time (5) We’ve tried really hard, and by we, I re- C H U C K L E A H Y E N A 16 Heavy leathered formal shoes ally mean just Peter. Anyway, the win- OR A OA OP OE E AL B O O O E O (men’s) (7) ner was Matthew Colvin, so it can be A R S E S N C A D E N Z A 10 11 12 19 Rudey-dudey (4) done! Make sure you tell us what puz- F D OP A OE A OE Z OR C OG OI DO 20 Slow-moving gallic dish (8) zle you are entering in the subject line S C O T VI B R O T H E R S 15 14 13 17 22 Skylab/Mir/ISS - “They’re not is submitting to sudoku.felix@impe- OR O OU O OE O OE O UT O AO E OE moons - they’re ______!” rial.ac.uk G R O U N D S K E E P E R (5,8) OB E OE T OT E OE A T S DO L OR 14 15 16 17 DOWN Crossword by Peter Logg 20 18 21 22 1 Mexican tortilla dish (4) 19 20 21 2 Plan (6) 3 Dodged (7) Scribble box 4 Wimpish (5) 24 24 25 5 Type of cockney king/queen (6) 6 So to speak (2,2,4) 22 11 Piste (3,5) 13 Infinitely self-similar shape (7) 26 15 Gallic (6) 17 Gallic staple (6)

Follow-scopes; staring at you from behind a bush This week’s horoscopes wants your toes in its dutty mouth. Dat is bare sket, m8. His periscope sees them good

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

So, you’ve got a girl You’re in the shower You’re really getting I WILL FUKIN’ back to your flat. and you hear some yourself into trouble SHANK U LIKE DER This is the first time rustling outside of with this ketamine IZ NO TMRW, M8. you’ve managed to  your window. Your  thing. You’re so  I IZ GUNA END U,  score since you’ve cheap landlord desperate for a wobbly HU DO U FINK U R, come to the inbred didn’t install frosted high that you’ve taken SUM BATTY BOI? LK shithole that is Imperial College. The night windows to your bathroom, and well, the blinds up a Veterinary degree for seven years just so AT DAT FRINGE, LKE SUM MOSHER LITTLE goes well, you last more than your record time are pretty much see-through. You peer through you can get real horse tranquilizer. Intravenous SHIT. Sorry, I have Tourrette’s. What was I saying? of 47 seconds but you wake up and find she’s them to see a travelling freakshow bewildered ketamine really hits the spot. Well, it’s 2017 and Oh yeah. I AM GOING TO END YOUR LIFE BE- dead. Like stone-cold dead. FUCK. You start to by the microscopic size of your penis. They offer you’ve found yourself a vet, shame you’ve lost CAUSE I DISAGREE WITH YOUR CLOTHES. look for a turkey-carver...... you a job there. THE NO-PENIS MAN! your thumbs and sense of sour. OH, KETAMINE. MY PEANUT OF A BRAIN ISN’T WORKING.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

This week, you’re This week things start This week your purple You find some vaseline arguing with your moving around, and womb ferret decides on the floor and you mother when you get you think you have a it’s going to talk to you. look around to see an erection. You’re demon in your house. “Thrust me between whose it is. There’s  confused but there’s  You’ve just seen the juicy beef flaps of no one about, so you something arousing Paranormal Activity your mother otherwise open it up. There’s an about your mother angry and ranting about the and you’re shit scared. You set up a camera and I’ll implode spreading the BAD AIDs throughout imprint of someone’s bellend in it. You’re caught economic downturn ending and how she wants a everything, just like the film. You’re going to Madagascar.” Enough cheek! You reach for the between being disturbed and unusually aroused. new blender. Pon de Floor by Major Lazer starts make millions. You look back at the 246 hours of nearest sledgehammer. SPLATMONGS, the You see if your bell-end makes a bigger imprint, playing in your heard, and you’ve spunked your footage you’ve got. Turns out it’s just a feral goat sound of your flaccid member crushed into but it turns out it’s actually your vaseline and pants. Your mum buys the new blender. loose in your house. oblivion. your bellend-print in the first place. Oh.

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

This week your You’re checking your This week you buy a This week you wake landlord comes round friend’s statuses on cape. You put it on and up and find yourself demanding the last 6 facebook. ‘Lizzie had feel the immense sense copulating a brick wall months rent. Realis- a really good night :D’, of power. You put in the Irish countryside. ing your house is a  ‘Mark had a bit too your cape to the test It’s a gritty affair, but death trap anyway, much to drink lol’ ‘Alex and jump off Queen’s you find it weirdly you shove him down the stairs. You tell the has been bumraped by a lesbo’. You sigh. You’ve tower. You’re dead. You’re slightly annoyed at comforting. The rawness isn’t sexy, but it’s police that is was down to the shit state of the just realised how shit your friends are. You go this revelation. You get to heaven. God turns out definitely better than watching porn and wanking property and get free rent for the rest of the year. back to myspace and take a cleverly angled photo to be an atheist. You both laugh at the irony. God to dead-eyed women. You finish up and can’t find Then you realise you can’t be arsed to write two to disguise the fat ugly truth. You customize your has a cape, but it’s much better than yours. You your trousers. You see a cow in the distance and more lines for this stupid horoscope. homepage with flowers and an illegible font. get jealous. God has a really nice handbag as well it’s chewing away at your new khakis. Fuck. Pint? felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 33 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Aunty McPickle loves seafood, but hates food and sea

Dear Aunty McPickle,

At a recent house party I spotted an opportunity to get with a reasonably fit, unsuspecting girl. I took her back to mine but hadn’t noticed the rather bulbous spot on her chin, which half way through sex started to weep. The spot literally climaxed with a huge expulsion of pus. I am now tarred with spot sex nightmares. How can I make it stop?

Spence Spoonful

Dear Spence,

Crikey. I think you should only get with Imagine this fella coming up as you pound ya missus. He’s like the lobster of bad sex. You know you’ve pulled a munter when you get a glimpse of him. girls with decidedly perfect complex- ions from now on. Although it might be a bit shallow, it should help to get rid of do I ever cleanse myself? Dear Aunty McPickle, ing yourself in the libraries hideous ergy in attempting another shot. How your association. domains. I suggest picking yourself up can I last longer in the future? Howard Henner I am currently in the middle of par- some man kleenex on the way home too. Aunty McPickle xxx ticularly heavy revision sesh and Colin Cumbucket Dear Howard, desperately need some instant sexu- Yours, Aunty McPickle xxx al satisfaction. Dear Colin, Dear Aunty McPickle, Mmmmmm I think the friend must be pretty embarrassed about this, it might How should I go about this in the li- Dear Aunty McPickle, I have heard many tips to help you con- After a night out last week I stum- be best to make a joke about the whole brary? Please help, my balls on near trol your load. Premature ejaculation bled into a bed harbouring one of thing. Maybe offer to cook her din- bursting point. I was having sex with possibly the fit- is caused by a weakness in your sexual my friends. I decided to try my luck ner and conveniently serve up risotto. test girl at Imperial and consequently parasympathetic nerves and the mus- and let my hands stray over to her; Also try to avoid taking advantage of Yours Baz was the “cum cliff” the whole time. She cle. I’ve heard that it helps to imagine we were soon mauling away at each wrecked friends or you may acquire a seemed to be enjoying herself until repulsive people like your grandma? other. rapist nick name such as “Spooner”. Dear Baz, after an embarrassing 5 minutes I acci- Or else from sex and masturbation un- dently came, and to make things worse til you see a significant improvement in It was quite a while before I realised Aunty McPickle xxx There is one simple answer GO HOME I also muttered the line “Whoopps I your ejaculation control. she had previously thrown up a sea AND WANK. came”. She seemed mighty disgruntled food risotto all over the pillow. How Please don’t even consider pleasur- and will probably not invest any en- Aunty McPickle xxx Take that London! You’ve been raided!

n Wednesday 27th Jan- tions or on the streets from the unsus- guises, ranging from classics, such as to an end, so why not drop by and do will be our very own RAG Raid, which uary, ICU RAG teamed pecting public. Best fancy dress defi- a gaggle of Smurfs to one man who something sweet for the victims of this will not only involve collections, but up with Cambridge, nitely goes to our very own Imperial was dressed as Man-with-a-Black- terrible disaster. a to-do list full of stunts that will take Loughborough, LSE RAGgers Izzy and Jon who dressed up Hat from the xkcd webcomics. Chloe Many thanks go out to everyone you all over the city. Previous years Oand UCL to raid Lon- as pandas! Man, however, walked away with an who donated and helped out with this have seen people swim in the fountains don for Barnardos childrens charity. A The day started off early for Lough- iPod Shuffle for making a lovely Sailor week’s collections! at Trafalgar Square, serenade Swedish Rag Raid is a full day event where vol- borough and Cambridge, who began Moon. In the pipeline this term, we have an- tourists at Covent Garden, as well as unteers dress up and collecting at 7am in order to catch the On top of this, an epic bike auction other raid coming up in collaboration streak through the Bank of England. collect either morning commuters. It was, however, was held on Tuesday, which raised with Kingston University, as well as our To keep informed about upcoming at Tube well worth it! At around midday, £567, which will go to Haiti as well. A very own RAG Week in March, where RAG events, drop us a line at rag@im- sta- Imperial, LSE and one lonely UCL bake sale on Friday (29th January) at there’ll be five whole days of madness perial.ac.uk and we’ll add you to the collector joined in on the fun. Al- the JCR will bring our Haiti collections for charity. The highlight of the week mailing list. though UCL was meant to pro- vide 20-30 collectors, they once again proved that they are all a waste of oxygen. We’ve decided to pay them back during our RAG Week Raid in March, more information to follow... After a long day which ended at about 10pm, the total sum raised was just shy of £4000. The night ended very drunk- enly for most of us at the RCSU sports Night whose profits of £500 will be do- nated to the Haiti Appeal. The theme for the night was “Car- toon and TV Show Characters”, and we got a plethora of dis- Chloe Man, the winner of the best costume prize Jon and Izzy looking cute for the commuters at Earl’s Court 34 felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 SPORT [email protected]

FIXTURES & RESULTS in association with Sports Partnership

SaturdaySaturday 223rd3rd JaJanuary Wednesday 27th January Table Tennis Water Polo Men’s 2nd vs Canterbury Christ Church Uni 2nd Football (ULU) Badminton Men’s 1st 9 - 8 University of Kent 1st Men’s 1st vs University Surrey 1st Women’s 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st Men’s 2s 0 - 2 LSE 2s Men’s 1st 0 - 8 University of Kent 1st ULU Men’s 7s 3 - 3 St Bart’s 4s Women’s 1st 8 - 0 University of Chichester 1st Tennis Monday 1st February Men’s 4s vs King’s College Medicals 3s Challenge Cup Men’s 1st 5 - 5 UCL 2nd Badminton (ULU) Men’s 5s vs St Bart’s 2s Men’s 1s 2 - 0 SOAS 1s Basketball (ULU) BUCS Cup Mixed 1s vs UCL Mixed 1s Men’s 6s vs King’s College 4s Reserve Cup Men’s 2s 66 - 39 Imperial Medicals 1s Men’s 2nd 2 - 8 University of Essex 1st Men’s 7s vs Imperial College Medicals 4th Men’s 5s 3 - 3 UCL 7s Basketball (ULU) (a.e.t. UCL 7s win 4-3 on penalty kicks) Fencing Men’s 1s vs Royal Holloway 1s Hockey Women’s 2nd 128 - 120 University of Kent 1st Saturday 30th January Men’s 2nd vs UCL 2nd Tennis BUCS Cup Fencing (Tournament) Netball (ULU) Men’s 3rd vs Royal Veterinary College 1st Men’s 1st 5 - 5 LSE 1st Men’s 3rd 135 - 93 University of Portsmouth 1st Men’s 1st vs UCL 1st Women’s 1s vs King’s College 1s Men’s 4th vs University of Portsmouth 5th Men’s 1st vs Oxford University 1st Women’s 2s vs King’s College Medicals 5s Women’s 1st vs University of Portsmouth 1st Sunday 24th January Football (ULU) Men’s 1st vs Cambridge University 1st Women’s 3s vs RUMS 3s ULU Hockey (ULU) Men’s 3s 3 - 1 Royal Holloway 3s Women’s 1st vs Queen Mary’s 1st Women’s 4s vs St Mary’s University 1s Men’s 5th vs UCL 3rd Challenge Cup Men’s 4s 2 - 2 Royal Holloway 4s Women’s 1st vs Oxford University 1st Men’s 1s 6 - 2 Imperial Medicals 1s Men’s 5s 0 - 2 King’s College 4s Squash (ULU) Netball Reserve Cup Men’s 6s 2 - 3 SOAS 2s Football (ULU) Men’s 2s vs UCL 1s Women’s 1st vs Queen Mary’s 1st Men’s 3s 2 - 1 Royal School of Mines 1s Men’s 7s 0 - 1 King’s College 6s Men’s 1s vs St Barts 1s Men’s 3s vs UCL 2s Women’s 2nd vs Buckinghamshire New Uni 2nd Men’s 2s vs Royal Holloway 1s Men’s 4s vs LSE 3s Women’s 3rd vs St George’s Medical School 3rd Lacrosse (ULU) Hockey Men’s 3s vs Imperial Medicals 2s Women’s 1s vs LSE 1s Mixed 1s 20 - 4 Royal Holloway 2s BUCS Cup Men’s 4s vs Queen Mary’s 3s Rugby Women’s 1st 2 - 3 University of Reading 1st Men’s 5s vs UCL 6s Water Polo (ULU) Men’s 1st vs University Chichester 1st Water Polo ULU Men’s 7s vs Heythrop College 1s Men’s 1s vs Imperial College Medicals 1s Men’s 2nd vs University of Essex 1st Men’s 1st 21 - 1 University of East Anglia 1s Men’s 2s 2 - 2 St Barts 1s Men’s 3rd vs St Mary’s University 3rd Women’s 1st 11 - 1 University of East Anglia 1s Women’s 2s 8 - 0 St George’s Medical School 2s Sunday 31st January Wednesday 3rd February Men’s 4th vs Thames Valley University 1st Football (ULU) Basketball Women’s 1st vs University of Reading 1st Monday 25th January Rugby Women’s 1s vs Goldsmiths 1s Men’s 1st vs University Westminster 1st Basketball (ULU) Men’s 1st 15 - 15 Imperial College Medicals 1st Women’s 1st vs Buckinghamshire New Uni 1st Squash Challenge Cup Men’s 2nd 5 - 24 St Barts 1st Hockey (ULU) ULU Men’s 2nd vs UCL 1st Men’s 1s 98 - 62 Imperial Medicals 1s Men’s 3rd 0 - 12 University of the Arts 1st Men’s 1s vs St George’s Medical School 1s Men’s 2s vs SOAS 1s Men’s 3rd vs SOAS 1st Men’s 4th 0 - 30 St George’s Medicals School 2nd Men’s 4th vs Brunel University 2nd Netball (ULU) Lacrosse (ULU) Fencing Women’s 2s 51 - 14 King’s College 3s Squash Mixed 1s vs Royal Holloway 1s Men’s 3rd vs University of Essex 1st Tennis Men’s 2nd 1 - 4 University of Surrey 1st Men’s 2nd vs University of Greenwich 1st Women’s 1st 2 - 2 UCL 1st Rugby (ULU) Football Women’s 1s vs LSE 1s Men’s 1st vs St Mary’s University 3rd

unopposed. However the Brits do try and throw for the games somewhat. The funding Rugby 2nds The College players recomposed Three medal a spanner in the works when they can body, UK Sport, have set a target of 3 themselves with the forwards leading and have managed to pull off some medals for the upcoming games. This the charge and headed into half-time monumental achievements in the past: is an optimistic figure but one that is thrash medics confident that the medics were there haul the British In 2002 at Salt Lake City, Alain Bax- attainable nonetheless. It is better to for the taking. ter won Britain’s first ever alpine skiing over-achieve than underachieve after The start of the second half saw IC’s medal but was subsequently stripped all. in run up to dynamic game-plan finally come to- target for of it after testing postitive for doping. Problems have struck the Britsh gether with the medics being able to Although Baxter still maintains it was team in the run up to the games how- Varsity offer little in response. College took Vancouver the result of a decongestant. At the ever as the British Ski and Snowboard- control of the set-piece play as Niall same games four British women won ing Federation are in dire financial dif- Watson, Captain Coggy and Fresher gold in curling (Bowls but on ice and ficulties and many athletes have seen Tom Cotton Rugby Toby bossed the scrum and Tom Cha- David Wilson Sports Editor with brooms) much to the acclaim of their funding slashed drastically in vas showed some typical Gallic flair the British public, although most peo- the past year. This has threatened the participation of some of the athletes IImpep riialal Collllegeg Men’’ss 2ndd XV 4 2 in the line-out. Dave Blake’s one man ple would be hard pushed to remem- mission to take on the medic for- Britain isn’t really into Winter sports. ber a single name from that team now. at the Olympics, most notably Chem- Imperial College Medicals 2nd XV 5 wards single-handedly saw him justly The names Ed Drake, Elise Christie, At the last Winter Olympics Shelly my Alcott. Alcott is perhaps the most rewarded with a hat-trick of tries as David Murdoch do not have the same Rudman won an unexpected silver recognisable face of the team going to Wednesday afternoon saw ICURFC well as providing numerous breaks effect as those of Wayne Rooney, Lewis medal in the skeleton event (jumping Vancouver, she has not set the world of 2nd XV head to Teddington for an im- supported by Rob Dowden and Fraser Hamilton and Jonny Wilkinson. But on a tea tray and speeding down an ski racing alight, and her career could portant encounter with the Medicals, James, allowing College to stretch their those three have, along with 40 other icey tube) and comes into these games even be described as disappointing. looking to end a frustrating streak of opponents around the park. men and women been chosen to repre- as a top contender for a medal. Rud- However, her looks have helped her be close losses in the league and secure a In the last 20 minutes, College sent Great Britain at the Winter Olym- man’s fiancé, Kristan Bromley, who the most recognisable British Winter vital edge before the upcoming Varsity stepped up their offensive efforts and pics held in Vancouver this year. also competes in the skeleton event athlete. match. neat handling from Hugh Jarman and Britain wouldn’t be your first port will be hoping to be among the med- The Canadians will be looking to The beginning of the game saw an fresher Alex led to Chris Lau scoring of call if you were looking for world als after securing the 2008 World dominate their home Olympics, with intense period of play, but despite in the corner. Not content with see- class winter sports athletes, after all Championship gold medal. In addi- Manuel Osborne-Paradis carrying the some promising incursions by College ing their teammates lead the way, the the country grinds to a halt with a thin tion the two (wo)man bobsleigh team expectations of a nation in the alpine into the medics 22, characterised by a forwards also went on the attack and smattering of snow and every year of Nicola Minichiello and Gillian Cook downhill events, while the Austrians strong display from the College back Colin Hill’s try rounded off a powerful there is the suggested Christmas break come into the Olympics as 2009 World and Swiss will be bringing strong and row of Andy McFadden, Ben Farrell contribution from the sub. for the football league. As a nation I Champions as do the men’s curling on-form teams to battle it out for the and Miles Franklin, the score-line re- Further contributions from subs Jack think it is fair to say we don’t like the team. Cook has become a youtube hit medals. The women’s alpine events are mained 0-0. Goring and freshers Rob, Tom and Os- cold. We don’t not have the geographi- after her bobsleigh suit split just be- dominated by the American Lindsay The deadlock was finally broken and car led to College completing a mag- cal landscapes (really big mountains) fore a race revealing her backside to Vonn who, returning from injury this College were put ahead by tries from nificent 42-5 victory. needed to produce the top athletes for the television audience. Not a bad way season, has dodged jibes about her Farrell and Tom, both resulting from An exhausted yet ecstatic 2nd XV winter sports and thus the sports are to raise the profile of your Olympic weight. finely executed rolling mauls. How- headed to the bar to reflect over a dominated by men and women from quest one could suggest. Minichiello The events may not provide a great ever the medics replied shortly after memorable win with Hugh Dingle- Austria, France, Switzerland, Germa- has only recently returned to racing opportunity for British victory, but as a lack of communication led to a berry, recently dropped from the firsts, ny, USA and Canada. Therefore these after undergoing laser surgery due to they will be enthralling all the same charge down not far from the Col- entertaining the victors with some countries would be expected to domi- the loss of sight in her left eye, this has and at least we are sure to beat the lege line, leaving the medic 9 to run in classic anti-medic banter. nate the forthcoming games. hampered her and Cook’s preparations Aussie’s in the medal table. Aren’t we? felix FRIDAY 29 JANUARY 2010 35 [email protected] SPORT

An editorial felixSports League Imperial of sorts. Or Handball Team PWDL F A Diff felixSport something Index breeze past 1 Volleyball Men's 1st 8 8 0 0 12 1 11 5.00 2 Fencing Women's 1st 5 5 0 0 668 465 203 5.00 Oxford Indy Leclercq Sports Editor 3 ICSM Netball Women's 2nd 7 5 2 0 274 213 61 4.14 4 Squash Women's 1st 9 6 3 0 28 8 20 4.00 5 ICSM Rugby Men's 1st 11 9 1 1 362 141 221 3.91 Continued from back page 6 Lacrosse Women's 1st 8 7 0 1 145 21 124 3.88 7 Table Tennis Men's 1st 8 7 0 1 107 29 78 3.88 expect this time around, since the visi- Right. As it turns out, annoyingly Open era. But (and somehow I know 8 Badminton Men's 1st 10 8 1 1 53 27 26 3.80 tors came with a completely different enough for a sports editor, predictions that I’m going to get it wrong again) I’ll 9 Squash Men's 3rd 7 6 0 1 15 6 9 3.71 squad. aren’t my strong suit. Not giving much be rooting for Muray to be the first Brit 10 Rugby Men's 1st 11 8 2 1 324 85 239 3.64 Well – let’s face it – they never stood credence to Andy Murray’s Australian to win an Open since 1936. C‘mon, 11 ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 7 5 1 1 42 14 28 3.29 a chance. Open bid last week turns out to have Andy. 12 Netball Women's 2nd 7 5 1 1 245 137 108 3.29 Imperial started with a strong de- been a mistake. It seems now that the All right, that’s all I’m going to say 13 Lacrosse Men's 1st 5 4 0 1 50 34 16 3.20 fence and forced Oxford to surrender only player capable of halting Murray’s about tennis for a while, I promise. The 14 Volleyball Women's 1st 5 4 0 1 8 3 5 3.20 the ball early in attack, allowing the scorching progress through the tour- problem is that if I stop talking about 15 Fencing Men's 1st 5 4 0 1 639 544 95 3.20 hosts to run quick and very effective nament (up to the quarters, the Brit tennis I’m going to have to start talking 16 ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 9 7 0 2 38 17 21 3.00 counter attacks. had yet to drop a set) is the king of ten- about football, which is a subject that 17 Football Men's 1st 9 5 1 3 27 22 5 1.67 After a mere five minutes, there was nis himself, Roger Federer. tends to somewhat polarize a sporting 18 ICSM Netball Women's 1st 8 5 0 3 293 232 61 1.63 a four-goal cushion between the teams The equally superlative Swiss has so audience. 19 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 7 3 2 2 10 18 -8 1.57 that increased all the way throughout far played some very impressive tennis; I’m assuming you’re a sporting au- 20 Hockey Men's 2nd 7 3 2 2 14 13 1 1.57 the rest of the game. it seems that the rough patch occurring dience, of course, because let’s face 21 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 6 3 1 2 15 13 2 1.50 The centre back players showed a lot towards the end of last year was simply it: the people who read this aren’t the 22 Tennis Men's 1st 10 4 3 3 58 42 16 1.40 of individual class and surprised all of Roger getting used to a slightly differ- ones who spend all their free time star- 23 Hockey Women's 1st 8 4 1 3 38 10 28 1.25 the eight spectators with manoeuvres ent style of play. By adapting a more ing at a screen. You are a geek, in your 24 Squash Men's 4th 7 4 0 3 12 9 3 1.14 that would baffle the Royal Ballet. upcourt position and striking the ball own particular way-don’t deny it, you 25 Squash Men's 1st 7 4 0 3 19 16 3 1.14 Midway through the first half some earlier, Federer reduces his footwork wouldn’t be here otherwise - but you 26 Badminton Men's 2nd 7 4 0 3 32 24 8 1.14 rather questionable refereeing de- and gets across the court quicker. Ac- balance that geek with just the right 27 Netball Women's 1st 9 5 0 4 364 301 63 1.00 stroyed the last hopes of even the most cording to the experts this induces less amount of jock (or in the case of Rugby, 28 Fencing Women's 2nd 9 5 0 4 947 1108 -161 1.00 optimistic Oxford players when their fatigue, and means that Fed can look perhaps a bit too much jock). Thank 29 Tennis Men's 2nd 8 4 0 4 38 42 -4 0.50 best defender saw a red card for an of- forward to many more years of high- god this place actually has people who 30 Basketball Men's 1st 6 3 0 3 387 388 -1 0.50 fence that none of the players from Im- level competiton. Which can only be see the point of running after a football 31 Squash Men's 2nd 6 3 0 3 12 18 -6 0.50 perial or Oxford actually saw. good news for us spectators. More or a Frisbee every week while freezing 32 Hockey Women's 2nd 8 3 1 4 19 26 -7 0.13 The comfortable lead gave Imperial spectacular games, more bitter rival- your arse off or drowning in mud. That 33 Football Men's 2nd 9 4 0 5 16 14 2 0.00 the confidence to attempt some more ries and more broken records await. said, the only way Imperial will actu- 34 Badminton Women's 1st 9 2 3 4 35 37 -2 0.00 complex schemes in the second half in Speaking of rivals, one thing has ally top the BUCS university league 35 Fencing Men's 3rd 7 3 0 4 738 837 -99 -0.14 order to broaden their attacking pat- come to attention about this year’s table is if they recognize MMORPGs 36 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 7 3 0 4 159 86 73 -0.14 tern for the upcoming games against Aussie open. I’m talking about the as a sport. 37 ICSM Football Men's 1st 7 2 1 4 9 14 -5 -0.57 the best teams from England, Scotland demise of Nadal, who despite playing In any case, thanks for turning your 38 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 17 5 2 10 38 60 -22 -0.65 and ultimately France. some very good tennis up to, and dur- felix around every week, and even 39 Rugby Men's 3rd 8 2 1 5 91 150 -59 -1.00 At the end of the game a fifteen- ing, the Murray quarter-final was let looking inside the back cover from 40 Football Men's 3rd 5 1 1 3 4 17 -13 -1.00 goal gap separated the two teams, but down by his knees midway through time to time. If you have any sugges- 41 Netball Women's 3rd 7 2 0 5 145 232 -87 -1.43 “there is no room for complacency” the third set. The Spaniard has been tions, or requests as to what you’d like 42 Tennis Women's 1st 9 1 2 6 23 67 -44 -1.67 said Coach Marc Fayemi, who de- bothered by injury for some time now, to see in the sports section, email us 43 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 6 0 2 4 5 26 -21 -2.00 scribed the game as “très bien!”. and I sincerely hope that this isn’t the at [email protected]. (Ed - 44 Hockey Men's 1st 8 1 1 6 15 27 -12 -2.13 The Imperial Eagles are determined beginning of the end for him. Sure, he’s Please send in you reports. We would 45 ICSM Netball 3rd 8 1 1 6 193 282 -89 -2.13 to work hard on their performance already won six Grand Slams at the age love to hear from you! Though, when 46 Rugby Union Men's 4th 7 1 0 6 59 198 -139 -2.71 in the next weeks to ensure they can of twenty-three. But for such a bright referring to people can you refrain 47 ICSM Rugby Men's 3rd 7 1 0 6 84 185 -101 -2.71 extend their unbeaten run by beating star to burn out so soon would be a from using nicknames. Though 48 ICSM Rugby Men's 2nd 8 1 0 7 89 295 -206 -2.88 local rivals UCL in the London derby loss to the world of sport. they’re fun and mildly banterous at 49 Football Women's 1st 6 0 1 5 2 34 -32 -3.00 next week, before reaching for domes- Returning to Federer, if he does win best, anyone reading it years later 50 ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 7 0 1 6 5 59 -54 -3.14 tic and european glory, with a firm eye this one he’ll equal Andre Agassi’s will not have a clue who these indi- 51 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 6 0 0 6 4 33 -29 -4.00 on those shiny silver trophies in Man- record of 4 wins down under in the viduals are. Thanks!) chester and Lyon.

ceding, and the game eventually fin- Hockey 1sts & ished 4-0 to Imperial. The victory means we move on to the semi-finals of the reserve cup, to 2nds in New play either the Royal Veterinary Col- lege or Royal Holloway. Years’ success Credit has to go to King’s medics who only had nine players but still managed to make Imperial’s lives dif- Continued from back page ficult at times. The women’s 2s were back in action the match was fitness, since this was on the Wednesday playing Bucking- the first time many had exercised in a hamshire at home. month! Again, they were strong from the be- When the opposition arrived having ginning with solid defending allowing taken the scenic route via Heathrow, the midfield and forwards to push up the match eventually started. and put pressure on the Buckingham- Imperial dominated from the start shire New University’s defence. taking an early lead and were 3-0 up at Some great hockey and well-re- half time thanks to goals from Soraya, hearsed set pieces kept Imperial in the Ellie and Carina. opposition’s half for the majority of the Our Christmas lack-of-practise un- game, smothering the Bucks team. fortunately began to show in the sec- Fantastic goals from Soraya, Ellie, ond half with many tired legs. Amanda, Annabel and Hilary brought Despite the fatigue, we still managed the ladies another well deserved win to score one more goal without con- IC ladies’ hockey 2nds. Of course they’re smiling, they just won 8-0. You’d be smiling too with an 8-0 rout being the final score. 29.01.10

Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felixSport High resolution photos only Ladies’ hockey victorious

Jess Poore & Hockey Thanks to an unfortunate run of can- from the slippery pitch as in the men’s George’s mounted a strong comeback 1s managed to rescue the win, with an- Carina Carter celled games, the ICHC women’s 1s earlier game, Imperial – particularly in the second half, and early on scored other Preying Mantis goal. played their first game in seven weeks between Vommi, Prince Charles and a messy goal, taking advantage of a The women’s 1s move on to the cup against a challenging St. George’s the forward line – managed to produce moment of inattentive defending from semi-finals, where our next opponents Medical School team, in the ULU some great play, pressuring St George’s the whole team. are likely to be GKT – winners of last IImperiiall Collllege Women’’ss 1st XI 3 Challenge Cup quarter-finals. heavily at times. On occasion the St The arrival of super-sub PM helped year’s final. SSt George’’s MMedical SSchhooll 1st XI 2 This was a game not to be lost, since George’s solid centre-back gave her us to regain the balance, scoring a goal *** the women’s 1s have been in the final team a chance to break, but the flow within her first two minutes on the The first match of 2010 for the Imperial College Women’s 2nd XI 8 of this competition for at least the last was always stemmed by our firm de- pitch with a superb top-D shot, and Women’s 2s saw them playing King’s Bucks New University 1st XI 0 three years. fensive lines. taking Imperial 2-1 up. Another lucky College Medicals for a place in the Imperial started strong, going 1-0 up At half time, Imperial were 1-0 up, goal from St Georges – eventually ULU Reserve Cup semi-finals. early into the first half, with a beautiful and still awaiting the arrival of a 12th making it past SuperSaver after three An initial worry for some before Imperial College Women’s 2nd XI 4 piece of passing play, cleanly finished player in the form of a perennially-late attempts – took it back to a draw, but King’s College Medicals 3rd XI 0 by Lab Rat. Not suffering so much Preying (or is it Praying…?)Mantis. St in the last five minutes, the Women’s Continued on page 35

Imperial Eagles cruise to victory

Stefan Bauer Handball Sunday marked the half-way point of the season and was very encouraging IImpep riiall Eagglles 31 in many aspects and of crucial impor- tance in the preparation for the UK Oxford University 16 Handball University Championships in Manchester next month. Inspired by the European Handball Games against Oxford University Championships in Austria, the Impe- are always very prestigious and de- rial Eagles play their best game yet and spite having defeated them at the end cruised to a convincing victory over of the last term, no one knew what to rivals Oxford. The game played in East London on Continued on page 35