A Clergy Resource Guide

When Every Need is Special:

NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A

CONGREGATIONAL SETTING A Clergy Resource Guide

For the best in child, family and senior services...Think JSSA Jewish Social Service Agency Rockville (Wood Hill Road), 301.838.4200 • Rockville (Montrose Road), 301.881.3700 • Fairfax, 703.204.9100 www.jssa.org - [email protected]

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

PREFACE

This February, JSSA was privileged to welcome 17 rabbis and cantors to our Clergy Training Program – When Every Need is Special: Navigating Special Needs in the Synagogue Environment. Participants spanned the denominational spectrum, representing communities serving thousands throughout the Washington region. Recognizing that many area clergy who wished to attend were unable to do so, JSSA has made the accompanying Clergy Resource Guide available in a digital format. Inside you will find slides from the presentation made by JSSA social workers, lists of services and contacts selected for their relevance to local clergy, and tachlis items, like an ‘Inclusion Check‐list’, Jewish source material and divrei Torah on Special Needs and Disabilities. The feedback we have received indicates that this has been a valuable resource for all clergy. Please contact Rabbi James Kahn or Natalie Merkur Rose with any questions, comments or for additional resources.

L’shalom,

Rabbi James Q. Kahn, Director of Jewish Engagement & Chaplaincy Services Email [email protected]; Phone 301.610.8356

Natalie Merkur Rose, LCSW‐C, LICSW, Director of Jewish Community Outreach Email [email protected]; Phone 301.610.8319

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

RESOURCE GUIDE: TABLE OF CONTENTS

SECTION 1: SESSION MATERIALS FOR REVIEW PAGE

Program Agenda ...... 2 Presenter Bios ...... 3 Presentation Slides

 What Parents are Feeling ...... 6  Developmental Disabilities ...... 8  Intellectual Disabilities...... 8  Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) ...... 10  Tourette Syndrome ...... 11  Physical Disabilities ...... 12  Deaf/Hard of Hearing ...... 13  Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) ...... 14  Tips for Helping People with Disabilities ...... 15  What Do People With Disabilities Want? ...... 16  Parent as the Warrior for His/Her Child ...... 18  How this Translates to Clergy Work ...... 19  Exploring the Conversation ...... 20  Ritual & B’nai Mitzvah ...... 23  Clergy Role: o Your Role ...... 25 o Helpful Ways to Respond ...... 26 o Suggested Questions ...... 27  Suggested Modifications: o Questions to Ponder ...... 31 o Supports to Consider During Services ...... 32 o Suggestions for Integrating Families o into Congregational Life ...... 33 o Suggestions for Integrating Families into Congregational Life ...... 34  Looking for Resources ...... 35  Learn more about JSSA at www.jssa.org ...... 36  Connect With JSSA ...... 37

SECTION 2: RESOURCES: LOCAL, NATIONAL & BEYOND

JSSA Flyers  Special Needs Services ...... 40  JSSA Center for Autism Through the Lifespan ...... 41  Deaf and Hard of Hearing Community Services ...... 42  Early Childhood Services ...... 43  BFF Camp ...... 44 Local Resources ...... 45 Regional Camps ...... 47 Resource Guides & Curriculum ...... 48 State Resources ...... 49 Respite Services ...... 50 Early Detection Services ...... 50 Evaluators/Consultations ...... 51 Vocational Programs ...... 51 Additional Resources ...... 52 Diamonds in the Rough Flyer 2013 ...... 56 PJLL Jewish Disability Month Resource Guide ...... 57

SECTION 3: SYNAGOGUE RESOURCES

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit: - Jewish Family & Children’s Service, 2011 ...... 79 Department of Jewish Family Concerns - Union for Reform Judaism ...... 86 Inclusion Rating Tool - Bureau of Jewish Education of Greater Boston ...... 89 Al Pi Darco - According To Their Ways: A Special Needs Educational Resource Manual (UAHC Press, 2003) ...... 93

SECTION 4: DIVREI TORAH & SOURCE MATERIAL

Exploring the J in JSSA: Purim and Jewish Disability Awareness Month by Rabbi James Q. Kahn ...... 98 Moses Disability and Jewish Life ...... 100 Parsing the ‘Quest for Excellence’ in Jewish Life ...... 101 Normalizing ‘Disability’ – An additional text – Talmud Bavli, Megillah 24b ...... 102 To Stand on Holy Ground by Rabbi Michael Levy ...... 104 Sources compiled by The Jewish Inclusion Project: Inclusion Training for Rabbis ... 110

SECTION 5 - RELEVANT ARTICLES & ESSAYS

You Have Probably Never Met Someone Like Me by Jacob Artson ...... 126 Everyone is Someone’s Jacob: What I’ve Learned from my Autistic Son by Rabbi Bradley Shvit Artson ...... 128 My Special Daughter (and her special brother) by Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson ...... 132 After the Diagnosis by Cantor Karen Weber Gilat (Lilith Summer 2008) ...... 134

Session Materials for Review

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

TODAY’S AGENDA

FEBRUARY 27, 2013

10 – 1PM

I. Welcome

II. Program Orientation & Introductions

III. Jewish Frame: Moses, Disability & Jewish Life

IV. Common Disabilities

V. The Special Needs Journey

{Break - 10 min}

VI. Exploring the Conversation

a. Case & Clergy Scenarios b. Practical Suggestions and Strategies

VII. Q & A

VIII. Text-based Discussion: Parsing ‘The Quest for Excellence’ in Jewish Life

IX. Resources

X. Closing 2

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

Presenters & Moderators

Jamell White, LCSW‐C, Clinical Social Worker, Director of Special Needs & Deaf Services Jamell assists individuals and families as they transition through life’s milestones. As a therapist and care coordinator, she aids clients to foster supportive, productive relationships in a variety of settings ‐ from school to home, camp to congregation. Jamell oversees JSSA's Autism Services Across the Lifespan Program, and is a collaborative divorce and child specialist. She has Master’s degrees in Social Work, Special Education, and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.

Kate Wissman, LCSW‐C, Clinical Social Worker, Special Needs & Deaf Services Kate works as a therapist and care coordinator for individuals and families dealing with special needs. She connects clients with services and treatments that address the challenges they face, along with resources that allow clients to maximize their strengths and thrive. Kate is the coordinator of JSSA’s Caring Partner Program, providing long‐term support to families and individuals with developmental disabilities. She has a Master’s degree in Social Work and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.

Natalie Merkur Rose, LCSW‐C, LICSW, Clinical Social Worker, Director, Jewish Community Outreach Natalie oversees JSSA’s Synagogue Liaison Program, Jewish Chaplaincy Services, Volunteer Programs and Clergy Training. She has worked in the field of Jewish communal service for 25 years and has spoken at local, regional and national events. Her areas of expertise include parenting, couples, older adults, interfaith families, Jewish identity, inclusiveness and engagement. Natalie received a Master’s degree in Social Work from Columbia University and a Master’s degree in Jewish Studies from the Jewish Theological Seminary.

Rabbi James Kahn, Director, Jewish Engagement and Chaplaincy James brings to JSSA years of experience in the field of Jewish education and engagement. He was one of ten innovative rabbinic‐educators hired by Hillel’s Schusterman International Center and funded by the Jim Joseph Foundation to rethink the field of informal Jewish education in a college setting. He brings that same innovative spirit to JSSA where he focuses on enhancing the Jewish values and mission of the organization for staff, volunteers and the community at large. James was ordained at Boston’s Hebrew College Rabbinical School, where he also earned a Master’s degree in Jewish Studies. He completed his undergraduate studies at the University of Florida with a Bachelor’s degree in Religious Studies, specializing in comparative mysticism.

SAVE THE DATE: Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Mission Impossible: Tools to Cope with Clergy Burnout and Compassion Fatigue

3 When Every Need is Special: Navigating Special Needs in a Congregational Setting

5 What Parents are Feeling

• Parents have reported: – Feelings of isolation – Discrimination – Ignored – Feared or misunderstood – Judged or blamed – Confusion of where to go for support/resources – Anger (having to explain/have their child be the “first pioneer” to lead the way)

6 Common Disabilities

7 Developmental Disabilities

A developmental disability is defined as a severe, chronic disability which: •originated at birth or during childhood (manifesting before age 22) •is expected to continue indefinitely, and •substantially restricts the individuals functioning in several major life activities: •self-care •receptive and expressive language •learning •mobility •self-direction •capacity for independent living

8 Intellectual Disabilities

• Characterized by significant limitations in both intellectual functioning and adaptive behavior • Challenges with adaptive functioning may affect social, conceptual, and practical skills • Disability originating before the age of 18 • Intellectual Disabilities may be present with or without other psychiatric diagnoses

9 Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

• A developmental disability that affects verbal communication, nonverbal communication, and social interactions • People diagnosed with Autism may display repetitive activities, stereotyped movements, resistance to environmental change/change in routines, and may exhibit unusual responses to sensory experiences • Symptoms of Autism are generally observed prior to the age of three

10 Tourette Syndrome

• Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder which becomes evident in early childhood or adolescence before the age of 18 years. • Tourette syndrome is defined by multiple motor and vocal tics • Tics usually are involuntary movements of the face, arms, limbs or trunk • Tics are frequent, repetitive and rapid. • The most common is a facial tic (eye blink, nose twitch, grimace). Others include tics of the neck, trunk, and limbs. • These involuntary (outside the patient's control) tics may also be complicated, involving the entire body, such as kicking and stamping. Other symptoms such as touching, repetitive thoughts and movements and compulsions can occur. • There are also verbal tics. These verbal tics (vocalizations) usually occur with the movements. These vocalizations include : • grunting, throat clearing, shouting and barking. • The verbal tics may also be expressed as the involuntary use of obscene words or socially inappropriate words and phrases or obscene gestures • TS vary from person to person and range from very mild to severe. • Co-occurring conditions can include ADHD/ADD, impulsivity, and obsessive compulsive behavior. • There is usually a family history of tics, Tourette Syndrome, ADHD, OCD. • Tourette Syndrome. Males are affected 3 to 4 times more often than females.

11 Physical Disabilities

• Can result from congenital conditions, accidents, or progressive neuromuscular diseases. – Possible causes include: spinal cord injury, cerebral palsy, spinabifida, amputation, muscular dystrophy, cardiac conditions, cystic fibrosis, paralysis, polio/post polio, and stroke. • People with these disabilities sometimes use assistive devices such as wheelchairs, crutches, canes, and artificial limbs to obtain mobility. • May be congenital, a result of injury, muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, amputation, heart disease, pulmonary disease or more. • Some persons may have nonvisible physical disabilities, including, but not limited to, pulmonary disease, respiratory disorders, and epilepsy.

12 Deaf/Hard of Hearing

• A hearing impairment in which the individual is impaired in processing language through hearing • The person may use a variety of communication methods, including lip- reading, cued speech, and/or American Sign Language.

13 Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) • A neurological condition that can affect learning and behavior • Symptoms may include difficulty in the following areas: regulating attention, impulse control, executive functioning to complete cognitive tasks, motor activity, and social interactions.

14 Tips for Helping People with Disabilities

• The individual is not the diagnosis. For example, it is helpful to say “a child with Autism” as opposed to “an Autistic” • If possible, speak to the individual instead of about them, in his/her presence • The phrase “Intellectual Disability” is now used instead of “Mental Retardation” • Some disabilities may not be visible, so take time to get to know the person with whom you are interacting • If speaking with someone in a wheelchair, try to speak at eye-level, if possible • Ask before providing assistance and wait for a response

15 What do people with disabilities want?

"We all want the same basic things out of life: a decent and comfortable place to call 'home', something meaningful to do during the day, some close friends with whom to share the good times and from whom we receive support in difficult times, and the opportunity to make our own decisions about things that will affect our personal lives. People with disabilities want these same basic things and are increasingly speaking up for themselves about what they want. And staff, family and State agency professionals are beginning to really listen."

Excerpted from "Home, Sweet Home" by Susan L. Babin

16 The Journey

17 Parent as the Warrior for His/Her Child

Parents feel as though [and often are] the only advocates for their children. They have often sought out supports for their children only to be rejected. Once they come to us, they may come across as aggressive and demanding, although that is often not their intent. Ex: A mother called JSSA recently looking for services for her son with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Unable to receive immediate support, the mother (initially) was very aggressive and demanded immediate services. How to diffuse this situation: -Listen. Sometimes the best thing we can do is listen. - Validate frustrations - Attempt to be a source of immediate emotional support and offer ongoing support (“Please call again if you have any questions; Don’t lose our number!”) - Don’t take “attacks” personally - ‘Step into the parent’s shoes’ – He or she may feel unheard, and unsure of how to receive the help they need.

18 How this Translates to Clergy Work

• Acknowledge to parents and to congregation that you want to be a partner… and are willing to do whatever possible to be welcoming and inclusive. • Acknowledge that, even as a team, we may not be able to do everything needed. • “Join” with parents in their experience by acknowledging the pain of any limitations

19 Exploring the Conversation

Don’t pretend one family or congregant is like another. Rather, embrace each as unique and reassure them that they are welcome.

• Share info on programs and resources already available • Ask the congregant/family how they need help • Ask the congregant/family about their expectations • Identify with a family how their child can participate • Learn about a child’s strengths and challenges • Hear how the family defines their child (in terms of the disability)

20 Exploring the Conversation (cont.)

Sometimes clergy may not know a congregant or child has a diagnosis although they have seen concerning behaviors. - Approach the congregant/family at a low-stress time. Not right after an incident. - Approach the congregant/family with a gesture of support NOT blame. - “I saw that (name) was having difficulty during ___ event. Can we talk about that? How can we help?” - Ask a family to first share strengths about their child.

21 Exploring the Conversation (cont.)

• When possible, meet with parents when they join the congregation, and ask about their children. If a child has special needs, then ask them about their previous experiences with congregations and/or religious education. • Ask congregants/parents to give specifics about what has helped in other settings, such as at school or in recreational activities.

22 Ritual & B’nai Mitzvah

• Have a unique time-line for a child with special needs • Ritual does NOT have to happen when a child turns 13. Express this to families who have not considered it. • Can take place during mincha, on Mondays or Thursdays, and on Rosh Chodesh, if the family agrees. • Consider how siblings and other family members can participate in a ceremony in honor of a child with special needs. For example, a sister can talk about her brother who is non-verbal. • Celebrate the person – Share his/her positive qualities and how they meaningfully contribute to the family/community. • Arrange “milestone” meetings with parents to discuss upcoming events and ways to plan for modifications/accommodations. Don’t wait for a family to approach you!

23 Clergy Role

24 Your role:

You may be pulled in many directions and asked to have the answer for everything. However, there are limits to what you are able to do in your role. You can be: • Part of a support system but not the expert • A referral source (to agencies that can provide more specific help for the families) • A listening ear • An advocate for the family • A partner • A starting point!

25 Helpful Ways to Respond

• Be present with them in the moment • Practice mindfulness • Acknowledge that they may be struggling with something/create a safe space for them to speak about it with you • Begin to develop an awareness of basic terms/words related to the world of disabilities

26 Suggested Questions: When meeting with parents of a child with special needs

• What does your child enjoy doing? • While alone? When with family? When with kids his/her own age? • What are your child’s strengths? • What do you wish others would understand about your child that they often do not? • What would you like your child to experience in our congregation? • What is it like being parents of a child with special needs? • What is needed for your child to have a positive experience • What conditions should be avoided? Why?

27 Suggested Questions: When meeting with parents of a child with special needs • Tell me about your previous experiences of Jewish community? What has and has not worked for your family, and specifically for your child with special needs? • What has helped your child in other settings, such as school and recreational programs? What has not worked in those settings? • What else do you feel I should know? • How can we work together to include and support your family?

28 Suggested Questions: When meeting with parents of a child with special needs • How can we help? • I saw that your child seemed to be uncomfortable. Was that true? • Are there things that help her/him when that happens, things we can help provide? • I’m sorry it’s been so frustrating to try to get your child the support s/he needs here. I want to work with you and find out together what we can do. • I welcome you wholeheartedly. I want to help the congregation to be welcoming. We may need help learning how to be. • Other members may need to understand more about Jonathan in order to be more supportive. What do you think? • I don’t know the best solution in this situation. Can we try to figure it out together?

29 Suggested Modifications

30 Questions to Ponder:

1. What level of disruption to the service is tolerable? 2. What aspects of congregant life are feasible for congregants and children with special needs to participate in? (e.g., B’nai Mitzvah, education, holiday celebrations, aliyot and other honors) 3. Can a shadow or extra staff be available during children’s activities?

31 Supports to Consider During Services

. Is there a place to go with a child when she or he is being disruptive?

• “break room” (Separate from babysitting area if at all possible to avoid over- stimulation/conflict)

• Bag with “quiet” sensory toys available in service or in “break” room.

• Include monthly/quarterly diversity awareness topics during services highlighting certain disabilities or other issues.

32 Suggestions for Integrating Families into Congregational Life • Family mentors – Pair families with disabilities with other families with disabilities • To do activities within congregation together – Sit together during services – Car pool (might be helpful if cars are already adaptive) • To do activities related to congregation life together – Have Shabbat dinners – Celebrate holidays together • Peer buddies – Students who act as “shadows” during services and other celebrations/events – Students through MCPS and JDS have SSL (volunteer hours) they are required to complete for graduation. • Lay committee – To work alongside clergy to develop general guidelines for inclusiveness. Members ask specifically for input from parents.

33 Suggestions for Integrating Families into Congregational Life • Family wants to know that their community cares and is there for them • Reach out to family on a consistent basis • Don’t wait for family to come to you with a crisis or problem • Getting to know the family, listening to their concerns, and providing empathy and compassion will allow the family to feel welcome and safe • Meet regularly with synagogue staff to discuss a family’s needs • Have a liaison serve as the point person for interactions might prove helpful

34 Looking for Resources?

See section #2 In your resource guide.

35 Learn more about JSSA at www.jssa.org

• List of our services • Current workshops and programs • Calendar of events • Latest news and updates • Expert Tips and Strategies articles • Directions to our offices • On-line donation • Contact information

36 Check us out on Facebook and Twitter • JSSA events, programs and training updates • Articles, news, community resources

Share a post you LIKE and connect others to JSSA!

/OfficialJSSA @OfficialJSSA

We also have a LinkedIn Group for Employment Services!

37 For the best in child, family and senior services… Think JSSA!

38 RESOURCES: LOCAL, NATIONAL & BEYOND

Many children, adolescents and adults in our community struggle with a wide range of physical, cognitive, and developmental disabilities. JSSA's team of specially trained clinicians and other professionals are here to help by providing a wide range of mental health, care management, employment and support services for those in our community with special needs. JSSA services include:  Evaluation, Coordination of Care, Counseling & Support  Autism Spectrum Disorders Across the Lifespan Services  Educational and Neuropsychological Testing and Advocacy  Social Skills Therapy Groups, Clubs, and Camps for Children, Teens and Adults  Social Skills Therapy Groups for Teens and Young Adults with Asperger's Syndrome  Paul and Annetta Himmelfarb “Out and About!” Social Club Program for Teens and Young Adults with Asperger’s and Related Disorders (outings includes parties, dinners, bowling, and more…)  Life Skills Training Programs  Parenting Programs and Trainings  Jewish Clergy Trainings (For more info: [email protected])  Future Planning Services  Deaf and Hard of Hearing Services  Supported Employment Services for Individuals with Special Needs For more information, please call 301-816-2633 (Rockville, MD) or 703-896-7918 (Fairfax, VA), or visit us online at www.jssa.org

JSSA will consolidate its vast array of services under one banner and enhance its offerings!

JSSA’s Center for Autism Through the Lifespan

For more than 20 years, JSSA has provided cutting edge services, programs and support for children, adults and families on the autism spectrum as well as expert professional trainings.

JSSA’s Center for Autism Through the Lifespan program helps individuals of all ages and their families make informed decisions and access needed services that maximize the development potential, functioning and quality of life of their loved ones.

Services offered at the Rockville and Fairfax offices include:

Needs assessment and diagnostic services An integrated plan of care Counseling, social skills therapy, support groups, workshops and camps Specialized couples counseling and parent support and training Psychiatric evaluations, services and medication management Socialization and recreational programs Life skills and transitional services Career assessments, job coaching and supported employment programs Service coordination with multiple providers NEW! Neuropsychological, psychological and psycho-educational testing (only available to current JSSA clients) Continuing mental health education and training for professionals

For the best in child, family and senior services... Think JSSA

Rockville (Fallsgrove): 301.838.4200 • Fairfax: 703-204-9100 • [email protected] • www.jssa.org

For 30 years, JSSA has provided counseling programs for deaf and hard of hearing individuals and their families regardless of religious or economic backgrounds. Services are provided by experienced and professional staff fluent in American Sign Language (ASL).

How can JSSA help?  Individual, family and group counseling for all ages  Psychiatric assessment and medication evaluation  Case management services  Growth and Learning Programs (workshops & support groups) on a variety of topics  Links to other community resources

JSSA Growth and Learning Programs include:  Deaf parent network series  ADHD adult groups  Teen Groups  Deaf adult relationship groups  Groups for parents of children with ADD  Deaf professional series  Counseling workshops at local schools  Bereavement groups for deaf adults

JSSA accepts most insurance and participates in many managed care programs, including Medicare and Medicaid. Some services may be available on a sliding fee scale. Services may be supported by grant funds from Montgomery County DHMH for Montgomery County residents.

About JSSA JSSA has been helping people across the Washington metropolitan area meet emotional, social, and physical challenges for more than 120 years. A nonsectarian provider, we serve people of all religious backgrounds, races and ethnicities, helping the youngest child to the most fragile senior, from individuals to entire families. JSSA provides services and support to more than 37,000 individuals a year through our wide range of counseling, educational, employment, in-home support, hospice and nursing care, and social services.

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BuildingBFF and FosteringCAMP Friendships Program includes: • Friendly behaviors: initiation of friendships, listening, taking turns and sharing • Impulse, emotional self-control, inhibition and delay • Anger management For more information • Making conversation, responding to others, [email protected] working as a team www.summeredge.org 240.395.0690 • Handling teasing, relaxation/stress management and more . . . This exciting program is based on the latest research, proven methods for improving children’s social skills, and Jewish Social Service Agency (www.jssa.org) successful Social Skill Therapy model. The camp’s mission is to improve each child’s ability to develop and maintain positive relationships with peers and builds a solid foundation for making and keeping friends within a relaxed, fun and creative environment. The admission process will include a child interview.

2-week sessions 9:00 am-3:30 pm $1,600 (1/2 day option available) Entering Grades 1&2 Entering Grades 3&4 June 17-28 Entering Grades 5-6 July 29 - August 9th

This camp program is appropriate for children who can benefit from learning and practicing social skills but who can also participate successfully in less-structured activities. Typically developing children with social skills deficits, children with social challenges related to anxiety disorders, children with ADHD and high-functioning Asperger’s may be appropriate for this camp program. All potential campers will be interviewed to assure that the BFF Camp at SummerEdge is appropriate for their needs. 44

LOCAL RESOURCES

JSSA – JEWISH SOCIAL SERVICE AGENCY CONTACT: Jamell White, Director of Special Needs & Deaf Services at 301‐610‐8361 • Mental Health Services • Case Management/ Resource Coordination Services • Social Skills Therapy Groups (for children and adults) • Out and About! Social Club for Young Adults with Asperger’s and Related Disorders • Life Skills Services • Groups and individual services • Parent Support Groups • For parents of children with various disabilities; meets once a month on the third Tuesday of every month. Contact Katie Giganti at 301‐610‐8382 for more information • For parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders; meets the first Monday of every month. Contact Jamell White at 301‐610‐8361 for more information

PJLL – PARTNERSHIP FOR JEWISH LIFE AND LEARNING CONTACT: Sara Milner [email protected] 240‐283‐6200

May 2, 2013 – Inclusion Training Program for Jewish Camp/School Professionals Location: Temple Beth Ami in Rockville, MD An inclusion‐training program aimed at Jewish camp/school professionals and leaders who work with children with disabilities. Presenters include Stuart J. Schleien, Ph.D and Director of Graduate Study Department of Community and Therapeutic Recreation University of North Carolina at Greensboro, along with Aron Hall, Director of Programs for The National Inclusion Project, (www.inclusionproject.org).

Special Needs Concierge The Partnership's Special Needs Concierge helps people with disabilities of all ages and their families access formal and informal educational programs and services in the Jewish community.

Community Interpreter Fund The Partnership offers the Community Interpreter Fund to help subsidize the need for sign language, oral or voice interpreter services in our community. This fund is supported by local congregations and community agencies in the Greater Washington Jewish community.

Jewish Deaf Services The Washington Society of Jewish Deaf (WSJD) is a 501(C)3 non‐profit organization that serves the cultural, spiritual, social, and educational needs of the Jewish deaf and hard of hearing persons in the 45

Metropolitan Washington, D.C. area and promotes and advocates deaf awareness among the greater Jewish community, including synagogues, community agencies, and schools. WSJD is the primary organization of, by, and for deaf and hard of hearing Jewish residents in the Greater Washington, DC, area, including Northern Virginia and Maryland. Check out the WSJD website at www.wsjdeaf.org.

JCCGW – JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER of GREATER WASHINGTON Special Needs Department CONTACT: Katie Berman 301‐348‐3735 or [email protected]

Gudel Sky Exceptional Swim Program This swim program is for children, teens and adults with physical, orthopedic‐related disabilities.

Tikvah Age 18+. Social group for Jewish young adults who may have learning, intellectual and other developmental disabilities and are capable of functioning independently.

Let’s Cook! Age 18 +. Cooking class for adults with disabilities who have any level of experience in the kitchen.

Swimming, Swimming… Age 18 +. This class introduces students to basic swimming techniques and stroke work.

REFORM ACTION CENTER (RAC) CONTACT: Rabbi Lynne Landsberg Senior Advisor on Disability Issues Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism [email protected] RAC’s website: http://rac.org/advocacy/issues/issuedr/

FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE A program designed to foster enduring and meaningful friendships between spirited teen volunteers and children with special needs in the greater Washington, DC area. CONTACT: Chana Kaplan [email protected] Chabad Lubavitch 11621 Seven Locks Rd MD 20852

REGIONAL CAMPS

Tikvah Program at Ramah Outdoor Adventure Two‐ to four‐week program serving adolescents ages 11‐15 with mild to moderate intellectual and developmental disabilities. Contact: Elyssa Hammerman, Tikvah Director at 303‐261‐8214

Tikvah Family Camp at Camp Ramah in the Poconos Give‐day overnight program for families with children ages 4‐13 with developmental disorders and/or social learning disorders. Contact: Adena Sternthal, Tikvah Family Camp Director, or call (215) 498‐4396

Camp JCC GW Camp JCC includes children with disabilities alongside their siblings, neighbors and friends. Contact: Heather Strauss 301‐348‐3884 or email [email protected]

Capital Camps ‐ Atzma’im (Independence) program Atzma’im (Independence) program is designed to provide a meaningful immersive Jewish Camp experience for children with special needs. Atzma’im is a fully inclusive option mainstreaming campers into traditional cabins where they receive additional staff support to ensure their success. Call 301‐468‐2267 for additional information.

Camp HASC (Hebrew Academy for Special Children) Located in the Catskill Mountains of upstate New York, Camp HASC provides over 300 mentally and physically handicapped children and adults with the opportunity to enjoy a seven‐week sleep‐away camp experience. Call 718‐686‐5930 for additional information.

RESOURCE GUIDES & CURRICULUM

PJLL’s Jewish Disability Awareness Month Resource Guide A copy of this guide is included in Section #2 of your packet. To request an additional copy, call 240‐283‐ 6200 or email [email protected]

From A to Z: Special Needs and Disabilities Jewish Resource Guide The Jewish Federation of Greater Washington A comprehensive guide of Jewish special needs and disability services in the DC area. Find online at http://www.shalomdc.org/local_includes/downloads/61629.pdf

“Special Needs” Curriculum Guide – Designed For Camps (Adaptable for Adult Ed) Contact: Rabbi Rachel Ackerman, MAJE Director of Education Temple Shalom 8401 Grubb Road Chevy Chase, MD 20815 (301) 587‐2273 or [email protected]

Jewish Community Guide to Inclusion of People with Disabilities A comprehensive, step‐by‐step guide focused on special needs and disabilities. Contact: Shelly Christensen at 952‐542‐4838 or email [email protected]

V’khol Banayikh: Jewish Education for All A Jewish Special Needs Resource Guide Edited by Sara Rubinow Simon, Linda Forrest and Ellen Fishman Available on Amazon.com

STATE RESOURCES

Developmental Disabilities Administration (DDA) • http://www.dhmh.state.md.us/dda_md/SMRO/ • Southern Maryland Regional Office • Phone Number: 301‐362‐5100 • Fax: 301‐362‐5130

Low Intensity Support Services (LISS) • http://www.ddamaryland.org/liss.htm • Application is through DDA but do not have to be funded through DDA to receive LISS services • Can receive up to $3,000 per fiscal year • Funding is for short‐term needs related to disability

Department of Health and Human Services Montgomery County • http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhstmpl.asp?url=/content/hhs/bhcs/as.asp • Mental Health Services • Special Needs Services • Crisis Services • Aging and Disability Services • http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhstmpl.asp?url=/content/hhs/ads/adsindex.asp

RESPITE SERVICES

Respite Services Montgomery County • http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhstmpl.asp?url=/content/hhs/ads/CSN/respiteservices. asp • 11621 Nebel Street Rockville, MD 20852 • 301‐816‐9647

The Arc Montgomery County • http://www.arcmontmd.org/ • Programs for adults, children, and families with intellectual and developmental disabilities • Respite services • Recreation and Leisure Programs • Locate Child Care Special Needs Enhanced Counseling Services – 240‐777‐3130 • Kennedy Institute Take‐a‐Break Respite Services – 301‐251‐2860 • Family, Infant and Child Care Center (FICCC) – 301‐279‐2165 • Autism Waiver – Contact the Maryland State Department of Education at 410‐767‐1446

EARLY DETECTION SERVICES

Infants and Toddlers • Birth to 34 months • Phone: 240‐777‐3997 • Concerned about your infant or toddler’s development? Call us to start the evaluation process to determine if your child is eligible for early intervention services.

Child Find • 35 months to Kindergarten age • Phone: 301‐947‐6080 • Concerned about your preschooler's development? Call Child Find to start the evaluation process to determine if your child is eligible for special needs services

EVALUATORS/CONSULTATIONS

JSSA‐ Disability consultations: 301‐816‐2633 Kennedy Krieger Institute: 1‐888‐554‐2080 William Stixrud and Assoc: 301‐565‐0534 Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders: 301‐738‐8930

VOCATIONAL PROGRAMS

JSSA Employment and Career Services • http://www.jssa.org/services/employmentcareer • 301‐610‐8380 • Provides vocational assessment, a work readiness group program, job development, job placement, and ongoing job coaching

Department of Education Division of Rehabilitation Services (DORS) • http://dors.state.md.us/dors • Provides vocational counseling, job placement, independent living skills, rehabilitation technology services, employment training, job search/placement/keeping services, etc.

Maryland Transitioning Youth • http://www.mdtransition.org/default.htm\ • Website devoted to all transitioning services in Maryland

Montgomery Works • http://www.montgomeryworks.com/index.asp • 12900 Middlebrook Road, Germantown, MD 20874 • 240‐777‐2050 • Resource Room with computer, fax and copier to be used for job search • Workshops to improve computer skills and to improve job search skills • Trained staff to assist individuals with their job search activities • Information about jobs that are in demand • Access to job openings through Maryland Workforce Exchange, an internet‐based program and other job databases.

Additional Resources

Organizations

Alexander Institute of Jewish Family Service of Houston Website: http://www.jfshouston.org/alexanderinstitute.php Also see their Celebration Company website: http://www.jfshouston.org/celebrationco/index.php. Celebration Company provides meaningful employment to help people with special needs who – with joy, purpose & self-esteem create products that celebrate the good in life.

American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD) Website: http://www.aapd.com Sign up for AAPD News – a weekly email newsletter. Website: http://www.aapd.com/quick-registration.html

Brain Injury Association of America Website: www.biausa.org Phone: 1-800-444-6443

Council of Canadians with Disabilities Website: http://www.ccdonline.ca/en/

Interfaith Disability Connection, a program of the Bobby Dodd Institute, Mark Crenshaw, Director. Phone: 678-365-0071 Fax: 678-365-0098 Website: http://www.interfaithdisability.org/.

The Jewish Federations of North America. Website: http://www.jewishfederations.org

Jewish Guild for the Blind Website: http://www.jgb.org/

Union for Reform Judaism Website: http://urj.org/life/family/disabilities/

United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism Website: http://www.uscj.org/index1.html

Yachad/National Jewish Council for Disabilities—an agency of the Orthodox Union To access the article: The Power of Belonging: Welcoming Jews With Disabilities Into Jewish Communal Life, go to: http://www.ou.org/pdf/ja/5766/fall66/WelcomingJewsDisab.pdf Phone: 212-613-8229 Website: www.njcd.org

Resources

A Part or Apart? by Jane Strauss. Images of people with disabilities included in their faith community with commentary on issues of disability and inclusion. Discussion Guide: Everybody’s Talking about A Part or Apart? by Jane Strauss. Includes three discussion guides (for children, adults & leadership). Website: http://a-part-or-apart.com/

Bankshot Sports Organization. “Total-Mix Sports based on Universal Design” Website: http://www.bankshot.com

Brain Injury: When the Call Comes--A Congregational Resource 28 pp booklet developed in collaboration with the Brain Injury Association of New Jersey and the Elizabeth M. Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities. Available in PDF format at: http://rwjms.umdnj.edu/boggscenter/products/documents/BrainInjury.pdf

1 The resources on this page were provided by Rabbi Lynne Landsberg, Senior Advisor on Disability Issues Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism [email protected]; 202-387-2800 52 BrainLine.org, a national multimedia project offering information and resources about preventing, treating and living with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Website: http://www.brainline.org. Phone: 703-998-2020; [email protected]

Camps and Israel Special Needs Program (URJ) Website: http://www.urjcamps.org/programs/specialneeds/

Down Syndrome Among Us Jewish publication about persons with Down Syndrome. Website: http://dsau.org/.

Inclusion Innovations Shelly Christensen, Consultant Inclusion of people with disabilities in sacred communities Website: www.inclusioninnovations.com

Interfaith Disability Advocacy Coalition (IDAC) Ginny Thornburgh, Director, AAPD Interfaith Initiative Email: [email protected] Phone: 202-521-4311 Website: http://www.aapd.com/what-we-do/interfaith/ Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/InterfaithDisabilityAdvocacyCoalition

JBI International Jewish materials in Braille and on tape for persons with vision impairment Website: http://www.jbilibrary.org/

The Jewish Community Guide to Inclusion of People with Disabilities by Shelly Christensen Website: http://www.jfcsmpls.org/pdf/inclusionguideexcerpts.pdf

Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/JewishDisabilityAwarenessMonth

Jewish Perspective on Theology and the Human Experience of Disability. Edited by William C. Gaventa, MDiv and Rabbi Judith Z. Abrams, PhD. Available at: http://www.haworthpress.com

Jewish Special Education International Consortium Website: http://www.jsped.org/AwarenessMonth.htm

Journal of Religion, Disability & Health. Available at: http://jrdh.haworthpress.com

Judaism and Disability: Portrayals in Ancient Texts from the Tanach through the Bavli by Judith Abrams, Gallaudet University Press.

No Pity: People with Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement by Joseph P. Shapiro, Three Rivers Press.

Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism Website: www.rac.org Click on “Action Alerts.” Read the “RAC Blog.” Also see www.rac.org/jewishdisabilitymonth for links to websites on programming and education. For information on disability legislative issues, contact Raechel Banks at [email protected].

Rosh Pina supports Jewish institutions in becoming Cornerstone Certified and offers a way for organizations to meet the needs of Jews with developmental delays in a truly inclusive way. Website: www.rpcornerstone.org.

That All May Worship: An Interfaith Welcome to People with Disabilities Available at AAPD Interfaith Initiative. Ginny Thornburgh, Director Email: [email protected] Phone: 202-521-4311 Website: http://aapddc.org/AAPDRedesign/Interfaith/Interfaith.html

Torah At the Center: “Inclusion” Published by the Union for Reform Judaism Link to PDF version: http://urj.org/learning/teacheducate/publications/tatc/?syspage=document&item_id=56691

Who Makes People Different: Jewish Perspectives on People with Disabilities Available at the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, Department of Youth Activities Phone: 1-800-594-5617 Fax: 212-253-5422 or Email: [email protected] Website: www.usy.org The resources on this page are courtesy of Rabbi Lynne Landsberg, Senior Advisor on Disability Issues Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism [email protected]; 202-387-2800

Films/DVDs/Narratives

Autism! The Musical An HBO documentary focusing on five children and their parents as they participate in a “groundbreaking theatrical workshop.” Available at http://www.docurama.com/docurama/autism-the-musical/.

Autistic License: A docu-drama, true-to-life play on raising a child with autism. Website: www.autisticlicenseplay.com.

Back Walking Forward: A documentary film by Kavery Kaul tells an inspiring story about the aftermath of brain injury. Available at: http://backwalkingforward.com.

Brain Injury Dialogues: A documentary film by Lyell Davies and Rick Franklin available at: http://braininjurydialogues.org/

Front of the Class DVD based on the book, Front of the Class: How Tourette Syndrome Made Me the Teacher I Never Had by Brad Cohen. Both available at http://www.classperformance.com/ .

Including Samuel: A Documentary by Dan Habib DVD available at http://www.includingsamuel.com.

Lives Worth Living: A documentary about the disability rights movement. Website: http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/lives-worth-living/

Now I See The Moon—A Mother, A Son and the Miracle of Autism by Elaine Hall.

Praying with Lior: A documentary film chronicling the life of Lior Liebling, a boy with Down syndrome as he prepares for his Bar Mitzvah. The movie poses difficult questions such as what is “disability” and who really talks to God. Website: www.prayingwithlior.com

Reel Abilities Disabilities Film Festival. See website for a variety of films. Website: http://www.reelabilities.org/

Riding the Bus with My Sister DVD based on the book by Rachel Simon. Both available at http://rachelsimon.com.

Shooting Beauty: A documentary film that tells the story of an aspiring fashion photographer whose life is transformed when she starts a photography program for individuals with disabilities. Available at: http://shootingbeauty.org

Sproutflix.org “Making the Invisible Visible” Short films of artistry and intellect from around the world related to the lives, performances and accomplishments of people with developmental disabilities. Website: http://sproutflix.org/

The Story of a Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon tells a moving story of the improbable odds faced by a disabled couple and a lost child. Available at: http://rachelsimon.com/the-story-of-beautiful-girl/

Video on inclusion of people with disabilities. Bet Shalom Congregation, Minnetonka, MN. Website: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D72NKCZlNNA

3 The resources on this page were provided by Rabbi Lynne Landsberg, Senior Advisor on Disability Issues Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism [email protected]; 202-387-2800 54

For Children

My Invisible World, Life with My Brother, His Disability and His Service Dog by 11 year old Morasha Winokur and Nuzzle—Love Between a Boy and His Service Dog by Donnie Kanter Winokur Website: http://www.thechancerchronicles.com/

What’s Wrong with Timmy? By Maria Shriver A story of a girl who notices a boy who looks and behaves differently from the other children in her class. Kate is introduced to Timmy and the seeds of a friendship are planted. Available in bookstores and Amazon.com.

The resources on this page are courtesy of Rabbi Lynne Landsberg, Senior Advisor on Disability Issues Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism [email protected]; 202-387-2800

55 Solutions and Strategies for Student Success

Diamonds in the Rough

4th Annual D.C. Area Special Learning Needs Conference

Sunday, March 3, 2013 9:00 am to 4:30 pm At Universities of Maryland at Shady Grove, Rockville, MD 20850

With a focus on Family Quality of Life

Keynote Address: Coming to Terms with Your Child’s Disability Eustacia Cutler, Mother of Temple Grandin

Featuring Registration Panel Discussions with industry leaders Online by March 2, 2013 - $65 At the door - $80 Break out sessions focusing on  Infants & Toddlers For more information and to register, go to  Middle Childhood www.weinfeldeducationgroup.com/diamonds  Adolescents & Young Adults Box lunch included in registration fee:  Ask the Expert Sessions sandwich, chips, beverage, chocolate chip cookie  Educational Consultants  Speech Pathologists  School Selection Specialist  Psychologists & Neuropsychologists

Event Sponsored by Event Exhibitors Chelsea Academy Motion Education Commonwealth Academy NIMH - PDNB Compass Academy Pastoral Counseling & Care Ministries Everything Barefoot The Frost School Heller Psychology Group The Nora School Kingsbury The Siena School Little Leaves Treatment & Learning Center MANSEF WISER DC Montgomery College

National Speech Language Therapy Center

www.weinfeldeducationgroup.com56 Jewish Disability Awareness Month Resource Guide 2011-12

57 Inclusive Israel by Avi West, Director of the Shulamith Reich Elster Resource Center and Master Teacher at the Partnership for Jewish Life and Learning

There has been talk in recent days centering on the Jewish value Klal Yisrael. It has been translated in many ways, but it is generally about preserving the unity and completeness of the Jewish People as a whole.

Jewish history is filled with episodes of exclusion where Jewish communities have at times created barriers meant to exclude our own - Jews with differences - differences of opinion (the Hanukkah story), differences in practice, differences in background, and differences in perceived abilities (Talmudic categories of “women, mentally limited, and minors” applied broadly beyond the requirements of Jewish law).

How can we remind ourselves to change our own behavior, working to repair the damage to our people’s wholeness and wholesomeness? What steps can we in Greater Washington take to build a more unified community? One remembering tool is establishing a holiday, or appointed time for the theme/value to be remembered. Another is to create a medita- tion/blessing that imbues a behavior with more meaning. And the third is a reminder or sign such as the mezuzah on the door. All three tools can be used to transform February into an opportunity for all of us to turn Klal Yisrael into “Inclusive Israel.”

In a brilliant step towards building a fulfilled, whole Klal Yisrael, February has been designated as a time for Jewish Dis- ability Awareness Month. As with other holidays or “appointed times,” Jewish Disability Awareness Month is dedicated to a specific value: themes of inclusion and dignity, and honoring the abilities of every human being as having been created in God’s image. It is a time to ask ourselves, “Who is not here?” The hope is that after a month highlighting this theme, each one of us will carry the theme forward throughout the year.

Between February 1-9, we will be able to meditate on exemplary artistic expressions of the lives, stories, and art of people with disabilities. ReelAbilities, a film festival at the three JCC’s and at other venues, will present award winning films accompanied by discussions or presentations. The lasting impressions of these people will be a blessing and a wake-up call for everyone to celebrate the diversity of our shared human experience. For more information see www.greaterdc. reelabilities.org.

And as for a sign upon our doorposts (mezuzah) to advocate for inclusion and dignity for all, YOU be the mezuzah at the gates to your home, place of business, and community organizations. Welcome people with abilities, including those who were told “You can’t…” and tell them “You can!” Foster an environment that encourages and nurtures people to learn new skills. Set a goal to reach out to those who have felt excluded, and create opportunities for those for whom access has been limited.

The mending of the global community of Klal Yisrael is a formidable task. But creating a local community that reflects the ideal of “Inclusive Israel” is well within our reach.

1 58 Ask the Question: How do Jewish Congregations, Agencies, Organizations and Schools in Your Community Welcome People with Disabilities?

1. Has there been a discussion or training session with staff members, board members, congregants and teachers about how to make guests and constituents with disabilities feel welcome and included?

2. Do all publicity and written materials say, “All are Welcome,” and is it written in an easy-to-read typeface and font?

3. Is the universal access symbol posted in ads, signs, and in the organization’s newsletter bulletin?

4. Do people with disabilities participate as ushers, lead services, sing in the choir or serve on committees?

5. Are people with disabilities encouraged to apply for jobs and serve on the Board of Directors?

6. Are written materials, including prayer books, bulletins, newsletters, flyers and brochures available in large print, Braille, and/or e-mail?

7. Is the physical plant wheelchair accessible? Is there an elevator in the building other than the service elevator? Is there a ramp or lift to the building and to the bimah?

8. Is sign language interpretation provided at all programs and events that people who are deaf might attend, and is there someone familiar with calls using the Relay service for people who are deaf?

9. Does everyone enter through the same doorway; if not, is the accessible doorway welcoming and attractive?

10. Are assistive listening devices available in the sanctuary, classrooms and meeting rooms?

11. Are light switches, water faucets, water fountains and mezuzot at appropriate heights for people who use wheelchairs or who are small?

Adapted from Kesher: Working Together to Include People with Disabilities in Jewish Life (Cincinnati, Ohio)

2 59 Jewish Disability Awareness: 50+ Programming and Action Ideas

The following list is a starting point for ways in which your agency, organization or congregation might participate in Jew- ish Disability Awareness Month and act throughout the year to make your community accessible to all Jews.

Programmatic Accessibility

1. Assess existing programs and evaluate their accessibility. To aide in your self-assessment, begin with “Asking the Question,” of your agency, organization, or congregation – the document on the preceding page.

2. Hold religious school, nursery school and/or family education programs to raise awareness of and sensitivity to people with disabilities in the Jewish community.

3. Designate nursery school and religious school tzedakah during Jewish Disability Awareness Month for the congregation’s accessibility fund or to pay for an accommodation that will enhance the accessibility of your congregation. Put a tzedakah box in the congregation’s lobby and inside the school entrance during the week so that everyone can participate.

4. Ensure that people with disabilities are included in regular activities— youth groups, Sisterhood, Men’s Club/Broth- erhood, fundraising, social action, minyanim, adult and children’s education, volunteer activities, aliyot, etc.—and provide accommodations to facilitate their participation.

5. Provide regular transportation for those who are elderly, homebound or have disabilities to activities and services.

6. Plan adult education modules/classes, sermons or newsletter articles to discuss non-architectural barriers to inclusiveness.

7. Take advantage of educational opportunities in the community concerning disabilities and disability-related issues.

8. Welcome members of the Jewish deaf community by publicizing interpreted programs and services, and hire a quali- fied Judaic interpreter to make those programs and services accessible.

9. Contribute to, and make use of, the Community Interpreter Fund to make sign language interpreters available at your events.

10. Encourage congregants and constituents to celebrate Shabbat and other holidays with people with disabilities in the community.

11. Invite a speaker—for example, an expert in the field, a person with a disability, or a parent of a child with a disability.

12. Have teens and pre-teens serve as big brothers and sisters/buddies to youngsters with disabilities within your agency, organization or congregation.

3 60 Policies and Language to Reflect Accessibility

13. Establish an inclusion or accessibility committee in your agency, organization or congregation to address the needs of people with disabilities on an ongoing basis. Include people with disabilities and family members of people with disabilities on the committee.

14. Evaluate your “policies” of inclusion for all Jews, reviewing attitudes conveyed by written policies and unwritten codes of conduct toward people who look or act differently from others.

15. Involve people with disabilities and parents of children with special needs in the development of policies and programs that will include all Jews.

16. If you are a congregation and haven’t already done so, join the Accessible Congregations Campaign of the American Association of People with Disabilities (formerly of the National Organization on Disability). Information available on www.aapd.com.

17. Use “people-first” language in all publications and other communications (www.disabilityisnatural.com).

18. Maintain regular communication with people who have disabilities and their families so that they continue to feel part of the community.

19. Encourage people with disabilities to feel comfortable requesting accommodations they may need in order to make the organization, agency, or congregation accessible to them.

20. Develop your website and a bulletin board to display information and materials about your accessibility and inclusion efforts.

21. Make a commitment to identify and work to break down structural, communication and attitudinal obstacles to socialization, study, or worship.

Physical Accessibility

22. Survey the physical surroundings of your agency, organization or congregation and evaluate their accessibility for people with disabilities that affect mobility, sight, hearing and development.

23. Do not limit your survey to classrooms, large program areas or space used for worship, but extend it to include space used by your staff and volunteers.

24. Consider replacing fixed seats with flexible seating that can be rearranged to accommodate a variety of needs in auditoriums, theaters, or sanctuaries.

25. Install signage in Braille or raised letters for those who are blind or have severe visual impairments.

26. Post appropriate signage indicating the location of accessible entrances, paths of travel and restrooms.

27. Install long-handled door hardware that is easier for everyone, especially those with impaired hand function, to use. 4 61 28. Improve air quality by dusting woodwork, brass and other fixtures, vacuuming with a HEPA filter and cleaning heating ducts and air conditioning filters on a regular basis.

29. Remove snow and ice promptly from all sidewalks and parking lots.

30. Mount a cup dispenser next to your water fountain if funds are not available to purchase a new, accessible one. Make sure the dispenser is mounted at a convenient height for those who use wheelchairs, and also make sure that cups are always maintained in the dispenser.

31. Raise the height of work surfaces such as desks and tables so that volunteers and staff who use wheelchairs can sit comfortably.

32. Survey your microphones and sound systems to make sure they meet the needs of those with high frequency hearing loss.

33. Make sure that carpeted stairs and risers contrast in color so as to make each step clearly visible.

34. Apply brightly colored, textured strips at the tops of stairs to indicate that stairs are being approached.

35. Make your facility available for use to organizations that serve people who have disabilities or are homebound.

36. Educate organization, agency, or congregation members and staff about environmental illnesses and allergies.

Educational Resources

37. Provide educational resources concerning Judaism and disabilities in your library.

38. Devote a section of your library to resources and texts addressing disability concerns.

39. Wherever there are shelves or baskets of books for children in classrooms, sanctuaries or libraries, include age-appropriate books on special needs and disabilities.

Ritual Accessibility

40. Invite people with disabilities to participate in services.

41. Clear space in different parts of the sanctuary for people who use wheelchairs.

42. Provide large print siddurim and chumashim and other materials in Braille.

43. Make print and recorded versions of sermons and other materials available.

44. Place a portable or permanent reading table on the sanctuary floor so that people with physical disabilities have greater access for Torah reading and honors. 5 62 45. Dedicate a kiddush or oneg Shabbat in honor of Jewish Disability Awareness Month.

46. Include special prayers or readings at each Shabbat service during Jewish Disability Awareness Month.

47. Add a relevant quote to each Shabbat bulletin during Jewish Disability Awareness Month.

48. Have a nursery school or religious school class lead and sign a prayer that they have learned with the help of a quali- fied interpreter at a Shabbat service.

49. In the context of Torah study or perhaps a sermon, explore the difference between “healing” and “cure.”

50. Educate ushers, greeters, receptionists and others who welcome and guide visitors about the various accessibility features offered by your congregation.

51. Place second mezuzot at wheelchair height on doorways throughout the congregation.

52. Lower your box of kippot and basket of women’s head-coverings so that they can be reached by everyone, including people who use wheelchairs.

53. Visit accessible congregations and other houses of worship in your area to get ideas for your own congregation.

54. Provide plastic magnifying sheets for use with siddurim and chumashim. They can be sewn into book covers in such a way as to overlay the pages of the book.

55. After Shabbat, deliver bimah flowers and extra copies of service bulletins to those who are sick or unable to leave their homes.

6 63 Low-Cost Accommodations for Accessibility in Your Agency, Organization, or Congregation

Modified from list compiled by Becca Hornstein, Executive Director, Council for Jews with Special Needs

IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO: TRY THIS LOW-COST ALTERNATIVE: Install a push-button electric door opener at the building Provide an old-fashioned door opener in the form of a entrance. volunteer before and after programs or services.

Set aside additional handicap parking spaces in front of Offer valet parking for those who need an accessible park- your building. ing space.

Add a drinking fountain at wheelchair level. Place a paper cup dispenser next to the drinking fountain at the correct height (be sure to keep the dispenser filled with cups)

Construct special places for wheelchair users in an existing Change one or two seats at the ends of several rows into sanctuary. removable seats. Level the floor for a wheelchair.

Remove the stairs to your stage or bimah. At minimum, add handrails for those who are unsteady on their feet.

Add a wheelchair-accessible stall in the existing Retrofit a “Family Restroom” that is large enough for a bathrooms. wheelchair as well as baby strollers, etc.

Install special washbasins in all restrooms. Replace short faucets with longer, kitchen-style faucets and replace round-knob handles with longer lever-style handles. Cut away the cabinet below at least one sink so a wheelchair can roll under the countertop.

Install all new light switches throughout the campus. Add “wall switch extenders” to lower switches up to 12 inches.

Widen all doorways into rooms to accommodate Replace single doors with double doors. wheelchairs.

Replace all doorknobs throughout the campus. Add “doorknob extenders” over the existing doorknobs to create a level handle.

Replace stairs throughout the campus Add rough-surfaced, non-skid strips to all stairs.

. 7 64 No-Cost Accommodations

• Train all your staff and volunteers to provide Attitudinal Accessibility, welcoming individuals with disabilities and offering assistance as needed.

• Have volunteer “greeters” who will arrange to meet individuals with disabilities or families that include a person with a disability at the entrance to your building and accompany them to programs, activities, or services.

• Post a sign that indicates if you have a “quiet room” near program areas or a sanctuary for individuals who become overwhelmed by their emotions or the external stimuli and need a place to which they may retreat until they can rejoin the activities or services.

• Include the universal symbols for accessibility and disability resources in all of your written material, marketing and publicity.

• Train all employees in using “People First” language when talking about and with individuals who have disabilities.

8 65 Resources

Adapted with permission from resource lists compiled by Rabbi Lynne Landsberg, Senior Advisor on Disability Issues, Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, and Becca Hornstein, Executive Director, Council for Jews with Special Needs.

Accessible Faith: A Technical Guide for Accessibility in Houses of Worship Available from the Retirement Research Foundation 773-714-8080, 773-714-8089 (fax), [email protected], www.rrf.org/noteworthy/accessible.html

Al Pi Darco–According to their Ways: A Special Needs Educational Resource Manual UAHC Press, 2000, New York

American Association of People with Disabilities (AAPD) www.aapd.com, Justice for All listserv (a service of AAPD)–www.jfanow.org

Caring For The Soul–R’Fat HaNefesh: A Mental Health Resource & Study Guide UAHC Press, 2003, New York

From Barriers to Bridges: A Community Action Guide for Congregations and People with Disabilities National Organization on Disability, 1994, Washington, DC

Interfaith Disability Connection A program of the Bobby Dodd Institute, Mark Crenshaw, Director 678-365-0071, 678-365-0098 (fax), www.interfaithdisability.org

The Jewish Community Guide to Inclusion of People with Disabilities by Shelly Christensen 952-542-4838, [email protected]

Jewish Disabilities Awareness “50+ Programming and Action Ideas” Available from the Partnership for Jewish Life and Learning 240-283-6233, www.pjll.org

Jewish Perspective on Theology and the Human Experience of Disability Edited by William C. Gaventa, M.Div. and Rabbi Judith Z. Abrams, Ph.D. www.haworthpress.com

Judaism and Disability: Portrayals in Ancient Texts from the Tanach through the Bavli by Judith Abrams, Gallaudet University Press

No Pity: People with Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement by Joseph P. Shapiro, Three Rivers Press

9 66 North American Disability Resources Directory of Jewish Agencies, Schools, Camps, Residential and Vocational Services Council for Jews with Special Needs, Scottsdale, AZ 2006 edition available in hardcopy or CD-ROM from www.cjsn.org

Operation Mazal Tov www.masorti.org Operation Mazal Tov is the joint project of the Masorti Foundation and the Cantors Assembly to enable American B’nai Mitzvah to twin with an Israeli child with special needs.

Praying with Lior (film) www.prayingwithlior.com

That All May Worship: An Interfaith Welcome to People with Disabilities Available from the National Organization on Disability (NOD) 202-293-5960, 202-293-7999 (fax), [email protected], www.nod.org/religion Please note that all information regarding the Accessible Congregations Campaign including fact sheets and commitment forms are available at this Web site.

Union for Reform Judaism Department of Jewish Family Concerns 212-650-4294, 212-650-4239 (fax), [email protected], www.urj.org/jfc/disability

Who Makes People Different: Jewish Perspectives on People with Disabilities Available from the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, Department of Youth Activities 1-800-594-5617, 212-253-5422 (fax), [email protected], www.usy.org

Yachad/National Jewish Council for Disabilities An agency of the Orthodox Union 212-613-8229, www.njcd.org To access the article, The Power of Belonging: Welcoming Jews With Disabilities Into Jewish Communal Life, go to http://www.ou.org/pdf/ja/5766/fall66/WelcomingJewsDisab.pdf

10 67 Readings

Creating Community by Dr. Erica Brown, Former Director of Adult Education, Partnership for Jewish Life and Learning

There is an interesting mandate in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) that asks us to be community-minded in a deeply personal way. In chapter 2, Mishnah 5, we are told directly that our place in the community cannot be compromised: “Do not separate yourself from the community.” We might envision that this means not physically separating ourselves from a community; the Talmud is emphasizing geographic proximity as an important component of community-building.

But we shouldn’t limit this adage to something physical and tangible, such as where people live. There are all kinds of invisible boundaries and walls that stand between ourselves and communities at large. We might separate ourselves mentally from a community out of our fear of conformity or gossip or exclusivity. We may find communities too rigid, too staid or too boring. We may hide ourselves away from involvement out of fear of rejection or as a response to rejection.

This statement from Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) assumes that we have choices about our involvement with other people; we should make those choices judiciously. We should understand what we sacrifice when we let go of community or fail to invest social capital in others. We need to appreciate that if we separate ourselves from community, the people we alienate will distance themselves from us. Community is a two-way street.

But how should we understand this maxim in light of those with special needs? They may be in a very different position. They may desperately want to be part of a community that has closed its doors to them. In that respect, perhaps we can add a word or two that helps add a layer of understanding: “Do not separate yourself from making community for others.”

Creating healthy, vibrant, loving and nurturing communities is not only about a choice to participate or not. It is also and perhaps primarily about crafting and shaping communities that espouse the values most important to us. We cannot ab- dicate ourselves from that sacred responsibility. Without this layer of meaning, we might read this statement as a passive act of will. Someone else will create a community—you can choose to be a part of it.

Instead, the Jewish community rests on the notion that each of us is tasked as a partner in a covenantal relationship with God and with others. None of us can or should exempt ourselves from making this covenantal community a place where people of all orientations and needs can find a place of comfort, safety and obligation. The brit or covenant of which we are part is an outgrowth of the fact that we are all created in God’s likeness and that the respect we shower on others is a manifestation of God’s very presence.

11 68 Beyond Accommodation: The Need for the Truly Inclusive Community by Rabbi Michael Safra, B’nai Israel Congregation, Rockville, Maryland

[EDITOR’S NOTE: In 2006, students at Gallaudet University in Washington DC, the world’s only institute of higher education designed specifically for deaf and hard-of-hearing students, forced the resignation of the school’s newly appointed president, Jane K. Fernandes, over differences in different factions’ understandings of the deaf community.]

On Disability Awareness Shabbat, we celebrate our congregation’s commitment to inclusion and we recommit ourselves to the ongoing process of building community. In front of our building, there is a display board with service time and other information. It includes the message “Enjoy our extensive programming.” The sign is great. We are welcoming, and we are willing to make accommodations to allow people with special needs to participate in our services and programs. But still I think the sign should be changed. Instead of just inviting people to enjoy the programs that we list, the sign should say, “We invite you to be a part of our dynamic community.” Or better, “We invite you to join us in creating community.”

To be truly welcoming, we must value the input of every person who joins us, we must be patient in working with all people, and we must be compassionate. We must understand that there are people around us with disabilities, some of which are easily seen and some of which, like mental illness or infertility, can be hidden deep below a person’s surface. To be truly inclusive, we must be willing to change and to be changed by others.

A few weeks ago, the turmoil at Gallaudet University, ostensibly over the objection by students to the appointment of the university’s next president, exposed a larger debate within the deaf community over how to respond to disabilities. The argument centered on whether disabilities should be understood as a medical—or accommodationist—paradigm or as a community—or inclusion—paradigm.

In the medical paradigm, disabilities are viewed as obstacles that must be overcome, and the community is called upon to accommodate. The goal is to help people to overcome their disabilities so that they can be a part of what we do. The medical model looks to build ramps and provide accommodations to allow them to feel welcome in our community. Accommodation is important, but it fails to truly expand community. Joshua Walker, a Gallaudet sophomore, signed his disdain for this approach to a reporter for the New York Times: “In some way, you’re saying deaf people are not good enough; they need to be fixed. But I don’t need to be fixed. My brain works fine.”

The time has come to stretch beyond accommodation and to strive for the truly inclusive community, where the goal is to remove the boundaries between them and us. We can do more than accommodate. We can strive to be truly open, to be willing to be changed, to truly include others, with everything that inclusion entails. Unlike accommodation, which becomes unnecessary once certain changes are made, the process of building inclusive community never ends. There is always more we can do.

Parashat Vayera describes Abraham as the paradigm of hospitality and inclusiveness. The parashah begins with Abra- ham sitting at the entrance to his tent, waiting for guests to arrive so he might welcome them. A midrash wonders why Abraham had to wait by the entrance to the tent. Why couldn’t he simply go about his business and wait for a needy person to knock?

For the poor who had become accustomed to receiving bread and charity and who were not embarrassed by it, there was no need to wait; they would find the way themselves. However, often there was among them a “wayfarer,” a person who would approach the door and then back away and then approach again. Each time he would change his mind and back away, going the way he came. He did not have the courage to enter and stretch out his hand. Abraham waited at the entrance precisely for these kinds of people.

In the accommodation paradigm for disability awareness, our responsibility is only to meet the needs of those who knock and say they want to enter. The inclusion model—the community paradigm—implores us to go further, to be compas- 12 69 sionate even when the need is not explicitly defined, to seek to include people who may not already be knocking on the door, and to be willing to expand the definition of community, to be changed by people with special needs or new perspectives or diverse skill levels. The Talmud goes further still:

Rabbi Hama bar Hanina said: That same day, the third day after Abraham’s circumcision, God took the sun from its case and made it shine with intense heat so that no guests should bother the righteous man while he was recovering. Abra- ham sent his servant Eliezer outside to look for guests and Eliezer went out and (of course) didn’t find anyone. Abraham said, “I don’t believe you,” and so he went to see for himself. (Bava Metzia 86b, Quoted by Dov Peretz Elkins, from weekly e-Newsletter, DOV-ray TORAH. Used by permission of Growth Associates Publishers - Email: [email protected])

The creation of a truly open and inclusive community is never complete. Like Abraham, if we think we’ve welcomed everyone, we must go out and look for more people who can sustain the dynamism of the community.

At B’nai Israel, the mission of our special needs committee is not limited to creating physical accommodations in the synagogue. It is concerned with strengthening community on all its diverse levels. The committee provides a forum where we can reflect on our inclusiveness, build awareness about the various needs that exist so that we can all become more sensitive, and initiate programs that include more people in the process of building community.

This year the committee is working on a special “buddy system” project called the Chaverim Connection. More than ramps or hearing aids or large print prayer books, this program builds relationships among members of our community with specific disabilities and others in the community. The program does more than accommodate. It aims to destroy the barrier between us and them, so that our united community will be stronger.

The psalmist wrote “shiviti Adonai lenegdi tamid—I will place the Lord before me always.” Shiviti, translated as “I will place,” shares a root with the word shaveh, which means “equal.” The Baal Shem Tov understands the verse not as “I will place the Lord before me,” but as “All are equal to me because the Lord is before me always.” When we are truly aware that everyone, regardless of their needs or disabilities, is both connected and unified in purpose and essence, only then can we become content with ourselves. Only then can we become a kehilah kedoshah, a holy community.

In honor of Disability Awareness Shabbat, I conclude with a prayer, written by Isaac Mozeson, that highlights the blessings of a truly inclusive community where all people are recognized and valued:

Living God, Help me always to feel Like the blind, to see Like the deaf, to hear Like the mute, and to love Like the dying.

Following the model of Abraham, may we always be inclusive of, willing to learn from, and strengthened by one another.

13 70 Saying Yes: The Story of Max Rubin and the Neve Shalom Nursery School by Sheri Rose Rubin

This idea came to mind after dropping Max off at school after an early morning doctor’s appointment. He arrived after all the other children and the minute we walked through the door, children came running over and saying hello and a few even hugged and kissed him. The class had been wondering where Max was and hoping he would be in school.

I left him there that morning with my heart so big and full with not only pride and love for Max and all he has accom- plished, but also with gratitude and awe for what Neve Shalom Nursery School has done.

At that moment, I knew that this is a story that should be documented. It is a story about what happens when one person has the courage and optimism to just say, “YES.”

Yes…to what you might be wondering. Well, at the age of 2 ½ when most of the children in our neighborhood were getting ready for nursery school, Max’s cerebral palsy was getting severely in the way of…just about everything. However, while his cerebral palsy was, and still is, significantly limiting, Max seemed to us to be like any other child.

We first asked ourselves whether he could or should go to nursery school. Everyone we asked from “the establishment” said of course he could go to school but that he would be enrolled in the one school district nursery school program for children with disabilities.

That wasn’t exactly what we were looking for. We wanted him to go to Neve Shalom, the local community nursery school our daughter and all of our friends’ children attended.

One brave morning, we asked the Neve Shalom Nursery School Director to meet with us and … SHE became, in that in- stant, the first of many courageous and optimistic people who said YES to all of all our questions:

Are you even willing to meet with us? Are you willing to consider him? Is it OK if we bring four therapists with us to the first meeting? Is it OK if he comes for half the time? Is it OK if he brings his own chair? His own floor mat, his own cup, his own spoon? Can he play with the other children outside? Can he come in a wheelchair? Can you build him a new playground that is accessible? Can you buy new tables? Can you make the old ones taller? Can he stay longer, he loves it so much? Can you answer the thousands of questions the school district has for you? Can you accept what they are willing to pay? Can you let him come different days, different times? Can you allow therapists to come in and out all day long? Can you move the furniture? Can you open a new bathroom for him? Can you help feed him? Can you help him to become independent? Can you tolerate our tears? Can you tolerate a few of his? Can you hire a new teacher? Can you hire a new aide? Can you change the daily schedule? Can you change his days again? Can you accept him for the summer? Can you teach the children love and kindness and tolerance and patience? Can you make him ready for Kindergarten? Can he play soccer?

Can you show him nothing but love and kindness?

The ONLY answer we ever heard was YES … and that is why four-year-old Max Rubin is the first disabled child to be fully and completely included in the Neve Shalom Nursery School and why he now has friends and play dates and soccer and is planning for Kindergarten in September and how a whole community of children, teachers and families came to truly and completely understand inclusion and acceptance and respect for the differences of others.

Schools and parents and synagogues and churches and community centers need to see what happens when just one person says “YES” and how one small school managed to make it better for EVERYONE. 14 71 Including Those with Disabilities in a Caring Community by Nathan Weissler

“He is very verbal and has come a long way in being able to talk about things that bother him,” my parents wrote of me when I was seven. However, to understand their comment requires going back a few years. When I was four, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, an impairment that, among other things, makes certain language and social skills challenging for me. There are both positive and negative aspects to having Asperger Syndrome. Like most people with this impairment, I have intense special interests which, for me, have been American and Jewish history in addition to opera. These interests have enriched my life. However, the intensity of these interests also makes it quite difficult for me to focus on new and different subjects.

Socializing comfortably, especially with others my age, remains a constant challenge. As a result, I am often quite lonely. The positive connotation, however, is that I use my energy and time to write, study and think. I think differently than many people, which gives me a unique perspective on the world that can lead to new insights. However, it sometimes makes it difficult for me to correctly interpret what other people mean.

Finally, on the negative side, I have great difficulties with lack of structure and routine. I get upset with unanticipated changes in routine and certainly am uncomfortable with a lack of structure. To avoid upset, therefore, I help keep things organized in my household and help keep my Mom on track!

Because I often feel vulnerable, I identify with minorities. I did a fundraising project last summer to help elderly Jews in the former Soviet Union and was appalled that their government had treated them so harshly for decades. It is this same dedication that motivates me to advocate for those with Asperger Syndrome and other disabilities.

In addition to empathizing with minorities, I have felt like a minority in the community for several years. In my early childhood, I attended the Torah School at Adat Shalom but struggled to fit in. I was uninterested in the material we were learning because it was not presented to me in a way I found interesting. I was also uninterested in forming relationships with the other students and since I naturally make friends with adults, I made friends with my teachers instead. There- fore, I would especially like to thank my wonderful teacher my last year of Torah School and her then-teenaged daughter for the effort they took to try to help me be comfortable in class. But unfortunately my parents decided that it just wasn’t working. I then started receiving Jewish education from a private tutor whom I became very close to. She ultimately tu- tored me for my bar mitzvah and we still talk occasionally on the phone.

Despite the tutoring I was receiving, I still found it difficult to come to synagogue and take an active role in the community because I felt out of place. I was uninterested in Judaism because the material was again not presented to me in an interesting and understandable way. Learning Hebrew was very difficult for me. However, I became more interested in Jewish learning as my bar mitzvah approached. I knew I wanted to merge my interests in modern American history with learning my parashah. That seemed difficult to do. However, after discovering that my parashah was Ha’azinu, which consists of Moses’ last speech, I decided to write a d’var Torah comparing and contrasting Moses and Robert F. Kennedy’s last speeches. I had a passionate interest in Ken- nedy and most significantly like Moses, Kennedy died after giving his last speech. There were many wonderful aspects to this d’var Torah, but the best part was the positive feedback I received. I was also thrilled when my speech was published as a Community Voices article in the Washington Jewish Week in June 2006. I have continued using my strengths to play an active role in the community. I have written articles for the Scroll as well as Letters to the Editor of various Jewish newspapers.

The Jewish community also needs to do a lot more for people with disabilities. Jewish day schools need to have adequate 15 72 accommodations for special needs students. I have wanted for a long time to attend a Jewish day school that can provide me with the support I need. Therefore, I am thrilled that I will be attending the special needs program at the Hebrew Academy this coming school year which is appropriately called “Sulam” meaning ladder in Hebrew. Non-special needs students should especially be taught to have empathy for people with disabilities.

Why should the organized Jewish community help those with disabilities? Because we have so much to offer the main- stream community and can see things no one else can see. I hope some of you will feel just as passionately as I do about helping not only those with disabilities but any minority group.

Thank you and Shabbat Shalom.

Nathan Weissler is 19 years old and lives in Chevy Chase. This is adapted from a talk given at Shabbat services at his synagogue, Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation in Bethesda on August 2, 2008. He was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at age four and is a 9th grader at the Sulam program at the Melvin J. Berman Hebrew Academy in Rockville. He can be reached at [email protected].

16 73 Inclusion in the Jewish Community: Dianne’s Story by Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses, Scholar-in-Residence, UJA-Federation of New York

“[P]articularly the stranger in all her or his difference, who, because we were strangers in Egypt, deserves special goodness for life or at least until the end of strangeness.” —Grace Paley, “Midrash on Happiness”

It is a truism that people are uncomfortable with those who are profoundly unlike them. Of course. We all are. We move away from the person on the street who yells obscenities to no one in particular. We stare at those who are disfigured. Walking down the street, the person marked by burns or missing limbs catches my eye. I look with fascination, repulsion, sympathy, fear and curiosity. What is it like for them to be so disfigured? What would it be like for me? Would I be able to, like them, go out into the world each day, show my disfigured face to the world, and function?

My son, Eli, has a significant impairment. As a parent of a child with special needs, I am faced daily, in my most intimate sphere, with profound difference. These differences are not of the bodily variety—there is no external disfigurement. In fact, Eli is a most beautiful child. Rather, it is the sort of impairment that manifests developmentally, behaviorally and socially. Some of these differences are quite charming and not so personally challenging. When my son, for example, meets someone named John, he, a Beatles lover, will ask them, “Are you John Lemon” (he means John Lennon). Others are interesting: “When will be the end of Eli?” he asks often, preoccupied with death. “Is this the beginning of Eli, the middle of Eli, or the end of Eli?”

Eli doesn’t have the same social filters other children his age have, filters that come from knowing what’s appropriate to say, when and to whom. Furthermore, for him, there isn’t always a sharp line between reality and fantasy, between story and day-to-day existence. When a stranger on the train asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, instead of saying something typical, like wanting to be an astronaut or some such dream grounded in a modicum of reality, Eli excit- edly replied, “I want to fly like Icarus into the sun!” These are the moments I delight in my son, and I can pretend that he doesn’t have disabilities at all. Rather, I say to myself: He’s a quirky kid. He’s imaginative. He moves to the beat of his own drum.

But there are other moments that don’t allow me to be so closeted from—and in denial of—my son’s disabilities, times when I feel like cringing and wish the floor would swallow me up. Like when he begins to rock back and forth for no ap- parent reason in public; or when he touches another child inappropriately, not understanding the impact of his touch. Or when he lays on the floor, or begins to crawl. These are the differences I am ashamed of. These are the differences I wish would go away. Not only for his sake, but also for my and my family’s.

A traditional Jew and a rabbi, I continually search sacred text for support and guidance in how to deal with the difficult fact of my son’s disabilities. Why did this happen to him, to us as a family? To those questions, I find no answer. Certain sacred narratives, however, allow me to shift from “Why me?” to

“How do I understand it?” The primary and most relevant teaching I find is that we are all created in the image of God. Eli then, according to Genesis 1:27, is, exactly as he is, a reflection of the Divine Creator. In fact, his full name, Elichai, means “my God is living.” The more comfortable I become with my son’s “different” behavior, the more I come to understand another aspect—another, so to speak, face of God. This practice has borne fruit. Not only does it allow me to love my son more fully, but it also allows me to carry inside me an understanding that preserves his dignity as well as my family’s dignity in the face of those who are visibly uncomfortable or repulsed by him. Indeed, the more I am able to accept him 17 74 as he is, and love him as he is, the more my own sense of self as created in the image of God deepens and expands. From a divine perspective, the whole person, including his or her disabilities, reflects God as much as any other person does. Disabilities, with the rest of human being, are, from a Godly perspective, simply divine.

However, as powerful and transformative as these texts are, our community is not yet informed by these guiding texts. For many parents of children with disabilities, community can become the very occasion for the most acute pain. In community, difference and discomfort often become exclusion, and not because others mean to exclude. To give a personal example, there are no other children in my synagogue community who would, at this point, naturally seek out a play date with my son. Families with “normal” children of the same age invite one another over so children can play and adults can talk, but my family has not yet been figured into that equation. This is not malicious, and it actually, on some level, makes sense—my son, at this point, does not know how to play appropriately with his peers. But it yields the unwitting exclusion of our family from certain webs of connection. Or at least I experience it as such. And this exclusion can be painful for families like mine who yearn for their community to be their home, despite disabilities, despite differences, despite discomfort. How do we, as a Jewish community, begin to address this, the fact of strangeness in our midst?

I believe we need to start by asking a range of questions—religious, personal and communal. How does each of us feel about disabilities, physical or otherwise? How do we then respond? What might we learn about ourselves from contact with others who have disabilities? How might we see the world differently if we consciously begin to use the lens that each human being is created in the image of God?

Might families with children or adults with disabilities feel excluded or alienated in your community? How can you find out? Are you willing to talk with those families to find out, or perhaps invite them over for Shabbat? Are you willing to ask yourselves, as members of a community, how profoundly uncomfortable you are with these differences and how you respond, given that discomfort? Are children with disabilities welcome in a children’s service? In an adult service? Are adults with disabilities fully integrated into services? What resources does a synagogue need to ensure that every family member is included as much as possible?

How do we, as a Jewish community, begin to address this—the fact of strangeness in our midst? Religiously, this is crucial: the Jewish system of mitzvot, one can say, turns on the axis of memory, the memory that we were, each one of us, strangers in a strange land. As it is written in Devarim 10:19, “And you shall love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” And with this injunction, turn to the strangers in your midst and you, too, will be brought closer to the face of God.

18 75 Purchase large-print or Braille prayer books. Use the office copier to enlarge the specific pages of Shab- bat and holiday services. Order Braille prayer books from Jewish Braille Institute International in New York.

Provide large-print prayer books. Attach full-page plastic magnifiers with a cord or ribbon inside a number of prayer books that are available upon request.

Add a ramp or electric chair lift to your stage or elevated In an auditorium/theater, place a microphone on the floor bimah. with a lower podium for someone using a wheelchair. In a congregation, place a Torah reading table in front of the first row of seats and conduct Torah services from there.

Produce large-print or Braille newsletters and other Produce enlarged versions and/or CD’s of newsletters and congregational notices and correspondence. other correspondence for individuals who have vision impairment.

Hire a certified, licensed sign language interpreter for Visit the local college that offers sign language interpreter services, classes or special events. training to seek an affordable teacher or advanced student. Hire an extra interpreter to serve as an usher for large programs or services.

Hire an extra interpreter to serve as an usher for large Train ushers to greet individuals who are deaf and guide programs or services. them to reserved seating for those people using an interpreter. If necessary, provide ushers with a printed statement to communicate with someone who is not able to hear.

Purchase a TDD/TTY for phone calls to or from a deaf Most deaf people will contact you by e-mail or use the person. government-mandated “relay system” for phone calls. Train your office staff to use the “relay system.”

Provide transportation to/from programs or services for Arrange for a speaker phone at that person’s home and people who cannot leave their homes. arrange for them to hear the program or services.

Provide 1:1 support for children or adults whose behavior If a student, arrange for tutoring in that person’s home or may require such in order to participate. supervised residence. Train teens to provide this support to earn service learning hours, even for recreational situations.

Transport a child who uses a wheelchair to a second-floor Relocate that child’s classroom to the first floor, even classroom (with no elevator). if only for one year, to accommodate that need.

Create a separate youth group for children with special They don’t want separate youth groups. Train the youth needs. group leader and volunteers to provide the necessary supports for inclusion. 19 76 www.pjll.org 240-283-6200 12230 Wilkins Avenue Rockville, MD 20852 www.facebook.com/Partnership18 www.twitter.com/Partnership18 www.facebook.com/PartnershipPJLL

77 SYNAGOGUE RESOURCES

78 Welcoming People With Disabilities Into Your Synagogue from the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism website

Rabbis can... o Make a commitment to creating an inclusive synagogue community. o Learn more about the disabilities among members of your congregation and consider any special pastoral care that may be needed. o Use “people-first” language when referring to people with disabilities and in written communications. o Urge your congregation to consider people with disabilities when hiring staff and when electing congregational leaders. o Encourage your congregation’s religious school to infuse the curriculum with multisensory teaching strategies to encourage success by all students. Encourage the religious school to include disability awareness in its curriculum about Jewish values. o Read your movement’s statements on disabilities. o Speak from the pulpit about disabilities and the importance of inclusion. o Welcome people with disabilities as b’nai mitzvah.

Congregations can...

Take the following action steps right now: o Make a commitment to creating an inclusive synagogue community. o Use “people-first language” in all synagogue publications, communications, and on the website. o Add the universal access symbol to your synagogue’s ads, signs, and publications, and include a statement that all are welcome. o Hold a discussion or training session with staff members, the board, congregants and teachers about welcoming people with disabilities. Instruct ushers regarding appropriate ways to greet and offer assistance to people with disabilities. o Review synagogue programs for inclusivity. Encourage people with disabilities to participate fully in all aspects of synagogue life. Are people with disabilities active participants on committees, the board, sisterhood and men’s club, in all programs and services, and on the staff? o Review attitudes conveyed by written policies and unwritten codes of conduct toward people who look or act differently from others. o Welcome children with disabilities into the pre-school and religious school. Commit to including children with disabilities in the synagogue youth groups. Speak to children with disabilities and their families about the ways that the religious school and youth group could be welcoming.

Take additional steps... o Create a committee on accessibility. Ensure that people with disabilities participate in the review of the synagogue’s physical and programmatic accessibility. o Assess the synagogue’s physical accessibility: Is the building wheelchair accessible? Is the bimah accessible? Could someone with fine motor limitations or a visual impairment open the ark? Is there space in the sanctuary for people in wheelchairs? Are light switches, water faucets, water fountains and mezzuzot at appropriate heights for people in wheelchairs or those who are small? Are the kippot and talleisim low enough for all to reach? What about the siddurim and chumashim? Does the building have adequate lighting? Are there companion restrooms so that a spouse, parent or PCA can

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

79 assist someone of the opposite sex? o “Improve your synagogue’s air quality by dusting woodwork, brass and other fixtures in the sanctuary, vacuuming with a HEPA filter and cleaning air conditioning filters on a regular basis.” (from “Opening the Gates of Torah 50 Plus Programming and Action Ideas,” Opening the Gates of Torah Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month Resource Packet, Special Needs Department Partnership for Jewish Life and Learning, Board of Jewish Education of Greater Washington, November 2004) o Place directions to accessible entrances on doorways that are not accessible. Keep the accessible entrance unlocked when the synagogue is in use. o Install Braille and raised-letter signage. Offer Braille and large-print siddurim and chumashim, and offer assistive listening devices for those who are hard of hearing. Explore other assistive devices or accommodations that would facilitate inclusion. o Learn about resources for deaf congregants, including ASL interpreted services, which enhance accessibility for them. o Keep resource information about disability-related programs and services, Jewish special education, and Jewish values related to disability in the synagogue library. o Speak to the synagogue webmaster about making the website accessible. o Offer transportation to services and programs to those who can’t drive themselves. o Locate and support local Jewish disability programs.

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

80 Tips for Creating a More Inclusive Congregation from the Union for Reform Judaism website

MAKING YOUR BUILDING ACCESSIBLE FOR ALL:

Do not insult a person who is deaf or put a stumbling block in front of someone who is blind. –Leviticus 19:14

AROUND THE BUILDING:

o Create a task force that examines the building to see what can be done to make it more accessible to people with disabilities. Be sure to include people with disabilities on the task force. Have the task force create a short-range and long-range plan to address any physical impediments to inclusion. The task force may also want to survey the congregation as to what accommodations are needed. o Replace heavy exterior doors with sliding doors that will open automatically to allow people with disabilities to enter the building easily and without assistance. o Expand doorways – particularly to bathrooms and sanctuary – so that they are wheelchair accessible. If possible, make single doors into double doors o Add grab bars in toilet stalls. o Place signage around the building that calls attention to handicap accessible entrances. Include Braille on other signs around the building. o Place mezuzot at wheelchair height at appropriate locations.

IN THE SANCTUARY:

o Place kippot and prayer books at a level that can be reached by everyone. o Make available large print prayer books, Braille prayer books or lighted magnifiers at the entrance to the synagogue. o Improve the sound system in the sanctuary with assistive listening devices and upgraded speaker systems. o Mention all forms of assistance for those with special needs in the Shabbat program handed out with the prayer book. o Make your bimah more accessible with handrails, a ramp or lift. Or, place a table on the main level of the sanctuary so that anyone can receive an aliyah. o Remove on or more pews to make space for wheelchair seating.

IDEAS FOR CONGREGATIONAL LEADERSHIP:

All of Israel is responsible for one another. -Shavuot 39a

o Learn more about the disabilities among members of your congregation and make plans for any special pastoral care that may be needed. o Hold a discussion and training session with clergy, synagogue staff, board and committee members, religious school staff and youth workers about welcoming people with disabilities. Instruct ushers regarding appropriate ways to greet and offer assistance to people with disabilities. Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

81 o Review attitudes conveyed by written policies and unwritten codes of conduct toward people who look or act differently from others. o Locate and support local Jewish disability resources and programs. Support the National Jewish Dis- ability Awareness Month in your community. o Create a Special Needs or Disability Awareness Committee. Match each committee member with a congregant who has special needs. The committee member should ensure that there is seating and other resources available for each congregant with special needs during services or other programming. o Create an area on the application form for High Holiday Tickets and other congregational programs for people with disabilities to indicate what assistance they require to participate. o Create a Special Needs Fund to help with costs of improved access to the building, prayer books for those with visual disabilities, a better sound system and other accommodations.

HELPING OUR COMMUNITY TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE:

If there be among you a needy person, thou shalt not harden thy heart, but thou shalt surely open thy hand. Deuteronomy 15:7

o Write a statement of welcome and inclusion that is added to all congregational membership materials. o Include the universal symbols of accessibility in all publicity and marketing for your congregation (i.e. the icons for wheelchair access, assistive listening devices, etc.) o Keep resource information about disability-related programs and services, Jewish special education, and Jewish values related to disability in the synagogue library. o Invite a speaker on community inclusion to lead a program in honor of Disability Awareness Month. o Add a relevant disability related quote to the bulletin each week during Disability Awareness Month. o Create a program or open forum that will allow congregants to discuss any attitudinal barriers to inclusion that may exist in your congregation. Explore why those attitudes exist and develop a list of strategies to address and eliminate them from your congregational community. o Enroll your synagogue in the Accessible Congregations Campaign through The National Organiza- tion on Disability www.nod.org. This program seeks to enroll congregations of all faiths that commit to removing their barriers and welcoming people with all types of disabilities.

EDUCATING ALL OUR STUDENTS:

Educate each child according to their way. -Proverbs 22:6

o Write a statement of inclusion that welcomes all students and include it in marketing and welcome packets for religious school families. o Include a short section on “Special Needs” in your school registration packet that inquires about any academic challenges or difficulties, student’s specific diagnostic label, and modifications or accommodations that may be necessary for success. Assure parents/guardians that this information will be confidential and for the student’s benefit. o Encourage your congregation's religious school to infuse the curriculum with multi-sensory teaching strategies to encourage success by all students.

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

82 o Hire a full or part-time Special Needs Coordinator, who coordinates programs for all students with identifies special educational needs. o Designate preschool/religious school tzedakah that is collected during Disability Awareness Month for the synagogue's Special Needs fund to enhance access to the building or to programs. During this time, integrate disability awareness and inclusion programming into the curriculum in an age appropriate way. o Help children with special needs to succeed in Jewish educational settings with modified curriculum and other accommodations. For some students with special needs, curriculum may need to be individualized.

SUPPORTING PEOPLE AND FAMILIES WITH SPECIAL NEEDS:

Oh God, may all created in Your image recognize that they are kin, so that in one spirit and in one friendship, they may be forever united before you. -Traditional Liturgy

o Hold support group meetings for families with special needs concerns (all physical, emotional, developmental issues). The group should provide a forum for families to discuss and share ideas related to real challenges, i.e.: education, medical help, service providers, emotional support, etc. To make the group easier for all to attend, offer supervised activities for children and other people with special needs during the meetings. o Ask Caring Committee members to assist members of the congregants with special needs with gro- cery shopping and other errands on a monthly or bi-monthly basis. Also ask Committee members to provide rides to and from the synagogue for programs and Shabbat services for congregants with special needs.

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

83 Start an Inclusion Committee

By Shelly Christensen, RJ.org February 9, 2009

Congregations have asked how to start their own Inclusion Committee. I know that within the Reform movement, many congregations have made inclusion an important value. The question is "how do you turn that value into action?" Inclusion doesn't happen just because someone says it's so! Like many other synagogue functions, a collaboration between congregants and professional staff can provide the impetus to move from having that great philosophical ideal to taking the steps to ensure that people with disabilities are welcome within the full circle of Jewish life. That is, most certainly, the objective. Why do we need an Inclusion Committee? The Inclusion Committee is a committee sanctioned by the Board of Trustees. Just like other Board committees, there is an appointed chairperson who may or may not be a member of the Board. The Inclusion Com- mittee membership should include individuals with disabilities, family members, professionals, people interested in inclusion and members of the professional staff. The Inclusion Committee is the organization's "go to" committee for resources and information about inclusion and how to address specific needs as they arise. Members of the Inclusion Committee are the organization's "experts" on inclusion, so it is important to have a diverse range of interests and knowledge among committee members. The Inclusion Committee will guide the actions of your efforts with the support of the Board and the organization. The following information is your guide to starting your own Inclusion Committee. How do you start an Inclusion Committee? If you're thinking about starting the committee, then you have been thinking about how to respond to congregants concerns about inclusion in: preschool, religious school, b'nai mitzvah training, youth groups, camp, adult ed, etc. Don't worry--inclusion is a process--a thoughtful, well planned process. 1. Start by getting agreement from your clergy, board and lay leaders that the congregation needs to provide a means to focus on inclusion. 2. Next, ask people to join the committee. Agree to have a synagogue professional sit on the committee, parents, people who are professionally involved in disability supports, social action advocates, and to ensure that we engage the motto "Nothing about me without me" people with disabilities. 3. Schedule your first meeting with lots of publicity. Use your bulletin and weekly e-mail and any other effective forms of communication. 4. Establish a Mission Statement for the committee. This is more important than it seems. It will help members focus as a group on the overall goals of the committee. 5. Inclusion is woven into every activity within the congregation. How do you know where to start? How do you know where you are going unless you know where you are? Have the Inclusion Com- mittee be responsible for an assessment of the congregation.

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit

Speaking of Disabilities Indiana Institute on Disability and Community

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Feb. 27, 2007

Speaking of disabilities. "People first" is the most important principle in communicating with and about people with disabilities, said Vicki Pappas, director of the Center for Planning and Policy Studies at the Indi- ana Institute on Disability and Community. This standard applies in a literal sense when describing people -- "person with autism" is appropriate; "autistic person" is not -- and in a figurative sense when interacting with someone who has a disability. "People with disabilities would prefer to be seen as people, not as objects of pity or as heroes who have overcome adversity," she said. "When you meet someone who has a disability, say hello, make eye contact, and give yourself time to get to know that person like you would with any new ac- quaintance." Below are more of Pappas's tips for effective communication.

DO use person-first language, especially in print. Regardless of the particular disability, put the person before the condition in every description. For example: "man who has cerebral palsy," "girl who is deaf," "teacher with epilepsy."

DON'T mention a disability if it is not relevant. "If you are writing an article about a professor's research, and that person happens to use a wheelchair, you don't need to mention it unless it relates somehow to the research process. This is just the same principle you would use in deciding whether to mention that someone is Jewish or Latino," Pappas said.

DO use specific terminology. If it is important to describe a person's disability, be straightforward and avoid terminology like "handicapable," "differently abled" or "special." This type of verbiage comes across as condescending, Pappas said.

DON'T make someone a hero for an ordinary feat. Avoid characterizing everyday activities as huge accomplishments for people with disabilities. "I'm all for including a bride with hearing loss in a wedding special, but when the headline is 'Deaf Woman Gets Married,' that's insulting," Pappas said.

DO greet people at their eye level. When talking with a person who uses a wheelchair, it is appropriate to sit or crouch down in order to talk face-to-face, Pappas said. "Even if you are speaking through an interpreter, it's important to make that direct eye contact," she said. Similarly, it is best to approach a person who is blind by announcing your presence.

DON'T worry about common phrases. "It is not a big deal if you say 'See you later' to someone who is blind. No one is going to be offended by these types of expressions. Relax and use your natural manner of speaking," she said.

DO respect personal space. "It's okay to offer assistance in a polite manner such as holding a door open. Beyond that it is best to ask first rather than to rush in and grab a person who appears to be struggling," Pappas said. A final note on personal space: a wheelchair should be approached as though it were part of the body -- don't sit or lean on someone's wheelchair unless you know them very well.

Synagogue Inclusion Project Toolkit Jewish Family & Children’s Service, 2011 18

85 Department of Jewish Family Concerns Union for Reform Judaism

Some important suggestions for helping our synagogue communities to become more welcoming and responsive to families with special needs children by Dona Hare, Director of the Mitzvah Corp Program at Kutz Leadership Camp and consultant in the field of special needs children

Creating more Spiritual Communities for Families with Special Needs Children

A parent once told me that they thought they had processed and worked through the issues of having a special needs child. Then a significant life event happened and all those old feelings were dredged up again. Recognizing that families with special needs children require ongoing support is our directive as a Jewish community.

Diagnosis: Parents may suspect something may be amiss with their child but the finality of the diagnosis, pushes the family to a new and frightening place. The family must deal with the gravity of the diagnosis while managing challenging behaviors at the same time.

Moving to the next step of acknowledging that the diagnosis is real is very hard for some families. The Rabbi can assist the family by knowing about local agencies that offer support to families with special needs children. Contact your local school district’s special education program to obtain a list of local resources. The website www.nichy.org offers a comprehensive list of resources by state. Sometimes doctors and professionals distribute this list but it is difficult for families to take that much needed step without support.

Helping parents work through the difficult process of accepting the diagnosis requires empathy, compassion, and a willingness to explore deep feelings. Often parents view this as the death of their dreams for their child. A guidebook that is illuminating and practical is The Disabled and Their Parents, A Counseling Challenge, by Leo Buscaglia (1983).

Practical Strategies

Because the nervous systems of children with special needs are different from most of people, they have difficulty with self-regulation and engage in behaviors that may seem unusual or out-of-place. The may become overstimulated or agitated easily, and may engage in behaviors such as clapping, flapping, rocking, yelling, pacing, or other things that serve to calm them. Below are some proactive strategies to help the child, the family, and the congregation accommodate and embrace these behaviors.

Safe Spot: Identify a safe spot in the sanctuary for children to go when they need to engage in self- stimulating behaviors. Point out this spot before services to the child and family. Self-

86 stimulating should never be stopped or thwarted; it is a way for the child to calm their disordered nervous system

Marking off a two to three foot square area with blue masking tape can help the child know where his “Safe Spot” begins and ends. This sense of containment helps children feel safe and assists them in the process of self-regulation. The safe spot should be in the sanctuary and can be in a back corner near an exit door if possible so they can quietly leave the sanctuary without shame or attention if the behavior escalates. Although not as effective, several carpet squares can be used to demark the “Safe Spot” area instead of tape.

Calming Spot: Sometimes, a child may need to leave the sanctuary because their behavior is escalating. Establish a “Calming Spot” close to a sanctuary exit that the parents and child can use quickly and without shame or undue attention. This spot should be within the line of vision of the sanctuary and should be left open during services, The family and child need to see the room beforehand and know that this area is available to them during services. This could be the robing room, the library, the rabbi’s office or a classroom. It needs to be secluded and private.

Fidgets Clapping or flapping is another way for children to regulate their disordered vestibular system and prevent major meltdowns. Fidgets are items that stimulate the senses and can help the child “replace” clapping or flapping for short period s of time. Fidgets such as Koosh balls, stretch animals or play dough are inexpensive and may help all adolescents attend more fully in services.

A basket of fidgets can be placed in a central place so that using a fidget to calm is socially appropriate. A great source of fidgets is The Oriental Trading Company, (www.orinetaltradingcompany.com). The “Tangle Toy “ and “Gentle Gecko”, weighted stuffed animal are more expensive but are quite helpful, (www.sensoryresources.com.).

Fidgets may not help blurting, or noisemaking. Gum or sucking on hard candies can sometimes be helpful. At times, these blurted words are funny, and laughing as you would when a small child calls something out is appropriate.

Music Music seems to be a universal medium that soothes every soul. Often children respond well to one particular song and even nonverbal children can sing the words to that particular song. Ask the family if there is a song that their child enjoys and if possible include it in the services.

Multi-modality Services A child with special needs will have difficulty maintaining appropriate behavior during a long sermon. Using all the senses and creating services that are lively, uplifting and with opportunities to sing, sway to the music and clap will help all children.

However, loud noises and raucous singing are not well tolerated. If you think this may occur, notify the family and ask them to bring earplugs for the child.

Sense of Order Transitions to new activities (e.g. end of service and movement to Oneg Shabbat) are difficult for special needs children. Not knowing what to expect wreaks havoc on such a child’s delicate neurological system. If possible, e-mail the order of prayers and the sermon title to the family prior to the service. This gives the family an opportunity to prepare the child for the services and can be used during the services as a way for the child to feel informed and prepared for the changes that will occur. If possible, notify the family of any changes to the services prior to beginning.

A poster or chart with the prayers listed out may be helpful to all the congregants. It helps children to know that there is an end to what is happening.

Ask the Family: Discussing what works at home and school may be the quickest and easiest route in supporting the family.

For More Information: If you have questions or want more information, please contact the Department of Jewish Family Concerns of the Union for Reform Judaism at 212 650 4295 or visit our website www.urj.org\jfc Please contact our department in order to obtain a copy of Al Pi Darco: According to Their Ways: A Special Needs Resource Manual Dona Hare can be reached at 559-790-6248 [email protected]

INCLUSION RATING TOOL

A SELF-STUDY FOR SYNAGOGUES

TO FOCUS ON ISSUES OF AWARENESS AND INCLUSION OF PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES IN ALL ASPECTS OF JEWISH COMMUNITY LIFE

Developed by

Sherry Grossman, M.Ed. MAJS, Director Special Education Services, Bureau of Jewish Education of Greater Boston

Mindee Meltzer, LCSW, Ed.M. Community Program Specialist, Jewish Family Service of Metrowest

DIRECTIONS FOR SELF STUDY

The Inclusion Rating Tool (IRT) is intended to be a vehicle to “open the door” to discussions about what inclusion means for your Synagogue. It is a starting point as you assess where you are today in regards to inclusion and where you want to be in the future, and is designed for internal use by a team of lay and professional staff.

There are seven columns on two pages included in this tool: Parking Lot/Entrance, Non-Worship Areas, Worship Area Communication/Publicity; Formal Education, Support/Resources, Awareness/Training. Please review all sections before you begin the self study.

1. Read down each column and then check all of the items that apply to your Congregation today.

2. Please take the time to tour your facility through the eyes of inclusion.

3. Enjoy the opportunity to “welcome everyone…with joy.” (Pirke Avot 1:15)

90 ACCESSIBILITY Effort is made to make all physical areas of the synagogue and all program and worship materials accessible to individuals with disabilities

Parking Lot/Entrance Non-Worship Areas Worship Area (bathrooms, hallways, classrooms)

□Parking lot maintains appropriate reserved spaces □Doorways and hallways are free from obstructions □Priority seating is reserved for people with physical that are clearly marked with the Handicap Access and swing open automatically or without conflict to those challenges and seating is arranged to allow extra space symbol with physical challenges for those in wheelchairs

□Short and long-term parking allow for easily □Restrooms are complete with accessible toilets, sinks, □Sign language interpreter is provided when needed accessible spaces for those in need, including senior mirrors, towel dispensers and doorways adults without an access symbol

□Pathways to and from the parking area are clearly □At least one water fountain on each floor is easily □Individuals who are hard of hearing are welcomed marked, well-lit and free from any obstructions day and useable from a wheelchair and encouraged to sit in the front night

□Outside signage indicates exactly where to enter the □Water fountains and fire extinguishers are recessed at □Torah is accessible or made accessible to someone building easily for those with mobility limitations the appropriate height so as not to create obstacles with physical challenges

□Entrance to the building accommodates a wheelchair, □Classroom seating is designed so all can have access □The bimah, including the podium and microphone is and a ramp is available if needed to a desk or table accessible to someone with physical challenges

□Assistance provided for all events when the door □Elevators, lifts or ramps provide accessibility to all □Large print prayer books are readily available to those does not open easily areas of the building who need them

□Mezuzzahs are placed low so they are accessible □Unscented candles, soaps, detergents, cleaning □Tallitot and kippot are easily accessible to people with supplies, air fresheners etc. are consistently provided physical challenges

□All Signage is clear for those with or without visual □Synagogue provides assistive listening devices as challenges needed

□There is adequate lighting on speaker’s face to facilitate speech/lip reading 91 SYNAGOGUE LIFE: ATTITUDES, PRACTICES AND POLICIES To intentionally create a culture of inclusion for people with disabilities in all aspects of synagogue life requires a welcoming environment, specific policies and inclusive practices

Communication/ Formal Education Support/Resources Awareness/Training Publicity

□Synagogue’s mission and/or description of □Early Childhood Program and Religious □A list of available community □Staff and key lay leaders are aware of Temple life includes a statement about inclusion School have clear and effective Special resources for congregants and congregants with special needs of people with disabilities Needs Policies community members is maintained

□Membership application asks confidential □Special Needs Policy is distributed to all □Resources that provide □Ushers are trained regarding questions regarding special needs and families and process is in place to monitor information on various disabilities appropriate ways to greet and meet the accommodations effectiveness of policy are available in Temple Library needs of people with disabilities

□Early Childhood Education & Religious □Early Childhood Program and Religious □Transportation to services and □Staff and Lay leaders are trained School application and publicity state that all School offer inclusive classes for children programs is provided to people in annually on inclusive behavior types of learners are welcomed with special needs need of a ride

□Program publicity includes a statement □Jewish Educational Action Plan [JEAP] is □Support group(s) are provided □Participation in the annual Disability regarding inclusiveness and available developed and monitored for children who for the congregation based on Awareness Month (Iyar) sponsored by the accommodations need accommodations or special instruction needs Jewish Community Special Needs Professional Committee

□Synagogue announcements include □Synagogue provides accommodations to □There is a committee on □A disability awareness program or information regarding community programs for students with special needs for Shabbat, inclusion that serves as a resource awareness training is offered to the people with disabilities B'nai Mitzvot or holiday services and/or liaison regarding synagogue congregation practices and policies

□Language used in sermons, signage and □Early Childhood Program and Religious communication includes statements about School curriculums includes teaching inclusion of people with differences and tolerance and acceptance of differences disabilities

92 93 94 95 96 DIVREI TORAH & SOURCE MATERIAL

Exploring the J in JSSA – Purim Edition By JSSA’s Rabbi James Kahn, Director, Jewish Engagement & Chaplaincy

Purim and Jewish Disability Awareness Month: Unmasking and Celebrating Differences…

February is Jewish Disability Awareness Month, and in 2013, host to the holiday of Purim. Coincidence – yes, but Purim is the holiday of the paradoxical, contradictory and coincidental… all of which have much to teach us.

A snippet of the Purim story:

A long time ago, there was a king seeking a new queen. The reasonn why is noteworthy, but not for our purposes. Just know that the king was not looking to settle!! For more than a year, the king maintained a dating schedule that would make eveen a modern on‐line speed dater blush.

His search ended when he met young Esther, a Jewish orphan raised by her uncle Mordechai. We read in the Scroll of Esther:

The king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favour in his sight more than all the other maidens; and he set the royal crown upon her head,d, and made her queen. . . but Esther did not make known her background or people to the king... (Megillat Esther 3:17‐20)

The king had found his love! Esther was less convinced. She entered her new life at the palace with trepidation, holding her Jewish identity secret. Esther’s very name attests to this fact, derived from the Hebrew word ‘hester’ meaning hidden.

Why hide from the one who loves you? The irony of the situation is evident in the text, as the king’s declaration of love falls adjacent to Esther’s decision to stay mute. Did she not love him? Trust him? Would she dare lie to her king, or did he never even ask?

Perhaps, this is the question Purim should inspire us to ask this Jewish Disability Awareness Month. One‐in‐five Americans have a disability! This means that either you have a disability, or someone you love does. Yet, very few of us feel comfortable speaking openly about disabilities or anything else that might leave us feeling vulnerable.

Esther feared that if the king knew the truth, he would no longer want her, or worse. How many of us fear the same? Thankfully, in 21st century America, mosst of us are spared judgment about our religious identity, but other issues – be it regular bouts of depression, or our child’s struggle to perform in school, are kept hidden.

Purim celebrates the journey of Esther’s development and ultimate “unmasking.” Eventually, she gathers the strength to reveal her whole self to the one who professed to love her. When she did, the king recognized his error, and assisted the Jews in defeating their enemies.

This February, we can honor Jewish Disability Awareness Month by continuing to develop communities that allow everyone, in all of their fullness, to show up. Sometimes this means creating accessible spaces. Other times, it means making sure that whatever space we create is a place that we can be our fullest selves, with all of our challenges and talents intact.

On February 27th, JSSA will host the next session of its Clergy Training Program at its Fallsgrove office. The program will focus on assisting clergy in supporting and responding to the special needs present in the Jewish community. We will seek inspiration from Purim, gleaning a vision of community where nobody remains ‘hidden’. A place where everyone is welcomed, unhindered by issues of accessibility, nor by fear of rejection and judgment. Purim Sameach – Happy Purim!

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

Rabbi James Q. Kahn Director of Jewish Engagement & Chaplaincy Services 301‐610‐8356; [email protected]

MOSES, DISABILITY & JEWISH LIFE

EXODUS 4:10 – 16 (KAPLAN TRANSLATION)

10: Moses pleaded with Gd. 'I beg You, O Gd, I am not a man of words - not yesterday, not the day before - not from the very first time You spoke to me. I find it difficult to speak and find the right language.' 11: 'Who gave man a mouth?' replied Gd. 'Who makes a person dumb or deaf? Who gives a person sight or makes him blind? Is it not I - Gd? 12: Now go! I will be with your mouth and teach you what to say.' 13: 'I beg you O L-rd!' exclaimed [Moses]. 'Please! Send someone more appropriate!'

י וַיּ ֹאמֶר מֹשֶׁה אֶל - יְהוָה, בִּי אֲדֹנָי, ֹלא אִישׁ דְּבָרִ ים אָנ ֹכִי גַּם מִתְּמוֹל גַּם מִשִּׁלְשֹׁם, גַּם מֵאָז דַּבֶּרְ ָך אֶל - עַבְדֶָּך: כִּי כְבַד-פֶּה וּכְבַד לָשׁוֹן, אָנ ֹכִי. יא וַיּ ֹאמֶר יְהוָה אֵלָיו, מִי שָׂם פֶּה לָאָדָם, אוֹ מִי-יָשׂוּם אִלֵּם, אוֹ חֵרֵ שׁ אוֹ פִקֵּחַ אוֹ עִוֵּר--הֲֹלא אָנ ֹכִי, יְהוָה. יב וְעַתָּה, לְֵך; וְאָנ ֹכִי אֶהְיֶה עִם - פִּיָך, וְ ֵהוֹר ִיתיָך אֲשֶׁר תְּדַבֵּר. יג וַיּ ֹאמֶר, בִּי אֲדֹנָי; שְׁלַח-נָא, בְּיַד .-תִּשְׁלָח

100

WHEN EVERY NEED IS SPECIAL – NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS IN A CONGREGATIONAL SETTING

Rabbi James Q. Kahn Director of Jewish Engagement & Chaplaincy Services 301‐610‐8356; [email protected]

'PARSING THE ‘QUEST FOR EXCELLENCE’ IN JEWISH LIFE

VAYIKRA RABBAH 3:7

Rabbi Aba bar Yudan taught: All that Gd prohibited in an animal sacrifice, Gd accepts in a human being. What is prohibited in an offering? When a person offers, from the herd or the flock, a sacrifice of well- being to the L-rd. . . . to be acceptable, it must be without blemish; there must be no defect in it. Anything blind, or broken, or maimed, or with a wart, such shall you not offer to the L-rd.” All these things, which render a sacrifice unfit, Gd fully accepts, Gd sees as fitting in a human being. As it is written: “A crushed and broken heart, Gd will not despise.”

Rabbi Aleksandri said: If an ordinary person uses broken vessels, he is ashamed and embarrassed, but for Gd – All of Gd’s vessels are broken. As it is written: “The sacrifices of Gd are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O Gd, you will not despise.”

QUESTIONS

1. What distinction is the midrash making between human offerings (korbanot) and humanity itself?

2. Why is it important to retain a distinction between what we give, and who we are? What does it look like when we conflate the two?

3. What is the role of clergy in modeling/teaching this Torah in our communities?

101 102 103

To Stand On Holy Ground: A Jewish Spiritual Perspective On Disability (This article originally appeared in Rehabilitation Education, Volume 9, No. 2 and 3, 1995, pp. 163-170.) By: Rabbi Michael Levy

(I would like to thank Rabbi David Willig, Rabbi Gidon Rothstein, Dr. Judith Gibber, and especially my wife, Chava Willig Levy, for assisting with the preparation of this article.)

For those of us with disabilities, both the journey through life and the way we view it can be a challenge. Viewed through secular eyes, one has two choices about this challenge: take it or leave it. If you "take it," you try your best to overcome and minimize the challenge. If you "leave it," you let disability run your life.

I believe that the hope, strength and meaning derived from Jewish law and lore offer a third choice. That choice is to "stand on holy ground," to include your disability as part of the mission that G-d has given you in life.

What it means to make this choice - or, rather, the many day-to-day choices, which make up this "lifestyle choice" - will become clearer as Jewish sources (only a few of many) concerning disability are explored.

Before exploring this choice, it must be stressed from the outset that this article will refer repeatedly to very non-spiritual, concrete, tangible things: ramps and readers, computers and crutches, etc. Without access to the liturgy, libraries, schools and synagogues, summer camps and celebrations that comprise the public expression of spirituality, it is fruitless and cruel to speak of a spiritual perspective on disability. As early as the Middle Ages, the Jewish legal work Sefer Hachinuch by Rabbi Pinhas HaLevi, expressed the view that "the heart follows the direction of activities (of the human body)." *1 In other words, action - public worship, religious study and celebration - draw one's inner being to higher spiritual thoughts. Activity and study come first. Only after these have been undertaken can one even consider the question of spiritual development. If we awho have disabilities are not included in the community, it is almost impossible to develop spiritually.

"By My Spirit": Making Choices As the Journey Begins

A person born with a disability, one who becomes disabled, or the parent of a child with a disability, inevitably asks the question: "Why did this happen?" If any of these individuals feels a relationship with G-d, he or she may ask, "Why did G-d do this to me?" or "Why do I have this extra burden to carry?" My personal experience is that these questions come to the fore when I have felt that my disability makes it more difficult to function competently in the social, academic or work environment.

An episode in the life of Moses sheds light on what might be called "G-d's view of disability." The Book of Exodus relates G-d's appearance to Moses from a burning bush:

"And God called to him from amid the bush.... and (G-d) said, 'Remove your shoe from your foot, for the place on which you stand is holy ground.'" G-d then charges Moses with the mission of leading Israel out of its Egyptian bondage.

Moses hesitates to undertake this mission. At one point, he states, "Please, L-rd, I have never been 'a man of words' [an orator] ...for I am [literally] heavy of mouth and heavy of tongue."*2 Rabbinic lore interprets this as meaning that Moses had a speech impediment, the result of a childhood injury. *3

Moses seems to be saying, "I can't do what you are expecting me to do. You see, G-d, I have a disability." 104

"God said to him, 'who gave a person a mouth, who makes a person unable to speak, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the L-rd?' So go, and I will be with your mouth and will teach you what to say."*4 Further protests from Moses lead G-d to provide Aaron, Moses's brother, as what we moderns might call (tongue in cheek) an augmentative speech device. Moses was to speak G-d's words, and Aaron would relay them to others *5

This episode is striking, first of all, for what it does not say. It neither makes disability a Divine punishment, or a special heavenly burden for a person who has the courage to bear it. It also does not portray G-d as creating "deformed" humans because of a limitation in His power. (Compare the ancient Near Eastern myth, in which the gods create deformed humans while intoxicated. *6

This episode does tell us that we can be reassured that though we may not be able to understand it, there is nevertheless a divine purpose or plan of which disability is a part. Further, while none of us will ever be charged with the mission of redeeming an entire nation, every human being has his or her mission in life to fulfill. Rabbi Aharon Karliner, may the memory of the righteous be for a blessing, an early 20th century sage, explains that each one of us has something unique to contribute to the world's betterment. That is why each particular person in the world has been created. *7 G-d's dialogue with Moses shows that disability need not prevent one from making his or her unique contribution to humanity.

Throughout biblical history, G-d seems, as it were, to make a point of downplaying vigor and valor when selecting leaders. Moses, a stutterer, is not the figure that political pundits would pick for a leader. The biblical patriarchs Isaac and Jacob acquire disabilities.*8 The matriarchs Sarah and Rebecca not only suffer the temporary disability of infertility, but emerge from positions traditionally conceived as subordinate to shape Jewish destiny.*9 King David, slight of figure, overlooked by his family as a potential candidate for king of Israel, is chosen by G-d to be a monarch.*10

According to the Talmud, David refers to this when he sings in the Psalms, "The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone."*11 My wife and I wove this verse into our wedding invitation. Both of us, though extremely fortunate to have grown up in supportive families, had borne the slings and arrows, the negative stereotypes, experienced by almost every person with a disability in secular society.

In a sense, the history of "weak" individuals assuming power is a reflection of the history of the nation of Israel. Broken and battered by persecutions, isolated and vilified, the community of Israel has struggled to grow in numbers. Yet, scattered and powerless, it has gained strength and comfort from Zekharya's Divine message, "Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the L-rd."*12

Regardless of our religious affiliation, those of us with disabilities, too, are a disadvantaged minority. We can hope that G-d's spirit will help us triumph in a world that often equates disability with defeat.

Education: "Let All Who Are Thirsty Come to (Drink) Water"

When a child begins speaking, advises the Talmud, his parents should teach him the verse "Moses commanded us the Torah, a heritage of the congregation of Jacob."*13 The Torah (the first five books of the Bible) and the myriad laws and lore which grew from it are the birthright of all Jews, whether or not they have a disability.

Torah study, the Talmud says, is as necessary to life as is water.*14 Thus, Isaiah advises, "All who are thirsty, come to (drink) water."*15 While illness and infirmity may alleviate some laws of the Sabbath, fasts, and festivals, not even the sick or infirm are exempt from the obligation to study Jewish texts.*16

As members of the Jewish community, we who have disabilities have the same need for and right to Jewish

105 education as other Jews. As the Ethics of the Fathers states, "An unlearned person cannot fear sin."*17 In other words, education is a necessary ingredient to spiritual fulfillment.

With praise to the Creator, we acknowledge the medical and technological keys that can open the gates to spiritual fulfillment for persons with disabilities. Ramps, computers, personal care assistants, communications devices, medication and medical intervention and (last but not least) the dignity afforded us by the independent living movement can make the difference in whether or not a Jew with a disability receives an education. If a ramp installed in a Jewish school will help a child imbibe the sweet waters of Torah, the community must seriously consider its obligation to ensure that all its members receive an education. The same can be said for any other technology, technique or treatment.

The Talmud stresses the vital role of parents in the educational process; expressions for "parent" and "teacher" come from the same Hebrew root. Parents, rather than Jewish courts, have the ultimate responsibility for correcting the behavior of their small children.*18 By implication, parents of children with disabilities should never underestimate their own unique knowledge when applying the experience and advice of experts to their child's development. Rather than abandoning their role as important guides on the journey to spiritual fulfillment, they can be the "spiritual case manager," balancing and blending the clerical and the clinical, the medical expert and the advocate, as their child, whose uniqueness is best known to them, develops.

The Talmud praises Rabbi Joshua's mother because she exposed him to the music of learning and liturgy by bringing him to the house of study even before he could speak or understand.*19 This could be interpreted to mean that even those considered uneducable have a right to Jewish experiences and can gain spiritual fulfillment from them.

There are cases in which Jewish law treats persons with disabilities differently than non-disabled individuals. As a person who cannot see, I am disqualified from being a witness.*20 I have too much respect for Jewish law - ultimately, an expression of G-d's wisdom - to consider this as discrimination.

I am much more concerned with intentional or unintentional discrimination that is perpetuated by mistaken beliefs. This may occur in education (or worship, marriage or employment, for that matter,) when that discrimination has no basis in Jewish law. These areas are so crucial to spiritual fulfillment that I would urge anyone with a disability, a parent, or a professional not to settle for exclusion or segregation as an automatic consequence of disability. Any knowledgeable and competent Jewish authority will find examples in what might be called Jewish "case law" that allow, if not obligate, inclusion in many instances. I would like to acknowledge the great wisdom, insight and compassion of my own Rabbi, Mordechai Willig. Taking into account my blindness and my wife's polio, he has guided us in strengthening our marriage relationship. While others worried, he urged us to fulfill the precept "be fruitful and multiply." *21 Thank G-d, we have been blessed with two children.

Worship

Through daily prayers, Jews acknowledge G-d's presence in creation and history, thank Him for the daily miracles of life, and express to Him the full gamut of human emotions. While a Jew may address his/her thoughts to G-d at any time, a standard liturgy, fixed times for prayer, and public worship ensure that prayer goes beyond the occasional voluntary petition to bind a committed Jew to G-d and the community of co- religionists. Holidays and life cycle celebrations and ceremonies are marked in the synagogue and other public settings. With access, a Jew with a disability is denied these opportunities.

Morning prayers include the phrase, "The soul which You have given me is pure."*22 No impairment of the body diminishes our pure souls. Thus, we who have disabilities have a need and a right to join our fellow worshippers in what the Talmud calls the "service of the heart."*23

106

The sincerity of one's prayer is valued as much as the words that one expresses. The biblical figure of Hannah is considered a pioneer in prayer. While praying for a child, only her lips moved. Her voice could not be heard, and even though another human being initially mistook her for a drunkard, G-d understood her sincerity. He answered her prayer for a son.*24 So, we might pray, may the heartfelt prayers of those who do not worship in the conventional manner, due to disability, also be answered.

The Hasidic movement is noteworthy for its emphasis on the intentions of the heart. We learn of an uneducated but pious worshipper who recited the letters of the alphabet and implored G-d to combine them as he saw fit. A shepherd boy's sincere playing of his flute is said to have led the prayers of his congregation to Heaven.

With these stories in mind, there are very few if any human beings, with or without disabilities, who cannot find a place in the community of worshippers.

During my brief service as a hospital chaplain, I encountered patients who, at least temporarily, experienced the confusion and indignity that often attend the loss of control over one's body and environment. "34 wants orange juice," an overworked attendant might say, not even thinking of how being referred to as a number robs the patient of dignity.

I identified with these patients. Sometimes, a well-meaning person will nevertheless treat me not as another human being, but as an abnormality, a being no different from any other blind person he had ever met.

Responding to the taunts of those around him, David prayed, "As for me, may my prayer to You, G-d, be accepted, answer me"*25 the essential "me" is not the undignified, impaired creature in the minds of some who interact with me. The essential "me" is the creature in the mind of Him to whom I direct my prayer, who will protect or chastise me as He sees fit. I can be sure that He cherishes and values me as much as any other being that He has created.

"God Sees With The Heart"

The Talmud relates that a man who was called ugly replied, "Go complain to the One who made me."*26 All too often, those of us with disabilities get the message that we are damaged goods. We may be "special," or "courageous," but sometimes this only seems to accentuate that we are destined to live out our special courageous lives on the sidelines, unmarried and unemployed.

The Talmud advises human beings not to rely on miracles;*27 we must try our best to find a job or a mate. This includes fighting attitudinal and other barriers that may get in the way. Yet one can take heart from the many rabbinic statements affirming G-d's active and ongoing role, hidden though it may be, in helping one find a life mate and a livelihood.*28

Because successful "matchmaking" surpasses the ability of most human beings, bringing two separate individuals together in marriage is seen, as it were, as one of G-d's ongoing "pastimes."*29 (If you think about how your own parents met, more often than not it is not "by chance." In fact, it frequently involves a complicated chain of events. If one link in the chain were missing, you wouldn't be here to read these words.)

Furthermore, Jewish law and lore contain examples of persons with disabilities who are married and/or earning a living. Jewish law discusses two blind rabbis celebrating a Passover meal and teaching their students.*30 Blind Jewish women are viewed as competent in overseeing the activities of their household.*31 In Jewish lore, we find a blind hunter, a deaf grandson coming to the defense of his grandfather, and a person with a mobility impairment serving as the teacher of King David.*32 In the story of Moses at the Burning Bush, mentioned earlier, G-d quickly moves from Moses's concern that his

107 disability will make his "job" impossible, to discuss accommodations (brother Aaron) that can help Moses accomplish his life work. We would do well to use the thinking ability that G-d has granted us to come up with accommodations that can bring persons with disabilities the spiritual satisfaction of contributing to the world and their own lives by earning a living.

In this light, no person with a disability should ever hear the words, "You will never marry," or "You will never work." These statements have no place in a world where G-d has the concern and the power to accomplish results that may go far beyond human expectation.

To Stand On Holy Ground

I myself have struggled to live with my disability on a spiritual level. I humbly include the thought of a great Jewish leader, Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan, popularly known as the Chafetz Chayim, which has brought me tranquility.*33

During the episode mentioned at the beginning of this article, G-d tells Moses, "The place on which you stand is holy ground." It is not only Moses who stands on holy ground. Whatever the place upon which we stand, that is our holy ground. That is where G-d has put us, that is where G-d wants us to be at this moment.

By implication, your holy ground is different from that holy ground upon which your neighbor stands. If G-d has put you there, it is where you are supposed to be. It is where you have the opportunity and challenge to struggle and grow.

I choose to make my disability part of that holy ground, a significant part. I will never know why G-d has arranged it this way. But I can take heart from the example of Moses, our teacher. He himself, referring to his speech impediment, said, "I am not a man of words." Yet the Book of Deuteronomy, one of the greatest orations a human being has ever had the privilege to give, begins, "These are the words which Moses spoke."*34

Moses achieved spiritual fulfillment in the very area where he most intensely perceived his "disability. One is encouraged by this example to include disability as part of one's "holy ground." With this outlook, one can try to accept disability as a stimulus to grow in the realm of spirituality.

Let us hope that G-d enables us to stand, and help others stand, on holy ground. May we bring more holiness to the world despite (or, who knows, perhaps because) of our disability.

108 Footnotes

1. Scholars formerly attributed this work to his brother, Rabbi Aharon Halevi; others considered it anonymous. The work is organized according to the 613 "Mitzvot" (commandments) found in the first five books of the Bible. The view quoted is found in "Mitzvah" 16. 2. Exodus 3: 5, and 4: 10. 3. Exodus Rabbah, 1: 31. 4. Exodus 4: 11-12. 5. Exodus 4: 15-16. 6. See Kramer, Samuel, et al, (1959,) History begins at Sumer, Doubleday; and Frankfort, et al, Before philosophy., Penguin Books. 7. This view is implied in this author's introduction to his commentary on the tractate of the Mishnah "Pirke Avot" (ethics of the fathers.) A similar view is expressed in his commentary to the Pentateuchal portion "Nitzavim," (literally, "you are standing.") 8. Genesis 27: 1 and 32: 25-31. 9. Implied in Genesis 16: 1, 21: 10, 25: 21, and 27: 5-17 and 42-46. 10. See 1 Samuel, chapter 16 and following. 11. Psalms 118: 22, and Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Pesahim, (Passovers,) folio 119A. 12. Zekharya, 4: 6. 13. Deuteronomy, 33: 4, and Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sukkah, folio 42A. 14. See Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Berakhot, (Blessings,) folio 61B. 15. Isaiah, 55: 1. 16. See Maimonides, Moses, "Hilkhot Talmud Torah (The Laws of the Study of Torah, i.e. Jewish teachings,) 1: 8. 17. Mishnah, Pirke Avot 2: 6, attributes this saying to the sage Hillel, who lived near the beginning of the Common Era. 18. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Yebamot, (levirate marriages,) folio 114A 19. Jerusalem Talmud, Tractate "Yebamot," 1: 6. 20. Moses Maimonides, "hilkhot Aedut (Laws of Testimony,") 1: 8. 21. Genesis, 1: 28. 22. The Art Scroll Siddur. (Prayerbook.,) (1986), New York: Mesorah Publications. p. 18. 23. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate "Taanit," (fasting,) folio 2A. 24. 1 Samuel, 1: 9-20, and Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Berakhot, folio 31A-B. 25. Psalms 69: 14. 26. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Taanit, folio 20B. 27. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Shabbat (Sabbath) folio 32A. 28. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sota (wife suspected of being unfaithful,) 2A, Tractate Nida (laws of family purity,) 31A states "when a person is born, provisions are made for his sustenance (literally: his loaf of bread comes into the world with him." 29. Genesis Rabbah, 68, 4. 30. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Pesahim, folio 116B. 31. Moses Maimonides, "Hilkhot aisurei Biah," (Laws of Forbidden Marriages," 22, 4. 32. On the blind hunter, see the biblical commentator Rashi on Genesis 4: 23. On the deaf grandson, see Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sota, folio 13A. On the mobility-impaired teacher, see 2 Samuel 4: 4, and Babylonian Talmud Berakhot, Tractate 4A. 33. I first heard this on a recording distributed by the Torah Communications Network of Brooklyn, New York, but have not found the original source. 34. Deuteronomy, 1: 1. I first heard this interpretation from the keynote speaker at the 1981 ordination ceremonies of the Jewish Theological Seminary.

109 SSoouurrcceess The Rabbi and People with Disabilities - Primary Sources

A. Obligation of Inclusiveness: A Blind Person Receiving an Aliyah

"שו ת משאת בנימי סימ סב Responsa Maseit Binyamin, 62 R. Benjamin Aaron b. R. Avrohom Salnik lived in Poland, ca. 1550-1620. He was a student of R. Moses Isserlis (Rema) and R. Shlomo Luria (Maharshal), and a contemporary of Maharam Lublin and of the authors of such halakhic works as SeMA and Levush.

א שלמי וכ רבי דרכו ועברו בתורה Many great sages have debated whether a blind person can receive an ונכנסו בעובי הקורה א. וכל ' קולע השערה aliyah and read from the Torah, this one permitting and this one סביב מאוד נסערה. זה להתירא וזה forbidding. And the gatherer of all the camps together, the one לאיסורא בעני א סומא יכול לעלות whose light leads the entire nation, the gaon and the greatest sage of ולקרות בתורה. והמאס לכל המחנות his generation, Rav Yosef Karo, in his work the Beit Yosef, collected and דגלי אהבה לאורו יסעו כל ע קודש הגאו gathered all the opinions and weighed and evaluated them, and came והמופלג בדורו מוהר"ר יוס קארו נ "ע to the conclusion that it is forbidden, that a blind person is not שלו"בספר הב י . ליקט ואס לכל הדעות .permitted to be called up for an aliyah among those who are counted ושקל וער והעלה לאיסורה שאינו רשאי לעלות בי המנויי.

ואני אמרתי א א רוח המושל יעלה עלי And I said, “If the spirit of the ruler rises against you, leave not your מקומ אל תנח. כי לעול לא יזנח. place” (Kohelet 10:4), for you should not be cast off forever (Eicha ומימות אבי זנוח. התורה בקר זויות מונח. ,(For from times of Avi Zanoach (Moshe, cf. Chronicles I, 4:18 .(3:31 כל הרוצה יבא ויטול. ומצוה אחת לא the Torah has always been placed in a corner (accessible to all), so that יבטל עת. כי זה ה לעת זקנתי חשכו whoever wishes may come and take it. And even one mitzvah should הרואות בארובות. ותכהנה עיני מראות. not be negated. For behold, now in my old age, the sight from my ולפי אשר עלתה במחשבה של הרב ז "ל ,.windows has darkened, and my eyes have grown dim from sight (cf יגרשני מלהסתפח בנחלת ה' ותורת אמת חיי Breisht 27:1). According to what the Rabbi (Yosef Karo) opined, I will עול. לבלתי אחשב במספר המנויי be driven away this day from seeking refuge in the inheritance of the לעלות. ולכ אמרתי וגמרתי בלבי חלילה Lord (I Samuel 26:19), in the Torah of truth and of eternal life, that I לי מלעזוב את דר ע החיי ומלאחוז shall not be included in the number of those who are counted to rise בענפיה אהבתי זאת התעודה מימי קד up (and read). Therefore, I said and decided in my heart, “God forbid קדמתה. משפטה ודתה. וג לעת זקנתי that I should abandon the way of the tree of life, and from my youth I בל אשליכה. ובה אתהלכה. ואפתח בדבר have grasped onto its branches, its laws, and its rule. Even in my old הלכה. לראות על מה עשה לי הרב ככה. age I shall not cast it off. On its path I will tread.” And I will open with והנה אשא עיני אל ההרי הרמי גבעות the matter of halakha, to see for what purpose the Rabbi has done עול ואצא לעזרת הש בגבורי אוכיחה such a thing to me. And behold, I will lift my eyes up to the high ואערכה דברי אברר דבריה כשמלה mountains, the ancient hills, and I will come out to the help of the Lord אתיצבה ואדברה בעדותי נגד מלכי ולא against the mighty men (Judges 5:23), I will prove and put forth my ...אבוש case… I will establish and “speak regarding Your laws in the presence of kings and not be embarrassed”. (Ps. 119:46)…

ומעכשיו אבא אל העני בעצמו ואומר. כי כל Now I will deal with the heart of the matter itself, and I will say that הרוצה לפסוק הלכה ולהכריע היכא דאיכא whoever wants to give a halakhic ruling and to make a legal decision in פלוגתא דרבוותא זה לא יתכ כי א באחד a case where there is a debate between the great authorities, this משלשה דרכי : :cannot rightly be done, save for three ways

.א שיוכיח בראיות גמורות מתו התלמוד That he proves [his case] with definitive proofs from the Talmud or .1 או מתו פסקי הגאוני : .from the rulings of the Gaonim

.ב אפילו בלא הוכחה וראיה אלא כיו Even without a definitive proof, if we see that the majority in .2 דחזינ דאיכא רוב מני ורוב בני פסקינ number and weight of the authorities are on one side, we rule like 110

הלכתא כוותייהו דיחיד ורבי הלכה .them, for the ruling follows the majority כרבי :

.ג בכלד מקו פסקינ הלכה כבתראי נגד We always rule like the later authorities against the early ones, from .3 מאביי קמאי ורבא ואיל .the days of Abaye and Rava onwards

והנה הנדו שלפנינו בכל אלו הג דרכי' Now in the matter in front of us, based on all three of these ways the הלכה כדברי ...המתירי …rule is like those who permit

אה מצד' הוכחות וראיות יש לנו להוכיח כי First, from the perspective of proofs and evidence, we can prove that דברי האוסרי אינ ...מחוורי …the position of those who forbid is not cogent

הדר השני ליל אחר רוב מני ובני הרי The second approach, to go after the majority and weight of the לפני ספר הזוהר שהוא שקול יותר מכל …decisors, behold the Zohar weighs more than all the other authorities מחבריה ו"וק.. בנדו שלפנינו דאיכא and certainly in our case where many important authorities agree with רבוותא טובא ורבי שמסכימי לדברי …this position הזוה...

דרה הג שכתבנו' ליל אחר דעות האחרוני' ,And the third approach, which is to go after the later authorities הנ רואה בעיני שהמתירי ה בתראי behold you see with your own eyes (sic!) that those who permit are המה י"מהר ז"מולי ול" בנימי ושלזאב טי the later authorities: Mahari Mulin, Binyamin Ze’ev, Shiltei Geeborim גבורי טובפר ל"מהרי שהיה גדול בדורו and in particular Maharil, who was an extremely great authority in his מאד עד שכמעט כל מנהגי ארצות ז"אשכנ generation, to the extent that almost all of the practices of Ashkenazic נתייסדו על ...פיו …lands were founded on his rulings

ומאחר שמתו כל אלו ג דרכי' הנזכרי Given that from all these three paths the matter inclines according to דבריה נוטי לדברי המתירי הכי נקטינ -those who permit, that is how we rule, even ab initio, that a non אפילו לכתחילה קוראי ת"לס ע האר …literate person and a blind person may read from the Torah scroll ...אוסומ

עוד תמיהני על דברי האוסרי דהיא I remain astounded regarding those who forbid – how have they החליטו הדי לפרוק עול מלכות שמי מעל decided the law [with the effect] of casting off the Heavenly yoke from האנשי ובפרט במצוה רבה מפורסמת כזו people? How much more so regarding an important and public ולא כ למדנו מרז"ל חכמי המשנה והתלמוד mitzvah such as this! This is not what we have learned from our שהרי אמרו... אשתו של יונה היתה עולה Rabbis, the authors of the Mishna and the Gemara! For behold they לרגל ומביא קרב ראייה ע. וההוא ובדא said… that Yonah’s wife would go up to Jerusalem for the Pilgrimage שהיו מביאי לעזרה וסמכו ... דכל מצות Festival (olah la’regel) and bring the burnt offering for appearing in the עשה שהזמ גרמא הרשות ביד הנשי Temple. And then there is the story of how the sages would bring a לעשות ולבר עליה דע. וההיא רבי sacrifice brought by women into the Women’s Courtyard so that the פסחי מא אמר אגדתא בי רב יוס רב women could do the laying of the hands… and regarding every positive יוס בי רב ששת רב ששת. והיו מוציאי time bound mitzvah - women are permitted to perform them and bless "אחרי י ח וג היו מברכי ברכת אשר over them. And then there is the case in Pesachim: “Who recites the גאלנו ר. וג ' יהודא דאית ליה סומא פטור hagaddah in the house of Rav Yosef? Rav Yosef. In the house of Rav מכל המצות מודה הוא דמדרבנ הוא חייב Sheshet? Rav Sheshet [even though they were both blind].” And they בכל המצות ומבר עליה. would discharge others of their obligation, and make the blessing asher ga’alnu [over the hagaddah]. Even Rav Yehudah who is of the position that a blind person is exempt from [positive] mitzvot, agrees that he is Rabbinically obligated and that he would make blessings over them.

הרי לפני שחכמי המשנה והתלמוד הניחו Behold, it is before you that the Sages of the Mishna and the Talmud לה לבני ולבנות ישראל לעשות ולקיי allowed the sons and daughters of Israel to perform mitzvot and to make the blessing “that You have sanctified us and commanded us” 111

המצות ולבר עליה "ו ואעאקב"ג שלא even though they were not commanded in this mitzvah. In regards to כ"נצטוו ע . וג בקצת המצות שלכאורה certain mitzvot, even though there were elements that were מכוער הדבר ואינו הגו כגו... עולת ראייה unbecoming and inappropriate, such as … the wife of Yonah who של אשת יונה נמי מחזי כחולי בעזרה brought the sacrifice [that she was not obligated in], which had the חז"ואעפ "כ ויתרו ל על הדבר מטע דקבלת ,appearance of non-sanctified offerings in the Temple Courtyard עול מלכות שמי עדי טפי ומטע נחת רוח nevertheless the Rabbis waived these concerns, because the value of כדאמרינ בפרק אי דורשי לא מפני accepting the Yoke of Heaven was more important and also for the שסמיכה בנשי אלא כדי לעשות נחת רוח sake of giving religious satisfaction, as we said in Hagigah, “not לנשי. because laying of the hands on sacrifices applies to women, but or the sake of giving religious satisfaction to women.”

ה"וא "כ ה נמי בנדו שלפנינו שיש לוותר The same, then, is true in our case. We should waive [any concerns] in "לע ה וסומא שאי למחות ביד לעלות the case of the non-literate person and the blind person, and we "לס ת ולבר כדי שיהיו בכלל קבלת עול should not prevent them from being oleh to the Torah and from מלכות שמי וכדי לעשות לה נחת רוח . ... making the blessings, so that they may be included in the accepting of the Yoke of Heaven and to give them religious satisfaction…

נא בנימי אהר ב סל"ר אברה "ניק ז ל Binyamin Aharon ben Avraham Salnik, z”l, Thursday, 3 Tamuz, 5370 יו ה ג' ש' לפ"תמוז "ע ק לפרשה כי כל ”.Parshat “For the entire community is all holy ,(1610) העדה כל קדושי : :

112

B. Cheresh – The Deaf-Mute

1 תרומותשנהמ. א. 'פרק Mishnah Trumot, 1:1-2 .1 א חמשה] לא, יתרומו או; תרמו אי, There are five who cannot separate terumah: A cheresh person, a [1 תרומת :תרומה החרש והשוטה, והקט, , ,shoteh, a minor, one who tries to separate terumah that is not his own והתור את שאינו שלו ..וכריוהנ, . …and a non-Jew

]ב שרח המדבר ואינו שומע לא, יתרו; ,A cheresh who can speak but not hear should not separate terumah [2 וא תר תרומתו, .תרומה חירש שדיברו but if he does, it is valid. The cheresh of which the rabbis speak is one בו חכמי בכל מקו שומע שאינו , ולא .who cannot hear and cannot speak מדבר . .

2 תוספתא. אתרומות א: Tosefta Trumot 1:1 .2 רבי יהודה אומר חרש שתר תרומתו .Rabbi Yehuda says: A cheresh who took terumah, the terumah is valid תרומה, אמר רבי יהודה מעשה בבניו של Said Rabbi Yehuda: “There was a case with the children of Rabbi רבי יוחנ ב גודגודא שהיו חרשי והיו כל Yochanan Gudgeda, who were chereshim and all the pure foods in טהרות של ירושלי נעשי על גב , אמרו Jerusalem were handled by them.” They responded to him: “From לו ש ראיה שהטהרות אי צריכות מחשבה ,there you bring a proof? Purity of foods does not require machshava ונעשות על גבי חרש שוטה וקט , תרומה and it can be done via a cheresh, shoteh, and a minor. Terumot and ומעשרות צריכי מחשבה . ”.ma’asrot require machshava

ר' יצחק אומר משו ר' אלעזר תרומת חרש R. Yitzchak says in the name of R. Elazar: The terumah of a cheresh לא תצא לחולי מפני שספק ספק יש בו דעת :should not be treated as unsanctified food because it is a doubt ספק אי בו דעת... …perhaps he has da’at, intellect, perhaps he does not have da’at

רב שמעו ב גמליאל אומר איזה הוא חרש Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: Who is a cheresh? Anyone who was כל שהיה חרש מתחילתו, אבל פקח ונתחרש born a cheresh. But someone who was born hearing and became a הוא כותב וה מקיימי על ידיו. cheresh, he can write (other versions: he can take terumah) and others confirm it for him.

3 בבלי. , .ב(חגיגה :)ב, Babylonian Talmud, Chagigah 2a, 2b .3 .משנה כל חייבי בראיה חו מחרש שוטה Mishnah. All are bound to appear [at the Temple on the pilgrimage ..וקט . …festivals], except a deaf man [cheresh], an shoteh and a minor

:]ב[ קתני חרש דומיא דשוטה וקט , מה 2b] Our Mishnah] speaks of cheresh similarly as of the shoteh and] שוטה וקט דלאו בני דעה נינהו , א חרש minor: just as the shoteh and minor are not “people of intellect”, so דלאו בר דעה הוא, וקא משמע ל כדתנ, cheresh is one who is not a “person of intellect.” This teaches us in חרש שדברו חכמי בכל מקו שאינו שומע accordance with that which we have learnt: ‘Wherever the Sages speak ,ואינו מדבר הא מדבר ואינו שומע שומע of cheresh, [it means] one who can neither hear nor speak. This [would ואינו מדבר חייב תנינא להא דתנו רבנ imply] that he who can speak but not hear, hear but not speak is המדבר ואינו שומע זהו חרש שומע ואינו obligated. We have [thus] learnt that which our Rabbis taught. One מדבר הו אל וזה וזה הרי ה כפקחי לכל who can speak but not hear is termed cheresh: one who can hear but דבריה not speak is termed ilem [mute]; both of these are deemed sensible in all that relates to them…

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4 ד"רש. "י ש חרשה Rashi (ad. loc.), s.v. Cheresh .4 חרש שדברו בו חכמי בכל מקו שהשוו The cheresh that the Sages spoke of in all places, whom they equated אותו לשוטה לפוטרו, לא דברו אלא במי his status with that of a shoteh to exempt him, they only spoke about שאינו שומע ואינו מדבר , הכי קי להו one who cannot hear and not speak – this is what the Rabbis took as לרבנ דמי שאינו שומע ואינו מדבר דלאו established fact, that someone who cannot hear and not speak is not a בני דעה נינהו .person of intellect

5 בבלי. , :קיב(יבמות .)קיג, Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 112b. 113a .5 .משנה חרש שנשא פקחת ופיקח שנא Mishna. A cheresh who married a woman of sound senses or a man of חרשת א רצה להוציא יוציא וא רצה sound senses who married a chereshet may, if he wishes to divorce her, do לקיי יקיי , כש שהוא כונס ברמיזה so; and if he wishes to retain her he may also do so. As he marries [the כ הוא מוציא ברמיזה. .woman] by gestures, so he divorces her by gestures

פקח שנשא פקחת ונתחרשה א רצה If a man of sound senses married a woman of sound senses and she יוציא וא רצה יקיי נשתטית לא became a chereshet, he may, if he wishes, divorce her; and if he wishes he יוציא נתחרש הוא או נשתטה אינו ,may retain her. If she became a shotah he may not divorce her. If he מוציאה עולמית .however, became a cheresh or a shoteh, he may never divorce her

אמר רבי יוחנ ב נורי מפני מה האשה R. Yochanan ben Nuri asked: Why may a woman who became a chereshet שנתחרשה יוצאה והאיש שנתחרש אינו ?[be divorced while a man who became deaf may not divorce [his wife מוציא אמרו לו אינו דומה האיש They answered him: a man who gives divorce is not like a woman who is המגרש לאשה המתגרשת שהאשה divorced. For while a woman may be divorced with her consent as well as יוצאה לרצונה ושלא לרצונה והאיש .without it, a man can give divorce only with his full consent אינו מוציא אלא לרצונו [113a] R. Hiyya bar Ashi stated in the name of Samuel: For [unwitting .]קיג[ אמר רב חייא בר אשי אמר intercourse with] the wife of a deaf man no asham talui [sin offering for a שמואל אשת חרש אי חייבי עליה doubtful sin] is incurred. It might be suggested that the following provides לויתאש , לימא מסייע ליה חמשה לא support to his view: There are five who may not set apart terumah, and if יתרומו וא תרמו אי תרומת תר ומה, ,they did so their terumah is not valid. These are they: A cheresh, a shoteh ואלו ה חרש שוטה וקט ... הוא דאמר and a minor… [Perhaps] he holds the same view is R. Eleazar. For it was כרבי אליעזר דתניא ר ' יצחק אומר taught : R. Yitzchak stated in the name of R. Eleazar that the terumah of a משו רבי אליעזר תרומת חרש לא deaf man must not be treated as unsanctified, because its validity is a תצא לחולי מפני שהוא ספק , אי matter of doubt. But if he is of the same opinion as R. Eleazar, an asham סבירא ליה כרבי אליעזר אש תלוי talui also should be incurred! — No, for there we need [that the offense נמי ליחייב בעי, נ חתיכה משתי ,[should be similar to that of eating] one of two available pieces [of meat חתיכות וליכא ... and such is not the case (i.e., his status is in doubt, but there are not two women, one married and one unmarried)…

בעא רב אשי מאי טעמא דרבי אליעזר R. Ashi asked: What is R. Eleazar's reason? Is he positive that the mind of a מיפשט פשיטא ליה דחרש דעתא ,cheresh is weak but in doubt whether that mind is clear or not clear קלישתא הוא ומיהו מספקא ליה אי though [in either case] it Is always in the same condition, or is it possible דעתא צילותא אי לאו דעתא צילותא that he has no doubt that the [cheresh’s] mind is weak and that it is not ולעול חדא דעתא הוא , או דלמא [clear, but [his doubt] here is due to this reason: Because [the deaf man פשיטא ליה דדעתיה קלישתא ולאו ...?may sometimes be in a normal state and sometimes in a state of shoteh דעתא צילותא הוא, והכא היינו טעמא .What then is the decision? — This remains undecided כייו דעתי חלי עתי שוטה . .. מאי .. . .תיקו .תיקו

6 . ):עא.עא(גיטי Bavli, Gittin 71a-b .6 אמר רב כהנא אמר רב חרש שיכול לדבר R. Kahana said in the name of Rab: If a cheresh can signify his meaning by מתו הכתב כותבי ונותני גט לאשתו... …writing, a Get may be written and given to his wife

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אמר רבי זירא אי קשיא לי הא קשיא לי ,R. Zera said: If I do find any difficulty [in R. Kahana's remark] it is this דתניא א לא יגיד פרט לאל שאינו יכול that it has been taught: “‘If he does not testify’ - this excludes a mute להגיד אמאי הא יכול להגיד מתו הכתב .who cannot speak”. Now why should this be, seeing that [according to R אמר ליה אביי עדות קאמרת שאני עדות Kahana] he can speak by writing? — Abaye replied to him: You are דרחמנא אמר מפיה ולא מפי כתב... ,speaking of testimony, and testimony comes under a different rule because the All-Merciful has said that it must be “from their mouths” and not from their writing.

מיתיבי חרש לא הלכו בו אחר רמיזותיו The following] was then raised in objection: “The directions of a cheresh] ואחר קפיצותיו ואחר כתב ידו אלא given by gestures, by lip-movements, and by writing are to be followed במטלטלי אבל לא לגיטי תנאי היא only in regard to the transfer of chattel, but not to a Get”! — There is in דתניא אמר רב שמעו ב גמליאל במה truth a difference of opinion on this point between Tannaim, as it has דברי אמורי בחרש מעיקרו אבל פיקח been taught: R. Shimon b. Gamaliel says: This is the case only with one ונתחרש הוא כותב וה חותמי ... who was a deaf-mute from the outset, but one who was originally whole and became a deaf-mute after marriage can write a Get for himself which others can sign…

[71b] R. Yochanan said: R. Simeon b. Gamaliel's colleagues differed from [ עא:] אמר רבי יוחנ חלוקי עליו חביריו him. Abaye said: We have also learnt to the same effect: “If the wife על רב שמעו ב גמליאל אמר אביי א became a shotah, he cannot divorce her. If he became cheresh or a אנ נמי תנינא נישטת לא יוציא נתחרש shoteh, he can never put her away.” What is meant by ‘never’? Surely it הוא או נשתטה לא יוציא עולמית מאי means, even if he can signify his intention in writing? — R. Papa said: But עולמית לאו א על גב דיכול לדבר מתו for the statement of R. Yochanan, I would have said that R. Shimon b. הכתב אמר רב פפא אי לאו דאשמועינ Gamaliel intended only to explain the statement of the previous Tanna, רבי יוחנ הוה אמינא רב שמעו ב גמליאל לפרושי טעמא דתנא קמא הוא .’and that ‘never’ means, ‘even though we see that he is intelligent דאתא ומאי עולמית א על גב דחזינא ליה דחרי

7 "רמב. הלכות אישות ו"כ:ב Rambam, Laws of Marriage, 2:26 .7 חירש וחירשת האמורי בכל מקו ה The cheresh referred to in law refers to mutes who cannot hear and האילמי שאי שומעי ואי, מדברי אבל; cannot speak. However, one who can speak but cannot hear, or one ימ שמדבר ואינו שומע או, שומע ואינו who can hear but cannot speak is like any other person. A man or מדבר הרי הוא ככל .אד ואיש ואישה שה woman who is complete in their intellect and is not cheresh or shoteh שלמי בדעת ואינ, לא חירשי ולא .is referred to as a pikeach or pikacheet שוטי נקראי פיקח ופיקחת . .

8 "רמב. הלכות גירושי ז"י:ב Rambam, Laws of Divorce, 2:17 .8 מי שנשא אישה כשהוא פיקח ונתחרש, ואי, One who married a woman when he was a pikeach and then became a צרי לומר נשתטה, אינו מוציא לעול עד, cheresh and certainly if he became a shoteh, is unable to divorce her שיבריא ואי; סומכי על רמיזת החירש ולא, until he is healed. And we do not rely on the signaling of the cheresh על כתבו וא, על פי שדעתו נכונה .nor on his writing, even though his mind is fine and clear ...ומיושבת

9 ירוח. רבינו , מישרי חלק חוה נתיב כב ח ה" ,Rabbeinu Yerucham, Meisharim .9 Chava, 22:5 "וכתב הרמ ה פירוש חרש מי שדעתו צלולה And RaMaH writes: a cheresh whose intellect is clear, and understands ומבי ומשיג הדברי על בוריי אע "פ and comprehends matters fully, even though his intellect in shallow שדלה וחלושה קידושיה קידושי גמורי וכ .and weak, his kiddushin is binding, and similarly with his act of divorce גירושי, וא דעתו משובשת שאינו משיג If, however, his thinking is not clear, that he is not able to understand

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שו דבר על בוריו הרי זה בחזקת שוטה any matter to its depth, then he is assumed to be in the category of a

ואי קידושיו קידושי גמורי וא קידש shoteh, and his kiddushin is not a full kiddushin. If such a person כשהוא בריא וגירש כשהוא בריא [נראה married a woman when he was well and divorced when he was well "שצ ל כשהוא חרש] אי גירושיו גירושי, text should read: when he was a cheresh), then his act of divorce is) וא עתי צלולה ועתי משובשת ולא not binding. If his thinking is sometimes clear and sometimes not הידעינ עת הידוע שעומד ברשותו הוה ליה clear, and we do not know the time when he is in his right mind, then ספק, אבל א אנו יודעי בודאי הזמ his status is in doubt. But if we know for sure the time when he is well שעומד בריא והזמ שהוא שוטה הרי באותו and the time when he is a shoteh, then during the time when he is זמ שעומד בריא כל אותו הזמ נידו כמוהו well, for the entire duration of that time, he is judged like him – the פירוש נשא או גירש כשהוא בריא מעשיו meaning is if he marries or divorces when he is well, his actions are קיימי כל אותו הזמ וא כשהוא שוטה אי binding – and if he acts when he is a shoteh, then his words are not דבריו כלו ולא מעשיו כי דני לפי אותו עת meaningful, nor are his acts binding, because we judge him according שעמד בתוכו ע "כ .to the time in which he acted

10 "שו. ת צמח צדק שא ז"לה ע Tzemach Tzedek - R. Menachem Mendel Krochmal .10 (1600-1661) - 77 על אשר שאל מכ"ת אותי שיש באתריה Regarding what you have asked me, that you have a mute person in "דמכ ת אל אחד שיודע במלאכת חייטי והוא your town who works as a tailor. He is very bright and understands פקח גדול ומבי בטוב וישא את אחותו דמכ "ת things well, and he is meant to marry your sister – how should you היא יש לנהוג בקידושי ונראה ליה למכ "ת ,conduct the kiddushin. You claim that he is not a cheresh but an ilem שאי זה חרש אלא אל מפני שהוא יודע a mute, since he knows the order of the prayers and can identify in בסדר התפלות להראות מתו הסידור איזה ה the siddur which are the weekday tefillot and which are those of תפלות של חול ואיזה של שבת ויו טוב ומה .Shabbat and Yom Tov, and what are the additions for the holidays שמוסיפי לומר לפי סדר המועדי ונושא ונות He is able to conduct business with all people, and he knows how to ע כל אד .ויודע לחתו בחתימת ידו והיה sign with his own signature. It thus seems to you that he can marry "נראה למכ ת שיכניס ברמיזה בכה "ג שיהיו with gesturing in the following manner: that they will write for him כותבי לו על הנייר הרי את מקודשת לי וכו' on a piece of paper: “Behold you are betrothed unto me”, etc., and והרב יהא מראה לו על הכתב ולרמז לו כוונת the Rabbi will show him this paper, and gesture to him the meaning הכתב והאל ירכי בראשו ה . of what is written, and the ilem will nod his head yes. For according כי לפי דברי הבעלי בתי מבי הוא מתו to the testimony of the townspeople he understands what is written הכתב ויודע לקרות .אלה ה תור דברי מכ "ת and knows how to read. Such is the essence of your words in your בשאלה : .question

תשובה החייט הזה אשר הוא באתריה דמכ "ת Answer: I am familiar with this tailor in your town, and he is not אני מכיר אותו ואינו מיקרי אל אלא חרש considered an ilem but rather a cheresh, for he cannot hear nor שהרי אינו שומע ואינו מדבר ולא מיקרי אל speak. Only someone who can hear but not speak is considered an אלא מי ששומע ואינו מדבר דהכי איתא פרק ilem, for such is it taught in Gittin (71) that one who hears and מי שאחזו ד ע"א שומע ואינו מדבר זהו אל cannot speak is considered an ilem, as the verse says: And I was like דכתיב ואני כחרש לא אשמע וכאל לא יפתח a cheresh and did not hear, and like an ilem, who did not open his פיו וכו' וכ פסקו כל הפוסקי והכל מבואר mouth, etc. Similarly have ruled all the authorities, and this is all ק"בטור א וקכ"ה סימ והב" "א י הארי explained in the Tur, Even HaEzer, 120-121, and the Beit Yosef בחלוקי דיני שבי חרש ואל וכ "בטור ח מ …discussed at length the differences between a cheresh and an ilem "סימ רל א But regarding such a person in your place who cannot hear and not אבל בכגו זה דבאתריה דמכ"ת שאינו שומע speak, he is not called an ilem, but rather a cheresh. Although he is ואינו מדבר לא מיקרי אל אלא חרש מיקרי very smart, we do not differentiate between the chereshim. I saw on א על פי דהוא פקח ביותר אי לחלק בי of my teachers whose practice it was to take with a cheresh to the החרשי וראיתי מרבותי נוהגי שהול לחופה chuppah a person the cheresh was familiar with, like one of his ע החרש אחד שהוא רגיל עמו כגו אחד מ ,brothers or other relatives who grew up with him in the same house אחיו או שאר קרוביו הגדלי עמו בבית and who could understand his gesturing. This person would gesture ומכירי ברמיזותיו ואותו הרגיל עמו מראה לו to him the issue of the kiddushin, and the cheresh would put a ring

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ברמיזות עני קידושי והחרש מושיט הטבעת on the woman, and would marry her. I saw this in Krakow, done by a לאשה ומקדשה וזה ראיתי בקראקא מחרש cheresh who also was a tailor and who was very intelligent, and he אחד שג הוא היה חייט ופקח גדול היה והיה was a clothes merchant, selling clothes that he had made. I saw that סוחר ע מלבושי שעשה הוא למכור וראיתיו he would often bring a suit against people in court, and sometimes כי היה פעמי הרבה תובע לאחרי לפני הב "ד he would be the defendant, and many of the townspeople ופעמי היה הוא נתבע והיו הרבה מבני understood his gestures, because he was very smart and was easily הקהלה שהיו מכירי ברמיזותיו כי פקח גדול understood. Nevertheless, he married his wife with the assistance of היה ובקל היה מבי ואפ"ה היה מקדש ע "י one of his brothers who he took with him to the chuppah, as stated אחד מ אחיו שהיה נכנס עמו לחופה כדלעיל : .above

ומה שכתב מכ"ת מעני כתיבת הרי את Now, regarding what you wrote, that we should write “Behold thou מקודשת לי וכו' על הנייר ולרמז לו עני ,art betrothed to me” on a piece of paper… it is not correct to do this קידושי נראה דלאו שפיר דמי למיעבד כ כדי so as not to differentiate between chereshim. This could lead to שלא לחלק בי החרשי ואיכא למיחש לתקלה inadvertent sin, for those watching will think that it is a full and שהרואי יסברו דקדושי קדושי גמורי ה מ Biblically binding kiddushin since he is not marrying her like other התורה כיו שאינה מקדשה כשאר חרשי chereshim, and in particular because he is known to be a very ובפרט שמחזיקי אותו לפקח גדול וא ,intelligent person. Now, if another person, who is not a cheresh יקדשנה אחר שהוא פקח לא יצטרכו גט משני marries her, the court will not demand that this second person give שיאמרו אי קידושי תופסי ככל שאר אשת her a get, for they will say that the second man’s kiddushin is not איש שנתקדשה שאי קידושי תופסי בה binding, just like any other married woman who had been married by a second man, that this second kiddushin is not binding. ובאמת קידושי אלו של חרש אינ קדושי גמורי מ התורה וא נתקדשה אחר כ מ In truth this is not the case, for the kiddushin of this cheresh is not פקח צריכה גט ממנו כמו שפסק הטור א "ה -binding Biblically, and if she was married afterwards by a non "ריש סימ מ ד לכ אי לשנות ממה שנהגו cheresh she would need a get from him… Therefore we should not בכל החרשי שיקחו אחד מקרוביו הרגיל עמו change the practice from what we normally do with all other שיל עמו לחופ' והוא ירמז לו עני קדושי chereshim, that they should take a person whom he is familiar with החרש יושיט הטבעת לאצבע של האשה to go with him to the chuppah, and this person will gesture for him ויקדשה הנראה לעניות דעתי כתבתי : .the matter, and he will put the ring on the woman and married her What appears correct to me I have written.

11 "שו. ת הלכות קטנות חגיז"מהר( י )16741620, סי"ח, ב ' Responsa Hilkhot Ketanot, 2:38 .11 לח

"ומדברי רש י יש לחלק בי חרש לשוטה From the words of Rashi we can distinguish between a cheresh and a דלית ליה דעת כלל, אבל חרש דעתא ,shoteh who does not have any intellect. A cheresh, on the other hand קלישתא אית ליה כדאיתא ביבמות )א,קיג( , has weak intellect, as it is written in Yevamot, and as is well known a וכפי הנודע חרש אי לו גרעו אלא חוש cheresh has no disability other than his ability to hear, and because he השמע, ומפני שאינו שומע אינו לומד מבני cannot hear he [generally] cannot learn from other people. We have אד ומצינו חרשי פקחי עד מאד , וכא found that there are many chereshim who are very smart. And here היה חרש אחד כה הוה חייט גדול שבעיר there was a cheresh who was a Kohen, and he was a big tailor in the והיה לוקח סידור בשעת התפילה והיו city, and he would take a siddur at the time of prayers and they would רומזי לו ויודע ובקי בו ועומד בשעת ,gesture to him and he would understand and was well verse in this תפילה ונושא כפיו והיה לנ זקל ללמדו ה and he would rise up at the time of prayers and lift up his hands [for וכו', וקשה הדבר למה נחשב כבהמה , דאטו the priestly blessing], and it was easy to teach this person… The משו דעתא קלישתא לא יקרא אד ... matter then is very difficult, why should he be considered like an ונראה דכל שחסר א' מ החושי החשובי animal? Should we say just because his intellect is weak he should not רוחניי כגו הסומא החשיבוהו ללא אד be called a person?... And it would seem that anyone who is lacking מ(כמו שאמר א"איוב ) למה נחשבנו one of the important spiritual senses, like a blind person, they ...כבהמה considered him to not be a person, as the verse says, “why have we been considered like an animal…”

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12 ת"שו. שבט סהסופר א"כ' Shevet Sofer - R. Simcha Bunim Sofer (1842- .12 1906) – no. 21 והנה מה דפשיטא ליה כ"למע דא יהי ש' What seems obvious to you that if he was in a special school for the בבית חינו וילמוד לדבר ש בקושי י"ע deaf and was taught to speak with difficulty through winking, hinting קריצותיו ורמיזותיו ותנועותיו ויתפקח מה and gesturing and became intelligent in that he could pray and conduct שיכול ויבי להתפלל ולישא ולית ע בני business with others, then he would definitely be obligated in all אד דודאי מחויב במצות כשאר ישראל mitzvoth like any other Jew, I have already quoted the Tzemach Tzedek כבר הבאתי "מצ שכתבצ בהאי חייט דהוי regarding the tailor who was intelligent and an expert in his field and פקח גדול אומנתוב וידע כל סדר התפלות knew how to pray, but nevertheless ruled that there was no distinction זאת בכל כתב דאי חילוק כלל בינו לשאר between him and any other cheresh. And this is implied by the חרשי וכ משמע כאשר כתבתי מלשו Gemara which says (about a married man who became a cheresh): “He ס"הש דלא יוציא עולמית לרבות ג"אע can never divorce his wife”, which suggests even if we see that he is דחזינ ליה דחרי טובא... ……very smart

אלא באלו שלומדי בבית חינו ומדברי But regarding those who study in a special school and can speak with בקושי ומבי מה שדברו אחרי י"ע ,difficulty and others can understand them when they communicate תנועותיו יש להסתפק א לומר דלא הוי רק we have reason to raise the question whether their speaking is more מעשה אומ בעלמא והא שמדבר בקושי לא akin to a skilled behavior and the speaking that he does with difficulty הוי חילוק לשאר קריצותיו ותנועותיו כי י"ע is no different than his other gesturing, because it is just learned out of רגילות הוא או שדינו כנתפקח ושמעתי כמה practice and habit, or whether his status is that of someone who has פעמי ו"מאאמ ג"מאוה ל"זצ שאמר שהוא become a pikeach. And I have heard a number of times from my מסופק א אינ מחוייבי במצות וכאשר master my father zatza”l that he was in doubt whether indeed they are הי בוויע' בקשו ממנו המורי בבית חינו obligated in mitzvoth and that once when he was in Vienna, he was החרשי שיכבד אות בכבודו תלראו invited by the staff to visit the School for the Deaf and honor them בעיניו מעשה אומ נפלא שלה והי' with his presence and to see with his own eyes their wonderful work of משתומ מהדברי אשר ראה ש מה theirs. And he was astounded by what he saw- how they were able to שלמדו אלו החרשי ואינ מדברי עד teach the deaf who could not speak, so much so that this doubt שעלה ספק זה בלבו א אינ בר דעת גמור entered his heart, that perhaps they should be considered as a fully ומחויבי במצות וכמדומה לי שאמר ובקש intelligent person and obligated in mitzvoth. And I seem to recall that מהמורי ש ליקח לה תפילי שיניחו he said that he asked the teachers there to take tefillin to them and אות שוב נאמר לי שכבר דיבר מזה ת"בשו put them on them. Afterwards it was said to me that this matter has "מהר ק"שי ז"אע סי ט"ע' וג הוא מסיק already been discussed by Marahm Shik, Even HaEzer, 79, and he also להלכה שעדיי לא יצא מספק אינו בר דעת concludes as a matter of halkaha that he (the cheresh) cannot be ואי לאכול משחיטתו ואי לצרפו למני ויש removed from the category of someone who may not be a person of להחמיר עליו כמעיקרא ש"יע intellect, and we cannot eat from animals that he has slaughtered not count him to a minyan, and we need to be strict just like we were originally.

13 ת"שו. רבי עזריאל הילדסהיימר ח"נ:ב Responsa R. Esriel Hildesheimer .13 (1820-1899), 2:58 חרש מדוהושלי .לדבר .Regarding a cheresh who was taught to speak [ ה"א סי, זה' מלוקט ומתורג ק"ללה מתו מאמרי Editors note: This is translated from an article that the author] ע"במכ המחבר יידישע פרעססע בשנת אל שמנה […wrote in the Yiddish Press in the year 1886 מאות שמני ]..ושש

בדינו של חרש שלימדוהו לדבר בבית חינו לחרשי Regarding a cheresh who was taught to speak in a school for בדר( שנתחדש בשני האחרונות עד) שאינו נבדל (the deaf (in the way that has been innovated in recent years משאר בני אד אלא בחסרו חוש השמיעה ובגמגו until the point where he is not longer distinguishable from לשונו בלבד אבל, מדת שכלו והבנתו במשא ומת היא other people except regarding his ability to hear and in the כשל כל א"בנ בני= אד הפקחי= נחלקו, גדולי inarticulateness of his speech alone. But the degree of his .הדור א"י דהוי כפקח לכל דבר כדי מדבר ואינו intelligence and his understanding in business is like all other

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.שומע א"וי דהוי כשוטה כדי מי שאינו שומע ואינו people who can hear – in this matter the gedolei hador have .מדבר ויש שלא הכריעו בדבר ודנוהו מספק .לחומרא argued: Some say he is to be regarded as a pikeach. Some say he is to remain regarded as a shoteh or one who cannot hear or speak / Others have regarded it as a matter of doubt.

מ הסוברי שהוא כפיקח לכל דבר הוא ר"הג חיי Among those who say that he is like a pikeach in all matters is מצאנז ל"זצ בתשובתו ת"בשו דברי חיי ב"ח ז"חאהע ,the gaon R. Chaim from Senz, in his responsa Divrei Chayim סי ...ב"ע' …2:72

ד"ונלע שעיקר הדבר תלוי בשאלה א כח השכל של In my humble opinion it seems that the issue hinges on the החרש לקוי באופ מוחלט או שהוא נורמאלי question of whether the intellectual capacity of a cheresh is כשלעצמו וכעי אוצר .גנוז damaged or whether it is inherently normal but like a hidden treasure.

כהצד הראשו היה מקובל אצל הגוי עד תחלת המאה The former was assumed by the nations until the beginning of ט"הי נ"לספה עד, שבא גואל לומצי של מסכני the 19th century when the redeemer and savior of these אלו בעלי ארבעת החושי ויקטור, אוגוסט ...יעגער unfortunate ones who have only four senses, Viktor August שהסיק בחיבורו הדרכה( לחינו ילדי חרשי Jaeger… who published his guide to teaching deaf children אלמי בדיבור בדת, ובמקצועות אחרי שמלמדי that a cheresh has all the capacities to acquire speech: an בבתי )הספר כי לחרש יש כל הכשרונות לרכישת intellect that can learn language, the parts of the body to שפת הדיבור שכל: המסוגל ללמוד שפה האיברי, produce the speech, the sense that enable one to absorb הצריכי לכ החושי, המאפשרי תא קליטת צורות language, and in addition to all this the means to connect with השפה ונוס, לכל זה האמצעי להתקשר ע .הזולת another person. In a more precise formulation Yochanan בנוסח מדויק יותר הסיק במחקרו יוחנ אייכינגער, ,Eichenger, the headmaster of the school for the dead in Linz מנהל מוסד לחרשי בלינ שבעסטריי Austria, stated: “Deaf people have the same intellectual שבאוסטריה/ לחרשי/: יש כח השכל כלכל אד אלא capacity as any other person, but, as is known, it is more שכמוב קשה יותר לעוררו ולפתחו כלומר, להביאו difficult to develop it – that is, to bring it to its full ...תודעתו לידי …”.realization

וחזינ דהמציאות מכחשת את כ"מש הגאו "מהר From all of the expert statements and experience we see that שיק שפעולת החרש שלימדוהו הוי כמעשה קו -reality contradicts the opinion of an earlier authority בעלמא ושאינה אלא כפי מה שנקבע ונטבע בו Maharam Schick- who claimed that the speech taught to the מההרגל והלימוד ואי לו בחירה ודעה .חפשית deaf was a maaseh kof, acts of a monkey, and is simply behaviorism but does not reflect his own volition. Behold from the words of these experts is a support to the והנה מדברי המומחי ל"הנ סייעתא לדעת בעל opinion of the author of Melekhet Cheresh, to which the gaon מלאכת חרש שהסכי לו הגאו מצאנז וכ, נראה ג .of Senz agreed, and so it appears in my humble opinion ד"לענ

14 יצח"שו. ת היכל ז"מ:ק ב ,(Heichal Yitzchak - R. Yitzchak Halevi Herzog (1888-1959 .14 2:47 עיינתי בקונטרסומ של טולידנוהגרי " I have looked into the monograph of Rav Tolidano, the Rav haRashi of א"שליט לתל"הרה, ר אביב יפו , והנני הול :Tel Aviv – Yafo, and here I proceed to give my comments :ומעיר

)א הוא מחליט שהדיעה שאלה שגמרו He concludes that the opinion that those who have learned in a (1 "ביה ס לחרשי אלמי ה כפקחי לכל school for the deaf-mutes are like people of sound intelligence for all דבריה דחויה היא, ולא נכנס אפילו בגדר matters, is a rejected opinion, and it is not even considered a doubt ספק . .(that this might be the case)

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בעיני קשה הדבר לאומר ו. הרי גאוני In my opinion it is difficult to say this. For behold, the great authorities "האחרוני ז ל עד דורו של הגאו מצאנז לא of the Achronim until the generation of the gaon from Senz did not דיברו מזה כלל ועיקר, ואלה החמשה speak about this matter at all, and the five opinions that are listed at הנמני בסו ספר מלאכת חרש אפשר the end of the book Melekhet Cheresh – it is possible that Rav Tolidano שהרב טולידנו שליט"א לא הכיר אות, does not recognize them, but they are of the greats of the land. And אבל כול היו גאוני אר, והמעיי יראה one who investigates the matter will see that among them are those

שהיו מה שפסקו שהנ"ל כפקחי גמורי who ruled that such people are of the status of those with complete (ואי אפשר לבטל דעת לגמרי )? והיו ’intelligence (and how is it possible to totally negate these sages מה שפסקו שה ספק, ורק מיעוט מה ,opinion?), and there are those who ruled that their status is a doubt "פסקו שהנ ל כחרשי לכל דבריה , ואי and only a minority of them have ruled that the above people are אפשר לומר א על דעתו של אחד מה unequivocally like a cheresh in all matters. How, then, is it possible to שהיא לא באה בחשבו ...? say regarding even one of these opinions that it should not come into our consideration?...

ה) ... אלא באלו שאנו עסוקי , ה ג קצת But this is the exact question that we are asking. These people …(5 מדברי, וה עסוקי בישובו של עול, speak to some degree, and they are involved in productive activity, and ומחזיקי במשרות אחריות (כגו בנידו ,they are able to hold positions of responsibility (such as in our case שלנו עו, שהוא )בד בעתונות , ומה זה עני the man works in newspapers), so how then is this relevant to the לרבנ שסוברי שדעתו דעת קלושה ולא position of the rabbis in the Gemara who hold that the intelligence of צלולה. הלא בזה אנו מסופקי , א החינו the cheresh is weak and not clear? This is exactly our doubt – is the הזה שקבלו הוא הרפואה "ולא אמרו חז ל education that they have received considered a cure for their שחרש גמור אינו יכול להתרפא ואדרבה, , condition? And, Hazal have never said that a full cheresh cannot be הלא מפורש במשנתנו גיטי כ ע" "ג א חרש healed. To the contrary, it is explicit in the mishna in Gittin (23a): “a ונתפקח וכו תוס(' ועיי כ' ע"חגיגה "ב ב cheresh who is cured…”. So to attempt to conclude this matter from ק"ד ל"ה והא ) ולפשוט דבר זה מהראשוני the positions of the Rishonim and Achronim who preceded this "ומהאחרוני ז ל שקדמו לאותה האמצאה innovation is impossible, for behold they were not aware of this א"א , שהרי לא ידעו רפואה זו "וע, כ הדבר .remedy, and thus this matter remains in doubt נשאר בספק

ואילולי שאי דעתי מכרעת הייתי אומר Were it not that my opinion is not worthy of deciding this matter, I שאכ יש לה די ודאי פקחי אבל עכ "פ would say that in truth they have the status of those with full מידי ספק לא יצאנו ... …intelligence. Nevertheless, the matter remains in doubt

ח) בר עצ דברי רבינו הגדול צ ע" , שא However, the very words of our great Rabbi (Rambam) require (8 דעתו נכונה ומיושב ת עליו, וזה ניכר מתו investigation, for if the cheresh has good intellect, and this is evident כתבו, למה לא יהא נחשב ב דעת ? ואפילו from his writing, why then should he not be considered a person of א היה כתוב מפורש בתורה איש ולא חרש intellect? Even if it were written explicitly in the Torah: ‘a man – and (ולא היה אפשר לאמר שאסמכתא היוא) not a cheresh’ (and we would not be able to say that it was an עדיי היינו יכולי לפרש בחרש שאי ניכר asmakhta), we would still be able to explain that that was referring to מתו כתבו שדעתו נכונה ומיושבת עליו... …a cheresh whose intellect cannot be determined through his writing אבל א היה מתברר שדעתו גמורה ה, "אי נ ,But if it were clarified that his intellect was complete, then yes, indeed שהיה נחשב פיק ח לאותו שעה , א זה he would be considered a person of intellect for that period (when it חידוש יותר מדי . .was demonstrated). But this is a very great chidush

והנראה שכל זה בלי לימוד , אבל בלימוד It appears, though, that all of these rulings were said when the person הזה שלא היה נמצא בימי חז "ל יצא מכלל was not educated, but with this education that we now have that was אינו ב דעת הוא"ועכ, פ ספק ... שזה not known in the time of Hazal, he could actually leave the status of הלימוד המודרני רפואה גמורה... one who is not a person of intellect… for this modern education is a full remedy of his condition…

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15 ת"שו. מנחת שלמה חלק א סימ לד R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach .15 (1910-1995) חרש שלמד לדבר – לעני חיובו A cheresh, deaf-mute who has learned to speak – regarding his obligation ...במצוות …in mitzvoth

ב. והואיל ולעני חרש אי לזוז ממ "ש Since regarding a cheresh one cannot waver from what the poskim have .2 שו(הפוסקי צ"עיי ס"ת צ "ע' ז written (see Responsa Tzemach Tzedek, 77, and Pri Migadim, general כול"ופמ ג פתיחה ד"לת ח 'ב אות ) introduction, 2:4) that even “a very smart person with good understanding

"שאפילו פיקח גדול ומבי בטוב ויודע and know s the prayers and conducts business with everyone, and knows בדבר התפילות ונושא ונות ע כל how to sign his own signature”, that he nevertheless has the status of a full אד ויודע לחתו בחתימת ידו" cheresh, like the Tzemach Tzedek wrote regarding a tailor whom he knew "דאפי ה דינו כחרש גמור וכמו "ש who was a cheresh and was “very intelligent”, who nevertheless had the "הצ ש(צ ) על חייט חרש שהכירו status of a shoteh, it would seem that the same is the case regarding ביותר"והיה פיקח "דאפי" ה חשוב Noahides, that a cheresh such as this has the status of a minor who has no כשוטה נראה דה"ה נמי בב נח דחרש intelligence. Although there is no reason for this that a cheresh’s actions כזה דינו כקט שאי לו דעת "ואע, ג are of no validity, save for the fact that he is considered to be a shoteh who דאי שו טע להא דחרש אי מעשיו .has no intelligence כלו כי א זה שחשיב כשוטה שאי לו דעת

ומצד הסברא ודאי קשה לומר על חרש Logically, it is definitely difficult to say that a cheresh who is fully שהוא פקח גמור וחרי טובא 'דדעתי intellectually able and very perceptive, that his intellect is weak and קלישתא ואינה שלימה וקשה לנו להבי incomplete, and it is difficult for us to understand whence Hazal learned to מני ידעו ל"חז לפוטרו ממצוות exempt him from mitzvoth and to invalidate him from the status of ish, ‘a ולפוסלו מש איש בלא שו ילפותא man’, without making any derivation from a verse or from halakhah. But מקראי או מהלכה אבל כיו שכ הוא since this is undoubtedly the truth [that this is the halakha], we are האמת חייבי אנו לומר שידעו ל"חז obligated to say that Hazal knew in their great wisdom that a cheresh who ברוב חכמת דחרש שאינו שומע ואינו cannot hear and speak is a type of a person whom it is impossible to see מדבר הוא איש כזה שאי אפשר him as responsible for his actions, and therefore we do not give לראותו כאחראי על מעשיו ולכ אי significance to his acts, even if according to our understanding he is smart מתחשבי במעשיו אפי א' לפי דעתינו and intelligent, and all his actions are done with reason and full הוא זריז וממולח וכל מעשיו ה understanding and this logic (that he is not responsible, etc.) is so strong בפקחות ודעת שלימה וסברא זו כה and true that we would even say it regarding a Noahide. For as we have חזקה ואמת עד שג בב נח אמרינ ”said, we have not found any distinction in the definitions of a “man הכי וכדאמר דלא מצינ שו הבדל between a Jew and a Noahide in the cases of cheresh and shoteh (i.e. there בהגדרת איש בי ישראל לב נח לעני is no formalistic rule of cheresh and shoteh, just the assessment of the חרש ושוטה reality, that he is not of complete understanding, and this should apply equally for Jews and non-Jews).

אשר על כ נלע שבנ" "ד ד צריכי רק Therefore, it appears in my humble opinion, that in our cases the only לדו דבר אחד א זה שהתלמד לדבר discussion is regarding one matter, to wit, if this person who was taught to בעקימת שפתי אי חשיב משו כ speak with movement of the lips if he is considered to be a speaking כמדבר או לא מ... המהר" "ש א שיק person or not… But regarding what Maharam Shik wrote that when he שהוא כגדול עומד על גביו שרק כח speaks (after being taught how to do so) it is like someone is standing over המלמדו נפעל בו ולא דעת עצמו מאוד him and he is mimicking what he was taught (lit., “he only has the power of תמוה ולא שיי כלל בזמננו ובפרט – his teacher operating in him”), and is not acting on his own intelligence ד"בנד . וכ ראיתי בספר שלח העזר such a statement is greatly astounding, and this is not at all relevant in our ס( ח' סע' ד' א' 'כלל ) דכתב נמי הכי times, and in particular in our case. Similarly, I found in the book Shulkhan דבזמננו זה ודאי דעת עצמו ולא דעת HaEzer (8:4:1), who writes likewise, that in our days he is definitely .מלמדו .exhibiting his own intellect and not that of the one who taught him

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ד"לכ נלע ... שא הוא מדבר באופ Therefore, it seems in my humble opinion… that if he speaks in such a כזה שסת בני אד יכולי להבי manner that an average person can understand his intent, even if his movement of his lips is different from all other people, nevertheless, it

כוונתו א א תנועות השפתיי ה makes sense that he is rightly considered to be a speaking person who שונות משל כל אד אפילו הכי מסתבר .cannot hear, who has the status of a person of sound mind for all matters דשפיר חשיב כמדבר ואינו שומע דדינו However, if only people who are accustomed to speak with him can כפיקח לכל דבר, א א רק האנשי understand his intentions, and others cannot, in such a case, I do not know שרגילי לדבר אתו יודעי ומביני .how to decide whether he is considered like a speaking person or not כוונתו ולא אחרי איננו יודע להכריע א חשיב כמדבר או לא.

ג הנ. "עו בעני אחרת(ל )תשובה (More on the same matter (from another responsum .3 בעני חרש בר דעת שאינו שומע אבל, Regarding a cheresh who is of sound mind who cannot hear but he can יכול רלדב בשפת עלגי שמלמדי speak in an inarticulate way - that they teach them to speak by moving the אות לדבר בתנועות שפתי נשאלתי, lips. I was asked already several years ago by a certain sage regarding a לפני כמה שני י"ע חכ אחד בנידו case like this: a young deaf-mute, but very intellectually sharp, and בצעיר כזה, חרש א, חרי בשכלו completely of sound mind, he even has a study partner in his learning. I ופיקח גמור וג, יש לו חברותא responded that his status is that of a hearing person, and also my בלימוד והשבתי, שדינו כפקח וג, mechutan Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, shlita, was asked regarding this and מחותני הגאו ר יוס' שלו אלישיב' we came to the same conclusion, that his status was that of a hearing א"שליט נשאל על כ והסכמנו אז person. Only when it came to receiving an aliyah to the Torah, it was my לדבר אחד שדינו חכפק ורק, לעני opinion that since he cannot make the blessings in a fit fashion, it would לעלות לתורה חושבני דכיו שאינו .stand to reason that we should not give him an aliyah יכול לבר כראוי מסתבר שאי להעלותו ......

לכ בנוגע לחרש ושוטה ח"בנ[ ] א Therefore regarding a (Noahide) cheresh and shoteh, even though this has שאי זה נוגע כלל לשיעורי מ "מ not relevance to the issue of shiurim (formalistic definitions), it makes מסתבר דתלוי רק במה שבודקי אותו sense that the only relevant factor is that we test them and determine if א יש לו דעת או אי לו דעת "וא... כ they have intelligence or not… Thus, what basis would we have for thinking "מהיכ ת נימא שישראל חרש שהוא that a Jew who is a cheresh and is completely intelligent, should be פקח גמור יתחי יב רק בז ' מצוות ולא obligated only in the seven Noahide laws, and not in all the mitzvoth, so בכל המצוות כל זמ שאי אנו מוצאי long as we have not found an explicit halakha li’Moshe mi’Sinai to בפירוש שיש ג בזה הלכה למשה .distinguish between a cheresh who is a Noahide and one who is a Jew מסיני לחלק בי חרש ב נח לחרש Thus, according to the Hatam Sofer that the minor spoken of there [in ישראל, ומסתבר שלדעת החת סופר Rambam, who is exempt from the Noahide laws] is only one who in fact כמו שקט האמור ש "ברמב[ בפטור has no intelligence (and not just anyone under 12 or 13), it stands to קט"בנ ח ] היינו דוקא כשאי לו דעת reason that the same is true by a cheresh (that this would be determined .כ ג בחרש .(based on the actual facts, not on a formalistic definition

ש"ומ "המהר שיק דחרש אי בו דעת As for what Maharam Shik wrote, that a deaf-mute has no native ועצמ רק דעת מלמדו הרי, עינינו intelligence, and his only knowledge comes from those who have taught רואות שבזמננו אי הדבר כ ויש לה him – behold, we see with our own eyes that in our days such is not the פקחות וחריצות משלה וג יש אשר case. There are smart and intelligent people among them, and there are ה יותר משכילי ממלמדיה ולכ, those who are more intelligent than their teachers. Therefore, the position יותר מסתבר ש"כהב שהביאו ר"כת of the Beit Shmuel, that you cited, make more sense, that they are indeed דחשיבי שפיר בני מצוות וא, שהביא considered to be obligated in mitzvoth. Now, you also cited from the ר"כת מדברי מלכיאל ו"ח בזה" נתקבל Divrei Malkiel, section 6, to wit: “This law [that a deaf-mute is not obligated מהלכה למשה מסיני משו" א"דא in mitzvoth] was accepted as a halakha to Moses from Sinai – for behold, it לומר שחכמי ס"הש טעו ו"ח בדי חרש is impossible to say that the Sages of the Talmud made an error – God בשביל שלא ידעו שאפשר ללמדו, forbid! – regarding a deaf-mute, that they were unaware that it was ד"נלענ דיתכ דלפני שידעו ללמד 122

ולפתח את שכל כמו שיודעי בזמננו impossible to educate him. It would seem in my humble opinion, that it is היו נחשבי באמת כשוטי כ"משא possible that before they knew how to teach them and to develop their בזמננו דוגמא, לדבר ב ח אשר' חלילא .intellect, as we now know, they were indeed considered to be as imbeciles לומר ג בזמננו דהרי הוא כאב But that is not the case nowadays. A parallel can be drawn to a child born מסופקני( במי שנמצא כיו באיזו in the eighth month of pregnancy. God forbid that someone should say מדינה אשר אי ש אינקובטור א ,even nowadays that he is “like a stone” [cannot even be held on Shabbat מותר לחלל שבת עבור חיי שעה של ב because he will definitely die]. (I am uncertain regarding someone who ח כיו' דבזמננו ה יכולי לחיות lives in a country where no incubator is available, if it is permissible to )ע"וצ ... ,violate Shabbat for the temporary life of a baby born in the eighth month since nowadays it is possible for them to live. And this requires further investigation). I am also reminded that it is worth pointing out to you that you should look in Orchot Chayim, no. 341…

וס דבר נראה לעני חרש שלמעשה The bottom line is that regarding a cheresh it is extremely difficult to make קשה מאד להכריע בדבר שגדולי תורה a decision in a mater that the Torah giants, whose waters we drink, have אשר מימיה אנו שותי כבר האריכו .[already analyzed at great length [without arriving at a consensus position בזה אבל ג קשה מאד לדחות ו"ח But it is also extremely difficult to push them away, God forbid, for fulfilling מקיו מצוות . .mitzvoth

16 "שו. ת יחווה דעת חלק ב סימ ו Responsa Yechave Daat, 2:6 .16 שאלה: חרש איל שלמד בבית ספר לחרשי Question: A deaf-mute that learned in a school for deaf-mutes, and אילמי, ומתנהג כאיש פקח, ויכול ג כ לדבר he acts like a person of full intelligence, and he can even speak a קצת, אלא שאי מבטאו ברור, הא יוכל להצטר little, but he cannot articulate clearly, can he count towards a לעשרה לכל דבר שבקדושה? ?minyan for all devarim shebikdusha

סופר"ובשו... ת שבט , הביא בקצרה מה שכתב אליו Answer: In Responsa Shevet Sofer, he quotes what was written to הגאו רבי מרדכי הלוי איש הורווי , שא החרש him by the gaon Rav Mordekhai Halvei Horowitz, that if the cheresh איל יתחנ בבית הספר לחרש י אילמי , וילמד was educated in a school for the deaf-mute, and he learned to speak לדבר בקושי על ידי רמיזותיו ותנועותיו , ויתפקח with difficulty through his gestures and movements, and he gained ויבי להתפלל ולישא ולתת ע בני אד , יהיה understanding and knows how to pray and to interact with all בודאי חייב במצות כשאר כל ישראל . והשיב לו people, then he is definitely obligated in mitzvoth like all Jews. The הגאו המחבר, שמדברי הצמח צדק הנ "ל נראה שג author responded to him that from the words of the Tzemach באופ כזה אי חילוק בינו לשאר חרש איל . אמנ Tzedek it appears that even in this case there is not distinction שמעתי מפי מר אבא הגאו בעל כתב סופר זצ ל" , between him and a normal deaf-mute. But – continues the author – I שלאחר שביקר בעיר וינא בבית הספר לחרשי heard from my father the author of Ketav Sofer – that after he אילמי, לפי בקשת הנהלת המוסד, ועמד מקרוב על visited the school for the deaf in Vienna, having been invited by the סדר לימוד, היה מופתע לטובה ממה שראו עיניו administration of the institution, and he observed the manner of the מכל סדר לימודיה והנהגת, , עד שעלה ספק בלבו teaching, he was astounded by what his eyes saw regarding the א אי דינ כבני דעת לגמרי שמחוייבי במצוות... manner of their education and their behavior, until the doubt entered his mind that perhaps their status is that of those of full intellect who are obligated in mitzvoth…

בנימי"ובשו ת נחלת לא( סימ ) נשאל ג א In Responsa Nachalat Binyamin (31) he was also asked if such a מצטר לעשרה, והעלה שמכיו שהצירו לעשרה person counts towards a minyan, and he concluded that since לדברי שבקדושה הוא רק מדרבנ ... לכ יש counting towards a minyan for devarim shebikdusha is a rabbinic לצרפו למני, ומה שכתבו הפוסקי שחרש שאינו issue… therefore, we can count him towards a minyan. Regarding שומע ואינו מדבר אינו מצטר למני, זהו רק בסת what the decisors wrote that a cheresh who cannot hear and cannot חרש שאינו בר דעת ואינו ניכרת מחשבתו מתו ”talk does not count towards a minyan – that is only in a “standard מעשיו, אבל חרש כזה שלמד להניח תפילי case of a cheresh who is not a person of intelligence and his thinking ולהתנהג כהוג, נקרא בר חיוב מצות ובר cannot be discerned through his actions. But in the case of a cheresh who has learned to put on tefillin and to act properly, such a person is call a person who is obligated in mitzvoth and a person of

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דעת, שהרי מחשבתו ניכרת מתו מעשיו וקיימא ל intelligence, because one can discern his intelligence through his .) יב(בחולי שבדברי סופרי יש להתחשב בכ actions, and we hold (Hullin 12a) that in rabbinic matters we give ולכ יש לצרפו לעשרה ... …weight to this fact. Therefore, he can be counted in a minyan

ונראה שלעני הלכה למעשה, כדאי ה הגאוני It appears regarding practical law, that these sages are deserving to המקילי לצר חרש איל שלמד בבית הספר be relied upon for the purpose of including a deaf-mute who learned לחרשי אילמי למני, , לקדיש ולקדושה . ומכל .in a school for the deaf in a minyan, for kaddish and kedusha מקו כשה מני מצומצ בצירו החרש איל, (Nevertheless, if there is only a minimum minyan (exactly 10 ראוי לכתחילה שלא יחזור השליח צבור תפלת counting the deaf-mute, it is preferable ab initio, that the shaliach שמונה עשרה, אלא יאמר תפלת שמונה עשרה פע ,tzibbur should not repeat the shmoneh esrei, but rather say it once אחת בקול ר ע הקדושה, כדי שלא להכנס בחשש out loud, with the kedusha, to avoid the possible problem of a איסור ברכה לבטלה... …blessing for naught

:עיי עוד "א ג ד"ימ מט:ד ה"כ.ז""י;

124 RELEVANT ARTICLES & ESSAYS

125 You Have Probably Never Met Anyone Like Me Before By Jacob Artson

You have probably never met anyone like me who can’t speak but can communicate by typing on the computer. I am an example of how someone can be impaired in one area but have great strengths in another. That is true of most people, but it is true in the extreme about people with autism.

When I was diagnosed at age 3, I couldn’t speak or move my body properly, and 15 years later I am still extremely impaired in both areas. But if success is measured by being a mensch and helping make this world a better place, then I would classify myself as a success. You can be the judges.

When I turned 6, my family moved to LA in search of opportunities for me. Our journey took us to many purported experts, but they all saw me as merely my extremely impaired verbal and motor abilities and assumed my cognitive abilities must be similarly nonexistent. After several months, me and my parents came to the last place on our list — the “autism doctor.” I am not really sure what I was expecting, but Dr. Ricki looked nothing like I expected. She wore a fashionable sweater with a colorful necklace. But mostly I noticed her smile. I had been to so many doctors at that point I couldn’t even remember all their names or specialties. But not one had ever smiled at me like Dr. Ricki. She kept smiling, watching and waiting for me. For the first time in my life, I was able to smile back. I stayed for an hour and we played with puppets, but mostly I was just watching Dr. Ricki in complete fascination. I had expected that she would have some medicine or treatment to prescribe and that would be the end of the appointment. But she said nothing about any pills or therapies. She just smiled at me for an hour as though I was a person worthy of respect and dignity. I had always thought of myself as a defective human being. It had never occurred to me that a doctor would see me as a person with the potential to be a productive member of society.

At that transforming moment, Dr. Ricki taught me that despite my disability, I was as worthy of love and respect as any other child. That smile gave me hope, and hope gave me the motivation to begin the battle to conquer autism before it destroyed me. So I began my journey of millions of small steps. Along the way I found supporters as well as detractors, and the steps sometimes did not appear to be going forward, but I persevered because I had hope and people who believed I could fly. Today those steps brought me to blog for you.

126 So that is my story. I think it is also the story of many autistic kids I have met and many poor black and Hispanic kids I have known at school. I think most kids who fail do so for the same reason I did –‐ I didn’t believe I was capable or worthy of success.

What makes a child believe in himself or herself? These are the factors that have made a difference in my life:

First and foremost, my family has never wavered in their belief that I am a child of God with an equal claim to dignity and respect as any typically developing child. I know that it has taken a heavy toll on them, but it has been a lifesaver for me. My twin sister is my best friend, fashion consultant, role model and cheerleader. My mom has been my tireless advocate and my rock. My Abba, whom I adore more than anyone on earth, has given me a model to strive to emulate.

Second, I have been blessed to have many wonderful mentors throughout my life, including teachers, Dr. Ricki, my horseback riding instructor, the coaches at my basketball programs and, most recently, my new adult case manager. All these people believed I could achieve greatness despite my body’s limitations and the naysayers around them. Kids with special needs don’t need to be reinforced like dogs with good job and good listening and similar phrases as if we are in puppy obedience training. What we need instead is stimulation, patience, and someone to believe in us and notice our little triumphs.

Third, I have found great support in God and Torah. I think that people vastly underestimate the importance of spirituality for people with special needs. Of course I have some friends who are confirmed atheists, but manye mor for whom Judaism is a lifeline. My body and emotions are very disorganized, but the one time that my mind, body and emotions feel totally connected and in harmony is when I pray. I have also learned many important lessons from listening to my rabbis’ sermons because we all need to live with meaning and know that we are not alone in our struggles.

Finally, Judaism has taught me the importance of gratitude. For much of my life, my existence was controlled by autism. Autism was at the root of every experience I had or didn’t have. I lived with constant anger at my disability and fear that it would isolate me forever. Then one day several years ago, my wonderful physician and mentor, Dr. Ricki Robinson, asked me what is the opposite of anger. I realized that it is not the absence of anger, but rather acceptance, laughter and joy. I also realized that fear and anger just produces more fear and anger, while acceptance brings connection to God and humanity. For many years I had been praying for God to cure my autism and wondering why God didn’t answer my prayer. I realized at that point that I had been praying for the wrong reason. I started to pray for the strength to accept autism and live with joy, laughter and connection. My prayers were answered more richly than I ever imagined! Sometimes I still hate autism, but now I love life more than I hate autism.

But there is one part that is still incomplete before I can truly believe in myself and that is a sense of belonging. Everyone needs a sense of belonging and many of you probably are

127 involved in your Jewish community for precisely that reason. In Los Angeles, there are now several wonderful programs for Jewish kids with special needs, and they deserve your support. My peers and I have been fortunate to have had inclusive opportunities in part due to the fact that our typically developing peers had to fulfill their community service requirements. But now my peers are adults too, so there are no more community service requirements and no one to reach out to all of us formerly cute kids who are now trying to make our way in the world as adults. I love my autistic friends, but I do not want to spend the rest of my life in a special needs cocoon.

So here are some “mensch” ideas I would like to propose for your consideration:

1. Inclusion isn’t just about me, it is about everyone. I have seen the incredible stress my family has endured because of me, and being excluded from our Jewish community, or having to constantly fight to be accepted as part of it, has greatly magnified our stress. After ten years, we finally left our synagogue and joined a new one where people smile at me even if I am sometimes too loud or excited and no one stares at me like I am a piece of trash. The kids engage with me even when they are not getting community service credit for doing so. I often wonder how many non‐disabled families have the same experience of feeling ignored in their synagogue. The truth is that a shul that welcomes me is a synagogue where everyone can find a place and people will want to join and be engaged and involved. This is not something a rabbi can do alone because one of the rabbis at our prior synagogue was and continues to be very supportive of me personally. A synagogue is a community and we all have to reach out to support each other.

2 The best peers and aides I have had didn’t have any special background. It doesn’t actually take any training to be a leader who models inclusion. It just takes an attitude that all people are made in God’s image and it is our job to find the part of God hidden in each person.

3. My favorite Jewish holiday is Passover because it is the story of our people’s journey from degradation to liberation. That is the story of my life and the lives of many of my autistic friends. Our lives are not determined by where we start. God lures us to find our gifts and to choose liberation. My journey has taken me through the desert and toward the Promised Land. I look forward to our journey together toward the day when we can all stand together at Mt. Sinai as one people, the day when everyone is included and together we bring God’s glory to all of humanity.

128 129 130 131 132 133 After the Diagnosis…

what a family with an autistic child needs

by karen gilat courtesy of gilat.org and Ivy Gilat, Zeev Karen,

he moment i learned i was preg- solid food. Patently uncomfortable in his own skin, to us he was nant, i bought a book, The Jewish entirely a mystery. Parenting Book — my first official purchase. At that time, I was a full-time cantor, liv- in those days — they seem so long ago now — almost ing and working in Omaha, Nebraska: no one said “autism,” and Zeev wasn’t formally tested until Everything in my life had a Jewish frame. he was four. At age one, though, my husband and I were told I told myself that if I was going on a jour- that our son had a “condition” — Pervasive Developmental ney, I needed guidebooks. Months of pregnancy passed, and Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. It meant little to us (as Tparenting books spilled from the nightstand — procreating, too, parents, Zeev, at some point, had simply become Zeev), but the it seemed, while my husband and I slept. label helped us, for the first time, find fellow travelers. It was at Zeev — meaning radiance — was born on a blue moon late in this point that our journey to meet Zeev halfway really began. the summer of 1993. Soon, my husband and I would learn that We moved to Seattle and I once again became pregnant, there weren’t books yet written to prepare us for this journey. doctors having assured us that “it” wouldn’t happen again. Zeev’s course seemed unchartable, and books — the tools I’d Lightning doesn’t strike twice, right? Wrong. Ivy Noam was always used to find my way — were inoperable here. Slowly, born in 1999, and she is also on the autism spectrum. sometimes painfully, my husband and I stumbled forward, find- Today, bookstore shelves groan with guidebooks about ing our own ways, not always in sync, negotiating, sidestepping autism; the disorder is now an epidemic. In relation to Jewish boulders on the path. I put my half-read books on a distant life, though, “autism families” often still feel the way I did dur- shelf, and for the first time in my life set forth without them. ing Zeev’s early years. Along with my heartbreak and numbness Zeev’s first few years were a blur of melodic dissonance: in relation to Zeev, came a separate sense of feeling “outside” Nothing adhered to anticipated scripts. Zeev refused to play the Jewish community, of feeling crushingly alone. with toys, but studied loose yarns in the rug intensively. The It felt so painful to have friends give birth to typical children, ceiling fan held him rapt. If another mother on the playground and then effortlessly find a home in the context of synagogue laughed or sneezed, he’d scream so relentlessly that we’d have holidays and rites of passage. While they joyfully accompanied to go sit in the car. Strapped into his car seat, Mozart would their children to “Tot Shabbat” programs, enrolled them in abruptly soothe him. Fussy about everything, he cried all the Jewish pre-schools, and delighted in thinking about their kids’ time, until one day all crying suddenly stopped. He refused all Jewish futures — a bar/bat mitzvah; a trip to Israel, perhaps; a

134 30 LILITH • Summer 2008 Jewish summer camp; the year the child would be old enough gun. Share a prayer, perhaps, or a Hebrew poem. Don’t worry to recite the Four Questions and later, maybe, to lead the whole about what to say; being speechless is also appropriate. Seder; that day when they’d stand beneath a chuppah — my husband and I felt so vulnerable and forgotten. let the family know that you’re there to accompany them — that every parent’s path through dealing with for me, it felt that just as i’d lost the guideposts such news is different, and no one can predict how they, in to my child’s future, Judaism withdrew its guideposts, particular, will find their way through so many emotions. too. Would there be a place for us in Judaism if Zeev, and then later Ivy, couldn’t participate in any of Judaism’s developmental passages? Deeply Don’t worry about what to say. Jewishly-identified, I would have done anything for an outstretched hand. Being speechless is appropriate.

though my family is too far along in its journey to participate in the kind of ceremony that I limn Acknowledge that their path will be different, but affirm that [see below], it is not too late for families who are now finding there will be light. Hold in your mind a vision of family healing. out — or who will find out in the future — that they have chil- Tell them that when they’re ready, Judaism has something to dren with disabilities. give them: a ceremony. Promise them this. First, though, I want to encourage rabbis and cantors to Maybe they won’t want it, but maybe they will. Maybe they reach out to these parents when they hear that something’s will want it some day in the future when they feel ready to developmentally amiss — whether that be in relation to the acknowledge their acceptance of their child’s diagnosis. Maybe child adopted from abroad, or to the biologically-related they will want it at their home with just a few people present, one born right here. Pick up the phone. Say, “I hear your or with other parents of children with disabilities farther along child’s been diagnosed. Can I visit?” The parents will feel in their journeys. Maybe they will want to have a ceremony so embraced… so embraced by Judaism. Let them feel that in the synagogue. Tell them that some day — if they want Judaism is there for them; not just at a bar/bat mitzvah, but at it — Judaism is there to sacralize their path. the beginning — whatever that beginning is. At the visit, just sit If my husband and I had had such an experience, it could with them. Have a cup of tea. Sing “Eli, Eli” or a wordless nig- have changed our world.

Havdalah – A New Ritual to welcome an autistic child into the jewish community, and to affirm parents’ acceptance of their child’s difference

instructions: Turn the lights low and light the braided We accept her diagnosis while knowing, at the same Havdalah candle. time, that she is much, much more than her diagnosis. We honor ____’s difference while working, at the same leader: Havdalah is the short, sweet ceremony tradi- time, towards helping her live more fully and comfortably tionally performed at the end of the Sabbath to usher out in the larger world. Through this ceremony, we commit the holy day of Shabbat and to usher in the more ordi- to meeting ____ where she is — as she is — and we also nary days of the week. Havdalah honors difference, and commit to enriching who she can be. teaches that the world was created through difference: In Genesis, God separates light from darkness, then water all: Prayer cannot bring water to parched fields, nor from empty space, then Earth from water. We celebrate mend a broken bridge, nor rebuild a ruined city. But difference, too. Tonight, we celebrate ____, a child with prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, and autism who is different from neuro-typical children. Our rebuild a weakened will. Blessed are You, Creative Source tradition teaches us that difference is sacred. in the Universe, Who helps us appreciate this difference. amen. [adapted from Gates of Prayer] parents: Through this ceremony we share with all of you here our acceptance of ____’s difference as sacred.

135 www.Lilith.org • LILITH 31 a prayer for community a prayer to hallow difference

instructions: Hand over hand, an adult helps ____ hold instructions: An adult helps ____ hold aloft the braided aloft a ceremonial cup brimming with sweet wine. All join in Havdalah candle. Those gathered hold their hands to the a wordless chant. light, noting difference: both light and shadow. Yay-bay-bay… . Yay-bay-bay… .

all: A prayer for community: Barukh Atah Adonai, all: A prayer to hallow difference: Barukh Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, boray pree ha-gafen. Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, boray m’oray ha-esh.

parents: Blessed are You, Creative Source in the parents: Blessed are You, Creative Source in the Universe, Universe, who bids us share, in joy, this cup of sweet who bids us, through the ceremony of Havdalah, to relish sweet wine, rather than drink from it alone. May we rec- difference. In the light and the shadows cast by these inter- ognize that ____’s need for connection and community twined wicks, may we celebrate what has been brought “into is different from ours. Help us help her communicate the light” about autism — and also recognize how much we more clearly, make better eye contact, and more fully still need to uncover. May we honor and bless those explor- read faces and emotions. May we honor and bless ____’s ing autism’s mysteries, and pray that their research brings us different understanding of relatedness, while at the same increased understanding. Speedily and in our day. time praying for her to join all of us — her “team” — in the hard work ahead of forging connections: with herself, all: May we be bound as a community of teachers with her family, and with her community. amen. to — and learners with — this child. We commit to this task of learning and adapting as we go. amen. all: May we be bound as a community of teachers to — and learners with — this child. We commit to this task of learning and adapting as we go. amen. a prayer for the journey

all: Yay-bay-bay… . a prayer for the senses Thanks to Dr. Edna Pressler for her contribution to this ritual. this to contribution her for Pressler Edna Dr. to Thanks from Friedman, Debbie (c) Lach,” “L’chi all: A prayer for the journey: Barukh Atah Adonai, instructions: An adult helps ____ hold aloft, and then Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, ha-mav-dil ben kodesh l’chol. pass, ceremonial spices. All take a big whiff. Yay-bay-bay… . parents: Blessed are You, Creative Source in the Universe, who calls us to this sacred journey, a all: A prayer for the senses: Barukh Atah Adonai, road twisted like the Havdalah candle, filled with laugh- Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, boray meenay b’sah-mim. ter and tears. You enable us to separate ____ from her diagnosis, and to celebrate the holy in our child. parents: Blessed are You, Creative Source in the Universe, who bids us delight in our senses — smelling, all: May we be bound as a community that has com- , Tara Publications and Sounds Write Productions. Write Sounds and Publications Tara Friedman , Debbie of Best The tasting, seeing, touching, hearing. May we recognize mitted to sensitizing itself to autism. We are grateful to that ____’s sensory experience is different from ours: ____ and her family for being our teachers. We welcome Rain feels like bullets, a fly sounds like a 747, and tex- ____ and other children like her into our community. tured food touching her lips overwhelms her. May we Speedily and in our day. With open arms. amen. honor and bless ____’s different sensorium — lying on the floor with her, watching the fan overhead — but also instructions: Pass the wine and drink, and then douse lovingly prod her to engage with the world more fully. the flame in it. Turn up the lights and end by singing. We pray for ____ to join all of us — her “team” — in the hard work ahead of heightening her tolerance for sen- all sing: L’chi Lach, to a land that I will show you. sory experience. Lech L’cha, to a place you do not know. L’chi Lach, on your journey I will bless you. all: May we be bound as a community of teachers And you shall be a blessing, to — and learners with — this child. We commit to this You shall be a blessing [2x], task of learning and adapting as we go. amen. L’chi Lach.

Cantor Karen Webber Gilat, a hospital chaplain, is also a poet, actress and liturgical/performance artist. Her autobiographical one- woman show, “Full House,” is about two artists raising two kids with autism. She also gives presentations about how to include families with children on the autism spectrum in synagogue life. To see the joyful Gilat family, go to Gilat.org.

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