The Reluctant Famulus 121
January/February 2018 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gills Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359 E-mail: [email protected] Contents Introduction, Editor 3 More Stones, Eric Barraclough 8 A prevalence, Walt Wentz 11 Mysterious Kentuckiana, Alfred D. Byrd 14 Titular, A Poem by G. A. Scheinoha 17 Hidden Treasure, Matt Howard 18 The Crotchety Critic, Michaele Jordan 22 NAE Part One, Gayle Perry 26 NAE, Part 2, Gayle Perry 33 Letters 38 Conclusion 44 Artwork/Photos
T. D. Sadler Front cover, Back cover Sheryl Birkhead 6 bottom right column Brad Foster 9, 17, 32 Steve Stiles 7 Alfred Byrd 13, 15 Internet 6, 8, 10, 12, 25,
The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Some of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property and reverts to them after publication. TRF maybe obtained by The Usual or, in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, and Editorial Whim. Or a ton of Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate.
2 The Reluctant Famulus Introduction An Atonement for a crowded cover
There. See? I can create a cover that isn’t -off they gave him was quite an extravaganza, over crowded. Now this one (and the back something that could give a person a big head. cover) may be disparaged also. On the other hand it’s only normal to hold a 2017 has passed and a new year confronts celebration for someone; that’s understandable, us. Will it be as bad as the previous year? Will expected, natural and decent. That leads me to it be the same or worse? I shudder to think wonder if any of the previous Doctors ever re- about it. A much diminished issue this ceived such a send-off. Probably not William time. Nothing much for me to say. Everyone is Hartnell. By the way, the person that imperson- recovering from Christmas and New Year’s ated him did a fair job; there were signs of celebrations and working on returning to the Hartnell, as best I can remember from having real world with no frivolities, no distractions watched him in the first Doctor Who episode. and more important things like reality. There So why did he get such a send-off? I know: are better activities to spend one’s time and en- it’s none of my business. ergies on. The Christmas episode had the usual lots of Since this is a new year perhaps we should weaponry, explosions, fire and so on. The usual take a break from TRF for a while. jumping back and forth between scenes, repeat- Please don’t feel obligated to continue read- ing some of them. It all seemed somewhat cha- ing this introduction. I’ll understand if you otic and Moffettanian. (Did I just create a new don’t. I don’t want anyone waking up in the word in the English language?) Isn’t he capable middle of the night with nightmares or throwing of writing a sane, reasonable and comprehensi- up all over. “It ain’t worth it,” the old farmer ble story for Doctor Who? said as he tried to castrate a bull. And when all the scatterbrained nonsense [Insert insane, disjointed rant in no coherent ended and it finally came to the part where the sequence written by a lunatic here.] Doctor dies and regenerates it seemed rather Warning: A possible health hazard. Read it disappointing. Then there was the scene where at your peril. the outgoing Doctor meets the incoming Doc- Well, I watched the so-called “Christmas” tor. They touch hands and the glow. The elder episode of Doctor Who. Personally—you can generation passes on the torch to the[new] re- take it with a grain of salt, dismiss it as sour generation. grapes or the ravings of a lunatic—I felt it had You may be surprised that I had no problem much to be desired. But then considering the with the new Doctor when she finally appeared person committed the crime what else was to be in what to me was a lame sequence. I think the expected. From what I endured it seemed as if lady Doctor deserved more and better treat- Steven Moffatt and his henchmen thought Peter ment. There should been more than seeing her Capaldi is hot stuff. Capaldi is a competent ac- falling to earth or wherever from a great height. tor but, good grief, he’s only one out of many Why couldn’t there have been at least a little just as good or better.* inevitably there will something to show what she was like other than come an actor (of both genders.) equal to him her terrified look as she plunges to apparently or superior. He was all over the place. The send certain death. It’s the usual standard teaser to
3 ensure that the audience will look forward to he and all actors are stuck with directors, many the next episode, wondering what will happen of whom can be, shall we say, dictatorial or to her. Obviously she will come out alive or nearly so. Boy! I think I’m full of it. else there’s no point in having a new Doctor of I have more of a problem with Moffatt than any gender. Of course there will be speculations Capaldi. As if he’d be worried about me or as to what condition she will be in when she even heard of me. If I’m so damn smart, Percy, touches ground. Will it be something sensible how come I’m not rich? No—don’t answer and believable or outrageous and making me, at that! least, to say, “Aw come on!” Not that my reac- In all honesty, why on earth would Moffatt tion would be of any value. Here are a couple of write episode scripts different from his usual possibilities. She lands safely on a tall stack of ones just to please a big nobody? It’s ridiculous. king-size mattresses. At almost the last instant a It’s best that I keep my opinions to myself huge human hand reaches out, catches her and (Which I’m not doing right now.) In the end, no stands her up. one is forcing me to watch Doctor Who. Just as Oh! Wait! The whole “Christmas” episode you’re not forced to read this mishmash. If no- was about . . . you know who. (No, that’s not a body finds some of this funny then I’m going to play on the Doctor.) The regenerated woman have to hire a new joke writer. I hope no one Doctor was just passing through before taking takes offense at the preceding. Mostly, it wasn’t her predecessor’s place. She didn’t want to get intended to be serious. I hope it was at least in his way a little bit entertaining. Once again Moffat’s work took too long time to tell a short story with all sorts of pyro- To be somewhat fair, take into account that technics and, gun and cannon fire and all sorts a large number of American TV law enforce- of “cool” special effects, some of which proba- ments series are generously laden with car bly don’t have anything to do with the plot. chases, shootouts with large numbers of bullets, It was interesting to see segments of bull explosions, and fires. After all, the last resort is sessions or whatever it was among all the peo- to whip out all kinds of lethal weaponry and kill ple behind Doctor Who. They seemed like a lot anyone and anything. of them. But what do I know? I’m definitely ignorant as to how many people are required to That also holds for a great many movies, produce something like Doctor Who and any including so-called SF ones, with wild special TV series. A small city’s worth—or a village at effects in addition to what goes on in the TV least. It might be natural and normal. series. And sometimes it’s difficult to tell who *Whoa! Hold on. I’m being harsh about the good guy is and who is the bad one. (Well, him. I apologize for that. It isn’t fair. After all, the bad guys are usually killed off because the I’m a nobody who’s in no danger of that hap- good guys have more and better weaponry.) pening to me. That’s for the best. Besides, if I So Moffatt is just doing what everyone else were at the party I’d probably wander over and does and follows that tradition. shake hands with him and ask for an autograph We humans are a cruel, bloodthirsty spe- and wish him the best of luck in the future. For cies. A sarcastic comment I’ve made is, “Our all I know, he might be glad he’s not working world would a wonderful place—if it wasn’t for with Moffatt anymore. That’s just speculation all the humans.” and has no real connection to reality. Then too Aren’t I a sour pessimist? I’m somewhat of
4 a hypocrite and admit I’ve had murderous only the most important items pertinence to the thoughts once or twice. But I’m glad I don’t subject below own a gun even though I have been slightly Noah, a man ahead of his time tempted . . . Or Well all that about Moffatt was certainly Something Hard to Believe overdoing a point I was making. I’m not going to do like some folks do when they mis-quote a Whether you are religious or not, you’re certain comment from Shakespeare’s Hamlet probably familiar with Noah and his ark. If you about a woman in a play put on by Hamlet. read the following you may be surprised that it “The lady doth protest too much, methinks." is is all wrong. Or is it? the correct one, according to various sources. A Turkish academic named Yavuz Ornek, Which has nothing to do with my Introduction. has a different version. He claims Noah built According to various news outlets, alleg- his ark with steel plates, propelled it with nu- edly, Moffatt is no longer with Doctor Who. I’ll clear power, sent a drone to look for dry land, temper my response to that. At last. So I won’t communicated with his son via cell phone and be crabbing about him. It was also noted that was able to save all of the world’s species be- filming for the new Doctor’s upcoming season cause he didn’t fill the ark with pairs of animals has already begun. But episodes won’t be but, apparently, sperm and eggs. shown until autumn 2018. So there’s a bit of a Ornek says, "I am a scientist, I speak for wait. science” Finis He based his alternative flood narrative on Now that this issue is all done I think I’ll go the claim that the waves were too massive and lie down and cover my head for a while. I hope the distances too far to allow mere wood and the preceding won’t be the death of TRF and doves to function successfully. “There were cause people not want to have anything to do huge 300 to 400-metre-high waves and the with me or it. Prophet Noah’s son was many kilometers away. The Quran says Noah spoke with his son. Can I get away by claiming the preceding was a cathartic? Probably not. But there is the question of how did they man- age to communicate? Was it a miracle? It could After mailing out TRF120 I discovered I had used a version of the Karloff article that be. But Ornek believes Noah communicated with his son via cell phone. Oh, yeah. Sure. was sent to me first. Having discovered my er- ror I located the correct version and redid TRF Riiight. Well If you believe that people living 5.000 120 with the correct version of the Karloff arti- cle that had been sent a bit later (in plenty of to 7,000 years ago— the time many archaeolo- gists suggest when an historical deluge oc- time to have been used if I had remembered it. curred—had modern technology such as cell The new TRF 120 looks fine. The following item on the next page has phones (and towers) to communicate over great distances . . . I guess it’s not a stretch for Ornek nothing to do with you know who. No pun in- tended to claim other advanced technologies such as nuclear power, drones and steel allowed Noah Thanks to a certain Internet site I can often acquire some really strange stuff. to build a ship to withstand and sail through 1,300-foot waves and survey the area while The following is the result of my latest visit to that site. I won’t present the entire article, buffeted by high winds that would have kept 5 birds from flying. There are some other things we can help you The article says,” But in vitro fertilization? with.” And the alien proceeds to tell Noah and That would certainly allow Noah to build a his boys about communications devices, like much smaller ark filled with Petri dishes and cell phones and so on. When everything has beakers stored in nuclear powered coolers. been completed the alien says, “There you are. Sure, really? If you remember, Ornek said he is It was fun working with you. See you again a “scientist” who speaks “for science,” not re- sometime? Toodle oo.” Off he and his crew go ligion, so he’s looking for scientific solutions to in their starship, happy in the fact they had 7,000-year-old problems and, since wood, nails, come to someone’s help. doves and pairs of animals don’t solve the prob- Then Noah looks at his sons and says, lem, Ornek solves it with what he knows best— “We’d better not tell anyone about this. They modern technology. wouldn’t believe us.” We’re left with the question of How Noah That Ornek article leaves the us with the got this modern technology. It’s no surprise that thought, “Well that’s just one more theory Ornek doesn’t answer that question. to include in the belief that ancient space Can you picture it? Noah and his boys are aliens also helped Egyptians to build the pyra- busy working on the wooden skeleton or frame- mids, Stonehenge and other things people have work of their Ark when this huge, fancy inter- found questionable as to who actually engi- stellar spacecraft with blinking lights silently neered those as well. I leave it up to you, read- touches down nearby. Out comes a being with ers, to decide what’s the truthful version, the three or four arms or whatever. He-it wanders Bible and Quran or over and, in perfect ancient Hebrew ,says, “Hi Ornek’s. there, guys. Whatcha building, a funny looking Except for the Noah piece, that’s enough— house?” TOMfoolery!— for now Noah and his sons stop working and Noah Not quite. What would those helpful aliens says, “No we’re building an ark, a watercraft. have looked like? This, maybe? God told me there was a great big flood coming Probably not. to cover the Earth and I’d better get prepared for it. We’ll use it to save my family and a few important animals.” “Smart idea,” the alien says. Mt name’s Did it come in something like Zorglegublemurg (or what it sounds like it to this? Noah) “But if I was you I’d make your ark out of something stronger like some really strong metal. That would withstand any flood much better.” “Metal,” Noah says, "That does sound bet- ter. "The only kind I’ve ever seen fell out of the sky.” “Oh. That’s no problem at all. My crew and I can show you how to make some really strong steel. We can whip some up in no time at all.
6 Oh, Steve. You naughty boy! Shame on you. It’s funny, though, in a macabre way. That poor dinosaur might get severe indigestion.
7 Eric Barraclough More Stones Ruined Stones police officers are assuming more Eric Reed responsibility by default as male Poisoned Pen Press police officers enlisted in the mili- 2017 tary so when a dead body is found
Grace Baxter has the where-with-
all to recognize suspicious circum- Like a lead-footed Mercury, stances and almost surreptitiously this piece of news arrives some- move into detective mode. what belatedly. And the message is Newcastle has not had the pound- that yet again two local fans have ing that the Luftwaffe administered “made good.” And that takes for to Birmingham, Coventry and Lon- granted that all matters in fandom don etc., but there are night raids so are local, for one of the fans is Ameri- the shibboleths of the populous can and the other English. range from 'We're all in this to- In short: Eric Mayer and Mary gether,' to 'Do unto others as you Reed have their 13th novel out. It was would have done unto yourself,' to released in America during last year's 'Don't let the bastards do it to you,' Autumn which is why this comes like and on to 'Eat, drink and be as merry a lead-footed Mercury. as you can while encumbered by Ra- Masquerading under the slightly- tioning for tomorrow the Luftwaffe public pseudonym of Eric Reed they might do it to you.' now present us with the second in That Rationing ruled everything. the Stones/Grace Baxter series: The As testified by Baxter's observation of Ruined Stones. the improvisations of a child prosti- Baxter is now WPC Baxter tute… (Women Police Constable), having “There was no need to guess what followed her wayward Dad's original she was doing there. The clumsy vocation. She is stationed in the scuffed shoes, the fake nylon seams grime-ridden industrial city of New- drawn down the backs of her skinny castle-on-Tyne. As a WPC she would schoolgirl legs, lips reddened with usually be making tea, typing and beetroot juice, eyelashes blackened comforting women and children who with burnt cork in absence of mas- fate had brought to the Police Station cara.” but this is war-time, 1941, women The sedulity of the city is hard on
8 the children, the people and it is hard There is their standard copse of on Baxter herself. She’s a country girl question marks (that's copse not from Noddweir, Shropshire, where corpse) to ensnare and intrigue the God and goodness can be seen in reader and the novel is enriched by every season. In Newcastle-on-Tyne Mary Reed's familiarity with Newcas- there is smoke, grime and an unnerv- tle where see grew up (although not ing perception of godlessness. as far back as 1941). Competently she “She had grown up a believer. Her recreates the city without resorting to mother had told her about God and, verbosity. if her mother said there was God, And the authors appear to have that was good enough for little Grace. made a conscious decision not to en- She did not question Him any more grail the reader with the local Geor- than she questioned wind or sun or die accent. Newcastle, in dialect and rain or the mysterious power of geographically, is close to Scotland growth. In Noddweir's small stone thus the accent is so thick that “I church He remained nearby, but know” comes out as “annee.” Geordie where was He in this big cold space? slang IS invoked and at the back of Where was He in city streets where the book, hidden and unannounced, the air itself felt different – not an in- is a highly helpful “Concise Geordie visible breath of the eternal per- Dictionary.”By way of hidden help- fumed with flowers and growing fulness: There is also Mayer/Reed’s things or in winter the reassuring own web-site smell of earth blanketing the life http://home.earthlink.net/ which drowsed until spring. The gray ~maywrite/ containing articles on city was too clearly a product of hu- their books, links to a plethora of man endeavour in the material their articles and reviews of mainly world.” obscure Golden Age mystery novels. Compared to most of Mayer/ Enjoy. Reed's previous mystery novels, The Ruined Stones retains less cliff- hangers and sudden twists so it relies more on the authors' constant ability for character-driven plot develop- ment. And whether the persons are plebeian or eccentric Mayer/Reed create a believable character within a few words.
9 10 The Prevalence of A**holery Walt Wentz
Perhaps I am getting old, but of brain . . . “Me first, me biggest, me late I have harbored a surly suspi- fastest, me alpha-ape, ook ook!” cion that a**holery has become the Similarly, the “Weaver—” the id- prevailing mood of this nation. iot who veers from one lane to an- Lately I seem to detect the in- other, jamming into every tiny fluence of a**holery everywhere — open space between cars, only to notably while driving the free— veer again into a space two lanes way. The “maroon” who blazes over, all to get just a few yards far- past me at high speed in the right ther down the freeway, a little lane (ignoring the very real possi- faster than anyone around him — bility that I might shift into that might seem to qualify as a true lane to allow him to pass, resulting a**hole. in a catastrophic crash) seems a Yet, it seems more likely that prime example of the genus said idiot is, in fact, not acting a**holus. from arrogance or self- Of course I can then enjoy the aggrandizement, but is merely an schadenfreude when said maroon idiot, neurotically obsessed with immediately has to jam on the “saving time,” and completely un- brakes to avoid ramming into the aware that aggressive driving has big lumpy tractor-trailer rig that been scientifically proven to shave has been blocking my lane for no more than a few seconds or miles — and yet, on deeper reflec- minutes from the average auto trip, tion, I doubt that he is acting from while geometrically increasing the the arrogant selfishness, the crude, odds for a massive crash— or a uncaring indifference to the wel- massive traffic ticket. fare and feelings of others that dis- In fact, it would seem that the tinguishes your true a**hole. It true essence of a**holery – the seems more likely that he is merely glaring, shameless, endless de- an arrested adolescent responding mand for attention and deference, to the banal, unthinking instincts the hysterical reaction to anyone wired into the primordial monkey- getting in the way of the instant
11 gratification of the a**hole’s every shopping cart laden with a squirm- whim, the petty vindictiveness ex- ing, flailing larva, which is con- pressed in empty threats and name stantly whining for the instant pur- -calling, the grandiose lies which chase of something or anything or reveal the inner conviction that everything, while instinctively the universe must adapt itself to pawing at anything breakable the a**hole's self-centered “reality” which comes within reach. Even all these must be most perfectly after you escape their immediate displayed in two-and-three-year- presence, you can track their pro- olds. gress through the aisles by the Anyone who has tried to enjoy sounds of whining and shattering a relaxed, quiet meal in a glass. neighborhood eatery, only to have And yet . . . In fact, selfishness, his ears blasted by the shrill arrogance, whining, and the con- shrieks, hoots and simian ulula- stant demand for attention, gratifi- tions of the toddler in the next cation, approval and the world’s booth, unrestrained by its doting instant response to every petty re- parents, will leap to the conclusion sentment are all essential survival that this child is a budding skills for the very young of our a**hole, and its parents a**hole- species. For two-to-three-year- enablers par excellence. Yet the olds, they are all perfectly normal. child is probably only delighted However, they are not normal by the acoustics of the cinder- for an adult, 70-year-old man in block walls and ceiling, which re- charge of the most powerful nation echo and amplify its howls in a on earth. most gratifying manner —and its parents, far from encouraging its bleatings, are simply too worn-out and beaten down to intervene. Similarly, while browsing through a Goodwill or St. Vinnie's in search of some undiscovered treasure, one will inevitably run into the haggard woman pushing a
12 MYSTERIOUS KENTUCKIANA A Seeking of Silver: Jonathan Swift’s Mine , By .Alfred D. Byrd
The story that I’m about Ambrose Bierce never found to tell you has a link to my the mine either, though, as far father’s family. Once, on a as I know, he never looked for visit to Eastern Kentucky, it or even knew that it existed. my parents spoke to me of Who really knows what was one of my first cousins in going on with Ambrose the hushed tones in which Bierce? He isn’t what you’d one speaks of a not wholly call an exact science. In any respectable relative: “He’s case, it was from Cousin Joe’s looking for that lost mine.” I learned then that article “Swift’s Lost Silver Mine” in the book my cousin hoped to find Jonathan Swift’s silver that I learned the basics of a story that’s current mine through the gift of dowsing, which my in many variants, not only in Eastern Kentucky, cousin believed came down from firstborn son but also in western Virginia and northeastern to firstborn son in the Byrd line. The gift had Tennessee. If a mine gets lost, you see, it could supposedly come to my grandfather, a farmer, turn up just about anywhere. an Enterprise Baptist preacher, and whatever According to an account in a journal pur- else he needed to be to scratch out a living for ported to have been written by Jonathan Swift, his family on Grassy in Morgan County. From he was an Englishman who came to the Colo- my grandfather, the gift came to his oldest son, nies to make his fortune. He entered Kentucky and from him to my cousin, also an oldest son. in 1760, nine years before Daniel Boone first Please understand that I’m omitting names from came here. Following a wounded bear (like Jed this account to protect the, er, my relatives! No Clampett, had Swift been shootin’ at some gift of dowsing came to me, as my father was food?), he found a cave bearing a rich vein of my grandfather’s youngest son. Even if he’d silver near mines being worked by Frenchmen. been the firstborn, I’d have missed out on the [Author’s Note: What Frenchmen were doing in gift, as I’m the younger of his two sons. In- Kentucky after their side had lost the French stead, I dabble in speculative fiction… and Indian War is a question I haven’t seen Dear me! Only one paragraph into the story, asked. Still, those coureurs de bois may not and I’ve already digressed from it. Let’s get have gotten the memo.] Swift began to work back to that mine. My cousin has never found this vein and made annual trips back to the cave it, though, as far as I know, he’s still looking for for the next nine years. From it, he carried out it. (That’s how one ends stories in the hills, but both bars and minted coins of silver, but buried this story goes on.) After my parents’ hushed most of what he’d mined and processed. On his revelation to me, I myself forgot about the mine trips, he had to fight off attacks by Indians, for some decades until I read about it in my dis- mainly Shawnees, who objected to Swift’s tres- tant cousin (fourth cousin once removed is my passing on their hunting preserve and making best guess today; he’s spoken to me twice, but I free with a resource that they’d been using for doubt that he could tell me from Adam) Joe time out of mind; but he persisted until, on his Nickell’s book Ambrose Bierce is Missing. last trip to the cave, his crew mutinied against
13 him. Swift then walled up the cave and traveled John, and George William, inter alia. Some, to Tennessee, where he left his journal with a including Cousin Joe, have speculated that the Widow Renfro, who was sweet on him. Popular miner’s name was conflated with that of the report adds to the journal’s account that Swift author of Gulliver’s Travels. It’s well estab- lived well, except for a stretch in jail, until the lished that this book entered Kentucky with early Nineteenth Century, when declining fi- Daniel Boone in his long-hunter days, when he nances drove him to return to his mine. Alas, on read it as religiously as he read the Bible. I can the way back to it, he was stricken blind and imagine how conflicted Dan’l’s worldview was. was never able to find it again. In any case, does the other Swift’s satire ex- The basic account raises many questions, of plain the place name Lulbegrud Creek over in which the most investigated ones have been Clark County? Inquiring minds want to know. “Where’s the buried treasure?” and “Where’s “Why?” you may be asking me about now, the sealed cave?” (Academics may have a dif- “does Jonathan Swift’s silver mine matter?” For ferent set of questions about the journal, but one thing, it’s an unsolved mystery, and you how much silver is there in academics?) One know how folk can never let an unsolved mys- copy of the journal records the mine’s longitude tery go. For another thing, the mine’s mystery and latitude, which place it near Relief, Ken- is tied up with two other unsolved mysteries of tucky, in the Byrd family’s ancestral home of Kentucky’s early days. The first of these is the Morgan County. Yes, my cousin had hopes of mysterious disappearance of James Harrod, the finding buried treasure in his/my grandfather’s founder of Kentucky’s first permanent Euro- back yard! This was also the back yard of the American settlement, Harrodsburg. I wrote of Nickell family, and my distant cousin Joe also Harrod back in back in TRF #87, where I said, spent time on looking for the mine, more in ex- “On a hunting expedition in the winter of 1792, pectation of proving that it doesn’t exist than of he disappeared, never to be found. Speculation getting rich quick. Neither my credulous cousin about his fate abounds to this day.” One piece nor skeptical Joe found any silver. of speculation, not mentioned in that ish, takes Nor, for that matter, has anyone else, the form of a story in which Harrod, a man though many a hole has been dug around Re- named Bridges, who claimed to know Swift’s lief. Can we say, then, that the mine is a mere secret, and two other companions set off into folklore, a vapor of moonshine wafted through the hills to find the mine. Sadly, Harrod found the hills? no silver, but instead received hot lead from Sadly, nothing is mere about Jonathan Bridges, who’d lured him from home to gun Swift’s silver mine. (Well, I’m not sad; I’m get- him down and hide his body where it’d never ting an article out of it.) You may’ve noticed be found. So, at any rate, Harrod’s wife report- that I said, “One copy of the journal.” Here, I edly reported — perhaps to throw suspicion off touch on one of the mine-legend’s difficulties: of herself? When no one knows a murder vic- there are several early copies of the journal, tim’s (if Harrod was indeed a murder victim) none of them consistent with one another, and time and place of death, it’s difficult for anyone none of them apparently old enough to be the who knew him to provide an alibi for it. The journal that Jonathan Swift gave to Widow Bridges/Swift’s mine story is as likely to be Renfro, if such a journal existed. The journals true as many other stories surrounding Harrod’s aren’t even consistent on the miner’s given disappearance. Certainly, this story fits Ken- name, which appears variously as Jonathan,
14 tucky’s tumultuous early history. If only some- is germane is that the book states that no one one could find Harrod’s body… had found in Kentucky any workable deposit of Both the mystery of Jonathan Swift’s mine a precious metal, including gold or silver. and the mystery of James Harrod’s disappear- Nonetheless, in the year of his disappearance, ance tie into another Kentuckian mystery: the Filson, together with another prominent Ken- disappearance of John Filson. Filson is tuckian, Robert Breckinridge of the a colorful figure from Kentucky’s early Bluegrass Breckinridges, filed a land history, and it shames me that I haven’t claim that contained the pregnant written of him until now. Filson, then statement that the claim included “a in his mid-thirties, showed up in Lex- silver mine which was Improved ington around 1783, opened a school about 17 years ago by a Certain man here, taught at what’s now Transylva- named Swift at said mine, wherein nia University, surveyed land claims, the said Swift Reports he has ex- of which his was one of the largest, and tracted from the oar [sic; one must interviewed everyone whom he met assume that Filson was relying on about the region’s history. He wrote spell-check] a Considerable quantity this up in The Discovery, Settlement of Silver some of which he made and Present State of Kentucke [sic], the Com- into Dollars and left at or near the mine, to- monwealth’s first history, published in 1784. gether with the apparatus for making the same.” One must assume that he was a fast writer. He This land claim, according to Joe Nickell, is the was also instrumental in the founding of Cin- very first extant reference to the “lost mine.” cinnati, which he named Losantiville, a name The claim also raises questions about Filson’s that, read backwards, means “City Opposite the near-term disappearance: was he killed by Mouth of the Licking River.” (Fans of an early Shawnees and then never found, did he steal off Roman dictator would rename Losantiville as under cover of battle to exploit the mine under Cincinnati in his honor.) As Losantiville was in another name, or was something altogether else territory claimed by the Shawnees, Filson’s new going on? home was far from secure, and he disappeared “Losantiville” may provide us with a clue to around the time of a skirmish with them in what might’ve been. According to Cousin Joe, a 1788. Filson is memorialized in the Filson His- man who’d come up with such a name for torical Society, a prestigious private institute in what’s now Cincinnati was not above suspicion Louisville, which was around before Losantiv- of perpetrating other verbal hijinks: for exam- ille— ple, Jonathan Swift’s journal. Cousin Joe, hav- “That’s all as may be,” you’re telling me, ing examined the journal containing the mine’s “but what does any of this have to do with alleged longitude and latitude, concluded that Jonathan Swift, or whatever his name was?” that the journal’s literary style is consistent with Keep your shirt on! I’m getting there. Filson’s Filson’s. Did Filson made the journal up? Is history of Kentucky sported endorsements from Jonathan Swift’s silver mine not folklore, but prominent Kentuckians, notably including what sardonic anthropologists like to call Daniel Boone and James Harrod, who attested “fakelore”? to the book’s accuracy. Some have alleged that Having read and reread Joe Nickell’s De- Filson wrote the endorsements himself, but tecting Forgery: Forensic Investigation of they’re not germane to the matter at hand. What Documents, I’m willing to concede Filson’s au-
15 thorship of Jonathan Swift’s journal. I’m less when it was founded. Was Filson himself a inclined to concede the renowned skeptic’s in- Freemason, perhaps a founding member of Lex- terpretation of that journal’s purpose. The jour- ington’s first lodge? We may never know, be- nal contains extensive descriptions of geologi- cause the lodge’s membership rolls have been cal features — descriptions from which genera- — What? Oh, no, it’s happening again! — lost. tions of treasure hunters, as well as Joe Nickell, In the absence of answers, wishful thinking have drawn maps. To objective observers, none prevails. (It also prevails in the presence of an- of these maps matches any real place. Nor swers, sad to say, but whoever expects reason should they match, Joe Nickell tells us, as that from human beings is bound for disappoint- to which the geological features actually corre- ment.) Many took the journal at face value and spond is the setting and paraphernalia of a Free- began to look for the mine and for the buried masonic ritual. silver. The appearance of variants of the journal Yes, I gaped, too, when I first read “Swift’s is easily explained: sincere treasure hunters Lost Silver Mine.” A cowan and an eavesdrop- made copies of it from memory, the most falli- per if there ever was one, Cousin Joe has ble of human faculties, whereas flimflammers clearly read enough Masonica to know whereof made spurious copies to lend credence to cons he speaks. I myself have read enough Masonica (not sf, but criminal) that they were running. to follow his argument. As he’s making it, I can With the proliferation of journals and the spread clearly see what he’s describing: the features of of oral folklore throughout central Appalachia, Swift’s supposed mine morph into the throne of the story of the lost mine changed. Jonathan the Worshipful Master in the East, the square Swift took on other names; his mine, other loca- and compass atop the open Bible on the altar, tions— the pillars Jachin and Boaz on the porch of “Wait!” you shout at me. “How could the Solomon’s Temple, the blindfolded candidate mine take on other locations? Didn’t Filson’s being led in, only to be stopped by the points of land claim specify where the mine was?” a compass on his bare chest… You’d think so, wouldn’t you? As things Still, once I stop reading the article, its spell turn out, the land claim was nearly as vague on over me fades, and I start asking myself the geographic details as the journal. I’d like to questions, “Why did Filson make such an know what the clerk who recorded that claim elaborate allegory as the journal? Why did he was thinking. In any case, reports of the lost insert the allegory from the journal into a land mine have cropped up in other parts of Eastern claim, in which the allegory would constitute Kentucky’s Appalachian highlands, in western fraud? Why would as respectable a Bluegrass Virginia, in northeastern Tennessee… aristocrat as Robert Breckinridge go along with Along with variants in the mine’s location Filson in filing a false land claim?” Sadly, come variants in the legend’s key details. In one Breckinridge took the answer to the last ques- variant, Jonathan Swift was actually a pirate tion to the grave with him. Sadlier, Filson took who hid his ill-gotten gains in an Appalachian the answers to all of the questions to the grave cave and then concocted a tale of the silver — or wherever else he went. It is undeniable mine to cover his activities in the hills. (I leave that many of Filson’s close acquaintances in the it to the reader to pick flaws in this version of Bluegrass were Freemasons. It’s also undeni- the legend. Joe Nickell torpedoed it below the able that Filson was living in the house of a co- waterline.) In another variant, Swift had a suc- founder of Lexington’s first Masonic lodge cessor, Solomon Mullins, who claimed in the
16 early 1800’s to have found the mine near Pine find a copy of Ambrose Bierce is Missing on Mountain in Virginia. Mullins used the mine’s your own. Good luck! silver to make counterfeit coins, for which he was arrested and prosecuted, ironically because TITULAR #6 the mine’s silver made his counterfeits better Insomnia arrives in the land of plenty than real coins were. Don’t you hate it when when least expected. Why worry about that happens? He became a fugitive rather than lack of sleep while there’s much to do about serve jail time and, like so many others associ- nothing? Start with clearing brush so he ated with the legend, died without having re- can peep on those who zen swim through his vealed the mine’s location. Thus, treasure hunt- nightmares. Be one with the strokes. ers keep n digging… Of course, this always results in a late awakening and the ever present ritual As do geologists, who’ve cast a wet blanket tears. He gets up, gets over it and then on the legend. They report that they’ve never he sets down his cup. found more than a trace of silver in Appala- Nothing however, dispels the morning chia’s sandstones, shales, and limestones, after fog. Existence might be easier if he though they’ve found plenty of silvery sub- could figure out exactly what men want. stances — pyrites, mica, and galena — that can Not easy despite his place in the gender. All fire and then dash a treasure hunter’s dreams. he understands is afterwards, when Still, absence of evidence isn’t evidence of ab- pale and headed to a certain rest. sence, for the geologists could just have missed Still, that is so final. Before it that one lucky vein… actually happens, he'll be witless wit- Well, at least three lucky veins, for there ness to the whole affair down at the were those other mines that the Frenchmen beach. Enough to rile him, when the were working, weren’t there? Still, as things time eventually comes to grab his tools turn out, you don’t need an actual silver mine to and dismantle the town. make money from it. Witness Campton, Ken- tucky, county seat of Wolfe County (one county over from Morgan) which hosts the Swift Silver Mine Festival every Labor Day weekend (https:// www.facebook.com/ WolfeCountySwiftSilver- MineFestival/). Wolfe Countians will tell you that the mine is somewhere along local Swift’s Creek, but, until the mine is found, you’re wel- come to join them in their festivities and sup- port the local economy. Merchants who’ve done well at the festival can then exchange their earnings for silver and say, “It’s mine!” [For further reading, I recommend to you The Legends of Swift’s Silver Mines (http:// web.archive.org/web/20070823124119/http:// www.rootsweb.com:80/~vawise/SilverMine/ SwiftsSilverMine.html), which reprints a wealth of articles on the subject. You’ll have to
17
18
19
20
21 The Crotchety Critic By Michaele Jordan Sister Alice and Another Child Thief
I mentioned back in issue #120 that, having But Brom had not just read Peter Pan and gone through such a run-around trying to re- Wendy (1911, J.M. Barrie, based on his 1904 search simple publication information on play, Peter Pan: the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Melissa Snark’s The Child Thief, I was going to Up, later re-titled Peter and Wendy.) He had try a different version of The Child Thief, one also read the real source book, Peter Pan in written by Gerald Brom. And so I did. I admit Kensington Gardens. The timing gets a little to second thoughts when I saw the cover, on odd here. Kensington Gardens came out in which the author was identified simply as 1906, and so is predated by the play. One has to Brom. (Both Wikipedia and the library attribute conclude that it was the play that garnered a first name to him.) enough attention to make publication of the But the liner notes mention that before Mr. book possible. You will note that I carefully do Brom became a writer, he was a successful fan- not say that Kensington Gardens was based on tasy artist. (In fact, he illustrated The Child the play. It wasn’t. In both tone and content, it Thief himself.) He would not be the first to as- is clearly earlier, or at least very different. sign different authorial names to different One could argue that when the play proved groups of work. For instance, the late, and popular, Barrie was put under a certain amount much lamented, Iain M. Banks only used his of pressure to produce more, and so knocked middle initial when writing SF/F. His out a prequel. But I don’t think so. One: turn of 'mainstream' novels are all attributed to Iain the 19th century publishing houses didn’t work Banks. And if you haven’t followed him in his that way. They would have asked first for an non SF/F persona, allow me to recommend immediate novel version, and then pressed for Whit, or Isis Among the Unsaved (Little, Brown sequels. (The prequel is pretty much a modern & Company, 1995). Twenty-two years later I invention.) And yet it was seven years after the still think this funny, rambling, weird novel is play that the novel version came out, and there one of the best books I have ever read. never was a sequel. The Child Thief is a remix of Peter Pan. Secondly, Kensington Gardens does not Brom makes no bones about it. He discusses in carry any of the earmarks of a prequel. There is the afterword what elements of Pan led him to no foreshadowing of the upcoming events, no think this was a workable idea. Unlike the two doubling down on the style that had already (count ‘em, two!) dreadful movies that remixed proved itself popular. Just the opposite. Peter Pan—Hook (1991, d. Spielberg, Dustin Hoff- Pan in Kensington Gardens is a soft, whimsi- man, Robin Williams) and Pan (2015, d. cal, precious but often bittersweet, in which the Wright, Hugh Jackman.) I don’t mention the infant Peter—origin unknown—floats through a 2003 Peter Pan, which wasn't all that bad.— secret wilderness without parents or friends, Brom knows the background material well. The associating with fairies and wild things. Al- movies credited Barrie as one of their sources, though it is aimed a children, it is aimed at Vic- but clearly had not read him, and were simply torian children who were more sternly ruled borrowing from the 1953 Disney film. than modern kids, and learned early that the world can be a dangerous place.
22 I think (and yes, I’m just guessing) that in a good idea, but I recognize Brom meant to 1903 or so, a publisher told Mr. Barrie that his make it plain that, from his earliest infancy, Pe- book lacked action and story (technically true) ter had never seen anything good in humans. and needed to be more cheerful, but was prom- Neverland is not a pretty place. It once was, ising enough that he should consider a rewrite. we are told: a lovely wilderness where food Hence the play. Which did so well, that it be- grew everywhere, and fascinating creatures, came possible to sell the book (with marvelous many of them magical, abounded. But at the Arthur Rackham illustrations.). Which did well time of our story it is suffering under a creeping enough to lead to another book, based on the plague which turns everything grey and inedi- play. ble. The dying plant life is not the only prob- You've probably figured out by now that I lem. There are also pirates. The pirates even loved Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens. have a captain who wears a tricorn hat. But I didn’t love Peter Pan and Wendy. I liked they're not like the pirates you remember from it well enough. But I didn't'’ love it. I probably the book (or the movie.) loved the play, which I saw at the age of three, Neverland really is a magical isle, but exists but I don’t really remember—despite the fact in the real world—in a way. It is surrounded by that my mother dined out on the tale of driving a mist, put there centuries ago to protect it from home in LA traffic (notorious even in the 50’s), the brutal encroachments of expanding western trying to prevent two crowing children from civilization. Crossing the mist is difficult and attempting to fly out of her convertible. dangerous. Within this barrier, the magic of the Loving Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens island protects the inhabitants from everything, was a lonely business. Everybody and their sec- except each other. Up until the onset of the ond cousin once removed knew Peter Pan and plague, the woods were ever flowering. Did the Wendy. But I can’t remember the last time I wild creatures bear young and die? We are not met, or at least connected on paper with, some- told, and presumably they must to some extent, one who had read Kensington Gardens, or had because the lost boys hunt for meat. Or maybe even heard of it. I felt great sympathy for Brom not—they are happy, long-lived creatures. as he talked about the underlying darkness in it, Spirits are, by nature, nearly immortal. And the many hints that there were ugly creatures the lost ‘boys’ (some are girls) do not age ei- and unpleasant outcomes lurking under the po- ther. They never get sick. If injured, they heal lite veneer. He’s perfectly right about that. with astonishing speed. They can be killed, but Does that mean these dark things should be not easily. They grow into strong and muscular put brought up front in a retelling? I don’t little martial artists, with only minimal practice. agree with a number of Brom’s decisions. Some of them have been with Peter for centu- (Although I am humbly grateful to him for dis- ries. pensing with Tinkerbell.) But he does what he There’s a catch. The magic of the island is set out to do. He places Peter in a modern set- the natural habitat of its various spirit residents. ting, and plainly displays the dangers and the And the children are untroubled by it, because grime of that setting. The lost boys here did not they are just children, still similar to spirits in just “fall out of their prams.” They fled horrific many ways. But adults cannot absorb the circumstances, and faced real danger in the magic. If adults are brought over they transform crossing to Neverland. Peter himself is gifted within a short time into leathery, misshapen, with an origin. (I definitely don’t think that was and hopelessly violent monsters. Sometimes
23 Peter miscalculates the age of a new recruit. 2003) I had never read a single one of his nov- When that happens, Peter and his tribe do not els. I didn’t even know he’d written any novels. usually wait for the transformation to be com- When I said as much to my husband, he said, plete. Too dangerous. “Oh, sure, you have. Don’t you remember? Centuries ago a colony ship carrying reli- That book about the really big ship?” I stared at gious pilgrims to the New World was blown off him blankly. “Oh, you know. The BIG ship. So course into the mist. It nearly foundered but a big it had a planet inside it.” My stare grew few survivors made their way to the island. blanker. I had not read any such book. The very Those that survived are as nearly immortal as idea of such a book made no sense to me. He Peter and his tribe, but they are so damaged that stared into my blank stare, and shook his head neither the children nor the local spirits recog- sadly. “Well, You should read him. He’s good. nize them as human. They may walk on two He thinks REALLY big.” legs and talk, but they are beasts. And these The funny thing is, I thought I knew Robert transformed pilgrims—still fanatically religious Reed’s work pretty well. He’s got a story in in the worst sense of the term—are the pirates. pretty much every other issue of F&SF. So how They still think of themselves as human, of could he have all these novels without my course. They see the spirits (including Peter) as knowing about it? Obviously, I need to read the demons. They hate the tribe, although they ac- editor’s caption/intros more carefully. (And yes, knowledge the possibility that some of them are as you have doubtless already guessed, there is still human children, and will make efforts to a book about a ship so big it has a planet inside ‘save’ them when feasible. Mostly they want to it. It’s called, The Greatship.) go home, or at least away. But the mist remains All this is a roundabout way of saying that I impassible, no matter which way you try to was plainly forewarned that Mr. Reed thinks cross it. big, but I still had no idea of what to expect. And there are elves. We do not see much of Sister Alice certainly does think big. It opens them for most of the book, although Neverland with a gang of children engaged in a furious is their island, and their beautiful queen still snowball fight, a little more high tech than we lives in the heart of it, where the plague has not are used to (they have snowball launchers) and yet reached. They are not friends to Peter, but more organized than is our norm (they have mostly they leave him alone, playing politics large snow forts and quasi-military teams), but among themselves. Their world, too, is heading the concept is so familiar that for a moment we into crisis. are lured into accepting the image as near fu- I didn’t hate The Child Thief. The story is ture. And then the bomb drops. This game is solid. Brom does not cheat on the parameters he taking place ten million years in the future and has set up. I was uncomfortable with the end- the players are all at least fifty years old, chil- ing, but an argument could be made to support dren only in comparison to their immediate it. And I found many of Brom’s translations family members, who are thousands of years interesting. But. . . I guess I just miss the old. whimsy, the charm of the original. Our protagonist is Ord. He is the baby of Oddly enough my second book also starts the Chamberlain family, which goes back into with children, although it doesn’t stay there the mists of time, back to the age of wars and long. I blush to admit that when I first came conquest, when humans—realizing they were across Sister Alice by Robert Reed (Tor Books, on the brink of self-destruction—conceived a
24 radical plan for averting their own darkness. like families—each carrying its own, infinitely They chose a thousand persons who were gen- repeated weakness—are circling its aftermath, erally acclaimed as good, persons in whose searching for solutions. hands the future could be entrusted. And then Yes, Mr. Reed thinks big. I admit, I found they made them immortal. None of them were his grandeur of scale beyond me. I lost all track permitted to breed, per se, but they were en- of how far away from each other in space or couraged to clone themselves, with such im- time places or events were supposed to be, or of provements as seemed appropriate. And these what was roughly consecutive or simultaneous families have overlooked the spread of human- or adjacent. Over time, so many layers of the ity across the galaxy ever since then. characters were stripped away or changed Before the snowball fight is even con- around that they became almost outlines of cluded, astonishing news arrives. Sister Alice is themselves. Credit where credit is due: the returning home. It reads like a running joke, more simplistic the characters became, the more that she is always called sister. She is a matri- intensely recognizable they were. arch of the clan, one of the first generation, So, much as I hate to admit it, this book enormously ancient, and possessed of all the may have been a little too hard for me. I grew skills and wisdom that can be acquired over weary of it, of trying to keep up with it. Which millions of years. To most of the family she is doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try. just a legend. And yet, thanks to cloning, she is a sister. And she wants to see Ord. Why exactly she wants to see Ord is not clear, not even when she meets with him. Her motives are subtle, her confidences non- existent. These people—not just the Chamber- lains, but all the families—have Talents. Abili- ties they have developed over millennia. It is not entirely clear whether these Talents are hardware or programming, maybe both, maybe wetware, but whatever they are, they enable the individuals to fly through deep space and per- ceive molecular changes. And they can be re- moved or exchanged at will. These people seem able to exceed the speed of light—except they don’t. They speak casu- ally of whatever fractions of the speed of light are called into play at any given time. They only seem to fly faster, as the story unfolds over, not just millennia, but millions of years, and they have the Talent to perceive that as nor- mal when they wish.. These people are gods. And yet not flawless. The story is too com- plex, and too large scale for me to tell you more than that an error has been made, and the god-
25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 letters
. of Sealand: Where to begin? DAVE ROWE Well, it really began back in World War 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 Two, when the British built sea forts FRANKLIN IN46131-9Z118 along the Anglian coast and entry to Dear Tom, the Thames Estuary. With the usual Re: TRF 120 eccentric British ingenuity, they towed barges out to the north sea, each with a Steve’s lament that illos and covers tall pillar on it (either metal girder or con- don’t get the loc comments they deserve has crete tower, like a thick silo) or two tall pil- been intoned in lowered voices by many a fa- lars on each. The barges were then synchro- nartist. It’s probably because word-articles nously sunk, leaving about sixty feet of usually have an instant personal connection tower above the water line. On top of the to some degree or another, whereas illos usu- towers a platform or metal fort was built and ally don't and are too often regarded as super- on top of that, ack-ack guns (anti-aircraft can- fluous ornamentation. nons) to give the Luftwaffe a warm welcome. With Gayle’s paleontology being so In the Sixties, Pop Pirate Radio Stations popular, it’s surprising that no one has used the forts, as they were outside the come up with a complimentary series about (then) Three Mile Sovereignty Limit (Now newly discovered living species. For exam- there is another basis for a series of articles: ple, just in the week that TRF120 arrived, There were around eighteen British pirate the Cordillera Azul Antbird was discovered radio stations in the Sixties, nowadays they in Peru and naturalists suddenly found there seem to have been just a flash in the pan but were six new species of Silky Anteater when they totally changed British radio for good or DNA tests showed what was thought to be ill and the stories about their organized one species was in fact seven! chaos are legion). As Al has mentioned he might con- Two of the stations were the creation of tinue Kentuckiana in the future, would he Paddy Roy Bates who took over the Roughs please write a short piece on Middlesboro, Tower fort. After the death of pirate radio, Kentucky. He should know why. Bates declared Roughs Tower to be a sover- And his piece on sea dwellings really eign nation, all 0.0015 square miles of it, and deserved expansion into a series of explana- named it The Principality of Sealand. His tory articles... son, Michael, is now the micronation's For instance, the Solent Forts were built Prince Regent, altho’ both Paddy and Michael IN the stretch of water between the Isle of lived on the mainland. Wight and Portsmouth back in 1865 to Send them money and they'll make you 1880 to help protect Portsmouth Harbor. a Lord or Lady, send them an obscene They have fifteen feet thick armored amount of money and they'll make you a Duke walls and in 2012 were converted to lux- or Duchess. ury hotels by Clarenco. As for the Principality All this sounds downright comical but Sealand has a violent history, involving gun-
38 fire, hostages and dawn raids. only two pages long, one saga As Paddy Bates once declared lasted five. It was a quick read. "I might die young or I might die Never heard any of the re- old but I will never die of bore- cordings. dom.' Until the '90s . [[That attitude toward artwork of any kind is And that was on a Reggae radio program saddening. Evidently some of those who read (of all things!). fanzines are misguided. They must be aware of After each song, one of the short, short tales the statement that, “ A picture is word a thou- was broadcast. sand words (or some such number). I’m not one On a reggae program.. of them. I appreciate what Steve, Brad, Sheryl, It was Halloween. Kurt and others create. I envy them because I With regard to Eric's brief mention of Night lack such a skill. To me the text and the artwork Of The Demon with Niall MacGinnis. In the complement each other. Those who aren’t U.S. it was released as Curse Of The De- aware are missing a lot.//Now that you mention mon and had 13 minutes cut out of it. Hope it, it’s surprising there aren’t any such articles that no fans went scurrying off to find a about the discovery of new species these days. copy of Night thinking that it was a sequel. I’ve seen headlines about such discoveries.// As for Jack the Ripper: The mystery Well we’ll wait and see if Al responds to your may have been resolved. One of the police suggestion.//That last part of your loc regard- inspectors on the case was later quoted as ing the Solent Forts could have been a column saying that the only thing that stopped an ar- couldn’t it instead of a mere comment.]] rest in the Ripper case was a suicide. DAVE ROWE Back in those days you didn't name an ac- 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 cused unless he was capable of defending him- FRANKLIN IN46131-92112 self and a dead man can't do that. Dear Tom, Oddly enough back in the early 1960s Re: TRF120 (again) there was another murderer going around the Ripper's old “happy hunting grounds.” Again the victims were prostitutes but the A couple of things that got forgotten in the modus operandi was strangulation. Again loc of December 18th... the murders suddenly stopped, again the case Way back in the '60s, picked up a Bel- was never solved but years later one of the po- mont paperback of very short stories enti- lice investigators said that they had the sus- tled Tales Of The Frightened. It was a col- pects down to one of two men. One of them lection of stories which Boris Karloff read committed suicide and the murders stopped. on a Mercury LP. Nearly all were written [[That Belmont paperback, Tales of the Fright- by Michael Avallone, who wrote over 223 ened seems interesting. It would be nice to ac- mystery/spy novels and referred to himself quire a copy of it. As if I need more books as “the fastest typewriter in the East.” (Hah!). Regarding your comments about the One of the stories was by John Wyndham Karloff article by Eric: I haven't yet gone look- and it is rumored that one (The Frightened) was ing for those movies. It’s still in the back of my by Karloff himself. mind. Interestingly, while going through a mail All started with the line “Are You One order catalog of DVDs I came across some Of The Frightened?” Most of them were
39 other Karloff movies . Mr. Wong, De- then, Mom came in, and I didn’t get to see tective : The complete collection and the promised vengeance. I also forgot the The Boris Karloff Collections with name of the movie and the lead actor until I various other movies. I’m tempted to recently sent out a call for help on Facebook buy those and eventually add the ones and learned that I’d been watching “The Man in Eric’s article.// Has the true identity They Could Not Hang” starring Boris Kar- been solved? There have been many loff. I suspect that Eric Barraclough would claims as to who it was. If so, I’ve not have needed the Internet to tell him these missed seeing who it was. A side comment. Our facts. younger daughter, Julia,(Younger . . . She’ll be I salute Gayle Perry’s ability to come up 42 this coming July.) has a modest collection of with a title like “The Case of the Salted Pro- Jack the Ripper books. I might add some more toichthyosaurus.” I see Holmes examining it on to it if she’s still interested.// That 1960s Jack a dark and stormy moor— perhaps with a knife the Ripper seems somewhat like an eerie coinci- and fork in hand. dence. A descendant? No. I doubt it Fred Lerner is right about Kentucky’s driver’s license's being useless for getting past From Al Byrd the TSA. If I fly again, I’ll have to take along my passport. We’re back in the days of the Ar- Dear Tom, ticles of Confederation . . . I’ll write a longer loc next time, I hope. Just Thank you for TRF #120. I enjoyed the now, I’m shivering in my office as the mercury cover and would likely read a story that went plummets towards zero. Thank you again for with it. I also enjoyed the classic covers that TRF #120, and I look forward to the next ish. you reprinted inside the zine. If only the covers of most books printed today were as artistic as Best wishes, these! Al (Alfred D. Byrd) Thanks to Eric Barraclough for “More Kar- loff.” The story of a lost television series was [[Alas. As far as I know there is no accompany- engrossing. It also recalled to me my own story ing story. Unless the cover creator wrote one.//I of a lost television movie. When I was a young suspect the SF magazines are reflections of the person living in Ferndale MI, my mother used times in which they were created and the stories to go for walks when I got home from school, written.//Ah . . CKLW. I have fading memories and I'd tune the television to shows that I wasn’t of watching that station long ago. That movie allowed to watch while she was at home—the you watched part of way back then makes for kind of programming that CKLW beamed an interesting coincidence.//Regarding the sub- across the Detroit River to corrupt the minds of ject of Kentucky driver licenses kind of make impressionable American youth. me feel glad I don’t go anywhere on an air- One day, I watched part of a movie in plane. That’s just one more fault in the way which a mad scientist who came out with the Kentucky works. . It’s bad enough that Ken- memorable line “The heart is only a pump” was tucky has to put up with the current so-called interrupted in resuscitating a volunteer by un- president and a weasel of a Senate Majority sympathetic police and, unjustly sentenced to leader but to have a near junior version gover- death, swore vengeance from the grave on the nor adds to the agony Kentucky suffers. judge and jury that had convicted him. Just “Kentucky itself is a beautiful state because of
40 its scenery, winding roads, mittedly a late start as far as being hills and valleys. We can only comprehensive, but then there was hope Kentuckians come to no web to put my list up on in my their senses and come up with younger days, so you work with a better governor in the future what you are given. If you are curi- than the current one. That’s ous at all, here is a link to the 2017 just my opinion.]] page http://www.jabberwockygraphix.com/ From Brad Foster readlist2017.html (and from there you can click to any of the other 16 years offered). Like you, Greetings Tom ~ not much on writing "reviews"-- all of 2001 and the start of 2002 are just lists of titles, authors, Well, clearly it's been a busier end-of-the- etc. But in 2002 thought I should at least add - year than I was aware of! Sat down today to some- sort of personal comment, resulting in catch up on some of the zines that have come in nebulous short sentences that probably mean "recently", and was surprised to see I had noted more to me than any stranger who stumbles an arrival date of 12/17/17 on the 120th issue of across those pages. (And, while I have yet to TRF here. Sorry for the long delay in getting come across "The Groucho Letters", which back. (By the by, not that it is anything that you sound like a fun read, I -have- read "Groucho would really care about, but I just realized, after Marx, Private Eye" by Ron Goulart.) years of putting down the initials for the zine, And speaking of books, all the lovely cover why they always seemed so "familiar" to me. reproductions of old sf pulps you ran this issue Can't believe it took me this long to realize-- reminded me of one of the lovely gifts I got this couple of decades back Cindy and I had a little Christmas, "Frank R. Paul, Father of Science shop that we sold my artwork out of at the big Fiction Art", a lovely bio and great collection of Texas Renaissance Festival, just north of Hous- representative color and b&w work of the man ton, for about a month and a half every fall. who helped to set the "look" of sf for decades to And to keep from stumbling over that long come. Love all this early stuff, these artists name every time you talked to someone about were inventing it all as they went along. it, we all just referred to it as TRF. So NOW the The article on "Tales of the Unexplained" brain finally kicks in and reminds me of why - was fascinating with new info, though I think your- TRF has been nibbling at the edges of my there might be a sentence of three missing be- memory for so long. But, I digress....) tween the end of page 8 and the start of text on Ah, the fannish Ghod Onwee! I, unfortu- the top of page 9. (And the page numbers them- nately, know his grasp too well, though I work selves have either been cut in half, or are com- to avoid it as often as possible! pletely missing from many of the pages in this As far as having an "unexpected book" in issue. Possibly they are right on the edge of the my personal library. I think that, since they tend cut-off area your printer recognizes, an you to bounce all over time, space, and genres, none need to pull them in a big (or adjust those meas- of them is unexpected, because there is no way urements in your printer controls) to make sure to expect what a book in my library will be. I that doesn't happen again?) How can a zine just finished updating the "My Reading List" reader tell you how much they loved something section of my website, locking up the last of the in your zine, if they don't know which page it 2017 page, and starting a fresh page for 2018. It was on? covers ever book I have read since 2001. Ad-
41 stay happy~Brad Brad W. Foster - Dear Tom: [email protected] Way, way, WAY behind. I have so PO Box 165246, Irving, TX 75016 many fanzines to respond to, and so lit- USA tle time. Try as I might, there are too www.jabberwockygraphix many shiny things around, and I am too [[Time does pass faster when we’re easily distracted. So, I have issues 119 very busy. On the other hand time and 120 of The Reluctant Famulus, and moves too slow when there is little or nothing to a bit of time to get caught up with at least one do or when stuck with something he or she zine… would rather not have to do at all. | I apologize 119…Soon, stories about conventions may for TRF having got stuck in your mind. I didn’t be all we have. I see legendary conventions go- mean to do that. I chose TRF for the same rea- ing away, or fading, or simply being taken over son you and others did, to avoid stumbling over by other groups, and being renamed and redi- a long name. Great minds think alike. Well rected. mine may not be so great. I can sympathize An interesting review of a Boris Karloff bi- with you regarding Onwee. That devil does that ography. The problem of being stereotyped is a to me too often. Curse him! He moves too long-lived one. The few actors I have talked to damn fast. I’ll have to follow your link. My cu- like playing the villain over the good guy, but riosity won’t let me do otherwise. “Groucho too many of either gets you stuck. I suspect not Marx, Private Eye” I have to get that. Ron Gou- only Karloff, but other actors who were parts of lart is one of my many favorite writers. What a the horror pantheon, like Peter Lorre, Vincent coincidence. I have a copy of that Frank Paul Price, Bela Lugosi, John Carradine, Lon book. I’s great. I have good-hearted Sheryl Chaney, Peter Cushing, etc. felt stereotyped. Birkhead to thank for that. Regarding Price was a fine actor, but also a gourmet and “Unexpected”. As I wrote to you before ,that philanthropist, and he loved fine art. Back in issue was a nightmare of a mess with some un- the 70s, for some reason, he used to love com- explainable flaws in it and left me really upset. ing up here and do campy horror bits for a chil- I still can’t understand why they happened dren’s horror show. (Who remembers The Hi- without my catching them. I can’t think of any larious House of Frightenstein?) For all of reasonable excuses. Later, I managed to make a them, the horror and the acting chops were just corrected issue that stayed that way and also a small bit of the person. have corrected copies of the article itself if any- Greetings to Alfred Byrd…we were in the one would like to have one. Now I will shut my Detroit area last year, and while we don’t know trap and leave you in peace. Get busy and pro- most of it, we do know Windsor and Essex duce more of your wacky, bizarre art. The County, right across the border from it. I’ve world needs more if it. Well a dose of more of read about how much smaller Detroit is now, Steve Stiles couldn’t hurt.]] and how areas around Plymouth have been re- From Lloyd Penney claimed by nature. We will be going to Novi this coming July. 1706-24 Eva Rd. God and Moses…you sure this wasn’t a Etobicoke, ON Monty Python sketch? I had no idea Moses was CANADA M9C 2B2 such a nitwit. January 9, 2018 The locol…Yvonne and I are not Doctor
42 Who fans, but we do know a lot of so we are both off today. And, I them. The promotion for the latest get to write letters like this one. Doctor Who special was enough to Thank you for these two issues, allow us to PVR the thing, and and I hope to be more timely in watch it at our leisure. Even those the future. who don’t watch know something Yours, Lloyd Penney. of the Doctor, and his extensive history, but it [[We do what we can when we have the time. was interesting to see David Bradley take on There will always be activities that take prece- the role of the first Doctor, and I thought he did dence over other, less important matters.// pretty well. (Others who watched it have snark- You’re easily distracted . ? Oh!. Look over ily told me that because I never saw the first there at that shiny thing. Fascinating! Now Doctor, I would think Bradley did a good job, where was I? // Regarding conventions . . . In for they think he didn’t.) looking around online for SF conventions I see My letter…I am still employed, they like so many new faces and names of people I’ve what I do, but it is only part-time at minimum never heard of. It’s the newer generations hav- wage, so it is only a stopgap measure. The job ing their day and different focuses. It’s some- hunt continues, but this time with at least some thing that’s inevitable. Although, there is still money in the bank. Midwestcon in Cincinnati in June. // I wasn’t 120…Many of us are missing Milt Stevens. around when God and Moses were together so I I have read so many articles of praise for his can’t verify the matter// There’s no shame in involvement in fandom. I hope some of that not being a Doctor Who fan. There are thou- praise went his way while he was still with us. sands of people who have no interest in that May there be praise like that for us in some series. By the time you read this part you will, I publication when it is our turn. hope, have read my take on the Christmas epi- Cajole me into writing something about sode. You’ll see that you’re not alone in your Doctor Who? Nope, not me, but I can say that assessment of David Bradley’s performance. I when Sydney Newman, a fellow Canadian, felt the same way. And I have seen the first epi- came up with the idea of Doctor Who, he at sode that started it all, An Unearthly Child and first tried to sell it to the CBC, the Canadian will likely watch it again since I have the BBC Broadcasting Corporation. The CBC honchos said no thank you, they had a Canadian version DVD of it and The Daleks . The Edge of De- of Howdy Doody on at the time. Newman then struction .//A pat on your back for thinking the went to the BBC, and we know the rest. Not same thing I did// As far as work, I hope you only did Newman create Doctor Who, but he latch onto better, full time employment. // So also created The Avengers, and nothing to do you won’t be cajoled into writing something with super heroes. He was also the chairman of about Doctor Who. What a shame. Well I guess the National Film Board of Canada for some I’ll have to put away the thumbscrews, pincers years. and Procrustes’ bed. Darn it, the bed was Now that it is 2018, things have switched cleaned and given a fresh sheet and the thumb- around. In much of 2017, I’d be at home job screws and pincers were well oiled for maxi- hunting, and Yvonne would be at work. Now, I mum performance. As for being “more timely”, am at work (usually), but now, Yvonne is offi- We do what we can when we have the time.]] cially retired. She is at the doctor’s right now,
43 In Conclusion Finally
I’ve been trying to work myself into a calm and upbeat mode. But it hasn’t been easy partly because of the presidential election, the results “Psst! Hey, buddy! Do you know the of it and the mischief, to put it mildly, of the way to Roswell? current president and his administration have been perpetrating on our Nation. How can so many voters be so stupid in their choices of candidates. Well I won’t go any farther. I’m fairly certain everyone is aware of what’s going on. I’m still working on it. It ain’t easy but I know I’m not alone in this. What can I say? I’ve let myself get all un- nerved over what’s going on and I know we’ll live through it somehow to better days. Unfortunately I’m not very religious and so don’t have a god to complain to or about or pray to make things better. I can’t completely ignore the seeming chaos around us but I’ll try to pay as little as I can and vaguely hope for the best. One was is to pick up a good novel and getting engrossed in it. I’ve got a few lined up (with some SF ones of “Get away from me! I don’t know course) and will be acquiring more, hopefully anything. Whadda ya think I am, a enough to see me through these frantic times. I’m sorry I seem to be such a downer. Plenty of magician?” people are out there doing their best to avoid the situation getting worse. We’ll make it won’t we? Sure we will. Heck, I’ll go ahead and order those DVDs I mentioned in the letters column and alternate between those and the novels. But no post- apocalyptic novels. At least we haven’t seen a mushroom cloud. So far, anyway.
44 45 46