KA LEO SPECIAL ISSUE

VOLUME 110 ISSUE NO.42 APR. 18, 2016 the

WARNING: Includes some mature content

[COVER PATTERN] SOURCE: FREEPIK [COVER DESIGN] JOELYN DALIT / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I 02 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Noelle Fujii CUSTOMCUSTOM WWORKORK MANAGING EDITOR Brad Dell CHIEF COPY EDITOR Wesley Babcock REPAIRS ASSOC CHIEF COPY EDITOR Zebley Foster DESIGN EDITOR Joelyn Dalit NEW & USED MOPEDS ASSOC DESIGN EDITOR Lauren Tabor NEWS EDITOR Victor Ong Pucks Alley, 1019 University Ave ASSOC NEWS EDITOR Courtney Teague (808) 942-9253 FEATURES EDITOR Ikaika Shiveley ASSOC FEATURES EDITOR Spencer Oshita OPINIONS EDITOR Kimberlee Speakman ASSOC OPINIONS EDITOR Brooke Alcuran SPORTS EDITOR Drew Afualo ASSOC SPORTS EDITOR Zach Johnson COMICS EDITOR Khari Saffo WEB EDITOR Alden Alayvilla Working for the Department of Parks and ASSOC WEB EDITOR Eryn Yuasa Recreation children’s Summer Fun Program. If SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Jasmine Yi you complete at least one year of college (24 PHOTO EDITOR Ken Reyes credits) by June 2016 and intend to continue ASSOC PHOTO EDITOR Shane Grace towards a degree in the Fall, apply online at: ASSOC PHOTO EDITOR Reese Kato HONOLULUPARKS.COM SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR Nicolyn Charlot ASSOC SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR Starting pay: $10.25 per hour Christina Yan Returning DPR Student Aides: $11.50 per hour. MARKETING DIRECTOR Ashley Maria For more information, call 768-3020.  ADMINISTRATION Ka Leo O Hawai‘i is the campus newspa- per of the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa. It is published by the Student Media Board weekly except on holidays and during exam periods. Circulation is 10,000. Ka Leo is also published once a week during summer ses- sions with a circulation of 5,000. Ka Leo is funded by student fees and advertising.

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[email protected] BREAKFAST · LUNCH · DINNER · LATE NIGHT WWW.KALEO.ORG @KALEOOHAWAII 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 03

TABLE OF CONTENTS

04 • Consent the • Title IX 05 • Sex, gender and relationships

06 • Contraceptives

08 • Menstural cups

10 • What are paraphilias?

11 • Paraphilias • Group sex

12 • Slut shaming • Sex ed

13 • Why I remain a virgin • Coitus too soon?

14 • Do’s and don’t’s of break-ups • Ending a relationship

16 • Long distance relationships • Short fling or serious cling

18 • Date spots • Creative gifts

20 • Sex on TV • Best modern couples

22 • Mood music

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

NICOLYN CHARLOT a number of circumstances, we have granted anonym- SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR ity to our sources because the statements made in their interviews could disrupt both their personal and Love and sex are some of the most wonderful professional lives. Despite the variety of controversial things in this world. Yet these wonderful things are topics within this issue, I have done my best to treat also consistently the cause of pain, hardship, confu- each idea, fact and opinion with respect – whether or sion and controversy. Many of us are fortunate, and not I agree with it myself. As a reader, I ask you to do we will never know the suffering that comes from lov- the same. ing someone who we are forbidden to love because of Page 6 highlights several primary forms of contra- cultural norms – many of us are not so lucky. Many of ception, and page 5 guides you through different sex, us will never know what it is like to look at our naked gender, and attraction terms. For those considering bodies in the mirror and think, “This is not my gender,” breaking up with a partner, page 14 notes some warn- but we should remember that there are others who do. ing signs that suggest a relationship is going down- Some of us have been raised in families where sex is hill and provides dos and don’ts for initiating a split. discussed openly with ease, and others only learned Long-distance relationships are diffi cult, but page of the subject by overhearing hushed conversations 16 may help ease the pain of separation; it also dis- or from kids at school. Regardless of how you were cusses the pros and cons of serious and casual rela- raised, who you love, and the way you see your gen- tionships. UH Mānoa’s Title IX offi ce is explained on der and sexuality, I know that you have opinions about page 4. Page 18 suggests some cute date spots for you love and sex, and I suspect those opinions are strongly and that special someone, and page 13 features inter- held. These topics are widespread in media, politics, views with students about whether or not to have sex churches, classrooms and living rooms – I can’t imag- on a fi rst date. These articles and others can be found ine not having an opinion on them. Yet I also know within this edition of Ka Leo, as well as on our web- there is ignorance about these subjects, and that is site, at kaleo.org. why I wanted a Love and Sex issue in Ka Leo. My goal for this issue is to present you with infor- Please keep in mind that this issue is not a compre- mation and ideas that you may not have learned in hensive guide to love and sex. We cover some subjects, the other settings. The articles within are meant to be but not others. If you would like more information educational; however, you may not agree with every- about these and similar issues, UH Mānoa has several thing written here. For example, on page 12 is an arti- useful organizations you may contact: cle calling for better sex education in Hawai‘i and the United States, and page 13 argues that virginity should Counseling and Student be saved until one fi nds true love. Many of the arti- Development Center: (808) 956-7927 cles feature subjects that are not easy to write or read University Health Services: (808) 956-8965 about, but I believe it is important that the informa- Offi ce of Title IX: (808) 956-2299 tion is out there, regardless of what you do with it. In JOELYN DALIT / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  04 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

consent before kissing or touch- Instead, both partners should pay ing your partner’s private areas. close attention to whether they’re Although this may not always seem feeling enthusiastic about the expe- like the sexiest thing to do, it is rience they’re having and whether important to ask. the other person feels similarly. A major problem with “no means Ultimately, ask yourself if the per- no” was that being passive and silent son you are about to perform a suggested it was okay for someone sexual act with is comfortable and to proceed with a sexual act. Many whether he or she verbalized this women are afraid to say no because to you. they fear upsetting their partners. This may lead to the question Men can feel uncomfortable saying no of individuals abusing the sys- because they feel like they are pres- tem and lying about rape. However, GOT sured to always perform sexually. false rape allegations only com- Studies at the University of Arkan- prise approximately two to eight sas showed that men, even in the percent of all rape reports. This is age of Tinder, tend to rely on non- within the context of a crime that verbal cues, such as body language, is already under-reported. There is to interpret consent, but women tend not an epidemic of women exploit- CONSENT? to wait to be asked before signaling ing men’s drunkenness to get them consent. thrown into jail. JOELYN DALIT / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  Different communication styles However, alleged rapists have not If you’re unsure of whether you’ve been given consent, you should ask to be sure. are part of the reason why cou- been sentenced because their sex- ples can end up in ambiguous situ- ual partners consented or did not CHRISTINA YAN and how it should be given. don’t need to damage the mood ations where one partner does not resist the act while drunk. If some- ASSOCIATE SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR Due to changes in laws and uni- by graphically discussing every act feel comfortable proceeding with an one is either drunk, drugged, uncon- versity policies across the country, that you are and are not comfort- act. A partner might be afraid to say scious, asleep or is unable to grant NICOLYN CHARLOT affi rmative consent is how many insti- able with. Saying things like “Let no and could have a negative experi- consent for another reason, con- SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR tutions now defi ne consent. For many, sent has not been given. Both par- this has become a movement of “yes ties must be conscious and give and We are not blind to the idea that means yes,” instead of “no means no.” receive voluntary consent before after going out with friends and spy- This means that people must say Many universities now defi ne consent as engaging in sexual activity. ing someone cute across the way, yes to sexual acts in order for consent If you are questioning whether or the opportunity for a sexual encoun- to be given; silence or lack of resis- affi rmative consent, such as not you have been given consent, ter could present itself. tance is not a “yes.” “yes means yes”. you probably have not been given It is important to remember that The University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa consent and should stop what you if you intend to do anything sexual changed its policy last year to refl ect are doing and ask before proceed- with any person, consent must be the movement in sexual harassment me know if I’m going too far” or “Is ence that could affect him or her for ing. If you feel uncomfortable with given and every party should feel laws, including a change in the phras- this okay?” and waiting for a verbal the rest of his or her life. where things are headed, you are safe and comfortable. ing of consent. UH defi nes consent as response should not dampen the Affi rmative consent does not under no obligation to continue, Sexual assault and harassment an “affi rmative, conscious and volun- excitement and will ensure that you imply that every sexual encounter and you can tell your partner that on college campuses have received tary agreement to engage in agreed are both okay with the situation. is a rigid contract between two peo- you would like to stop. a lot of media attention and caused upon forms of sexual contact.” You should make sure that your ple, and no one is suggesting that many debates. It is crucial for stu- “Yes means yes” is about encour- partner is okay with everything you you have to go through a checklist dents to understand what consent is aging better communication. You do – not just sex. Make sure you get of moves before doing the deed. Ka Leo O Hawai‘i Get to know Title IX

NICOLE TAM ent departments, such as academic Stated on the site, the university should be made to a campus Title Dee Uwono STAFF WRITER affairs, graduate school, athletics and has a zero tolerance policy for sex/ IX Coordinator. Coordinators will Title IX Coordinator the John A. Burns School of Medicine. gender-based misconduct. If a mis- help fi nd appropriate resources Title IX is a U.S. legislation in the Members of the campus have the conduct is reported to an appro- and services, explain reporting Hawai‘i Hall 124 Education Amendments of 1972 that right to be free from all forms of sex priate administrator, protective and options and appropriately respond (808) 956-2299 protects people from discrimination and gender harassment and discrim- appropriate measures will be taken to the situation, according to the [email protected] based on sex in education programs ination. Those in the campus com- into consideration to ensure the end university’s interim policy and pro- manoa.hawaii.edu/titleix or activities that receive federal munity are expected to behave in a of such conducts and that they are cedures on sex discrimination and fi nancial assistance. manner that does not infringe upon not repeated. gender-based violence. There are nine branches of Title the rights of others, according to the Title IX coordinators across the Most employees are required to UH Mānoa Counseling and IX offi ces at UH Mānoa for differ- UH Mānoa offi ce of Title IX website. UH system work with both victims report all the details of an incident, Student Development Center and perpetrators to educate them to including the identities of both the avoid further harassment, discrimi- victim and alleged perpetrator to 2600 Campus Road, Queen nation or violence. the Title IX coordinator. Coordina- Lili‘uokalani Center for Student According to the Title IX and tors are obligated to notify the uni- Services 312, Honolulu, HI 96822 Offi ce of Institutional Equity web- versity if an individual decides to Monday-Friday site, sex discrimination and gen- share incident information. How- 8 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. der-based violence includes: ever, coordinators can’t guarantee (808) 956-7927 confi dentiality of affected parties. manoa.hawaii.edu/ • Sex discrimination Upon receiving notice of a com- counseling • Sexual harassment plaint, the campus Title IX Coordi- • Gender-based harassment nator accesses the situation and based on actual or perceived ensures all retaliation attempts are Prevention, Awareness, sex, gender, sexual orientation, reported and addressed. and Understanding (PAU) gender identity or gender UH Mānoa also offers resources Violence Program expression that can guarantee confi dential- • Domestic and dating violence ity like the Counseling and Student 2600 Campus Road, Queen • Stalking Development Center, as well as Lili‘uokalani Center for Student University Health Services Mānoa. Services 211, Honolulu, HI 96822 The Title IX formal reporting These are contacts students can Monday-Friday offi ces encourage victims to talk to reach out to before deciding to take 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. somebody about what happened in further action. (808) 956-8059 KEN REYES / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  order to get the support they need. hawaii.edu/womenscenter/ Title IX doesn’t only apply to female students. All reports of Title IX complaints Ka Leo O Hawai‘i programs.html 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 05

Sex, gender RAY PASCUAL / STAFF WRITER A quick and relationships: guide Genders, sexes, identities, sexualities, types of TYPES OF ATTRACTIONS TYPES OF SEXUALITIES AND relationships and related concepts are complicated, SEXUAL ORIENTATION and putting terms to feelings is often diffi cult. This is SENSUAL ATTRACTION why discussing gender can be a big gray area. Here A desire to interact with someone tac- ASEXUAL is a quick guide to some of the different sexes, gen- tilely but not sexually, such as through A person who is not interested in any sexual ders and relationships. Next time you have a conver- cuddling, holding hands or hugging. interaction with any person of any sex or sation with another individual about sex, gender and/ gender identity. Asexuals can have aesthetic or relationships, keep these terms in mind. ROMANTIC ATTRACTION attraction and admire a person’s beauty – A desire for a romance that can be this is disconnected from sexual desire. detached from anything sexual. GAY AESTHETIC ATTRACTION A term describing individuals who are WHAT IS SEX? The admiration of a person’s appear- attracted to members of the same sex and/ ance and beauty that can be detached or gender. This term is more commonly used According to the American Psychological Association, sex from anything sexual and romantic. for men but can also apply to women (les- refers to the biological status of a person. This is determined bian). Gay is also an umbrella term for the through the examination of a number of factors, including SEXUAL ATTRACTION queer community as a whole and people presentation of external genitals (often a penis or a vagina), A desire for sexual contact. who don’t identify as heterosexual. sex chromosomes and internal reproductive organs. Merriam Webster’s online defi nition of sex is: “Either of EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION GRAY ASEXUAL the two major forms of individuals that occur in many spe- Wanting to get to know someone A term used to describe people who feel cies and that are distinguished respectively as female or based on their personality and not their sexuality falls somewhere on a spec- male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs physicality. trum between asexuality and sexuality. and structures.” In other cases, an individual may be born intersex. Accord- INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION ing to the Intersex Society of North America, intersex individ- Wanting to engage with someone in HETEROSEXUAL uals are not obviously male or female at birth, according to an intellectual manner. This is the sexual attraction to a person who society’s general rules of physical traits and chromosomal is of the opposite sex. makeup. Being that it is an umbrella term, intersex can apply to many different cases of sex ambiguity. For example, a per- METROSEXUAL son with external female genitals who possesses male-typical A man who dedicates a large amount of time internal reproductive organs, or an individual with a com- to his physical appearance and grooming bination of both male and female-typical external genitals. TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS than is considered normal for his gender.

MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIP HOMOSEXUAL A relationship between only two people. The sexual attraction to another person of WHAT IS GENDER? the same sex. For example, gay men and les- POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP bian women are homosexual. Although the word gender Some individuals are gen- A relationship that includes more is often used as a synonym to der fl uid, which means that than two people. BISEXUAL sex, the two terms are not the they feel their gender identi- A person who is attracted to both men and same and there is an import- ties are a mix of the two tra- ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP women, although the attraction to each is not ant discrepancy. ditional genders, and that this A relationship that is deeper than a pla- necessarily equal (e.g., a bisexual could be According to the American may vary from day to day. tonic relationship but isn’t necessarily attracted to women more than men). Some Psychological Association, Transgender and transsex- sexual. bisexuals are attracted to people outside of the gender refers to the “atti- ual individuals are not always gender binary (e.g., transgender individuals). tudes, feelings and behaviors the same. Often, transsexual PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP that a given culture associ- individuals are those who A relationship that elicits no romantic PANSEXUAL ates with a person’s biolog- decide that the gender they or sexual behavior. A person who has a sexual attraction to ical sex.” According to Sam identify with should match anyone, regardless of biological sex or gen- Killermann and Meg Bolger, their outer presentation. For der identity. co-creators of “The Safe Zone example, a person with male Project,” a resource for LGBTQ genitalia who identifi es as ANDROSEXUAL/ANDROPHILIC awareness and ally training female is transgendered and OTHER TERMS OF GENDER IDENTITY The attraction to males and/or masculinity. workshops, gender identity is may or may not consider her- AND GENDER EXPRESSION an internal sense of being a self transsexual. If she has GYNESEXUAL/GYNEPHILIC male, female or other. surgery that removes her The attraction to females and/or femininity. If a person identifi es as the male associated genitalia ANDROGYNY/OUS sex he or she was given at for that of a female’s, she is An expression of both masculinity and DEMISEXUAL birth, then that individual’s transsexual. femininity. A person who forms a sexual attraction to gender is cis-gendered. For The related term, transves- someone only after forming a close, often example, if you are assigned tite, is a person who cross GENDER BINARY romantic, connection. the female sex at birth and dresses (i.e., wears clothes of The idea that there are only two genders identify with being female, the opposite gender expres- (male and female), and that all individ- QUESTIONING/GAY CURIOUS you are cis-gendered. sion) but does not necessar- uals must be one gender or the other. Individuals who are unsure of their sexual In cases when an individu- ily identify as transgender orientation or gender identity. al’s identity does not match or transsexual. Transvestites GENDER FLUID the sex he, they or she is may be confused with drag A person who feels a mix of genders. DISCLAIMER: assigned at birth, that person queens, however, being a drag This person can feel more male some This guide is not wholly comprehensive of all genders, is transgender. For example, queen involves a male wear- days and more female other days. orientations, sexualities, identities, etc. Furthermore, a person who is assigned as ing a feminine costume for most of the terms used in this guide refl ect concepts in a female at birth but identi- theatrical purposes. American and certain other Western cultures but may fi es as a male is transgender. not apply in all cultures. 06 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

Common forms of KIMBERLEE SPEAKMAN / OPINIONS EDITOR When it comes to protecting yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy, abstinence is the most effective method. If abstinence isn’t for you, consider using any of these common forms of contra- CONTRACEPTIVES ception that fi t a variety of different lifestyles.

THE RING CONDOMS HORMONE IMPLANTS

The vaginal ring is a small ovular device that a Condoms can not only prevent pregnancy but also A hormone implant is a tiny, long-term form of woman can insert in her vagina for contraceptive STIs, according to Marie Suszynski of Everyday Health. contraception that is placed in the arm by a doc- use three weeks at a time, then must be replaced, They’re also relatively cheap, going for $0.50 to $1 for tor. These prevent pregnancy for about three years or the ring won’t work as well. According to Planned men’s condoms and $2 to $4 for women’s condoms per and are about as effective as an IUD (less than one Parenthood, it releases hormones in a woman’s condom, according to Kids Health, and are easily acces- in 100 women will get pregnant if they use a hor- body to prevent pregnancy. The popular brand name sible at local drugstores. mone implant), according to the CDC. Implants use vaginal ring is NuvaRing. Some condoms come with lubrication to enhance the the hormone progestin to prevent pregnancy. The benefi t of the ring is that you won’t have to fum- sexual experience, while others are thin enough to forget A notable version of the hormone implant is ble in the dark for a condom or remember to take a pill they are even there. According to Men’s Journal, the “best Implanon. According to Get the Facts, implanting the every day. According to the Centers for Disease Control, condoms according to science” include Trojan’s BareSkin Implanon can cost between $5 to $25 every three nine in every 100 women may have an unintended preg- non-latex condoms and One’s Pleasure Dome. years. nancy within their fi rst year of use. The ring can cost Condoms are not 100 percent effective in prevent- Hormone implants may cause an irregular men- between $30 to $80 a month, according to Kids Health. ing pregnancy. According to the CDC, 18 of every 100 strual cycle and a heavier period in addition to However, the ring may come with inconvenient side women experienced an unintended pregnancy with other side effects. They do not protect against STIs. effects like spotting, headaches, bloating, vaginal irri- the use of only a male condom during sex, while 21 tation or vaginal discharge, according to Everyday of every 100 women who used only a women’s con- Health. The ring is especially dangerous for women dom had an unintended pregnancy. who are prone to getting blood clots and have high blood pressure. The ring does not prevent STIs.

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS THE IUD DEPO SHOT

The Depo-Provera shot (depo shot) is a type of reversible birth control in which the user is injected with a synthetic form of progesterone medroxypro- gesterone acetate, which prevents ovulation, making it nearly impossible for pregnancy to occur. Women can get this contraceptive from their doctor. Birth control pills are one of the more effective ways IUD stands for intrauterine device, which is a This type of birth control prevents pregnancy for to prevent pregnancy – if women remember to take T-shaped object used for contraception. Accord- 11-14 weeks after the drug is administered. According them daily. Birth control pills use estrogen or progestin ing to Planned Parenthood, the device has to be to the CDC, only about 6-12 women in 100 women will hormones or a combination of both to regulate hor- inserted into the uterus by a doctor and it comes get pregnant after administration of the depo shot, mones, according to Everyday Health. in two different versions – hormonal and non-hor- and About Health notes that depo shots are about 97 According to Planned Parenthood, the hormones monal. Non-hormonal IUDs, like ParaGard, use cop- percent effective with typical use. prevent women from releasing an egg. It also “thick- per and can last up to 10 years. Hormonal IUDs The cost of depo shots can cost around $20 per ens the mucus of the cervix to make it harder for the include Mirena or Skyla and use the hormone pro- month or $50-$60 for three months. Some side effects sperm to enter the uterus.” Birth control pills can cost gestin to prevent pregnancy. Hormonal IUDs can of the depo shots include heavy bleeding and irregular anywhere between $15 to $50 a month, according to last from three to fi ve years. periods. The depo shot does not prevent STIs. Kids Health. According to the CDC, IUDs are one of the most According to Planned Parenthood, less than one out effective choices for birth control. There is only a of 100 women who use the pill as directed will get preg- 0.8 percent chance that a woman will get pregnant SEE YOUR DOCTOR FIRST nant. However, if a woman forgets to take the pill and using the copper IUD and a 0.2 percent chance misses a few days, then the pregnancy rate increases for hormonal IUDs. However, ParaGard can cause Prior to using any form of contraception, con- to nine out of 100 women. The pill’s side effects can heavier periods and worsen menstrual cramps, and sult with a doctor to make sure you are choosing include low sex drive, spotting and nausea. The pill Mirena or Skyla can cause irregular periods in the the type that is best for you and so you are aware does not provide protection from STIs. fi rst three to six months. They do not prevent STIs. of any potential side effects and risks of using the contraceptive. The phone number for University Health Services is (808) 956-8965. 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 07

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OPINIONS Seriously, get a MENSTRUAL CUP

HIPPIESTINK / FLICKR  Menstrual cups can be left in longer than tampons and absorb more.

NICOLYN CHARLOT were not especially sexy images, posed of each year. Pads have ommended. These moments of can prove messier than ideal. SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR either. Upon even further reflec- a greater environmental impact panic are far less frequent with Furthermore, taking them out in tion, I concluded that periods than tampons due to their plas- a menstrual cup. Menstrual cups public environments is challeng- I fi rst learned what a men- were only as repulsive as I made tic elements, but tampons are also hold more liquid than high ing. Although the cup can be left strual cup was in high school. A them, I should get over my dis- also problematic. The plastic absorbency tampons, so the need in for an extended period, there friend who used them explained gust with my body and base my applicators take around 25 years to change them and the chance have been circumstances in the process to me: when on your menstrual decisions on factors to degrade and can be acciden- of leakage is lower. which I could not avoid changing period you insert a small cup — unrelated to ickyness. tally consumed by marine ani- One concern regarding tam- it in public. Menstrual cup web- varying in size and often made mals, which can lead to digestion pons is the risk of Toxic Shock sites recommend carrying a water of silicone — into your vagina, MONEY blockage and death. Even using Syndrome (TSS), even though bottle with you to clean the cup, leave it in for approximately 10-12 I own a DivaCup, which I pur- tampons without applicators is the risk of acquiring this from a or using a dry or damp tissue to hours, then remove it, pour out chased for about $30 (cup prices harmful to the environment, as tampon is 0.69/100,000. Silicone wipe it. As someone who has the fl uid, wash the cup with mild vary by brand, generally rang- the process involved in produc- does not support microbiological used a dry tissue to clean a men- soap and reinsert. I was mortifi ed ing from $20-40). Other popular ing them is damaging. growth, which means the men- strual cup in a public restroom, by the thought. brands include the MoonCup and I assure you the act is easier Getting all up in there, cover- the Lunette. said than done. However, the few ing my hands with my own blood, Different brand websites rec- Upon even further refl ection, I concluded miserable moments I have had having to pour everything out in ommend replacing the cup at that periods were only as repulsive as I in mall and airport bathrooms front of my eyes and then put- different times, but the general are entirely worth the ease and ting it back? I smiled and nodded consensus is that once a year is made them. convenience of the cup under politely to my friend, and inter- appropriate. Some women keep normal circumstances. Further- nally swore I would never acquire them for longer, and one should more, if I am ever in a situation such a disgusting device. always keep an eye out for signs Although producing men- strual cup itself cannot lead to in which I truly cannot properly I have been the happy owner of deterioration (e.g., a powdery strual cups may not be ideal for TSS, although the collected blood clean a menstrual cup (e.g., when of a menstrual cup for a year and fi lm, severe discoloration). the environment either, at least can. A case report published in camping), I am still capable of a half. In addition, I think you I also use a special PH balanced the product is reusable for an July/August 2015 publicized the using tampons. should be a happy owner, too. washing solution that costs about extended period of time. Knowing first (and only, based on my web There are a couple final points Allow me to preach my men- $10 and lasts about six months. that menstrual cups were avail- searches) confirmed case of TSS I will make about menstrual cups. strual cup gospel. Although there Although this will vary slightly able to me and refusing to use associated with a menstrual First, I have no cultural issues are multiple reasons why men- depending on the brand of men- them just because tampons were cup. Although the risk of TSS using them, and I do not wish strual cups are benefi cial, I will go strual cup and the type of wash- familiar felt selfish. when using a menstrual cup is to suggest that people who feel through the ones that ultimately ing solution, one will spend about unknown due to the current rarity it is culturally inappropriate to convinced me to acquire one. $50 a year on a menstrual cup. HEALTH AND CONVENIENCE of menstrual cup usage, based on use menstrual cups (e.g., indi- Before, I would spend some- Tampons should be changed the information available to me, I viduals who attach importance SERIOUSLY, THEY’RE NOT THAT GROSS where between $10 and $20 a every four to eight hours, and feel safer using a menstrual cup to an intact hymen) should use The main reason I avoided a month on tampons and pads. menstrual cups should be than using tampons. them. Second, I strongly recom- menstrual cup for so long was Even on the low end, that’s $120 changed every 10-12 hours. mend consulting with a physi- because I thought they were a year, and $70 more than I spend At best, that’s an extra eight ADMITTEDLY, THERE ARE ISSUES cian, ideally a gynecologist, prior gross. However, upon reflection, I now on the menstrual cup. hours, and at worst, an extra I won’t argue that menstrual to acquiring a menstrual cup, so decided that not only were men- two. I’ve been in countless situ- cups are perfect. It took me a you can be fully informed of all strual cups unpleasant, but so THE PLANET ations where I wasn’t sure when couple months to learn how to the risks and benefits involved were tampons and pads. Sitting In the United States, it is esti- I would get a chance to take out insert mine properly, which led to with using one. in my own blood or pulling out mated that 12 billion pads and a tampon, or when I realized I some unpleasant leakages. Even What do you think? a wad of brown and red cotton seven billion tampons are dis- had left one in longer than rec- after over a year of use, removal Let us know @KaLeoOHawaii 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 09

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Visit us at uhpro.org 10 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

What are paraphilias?

JOELYN DALIT / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  Paraphilias and paraphilic disorders occur in multiple cultures and would likely be assessed with the International Classification of Disease outside the U.S.

NICOLYN CHARLOT distressed by the arousal, he or disorder, Krueger recommends these treatments rarely cause the often bound and crippled, and that SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR she has a paraphilic disorder. If reading about the subjects in paraphilic arousal to go away; they there was a sexual element to this he or she is not distressed by the the fi fth edition of the Diagnos- help the person to control the act, as small feet were considered Sexual interests vary from per- arousal, but does sexually interact tic and Statistical Manual of Men- paraphilia and not act out on it. highly desirable. Within this con- son to person. For individuals with children, he or she has a para- tal Disorders (DSM-V), which can text, Haeberle said, “it makes no whose sexual interests vary to the philic disorder. However, if he or be accessed online through UH SOCIETY AND COMPETING VIEWS sense at all to speak of ‘foot fetish- point of being considered unusual she is not distressed by the arousal Mānoa’s library. He also recom- Krueger said that, within society, ism’ as a paraphilia and to distin- or atypical, they may have a para- and does not act upon it through mends visiting with a psychologist, some people will view paraphilias guish ‘foot fetishists’ as a special philia. sexual interactions with children, sex therapist or anyone else who is with more criticism than others, group from of the rest of the pop- he or she has a paraphilia, but not familiar with paraphilias and para- though society’s views of paraphil- ulation.” PARAPHILIA VS. a paraphilic disorder. philic disorders. ias are changing, especially due to He also argues that the terms PARAPHILIC DISORDER Due to a lack of research and the Krueger believes it is good that the internet and portrayal in fi lms. paraphilia and disorder are “nega- “A paraphilia [is] a pattern of potentially illegal nature of para- there are online communities for “Whether there’s greater tol- tive value judgments, not objective atypical sexual interest, basically,” erance or not [is] hard to say. … I descriptions of facts,” and that psy- said Dr. Richard B. Krueger, an asso- think there’s probably just more chiatrists would benefi t from using ciate clinical professor of psychi- I would say most often with people with of an awareness these days of dif- more neutral terms that are purely atry at Colombia University, in a ferent modes of sexual behavior,” descriptive and do not have any phone interview. paraphilias, paraphilic disorders, it’s not Krueger said. moral connotations. Paraphilia is an umbrella term like they... choose it.. He also noted that paraphilias that can be used to describe a are still “very stigmatized, often- IN CONCLUSION number of unusual sexual inter- RICHARD KRUEGER times very politicized.” Paraphilias and paraphilic disor- ests, including fetishes (attrac- ASSOCIATE CLINICAL PSYCHIATRY PROFESSOR Discussions about paraphil- ders are topics on which very lit- tion to objects or non-genital body ias and paraphilic disorders con- tle is known. More research is not parts, such as feet), exhibitionism philias and paraphilic disorders, people with paraphilias. tinue within academia, in addition only needed to understand people (displaying one’s genitals in public), their prevalence is unknown. Within “The etiology of these is not to broader society. Erwin Hae- who have paraphilias and para- masochism (deriving pleasure from clinical samples, the most common known, but I would say most often berle, founder of the Archive for philic disorders, but also how to one’s own pain or humiliation) and paraphilias are pedophilia, voyeur- with people with paraphilias, para- Sexology, in an article published help them and those around them. many others. Some people with ism, frotteurism, exhibitionism and philic disorders, it’s not like they … in the archive, questions the use Amongst individuals familiar with paraphilias are only able to be sexual masochism and sadism. choose it,” he said. “They can sort of the term “phenotypically nor- the subject, there is still discussion aroused by the unusual subject, Although paraphilic disorders are of decide to express it or not, but mal,” which occurs in the DSM-V. of proper terminology and defi ni- whereas others can be aroused by troublesome, paraphilias on their it’s basically something that’s, I Haeberle states that it is unclear tions, and furthering those conver- more typical material. own are not necessarily problematic. think, beyond their control. … If where one should draw the line. As sations will likely result in a deeper Paraphilic disorder is different. “Some studies, for instance, of they fi nd some solace in kindred an example, he asks whether indi- understanding of the topic, both for With paraphilic disorders, there is individuals engaged in sado-mas- spirits out there … I think that’s a viduals who are attracted to people people who study paraphilias and the same pattern of atypical sexual ochism show that on certain psy- good thing.” with Turner or Klinefelter syndrome people who have them. interests, but, according to Krueger, chological parameters they’re as For individuals with paraphilic (chromosomal disorders which “I think paraphilias are here, and “It causes either personal distress or healthy [as] or healthier than com- disorders, Cognitive-Behavioral infl uence physical appearance) here to stay, and the more people dysfunction, or results in action on a parable populations,” Krueger said. Therapy is currently the most com- have paraphilias. can study them and know about non-consenting individual.” mon form of treatment, although Haeberle also points out that it them, the better,” Krueger said. To clarify, consider someone with WHAT IF I HAVE A PARAPHILIA OR A more research on treating para- is diffi cult to create diagnostic cri- pedophilia (sexual arousal to chil- PARAPHILIC DISORDER? philic disorders needs to be done. teria without taking cultural factors dren). If he or she does not sexu- For those who think they may There are also certain medications into consideration. He states that ally interact with children, but is have a paraphilia or a paraphilic that can control arousal. However, in Imperial China, female feet were Ka Leo O Hawai‘i 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 11

When asked how one would [Whether they make it to the bath- have sex with someone who is a room or wet themselves] becomes snake from the waist down, Wil- a really tense situation, almost like liams said that her sexual organs in a movie, when a cop is trying to were in the usual place, and that defuse a bomb,” Jones said. during intercourse she’d probably Jones has never disclosed his wrap her tail around her partner desires to any of his partners, and and hold him tight. he’s never met anyone else who Williams said that on an intensity admitted to sharing the same para- scale from one to 10, with one being philia as him, at least not in person. mild interest and 10 being unable to Jones described a burgeoning inter- get excited without monster girls, he is net community of peeing enthusiasts somewhere between a six and seven. from around the world who meet via Because monster girls are fi c- porn websites or on Reddit. tional, Williams said he would be Despite this, he doesn’t know what fi ne with having a regular relation- he’d want a partner to do for him, or ship with a human. When asked if he’d even be comfortable with her PARAPHILIAS about his partner dressing up or performing such actions. Jones would roleplaying as a monster girl, he prefer not to be peed on himself, as A glimpse into alternative sexuality said he would only enjoy that if it he does not fi nd that arousing. Jones were done well; a hokey costume says he can’t control how he feels but would be a huge turnoff. he would never do something like DAVID BOTE ESTRADA / FLICKR  peep in the women’s restroom. Paraphilias, unlike paraphilic disorders, are not necessarily problematic. UROLAGNIA *Tom Williams and Liam Jones are A different paraphilia that doesn’t fake names. Their real names have JOSHUA MASAI Two men agreed to talk with Ka ago when he was a sophomore require an elaborate costume to been omitted due to work and/or STAFF WRITER Leo about their own paraphilias, browsing porn sites. One comic pull off is urolagnia, which is sex- family reasons.

what they’re into and what makes Williams found involved mer- ual excitement associated with MORE INFO Many people have paraphilias, them so attracted to the more maids, and this introduced him to urine or urination. Liam Jones* has although few may like to admit it. unusual side of sex. the larger world of monster girls. had urolangnia for years. When he According to the fi fth edition Some perk up at the sight of a cute Disclaimer: The two individuals inter- At fi rst, he found them to be repul- was younger, Jones would wet his of the Diagnostic and Statisti- girl in a school uniform, while oth- viewed in this article are friends of sive, but the more he read, the pants almost everyday until he was cal Manual of Mental Disorders ers may prefer a guy down on all the writer. more erotic they became. in second grade, and when he was (DSM-V): fours with a collar around his neck. “It stems from the fascination in kindergarten he watched a girl “A paraphilic disorder is a MONSTER GIRLS with the forbidden; it’s forbidden a he had a crush on use the bath- paraphilia that is currently caus- WHAT IS A PARAPHILIA? Tom Williams* has a paraphilia for love,” Williams said. room, which created a desire to see ing distress or impairment to According to to the fi fth edi- monster girls, which are cute anime After fi nding the mermaid com- women urinate. the individual or a paraphilia tion of the Diagnostic and Statis- girls who are part female and part ics, he sought out other monster girl Over the years, this desire whose satisfaction has entailed tical Manual of Mental Disorders, monster, such as a girl with a spider hentai — a subgenre of Japanese increased, and when he hit puberty, personal harm, or risk of harm, the term paraphilia “denotes any for a body but a human torso, head manga, anime, etc. that is sexually conventional sex no longer inter- to others. A paraphilia is a nec- intense and persistent sexual and arms. Sometimes they look explicit — and manga, like “T-rex Na ested him. The only way he could essary but not a suffi cient con- interest other than sexual interest mostly human with minor macabre Kanojo” and “Nurse Hitomi’s Mon- be aroused was by watching some- dition for having a paraphilic in genital stimulation or prepara- mutations, like a cyclops girl who is a ster Infi rmary.” His favorite creature one pee. disorder, and a paraphilia by tory fondling with phenotypically regular female but with one eye. is a lamina, a half snake-woman, “I don’t get off so much on see- itself does not necessarily justify normal, physically mature, con- Williams says his fascination named Miia from the show “Monster ing a girl pee, as much as I do see- or require clinical intervention.” senting human partners.” with this subject started two years Musume no Iru Nichijou.” ing them get desperate and squirm.

NICOLYN CHARLOT / SPECIAL ISSUES EDITOR Fast facts: Group sex is sexual activity that involves three or more people. For example, threesomes are a type of group sex, and most orgies involve group sex. An article published in the Journal of Sexual Med- GROUP SEX icine showed that group sexsex was a common sexual fantasy. However,However, research on group sex in the general population has been minimal.

01 02 03 According to a matchmaker on the threesome dating ser- According to an article published in Analyses of Social According to an article published in the International Jour- vice Three Way Dating Club, who was interviewed by Vice: Issues and Public Policy: nal of Drug Policy:

> 80 percent of the site’s clients are couples. > Members of consensually non monogamous relation- > HIV and other STIs can be transmitted at group sex events > In cases of three single people being matched, the site ships (“any relationship arrangement in which the even if all members wear condoms because condoms are most frequently matches two females with a male. partners agree to have extradyadic sexual or romantic often used with different people without being removed > The majority of clients are college-educated and aged relationships”) “report high degrees of honesty, close- or cleaned. 21 to 34. ness, happiness, and communication and low degrees Drugs, alcohol group dynamics, sexual arousal and peer > Communication is important amongst all members of jealousy.” pressure can cause people to have sex with more people of the threesome. > than originally intended at group sex events. Some participants in group sex events make attempts to 05 reduce high risk sex, violence and disease transmission. 04 According to a study published in Sexualities, Evolution > In some cases, the event is organized so that there is a According to an article published in Analyses of Social & Gender: person in charge of keeping order and ensuring no one Issues and Public Policy: engages in high-risk sex. > Of 448 U.S. undergraduate students surveyed, 78 per- > Members of consensually non monogamous relation- cent of males and 32 percent of females said they would ships (“any relationship arrangement in which the engage in concurrent sex with two other people. 06 partners agree to have extradyadic* sexual or romantic > 97 percent of males expressed a preference for having According to an article published in the Journal of relationships”) “report high degrees of honesty, close- a threesome with two other females. Acquired Immune Defi ciency Syndromes: ness, happiness, and communication and low degrees > Amongst females, “53 percent preferred two males; four of jealousy.” percent preferred two females; 27 percent preferred a > According to an article published in the Journal of > “Extradyadic refers to a wide range of behaviors occurring male and a female; and 16 percent indicated that the > Acquired Immune Defi ciency Syndromes: outside of a committed relationship,” as defi ned by the sex of the other participants did not matter.” Participating in group sex events may place individuals at Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. a higher risk of acquiring HIV and other STIs. 12 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

OPINIONS stated that bbetweene 2008-2012, 49.6 pperer 1,000 1515-19- year old girls got pregnant comparedcom to the national aaverageverage ofof 29.4.29. IWA Pregnancy isn’tis the only thing peo- pplele riskrisk when havingh unprotected sex. SexuallSexuallyy trantransmitted infections or STI’s poposese obobviousv health risks. John- son’s artarticleicle sstated that since 2001, gogonorrheanorrhea casesca in Hawai‘i have been continuouslycontinuo rising. According to her article,article, in 2014 Hawai‘i ranked 23rd natnationallyionally for chlamydia. As shownshown by the data above, HHawai‘iawai‘i teensteens suffer from the con- seqsequences ences of unsafe sex. It’s possi- ble that many of the affected teens just didn’t care about safe sex, but it’s also possible that they didn’t go through a comprehensive sex edu- cation course that taught them the risks of having unsafe sex and how KELLY J / FLICKR  to mitigate those risks. It may seem Roughly 82 percent of U.S. adults support comprehensive sex education programs that teach both easier to just tell people to abstain, abstinence and other methods of preventing STIs and pregnancy but there’s no guarantee that all of these people will listen. That being Having gone to a Catholic school In theory, yes abstinence works education and teen pregnancy cies with approximately 73 preg- said, public schools across the nation from pre-kindergarten through high as an educational model because rates. On a national level, this sur- nancies per 1,000 women compared should better serve their youth by school, I never received comprehen- if you don’t have sex won’t experi- vey of 48 states was conducted to the level 0 rate of 58. Now, let’s equipping those who don’t want to sive sexual education. Sure, in fi fth ence the consequences of sex. How- that assessed the extent to which look at the situation in Hawai‘i. abstain with knowledge of how to grade we had the awkward puberty ever, in my experience, telling me abstinence-only education was According to an article by Uni- have safe sex. However, it shouldn’t video, but nobody formally taught to not do something does not nec- stressed in each state. The states versity of Hawai‘i at Mānoa Public only be limited to those who don’t me and my classmates about sex; essarily mean I won’t do it. Across were ranked from level 0 to level 3, Health graduate student Kathleen want to abstain, but it also applies most of that education was confi ned the nation, comprehensive sex with level 3 states being those that Johnson, Hawai‘i has one of the low- to people who want to abstain until to side-comments and lecture tan- education needs to replace absti- highly stress abstinence-only edu- est rates for youth condom usage in marriage but may not want to have gents. I had to learn about safe sex nence-only models because absti- cation. Twenty-one states, includ- the United States. The article cited a kids right away. Either way, compre- from television and movies where nence-only education does not ing Hawai‘i, were ranked at level 3, 2013 survey that found that 54 per- hensive education should replace old the on-screen parents would lecture teach people how to have safe sex. seven at level 2, 11 at level 1 and cent of Hawai‘i’s youth did not use abstinence only models in Hawai‘i their kids on the subject. The offi cial Kathrin Stanger-Hall and David nine at level 0. Of the surveyed a condom when they last had sexual and across the nation. spiel I got from my educators was Hall published an article in 2011 in states, level 3 states experienced intercourse compared to a national abstinence, just plain “don’t do it.” PLoS One about abstinence-only the highest levels of teen pregnan- rate of 41 percent. The article also Ka Leo O Hawai‘i OPINIONS SLUT SHAMING NOT EVERYONE ACKNOWLEDGES IT, BUT EVERYONE SHOULD

MARIAH SILVA Studies associate professor at UH call another girl a “slut” and sud- which dominant cultural ideologies, shaming from happening won’t STAFF WRITER Mānoa, in a phone interview. denly you’re one step higher in the media images, social practices and happen over night, but change Not everyone agrees on the exis- social pecking order. societal institutions support and and progress is possible. “We have tence of slut shaming. However, WHAT HAPPENS Furthermore, I have noticed there condone sexual abuse by normaliz- to change, embrace sexuality, and not everyone understands what it Base don my interpretation of is a double-standard when it comes ing, trivializing and eroticizing male strive for gender equality,” Saras- is, and its potential consequences. slut shaming, the act can occur to sexual behavior. “Women are violence against women and blam- wati said. Even amongst people who agree publicly or privately and can involve judged more harshly than men for ing victims for their own abuse. that slut shaming is real, one will labeling women as “whores,” “sluts,” engaging in the same behaviors, From my perspective, this can MORE INFO fi nd different defi nitions of the “hos” or other derogatory terms, especially when those behaviors include blaming rape on what the term. I believe slut shaming exists or through other forms of social are casual sex or sex with lots of victim was wearing. For example, INFORMATION ON and that it can cause damage to a some might interpret that a woman SEXUAL ASSAULT wide variety of people. Below, I out- who wear revealing clothing is ask- line my understanding of slut sham- We have to change, embrace sexuality, and ing for sex, even though this may • Anyone can be a victim and ing, and why I think people should not be the case. sexual assault can occur care about it. strive for gender equality. Victims of slut shaming can feel anywhere. depression, guilt and even become • One in three girls and one WHAT IS IT suicidal. in six boys is estimated to I have noticed that slut shaming AYU SARASWATI An example of this is seen in an be sexually assaulted by has become popular jargon, likely UH MĀNOA WOMEN’S STUDIES ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR NBC News story, where Jesse Logan the age of 18. because of the infl uence and impact had committed suicide after being • A rape or attempted rape it has had both in the cyber and real ridicule. Even phrases like, “Isn’t partners. Men are studs for doing it, slut shamed. When nude pho- occurs every fi ve minutes in world. So, what does slut shaming that skirt a little short?” can make but women are sluts,” said Psychol- tos meant for her boyfriend were the U.S. really mean? Although people defi ne women feel self-conscious about ogy Today writer Zhana Vrangalova, released after they broke up, high slut shaming differently, I agree with their sexuality. Ph.D. I have seen the double-stan- school girls called her a “slut” and Source: Southern Connecti- Woman’s Issues writer Linda Lowen, dard played out by my peers. a “whore.” This left her depressed cut University’s handbook on who says, “Slut shaming is the delib- WHY PEOPLE SLUT SHAME and afraid to go to school. sexual misconduct and the erate act of calling a woman a slut, I think there are multiple reasons EFFECTS I believe that we live in a society U.S. Department of Justice. a whore, or impugning her charac- why people slut shame. For example, I contend that slut shaming can in which many people still accept ter in sexual terms in order to embar- as Vera Papisova from Teen Vogue contribute to rape culture, which is rape and sexual abuse and embrace • In 76 percent of sexual rass, humiliate, intimidate, degrade points out, “Girls slut-shame other another term with a variety of defi - a mindset of victim blaming. assault cases, the perpetra- or shame her for actions or behav- women because they are afraid of nitions. However, many are similar Because of the negative implications tor was known to the victim. iors that are a normal part of female being slut-shamed themselves.” I to the one described in an inter- these have or affected individuals, sexuality.” believe many see slut shaming as view with Huffi ngton Post by Lynn we should analyze and contemplate Source: The American Jour- “Slut shaming is all about women a quick, cheap and easy way to feel Phillips, a lecturer at the University what is really being said when we nal of Emergency Medicine feeling bad about their sexual- powerful. If you are feeling insecure of Massachusetts-Amherst. Phillips use and accept terms like “slut.” ity,” said Ayu Saraswati, Women’s about yourself all you have to do is said, “Rape culture is a culture in Preventing and stopping slut 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 13

OPINIONS Why I remain A VIRGIN

VICTOR ONG I view virginity as a gift, and I want However, the impermanence of change my opinion of her, nor put first intercourse had a larger NEWS EDITOR to wait until I find the right person dating relationships can be emotion- me off. I see it as a poor choice that’s impact on their lives, compared to give my gift away. ally scarring. I see sex as a sign of been previously made, but that’s to stigma and process-oriented In today’s world, sex is consid- commitment. Why give away some- what matters: it’s in the past. individuals. ered an ordinary thing. It’s portrayed SO WHAT’S THE CRITERIA thing so precious — your virginity Not everyone will agree, and I’m Another study published in the in movies and television shows like FOR THIS SPECIAL SOMEONE? — to someone who may ultimately not arguing that everyone should. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy “Fifty Shades of Grey” and “Scandal,” The answer is plain and break your heart? However, my point of view is backed in 2013 by Smith and Shaffer cor- and society has developed different old-fashioned: true love. It’s a con- roborates this data, finding that euphemisms like “sleeping together” cept that has unfortunately been one’s experience of first intercourse to make sex seem less scandalous exploited and trampled on. Many If you truly love someone, commit to was predictive of one’s future inter- and more appealing. movies and television shows have them, either through marriage or another course experiences. We all live in this sexualized shamed it and turned it into a cli- Neither study suggests that one world and cannot easily escape it. ché that can’t possibly be true. And significant act or pledge, and then have sex. view of virginity is better than However, there are those, including while there are a few movies, most another, but they both encourage myself, who have chosen to abstain notably from Disney, that make me to wait for the right person to from sex. Of course, there are “happily ever afters” so appealing, POPULAR OPINION up by science. A cross-sectional give my gift to. health-related reasons like avoid- pictures of “happily until afters” I oppose casual sex because study published in 2013 in the Jour- This is the reason why I have ing sexually transmitted infections still dominate. it makes sex meaningless. From nal of Sex Research by Terry Hum- chosen to remain a virgin. I respect (STIs) and not running the risk of Call me uptight and boring, but I my perspective, as someone who phreys divided respondents into the freedom for others to disagree, having a child. While those are believe that sex should be shared plans to spend the rest of my life three groups based on the way they but I challenge them to consider valid justifications, there’s an even between two people and two peo- with one person, I want to have viewed their virginities: as a stigma, what sex means to them. More more compelling rationale why I’m ple only. If you truly love someone, something special to share with a gift or as a process. importantly, I challenge them to staying a virgin. commit to them, either through my wife. The authors found that individ- think: what, if any, special bond marriage or another significant act That being said, I don’t vilify those uals who viewed their virginity as makes a long-term relationship IT CHEAPENS LOVE or pledge, and then have sex. Today, who have already given away their a gift often put the most effort any different from a spring fling? There’s a reason a gift that can casual sex in dating relationships virginities. While I believe it’s a care- into cultivating a personal rela- I have the utmost respect for the only be given once is so special. is seen as ordinary — some even less act, I also believe it’s a mistake tionship with their partner before woman I will dedicate my life to in The person who’s giving the gift claim it as necessary for a relation- of the past, however callous I believe the first intercourse and that this the future, and will not give her a knows that he or she will never get ship to thrive — while marriage is such an action is. If the woman I group put the most emphasis love that has been previously given it back, can never replace it and frequently depicted as a quickly-de- find true love with has already given on love. In addition, these indi- to another – not like a piece of can never change his or her mind. caying institution of the past. her gift away to another, it will not viduals also reported that their re-gifted jewelry. ILLUSTRATIONS BY: BRIANA WAGSTAFF / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I

The print version of this article incorrectly MAN ON THE STREET NICOLE TAM / STAFF WRITER attributed the last quote to Alysia Berglund You met someone cute, you go on a date and the night turned out well. The golden question might be silent, but it appears: is it time to go for the home run? In the past, more people disagreed with the idea of sex on the first date, but dating norms change. Below, five UH Mānoa Coitus too soon? students explain their thoughts about sex on a first date.

“I think the answer completely “No, you shouldn’t have sex on the first “I think it depends on how much “When it comes to first dates, no, depends on the type of relationship date. I’m old fashioned, I would like to you already know the person. Let’s because I am always at the phase of you are looking for with this per- know the person I’m going to be with. say you have been friends with this wanting to get to know the person son you’re going on a ‘date’ with. If [I like] the idea of conversing with person and know them to a certain instead of wanting to get up on the you are looking to pursue a romantic someone to [get to] know them better extent, I say that sex on the first date cooch. It all depends who you’re dat- relationship with them, then you may before making that intimate decision. I is okay as long as both parties give ing, as well. If it’s a girl that I don’t want to hold off on having sex on the feel that nowadays it’s becoming more the approval. But if it’s an actual first know prior before we were on a date, first date to make sure there is more of a norm where people jump to that date with someone you just met, I I don’t tend to aim towards trying to than just sexual chemistry and that next level of the relationship by using mean I’m not opposed to it as long have sex with her at the end of the you don’t give them the impression sex as a quick fix. Because of TV shows, as both parties are okay with it with night. I get pretty cautious in terms of that you want only sex. However, if it affects people’s norms and we are no pressure involved. But in my opin- wanting to have sex with her because you’re looking for a friends with ben- led to believe sex on the first date is ion, if you don’t know this person too you never know if she is ‘clean’ or not.” efits type of relationship, then I think normal. Regardless of when you have well and it’s only the first date, I think it’s fine to have sex on the first date sex, practicing safe sex is an import- it’s better to wait for the second, if to see if you’re sexually compati- ant factor because it’s better to be there is even going to be one.” ble and to also not risk developing safe than sorry.” romantic feelings.”

Alysia Berglund Tony Zambrano Dori Yeh Brandon Lapitan YEAR » Freshman YEAR » Sophomore YEAR » Senior YEAR » Sophmore MAJOR » Psychology MAJOR » Biology MAJOR » Communicology MAJOR » Business Major 14 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

feelings to your signifi cant other. Be prepared to answer any ques- tions and try not to give excuses. This is an emotional time for both It’s not me; of you, so be as genuine as you can. DO BE SENSITIVE Yes, it is important to rip off the it’s you Band-Aid and be as direct as pos- sible, but do it in a sensitive man- ner. Listen to what your signifi cant Suggestions for gently other is saying, and understand ending a relationship that this is an emotionally taxing time for both parties. Be picky with how you phrase things and avoid condescending tones. If you’re ini- tiating the break-up, take responsi- bility for your actions.

DON’T LIE AND SUGAR COAT THINGS Although you do not need to address every concern that led to your desire to break up, be hon- est about the primary reasons. If you are breaking up with your part- ner because you are seeing some- one else, or simply because you no longer feel a connection, tell that JOELYN DALIT / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  to him or her. This may be diffi cult, Be clear with what you’re trying to say to your significant other. but it is important that your partner knows the truth behind your actions. CARLY YASHIKI sure that the other person is aware painful comments. Although this ing how the other person is feeling STAFF WRITER of what is happening. Avoid vague is a break-up, treat the other per- and it can bring closure to the sit- DISCLAIMER: These are sugges- statements, make your intentions son with dignity and respect, espe- uation. Find a quiet, secluded area tions, not guidelines for breaking Break-ups are never easy, to say clear and be as honest as possi- cially if your end goal is to fi nish on where you can talk in private for an up with a partner, and they will the least. There can be a lot of yell- ble. One option for ripping off the a mutual note. If you feel as though extended period of time. Remem- not apply in every circumstance. ing, crying, keyed cars and hurt- Band-Aid is to directly say, “I want you are going to start saying hurt- ber that a break-up is between two If you are considering breaking up ful accusations. There is no set of to break up with you.” ful things, consider requesting a people – not your friends or follow- with a partner, but are afraid he or questions or statements to say that moment to compose yourself, either ers on social media. she may react in a negative man- will guarantee a clean break, but DON’T BE A BULLY through privacy or simply a pause in ner, consider contacting the Coun- there are things to keep in mind If your signifi cant other has hurt conversation. DON’T USE, seling & Student Development to make the break up as mature as you, it may be diffi cult avoiding ‘IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME’ Center for professional advice at possible. If you’re considering ini- trash talk or being mean during DO IT IN PERSON Even though it may be true, do (808) 956-7927. tiating the split between you and the break up. Avoid adding fi re to We live in a generation run by not use this line. It is over-used your signifi cant other, keep reading. a heated situation and remain as social media. Keep the drama offl ine and generic. Your break-up does calm as possible. Accept that he or and break off the relationship in not need quotes from movies in RIP OFF THE BAND-AID she may say some hurtful things, person. Face-to-face communica- order to be successful. Think of a What do you think? When initiating a break up, be but try to avoid returning similarly tion is important for understand- better way to communicate your Let us know @KaLeoOHawaii TO BE or NOT TO BE?

NICOLE TAM STAFF WRITER

Relationships can be seen as a fi shing journey; you might think you LACK OF OPEN COMMUNICATION SIMILARITY NOT DISCLOSING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT reeled in “the” fi sh. Jeanette Purvis, a Ph.D. student studying human sex- We may think communication is Being similar is not as simple Being in a relationship entails “People who say they are satis- uality and structure in psychology at as simple as asking how each oth- as “we both love watching mov- sharing your life with another fi ed in a relationship don’t avoid the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa, er’s day was, but connecting on a ies.” Different religious and politi- person, and part of communicat- confl ict; they’ll talk through it and shared some signs to make you con- deeper level through communi- cal beliefs, social style and energy ing and getting to know someone address it,” Purvis said. sider kissing the fi shy goodbye. cation can make a relationship levels are also factors to consider. involves opening up about per- Ignoring one issue does not auto- special. Purvis said communica- A lack of similarity can also lead to sonal matters such as childhood, matically mean it’s time to break up, DISCLAIMER: There are many rea- tion is the determining factor as serious confl ict if individuals’ per- past confl icts or romantic relation- but a pattern of avoiding discussions sons why relationships do not suc- to whether or not a relationship sonal values clash. Although some ships. If your partner isn’t opening of disagreements could be problem- ceed, and the topics discussed above could work. Without communica- couples are able to successfully up to you, this may indicate a lack atic. Addressing confl ict is import- are only some of the reasons. If you tion, there is no relationship. stay together despite differing val- of emotional tools needed to be in ant, and if you or your partner are are unsure about whether or not you “Most of the things an individ- ues and beliefs, a lack of similar- an intimate relationship. A refusal unable to do that for the majority wish to continue your relationship, or ual needs to fi x in a relationship ity in important areas can make to disclose could be caused by of your problems, you may want to if you would like to strengthen cer- are things they need to do on their maintaining a satisfying relation- previous trauma or lack of role consider ending the relationship. tain areas of your relationship, con- own,” Purvis said. ship more challenging. models growing up. Purvis said couples who don’t dis- sider seeking counseling or couple’s cuss confl icts in relationships have therapy. UH Mānoa’s Counseling and a higher chance of separation. Student Development Center can be contacted at (808) 956-7927. ILLUSTRATIONS BY: BRIANA WAGSTAFF & LAUREN TABOR / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 15

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The pros and cons of being in a VIDEO CHATTING long-distance relationship will vary In an age where technology for each situation and each person. takes up a massive part of our Long-distance Making sure that your relationship culture, phones and computers is happy, healthy and positive can can come in handy when sepa- lead to a successful long-distance rated from your significant oth- relationship but knowing the risks ers. Using mediums like Skype, relationships involved is also important. Facetime or other webcam con- Don’t let distance separate you. nection websites will allow you Tips and tricks for sustaining There are ways to make long-dis- to feel like your partner is in tance relationships easier. the room with you. Being able a healthy romance CARE PACKAGES to see his or her expressions A simple way to feel connected during conversations can some- to your special someone is to send times alleviate loneliness and care packages. If you are both give you comfort in knowing that attending different schools, send your partner has taken time out your university’s merchandise to of his or her day to spend with make him or her feel more con- you, even if it is over the com- nected with your experience. The puter or phone. UH Mānoa Bookstore contains Being able to talk openly about clothing, school supplies and foam your concerns can alleviate the shaka’s that will be fun for your tension that tends to exist with partner to open. the distance. The key to mak- Try adding candy or non-perish- ing it work is to share your feel- able food to show your partner that ings with your partner, even if it you know his or her likes and dis- is over Facetime or Skype. likes. Whether they’re homemade Along with this, Facetime and KEN REYES / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I  chocolate chip cookies or a favorite Skype can act as a positive medium Although nearly half of long-distance relationships end, care packages and the internet can help couples connect. candy, food can add a little sweet- in maintaining a healthy sex life ness to the care package. with your partner. Scheduling a set SAGAN EVANS ARE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS types of relationships are some of Your partner may appreciate time, turning off other distractions STAFF WRITER WORTH THE TROUBLE? the hardest to get through. The some of your clothes, because and letting loose can be the key to According to a report in 2016 by average time spent in a long-dis- there’s nothing better than sleep- keeping the relationship steamy, As college students, our lives are the Center for the Study of Long tance relationship is 4.5 months, ing in your signifi cant other’s T-shirt. even from miles away. constantly changing, shifting and Distance Relationships, about 15 and 40 percent of long-distance “I sleep in my boyfriend’s sweater No matter what you do, growing into new, exciting adven- million people consider them- relationships end. a majority of the time,” UH junior long-distance relationships can tures. Being able to have a lasting selves to be in a long-distance Many believe that participat- Kylee Capece said. “It makes me be some of the toughest relation- relationship during these changes relationship in the United States. ing in a long-distance relation- feel closer to him.” ships to get through. However, can be diffi cult, especially when it A third of those relationships are ship is worth the trouble because The combination of your school’s maintaining a healthy relation- becomes long distance. Whether between college students. they may have an end goal of liv- merchandise, your partner’s favor- ship through the distance can your boyfriend or girlfriend lives on In many cases, the internet has ing together or getting married in ite candy and clothing for him or make it feel like your partner is the mainland, in another country or helped sustain long-distance rela- the future. However, some decide her to sleep in will be sure to make right there with you. on a different island, long-distance tionships, because it’s easier to con- to opt out of long-distance because your partner feel special and know relationships aren’t easy, but there nect with your partner than before. they don’t see a point in commit- that you’re thinking of him or her, are ways to make them easier. Although they are common, these ting to a partner that lives far away. despite the distance. Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

unhappy if the other does not meet articled fi rst-authored by Erin Horn expectations. An avid casual relation- and published in The Journal of ship seeker may also be especially Family Psychology in 2013, individ- wary of sexually transmitted infec- uals who are married — one type of tions (STIs). Because commitment serious relationship — have better levels are lower in casual relation- psychological and physical health ships, one night stands or fl ings may than non-married people. increase the likelihood of a partner CONS: Increased effort in a seri- or concealing or withholding informa- ous relationship has the potential Short Fling tion that the other party may want to to promote empathy but decrease be informed about. autonomy. As you take the wants and desires of your partner in consider- SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS ation, you may not have the same PROS: A serious relationship has freedoms you possessed when single. a high degree of mutual commit- A serious relationship requires a lot ment and people in such relation- of effort and energy, so with much of ships may see themselves as being your time being occupied, your other “in love.” You can confi de in your relationships may falter due to the partner and may see him or her as lack of attention you give them, be it a reliable support beam in your life. friends or family members. He or she may be the one to hear Distance can play a major role you vent about your misfortunes in attachment because long-dis- and can often give you the dose of tance-relationships prove challeng- COCOA DREAM / FLICKR  happiness that you need. ing to relationships of all severity It’s up to you to decide how you want the relationship to be. According to an article written levels. A study by Margaret Plass by Susan Sprecher published in a and John Gessner, published in Free EDWARD PARK involved in casual relationships, 2002 edition of The Journal of Sex Inquiry in Creative Sociology in 1983, STAFF WRITER CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS although exact ground rules should Research, sexual satisfaction is pos- showed that when compared to those PROS: A casual relationship often be laid out with your partner. Another itively correlated with love and com- in casual relationships, people in seri- Whether it be in class or roaming has a low degree of mutual com- plus is that you will not have to worry mitment, which may suggest that ous relationships are more likely to the halls, you’re bound to fi nd that mitment, and for certain people, about hurting your partner’s feelings individuals in serious relationships become prone to violent acts such certain eye candy with whom you this can be tantamount to a win- at the end of a relationship because experience better sex than those in as physical harassment and verbal wouldn’t mind studying or catching ning lottery ticket. Casual relation- the initial commitment was lower casual ones. Being in a serious rela- abuse. a quick bite to eat. Dating is a pop- ships may be short, fun and lacking than in more serious relationships. tionship can also provide some sta- Furthermore, breaking up with a ular norm in college and it’s up to baggage, so people in them should CONS: If there is a miscommu- bility, as one does not always have serious partner can be more painful the involved individuals to decide not have to worry about the seri- nication in the seriousness of the to worry about fi nding a date for an than breaking up with a casual one. whether the relationship should be ous matters of their partners’ lives relationship, one person may be event, or wonder who to hang out casual or serious. Each choice will affecting their own. more deeply upset if the relation- with on Friday night. What do you think? have a set of pros and cons. There is often more freedom ship ends, and both parties may be Furthermore, according to an Let us know @KaLeoFeatures 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 17

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KALEOOHAWAII 18 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE BETTER THAN SWEETS AND ROSES KEN REYES CREATIVE GIFTS FOR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER PHOTO EDITOR

What’s more cliché than fl owers and choc- olates? If you’ve purchased such a banal gift before, you’re not alone – many others also struggle with the art of gift-giving. However, you don’t need a Ph.D. in the economics of relation- ships or a detailed analysis of your partner’s spending habits to fi nd him or her the perfect A HANDMADE PHOTO ALBUM A BLIND DATE WITH A BOOK gift Here are some ideas to consider: Memorable events are meant to be cherished, and Does your partner love to read? Visit Goodreads to fi nd sometimes, even captured. Whether you’re using a digi- book recommendations of all genres and explore your tal, fi lm or phone camera, Walmart or your local camera local Barnes and Noble or a secondhand bookstore. Once store is able to make 4x5 colored prints of your photo- you fi nd the right book, wrap it in brown paper. On it, graphs – the standard size is 4x6 but prints are also avail- write down keywords about the book such as its genre, able in 5x7 and 8x10. You can purchase blank notebooks setting and general character information. If you’re com- from your local bookstore, paste the prints and decorate pletely clueless, visit blinddatewithabook.com and have the book to your liking. a pre-packaged book shipped to your partner’s doorstep.

A SUCCULENT PLANT A SURPRISE ROAD TRIP HANDWRITTEN COUPONS While a bouquet of roses might be romantic, the fl ow- If you can spare a little more than the average Joe, take Caught up in procrastination? Coupons are your saving ers wilt in a few days. If you want something that symbol- your signifi cant other on an adventure. Both the West grace. Cut small pieces of paper or card stock and treat izes tough and lasting love, buy a succulent plant. Not only Coast and the East Coast on the continental U.S. have your girl or boy out to “a free movie,” “a $50 shopping does it require minimal care, the little plant stays green unique features worth visiting. If you’re looking to explore spree” or “your favorite band’s concert tickets” that he and does not shed any leaves. There are different types the backcountry, starting at Yosemite in California then or she can redeem anytime. (Yes, they’re basically IOUs.) of succulents and they come in plastic and ceramic pots, cutting through Nevada, Utah, Colorado and New Mexico or in glass spheres. You can fi nd them in your local plant will lead you through several national parks and breath- nursery or in several farmers’ markets. taking views of different mountains, plains and canyons. In the end, what matters is that you put in the effort to show your partner that you care about him or her, regardless of how big or small the gift is.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY AMY LOWE / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I

A date is a great way to know more about someone who can be a romantic interest, and there are so many activities Treat yo’ boo to these date spots to choose from on the island. Here are some fun things to NICOLE TAM / STAFF WRITER do with bae near the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa campus:

A day in Waikīkī Clay Cafe Diamond Head Summit Trail

Although a tourist area, Waikīkī is still a great place Enjoy coffee drinks such as vanilla lattes, thai coffee For more active couples, this 1.6 mile round trip hike to spend the day with that special someone. Start the or cappuccinos while creating your own ceramic piece. is the perfect bonding location. Throughout the hike, date at the beach to catch some rays and waves. Bring Choose from a wide inventory of unpainted ceramic there are a couple of lookout locations for you to stop a blanket and picnic food to enjoy the afternoon before pieces like mugs, plates, vases and fi gures. Then, outline and take photos before reaching the summit. Unlike the sun sets. The best part about this location for sunset your design; don’t worry if you aren’t an artist because other hikes with dangerous pathways, most of this trail is the scenery is equally beautiful along the strip from stencils, stamps and inspiration from your date and the is paved. Be ready for steep slopes throughout the Hale Koa to the end of Kalākaua Ave. If you don’t want to experienced workers will help make your piece a good hike and stairs near the summit. However, it’s all worth spend the day at the beach, shop along the strip, people one. After creating a design, paint away. Expect to wait it in the end when you reach the end of the trail and watch on the rocking chairs outside the Moana Surfrider seven to 10 days for your piece to process before you see the panoramic view from Waikīkī to east Honolulu. or explore different restaurants and cafes in the area. can pick it up. Each piece varies from $15 to $40.

COMMUTE TIME [TO WAIKĪKĪ BEACH]: LOCATION: Ward Warehouse,1050 Ala Moana Blvd. A1 LOCATION: 4204 Diamond Head Rd About 10-15 minutes of driving from UH Mānoa HOURS: Mon.-Sat.: 10 a.m. – 9 p.m. Sun: 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. HOURS: 6 a.m. – 6 p.m. daily including holidays. Note: Last WEBSITE: http://www.claycafehawaii.com/ entrance to trail is 4:30 p.m., gates close at 6 p.m. daily and COMMUTE TIME: About 15 minutes of driving from UH Mānoa visitors must exit the park at that time. PHONE: 808-587-0300 WEBSITE: dlnr.hawaii.gov/dsp/hiking/oahu/diamond-head- summit-trail/ COMMUTE TIME: About eight to 10 minutes of driving from UH Mānoa COST: $5 per vehicle or $1 per walk-in visitor 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 19

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PRIORITY DEADLINE: APRIL 18, 2016 OR UNTIL POSITIONS ARE FILLED 20 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE Sex on TV: The top 3 best modern The best shows for couples in film

IKAIKA SHIVELEY / FEATURES EDITOR exploring sexuality Relationships can be tough, so portraying one on the big screen can seem downright impossible. Often times, fi lms like “Twilight” have a protagonist fall KIMBERLEE SPEAKMAN / OPINIONS EDITOR in love so quickly that it feels more like a tribute to middle-school crushes Sex on TV has evolved from primarily depicting white hetero- than anything realistic. That being said, a relationship can benefi t from a sexuals kissing to shows featuring different combinations of sexes few ups and downs, in order to keep the couple continuing to work towards and ethnicities being intimate without clothing. Sex on TV has improvements. It’s also diffi cult to fi nd a fi lm without the classic break up changed and these are some current shows that depict sex in an scene or bumps in the road, as obstacles are needed to drive the plot. Mod- innovative way. ern cinema has been guilty of creating cliché relationship roles, but it has also provided some good examples. No relationship is perfect, especially in Hollywood, but below we highlight some of the best couples that the silver SKINS UK screen has offered in the past decade and focus on the healthiest aspects of Skins UK follows a group of teenage friends each couple’s relationship. living in the UK as they deal with problems ranging from drug use, love and emotions that come with growing up. It also covered every- Sometimes life can be tough. Having some- thing from fi rst-time sex, hetero-sex to casual one to counsel during rough stretches isn’t sex and was one of the fi rst shows to explore just a worthy element of a relationship, but teenage lesbian and gay sex. It also didn’t shy a healthy one. It only took Pixar 10 minutes away from teenage pregnancy. to show audiences one of the most compel- According to the Guardian, Skins UK was ling relationships of all-time in Ellie and Carl. considered groundbreaking because of its From meeting as little adventure seekers to “explicit depiction of teenage sexuality.” The cism or judgement.” This added to the show’s getting married and repairing the abandoned Guardian also notes that Skins was one of reality, as sex isn’t as taboo to talk about house in which they met, the cuteness over- the few shows in the world to “depict teenag- among young adults now as it was back in load began. It was only a minute later where ers working out their sexuality without criti- the 20th century. the tears began to shed as they were given the news of her infertility. Overcoming this devas- tating news seems diffi cult, but their romance ELLIE AND CARL / UP GAME OF THRONES fuels them to take this travesty and put that Perseverance through hardships “Game of Thrones” is a recent TV hit effort into something greater – an adven- and perhaps one of the most well-known ture to South America. While the two never of the TV shows listed for depicting sex, get to take the trip together, Ellie’s presence war and dragons. Based off of George R. R. remained in the form of the house, which Carl Martin’s bestselling books “A Song of Ice protects in honor of her memory. and Fire,” Game of Thrones is not afraid to follow the twists and turns in the fantasy novel and likewise does not shy away from more controversial sexual topics like rape Humor is a healthy element of a relationship, and prostitution. and “Deadpool” uses humor as its selling point. Most types of relationships aren’t off lim- ters on the show, including interracial and Wade and Vanessa’s relationship begins with its on this show, which can be refreshing to non-heterosexual couples. However, Game dark jests - a conversation that involves compet- watch. Episodes embrace open sexuality and of Thrones also features brutal depictions ing for who is the most damaged individual. This relationships between all kinds of charac- of rape that have drawn criticism. odd humor sparks an even closer connection, not to mention the striking and sometimes surprising sexual relationship. While lust is heavily involved, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK their highly similar personalities help keep the Women sent to prison because of drug use, fi re in their hearts burning. Unfortunately, Wade’s theft and other misdemeanor crimes bond- love for Vanessa drives him to leave her because ing – what’s not to love about Orange is the he wants her to move on before he dies. Vanessa is left alone in agony, suggesting that Wade could New Black (OITNB)? Like Game of Thrones, WADE AND VANESSA / have communicated his decision better, but Hol- OITNB does not shy away from harder topics DEADPOOL like drugs, violence and especially sex. In fact, lywood’s version of true love comes in to save the Humor and not focusing OITNB takes sex and sexuality a step further day at the end. After his mutant transformation, on physical appearance by integrating lesbian, bisexual, transgender Wade becomes too self-conscious of his physical and sexually fl uid characters into its plotlines. appearance and thinks that Vanessa would never A notable and groundbreaking aspect of accept him. However, Vanessa doesn’t care once this show is that its main character, Piper character in the show is Sophia Bursett, a they are reunited. Looks aren’t always everything, Chapman, is bisexual, which helps create one transgender inmate played by LGBT advocate as a personality match can truly make a relation- of the arguably most interesting and dynamic Laverne Cox, whose backstory in the show ship strong. protagonists in modern TV. Another notable depicts the journey of transitioning.

HOW TO GET AWAY Although the fi lm focuses predominately on WITH MURDER the friendship between Peter and Sydney, the How to Get Away with Murder (HTGAWM) is relationship between Peter and his new fi ancé the product of shows that have pushed the eis a good example of a healthy couple. With boundaries of sex before. The newest show no real guy friends, Peter decides to go on in this list, HTGAWM debuted in 2015, and man dates to fi nd a best man for his wedding. exemplifi es the newest evolution of shows Rather than fi nding it odd, Zooey supports him that display casual sex among college stu- in his endeavors for a hetero life-mate. Very dents. HTGAWM displays hetero, gay and les- briefl y does she get jealous, but the two make bian couples. It also delves into the real life up after they maturely discuss their problems struggles that these couples may face in and work through them. Zooey and Peter’s abil- their day to day lives, like HIV transmission tionships on TV with lawyer hopeful Conner ities to communicate openly about problems and cheating. and his smart and adorable boyfriend Oliver. ZOOEY AND PETER / and to support each other’s personal goals Like OITNB, HTGAWM features a bisexual As this show is set in college, it is notable for I LOVE YOU, MAN demonstrate they have several skills required main character in Annalise Keating. It also its exploration sex and relationships between to maintain a healthy relationship. Supporting a partner’s depicts one of the arguably healthiest gay rela- students in that environment. Independence SOURCE: IMBD SOURCE: IMDB 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 21

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES

INTERNSHIPS & ON-CAMPUS OFF-CAMPUS OFF-CAMPUS COOPERATIVE EDUCATION (CO-OP)* PART-TIME PART-TIME FULL-TIME

ASSISTANT STORE MANAGER SQUID LAB ASSISTANT GUEST SERVICES ASSISTANT MIS TRAINEE (INTERNSHIP PROGRAM)

Ross Dress for Less Pacific Biomedical Research The Institute for Human Services, Board of Water Supply Compensation: $15.00/hour Center $10.10/hour Inc. $10.00/hour Salary: $18.64/hour Close Date: 6/30/16 Close Date: When filled Close Date: 5/31/16 or when filled Close Date: 7/8/16 or when filled

Candidates must be enrolled in a We are seeking two students to Available to work a flexible schedule This position functions as an IT Trainee Bachelor’s degree program and work on a project that studies the that includes evenings, weekends, in the Applications Development Section scheduled to graduate Fall 2016 luminescent bacterium Vibrio fischeri and/or overnight shifts. Will be or the Database Management Section, or Spring 2017. Students will and its symbiotic relationship with responsible for facilitating the safety IT Department, Honolulu Board of Water be exposed to all facets of retail the squid Euprymna scolopes. and welfare of IHS guests, visitors, Supply. Under close supervision and business management including but Duties include spreading dilutions volunteers and staff. Assistants will guidance of a Data Processing Systems not limited to, sales, merchandising, on growth plates, counting colonies maintain the cleanliness of shelter Analyst, this position assists with specifi c, back-office operations, and human of bacteria on plates and under a will uphold policies, and provide clearly defi ned routine assignment such as: resources. Upon completion of the microscope. Prior experience in assistance while treating guests with Assists with implementation of databases; program, students will be asked to Biology or Chemistry preferred but respect and dignity. Assistants will Assists with implementation, maintenance, work in a team to complete a final not required. Employment starts document daily, supervise in-house and support of database security to project/presentation which will, in now and runs through the summer and community volunteers and protect unauthorized access; Assists part, illustrate their key-learning with a possible extension through provide support to other programs with implementation, maintenance, and experiences during the internship. the fall semester, depending on job when needed. See job listing for support of database backup and recovery See job listing for more details. performance. more details. to maximize system availability (uptime), etc.

Job Number: 157102 Job Number: 175123 Job Number: 108902 Job Number: 162242

*What is Co-op? Like internships, Co-ops are education-based and career-related. It is a nation-wide program comprised of a partnership between the employer, the student and the university. Co-ops are paid and require a two semester commitment.

TO APPLY, VISIT HAWAII.EDU/SECE

ADVERTISING GRAPHIC DESIGNER MARKETING CONSULTANT

Advertising Graphic Designers create advertisements, Marketing Consultants are responsible for revenue flyers, posters, banners, and special marketing generation through the sale of advertising space in Ka pieces for clients and the publication itself. We use Leo, as well as alternative advertising such as online, Adobe Creative Suite (InDesign, Photoshop, and mobile, creative services and event sponsorships. Illustrator) to produce said materials for publication. You will develop long-term relationships with clients KaKa LeoLeo The advertisements and materials created fit into a through their advertising campaigns, gain valuable specific guideline that will help you hone your skills work experience in a professional environment, and opportunities for future employers and build your portfolio. learn collaborative business skills with fellow students.

TO APPLY FOR THESE POSITIONS, OR TO VIEW ADDITIONAL OPENINGS, PLEASE VISIT KALEO.ORG/OPPORTUNITIES 22 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE Mood music KATIE ALMEIDA /STAFF WRITER

Slow Jams Crushed I Want You Back The time is right, the person is right and all that’s The butterfl ies have started. You can’t focus in You’ve broken up. Whether you were the one to left is to set the mood. The right song can make or class because your mind is too preoccupied with initiate the split and are now regretting it or you are break the experience. Rhythm is important. This thoughts of a certain someone. You can’t believe this the one who was left with no idea why, it’s hard to playlist featuring classics as well as new favorites is is happening again. That’s right - you have a crush. get over an ex. These songs are for the one who got sure to get that headboard banging. These songs help capture all of the new hope you away, and now you want them back. have for this budding romance.

01. Back To Sleep 01. Thinkin Bout You 01. My Baby by Chris Brown by Frank Ocean by Pieter T

02. High For This 02. Save The Last Dance For Me 02. Want U Back by The Weeknd by The Drifters by Cher Llyod

03. PILLOWTALK 03. I Would 03. Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours) by Zayn by One Direction by Stevie Wonder

04. I Love Ya (ft. Yo Gotti) 04. The Way You Do the Things You Do 04. Hotline Bling by Tank by The Temptations by Drake

05. Ocean Drive 05. I Wanna Dance with Somebody 05. I’m the One for You by Duke Dumont by Whitney Houston by Sammy Johnson

06. Work From Home (ft. Ty Dolla $ign) 06. You Can’t Hurry Love 06. I Want You Back by Fifth Harmony by The Surpremes by The Jackson 5

07. Slow Jamz 07. Is This Love 07. Never Be Like You by Twista, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West by Bob Marley and the Wallers by Flume, Kai

08. Be Lazy 08. Hey Ya! (Radio Mix) 08. Just One Yesterday by Skizzy Mars by OutKast by Fall Out Boy, Foxes

09. Talking Body 09. Can’t Help Falling in Love 09. Do It Again by Tove Lo by Elvis Presley by Pia Mia, Chris Brown, Tyga

10. Coffee 10. YOUTH 10. Where Are U Now by Miguel, Wale by Troye Sivan by Justin Bieber, Jack U, Skrillex, Diplo

11. Best I Ever Had 11. Say You Like Me 11. Build it Better by Drake by We The Kings by Aron Wright

12. L$D 12. Falling in Love (with My Best Friend) 12. Haunting by A$AP Rocky by Matt White by Halsey

13. Bed Peace 13. Girls Like Girls 13. Hoiw Come You Don’t Want Me by Jhene Aiko, Childish Gambino by Hayley Kiyoko by Tegan and Sara

14. Partition 14. This Kiss 14. Boomerang by Beyonce by Faith Hill by The Summer Set

15. Marvin & Chardonnay 15. Classic 15. The One That Got Away by Big Sean, Kanye West, Roscoe Dash by MKTO by Katy Perry

16. Get On Your Knees 16. Roman Holiday 16. It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday by Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande by Halsey by Boyz II Men

17. Hands to Myself 17. If You Ever Want To Be In Love 17. If I Could Change Your Mind by Selena Gomez by James Bay by Haim

18. Bad Intentions 18. Not a Bad Thing 18. One Last Time by Niykee Heaton by Justin Timberlake by Ariana Grande

19. Neighbors Know My Name 19. Love Somebody 19. Half A Heart by Trey Songz by Maroon 5 by One Direction

20. Teenage Dream 20. Crush 20. I Wish You Would by Katy Perry by David Archuleta by Taylor Swift

ILLUSTTRATIONS BY AMY LOWE & BRYE KOBAYASHI / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I 2016 LOVE AND SEX SPECIAL ISSUE 23

STAY CONNECTED. USE YOUR VOICE.

WEEKLYLOS CROSSWORD ANGELES TIMES PUZZLE DAILYProvided CROSSWORD by Puzzle Junction PUZZLE Edited by Rich Norris and Joyce Lewis @KALEOOHAWAII KALEOOHAWAII

KALEO O HAWAII @KALEOOHAWAII OPEN #USEYO URVO I CE To solve the Sudoku puzzle, each row, column and 3x3 box ACROSS DOWN must contain the 1 Wine holder 1 Wedding words LATE numbers 1 to 9. 4 Billiards shot 2 Hilo hello 9 Hoagies 3 Singing voice 13 Spanish cheer 4 Sea cows 14 Reference book 5 Repented No minimum 15 Snares 6 Iditarod items Go to 17 Hit the jackpot 7 Seasoner kaleo.org 18 Christmas songs 8 To be, to Brutus for delivery! for the answers 19 Sharpshooter 9 More hackneyed to our weekly Oakley 10 Ornamental vase Sudoku puzzle 20 Classroom ac vity 11 First under- for lower grades fourminute 23 Compass heading man 24 Narrow ridges 12 Backbone Value Menu starts at 25 Taxes 16 Stitches 27 Preceded 21 Water source 28 Stock units 22 Peruvian beast 30 Fissile rock 26 Victory sign 33 US territory 28 Debonair 34 Kind of collar 29 Rabbit relative GET MĀNOAʻS 37 Heavy weight 30 Hog haven 38 The It Girl Bow 31 Tiller’s tool $7.50 39 Dutch city 32 It. appetizer TOP STORIES 40 Himalayan legend 33 Smooth-tongued 42 Bee house 35 Literary piece 43 White heron 36 Tennis court IN A SNAP! 45 Drink divider 47 Ar culate 38 Hot dish ADD US ON SNAPCHAT 48 Descend a 41 Rascal Order Online KALEOOHAWAII 1. Open Snapchat app mountain 43 Sincere 2. Point camera at our ghost icon 50 Brownish-orange 44 Greek sandwich on the left horse 46 Asian pepper dominos.com 3. Tap your screen 53 Notable period plants 4. Yay! We are friends 54 Like some 47 Mollify or ins tu ons 48 Enlarge, as a We will keep you up to 58 Bridal path hole date with what is 60 Incensed 49 Zodiac sign Use your App happening on campus. 61 Comic Charlo e 50 Some carpets 62 Alloy 51 Mistake 63 Sounds of 52 Exit disappointment 55 Soybean paste 64 Egg cells 56 Ireland 2424 S. Beretania St. 65 Blubbers 57 Before heat or 66 Beginning head 808.744.2283 67 Traffi c stopper 59 Chem classroom

GO TO: kaleo.org FOR THE ANSWERS TO OUR GO TO: KALEO.ORG for the answers to our WEEKLYweekly CROSSWORD crossword

KALEO.ORG/OPPORTUNITIES 24 APR. 18, 2016 KA LEO: THE VOICE

ART+FLEA/CARNIVAL AT UH MANOA [04.15.16]

MAHALO FOR JOINING US! thanks to everyone who helped make this event a huge success. stay tuned for more!

PHOTOS BY NATHAN KAWANISHI & KAWENA BAUTISTA | DESIGNED BY NATHAN KAWANISHI