How a Feminist Once Hailed by Gloria Steinem Launched the Men's Rights

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How a Feminist Once Hailed by Gloria Steinem Launched the Men's Rights MAD MEN how a feminist once hailed by gloria steinem launched the men’s rights movement—and inspired an army of haters and trolls by mariah blake photograph by winni wintermeyer On a balmy afternoon last June, dozens of demon- strators carrying “Stop the Violence” and “Rape is Rape” placards descended on the Hilton Double- Tree in downtown Detroit. They had come to pro- test the first-ever national gathering of the men’s rights movement, which aims to battle discrimina- tion against men but has drawn criticism for stirring up hatred of women. Two weeks earlier, a sexually frustrated 22-year-old named Elliot Rodger had gone on a suicidal rampage in Santa Barbara, Cali- fornia, killing 6 people and injuring 13. He had left behind a chilling 137-page manifesto suffused with a bitter misogyny and language commonly found in men’s rights forums. “The girls don’t flock to the gentlemen. They flock to the alpha male,” Rodger wrote. “Who’s the alpha male now, bitches?” His at- tack ignited a firestorm online, spurring women to share their experiences of misogyny via the hashtag #YesAllWomen, and bringing major media atten- tion to the men’s rights movement. With irate phone calls and even death threats pouring into the hotel in the run-up to the confer- ence, its organizer, A Voice for Men, was forced to move the event to a local Veterans of Foreign Wars hall. The group warned ticket holders by email that “ideological opponents” were likely to show up, and that they would be “looking for anything they can to hurt us with.” When conference goers arrived several weeks later, they were greeted by a cadre of burly security guards. A computer glitch at the check-in desk sent the line snaking into the parking lot, where some men lounged listlessly on the hot asphalt. Finally, about an hour and a half after the first workshop JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015 | MOTHER JONES 17 MAD MEN had been scheduled to begin, the doors spawned a network of activists and sites We were sitting poolside at Farrell’s swung open. The crowd clattered up the that take Farrell’s ideology in a disturbing home, a wood-shingled bungalow over- stairs to a dimly lit room with scuffed mint- direction. Men’s rights forums on sites like looking San Francisco Bay in the hills of colored walls and a water-stained ceiling. 4chan and Reddit are awash in misogyny tony Marin County. As his personal as- There, amid rows of folding chairs, stood and anti-feminist vitriol. Participants argue sistant served us a mélange of roasted veg- Warren Farrell. that false allegations of rape and domestic etables sprinkled with pine nuts, Farrell, A soft-spoken septuagenarian with a abuse are rampant, or that shelters for bat- who has a warm and thoughtful air, mused silver beard and delicate hands, Farrell tered women are a financial scam. Others about his walks in the woods with John explained with a smile why he’d asked rail against women for being independent Gray, author of the best-selling book Men the security team to stand down: “I said or sexually promiscuous. Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. He it didn’t look like there were any killers These ideas have given rise to aggressive and Gray recently landed a contract for a out there.” There was a burst of laughter. tactics and rhetoric. The National Coali- sequel called Beyond Mars and Venus, which After a while, he asked everyone to stand tion for Men—whose board of advisers in- will lay out Farrell’s evolving utopian view up. “Put anything you have in your hands cludes Farrell—has fought to cut off state of gender relations. “We’re all interested in down and just give that person in front funding for domestic-violence programs beyond Mars and Venus,” he explained. of you a nice shoulder rub,” he said. Ten- if men aren’t included. A Voice for Men’s “That’s the search for the unique self.” sion faded from the men’s faces. Over the founder, Paul Elam, who is a friend and next several hours, Farrell doled out hugs, protégé of Farrell’s, has justified violence Farrell traces his interest in gender issues to regaled them with stories about his days as against women and written that some of his childhood. His mother had given up a a feminist icon, and waxed lyrical about them “walk through life with the equiva- scholarship to Cornell to find a husband, fatherhood and male sacrifice. He also in- lent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING but being a housewife made her miserable. vited the men to share their personal pain. BITCH—PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign “I had seen her move in and out of depres- Some wept as they spoke. glowing above their empty little narcissis- sion,” Farrell later wrote. “Into depression Farrell is widely considered to be the fa- tic heads.” Other activists have published when she was not working, out of depres- ther of the men’s rights movement. In a se- names of women they consider enemies sion when she was working.” His mother ries of books published since the 1980s, he and have praised online stalkers, such as took medication to ward off the gloom, has made the case that the primary victims the “Gamergate” mobs who bombard but it made her dizzy and prone to stum- bling. She died at age 48 after falling in the garage one day and hitting her head. Farrell was still reeling from the loss when in farrell’s workshop, the men he moved to New York in the late 1960s to pursue a doctorate in political science pumped their biceps and swiveled and encountered the fledgling women’s movement. He shifted his research focus their hips while farrell led the to feminism and joined the board of the National Organization for Women’s New women in chants of “shirts off! York City chapter, which made him a hot commodity. “Feminists were constantly shirts off!” and “slut! slut! slut!” asking, ‘How can we clone you?’” he re- called. “At parties, women would plop me down in front of their husbands with in- of gender-based discrimination are men— feminist critics with rape and death threats. structions to ‘tell him what you told me.’” casualties of a society that relies on their Farrell told me that these tactics make NOW tapped Farrell to organize a na- sacrifices while ignoring their suffering. He him uncomfortable, but he argues that all tionwide network of men’s consciousness blames this phenomenon for a litany of movements have—and need—their extreme groups, including one that he told me was woes, from the plight of blue-collar workers factions. “I’ve been through the move- attended by John Lennon. In these ses- to the state of veterans’ health care and ris- ments,” he said. “I’ve seen how Martin sions, and in his popular 1974 book, The ing suicide rates among young men. Many Luther King alone was dismissed. It took Liberated Man, Farrell argued that women of today’s men’s rights activists view Farrell’s Stokely Carmichael and Eldridge Cleaver were not the only ones hindered by sex- 1993 book, The Myth of Male Power: Why to say things that were pretty ridiculous in ism: Gender roles hurt men too, by forcing Men Are the Disposable Sex, as their touch- some ways, but that brought the attention them to shoulder the financial burden of stone, and the online forums where they that led to Martin Luther King being seen supporting families and stifle their emo- congregate are steeped in Farrell’s ideas. as the nice, centered, balanced person.” He tions. Soon Farrell was burning up the talk For some, the “manosphere” offers a also cited the SCUM Manifesto written by show circuit and mingling with the likes of place to air real grievances about issues 1960s feminist Valerie Solanas, who shot Gloria Steinem and Barbara Walters. People such as bias in family courts or sexual Andy Warhol. “SCUM means ‘Society for ran a glowing four-page spread with photos abuse suffered by men. But it also has Cutting Up Men,’” he noted. of Farrell cooking breakfast in his Upper 18 MOTHER JONES | JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015 From top left: Farrell cooking dinner for his then-wife, Ursula, in 1972; crowning the winner of a “male beauty pageant” on TV as Alan Alda looks on; posing in 1987 with Gloria Steinem. West Side apartment and tossing a foot- ball in a park with his then-wife, Ursula, a Harvard-educated mathematician and rising IBM executive. The Financial Times named Farrell one of its 100 “top thought leaders,” while other papers hailed him as also shaking up family dynamics and turn- Penthouse, Farrell explained that some saw “the Gloria Steinem of Men’s Liberation.” ing divorce into a political issue. NOW came incest as “part of the family’s open, sensu- Farrell’s calling card during this era was out in favor of awarding child custody to al style of life, wherein sex is an outgrowth role-reversal workshops. In one session at the primary caregiver, in most cases the of warmth and affection.” The magazine a Tony Robbins seminar in Hawaii, he mother. Farrell, who was by then teaching also quoted him as saying that “genitally made the 100-plus men in attendance at Rutgers University, came to believe that caressing” children was “part of a caring, gather on the stage for a beauty pageant.
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