LGBT Voices SHARING OUR PAST, SHAPING OUR FUTURE. Stonewall was founded in 1989 by a small group of dedicated people who wanted to put equality for lesbian, gay and bisexual people on the mainstream political agenda. The charity has since transformed the lives of Britain’s 3.7m lesbian, gay and bisexual people by securing full legal equality – including equal marriage in 2013. Now we face the even tougher challenge of changing hearts and minds around the world.

We strive for full equality for lesbian, gay and bisexual people in all areas of their lives, with our key focus areas being: Communities, Schools, Workplaces, Public services, Sport and International. Even after a quarter century of remarkable progress, we won’t stop until every lesbian, gay and bisexual person – from every background, every neighbourhood and every parish – can live their life without fear of discrimination. Find out how you can support our work at www.stonewall.org.uk/what_you_can_do Foreword

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans communities are communities like no other. Within three generations, we’ve seen significant change in our rights, status and profile in Great Britain and abroad.

We’ve therefore become accustomed to fighting for our right to exist. Those men who were persecuted through the fifties and sixties - afraid that they would be punished for being gay - sit alongside a generation who went to school under the shadow of the pernicious Section 28, while both generations received a barrage of messages that ‘homosexuals’ spread disease and danger. The young people of today serve in our armed forces next to sergeants and majors who’ve only felt able to be open about their sexuality in the last few years. Today, we see more couples marrying – those who’ve been together thirty years or three years. We’re starting families, being open about our sexuality and gender identity with our family, our community, our workplace, our place of worship, ourselves.

We all share a sense of the part we have played in creating the Britain we live in now and have strong experiences that unite us. But the experiences of older LGBT people are often lost and we forget to reflect on where we’ve come from and how those experiences shape who we are today. We must take time to listen to all those from the LGBT community, not just those who have the highest profile or the loudest voices.

This book shares 25 stories from LGBT people who have lived through inequalities and experiences that are rarely reflected on television, in books, in films or in our schools. Read the stories and share them, take copies to your local school and find older LGBT people and ask them their stories. Our history is important to all of us. We must make the time to listen.

Ruth Hunt Chief Executive, Stonewall

3 LGBT Voices “ I would have loved to have been the first female admiral in the Royal Navy, but I couldn't because of being gay, I was not prepared to lie.” “ e law’s changed and society's changed, but I think the important thing that's changed is the role models that are out there, when I was growing up there was Larry Grayson and Danny La Rue”

Oh that's not the press, that's“ e Special Branch. ey photographed every single person on that Pride march.” “ ere was an announcement over the radio that homosexuality had been decriminalised, up until that time there was no such thing as an age of consent. Whether you were nine or ninety, it was criminal.” 4 “ Back then the sense I have is that there was terrible fear, terrible shame, awful isolation, dreadful misuse of language, superstition, horror about being gay or trans.”

“ I came back fully intending to go into school in a female gender role. I talked to my senior staff about this. I was suspended.”

Listen Ruby, you have a faith, “ you've always had a faith, you have had some very happy relationships with women I thought I've really got to try and reconcile these two.” “ I marched against Section 28. Irrespective of whether it applied to schools, it became almost like

a code of best practice. Suddenly teachers had to retreat into the closet and slam the door behind them.” 5 LGBT Voices Wendy Benson Wendy Benson

s a young woman, back in the late '70s, being prepared to be part of an organisation where I have to lie. It's gay was not spoken about at all. It particularly not fair for them, and it's not fair for me." So I think that was Awasn't spoken about in the service that I when I said "No, I'm going to have to leave." My value system joined in 1976, the Women's Royal Naval Service is "If those are the rules, I play within the rules." Looking back, (Wrens). I was seventeen and three quarters. My it makes me feel quite sad actually and for something that father was in the army, my brother joined the army, so happened such a long time ago, actually quite emotional. I'd spent my whole childhood growing up with uniform I left the Wrens on one day, and joined the Metropolitan Police and the military. But I didn't have a clue that I was gay. the next day. By then I had several different lives running. I had I had loads of boyfriends, lots of really nice my life with my friends, who all knew I was gay, and I had my relationships with men, and then I met this woman life with my family who pretended I wasn't gay and didn't want that I became really close with and thought it was a to know about it, but are actually speaking to me now. Then I ‘bessie-mate’ type scenario. Then one night she kissed had my work life. So I had three distinctly different lives running me, and all of a sudden I realised what it was that I was at that time. When I look back now I can see the energy that missing with my relationships with men. that takes up, and the negativity around it. But back in the '80s But I was in a uniformed service where it was against the I would never have thought of coming out. It was just too risky rules to be gay. So I spent the first year or so thinking was this a decision to make if you wanted to aspire to be anything. a one-off? and what I was going to do? I It's meeting the right person in your life at knew that this was something I was going to “I would have loved to have the right time that makes you strong enough have to work through, because someone, been the first female admiral to say "Well, actually I'm gay." When I met somewhere was going to ask me "Was I in the Royal Navy, but I Melanie in the '90s I was a temporary Chief gay?" It was one of the questions in the couldn't because of being gay, Inspector in the M.O.D. It took me until I vetting. In the Wrens there was what they was forty, the year I met Mel, to be actually used to call the SIB, the Special Investigations I was not prepared to lie.” comfortable with myself because I'd taken a Bureau, and the SIB used to actively look for bit of a battering really. My Mum and Dad didn't want to speak gay individuals in the service. If you wanted to remain in the to me, my brother shouted at me and swore, one of my sisters service, you would have to lie and, I have to say, I'm not proud wasn't too happy either. If the people you think are going to to say it, but I did lie at my first reassessment because I didn't support you don't, you sort of draw in don't you? So I don't really know what else to do. think I was truly, truly happy until I met Mel. Coming out was When I think back, I would have loved to have been the first like throwing off this awful weight. You know those old divers female admiral in the Royal Navy, but I couldn't because I am have those big divers suits? It was like throwing that off! Going gay, I was not prepared to break the rules and not prepared to "Wow, this is so much nicer just to be me, and just to be happy lie about something like that. So I joined in '76 and left in '81. I and not to be worrying about you asking me something I'm think the breaking-point may have been when my defence going to have to lie about, or evade answering." vetting was re-assessed, and me saying to myself "I'm not

7 LGBT Voices Ted Brown Ted Brown

was born in New York. My parents got divorced and also untrue. I knew that we weren't doing any harm. my mother was deported from the United States I think it was at the third meeting of Gay Liberation Front with me and my youngest sister. My mother had I (GLF) in 1970 or '71, that Noel says he remembers when he gone to America on a student visa when she got first saw me (this is my partner now) and he said it was love at involved with the National Association for the first sight. I stood up and said some stuff, and paralleled gay Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), which is rights and women's rights with black civil the organisation in America which rights. When I met Noel consensual gay sex later asked Martin Luther King to help “If the authorities can be so for men under 21 was a no-no. You could get with the Civil Rights Movement. stupid and negative about up to 14 years for having sex with somebody Apparently, in their discussions about underage, and we knew people that had racism and sexism back in the 1950s black people I realised that happened to. they also mentioned gay rights. what was being said about gay people was also untrue.” In 1995 I wrote some stuff for Capital Gay In 1959 we arrived in England and suffered about Buji Banton and The Voice newspaper a lot of racism. There was a lot of National Front stuff. But that campaign. The Voice newspaper were really nasty about Justin was where I first became aware of being possibly gay. I was Fashanu and we organised a campaign boycotting The Voice for eleven and I said to my Mum "I think I might be becoming its homophobia, working together with Gay & Lesbian Alliance homosexual." She said it was probably likely that it was a phase, Against Defamation (GLAAD). We approached the festival, but I wasn't quite so sure. At fifteen, when I'd had one or two WOMAD, that Buji Banton was due to appear at. At the time interactions with boys at school, I told my Mum "No, I don't it looked like he could become as big as Bob Marley and his think this is a phase," because I knew that she would be most successful record would be Boom Bi Bi. We told them supportive of me. She was very ahead of her time. She was a "Do you understand what the lyrics are?", because it was in feminist, but she had been aware of racism, politically astute patois, pigeon English, which Westerners often didn't about it, and I cried on her shoulder and she cried on my understand. With my Jamaican background I knew that he was shoulder because her attitude was "My son's black and having singing about killing gay people and about raping lesbians. to deal with racism, and now this as well." She wasn't WOMAD is a festival about peace and international music, so condemning me, it was just "Why this double difficulty?" we said "No, no, you can't do this!" They actually approached Unfortunately she died a few months later, and I was taken into him and they said "You can come if you don't sing any of these a foster home with my two sisters. In 1969 I decided to tell my songs." He refused and was dropped from WOMAD Festival. I foster parents. I packed my bags first, because I wasn't sure how got a lot of backlash from that because I was living in Brixton they were going to react, and I said "I'm homosexual, and I'm at the time and Buji Banton was a big hero. going to tell my younger brother and sister about it because I Many people like to assume that the African Caribbean don't see any problem with it. I'm not doing any harm." The community are all hostile against gay rights, but it's not true, NAACP experience with my mother helped me as a gay man. although there are some limitations because there's a lot of It gave me the awareness that if the authorities can be so stupid fundamentalist religions in places like Jamaica and Barbados, and negative about black people, as was obvious, what was and that is something that we are still battling with. being said about gay people, the stereotypes and so on, was

9 LGBT Voices Lewis Rimmer Lewis Rimmer

grew up in the valleys in Maesteg, Wales. I was be the hardest thing to do, I told her I should have been born convinced I was a boy. Somewhere along the line male. She said ‘well I’ve never met a trans person before and I Imy mother told me I had to stop playing with the don’t know what to do’. I said ‘well I’ve never met a trans boys because I was going into puberty and was person before so we’ll have to try and figure it out together.’ becoming a girl. My sister has a photo of us from She has been absolutely brilliant. Christmas time in the ‘70s. I had this blue dress on, a Through one of the female to male (FTM) groups on Facebook yellow cardigan and a black fluffy handbag with a gold I met a trans guy. I had about 50 million questions to ask him, chain on it. My mother had dressed us very similar, but ‘what’s it like, how did you know, what did you feel like?’ That’s I had a bow and arrow in my hand and my foot on a when we realised we had to set up FTM Wales because we football. couldn’t find anything on the internet for female to male Growing up I fancied women, so I thought I was gay. I think I people. We started working with the NHS and realised we also knew the word transvestite but didn’t know needed to do something to provide much about it. I thought I must be lesbian if “If you could be happy for information to people if they are thinking of I fancy women. It took months to work up transitioning so we started Transgender and tell my mother. She said ‘Don’t worry, 5, 10, 20 years, is it worth Awareness Wales. If I can leave that as a it’s a phase you’re going through’, but over it?’ and I thought ‘yes, of legacy, I’ll be happy. I don’t want anybody to the years she came to accept it. So I lived my course it’s worth it’.” go through what I went through. life from the age of 16 till I was 52 as a gay With transitioning, you take the hormones, woman. During that time, my friend Denise and I created this you talk to psychologists but nobody teaches you life skills. website ‘Gay People with Pets’. Not all gay people have children When I first started, I didn’t even know how to shave. I moved but lots have pets. I was the first person ever to do a dog show to Cardiff where my brother lives as I needed male support in Gay Pride, in Blackpool in the early ‘90s. I think I’ve got a and wanted to start a new life. poster, we had it on North Pier, on the railings. I contacted all the pet places in Blackpool saying we were doing this show I live in sheltered accommodation in Cardiff. Before I went to and the prizes they gave were amazing. Even though it was live here I thought ‘my god, I’m going to live there with all these blowing a gale, the turnout was fantastic. old people, how am I gonna fit in?’ I made the decision to be open and honest with them and just tell them who I am. The Over the years I did try to take my own life quite a few times support I’ve had has been brilliant. because I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Living in a small valley, there was no one like me, I couldn’t talk to Transitioning is difficult but it’s the best thing I ever did. My anybody. I watched My Transsexual Summer in November 2011 confidence is growing and I’m becoming this completely and it was ‘oh my god, ding, ding, that’s it, this is who I am.’ different person. I promised myself when I got my top surgery the first thing I’d treat myself to was a suit. When I was a kid, I spoke to my brother first, and his partner Steve. They were my sister would be there with my mother’s shoes on and I’d brilliant. He said to me, ‘have you ever really been happy in your be there with my father’s tie on and putting on one of his shirts, life? If you could be happy for 5, 10, 20 years, is it worth it?’ and that’s one of my earliest memories of wanting to be a bloke. I thought ‘yes, of course it’s worth it’. I’m meeting my brother on Saturday and we’re going to Slaters Going to the GP was quite easy, even though I thought it would to get a three-piece suit.

11 LGBT Voices Ellen Kelly Ellen Kelly

y father was a docker, his brothers were They were walking either side of the march and there was no dockers and I was brought up in Drumchapel space between them. We were on The Strand and I looked up Mwhich was quite a rough area. In the mid '70s at the big corner building and all I could see, on the whole of in Glasgow you either met people in pubs or the top of it, were guys with huge telephoto lenses, and I said dancehalls. There were a couple of gay pubs and at one "I wonder why they let the press photographers up there?" of them they regularly fell out of the door fighting. I Somebody replied "Oh that's not the press, that's The Special wouldn't go near it with a bargepole. In both the pubs Branch. They photographed every single person on that Pride there was always a bouncer on the door which was march. Now when you look at Pride you think "Good God, unusual in those days. The guy on the door would look there are openly gay and lesbian police officers!" They've got at you and say "Upstairs" or "Over there." The their own social group within the police. bouncer, purely by sight, weeded out the straights and Section 28, because it was so oppressive, kicked off a period the gays. Either we were very obvious, or the bouncer of intense activity because we decided as a community that was very good! was a line where we said "We will not be silenced." I actually I left teaching mainly because I had enough wit to realise that think, in retrospect, Thatcher, though she certainly didn't mean being a PE teacher in a Catholic school in to, did us a favour with Section 28. She the '70s, who was openly lesbian, was not forced people to come out. It propelled "Oh that's not the press, that's going to go down well. Lots of folk went "Sh! people to be open about their sexuality Don't talk about it, and you'll be fine." Other e Special Branch." ey because it was either that or die. Because of folk were just so profoundly shocked. But I photographed every single that, far more people came out, and although thought "I just can't do this, and I certainly person on that Pride march.” it was a long and hard fought battle, I can't pretend that the person I went out certainly felt that we couldn't be silent any with last night was a bloke." It's so odd, longer. Not that I ever was! because I'm not naturally the most confident person in the Through walking the dog my partner and I have met some world, I really am not, but I never ever could lie. I don't know younger lesbians in their thirties, starting out their professional that I even thought about it, it was purely instinctive. I just careers, and we refer to ourselves as their "Lesbian Grannies." thought "I'm not going to lie about this." It was important, and One of them asked me what age I was and when I told them that was it, and that was, certainly in those days, a rather they asked me what it was like when I was younger and they unusual stance. were so shocked because they think things have always been When we used to march for Pride in London, this was around this way. That anybody should ever have questioned their right 1982 or '83, there were so many of us, and that always made to be openly lesbian is shocking to them. They cannot imagine me feel so proud. The first march I remember being a bit hairy it, they cannot envisage it. They were shocked by the fact that because the police were really nasty. They didn't get their you couldn't have a legal union, and when I tell them the story batons out, but they were not nice. They had so many police about me and my partner not being able to get a joint officers out that you actually couldn't see over their heads. mortgage, truly their jaws drop off the floor and bounce!

13 LGBT Voices Norman Horrod Norman Horrod

hen I was young there was no mention of had to do it. Of course, there were a lot of gay people who anything like being gay. There was no didn't want to be involved in politics, however much they were Wname-calling. In my experience, it was affected by politics. commonly accepted that being gay was quite ok, I managed to form a friendship with a ballet dancer. Nothing nobody ever mentioned it. Nothing. It was absolutely came of it, it wasn't a serious thing, but for me it was significant normal as far as boys were concerned, and we were because we weren't kids anymore, and by this time, of course, very rough kids from north London, we'd grown up we knew what dangerous games we were playing. I went on fighting on bombsites. This was through the war, and holiday whilst I was still at Sadlers Wells, and for the first time just after the war, up until about 1952, when I left in my life, and I must have been about twenty-four, I had legal school. It wasn't until a celebrated case involving Peter sex, because it wasn't illegal in Paris. So I thought "Well I haven't Wildeblood, Major Pitt-Rivers and Lord Montagu of broken any laws in Paris, but if I did the same thing in London Beaulieu, that such things ever made it into the press. I would be prosecuted, and I think this is mad! This is absolute All the hullaballoo started with the 1950s, which was really nonsense," and it made me even more cross. awful, so many people were going to prison, and it was in the Then later, in 1967, I took my boyfriend, Stan, to Amsterdam newspapers and all the rest of it. Then there was all the News for a holiday and suddenly there was an announcement over of the World headlines, and we became aware that, all this time, the radio that homosexuality had been we'd been criminals. We'd been breaking the “ere was an announcement decriminalised in the UK, and from now on law. In the early '50s, men's clubs were so the age of consent was 21. But up until that dangerous, you really were laying yourself over the radio that time there was no such thing as an age of open to being raided, arrested, beaten up homosexuality had been consent. Whether you were nine or 90, it and God knows what. In 1954, when I joined decriminalised, up until that was criminal. Oh, they made a big deal of it, The Grenadier Guards, things had reached time there was no such all the Dutchmen in the club. They played about their worse. By 1957, I'd been thing as an age of consent. Land of Hope and Glory, and they were all demobbed, and I got my first job at Sadlers waving and cheering. They were very, very Wells Opera, playing the French horn, and I Whether you were nine or pleased. But, you know, I'd met Stan when I went round to try and get people to sign a ninety, it was criminal.” was 29, and he was 20, so that was illegal petition for law reform. But the only people then. We'd been together for two years by that time. We came who would touch it with a bargepole were the lesbians who back and we said "This is still nonsense. It's either the same for weren't afraid. They hadn't done anything illegal. everybody, or forget about it." It took years and years and So we had to fight our corner, it wasn't going to be handed to years before we had an equal age of consent. So many people us on a plate and, of course, if you're branded with the illegal had fallen foul of these silly made-up laws, and they weren't thing it's so much harder to fight your corner. We were real. If there was any sort of criminality or intent there you putting up with the likes of Mary Whitehouse on the one hand, could understand the reason for these laws, but who on earth and an unequal law on the other. These things just had to be were they trying to protect? challenged and it cost us time, sometimes money, a lot of inconvenience and a great deal of heartache, but somebody

15 LGBT Voices Julie Newman Julie Newman

realised I was a lesbian when I was in the Maudsley then UNISON. On the basis of that, we took part in the policy Hospital, and I think I must have been about 16 or development of the new union. 17. I was originally born in west London, but I'd I I had found the whole concept of butch and femme very come to this country in my teens from the States, strange and that's probably what led me towards feminism; where I had been institutionalised. feminism led me towards sort of a political perspective, which As I became better I went to the doctor, and I can only led me towards a trade union perspective. Through lesbian and remember little flashes because I'd had an awful lot of Electro- gay politics I was exposed to the concept of equalities, the convulsive therapy (ECT) and things like that over the years, guidelines of equalities, the determination of equalities, and that so it's hard to remember things other than in little flashes. I became a very strong motivational force for me. I got co-opted remember sitting and talking to this young doctor, a guy, and onto the Women's Committee, and National Disabled saying "I think I'm a lesbian." He said "It's your age, you'll get Member's Committee, as well as the National Lesbian and Gay over it." So I think I was very lucky because if I had pursued it Committee, and I think I was probably the only person that then I think I would have had the whole treatment, the aversion was on all three committees at the same time. therapy, because that was around at the What I found in the trade union was how time. If I'd said to him "Yeah, I really am," I important it was for us, as disabled lesbians think they would have done something like “As disabled lesbians and gay and gay men (and it was that at the time, the that because I was captive in The Maudsley, men, what was important bi and the trans came later on, let alone and I have friends who had that treatment was that we found a common queer) what was important was that we more or less at the same time. But I was so language that was accessible.” found a common language that was submissive, because I'd been in institutions accessible to the people that we were for two and a half years, I just thought "OK, working with. This was the beginning of the '90s. Campaign for I'll grow out of it then." So I waited. Quite a long time...to grow Homosexual Equality (CHE) was not particularly accessible. out of it. And I didn't! They were very much a campaigning group, and very important, By 1989 I'd become disabled. In my final year at university I'd critically important, but for others, who needed a political hurt my back very badly and I was on traction at the hospital. perspective linked to impairment and the social model of In 1990 I couldn't walk, and I didn't know what to do, and I disability, that's when Regard was formed. The British Council can't quite remember how it happened but I was one of the of Disabled People was formed at the same time, and they first disabled lesbians elected to a National Committee within worked positively to encourage debate and engagement the trade union movement. around sexuality.

I job-shared, and we were in the National and Local There were women and gay men around in the '80s and '90s Government Officers Association (NALGO), and I'd been sent who were developing constructs with which to understand, up by my local branch to this lesbian and gay conference. So not just the world around them, but what their place was me and my job-share partner were the first two, and our job within the world. They led the way for others and that was was to build up the disabled lesbian caucus within NALGO and critically important because that gave us an impetus.

17 LGBT Voices Steve Tyrer and Mike Pierce Steve Tyrer and Mike Pierce

teve: I grew up in Liverpool on a council house In 1974 in Cardiff, I was introduced to a club called; The Show estate which was a little bit rough. When I was Biz, and I was there one night and Mike approached and actually Sabout 14 or 15, I started to realise that I was picked me up. Then we met again and got on like a house on more attracted to the guys in the class than the girls. fire and it went on from there. Mike came to live with us at my I suppose the most upsetting thing was when they mother's home for a short while, while we looked for a flat. started getting girlfriends and vanishing off. Because We’ve stayed together ever since, for coming up to forty years. of the environment and the school you tended to keep Mike: Occasionally we made trips out. We went to Bristol, things quiet and undercover, because it was illegal, and "The Sin City of Bristol," because it actually had clubs which you saw nasty things in the press. I left Liverpool with were clean! my parents and I was 16 when we moved down to Cardiff. Steve: I think being gay, it has affected my “e law’s changed and character. It's made me a quieter person, a Mike: I was born in Wrexham in North bit more cautious. I really love seeing young Wales. We lived on a council house estate society's changed, but I guys at the moment who are out, camp as until I was 13 and then moved away. I do think the important thing handbags, and it's just no problem. It's really remember the 1967 Act, and I think I that's changed is the role heart-warming. It's great. It's brilliant, and I probably heard about it on television, but at models that are out there, think "Good on them, excellent, it's really that point it sort of slipped in, that "I'm going good." to be OK now" sort of feeling. I was 13. when I was growing up At school, I was the queer boy. As far as I there was Larry Grayson Mike: Obviously the law’s changed and know I was the only queer boy, and I was and Danny La Rue” society's changed, but I think the important isolated as a gay boy. In Wrexham there was thing that's changed is the role models that no social scene at all. So I listened to music, and I read a hell of are out there, because when I was growing up there was Larry a lot. That helped me and got me through, but it did make me Grayson and Danny La Rue. You never saw a positive very much of a loner. representation of gay people. I remember reading in the Sunday Times magazine at that time something about the gay scene in Steve: I went into the Merchant Navy as an engineer, and it London, the lesbian gay scene, and they actually named a club, was illegal to be gay and in the Merchant Navy. I was an officer, I think it was The Gateways. At that point, I was probably about and back in those days you used to get dressed up in uniform 14, I thought "I'll have to go to London sometime, to this club to eat. I could see all the crew and the stewards having a really and ask them where the guys are." Now look at what we've good time, and sleeping with each other. It was open, it was got as positive role models. I don't mean just on television, but accepted, but there was a general feeling that the officers don't we've got a few rugby players. You can be a ‘real man’. You can do that sort of thing. But I only stayed in two years because I be a rugby international player, and you can be gay. So that's met Mike, and left. Mike outed me on the ship in a way. He used saying to the bully boys. “This guy who could turn you into to send me the Gay Times, and when it arrived, someone mincemeat is a gay guy." opened it and I thought "That's it, that's my cover blown."

19 LGBT Voices Lindsay River Lindsay River

’d always had crushes on girls, but I hadn’t seen it to be more separatist about men than I wanted to be, and I as sexual. Then when I was 18, I had an experience did actually become a separatist for a couple of years. I wasn't Iat school where I was in a class reading some very really very happy with it, but I thought we had to cut men out passionate poetry and, because I was sharing a book of our lives in order to claim our own power. Then I decided I with someone, and I was quite close to her, I realised wanted to "make peace with men." In fact I had about three that I was physically attracted to her, and it was years of having relationships with men and women when I was overwhelming. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I in my late thirties, early forties. So I was bisexual, although at couldn't cope with it, so I said I had a headache and that time I didn't identify as bisexual. I just thought "I don't want went to the sick room and lay down. I can remember any labels." After that I went back to relating to women (and lying there and saying "I'm a lesbian. This means that I I’ve had one relationship with a man in the 25 years since). am a lesbian!" When I came to terms with my identity, I'm not a great fan of assimilation, so though I'm extremely I sometimes said that I was "a female homosexual" happy that people can get married it's not my bag. I'm much because at the time that seemed more intellectually more interested in queering society at large respectable! than I am at us getting assimilated and being At university I had a very hard time with my “I'm much more interested in seen as normal. When I say ‘queering’ I mean lesbian identity. I was very isolated. I had a queering society at large than helping society become more diverse about crack up and I ended up going out with men I am at us getting assimilated gender and about sexual orientation and less again. It was a really bad decision, but this and being seen as normal.” normative in every way, and more interested would have been in 1967. It was before the in how people actually are and in their Gay Liberation Front (GLF) or the Campaign for Homosexual difference. It seems necessary at the moment that we go Equality (CHE): no role models, no support. I became a left through this very assimilative phase for LGB people: being seen wing political activist and eventually, in London, I got involved as normal and just like everyone else. I'm actually not just like with a woman. At last! She and I joined the South London Gay everyone else at all...but of course I don't want to be Liberation Front in Brixton, and we were there for about nine discriminated against. months. When we left it, we started a group in Vauxhall with These days I identify as queer, and I'm quite happy with my other women called Lesbian Liberation. We met at the Vauxhall identity, the people I identify with are feminists. I'm friends with Women's Centre, and we had a room there. We adapted lots of people who are trans women and trans men, gender Women's Liberation techniques to our lesbian group, we did queer people, gay men, bisexuals as well as lesbians and I'm consciousness raising about being a lesbian, we told our really happy with that. It feels like I've come to what's right for coming-out stories, we had parties and we were the contact me, and that would have maybe been more right for me all the GLF gave women who rang them up. long, but the process of getting there was inevitable and In the '70s being a lesbian feminist was my life, it was creative in its own way. tremendously inspiring and exciting. But there was pressure

21 LGBT Voices Alan Herdman Alan Herdman

was born on a farm in the north of England in almost like a shutter coming down. You were told it was there. Northumberland. At 16, by the time I went to The Rockingham was great, it was almost like a gentleman's Itechnical college, I knew that I was attracted to club. It was very smart and comfortable, people wore suits, and men, but the only other gay person I knew in the it was really quite interesting. There was no loud music, people village was someone that I didn't particularly like. But talked in groups. You didn't necessarily go home with anyone, we stuck together because we were the only ones, as it was more social. There was a place on Tatchbrook Street that far as we knew. We spoke about it and fumbled as well. was in a basement but, again, you were told where it was. They I was in the local drama club, which was a great help, were all hidden away, but we had a lot of fun! and I used to escape to Newcastle as much as possible. By the '80s it was much more open in London, there were There was one bar that we knew of in Newcastle, I many more places to go. Then I met my partner Richard think it was the Theatre Royal Grill, or something like through a mutual friend. We got a place in Islington, two dogs, that, and that's where the gay community collected. In a house in the country and we were civil partnered. When that the Newcastle clubs it was all rather sad because came along I thought “Thank God”. We had a very small people just stood around looking and I think my ceremony in Islington Town Hall and we had a party, it was just technique was very rusty in those days. There was just us saying “This is who we are.” We had a mixture of his clients, a bar and people picking each other up. my clients, mutual friends, individual friends, My first teaching job was in Brixton and at and it was fantastic. I thought “This is how it “ …we were civil partnered. evenings and weekends I was doing my should be.” For me, it was important that we dance training with London Contemporary When that came along I stood up as a couple. People realised that Dance. On Saturday mornings I worked in though “ank God.” For me, these two men were a couple, and they’re Liberty's menswear department. A theatre it was important that we serious about each other. We were together agent ran the coffee bar based in Monmouth stood up as a couple. People for twenty-two years when Richard passed Street called the As You Like It Coffee Bar. away. We were aware that he had this agency and realised that these two men When my mother died the funeral was in a young men used to go through the coffee were a couple, and they’re small country church in Corbridge. The bar to go up to his office. We used to wink serious about each other.” whole family were queuing up to walk down at each other and say "Well I wonder what behind the coffin as it was brought in. it would take to get onto his books." Richard was there and he stood back and said "I'll just stand That's when I started going to the clubs at the weekends. I here." My eldest sister-in-law said "No you won't. You're one remember one called The Rockingham, that was just behind of the family." Piccadilly, it had a small door and you had to be known. It was

23 LGBT Voices Jacqui Chapman Jacqui Chapman

grew up in a little place called Long Eaton, between decision with my eyes well and truly open. It was just very Nottingham and Derby. I was the only black child difficult because they were very cool towards Jenny. When Iat school. In fact, because I was born in the '50s, I've Jenny was my mate, when I was married and she came round, been so used to being the only black person anywhere! they thought she was wonderful, but as soon as she became We settled there because my Dad came over in the my significant other that was it. They were awful. war and met my Mum. In those days the American A lot of my Dad's friends were staunch church-goers and a lot soldiers were in charge of the black soldiers that came of these people had seen me grow up, had come to my first over from the Caribbean, and any social activities, my wedding, yet all of a sudden I seem to have grown a pair of Dad and his troop weren't allowed to join in, it was only horns and a tail. But I was the same person. My Dad was for white soldiers. The mayor, or whoever it was, some convinced that it was a ‘white’ problem. He said it was "a bigwig in Long Eaton, decided that that wasn't good European disease" and "they're in the gutter." That was when enough, so a small town called Long Eaton put on he was most vitriolic. But, having said all that, they eventually dances and social sorts of activities, and everybody was came round and my Mum became very fond of Jenny. She came included. That's where my Dad met my Mum, and they round wholeheartedly and my Dad came round, but he was were married in 1947. more reserved. He was from Jamaica. They call gay men "Batty I was married to my husband for 28 years and we adopted two Boys", don't know what they call women. But it doesn't happen children, a boy and a girl. I divorced in 2003. I don't know to black people, you see. It's a male, and it's a white thing. I’ve whether I've always been a lesbian or found that there is huge prejudice in the whether it was just Jenny I fell in love with. “A lot of these people had seen black community. I always used to think that My daughter found the transition difficult, me grow up, had come to my if you're in any sort of minority group or but once I bought this place and she came first wedding, yet all of a oppressed group and – black people are to live with me, she's been fine. She's so oppressed – then I thought that they would lovely, because she said "Actually Mum, it sudden I seem to have grown be more tolerant to other groups but that's gave me a bit of kudos in the gang!" She said a pair of horns and a tail.” not the case. "My friends are really proud of me that I've I've been spat on once by a man. Some youths tried to heckle got a gay Mum!" us once when we were walking into town. Oh, and we went But my Mum and Dad were beside themselves with rage. I to a wedding show where the woman selling the tickets actually had a breakdown and was ill for a year as a result of it. wanted to know where our fiancés were and we said "We're I didn't see my Mum for weeks and weeks. My birthday came marrying one another." There was a sharp intake of breath. I and she wrote to me and she said "I'm just distraught I can't thought she was going to faint! bear not being with you, not having you in my life." So we met I feel very comfortable and I'm with my soulmate. I know that up at the village hotel, and there were lots of hugs and tears. because when I'm not with her there's an emptiness. I can feel Part of the rift was healed but, at that time, she really wouldn't it in my stomach. I want to be with her forever because I love have anything to do with Jenny. her to bits! It's been at a cost, but I'm prepared to pay the cost. I think it was because they perceived Jenny to be the predatory I have paid the cost. lesbian. I have always made it very clear that I made the

25 LGBT Voices Lorraine Milford Lorraine Milford

was born in India and I emigrated to the UK in it's like someone's pulled out a rug from under your feet 1966 when I was nearly 14. My father was in the because all weekend I was Lorraine, I was always that person, IIndian Navy. When I was about 17 I found a few and of course when you finish there you revert to being male. clothes and started cross-dressing. When I started So you're on an absolute high for a weekend, then suddenly work I used to buy women's clothes and then throw you're driving home and you feel so down. them out, thinking "I'm supposed to be a fella, why am I used to feel really guilty and for many years, even in later life, I doing this?" I didn't think about me being a transsexual. I just couldn't When I left school I went to college, did an apprenticeship in understand it. But I never thought "I'm a woman trapped in a telecommunications and then I joined the army. There's a man's body." Part of the problem was being Catholic, so there surprise about how many transsexuals join the army! A lot of was the church issue as well. It's a constant journey, and of people say they join the Forces, not just the army, because they course, for me now, it's not a problem. But initially, going out wanted to do something macho, because they couldn't somewhere, going shopping, it's "am I being read?" The whole understand this thing in their head. Now, I joined because I time. You just can't relax. loved to travel, but I thought if I joined the Eventually it got easier when I decided to army, it would knock it out of me. I was in “I deliberately went down transition. I first went to the Gender Identity the Forces for 12 years and I loved it. But the NHS route I wanted to Clinic in Charing Cross back in 2007, I this side of me was getting stronger and be questioned. I wanted it deliberately went down the NHS route stronger. Most days it would raise itself in my because the NHS route is at least two years head. So basically, you have two lives. In those to be taxing. I didn't before you can get any surgery, if that was days, in the Forces, it would have been a want to make it easy.” going to happen. So I wanted to be throwing-out offence. When I took a bit questioned. I wanted it to be taxing. I didn't want to make it more of a senior position I had my own room so I could get easy. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision the clothes and put them on there. So I never went down the by going through a longer period. I think for me personally that pub with the guys because it was an opportunity to dress and was the right thing to have done. stay in my room. One reason I put off transitioning was because I didn't know After I left the army I got married because there was a lot of what the reaction would be from my parents and my siblings. social pressure, but also I'd always fancied this girl. When her Transitioning is also a very hard thing to do because I had to husband died, it was a heaven sent opportunity. I thought the gear myself for losing everything: my home, my family, my side effect would be that this thing would go away, but it just grandchildren, everything. I had to gear up to that and none of made life very difficult for us at home. that actually happened. I've been very fortunate. These were pre-internet days, so there wasn't a lot of It's better now because the NHS will support people, there information around. Actually my wife had found some are processes for that and the Armed Forces are accepting of information about The Beaumont Society and a lot of people it too, so it's now out there. Now I'm entirely comfortable with have been away to these Beaumont weekends before they've who I am. I am totally comfortable with myself. transitioned, or before they've come out. But when you leave

27 LGBT Voices Steve Penrose Steve Penrose

was a Cornishman and I did my tertiary education enabled things to happen. My partner came back and went just in London. I would have been 19 then. That was in north of the Thames. I know the church has a bad name and, Ithe late ‘60s, which is probably why I felt to a certain extent, it is justified but I think my experience has comfortable about coming out. It was the ‘Flower been very different. Power’ time. I noticed fairly early on that I was Later in London, I got into looking after people with HIV/AIDS. attracted to other men, certainly not to women. Soon In north London the Methodist church and the Catholic after I moved to London I had my first relationship Church shared the same site. The area was predominantly an with someone who was studying at the same institute Irish community and quite a gay community. Many of the gay that I was studying at. We stayed together about two Catholics would go to the church next door for mass then and a half years and when we were studying we lived come to the Methodist church for the pastoral care. Back in together. I was accepted to be a Methodist minister, the late '70s, early '80s, people had started dying and getting ill. trained as a Methodist minister, and they sent me to Nobody knew what was wrong with them. In '93 I was Birmingham. I met my current partner there, he was appointed as a part-time chaplain at the Chelsea and a year ahead of me and we've been together now since Westminster Hospital, which had the largest HIV directorate 1972 – 42 years. in the country, I was the up-front chaplain. I I think on the whole I found the church quite “I think on the whole I found was looking after a church in south London accepting in private. I think that the public the church quite accepting at the same time, doing a day a week in the face of the church was not accepting but my hospital. I ended up heading up an HIV theological teachers knew. There were a lot in private. I think that the charity, the London Ecumenical Aids Trust, of gay people in college. Those who wanted public face of the church and I swapped the time I did for the hospital to know would know and therefore would was not accepting .” for the Trust. The church enabled me to do accept. I didn't actually feel that there was that, they freed me from any local direct any rejection; staff on the whole were reasonably accepting. pastoral work on churches to set up London's HIV Community Chaplaincy. When I left theological college I was sent back to work in South East London, this was just at the point that my partner I think the job of any clergy is to be themselves and to share was coming back from Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe. When he left what they think, what they believe, to accept other people for theological college the year before me, he went to be a who and what they are. I can't deny that I'm gay. I could, but I missionary there for four years. He was going to be sent to would diminish myself. If somebody in a conversation now is Lancashire. I shared this with the Chair of District, the talking in a derogatory way about a gay person, I'll say "Excuse equivalent to a Bishop, he said "I can't allow that to happen, he me you're talking about me and I find that offensive." must be in London too." Certainly my experience is that every time I've spoken openly to the powers that be they've actually

29 LGBT Voices Alice Purnell Alice Purnell

started going to Gateways in the 1980’s, and I the other person and they'd make a point of saying "If you do found it rather curious. Going down the stairs, need help, we're here." everybody stared at you and you had to dodge the I Kenric was essentially a social gathering, whilst Sappho was darts on the way to the lavatory. I found it rather very much more a political feminist activist group. We're talking bizarre that a lot of the butch lesbians dressed in suits. about the mid '80s. We were hearing things about the Mind you, they could dance beautifully and lead; that oppression of women, but women were oppressing each other. was lovely. They insisted on buying the drinks, but I There were women's spaces and I remember there were think they expected favours for that, just like blokes. several cafes and bookshops that were women only, and there Some of them were quite tough. I liked the was a debate "Can she bring that little boy with her?" "It's her atmosphere at Gateways, but people were very son." "Can a male dog come into a women's space?" It was so possessive of their partners. If you started talking to silly beyond reason! Separatism horrified me, because it's clear someone you liked, not necessarily fancied, pretty soon that minorities remain minorities as long as they fight each her partner would place herself very firmly and chase other. One of the things that struck me as strange in Sappho you away. I think it was the insecurity and need to was that extreme feminism was very vividly present, to the possess the loved one. It was very interesting how it extent that there seemed to be a dislike even of gay men. There emulated the male/female thing. One was very was no sense of community between gay, lesbian and bisexual definitely the butch, and the other was very definitely people, let alone with trans people. Lesbians were separate the femme. from bisexual people, who were separate Around the same time I joined Kenric. The “Back then the sense I have from gay people. Separatism seemed to be people here came from a wide range of is that there was terrible fear, everywhere. backgrounds, but tended to be middle class terrible shame, awful isolation, Back then the sense I have is that there was and not teenagers. At Kenric the dances dreadful misuse of language, terrible fear, terrible shame, awful isolation, were really good, I enjoyed it a lot. There dreadful misuse of language, superstition, was a group in Kenric called the Julians. They superstition, horror about horror about being gay or trans. Each type were basically Christian members who were being gay or trans.” of person seemed to dislike the other; there aware of the heartache when couples break was no sense of unity among minorities. Society was a post- up. The assumption that two women will have a relationship war patriarchal society. The only thing to be was a man, that will have less value than a man and a woman is absurd. I preferably an English man. If you were anything else you weren't think it's much more emotional, the contact between two quite as good, including a woman. But if you were trans, or gay, women, because there's a synchrony there which I don't think or intersex (even rarer) you were the lowest of the low. most heterosexual couples have. If a couple broke up, the Julians would say "Come and stay. We'll look after you." That Today my daughters are perfectly happy that I'm a lesbian. My was really so sweet and kind and beautiful, it was son said "I don't mind you being a lesbian so long as we don't genuine sisterhood. These might be people who barely knew fancy the same women."

31 LGBT Voices Roy Peterson Roy Peterson

think I've probably always known that I was gay. I times, children out of wedlock, divorced and I've never had any can look back and think of times when I had a of that. I'm quite settled down. Everything in my life has been Icuriosity about men and their naked bodies, even the opposite of what I was brought up with. back to when I was six or seven years old. I was born I put myself through university for a bit, studying business and in North Carolina, then I moved to Florida when I was accounting, then got a job and was doing office management ten, till I was about 40, and I've been in England for the kind of things. Paul and I were put together as a blind date by past 12 years. two work colleagues. He'd been in the office once and I saw When I was about 17, I lost all the friends that I had when they him. He'd just rescued a puppy from the Humane Society. I was found out. My mother actually told them. My parents were sitting there at the front desk and when he got off the lift with away one weekend, I'd met these guys who were a couple and the puppy I said to my friend "Oh I've got to meet that guy," I'd invited them over to our house. One of them was quite because he had an English accent! Paul said to his friend "Oh I flamboyant and the neighbours saw him. They obviously want to meet that guy because he's got a southern accent." So thought "Oh homosexuals!" and they said something to my we got together and we came back to England in 2001. parents when they got back. That's what We've been together for 20 years. We started the whole thing. I think my parents “We wouldn't be able to be wouldn't be able to be here now if it wasn't had suspected for some time and it just kind here now if it wasn't for the for the gay movement in this country, of snow-balled from there. But I just thought because that's how I was able to come here "Fine, I'm out of here!" It didn't bother me gay movement in this country, as Paul's partner to live, vote and work. In that much. I just moved out of home and because that's how I was able the letter for the resident's permit I put started my own life. I thought "You know to come here as Paul's partner "There's nothing I like better than to sit what? If they don't like it, it's my life not to live, vote and work.” down and watch Coronation Street with a theirs'. If they want to be in my life, they can nice cup of tea and a Digestive biscuit." I accept me. If they don't then fine, get lost!" think that's what swung it! Then we got married. We were the There was a gay bar right next to the navy base, this was in '71 first... in Croydon! or '72. We used to drive by it, but we were afraid to go in. It I think it's still families that put pressure on you, because there's was down a back dirt road, the navy base was right behind it so many rules and laws now that you can't discriminate, but and the navy people used to climb over the fence. I finally went families can still discriminate and get away with it. There are in and met a few people in there including my later-on partner still people that won't tell their family because they don't want who was the DJ in the club. I kept meeting other gay people to be disowned by their family, and not just young people. I still after that and they didn't seem to be hiding or anything, even see people like that who can't tell their parents. They're though this was in the deep South and very religious. But I thinking "Well they're going to die eventually so I'm not going never had any negativity from anyone, except from my family to mess up their lives now with it." But their families are that one time. Even to this day my life is much, much better missing out, they don't even know who their kids are, because than anything they're living in and I'm supposed to be the odd their kids are somebody completely different when they leave one! All my brothers and sisters have been married many, many that house every day.

33 LGBT Voices Sue Fallon Sue Fallon

eople started calling me "Fallon" in the late often, and I knew then that I was a dyke. In Birmingham there '70s because dykes often called each other by was Jesters, that was mostly for gay men. Jesters is still there. Ptheir surname then. Not everybody, but it was It must have been going for well over 40 years. With some clubs more common than now. there was a big issue as they would let in straight women but not dykes. There was a big issue with The Nightingale. Lesbians By 1977 I was mixing more with other dykes, but I didn't want used to go, but you would hear arguments and things between to have a relationship. I had long hair at this point down to my the gay men and the lesbians. Because it wasn't just one way, waist and I cut my hair off. But I didn't come out because I women were fighting for the right to go in. There was The Jug, didn't see the point if I wasn't having a relationship. In 1977 it which was alright. It was just a gay club but it was OK. Women still wasn't that easy, it wasn't straightforward coming out as used to go there. gay. Then I met a woman called Vicki, and I liked her so we started a relationship. With Vicki, I think I knew it's what I would Gay clubs have changed, and Pride's changed. If you go to lots always do afterwards. Somewhere in my head I knew. But it's of gay clubs there's lots of straight people there. If you go to only now that I can say that. I wouldn't have said that at the Pride, well I don't know what's happened! But in the early days time. But I did know. I had a last ditch there was an energy and there was a attempt at heterosexuality before I had the “If you go to Pride, well I creativity of something. When you're part of relationship with Vicki, and it ended with him don't know what's happened! an oppressed group and you organise, you in tears because I told him I’d met Vicki! go to your gay club, or you go to your black But in the early days there club or whatever, there's an energy created. Later I had a relationship with a friend for a was an energy and there was There's an element that you lose. It isn't the year, and we just got on. Her partner was in a creativity of something.” same anymore. And Pride. God! I used to America working for a year. It was at that love going to Gay Pride. Certainly at Pride time of open relationships, so it was agreed that they could you were one of a band of people all wanting the same thing both have other relationships while this person was in the and just standing up there saying "Have you got a problem? States. So we agreed that we would have a relationship just for There's thousands of us!" There is an energy that's created. a year until her partner came back. It all went smoothly. Totally Now that it's easier to be gay that's one of those things I effortlessly. personally miss. But I wouldn't want it back, because I wouldn't In the '70s there weren't many clubs in Birmingham and there want to go back to having lesbians and gay men, and all the wasn't anything specifically for women, but there was the start other communities, I wouldn't want them to feel oppressed. of the women's movement, so there would have been women's But we had some bloody good times, I tell you! discos, from what I remember. I used to go to gay clubs quite

35 LGBT Voices John Thompson John Thompson

grew up in the Midlands, in Caldecott in Rutland. I join the Buggers' Club!" I remember that battle going on. was bullied at school, and the bullying when I was I did fall in love with someone, his name was John. I'd come out at secondary school was quite severe at times. I I of the Forces. I'd moved to Bournemouth and taken up a job had a very good singing voice and I was always asked there. John wasn't a churchman. I was a churchman and I used to sing solos, so there might have been a bit of jealousy to sing in the choir. There was a group of us from the choir in that, but they used to gang up on me and that was who used to have coffee in the local restaurants and it was awful. I used to dread going to school and I think it through this group that I was introduced to a woman who actually hampered my progression academically. I told would become my wife. We met up and it just clicked. my father who used to be a sparring partner and he’d try and make me fight him so I'd go back and fight the I didn't actually think about my sexuality at that point. I think people off, but it never really worked. my relationship with John was quite emotional and yes, it was physical, but then I fell in love with Margaret. I wanted to leave home. I wanted to explore “Going back to the '50s, We eventually got married and I felt that the world a bit, and I wanted to go into the everything seemed right with the world Merchant Navy, which I did. On the ship the we were scared to say that we when we had my son Paul. I think I was a gay men kept saying things to me like "Well, nine were gay. If we actually man in a heterosexual relationship. days out, it's legal." I thought "What on earth admitted it, we would lose do they mean?" Eventually I understood our jobs. We would be I'm actually, at the moment, a co-ordinator what they were saying. When you were at subjected to blackmail.” for a group for older gay men. We're a small sea for nine days, that's what they told me, group of eight men, and we're all in our it meant it was a carte blanche. sixties and seventies. I think most of the men there do not wish to come out. Because they're saying "What's the point? What's Going back to the '50s, we were scared to say that we were the point? Now we've come this far." I say "Well, that's up to gay. If we actually admitted it, we would lose our jobs. We would them, it's a matter of choice at the end of the day." But I think be subjected to blackmail. Peter Wildeblood is actually one of there's a need to look at what being older is. Most of the men my heroes because he stood up in court and when the judge in that group are single, they're not actually in a relationship. said "Are you a homosexual?" he said "Yes, I am a homosexual." Although there was one guy who came, he was eighty, And I went "Yes!" I do remember, when I was in my early 20s, apparently he met somebody else and it was love at first sight. and it was during the time when they started to think about I said "You're the one that gives us so much hope!" decriminalising. It was in the mid '60s and the MP Leo Abse was making that statement about homosexuality. I remember somebody in the House shouting over "Oh shut up and go and

37 LGBT Voices Rabbi Elizabeth Tikvah Sarah Rabbi Elizabeth Tikvah Sarah

'm very pleased about the opening up of you'll find something in that." So she made me go and get Time discussions about gender because I was a kid who Out and, indeed, there was a lesbian and gay section in there. Igave myself a boy's name. So, as a child, many So I took myself along to what was the most recognisable thing people saw me as a boy and, you know, you lived in a to me which was Sappho (a lesbian social group), which was very binary universe. I was born in 1955 where with off Ladbroke Grove. That was a really amazing experience. girls and boys, your whole destiny was so different. Then Mum said that there was going to be a Gay Pride march. I was getting pressure from my relatives, "Elizabeth you really So I went along. This was in 1979. I went to Sappho and then I need to have a boyfriend." There were a couple of things joined the Lesbian Line Collective. I needed to engage, so this organised, absolutely disastrous, but when I was 18, I was very was my way of engaging. I went to Pride, already having met fortunate to meet someone at a mutual cousin's wedding. Later women on Lesbian Line. This all happened very, very quickly, all on he asked me out. He was interesting, he was different, within the space of two weeks. quirky, he wasn't your usual ‘Nice Jewish boy.’ So, that was safe, This was a hugely intense education into getting myself involved and now I had the boyfriend I could sort of be myself a bit. into lesbian feminist activism. Then in 1982, We got married in March 1975, but then I “I woke up one morning Jewish Feminism launched itself. I thought fell in love with a woman in Israel. I realised "Can I be a Jew and be a lesbian feminist as what the difference was. I woke up one in the summer of '78 and well?” Then I thought "Transform patriarchal morning in the autumn of 1978 and thought thought "I just can't do this Judaism." You know? Change it. Challenge "I just can't do this anymore." So I anymore." So I immediately anti-Semitism by actually being Jewish in a immediately phoned my Mum and said phoned my Mum.” positive way, instead of being defined by anti- "You've got to get over here now. As soon Semitism. I heard about The Montagu as possible." So she came over, I told her and she took a deep Centre, which was the centre of Liberal Judaism, so I enrolled breath and said "Well you've got to be who you are. So you've for a Hebrew reading class and then suddenly "Oh my God! I got to go there and find out." Later, when I came back from can engage here. I can learn all this!" Then I met Rabbi Barbara the Kibbutz, my Mum said "OK, so you're a lesbian. What are Borts, who was the third female Rabbi to be ordained in this you going to do about it? You can't be at home being a lesbian. country. She was a feminist and I talked to her about becoming You've got to meet lesbians." She said "I've seen at the a Rabbi. Put on probation for the full five years of rabbinic newsagent there is this magazine called Time Out. I'm sure training, Rabbi Lionel Blue ordained me in 1989.

39 LGBT Voices Renate Rothwell Renate Rothwell

am originally from Germany. I was born in Cologne life takes much more discernment and really working out who in 1947. When I finished teaching training college I you really are, especially if you've been through a marriage. moved over to the UK where my boyfriend was a I After I came out I tried to find a partner, but I had a thing about theological student in Manchester and I then became dating. I wasn't that young, you know, going to a dating agency, a minister's wife. But several years later I found this so I tried Guardian Soulmates. I was in my fifties and I was really guy, a friend who was gay, and we both attended a scared of getting to know somebody that way. In the end, three Catholic church which was accepting of years ago, I thought I'll try it once more and I thought I'll try homosexuality. Everyone always thought "Why is she Gay Parship, the dating agency. It's a German dating agency. always going out with the gay community? Why is that? Very soon after, I found a woman called Linda who was in Is there anything in that?" There was, but it was very Salisbury and who is not Catholic. She is a Druid, which is really difficult to acknowledge it in myself. It was very difficult good. So, we've been together three years now, and we're very to say that I loved women, rather than wanting to be happy. I'm now nearly 68, and my partner is half a year older. with another man. We telephone every evening and we meet I think it goes back to when I was really “My own becoming a lesbian up with each other most weeks. She's attracted to women when I was in my teens. seems to have been dormant wonderful! It was a girl's school and it was really for a long time, without it A lot of people thought I was gay anyway, but discouraged to have very close relationships being able to be kind of I think you can be so closeted that you don't between girls. It was also a Catholic school. verbalised. I knew earlier, but really want to acknowledge it. But to build What they did was they just separated me up a closer relationship to one person was when I wanted to sit next to somebody I I was pushing it down.” the hardest bit. Because for me it's not just really loved. So I had to sit somewhere else. about the physical act, I think it's about the soul friendship, No holding of hands, so the rules were implemented. about feeling close to somebody. So it's really great to have So my own becoming a lesbian seems to have been dormant found somebody I’m really happy with and I look forward to for a long time, without it being able to be kind of verbalised. I sharing a lot more of my journey with her as we move on with knew earlier, but I was pushing it down. It only came out our lives. It's been a painful journey, but I'm really glad I took gradually by joining with my gay friend and this Catholic church the decision to come out, bit by bit. It is a journey of and my total immersion in it. So I think, unlike people who truthfulness, coming out, isn't it? You know? Truthfulness to know from the start who they are, to take the journey later in yourself and to others.

41 LGBT Voices Carolyn Mercer Carolyn Mercer

grew up in Preston, Lancashire, born to Mum and Charing Cross strategy was to put as many obstacles in your Dad who were both working-class. We lived in a path as possible and only the most determined would get Iback-to-back terraced house with a toilet at the through. bottom of the yard. I’d like to say they were happy That took me to 1994 when the feelings built up again. At that memories but they weren't. From about three I was time I went to a conference in Canada and came back fully aware there were issues that somehow made me intending to go into school in a female gender role. I talked to different from other youngsters and they were my senior staff about this. I was suspended and my story hit connected to gender. I wanted to be someone I wasn't. local and national media. After false charges against me were I wanted to be my sister, be my mum, be female but I rejected, I returned to my job in a male role. By 2000, I realised was designated male at birth because my body was I had to do something and that's when I went to see a male. During that time I developed what I thought psychiatrist again. They said to me "I will help you if you want were more masculine traits; I didn't look after myself, me to." It was the first time anyone had said that to me and I I was dirty, I was violent. This is not how men should replied "Thank you very much, yes I would please!" be but it was how I thought I ought to be. Then I started taking steps. I arranged for After a referral to psychiatrists at a hospital “I came back fully intending hormones privately and also arranged for in Blackburn I was asked if I wanted to be to go into school in a female surgery. I'd talked with my Director of cured, and of course I did. My treatment was gender role. I talked to my Education about a year earlier and we being strapped to a wooden chair, worked out a plan for me to finish work. I electrodes soaked in brine attached to my senior staff about this. applied for a pension on the grounds of ill arm in a darkened room with an I was suspended ” health. So in February 2002 I was declared epidiascope. Pictures of female clothing were "unfit to teach." I decided that I wouldn't impose it on my projected onto the wall, then a switch thrown and an electric colleagues but I do wonder from time to time should I have shock. It was aversion therapy and the idea was that I would just changed gender and carried on teaching? Maybe that would then associate what I wanted to do with pain. I would then have helped other people. But I decided since we'd been stop wanting to do it. That continued for about six months. I through that before, I didn't want to repeat it. I finished work was 17 years old, just a kid. in August 2002 and that hit the press again; it was in The Sun At 19 I trained to be a primary school teacher but was asked and The Mail. to help out at a secondary school. I stayed, did five years at that I felt that I had a basic human right to do what I was doing, but school and became head of maths. In January 1985 I became a I didn't have a right to impose it on others. I made it clear to head teacher. I felt that I needed to find a way of getting rid of my family that it was their choice if we stayed together. Now the feelings that I had. I felt that what I was doing was totally we're much, much closer than we've ever been because I'm wrong. Also, I had a high public profile and was concerned happier. Now I am who I am and I'm very comfortable with about being discovered and that I might lose my job. that. It would appear everyone who matters to me is From 1988 onwards I went to the clinic at Charing Cross every comfortable with that too. month because I wanted to deal with my psychological issues. I wanted to be cured or to adopt a new gender role. The

43 LGBT Voices Mark S Mark S

hen I was a pupil at school and I realised our forms and paid our five pounds. Then suddenly, somewhere that I was sexually attracted to an older around that time, it was all over the newspapers that the place Wboy at that school, it came as an utter had been busted by the police who'd arrived wearing face surprise. I can remember thinking "Wow, what's all masks and rubber gloves and who, amongst other things, had this about?" taken away the membership records. So one of my friends said to me "Thank God I didn't put down my real name." And I said I knew that there were some people out "Oh, I did." I was aware of the fact that, once there, but that it was very much a minority “I marched against in a while, the police would roll up at gay issue. I think the other thing was the venues and question people, basically to put comments made by one of the Wolfenden Section 28. Irrespective of a bit of pressure on. I think it was a little bit Committee when he said that they now whether it applied to schools, of a way to alleviate the boredom of a expect homosexual men to be discreet, not it became almost like a code Thursday night, to go to a gay club and to be overt in the way they behaved and of best practice. Suddenly question a few people and make them feel effectively to be invisible. In a way, that was teachers had to retreat into uncomfortable. The attitude of the police the kind of injunction that I took on board was dreadful in those days. and invisibility was the only way forward, I the closet and slam the thought. door behind them.” It was with the Quakers that I marched against Section 28. Irrespective of whether In 1977 I starting teaching in my old school. It was an all boys it applied to schools, it became almost like a code of best school and all the teaching staff were male. It was such an all practice. Suddenly teachers had to retreat into the closet and male environment it was untrue. So for people who wanted to slam the door behind them. So you became far more wary avoid the opposite sex it was ideal. The headmaster was totally about how you replied to questions, or how you dealt with oblivious of the fact that he had a staff comprising of far more issues in class. The whole legal situation was very ambiguous. gay men than would have been statistically probable! I then worked in another independent school and I took on A friend that I had become involved with introduced me to a the most difficult department I'd ever known. I really felt that nice gay venue called The Ship and Whale in Rotherhithe. That it wasn't going to do my position any good to open up at all was quite a relaxed place with a party atmosphere. When I about my sexual orientation. But coming out isn't a one-off walked in I remember hearing Gloria Gaynor singing "I Am experience, it's something that we have to evaluate when it's What I Am," and that actually became my coming out anthem appropriate to do all the way through our lives. It gets easier in '84! From then on I decided that I would be out to everyone, to make the judgement but, in a sense, I saw danger and I with a few exceptions, such as my sister who my parents had thought "This is going to be an additional complication that told me not to tell, and my nephews who were both very won't do me any good." My feeling is that, for most people, life young at that stage. I was out to pretty much all of my friends is far more fulfilling if one isn't closeted. I think the closet is a and I didn't go to any great steps to hide my sexual orientation very dangerous place. I think it renders LGB people very at school. I used to tackle homophobic bullying. I was doing all vulnerable to blackmail threats. In many ways openness is the the things that I wish had been done for me. best way forward, but I'd also say that anyone who is thinking In 1984 a gay club opened near where I worked and a gang of of coming out at work needs to do a little bit of a risk us from the school decided that we would go and see what assessment first. this club was like. It was membership only, so we all filled in 45 LGBT Voices Margot Miller Margot Miller

was a nurse, all my career, from the age of 16, I was professor of nursing and her partner, Joyce, who was my sister a nurse. I left school and went to pre-nursing of the ward! I was in psychiatry at the time, and I got a hell of Icollege because when I was at school "girls" didn't a shock when I found myself face to face with my ward sister. get to do maths and science. So I found a college in She got a bit of a shock as well. Glasgow that did science for girls who were going into They were both befrienders from the Scottish Minorities nursing. I do remember the gym teacher at pre- Group (SMG). Basically, it was a service who met people who nursing college – how I wished that she was a lesbian. thought they were gay or knew they were gay, but hadn't had God! I got myself to nearly championship level the courage or hadn't been able to go out into what was the swimming for that woman. She wanted someone to do scene at that time. The scene in Edinburgh was very limited, I the butterfly in an inter-college championship and she have to say. Actually, the befriending service grew into said "I'll give you extra tuition." So I said "I'll do it! I'll Switchboard, which dissolved a few years ago because they said do it!" I won the race too. That was before I came out, there was no need for it. Nobody was calling anymore and I that was my college days. I just would have done thought "Well, that's how far we've come!" Because people anything for her, anything at all. I didn't put a lesbian obviously don't need to use the Switchboard and befriending tag on it or anything and, by God, when she put her service anymore. arm round you to give you a "Well done"... Phew! I haven't done the butterfly since then, I have to say. We used to go to a place called The Cobweb. It was the university Catholic Chaplaincy centre and they used to hire it I went through all the business of having a out in the evenings. That was where the first boyfriend when I was in my teenage years “I went through all the gay groups that were held in Edinburgh but secretly I think he was gay himself. I was business of having a boyfriend were. This would have been the early '70s. his excuse and he was my excuse. My when I was in my teenage There weren't many women that I instantly brother came out - he's two years older related to, but the fact that they were like- than me - and that's when I started thinking. years but secretly I think minded was great, that was a good thing. I was talking to him, and he said "I met this he was gay himself, and woman from Edinburgh." He said "I'll set up I was his excuse, and he I started having a relationship with a woman a meeting for you because you're gay as well, was my excuse.” when I was about 20, 21, and there was no of course you are!" He said "We're both going back after that. I was never tempted. gay!" It was so funny. So he set up a meeting with these two It took me so long to come out because actually, when you're women, this would have been 1974, and he said "You've to a student nurse, it was work, work, work. But if you took all meet these two women at Greyfriars Bobby, they're called the gays out of nursing the whole service would collapse. Ruth and Joyce." I went to meet them, and it was by the old Similar to the social work services. If you took all the lesbians Royal Infirmary, so it was just beside where I was in the nursing out of social work the service would fall apart. There's home. Who was standing in front of me but the ruddy so many!

47 LGBT Voices Ruby Almeida Ruby Almeida

was born in India in a state called Rajasthan, and a Traditionally it's part of culture and tradition. You go to the place called Jodhpur. We spoke English at home temples and you see sculptures of same sex relationships and Iand then we learned the national language of India postures. It's in the text books. which is Hindi. Then I came to England when I was 11. At one point I thought "Ok, now, listen Ruby, you have a faith, Whilst I was working in my own company in Hammersmith, you've always had a faith, you have had some very happy we had a business advisor who was very nice and very friendly. relationships with women and you've always kept them not I thought "She's a lovely friend, I really like her," and we got on quite joined together, but almost running in tandem. They're loads. It took me about a year to realise that she liked me in a not quite aligned." So I thought I've really got to try and very special way and it surprised me that I actually fitted into reconcile these two, so I just went on the internet and typed that quite well, that there was a woman paying me attention. It in "Gay, Woman, Asian, Catholic," and all these organisations became intimate and sexual, so I suddenly felt that I was in a came up. QUEST came up and I thought "Oh, I don't know this relationship and it seemed very comfortable, normal and organisation." ordinary. So I found out a bit about it and joined. For me the merging My mother was my best friend and I liked to was quite seamless, it really was. QUEST talk to her about everything, but this was “Listen Ruby, you have enabled that to happen. It's been very useful one thing I couldn't talk to her about a faith, you've always had a for me, it's been a vehicle to find some ways because of her mental health problems. I felt to answer the questions that I have. So it's faith, you have had some terribly sad because every other aspect of been a good experience all round. my life I talked about. We were like best very happy relationships Before that I didn't lie about either sides of friends, so I felt very, very sad that I couldn't with women I thought my life, but I kept them very separate talk to her about it. I've really got to try and because, you know, in the gay community My father was a man of few words, but he reconcile these two.” you can't possibly be both! Now, you go to knew. I always remember my parents saying Pride and we have our stalls and they say to my three brothers and I "Whatever you do in life, remember "Catholic and gay? How can that be?" There's this sense of that we are a family and we love each other, and as long as "weird people." How can you possibly match the two together? we've got that love for each other, that's what matters." That The truth is that there is something wonderful and powerful was a really wonderful environment to grow up in, so I knew to be found in any faith, whether it's a Hindu, or Muslim, or that my parents loved me and my parents knew that I loved whatever. You just have to find that place where it is. It's a them. There was nothing I would do to hurt them. beautiful place to be, rather than being distracted or drawn into all the rhetoric and the politics of the institutions of I can't speak for the whole of India because it's so diverse and whichever faith group you belong to, and I've always tried to complex but, certainly in the circles I move in, being gay doesn't avoid that. seem to be an issue. Historically it's always been there.

49 LGBT Voices Rod Marten and Howard Shepherdson Rod Marten and Howard Shepherdson

od: I was aware of being different, without I saw him "I haven't given it much thought because I know that putting it into any formal way of describing it, it's impossible." "Why's it impossible?" "Because I'm a gay man Rfrom about eight. I stayed at my cousins' farm and I live with another gay man, and nobody will allow us to in Somerset and farm labourers had their shirts off. I foster even if we wanted to. So I don't want you to take it as a sort of gravitated and my interest was taken. personal rejection, because it's not. It's just one of those awful facts of life that society won't allow that. Maybe you feel Howard: I met Rod in Notting Hill Gate, in a gay pub called differently now that you know." And he just said "Well, what's The Champion, on September 7, 1978. that got to do with it? It's irrelevant." Rod: I was 35 and not thinking that I was ever going to meet Glen wouldn't give up, so I talked to the head of the children's someone. Then in walks this...this dream and life totally home, and he said "Well I can vet you, and on my authority I changed! It's one of those situations where, before it happens can appoint you as social uncles. He can come and visit you, to you, you think? "Love at first sight, what a load of old hooey, you can take him out, and maybe that will be enough for him. it isn't how things happen." But it did, and I was bowled off my But I'll have to meet Rod." So we started the process for that, feet. he came and met Rod, and they were fine. He was a muddled Howard: I was born in New Zealand, and I teenager, it wasn't a walk in the park. was there for five years. I did teacher training “We think we were the first Rod: No! After a few months our role got in England and became an English and Drama gay men to foster. We don't slightly expanded in that he would come and teacher. know of anyone else who did stay with us for the weekend. Rod: After moving in together life had much it. Not officially.” Howard: Then the head of the children's more meaning. You felt more secure and home said "Well what do you think? He's still asking." I said loved. You felt a greater part of society, although not integrated "Well, we don't want to try for something that's going to fall to any great degree, but you felt "We're moving forward". down because society's not ready." Howard: I was teaching in a Church of England school, and it Rod: But after talking to the social workers we were was there that one of the most significant parts of our life had encouraged to look upon it positively. its seedbed. I was working part-time as a school counsellor and Glen, who was our foster son eventually, was in a children's Howard: We decided we'd give it a go. The assessment home nearby. I was working on an integration programme to process lasted about six months. We had social workers get school refusers, often in children's homes, back into crawling out the cupboards and going through our lives with a mainstream schooling. So I used to go and collect him, then fine-tooth comb. he'd come on his own, I worked with him to get him back into Rod: We think we were the first gay men to foster. We don't the classroom. After I'd known him for about a year, I knew know of anyone else who did it. Not officially. So, what he was looking for foster parents and one day he just asked happened was that the vetting process took place and the "Would you be my foster father?" I went straight to my social workers made the assessment and approved us as foster supervisor and said "Whoops, what do I do here?" She said parents. "Well you'll have to tell him the truth, because you can't reject him without good reason. He must understand why it's not Howard: Glen finally got into Keele University. Then he did an possible." So then I told the head, and said to Glen next time MA at Keele, and it was there that he met his wife.

51 LGBT Voices “ We think we were the first gay men to foster. We don't know of anyone else who did it. Not officially.” “ Going back to the '50s, we were scared to say that we were gay. If we actually admitted it, we would lose our jobs. We would be subjected to blackmail.”

“ I went through all the business of having a boyfriend when I was in my teenage years but secretly I think he was gay himself, and I was his excuse, and he was my excuse.”

My own becoming a lesbian “ seems to have been dormant for a long time, without it being able to be kind of verbalised. I knew earlier, but I was pushing it down.”

52 “ If the authorities can be so stupid and negative about black people I realised that what was being said about gay people was also untrue.”

“ I woke up one morning in the summer of '78 and thought " I just can't do this anymore." So I immediately phoned my Mum.”

“ I'm much more interested in queering society at large than I am at us getting assimilated and being seen as normal.”

“ As disabled lesbians and gay men, what was important was that we found a common language that was accessible.”

53 LGBT Voices LGBT Timeline

Key events in lesbian, gay and bisexual history

1954 1991 - Peter Wildeblood, Major Michael Pitt-Rivers and Lord Montagu of Beaulieu - Lesbian & Gay Police Association (LAGPA, later the Gay Police Association were charged, in a UK court, with "buggery." Their case brought widespread GPA) formed criticism against legislation that penalised consensual sex between men 1992 - The case led to the appointment of the Wolfenden Committee on 24 August - Buju Banton, a Jamaican musician, is dropped from WOMAD Winter Festival to consider these laws in Britain in Brighton due to the homophobic lyrics of his songs 1965 - Press for Change was founded to offer lobbying and legal support for trans - Kenric, a social network for lesbians, was established people in the UK 1966 1994 - The Beaumont Society, a support group for trans people, was founded - House of Commons voted to reduce gay male age of consent to 18 1967 1997 - Sexual Offences Act came into force in England and Wales and - UK Government recognised same sex partners for immigration purposes decriminalised homosexual acts between two men over 21 years of age and 2000 ‘in private’. A key supporter of the Act was MP Leo Abse - UK Government lifts the ban on lesbian and gay men serving in the armed 1969 forces - Committee for Homosexual Equality, later known as the Campaign for 2001 Homosexual Equality (CHE) formed in Britain - Age of consent for gay men reduced to 16 1970 2002 - London Gay Liberation Front (GLF) founded at the London School of - Equal rights granted to same sex couples applying for adoption Economics on 13 October 2003 - First gay demonstration in the UK took place in Highbury Fields in Islington - Repeal of Section 28 1971 - Employment Equality (Sexual Orientation) Regulations become law, making - First gay march through London took place, ending with a rally in Trafalgar it illegal to discriminate against lesbians, gay men and bisexuals in the Square workplace - Nullity of Marriage Act was passed; this was the first British law to explicitly 2004 define a marriage as being between a man and a woman. It meant a marriage - Civil Partnership Act passed, giving same-sex couples the same rights and could be annulled should one partner change gender responsibilities as married heterosexual couples 1972 - Gender Recognition Act is passed giving trans people full legal recognition - Scottish Minorities Group (SMG) launched a campaign to decriminalise as members of the sex appropriate to their gender identity homosexuality in Scotland 2005 - Sappho, a feminist magazine, was founded. The group went on to establish a - Section 146 of the Criminal Justice Act 2003 implemented in April, lesbian social and support group empowering courts to impose tougher sentences for offences aggravated 1974 or motivated by the victim’s sexual orientation - London Gay Switchboard (later London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard) was 2007 launched. It went 24 hours within a year - The Equality Act (Sexual Orientation) Regulations 2007 becomes law on 30 1977 April making discrimination against lesbians and gay men in the provision of - Gay News is prosecuted by Mary Whitehouse, a staunch social conservative goods and services illegal activist - The law changes in Scotland to give same-sex couples equality in adoption 1980 and fostering - Male homosexuality decriminalised in Scotland 2010 1981 - The Equality Act 2010 is passed. This includes the extension of the single - Capital Gay, a weekly London newspaper, founded public Equality Duty to cover lesbian, gay and bisexual people 1985 - Stonewall secured an amendment to the Equality Act 2010 to remove the - The Gateways club, a lesbian nightclub located in Chelsea, London closed. ban on religious groups, who wish to do so, from holding civil partnerships The club had opened in 1931 on their premises - The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is founded in 2012 New York to put pressure on media organisations to end homophobic - The Protection of Freedoms Act is passed, allowing for historic convictions reporting for consensual gay sex to be removed from criminal records 1988 2013 - Section 28, preventing the ‘promotion’ of homosexuality by local authorities, - The Marriage (Same-Sex Couples) Act is passed in England and Wales came into force 2014 - The first British national conference for lesbians and gay men with - The Scottish Government passes legislation allowing same-sex couples to disabilities was held marry in Scotland 1989 - Changes in the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act means couples are no - Stonewall Group set up to oppose Section 28 and other blocks to equality longer automatically required to dissolve their marriage should one partner for lesbians and gay men. Founding members include Ian McKellen and change gender. However, the Act introduced provisions meaning their Michael Cashman husband or wife must give consent to stay in the marriage before a Gender - Regard was founded to raise awareness of disability issues within LGBT Recognition Certificate can be issued communities, and sexuality issues within the disability communities 54 Further Information

Stonewall’s 25th Anniversary Website

In 2014 Stonewall turned 25. We’ve seen remarkable achievements for lesbian, gay and bisexual equality in Britain since we were founded in 1989 and we’re hugely proud of being part of these changes. Find out more and add your own story at www.stonewall25.org.uk

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By leaving a gift in your will to Stonewall, you’ll be helping us to continue the fight against homophobia for as long as we’re needed. If we’ve come this far, imagine where we’ll be in the next 25 years? If you’d like to know more about becoming a Lifelong Friend, please email [email protected]

Interviews by Clare Summerskill Edited by Clare Summerskill Photos by Pari Naderi Design by Mark Buttress Produced by Louise Kelly Charity no 1101255

55 LGBT Voices LGBT Voices SHARING OUR PAST, SHAPING OUR FUTURE.