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Free Every Thursday I www.corvallisadvocate.com I August 13-20, 2015 orvallis C he T ADVOCATE YOUR AUGUST ARTS WALK PRIMER 8 MARY JEANNE REYNALES, NURSE & THEATER PERSON 7 DUTCH BROS ODD WHITE COFFEE BEAN REVIEWED 6 ARTIST SHAR FaGERSTEN RED DOOR POSES IMPORTANT LANDLORD RISES AGAIN QUESTIONS Biggest Corvallis Calendar More Kinds of Events Corvallis Calendar .org a free community service 2 | Corvallis Advocate August 13-20, 2015 Editor/Publisher WHAT’S INSIDE THIS WEEK? Steven J. Schultz 4 Beav-Sci; Not That Kinda Cougar; Assoc. Editor Guest Op-Ed Johnny Beaver 5 As the State Turns Entertainment Editor 6 Red Door Landlord Rises Under Different Ygal Kaufman Colors; White Coffee is a Thing Words 7 Director Mary Jeanne Reynales, Johnny Beaver Sidney Reilly Behind the Curtain Hannah Darling 8 Third Thursday Next Week, Must Jan Hovarth Nathan Hermanson Mean Arts Walk Elizabeth Arthur Ygal Kaufman 9 Artist Shar Fagersten Sets Fires, Design So You Know We Like Her Bobbi Dickerson 10 Calendar Calendar 12 8 Days Nathan Hermanson 15 Hard Truths Contact us: Box 2700, Corvallis, OR 97339 541.766.3675 | corvallisadvocate.com editor calendar @corvallisadvocate.com story ideas ads } The Corvallis Advocate is a free newsweekly with a very diverse staff that accepts materials from a number of sources, therefore it should be assumed that not all staff or even the majority of staff endorse all of our published materials. Submissions become the property of The Corvallis Advocate. We welcome submissions, but reserve the right to edit for clarity and length. Corvallis Advocate | 3 By Sidney Reilly HEART DISEASE RESEARCH SHOWS DIMINISHING RETURNS It’s Actually Not Bad News new OSU research study published clinical trials, on a government A last week attempts to figure out website which tracks the results. if scientists are running out of ideas Under this new system, when a on cardiovascular disease or not. trial yields an unintended positive By Johnny Beaver From 1970 to 1999, an impressive and outcome, the researchers are inspiring 57% of big budget clinical restricted from reporting that as LINN-BENTON trials for drugs treating and preventing the intended successful outcome of heart disease returned positive results. the experimentation. This was a BACKWASH From 2000 to 2012, that number frequent occurrence in the past, and shrank to the considerably less exciting Nature, and not necessarily a bad thing. A positive level of only 8%. Defiance Thereof outcome is a positive outcome, but Veronica Irvin, an associate professor the new reporting standards ensure ougars are nature’s most in OSU’s College of Public Health, was accurate and translatable reporting hideous, vicious predators. C co-author of the study, and she thinks drastically lower success numbers. The for the public to consume. So in short, They will eat your children, drink they’ve figured out what happened. And your blood, and take a dump first, as noted above, is that the term the seeming drop off in results of there’s good news in the bad news. in your toilet without flushing. A “positive” can be a bit loaded. That a these experiments on human subjects, clinical trial discovers a drug doesn’t which are vital to our fight against recent “viral” photo of a cougar “Some people focus only on positive work does not necessarily mean we heart disease, is not itself bad news. It moseying along out in the open by results,” said Irvin in a press release. Corvallisites Kevin Kenaga and Faye “Null outcomes, or results other didn’t learn anything valuable. Indeed remains unclear if this extends to other Yoshihara has reminded citizens than what was expected, might be sometimes failure can return extremely fields, though Irvin theorizes it likely to be mindful of their surroundings, disappointing, but they may inform valuable information. will. respectful of nature, and above all doctors and patients about which else... to remember to wear their But the bigger driver of the drop in “We don’t know if this decrease in treatments are not likely to be helpful. successful trials is the transition, positive outcomes also affects drug chastity belts, because cougars will Publication of null results also prevents in 2000, of new federal transparent trials for prevention and treatment of totally %$#@! you. the unnecessary replication of the reporting requirements. The new cancer, diabetes, or other diseases, but study by other investigators.” The Corvallis Planning Commission requirements, among other things, it would not be surprising because they has green-lit a new shopping center Irvin’s study theorizes that there are force researchers to register their have the same reporting requirements,” on 9th Street. Early plans seem two distinct concepts at play in the expected outcomes, in advance of said Irvin. to indicate fast food restaurant presence. “Yay,” said one anonymous citizen that lives along 9th. “That’s just what we &*$%@ need.” GUEST OPINION RE: COUNTY STATES CASE Two bodies have been found near the Costco in Albany in just over a FOR EW AIL week. Looks like I’ll be shopping at N J County Offered Faulty Numbers in Aug. 6 Story Winco for a while, just in case. he county’s case for a new jail seems In the article, Sheriff Jackson claims An Albany man was subdued by Tbased on fanciful numbers. The the county spends $2 to $3 million police after he was found punching sheriff says our criminal justice system per year paying other counties to a Postal Service vehicle repeatedly lacks teeth because we have to give incarcerate our inmates. But the (while a postal dude/dudette was early release to some 300 inmates per Sheriff’s Department’s own newsletter inside), shouting about how he year, and that some inmates effectively in July of 2015 reports that the county didn’t like the government. The escape long sentences. only pays $1.1 to $1.3 million per year, man bit a postal supervisor when and those figures include transportation several of them tried to end his The Sheriff’s Department website costs for up to 40 inmates. It would be punch-whirlwind attack. publishes the list of inmates released far cheaper for the county to send all Lebanon Feats of Strength, Aug. 2: early. For 2014 the actual number was of its 80 prisoners out of county rather A man rode a skateboard across 68; so far this year it is 37. The most than build and operate a new jail. barely feed the inmates each day on the Lebanon High School football that sum, let alone house them. common number of days released early In the article Jackson also claims that field... wowza. I can’t even ride one is one. The average number of days the per day inmate cost in a new jail The county’s argument for a new jail is of those on pavement. released early is only two. These actual would be $15 to $16. But the statewide based on faulty and fanciful numbers. A woman was busted with heroin early release numbers are trivial. They average is in the mid $80s now. His $15 outside of the Game Time sports don’t justify building a new jail. to $16 figure has no credibility. You can From David Grappo, Corvallis bar. Again, I can barely do heroin on its own... heroin and booze... at the same time? IT GETS BETTER Several kids were caught climbing Like Us On a pole to get on top of the Green 24 HR SUICIDE HOTLINE Acres School. Just like that, straight Facebook up a goddamn pole, haha. Those Benton County Mental Health Crisis Line kids are hardcore. 1-888-232-7192 4 | Corvallis Advocate By Johnny Beaver S THE TATE URNS A S Art T Robinson and Lakes of Radiation and Goo; Zen at the K-Mart SANDERS VISITS PDX DHM Research, it appears as if HD televisions, Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont Sanders is trailing Clinton by about and Hello Kitty cheddar fame held a rally on Sunday five percentage points. And uh... notebooks. at Portland’s Moda Center. Did well, it doesn’t mean anything, so... The rest will it go better than the Seattle rally ::whistles:: be recycled or where he was effectively ejected dumped in the from the stage by protestors from I guess it’s too early to bother Columbia Ridge the group Black Lives Matter? talking about this stuff unless you’re landfill, which is in Well, that depends on if you were one of those armchair politicians the Oregon burg of in the bathroom while Art Robinson that bandies stats about and has Arlington. painfully evacuated his bowels. mysteriously “called it” every Rumor has it that the event lasted previous election cycle. If previous logic upwards of 45 minutes and that is to persist, now dogs could be heard howling within NOBODY CARES ABOUT would be a good a nine-block radius. WASHINGTON: LAKE EDITION time to start Vancouver Lake in Washington’s warning your Sanders, the longest-serving esteemed Clark County has had neighbors about Independent senator in U.S. history, an algae advisory lifted. The lake, the government conspiracy to is gallivanting from one liberal recently blemished by multicolored irradiate us all. Unlike Oregon stronghold to another in order to algal blooms that could seep into state Republican Art Robinson’s actual plan to irradiate us. (I’m not close the gap between himself and your skin and make you throw up backed Hillary Clinton in terms of viability out of your butt (perhaps this is even kidding, Robinson thought this it up, for the democratic nomination what caused Art Robinson’s incident a good health measure.) suddenly in 2016’s presidential race.