A Skyfall from Beit Inside...>> Aemun Reza News Editor TECH

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26/10/12 Issue 1528 felixonline.co.uk Conferences at Imperial Two pages of Features about conferences run by students taking place here at Imperial. Page 8-9 A Skyfall from Beit Inside...>> Aemun Reza News Editor TECH

As a lot of you must know, because it would almost have been impossible to miss for even the keenest attendee of the Library, the new James Bond movie Skyfall premiered at the Royal Albert Hall on Tuesday night. Prince Consort Road was partially closed oﬀ and access was restricted around the area. A massive red carpet was set up The Windows to all around the Royal Albert Hall, Bond themes were played on repeat, technology? 14 and even the banners outside were >> changed to say 007. Eager fans queued up from earlier than 12:30pm for the event at 5pm, and the road was packed with people COMMENT by the time it started. Th e entrance to Beit was closed to the public and only students who presented their Imperial College ID were allowed past. the premiere from the Roderic Hill to get a glimpse of Daniel Craig and windows and on other places. Many Imperial students took advan- and Bone building windows. Every other celebrities at the event. Lectur- For residents of Beit, there was a tage of their buildings and watched window was ﬁ lled with people trying ers could also be seen standing in the great view from their windows, >>6

Constitution to change? Gategate: the press Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief be some alterations made. and scandals 21 One such alteration that is believed >> to be being made is in relation to the Th e Constitutional changes that were powers that the bar managers have. proposed and previously reported in Before the alteration, an alcohol li- Felix, are set to be put to a vote at the censee (bar manager) would have had FOOD next Council on Tuesday 30 October. the power to discipline students, how- Council will vote whether or not they ever, Beaumont said that the inclusion will accept the changes, or if it needs was an accident and that is will be re- to be revised more. Th e draft still con- moved. tains the changes discussed in the pre- Th e proposals have caused some vious article. friction between Beaumont and Court Th e Constitution is the document over them, and to what extent changes that sets up the rules and regulations are being occurred and how it will af- under which the Union is supposed to fect the representation that students be run. have in the running of the Union. Commemoration Day Paul Beaumont, Union President, Th ere is currently a 26 page document consulted with individuals on a one- up on the website detailing the Court’s Pumpkin making for to-one basis and is now ready to opinions on the changes, and Beau- 38 present the changes to Council. Al- mont is expected to be releasing his Your favourite day off Halloween >> though, over the weekend, there will reply to this soon. >>3 2 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER EDITOR’S PICKS 29 30 35 GAMES >> FILM >> MUSIC >> Simulator reviews Bond special Three pages We get sent some absolutely We go all secret agent No that’s not an obscure ‘brilliant’ games to review. on the Bond ﬁ lms, band’s name, that’s just tell- This week, we took the and decide what ones ing you that Music, who are plunge and actually played are worth diving into usually a bit late to ﬁ nish the one... the archives for. page, have three for you!

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All Saints Church, Fulham Graduation be arsed to go in (unfortunately) if being massively paranoid by the way: Altos wanted I’m feeling a bit rough. It also means I the joke of the night about the speech The choir of All Saints Fulham is an excellent, semi-professional choir of ap- don’t tend to go out on weekdays that was that it had a heavy “where’s my proximately 20 amateur, auditioned singers. As you may be able to infer from the often, this week excluded. So here is fucking money punk” focus. We are currently looking to expand our alto section. The choir sings weekly picture above, I’ve graduated! I am a message you hear a lot and hope- Sunday Eucharists, with sung Mass settings on feast days, and Choral Even- not Tim Arbabzadah, Master of Sci- fully act on a lot too. Enjoy your life as songs. The positions would be ideal for, but are by no means restricted to, ence. Those fi ve seconds of fame on a student! Enjoy university! Really, it’s Hackery a young professional, or London student looking for somewhere friendly to the stage were fun. Although, I didn’t the best years of your life if you make it sing, but which provides a high standard of music making. really expect to be the fi rst Master of that. Yeah it’s a cliché (that’s what late This term’s music includes a Bach cantata Evensong with orchestra, masses by Science graduate to receive a degree. nights do to you: makes you real off Just so you know this, here is a defi ni- Palestrina, Vierne and Briggs, Howells’ Reqiuem, and the world premiere of a This meant I had to nervously try to these types of phrases), but it really is tion: a hack is someone who focuses composition by Francis Pott, as well as the usual cathedral-style anthems and hope that I remembered how to walk true. You have so many opportunities solely on the Union and thinks it is settings. and shake hands with people, without to go out and have fun, take them all. the most important thing in the entire The choir is extremely welcoming, and has a busy social life! The director of being drowned out by the crowd in Try and fi t in some work too, but really planet and the be all and end all. I have music is always interested in hearing from prospective singers, and is very front of me. Anyway, this meant that jump on any fun activities that head to be a bit hacky due to my position, happy to chat about any aspects of the position. I had to graduate and then try to fi nd your way. You only live once. Oh God, although I have tried to keep news Jonathan Wikeley (Director of Music) time to also edit the paper. I therefore too many lame sayings, I’ll stop. a bit more interesting to everyone. [email protected], tel: 07966 969 746 would like to take the time to apologise The ceremony itself was rather odd. There are, on occasions, times when http://www.allsaints-fulham.org.uk/music.htm for what may be a somewhat rushed The Rector’s address in particular I you have to talk about something. issue this week. Hopefully there won’t thought was a bit strange. Not only The Constitution, which is the rules be too many errors, but you may fi nd did it sound as though he hadn’t really that govern how the Union is run, is that some sentences just randomly rehearsed it all that much, but it had up for debate at the next Council on don’t fi ni. Anyway, I’m sitting here in a very obvious and clear message: Tuesday. There the Council will decide the dead of night, all alone in the of- well done on graduating; now, go and if it is something they should accept LOLCATZ OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job fi ce, with all of my sweary notes telling make money and then give us that or not. It may not seem important, me to “fucking change page numbers” money. Lots of our alumni give mon- but it could have impacts on things and other such angry reminders,and it ey, please model yourself on them you care about, on the way the Un- made me think about the Real World. by giving us money. Nothing wrong ion is run (e.g. drink and food prices The main difference between stu- with asking us for donations and all etc), and how you are represented. dent life and working life is really the that, but, dude, seriously, give us like To Council members: read the for and constant responsibility. I know I only a maybe longer than a two minute against and make an informed deci- work as Felix Editor, but I can’t just segue into that. Or perhaps just don’t sion on what you think is the most lie hungover in bed all day and not mention it right away. This isn’t me student-led way to run the Union.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2012. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editor Aemun Reza Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editor Jason Parmar Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editors Veronika McQuade, Simon Carnochan Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos, Dan Timbrell Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Al Norman, Matt Colvin, Christopher Witham, Chris Richardson, Laurence de Lussy Kubisa, Lizzy Griffiths, Julia Gherman, Kingshuk Dasadhikari Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen Special Thanks: To my family, friends, lecturers, and Personal Tutor. Without them I wouldn’t have finished my degree. Also thanks to the section editors for really helping me out this week! FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 3

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Constitution vote on Tuesday

continued from the front page re-organised with two elected stu- >> dents and two appointed students as Beaumont summed up the draft the Student Trustees. Furthermore, all Constitution by saying that “apart of the Deputy Presidents (Education, from the changes that have been dis- Welfare, Finance & Services, Clubs & cussed, the rest of it comes down to Societies) will be on the Trustee Board how it’s written, rather than how it as members, rather than the current works in practice”. observer status. Th e other change Th e budget for the Union, which, would be Court Chair no longer sit- due to fact that it is dealing with ting on the Board, as Court is being money and how and where it is be- dismantled in the proposed changes. a ing allocated is very important, was point that was also contentious. previously set up by the Executive Th e argument that Beaumont has Committee (Exec.). Th e draft Consti- put forward is that it lessens the Presi- tution refers to “the Union” propos- dent’s power in relation to the Deputy ing the budget to the Trustee Board, Presidents saying that at the moment who then must approve it. However, only he is able to sit in closed session it does not explicitly state there who meetings and that he is the only vot- that refers to. It is thought that this is a ing member from the Sabbatical team point that could change. When asked on the Board. He went on to say that about this point, Beaumont said that he believed it took power away from der threat and made easy to remove. document. It has been said by lawyers First Floor on the left. Any student is is was Council or Exec., because that the President, as he says that under When asked, Beaumont said that the that it is legally fi ne. However, it is welcome to attend the discussion, al- is who runs the Union. Th is issue was the current rules “If I wanted to run it procedure for changing whether or important to note that this does not though only members of Council can contentious because if it is not one ignoring the other Sabbs I technically not the positions were sabbatical or mean that they think it is the correct vote. All papers mentioned should be of these bodies, then the money and could. At the moment the President not remains the same under the new structure: it means that it is legally available online at: https://www.im- therefore overall running would not has too much power. Th is spreads it laws. In the two and fro, Court consid- all okay, not necessarily the best and perialcollegeunion.org/your-union/ be controlled by democratically elect- amongst the Sabbs.” A point raised ered that parts of the constitution may most democratic way to run the Un- how-were-run/constitution-and-reg- ed students. about this move is that it means the be taking away the editorial independ- ion. ulations for the current Constitution Th e Court’s document sets out where Sabbatical team as a whole are a lot ence of Felix, meanwhile Beaumont Th is article is only the tip of the ice- and https://www.imperialcollegeun- the budget comes from as something more powerful, even if the President sets out his reasons why his view is berg in terms of the Constitutional ion.org/sites/default/files/Constitu- that it believes removes student con- isn’t individually more powerful. Th e that it remains the same. changes and the discussion between tion%20v2.pdf for the proposed Consti- trol from the Union and how it is run. Court argues that it means that the A new point added to the draft the Court and the President. tution, Step-by-Step Guide, the Court’s Th e response from Beaumont is: “Th e Sabbatical team would only need Constitution states that “Bringing Council is on Tuesday 30 October in responses, and, soon, Paul Beaumont’s Trustee Board sets the Union’s budget. three out of the other ten members of the Union into disrepute” is grounds the Union Dining Hall. Th is is on the response to the Court’s objections. Th e Exec currently has the power to the Trustee Board to vote with them for disciplinary action against those undermine the Trustee Board which to have a controlling majority of eight found to be doing so. Th e Court state is the fundamental problem we’re try- (the Board is proposed to be made up that there is “a sense of unease in al- Sponsored Editorial ing to address (and is how we ended of 15 members). Th e Court also points lowing a blameless individual... to be up in the fi nancial situation we’re in out that the Sabbatical Offi cers are disciplined just because the Union has today – Summer Ball 2011 was passed the most likely, and in general do, at- ended up looking bad.” Court later re- by the Exec). Making reference to stu- tend all the meetings, whereas the Lay fer to how it could aff ect anyone who More student cuts dents implies we’re removing control Trustees and Student Trustees can not is whistleblowing and if there are any from students, but, the Trustee Board always make it. Th e Court argues that articles in Felix. Beaumont was ques- is (under the current and proposed this makes the Sabbaticals have a lot of tioned over this, and answered that structures) majority students!!”. Th e say on the Board. Th e Court also not- it was: “the individual that did some- Discount haircuts for Imperial point about the control of students re- ed that the President and the Deputy thing wrong, it’s not the whistleblower lates to the membership of the Board, Presidents would become more pow- or the people reporting it that brings students at Fresh Hairdressers where there is disagreement as to erful if they stick together when vot- it into disrepute”. Th e clarifi cation of whether or not the proposed changes ing, and could use the Trustee Board, this point will be added to the version will cause the Board to be more stu- which is the highest Board in the Un- that is brought before Council. near South Kensington dent run as elected representatives sit ion, to overturn and change decisions Another issue was that the Court on it, or will hand a small number of made by Council. Beaumont argues will be removed with the functions Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) We use only the best products, students a lot of power and therefore that the President can currently “use moved to the Trustee Board. Th e Women’s shampoo and cut and Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and be less student run. position to overturn the rest of the Court stated that this “moves Court rough dry £28 KMS and offer free coffee and Th e members of Council that were Sabbs” and goes on to point out that functions to the Trustee Board and Women’s shampoo cut and sa- herbal teas. elected in the results announced on the Sabbatical Offi cers are also elected in the case of Elections, largely to one lon fi nish blow-dry £38 (normally Come to FRESH, ask for a student the Union’s website will be voting. by a ballot of the entire student body. individual”. £55) discount and bring your student ID Th ey may not all have experience with He also stated that there would be fi ve Th e general opinions set out by the FRESH Hairdressers has been we look forward to seeing you the inner workings of the Union and Sabbatical Offi cers on the Board and Court are that the restructure the Un- offering high quality, fashionable To book an appointment call 0207 so some will have had to familiarise therefore a minority when compared ion into “a diff erent sort of Union” and haircuts for over 20 years, all of 823 8968. themselves with the Union’s current to the fi fteen members that are on the states that Council can do this but that our haircuts are by highly experi- Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 structure and the diff erences caused Board in total. it aims to “highlight some key matters enced stylists, NOT trainees. We are only 70 metres from South by the changes. When asked about In relation to Felix, it is no longer for consideration”. Th e reply from Kensington tube station the amount of time received to review written in the main body of the Con- Beaumont is that it is not restructur- TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT the changes, Beaumont stated that the stitution regarding the position of ing, although admitting some changes 1) You don’t have to spend more members had been sent everything Felix Editor, with no other Sabbatical are occurring. Th e Court highlighted money on expensive known High when running for the post, and had Offi cers except for the President being ten topics that it was concerned with. St. salons been resent it later. He also pointed explicitly mentioned. Th e sabbatical Th ese included those referred to be- 2) You don’t have to spend hours out that the Council Chair will be position for the Felix Editor and the fore in this article and others. Th ese as a Guinea pig at a training school briefi ng them on Monday 29 October, Medics’ President are written into points seem to be the main arguing 3) You don’t have to be butch- and he will be seeing what concerns other parts of legislature such as for ground with Beaumont referring to ered at some cheap Barbers who they have and talking with them after. Felix the Felix Constitution, Job Con- some of them as “factually inaccurate”. doesn’t know how to leave a little A point of contention was the chang- tract, and Felix Policy. Th is caused Th e new draft of the Constitution length es to the Trustee Board. Th e Board is alarm that the position may be un- was produced using an NUS template 4 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected] Free storage space for Imperial

Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief

Every student at Imperial can get 8Gb worth of free storage on the online website Dropbox. Th is is part of the Dropbox Space Race. In this competition student race against each other to earn more points, which entitles them to more space online in the Dropbox website. Imperial is currently third in the United Kingdom (table pictured to the left), with 2,233 participants (at time of writing). Th e competition works by students registering with that every student 25Gb. their Imperial email ad- at that institution Usually, the amount of space given dress, or, if you have an gets. Currently, at to each user is 5Gb. Th e extra 3Gb to account under a diﬀ erent time of going to print, Imperial students will, however, only email address, verifying Imperial students be available for two years. that you go to Imperial are able to get 8Gb Th e competition was launched on on the Dropbox Space Race worth of free space. Th e Monday 15 October, and will run website. Th e more students maximum possible space for eight weeks, meaning two of the who sign up, the more free space that an institution can gain is weeks have already gone.

Some people know precisely where they want to go. Others seek the adventure of discovering uncharted territory. Whatever you want your professional journey to be, you’ll ﬁnd what you’re looking for at Oliver Wyman. application deadlines 1st November for November 2012 offers 16th December for January 2013 offers 20th January 2013 for summer internships Discover the world of Oliver Wyman at oliverwyman.com/careers Get there faster. Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consulting ﬁrm that combines deep industry knowledge with specialised expertise in strategy, operations, risk management, and organisation transformation. With offices in 50+ cities across 25 countries, Oliver Wyman works with the DISCOVER CEOs and executive teams of Global 1000 companies. OUR WORLD An equal opportunity employer. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 5

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Election results announced The results for this year’s Council and rep elections

Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief most extreme example (where both positions are elected) is the Faculty of Science. In the undergraduate elec- Th e results for this year’s Reps and tion, the top three candidates, Jason Council elections were announced on Parmar, Mariza de Souza, and Stuart Wednesday 24 October. Haylock, who were all elected, re- Th e turnout for the elections was ceived 162, 139, and 60 votes respec- the highest that the Union has re- tively in the fi rst round. However, in ceived for Academic Rep and Council the postgraduate election the two po- Member positions, with 6849 votes sitions were fi lled by James Bannock cast by 3030 students. Th is is a 20% and Xiaoran Lai who had 30 and 13 turnout as claimed by the Union. votes in the fi rst round respectively. Th e Union said in the article on their Th e overall turnout was high, how- website announcing it that they were ever, in many individual position’s “really proud of... election turnouts”. elections, the turnout was still fairly It then went on to say that “Imperial low as a raw number, with many College Union is improved, by all the elected after receiving no more than great student Offi cers that get elected, 20 votes. every time you vote.” Some positions do still remain In these elections, every single year unfi lled. Th e Faculty of Medicine’s rep for every subject was elected. As Council Ordinary Member is still un- well as this, all of the undergraduate fi lled, with one person needed for the and postgraduate Council Ordinary role. Members for the Faculty of Engineer- Th ere are a few rep positions that ing, Medicine, and Science were elect- are still empty. Th ese are generally for ed. Th e Disabilities Offi cer was also the more niche subject’s rep position. elected. As with all elections, there is Th ese are all for MSc subject’s course a possibility to Re-Open Nominations reps and are: Advanced Materials Sci- (RON) if none of the candidates take ence and Engineering Course Rep, the voter’s fancy. Human Molecular Genetics Course For the position of Disabilities Of- Rep, Optics & Photonics Course fi cer, Moeko Maiguma-Wilson was Rep, Controlled Quantum Dynam- elected, unopposed, with 1147 votes ics Course Rep, Plastic Electronics to RON (not from Harry Potter) gain- Course Rep, Epidemiology & Master ing 218. of Public Health Social Rep, and MBA Th e number of votes cast was gen- Course Rep. All of these positions had erally higher for the undergraduate nobody standing for them the fi rst Council Ordinary Members when time around, and therefore RON won. compared to the other positions also being elected. Th e postgraduate Th e full results can be seen on the Un- Council positions also had a consider- ion’s website here: https://www.impe- ably smaller turnout when compared rialcollegeunion.org/news/your-reps- to the undergraduate elections. Th e council-elections-results 6 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected]

Students use spy like stealth and cunning to gain entry to Beit roof >> continued from the front page toilets and kitchens. Th e hall was packed with students all trying to fi nd some sort of window to look out of. Th ere seemed to be many diff erent op- tions, all off ering diff erent views, and diff erent quality views. Felix managed to perch inside the Union Building itself and take photos from the window of as many people as they could. Snaps ranging from Dame Judi Dench to JLS being told to go round the side rather than the front entrance were obtained, with a varying degree of success and blurriness. However some students went even further in their eff orts to get a peek at the red carpet and managed to climb up onto the roof of Beit Hall. According to students that were on the roof, who wish to remain anonymous, there was a fi re door that led out onto the rooftop that was not guarded by security on the night. Th e door was on the Beit fourth fl oor by the east. It said that the door was alarmed, but it was, in fact, not. Th is door was able to be opened, and students went on to the roof from there. Th en, from the outside, there is a door into the Union, which could not be opened from inside but can be opened from the outside. Concerns were raised about the student’s actions as the rooftop of Beit is considered dangerous due to it being a sheer drop, and it is unsafe for students to be there and so close to the edge. Th e students added, “I was surprised how easy it was to get on the roof. It probably should be more secure but not too secure. When we went to security, no-one was there Security was very low”. Th e student added that “Great view! We should come up here more often. Can’t wait for the next RAH Premier”. Beit Security were unable to comment on the student’s presence on the rooftop. Felix could not get a quote in time about the incident, but is hoping to follow up later and, at the very least, have something online. Once the audience had all gone into the Royal Albert Hall, the crowds quickly dissipated and the mission (no pun intended) to remove all of the structures that were created could get underway. By 2am on Wednesday 24 October, all of the structures that were put up were removed and the last truck was leaving.

Additional reporting by Tim Arbabza- dah

8 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, FEATURES Caroline Wood [email protected] LIMUN comes to Imperial Franca Hoffmann discusses politicians-to-be coming to campus

rom 15 – 17th February lenges of achieving consensus, the pa- 2013, you will see numer- tience required to win progress”. ous important looking Like is the case with so many other Fpeople in black suits and social phenomena, Model United Na- formal dresses run around tions started growing exponentially our campus. And you may wonder the moment it attracted the student what it could be causing this invasion community. With more than 1500 of foreigners. Let me give you some delegates, 25 committees negotiat- insight into the big things happening ing in 3 diff erent languages, the Lon- at Imperial. don International Model United Na- Th e very large university level Mod- tions Conference (LIMUN) 2013 has el United Nations (MUN) conference grown into the biggest university level will be hosted at Imperial College in MUN conference in Europe, Th e offi - February 2013. For three days, del- cial launch of LIMUN 2013, held on egates from universities from all Th ursday, Oct 18th at HULT Interna- around the UK and abroad will debate tional Business School, was attended pressing international issues on the by representatives of several higher UN agenda, representing their “home education institutions in London, country”, which they may have never the British UN Association as well as lived in. but whose politics they have various MUN societies from around extensively researched during the last the UK and abroad. Th e presentation weeks. So what exactly is MUN? It is of the LIMUN 2013 secretariat was a gathering of some of the best and followed by a food and drink recep- brightest debaters, speakers and in- tion, with the beer sponsored by the spirational fi gures in the global stu- Embassies of Dominican Republic, dent community who swap identity Trinidad and Tobago. for 3 days stepping in the footsteps of/ Amanda Sun, Under-Secretary- taking on the role of national repre- General for Logistics, heading a team sentatives to the UN. It is astonishing of volunteers to organise the neces- how realistic these simulated UN con- sary provisions for the conference, ex- ferences often turn out to be, portray- plains what is special about LIMUN ing the complexities of international 2013: The conference will be better attended than this... policy formation (change). After an “Th is year the topic of the confer- MUN weekend full of drafting resolu- ence will be the Millennium Devel- tions, sending secret notes to the col- opment Goals. We want to bring a laborators you managed to convince focus to what we as a conference are the night before in the hotel lounge to trying to raise awareness on, and the join your policy just before going for MDGs address the most pressing is- the International Party Night, lengthy sues facing our world today.” Th ese voting procedures, little sleep (due to are undoubtedly MUN? with what being a scientist actually France from Australia, but what in- drafting papers or dazzling parties?) big problems Philippe Rival, President of the entails. Scientists, engineers, doctors, spired his fi rst true MUN experience and making new lifelong friendships that politicians Imperial College MUN society (IC- all share the common trait that their happened at the Paris Conference with people from all around the world, and govern- MUN) tells us that LIMUN and IC- work revolves around fi nding a solu- of 2010. Philippe was representing you feel more than overwhelmed. ments around MUN have enjoyed a very tight re- tion to a problem by using knowledge Uganda and won the Best Delegate If you have done it once, you want the world wor- lationship for many years. “We are and reasoning they have accumulated Award. Th is particular conference was to do it again. How United Nations ry about, but amongst the biggest delegations who over experience and training. People held in the actual building of the UN- Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon what does Impe- attend LIMUN. We have also sent a from Imperial know what it means ESCO, in Paris. He received his Award puts it, MUN is an “ex- rial has to do minimum of one delegate per year to to go and fi nd an answer to a prob- in front of 2000 people and 195 state ercise that gives with chair and very often our delegates win lem, and they even go to such lengths fl ags, on the UNESCO stage, in front you a full taste of several awards across a wide variety of as giving up their night and sleep on of a handful of actual UN representa- the complexity committees.” such problems.” tives. “Th ere is nothing more motivat- of internation- Now, if you say ‘Well, this sounds Conferences are an unforgettable ing than to get that feeling fi rst hand.” al relations all amazing, but I am an engineer, experience, and if you feel you are Amanda adds that she was blown – the intri- how should I survive in the middle not the next Churchill to come, don’t away by how passionate LIMUN dele- cacies of ne- of all these politicians and lawyers?’ worry, everybody had their fi rst MUN gates are, and by their depth of knowl- gotiating Needless to say that as a scientist at- experience one day. Amanda recalls edge in global and regional issues. among tending an MUN conference, you are how she fi rst got involved with the Besides an excellent opportunity to diverse something special. When asked about worldwide MUN movement. “Some- build relationships across borders of peoples your subject, people tend to look at times things happen when you least background, culture and nationality, and you with this glint of surprise think- expect them - my high school team and inevitably – let’s be realistic – a lot per- ing ‘What the hell is he doing here?’. needed a member, at the last minute, of work, there is a very important life spec- And yes, why on earth should scien- to replace one who could not attend skill to learn: when you play with the tives, tists be interested in MUN? Th is is Harvard MUN in Boston and my best rules, you come up with better ways to the one of Philippe’s favourite questions. friend pulled me in. It turned out to manipulate or go around them. chal- “I can make it even simpler : Why do be the best split-second decision I’d If you are interested in being part of we do MUN at Imperial ? We don’t ever made, leading me to where I am something great, applications for LI- have student in PPE, literature, today.” MUN 2013 are still open. law or psychology. Th e best way Our very own ICMUN president A last word from the ICMUN presi- to fully understand why it is that Philippe Rival fi rst started MUN in dent: “One thing is sure, the MUN fu- MUN works at Imperial has to do high-school when he moved back to ture is bright at Imperial.” FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 9

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, Caroline Wood FEATURES [email protected] The London Climate Forum 2012 Caroline Wood says: the hottest student debate is coming to London

he London Climate Fo- would be if I didn’t have to venture Great Hall and is coordinated by Im- the fi lm director- although that says “Sustainability is going to off er rum is the UK’s largest half way across the UK to perial Hub. We are invit- would be kind of cool too), Founder exciting and challenging opportuni- student led conference attend this event ing students and Non-Executive Chairman of Cli- ties to us all throughout our future Ton climate change and and, more and mate Change Capital, Carmel Mc- careers and lives, you actually can’t sustainability. Bringing impor- Quaid, Climate Change Manager at avoid it. I think that being able to in- together leading thinkers from poli- tantly, Marks & Spencers and our favorite teract, understand and benefi t from tics, business, campaigning, media, 2: campus celebrity, Professor Lord it is of fundamental value when plan- science and engineering, it will be Robert Winston, Professor of Sci- ning ahead. Coming to the Forum a chance for young people and stu- ence and Society at Imperial means hearing from the best about dents to fi nd out how they can be College, politician, scientist, what’s happening at the edge of this part of creating a more sustainable author and t.v presenter. fascinating topic, having a vision future. Th e list of knowledge- for the future and taking a positive But why should you care? able and inspiring high step towards being part of the most Well, the consequences of a profi le speakers really critical discussion of our generation” changing climate and re- London does go on. Now, you can’t argue with that. source scarcity are set to Th e London Climate We’ll be promoting the London Cli- impact on each our lives. Forum will be your mate Forum on campus over the next Whether this is due to oil chance to hear from few weeks. Watch this space for bake shortages (maybe), freak Climate the experts, learn sales, your chance to get involved weather events (prob- some more about in some lunchtime arts and crafts, ably) or changes in food what we need to be and the most ambitious fl ashmob to and water supply (almost doing to confront hit Imperial to date (hopefully). In- defi nitely), it is becoming climate and sustain- trigued? You should be. Insa Roem- clearer and clearer that Forum ability challenges, and gens, one of the publicity team leads change in inevitable. start to fi gure out how said “I read about the Climate Forum But not only will climate you can play your part online earlier this term and thought change and sustainability in making a positive rather than just attend, the best way challenges eff ect us, it will be change. Whether that is I could help to make a diff erence was down to us, the students of to- setting up a project dur- to help put together an amazing and day and leaders of tomorrow to ing your time at university, inspiring event”. If you’d also like to help pave the way to a more sus- like e.quinox, a student-led get involved there’s still time, email tainable planet. Come 2030 when we project that brings cost-eff ec- [email protected] for are the key decision makers, we need tive, sustainable renewable en- more information. to make sure that we are making the ergy to developing countries (who So, if you are thinking about making right ones not just for ourselves but will also be speaking at the Forum), plans for the weekend of the 24th and also for the entire planet. how or in your future career as a banker, 25th November, stop right now. Put I’ve been interested in Climate valuable scientist, engineer, consultant, doc- the dates in the diary and head on Change and sustainability for a while a climate fo- young tor... Either way, sustainability is go- over to www.londonclimateforum. now and back in February, I ventured rum centered at people from ing mainstream and will org to get your earlybird tickets to Oxford on a snowy winter’s Imperial would be, where Imperial, London, and the be aff ecting us all before they end next week. morning to attend the Oxford we have a hub of scientists and engi- rest of the UK to be part of the hot- in some way See you there! C limate Forum (see “Gate- neers brimming with knowledge, cre- test student debate - pun very much shape or crashing the Oxford Climate ativity and great ideas in one of the intended. form, Forum” in the February most infl uential and cultural cities in We’ve invited some incredible speak- whichwhich 16th issue of Felix). It was the world. (I’ll leave that spiel there ers to come along to talk, means it’s time a fantastic day of talks before I start sounding like Boris including Profes- sor Sir for us all to starstartt a n d discussions and Johnson talking about the Olympics) Brian Hoskins, Di- r e c t o r paying attention to d e - bates and I came So, nine months on and several hun- of the Grantham Insti- ththisis issue. away feeling in- dred emails later we are very happy tute for Cli- mate James Hubbard, a studestudentnt spired. As I to be able to invite you all to the Change, on the Environmen- sat on the train London Climate Forum 2012. James tal Technology MSc back to Lon- Th is inaugural event will take Cam- course and co-or- don I thought place on the 24th and 25th eron ganisor of the Lon- about 1: how November in Imperial Col- (not don Climate Forum nice lege’s 2012 it 2424th & 25th November Great Hall, Imperial College London www.londonclimateforum.org 10 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Business Editor: Deepka Rana BUSINESS [email protected] Shacking up with Business Deepka Rana talks to Unishack.com’s founder, Ben Oakenfull

e all know that estate that. I’m quite fortunate that the busi- is to do your homework fi rst. You agents and landlords ness relies on user generated content need to understand the market for waren’t exactly a stu- so most of my time is spent on pro- your idea, and also where your main dent’s best friend, and motion and further site development. revenue streams will come from. many of us have personally fallen vic- Writing a business plan from the start tim of pushy sales tactics, resulting in How are you planning on making is always a good idea. a less than ideal but extortionately ex- substantial revenues from the website pensive student fl at. Such experiences (or what other goals do you have for What has been the biggest hurdle so prompted Ben, a fi nal year student at the business)? far, and have you ever considered giv- Bournemouth University, to start his ing up? very own online business. Unishack. Our business model operates on a com allows students to rate their ac- series of diff erent revenue streams, Th e development of the site was commodation in order to help those such as standard business to consum- the easy part - the hurdle was getting currently looking to rent. Felix had the er advertising, and advertising the let- people to use the site. With a limited opportunity to pick Ben’s brains about ting agents/landlord contact details. budget that wasn’t easy. Uni Shack is a running his own business whilst still Soon letting agents and landlords will good idea so I knew with persistence at University. be able to add a plugin to their site, students would eventually start rat- this plugin will show the rating and ing. With the right team on board and Is this your fi rst shot at starting a comments of a property. using social media to our advantage, business, and have you always aspired Uni Shack started to grow. to start one yourself? Would you advise students to start a business whilst still studying or wait Have you ever run into issues with When I was 15, I started a computer until they have more experience/fi - letting agents and landlords objecting support company that specialised in nancial security? Uni Shack? How do you ensure ratings ‘At Home Support’. Th is quickly be- remain fair and reliable? came a small successful business how- I believe that if you have a good ever after a couple of years I decided enough idea and it is realistic then It has always been our number one that I would go travelling for fi ve why wait? If you have a fantastic idea priority at Uni Shack to be neutral. months before going to University. I bottled up until you have more expe- We strive to keep things amicable have always had a keen business acu- rience, then another company could between the student and the letting men and a passion for web technolo- come in and get the market before agent or landlord. We ensure ratings gies, the perfect pair for starting Uni you – that wouldn’t be good! are fair and reliable by monitoring Shack. each and every review that is submit- Young entrepreneurs often tend to ted, we will not approve a review that Had the idea Uni Shack not taken run before they can walk. What would contains profanities for example. We off , what do you reckon you would be you say are the best fi rst steps to take are currently developing a portal that doing now instead? with an exciting new business idea? allows letting agents and landlords to log on, and comment on the student My plan B has always been to set up I’d say that the most important step reviews of their properties. So by do- a Web Development/Design company ing all of this, we haven’t run into any – but hopefully I won’t have to worry issues with landlords or letting agents. Ben Oakenfull, final year Business IT student at Bournemouth University about that! Are students not running the risk of How did you go about building your I bbelievebelieelieve receiving no/very poor references from fl at is its town centre location, the lime green colour of the bathroom, a team, and how many people work for/ previous landlords if they rate their only thing we really disliked was the tin of magnolia soon sorted that out! at Uni Shack? a greatgreat properties badly? I believe a great strength is to know Protecting the identity of the re- your weaknesses, and once you know strengthstrengt is viewer is the answer to this. We do them you can build your team around not disclose their email address, ten- Got a question for that. Following that analysis, I’ve ancy year, or any other information picked up the phone and got in con- to knowknow your that can relate back to them. We al- tact with a few friends who I know ways advise any reviewer to express also have a passion for business. Th e weaknesses,weakne their opinion in a way that does not Ben? team at Uni Shack comprises of four identify them. Plus the student can people, including myself – two in “ always rate their property once they Aspiring student entrepreneur? Business technical and two in marketing and and once onc you have left. PR. School student? Or just plain curious about What do you currently love and hate How have you found balancing your know them about the fl at you’re currently living what it takes to start your own business? academic commitments with running in? your own business? you can build Th is is probably the best rented It really helps staying organised! My property that I have lived in! My girl- Send in your questions to: University work is quite heavy at the your teamam friend, Faye and I had a strict list of moment as I’m in my fi nal year, so requirements that we wouldn’t budge [email protected] and have them that takes priority. However I’m really on, it helps to know what things to passionate about Uni Shack, so the around thathatt watch out for when looking for a new answered by Ben himself! majority of my spare time is spent on ” place. I’d say the best thing about our FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 11

Business Editor: Deepka Rana [email protected] BUSINESS Entrepreneurs ‘hail’ new app Imperial Entrepreneurs meet the founders of the Hailo app

ast Monday, Imperial joy the most success. In London itself, Entrepreneurs invited the 20 per cent of the black cab drivers are people behind Hailo – registered with Hailo, a fi gure that is LTh e Black Cab App, to likely to grow. its weekly event, Startup Th e key to this success has been the Mondays. Russell Hall, one of the co- fact that they place the same amount founders of Hailo spoke to us about of care and emphasis on their drivers their success story and what makes as they do on their customers. Th ey Hailo so popular, to a point that even have a great communication system celebrities and serial entrepreneurs to help drivers understand and use the such as James Caan are tweeting about app and also listen to their feedback its brilliance! Russell explained how to constantly adapt, change and solve getting Hailo to where it is today was problems that may arise. Taxi driv- not easy, nor was it a smooth sailing ers are drawn to Hailo because of the process. Th ey had to get rid of a tech great driver experience that they fi nd team that were not delivering and had to be more sociable and profi table. to pitch their ideas to and convince Besides this, the app has also been numerous investors that their app was designed and developed by leading going to work. Th ey had tremendous designers formerly working at com- belief and confi dence in their idea and panies such as Google. It even has a strived to make it a success. feature that allows passengers to rate Hailo is a rapidly expanding mobile their drivers ensuring the best service app that enables you to hail a black is always provided. cab through your smartphone and pay for it via credit or debit card, or cash with no extra charges or booking fees. A brilliant yet simple idea, that brings The app was What attracts the customers to the positive reviews from app users, with rial Entrepreneurs, in which entrepre- more business to London taxi drivers app is its simplicity and ease of use; an average 5 star rating from over 1000 neurs are invited to give talks about and eliminates the need for passen- you are never more than two taps reviews. With such great features and their companies to students. Th e at- gers to frantically hail taxis! envisioned by away from getting a taxi. It eliminates excellent feedback from customers tendees have the opportunity to hear Th e app was envisioned by three the need to carry cash around for who use the app there is no saying how businesses such as Hailo, were London taxi drivers, Russell, Terry taxis. As Russell explained, when you how far this app will go and how big set up, organised and run to become and Gary as well as three Internet en- three London have no cash in hand, you either can- it will become. Future plans include a widely downloaded and used appli- trepreneurs. Th ey managed to raise not take a taxi or are forced to go to an introducing the app Far East in Tokyo, cation. Th ose in attendance are also $20 million from various investors and taxi drivers, ATM to withdraw. Hailo prevents this where the taxi business is massive and given a chance to further socialise backers including Niklas Zennström, and makes everyday activities such so is the use of technology and smart- and network with the entrepreneurs the co-founder of Skype. Other inves- as shopping much easier. Hailo also phones. It is certainly exciting times behind London’s hottest startups at tors include Accel Partners and Wel- Russell, Terry prides itself on the fact that it charges for those at Hailo. the Eastside Bar. With Hailo, we were lington Partners, who have funded “ the customer only the taxi fare, and For those of you who lucky enough to have the drinks spon- high profi le companies such as Face- this gives them a major ad- are uncertain sored by our speakers. We can’t always book and Spotify. You know you have and Gary as vantage over competitors as to what guarantee that though! something good if such people are such as Addison Lee, Startup Imperial Entrepreneurs’ next Start- backing your product. well as three where booking Mondays up Monday event on the 29th of Octo- Having initially been introduced in fees ap- are, they ber will involve Hayley Quinn, a dat- London, the app has now made its way ply. are a se- ing coach, who will give advice on how to Dublin, Toronto and most recently Internet en- Hailo ries of to be more confi dent and memorable Boston with plans to expand stateside has re- weekly when meeting people in diff erent in Chicago and New York. Th e app is ceived socials places such as at networking events. If tailored to a certain city based on its trepreneurs ex- hosted the Hailo event was anything to go by, regulations and people in order to en- tremely by Impe- this one is guaranteed to be a success! Think you could ”do a better job than the Chancellor? Reckon Apple’s marketing strategy is all wrong? LET US KNOW! Send in your ideas and articles to [email protected] Or just come down to the office for a chat, we get lonely sometimes. 12 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Fashion Editors: Alex Ramadan, FASHION Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang [email protected] Tim Walker: Story Teller Alice Yang enters the magical world of fashion photography

here has long existed a featuring the adorable Roo Panes to been morphed into a mystical play- debate in regards to the the well-loved Dior Cherie advert in ground of childish tales, in which the reasons behind fashion which an innocent Natalie Portman extravagant props used by the pho- Tphotography. Do photog- poses in her most natural form – any tographer are displayed alongside his raphers pick up their Has- advert one comes across related to photographs. From life-sized spitfi res selblads solely under the direction of the fashion world counts as fashion and swan boats to giant dolls and skel- Devil Wears Prada-esque editors, and photography. And just like celebrated etons, the home of London Fashion do models pose nonchalantly just to artists and musicians, there are fa- Week is showcasing the magician of put the seemingly un-wearable cat- mous fashion photographers known fashion photography itself. walk designs to use? Or perhaps it is for their skills and expertise, or in Tim Accompanied by ethereal jewellery just to do with amusement, allowing Walker’s case, their ability to create box music and the tapping of visitor’s some to turn a hobby into a career. another world. heels against the exhibition’s wooden Justifi cations for the art, if you will Tim Walker’s photography is the fl oors, Tim Walker whisks you away to allow me to refer to it as such, stretch- type that leaves one speechless, per- the velvet walled room in which you es back to the days of the invention of haps the natural result of having been too can peer out of its windows and the camera. In fact, fashion photog- thrown into a fairy tale, except that witness the staggering beauty com- raphy is a medium which everyone, at his latest exhibition, one awakes monly drowned out by the grey gloom whether consciously or not, appreci- from the dream to discover a real- of everyday life. It is a view so full of ates. From Burberry’s latest campaign ity. Somerset House’s East Wing has vivid colour and naïve imagination, of giant bees playing cellos and humon- gous snails lounging on beds that leaving the exhibition inspired is beyond choice. And for those who crave more, the exhibition’s accompanying book Tim Walker: Story Teller is the perfect an- tidote. But who need drugs in Walk- Tim Walker Story Teller is supported by er’s world, where fl ying saucers, race Mulberry currently on show at Somerset hounds and picnic tables fl oat eff ort- House, London. lessly in glowing forests? Th e pages Admission: Free. of this book present snapshots from 18/10/2012 - 27/01/2013 within an incredible mind; pages of Walker’s scrap-book and quotes spi- ralling out of control. Walker endows upon us a sugar-coated view of the reality of adulthood in a chaotic mix of Tim Walker Story Teller published by Thames & Hudson is now available pictures and emotions, with one les- for £45. The exhibition is now on show at London’s Somerset House sup- son for us all: “the lightness of spirit ported by Mulberry. Free admission, 18/10/2012 – 27/01/2013 allows the imagination to soar cloud Admission: Free high”. Fashion Events

The Little Hollywood Black Jacket Costume

Saatchi Gallery V&A Museum Admission: Free Admission: Students £9 12/10/2012 – 28/10/2012 20/10/2012 – 27/01/2013

Chanel’s archives are forever being refer- The highly anticipated collection of well enced in the fashion world and this year loved and recognised pieces from Hol- the legendary French house have decided lywood history has finally landed on our to showcase its underappreciated Little doorsteps. From the little black dress Black Jacket. With a series of black and Audrey Hepburn is so famously remem- white photographs shot by Karl Lager- bered for to Marylin Monroe’s iconic feld himself, the exhibition is a perfect billowing white cocktail dress from The display of Coco’s chic invention and defi- Severn Year Itch, its time to add a bit of nitely not one to be missed. cultured glamour to your lunch break.

14 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar TECHNOLOGY [email protected] MICROSOFT SPECIAL Stephen Ingram tells us his thoughts of Microsoft’s latest OS

A pretty edgy and cool logo for such a traditionally bland company - the only thing more creative would be something like a picture of an apple, with one bite taken out of it and using Myriad font.

ith the next ver- sumption devices (although the term these problems, as it retains the Th is is a much easier concept to get one app open on the screen at the sion of Win- consumption in the context of soft- traditional fi le explorer that can be your head around and a very simple same time. As a result, many apps dows, 8, Micro- ware is somewhat erroneous, since run in the desktop mode, which all way to monetise a mobile operat- can sacrifi ce fi tting in visually in a W soft are going digital media are not consumed applications seem to interface with. ing system. Some examples of this way that desktop applications can- completely when you watch/listen to/play them, Obviously, we will have to wait and include the Kindle Fire and Nexus 7 not (the number of android apps that overhaul the interface, with many but the sentiment is still mostly ac- see the extent to which third party tablets, which almost certainly sell at completely follow Google’s ‘Holo’ people wondering whether ‘the aver- curate). Th e main reasons for this apps keep this up, but it seems un- a loss, but whose profi ts are made up guidelines is surprisingly small). age user’ will be able to adjust to the are the form factor (but using Win- likely developers would go out of the by subscription services off ered by I can’t talk about how easy the change (search ‘Dad tries Windows dows 8 on a desktop renders this ir- way to give themselves more work in Google and Amazon. graphical toolkit is to develop for, 8’ on YouTube for some examples). relevant, and Microsoft seems to be this way. Th e reason that I mention this is that but, with Windows Phone 7, Micro- Th e main change implemented is keen for its tablets to have Bluetooth Microsoft fortunately does not seem soft are extremely strict about which that the traditional desktop is now keyboards) and lack of simultane- Accessibility to be going down this route with applications are let into its market- merely an app inside another inter- ous multitasking. Th e latter problem Over the summer I volunteered in a Windows 8. Th e model that they are places, and hopefully this will help face called ‘Modern UI’ (formerly is addressed somewhat as you can library providing tech support, often pushing to sell their own software alleviate the issue of visual inconsist- known as “Metro”, but following a use multiple apps at once via a split to older people with little experience puts more emphasis on useful work ency in Windows 8 (and some other trademark dispute with German screen eff ect, although it seems that of the motifs of desktop computing. and not on providing every aspect causes such as simply porting an iOS Metro AG, Microsoft dropped the outside of what’s on the screen all One of their main sources of confu- of your life and entertainment, like application or coding your app in name). It’s the same user interface other tasks are frozen. sion, and I would imagine anyone Apple or Google. Th is is fortunate HTML). and graphical toolkit currently used who has helped technophobes would because such software services tend by Windows Phone 7 (and soon 8) File Management agree, was what, precisely, an appli- to collect your personal information devices. Th is is an attempt to unify However, another, more integral cation is. Th e idea of a program that and provide their media under very Conclusion the ‘face of Windows’ across desk- problem hampers work on mobile is separate from a) the operating sys- restrictive Digital Rights Manage- I have absolutely no doubt that top, mobile, and tablet. operating systems: most informa- tem it runs on, b) the window that ment. many people will find Windows 8 Having tried the Windows 8 re- tion you experience is not compara- contains it, and c) the content that much harder to use and to get used lease preview on a dusty old tower ble to a fi le in the desktop OS sense. is produced/relayed through it is an to using than previous versions. I at home, I found that, while it is no- While you can get fi le manager apps extremely diffi cult concept to under- Interface Consistency have every doubt that it will lead where near as effi cient at doing cer- for mobile devices, the issue is that stand. Th is has been written about in some computing in a more efficient and tain tasks as Windows XP or many when any two apps need to share in- detail on the website osnews.com interconnected direction, but to Linux distributions, many of my formation, it must be done through In light of this, I found it odd that so but I think it is relevant to Windows my surprise, many of the practi- concerns about using a jack-of-all- interoperability between the apps, many of us buy smartphones (51% 8 and quite prescient considering cal issues the tech community (and trades interface were unfounded. built from the ground up, rather of brits now own them), devices how just about every OS is altering myself) have with using a mobile than simply integrating with the whose entire selling point (‘there’s its user experience to become more interface on a non-mobile device Productivity fi les saved on the device. Th is leads an app for that!’) seems to be this ‘mobile-like’. seem to have been addressed. Es- Anyone who has attempted to en- to either bloated (resource hog) concept. In my opinion, this is be- sentially, Microsoft has converged gage in serious offi ce or design work apps that try to reinvent the wheel, cause apps are not applications for When you’re using an app on a two paradigms in such a way that on a smartphone or tablet would or apps that are specialised yet can the computer in the original sense smartphone, the percentage of the the end product is inefficient on agree that such devices are not de- hardly function outside of a small set but another product that owning screen taken up by the OS is almost either device and will almost defi- signed with this in mind, and it is of tasks. the device allows you to buy, often always smaller than on a desktop, nitely ostracise large portions of its often said that they are purely con- Windows 8 does not suff er from from the device vendor themselves. and you hardly ever see more than user base. But it’s done it in style. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 15

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar [email protected] TECHNOLOGY Windows 8 out TODAY Max Eggl gives you the low-down on Windows 8, RT & Pro

indows 8 came current and cool, and will be uniform to ro-style apps. out today, and the phones, tablets and computers. How- So why would Microsoft re- media world is ever Windows 8, and the Pro version, lease such a limiting OS? It’s all about W buzzing to see if will both be able to revert to the desk- hardware and the corresponding price. this will make or top interface that we have loved and RT is based on ARM (Chips built by the break Microsoft’s future. In the past Mi- used since it fi rst came out in Windows British company ARM Holdings), and crosoft consumers faced more choices 95, so if you are not sure about metro, at these processors are not as powerful of varieties of Windows than in a trip least you do get to go back to old times as their Intel cousins. ARM processors to Subway! Starter, Home Basic, Home once in a while. Sadly, Windows RT is cannot run x86, upon which most pro- Premium and, and, and, were often sub- limited to the new interface, so if you grams are built. However ARM chips ject to intense discussion of suitability are addicted to your beloved old-school are cheaper, and thus Microsoft was and productivity. Th is time round, Win- interface, this is strike one against RT. able to introduce a cheaper OS. Th e dows 8 only comes in 3 varieties with What will they be able to do? other two varieties run on Intel chips, very similar capabilities, which seems Let’s start off with RT. It is the “cheap- and thus there is no change from the to be a plus. However, the big question est” version, and thus comes with the norm. is “what is the diff erence” and “what va- least amount of features. Surprisingly Now, which one is for you? riety do you, as a student, want?” though, Microsoft Offi ce (i.e. Word, Personally, I would say that RT is for Before we go into a deep anal- Excel etc) is thrown in with this variety, those in the market for a new device, ysis, I do have to warn you that you can- which is very attractive, as it means be- who don’t really care that much about not actually purchase the RT (standing ing able to actually do work on a tablet/ productivity or usability, and who want for “Runtime”) standalone. So, if you re- hybrid. Th is is about it for the pros for to have the bonus of having Offi ce pre- ally like this fl avour of windows 8, then RT, as it is quite limiting. Any programs installed. Since you will not be able to you will have to buy a laptop, hybrid that you want to run that are either old- buy RT on its own, keep in mind that or tablet that has this installed from er, or do not come from the windows you have to keep the price of your tab- the off . Fortunately for you, since RT is app store, will not run. Th is means no let/phone in mind, which might not be cheaper to license for Microsoft, these Steam, Chrome/Firefox (circle your that cheap. Th e normal Windows 8 / devices will most likely cost less. preference), iTunes etc. etc. (the list is Pro is for all those who are happy with So how does each fl avour endless), will not run on your device. their current computer and want to look? Actually, they all look identical Th is is depressing for gamers, as well as simply upgrade to the latest instalment with their metro-style interface and people who want any kind of freedom (about £50 - £80). multi-coloured slabs. Th is “metro” (al- in their environment. Th erefore Win- Most of you who will upgrade will though not offi cially called metro due to dows 8 (or Pro) will be better for you, probably want to keep most of their old German fi rm Metro AG complaining) because here at least you will be able to programs, so this seems to be the logi- I’m going to start a white background hiring service. I’ll make millions. interface is Microsoft’s bid to remain run alternate programs, as well as met- cal choice!

Will W8 cause us grief? It’s all about Microsoft Jason Parmar Yong Wen Chua known as Metro). It is obvious that Mi- forgo any misgivings we have about Technology Editor crosoft had the touch screen user in Microsoft for making the changes to mind when it was designing the new the UI once we have adapted to it, us- So why a whole double page forerunner in productivity applica- Some of us are not normal people (but UI: the gestures and the hot corners all ers are probably not as willing. In fact, spread on Microsoft? Just because tions, the Xbox 360, the fourth best then again, we are Imperial students). make sense when you think of them in they might be unwilling to change their I can? Well, partly that, and the fact selling games console of all time and We live on the bleeding edge of technol- terms of touch. It takes time to discover mindset or even try to adapt. Perhaps that today is being tipped as Micro- of course Windows, the most used ogy where we thrive on using the latest and get used to the new paradigm. But this is because we have seen worse when soft’s biggest day after their boldest Operating System in the world (with and greatest of gadgets and software. not everyone like such radical changes, we used the beta versions and that what and most radical move in over three a huge 90% market share just 5 We readily consume new technology especially if they have a learning curve is in the fi nal product is actually way decades. years ago). and are willing to learn and adapt. In that aff ect productivity and remove fa- better than it was, though probably still As you probably know from the big But they haven’t been on their case of an interface paradigm change, miliarity. unacceptable to the general user. titles above, today is the offi cial re- greatest form as of late. They’re see- it’s probably true, more often than not, So now that Windows 8 is in the I’ll admit: these are hypothetical sce- lease date of Windows 8 and it’s the ing themselves struggling against that after a short period of lower pro- wild, you might start to get calls for narios. Whilst I have personally only biggest change to the fl agship OS in the much nimbler Google and Apple. ductivity whilst getting used to the new help when these users stumble upon used the consumer preview that was 17 years, when it released the now So they’ve been hard at work, trying UI, it will become second nature. We Windows 8 for the fi rst time. You will released months ago, Microsoft has, vintage and retro Windows 95. to completely reinvent themselves, are also prepared to deal with rough get pleas to give tutorials on how to apparently, made some improvements In those days I just remembered or at least the public opinion of them. edges in the latest software and we use Windows 8. You’re going to get to the UI since then. But since they Microsoft as that company that Windows 8 is the Redmond giants grow acclimatised to their quirks and swamped with questions asking where have not made any major change to the gave me the infamous “Microsoft make or break to grab back market oddities. they could fi nd a certain feature that UI paradigm, I am almost certain that Network”, known as MSN, which share and prove to the world that we Th e general user is not like this. And existed in a now-removed place. It’s bad these scenarios will happen once people successfully helped me, and prob- need Microsoft. this is why Windows 8 is probably go- enough if you are a fi rst time user walk- get their hands on Windows 8. Tech- ably many of you, waste countless This week two of our writers who ing to cause us, the more “techy” folks, ing around the terra incognita of Win- nology journalists and some users have hours of life as well as helping create have had a play around with Win- more grief than it’s worth when it’s re- dows 8 and trying to get used to it, it’s already had their share of some of these cringe e-mail accounts (add me btw: dows 8 are here to give you their in- leased today. worse if you have been using Windows scenarios using the release version of stupidly_sexy_jason_1991_xxxo@ sight to the OS and we also let you Windows 8 comes with a whole new 8 for some time and you still don’t know Windows 8. Time will tell. Until then, hotmail.com). know the difference between the set of user interface (UI) paradigm and where to fi nd something. I’m off to be the technical support that But besides giving us MSN, Mi- three iterations: Windows 8, Win- design known as Modern UI (formerly While we are, perhaps, willing to I have always been amongst my friends. crosoft gave us the Offi ce Suite, the dows 8 RT and Windows 8 Pro. 16 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected]

The shrinking of the fishXtyn24/stock.xchng Annina Sartor Writer by simulating historical changes and DOI: 10.1038/nclimate1691 fi nding a strong correlation (P < 0.01) with observed data, they then extrap- t is, by now, almost common olated forwards by a few decades to knowledge that changes in predict what may happen to the glob- water temperatures will af- al fi sh populations by 2050, should Ifect the biodiversity of marine climate trends continue, using a “high life. Less research has been in- irradiation” model. vested into the topic of how individu- Th e outcome is worrying; on aver- als and populations of surviving spe- age between more than 600 modelled cies will change in response to such species, the maximum body mass developments. A model devised by a could decrease by 14-24% – despite collaboration of scientists attempts to water temperatures being predicted answer this question. to increase by less than 0.05°C per Th e size of a fi sh is aff ected by a great decade. Approximately one half of range of factors, but mostly its envi- this eff ect is due to changes in distri- ronment’s water temperature, oxygen bution and abundance (i.e. there are concentration, and nutrient availabil- fewer fi sh, particularly fewer adult Nemo ate the mushrooms ity. Changing climates will aff ect the ones), the other due to changes in and lost himself. It turns oxygen concentration in Earth’s water physiology (each fi sh is smaller). Th e out he was still at home bodies (in part due to the fact that eff ect is particularly marked in tropi- gaseous oxygen is less soluble in water cal regions. at higher temperatures), which can be Th e model is, of course, limited expected to have a direct eff ect on fi sh by necessary simplifi cations and as- populations because oxygen is a key sumptions. Th e scientists attempted ingredient for body growth. to reduce the uncertainty carried over Th e scientists modelled the eff ect from the used predictions of climate of changing oxygen concentrations developments over the next years by on diff erent stages of a fi sh’s life cycle using two diff erent earth system mod- and the consequent changes in their els and fi nding areas of agreement be- populations. After testing this model tween the two results.

New drug could hold the key Improvements in carbon dating

Matthew Parker Writer measured to fi nd the analogous at- to pancreatic cancer mospheric radiocarbon at the time each varve was deposited. With the A new study of sediment cores from new sediment cores, researchers now Sarah Byrne Writer water, one of the essential ‘drug- Lake Suigetsu, Japan, has the poten- have a complete terrestrial record like properties’. Research published tial to improve the accuracy of the dating back up to ~52,000 years. in Science Translational Medicine radiocarbon dating techniques used A ‘control period’ of the fi rst 12,000 The God Vine Th e thunder god vine, or Lei Gong this month (http://stm.sciencemag. widely by archaeologists and climate years was anchored against the Teng, is a herb used in traditional org/content/4/156/156ra139.full), scientists. known tree-ring record. Th e Suigetsu Chinese medicine and believed by however, presents a way around this Radiocarbon (14C) has a known data was then compared to two spe- some to be of use in a variety of ail- problem. Researchers based at the half-life of ~5,700 years and is ab- leothem sets (dated using U-Th de- ments from arthritis to kidney dis- University of Minnesota developed sorbed equally by organic processes. cay) and was found to lie within the ease. Th e plant contains multiple ac- Minnelide, a modifi ed synthetic ver- Scientists can then fi nd the age of deviation expected of the two diff er- tive compounds, and one of the most sion of triptolide. Th e modifi cations such objects by seeing how the ratio ent time scales. Th e potential of sedi- promising of these is triptolide, pre- inhibit the activity of the drug, but of radiogenic to non-radiogenic car- ment cores at Lake Suigetsu for dat- viously shown to have potential as a they also make it water-soluble. Th is bon (12C) has changed. However this ing was fi rst recognised in 1993 but drug for treating various cancers, in- allows Minnelide to be administered can only be found accurately if the the original core included missing including pancreatic cancers. and absorbed, and once it reaches its original, atmospheric ratio of carbon tervals, which made an independent Th e 5-year survival rate for pan- target, enzymes naturally occurring es of testing; the road from drug dis- is known. age impossible. A further four cores creatic cancer is only 5%, and in con- in the body’s tissues convert it back covery to general therapeutic use is Th is can be measured directly from (funded by the UK Natural Environ- trast to the advances made in treat- to its original form, allowing it to get a long one, and the process may take tree-rings up to ~12,500 years ago. ment Research Council) were taken ing other cancers in recent years, this to work. several years. Th e fi rst studies in hu- Beyond this point are other climate in 2006. rate has not improved signifi cantly Minnelide was tested extensively man subjects are expected to start in proxies such as ice cores, marine Although this discovery is not ex- over the last 30 years. Attempts to here, both in vitro with cultures of December of this year. Th ese will be sediments and speleothems (cave pected to cause any major historical develop new chemotherapeutic drugs cancer cell lines, and in mouse mod- Phase 1 trials, which usually involve deposits) but these require assump- revisions it will allow archaeologists have had little impact, at best adding els with xenografted human pancre- testing in small groups of healthy vol- tions about the reaction of ocean or to improve dating accuracy by up to only a few months or even weeks to atic tumours. In all tests it performed unteers, to establish safe dosages and groundwater carbon to atmospheric several centuries. Th is will also help life expectancy. as well or better than gemcitabine, measure side-eff ects. Only when the changes or local climate conditions. scientists understand the carbon-cy- However despite its potent anti- the current standard of care for drug reaches the stage of randomised At Lake Suigetsu the accumulation cle, particularly the mechanisms that cancer properties, which can be chemotherapy in pancreatic cancer, controlled trials in which its eff ec- of a fi ne layer of seasonal algae allows transport atmospheric carbon into readily demonstrated in the lab, and in fact worked in some scenarios tiveness is compared with existing researchers to count back the years other radiocarbon sinks, such as in triptolide has proved to be of lim- where gemcitabine is completely in- treatments, will it be clear whether of each layer, called varves, just like the oceans. ited use as a drug. Th is is primarily eff ective. Minnelide can really live up to its a tree ring. Radiocarbon from mi- because it does not dissolve well in Minnelide is as yet in the early stag- promising beginnings. croscopic plant fragments was then DOI: 10.1126/science.1226660 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 17

Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] Recording dreams Tractor Beams: A possibility?

Kilgore Trout/Eve Online Pictures Chris Yates Writer brain are active when dreaming of a Jacob Ward Writer number of diff erent objects. Th e volunteers were then shown images of Have you ever had an absolutely fan- these objects whilst awake and their Researchers at the University of New Scenes like this from your fa- tastic dream, woken up and promptly brain activity recorded. By compar- York have conducted the fi rst experi- vourite video games could soon forgotten everything that happened ing the data gathered whilst awake mental demonstration of a tractor beam be reality... in it? I certainly have, and would love with that from the dreaming brain, – a travelling wave that comes from one to be able to watch some of the more the volunteers were able to predict direction and pulls its target towards the interesting ones back later. Th e idea the content of the dreams. For ex- beam’s origin. of reading and recording dreams has ample, they could predict whether Up until now, beams have been used been the preserve of science fi ction, or not a man was present in a dream to move particles by working as opti- but as our understanding of the brain with an accuracy of 75-80%. cal tweezers and optical conveyor belts. improves, it is getting closer to real- At the moment, the method is lim- Optical tweezers work over small dis- ity. ited to a few common objects, such tances, trapping particles for manipula- A group of researchers in Japan, as ‘man’, ‘woman’ and ‘computer, but tion; whilst optical conveyor belts work led by Yukiyasu Kamitani, have pre- with more data the number of objects over larger distances and use two op- viously used functional magnetic that can be identifi ed could increase. posing beams to set up a “conveyor belt” resonance imaging (fMRI) to identify Interestingly, areas involved in vis- of light to move trapped particles. which image a subject is looking at. ual processing and object identifi ca- Th e tractor beam is diff erent from is forced upstream towards the beam’s fi rst, causing it to rapidly change in Last week, they presented an exten- tion in the group’s earlier work were these other methods because it has been point of origin. How did the researchers intensity and snag the target particle, sion of this work, where they looked also found to be active whilst dream- used over much larger distances – mi- do this? Th ey used a Bessel beam. moving it upstream. Th e researchers at the dreaming brain. ing, implying dreams are interpreted crometers instead of picometers – and A Bessel beam is a beam that doesn’t were even able to use two tractor beams fMRI was used to record the brain by the brain in a similar way to im- comes from only one direction. refract at all and “self-heals” – after hit- to simultaneously move one particle up- activity of three volunteers whilst ages from the eyes. A tractor beam works by redirect- ting a target, the beam reforms on itself stream and another downstream. they slept. When the researchers de- While we may still be some way off ing more photons downstream from downstream. Th e tractor beam just Whilst these beams are working over tected brain waves associated with recording our dreams, this work is the target particle than upstream once demonstrated works by fi ring a Bessel much smaller distances than in Sci-Fi, dreaming, they woke the volun- certainly a step in the right direction they’ve hit the target – the force of being beam in the shape of a circular ring, they’re still a revolutionary method for teer and asked them what they had and could help to understand why we hit by photons is weaker than the force with another ring-shaped Bessel beam working on microscopic objects. dreamt of. In this way, they were able dream and how dreaming is related imparted by the redirected photons around the fi rst. DOI: 10.1103/PhysRevLett.109.163903 to collect data on which parts of the to brain activity. moving downstream, and so the particle Th e second beam interferes with the DOI: 10.1103/PhysRevLett.58.1499 18 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] Trade Union Members March Against Austerity “I’ve never even kissed a Tory, why should I be fucked by one?”

Kirstin Hay “General Strike Now!” chants rang passed by this Government, he faced however, weren’t interested in political and food; disabled people are losing around Central London. Vuvuzelas, a spattering of jeers for repeating the positioning from either party – they their living allowance and struggling whistles and union marching bands Labour Party policy that some cuts were there because they were angry to support themselves; and one million he sea of people ruining (the Fire Brigade Union had a bagpipe are necessary. Miliband also took about job cuts and loss of services, young people are unemployed. Th e everyone’s travel plans band) added to the noise. the Tories to task, “Andrew Mitchell and worried about the future of the claims that austerity isn’t working are T around London on October Workers on the march were angry at may have resigned, but the culture country’s welfare system. Placards striking a chord – the fl ags were being 20th were the trade unionists job cuts, benefi t cuts and pay freezes of two nations runs right across ranged from the satirical “Osborne: If waved a little less enthusiastically than marching against the government’s whilst the cost of living continues this government. Th ey cut taxes for you want fi rst class services, you’ve got the last big trade union demonstration cuts to services. Teachers, nurses, fi re- to rise. People were struggling to millionaires, and they raise taxes for to pay for them” to the tragedy written in March 2011. Th e reality of the cuts fi ghters, professors, factory workers, understand why the coalition would ordinary families.” by a young boy, “I’m going deaf… the are biting, and with two and a half politicians, actors, and many more choose to make life so hard for some Th e Conservatives were naturally NHS can’t aff ord to operate”. years to wait until the next general – all there to oppose what they saw of Britain’s lowest paid workers in the sceptical of the protest, and of Caps to housing benefi t are forcing election, people are struggling to see as damage being done to ordinary name of austerity to help the economy. Labour’s presence at the march. families to choose between heating any way to make things better. people’s lives and the economy. Yet the economy continues to face David Cameron tweeted, “Today Ed Th e police say 100,000 people took contraction, and the budget defi cit Miliband is headlining a rally calling to the streets; the TUC (Trade Unions rises. Th e TUC makes the argument for an end to every single spending Council) say 150,000. Perhaps this that making cuts whilst we are still in a cut needed to clear the defi cit does not sound like many, but this recession costs the government more #labourisntlearning.” Grant ‘Michael means that the march, which started in the long run, as more people out Green’ Shapps, the Conservative Party at midday at Embankment, lasted until of work reduces income tax receipts Chairperson, had also said, “At today’s nearly 5pm, when the last marchers to the treasury, and the government march, Ed Miliband will be among reached the fi nish point in Hyde Park. has to pay out even more in benefi ts friends – supporting his union donors Winding through the streets and to those without jobs. Th eir slogan who oppose every single one of our avoiding the socialist/communist/ “Investment not cuts” was oft repeated spending cuts. You can’t be serious Marxist paper sellers, the union in the speeches at the rally. about clearing the defi cit when you members made their voices heard – “no Ed Miliband also addressed the attend a march that calls for an end to ifs, no buts, no NHS cuts”; “I’d rather crowds at the rally. Cheered for his austerity.” be a pleb than a Tory”; and the eternal promise to repeal the NHS changes Most of the people present,

Obama vs. Romney: The Presidential Debates Blow by Blow

Emilie Beauchamp Writer domestic economy, or how the US of the American population – their by mentioning the secret video in on Afghanistan, the rest of the world would get out of its rut. Th e stagnation strategy to get there diff ers highly. which Romney dismissed 47% of the could question his credibility on the that lingered throughout the Obama Obama made a point of the need for American voters as freeloaders. world stage, but American voters For the whole month of October, administration didn’t help as a proof renewable energy on top of exploiting CNN/ORC International poll on do not care that much about foreign millions of people have held their of the President’s capabilities, and shale gas and increasing domestic oil who won the debate: Obama 46%, policy at the moment, and both breath as the highly climatic Romney took full advantage of this. and coal production, while Romney Romney 39%. candidates know that well. presidential debates took place, As he relentlessly attacked Obama on promised a pipeline to provide the US Obama defended his cuts on culminating in next Tuesday’s federal his failure to strengthen the economic with oil from the Canadian tar sands Round 3 : foreign policy military expenditure, yet the bottom election. Beginning on October 3rd, situation in the US, the only point the and a surge in off shore drilling in Th e second debate set the stage for line of Romney discussing the US the series of three debates enable the incumbent managed was to sneer at Alaska. A tangle over whether energy a real combat between Obama and defence budget isn’t really about Democrat and Republican hopefuls the vagueness of Romney’s tax cuts production on federal land increased Romney, with high hopes that the whether the US should spend as to hammer their electoral platform and defi cit reduction plan. or decreased in the last four years last and typically most-watched much as China, but rather a matter of on the American populace and try CNN/ORC International poll on brought the opponents to a close debate could dislodge Homeland on national economic stimulus. In fact, to smash their opponent’s arguments who won the debate: Romney 67%, up, but the mixed statistics served the viewership in US homes. Could the discussions of the third debate into pieces. Here’s a recap for those Obama 25%. actually made the entire argument Obama maintain his ‘Yes we can’ readily veered towards domestic who missed the fi ghts: confusing and inconclusive. momentum despite the weight of his policy (even if they shouldn’t have), Round 2: Up for Grabs Romney started losing steam when fi rst term? Would Romney’s grip on reiterating the same lines as the fi rst Round 1 : domestic policy After the fi rst presidential debate, targeting Obama’s reaction to the his electoral platform be as sturdy as and second debates. In a nutshell, the Th e energy around presidential dominated by Romney, which attack made on the US consulate his immaculate hair? Unfortunately, last debate was not very informative debates usually starts slow and spread fears that Obama had lost his in Benghazi, the President tactfully both candidates seemed to have and a bit dull. Back to primetime telly. steadily builds. Yet this year we have fi erce spirit, the second presidential volleying back on criticism for thrown all their best punches in the CNN/ORC International poll on seen Romney take a full-blooded debate held on October 16th saw the prematurely condemning the source prior wrangles and kept themselves who won the last debate: Obama start and deliver an almost knockout President take back the combative of the attack as an ‘act of terror’. But very moderate on last Monday, 48%, Romney 40%. (With a 4.5% error performance in the fi rst debate on attitude that animated his fi rst it was over a discussion on women’s October 22nd’s debate, centered on margin…) domestic policy on Wednesday, campaign. Th e candidates’ personal working conditions that Romney took spring-revolutionized-Egypt, messy October 3rd. For the 90 minute hostility towards one another clearly it on the chin: wanting to highlight withdrawals in Afghanistan, nuclear So what is the verdict in the end? It’s debate, Romney pounded Obama showed through almost aggressive he was encouraging of women roles threats from Iran, the looming power a split decision. Th ere are no clear cut on his dismal record on jobs, debt clashes over topics that covered at the offi ce, he declared he had of China and… the national defi cit? winners from the presidential debates. and economic growth. What didn’t domestic energy production, taxes, been through “whole binders full Truth is: there aren’t massive With some key issues that have not help in countering the Republican the attack on the US consulate in of women” when looking to recruit diff erences between Democrat been discussed during the debates challenger’s feistiness was Obama’s Libya, immigration and women’s cabinet members as Massachusetts and Conservative policies on most – gay rights, abortion and climate apparent apathy – he simply didn’t issues. governor… foreign matters. Romney was not change amongst others – current polls look like he wanted to be there. While the debate started on level As the antipathy between the two disagreeing with Obama’s fi rst term waddle every day. Th is means the next Even when the candidates discussed grounds, the fi ghting began when candidates rose in the last minutes of tactics, but mostly just said he could President of the United States will be Medicare – with Obama hinting energy policy was at play. While both the debate, with both sides speaking have done better. After Romney’s decided by a small proportion of still Romney would turn it into a voucher candidates are proponents of energy over their allowed period (2 minutes), tactless remarks about the London undecided voters – the equivalent of system – most of the talk was around independence – and so is the rest Obama delivered the fi nal blow Olympics or his inconsistent stances holding the world in their hands. everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 20 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Traingate - First Class fuss Adam Clancy asks if it’s fare to criticise the Chancellor

Th e whole ‘traingate’ fi asco actually makes me genuinely pity George Osborne. He Imust have thought he had it bad when 48 % of the public wanted him removed in a cabinet re- shuffl e (making him even less popular than Nick Clegg). He must have thought it was a notable low when thousands booed him at the Paralym- pics. In fact, it must have been pretty atrocious ever since his parents were Adam Clancy told by doctors there is no cure for a complete lack of empathy. Still, he never could have thought it come to this, no one could ever conceive that their life could hit the depths it did I’d like that ominous day en route to Euston: a stranger high fi ved a train inspector for giving him a ticket. everyone to For those unaware of this debacle, let me recite an admittedly drama- the price of putting a child through board a later train and being an aff able In this situation, you can see that tized version of the story as spun by Eton). After an argument, the villain chap, he sent a co-worker/friend (pre- everything could have been han- imagine that the journalists the next day. George of the piece admitted defeat, coughed sumably Alan Davies) to go and let the dled better, but Fry was certainly Osborne did not deign to arrive for up, and the hero was justly rewarded conductor know that he was awfully not to blame and it would likely lead this exact his prebooked train, presuming that (with a high fi ve) for ensuring equal- sorry but his ticket wasn’t technically to a witty tweet by the man him- he could worm his way onto any ity for all. valid. With all the dastardly work that self rather than fi restorm of media train he wanted with any ticket and Looking at this from an objective had piled around him, Stephen took driven hate that came down around situation a sickly smile. Not wishing to waste point of view is admittedly diffi cult the opportunity to fi nd a table and Osborne. As such, I honestly don’t his gaze on the dirty common folk, he with the situation revolving around some peace and quiet in fi rst class be- care that he wanted to use fi rst class skulked into First Class on the train someone so thoroughly unlikable, so fore setting about reading through his (I prefer it - there’s much more leg- happenedpened to of his choosing and sent off a faceless I’d like everyone to imagine that this script of Othello. When the inspec- room and ne’er a screaming child). minion off to inform the blue-collars exact situation happened to Stephen tor came, Alan went and sorted it out As such, we shouldn’t hold this Stephenphen Fry. what had been decided. However, one Fry. (which cost £160! Th e cheek of rail against Osborne, particularly when hero took a stand and demanded that Due to circumstances completely companies these days!) while Stephen there’s so much legitimate stuff he’s an appropriate fee (costing 0.0005x outside his control, Stephen had to carried on reciting, none the wiser. done wrong.

Our pick of the best banter from felixonline.co.uk We do occasionally edit letters and comments we receive to “ improve spelling, grammar, and clarity of expression. Christopher Kaye, I’m sorry you feel that the atmosphere at the Un- Online ion isn’t very nice. Given the operating costs though I hardly think Christopher Kaye, scrapping the entry fee outright this year would ‘unaff ordable’ describes the Union’s drink prices. Th e Entry fee was have lost the union a lot of money. Th e idea is that we’d reduce it and scrapped between 20:00-21:30 on Wednesdays, and after that was move the timings back for the fi rst few weeks to see if more people In response to: “Changing the Rules: Why Bother?” (19th Oc- lowered to £2 from £3.50. I had to put a lot of work in to get that to came etc. As I said, I can’t change the budget for this year, but I can for tober) happen as it aff ects the Union’s budget and isn’t something that can next, and it is something that I think should change in the budget for be ‘just changed’. Th is is something that I wish all candidates knew next year, yes. I don’t deal with the licensing, so sorry for my mistake You are totally missing the point that virtually no one outside the when running. I have the ability to aff ect *next* year’s budget when - my point still stands that the bar operates within the law, not rules Union clique cares. All the overwhelming majority want from their it is written in February. RBKC licensing authority and the law dic- we make up for fun. Th e signs are meant to be informative and were Student Union (which is demonstrated by the dire turnout year after tate what rules we have to have in our bar, and, given that College ID put there as it was thought many would be off ended at being asked year) is a live-and-let-live attitude and maybe an aff ordable drink in a cards for U18s don’t carry red boxes around them this year we can’t for ID at ‘their own bar’. Selling cigarettes in the Union building itself pleasant atmosphere. Th ey get neither. Both Presidential candidates use that as a proof of age check. Would you rather we lose our li- hasn’t happened for years because of the possibility that it encourages promise to abolish entry fee. Entry fee still exists. Turnout in elections cence? Changes to the structure are important so that the Union can smoking whilst people are drunk. for the ubiquitous” ‘Offi cer’ roles is regularly less than 5%. No easing continue to exist. No changes and the trustees may walk out. Th en (Paul Beaumont, Union President) of anti-alcohol policies - just a proliferation of signage telling us how there’ll be no union for you to complain about. old we need to be to buy it. 568 starts closing the shutters an hour (Paul Beaumont, Union President) Paul Beaumont, there are a couple of points I’d like you to clarify - did before closing time - on the busiest nights of the week. One person you know at the time you made your manifesto promise about abol- serving in the Old Union Bar on the rare occasions it’s open. No op- Paul Beaumont, I’m delighted that you will be scrapping entry charges ishing entry fees that you wouldn’t be able to implement it? Or had tion for smokers to buy tobacco in the evening at *their* student un- for the next academic year (you defi nitely will, won’t you?). I’m sure you just not bothered to research it? Th ose are the only two possibili- ion, unfortunate given the no re-entry policy (which was meant to be Mr Clegg empathises with the situation you’ve found yourself in. I ties are far as I can tell. What exactly is wrong with intelligent people abolished, see above). Forgive us if we don’t get excited about totally don’t. It may be helpful in your role as Union President if you realised choosing to smoke? I didn’t realise it was the Student Union’s job to inconsequential changes to the ‘constitution’. that the Union Building at Beit is in fact in Westminster City Council’s legislate on morality. (Chistopher Kaye) jurisdiction and not RBKC at all. For your convenience, I will link you (Christopher Kaye) to the licensing document, on Westminster Council’s website, here: “I completely accept, that, at the minute, the changes will aff ect http://tinyurl.com/unionlicence If you would like to point out where In response to: “Head-to-head: Welfare - Are the Coalition re- very few people.” Well, there you go - you are almost without man- it requires, as a condition of the licence, the Soviet-style display of forms fair?” (19th October) date. Try changing something which people actually care about, like patronising “Are you under 21?” signage I would be grateful. I would the union entry fees. Forget all the crap about “things like that take also be grateful if you responded to the other points I raised: lack of Surely if you’re giving people less money than you were originally time”. Yes they do take time, but only the negative amount of time fags, the early closure of half the bar (presumably for the convenience giving them, then that’s still kind, rather than a punishment; it’s just required to not set up a stall and to not ask for money. of the paid staff ) and understaffi ng in the Old Union Bar. slightly less kind than you were being previously. Sheldon’s article (Anonymous) (Christopher Kaye) Continued... FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 21

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected] Gategate and the press George Butcher gives us his plebian verdict

n Friday Andrew Mitch- site for “pleb” and you’ll find a huge Snootys’”. I counted around 30 arti- ell - the Government’s list of relevant headlines. Examples cles on the BBC alone written over chief whip - resigned of the most inciteful include: the course of a month: a rate of one Oafter a confronta- “Is Pleb an insult?”, “ Who a day. All about something that - no tion with a police- says ‘pleb’ nowadays?”, matter your point of view - is largely man that happened over a month “Andrew Mitch- irrelevant to everyone. What is there ago, involving a gate, a bike and ell is ‘toast’ says to say? What could the 24th article (possibly) the word ‘pleb’. It was Miliband” and possibly have said that wasn’t cov- all a bit awkward; especially “Alex Salmond ered in the preceding 23? Why did since the policeman and Mr condemns these people take it upon themselves Mitchell gave differing accounts. UK govern- to say exactly the same as someone Someone was lying and since Mr ment’s else the day before? And that’s just George Butcher Mitchell is a politician, chances ‘Lord the BBC. I tried to search the Dai- are it was he. ly Mail’s website but my computer The best defence I heard of crashed due to an ignorance over- the policeman was from Ed- load. can feel rather righteous. But the ith Hall, professor of classics Don’t get me wrong; no one in real loser is the general public; there at King’s College London who politics has a nice word to say about was once a time when if you were My computer said that ‘pleb’ was “just not Andrew Mitchell. It sounds like he’s interested in politics and wanted to the sort of thing a policeman offensive and arrogant, but the at- make a difference, you ran for of- would invent”. Not sure tention he has been given is bizarre- fice. Now, you become a journalist crashed if I would take that ly overwhelming. and rant about the people who did. as a complement or Well it’s over now. He’s resigned. WWIt’s so very easy to criticise; just due to an not. Is knowledge of I’m sure he’ll enjoy a lovely redun- look at me! classical insults some- dancy package and everybody else I have great respect for (some) thing to brag about? politicians. They have chosen a pro- ignorance What amused me Andrew Mitchell fession that offers little in return, for throughout the saga was on a bike made of living away from their families and overload. the multitude of headlines you words (in case being hated by default. If all these could get out of such a simple case you couldn’t tell) journalists can do a better job, why of idiocy. Search the BBC’s web- don’t they?

...continued from previous page contact with the most powerful in society and nepotistic feet in the majority of the country. For most people, benefi ts are a social safety assumes that there is some preexisting natural entitlement to state door by the previous generation (who themselves received all that net to help the least fortunate - and rightly so. But for the far left it handouts and that it is an absolute duty of the state and of the taxpay- something from the generation before for nothing as well) swanning doesn’t matter how eff ective the benefi ts system is at actually provider to provide them. Th e only duty of the state is to listen and act upon about like they’re ubermensch, making lives they can’t comprehend ing a safety net because that’s not what they see it as; to them its an the behalf of the majority which elected them - and if that majority immeasureably worse by depriving them of basic human dignity and engine of redistribution.Most people in the country realise there is want a reduction in welfare payments, then so be it. sustenance. more to the debate over benefi ts than poor people getting a handout “(Anonymous) (Christopher Lazenbatt) from the middle class, and that it’s a complex issue that needs serious solutions. Th e left however *do* see it as a handout - just one they I’m completely opposed to the something-for-nothing culture of Th e diffi culty in trying to make a case for benefi ts reform against approve of. thick-headed public schoolboys granted massive inheritences, social someone on the far left is they don’t think in the same terms as the (Anonymous)

felixonline.co.uk/contact DO have a practical eff ect on many Sir, An open letter to the Careers Service Letters students, such as removing the entry ” charge on Wednesday evenings. Following a lengthy lycra-clad spin session in Ethos a few nights back I You’ve got a hard job to do, getting us to look wanted to Anonymous, via website was feeling rather fl ustered so made good on paper But if Robert J Carpenter tells me about one Sir, my way out to Exhibition Road rath- And you’re the only person who’s stood in more finance internship er promptly. I struggled – aching and front of us today that doesn’t have a Phd and I am going to flip my shit Can I suggest that Th e Hon. George Sir, sweaty – to toss my banana whilst ten journals in Nature. It’s not that I don’t like comic sans, or that text Howard Esq. considers making clear walking the entire length of the road. We don’t value feelings or any of your profes- box at a jaunty angle the distinction between ‘poor people’ I’d like to express my disgust at the Onlookers seemed worried by my sional buzz words You can tell us a hundred times and ‘lazy poor people’ in any future revolting communist drivel that you expression of anger and disappoint- We’re “terrible at writing CV’s and when You need to talk about team skills articles. printed last week. I am appalled that ment but were relieved to see elation interviewed, quite awkward”. You need to talk about your team skills this paper is printing such baseless when the happy ending was eventually But this is the fifth time you’ve said that in your You need to talk about your freaking team Anoymous, via website fantastical tripe. Th e article in ques- achieved. It begs the question ‘why – on condescending tone skills tion is a typical example of the com- a street so heavily populated by tour- So I’m getting annoyed and I’m not alone. But as I’m sitting here watching you read out mon mentality of the left – blind to ists – are there not more bins?’ If you paid hundreds of pounds for some word for word slide number twenty three, Sir, the reality of today’s society. I can only printed resources that exist online for free, Which, you’ve used every year when you talk hope that few people have been swayed Anonymous, via webiste I won’t think you value my career prospects, I’ll to the helpless science undergraduates like me May I ask why the Union President is by this misguided attempt at journal- think you’re trying to con me. (Nice clip art and motion effects by the way, wasting his time on purely masturba- ism. Sir, When you say that we shouldn’t be skeptical that looks really snazzy) tory structural reorganisations of the about psychometric theories, I can’t help but think I should be using this time Union, changes which even he states Anonymous, via website Why the absolute f**k have you let it goes against every fibre of our beings. to work on my degree. “won’t aff ect anything practical” (p20 George Howard write for Felix again?! We’re Scientists, skepticism is what we do in last week’s edition of Felix). Surely @FelixComment I would have already signed up to JobsLive if I Anonymous, via email he should concentrate on things which Anonymous, via website 22 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] The problem with “Green Week” Becky Lane tells of the issues with ephemeral initiatives

e are all guilty Every year People and Planet publish of not being as a green league table of universities green as we could using a ranking system based on en- Wbe. I know for one vironmental and ethical performance. that I am guilty of I’m aware that all league tables have chucking recyclables in my little desk their fl aws (let’s not start talking about bin at times when the journey to the the NSS here) but in 2012 Imperial recycling bin (just outside of my of- College was placed at 96th, this is a fi ce) seems too far. Yet I just can’t help fall from a placing of 78th in 2011. Th e but feel that hosting a Green Week is league table looks at a plethora of dif- not the way to combat these behav- ferent sustainability and environmen- Becky Lane iours. tal criteria and awards each institution Apparently being Traditionally a Green Week takes with a degree classifi cation – Imperial green means we the form of a series of small events got a 2.2. For an institution that strives get to have beer leading up to a big event at the end of for excellence this is surely not what in a glass! the week. Th is big change could be a we should be aiming for? campus wide switch off of comput- We have all heard the standard ex- ers or some other green initiative. My cuses when it comes to green issues; fundamental problem with the con- ‘Turning my lights off won’t make a cept of a ‘Week’ celebration whether diff erence’ and ‘To gain excellence in it’s about sustainability, LGBT rights research its necessary to leave this (in- washers further decreasing the use of ning. Th is is the cheesy bit where I Tokenistic or absolutely anything else; is that they sert scientifi c apparatus with high en- plastic skiff s. It is not just the direct say WE NEED YOU. Myself and the aren’t fostering a change in attitude. ergy consumption here) on all night’. environmental eff ect that this will Environmental Offi cer will be host- Surely the point of any green initia- Th e point of this piece is not to argue have that it is important, it is the idea ing a Green Forum at the Union on gestures tive should be to embed sustainability with either of these stances, merely of establishing the role that sustaina- Friday 2nd November from 12.30- into the consciousness of everyone just to say that I think if we want wide bility plays in the culture of the Union. 13.30 in Meeting room 8, Union which do little across college both staff and students. scale change we need buy in from a lot So this is all very well and good, building. If you agree with the senti- Instead I feel we end up with grand of individuals. I am not criticising Col- but how to do go about ‘changing ment of this article come along, and tokenistic gestures which do little to lege and putting the Union on a ped- a culture’ and making a diff erence, importantly if you don’t then also to change change attitudes. To be completely estal. Th e Union recognises that it has well I would argue that is not for please come along to air your views honest after doing some research I a way to go with green initiatives. But me to sit and dictate from my offi ce. and get the ball rolling. I promise can’t help but feel that Imperial Col- this is something very much on the To eff ect change on a campus wide to stop throwing my recyclables in attitudes. lege simply isn’t doing enough to im- radar, the Union has just received a basis we need student involvement my desk bin, but that alone is not prove its environmental sustainability. quote to increase the number of glass at every level from the very begin- enough… %" " %

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###% CAREERS CFIMPERIALFAIR COLLEGE2012 U Wednesday 31 October 2012 11:00 - 16:00 / Queen’s Lawn / Imperial College London / South Kensington The annual Union Careers Fair is the largest careers event held in College each year. With over 70 companies attending, the fair is your opportunity to meet the many different companies that want you, an Imperial graduate, to work for them!

2020 Delivery Deutsche Bank McKinsey and Company ACCA Direct Line Group Metaswitch Networks Accenture EMC Corporation Milkround Aetha Consulting Limited Ernst & Young LLP NYSE EURONEXT Allen & Overy LLP FDM Oliver Wyman Amadeus FTI Consulting Operis ATASS Sports Gallup PA Consulting Group Atos General Electric PriceWaterHouseCoopers AXA Glencore UK Ltd Proctor & Gamble BAE Systems Detica Graduate Recruitment Bureau RateMyPlacement Bank of America Merrill Lynch Halma Plc RBS Markets & International Banking Barclays HSBC Rolls - Royce Bloomberg IBM RWE npower Bristows ICAEW Schlumberger Business Consulting BT ifuture education Schroder Investment Management Cambridge Networks Ltd IMC Financial Markets Societe Generale CareerPlayer IMS Consulting Group Standard Chartered Careers Advisory Service Inside Careers Standard Life CHP Consulting International Financial Data Services TARGETjobs CIMA - Chartered Institute of L.E.K. Consulting LLP Teach First Management Accountants LIDL Ltd Towers Watson Citi Lloyds Banking Group UBS Commerzbank AG London Business School Unilever Conversocial (UK) Ltd Macquarie Group Wolverine Trading UK, Ltd CTC London Limited Madallia Deloitte Management Solutions

imperialcollegeunion.org/careersfair Biologists: mounting wet spe ecimens left, right and centre

Nudist? Don’t waste it all by sitting around in your room. Email: [email protected] Groups and individuals welcome! 26 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] Bromance of the renaissance men Tate Britian honours Pre-Raphaelite rebels

Edward Burne Jones, Laus Veneris 1873-8 © Laing Art Gallery

Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your draw- ings to [email protected]. This doodle is by Ruth Moon.

Book club was more fun before Sandra died

Hollywood Costume @ Victoria & Albert – What more do you need? The iconic Margot Pikovsky Writer that is at once comprehensive and the exuberance of medieval art. It is clothes worn by Hollywood’s biggest stars are a five minute walk away. £9 for stu- conducive to understanding the devel- unfamiliar and slightly unnerving, but dents. Now - 27 Januar 2013. opment of the Brotherhood, but also exciting too. Th e year is 1848. Railways are being varied and diverse. However it is the later rooms that Terror 2012 @ Soho Theatre – Halloween horror cabaret theatre at the friendly deposited left, right and centre; the As a person who has recently be- are the most absorbing and there is Soho venue. A festival of sorts providing a different sort of Halloween entertain- Industrial Revolution is in full swing; come disillusioned with art exhibi- a distinct transition from the initial ment. From £12.50. wNow - November 3. and next year, Darwin will publish his tions due to the defi nitely-not-student strict loyalty of the movement to early infamous ‘Origin of Species’. It is no prices extracted merel y to see a hand- Italian art, to a much more relaxed Everything Was Moving: Photography from the 60s and 70s @ The Barbican – Over surprise, then, that today, in the 21st ful of paintings (*cough* Titian at the fascination with colour and playing 400 works are exhibited from two decades worth having been photographed. century, we always look back on this National Gallery), I was impressed around with the female form. From £7. Now - January 13. period as a time of incredible techni- by the scale of this exhibition which Nature remains a muse in the Pre- cal progress and profound leaps in our spanned 7 rooms and not only gave Raphaelites’ work throughout the Anselm Adams: Photography from the sea to the mountains @ National Maritime scientifi c understanding. It is against me plenty to ponder about, but was period of their activity, with a novel Museum – An influential photographer of the 20th Century, Anselm Adams cap- this fascinating backdrop that three also a feast to the eyes (I do not tend interest in precise composition and tured the impressive landscapes of America. It is worth the trek to Greenwich. men came together and founded the to use that term lightly). cropping of the visual fi eld, both ar- From £5. 9 November - 28 April 2013. Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, British Th e exhibition is arranged chrono- guably brought about by the recent art’s answer to the complete upheaval logically, and the fi rst room is dedi- development of photography. Equally The Rodin Project @ Sadler’s Wells – Russel Maliphant Company returns to London of 19th century society. Together, John cated to the earliest paintings of the interesting is how Pre-Raphaelitism with a piece influenced by the romance and eroticism of Rodin’s work (see pho- Everett Milais, Dante Gabriel Rossetti Brotherhood. Not, in all honesty, be- gives way to the Aesthetic movement, togreaph below). 29-31 October. and William Holman Hun sought to ing a very big fan of early Renaissance how the focus shifts from ‘truth’ to rebel against the ‘slavery’ of the mod- art myself, I felt my heart sinking as I ‘beauty’. ern factory. Th ey wanted to reject the read the blurb just before entering the Not an institution to leave a single idea that Raphael, the great Italian gallery. But I was to be pleasantly sur- stone unturned, the Tate went as far master, represented the pinnacle of prised. Yes, the Pre-Raphaelites have as fi lling one of the rooms with non- aesthetic achievement. Instead, they gone out of their way to incorporate painting works, with material includ- decided to draw their inspiration from characteristics of earlier art: the non- ing tapestries and stained-glass win- the freshness of early Renaissance art: idealised faces, the sharp outlines and dows, showing just how versatile the the bright colours, fl at surfaces and the medieval subjects; but the re- Brotherhood were with their media. truth to nature. sult is not overbearing. Th e pictures I would highly recommend this In a highly ambitious project, Tate are still unquestionably modern and exhibition for an introduction to an Britain has succeeded in bringing to- rather than simple imitations of Ital- extraordinary art movement drawn gether a vast quantity of Pre-Raph- ian art. Th e exhibition is a fusion of from the mind of a truly unique group aelite works together to an exhibition contemporary aesthetic realism with of radical individuals. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 27

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected] Rumble in the jungle Battle star Political cock-ups, murder and deceit in time for the American presidential elections Galactia James Alper, Robert Balderrama © Robert Day Emilie Beauchamp Writer

With an endless choice of world- renowned plays popping out every week in Central London, one might wonder why one need even look at the smaller theatres for entertainment. Th e answer, is that it is often only in off -the-beaten-track locations that you can fi nd surprising little gems like the one staged at Richmond’s Orange Tree Th eatre, Th e White House Mur- der Case. Th e play is as satirical as it is topical, with US federal elections taking place in a fortnight. Th e performance takes us to a time in which the US is at war (surprise surprise) with Compost heap sprouts heads several countries, and reeling from the loss of 750 soldiers in a guerilla confl ict in Brazil. Th e accident, caused by a monumental cock-up has to be For more visit grannynipslip.org accounted for by the President; all this only 6 weeks before the elections! note that the black and white world of lose their connectivity and could have As the President, played by Bruce realpolitik hasn’t changed much over been tied up more wittily in the end. Alexander, and his team of pragmat- the last half century. Director Chris- Only a minor point for discontent. ic yet heartless advisors try to come topher Morahan handles the recrea- Th e intimate 170 seat Orange Tree up with a decent explanation for the tion of the scenes fairly well within Th eatre, which bills itself as a patron Lily Le Writer own execution. Th is creates an obvi- backfi re of their operations down the minimalist environment. Th e for new and ‘undiscovered’ writing ous cliché: as she defi es the state in south, another catastrophe occurs in stage literally takes up eight square from the UK and abroad, lends itself painting execution in battle as it is – the Oval Offi ce itself: the First Lady is metres and is smartly divided in two: perfectly to resuscitate Feiff er’s work. In 16th century Venice, female artist blood and gore with no glorifi cation murdered! Th is, however, is far from one half taken up by the political set For a bit more than a tenner (or £5 if Galactia is commissioned by the state – it is for her that the gallows begin being the central drama that the sto- of the White House, the other by two you’re under 26) you get to laugh for to paint a wall-sized canvas to com- to loom. ryline draws out. unfortunate surviving soldiers in the two hours and enjoy a spotless crew of memorate the victory of the Battle Th e dealing of gender roles in the Writer, Jules Feiff er, who won a backdrop of the warring Brazilian jun- actors in a pleasantly diff erent ambi- of Lepanto. Th is initiates the events play is not overly original. Th e artist Pulitzer Prize for his newspaper car- gle. Th e scenarios are played in paral- ance from the impersonal West End in Scenes from an Execution, a play is described as promiscuous for hav- toons, sets it as a cynically witty story lel, with scenes oscillating between gigs. Th is is recommended to get a originally written for the radio in the ing had children with several men in- happening sometime in the 2010s. the US and Brazil, both bringing their good taste of the full portfolio of en- 1980s but now produced for the stage cluding a younger, married lover. One Yet, he wrote the play in the 1970s! handfuls of satire. Yet, while the back tertainment London has to off er. by the National Th eatre. of her daughters is accused of being a Th is is just one of the many ironies and forth between the two locations At the Orange Tree Theatre until No- Being a woman in a politically prostitute for dressing in colour while sprinkled across the script; a sarcastic goes smoothly, the two worlds slowly vember 10th. Tickets £5-£22. male-dominated climate, Galactia’s the other, dressed solely in black, asks desire for self-expression crashes her mother to please the state in a bid Bruce Alexander (President Hale) © Robert Day headfi rst into the requests of the art- to increase the reputation of female obsessed Doge, the representative of artists. Of course, Galactia refuses, the state involved in the project. and she is only spared from life-long Fiona Shaw, also known as Petu- imprisonment when a female critic nia Dursley, does a great job in fi lling patronisingly dresses up the meaning the whole room with Galactia’s pres- behind her work as one to be inter- ence and, occasionally, her frustrated preted in an ironic fashion. madness. Her character reminds one Despite this, it is good that the play of an Emin-like fi gure – allowing for is not one to lecture about morality an identifi cation with “the artist” – and the values of feminism. Empa- even though most people probably thy is not exactly the strongest feel- don’t know whether or not Tracy ing produced for the character and Emin is anything like Galactia. fate of Galactia, as there is sense to As the only female character not what those advising her say (even if covered from neck to toe, her non- they might say it in a somewhat sex- chalant liberalness contrasts with the ist way), thereby creating an engaging contrived nature of the masculine level of tension throughout. powers, echoed by the sharp-suited, Although by no means perfect, grey-haired and square-spectacled Scenes from an Execution has been narrator who introduces the play excellently staged and its themes have Man falls for thumb-tac on chair gambit fl oating, deity-like, in his square box. the ability to grip the audience and So powerful is he, that he freezes instigate refl ection over the events time, weaving in and out unnoticed, occurring on stage. describing each of Galactia’s scenes At the National Theatre until Decem- as ones from a sketchbook of her ber 9th. 28 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska TELEVISION [email protected] A Merlin-gering plot line Corrie Berry tries to ﬁ nd the magic in the new season

he new series of Mer- that you love to hate, and adds a lin started three weeks huge amount to the show. ago, and we tuned in Th e new series sees the begin- T(on iPlayer) with an- ning of the Arthurian legends. ticipation. I’m not go- We’ve skipped three years since A Dance with Dragons ing to lie – you don’t watch Mer- the end of the last series – Arthur lin for the brilliant graphics, or to is now King, and although Merlin learn something new about the is still a young man, the old wiz- way that Camelot and the Ar- ard of old has made an appearance thurian legends played out. Th e as an alter-ego of Merlin, who is a interpretation of the legends is known sorcerer and has got Ar- pretty straightforward – but what thur and his Knights out of a fair this adaptation does bring to the few scrapes. Th e Knights and Mer- screen is a refreshing youth that is lin are in the wild searching for not associated with the tales of old Lady Morgana (Katie McGrath), in the way you would expect. while Guinevere (Gwen) is back at Th e fi rst few series surround Camelot ruling in Arthur’s place. Prince Arthur (Bradley James) and Plot development seems pretty Merlin (Colin Morgan), and his rapid at this stage, and there are man-servant, a young man who is some new beasts and creatures hiding his magic from the King- that are fairly amusing. Th e last dom as it is highly forbidden. Th e episode I watched had some big story has been slow to develop up ‘sperm’ creature in it – kind of a till the most recent series – Lady cross between a ghost, a cone- Guinevere (Angel Coulby), Lance- head and something out of Dr lot (Santiago Cabrera) and some of Who. A new dragon has made the other most well-loved names an appearance and Arthur is still and faces in the story are slow to blissfully unaware of Merlin’s appear, and there are a lot of ‘busy’ magic, despite having been saved to be a cross between Lord of the fact, we used to do “Merlin Night” episodes – episodes where Merlin a number of times already. Rings, Game of Th rones and Har- parties at each other’s houses dur- Interested in writing for is fi ghting beasts and other nasties Th ere’s some confusion over the ry Potter, and we were constantly ing term-time; a good excuse to without any actual plot develop- plot – an old druid has given Mer- making comparisons to other se- watch TV and get drunk when ment. Th is is hilarious in itself – lin some clues as to who is going ries. we got bored of clubbing. You the dragon, voiced by John Hurt, to be the Big Bad in this series, but However, despite all of this, there defi nitely want to watch this with is defi nitely one of my favourite this character appears to be Ar- is something that draws me to the friends. It’s always interesting to Send your reviews to characters, and these busy epi- thur’s saviour, while some of the series. Th e dynamic between Mer- see how the series is going to pro- [email protected] sodes don’t necessarily detract best-loved characters start to have lin and Arthur is hilarious. I love gress –whether in a positive or from the series. King Uther (An- shady, nastier aspects to their per- the characters because I have been negative direction, it’s defi nitely ...please? thony Head) is also a character sonality. Th e fi rst episode seemed watching from the beginning – in an entertaining thing to watch. Grand Design’s 100th episode 100 Masterclasses in how to wear a jumper by Kevin McCloud

Clare Bakewell Writer The six promises to give the potential to make you dizzy with storey sort of panoramas a sense of awe (not to mention home-to- of the London vertigo). The finished article does One hundred episodes in and Kevin be incor- skyline one could not fail to leave a normally shock- appears to be going soft. The once porates only manage to proof Kevin nothing short of gasp- heavily-critical McCloud whole- a sev- equal should s/ ing. heartedly embraces the irrefuta- enty foot he live in the A good reference to alpacas, a bly crazy Lee and Graham who are lift shaft and penthouse of the dodgy lift journey and a sumptu- embarking on the restoration and Shard. The in- ous six man bath plus his-and-his redesign of a central London wa- sanely beauti- showers add slightly more light ter tower. With a build period of ful and hearted touches to an otherwise eight months, the construction dreamy whirlwind episode. site resembles a busy commut- vistas Ambitious designs, limited er tube. With sewage workers, have money and finances quickly spi- plasterers and conservationists the ralling out of control, this land- all working at the same time it’s mark episode does not fail to a delicate jigsaw to bring the disappoint and is indeed a very building together on time. grand design. Jumper number 2354687032354... FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 29

Games Editor: Ross Webster [email protected] GAMES Pondering Pandora Michael Barclay wants to talk about his love for wub wub

orderlands was, to be of that same game. Cartoony, violent, a frank, a pretty weird stupid amount of guns. It’s another se- concept. Combining a quel of the many sequels released these Bfully-fl edged fi rst per- days. However, unlike Call of Duty and son shooter with a Di- Assassin’s Creed’s almost iterative at- ablo-style loot-centric RPG? Th ese titude to game design, where annual ideas seem pretty hard to gel, when releases are not only common but ex- fi rst thought about, but Borderlands pected, Gearbox has spent 3 years per- worked because it just didn’t take itself fecting the Borderlands format. Bor- seriously at all. Th e whole thing was derlands 2 is better in absolutely every just one big joke because it had to be. single way, transforming the franchise Th e ridiculously overpowered guns, from good, to absolutely fantastic. Th e the crazy character abilities, even the AI has been drastically improved – way the game showed you numeri- now enemies jump out of your line of cally how much damage each shot had fi re and use cover far more often than done – these things just wouldn’t have before. Th e classes feel familiar enough worked in your bog-standard shooter. for those who played the original, but But with its cartoon-style graphics, with enough modifi cations to make it over the top gore and ridiculous cast all feel fresh. Th ere also seems to be a OH GOD! THE BONERFARTS of characters, the whole thing worked, lot more emphasis on balance between – THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! and all-in-all, Borderlands was a pretty the various classes, especially at the good game. endgame with stupidly strong enemies However, at the time, I had my issues that require a well-equipped and intel- with it. Once you got past the humour ligent group of four players to kill. It’s and the outlandishness of the whole often hard to spot graphical improve- some Jack, completely steals the show a good chance they’ll just hoover up much nothing. thing, the world of Pandora, where ments with games that adopt a car- and provides the majority of the game’s every weapon dropped regardless of Th at aside though, Borderlands 2 the whole game is set, was pretty life- toony style, but with Borderlands 2 it’s comic relief. Yes, Borderlands 2 is a whether they intend to use it or not. pretty much marks the beginning of less. Missions were handed out to you noticeable. If you’re playing on PC and very, very funny game. Jack is a truly sa- Also a level scaling system would have the Autumn/Winter gaming period. by noticeboards or over an intercom have a relatively modern NVIDIA card, distic and warped individual, constant- been appreciated. I’ve been playing a Sure, maybe it’s not innovative, but if ferrying you from point A, to point there are some fantastic physics on ly communicating with the player just lot of Guild Wars 2 recently and that anything, this game is an example of B, to kill bandits C, before you return show. Th e water eff ects are astounding to piss them off . Th e supporting cast is game levels you down to the area’s how to make a sequel. You don’t need back to point A to collect a reward and fabric tears apart beautifully as it is equally entertaining – my personal fa- level cap, meaning you can always go to throw out everything you know and and accept another very similar mis- shot to pieces. vourite being Tiny Tina, a crazed thir- and help a friend who has played less reboot the entire franchise and you sion. It also didn’t help that this game Best of all though, Pandora now feels teen year old orphan, who spends most than you. Borderlands 2 is defi nitely a shouldn’t release a new instalment was released at a time where barren alive and exciting. A large hub city in- of the time inviting local bandits to her game best played with friends and it’s every year until you get it right. Instead post-apocalyptic wastelands were two troduced very early on gives the player make-believe tea parties just to blow a shame when one of your friends out- Gearbox have taken their time to per- a penny and Pandora just felt like an- a sense of home and a base full of NPCs them up. All in all this leaves you with a levels you. Sure, you can still play with fect what was already a pretty good other identi-kit empty desert. To top it that provide the majority of your mis- game that is just, well… really fun. them, but they’ll just sweep the fl oor game, providing both a great shooter all off , the story itself was poor with no sions. Th e boring drab deserts are now In terms of problems, the game’s with everything, whilst you do pretty and an engaging RPG. real direction and a famously terrible replaced with a variety of landscapes, online component has a few issues. ending. All-in-all, this quickly made including lush highlands, tundra and Th ere’s no real loot system in play; the game feel grindy and repetitive as large metropolises. money is divided equally amongst I left my will to live in you performed missions just to per- Th e game also sports a much better players as it’s collected, but weapons form missions and inch your character story. Something as simple as giving dropped by enemies or found in chests closer to that next level up. the game a proper villain does won- are awarded on a fi rst come, fi rst serve San Francisco Borderlands 2 is pretty much more ders. Th e game’s antagonist, Hand- basis. Play with a stranger and there’s o, for those of you who actually read these colour-anemic boxes, last week I put up a vote for which simulator game I should play and review. I had Sa deluge of emails telling me to try the ‘social life’ simulator and that I should get out of the Felix office, but the joke’s on them – I’m dead inside anyway. I chose to give the Bus & Cable Car Simulator – San Francisco a spin, as I felt like seeing the sights and sounds of a hustling and bustling bay city. My desktop computer isn’t new by gaming standards, but it’s not exactly slow either, so the 30 minutes it took for the installation screen to even appear was a portent of things to come. Installation over, I cranked the graphics settings up to 11, (and immediately regretted it) making my computer slow to a stuttering ~8fps. Once I was back to a usable frame rate, I then spent 10 minutes trying to get my pickup truck to go forwards. Windscreen wipers and fans on, with headlights set to ‘retina burning’, I was blazing ahead. And then crashed a few meters ahead. Not the vehicle. The game. I solved the crashing problem (don’t drive fast) and made my way to my first objective – an exhibition hall containing the unlockable vehicles I could look forward to. I got myself to the bus depot, chose a route and spent 10 minutes just playing I feel I should start using ‘Butt around with the onboard computer and the display on the front of the bus. Before Stallion’ as a term of endearment... I even got to the first stop on the route, my bus scraped a lamppost and the sight was akin to that of a beached whale. Verdict: buy if the smell of virtual motor oil and disappointment gets you hot. Next week’s choices – Stone Quarry Simulator and Camping Manager. Send your votes or insults into [email protected]. Ross Webster 30 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected] Fifty Shades Ye

Happy birthday Mr. Bond – 50 years and you’re still going strong. God knows your stamina is u

22. Moonraker (1979) 18. Quantum of Solace (2008) The most embarrassing entry. Roger Moore goes Over-stuffed, confused to space to fi ght some and failing at every bad guys fi ring tacky attempt to live up to looking laser guns. They its direct predecessor couldn’t even come up Casino Royale, Daniel with a new villain, and Craig’s second outing as creating a love story for James Bond is as chaotic Jaws was the silliest, as its theme song, most unnecessary move performed for the fi rst this franchise has ever time as a duet by Alicia made. Keys and Jack White.

21. A View to a Kill 17. The Living (1985) Daylights (1987)

Christopher Walken Timothy Dalton’s fi rst makes a mean villain, stab at a Bond fi lm but with the presence of doesn’t work out too the incredibly annoying 6. Roger Moore well. While a huge step Tanya Roberts as the up from A View to a Kill, main girl and a Bond It’s about quality, not quantity, which is why, even after 7 fi lms, more than any actor has Dalton’s attempt to turn who looks too old to so far managed, Moore fi nds himself on the bottom of our “Best Bond” list. He lacked the the series around into be driving around and suave charisma of Connery, and turned the franchise into a bit of a camp joke. Sure he had something gritter never saving the world, Roger more potential when it came to comedy but there is no denying that he has the silliest, quite succeeds due to Moore’s last effort is most dreadful 007 fi lms under his name. Plus towards the end of his run, he looked so old an agonisingly weak set also one of his weakest. and frail that it was simply embarrassing for him to be saving the world. of villains.

20. OHMSS (1969) 16. Octopussy (1983)

Bond gets married: Octopussy’s (the sultry now that’s something Maud Adams) circus that should never have girls are occasionally happened, and despite useful, the mysterious the ambitious skiing “Faberge Egg” is pretty action scenes, it’s a to look at, but dressing long, challenging watch, up Roger Moore as a with the charisma-free clown and yes, a gorilla, George Lazenby taking is taking things a little on the role, never to too far, even for the come back again after lighter, more comic this. Good riddance. Moore to handle.

19. Diamonds are 15. The World is Not Forever (1971) Enough (1999)

Connery really should Now this is a tricky one: have quit before this the villains are excellent: one, and perhaps to Robert Carlyle as the accommodate his 5. George Lazenby man who cannot feel, ageing, the fi lm takes and Sophie Marceau as on a never-before-seen Famous for being the only Bond who actually managed to tie the knot (although that the seductive femme campy tone that doesn’t didn’t last very long), he’s also the only Bond actor to only complete a single feature. fatale. But the Bond settle well. The less that The reason? He had big shoes to fi ll after the original Connery. And due to his lack of Girl, Denise Richards, is is said about the awful experience in the fi lm industry (he worked as a model before this), very little consideration one of, if not, the worst “Bambi and Thumper” was given to him as a leading actor at the time. Plus the critics and audience weren’t too that has ever been duo, the better. keen on an Australian playing Britain’s favourite spy. So he left. paired up with 007. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 31

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM ﬁ [email protected] ears of Bondage nbeatable. And as a celebration of your everlasting manhood, we rank the ﬁ lms, and the actors

14. Die Another Day 10. The Man with the (2002) Golden Gun (1974)

Silly in its plot and The Golden Gun is by execution, Brosnan’s far the coolest, most goes to North Korea, memorable gadget to piling up one ridiculous come out of the Bond idea after another (an series – a gun so stylishly invisible car makes an disguised as a cigarette appearance). Halle holder, lighter, and pen, Berry’s savvy Jinx as well all painted in gold. Bond as Rosamund Pike’s icy getting owned by a Miranda Frost are great villain one-third his size additions to the cast. is also a great watch.

13. For Your Eyes Only 9. Goldeneye (1995) (1981) Pierce Brosnan’s Bond Without a doubt boasts debut got off to a flying the best theme song, start thanks to his but the fi lm itself is effortless charm and distinctly average, 4. Timothy Dalton sly humour. This is also although the crossbow- notable for having a wielding Bond Girl Probably the most similar in nature to what the books, and therefore Ian Fleming, female character who (Carole Bouquet) who originally intended, Dalton was the fi rst to step in to put a fresh new spin on the series seems to love rough sex does something useful after Moore turned it into a farce with his geriatric behaviour towards the end of his run. more than Bond himself: other than shag the Dalton himself only lasted for two fi lms, as we suspect the audience back then wasn’t the infamous Xenia womanising spy is a ready for such a radical, serious, blood-splattering (his second fi lm is still the highest age- Onatopp (the hilarious highlight. restricted Bond fi lm), which is a shame. Famke Janssen).

12. Licence to Kill 8. Thunderball (1965) (1989) Set in the crystal clear This was slapped on blue waters of the with the highest ageing Bahamas, this is possibly restriction for a Bond the best-looking Bond fi lm due to its violent fi lm out there, both in nature. Timothy Dalton terms of the magnifi cent comes off better in his scenery and the many, second/last appearance many women Bond gets as Bond, and Benicio surrounded with. This is Del Toro’s knife- also famous for its epic throwing villain side- underwater fi ghting kick is badass. sequence.

11. The Spy Who Loved 7. Tomorrow Never Me (1977) Dies (1997)

Will forever be It’s incredibly rare to remembered as the see a Bond Girl fend ﬁ lm that gave us Jaws, for herself but Chinese a hugely entertaining 3. Daniel Craig spy Wai Lin (Michelle villain of epic size who Yeoh) is a highly skilled could have easily ripped Craig went through a lot of harsh criticism after his name was announced to take over martial artist. And Teri Moore into tiny little the franchise. “Boring” was one of the words he was called, and his blonde hair was also Hatcher has a heck of pieces. Plus Bond meets a subject of much scrutiny. Dame Judi Dench (M) came to his defense, giving him her a good slap, marking a his match in the deadly seal of approval. Then came November 2006, when Craig proved his critics wrong with thoroughly deserving Anya Amasova, the the excellent Casino Royale. It was a franchise reboot, injecting a lot more brooding, and palm print on the side of titular “spy.” much needed serious energy into a series of ﬁ lms that was getting sillier and sillier. Brosnan’s face. 32 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected]

6. From Russia with 4. You Only Live Twice Love (1963) (1967)

Connery’s famous The scale, for its time fi ght in the train of release, was as large compartment is hailed as it was ever going as being one of the most to get, and very few believable yet exciting people saw the “fake action scenes ever volcano” villain lair fi lmed for the screen. coming. The extended His second crack is fi nal ninja assault, is almost as impressive one extraordinary and game-changing as achievement that will his fi rst, and further always be considered as solidifi ed his status. a major Bond highlight.

5. Live and Let Die 3. Dr. No (1962) (1973) Here is what kicked The exotic location everything off to works as a massive plus eventually become here, adding all sorts of one of the world’s mystery and intrigue most successful fi lm to a rather repetitive 2. Pierce Brosnan franchises. Sean and predictable set of Connery set the mood ideas. The radiant Jane Possessing the ultimate suave and cheeky charisma, he is the slyest one of them all, and style of fi lms to Seymour, in one of her although when it comes to carrying out his missions, he doesn’t go into them half- come, and who can early fi lm roles, dazzles heartedly. Recent data compiled by The Economist ranks him as the Bond who has done forget the iconic as the Bond Girl, with the most killing, which must mean he’s cool... because he’s trigger-happy... with both his moment when the Yaphet Kotto playing gun... and his other prized possession. He may be Irish, but clearly he’s got fans down shell-collecting Ursula one creepy villain. here in the Felix offi ce. Andress appears?

2. Casino Royale (2006) 1. Goldﬁ nger (1964)

No-one thought Daniel Craig could pull this off, and he faced 1. Sean Connery “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!” remains to be the most a lot of unfair backlash for being the fi rst Bond actor to be unforgettable line uttered so brilliantly by a Bond villain, blonde (really). But opening with the best chase sequence in Surprised? No? Neither are we. It’s hard to beat originals, and Connery certainly proves handling a rather menacing looking laser, aiming for Bond’s 007’s history (and to be honest, most fi lms can’t come close that. He’s one of the main reasons the franchise got off to such a remarkable start, giving favourite body part. Not only does this have the most to what’s achieved in the fi rst 20 minutes of this), he proved the MGM Studios a fi rm seal of approval that 007 is a franchise worth sticking with. Six hysterical double entendre used as its Bond Girl’s name everyone wrong with the macho brutality he brought to actors were chosen and screen tested for the role, and the then 30-year-old Scottish actor (Pussy Galore), the wordless henchman, Oddjob, throwing the role. He also properly falls in love here, something that won out, after which he was educated in the ways of being “dapper, witty, and above all, around his deadly bowler hat with a sly grin on his face, is the doesn’t end entirely well. cool.” And clearly it was time well spent, as he pulls it off flawlessly. most popular villain of the series. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 33

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM ﬁ [email protected] 5 Future Bonds (and an excuse for us to post pictures of hot men)

Christian Bale Henry Cavill Michael Fassbender Tom Hardy Clive Owen He’s donned the cape of the dark knight, Forget 50 Shades (he CANNOT sink He’s got no problems with nudity or sex, How about a bad boy Bond? He’s the He’s got the class, he’s got the baritone he saved the world from killer machines that low), it’s time for this young British as shown in his intense performance better version of Colin Farrell, which is voice, he’s got the style, he’s got the as John Connors, so there’s no doubt he rising star heartthrob to suit up, grab his in Shame, plus he’s got the enormous great, since we’d rather punch ourselves towering height, he’s got the accent, he’s can pull off being the suave secret agent. concealed weapon, and start ﬁ ring. “talent” that needs to be put to good use. in the face than watch Farrell act. got the full package really. 10 Future Bond Girls (and an excuse for us to post pictures of hot women)

Anne Hathaway Freida Pinto Zoe Saldana Kate Beckinsale Rachel Weisz Hathaway’s a cat person. Bond is a chick Someone steals Dev Patel’s 20 million 007 is sent on a mission to Africa where Dressed in her tight, black leather corset, Mrs. Bond gets kidnapped by Egyptian person. Hathaway’s cat eats Bond’s Rupees so his girlfriend enlists Bond’s villagers are mining for Amazium. He Beckinsale leads a deadly 50 Shades mummies who seek revenge, but her chicks. He gets mad. He shoots her. He help... foolishly... as she then goes on to meets and falls in love with the tribal Demonic Cult, a group whose kinky rescue gets delayed once Bond sets his needs to shoot her 8 more times. cheat on her skinny, now-poor boyfriend. leader’s daughter – who’s green-skinned. sexual practices even 007 can’t handle. eyes on the beautifully wrapped bodies.

The Kardashian Women Nicki Minaj Taylor Swift Cheryl Cole Lady Gaga For the fi rst time ever, Bond’s sex-tape is After dissing Mariah Carey on Idol, Minaj She gets dumped, and goes into hiding... She’ll need to be killed quickly, (as she’d Bond needs to save planet Earth when it released to the public. Angry Kanye West gets her face cut up, and Bond tries to to write break-up “songs”. Bond is hired be a worse actress than she is a “singer”) is invaded by extra-terrestrial lifeforms pops a cap in Craig’s perfectly formed calm her down. But Bond gets another by the British Phonographic Industry but she’d excel in playing a stripper from from planet Gaga led by the gender- arse. But not before letting him fi nish. cap in his perfectly formed arse. (BPI) to fi nd and assassinate her. Newcastle who sleeps with the evil boss. bending Mother Monster. 34 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski BOOKS [email protected] Arthur Charles Clarke Maciej Matuszewski talks about one of his favourite authors

t’s no secret that Arthur C in Th e Songs of Distant Earth, or sim- Clarke is one of my favourite ply the unexpected, as in Rendezvous authors of all time. Born in with Rama. Th is is an outlook some- I1917 he is often considered, what reminiscent of that of Gene Ro- alongside Isaac Asimov and denberry, though Clarke did seem to Robert Heinlein, as one of the Big be somewhat less naïve in his views of Th ree authors of Golden Age science the future than the Star Trek creator. fi ction. Th ere are no easy utopias in Clarke’s He had a brilliant imagination yet work — just an attitude that, though always constrained himself to the we will make mistakes from time to realms of the scientifi cally possible. time, we will probably make it through He used his lifelong interest in science in the end. and technology (he served in World Clarke’s writing style is somewhat War Two as a radar specialist and later old fashioned and certainly not for obtained a degree in mathematics and everyone. It’s not the sort of thing that physics from King’s College London) I would want to read every day, but I to paint a vision of the future that even do believe that it is good writing and now often remains wonderfully plau- can serve as some, for lack of a better sible. As a result his work is often be- phrase, ‘light relief’ from the grittier loved by scientists and engineers. and more confl ict driven fi ction popu- As with many of his contemporar- lar today. ies, his work has often been criticised One also cannot forget Clarke’s con- for its poor characterisation. While tribution to the popularisation of sci- this is indeed a problem in some of ence. Not only did his fi ction inspire his novels, most notably in Th e City generations of scientists and engi- and the Stars, the fact is that in most neers, he also wrote numerous non- of his work the focus is not necessar- fi ction books and essays exploring the ily meant to be the individual charac- possible applications of new technolo- ters but rather how humanity adapts gies. He was the fi rst to suggest using to new technologies and unforeseen geostationary satellites for commu- situations that the future may bring. nication and popularised Konstantin Th ere is a wonderful optimism in Tsiolkovsky’s ideas for a space eleva- Here is the man himself Clarke’s work that, by coming togeth- tor. Arthur C Clarke died on March 19 er, humanity will eventually prevail 2008 and he will certainly be remem- — whether in the face of disaster, as bered for many years to come.

Moby Dick Big Read WANT TO SEE YOUR

Maciej Matuszewski Books Editor Benedict Cumberbatch and Sir David as much as futuristic prophesy.” Attenborough. Each reading is also All the chapters that have been re- accompanied by an image, inspired leased so far may be downloaded for NAME IN PRINT? In the 160 years since its fi rst publi- by the novel, created by a renowned free from mobydickbigread.com. cation, Moby Dick has become one artist. of the most acclaimed novels in the Th e project’s creators say that they English language. However, while were inspired by the novel’s continu- most people have heard of the book ing relevance. Th ey say: “Moby Dick is We are always looking for and its most famous characters, few the great American novel. … Sprawl- have actually read it. Now, however, ing, magnifi cent, deliriously digres- artist Angela Cockayne and writer sive, it stands over and above all other new writers! Philip Hoare, both big fans of Moby works of fi ction. … Now, in the 21st Dick, seek to correct this problem and Century, a century and a half since it give people a chance to experience was fi rst conceived and launched onto Email us your book reviews, this masterpiece in a new and excit- a misbelieving world, Moby-Dick re- ing way. tains its power – precisely because Th eir Moby Dick Big Read project, we are still coming to terms with it, author profi les and other which started on the September 16 and what it said. Incredibly prophet- and runs till the end of January, each ic, it foresaw so many of the aspects day releases an audio clip of one of of the modern world which we deal book related features. the book’s 135 chapters — each read with. Th e abuse of power and belief; by a diff erent, well known individual. of nature and the environment; of the Readers have already included Tilda human spirit. It deals with art and ar- [email protected] Swinton, David Cameron and Ste- tifi ce and stark reality – in an almost phen Fry. Th ey are set to be joined existential manner. It is truly a book Richard Bacon’s Moby Dick art- in the coming months by the likes of before its time – almost ancient myth, work for the project FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 35 Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto MUSIC [email protected] Supersonic Festival 2012 Rhiaz Agahi on Supersonic’s 10th year

he 10th Supersonic Festi- a live spectacle. as he built up the piece. At the peak of val was held in the Custard On Saturday, the shows began in the the music a visualisation talking about Factory in Birmingham. late afternoon and I was treated to one the choice between fear and love added TSince the line-up was an- of the best performances of the week- to the atmosphere these two virtuosos nounced some months end. Stian Westerhus, from Rune produced and left me simply wanting to ago, I had been excited about attend- Grammofon band Puma, presented refl ect on what I’d seen. ing. Th e slogan on a lot of the com- an impressive solo performance. It Enter Bohren & der Club of Gore. memorative t-shirts was ‘celebrating 10 consisted of him, his guitar and about Slow, relaxing jazz. Th ey performed years of adventurous music.’ My experi- ten pedals. He proceeded to produce in the dark with a small spotlight over ences ranged from the obscure to the some intense noise. Like Puma, and each of them. Th e 40 minutes of their experimental to the just plain weird, so indeed his solo work, there was a defi - set didn’t leave me with much to say but the slogan seems apt enough. nite sense, for me at least, that he was that’s not a bad thing at all. It served as On Friday night I arrived to be extracting and presenting the euphoric a fantastic chill out, appreciated by eve- greeted by the minimalist electronica side of noise. In fact, the emotive nature ryone watching. of Modifi ed Toy Orchestra. I had lis- of the 30-minute piece really struck me, Th is chill out soon ended uncer- tened to their album and largely formed as he seemed to barely notice the audi- emoniously, with the crowd already the opinion that their idea of exclusive- ence and was visibly carried away by pumped at the prospect of Merzbow, ly using children’s toys to make their his performance. He then cut it down, and many, like myself, staying where music with techniques such as circuit with some ambient bowing and built it they were to get the best possible spot. on Mars. A blend of space rock, doom, show was grind/metal based, Null’s was Th e festival threw a few curveballs drone and straight-up rock’n’roll, their a lot more electronica oriented, with and Merzbow’s set was one of the big- show was highly enjoyable. Between noise occasionally being dropped over gest. Many were expecting a laptop beatless interludes, there were mo- beats. It was not lacking in intensity set, as this seems to be a direction he ments of classic rock showmanship: for however, and ended in Null screaming has taken for a long time now. It tran- example a drum solo, or the guitarist into a mic, which outputted his scream spired, however, that we were in for a entering the crowd and passing his gui- in the form of heavily distorted noise, surprise and a treat. He performed the tar to an audience member. It was pret- after which he slammed it down and entire set with a drummer and one of ty simple, but enjoyable nonetheless. that was the set. Two guys from doom the tracks featured a guitarist. Th e Next up was Zeni Geva, who seemed band ORE then took the stage, playing other of the two tracks featured a brief strange as the last act of night, but tubas, and set up a nice drone, which cameo by Eugene Robinson of Oxbow members KK Null and the drummer Null then came in and blasted some (mainly shouting). Th roughout, Merz- from Ruins served up a good set of noise over. Th is kind of collaboration is Stian Westerhus bow played what I can only describe as hardcore/death metal with a pound- a big part of what made the festival so serenades a plant a ‘noise banjo’; it resembled a banjo, but ing aggression I had been missing for a special, but I still preferred his solo set. had thick metal coils in place of strings while. Lash Frenzy’s Ver Heroicus Sublimis, and a solid metal body. Th is was then Sunday started off fairly abrasively a 10th anniversary performance, came connected into his rig and violently with Cliff ord Torus. Th e band was next, and provided probably the big- strummed to produce a much more described as being on the noise side of gest surprise of the weekend. I did not bending was interesting but their music right back up again, at one point even metal/grind inspired set than expected, noise rock. Th at’s what I expected and entirely know what to expect, but I was ultimately unimpressive. I have to screaming into his pickups to produce harking back to 1994’s Veneorology. He what I got, with half an hour or so of knew it would be unique and that there say though, they surprised me. First of feedback. Another aspect I appreciated also used a laptop and various noise atonal, noise-laden sludge. A great way would be many guest musicians. After all, because I wasn’t expecting fi ve seri- was his deep understanding of his in- boxes, one of which produced magnifi - to start the day in my opinion, and they some spoken word on the subject of ous looking guys in all black suits, but tricate set-up and his intuitive relation- cent tunnelling noises that seemed to produced some real headbangers as sonic attack, a drone started to form. more than that because it had a much ship with it. travel through the brain. An immense well as linking up well with each other. Drone became noise and then an ar- more sinister aspect live and frankly, a After this I drifted for a while, watch- set from a true master of noise, one that Ruins Alone was basically the drum- ray of musicians in the crowd started to toy gun being used to make a beat, the ing Sir Richard Bishop doing some really tore me a new one and drove me mer from Ruins playing to a backing join in. Th en a woman walked in wear- audience being addressed by a partly impressive guitar noodling and Kevin nearly deaf, but delighted. track. Good and entertaining, yes, and ing next to nothing and circulated the dismantled doll’s head and another doll Drumm dropping some noisy drone. I After that I was feeling a bit overex- it showcased his ability well, but it just room. At this time, it started to become with three contact mics stuck into its don’t feel that I have the right to com- cited, but I found the perfect tonic in made me want to see Ruins in their full clear that everyone was meant to circu- head simply make for a good spectacle. ment though because I only saw parts Carlton Melton. Th eir sounds remind- glory. late, as there were diff erent pockets of Hey Collosus I expected more from, of these sets. Dylan Carlson disap- ed me of AC/DC and Sleep hot-boxing KK Null performed a solo noise set of sound throughout the room. Th is was but sound problems paved the way for pointed me. I just have to say that. a trailer trash caravan in the desert… the highest quality. While Merzbow’s further implied by some guys carrying an underwhelming performance. Oc- What I saw of his set was him doing strobes around. Th oroughly puzzling casionally, they got into their groove, some Earth-style guitar over a backing and intense, it was probably the weird- dropping sludgy riff s almost on de- track before being joined by a disap- est thing I’ve ever been to. Afterwards mand and experimenting lightly with pointing singer and drummer. While an I was completely fl abbergasted, and drones and motorik rhythms. Th ese album of the guitar over backing track the thought of going to anything else last two elements, however, were pre- would be good, it really didn’t work for seemed somewhat alien. sented to me as a key feature of their me live. Th e fi nal act I did go to see was Dope work and I was disappointed that they Flower-Corsano Duo produced an- Body. Th ey were OK, and brought didn’t delve more deeply into the ex- other amazing show. It would be remiss kind of a party atmosphere, but a cheap perimental areas of their music. of me not to mention Chris Corsano’s Mick plays pseudo-noise rock thrill perhaps. Next up was JK Flesh. He provided incredible drumming ability, with pre- Chris some Honourable mention has to go out to what I expected – Justin Broadrick with cise dynamics and timing, playing at soothing Tim Hecker and Oxbow Orchestra, a Macbook and a guitar, screaming and breakneck speed seemingly without music to both of whom I was hoping to see but playing riff s over drum & bass beats breaking a sweat. Mick Flower’s Japa- hang the couldn’t because of train times. Hecker while dystopian black and white images nese banjo (it sounded like a sitar) gave laundry by in particular is a pleasure to see live, and were presented in the background. It the performance an almost spiritual I’m sure he’d have blown me away. On was ok, and I appreciated seeing Broad- feel. Th e drumming helped alter the that note, I left the festival with a deep rick perform, but I felt it was lacking as feeling of meditation to one of catharsis sense of appreciation for what I’d seen, 36 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, MUSIC Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto [email protected]

You Don’t Have To Call It Music Hot Chip are hot Simon Hunter Music Editor In researching this Pt. 3 musique concrète article it came to my I’ve never really understood where attention that Alexis by Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto Hot Chip fi t in. Having shot to mu- Taylor is also the name sical prominence during the years of an American adult Towards the end of the 1920s, some, including Stravinsky, were alluding of ‘nu-rave’ (terrible clothes, a lot of film actress to the possibility of writing music for gramophones as had been done for dick heads but hell, the music was violins or pianos before. The new paradigm came with the new technolo- fun), the band mix catchy pop riff s gies developed after WWII, namely magnetic tape. Despite contemporary and delicate vocals with synths that composers’ advances in revolutionizing the orchestra, some felt their ef- time and again slay the dancefl oor. forts were not enough. Trying to penetrate the mass of musical imagina- Th is combination helped the band tion with brass and wood was tantamount to laboring new tricks away on pass through through the years of old dogs. nu-rave unscathed - Hadouken, Test What did this mean then for music? Talking about recorded sound, one Icicles where are you now? In many realized we were not limited to just recording instruments – the most con- ways Hot Chip were the antithesis trived scenario. Telecommunications had focused on transmitting record- of most nu-rave bands; Joe Goddard ed voice over large distances. The voice can of course be used to sing and and Alexis Taylor (the two found- ingly packed - never before have I formance was the sheer size of their becomes an instrument in its own right. But what if we go the other way ing members) went to university at been surrounded by so many people back catalogue these days. A near two around? From the level of aesthetics to that of utility, and consider the un- Oxford and Cambridge respective- that I truly believe would have been hour show was fi lled with highlights derlying form of the function itself. That is what American dadaist Marcel ly. Th ey also play the stereotypical able to recite the BBC 6 Music sched- of their work; not once did the ma- Duchamp did when taking a urinal, dubbing it Fountain and calling it art. A nerd very well indeed and nowadays ule by heart. But I shouldn’t general- terial feel as if it was acting as fi ller. radical change of perspective was beginning to take form. are old enough to be some of their ise too much; there were also a few Half way through the show the band In the same way, one could now record a train track and call on its rhythm younger fans’ dads. Th ey’re not your lads wearing day-glo caps, awkwardly wound it down briefl y to exhibit the as a basis for the inherent musicality of the sound. This is exactly what stereotypical electro-pop act, and stuck in 2007. beautiful melancholy of Alexis Tay- Pierre Schaeffer did in 1948 with Étude aux chemins de fer. He recorded neither are they a balls to the wall Finally Hot Chip took to the stage, lor’s vocals, but the highlight of the the various noises of a steam train: its wheels chugging along the tracks, dance collective; that leaves only one ploughing the raging synth/drum show came as Valentino claimed the the whistles blowing fervently, coal spilling into a furnace and metal clang- conclusion: they don’t fi t in. combination of ‘Shake a Fist’ through stage to perform the incredible ‘Ga- ing and screeching all around. He then arranged these sounds in to a sort Th is was a question I was trying to the dance fl oor. While their studio- briel’ she released with Joe Goddard. of collage. (Famously, he defined music as “organized sound”.) Besides the grapple with last Friday at Brixton produced album tracks range from Indeed the power of her voice blew obvious harmony of the whistles and the rhythm of the tracks, its musical- Academy, whilst seeing Hot Chip the delicate to the solid head-nod- everyone away, this live rendition far ity lied in the character of the sounds themselves – not in how well they perform live for the fi rst time in my inducing, live Hot Chip beef up the better than the studio-produced re- imitated traditional instruments. Indeed, just as a violin or a piano have six years of buying their CDs. synthesisers and pound out the bass. lease. a certain sound, so does the grinding of metal upon metal. In contrast, a Th e night itself was kicked off by While this made for great interpre- In the eight years since Hot Chip’s violin string reverberating through a finely crafted wooden body seems a Django Django, the much hyped tations of their studio recordings, it fi rst full length release they’ve always fantastically convoluted way to make noise. lads who met at college in Edinburgh. also posed a dilemma to a large por- done their own thing; they undoubt- Ultimately, what Schaeffer wanted was to distance the listener from the Dubiously wearing matching shirts, tion of the crowd who were there edly infl uenced the rise of nu-rave but context; not to imagine himself by the railroad but to immerse himself in they put in a performance that was with partners and deemed it inappro- the real testament to their success is the sounds themselves. To meditate on the vibrations of the air particles; worthy of their Mercury Music Prize priate to wind the clock back six years how they carried on unblemished which behaved this way and that; which moved and modulated them- nomination while still exhibiting the and throw their forearms in wild, yet long after it had vanished. Th at the selves, and had a character all of their own. amateur modesty of a band not long rhythmic patterns. band doesn’t fi t into boxes prescribed After meeting percussionist Pierre Henry, the two founded the Groupe graduated from performing in pubs. Apart from considering the existen- by music nazis is a testament to what de Recherche de Musique Concrète at the RTF broadcast station in Paris. As we waited for Hot Chip to take to tial curiosities of Hot Chip, another makes their albums end up on repeat Many of the most forward thinking composers of the time passed through the stage the theatre became increas- thing that struck me during the per- and their gigs so much fun. the studio, and indeed the Parisian community made a name for itself which such illustrious members as Iannis Xenakis, who designed the Philips Pavilion for Expo ’58 based on his piece Metastasis, and Edgard Varèse, who wrote Poème électronique especially for the highly spatialized Bastille triumphant at Koko sound system contained therein. Their greatest triumph was not only in creating music from any sound imaginable but rather lending their ears to these natural noises in the first place. Like Duchamp, they observed their Lily Le Writer tight. Th e vocals soared. Th e bass ran kinds of artists to introduce them to surroundings in a different light. It was a matter of perspectives. As Hei- right through you. Th e singer’s charis- appreciation of music, and sometimes degger ruminated in Being and Time, the object was now considered for its ma generated defi nite stage presence. appreciation in a wider world thanks to own sake rather than as a mere tool. Its purpose was itself. Koko is one of the most perfect ven- Th ey managed to translate their studio music. Perhaps this is Bastille’s time to Their influence has been felt through generations. Almost simultane- ues for pop gigs. Its red velvet and gold recordings into an engaging live experi- fi ll that role. ously, Karlheinz Stockhausen used these concepts in his Cologne studio interior, in the style of an opera house, ence, but this is all what you would ex- Bastille are very good at what they do, to found Elektronische Musik, the subject of next week’s column. The makes it super kitsch, especially when pect from a good gig. but the question is whether what they abstraction of sounds from their objects has been an inspiration to many, topped off with its huge silver spinning Th e only fault, if there had to be one, do is good. You would have had to have such as experimental hip-hop spearhead Flying Lotus, who more often glitterball overhead, as if present by di- was that there was nothing strikingly seen the devotion of the audience to an- uses field recordings for percussions than standard drum samples. Berliners vine right. original about Bastille. Th eir coming- swer that question. Einstürzende Neubauten looked for musicality in everyday objects when Glancing across the dance-fl oor up to of-age pop attracted a predominantly they fashioned instruments from industrial waste; making drums out of the balconies and the imitation private young audience, inducing nostalgia steel barrels, xylophones out of pipes, a bass guitar from a metal coil or us- boxes, they were packed full of excited in most gig-goers. Th ese reminders of ing an air pressurizer to blow through wind instruments. Their antics have beings anticipating the arrival of one your teenage past are what demonstrate been bravely capitalized by the world-famous Blue Man Group. Recently, man’s musical project: Bastille. the band’s lack of originality. Th eir cov- Milanese musician Giuseppe Ielasi produced Tools, an album whose tracks It was clear from the sported merch ers of City High’s ‘What Would You are named after the single material from which they were made (‘Rubber tees, handmade posters, singing to Do?’ and Snap!’s ‘Rhythm is a Dancer’ Band’ and ‘Polystyrene Box’ resulting in some pretty serious beats). every word, and clapping in all the right were the most fun part of the night. Searching for a new music, beyond the artifices of conventional instru- places that these were hardcore fans. Pop with lyrical social commentary mentation, musique concrète turned to the world for a muse. They opened Th e band defi nitely fed off their buzz and slight depth has been done before Looking moody and cool. our ears to the acoustic richness of our own environment and redefined and which they rewarded with an ener- and will probably always be produced, He is french after all... music as a part of nature. getic live set. although this is not to say its value is di- Bastille made no fault. Th ey were minished. Every generation needs these FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 37 Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto MUSIC [email protected] Yawning at Field Music Mark England Music Editor being great musicians, basically play a of the night. Th e ambling nature of the mixture of indie and white boy funk set, however, did nothing to keep me with prog tendencies to a middle- enraptured. Songs morphed into one It is an affl iction of the internet age aged crowd all doing embarrassing another, held together with prog gui- that, nowadays, a band must be dad dances. (If you have been to a tar noodlings, which meant that my tragically cool to get noticed. Th ey wedding lately you know what dance attention was not held for a signifi cant must have the right haircuts, a cer- I am talking about.) When I looked period all night. Th ere is no doubting tain amount of buzz about them and around the busy venue it struck me that Field Music have some fantastic Is it over yet? normally a postcode from Dalston, that the average age was about forty, melodies but just as one builds up, just Shoreditch or at the moment South rather than the youthful crowds I am as in ‘A new town’, it is quickly disman- London. Field Music, however, are so used to. Th ere is, however, nothing tled in favour of a further instrumental the antithesis of this; they are desper- inherently terrible about attracting a section which was defi nitely a shame. ately uncool and do not profess to ride crowd of middle aged couples. I am Th ere was also an interesting dynamic on any trends or jump on any band- sure that these were some really cool between the two Brewis brothers but wagons. Th ey have stuck to their indie forty year olds; the ones who have it seemed to me that the lads from up ethos from the start, forming in 2004. taken a fair share of pills in their time, in the North East were actually fi ght- Th ey have gradually garnered critical the ones who plan family vacations ing a losing battle to keep their middle acclaim with their four albums, and around Glastonbury, the ones who aged movers and shakers fi rmly under have attracted a sizeable, if not slightly are so ‘chill’ that they let their children their spell. Th ere were moments when odies but they were lost beneath the ended up at a gig with some dancing cultish, following. So I attended their choose their own names when they the tall man in front of me didn’t know more experimental and prog parts dads listening to some jazz ramblings London show at the Electric Ballroom are old enough. BUT, it does not make whether to sway to the beauty of some which are not so prevalent in their of an indie band I once thought were in Camden with the anticipation that their booty-popping any less cringe- of the more fragile sections, as in the albums. I now realise that most of quite good. I am sorry Field Music, this was what music was meant to be worthy or embarrassing. beginning of ‘Start the day right’, or to my friends who really like Field Mu- but as a live proposition, I do not get about. Th ere were defi nitely some songs have a white boy funk freakout session sic are either into jazz or are in white you. Come back to me in twenty years Music should not, I thought to my- which shone to me, such as ‘Th em that as he did one minute later in the same boy funk bands and this should have time when my biggest hobby will be self, be about the importance of the do nothing’ and ‘Who’ll pay the bills’. song. To say the poor bloke was both come as a massive warning sign to gardening and my happy marriage hype machine, the coolness of the Th e majority of the material was taken confused and exhausted by the end me. As I headed back into the night will be interspersed with an aff air with lead singers new mop haircut or how from their most recent album Plumb was an understatement. I felt slightly dispirited; let down in Sheila from next door and I am sure many synthesisers the band employ. which has attracted the notable glanc- What struck me most about Field the knowledge that sometimes music I will happily bust out some terrible It should be about the music… how es of a Mercury nomination, and these Music was that they defi nitely had needs the haircuts, the hipsters and dance moves in Camden, but for now- wrong I was. Field Music, although songs on the whole were the strongest some promising songs and great mel- the bloggers because without them I no thank you.

Antics: in retrospect AMS album of the week Egyptian Hip Hop: Good Don’t Sleep Looking back at Interpol’s sophomore album It’s been a long two years for Egyptian Hip Hop, Alex Hooftman Writer second single from the record and and after jumping off the hype machine they were an undisputed masterpiece of a song, so reluctantly thrust upon, they have returned with is rumoured to be about serial killer a debut album full of new material that takes a dif- Th ere aren’t many rock albums in the Rosemary West, who was convicted of ferent, perhaps more accomplished direction than past decade which have been as darkly 10 murders in 1995. Th is understand- their earlier releases. unique and memorable as Antics, the ably fails to lift the gloom and doom The infectious pop hooks and bass lines which second release from New York based surrounding the album, even through featured on the singles ‘Moon Crooner’ and ‘Rad foursome Interpol. When Interpol the slightly more uplifting ‘Take You Pitt’ still remain but this time around, they are im- are discussed nowadays, it is more in On A Cruise’, which is carried along by mersed in a struggle between tribal rhythms and the context of what could have been, Carlos Dengler’s thunderous bassline. Cure-esque meandering guitars. The album wears its world music influences on as their third and fourth releases fl at- Th e star of the album though is ‘Slow its sleeve, with the sheer diversity of the sounds and instruments used revealing tered to deceive. However I would Hands’, a song recently covered by itself after each listen. Despite this, contrary to previous releases, each track on argue that this is not because they are Azealia Banks (of all people). Th e high GOOD DONT SLEEP feels like it belongs with the others. actually poor records, but rather testa- tempo and echoed guitars serve up an ing nautical theme shown by ‘Take You Beginning the album with a kick, ‘Tobago’ is heavily layered with all sorts of ment to the quality of Antics and 2002 absolute treat of a song as Paul Banks’s On A Cruise’ and the lyrics of the fi - nice fiddly guitar sounds and ominous chant-singing. Next up is ‘The White Falls’, debut Turn On Th e Bright Lights which smooth baritone voice just about man- nal song ‘A Time To Be So Small’, on which upon listening to, one could easily expect an ambient interlude, but in- set the bar so high that it was always ages to make itself heard over the din. which guitarist Daniel Kessler exhibits stead it bursts into arguably the most anthemic of all tracks on GOOD DONT going to be diffi cult to reach those Th is is followed up by the more bom- all of his talents to bring the album to SLEEP. The latest single ‘Yoro Diallo’ features some of the less reverberated vo- same heights. And so it proved after bastic ‘Not Even Jail’ which builds it- an epic conclusion, as his guitar chops cals of the album, with a wonderful murmur-along chorus and a wonky pop men- the disappointment of their self-titled self up to a frenzied chorus and the and chimes in typical Interpol fashion. tality. ‘Snake Lane West’ is a slow, progressive nod to the guitar stylings of Adrian fourth album, as the band have been brilliantly named ‘Public Pervert’ in Antics featured on many reviewers’ Belew, while ‘Pearl Sound’ is a psychedelic euphony. Next on the track listing and on hiatus since 2011 “to pursue sepa- which the concluding breakdown re- list of the top 50 albums of 2004 but the first single taken from the album is the surprisingly dancefloor-ready ‘SYH’ rate projects”, according to drummer ally is something to savour. ‘C’mere’, has always slightly stood in the shad- which starts as a jangly affair and ends with a great IDM-come-Talking Heads Sam Fogarino. the third single from the album, could ow of its more illustrious predecessor breakdown (sounds odd, but I feel I’m pretty accurate on this one). Another Antics opens as it means to possibly be described as the most up- Turn On Th e Bright Lights. It is a well highlight is ‘One Eyed King’, a slow, muggy monster of a jam, leaving the glitter- go on with the typically melancholic beat song out of all of them (although known fact that the second album is ing vocal harmonies of ‘Iltoise’ to end the album on a soothing note. ‘Next Exit’, on which lead singer Paul this isn’t saying much) as Paul Banks often the most diffi cult for bands such One can’t help but get the feeling Egyptian Hip Hop have made the album they Banks croons “we’re gonna trek this abandons his Ian Curtis-like vocals for as Interpol, and in my opinion they did always wanted to, shedding the role of bloggers’ golden boys to pioneers of a shit around...we ain’t going to the something more romantic. After all a fi ne job of it. With the albums that deeper, progressive evolution of experimental pop. town, we’re going to the city,” perhaps this is a song about unrequited love; followed however, it seems that Inter- a refl ection on the band themselves “Th e trouble is that you’re in love with pol became a victim of their own suc- Yasmin Malik as they try to ‘make it big’. ‘Evil’, the someone else.” Antics has an underly- cess. 38 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango FOOD Mavrocostanti [email protected] Patches of pumpkins Sophia Goldberg on how to bring out your pumpkins’ inner ghouls

For the perfect pumpkin you will need a Draw a circle of diameter about 5 inches (de- Put the lid to one side and remove the seeds Draw a face onto the pumpkin. If you want to pumpkin (surprise surprise), a large spoon, a pending on the size of the pumpkin) on the inside with a large spoon – the small knife keep to the traditional scary face, draw two pencil, a and tea light, one small and one large top of the pumpkin. Cut this out using a large may also be useful for this. triangular eyes, one triangular nose and a knife, plus lots of newspaper. If you plan on knife, ensuring that the knife is at a 45 degree creepy jagged mouth. carving multiple pumpkins it’s best to do it angle to the surface of the pumpkin (other- outside. If you’re cutting them inside, be sure wise the lid with fall into the pumpkin when to cover the table properly with newspaper. you replace it).

Use the markings to cut around with the You can create detail using the smaller knife. Place a lit tea light inside the pumpkin and replace the lid. Enjoy your spooky pumpkin! knife. Make sure you cut perpendicularly to the surface of the pumpkin.

Illustrations by Hamish Muir What to do with all that pumpkin post-Halloween

Yiango Mavrocostanti Food Editor and pepper and cook until the pumpkin is soft. Place the soup in a blender and blend until smooth. Place the Pumpkin Soup soup back in the pan and add water until you have the consistency you Extremely easy and delicious! (Even if prefer. Serve hot and add some fresh you don’t like pumpkin!) chopped chillies to break the sweet- ness of the pumpkin. Ingredients: Q: How do ghosts mend their sheets? Writer 1 medium onion Kevin Ng A: With a pumpkin patch! /groan 1 leek 1 pumpkin (preferably onion squash) 2 tbsp olive oil Pumpkin Chips roast for approximately half an hour, cake from dim sum restaurants, just 1 tsp fi ve spice powder Salt and pepper to taste fl ipping them halfway through. Feel made with pumpkin instead! Th is Chopped chillies Ingredients: free to use any mix of spices and recipe needs a bit more elbow grease Soak the dried shrimp in some water Two cups of pumpkin, chopped into herbs instead of paprika to make and requires use of a steamer, but the for 15 minutes. Steam the pumpkin Peel the pumpkin and chop it in small batons things interesting. For a spicy fl avour results are well worth the eff ort. until soft, then mash it up fi nely and cubes. Chop the onion and leeks. 1 tbsp honey (or to taste) try chilli, or rosemary for a more mild add the rice fl our, cornstarch, fi ve Heat the olive oil in the pan and add 2 tsp paprika (or to taste) fl avour. Ingredients: spice powder, shrimp and water. Pour the onion and leeks. Cook for about 700g pumpkin, cubed the mixture into a dish and steam for 7 minutes on medium-low heat (or Preheat oven to 200°C. Pour honey Pumpkin Cake 200g rice fl our 10 minutes. until they are brown) and then add over chopped pumpkin and sprinkle 500ml water Slice and serve as-is, or lightly pan- the pumpkin. Add water so that the paprika evenly. Arrange pumpkin in NB: Nope, this is not a dessert like 2 tbsp cornstarch fry both sides to crisp it up a little bit pumpkin is covered well, add the salt a single layer on a baking sheet and pumpkin pie – think savoury turnip 1 tbsp dried shrimp before serving. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 39 Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti FOOD [email protected] Steakday, bloody steakday

Carol Ann Cheah Food Editor

Here during the Halloween season, we’re more than happy to cater to all levels of “vampirism” – and by that, we mean we’re going to scrutinize how to Feeling like a vampire? cook the perfect beef steak. Why not have a steak? First up, pick your pieces. We don’t discriminate on cut, but one thing we’re certainly picky about is quality. With steak you get what you pay for, so get chummy with your butcher – or, if you must, go for the fresh coun- ter in the supermarket. Whatever you want it aged between 21-35 days. starts to fall into two distinct camps. to get the hang of, even for chefs), or – residual heat means it’ll carry on do, don’t you DARE reach for the pre- So you’ve fi nally brought it home, Some say you shouldn’t touch it un- go all Imperial-geek-style and use a cooking for a little bit, and it’s impor- packed meats in the Tesco chiller cab- now it’s time to cook! Whether you’re til it’s had its few minutes on its fi rst food probe to check internal tempera- tant that you let it rest for around 5 inets. Dickenson’s on 365 North End cooking it immediately or storing it in side so you won’t disturb the crust, ture. minutes so that the meat has a chance Road is one of our favourite picks for the fridge for later, it’s crucial to make while others say you should fl ip it eve- to reabsorb its juices. If you cut it fresh quality meat without the crazy price sure you bring the steak up to room ry 15-20 seconds to prevent it from Th e guidelines are as follows: out of the pan you’ll leak said juices tag – it’s well worth checking out. temperature. Otherwise, you’ll be “en- overcooking in the centre. We’ve had Bleu (45-49°C): Soft and squishy – and end up eating thick leather. A good steak should be deep red in joying” a piece of meat that’s seared success either way without the crust you’ll probably get some blood on your And there you have it – steak cooked colour and have suffi cient fat marbling outside but stone-cold in the centre. or centre being aff ected, though we hands after touching it. A vampire simply in this way means you get to through it (look for the faint white Grab a heavy-bottomed pan and personally prefer fl ipping every so would be proud. fully enjoy quality meat that hasn’t lines), as this ensures great fl avour and whack it on high heat. Cast iron is often – maybe because we’ve just got Rare (49-52°C): Soft to the touch. had its fl avours tampered with unnec- that the steak won’t dry out during good if you can get it; but as long as it’s itchy-fi ed fi ngers and can’t be still in Medium rare (52-64°C): Yields gently essary extras. cooking. Get your butcher to trim the got a thick/heavy bottom it’ll do – try the kitchen. It’s your call though. when touched. We’re impartial to hav- Simply season a little more with pep- fatty layer on the steak if it’s too thick to avoid non-stick because it makes it Now, the part where things coming our steaks done this way. per and drizzle the cooking and rest- – you’ll need a bit for fl avour, around harder for a crust to form. Add a thin monly go tits-up: done-ness. Judging Medium (57-60°C): Starts to fi rm up ing juices over. Serve with potatoes half a centimetre should do. layer of oil, and season your steak with by the fact that steak thickness/pans/ but still yields slightly. on the side (we’re big fans of chunky Next must-have: ageing. Done prop- salt while you wait for it to get smok- types will vary, we feel it’s quite hit Medium well (60-65°C): Feels fi rm. fries/chips), along with some greens erly beforehand by your butcher, this ing hot so it kick-starts the formation and miss to give you times – a 2cm- Well done (>65°C): Hard to touch – to knock down the guilt factor of this develops the fl avor and makes sure of that lovely crust (no pepper yet, it’ll thick sirloin needs a diff erent cooking dare we say “like a rock”? Also known sometimes-tricky-to-make treat. your meat will be tender so it won’t burn!) Once you see your oil start to time compared to a 3cm-thick rib eye. as a bloody waste of good meat. Enjoy your bloody steak this Hal- turn out the texture of tyre rubber. smoke a teensy bit, gently place the Th ere’s no need to cut into it and risk loween! Ask your butcher how long it’s been steak in the pan and let it sizzle. ruining your steak though – we sug- When you’re done, take the steak hung for – rule of thumb is that you Th is is where cooking technique gest either the touch test (takes a while out of the pan and set it aside to rest

Trick or treat recipe - chocolate spiders

Rosemary Peters Writer

Want to make some treats this year for Halloween? Try your hand at these frightfully delicious chocolate- covered peanut butter spiders. Your friends and family will be screaming with delight after they take their ﬁ rst bite. Spiders: love ‘em or hate ‘em - these are yummy! Ingredients (for 50 spiders): 2 cups smooth peanut butter 1/2 cup of softened butter 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract In a mixing bowl, combine peanut plenty of space between each ball and 4 cups confectioners’ sugar butter, vanilla extract and softened refrigerate until ﬁ rm. 24 ounces of semisweet chocolate butter until beaten into a semi-runny Slightly melt the Nutella in the mi- chips paste. Gradually beat in confectioners’ crowave, and then scoop it into the 2 and 1/2 tablespoons of shortening sugar until thick and smooth. Shape piping bag. On each ball, pipe out eight 1 jar of Nutella into 3cm balls and place on a wax spider legs with the Nutella. Clean out Keen foodie? We’d love to hear from you! 6 ounces of white chocolate chips paper-lined baking sheet. Refrigerate piping bag, then melt the white choco- until hardened. late chips and 1/2 tablespoons of the [email protected] Other items needed In a microwave, melt the chocolate shortening in a microwave. Stir until Mixing bowl chips and 2 tablespoons of the short- smooth and put in piping bag. Using Recipes, reviews, tips and mishaps - we don’t discriminate. Piping bag with a thin metal tip ening. Stir until smooth, and dip the the white chocolate to draw two white Baking sheet peanut butter balls into the choco- eyes on the front of each spider. Re- Wax paper late. Re-place on baking sheet, leaving frigerate overnight or until hardened.

FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 41

Coffee Break Boss: Matt Colvin [email protected] COFFEE BREAK ! Star-studded South Ken HHOT!OT EXPENSIVE Or, why Imperial should host the Oscars and more RENTAL

ith the amount of GOWNS buzz surrounding the Royal Albert W Hall over the last couple of weeks or so, both for those graduating and FREE PENS the outside world, it was almost inevitable that the Queen would end up parachuting into the middle of graduation while the leaving cohort shook hands with Daniel Craig. Wait, sorry, I’m getting a little mixed up here. BEING A Th e point I’m trying to make is that LAW-ABIDING we’ve got a road out in front of Beit that’s prime for big events and stuﬀ . CITIZEN And it should be used more often! Who doesn’t want student accommo- dation clogged up to the rafters every other day while some star-studded event goes on right by Aeronautics? But what event could drive Imperi- al students back into Beit for a once- PROFESSIONAL in-a-lifetime glimpse at the back of a famous person’s head? What could ENTERTAINER possibly match the turnout for James Bond et al. that Tuesday night’s pro- WILL SMITH ceedings generated? Well that, dear reader, is where I come in with a few suggestions.

1) IMPERIAL BASED OLYMPICS AND PARALYMPICS HALF-TRUTHS I know it’s over, but just imagine Im- perial 2012. Usain Bolt tackling zebra crossings on Prince Consort Road, and even thundering down Exhibi- tion Road’s unique layout at colossal NUMERICAL speeds. He may just have ﬁ nally met his match. Th row in Wheelchair Bas- REASONING ketball in the RAH, and you’re set. Imperial Graduation: directed You could probably even move the TESTS by Danny Boyle McDonalds in Knightsbridge a little closer. Maybe by Essentials. Every- body wins.

2) THE ACADEMY AWARDS to roll all the way down Queen’s its rightful position at the top of the And there we have it, let’s just at least VERBAL Yep, move the Oscars from America Gate, and annoy black cab drivers Eurovision Song Contest (i.e. never) have a think about bringing some to the UK for no other reason than and/or pizza delivery people trying where better a venue is there for ter- more big names down to South Ken. REASONING the surge of Hollywood movers and to get to Beit in the process. rible euro-hits than the Great Hall? What events do you think should Im- shakers that descend upon the QTR Jedward would probably be a better perial should hold in order to rival TESTS to quaﬀ a few glasses of champagne. 3) EUROVISION draw than any potential Summer Ball James Bond? Email felix@imperial. Th e red carpet would probably have Once the United Kingdom reclaims could ever dream of achieving. ac.uk with your suggestions! INTERESTING CRUISE SHIPS THOUGHT FOR THE DAY OFF-ROAD “There is no wine if RACING grapes are not pressed.”

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE NNOT! SUCCESSFULLY NAVIGATED THE OT ENTER MAZE OF IRRELEVANCE! ! 42 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

HANGMAN [email protected]

twatter Internshit * NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx Mickey Luff’s afternoon drinks *May contain exaggeration for comic effect Despite being stuck in this WEEK?” No, fucktard, not week, ally her scene, and that actually Jimmy Savile victims approaching job for over two months year: why don’t you engage your she couldn’t stand the people. Th is 300 according to BBC. now, last Friday was the fucking brain and think about it would have been more believable fi rst time I could bring for a second. Apparently Market- had she not been so fi dgety, con- OBAMARAMATYME2012 myself to face my co- ing is one of the few programmes stantly hinting at a need for drugs. workers outside of the one can enter with a 2.2. Th rough- We disappear to the restroom offi ce environment. I know that out the meal I take full advantage and reappear minutes later fi lled approaching 300? You mean he’s everyone gets particularly chirpy of the credit cards, quaffi ng Cris- with glee, and sit down at my col- still abusing children even now? at the end of the week, and I fi g- tal and disappearing to do more leagues’ table to plan the rest of ured that this is because everyone lines, anything to avoid conversa- our evening. It’s at this point Shei- gets to spend two days away from tion. Harry won’t shut up about la, my manager, tumbles over, hor- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! places and people that they hate: how useless he is with chopsticks rible meaty fl esh sticking out from the concept of bleeding into the and something about how raw fi sh all edges, and a crusted patch of weekend with them seemed a little gives him the “jitters”. teriyaki sauce glued to her face. How the fucktits is he doing that? dumb to me. When we eventually make it to Pushing 40 and still hopping into He’s dead! Regardless, I found myself zip- the club I have to say I’m a little bed alone, she thinks that inter- ping along the humid tube, still disappointed. It’s not that I don’t rupting my interesting conversa- willyoujoinmymiliband? suited and booted, agitated at the like Amikahikibargovidawhites – tion and grabbing at my cock will tourist stood beside me grazing on it’s just I can’t fucking stand those improve her life prospects. In- an odious cheese and onion pasty. places. Overly dolled-up women stead, the combination of the teri- We were on our way to Soho to ex- who will squat on anything for a yaki patch, her rancid Marlboro- Zombie :o plore some of its wonderful drink- cheeky line and a glossy handbag, stained tongue, and the general ing establishments, before winding the utterly repugnant toad-of-a- horror of the situation all begin up in some god-awful club with man and his parade of oligarchs to crescendo, as I feel hot, acidic NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx other teams just like ours. Th ank- stood in the corner, and a dread- liquid climbing my oesophagus. fully I’d managed to bash one out ful soundtrack that I’d trade in for At this point I knew I had to make I’m pretty sure it just means more before clocking off – there was no some sounds of JLS any night of a decision: cute blonde for one victims are coming forward and way I was going to risk cranking the week. But I was night only, or a job to keep a roof speaking out. my beer goggles up to 10 in the there, with nothing over my head for the next year. I company of the disgusting Sheila but my charming col- turned to Liz and projected my without doing so fi rst. With empty leagues and enough sick in her general direction. It Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! balls I’d be able to stay grounded cigarettes and blow sloshed all over her neck, and and see her for what she really is. to see me through a she sat there looking stunned. I saw a guy who looked like Jimmy We arrived at the restaurant – couple of hours. Call me Mr Squander. As a con- Savile on the Bakerloo line the other sub-par Japanese far served by an During one of solation prize I give her what’s day. irritating man in a funny hat – and, my many outings left of my powder, and order a of course, I ended up seated next to to the smoking area cab home. I’m thinking next week, NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx Harry. At the “meet ‘n’ greet” be- I stumbled across a and for the rest of the year, I’ll give fore joining, when graduates were cute blonde called the drinks a miss. I’d rather just describing the cost of rent in Lon- Liz. She assured me sit in and have a Pot Noodle and don, Harry ones squawked “£550 a that this wasn’t usu- a wank. Was he touching children? OBAMARAMATYME2012 the turnip No, but he defi nitely looked like he was thinking about it. Hangman’s Finest College News Source willyoujoinmymiliband? Missing man foolishly ventured off IKEA path by Hugh Moor Did he look like a zombie? A police investigation into the disap- ple don’t read Swedish, but if they did, Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! pearance of William Claydon, 34, has they’d know that all those signs with revealed that he vanished after ventur- words such as ‘Lyksele’, ‘Dvala’ and ing off the designated IKEA pathway ‘Standig” are not imaginative and fun Flatpacked picture... Jimmy Savile is not a zombie! Christ in the Croyden branch of the Swedish Swedish names for otherwise dreary you guys are retarded. conglomerate. Claydon, who last seen household items, but signs warning of robes. Ikea released a statement saying browsing a modern yet aff ordable sofa, dangerous Norse mythical creatures”. that whilst they were trying to tackle wandered off to look at exhibit kitchen Th e police went on to state that they the problem by issuing maps upon en- OBAMARAMATYME2012 and was never heard from again. A po- would be releasing pamphlets detailing trance and regular warning announce- lice spokesman reiterated the dangers the importance of staying on the set ments inside, they were unlikely to ever You won’t be saying that when your of a trip IKEA, “If you absolutely must track as well as a list of old Norse gods fully rid themselves of the problem as children are being touched up by a fi nd household goods at low prices they could pray to or make a pact with they had made a pact with Loki which zombie. then we implore you to stick to the in exchange for keeping them safe from let him do what he wanted so long as marked out trail that is there for your the blood-thirsty and vicious creatures the company continued to have high- own safety” before adding “most peo- hidden within the latest range of ward- profi le, international success. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 43

[email protected] HANGMAN

Drunk mate THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS of the week

BORIS JOHNSON ADMITS MAKEOVER Having fallen over in pain while trying to pick up a stray cigarette, he decided it wasn’t worth it DIDN’T GO EXACTLY AS Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] PLANNED

HOZOSKIZZLES – IT’S THE HOROSCOPES YEAH CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you decide to bring This week you try to shake This week you make eye-con- This week Endnote crashes This week you’re bored queu- This week you wake up on Sat- scrunchies back. They were re- off the nation’s blues by com- tact with a complete stranger AGAIN while you’re writing a ing in the JCR to buy your pan- urday remembering telling some ally cool in primary school and ing up with a witty joke about on the tube. A roaring shud- report, wiping out all references nini. You decide to fake having girl in metric that you wrote the frankly they deserve a return. Jimmy Savile. You remember dering noise overtakes the in your document. In a fi t of fury post-traumatic stress disorder. horoscopes for Felix in a feeble Unfortunately you’re a fat man that such a horrifi c story will carriage as the seats sponta- you throw your computer out of Lying on the fl oor screaming, attempt to impress her. She with a lanky pony tail and a never be funny and we live in neously combust and the air the window of the 5th fl oor of the you realise that no one is pay- said to write something good neck beard so instead of bring an unbearably awful world. fi lls with an acrid, poisonous library, killing the Rector passing attention to you. Disap- for Virgo this week. You decide it back; you actually get a mo- You numbly play Empire To- gas. Damnit girl! We warned ing by beneath. Due to a never- pointed, you stand up only to instead to use the horoscope to tion passed by the EU commis- tal War for 6 hours and cry you about making eye-con- used part of the College charter, fi nd that your legs don’t work. apologise that the evening got a sion declaring scrunchies ille- weakly onto your boyfriend’s tact with strangers on the you’re declared the new rector. Your consciousness snaps bit weird towards the end, and gal in member states. Gutted. shoulder as he sleeps. tube. Still get 45% on your report. back to in a minefi eld in Sudan. for forgetting her name. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you have a network- This week, you graduate. This week, you decide that Im- This week you decide to try This week you go out for a This week you contract an STI ing event with the prestigious You walk up onto the stage perial is not for you and you’d to sneak into the Skyfall pre- meal with someone you’ve from the 4th year computing company Bullshit Consulting. and decide to remember it rather just have a baby and miere. You fi rstly try offering fancied for ages. It all goes guy you slept with when you’d You were told there would be a as the proudest moment of live off benefi ts. You purchase oral sex and money to the really well and you invite her lost your glasses. You confront lot of arse-licking involved so im- your life. However, as you some artifi cial sperm from the bouncers. When that doesn’t back ‘for drinks’ ;p. However, him about it and he explains mediately whip down the CEO’s shake the rector’s hand, you Internet and become pregnant. work you use the underground on the walk home, you have that it is a virus he caught from trousers and go straight for the queef loudly. You are morti- However, when the child is born tunnels under Imperial but get a sudden urge to poo. You try his computer after spending bum cheeks, then insert your fi ed but the rector smiles re- it is a monstrous bird-human lost and end up dying, disori- to hold it in but you shit your- too much time surfi ng un- tongue into his anus for good assuringly and asks if you’d hybrid: turns out you purchased entated, starving and alone self all over your new chinos. protected on the Internet. He measure. You are immediately like to join the Queef O’Nions genetically engineered avian three days later as no-one no- You shouldn’t have chosen prescribes you a fi rewall and offered a job, congratulations! club. sperm. Enjoy breast-feeding! ticed you’d disappeared. the curry. shuffl es back to his basement. 44 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected]

Crossword Licensed to kill? (for real this time)

1 2 3 4 5 6 An apology A big sorry to everyone who 7 8 tried the nonogram last week. There were a few mis- 9 10 11 takes but they are hopefully ﬁ xed by now. Please accept 12 the following Extra Bonus 13 14 Puzzle as a thanks for being cool about it. 15 16 17 18 EXTRA BONUS

19 PUZZLE Arrange the numbers 20 11223344 21 22 in such a way that there is 23 24 one number between the ones, two numbers between 25 the twos, three numbers between the threes and four 26 27 numbers between the fours.

28 29 30 31 32 Solving the nonogram is easy: the numbers show you

the length of the groups of 33 34 black squares as well as how many of them there are in a row or column.

ACROSS DOWN 1. Kids show you watched again and again (11) 1. Aquatic limb (8) Slitherlink 3 3 23 3 7. Irritated (5) 2. Popular PC game initials (4) 9. Voided (6) 3. Gets you started at golf (3) 3 2 3 2 3 12. Nervous laughter (6) 4. Large river boat (5) More slitherlinky goodness for the dedi- 13. Wide road (6) 5. Black hole, for example (11) cated puzzle solver. Your aim is to make a 1 1 2 14. Surname of a boxer (3) 6. Looked up to (8) single closed loop by joining the dots so that 15. Enigma (4) 8. Works bread (6) numbered squares are surrounded by the 2 1 3 17. Boy (3) 10. European Capital of Culture 2008 (9) corresponding number of lines (e.g. a square 19. Fragile sand (5) 11. Publicly declared wrong (9) numbered 2’ can only have one line on two of 2 3 2 20. About 9 AM, say (7) 13. Shortened marketing scheme (2) its sides). 21. Fathered (5) 16. Breakfast food (3) As you can see, we are trying to phase in 0 3 3 23. Saw something tasty (7) 18. Conjunction to describe (2) all sorts of new puzzles, so do send us your 24. A ﬁ lm that phoned home (2) 22. Fate (7) opinion on them. For instance, if you think 2 02 25. Trends (6) 23. Phil “The Power” Taylor’s game (5) Knights and Knaves is horrible, tell us so, and, 28. PTFE (6) 26. Hairstyle (4) although you will make me very, very sad, 2 2 2 29. Peaceful (8) 27. Style of writing (4) we will (probably) listen to popular demand 33. To be calculating (8) 30. Regret (3) and punt it. Similarly, if you think that varia- 02 2 3 1 34. Weak (4) 31. Pinch (3) tions on Sudoku are the best thing since sliced bread, we’ll try to include more of them. 1 2 232

Last week’s crossword

C T H U G H A F O X H O L E Thermometer Sudoku A O H L A E P N S O M N A M B U L A N C E C Knights and Knaves It’s like the regular Sudoku you all know S E Z Y L O R O You arrive at a remote district of the Island of Knights and Knaves, and you come O X O N I A N O R C H A R D and love, but with a twist. You need to C M P R E across two locals, Aaron and Barbara. The following exchange takes place: FUCWIT K N O S S O S I C A R U S make sure that each row, column, and box R C A A C R J contains all numbers from 1 to 9, but the L E P E R V A N D Y K E A You: Are you both knights? League Table H Y V A V Aaron: added complication is that in each ther- L A I R D Y L A N A L E A Ja. mometer, numbers must be in (strictly) We’re still keeping track of those I S L O You (turning to Barbara): Is your friend a knight? sending solutions, so no worries. N E M A A G N I T A N G O Barbara: increasing order, (starting from the bulb). E O B I E D Da. As a reminder, this term, every N U M I S M A T I C S O R E

week, we have two free six-month A solution to last week’s Slitherlink You immediately realise that “ja” and “da” are the topical dialect’s words for “yes” and Netflix subscriptions to give away “no”, but you have no idea which means what. EACH WEEK (did we mention eve- 32 11 ry week?) Send your answers in to: 2 1 0 Who’s a knight and who’s a knave? What do “ja” and “da” mean? [email protected] 2 3 3 0 0 2 2 Solution to last week’s Knights and Knaves puzzle: 3 2 1 2 If Andy is a knight, then he doesn’t know his colour and so sees one and only one white hat. 2 0 3 3 Then Bob is a knave, and he is wearing a white hat while also seeing Dan with a white hat, a 3 contradiction. As such, Andy is a knave, and so either sees Bob, Chris and Dan wearing either 3 1 2 3 1 two or no white hats. From Bob’s statement, we know Bob and Dan are wearing black, and so 1 2 Chris is wearing black as well. Dan accuses Andy of lying, and so is truthful, while Chris falsely 1 2 1 3 says he doesn’t know his colour. In summary, Andy, Bob, Chris, and Dave are a knave, a knight, a knave and a knight wearing white, black, black, and black. FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER 45 Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos Louisa Byrne PUZZLES [email protected] Yet another bonus puzzle... Criptic Crossword

12 3 45 67 8 Across Down

9 1. Place filled with a key shows no 2. Lose possession of small pie (8) sign of life (5,4) 3. Fluorine, mixed with arsenic, 10 11 6. He came first, having behead- copper and nitrogen creates en- ed woman (4) ergy (7,6) 10. Prepare Queen’s hair product 4. Independent study (3) (11) 5. Dry swallowing a coin - twelve 12 13 12. Bottom-poke large water bird is particularly common (1,4,1,5) (5) 7. First-rate comic (5) 13. None fail test - it’s a sign! (2,5) 8. Upset about famous horse 14. Animal is expensive, by the killer (8) 14 15 sound of it (4) 9. 2012 Medal-winning boxer 15. Stroud destroyed by dynasty goes back and forth (5) 16 17 (6) 11. Decent interns radically 18. Two pints given by ultimate raised? (13) 18 19 scrabble winner? (6) 13. Subject to character evalua- tion (6,5) 20 19. Trigonometric function of time has value (4) 16. Ahead of schedule, perform a selection of songs (8) 21 22 21. Sulphur contained in toxic distribution? (7) 17. Oil provider circulates de- 22. Originally Marilyn came from tailed coverage of fuel for stu- Roman ruins (5) dents! (8) 23 24 23. Disfigured Marine met us and 20. Caught and bowled by taxi was impossible to measure (11) driver (5) 25. Examine part of testicle (4) 21. Drains light shoes (5) 26. Thirst quencher? Sounds like 24. Back in Tandoori, American 25 26 a Royal Park has a limited supply gets wind (3) (9) Set by: Romandjul

month subscriptions per week to give away to the lucky winners who successfully complete the most puzzles correctly. Send your answers to puz- [email protected] to be in with Netflix is the world’s leading inter- a chance of winning. net subscription service which gives you access to hundreds of thousands of films and TV series at the click of Visit netflix.com/uk for more infor- a button and they’ve given us 2 six mation 46 FRIDAY 26 OCTOBER

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Sor- SPORT cha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky [email protected] LAX women crush opposition

Sports Writer Imogen Simmonds weakness when it came to defending team. Hertfordshire’s centre was able goals, and the quarter fi nished with 4 to break away and scored a fi nal 2 goals in our favour to their 1. goals despite the incredible persever- On Wednesday the 17th, the Impe- Th e second and third quarters con- ance of Jordon Mcdonald, valiantly rial Womens’ fi rst team played their fi rst tinued with Imperial maintaining the attempting centre in her fi rst match match of the season against Reading. upper hand, the players new and old and subsequently being crowned Man Despite being their fi rst match as a team, showing increased confi dence as the of the Match for her impressive ef- Imperial dominated from the fi rst whis- match progressed, fi ghting hard for fort. Nevertheless, Imperial still held tle with Ellie Hill scoring the fi rst goal every ground ball and making some a comfortable lead with several goal and setting us off to an awesome start. excellent tackles. Members who had attempts being made in the fi nal quar- Defence was on form, with everyone played the year before were showing ter and the match ending in a fl ourish working and communicating through- remarkable improvement all round with Imperial’s 9th goal being scored out the match giving Reading very few with the force of their play and getting by Gen Pugh in the last 20 seconds. opportunities to even approach our goal. Body armour? Needed by a girl in Metric. stuck in with much more zeal than the Of the fi nal result the Seconds Cap- Despite play being interrupted due to previous season. Particular improve- tain said “I’m really impressed by how injuries, the team stayed strong through- ment was noticeable in Louisa Dyer, quickly the new girls have picked up out. In the second half, the attack began Alice Wickham and Hannah Th rower. the basic stick skills needed to play to relax into the game after a slightly better. We got let off a little easy this time” convincing one of 9-5 with the main Hertfordshire were able to score 1 Lacrosse, its shown how valuable the manic start and drew out the defence as Womens 2’s Captain goal scorers being, Annie Mondon- goal per quarter in the 2nd and 3rd time we have spent teaching has been. using the perimeter proved to be an ef- Gen Pugh Ballantyne , Catherine Hedley and quarters, all by their centre: their team I am unbelievably proud of both the fective way of scoring. Victory was clear Gen Pugh. captain and evidently star player too. new girls and old members: every with a fi nal score of 26-2 and Jahnvi Ka- Due to issues with the minibus and Th e Imperial team were still yet to single person really got stuck into the ria deservedly being voted as Man of the traffi c on the way to Hertfordshire the have a proper tactics training session match and gave it their all. It was bril- Match. Best wishes to Kat Roele, one of Th e Womens’ 2nds lacrosse team team arrived with only time for a very and shutting one player down at all liant seeing everyone working so hard the veteran fi rst players, who was injured played and won their fi rst match of short warm up before being thrown times proved a challenge. Th e defence and yet having fun at the same time.” in the match: we all hope she makes a the season against Hertfordshire on onto the pitch with some players not worked hard to get to grips with dou- Imperial Womens’ lacrosse has got speedy recovery! Wednesday the 17th of October. Th e even knowing the positions they were ble-teaming quickly and succeeded off to a rip roaring start and the teams Lizzie Allen, 1’s Captain said “I am so team was composed of a 50:50 mix- meant to be playing. Th e fi rst goal was in holding off most Hertfordshire ad- seem to be going from strength to impressed with the level of talent that ture of seasoned players and fresh to Hertfordshire in the early minutes vances with fantastic defensive work strength with much being gained from the new freshers have shown - should be faces who had only picked up a stick of the game; with Imperial still trying by Vi Tran and Hannah Tullett, and of match play for both new and old play- an exciting season! Can’t wait to battle for the fi rst time two weeks before. to get it’s bearing. But back to centre, course Tania Buckthorp (goalie) too. ers. If you are interested in playing- our old rivals UCL. Reading was a good Taking this into consideration the suc- reset and it was clear Herts were not By the fi nal quarter it was clear that -whether you have been playing since warm up and we managed to practise cess of the match was a testament to to be quite so lucky again. Th is time Imperial’s fi tness was lagging, a weak- you were 12 or have never picked up some good plays but all in all we still need the team and the hard work and keen around, Imperial dominated posses- ness exacerbated by the shortage of a lacrosse stick before--please email to improve as a team and work together drive of the players. Th e victory was a sion with Hertfordshire showing clear subs compared to the opponent’s [email protected]. Netball 2s continue winning streak

Toni Semmence Sports Writer come back from as Wednesday, but an Fantastic movement from both Har- court from Harriet Rumgay and Hannah their lead. Great shooting and movement inspirational team talk form Captain Abi riet Rumgay and Hannah in the ‘D’ gave Weekes ensured that every opportunity form Beverly Tsang and Hannah brought and some changes on court saw everyone Hannah joint man of the match with was capitalized on. Th e fi rst quarter end- the game to a close at 37-31 to IC, with Th is week saw a busy week for ICUNC ready to fi ght back. RHUL had a very tall Toni. Th e game fi nished 40-40 with the ed 11-6 in IC’s favour. Th e 2nd quarter the 2nds undefeated season continuing. with 8 scheduled games and the fi rst Goal Shooter, making it almost impos- 2nds continuing their unbeaten season. saw Herts go out with a determination to Th e 3rds took on West London 1sts LUSL games of the season. sible for GK Emma Dixon to defend ef- Tuesday saw the 4ths and 5ths with close the gap, but strong play from Sarah away, and with many of the senior play- On Monday evening the 1sts took on fectively even with the help of Catherine their fi rst game of the season at South Simmonds and Emily Rolfe ensured that ers absent due to Commemoration Day, QM 1sts away, the game started quite Burrows and so over half time we had to Park courts in Fulham. Th e 4ths took on the 1st half ended 19-15. Th e 3rd quarter Amelia Al-Qazzaz led the team. Th e closely but QM started to pull away. Lack change our tactics and focus on block- KCL 5ths with almost a completely new saw Herts begin to close the gap more game was very close, but unfortunately of familiarity within the 1sts and small ing the Goal Attack out of the circle in team from last year. Th e game started but controlling play from Abi Johnston was lost in the last quarter and West mistakes give plenty to work on in train- the hope that this would stop them from slowly with most of the action being in Hume ensured that IC were still ahead. London won the game 23-18. A special ing, and with a strong foundation to build scoring so many goals. Th e fi rst half end- the centre court. Th e 4ths started to fall Th e fi nal quarter and IC came out with a mention goes to Isobel McLachlan for on the quality of play can only improve. ed 26-18 to RHUL. Th e change of tactics behind but would not be deterred and new lease of life, and managed to extend her fantastic shooting on the day. Th e game ended 40-24 to QM. proved successful, with Toni Semmence fought right to the end with a respectable Th e 3rds also had a tough game, tak- drawing contact from the GA. Fantastic fi nal score of 9-3 to KCL. Unfortunately ing on the strongest team in the league, interceptions by Rebecca Tyne, Sarah LSE pulling out at the last minute meant UCL 3rds. Good play by the 3rds was not Simmonds and Emily Rolfe ensured by the 5th team are yet to be able to show enough to stop UCL dominating, regard- the end of the third quarter IC were only what they are made of. less of this the 3rds played on hard with behind by 2 goals. Th roughout the fi nal Wednesday saw the return of BUCS the score ending 60-20 to UCL. Nancy quarter IC managed to maintain the 2 matches where the 1sts took on St Barts Edge’s great work in the centre court goal diff erence until the last 2 minutes 1sts away. Unfortunately a tough game earned her man of the match. where a turnover in midcourt led to us saw the score end 35-21 to St Barts. Th e 2nds had a home game and took scoring, leaving us only one goal behind Th e 2nds had another home game on RHUL 2nds, after a win the previous with only 1 minute to go. It was then and were determined to make the most Wednesday our heads were held high our centre pass and after a few turnovers of it and continue their unbeaten season but we were very aware that this would and a scrappy 30 seconds by both teams against Herts 3rds. Th e 2nds went out be a tough game. Unfortunately, the fi rst Abi managed to feed the ball to Hannah hard and some brilliant defence by Emma Despite her best attempts, quarter ended with IC behind Royal Hol- Weekes who scored the winning goal Dixon and Rebecca Tyne ensured that she still couldn’t fly loway by 8 goals, heads started to drop, with both defenders out of play and only Herts shooters barely saw the ball. More maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy to seconds left to spare, talk about pressure!! fantastic work at the other end of the 26/10/12 Issue 1528 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” IC Rowers get more golds

Rory Sullivan Sports Writer from the event with two gold medals, wolfi ng slices and slices of cake down in the under-23 lightweight double and after the boys boated. In the fi nal the the under-23 men’s eight. Lightweight crews lined up: Leander, Cambridge, Th e Diamond Jubilee Regatta was held dream-team Wilf Kimberley and Tim Molesey, Oxford Brookes, Imperial and over the weekend of the 20-21st Octo- Richards won the gold, having both at- Tideway Scullers. Th e Imperial crew ber at the scene of the summer’s Olym- tending the under-23 World Champi- were the only boat not containing any pic rowing frivolities, Dorney Lake. Th e onships over the summer. Th ey were Olympians, and the Leander boat actu- prospect of a major 2 kilometre sprint pushed hard by Myles Holbrough and ally had fi ve medals from the London event just three weeks into the autumn Paul Jones, also of Imperial, who fi n- 2012 games! IC managed to hang on term struck fear into even the hardiest ished second in the under-23 light- for a 5th place fi nish overall. Two-man IC rower. However, despite the shock to weight doubles category. Th is excellent Sam Cottrell had given so much that he the system, it turned out to be a hugely one-two meant BUCS points galore and didn’t have the energy to hold on to his They are awful trousers successful event. Imperial College Boat a high fi nal placing, with the doubles oar once they had crossed the line. It got Club arrived in force, storming their fi nishing 8th and 10th overall. caught under-water and he ‘crabbed’ way up the medal table and fi nishing On the Sunday the student men’s 8 were ending up pinned backwards with a second in the Victor Ludorum at the racing for the fi rst time this year. Th e handle in his face until the boat slowed end of the weekend. crew of Hal Bradbury, Sam Cottrell, Jon- to a halt. Although not the most stylish 6th in senior quads. crews and 6th overall in women’s dou- Competition at the Regatta was fi erce. ny Rankin, Ali Hudson, Ben Spencer- way to fi nish a race, Cottrell said that ‘at Imperial medic and London 2012 bles, adding to the Boat Club’s early sea- Usually at events ICBC are used to rac- Jones, Henry Goodier, Wilf Kimberley least everyone thought that I had pulled rower Mel Wilson stormed to victory son haul of BUCS points. ICBC also had ing other crews of a similar standard: and Tim Richards with cox Ellie Smith hard’. in the women’s 8 in a composite crew a student double of Annie Hooper and BUCS for example. However the re- had extremely tough competition. In Th e beauty of the new format meant also containing 4 other ICBC mem- Lily Beadle fi nishing 7th in this event. vised format meant that all categories their semi-fi nal they found themselves that in the semi-fi nal of the men’s quad, bers. Mel had a very successful sum- Further women’s success came with a of crew would race each other, pitting off the pace in the fi rst 1000m, needing Paul Jones found himself looking across mer, coming 6th at the Olympics in the student crew of Louise Connell, Har- lightweights against heavyweights and a top 3 fi nish to make the A-fi nal. Th e at his opposite man in the London RC women’s quad after taking a year out riet Cross, Caterina Buizza and Hannah seniors against us little under-23s. Win- boys put in a powerful push at halfway, boat, who happened to be Bill Lucas, of studying to focus on the games. She Patterson fi nishing 5th in the A fi nal of ners of respective categories would then getting their bows in front of Newcas- a 6ft6 GB Olympic Beast. Paul, who has been back training with the squad the women’s coxless fours, an excellent be worked out at the end of racing based tle University and into the critical third in normal terms is average sized but at IC this year and has been showing result against some very strong crews. on overall rankings. In addition Olym- place spot. Knocking Newcastle out in rowing circles is a midget, laughed off some very fl ashy kit out on the river! Th e BUCS points are already racking pians who had raced over the summer also meant that Imperial were the only off the size diff erence in typical Gallic Th e ICBC non-students achieved other up, the medals are coming in and it were encouraged to attend and race for under-23 crew in the fi nal, automati- fashion however this time confi dence excellent results at the regatta, with vic- looks like it could be the year for ICBC. their home clubs. Th is meant that we cally getting them a gold medal! In cel- wasn’t enough unfortunately. Th e quad tory in the women’s four and alumni, Th e next event for the crews is the Toga were lining up against the actual big ebration strokeman Kimberley pulled of Myles Holbrough, Paul, Rory Sullivan lady-killer and Olympic spare Adam Party this coming Saturday, followed by deals, in a rowing equivalent of you rac- out a huge chocolate cake, which many and Dan Powell missed out on the A- Freeman-Pask stroking a heavyweight the small matter of GB trials a couple ing Usain Bolt with one man and his dog of the crew got stuck into. Coach Stu fi nal but managed a positive 4th in the quad to 5th in the A-fi nal. of weeks after. It is great to see so many watching from the stands of the Olym- Whitelaw struggled to give his pre-race under-23 category. Another quad con- Th ere was success for the women’s dou- novices down the Boat Club at the mo- pic Stadium. chat for the fi nal as he couldn’t keep his taining Simon Steele, rowing with last ble of Lizzie Cottrell and Georgie Phil- ment, and we look forward to more Imperial’s all student rowers came away hands off the ‘dirty beast’ and was seen year’s captain Paddy Hudson fi nished lips. Th ey fi nished 3rd out the university success for ICBC in the coming months. Freshers get wet in Cambridge

Alex Charleson Sports Writer need to warm up and so the competition began. Th ere were good individual swims On Saturday the Imperial swimming from all the freshers and the team as team travelled to Cambridge to take a whole came 5th. Some outstanding part in the ﬁ rst gala of the year, and swims were by Michael Ingram in the it was a good meet but was not with- 100m butterﬂ y and Fraser Gordon in out hitches. Our captain, after telling the 100m freestyle who both came in us which trains to book, booked hers the top three in all their races. After for half an hour later, and when we did the competition we enjoyed some arrive in Cambridge Tom Trimnell well-earned pizzas (all large of course) assured us he knew how to get to the and beers on the train home. Artyom The wettest this pool so we started walking. We took put his underwater camera to good Fresher is ever going the scenic route round the outskirts of and made a video of our day; youtube. to get Cambridge and an hour later, we ar- com/watch?v=tttaNi_Udho. All in all rived at the pool. After our little ad- it was a good day and the freshers rose venture round Cambridge we didn’t to the occasion spectacularly. ICURFC brings 15% off supplements for all students! bit.ly/imperialprotein GLENCORE UK LTD.

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CAREERS PRESENTATION Sheffield Building, Read Lecture Theatre ▪ Monday 29 October ▪ 1830hrs

IMPERIAL COLLEGE CAREERS FAIR Thursday 18 October

We are looking for exceptional graduates who demonstrate a strong interest in commodities trading and who thrive on logistical challenges and providing practical solutions to complex problems. Numerical ability is fundamental as is the ability to work in a highly pressured and fast paced environment. We look for people with language skills and cultural awareness because diversity of people is very important to us. Our approach necessitates a long term and thorough learning discipline. We encourage movement between teams and seek candidates who are proactive and will flourish in a highly successful environment that lacks rigidity; our graduate opportunities are reflective of this culture. Our intention is for graduates to eventually become front line traders should they show suitable aptitude.

Glencore is offering up to 6 graduate vacancies in its London office in 2013, which involve a series of real roles including operations and risk management. Both roles are exceptionally hands on and are critical stages in the development of a successful trader. To apply for a graduate position at Glencore you must achieve a minimum of a 2:1 or higher degree and be fluent in English. Alternatively, looking beyond academic success, demonstration of exceptional achievement in a commercial environment will be viewed positively.

Please submit your CV and cover letter to [email protected]

You should seek to demonstrate the following:

§ Entrepreneurial flair, commercial innovation and initiative § Passion and determination to succeed in a competitive environment § Exploring opportunities to generate additional value § How you have solved complex problems § How you have encouraged and inspired others § What you expect from Glencore to develop your career and meet your aims § Any references you feel will support your application

Applications will be considered on a rolling basis until our closing date of 31st October 2012

Glencore are working in partnership with Smart Global Trading Limited in this recruitment exercise