FREE Bringing you the bare essential read since A 32 PAGE BUMPER 1968 CHRISTMAS EDITION!

Could Did we Extreme Santa choose Betty Christmas do what as one of our Puzzle he TV picks? Were you caught Pullout does? Find out fetishing? P15-18 P8 P22&23 P20&21 “UNDERPASS MOLESTER” CHARGED By Ben Miller and Gareth Giles A3 underpass, referred to by students as the ‘Tesco underpass’. The cameras, which were proposed by the Surrey Police charged a man last week suspected of university, Students’ Union, and the Liberal Democrats being the “Underpass Molester”, who carried out a on Guildford Borough Council, were finally agreed by systematic campaign of sexual assaults against young the council in September. women, some of them students at the University. Councillor Chris Ward, whose Onslow ward Andrew Harding, 25, from Devoil Close in contains the underpass and the Stag Hill and Manor Guildford, is charged with four offences relating to Park campuses said, “The news that this criminal touching women. Three were committed between 14 has been caught will bring a huge relief to many of May and 9 August at the A3 underpass in Egerton my female residents who have contacted me over the Road. He is also charged with a further alleged offence past few months worried about the recurring attacks. on 31 October in Ridgemount. Harding asked for This arrest and the additional CCTV cameras my eight further offences that occurred between 3 May colleagues and I fought for will give peace of mind to and 31 August at the A3 underpass to be taken into Police, but the request was refused in case evidence students and residents that would-be attackers will not consideration. He will appear at South West Surrey was prejudiced. However, the charging of Harding get away with these despicable crimes.” Magistrates Court in Guildford on December 4. came just months after Guildford Borough Council barefacts has also been asked to make it clear that barefacts asked for further information from Surrey agreed on installation of CCTV cameras in the the man charged is not a student at the university. POSTGRADUATE SURVEY RESULTS DUE By Ben Miller that we ‘police’ the Students’ Union and ensure that postgrads’ concerns are being adequately represented.” The first national survey looking exclusively at the experiences of postgraduate Surrey’s postgrad association has representatives on the University Senate, which research students will be published next month. The number of postgraduate allows them to air their views at the highest level. They highlight issues such as students in the UK has been rapidly expanding, as people feel the need to improve supervision and resources for PhD students, and they campaign on specific issues. their job prospects. Over half a million students were enrolled onto postgraduate The postgraduate association at Surrey keeps postgrad issues on the agenda courses in the UK during the 2005-06 academic year, which is 23.3 per cent of the through the student media. A postgraduate edits “PG Tips”, a postgraduate page student population. in this newspaper. Its other main responsibility is to lay on social and recreational Despite the fact that postgraduate students account for almost a quarter of all facilities. At Surrey, postgrads have their own social centre, which the students share students, the postgraduate voice has tended to be sidelined. Postgraduate issues and with academic staff, giving them the chance to network with their supervisors and concerns have often been seen as little more than add-ons to the undergraduate other academics. experience, rather than issues in and of themselves. Ciaran Fisher said: “There has been a real culture change within the postgraduate At the University of Surrey the postgraduate population has soared in recent community in recent years. Postgrads are now much more aware of their rights and years and is comprised of around 4,700 postgrad students, which is 36% of the are much more likely to demand the support and supervision they are entitled to. student population. “As the postgraduate community increases, we are also seeing more postgrads The postgraduate association was set up four years ago and its main job is to getting involved in student politics. There is also a sense that universities and the ensure postgraduates have proper political representation in the university, says government are beginning to take the views and concerns of postgrads on board.” Ciaran Fisher, president of Surrey postgraduate association. “In effect, this means [email protected] Issue 1116 Monday 3rd December www.bfacts.co.uk [email protected] 2 NEWS 3rd December 2007 News In Brief Beating the winter Thank you all Staff and students raised over £400 in the Children in Need blues By Ben Miller Cake Sale. Lakeside Restaurant’s Baileys chocolate torte proved Dr. Johnston said: “moving to somewhere to be a popular raffle prize. As it gets dark earlier and earlier and it gets sunny for three months over the winter would colder and colder, more than a million people be great for everyone! Not an option? Stick to a MPs demand cost review of are known to suffer from seasonal affective daily walk, a blast of the light box and a healthy delayed Galileo satellite system disorder (SAD). A lack of sun can leave people diet.” Phil Davies, Business Manager at Surrey Satellite Technology lethargic, depressed, anxious and more likely to Ltd (SSTL), agreed with MPs’ call for a review of the multi- get colds and infections. billion pound Galileo project. The report by the Transport Select Dr Jonathan Johnston, a lecturer in neuroscience Committee said plans for a European rival to the GPS satellite at the University of Surrey who specialises navigation system should be blocked pending an independent in seasonal biology, said: “Some people have review of the project until they had reassurances the project will suggested that SAD is like a human form of not waste taxpayers’ money. hibernation – perhaps it’s a vestigial link to animal behaviour.” Some methods to beat the winter blues include using a light box, getting outdoors, taking exercise, improving your diet, taking supplements, talking therapies or getting some winter sun.

Congratulations editorial team Congratulations go to Nasser Al Khomashi, a Surrey Nuclear 1115 Physics PhD research student and former MSc student. Nasser EDITOR |GARETH GILES | [email protected] won first prize for best oral presentation at the Association of

University Radiation Protection Officers’ Conference. DEPUTY EDITOR (DESIGN) | CLAIRE WORGAN | [email protected] DEPUTY EDITOR (MARKETING) | POSITION VACANT | [email protected] Protest at University NEWS TEAM | BEN MILLER AND KATHRYN MEDIEN | [email protected] Protests took place at Oxford University when David Irving, a FOOD EDITOR | VERITY KIRKPATRICK | [email protected] ‘historian’ jailed in Austria for denying the Holocaust, along with SCIENCE EDITOR | EMMA ROGULSKA | [email protected] Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, turned up FEATURES EDITOR | AMUL GURUNG | [email protected] for an Oxford Union debate. Their inclusion led to objections PG TIPS EDITOR | ALEX ILLSLEY | [email protected] from student groups, MPs resigning their membership of the ARTS EDITOR | JAKE SOUTH | [email protected] debating union and some people refusing to share the same SOCIETIES EDITOR | SIMON MOORE | [email protected] platform as the extremists. Oxford Union Debate said that it is SPORTS EDITOR | MATT CHEETHAM | [email protected] important to give people of all views a platform. A rally against SPORTS EDITOR | ANTHONY HANSON | [email protected] the inclusion of the two men was held, with speakers including PUZZLELORD | COLIN EVERETT | [email protected] Holocaust survivors. COPY EDITOR | PHILL NATHAN | [email protected] COPY EDITOR | RUMBI KAMBARAMI | [email protected] WEBMASTER | JOSH BATES | [email protected] Cows causing climate change MARKETING MANAGER | NATALIYA NADTOKA | [email protected] A report by the Food Climate Research Network at Surrey claims the livestock industry generates eight per cent of all MARKETING CO-ORDINATOR | AARON SALINS | [email protected] UK greenhouse gas emissions. It states dairy cows are a major EDITOR-IN-CHIEF | ALEX COLLINS | [email protected] source of the biggest greenhouse gas pollution from livestock - methane is released when cattle burp. barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office.

The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand.

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WWW.USSU.CO.UK/BAREFACTS © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2007 [email protected] 3rd December 2007 NEWS & COLUMNS 3 Pathetic NUS response Two weeks of to child labour links mayhem! Alex Collins, Park and visiting PATS for a continues Students’ Union President concert, he made his way to the Lakeside Restaurant for dinner. By Ben Miller It is beginning to get a bit The whole Sabbatical team had scary how fast time is flying a good chat with him, and I The NUS’s response to the said: “We can assure students breaking numerous health by! I remember when I was got to sit next to him at dinner. use of forced child labour that we are treating this issue and safety regulations. If studying. When it gets to exam After a number of interesting in Uzbekistan following extremely seriously. We have this is what they’re doing in time, the week always seems to conversations, it came to the Newsnight’s investigation contacted Matalan and this country I dread to think disappear faster, and the exams end of dinner and so the start continues to be slow and Topshop, requesting their what is happening in other suddenly appear! Well, exams of speech time. I gave the first lamentable. responses to the Newsnight countries with more lax are equal to Christmas in my speech, thanking the Duke for barefacts initially contacted allegations. As soon as we working conditions. world, and it seems as though his commitment and loyalty, the NUS on 2 November “Big organisations like the it is almost already upon us! and also commenting on the after Newsnight revealed the NUS can and should use The problem with that is the long way the Students’ Union use of forced child labour in its muscle to clean up the amount of things we are trying has come over the 30 years he cotton fields in Uzbekistan. organisations it affiliates to do in the Students’ Union, has been Chancellor. The programme showed the with.” and the limited time you get to I have also been away for some cotton was used in clothes Simon McRae, senior do them in. Before I know it, national networking this week, by retail companies Matalan, campaigns officer at War the sabbatical elections will be visiting Bournemouth for the Burton, and Topshop, all on Want, said: “Our charity here, and I will be watching my National Union of Students of who the NUS have a is concerned about Uzbek successor trying to muster up (NUS) South and London, and relationship with. children forced to pick support for their campaign. the Presidents’ Residential – a The NUS’s woeful response cotton by their country’s The last two weeks have been good opportunity to network on the 8 November stated government.” a busy time; we have had our and troubleshoot with other they were chasing Matalan It is hard for organisations first couple of exec meetings Students’ Union presidents. for information. After to be ethical and many face with the full exec. It’s going On Wednesday, myself and consistent chasing the NUS a moral minefield about really well; the new Union the General Manager, Bob came back with a response which criteria to adhere to. Chair George has moved into Anderson, took a visit to on 29 November. Even charities face tough the role like a duck to water, and London for a conference “Those companies don’t decisions and dilemmas over quickly taken a good steer of entitled “Enhancing the give the NUS any money,” have received and considered its ethical work, particularly the exec ship. Exec is aiming to Student Experience”. Whilst said Jonathan Carroll, their responses, we will with the companies they be its most effective for a long the conference itself was pretty an NUS spokesman. He comment further.” partner with. while, and has started off in the self explanatory, the messages added that the matter is Jonathan Carroll added: However, the NUS’s right direction, already getting given out by our competitor being investigated by NUS “Unfortunately we cannot lethargy and lack of a to grips with the constitution institutions were pretty clear - Services, who are talking to add anything further at this resolute response on the and creating policies. “We must be partners with the the individual companies. stage because of our legal issue shows they are falling We have Students’ Assembly Students’ Union, and we must NUSS said that they make duty to consult with the woefully short of what most on Tuesday 4th at 6pm in invest in them”. As a result I sure the companies they work companies before we act or students expect the body to Rubix, and we have a busy am going to be focusing on the with are ethical by screening make any announcements.” be doing. agenda (www.ussu.co.uk/ Students’ Union’s requirements them through the Ethical Asked again if they had voice). Everyone that turns over the next 5 – 10 years, and Investment Research Service been in touch with EIRIS up is getting a free ticket into how we can meet those in the – EIRIS. and what information they Headphone Disco, so I will future. barefacts spoke to EIRIS had found out from Matalan look forward to seeing you Also, a big well done to who said: “We have worked and Topshop, they said: “We there. We are also working to everyone who worked at with the NUS in the past have nothing further to add redesign the exec website to collecting money for the Poppy - but client confidentiality to our statement for the legal make it simpler to understand Appeal. We raised £890 in issues prevent us disclosing reason explained.” how to submit a motion, what total, a big improvement on the further details of exactly The NUS has a number of a motion is, where it goes, who past two years. how different organisations affiliates including NoSweat makes decisions, when policies Finally, a plug for everyone use our data.” and War on Want. are created and how you as a to come and ‘Party with the So barefacts asked the Mick Duncan, No Sweat student actually do decide what President’ at Retro Night on NUS if they had been in Secretary, said: “It’s pretty happens in the Students’ Union Friday the 7th December, I contact with EIRIS, and disappointing the NUS and the University. will be DJing the whole night, what investigations and promotes schemes with Monday this week saw the and will be playing everyone’s information NUS Services Topman/Topshop and 30th Anniversary celebration favourite songs from the 60s, has carried out and discovered Matalan. dinner for the Chancellor, 70s, 80s and 90s. See you to date. “Topshop were even caught HRH The Duke of Kent. there! Dave Lewis, NUS Treasurer, in the east-end of London After looking at the Research [email protected] [email protected] 4 NEWS 3rd December 2007 Overseas ATI to develop new students boost drug sensor By Ben Miller accuracy of the detection and identification University of chemicals – critical when public safety Surrey University’s Advanced Technology is at risk.” By Ben Miller Institute, and local company ZiNIR, have Project leader at the University of Surrey, been awarded funding to develop a sensor Dr. Stephen Sweeney added, “This is a A record 157,000 overseas with demand being driven to detect for explosives and illicit drugs. perfect example of how funding can be used students took up places in British by strong performances in The Institute is renowned for its to bring together an emerging high-tech universities and colleges last international league tables and expertise in photonics, which is a branch of company, like ZiNIR, with an experienced year, and international students the growth of English speakers technology that deals with the applications university research centre, such as the ATI. boosted the economy by almost around the world. of the particle properties of light and the This is of enormous benefit to both parties, £8.5bn. Greece, Cyprus and China are transmission of information. ZiNIR’s the region, and the UK.” 25% of Surrey students the largest sources of foreign technology is able to quickly and accurately are from overseas. The influx students studying at Surrey. analyse liquids and solids, such as explosives follows concerted efforts by the A spokesman for Universities or illicit drugs hidden in powders or university to market its wares UK hailed the rising number of liquids. abroad and boost its income. students and academics choosing The sensor will be adept at the rapid to work and study in Britain. He identification of toxic chemicals mixed said: “International students in with everyday substances, and the and academics also provide an instrument will be used with powders and immeasurable academic, cultural, liquids including suspect glass and plastic and social benefit to the UK bottles. generally. ZiNIR Director Dr. Ian Goodyer said “It is therefore vital for our “We are very grateful for the opportunity universities and the economy to access the expertise of the University of that the UK continues to offer a Surrey. Increased sensitivity will improve the truly welcoming and supportive environment for international students and academics.” Fierce competition has By contrast, 19,000 people left developed between universities Britain last year to study overseas, to sell places on their courses to a number that has stayed broadly overseas students. UK universities similar for a decade. are proving increasingly popular,

£500 fake posters By Ben Miller ‘Success University’ and have and bank details of over 25 brochures and application forms.” million people, students should Security has issued a warning Security is urging students to be be extra vigilant to any scams and about posters around university aware of these people and to not giving out personal information. claiming students can earn £500. disclose bank details or hand over Dr Michael Howarth, People have been putting up any money to them. Networking lecturer at the posters around campus and The posters come at the same University of Surrey, said the talking to students about earning time barefacts received scam recent loss of personal information £500 in four weeks. Students emails offering people the chance on two Government CDs shows will then be asked for their bank to earn $30 an hour by working the proposed ID card scheme details. from home, which is only open provides a massive potential leak Barry Jakeman, Head of to non-US residents aged over 18 of personal information and Security said: “This is a scam years-old. should be stopped now. and will not result in earning the Following the discs the money they say you will be. government lost last week, which “They are saying they are from contained names, ages, addresses [email protected] 3rd December 2007 NEWS & MR EDITOR 5 Rainbow at the end of the internet

By Ben Miller same way as traffic congestion calming schemes do on from one ordinary material into another. This is why motorways, when a reduction in the speed limit can an object at the bottom of a pool seems to be closer The revolution may not be televised, but the lead to a swifter overall flow of traffic. to the surface than it truly is. internet could be revolutionised, thanks to Professor The new technique proposed by Professor Hess Professor Hess said: “If these light traps can be Ortwin Hess, PhD student Kosmas Tsakmakidis of and Kosmas Tsakmakidis involves the use of exotic created, they could revolutionise information flow the Advanced Technology Institute and and storage. Right now, the Internet Department of Physics at the University of has a limit to how fast information can Surrey and Professor Alan Boardman from flow because at certain points it’s just Salford University. They have revealed a too much information arriving at the technique which may be able to slow down, same time.” stop and capture light. If data were sent by photons rather Scientists have been trying to slow down than electrons, as is currently the case, light from approximately 670 million certain frequencies could be slowed mph and eventually stop it, which could to allow others through allowing for revolutionise how information is stored and more efficient information processing sent. The technique would allow the use of and giving the Internet a higher light rather than electrons to store memory information capacity. in devices such as computers, enabling an This ability to store light will increase in operating capacity of 1,000% conceivably provide a powerful new tool by using light’s broad spectrum rather than to control optical information, even single electrons. harnessing the quantum properties of Slow light could also be used to increase atoms, and so exploit the possibilities the speed of optical networks, such as the Internet. ‘metamaterials’ with extraordinary optical properties. of quantum computers that, in theory, will be able At major interconnection points, where billions of These materials, which consists of carefully-designed solve problems millions of times faster than current parcels of information from myriad phone calls arrive metal a billionth of a metre across, have the property machines. simultaneously, these materials could be used to slow, of negative refraction, which means light bends in the divert and allow through information, working in the opposite direction to the way it shifts when passing Mr Editor Writes: This is my last one!

By Gareth Giles, barefacts Editor on campus. All right, so it isn’t exactly how it is in the picture. But Anyone who does want to take on the job can attend I don’t have a proper photo of it yet, so that will have the Extraordinary General Meeting on Tuesday the to do. Well, I don’t know how far the news will have spread 11th December at 5pm. There’s an advert later on in As for other things going on, this issue is a bumper 32 by now, but yes, I am leaving. This issue of barefacts this issue, and you’ll see some more adverts around pager. The barefacts team has made a special effort to is my last one! I doubt there are many rumours going campus as well. keep you going as long as possible over the holidays, around about my departure, but I’m leaving because Well, I don’t want to make this column all about my so you have four pages of puzzles to distract you from of other projects I will be starting over Christmas. resignation. I also got a new haircut! revision, and a whole page of interesting facts to keep Watch this space! you from reading the terrible jokes in your Christmas I’ve enjoyed being your Editor for crackers. this semester as much as I possibly could. Through all the good For my last thoughts, I’d like to thank every single comments and all the bad, I’ve been person on the barefacts team, especially Claire, encouraged by how many students who has put up with my terrible jokes while single- actually do take notice of barefacts, handedly correcting my mistakes and secretly running and actually do notice the changes the newspaper for me. Hopefully you’ll see this new that I’ve been wanting to make from project I’m working on, and barefacts will definitely the beginning. function the same, if not better, without me. So you’ll be getting a new Editor from January. Who wants the job? I Mr Editor, out. can tell you personally that it is a lot of work, and there will be occasions where the new person won’t want to do it. But really, it is the most fun I have ever had. Finding stories, negotiating new content, getting free stuff, arguing with many, many people - it all adds up to really one of the best jobs [email protected] 6 FOOD 3rd December 2007 barefacts’ food editor Verity dishes out some tasty recipes and food tips To get your recipe on the next barefacts food page email it to Mincemeat Xmas [email protected] Party Parcels by 10th January 2008

Makes 8 Cocktails - Celebrate Ingr edients: 200g filo pastry the end of term in style! 400g mincemeat Rind of 1 orang e, grated 1 tbsp melted b utter for Hawaiian brushing 1 tbsp icing sug ar Beach Preheat oven to gas mark 5 (190C). Cut the pastry into 24 15cm squares. Place 3 squares on top of each other at different angles to make Method: 2 shots malibu a star like pattern. Spoon 50g mince meat into the centre. Sprinkle with 1 shot archers grated orange rind. Pinch the pastry together above the mincemeat to 100 ml orange juice make a parcel. Repeat. Place the parcels on a greased baking tray and 200 ml pineapple juice brush with melted butter. Bake for 15 minutes until golden. Sprinkle ½ shot blue curacao with icing sugar and serve hot or cold. 2 Serve with a cocktail umbrella and a slice of orange

Cosmopolitan Vegeta ble 1.5 shots vodka 0.75 shots triple sec Enchiladas 2.5 shots cranberry juice Serves 2. 1 tsp sugar Ingredients: 0.5 shot lime juice (Where 1 shot equals 25ml) 4 flour tortillas Serve straight up and with a slice 50g cheddar cheese grated 200ml tomato pasta sauce of lemon. 200ml vegetable stock Chilli powder to taste Sour cream to serve

Filling: Method: 1 tbsp olive oil Heat the oil in a large frying pan. Add the garlic, chilli and the 30g sweetcorn carrots (and chicken if using) and fry for 5 minutes. Add the 1 red pepper diced sweetcorn, pepper, and leek, and fry for a further 5 minutes. 70g spinach Add chilli powder to taste and the spinach. Once the spinach 1 small carrot diced has wilted remove for the heat. Pre heat the oven to gas mark 7 1 small leek sliced (220C). Fill the wraps with the vegetable filling and arrange in 2 green chillies chopped finely Margarita an oven proof dish. Bring the stock to the boil and mix together 2 garlic cloves chopped finely the tomato sauce and chilli powder. Pour the tomato mixture 1 tsp chilli powder over and between the wraps and top with grated cheese. Bake for (Optional) 1 chicken breast 1 ½ shots tequila 20 minutes in the oven until the cheese has turned golden brown. 1 shot triple sec Serve with sour cream. ½ shot lime juice The Vegetable Patch: Serve withof ice the and glass. salt the rim Vegetables that are delicious roasted with Christmas dinner: potato, bell pepper, tomato, sweet potato, courgette, butternut squash, fennel, swede, aubergine, red onion, parsnip, [email protected] 3rd December 2007 SCIENCE 7

A shrimp has The muscles that Random Facts more than control a human’s a hundred fingers are in the The human heart has One tree can pair of enough pressure chromosomes palm and forearm. to squirt blood up filter up to to 30 feet sixty pounds in each cell away. nucleus. If you could throw a The human eye of pollutants snowball fast enough, it would totally vaporize blinks an average from the air. when it hit a brick wall. of 4,200,000 times Human heart valves receive each year. The normal energy used no blood supply. by our brain is 0.1 calories per minute, and could go up to 1.5 during activities If you such as puzzle-solving. slowly pour a handful of salt into Rats can swim for half a mile (0.8 km) without rest, and can tread a totally water for three straight days. full glass WD-40 stands for “Water of water it Displacement, 40th attempt”. It was invented in 1953 and will not was first used by Convair to overflow. In protect the outer skin of the Atlas missile from rust and fact, the corrosion. water level Another random WD-40 fact A car travelling will go is that WD-40 dissolves at 80 km/h uses cocaine. down. half its fuel to A pineapple is overcome wind An Octopus has three hearts. actually a giant resistance. berry. The bark of the redwood tree is fireproof.

There is no element on Mendeleev’s (the current) periodic table of elements When glass breaks, the abbreviated, either partially, or Even organic foods cracks move at speeds fully, with the letter J. can contain additives of more than — currently 29 additives 4,500 km/hmph). (3,000 are approved for use in organic foods. [email protected] 8 SCIENCE 3rd December 2007 Hoax Buster: Additives or negatives? By Emma Rogulska Similar to sweeteners, additives are another group of substances that are often added to prevent the fats in all prepared foods involving meat or pastry from going cast into disrepute by the media. They have been associated with innumerable health rancid. They also include ascorbic acid – the proper name for vitamin C, E300 and problems, from causing hyperactivity and triggering temper tantrums in toddlers vitamin E, E306-309. to ADHD and cancer to name a few. But do additives deserve the bad press that The Food Standards Agency conduct food surveillance studies to look at additive they’ve received? And how can you tar such a broad category of substances with the levels in samples of foods and use national data to estimate the intake of additives same brush? in consumers versus Acceptable Daily Intake. They are responsible for monitoring Additives are defined as ingredients used in the preparation of processed foods. additive use and taking appropriate steps to ensure that intake does not exceed They carry out a variety of useful functions which we often take for granted. Foods recommended levels. are subjected to many environmental conditions, such as temperature changes, As consumers we are demanding more variety, choice and convenience alongside oxidation and exposure to microbes, which can change their original composition. higher standards of safety and wholesomeness at affordable prices. Meeting Food additives play a key role in maintaining the food qualities and characteristics these consumer expectations can only be achieved using modern food processing that consumers demand, keeping food safe, wholesome and appealing. technologies, which include the use of a variety of food additives. Without additives The term additive encompasses colours, preservatives, antioxidants, stabilisers, bread would become stale very quickly, fatty foods would turn rancid and most gelling agents and thickeners. Some of these are extracted from naturally occurring tinned fruits and vegetables would lose their firmness and colour. materials and others are manufactured by the chemical industry, but all additives in use within consumables have a corresponding E-number. An E-number is any chemical substance that it has been approved for its intended use across the European Union. The safety of all additives is assessed by independent experts (now European Food Standards Authority, EFSA) and assigned an E- number assigned according to what the substance is. For example, colouring agents have E-numbers between E100–E199. Many substances which you wouldn’t expect have been assigned E-numbers, such as bicarbonate of soda and caramel, which is often used as a colouring agent and corresponds to E150a. Contrary to common belief, some additives are beneficial to general health: in 1941 calcium was added to flour to prevent rickets; and anti-oxidants are also Is there a Santa Claus? A Physicist’s

By Emma Rogulska View 1) So far no scientist has been able to find a reindeer that can fl y. But then there are 15 miles per hour, but of course we have to keep in mind that Santa’s reindeers are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, so this doesn’t rule out the of a special kind. flying reindeer, even though most of these are insects and germs. Maybe Santa can clarify this with us someday, as he is the only one to see the super reindeer. 4) Another interesting element is the payload on the sleigh. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set [2 pounds], the sleigh is carrying 2) There are 2 billion children who are under 18 in the world. But as Santa doesn’t 321,300 tons. This is not counting Santa, who is invariably overweight and is yet look into children of other religions, his work load [which is distribution of presents to consider Atkins low carb diets. A conventional reindeer can pull no more than - remember: elves are there to make them!] is reduced to 15% of the total. That is 300 pounds on land. Even granting that a ‘flying reindeer’ is able to pull ten times 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. The census has shown the normal amount, it is impossible do the job with eight, or even nine. Therefore an average of 3.5 children per house, or 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s 214,200 reindeers are needed. This increases the payload - not even counting the at least one good child in each. Bless the rest! weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons.

3) Thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth Santa has 31 5) A huge amount of air resistance is created when 353,000 tons is travelling at 650 hours of Christmas to work with. We are assuming that he travels from east to miles per second. The first pair of the reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of west. [We of course have given him the benefit of the doubt that he is a logical energy/per second/each. This will heat up the reindeers instantaneously, and burst thinker.] This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This implies that for every them into flames, exposing the next pair whilst creating a deafening sonic boom in home with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to do his Christmas their wake. Within 4.26 thousandths of a second the entire reindeer team will be duties. So within 1/1000th of a second, he has to park, hop out of the sleigh, vaporized. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times slide down the chimney [with his belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly], fill the greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa [which seems ludicrously slim] would be stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat cookies, drink the pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. milk, climb up the chimney, jump back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now. the earth [Though the assumption is completely false, we accept it to make our life So I guess there won’t be any presents this Christmas - unless of course God replaces easier], this comes to .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, Santa every year! not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the Ref: SPY Magazine (January, 1990) speed of sound. It is important to note that a conventional reindeer can run, tops, [email protected] 3rd December 2007 SCIENCE & EGM 9 The Neutron - 75 Years On By Steve Ashley, Department of Physics This year marks the 75th anniversary of the discovery of the neutron by Sir part of the reactor fails, the whole power station is shut down in a way which cannot James Chadwick, at the Cavendish Laboratory, Cambridge. In fact, 1932 yielded lead to any danger. the discovery of the neutron - deuterium (‘heavy’ hydrogen) - the positron of which These stations could potentially form a large (and relatively clean) contribution was the first experimental sighting of anti-matter and the use of techniques and to the predicted impending energy crisis, although public opinion regarding nuclear equipment to ‘split the atom’. As this year was so bountiful in terms of fundamental power has not changed as drastically as the advances in technology. discoveries, some people call it the “annus mirabilis” of physics. From a fundamental aspect, the discovery of the neutron yielded the notion that The neutron was discovered as a by-product of firing α particles (helium nuclei) the atomic nucleus has an intrinsic structure. The nucleus itself can be viewed as onto a beryllium target. Neutrons are also, and more generally, emitted as a by- a complete laboratory to study the strong force, which binds the nucleus together, product of fission, the splitting of a larger atom into two, or more, smaller atoms. and the weak force, which is the mechanism behind beta decay (the conversion of These emitted neutrons can also induce fission, with the net result being a chain protons to neutrons and neutrons to protons). The neutron also has a key part reaction. The use of neutrons to induce in terms of the astrophysical r-process which fission of enriched uranium and plutonium is a mechanism for generating ‘heavy’ elements nuclei, in an uncontrolled chain reaction, from certain nebulae and supernovae explosions, yielded the first atomic bombs (A-bombs) as opposed to nuclear fusion that takes place that were used on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. in stars like our Sun, as this process generates Nowadays, nuclear weapons are designed comparatively ‘light’ elements. round the fusion of hydrogen (H-bombs), as Two weeks ago, a ceremony took place at H-bombs is considerably more explosive than the GSI facility in Darmstadt, Germany to the equivalent A-bombs, although neutrons commence the start of building the FAIR facility. from the fission of uranium and plutonium The FAIR facility intends to synthesise nuclei are still used as a trigger in H-bombs. with excessive numbers of neutrons that would By absorbing/moderating the number normally be synthesised in stellar environments. of neutrons, nuclear fission proved to be a From synthesising these nuclei, it may be possible sustainable source of energy, with the first to fully explain the mechanism behind how the nuclear power plant opened in Obninsk in heaviest elements like uranium, lead, platinum 1954. The 1950s saw the rise of nuclear and gold are found within the Earth’s crust. power stations, with President Eisenhower’s Neutrons can also be used to probe the atomic “Atoms for Peace” speech and a call for the structure of a whole variety of materials, from international community to join together cell membranes to superconductors. and develop nuclear energy in peace-time. So, in summary, the discovery of the neutron However, with the emergent threat of nuclear war between America and Russia has changed the world. In some ways for worse, with the advent of nuclear weapons (with its potential to annihilate planet Earth) and changes in socio-economic trends and the political issues which nuclear arms bring. In some ways for better, with the amongst a number of countries, nuclear power fell out of favour. This was further potential of nuclear power to provide part of a solution to the energy crisis and in enhanced by a number of safety issues, typified by the events at Three Mile Island the future, it may form the cornerstone of understanding how planets, such as the and the farce surrounding the explosion at the Chernobyl power station. Nowadays, Earth, can be so rich with elements that cannot be generated simply by fusion. the fourth generation of nuclear power stations are intrinsically safe, such that if [email protected] 10 DR RUSS & ADVERT 3rd December 2007 Dr Russ replies... Postgraduate Degree

Dr Russ Clark is our very own careers advisor, offering advice from placements to job applications...

Do you think it’s worth doing to pursue a career in say, chartered accountancy, your employer would sort out your a postgraduate degree? training for you. A postgraduate degree would be quite unnecessary.

I’m going to throw the ball back into your How can I find out whether I need a postgraduate court and ask ‘do you think it’s worth it?’ In degree for my area of work? other words, why has it come into your mind in the first place? For example, you may be A simple way to do this is to check the Occupational Profiles folders in the Careers attracted to the prospect of remaining a student. Or maybe you think it would Service. This information is also available on the Prospects website - give you a breathing space before deciding which career to follow. Perhaps you’re www.prospects.ac.uk. Just click on “Explore types of jobs”. Four hundred thinking it might improve your employment prospects, or, that you ought to stay occupations are listed. Each profile will tell you the typical entry requirements and on simply because, after all, doesn’t everyone stay on who gets a good degree? this should help you to decide whether a postgraduate degree would be essential, desirable or unnecesary. Armed with this information, your decision should be a So where should I start? lot easier.

I think a good place to start is to think about the career you’d like to follow and then Got any other advice? work backwards. For example, if you see yourself in a research career, then a PhD is a tremendous asset since it confirms your ability to carry out effective research. Just this. A lot of people drift into further degrees without having a clue what’s It also means you can compete more effectively with colleagues when promotion at the end of it. Fortunately, most directors of postgraduate courses know what’s opportunities come up. Similarly, you may be considering a career which requires happened to their former students. Why not ask them for this information before more specialised knowledge than your first degree provided. Masters courses are you commit yourself ? If they are reluctant to tell you, perhaps it’s because many tailor-made to meet these demands with virtually every subject from actuarial work of their students are still job-hunting. On the other hand, if most are getting jobs to zoology covered in one course or another. On the other hand, if you would like related to their course, you could be on to a winner. [email protected] 3rd December 2007 FEATURES 11 Almost Accurate Astrology What Does Your Week Have In Store?

Crystal Ball’s cousin Madeline Oldebat (Mad for short) gives us her week’s predictions. Lucky Number: 37 Aries (March 21 - April 20) Your mind is incredibly active right now and you’re filled with hot new ideas. It’s a good day to spend brainstorming - actual activity can wait for a bit longer. You’ll know when you’ve hit on the perfect plan. Lucky Number: 6

Taurus (April 21 - May 20) Home is especially important to you - even as far back as your birthplace. You may find yourself wistful, though it Voice may just be a good time for you to phone home or check in with relatives! Lucky Number: 1 Your

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You’re starting a new home or hobby-related project and Opinion! while it may take up more time than you had anticipated, you should get more out of it in return. It’s a good time Last issue, we asked you if to work with other family members. the university was expensive Lucky Number: 9 or not. Thank you all for submitting your responses! Cancer (June 21 - July 20) Sagittarius (November 21 - December Don’t give up! You’ve still got plenty to do and it could 20) “The university is not too expensive, but very well be that you get more on your plate tomorrow. You’re teamed up with someone who’s a bit out of Guildford certainly is. The rent is just too Today’s persistence will pay off in a big way, especially if sync with you, so try to block out extra time for clear much for a student!” the right people are paying attention. communication. Things should pick up between you in Lucky Number: 3 the next few days, though. “I don’t think that the university is that Lucky Number: 61 expensive. I have seen worse!” Leo (July 21 - Aug 20) People may be squabbling over nothing around the house. Capricorn (December 21 - January “Chancellors should have cheaper drinks. At You may be the only one who wants to keep the peace, 20) least beat Weatherspoons’ price on drinks! but that’s a bit easier said than done. You can manage if You may receive a call or letter from far away -- maybe We’re students!” you keep at it, though. overseas. It’s a good time to do a little networking or get Lucky Number: 10 back in touch with far-flung family members. Your good “The international fees are just a bit energy eliminates all awkwardness. too much. But I guess that’s with all the Virgo (August 21 - September 20) Lucky Number: 4 universities.” You become something of a celebrity, at least temporarily. People you don’t know, or don’t know well, stop to say Aquarius (January 21 - February 20) “Living in Guildford is expensive. The hello or to congratulate you on some recent coup. Enjoy It’s just one of those days when things move more slowly university is all right though!” it while it lasts - business settles down soon. than you would like. Try to stay upbeat about it -- there’s Lucky Number: 34 no use breaking a frown over a situation you’ve got no “Yes, I think the university is too expensive. control over. Take a breather! I’m skint!” Libra (September 21 - October 20) Lucky Number: 11 You’re feeling increasingly confident about some aspect “Nights out such as Fetish Nights shouldn’t of your work or family life -- and with good reason! It Pisces (Feb 21 - March 20) be overpriced! Why do they do that? I don’t may be that you’re moving in a new direction that will The key to making it through the day is flexibility. You’ve get it!” only make life easier. got plenty of that, though you may have to try something Lucky Number: 8 a little different to activate it right now, thanks to the “The cafes are nicely priced. I really weird emotional energy all around you. appreciate the drinks that I can buy between Scorpio (October 21 - November 20) Lucky Number: 31 my lectures.” You’re not entirely sure what’s going on with that new romance, job or opportunity, so now is the time to ask “There should be more than one OneStop! big questions. You may not get the answers you’re hoping Or some other shop to buy groceries! It’s for, so be prepared to back out if necessary. really expensive!”- [email protected] 12 PG TIPS 3rd December 2007

Welcome to the new PG Tips Editor: Alex Illsley

‘Boring’ and Upcoming events: Christmas Quiz and Curry. ‘not worth The Postgraduate Quiz and Curry at Wates House will have a Christmas theme as it is the last one before the holidays. the effort’? It will be held on the 12th December, starting at 7:30, and By Ciaran Fisher it will be the usual £1 to take part in the quiz and £1.50 for

Those were just some of the reasons given by the curry. The winning team will receive a £35 cash prize GU2 for not supporting the PGA Halloween with the usual bottle of white and bottle of red wine for the party that raised £304 for Children In Need (CIN) on the 2nd November. runners up and the “classic” C.Ds for third place. The event was co-organised by the PGA and Wates House, with BBQ, fancy dress, pumpkin carving and apple bobbing. It was hoped that Welcome Back Event. GU2 would provide a DJ for the event and There will be an event when we return in the New Year to possibly do a live broadcast, to support both the PGA and more importantly CIN. welcome you all back after the holidays. Details are to be In a response to enquiries for a DJ, GU2 confirmed, so watch this space… said they could not see what they could gain from the event, also stating that it would be ‘boring’ and ‘not worth the effort’. Whilst I acknowledge that 10 days may not have been enough time to organise a live broadcast, I find Your PG Tips needs you! it hard to believe that GU2 were unable to Calling all Postgraduates - and I mean all. If you are studying a taught or research Masters or provide a DJ to play generic, popular music. I also find it hard to believe that GU2 could a PHD then yes, I am talking to you! Things are happening in the UniS Postgraduate camp and not let Wates house and the PGA know of now is the time to get on board. Your new and hopefully improved PG Tips is coming soon. their decision until 3 days before the event; You will get to meet your PGA committee who, like a certain law firm, are working hard for have you ever tried to find a DJ for a Friday you! night within three days? Not easy! Luckily the The page will be edited by myself, Alex. But enough about me, let’s talk about you for a Union’s entertainment manager (and small minute, because this page is for you - it needs you! You see, we are not psychic - this is your miracle worker), Jade, was more than up to the challenge. Wates House then generously PG Tips, not the Horoscope - so I need you tell me what matters to you. What are you happy covered the cost of the DJ in order that all of about? What are you not happy about? What do you just want to shout about? Anything that the proceeds raised went to CIN. amuses, bemuses or downright confuses you, PG Tips wants to know about it. That way, you In the end the event was a great success: can read about anything that is going down (or up, or any which way) right here. games were played, food was eaten, fireworks watched and dances were danced till 2am. GU2 Your mission, should you choose to accept it, did say that they ‘look forward to working together on something more worthwhile in is to submit your articles and letters to [email protected] or ai00011@surrey. the future’. All I can say in response to GU2 ac.uk. The deadline for the next issue is the 14th January. is I hope your attitude towards postgraduate In return, your soon-to-be-revealed committee will make sure that you are kept aware events, especially charity events, improves in of any events that are happening, and anything else that you need to know about. We the future. cannot do this alone, so get writing! [email protected]

3rd December 2007 NOT NEWSDOING THE UNION’S DIRTY WORK 13 SINCE 1894 FREE! JUST PICK IT UP! PLEASE? I HAVE A FAMILY TO FEED! SANTA CALLS HO-HO-HOAX By Rudelf Rednose “It’s completely untrue,” said the already-red words with You Know Wh- I mean Santa.” faced Santa, his big round belly wobbling like said a spokesgoblin. Santa Claus again denied claims last night a bowlful of jelly. “These people are trying Mrs Christmas was unavailable for comment. that he posed completely nude for Playtoy to destroy the spirit of Christmas. If I find barefacts has heard rumours that she was magazine. The comically overweight saint, who started these vile rumours, Rudolph’s unhappy with Nick’s drunken antics last age unknown, is seen in the December issue nose won’t be the only one glowing red in the Christmas, where he defecated down a chimney. night!” However, not everyone was so displeased. The After infiltrating Santa’s Royal Mail recently released a limited edition workshop, barefacts also stamp commemorating the occasion. witnessed the bypassing of several health & safety laws, including elves smoking candy canes and drinking sherry whilst creating children’s toys. Nicholas declined to comment on these fresh allegations, stating only that: “elves of the elf magazine in a provocative position. aren’t people. They’re three foot tall, for God’s In an interview with barefacts, St Nick also sake!” rejected the allegation that he tattoed a private The Ministry for Magic denied that the Harry part of his body in the shape and colour of Potter series was having a detrimental effect on mistletoe. their work protecting elves. “We’ll be having BAREFACTS GETS GOOD STORY By everyone at barefacts, including the News Team, news broke, the agencies have still failed to run the the Editorial Team, the Sports guys... oh, and you story. barefacts even wrote to the BBC to ask them know that creepy guy who hangs around sometimes? how they hadn’t found the story yet and received no You know, outside the offices? He helped. Got tea and reply. biscuits and so on. Nice. The barefacts editorial team announced a party was in order to celebrate the first real scoop since 1983, Surprise reigned in the barefacts offices yesterday, when the paper discovered that a cow on Guildford when the newspaper received what editors and readers Common had been accidentally named after the alike described as a “good story”. University Vice-Chancellor at the time, Mustrum barefacts Editor-In-Chief, Alex “Laxative” Collins, Ridcully. (The coincidence was made even more immediately described the discovery of the story as “a astonishing considering the fact that the cow had real step in the right direction for the paper, especially recently been instated as the head of the University considering that barefacts has got to it before the of Sussex, making her full name ‘Vice-Chancellor BBC, CNN and other news agencies.” Indeed, even as Mustrum Ridcully’.) barefacts parties the night away in barefacts reports on the scoop, months after the initial style. Continued on Front Page

WARNING: THIS IS NOT REAL NEWS. ANYONE WHO DOES BELIEVE US, PLEASE: DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. [email protected] 14 OPINION 3rd December 2007 It’s not the military

Omair Jaffer doesn’t believe the American military is committing crimes in Iraq. Instead, he places the blame on other, less public organisations - private military contractors.

Being exposed to the series of opinions on the US purpose of preserving peace but to anxiously reopen the presence in Iraq from the University of Surrey students copper mines and oil fields. Western energy corporations is certainly a new experience, as they have quite a different are in favour of these practices and do not feel reluctant view compared to the group of people I was previously in introducing PMCs to these governments. affiliated with from my old high school. It seems not When looking at those videos on the internet American many of them are too happy about the Americans youths today wonder whether that man pulling the trigger patrolling the streets of Baghdad and Fallujah, due to in the helicopter was acting in accordance to the ethics a series of allegations of harassment and gun-trigger exercised by the US military. The unfortunate thing is happy activity towards the Iraqi civilians. Now, coming operatives of a PMC are hardly regulated at all. The from an American school and having the privilege of Iraqi authorities and the US military have complained meeting some of America’s finest war veterans, my about the rash behaviour of these operatives but they opinion on the US military’s infantryman is a man who are immune from prosecution due to the Coalition has deep respect for his constitution and will uphold Provisional Authority. Some of them do not even follow his freedom from fear whilst also distinguishing between international laws like the Geneva Convention thus they friend and foe. In other words, Germans from Nazis, do tend to have quite a fun time at the Abu Ghraib prison. Afghans from Al-Qaeda etc. Thus, why is it that reports US military personnel have also carried out similar acts are still coming from Iraq of Americans assaulting the but at least they have been court-martialled. So far not local population? I felt that these were not the morals one private contractor has been prosecuted. Attempts which the US military exercises on foreign soil and felt have been made to regulate these PMCs. South Africa’s compelled to investigate whether the Americans had Parliament passed the Regulation of Foreign Military carried out such acts. Turns out I was right. They were Assistance Bill, but it’s been suggested that the impact not military personnel or civilians but ‘operatives’ for a of this legislation will be limited since most PMCs are contractors since the beginning of the Iraqi invasion listed private military company (PMC). registered offshore and can easily relocate just like any which has cost the American taxpayers roughly around other company. Plus, some PMCs form joint ventures $365,000 a year for each contractor. Is the UK economy with other companies, e.g. Blackwater & Greystone Ltd, prepared to meet that demand? Plus, will governments to circumvent the effects of a nation’s legislation. Since continue to use the deaths of their citizens as a reason the operatives are not bound by any rules they act on to invade a conflict zone, whilst also omitting the fact their own discretion which can get them killed. When they were serving a PMC? Also, the money which PMCs four Americans, employed by US PMC Blackwater, were receive is used to expand their military capability and savagely killed by Iraqi insurgents in Fallujah this gave the today they already outgun some of the world’s national Bush administration justification to launch Operation Al forces. It is only a matter of time before they decide Fajr which led to unfortunate losses for both sides. which side they wish to serve. In the end war will then My prospective views on a PMC are two things. First, be fought among PMCs solely and our governments will we are letting our governments use the public funds to not hear our voice as this is not a constitutional affair. secure their foreign-policy aims. Military withdrawals from Iraq are already being discussed but the UK government is already considering in replacing their PMCs are virtually guns for hire that provide troops with private contractors. They are from a private specialised services related to military activities, and sector so naturally they will be more expensive. The Omair Jaffer is a third year usually dispatch their operatives into conflict areas to US Homeland Security has already sent 48,000 private law student at the University serve the interests of their client. Usually their customers of Surrey. are governments who seek to have their own policy goals achieved without the use of their own military as If you have either a response this would cause international, and domestic, political to Omair, or another opinion tension, and would also require approval from their own which you want students to public. They have been present in conflict zones such as Papua New Guinea and Sierra Leone. The British read, contact us at: PMC, Sandline International, were paid $36 million [email protected] to go against the Bougainville Resistance Army and the South African PMC, Executive Outcome, were paid $35 million to strike the Revolutionary United Front with the use of their own helicopters and aircraft. Both of these contracts were signed by both parties not for the [email protected] 3rd December 2007 PUZZLE PULLOUT 15 Puzzlelord has been kind and given us all something to kill the boredom of those winter days A Massive Puzzle Pullout! From mega mazes to sudokus, there’s a wide range of puzzles for you to ponder over. Can you beat him? [email protected] 16 PUZZLE PULLOUT 3rd December 2007 17

Clues Across: Clues Down: 1) See 18 down. 1) 1984 Christmas film. (8) 4) Fish, whose eggs are most often the basis of 2) and 7dn. WWII prisoner-of-war film, frequently shown at caviar. (8) Christmas. (3, 5, 6) 10) Conducting substance, necessary for electrolysis. 3) Alfred -----: inventor of Scrabble; cigarette ends. (5) (9) 5) Updraft of warm air, used by birds and ballonists. (7) 11) Formerly Europe-wide gold coin. (5) 6) Paula ------: holder of the world record time for the 12) and 17dn. I received ten of these on the tenth day women’s London Marathon. (9) of Christmas. (5, 1, 7) 7) See 2 down. 13) Photography technique that can make a slow and 8) In football, play the ball through an opponent’s legs; gradual change more rapid and pronounced. (4, 5) spice whose plant is also a source of mace. (6) 14) Slight differences; subtleties. (7) 9) January, July, October and November, for example. (6) 16) See 19 across. 15) Place of worship, considered central to a diocese. 19) and 24 and 16ac. 1940s Frank Capra Christmas (Such as, just to pick any at random as an example, the film, set in Bedford Falls. (3, 1, 9, 4) one at the top of Stag Hill) (9) 21) An act of secrecy; having the ability to be 17) See 12 across. undetected. (7) 18) and 1ac. 1920s novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald. (3, 5, 6) 24) See 19 across. 20) To begin with; initially. (2, 5) 25) Colloquial; informal speech. (5) 21) Precious metal associated with being second best. (6) 26) Previous; earlier. (5) 22) Tries to hit with a swinging blow; steals. (6) 27) Scrutinise once more. (9) 23) Soft, malleable metal, found between tin and cadmium 28) Fake; imitate; model using a computer. (8) in the periodic table. (6) 29) Chess-piece that makes L-shaped manoeuvres. 25) European nation whose national anthem “La Marcha (6) Real” has no official lyrics. (5) [email protected] 3rd December 2007 PUZZLE PULLOUT

1

Hang on a minute... Where are the clues? Don’t worry, they haven’t been missed off again... There are no clues! It’s a codebreaker! Fill in the letters with the corresponding numbers and answer the question. Simple, don’t you think?

Start Finish [email protected] 18 PUZZLE PULLOUT 3rd December 2007

Wordfit Do we have to state the obvious?

3 Letters coin ------doty 6 Letters 8 Letters bag flea ------can lobe elixir scabbard den Risc gateau youthful gay star missal ism uncurl 9 Letters nth 5 Letters ------spa ------7 Letters adumbrate urn blurb ------practical brawn air-drop 4 Letters egret cleanse 10 Letters ------imago flaccid ------abed soppy jury-box carrier bag apse youth scholar panjandrum

2

Answers on page 19 [email protected] 3rd December 2007 ADVERTS & ANSWERS 19

‘Going Public I’ – Christmas Dance Show

Wednesday 12th and Thursday 13th December

Surrey’s dance department host their annual Christmas show, ‘Going Public I’, on Wednesday 12th and Thursday 13th December in the PATS Studio opposite the Natwest Field.

A night for everyone, whether avid fans of the art form, or those who have never seen a dance show before, the evening showcases fresh and exciting new choreographies from the university’s Dance and Culture degree programme. It is guaranteed to entertain everyone!

The show starts at 7.30pm, but the doors will open at 7.00pm and wine and soft drinks will be available. Tickets are available from Senate House now. (£6, £3 concessions).

ALL WELCOME TO ATTEND!

WARNING... ANSWERS... WARNING... ANSWERS... WARNING !!!!! ANSWERS... !!!!! 2 To stop you from “accidentally” reading the answers, substitute each letter in the answer with the next one in the alphabet. As an example, QDUHRHNM would become REVISION.

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Kzord. 14) Mtzmbdr. 19 and 24 9) Lnmsgr. 15) Bzsgdcqzk. 18 and and 16 across) Hs’r Z Vnmcdqetk 1 across) Sgd Fqdzs Fzsrax.Ark 20)Lost Zs the of Raiders

Khed. 21) Rsdzksg. 25) Rkzmf. Ehqrs. 21) Rhkudq. 22) Rvhodr.

26) Oqhnq. 27) Qddwzlhmd. 28) 23) Hmchtl. 25) Rozhm. Ford Harrison Rhltkzsd. 29) Jmhfgs. answer Codebreaker

1

Did he beat you again? [email protected] 20 FETISH 3rd December 2007 FETISH [email protected] 3rd December 2007 FETISH 21 NIGHT

Photos by Adam Sayer [email protected] 22 FILMS 3rd December 2007 FILMS TO SEE THIS CHRISTMAS American Gangster Ratatouille It seems like the only Ratatouille isn’t a different offering way to make a successful from Disney/Pixar, far from it. The movie these days is to company which used to be notable for have a gangster theme in musical adventures such as Aladdin, Peter it. American Gangster has Pan and The Emperor’s New Groove attempted to fulfill the seems to be concentrating more and more expectations of the same on cute looking, CG animals these days, genre, tried and tested by a trend which may make many millions at movies such as Scarface, the box office, but leaves a sour taste in The Godfather, and the the mouth when actually watching any of more recent The Departed. the movies produced. Ratatouille might Every one of them was an be a zany family comedy which involves animated rats, but you do come instant hit - a classic, to be honest. Likewise, American Gangster does not away feeling that it was just a movie; hardly anything to tell your friends fail to impress, as it includes every ingredient for a classic – an amazing array about. of actors, a great director, and a fantastic (true) story. The basic plot of the movie goes like this: Remy is a rat who loves good- The movie stars academy award winners Denzel Washington and Russel tasting food. Encouraged by the words of the late chef Auguste Gusteau, Crow, and is directed by Ridley Scott, who brought us hits such as Gladiator, “Anyone can cook”, Remy attempts to help his human friend Alfredo in Hannibal, Matchstick Men, and so on. Frank Lucas (Washington) is the becoming a master chef. Along the way, he is beset by different setbacks and up and coming drug lord after his boss passes away from a heart attack. people intent on sabotaging his plan, such as an angry head chef, a dismissive Meanwhile, Richie Roberts (Crowe) is the honest cop in a city full of rat family and a demanding food critic. corruption, who is recruited by the newly formed narcotics department The story bumbles along quite nicely, without any real scenes worth to end the drugs business. The true story of Frank Lucas may raise some remembering. In fact, if there was ever a film that you could call average, eyebrows as it is more fascinating and interesting than paper-back fiction. A it would be this one. It’s a nice enough movie to watch, but it’s not one to man of ideals and honour, a Robin Hood of his time. Washington delivers watch twice. the magic of Lucas through his eloquent, fluent, and stoic fury that he is The best thing about the movie is hard to choose. However, the one thing famous for. that Ratatouille did better than every other film I’ve seen this year is: it made Ridley Scott has done an amazing job at creating a marvellous movie. The me want to cook something. If that’s what you’re looking for from it, by all disco age is rightfully portrayed by Scott and it couldn’t have been done any means go and see it. better. American Gangster is not a movie for the faint hearted! Many may However, if you want a real animated adventure, I suggest you try another find it gory, disturbing, and long. The story may be slow and dull at times, film by a company more experienced in CG adventures. Flushed Away, a but for a move of such scale, such a long build up is completely necessary. joint venture between Aardman Animations (Wallace and Gromit, Chicken The film is not only entertaining and uplifting: its portrayal is authentic to Run) and Dreamworks (Shrek, Antz), has an outstanding plot and a laugh- the real life and sometimes grayed world of crime against justice. out-loud script. It was out a while ago, but pick it up on DVD before you go and see what is, in essence, the most average movie of this year. (5/5) Amul Gurung (2.5/5) Gareth Giles - with a 5/5 for an alternative, Flushed Away. American Gangster times for the Odeon, Guildford: Ratatouille times for the Odeon, Guildford: Monday 13:45 17:15 20:45 Tuesday 13:45 17:15 20:45 Monday 13:15 15:45 18:30 Wednesday 13:45 17:15 20:45 Tuesday 13:15 15:45 18:30 Thursday 13:45 20:45

The Assasination of Jesse Other films you may enjoy... James Brad Pitt stars as Jesse James, The Golden Compass Wednesday 11:30 12:30 13:30 14:30 15:30 16:30 17:30 the western outlaw everyone Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue 18:30 19:30 20:30 21:30 wants to get the reward for. Monday 13:30 17:00 20:30 Richards) attempts to save her Thursday 11:30 12:30 13:30 14:30 15:30 16:30 17:30 18:30 Tuesday 13:30 17:00 20:30 best friend from a mysterious 19:30 20:30 21:30 Wednesday 13:30 17:00 20:30 organisation. Thursday 13:30 17:00 20:30 Beowulf (3D) The Darjeeling Limited Monday 15:15 18:15 21:15 The epic tale of Beowulf Owen Wilson is one of three Tuesday 15:15 18:15 21:15 brothers who take a train ride is told in 3D. Starring Ray Monday 21:00 Wednesday 12:15 15:15 18:15 21:15 through India and grow closer Winstone. Tuesday 21:00 Thursday 12:15 15:15 18:15 21:15 together. Wednesday 14:00 [email protected] 3rd December 2007 TV PICKS 23

Wed 5th December - “The 40-Year-Old Virgin - ITV 9pm Wed 5th December – How to Look Good Naked – Channel 4 8pm Comedy starring Steve Carell (Evan Almighty) as a 40-year-old shop worker who is still a virgin, leading his work colleagues to Gok Wan is back helping the nation to look good naked. set him up on a series of what could be potentially sexy dates. This week Gok helps a 59-year old who has low body TV premiere. confidence after her husband left her. Plus the girls are back testing the best products on the market. Thu 6th December – Kath and Kim – Living 10pm

Starring special guest, Little Fri 7th December - Have I Got News Britain’s Matt Lucas, who turns For You – BBC1 9pm Aussie as Sharon’s long-lost sister. Hosted by Jack Dee. The panel discuss the week’s current affairs in their usual satirical fashion. Guest stars this week are Russell Brand and Charlie Brooker.

Fri 7th December – Friday Night with Jonathan Ross - BBC1 10:35pm Sun 9th December - The Royal Variety This week Jonathan Show – ITV 8pm interviews Renee Zellweger on her animated role in The Bee The annual event in the presence of Movie, Jeremy Clarkson on the Queen. This year features acts from his new DVD and Matt Lucas comedian Al Murray, The West End and David Walliams. Plus a musical Hairspray, Steven K. Amos, a serenade from soul singer performance from Bon Jovi, and many Adele. more.

Mon 10th December – Happy Gilmore Sun 9th December – In America - Channel 4 – Channel 4 10pm 10pm

Comedy starring Adam Sandler as an ice Drama telling the journey of a family’s escape hockey player chucked out the league for over the border from Canada to the U.S., with his violent behaviour. He then sets out to the objective of starting a new life. However, conquer the world of golf. Will he succeed? life in New York proves hard to cope with. TV premiere.

Thursday 13th December – Russell Brand on the Road - BBC4 9pm Tuesday 11th December - Uefa Champions League Live: Marseille vs Liverpool - ITV 7.30pm (Kick Off For those of you who love the fluffy haired 7.45pm) mentalist. This documentary follows him across - One to watch down the local with your mates. America in search of one of his literary heroes, Jack Kerouac, and Kerouac’s novel “On the Road”.

Thursday 13th December – What’s Eating Victoria Sat 16th December - 100 Greatest Funny Moments Beckham? - Five Life 9pm - Channel 4 9pm Documentary looking at how Victoria Beckham’s body Countdown of the funniest moments on telly, narrated has changed since her rise to stardom. The show also by Rob Brydon. Featuring clips from stand-up looks at how the image of the ideal celebrity body has comedians to TV interviews. changed over recent years. [email protected] 24 ARTS 3rd December 2007

Send your submissions to Arts Editor : Jake South [email protected] The Best Albums of 2007: The Selections of the barearts Writers. Welcome to the final barearts it. Lick your finger and flick over of this term, and this year. to read a few reviews, who’s We’ve covered lots of a barearts winner and how to ground, shared many laughs - get your entire rent package Of Montreal it’s been wild. Over these first paid for next year - this is no Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? two pages we have a carefully lie. I hope you feel inspired Polyvinyl thought out selection of the but I also hope you have an barearts writers’ favourite outlandish Christmas/holiday Released: January 2007 albums of the year, some period; we’ll catch up in 2008. bigger names and some Everyday I have people coming smaller - but they’ve all made .jake south up to me, asking questions about history, life, the earth, and the future. Thursday was no exception, Findlay Brown for a young boy did ask me ‘Fin, if Separated by the Sea you had to review ‘Hissing Fauna, without losing their own touch. Peacefrog Records Are You The Destroyer’ in 17 ‘The Past Is A Grotesque Animal’ is words, what would you say?’. thirteen minutes long. It is my dear Released: February 2007 I had to pause for thought; this brother’s favourite song. According question caught me off guard. ‘It’s to his itunes, he has listened to it In an age when any three chord like an orgy of popular rock songs, for 42 hours and 16 minutes. The Charlie with an acoustic guitar is crammed with more beautiful music song is epic by all proportions and embarrassingly labeled as the than an ipod shuffle’ I replied. The sums up what is wrong with crap next Elliot Smith, this début album young boy was astounded, and indie generic guitar music in the UK. by Yorkshire troubadour Findlay so was I. This album deserved far The latter part of the album goes Brown soars above anything in more than 17 words to describe through immense transformations the genre this year. This collection Findlay’s penchant for finger- it, and I made it my mission for in genre, touching on hip-hop, of songs was written by Findlay picking the chords of his the next week to give the album ballads and Kraftwerk inspired without a record deal in mind acoustic guitar teamed with lush a worthy review. Let’s start at the electro breaks. Even though the but to save his Tempestuous long harmonies, superb vocals and beginning, actually lets not, I’m not album goes through these great distance relationship with his melodies rich in intent. The string so fond of the opening track. Ah changes of style and influences, it girlfriend who lived in Denmark laden Paperman sounds like yes, track 3 ‘Cato as a Pun’ starts doesn’t lose its continuity and the (hence the title). What results is something Nick Drake might have with an almost seventies groove end of each song brings you to an album of stark superiority that written and is another highlight. to it. You could imagine Barry wonder what on earth is coming mixes stylings of early 60’s folk The record is not the most White crooning over the top, all next. If you’re bored of your music (think Simon & Garfunkul, flawless piece of work you until Kevin Barnes (lead singer) current playlist, make sure you add Tim Hardin and CSNY) with will hear and does have in my enters with dark 3 part harmonies, this CD to your collection and give psychedelic undertones of opinion a poor opener (come supported by subdued jangly it a thorough listen. You won’t be the summer of love. Gorgeous home). It also remains to be guitars and a beat you’d expect disappointed. Also check out their competent production from seen whether the second from Groove Armada. Compare previous album ‘Satanic Panic In Simon Lord gives the sings a helping from Findlay will build this with ‘Gronlandic Edit’ which is The Attic’ if you’re not big on the modern edge but assisted by on this work of great promise. one of the highlights of the album, extreme mood swings this album the rich themes of the tunes, However this enigmatic record sporting a funky bass line and entails. All round, a genius album a distinct timeless quality. deservedly should be considered almost disco beat. Already the worthy of praises from all major Standout songs such as Don’t one of the best of 2007. band are displaying their versatility world religions. you know I love you, Losing within the music they play, and the the will to survive and Down Russell Bishop ability to pull off a range of styles Fin Dow-Smith among the Deadmen display [email protected] 3rd December 2007 ARTS 25 Kings of Leon Porcupine Tree Because of the Times Fear of a Blank Planet Sony BMG Roadrunner Records

Without doubt my number one With a solid return to form from The album of 2007 is “Because of the Manic Street Preachers and another Times” by Kings of Leon. I’ve followed step up for Dropkick Murphy’s this Kings of Leon all the way from Molly’s years choice was not an easy one Chambers and they have astounded for me. However, luckily, I managed me at each stage of the way - this to pick them apart and make a instalment is no exception. Coming decision before having to resort away from the raw sound of the inconveniently of the band their to ‘doing things the old navy way.’ chorus, an obvious hook line or previous albums and bringing the gigs this year are around exams so Porcupine Tree are one of those anything to rival The Killers in terms use of synths and guitar effects to the I will have to wait! But I know this bands who have been around of ‘jumping and singing along’. mix has produced a sound which for a fact... I will wait. And it will be for ages and wider success is What you will find is music that in my opinion is the best yet. The great! If you have happened to not long overdue. While they are not reveals more of itself with each music I listen to generally depends become enlightened by this album appearing in Pepsi adverts and listen and doesn’t just shove all greatly upon my mood but for this or, heaven forbid, you haven’t heard being name-checked by Big Brother of its tricks into the foreground to album I cannot find a time or mood of it, I strongly recommend you stop contestants, they have achieved dazzle you into that snap purchase. when I don’t want to listen to it. now, think about what you have all round respect in many corners Progressive rock is often seen as a Notable Tracks: done and go out and make what of the rock community which dirty phrase. No-one quite knows There isn’t a track on here may be the best purchase of 2007; is about all a band such as this a definition of it, although it is often which is un-notable; thus my it’s not too late, you won’t regret it. could achieve with such an album. choice of best album is made. Not because it is un-listenably associated with concept albums, 25 minute keyboard solos and Unfortunately I haven’t been able Jake Howell heavy, independently released or to see Kings of Leon as yet and because they are crap (it is none wizards. Not appealing by any Arctic Monkeys of those), but more because socially conscious consumer’s Favourite Worst Nightmare they are so incredibly difficult to standards (unless Harry Potter is Domino label (other than the blanket term involved), and gives off overt whiffs Progressive Rock) and thus market. of men turned into girlfriendless, Dear friends. I have been given the The ethereal and light ‘My Ashes’ bad skinned and fashionably opportunity to write about what I does not hint at the grandiose absent two legged sweat patches. believe is the greatest album to caress undertaking of the 15 minute long However, on display here is a band my ears this fall. Dilemma? I think not. ‘Anesthetize’ that follows it. But hitting a musical peak and making With a fastest selling debut album in then after listening to the boogily a bold effort to explore sound their catalogue, expectations were brooding opening title track you without completely alienating perhaps high. The pressure was wouldn’t expect to see either of the casual listener. It may not suit on to create a miraculous second the aforementioned popping up. everyone’s palate, but in my album, so the Sheffield Quartet have compared the sound to Klaxons Listening to it is a bit like going to humble opinion this is the crowning made a visit to ‘Miloco Studios’ in - they were produced by the same the most eclectic garden party musical masterpiece of 2007. London, where the likes of Oasis person. One of the strongest singles imaginable, only the rap-metal and The Chemical Brothers had on the album has to be ‘505’. Turner guy’s invitation got lost in the post. Andy Vale graced the infamous walls. What seems to let loose and his skill then Despite releasing shortened then materialized was a collection really shines through singing “But I versions of ‘Way Out of Here’ and of 12 individually mastered tracks Crumble Completely When You Cry”. ‘Fear Of A Blank Planet’ this album forming ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’. The track features Miles Kane on lead has no real singles. You have to look The tempo and style has changed guitar, former member of The Little a bit to find anything resembling a and the Arctic Monkey’s have quite Flames. ‘Do Me a Favour’, another possibly cemented their position emotional single, really displays how as Britain’s most popular band - far the Arctic Monkeys have come. impressive, one might say. The sharp Each instrument is played with such Editearl’s C h o i c e and crisp lyrics on the album hold ease and it’s fascinating to listen to, I am sure that I am not alone when it together; it’s not surprising to bursting into an aura of passion at I say that this record is one of the learn that songwriter Alex Turner’s the end. Track 9 ‘If You Were There, most energetic and exciting of parents are both teachers. His style Beware’ also deserves recognition 2007. Every track full of life with of writing is complex, calculating as an outstanding single. The way the power to get you up and exactly how many syllables are in the vocals sit perfectly with the out, whether it’s down the shops each line and allowing them to settle guitars and drums, truly remarkable. to get some bits or the pub for ever so easily into your ear drums. ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’ has a sherbet, this album helped me The CD opens with ‘Brianstorm’, a propelled Arctic Monkeys to a get there safe. Regularly coming punchy, fast-paced introduction global level. If this is not the greatest back to Panic Prevention and sending a message to all those who album of the year, then bend me knowing most of his lyrics without doubted their capabilities. Following over, spank me and call me Sally. even realising, Jamie T was an on with ‘Teddy Picker’ and ‘D is for easy decision. Go on my son. Dangerous’, you can see why people Ben Pook [email protected] 26 ARTS 3rd December 2007

WIN YOUR RENT PAID FOR A YEAR BY VIRGIN you’ll see the now infamous NME Music MONEY AND NME! Quiz. Answer 20 questions by NME as fast as you can and cross your fingers. The scores CDs, clothes, alcohol – there are plenty of will all be recorded and the winner will be other things much more deserving of your announced once the deadline of January 30th cash than spurning it all away on rent. Try not 2008 comes around. You can also check the to think of how much your halls or house is leaderboard to see which university is the costing you over the course of a year, it’ll only most Rock’n’Roll with more brainy types than depress you. the rest.

With this in mind, NME.com have teamed up The quiz goes live on December 3rd and will with Virgin Money to offer one lucky student have loads of promotion in the paper and an entire year’s worth of rent paid on your on the homepage of NME.com, so make sure behalf, freeing you up to concentrate on the you get in there nice and early to be in with a real necessities. chance of winning.

All you need to do is go to NME.com and click on the Student Guide section where For more info contact Ian at Wild on 020 8746 0666 or [email protected]

The Young Republic A Spot of Bother 12 Tales from Winter City Mark Haddon End of the Road Records From the author of the best selling Released: January 2008 (upfront “The Curious Incident of the copies available from Rough Trade, Dog in the Night-time”, this is an Norman Records, etc) accurate portrayal of family life. George is happily getting used This beautiful record, which blends to retirement when everything rock, folk and sunny Americana, perfection of Bill Fay on “Everything starts to go wrong. His daughter is an amalgamation of various EPs looks better in Black and White” and is getting married to Ray, who has and singles from the young Boston the classical influenced, orchestral “strangler’s hands”; his son Jamie 8 piece; and if there was any led closer “Goodbye Town”. wants to bring his lover Tony to justice will meet critical acclaim The Young Republic are little known the wedding; his wife is having an upon its official release in January. over here but are gaining quite a cult affair, and he has just discovered Leaning on a sound which could following after a brief tour in June a sinister legion on his leg. After all be described as folk rock but lends where they played Glastonbury and a this, it is not surprising that George heavily on orchestral instruments, few low key shows. The band plan a begins to lose his mind. This book the styles are eclectic and broad, tour on release of this record and you raises some serious issues and referencing luminaries such as would be a fool to not catch them deals with them admirably in an Lennon/McCartney on opener while they are still playing small stages. honest, yet at times amusing, way. “Girl in a Tree” and the up-tempo “She Comes and Goes”, the folk Russell Bishop Clare [email protected] 3rd December 2007 ARTS 27

Hot Chip 22.11.07 Electric Ballroom Camden

Hot Chip, the popular electro-pop classic team, have been out of the music media circuit for a little while now, with their last compact disc release “And I Was a Boy from School” being May 2006. This was from the album “The Warning”, released the same year. However, times are changing. February 2008 will see the appearance of a new record, the third Hot Chip LP “Made in the Dark” and mercifully another tour. Yet upon the eve of Thursday 22nd November I was presented with the opportunity to witness a one off extraordinary gig where the band members themselves were to perform a selection of their new material. I said yes. Fans had been given a taste of the new Hot Chip look with the recent, low key, limited edition release of the one-sided 12” vinyl “Shake a Fist” in September this year, leaving thousands shrieking for more. This gig therefore was the one chance to get a preview of “Made in the Dark” legally before the New Year, and so you can imagine my high levels of enthusiasm. The performance took place at Camden’s “Electric Ballroom”, a nice sized little venue that was also nicely filled despite the sold out status of the show. and involving themselves in the music physically. Al Doyle’s eccentric body Hot Chip emerged at 21:30 local time with Alexis Taylor (lead vocalist) and guitar movements alongside Joe Goddard’s mechanical-rhythmic sporting a selection of American apparel including a “Chicago” jumper and, rocking are two of my favourites, but they all have a dance story to tell. as revealed before long, a “Gators” vest. It is this that led me to believe that The show was made of mainly new songs as you would imagine, only a Hot Chip may have returned from a recent trip to America. However, this handful of old numbers were played, but this was no shame. I can tell is in no way based upon fact and so is most probably 100% inaccurate. you that the new tracks were a delight to listen to, ranging from the well The opening track of the evening was in fact “Shake a Fist” followed by an known hard Hot Chip disco style, to slow and beautiful melodies; the title extended version of “And I Was a Boy from School”, both enjoyed by all. track “Made in the Dark” being a true highlight. The atmosphere created A stand out feature of Hot Chip shows is that they often play slightly by the crowd participation, lighting and visual displays was incredible and different versions of their songs, whether it be changing the synths or a to see Hot Chip eventually leave the stage was sad. Yet from the sound subtle percussion rhythm, it is always a pleasant surprise. This provides of the new tracks, if you are a HC fan I can inform you with confidence their gigs with an exciting and vibrant atmosphere, as even though you may that “Made in the Dark” is most definitely going to be an absolute winner. know each song, you are unaware of how it is going to be performed. A second trademark of Hot Chip shows I have noticed, that must be Jake South mentioned, is their dancing. Each member has his own way of moving Oh yes, Oh yes The Winner of Time Congratulations to Katherine Ashdown, the successful entry of the Mark Ronson competition run in the previous issue. Katherine told us she was going to use the frsibee in her garden with her flatmates. Great times. [email protected] 28 SOCIETIES 3rd December 2007

The weekly Tuesday society meeting in Wates House before the Friday of Fetish Night saw many more in attendance than usual! There was a rumour that the society No Wave & Fetish president, Stu, had managed to get hold of tickets, and still had a few of the NoWave Fetish Night has always been the one Union night that all NoWave members have allocated guestlist spaces available - the rumours were true! But how to decide who’s had an interest in. Traditionally, Fetish Night means a NoWave night in the HRB so to get them? Enter: The NoWave Race! Stu lead a group of keen NoWavers outside everyone’s keen to get tickets as soon as they come out! Of course, there will always of Wates, and a race to the Library and back took place! The first three back earned be those who for some reason didn’t manage to get some... themselves the last of the guestlist spaces, and the others’ looks of concern as they stumbled up became mild annoyance, as Stu revealed he had tickets for all anyway! Whilst Fetish Night upstairs in the main Union seems to resemble a slightly kinky Fancy Dress night, NoWavers downstairs tend to dress a little more traditionally; here there was a lot of leather, corsets, whips and chains as usual, with a couple of quirky but fun in-joke costumes! Drinks offers resulted in several people walking round with armfuls of bottles, and there was an excited buzz in the busy (but not uncomfortably packed!) HRB. After a few technical troubles at the start of the night, the music kicked off. The night was a true example of a diverse mix of alternative music. Metal, EBM, rock, indie, industrial, punk and some tracks that are hard to place in any genre, were played, and the dance-floor seemed to be full on the even the most bizarre of songs! In all, the night was a great hit! Good fun seem to be had by all and next semester’s Fetish Night is eagerly anticipated!

Up and coming No Wave events:

- 4th December - Catch 22 in Time, Guildford. - 7th December - Schism in Quake, Woking.

Come along to our Tuesday night meetings at 7:30pm each week for more information, general socialising and to sign up for upcoming events.

Spot the reference for this fetish theme. - James Witham

working with Reece Elliot of WiLDCHiLD and consequently hosted rooms at all big WiLDCHiLD events (around 3000 capacity venues) in 2006 and partnered Cyclone Dance them in their Ibiza holiday. This saw Cyclone’s first landing on the island of Ibiza. Cyclone is primarily a hard dance event playing all kinds of trance and techno Over the years we have worked with such brands as Nukleuz, Frantic, Wildchild, through to hard house and hardcore. We also contain a sub brand named Cyclone Nu Religion, Riot!, Radical Escapes and Innovate to name but a few. We are also House Sessions which simply involves all kinds of house music, from minimal to proud to have hosted one of the seven legs of the national Nukleuz Hard Dance electro and progressive. As this is the case, we are able to provide either a house event, Anthems CD Launch Tour with Rob Tissera back in 2004. a hard dance event, or a mixture of the two. Cyclone has a five day a week radio show which broadcasts on the University of Surrey’s radio station 1350AM GU2 Radio. This covers around a 10 mile radius of Guildford on AM (MW) and goes on FM for one month a year which covers all of Surrey. Our radio shows also stream live from our web site: http://www.cyclonedance.com.

Come join us in the HRB for Cyclone’s next event at the end of term Christmas Party!

Content from www.cyclonedance.com

The Christmas edition is now here, which leaves a rather large break until our first issue of the new year. Any articles for the next issue should be submitted by Friday 11th January. Please send any articles, queries, and/or adverts for societies into us at: Cyclone originated as a regular event at the University of Surrey Students’ Union [email protected] Nightclub. We keep links with the students where the University’s Dance Music Society still runs Cyclone events there, in a kind of franchise situation. This gives the An article should aim to be from 200-400 words. Any general societies enquiries student DJs the chance to be signed to a DJ agency and have the possibility to DJ at should be directed to Simon Moore (Societies Editor). our events in London oand Ibiza. Since the beginning of 2006 we changed Cyclone Entertainments to be a company If you are interested in forming your own Society or have any questions related to which is no longer tied to running events solely at the University of Surrey, although you society’s interaction with the union please contat VP Societies & ID at: the University’s Dance Music Society still runs Cyclone nights there, under our supervision and guidance, for the student crowd. In February 2006 we started [email protected] [email protected] 3rd December 2007 SPORT 29 Speakeasy Opinions on topical issues from around the world of sport By Anthony Hanson Sports Editor

Does England really want Jose Mourinho as their national manager? Indeed, he does have the experience at the top level, with the top players, an impressive CV and ability with the media that is second to none. However, would the FA really want a man with his size ego; who would have no problem leaving England high and dry (with a delicious severance package) if he didn’t get his own way? English football has had enough humiliation as it is. The inspirational Harry Redknapp for me. There are more Scottish players registered with the Champions League than English. Something must be done before it’s too late! Quotas anyone? Sepp Blatter has highlighted the growing problem of Brazilians becoming naturalised citizens of other countries in order to get the chance to play international football, citing players such as Portugal’s Deco and Croatia’s Eduardo, although this is by no means the extent of the problem. This will need to be addressed before a nation inevitably turns out 11 Brazilian players. In a football mad nation with a population of around 183 million people, where every youngster dreams of making it as a professional player - often to escape the impoverished backgrounds they Hoya, I’m still not entirely convinced he deserved the split decision, but, not having come from - there will be an unending stream of players looking to get into any a judge’s proficiency for calling bouts, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. However, national team they can. At the moment some nations allow naturalisation after observing his antics since: his attempts to mock and intimidate Hatton and running only two years of playing in that country. I already find international football his mouth to anyone who will listen about him being the greatest boxer of all time, I, devalued by teams taking on foreign managers. A national team should be about for one, sincerely hope Ricky Hatton shuts up this arrogant annoyance. I appreciate the best football that nation can produce, regarding both their playing and coaching his unique abilities to promote the fight, but I’m sure many will be with me in staff. Our understanding of the meaning of international football should not be counting on Ricky Hatton to cut him down to size. devalued further. Somewhat related to this, I remember Arsenal’s recently crowned Ebbsfleet: The revolutionary takeover at Ebbsfleet by shareholders has be hailed as number one goalkeeper Manuel Almunia stating he would be more than willing to a milestone in football. Why is it revolutionary? Because each and every shareholder forsake his Spanish nationality to become a tea drinking, Queen saluting, bona fide has the right to contribute at every level of the football club, from transfer targets Englishman. The sad fact of the matter is that at this moment he would probably to picking the team. This development may have been hailed as a milestone but I walk straight into the first team. English football has had enough humiliation as it can’t see this idea becoming the model to emulate. A manager must be left to pick is. the team; otherwise he is no longer a manager. I’d rather have a Roman Abramovich Ricky Hatton takes on Floyd Mayweather on Dec 8th in order to contest the WBC any day of the week. welterweight title. Having watched Mayweather’s previous fight with Oscar De La

By Jack Hullah University of Surrey XV captain Dom’s Injured! game. Regardless of the speed of the match, the Surrey pack provided a great platform - with honorary 2’s prop Warwick offering himself as a hefty battering ram on several occasions. Some slack defending around the fringes, however, and Chichester had doubled their lead. This second score failed to dent the infectious enthusiasm of the home side, and after another missed conversion, Surrey camped inside the opposition 22 for the rest of the half. With the Will and Jon centre partnership making yards like they were going out fashion, some great support play from the back row pushed Surrey onto the Chichester line and rookie number 8 Jimmy extended for what looked like a certain try. The ref, coincidentally a Chichester substitute, deemed this a double movement. Heads could have gone down, but a mixture of pride and Dom’s Ronaldo impression kept morale high. To the delight of the home crowd the start of the 2nd half saw the first points for Surrey. With good ball coming from 9 and 10 Surrey marched into opposition territory, and after several phases, the outstanding Tesco Matt forced his way over for the score. The Henson like boot of Jon kept Chichester pinned but Surrey were lacking time. As passes started to go awry and fitness became an issue, the After mounting confusion surrounding the lack of a ref, Surrey 2nd XV kicked off opposition smashed over for a final score, notwithstanding cries of “Held up”. against a Chichester side that had brushed aside prior opposition by at least thirty Controversy followed the final whistle as Asbo was creamed off the ball late, but the points. With Chichester scoring early, the boys in blue showed great resolve and as ref deemed the hit legitimate and didn’t want to give his mate a yellow card. plans to play a tight forwards based game evaporated, Surrey indulged in the art of Regardless of the loss, the Surrey team left the field with pride, having played their champagne rugby from the off, with great success. With Asbo and Jack marshalling best game of the season to date, and coming within inches of beating, arguably, the the game from 9 and 10 respectively, Will was a constant threat, repeatedly breaking best team in the league. the line with ball in hand and dominating his opposite number in all facets of the [email protected] 30 SPORT 3rd December 2007 Heat Talisman in Serious Accident By Anthony Hanson occasions I can attest to the fact that he is Sports Editor a truly humble and friendly guy, even to perfect strangers, and his warmth and spirit Guildford Heat’s point guard and will have touched many of the people who Guildford star player Brian Dux, 26, was involved met him. However, when he stepped on to Heat in a serious car crash on Saturday 10th the basketball court he became a fighter, a Tickets are on sale November. The accident has Dux in leader and a competitor who played with intensive care in a local hospital. At his heart, and I’m certain those qualities NOW from the Students this time Dux’s prognosis remains will come to the fore in the hardest battle Union Shop uncertain. he will have fought in his life. Price: £5 Dux has numerous personal records Guildford Heat has arranged to host a Includes bus from uni or to his name with the Heat. His single season records for the benefit game on December 28th at 7pm to raise funds for Heat include the most points in a single season, the biggest the family of Brian. The game will be contested between town to the Spectrum. points average per game the most assists in a single season the Heat and a specially invited BBL All Stars team. All Next Home League Game:- and the biggest. He has scored the most points scored in a proceeds from the tickets and from merchandise sales will 16th Dec single game. In the Heat’s entire history he is the player with go directly to the Dux family. This will enable people in vs Birmingham Panthers the most points, and has the largest career average. the local community to show their support and appreciation Dux has given fans of Guildford Heat numerous great of Dux and his family. At this time of giving and seasonal Tip-Off 3pm moments, and many great victories in the Heat’s short history, goodwill I urge all supporters to purchase tickets, even if culminating in a league and cup double last season and the they cannot make the game, in order to show solidarity with Don’t Miss the Heat prestigious accolade of the BBL Most Valuable player for the Dux family’s cause. Tickets can be purchased online, over in European action 2007. the phone by calling 01483 44 33 33, or in person at the Dux is known to be well-liked by his peers, team-mates Spectrum Box Office. on 4th & 11th Dec and opposition alike. Having met Brian on a number of barefacts wishes Brian a successful and speedy recovery. What’s cooking at the Furnace? By Anthony Hanson tested. Experienced players like “Captain Sports Editor Fantastic” Mike Martin and veteran Tony Dorsey will need to be there to pull their team The Heat’s season so far has been a mixed affair with an assortment of highs and through the difficult moments they will surely lows. Unlike any other team in the league, they are competing on three fronts, and face. Hopefully the team will find strength in giving it a valiant effort. adversity. The other teams drawn against the The team has been making steady progress in the league, and at the time of writing Heat in the ULEB cup are Turk Telekom Sports can climb to second place in the table if they win their games in hand, currently Club from Ankara, Turkey and BC Šiauliai of residing in fourth place. Lithuania LKL. By the time this article has This season the Heat began the toughest test since their formation when they gone to print the Heat’s journey in Europe will entered European competition for the first time, and as the first British side since have continued against BC Šiauliai, and they will the Brighton Bears in 2003-04. Their debut in European competition has left be gearing up to face Turk Telekom. Let’s hope them under no illusions as to the levels they will be aspiring to in order to compete they can rediscover their winning mentality and with some of the continent’s most accomplished sides. The learning curve in the make their mark in Europe. recently established ULEB Cup has been steep. On November 6 the Heat began In more positive news the Heat are on course their exciting venture into the unknown with a journey to Sarajevo to face the greatly to retain their title in the BBL cup, having made experienced Bosnians KK Bosna at the Olympic Hall Zetra. Carlton Aaron made it to the semi-finals after comfortably beating history claiming the Heat’s first European points, but was unable to help his team to the Leicester Riders 107-85 at the Furnace. victory as the Heat slumped to a 84-68 defeat. In fact, this was to be the peak of The victory was especially memorable as they recent recruit Aaron’s Heat career, one of the top rebounders in the BBL last season, welcomed back two old boys from last season in Rod Wellington and fan favourite who was soon to leave the club after failing to fit into coach Paul James’ plans. Sadly Chad McKnight. This was the second victory of the Riders in successive games, and the loss to KK Bosna was to be the last game Brian Dux was to compete in. Dux’s indeed in successive days, as the Heat had previously bested them in a league match absence coincided with a series of defeats in European and league competition. In the day before. The Heat will now face off against the Milton Keynes Lions in the their second European outing the Heat played host to Joventut Badalona of Spain, semi-final on the 15th of December. one of the great names of European basketball, at the Furnace. Playing in the wake The stunning work and commendable achievements the Heat have achieved in the of the recent tragic news against the historic and talented side, recent winners of the past year have been recognised with Coach Paul James being nominated for the BBC prestigious FIBA Eurocup in 2006, the Heat succumbed to a 61-95 defeat. The South Sports Awards Personality of the Year. By the time you read this, the award Heat’s losing streak in Europe continued with a 81-63 defeat to Alba Berlin of the ceremony will have been held, so good luck to PJ. German Bundesliga. Each Heat player paid homage to their inspirational number Even at this stage the Heat players will undoubtedly have learned invaluable lessons 6 by wearing his number on their sweatbands. Dux’s absence will be keenly felt and gained vital experience in what has been a testing start to their campaign. The both competitively and spiritually, and the mental resolve of the team will be greatly Heat’s season still promises much as they enter the middle stages. [email protected] 3rd December 2007 SPORT 31 Football Talk By Matt Cheetham and the cream of their crop head abroad and gather Sports Editor valuable experience. In an ideal world, more English players need to head to Spain or Italy, the more Welcome… technical and skilful leagues, and gain experience. Welcome once again to barefacts’ interactive ‘Football However, this rarely happens. We are traditionally Talk’ section. England’s misery has to dominate this bad travellers, acclimatise slowly, and it would severely issue - their failure is too significant not to delve into. deplete the Premier League’s appeal if our top players As well as England’s McClaren, domestic managers were elsewhere. Instead I now firmly believe squads are beginning to come and go more frequently. Steve should have a set number of home grown players, or Bruce became manager of Wigan and so Birmingham at least English players registered. Personally I would are looking for a new manager as are struggling Derby, like a radical transformation of our system and only Billy Davies losing his job after defeat to Chelsea. I allow a set amount of foreigners available to each do wonder if this decision was slightly premature squad, 8 - 10 maybe in squads of around 25 so that considering Derby face a crucial match against Croatia earlier in the campaign - and again we came 60% of squads are English; however, I cannot see this Sunderland next, a task that will be harder without unstuck. Using systems like this against the nations happening. In the wake of one of England’s darkest a recognised manager in place. Interesting stats that that use these methods would leave us second best to hours, drastic measures need to be taken. arose from the weekend included how Fulham again the individual skill that Spanish, Italian, and South managed to blow a lead. Having scored first in 8 American players possess. I’m sure success could be England’s Future… games this season they have only won 1 of those games. obtained, but it would take more work, more individual So what has the new manager to do? Who will it Interestingly, if matches finished at half time, they skill would be required of our players and we would be? Everyone seems to be ruling themselves out of the would actually be top of the table. On the other hand, have to play in way certainly not natural to many. equation. First, he must forget the idea that Gerrard Arsenal have amassed 14 of their 33 points thanks However it certainly is not something to adopt so last and Lampard can play together in central midfield. to strikers in the final 10 minutes of games. It seems minute. Our game is based on pace, power and grit. Only one can play in the middle, and if both must these two need to swap notes. Also, Everton smashed The delivery of crosses, set pieces, desire to be first in play, then Gerrard has to be shifted over to the right seven past a hapless Sunderland. The Toffees are on fire the tackle and a whole lot of passion and determination (as I would have had him playing against Croatia). at the moment, and are the Premiership’s second top are crucial and central to the English way. These are Gerrard plays on the right more often than is noticed scorers behind Arsenal. Sunderland, however, along all key ingredients to the 4-4-2 formation. As shown for Liverpool. He did so against Newcastle at the with all the teams in the north east, are struggling when England reverted to 4-4-2 at half time, English weekend and was man of the match. Strikers drastically at the moment. Keane, Allardyce and Southgate are players are far more confident with this system. need to be unearthed: Ashton and Agbonlahor need to all in dire need of producing some good results for be rapidly groomed for England. As I mentioned last their fantastic supporters. Finally, Bolton produced a Next, personnel. Yes, Robinson should have been axed week, changes need to be made in our youth setup. Too notable display against the Champions winning 1-0. with his confidence so low, but not then. Carson or many scouts are searching abroad for answers instead Things are looking better at the Reebok with Megson Green should have been introduced a long time before of working with what we have got. at the helm. and got acclimatised to the big stage. If McLaren wanted to change personnel that last minute, the Since this is the Xmas issue and this has been the most Response/England’s Agony… experience of David James should have been utilised. negative Football Talk in its year and a half existence, I received some response about England’s youth Although error-prone too, James at least would have we better finish on less depressing notes. Forgetting situation, but the senior state of affairs has to take provided his defence with more confidence and crucial the big four, here is my current season’s form XI - what precedence for this issue. The past fortnight saw what organisation. Tactically we were inept. McLaren’s key do you reckon, could they topple the big four? I’d most of us had been dreading - England failing to mistake was not bringing on Hargreaves once we drew have Sven managing with Harry Redknapp overseeing reach the finals of a major tournament. Our impotent level, his tenacious tackling and ability to prevent things: Rob Green, Micah Richards, Christopher display against Slaven Bilic’s Croatian side angered players space could well have prevented Petric having a Samba, Sol Campbell, Gareth Bale, Mikel Arteta, Tim many a fan, and the F.A. quite rightly sent Steve strike at goal at all. Cahill, Gareth Barry, Elano, Nicholas Anelka, Robbie McClaren on his way. Losing 5 out of 18 games is not Keane. Subs (lets say 11 to make up a squad): Niemi, good enough with the resources at his disposal. Bilic England’s future… Corluka, Yobo, Dunne, Warnock, Dempsey, Kranjcar, incidentally boasts just one defeat on his record (in a So, many points have arisen in the aftermath, many Hamann, Young; Agbonlahor, Benjani. Several players friendly) after a similar amount of games in charge of true. There are too many egos in the dressing room. were close, who would you include? I went on form Croatia. England had eleven superior individuals, but Croatia this season over reputation. Anyway, that’s it for this importantly had a superior team. However what I year! Thank you to everyone who got involved this England’s Errors… believe is a key factor in England’s problems is how term. Have a very enjoyable Xmas, and I hope to hear So what went wrong? Firstly formation. England cosmopolitan the Premier League is now. Great as from you for a few more debates in the new year. are more likely to achieve success with 4-4-2 - it is a a spectacle for our country, but it is hindering our formation that is British based, and far more familiar country’s plight, especially in the strikers department. to our players. When foreign managers arrive in the Where have they all gone? With Owen injured we Send your responses to these topics and any topics Premiership and begin implementing their 4-3-3, 4- were relying on four strikers (Crouch, Defoe, Bent and you want brought up in future columns, as well as any 2-3-1 etc formations, they generally have a wealth of Smith) who are not starting games up front for their sports related articles to: foreigners in their squad that help it work sufficiently. clubs. How has it come to this? Italy won the World At national level, experimenting with 4-3-3/4-5-1 in Cup - their domestic league has far more Italians in it [email protected]. If you enjoy reading this column tune into GU2 on such a huge match, having not used it effectively before than our Premiership has English players. Young talent Thursdays at 3-4 and check out Matt and Tony’s is unforgivable. McLaren clearly didn’t learn, having is being developed there. France were runners up, and Sports Show - get in touch on MSN during the show also changed formation to 3-5-2 last minute against again, French players are abundant in their league, and talk over anything sport with us. [email protected] 32 SPORT 3rd December 2007 BUSA Rapid Attack 2007 By Mark Glanville Media Secretary University of Surrey Canoe Club

There aren’t many opportunities for student canoeists and kayakers to represent their University, but over the weekend of the 10th and 11th hundreds of paddlers from across the UK converged on the River Washburn, near Leeds, for the BUSA White Water Race 2007. A lack of white water to practice on somewhat limited Surrey’s chances of success in their brand new Wavehopper white water racing kayaks, but that wasn’t going to stop Tom Wells, Jacob Friend and Sam Saunders paddling hard in the team event. Unfortunately the Wavehopper isn’t the most stable of kayaks and the guys ended up resembling the University of Surrey White Water Swimming Team. Surrey’s fresher contingent faired better, with Mike Pollett, Mike Hamilton and Chris Jeffery finishing the course - in their boats - in under 14 minutes. Sunday gave the guys a second chance to prove themselves and that’s exactly what they did! Tom Wells came 14th in men’s K1 sprint with a time of 1 minute, 30 seconds. Sunday also hosted the women’s K1 classic race, which Gemma Clements and Verity Woolhead both completed in under 12 minutes. As expected from any student gathering, the Saturday night culminated in a raucous shindig in a marquee, involving more beer than the water flowing down the course that day, Olympics fancy dress and a limbo-related dislocated leg. Organised by University of Birmingham Kayak Club, the BUSA WWR has Tom Wells in action grown over the years and now attracts a huge range of competitors from sponsored, elite paddlers who finish the race in under 8 minutes, to freshers who’ve never even Canoe Club meet on Monday evenings and Wednesday afternoons. If you’d seen white water before and can take up to half an hour to “swim” down the river. like more information, or to join the club, visit our website: Bank-based safety and escort paddlers make the course safe and fun for anyone to paddle. www.uniscanoe.co.uk

No Sun For Sorry Alford By Peter Reid University of Surrey Cricket Club On a grey afternoon in Guildford, there was little to shout about for sorry Alford as Surrey University were ruthless, dominating the match from the word go. Coombs continued his fine form with the toss by losing and being put in to bat. The Alford opening bowlers extracted plenty of swing from the new ball but it was control that let them down in the initial overs. Too many wides allowed Surrey to get off to a good start. However the early movement combined with erratic lines made number two batsmen Reid look all at sea against the new ball. In an uncharacteristically scratchy performance from Reid, his innings saw just 9 sorry runs - an effort that he will not look back on fondly in years to come. Coombs, however, rode his luck early on with a dropped catch and adapted well in the conditions, nudging and nurdling his way to another well constructed maximum. Wicketkeeper Alex Short batted superbly, combining his trademark flicks off the pads with some solid running for a really good 27*. Banger also played straight, and hit powerfully through the line to finish on 26* - maintaining his unbeaten average in the league so far. Peacock, with another gritty innings, allowed new man Jonathan Ferdenzi to make his way to a good 9, playing a lovely punchy off drive for 3. There was much pressure on ‘The Denz’, coming in at 6, but he performed well with the bat, allowing the Stags to reach a huge target of 155. The Stags were equally ruthless with the ball, as Alford were bowled out for just 50. Up and coming all-rounder Denz bowled his three overs for just 12 runs, picking up 2 wickets along the way. Good friend and opening batsman Reid said: ‘I’m so pleased for the guy. He’s waited a long time for this opportunity, and it’s just great that he’s stepped up’. Good fielding with several run outs meant that Coombs and Reid didn’t even need to bowl their middle over partnership which proved crucial in the game Surrey Openers on their way to bat last season against Guildford.

Result: Stags win by 105 Runs [email protected]