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ALSO in THEATERS Capsule REVIEWS

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ALSO in THEATERS Capsule REVIEWS 1 I - ' J PAGE 22 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES April 4, 2000 Teen Romance Earth Bound for Disaster Give Here on Earth (* out of four) ing summer amidst the middle-class, help­ he's reduced to arrogant posturing and some credit for putting at least a temporary ing to rebuild the place, though it would sneering - the better to affect his Big kibosh on the wall-to-wall crudity that make more sense - and make the movie Change later in the film - and she strug­ most teen flicks embrace as their sole rea­ feel less hopelessly stuck in a bygone cine­ gles with some truly terrible dialogue. And son for being. But revoke that credit imme­ matic era-for him to just pay through the they both participate in a pair of embar­ Movie Review diately, because Earth, nose. rassing musical montages: she ecstatically a laughably solemn . Alas, if that were to happen, he'd never dancing around a kitchen while preparing by Jamie Peck romance about a meet Samantha (Sobieski), the daughter of breakfast, he drunk and explaining his female high-school graduate falling for a the diner's owner and the girlfriend of his problems to a bam full of cows. The latter guy from _:_ say it with me, folks - the partner-in-demolition. She initially thinks might lead to filmdom's first-ever bovine wrong side of the tracks, derails in its he's. a jerk. But a glimpse of his shirtless, reaction shot. opening scene and never subsides. A few sculpted chest later and she's cooling off In perhaps the most bewildering raunchy sex jokes might have enlivened with a glass of lemonade. You can proba­ sequence, Klein seduces Sobieski by nam­ this cringe-inducing schmaltz-fest immea­ bly predict what happens next- or maybe ing her body parts after various states. He surably. not, since, at around the hour mark, what starts with her toes (Florida), moves onto Chris Klein and Leelee Sobieski play has so far been a painfully melodramatic her knees (North and South Carolina), the young lovers here. Klein's hotheaded story of puppy lust unexpectedly turns into stomach (Maryland - so is her navel the . snob Kelley hails from an upper-crust prep a painfully melodramatic disease-movie'­ capital?) and boobs (New York and New academy. He plows his new roadster - a of-the-week. Jersey), then finishes with her mouth, gift from dad - into a neighboring town's Poor kids. Klein was such a true acting which he dubs "Massachusetts." "Massa­ greasy spoon called Mabel's Table after fmd in last spring's Election, his movie chusetts welcomes you," she replies, invit­ taunting the locals and goading one of them debut, and Sobieski (TV's Joan of Arc) ing him to visit Boston for a round of ton­ 20th Century Fox (Josh Hartnett) into a drag race. The penal­ brings a warm, sensitive glow to nearly sil hockey. Blech. If this is Earth, take me Gruesome Twosome: Chris Klein and ty: Blue-blood Kelley must spend the ensu- everything she does. In Here on Earth, to another planet. Leelee Sobieski in Here on Earth. CAPSUlE REVIEWS OF MOVIES It CURRENT ALSO IN THEATERS REI.USE BY JIMI PECK American Beauty intriguing set-up. Johnny Depp, whose goatee ***'h and gray hair highlights make him look distin­ Deliriously funny, darkly haunting and often guished in a lit-professor kind of way, plays a both in the same scene, this terrific tragicomedy "book detective" hired by a shady client (Frank about a nuclear family exploding in many dif­ Langella) to investigate the authenticity of a ferent ways now has a shelf full of Oscars - tome allegedly co-authored by the Prince of including Best Picture - to further prove its sta­ Darkness himself. Handsome globetrotting and tus as one of last year's most important works. interesting details about Depp's trade can't Kevin Spacey's knockout performance as a sar­ camouflage an increasingly aimless story. casm-seething everyman caught in a devastating midlife crisis won him the Best Actor trophy. Romeo Must Die Annette Bening (nominated) is highly memo­ *'h rable as his frustrated wife, and Thora Birch and This load of kung-phooey, based loosely Wes Bentley (unjustly overlooked) resonate as (very loosely) on William Shakespeare's Romeo teens caught in the suburban crossfire. and Juliet, is no romantic tragedy. It is, howev­ er, a martial-arts tragedy - a US vehicle for The Cider House Rules · Hong Kong martial-arts superstar Jet Li in **'h which all the fight scenes fall flat because Li is Michael Caine nabbed the Best Supporting so obviously aided by ropes, wires and comput­ Actor Oscar for his refined portrayal of an er effects. Jackie Chan, where are you when we ether-addicted doctor at a 1940s clinic in John need you? The ho-hum story updates the rivalry Irving's take (Best Adapted Screenplay) on his between the Montagues and Capulets to a war own well-respected novel. But Caine's work is between contemporary Asian and African­ among the few honest-to-goodness pleasures American gangs. At least R&B singer Aaliyah present in this borderline-diverting drama from makes an impressive sceen debut in the film as director Lasse Hallstrom (Whats Eating Gilbert Romeo's pseudo-Juliet. Grape). The self-discovery odyssey of the main character (Tobey Maguire), an orphan charge of The Tigger Movie Caine's, is ho-hum when it should be heart­ **lh breaking, and the film's blatant pro-choice The wonderful thing about The Tigger agenda may even distract those who agree with Movie is the titular T-man himself, that kid­ it. friendly fusion of fur, stripes and boundless Universal Pictures enthusiasm who's always up to his whiskers in Erin Brockovich Quite a Pair: Albert Finney and Julia Roberts dig deep as a bullied lawyer and his manic mischief. And after spending countless ***'h brassy secretary in Erin Brockovich. Winnie the Pooh cartoons of the past as a co­ Julia Roberts' star power goes supernova in star, the spotlight finally falls on him here. Too this fact-based account of a no-experience legal realistic with a fine attention to eerie detail, the The Next Best Thing bad the pokey plot - Tigger searches for his secretary who comes to the aid of a small movie grows increasingly cartoonish and tacks *** family tree - may lull those above and beyond California town unknowingly poisoned by a on an unsatisfying ending. But lead Devon The best thing in The Next Best Thing is the third grade to sleep. It'll probably seem gas-and-electric giant, and Albert Finney, as her Sawa, who was slumming in the flaccid horror Rupert Everett. He deliciously delivers some more at-home on video, where the wee ones can occasionally bullied boss, marvelously reacts to show Idle Hands a year ago, is a well-spooked choice one-liners as a gay gardener who acci­ entertain repeat viewings, and their parents can her intimidating demeanor. Non-mainstream gore guide even when the going gets rough. dentally conceives a child with his straight best leave the room when they get bored. director Steven Soderbergh (The Limey) seems friend (Madonna) after an alcohol-induced night like an odd choice to helm this crowd-pleasing Mission to Mars of passion. The duo's real-life camaraderie The Whole Nine Yards material, but he's actually perfect for it. His **'h transfers well to film, and the movie's serious *'h refusal to oversentimentalize the sad story or Houston, we have a few problems - name- side, wobbly though it may be, raises some If an Oscar existed for Best Cast Put to Use lighten Roberts' hard-edged character make ly, how this Brian De Palma sci-fi thriller irre­ intriguing questions about what makes a family. in a Lousy Movie, The Whole Nine Yards might Erin Brockovich more powerful and pleasing deemably crashes in its final half-hour. Before The off-screen resolution stinks, but as a com­ ftnd itself with a statuette this time next year. than it has any right to be. then, Mission offers some taut suspense mercial for the Madonna lifestyle - practicing Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, The Green Mile's sequences, as a NASA rescue team (including yoga, nibbling vegetarian meals at posh ou.tdoor Michael Clarke Duncan and others slum in this Final Destination Tim Robbins, Gary Sinise and comic-relief cafes and modeling artsy retro fashions - this wretched melding of crime caper and black *** Jerry O'Connell) voyages to the Red Planet in Thing really clicks. comedy, as a timid dentist (Perry) gets involved Death takes a holiday to stalk a group of hopes of determining what happened to a crew with the hitman (Willis) next-door and other teenagers who were supposed to die on a field­ that landed a year prior. Their journey is worth­ The Ninth Gate assorted lowlifes. Thankfully, two actresses trip flight but evacuated the plane at the last while, but things get unfortunately laughable ** make the movie hurt less than it would without minute. Great concept, and Final Destination when they. reach their destination, complete Director Roman Polanski reunites with the them: Natasha Henstridge, exuding a Grace­ more or less runs with it, providing some solid with a close encounter of the third kind that antagonist of his 1967 classic Rosemary's Baby Kelly glow as Willis' estranged wife, and jolts and genuinely disturbing murder feels like that crying-Indian commercial of the - that'd be Satan - in this uneven occult Amanda Peet, a sizzling scene-stealer as Perry's sequences along the way.
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