The Meaningful Time

Gracie L. Reitzig

Prologue

One day, Time glanced down from the heavens upon earth, the world of humans. It saw everything, yet understood nothing. With all of the knowledge it possessed, Time tried to fathom what life would be like. What would it be like to live, to be born, to feel, to love, and to die? What emotion would life enkindle? Would it hurt or feel sad? Or would life bring happiness and be filled with meaning? Meaning. That word echoed in Time’s mind. What is my meaning? Thought Time. Humans live with meaning. With a purpose to their short existence. They evolve. Time existed with nothing. It did not evolve. It was just there. To be known, yet acknowledged by no one. To be loved by no one. And so Time went to God and made a wish.

“I wish for meaning,” Time whispered into the abyss, which was God.

God replied back, “Meaning?”

“Yes, I am without meaning. I desire to experience this feeling that all humans know.”

“I created you with a purpose,” Spoke God. “With meaning, but I can see that you do not understand and must find meaning for yourself. You shall take on the life of a human and find what you seek. But be warned, this shape is not forever and on the second day you must return to Me. If, when the days are up, and you do not return, there will be devastating ramification.”

Then Time fell into a deep slumber.

Chapter I

I crack open my eyes and tried to shield my face from the scorching sunlight. Wait. Hands? I have hands! Two of them at that. I quickly glance down at the ground and notice that I have a very solid human body. I am human? What is going on? Then I hear a whisper. A voice that reminds me, Find what you seek and return to Me. Everything suddenly comes back to me. I am Time and I made a wish to find meaning. A sudden rush of sadness fills me as I realize that I do not know what my purpose is. But that is why I am here. To find my purpose. With hope blooming in my heart I stand up on wobbly legs and try to figure out my bearings.

Judging by the position of the sun, it is late in the afternoon. I am standing in the shade under a tree in what appears to be a park. A park filled with so many humans. After coming to that conclusion I notice something else. I can hear sounds. Something that I have never heard. Actually I have never heard anything, as I have never had ears before. Children are everywhere making all sorts of noise around me. Some are playing and laughing having a fun time.

Others are screaming and crying in a rage. Adults are shouting at their kids. Be nice. Be careful. Do this. Don’t do this. Then there are humans in cars cursing at each other and honking horns. It is exciting to be able to hear, but everything is so loud, the sounds are becoming unpleasant and are causing something to form in my head. I am certainly not jumping up for joy. I am surrounded by humans who cannot seem to keep quiet. Can’t they realize my newly acquired head is about to explode in pain?

Looking around I wonder how I will find my meaning. I am overwhelmed by questions. Where am I? Why did I wake up in a park? Why this particular time of day? What do I do now? No answers were forth coming. Just as I am about to scream out with frustration, a boy starts walking in my general direction. Oh, no. I thought. You better not be coming my way. Turn away. I don’t want to talk to you. Heck, I do not even know if I can speak. The boy keeps walking to me and it is now obvious he wants to talk no matter how loud I scream in my head to go away. I have to talk to humans someday, so why not sooner rather than later. Starting with this kid. I quickly begin to work on my vocal cords.

“Hey.” No, no. Too raspy. I sound like I have never talked before. Which

I have not. But no one has to know that.

“Hello.” Better. If I am trying to sound like I am dying. All I have to do is sound human. Should not be too hard. At least I look the part. I think.

The boy is close. I have ten seconds tops to sound plausible. One more time. They say third times the charm. Let’s see if human superstition works.

“Hi.” Wow, I am impressed! I sound like a nature born human. Third time really is good luck.

As the boy approaches, I open my mouth and pray to God that I am convincing. Unfortunately, all that comes out is an undignified, “Ah.” What just came out of my mouth? I try to say a simple word of greeting and ‘ah’ comes out. I sound and probably look like a complete simpleton. I guess fourth time is unlucky. I am mortified. I can feel a hot, embarrassing blush crawl to my cheeks.

“Hey Abby.” The boy grins revealing two dimples. That grin creates a funny feeling in me. Like I have seen it before. My vision goes blurry for a second and I am no longer at the park. I am standing in the front yard of a very nice home and the boy is there with me. He does not look much different than he is now, so this event must have happened recently. I can tell it has been raining, as there are water puddles everywhere. Suddenly, the boy jumps into a big puddle and splashes me with water. I make a noise that is somewhere between a scream and a laugh. The boy turns around and flashes me the same cheeky grin I see now. The memory fades and I am again standing next to the boy in the park. I rapidly blink trying to clear my head.

Interesting, so I know this boy and he knows me. No. No I am Time and one knows who I am. The boy knows who this person that my body belongs to is. Now the more pressing question is, who am I supposed to be?

“Cat got your tongue?” The boy teases.

“Ehhhhh…no,” I form my words slowly, “I am just…resting.”

The boy begins to laugh. Why is the human boy laughing? Perhaps he thinks I was trying to tell a joke. Hmm…jokes make people laugh. Perhaps I’m a funny sort of person. Of all of the attributes a human can possess, humor is a rather nice one to have.

“Yeah, I know. You have been napping for the past hour. You missed all the fun and excitement. It is too late now. Mom wants to get home. Come on.” The boy informs me. Right, of course I have a mom.

A woman, who I believe is Mom, starts walking towards me and the boy. “Hey, I am so sorry I am late guys. Work kept me longer than I expected.” The woman says in a well-modulated voice.

“That is ok. We understand,” the boy says.

“I am glad you guys are good. Let’s get out of here. It is getting late and I want to get home before traffic really gets crazy.”

“Ok, come on sis. Off we go,” says the boy, who is actually my brother and whose name I do not yet know.

I let my brother and Mom lead, as I have no idea where to go. They lead me to a white car that says Prius on the side. We hop in and drive home.

Wherever home may be.

Chapter II

“Did you two have fun at the park?” Inquires Mom, as we drive home.

“Yeah, I hung out with my friends and we had a blast!” The words rushed out of Edward’s mouth, barely making any sense, “But Abby fell asleep and missed all the fun.”

“Oh, did you have a good nap, honey?” Asks Mom.

“It was nice…Mom.” I think that is a good answer.

“That is good. You seem to be quite tired…” Buzz, buzz. The phone begins to ring and Mom picks it up.

“Hello, this is Jo.” A reply is mumbled back. “Oh, hi Doctor Martin. No, I am feeling much better. I think the new meds are helping a lot.” Apparently Mom is sick with something. A quick image of Mom crying and saying that she does not want to die flashes through my head. Her illness must be serious, but I do not know what it is. I tune out the conversation and begin to take in my surroundings.

We are driving through the city. People are everywhere. On the sidewalks and streets. Some are walking and others are driving. They are talking to each other or they are on the phone. City life never seems to slow down. Everything keeps bustling about and making noise. There are few vegetation around. Just several trees and plants here and there. Everything gives me a sense of déjà vu, yet it is all so new to me. The novelty of human life feels exhilarating.

“Did you get wacked in the head or something sis? You are acting weird. Well weirder than the usual.” Edward whispers to me.

“No, I do not believe so.” I answer, “In what way am I different?” I will have to try to act more like Abby.

“I can’t really pinpoint the difference. But there is something different about you. It is very subtle though. First you did not complain about getting in the car and now you are strangely quiet. I mean you are a girl. And we all know girls are not exactly known for their quiet demeanor. Are you daydreaming about that boy again?” Edward asks. His eyes lighting up as if he had discovered a wonderful secret.

“What boy?” I ask in a deadpan tone.

“Come on do not act coy. You know, that boy you have been talking about nonstop all week? Tall, dark, and handsome? Ring any bells? I bet he goes to the same school as us. You should introduce him…”

“Why would I complain about getting into the car?” I interrupt. Clearly, Edward was not going to stop interrogating me.

“Ah, you do not like cars. You get car sick. Remember? You are acting like you have amnesia. Oh my gosh.” I can practically see the wheels turning in Edward’s head. His eyes are getting bigger, like he has discovered my secret. He leans into me, not caring that he is invading my personal space, “Do you know who you are? Who I am?” “What strange notions you have,” I scoffed at Edward, shooting him my best attempt at a lofty and arrogant demeanor, “of course I know who you and I are. You are my annoying, meddlesome, and, unfortunately, ever present brother. These are things I would not know if I had amnesia. Even if I did have amnesia, just by one look of your face, I would have describe you in much the same way I just did.” Except for what I learned from that one brief memory of us, I have no idea what Edward is like. I have a gut feeling that annoying and meddlesome are putting it mildly. This façade of being Abby is hard to pull off.

“And there is the sis I know and am supposed to love. But I swear there is still something different about you. Maybe it is because you have only thrown one insult so far. I mean you usually on your millionth, trillionth…”

“Would it make you feel better if I throw up?” I say nonchalantly. Perhaps acting car sick will be more like Abby and will convince Edward enough to leave me alone.

“What? Ewww, gross, no! What in the world makes you think throwing up on me would make me feel better? It would make me want to throw up. Please do not.” Edward pleads with a disgusted look on his face. Then with a determined glint in his eyes, Edward says, “Ok, as your brother, who has the misfortune of living with you, I am probably the person that knows you the best. Therefore, I can tell something is definitely up. Come on you can confide in me. I will not tell. Unlike you girls, we boys can actually keep their mouths shut. Cross my heart do not hope to die.” Edward puts emphasis on his promise by crossing his heart with his right hand. I beg to differ. Edward seems to be the type to babble at the first given opportunity just for the sake of riling me, Abby, up. It would appear the two siblings’ prominent talent is to irritate each other.

“It is nothing. I am just tired. Maybe I am catching a cold.” Then with an innocent expression, I lean in closer to Edward, grab his hand and whisper into his ear like I am about to disclose a secret, “Did you know that sick people can transmit a virus to another person through the very air they breathe and by skin contact?”

Edward quickly rips his hand out of mine and scoots back, bumping his head against the car window in his attempt to get as far away as possible from me. “But…” Edward says determined to bug me, not seeming to get the hint that I want to be left alone.

“Drop it.” I snap. My patience is rapidly running out, little human, I mentally warn him even though I know he cannot hear.

He must have seen something in my eyes and wisely decides to leave me alone. “Fine,” he says, finally conceding. He leans back in his seat and pretends to pout.

I take this reprieve of questions to study Mom and Edward. Mom, who is now off the phone, looks to be in her late 30’s to early 40’s. She has an oval face with eyebrows groomed to perfection, a nice straight nose, and delicately formed lips that are currently closed in a thin line. She has aged well and barely has any gray in her wavy brunette hair. Her eyes are a beautiful, lush green with specs of gold. Right now she is wearing a black pencil skirt with a classical white, buttoned down shirt. Her clothing suggest that she works in an office, perhaps at a corporate company. A deep frown, with raised eyebrows show that Mom is deep in thought. Whatever illness she and her doctor discussed must be causing Mom stress.

I turn to look at Edward, who is now listening to some crazy loud music with his earbuds. With round chubby cheeks and girlish features, he obviously has not hit puberty. He appears to be around ten years old. He has inherited the same captivating eyes as Mom, but instead of brown hair, Edward’s hair is cut short and has more of a reddish hue to it. He sports skinny blue jeans and a causal t-shirt. Edward strikes me as the confident and popular sort of person.

I look down at myself and realize I am wearing a cute, flowy, summer dress with big flowers on it. Peering into the rear view mirror, I try my best to make out my features. I look to be a little older than Edward. About twelve years old or so. I have a cute roundish face with a button nose and large, curious eyes. To me, my brown eyes are rather boring compared to Edward and

Mom’s. Framing my face is luxurious chestnut-brown hair, cascading down in perfect spirals down my back. With my innocent face, I can see now why that boy would be interested.

The rest of the ride home is quiet and no one seems to want to break the silence. After about forty-five minutes of driving, we pull into the driveway of the same house I saw in Abby’s memory. Nothing about the house has appeared changed since that flashback. The exterior of the house is very posh and expensive looking with blooming flower beds along the side of the house and the asphalt driveway. The front yard has been recently meowed. The

two-car garage is spacious and is neat. Not a single object out of place. I am betting that the inside will be just as clean and impeccable as the outside. It appears Mom is a neat freak.

We walk into the house and my suspicions are correct. Everything is immaculate. From the shiny, clean, wooden floors to the perfectly, painted beige walls and everything in-between. Mom leads us past the foyer into the kitchen. A very modern kitchen with everything a good quality kitchen should have. Dishwasher, cabinets, microwave, refrigerator, and all.

“Ok kids,” Mom says tiredly, “set the table. Dinner will be ready in ten.” This will be my first experience with food. I wonder what my first meal will be. I hope nothing weird.

Edward starts walking to one of the cabinets. The cabinet has a glass door and I can tell that is where the plates are. I nervously look around. I have no idea what I am supposed to do.

“Well do not just stand there, Abs. Grab the glasses and fill them with water.” Edward, practically barks at me.

I do not know where the glasses, but Abby does. I let instinct take over and I walk to the cabinet closest to the sink that I believe has what I need.

Fortunately, my instincts are correct and I grab three glasses from the cabinet and fill them with water from the faucet. I can make out a blurry reflection of my borrowed face through the polished, stainless, steel sink. Even though I have been on earth for just an hour or so, I feel like it has been so much longer.

Everything is so new and my senses are overwhelmed. I am easily swept away by awe. I have to remind myself that this is not forever. I am not human. This body I inhabit is not mine. I am Time and I made a wish. A wish to find meaning. And I do not have much longer on earth. I remind myself over and over again.

“So…,” Mom starts, like she is trying to think, “tomorrow is Saturday and that means no school. What are some fun activities we can do? Suggestions anyone?”

“Oh, I know!” Edward begins to jump with excitement, nearly dropping the plates, “We could go to the theme park in town.”

“We could do that. Do you have any suggestions Abby?” Mom asks while she puts the food onto a platter.

“No, the amusement park sounds great. Let’s do that.” I feel like this will not be my first experience at a theme park.

“Ok, that is a plan then. Early bedtime tonight though. I want us to be up around seven and out of the house, say… about eight. That gives us plenty of time to get ready.”

Edward snickers as he places the plates on the table. “Try not to sleep through the alarm, Abs. Again.”

“Rest assured I will not.” Is the little brat purposely trying to annoy me? Because it is working.

“Ok, but if you do, I get the bathroom first and then you will have less time to pretty up.” Perhaps Edward and Abby do not get along well and are sibling rivals? I can certainly understand and sympathize with Abby if she is just as equally irritated by Edward as I currently am. One cannot be around a creature, such as Edward, for too long before the body’s nature reaction is activated in the form of a head splitting migraine. What was God drinking when He created this atrocity? He obviously make a mistake on this one.

“Stop bickering you two and finish the table.” Mom interrupts my musings.

Edward grabs the forks and knives and place them on the correct side of each plate. I put the glasses, filled with water, on the table. It is a small table capable of seating four people. There are only three places set. I wonder where the dad is.

Mom places the food on the table and we all sit down to eat. We quickly say grace and dig in.

“Awesome sauce. We are having pork chops!” Edward squeals. “And beans.” This time, not so enthusiastically, Edward says with a frown.

Pork chops. Interesting name for an interesting food. Both Edward and Mom begin to pour a liquid mixture over their pork chops. I follow suit. I have watched humans ever since creation, so I know everything there is to know about human life, and that includes how to eat. I pick up my utensils and attempt to cut my food. Apparently knowing and doing are two different things. I know how to use utensils but they are unfamiliar to me. My hands do not coordinate very well and my knife and fork drop onto the plate with a loud clang.

“Would it kill to be quiet for once in your life?” Edward gives me the glare. Then he mumbles sounding exasperated, “Girls. It is just not in their nature to be quiet.” I was just about to say something nasty in return, but Mom must have sensed this and wisely stops me by starting a different topic, “How did school go today, Edward and Abby?”

“It was great! We had a pop quiz today and I passed with an A+.” Edward puffs his chest out with open pride.

“That is so wonderful. What was the quiz on?” Mom asks with a smile that softens her face. She seems genuinely interested in our education.

“It was all about the brain. We had to name the different parts. From the corpus callosum all the way to the pineal gland. It was actually pretty hard, but I had just studied the brain last night so I was prepared.”

“I am so proud of you, Edward. I am confident you will make an excellent doctor someday.” Mom says with joy, tinged with a bit of sadness, as if Mom does not think she will live for the day when Edward becomes a doctor.

Becoming a doctor is Edward’s meaning in life. He will evolve through his learning towards becoming a doctor. Since I am Time, I do not believe I even have the ability to evolve, let alone find my meaning. My sad thoughts quickly make me think I will not find my meaning before my time is up on earth. A dark feeling, which I have never known before, starts to bloom in my heart. Deep down I know it is jealousy I am experiencing. Another dangerous emotion starts to form alongside of my jealousy. Pride. This same pride also makes me reluctant to admit that I, Time, who has existed for all eternity, could possibly be jealous of humans.

“Thanks Mom. I hope I will make you proud.” Edward replies.

“Anything you decide to do will make me proud.” Mom tells Edward. Then turning to me, Mom gently probes, “What did you do today at school, Abby?”

Shoot. I knew she was going to ask. I should have been prepared and thought of something to say. Let’s see, school is a place for learning. So what did I learn?

“Well…,” I try hard to think of something plausible, “we learned all sorts of things.” Wow, that was an abstract answer if ever I have heard one.

“What kind of things?” Mom asks kindly.

“I learned…” But before I could finish my sentence, Edward unsurprisingly interrupts me, “Abs probably fell asleep during math class and is too embarrassed to say. That, or she was too busy blowing kisses and giving that boy googly eyes.” Edward rushes the words out like he is afraid someone will stop him before he can finish.

“Cork it!” I snap. I never thought I would be so easily swept away by anger. It would seem Edward has a talent for bringing that side out of me. “I learned about the universe. I learned that no matter how much someone thinks they are the center of the universe, there is scientific proof to debunk them and prove that they are just arrogant blokes with an inflated ego for a brain.” I turn my nose up and look to Edward as I say this.

“Humph. Girls.” Edward mumbles to himself. He always brings up my gender whenever he cannot think of something to say back.

“Well I am glad you two learned so much at school today.” Mom comments, appearing tired. Perhaps Edward’s and my arguing wears on her nerves and is the cause for her tiredness. She probably hears us argue all the time whenever we are together. Edward seems to be able to sense the change in Mom, as he remains quiet and eats his food.

Feeling tired and drained myself and wanting to get out of this awkward silence, I ask, “Can I be excused? I would like to go to bed.” I hear Edward mutter something about me not taking grammar class as the proper word is ‘may’ instead of ‘can’. Edward claims that girls are the ones with big mouths, when it appears he is the one that has the big month as he just cannot seem to hold back the jabs that jump out from it. I swear his only reason for existence is to bug me. I mentally roll my eyes at him. It makes me feel much better.

“Of course, honey. Remember up and early tomorrow.” Mom replies back.

“Ok, good night.” I say as I rinse my dishes in the sink and put them in the dishwasher.

“May I be excused, Mom?” Edward puts the emphasis on the ‘may’.

I hear Mom say something but I am too far away to make it out. Now to find my bedroom. I have a gut feeling that it is upstairs. I backtrack to the foyer where I remember seeing the beautiful, wooden, spiral staircase. So many pictures adorn the staircase wall. Seeing all these images gives me a rush of emotions and memories that I know are not mine, but Abby’s. I feel an overwhelming mixture of love, happiness, and sadness associated with the memories I have from the pictures. One portrait in particular grabs my interest. The picture is professionally taken in a formal setting. In it there is Mom, Edward, me, and the last person I assume is Dad. Mom has her hair styled in loose beach curls that give her a youthful look. She is wearing a beautiful, blood red, floor length, ball gown. Silver rhinestones of all different sizes decorate the waist and sleeves giving the dress an over-all elegant look. Edward and Dad both are dressed identically. They are smartly wearing a button down, white blouse with classic, black blazers and trousers. Their look is complete with white bowties. Like Mom, my hair is done identical to her loose beach curls. I am wearing a gorgeous, glittery, teal dress. The dress is strapless and falls a few inches below my knees. The dress has lots of pleats around the waist finished with a large white bow on the side that gives a girly feel to the dress. Everyone in the picture is smiling and looks excited and ready to attend a black tie event.

I take a moment to study the man in the picture. He is tall and middle aged with just some gray in his short, very vibrant, red hair. So this is who Edward gets his hair from. He has a square face with a strong jawline. He has crow’s feet around his cloudy, gray-blue eyes that reveal he likes to smile a lot. His height, the cunning and determined look in his eyes, and the set of his jaws, make him appear to be very persistent sort of person who does not take ‘no’ for an answer. He looks like a person who knows what he wants and exactly how to get it. Over all, the man is very striking to look at. Physically, both Edward and I favor our Mom, but I have a feeling that Edward and I have inherited Dad’s determined and stubborn personalities. Considering our recent bouts, I do not know if that is a good thing.

“Did you know that Dad hated to have his picture be taken?” How Edward managed to sneak up on me, I have no idea. I do not like to be taken by surprise. “He used to say that pictures were a waste of his time. He would say, because he had an eidetic memory, that pictures were useless to him and he did not need the pictures to help him remember anything. When Dad hosted the charity ball for children with cancer at his hospital, Mom thought it would be a perfect time to have a family picture taken, as we would be all dressed up. Mom was persistent and Dad finally caved.” Edward pauses and I can see tears begin to stream down his face. He looks like he is stuck in a memory of the past and so badly wants to open up about it. I think speaking about that day the picture was taken is helping Edward in some way. Perhaps it is helping him to let go. To move on. So I wait patiently for him to speak. He wipes the tears from his face with his shirt and continues on, “Everyone was so excited to go to the charity ball. Especially Dad. Not only was he the proud host of the charity ball, he was also a world-renowned surgeon. Then as we drove home…the car came at us so fast. So many loud noises. Sirens. So many questions. ‘Do you know what happened?’ ‘Do you know who you are?’ And then they…they said Dad…was dead. I was so confused. I did not understand. How could Dad be gone? He promised me he would always be there. He would not leave…” Edward’s voice cracks with his sobs and he stops talking. “I hate this picture. It brings back that awful memory, but Mom likes it. She says…,” sniffle, “that we should try to remember the… good times and not the… accident.” Edward breaks off mid-sentence and runs up to his bedroom. Edward’s love for his dad moves me and I begin to feel emotions I never thought I would experience. Uncontrollable tears run down my cheeks. Deep down I know that Abby loved her dad just as much as Edward does.

I walk up the stairs and quickly find my bedroom without a hitch. It is the one with the sign nailed to the door that reads ‘Abby’s room. Keep out or else!’ The bedroom feels rather empty with only the basics. A bed, nightstand, dresser, and closet. No decorations to add a personal touch. Not at all frilly like what one would think a young girl’s room would be. The only thing that adds a hint of a warm touch to the room is the lavender painted walls. I crawl into the bed, but before I can fall asleep I hear a creek and quickly close my eyes pretending to be asleep. I hear someone walk up to bed and place their hand on my head and say. “I love you to the moon and back. Sweet dreams my darling,” Mom gives me a kiss and stands up to leave.

“Mom?” I say tentatively.

“Yes?” Mom asks in reply, stopping at the door.

“I… Never mind.” Edward’s sobs ring in my head and his story brings up memories of Abby’s own experience that day. Her sadness is crushing and I feel every bit of it. I want to know if Mom still thinks about it.

“Ok, I am always available if you ever want to talk. Good night.” Mom begins to walk out the door. But before she can leave, I quickly say, “Wait!

Please.” My voice sounds so foreign and lost even to myself.

Mom turns around and walks back to me. She sits down on my bed and grabs my hand, “This illness is hard on me. I know it is hard on you as well, even if you never say it. I do not want to leave you and Edward…” Mom’s voice cracks and tears begin to stream down her face, “but I do not think I will be given a choice in this matter. I love you two so much and so did your father. He and I…we always wanted to be there to support our children, to be there for you. Always. Now I do not know if that is a possibility.” Mom stops to wipe the tears that have now sprung from my eyes. “I do not know how the future will play out. But what I do know is this, I love you and

Edward. I will always love you and nothing will ever get in the way of my love. Not even this illness. Even if you cannot see me, I will always be there watching over you. Never doubt my love. Sleep tight,” Mom hugs me and walks out of the room.

I love you as well. I whisper those words to her retreating form. I do not know if I truly understand what love is, but if I ever loved anyone, I think I would love Mom.

I lay wide awake in my bed for a little while longer, contemplating human life. This whole time being human, being Abby, has been mind-boggling. Not only can I experience emotions and try things I have never done before, but I live through all of these events in someone else’s body. And it would seem, I am somehow connected to Abby, as I am able to see some of her memories. Perhaps I will find my meaning living as Abby.

Chapter III

“Time to wake up kids! I want to be down the road within the hour.” Yells Mom from downstairs. I groggily open my eyes and the first thing I see are plastic stars stuck to the ceiling. Rays of sunlight beam in through the bedroom window. Another day in the life of a human. Today is my last chance. Then I must return to God.

I slide out of bed and walk to the bathroom, which is just past my room.

Edward is nowhere in sight. Still getting his beauty sleep. I smirk. The bathroom is all mine for however long I want it.

I change into a cute pair of blue jeans that are decorated with little flowers on the pockets and a casual green shirt. After putting on socks and sneakers and finishing all of the necessary things, I head downstairs to the kitchen.

Everything that we need for a fun day at the amusement park are all collected in a big picnic basket on the table. Food, utensils, napkins, desserts, drinks, sunblock, and bug spray.

“Good morning, Abby. How did you sleep?” Mom asks as she walks into the kitchen. Mom, like me, is wearing blue jeans and a casual blue, button down, cowboy style, t-shirt.

“I slept well, thank you. Did you sleep well?” From the dawn of creation, I have watched the humans practically sleep away their lives. Now I understand why. It feels amazing and I could have slept so much longer. “I did. Though I feel like I could have slept the day away. Speaking of sleeping the day away, is your brother up?”

“No, I have not yet had the pleasure of seeing his pleasant face this fine morning.” Sarcasm practically drips from my words.

Mom laughs at my words, “You need to have cereal or something for breakfast before we leave. I am going to get your brother up and get myself ready for a fun day at the park.”

Cereal, the go-to American breakfast. First introduced by James Caleb Jackson in 1863. Fast and easy to prepare, cereal was a hit. After finding the cereal in a Lazy Susan turn table cabinet, I walk to the refrigerator and grab the milk. Just as I am about to pour the milk, Edward walks into the kitchen looking like he could conquer the world. Not. He has got crazy bed hair and probably morning breath as well. Edward grabs his Lucky Charm cereal from the cabinet and proceeds to pick out all of the colorful marshmallows putting them aside in a bowl. He sits down and begins to eat his breakfast without any milk.

“Hey, you excited for today?” I remember last night and try not to act too awkward. All I get in return is a grunt of acknowledgment. “Someone is talkative this morning,” I mumble more to myself just to see if I could get a rise out of Edward.

“Well…,” I try again, “I, for one, am pretty excited. I am going to go on as many rides as possible. Which ride do you think we should go on first?”

I am answered by complete and utter silence. This does not feel at all awkward to have a one-sided conversation. I only sound crazy for talking to myself. Fine, I give up. If you do not want to talk, I will not make you. Boys! I roll my eyes.

“I did not mean to break down like that in front of you last night.” Edward sullenly says. His shoulders are hunched over and his whole body is tense. I can tell that this is hard for him to say. “Sorry. I know that you think crying in front of people is a sign of weakness. But I think it is a sign of strength to be able to break down in front of people.” Edward finishes quietly. I do not know what to say to that, so I continue to eat my cereal in silence.

Neither one of us makes any more attempts at conversation. We quickly finish our breakfast and head off to our respective bedrooms. I dig around the room looking for a hat and some money. Finding both, I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I hear Mom yell the ten minute warning and briskly finish brushing my teeth.

“Hey, could you two help me put the stuff into the car?” Mom asks.

“Sure, coming.” Edward, who is now looking less gloomy, and I say at the same time. We run down the stairs and start grabbing stuff to put into the car. Within a decent amount of time we are off on the road.

Edward suddenly seems excited and animatedly tells us, “I want to go on the roller coaster first. Then go magic carpet, then the swings, then we should get cotton candy…” Mom gets a call from someone named Sharon and Edward continues to drone on and on with his list of must-go-on rides.

I tune them both out and think about my own plans. Today is my last day on earth as Abby. I must find my meaning. But how? Perhaps knowing what Abby wants to become will help me. I wonder if Abby ever disclosed her plans for the future to Edward. I will have to ask him. For the moment I just watch the world go by in a swirl of colors from the car window. I do not think about anything. I try to relax and enjoy the ride.

After a while I gain enough courage and I cautiously ask Edward, who has now gone quiet, my question, “Edward, I know that your future plan is to become a doctor. Did I ever have a dream like you?”

Edward gives a look I cannot decipher. Perhaps he is confused by my question. Not giving up, I try again, “Did I ever tell you what I wanted to become?”

“I understood the first time,” Edward finally deems it worth his time to answer me. Then why didn’t you answer me the first time?! “You always had a passion to become a doctor.” He continues, all the while gazing out the window.

“Last I checked, that is your dream.”

“It was not always my dream. Becoming a doctor was your dream first.

You use to tell everyone you were going to become the best doctor in the world, capable of curing any and all diseases. Then Dad died, and with him your dream.” Edward does not look at me when he says this. I can tell he is hurting inside. He misses his dad, but he is trying to be strong for his Mom so he bottles up all of his emotions. He is much braver than he looks. Edward and I lapse into silence.

Mom finishes talking on the phone and looks at us through the rear view mirror, “Hey, I do not know what has gotten into the both of you, but cheer up because Sharon and her kids are coming with us! We will be meeting them at pavilion G” Mom exclaims with eagerness. This is the first time I have seen Mom smile. Her face seems to glow with her excitement and she appears much more youthful and happier.

“Cool, we get to hang out with Eric and Steve.” Edward sounds pretty excited too. It

This time the rest of the ride is filled with excited chatter about spending time with friends and the theme park. We finally arrive at Knoebels Amusement Park. The place is packed and I have stick close to Mom and Edward for fear of getting lost. We pay the entrée fee and begin walking to the rendezvous. Three people walk up to us and Mom and Edward wave to them. I assume they are the friends Mom said we would be meeting.

Everyone greets each other and starts to talk about what rides to go on first.

After setting up our things on the table, we quickly to head to a ticket booth. As we bye tons of tickets one of the boys asks, “Can we head off and meet you guys for lunch?” We, as in Edward, Eric, Steve, and I. Guys, as in Mom and

Sharon.

“Sure, why not. Be back around noon. So about two hours. Have fun and don’t get hurt.” Mom answers.

“Great, see you soon Mom.” Edward, as we run off to have fun.

The boys run in front of me looking for a certain ride and I try to keep up. We arrive at the roller coaster and stand in a very long line. Eric and Steve start to talk to Edward and I lean on the rail to study them. The two boys look a lot be around ten or eleven. Their features are quite similar and I believe they are twins. They both have cute, freckled, round faces framed by shaggy blond hair that lays in loose curls just past their ears. Their eyes are a deep, piecing, sky blue with just a hint of green. Like Edward, Eric and Steve both have casual shorts and t-shirt on. They are still talking when we get in the roller coaster seats.

“I thought you didn’t like roller coasters, Abby?” One of the twins asks me. I can’t very well tell them the truth, so I just shrug.

“Don’t mind her, Eric. Abs has been acting weird lately.” Edward interjects.

“Oh, ok.” Eric says nonchalantly.

The ride starts off pretty nice and slow. We get to the top of the first hill and everything changes. No longer is the ride slow and nice. I feel like my breath is stuck in my lungs and my life flashes before my eyes. I grab onto the safety bar for dear life. My body jerks forward with a rush of adrenaline as the roller coaster continues on. The world goes by in a rush of colors and I begin to enjoy the ride for what it’s worth. I look to the boys who are screaming and laughing their heads off. I begin to smile. This is fun. Even if I don’t find what my meaning is, at least I will go back with some experience of human life. Some of their enjoyments and sadness. The ride ends with a sudden jolt and we get out of the seat.

“That was so much fun!” The boys exclaim.

“What next?” Asks Edward.

“Let’s go on the Magic Carpet.” Suggests one of the twins.

“Yeah that sounds like fun. Come on let’s go.” The other twin agrees. “Do you even know where it is?” I ask the twin, who I think is Steve.

“Ahh, yeah. I saw it on our way to the roller coaster. It is somewhere back there.” Steve points behind us. We weave through a crowd heading in the direction Steve thinks he remembers the ride is. After walking for who knows how long and no Magic Carpet in sight, we finally decide to grab a map from a ticket booth.

“Ok, let’s see. We are here,” Edward points at the map, “and we want to get here. Come on guys we’re not that far. Follow me.”

Edward successfully leads us to the Magic Carpet and we get in line. As we wait I look up at the ride. The ride is decorated like the magic carpet in

Aladdin. It swings people straight up into the air and suspends them there for about five seconds then quickly swings back done and the cycle repeats. It does not look too fun and I tell the boys I will just wait for them on the ground.

“You are such a chicken, Abs. Whatever.” Edward says flippantly.

“Hey, there is nothing wrong with being a chicken. Chickens are universally liked.” I shoot back. Unsurprisingly, Edward does not respond.

“Ok, we will see you at the bottom then.” One of the twins says just as everyone begins boarding the Magic carpet. I wait patiently for the ride to end. While I am waiting, I study the people around me. Everyone looks so happy and content. They enjoy each day to its fullest knowing that they have another tomorrow waiting for them. I am envious of that. I want another day as a human. I do not want this to be my last. I want to become a human. To be born, to live, and to die as a human. But before I could contemplate on my thoughts, the boys come running up to me all talking at once telling me what a great time I missed out on. The chatter calms down as they sense I do not want to talk.

“We should buy some cotton candy.” Steve purposes, “I saw a booth for it just past the swings.”

“Sounds great. I have not had cotton candy in forever.” Edward says enthusiastically.

We find the cotton candy without any delays. Like for everything else, the cotton candy booth has a huge line of people. When we finally get to the front of the line, no one knows what flavor to get. There are too many flavors to just get one so we go with a combination of strawberry, watermelon, raspberry, and chocolate. We all dig in. I eat some of the chocolate flavored cotton candy. Cotton candy looks like a colorful rainbow cloud and I am pleasantly surprised at how good it tastes. It immediately melts in my mouth and leaves a chocolatey residue in my mouth.

“We should get back to the pavilion. It’s almost noon.” Edward says.

“Wait. Really? Two hours has already passed?” Eric asks.

“Yeah, between waiting in line and you getting us lost.” Steve replies.

We backtrack to the pavilion. The pavilion is empty except for Mom and

Sharon who are already there setting out the food.

“How was your time guys?” Sharon asks us.

“It was fabulous, Mom.” Answers Eric, “We went on the roller coaster and the magic carpet. Then we grabbed some cotton candy.” “That sounds like a fabulous time.” Mom says, “I have brought all sorts of food. There is cold chicken and ham. I also have bread and lunch meat if you want to make a sandwich. For drinks we have water and sweet ice tea.”

“It all sounds great. I think I will try a bit of everything.” I say honestly.

“I am so hungry I think I’ll try a bit of everything too.” Agree all of the boys.

Everyone grabs their food and drink of choice and we all sit down to enjoy lunch.

“What did you and Sharon do, Mom?” Edward asks.

“Oh we rode the train and mostly walked around looking at the shops. Did you know that they have a zoo here? We went and saw the animals there.

There was the cutest…” Mom pauses as if she is out of breath, “sorry I am feeling a bit lightheaded. I guess it would help if I would drink more water. Anyways, there was the most adorable monkey. His name was Murray. He was so well behaved he…,” This time Mom begins to cough as if she could not get enough hair into her lungs.

I quickly grab water and hand it to Mom.

Mom quickly chugs the water down and says, “Thank you. I do not know what is wrong. I felt just fine a few minutes ago and now…” Mom stops to catch her breath.

“Are you sure you are ok, Jo?” Sharon asks with obviously concern.

“I don’t think so. I feel so…” Mom suddenly slumps over in her seat.

Everyone jumps up with alarm. “Mom wake up. You can’t do this to us. You promised me.” Edward cries holding Mom in his arms.

Eric and Steve don’t know what to do and they stand off to the side of the table. I see Sharon grab her phone to call 911.

“Hello? 911? My friend needs an ambulance! We are at Kneobels Amusement Park, pavilion G. No, she just lost consciousness. She said she felt light headed and she sounded like she was out of breath. She has lung cancer and is diabetic.” Sharon tries to explain in a panicked voice. Sharon stays on the phone for several more minutes explaining the situation and Mom’s medical history. I turn back to look at Mom. Edward is still crying and holding Mom. He whispers words of love and reassurance.

I hear the sirens then I see the ambulance. Two people jump out of the vehicle and quickly run towards Mom. They check her vitals and strap an oxygen mask over Mom’s face and put her in the ambulance on a stretcher. There is only room for Edward and me in the ambulance, so Sharon decides to take the boys and drive to the hospital in their car. The sirens are turned on. The ambulance speeds across the streets. The future unknown.

Chapter IV

The ride to the hospital feels surreal. There are beeps all around us indicating that Mom is still breathing. She is not responding and the medical technicians don’t know what is wrong. They think it might be related to her cancer. Throughout this whole time Edward still holds onto Mom’s hand crying softly. We finally arrive at the hospital and Mom is rushed down a long corridor into an emergency room. A nurse tells Edward and me to wait in the lobby and she will come update us in a few minutes. The lobby is full of busy people running around like maniacs. Just as we are sitting down, Sharon and the boys come running. We tell them we do not know anything and that we were told to wait for an update. Sharon, Eric, and Steve sit down with us looking sullen. I sit next to Edward. We all wait there in silence hoping for good news.

“It feels like the accident all over again. I don’t…I refuse to let Mom go. I know she will survive. She has to. She promised,” Edward whispers into my ear.

“I will not let Mom go either. She will make…” A voice interrupts me. A voice that eerily says, Return to me. No one reacts to the voice and I realize they did not hear it. Only me. I look up and hear the voice, who I now know is God, saying the same thing again and I realize with dread that my time on earth has come to an end. Emotions of anger, sadness, and resentment swell up inside of me. I want to live as a human. I refuse to go back. I won’t let you take this life away from me. Human life has seduced me and I have decided to stay. I tell the voice with defiance. God does not reply back.

“Why did you change your mind about becoming a doctor?” Edward interrupts my internal battle in a low voice.

“I don’t know.” I answer truthfully.

“It used to be your greatest dream. Your biggest aspiration. Because Dad was a doctor and you always wanted to follow in his footsteps. The day of the accident you changed. You lost your dream. If Mom dies I am still going to grow up to become a doctor. I don’t want to change.” Edward says with so much sadness it makes me start to tear up.

“Mom isn’t going to die. You won’t ever have to change.” I try to console him, “Why do you want to become a doctor?”

“Because someone has to save Mom.” Is my answer.

“I never knew. It’s a noble reason and I am sure Mom is very proud of you.” I tell Edward honestly.

“You’re different now. In a good sort of way. I don’t understand what is different about you, but I like it. I like the new you. Please do…” Edward suddenly stops speaking.

“Please what?” He can’t just leave me hanging. When I get no reply I look up. No one is moving. Everything is deathly silent. No, no You cannot do this to me! This is not fair! I scream to God in My head. Not everyone can be frozen. I stand up and run outside through the door. Instead of the busy sound of a city, all that greats me is silence. Please no. Don’t take this away from me. I plead to anyone who can hear. I run back into the hospital where nothing has changed. I run in a panic down the long, white hallway. Nothing moves. Not a single human takes a breath. They are frozen in place with no idea of what is going on. I walk into the room where I saw Mom being taken. Mom is lying flat on a bed with a doctor standing above her checking her vitals. I walk up to the bed. Grabbing Mom’s hand I begin to cry.

“I am so sorry. This is my fault and I don’t know how to fix it.”

But you do. All you have to do is come back to Me. God tells me.

“I don’t know who I am. Or what I’m supposed to be. I feel so lost.

Please allow me to live as a human. This experience has given me so much.

It has opened my eyes to so many new things. Please.” I pathetically plead to

God.

If that is your wish, you may stay here as a human for however long you want. But life will be rather lonely and quiet.

“What do you mean, God?”

I created the humans. When you refused Me, you refused the humans. Humans need Time. They need you. Only you can set them free. Not Me. Without you, they will be forever frozen. Never moving towards their future.

Are you so selfish that you will take away their dreams from them by fulfilling your desire?

“What do I have to do to set them free?”

You have a choice to make. Become Time again or stay here and remain a human.

“What if I choose the latter?” I asks.

Then you condemn the humans. They will remain as frozen statues for all eternity.

“Is this my punishment for not obeying?”

No, this is the consequence of your action. God answers.

“I want to be selfish but I know it is wrong.” It is the truth. I look down at Mom and my heart weighs heavily in me.

Do you not yet understand your meaning? Open your eyes and look around. Touch the humans and tell Me what you see. God commands me.

I touch Mom’s face gently and concentrate. I see a younger version of

Mom and Dad laughing and talking together. They are creating memories and telling each other what their plans for the future are. They want to get married and create a family together. Flash forward and Abby is born then Edward.

They create more happy memories together as a family. The accident happens. I see today at the park. Then I see the future. Mom goes through a long but successful recovery.

You give them that. Because of you humans are able to live their lives.

God whispers into my ear.

I walk out of the emergency room back into the corridor. I touch a nurse and the same thing happens. I see a younger version of the nurse. The nurse is standing there in a room with an older woman, whom I assume is the mom.

I can hear them talk about the future. Their hopes and dreams. I touch another person and another. Every signal time I get the same results. I see a younger them and they talk about the lives and what they want to accomplish. Then I see their future. Now I fully understand. Now I know what my meaning is. There is just one more person I have to see before I go.

I walk back to the lobby and sit by Edward. “I have not known you for very long, but you have made a deep impression on me. I admire you and will never forget you.” I pause for a second to collect my thoughts, “there is so much potential in you to become whatever you want. But the past stops you. You allow the past to consume you and stop you from achieving your goals. You tightly bottle up your emotions inside because you do not think people will understand. You are wrong. I understand and so will Abby if only you talk to her. Do not let the past hold you back from living your life to the fullest. This does not mean you have to forget. No, quite the opposite.

Remember. Keep Dad alive in your heart, but tuck the memory away, deep down. Think about how proud Dad would be of your achievements. Not about how he is gone. He is always there, you just cannot see him just as you cannot see your guardian angel. Never give up. When you wake, I will be back to my old self. You have to be patient with me. You will see, everything will be alright. Trust me.” I stand up and whisper my last good-byes.

I know who I am. I have found my meaning. Now I am ready to return,

God. I close my eyes and embrace my future.

The End

Epilogue

Humans exist on earth for an undetermined amount of time. During their lives they do many things. Some things that they do are important, other things not so important. But all of those important things give meaning, a purpose in the lives of humans. It brings them happiness. But one entity that makes this all possible is me. That is to say, Time. I am the one who makes it possible for humans to have a future. I allow them to live, to evolve, and to move forward in order for them to find what their purpose is. For however long the universe has existed and will continue to exist, I will always be there.

I exist without any physical shape or form. My purpose is to be Time. Without me there would be nothing, no humans and no future. I exist for the humans.

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