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No. 791 Friday 29th January 1988

INSIDE Accommodation attack

2 Frazer Another four student bedrooms will have to go following an order Anna Jones said that they knew of the from the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea's Environmental situation but had not yet been asked Health Officer. College administration have been served an to rehouse the students. 3 Reorganisa- Overcrowding Notice on 54 Lexham Gardens, one of the College's The Student Manager of 54 head tenancies. The notice follows a surprise inspection of Lexham Lexham Gardens, Aaron Kotcheff, described the four rooms in question tion of the Gardens during the Summer vacation. Four single rooms in No 54 as 'miniscule'. The four students have been declared too small for occupation. Union living in the rooms are paying over £35 a week each. 'I think that the rooms are appalling considering what 4 College the rent is', he told FELIX. The loss of another four rooms strikes another blow to College's Question- student accommodation following last naire week's news that they will be unable Being the occupier/pwpw waving mml enti nage«ent of the presisea to guarantee all first year students a year in hall in 1988. College will be know, a, Uj,kQ^ Qu^dCV.^ lA/g Notice* is hereby given with respect Co che above mentioned premises retaining only half of the flats 5 Libel available in Lexham Gardens next (1) It appears to chc Mayor and Burgesses of the Royal Borough of year. These were to have included No Kensington and Chelsea (hereinafter called "the Council") that an 54. excessive number of persons is being or is likely to be accommodated on 6 John Noble the premises having regard to the number of rooms available; Other head tenancies are also under (2) The rooms listed in Schedule 1 to this Notice are in the Council's threat. Part of the Hamlet Gardens opinion unsuitable to be occupied as sleeping accommodation; Council's - -his Notice are In the complex is also going because the .. Usee. » !«*-«' 2 to U'col^lon by «» lease is not going to be renewed. The s 7 Travel (j) The >»' " be occupied a= u s 1 landlords wish to convert the flats into opinion ° ""tfp«->« 'P"""" than the number 01 P«' .„,. of the" PO"*" higher standard accommodation for Special W ^ sale. Union President Ian Howgate under Section 90 01 out in the Including Socice applyi"S ">» ll«"« has already gone down on record as premises - sal submitted by *» Interfiling and saying that he wants to see the whole round the world «e.,l« ot petsoo having e<»« ^ ""^.X* to the trough of Hamlet disappear in favour of travel. better quality College-owned s.ua. & — — Environmental Healcn v accommodation. Another residence at 8 Earls Court 10 Reviews Square will definately go by the end of the year. Mr Howgate told FELIX that the accommodation was in 'a very Dated, 1^ poor state' and'would probably be 14 Drug Alert shut down if the Health and Safety Officer saw it. 'It is potentially lle.lth omcer Borough E»vlron~o dangerous: they've had a fire there 18 Letters already', he said. FELIX tried to contact College College's Accommodation Office are have to move out immediately or wait Assistant Secretary Michael Arthur still unsure as to whether the students until the end of the academic year. but he was unavailable to comment on currently living in these rooms will Student Accommodation Officer the situation. rHE NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION now St Mary's Medical School. St schedule. I am also being asked to Mary's don't have any sabbatical produce St Mary's publicity. Perhaps officers and are in danger of being left it is time for a big shake-up in the out of the Union activities if there is FELIX Office. This means that I am no sabbatical officer who is prepared unable to take on any personal to travel between sites and encourage printing work for the forseeable integration. Do you really think that future. Sorry. St Mary's students will trek all the way over to IC just to attend a UGM? Collation Not even most Civil Engineers are Collation is the subtle art of putting prepared to walk to the JCR to do FELIX together every Thursday that! night. All four thousand copies. I would urge all Council members Recently we have seen the number of to think twice about these new job collators drop due to third year descriptions and to amend them at the projects and finals approaching. I Welcome to the first of a series of (only members can vote) to next opportunity. I would also suggest would like to encourage more first 'special' issues which will be running completely change the way a Union that once a decision has finally been years to give up an hour on Thursday over the next few weeks. This is our is run and a Union General Meeting made about the Union, that it is no evenings to help us with this Student Travel issue. It is a little on (any Union member can vote) to longer left to Council to change but mammoth task, particularly those the small size due to lack of finances adopt Bungle, Zippy and George as that, like Union by-laws, job who live in Beit Hostel. It's a chance in the FELIX coffers but it contains mascots? description changes have to go to see FELIX before the rest of a personal account of a trip around the I think what concerned me most through two consecutive UGMs College does or before the Guilds world, youth hostelling and was that the meeting was so badly before being accepted. Every member President tries to steal it again! It's interrailing. handled by the Chairman Alistair of the Union should be able to have not a particularly exciting job, but We are planning a special 'Comic Seymour. With such a major subject a say on this subject. there are soft drinks on hand and Relief issue next week to coincide to discuss, he should have first you'll get a credit in FELIX to say with Comic Relief Day. All your allowed debate on whether we needed Guildsheet questionnaire thank you. special College officials will be such a drastic reorganisation of the I think that this questionnaire was so donning their red noses and the whole Union. Instead he allowed petty clever. I wish that I'd asked the same Finally... issue will be incredibly tongue-in- squabbles over wording of job question as to whether people wanted There will be a special staff meeting cheek. This means that we will only descriptions. Had Mr Howgate Ian Howgate as their President or not. in the Union Snack Bar today, include articles and reports which fit consulted with other Unions which Perhaps he would have tried to resign 1.00pm, to discuss next week's issue. in with the general 'feel' of the issue. had tried creating a sabbatical to run as well. Anybody is welcome to come. Mars You have been warned. entertainments, he would have Bars obligatory. I must apologise for the lack of a discovered that all have failed. Printing SciTech page in this issue, but Steve Aberystwyth is a case in point. They There is too much printing work Black has been ill for the past week. found that the only people who stood floating about this College to be fitted He has promised me that the page will for the post were those concerned into the Union Print Unit's busy return as soon as he is well again. with self-promotion and freebie- hunting. Their entertainments were worse than before the change. In the Editor-in-chief Judith Hackney Council horror end they appointed a permanent Business Manager Chris Martin I left Monday's Council completely -Deputy Editor Pippa Salmon member of staff as Entertainments disillusioned with the Union anfl the Reviews Editor Charles Robin Officer with the brief that his wages Features Editor Kamala Sen running thereof. I could not believe would be paid for out of the profits, Clubs Editor Andrew Waller that Ian Howgate's report, which and if there were no profits, then he Sports Editors Dominic Strowbridge contained proposals for the biggest and 'Hector' Sullivan wouldn't get paid! However, we have Union shake-up in years, was passed. Science Editor Steve Black now been landed with a sabbatical His proposals for the three Union Typesetting Rose Atkins position to organise events. Printing Dean Vaughan sabbaticals were ill-conceived and Contributors: Chris Jones, Al Birch, Adrian Bourne, Dave Jones, Bill Goodwin, Pippa misguided. He has effectively created I am also worried triat the Union Salmon, Adrian Grainger, Phil Young, William Lumb, Martyn Peck, Noel Curry, Martin a new sabbatical post and thrown one hasn't used this opportunity to create Cole, Roy, Chas Brereton, Steve Mercer, Thomas Grieg, Dave Smedley, Andrew away in just one Council. Why does a sabbatical with special responsibility Waller, Pippa Safmon (), Kamala Sen (*), Chris Martin (), Chris the collator, Lloyd, Rupert, Simon and all the other collators. it only require one Council meeting for the College sites at Silwood and

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2 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX INJ ews

JOB DESCRIPTION: PRESIDENT

Shall be responsible to a UGM for: Union Reorganisation " 1. The overall effective organisation of the Union; this shall include permanent staff, sabbatical holders of office and Union officers and representatives. 2. Such areas (normally 5 of the below) of Union representation on External bodies and College Union President Ian Howgate has responsibility for Union events. Committees as agreed by the President and Deputy President at the start of the sabbatical year. proposed and achieved extensive He/she will now be known as Presenrly these are: changes to the Union structure at this Honorary Secretary (Events). Academic Affairs Accommodation & Housing week's Union Council meeting. Mr His proposals also included a new Athletics Howgate told the meeting that his permanent Union Manager to oversee External Affairs aims in doing this were to 'provide the Union Bar, Union Snack Bar, Overseas Students Postgraduate Affairs better representation, tidy up the Sports Shop and run the transport Welfare Union management structure and to system. This will mean that the Co-ordinating and supporting the work of Union officers in these areas: provide a better service to the student number of permanent staff members

JOB DESCRIPTION: DEPUTY PRESIDENT FINANCE OFFICER Report to President, Council & UGM and be responsible to UGM for: 1. Security, safety and discipline in Union areas and representing the Union on College Disciplinary Committees and Residential Tribunals,

Catering Sports Sports Shop Assistant Union Typist 2. Mascotry and 'Mike'. Manager Manager Manager Southside Shop Administrator 3. Deputising for the President when necessary. Managers 4. Overviewing the work of the Union Manager and the Finance Officer. 5. Producing estimates for the following session (in consultation with the Finance Officer) to be submitted to College. 6. Representing the Union on the following College committees: Governing Body House It's the Year of the Dragon! CCSMC Refectory Users Safety Council 7. Chairing the College Bar Sub-committee. Discover China in '88... 8. Chairing the following Union committees: Union Finance r Bar Bookshop Beijing £456 * Catering Hong Kong £456 n„ Transport and all around Asia Deputy Chairman of Executive and Disciplinary Committees. Thailand £345 m 9. Such areas (normally 2 of the below) of Union representation on external bodies and College committees as agreed by the President and Deputy President at the start of the sabbatical year. Malaysia £420 -~ Presently these are: India £375» Academic Affairs Accommodation & Housing Athletics Book now before it's too late! External Affairs Overseas Students Postgraduate Affairs for low cost worldwide flights, tours, holidays and expert advice Welfare for the independent traveller. Co-ordinating and supporting the work of Union Officers in these areas, (i) In the areas as agreed the Duputy President shall present Union policy to College and external Special fares bodies and negotiate on that basis. for students (i) Research and collect up-to-date information, data and statistics concerning these areas. and academics (ii) Keeping Council and the UGM informed of any developments in these areas. 10. Submitting their reports to the Union Administrator at least 7 days before Councils and UGMs. Ask for our brochures — see riow far you can go! JOB DESCRIPTION: HONORARY SECRETARY (EVENTS)

Report to President, Council & UGM and be responsible to UGM for: 1. The assisting in the co-ordination of Entertainments for the Union in co-operation with the U1U travel Entertainments Officer and Entertainments Committee. 2. The assisting in the co-ordination of Rag in co-operation with the Rag Chairman and Rag Committee. » ULU Travel 3. The organisation of any event that may be staged by the Union, such as Freshers' Fair, Overseas Imperial College Students Reception Day, Commemoration Ball, etc. Sherfield Building 4. Assisting the SCAB Chairman with the promotion of events staged by SCAB. Prince Consort Road 5. Any event/campaign considered by Council or the Executive to be the responsibility of the Events LONDON SW7 Secretary. 6. Running elections and acting as Returning Officer for same. Enquiries and Bookings: 3E E3 . 7. Organisation of Colours awards. European 01-581 8233 Intercontinental 01-581 1022 8. Producing and distributing publicity for all Union events, including UGMs, and ensuring Union publicity rules are not broken. 9. Organising Duty Officer rostas. 10. Submitting their reports to the Union Administrator at least 7 days before Councils and UGMs.

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 3 to lecture, however one of the and 10 seconders. If you've not been objectives of the questionnaire this a member of any committee before, year is to establish a database from don't worry. This is an excellent way which the factors affecting a lecturer's to start getting involved as no Academic Affairs: score (e.g. a lecture at 4.30 on Friday experience is required. 2) School of may not be very well received) can Management Department be assessed. For this reason the Representative for this year (in the results won't be published but each common room in 53 Princes Gate). the College You need a proposer and 5 seconders, lecturer will be sent a copy of his/her own results. In future years the results all of whom should be students of the will be published more widely— School. If you are interested in questionnaire and you exactly how this will be done hasn't standing and would like to know more been decided yet. please get in touch via the IC Union Office. Papers will also be going up in Departments soon for next year's Where do student reps fit in? Dep Reps. Your Departmental Representative is You may have noticed the Lecturer week. In its present form the responsible for organising the student Noticeboard Evaluation Questionnaire circulating quesionnaire was designed by the side of the questionnaire in your All notices about Academic Affairs in departments. This article is a brief College's Undergraduate Studies department. He or she will have are posted up on the new Academic description of the purpose of the Committee, upon which I sit. decided with your department's staff Affairs noticeboard in the Union questionnaire together with other Lecturing is not the only form of co-ordinator which courses/lecturers Foyer. I will try and ensure that all items of news in Academic Affairs. teaching; students are taught through are to be assessed and when the tutorials, seminars, field work and filling-in of the questionnaire will take report, job descriptions, minutes etc. place. My role as the Union's go up—you'll be able to see exactly Lecturer Evaluation Questionnaire laboratory experiments. It is hoped to Academic Affairs Officer is assuming what I've been up to. Details of For a long time, students have been assess all of these in future years; I overall responsibility for the student forthcoming meetings and other running their own questionnaires in should stress that only with an overall side of the questionnaire with the Dep events will also be posted up. departments—but up to now, staff survey of a lecturer's teaching can a Reps and at the same time liaising That just about wraps it up for need not have taken notice of them. fully objective assessment be made. with the staff in the Registry (who are now—remember if you have any With the Lecturer Evaluation For the present the Committee is processing the questionnaire) and the academic problems, questions or Questionnaire, however, the results concentrating on lecturing evaluation. members of the Undergraduate simply want to get involved with the in future years will be used in lecturer Studies Committee involved with the most important area of Union appraisal. This is significant because Course design questionniare. business then get in touch with me via in the past, student representatives It has been noted that previous student Biochem pigeon holes or the IC have complained that lecturers questionnaires have questions about Union (x3500) or drop in for a cup seemed to be promoted mostly on the course design as well as lecturing. In Elections of coffee in my room—13 Beit Hall. quality of research and not on the designing the questions the Papers are now up for 3 posts: 1) 2 You'll always be welcome. quality of their teaching. Committee has been careful to include ordinary members of the Union Charles Brereton The questionnaire has been only questions about the quality of Academic Affairs Committee (in the IC Union Academic Affairs Officer circulating in most departments this teaching. It should be said that a badly Union Foyer). Any student can stand past week and will continue next designed course may be more difficult for this post—you need a proposer

doctors, the fact that we have to study and pass courses in Psychology and Papers are up for the following posts: Sociology adds an important non- External Affairs Officer (this year). A letter from St Mary's scientific dimension. 2 Ordinary Members of Council for next It has been a proud claim that St academic year. 2 Ordinary Members of UFC for next Mary's produces if not the best, then academic year. some of the better doctors practising Papers will remain up until 4th in medicine today. This must be a February unless there are insufficient product of the current ethos here: candidates; elections will take place What makes St Mary's the most overriding cause. Life here is at the UGM on 9th February. work hard, but more importantly, popular medical school in the different to other medical schools, as play hard. country? can be seen from the handbook sent Last year, of a total of 8,000 to all prospective applicants applications to medical schools in the requesting information. United Kingdom, 2756 students This medical school looks at the West London Chaplaincies Science applied to St Mary's, that is one in 'whole' person, offering places to and Religion Series three prospective medical students those persons who have varied apply to St Mary's in the UK. Given interests, with academic excellence a that the medical school has an intake- major, but not the final determination. A talk on of only 100 students per year (with We have a large minority of mature 500 students in total) such a students here that other medical Hindu & Buddhist Attitudes to the proportion of the applications must schools will not even consider, to mean something. their detrement. The mature students Conflict Between Science and Religion form a large and active part of the The cynic would say that St Mary's by always looks at people who place school, without which we would be Michael Barnes them 4th/5th on the UCCA form, all the poorer. hence those who are looking to fill in This variety in the intake is healthy Lecturer in Comparative Religion, London University the lower order usefully will be pre- for the school, as it is not necessarily Monday 1st February at 7.30pm disposed towards this institute. While the workaholic bookworm who makes IC Physics Dept Level 8 Common Room this may be a factor in this a good doctor. However much the phenomenon, it is in no way the trend is towards producing scientific

Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX I_i bel BARON

'What are we going to do?' said Dave Braincell, Clare MacUseless and Jumping Jehosofat, 'we are the three clowns of Cheapskate—we can't have any more clowns'. They were worried because the JOHN ALLEN, ex-IC Radio citizens' meeting had agreed to an Station Manager and current IC Radio idea that the Fundamentallawsof- mega-hack is getting rather paranoid naturetesters should have George, the (FELIX libel). He recently accused Lumpsofmetalworshippers Zippy and 'cute' Alan Barnett, PG Prospectus the Diggingthingsoutoftheearthers Editor and IC Radio person, in front Bungle as their new pets. Captain CONCLUSIVE proof that FELIX of the assembled masses, of leaking Braincell was extremely pissed off that sends you completely round the bend! the information. Latest news someone had suggested that he might however, is that Mr Allen is be confused with Bungle. 'There's no way that I could be mistaken becoming increasingly interested in for that six foot high brown bear. He's much too intelligent for a start. ICR's current News Editor's sex Also at the meeting and complaining was Fool Drool, the leader of life...mmm. While we're on the the citizens' at the Angel Gabriel's land for sick people. At the moment subject it seems that current Station his citizens were only honorary citizens of Cheapskate so he was only Manager Steve 'Garbage' Gutteridge an honorary clown, but that didn't stop him from acting like a proper is also interested. We wonder why. one. 'What about my citizens' said Drool, 'we want some pets too. If we don't get any pets then we're not joining Cheapskate. This was AFTER LAST week's revelations serious. Some decent pets had to be found for Drool and his citizens, about Gillian and Ian, she was spotted and quickly. Dave Braincell thought hard but all he could think of was giving him a'saucy 'birthday' kiss in an Action Man, and that wasn't quite what Drool wanted. Jumping his office after an emergency SRC. Jehosofat was thinking about going for an extended session over the Some people will use any excuse. bar so he couldn't come up with anything. 'I know' said Clare MacUseless 'Why don't you have Rod, Jane and Freddy as your pets. CLEAR-HEADED C&G They look and sound like sick people already so they'd be perfect.' President Dave Tiresome has decided 'Great' said Fool, 'the merger's on then'. With that he left, and went to go on strike for a week due to an back to tell all the citizens of Angel Gabriel Land what a jolly nice bunch overwhelming response to one of the of people the citizens of Cheapskate really were. Guildsheet questionnaire questions. The idea of the pets had been put to the citizens' meeting by a group The real question is...will anyone of wacky students from Wholebean House after the meeting had been notice? interrupted by Martyn Prick. Prick was a new citizen and had soon become a multi-media hack. STOP! He was the money counter for Radio Cheapskate and also a writer THIS LEGALLY OWNED PACKAGE HAS CHRIS MARTIN been for Phallix. It was his job soon to edit the 'Alternative Book of IS NOT RUBBISH pipped at the post? Is he only fishing Cheapskate' for which he had to produce a few new pages to go inside around? Salmon sandwich anyone! the middle of last year's book by Sunny Brains. Brains was no longer DO NOT ATTEMPT a citizen because she failed her tests but she still spent lots of time in the Phallix Office annoying Largeamounts as she stuck together TO SELL THIS! her new magazine about funny silver 3-D pictures. Prick was a bit SEE OWNER AS TO REMOVAL worried about the lack of articles for his book. 'Don't worry', said Brains, 'you could just invent it all like I did'. The Phallix Office was an extremely busy and popular place to be these days. Lots of magazines (Phallix, WetNerk, Lumpsofmetalsheet, Cairo, the cover of Thinsheet) were produced there and they would soon be joined by the Rug Mug. The new editors, Dai Rocking and I'VE BEEN SENT this sign by an Gail Turnip had decided to make it bigger and better than last year's anonymous contributor who suggests effort produced by Gehan de Silver Paper. They also planned to include that it be attached to all goods left in some jokes... the Linstead Basement! Similar All these extra magazines meant lots of overtime for Rose Petal, contributions are always appreciated. the pretty Phallix typist, and Dean Cockney, the Phallix printer, but they weren't happy. 'It's not fair' said Petal, 'we weren't interviewed HOLBEIN HOUSE Chief and given a 2-page feature in Phallix when we started to work for 'Clown' Paul Shanley's latest wheeze the citizens.' 'Yes, I know' said Largeamounts, 'but you didn't arrive is to get him and 'all his mates elected BRENDAN 'SLAPHEAD' just before the general election when probable candidates are keen to the top IC Union and CCU 3'Spud did not take too well to being to write articles...' positions next year. He must be getting fairly desperate as he featured in this column last week. He Which candidate will write an article for Phallix next week? attacked a FELIX member of staff submitted two letters to FELIX under with a ruler in Physics Lecture Should Derek be called the Red Baron? anagrams of his name—one praising and one slagging his ridiculous Theatre 1 and during a classwork he How much is a mention in 'The Baron' worth? (Cheques to the Phallix behaviour at the last UGM. glued his victim's pencil case to the Office.) bench and a question sheet onto his folder. Find out in the next issue of The Baron of Cheapskate. Chris Jones

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 5 Entertaining Mr Sloane

John has been one of the most diagnosis at Imperial where he is and a wee bit insecure.' If this is true, Widely acclaimed successful Entertainments Chairmen currently completing a degree in he manages to conceal it very well. in recent times. He has developed an Chemical Engineering. 'I didn't like 'I'm also a rather harsh person, but as one of the uncanny knack for plucking good, my prep school. They made you wear only with the ones I love!' He is not popular bands out of the hundreds shorts until you were thirteen. And conceited or vain, as such, but admits best offered to him by agents throughout I didn't like that at all!' to 'not being the most humble of the UK: bands like Voice of the He believes that his northern people', despite his strenuous Beehive, the Real Sounds Of Africa upbringing gave him his wry humour attempts to rectify that situation. Entertainments and Jim Jiminee. John considers his and that he was heavily influenced by 'Managing to remain so completely greatest achievement to be 'the selling the Northern friendship which he and utterly humble whilst at the same Chairmen in out of this year's Carnival 88 although discovered in his sixth form. T have time suffering much public adoration the Real Sounds Of Africa came a loved music and entertainment all my is not only a great achievement but recent times, very close second.' life and I suspect I always will. But also a completely fictious state of being!' John was born in Ashington on the above all I like doing things and- John Noble has edge of Northumberland. He admits working with people. Ents is John also revealed that he was to going through both state and amazing. You learn so much like undergoing a fitness programme since been the focus of private education. He is quick to add management, promotion and so on. discovering that he liked eating food that he prefered his state school. His But the most important thing this year too much. He had resolved to diet it private prep school had told his has been the sense of unity and away in the new year but he didn't attention since parents that they thought he was purpose.' have the willpower. T do enjoy a few educationally subnormal. John, John is not an easy person to small beers every now and again.' Freshers Week. however, shows no signs of this describe. He sees himself as 'very shy He is keen to mention his achievements but when questioned on His wry sense of his failures his only reply is that he will never be a popstar. He was humour and his briefly in a College band called Blue Blue Ice, formed by a few friends, enthusiasm for which subsequendy died a death when several members left last year. 'When I was young I was very into The his job has made Police and Japan. My tastes have altered since then. At the moment I him one of the listen to the Christians, Blow Monkeys, Hip Sway and the Justified most pleasant of Ancients of Mu Mu.' As far as John's future goes, he is Union officers to trying to get into Research/ Development before heading into work with. management in either his own company or 'some ethical FELIX took time organisation, if any exist.' John also has plans for College entertainments. 'We've organised a out to talk to him Fifties night which should be excellent value. Also we're planning about his an Indie night, maybe some Heavy Rock and a Reggae band featuring achievements, Basil Gabbidon from Steel Pulse. The final highlight of the year will be the disasters, life, Rag Ball next term. We've got some really excellent bands planned for that loves, music one!' It is easy to see why Ents has been so successful under John's leadership. influences and Unlike previous Chairmen he has remained dedicated to his job and still his plans for the maintains the same enthusiasm which | first spurred him into standing for the future. post. Let us hope that next year's Chairman will be able to live up to the standards set by this year's.

6 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX The next three pages in no way encompass the whole range of packages on offer to the student traveller. They simply Taking highlight three very popular ways of spending the long vacation. the trail Youth Hostelling is gaining in A month's unlimited travel in Europe Having decided to go Interrailing, popularity and is undergoing a change sounds a bit of a snip, even if you the next thing to do is to work out in image, recognising that many have to shell out £139 for the where you want to go. Unfortunately, Youth Hostellers like to go to have privilege. Interrailing has become a the price of the ticket does not include a tipple and stay up late (however on standard holiday alternative for travel in the United Kingdom, which popular long distance walk routes hoards of adventure-hungry students seems a bit of a con really although there may often be enough of the and it can be anything from a leisurely they offer up to 50% off rail prices. 'lights out at ten' brigade to ensure cruise, a 'culture' tour or an initiative You will also have to cross the an early night). Annual membership test trying to cram as many miles as channel or Irish Sea—discounts are for IC students would be £3.50 (for possible into the month with the least available on some ferry and England and Wales) and when a possible expenditure. hovercraft routes. passport sized photo is attached, the For your £140 or so, providing you Before you start, you have to fill membership card will open up are under 26 on the first day of your in your final destination on the possibilities to hostel abroad. ticket's validity, you can travel second ticket—in other words the furthest you There are organised active holidays class without charge through twenty will travel. Bear in mind that Eastern which last for a week or a few days European countries and Morocco. Bloc countries require visas as well where you can learn how to windsurf, First class travel is available if you as passports. It might also be a good alternatively there are special interest make up the difference in ticket idea to obtain a European timetable breaks where everything from prices. It's normally possible to buy (these are available from Thomas sketching in Cornwall to folk music your ticket straight away but it may Cook). This timetable will enable you on the Chilterns. These holidays cost take a week or more, so it's wise not to plan your journey fully, if that is between £20 to £25 for a weekend and to leave things to the last minute. your intention, it will also help you £100 to £180 for a week and up to Keep the counterfoil from the to decide where you will sleep during £300 for the very long walks. application form, because if your the holiday, a consideration to be Continental hostels tend to be much ticket is lost or stolen it could help you overlooked at your peril. more comfortable than British ones. get a replacement. It is necessary to If you are really serious about It can be fun to hire a bike and tour present your passport when buying Interrailing, an invaluable book is around the low countries, organised the ticket—it has to be a passport Europe by Train by Katie Wood and weeks cost around £180 which issued by a participating country— George McDonald, published by includes hotel accommodation, return and the ticket isn't valid without the Fontana. As well as details on the rail travel and some meals. Holidays passport either. You have to have the for six people and includes a sheet, various countries and general advice, with full board such as 'Rhine Valley ticket with you while travelling, so pillow and blanket. A full sleeping car it outlines some other schemes such Rambling' cost in the region of £250. insurance might be a good idea. is more luxurious but much more as Transalpino and Eurotrain which More exotic YHA travel offers If you decide to sleep on trains, the expensive. are similar but have less flexibility in include 'Insight Into Egypt and Israel' most obvious option is to crash out If, on the other hand, you want to allowed routes. for about £665 ftSr a fortnight which on a seat. However, an Interrail ticket sleep on something a little more solid, If your intention is to cover a large includes guided tours of the many doesn't guarantee a seat or sleeping there are more than 1,900 Youth distance on your holiday, you may historic places of interest. More of a compartment—reserve a seat to be Hostels in the countries covered by find Interrailing the most suitable proper introduction to an area than sure you get one—and you may not Interrail. The YMCA also provides option. Perhaps Circle Line parties your average Club 18-30 holiday, but feel quite refreshed enough to tackle 'budget priced accommodation' for will give way to Continental circuit you pays your money and you takes the next day's sightseeing. both men and women. You could also races or most-miles-in-a-month your choice. Other than this, you could take a investigate small hotels and guest contests, who can tell what zany Full details in YHA Handbook, couchette, which is a compartment houses, which may be reasonably jaunts Imperial students will get up to Terra Nova (YHA Travel) and 'Great which converts from seats to berths priced. next? Europe' brochures.

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 7 Feat Li res THE GREAT ESCAPE

The ticket, which cost a mere £705 minimum legal age is 21. We arrived In Hong Kong, we obtained the Last summer I included stop-offs at New York, at 8pm and it was 101 °F (the visas for our next stage—China—and Honolulu, Taipei, Hong Kong, beginning of August). In Caesar's a one way flight to Peking. We amazed my family Singapore and Bangkok, although we Palace we met a genuine heiress and planned, despite the horror exhibited eventually reorganised our timetable her gigolo who invited us to stay at at the travel agents, to return by train and friends by not to suit our inclinations and our her mansion in Texas. Pity we had via Shanghai and Guangshou. pockets. My boyfriend and I such a tight schedule. I would personally dissuade anyone only venturing out organised the whole thing with STA Most people visit Hong Kong for from visiting China the way we did. and I flew out to meet him in New the shopping, and I must admit we did Travel books may rave about seeing of Europe for the York, with nothing more solid than the ticket, the interconnecting flight first time in ticket between NY and LA, and a couple of first night accommodation nineteen years, but bookings. I loved America, although it was at by taking a world the same time better and worse than I anticipated—better because the circuit which Americans at home (or even on holiday at home) are so much included the USA, pleasanter than Americans on holiday in London; worse because it was Hong Kong, infinitely more expensive! However, from the hectic pace of Thailand and New York (we were there for 24 hours and walked 80 blocks), to the China. surfy beaches of California and the deserts between Las Vegas and San spend several days simply walking the locals at their own level, but at Francisco, it was an incredible around its maze of identically the moment China seems unable to experience. crowded streets. cope with tourists in twos and threes. We had hired a car through STA In Hong Kong, we clocked up our If I ever return to China, which is to pick up at LA. This sort of thing only major grumble with STA, whose unlikely, I would go on a tour. From is worth taking care over—STA had booking had never reached the hotel the moment we were frogmarched not informed us that we would be for which we had a prepaid voucher. through customs, I had an uneasy required to pay an extra $60 insurance However the YMCA we stayed in feeling about China, which four days on collection. In addition, the was excellent (and totally unlike the in Beijing did nothing to dispel. salesmen are very strong on the 'Oh, European idea of a YMCA). Beijing is visually stunning—in parts. you don't want that one' trick. We Like everyone, we took the peak The Great Wall is magnificent, the resisted all persuasion to pay 'a little tram up to Victoria (?) Peak and relics of Imperial China are numerous extra for a lot more' and were quite looked down on the city rising and beautiful, though in some satisfied with our 'bottom of the breathtakingly from the green hills. disrepair. Even the People's Square range' Dodge! Unlike everyone, we also took a ferry and the bicycle jams are worth seeing. Another thing to be wary of is that out to Lantau Island, one of the However, there are many facets of 1 there is no such thing as a cheap motel numerous small islands surrounding Beijing life which do little to reflect in California—we spent three nights Hong Kong. The white sand beach credit on Chinese socialism. sleeping in the car and were once was beautiful and peaceful, although The worst thing about China is the moved on by a traffic cop who I nearly got sunstroke and the local dual currency system. Only thought we were drunks but became buses were definitely driven at Hong foreigners (and, one would suspect,: incredibly sympathetic when he Kong pace. high level politicians and generals) are discovered that we were English. This I wouldn't recommend Aberdeen, allowed to hold Foreign Exchange last situation was an endearing the floating village, to the weak Certification, while the man in the characteristic which we met almost stomached. Dirty, polluted and street has Yuan. Theoretically, 11 everywhere (along with 'You come stinking of fish and poverty, it makes Yuan = 1 FEC but in actual fact 11 from London? Wow—do you know a stark contrast to Hong Kong's FEC is approximately 3.5 Yuan my Aunt, she lives in nightspots and other treats for the because of the privileges embodied in Wimbledon/Surrey etc?). western visitor. You will also be FEC. Las Vegas is an incredible place subjected to a persistent 'Sampan For a start, taxi drivers will only and also cheap if you can keep off the round the bay, sir?' by a horde of fat, accept FEC, and while the Beijing betting—not difficult for me as the umbrella carrying women. taxi service has to be the worst in the

8 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX It is very difficult to manage on your own in China. Outside Beijing hardly anyone speaks English and the Chinese do not go out of their way to help—understandable, considering the resentment we must cause in them. There is also a severe hotel shortage in Shanghai, so unless you -.ait! want to trudge round the city all day with two rucksacks, book first. After China, Bangkok and the Thai people were a much needed tonic. The Thais are overwhelmingly friendly, inquisitive and helpful. Bangkok may have a lousy reputation and it is certainly the dirtiest city I've seen, but it is vivid and cheerful. I wouldn't risk the market stall food and delight of Koh Samui. Admittedly Koh Samui is filled again though—I was sick six times in Here, we hired a beach hut, with Europeans, but definitely of the world, that is surely no reason to ban 24 hours, once in a tuk tuk (electric hammock included, for about £2 a young weatherbeaten type, not the the Chinese people from using them. taxi) hurtling through the streets of night. We sunbathed on the almost Club 18-30 mob. Yes—Koh Samui is Street goods in China are cheap and Bangkok. deserted golden beaches, and swam paradise on Earth, but for God's sake shoddy, but quality goods and objets But we needed a rest, and Bangkok, in a sea so clear you could see your go there before they build the d'art including replica antiques are with its magnificent temples, jewelled toes. During the day we drank airports! I'm going back this year if sold in special shops known as the overdraft can take it. Friendship Stores. These only accept The majority of the flights were FEC so you don't have to be a genius with China airlines—a Taiwan based to work out that the Chinese people group which I would thoroughly aren't allowed in. Westerners and recommend, the food was excellent prosperous looking (ie overseas or and drinks were frequent and free, Hong Kong) orientals walk straight although admittedly I was bored sick in, but I actualy saw a security guard of the safety film by the nth flight! I throw out a local who had sneaked up : also enjoyed flying with KLM (Dutch the steps. It goes on—the best airlines) and good old BA. I was, restaurants and hotels only accept however, seriously worried when we FEC You can't buy a first class train flew to Peking with CAAC—the ticket with Yuan; it is no wonder that plane was like a cattle truck and the there is a thriving black market, or stewardesses ignored everyone. that a westerner cannot walk the American Airlines was a con—they streets without being approached by Wmm wanted $8 for the headphones. someone offering large amounts of Yuan per FEC. Pictures: You can try to justify this cruelty- China's massive trade deficit means 1 Los Angeles that it has to earn money from 2 Aberdeen, floating village ofHon^ tourism, while keeping its people fed Kong and clothed. Street life in China is 3 Bangkok remarkably cheap; tourism expensive, 4 'Sampan round the bay?'.,. but if you don't like forms of 5 Koh Samui apartheid, stay out of present day Beijing! Train travel in China is not for the [±| 1'* 1 fainthearted, either. On trains hitting a maximum of 40 mph, you rattle along in an appallingly small and 4 dingy 4-berthed cabin for at least 24 hours; in the dining car you can watch the insects move from the wastebin to your food and that's first class. Another word to the wary- westerners are still a novelty, You'll find any number of travel especially western females, so be agents offering cheap holidays prepared to be stared at. We slept ranging from trips like the one with our shoes on. described above to longer stays in just Shanghai and Guangzhou were an Buddhas and noisy nightlife certainly buckets of iced fruit milkshakes and one country, or more adventurous improvement on Beijing, being more wasn't that, so we headed down South ate coconut. At night we ate shark holidays in remote parts of the world. westernised—hints of capitalism, such (on a modern train this time) to Koh steaks or gorgeously hot Thai curries Some of the companies specialising as neon advertisements, are visible Samui. beneath the palm trees. in travel for students include' Top here. Unfortunately we were by this Much has been written about this One day we hired a motorbike for Deck, Contiki, NST and Virgin time heartily sick of China, so we beautiful island which lies just off the £8 and rode all the way around the Holidays. If you're looking for a made it our main goal to sample the coast of the mainland, but nothing can island, visiting the exquisite waterfalls holiday the brochures they produce excellent Chinese cuisine. ever get across the beauty, simplicity inland. should at least give you some ideas.

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 9 Revi

is out of the house by offering to give all. the Triad and Mafia. In a display of the young man some 'encouragement' Orphans is the best film to come bloody power and retribution, the FILM—by putting his arm around his out in years; it abounds with fresh elders of the crime syndicates put an shoulders. The gentle touch of ideas and beautiful imagery, such as end to the violence. Orphans another human being wins Phillip the scene where Harold opens The film is directed by Abel Ferrara, whose previous work (Cert 15) over. Treat, on his return, however, Phillip's bedroom window, and the includes some fairly off-beat films, There's an old, decaying house in only understands force. Fortunately, young man breathes in the night air and a couple of episodes of Miami Newark in which two orphaned Harold understands force as much as for the first time ever, leaning out into Vice. This association with the glossy brothers hold the world at bay, both he understands humanity. the fresh pouring rain, washing away violence of new-wave American emotionally and physically. The The mid-section of the film is about his troubles. When Harold escapes crime programmes has obviously had elder, Treat, goes out every day into the growing relationship between from his bounds, watched by Phillip, an effect on Ferrara; he seems slightly the civilised world to steal from Harold and the two boys. He becomes who has been told by Treat not to ill at ease with the growing anyone he can, 'earning a living'. father to Phillip—but still there is touch Harold, it seems to the young relationship between Tyan-Hwa and Phillip, the younger brother, must something wild in Treat—'I'm not man that Harold is using magic. One Tony, which is supposed to be the stay indoors all the time—if he your son!' he screams. One day Treat squirm and the man's right hand is central element of the film. Instead, breathes in the outdoors air he'll die comes home, wearing yet another free—another and he is up and he demonstrates that his true forte is from a violent allergic reaction—or so. new suit and a ring. Pressed by walking. Harold goes through the film visual violence. China Girl has some Treat tells him. Then, one night,; Harold, he explains that on the way seeming much like a conjourer, truly exciting chases in it—nothing Treat brings home a drunken business; home a fat man dropped his cigarette quietly manipulating the boys, actually happens, but the fast images; man, who's carrying around millions by his foot and then accidently trod especially Treat. Phillip is turned and pounding rock music catch you of dollars in stocks in his briefcase. on his toe, thinking that he was against Treat by Harold's attentions. up and carry you along until their Treat figures that they have kidnapped scuffing out his fag. Incensed, Treat Treat one day brings home a giant jar conclusion. Ferrara handles the the businessman, and can hold him got the man in an alley and robbed of mayonnaise, which Phillip used to violent back street gang battles, for ransom. He goes out the next day him of his ring. Harold sadly realises love, but Phillip's tastes have callous Mafia beatings and brutal to make his demands of the that Treat is still nowhere near ready changed—he likes what Harold likes. Triad executions with ease and businessman's friends—but when he for 'the assignment' which he wants The ending of the film is an aplomb. comes back, frustrated because none the young man to do. emotionally tortuous experience- of these 'friends' seem to care about Later on Treat comes home and Treat and Phillip finally have to come Unfortunately the film boils down the businessman, Harold, he finds that proudly tells how he made a black to terms with Harold leaving them. to a collection of borrowed scenes and; the man has escaped from his man stop taking up too much room Treat's layer of toughness finally is ideas; the gang warfare from The bindings—and wants to employ him on a bus by threatening to shoot him. shattered, to reveal an emotional Godfather, culture clash from West and his brother. Harold tries to make Treat understand wreck, hiding from the world, unable Side Story and Mixed Blood. In one Orphans is based on the stage play what the consequences of such an to change, unable to try and learn and scene, the two young lovers ask how by Lyle Kessler, who also wrote the action would be. With Phillip as the grow. Phillip is by far the stronger of to say T love you' in the other's screenplay for the film. The film black man they re-enact the scene. the two, and cradles his brother's language—directly from West Side doesn't suffer at all from being Treat's emotions are too strong for head comfortingly. Story. The film is also badly let down 'opened up'. The scenes of Treat him to control—he's too much a wild It's hard to say what makes by the two teen-pic leads; they are just mugging and thieving and meeting animal, unused to any kind of self- Orphans so gripping, why it elicits too bland to care about, and you find Harold all fit perfectly within the restraint. He passes out. Harold is such a strong response. It may be yourself drawn more to the sub-plots framework of the intense action that sad—but congratulates Treat on at because it's about connecting with than to what is ostensibly the main takes place within the house. least trying. others, about finding love under the storyline—their love. Treat, superbly played by Matthew By now we are very familiar with oddest of circumstances; it manages China Girl is a return to true neo Modine (from Stanley Kubrick's Full the fact that Harold is a gangster, and to evoke a yearning for something noir style, with some striking visuals, Metal Jacket) sees himself as charged that all he is doing is using the house undefinable, yet long gone—a basic such as a fleeing Chinese youth with his younger brother's safety. He as a safe refuge from the underworld. longing. disrupting a Mean Streets-style interprets anything that he has no But since his attempts at taming the This film isn't to be missed—it's religious procession and knocking control over as a threat to that safety, feral Treat have failed, he realises that funny, fascinating, touching and over a statue of the Virgin Mary, and consequently ends up cruelly he's going to have to go on 'the leaves you feeling emotionally wrung which shatters, leaving the plaster hounding Phillip about starting to read assignment' himself. Before leaving out. It opens on Friday March 11 at head spinning on the road surface. some books. For most of the film he gives Phillip a map so that he'll the Cannon Haymarket and Cannon The film tries to be intelligent, but the Treat is the tough character, and always know where he is. Phillip Chelsea, but is well worth the wait. two leading players lose out to the Phillip the gentle soul. But Harold ventures out into the world, free—he Make a note in the Organiser! excellence of the supporting cast and manages to 'tame' Phillip whilst Treat suffers no kind of allergic reaction at to the professionalism of the violence. China Girl James Hong is particularly good as a (Cert 18) peacemaking Triad leader, safe in the China Girl is the story of love in a knowledge that Chinatown is racist socity. It's more or less a engulfing the Italians. ('In five years' reworking of Romeo and Juliet— time you'll have to go to Brooklyn to Chinese girl Tyan-Hwa moves into get pizza'.) Chinatown in New York's East Side, With its loud rock music, vivid and meets Tony Monte, a kid from dancing and teen-movie knife fights, Little Italy. The two districts are China Girl is the first of Ferrara's separated only by Canal Street, and films to rate a big UK release—it's not Little Italy is slowly being as intense as some of his earlier work, overwhelmed by the fast growing and consequently not really worth Chinatown. However, the going to see. But the next few films relationship between the two areas has from Ferrara stand a good chance of been, on the whole, good. But whilst being successful, if he's given decent Tyan-Hwa and Tony try to see each scripts and budgets. other without being seen by her vicious older brother, a violent gang war breaks out between the youths of

10 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX lews MALLEI BOOKl thing with the mourning Albrecht. But clinically incisive analysis. Giselle he is saved, first by sheltering under I Write What I Like Despite the political overtones, Giselle is still regarded by many the cross on Giselle's grave and then Steve Blko—Penguin however, it is an extraordinarily easy people as the greatest ballet of all being protected by dancing with This is a series of articles written by book to read which would captivate time. It originates from the nineteench Giselle, who defies the ghosts of other one of South Africa's leading even the most ignorant of people. century, when ballet first became well jilted girls who have condemned campaigners against apartheid. It is in short, wry, witty, straight known and widely popular; especially Albrecht to death. Dawn arrives, and It is a very serious book, written by to the point and well worth reading. romantic ballet. The story is simple Giselle returns to her grave, leaving someone who risked detention and B.M. but effective, created by the French Albrecht to weep and repent. indeed can even be said to have died Between the Woods poet Theophile Gautier, who wrote as a result of these writings. the scenario (based on a theme by The Royal Ballet's Giselle is It is , therefore, not really a book and the Water Heinrich Heine) as a starring vehicle very coherent—the story is clear, and for someone who does not have much by Patrick Fermor—Penguin for the young ballerina Carlotta Grisi. every attempt has been made to make knowledge of the situation in South In 1933, aged 18, Patrick Leigh Giselle, a simple peasant girl, falls it plausible. What must be Africa, or who is not dedicated to Fermor set out to walk from the Hook in love with a nobleman, Albrecht, remembered is that it is all ultra- gaining such knowledge. of Holland to the Iron Gates on the who pretends to be a peasant boy, romanticism, the battle of love and Having said that, if it is read, the Rumanian-Yugoslav border. The first Loys. The truth is revealed by faith against class distinctions, reader will be struck by the eloquence part of his tale is recounted in A Time Hilarion, who is also in love with jealouy, the mystic forces of evil, and of the writing and by the messages put for Gifts. His second book magically Giselle, and consequently madly even death itself. And it works across. reveals the journey through mountains jealous of Albrecht. Albrecht is excellently in the theatre. Even if B.M. and plains, and tells of the many forced to admit that he must return to Albrecht is only toying with Giselle different people he met. A night with his fiancee, the Pricess Bathilde. At in the first act, his whimsy is turned South African Dispatches gypsies he felt sure would slit his this point the ballet can go in either to undying love by her death. Donald Woods—Penguin throat and take his borrowed horse of two directions; either, Gizelle dies The role of Giselle has been This book helps give an idea of the was very different from the weeks he of a broken heart, or she stabs herself, described as the Hamlet of ballet; it situation in South Africa ten years spent enjoying life as a guest of a depending on the production and the calls for a combination of dramatic ago. It is a collection of newspaper castle owner. In every chapter we ballerina's preference. The Royal ability, charm, personality and articles written for one of South relive a new experience, experiences Ballet follow the latter pathway, dancing skill, and the Royal Ballet's Africa's leading anti-apartheid of the ancient ways of life that were sensibly avoiding the heavily over- Lesley Collier has all of these. In the newspapers. soon all to be swept away and lost melodramatic atmosphere that the first act she suggests complete It is a poignant book, in which the forever, except in records such as former would produce. Giselle's infatuation with Albrecht, displaying pretentions and absurdities of the then this. A remarkable travel book of taking of her own life increases the a nervous intensity and extreme South African government have been central Europe before the war. stature of her love for Albrecht and sensitivity that makes her suicide cacerated with a razor-sharp wit and r..G. the extent of her hurt at his deception; wholly believable and justifiable. In having her die of a broken heart the second act she jumps high and would simply make her a pawn with lands silently, like a spirit, combining no control over her life and thus ghostliness with concern and devotion STILL PLA Yim making little dramatic impact. for Albrecht. Stephen Jefferies as After the deception and heartbreak Albrecht is also excellent, especially Bigfoot and the Hendersons—A The Dead—John Huston's film, based of the first act, we are transported in in the jumps and exhausted falls of the standard Spielbergian all-American on the short story by James Joyce. the second to Giselle's graveside. second act. family encounter with the legendary Essential viewing. Albrecht, filled with remorse, visits. Giselle is worth going to see, even Bigfoot, and soon he's one of the However, Giselle has been if it's the first and last time you ever family. Revoltingly cute, but Fatal Attraction—The film that transformed into a 'Wili', a spirit of go to the ballet. You'll see one of the entertaining nevertheless. supposedly cut the adultery rate in the night, haunting the woods and finest ballets ever devised, and a great America by some phenomenal figure. obliged to lure men to dance until they performance of it. It's showing at the Cry Freedom—Ostensibly the tale of If it did, it's for the wrong reasons. are exhausted and die. The other Royal Opera House in Covent Steve Biko, but ends up being the As a moral tale, it stinks. As a thriller Wilis kill Hilarion in this way, and Garden; the dates are Friday Jan 29 story of newspaper editor Donald entertainment, it's okay. the icy Myrtha, Queen of the Wilis, at 7.30pm, Friday Feb 5 at 7.30 and Woods, who became a personal friend forces Giselle to attempt the same Monday Feb 8 at 7.30. of the black activist. An excellent The Glass Menagerie—Directed by film, the riot and police scenes Paul Newman, from the play by probably giving the most realistic idea Tennessee Williams. The acting is of what it's like to actually live in superb, but perhaps the film is a bit South Africa and be a victim of too serious for most cinemagoers. apartheid. Sammy and Rosie Get Laid—Some Housekeeping—Bill Forsyth shifts funny stuff in the film from the same from sharp wit to even sharper drama team that brought you My Beautiful in this film about two sisters and their Laundrette, but the story wanders a life after their mother commits bit, and gets too disjointed in parts. suicide. Spaceballs—The Star Wars trilogy gets a good going over from Mel Innerspace—The latest Joe Brooks. Contains joke upon joke, Dante/Steven Spielberg collaboration, perhaps too puerile/juvenile for good high speed action/comedy. mature tastes. Predator—Stars Arnold Charles Robin Howdoyouspellit. 'Nuff said. B.M.: B McKeown T.G.: Thomas Grieg

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 11 HP8 vie M U S I by Phil Young C The event of this week will be the Nicaraguan Solidarity Benefit gig on Tuesday at the Town and Country Club, on the eve of President Reagan's bid for more Contra aid. Headlining are That Petrol Emotion, a hard-hitting brilliant band for whom the term 'Rock' is hardly adequate. Displaying a wealth of talent and imagination, their music covers a QPR vs West Ham Utd wide range of tempos and is very Loftus Road (Shepherds Bush tube) danceable. This, together with a This is the sort of tie that the Cup brilliant live act matching that of often throws up, a game between two almost any other, make this band in by Adrian Grainger of London's top teams whose only my mind the best since The Smiths. Although this is the day of the fourth chance of a trophy this year lies in this Supporting are Voice of the Beehive, round of the FA Cup, five of competition. Two weeks ago there highly overrated in terms of content London's first division clubs are was a dress rehearsal of this game in but good for a harmless bop. away, so that leaves just two cup the league and QPR were by far the games in the city. I had a complaint better team for most of the game, but Gig Review: Purple People Eaters, last week that I had been unfair to not finding the net. A goal by Alan Union Bar, Sat 23rd—The Purple Mill wall. I cannot print what the two Dickens 15 minutes from time gave People Eaters can only be described Millwall fans said but I apologise if the Hammers an unexpected bonus of as a musical experience not far I was too harsh on their club. I must 3 points. QPR have signed a brilliant removed from those which they, and say though that these previews are my defender in Paul Parker from Fulham their fans, advocate. Rarely has music own opinion and if anyone has and his flair, along with that of, this penetrating been heard in 20 anything to say or would like me to among others, Wayne Fereday, have years. Manic, screaming vocals say something special about a certain made QPR a side to fear. West Ham combined with keyboard and guitar club, then I would be grateful for a liked the plastic pitch and became the Leyton Orient vs sounds which just have to be termed message through the Maths first team to win three games in a row Nottingham Forest psychedelic. The Doors influence is pigeonholes. The previews are mainly there on this surface. Tony Gale is Brisbane Road (Leyton tube) unmistakable in this non-stop for neutral fans who would like to go back for West Ham and is providing The real essence of the Cup is freakout, which had the room full of to a game on the following Saturday. the required height, especially at captured in this match. When the moving, grooving people within The fans of the particular teams will corners. Brady is in form with neat name of the Division One team came minutes. Highlight of the evening for go regardless of what I say. If I think skills and nifty runs. It is often said out of the hat (or rather velvet bag), me was the literally brilliant rendition that a certain game might be boring that the side who wins in the league a tingle was felt by the 'O's' manager of Wild Thing. Do not take the band's or there is a chance of crowd trouble, goes on to lose in the Cup, but I think Frank Clark. The ex-Forest player warning lightly 'people entering the I will say so and leave it to the that a draw is the most likely result. was called by Brian Clough 'the man gig should abandon all logical thought judgement of each spectator. Enough The game is 'all ticket' but it will who I would most like to take over processes, otherwise severe confusion said. probably be possible to obtain tickets at the City Ground when I retire' may result'. See this band at least on Friday or even Saturday. Cloughie is 52, so he still has a few once if you want to experience Brentford vs Grimsby years left in him!! Orient are second psychedelia in a legal fashion. Griffen Park (Brentford Central BR) in Division Four and coupled with the Album Review: Throwing This Third Division match pairs a side Cup are having a great season. Muses—'The Fat Skiier'—One thing in the promotion race against one Brisbane Road is a good ground for that has to be said about this band is which looks like it will go down. a team in that league and with home that they see no reason to restrict Brentford are having a good season advantage, Orient must fancy their themselves to any particular style. and with a push near the end of the chances. Forest aren't doing that bad Some songs display a respectable season, they could climb up a league. themselves and lie second only to similarity to Siouxie and the They have former Spurs captain Steve Liverpool in Division One. They have Banshees, others have more than a Perryman in their side and he is a selection of quality players such as passing resemblance to James, and proving a real inspiration. Grimsby England Midfield Neil Webb, some are pure folk. True, many bands had asperations of Division One defender Stuart Pearce (also a recent try to show off their range of abilities, football a few years ago but things full cap for England) and ex-Orient but this band seem to be able to turn have turned sour since then. They do defender Colin Foster. Foster made their hand to anything and do it have former Portsmouth striker Scott nearly 200 appearances for Orient and perfectly, adding their own distinctive McGarvey in their side though. is proving a great £50,000 flavour. This album contains quality Brentford should pick up maximum investment. The game could provide sadly missing in today's music world, points. an upset but I feel that Forest will and for those prepared to think, manage to draw and take them back profoundly symbolistic lyrics, worth All games are on Saturday January to Nottingham to complete the job. 30, kick off is 3pm. a listen.

12 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX Diary

Artsoc Meeting 12.30pm. Canoe Club 6.30pm. ULU Meditation What's On SCR Union. Come to sign up and pay Meet in Beit Quad for training session Group 7.00pm. your money for tickets for forth- in swimming pool. Room 3A, University of London coming events, eat biscuits and drink Union, Malet Street. Traditional Judo coffee. Free to members (membership 6.30pm. breathing meditation. Everyone Union Gym. Sorry—no more £1.50). welcome. No charge. FRIDAY beginners. ICCAG General Meeting 12.45pm. ICSF Show 7.00pm. ME220. 'Ladyhawk'—a fine fantasy Rag Office. Anyone interested in Job THURSDAY Rag Meeting 12.35pm. with action, laughs and a devilish Squad please come along. Union Lounge. All Welcome. abbot. 50p to members. Transcendental Recitation of Conservative Caving Club Meditation 12.30pm. Holy Qur'an I.OOpm. Soc Meeting 12.30pm. Meeting For a clear mind, more creative 9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic 7.00pm. ME 569. Southside Upper Lounge. thinking and better health in the Society. Common Room, Level 8, Physics. Circuit Golf Practice 5.30pm. Advanced Training 12.30pm. Ballroom ICYHA Meeting 12.30pm. Union Gym. See Golf Club. 7.00pm. Union Gym with Cross Country and JCR. 80p. See Dance Club Southside Upper Lounge. Athletics Club. Everyone welcome. Intermediate OpSoc Socialist Society Free. Ballroom 7.00pm. Rehearsal Meeting 12.45pm. JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. 7.30pm. Orienteering 12.30pm. Union Concert Hall. See OpSoc. Brown Committee Room. All Brown/Green Committee Room {top Shotokan welcome. Contact Adrian Grainger Cricket Nets 8.00pm. floor of Union Building). Karate 7.00pm. (Maths 3). At Lord's. Sign up on the noticeboard Arrangements for following Sunday's Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. outside the Union Bar. Meet in Mech Ski Club 12.45pm. event. El. Eng Lobby at 7pm. Above Southside Bar. Sign up for GLC Meeting I.OOpm. Beginners lessons, racing team. Improvers Chem Eng 230. Sign up for Wogan Ballroom 8.00pm. Ballroom ISTOIC I.OOpm. visit and City visit 2. JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. 8.00pm. JCR. 80p. See Dance Club. i'Newsbreak'. IC's own news Islamic Prayer I.OOpm. Tang Soo Do 9.00pm. programme. Canoe Club The Union Building. See Islamic Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. Meeting IndSoc Speaker Society. £1.00 members. 8.30pm. Above Southside Bar. Meeting I.OOpm. The Birth of Chem Eng Lt. 1. Midland Bank on Synth-Pop 7.00pm. Dai Rocking 9.00pm. 'How to approach a bank manager'. IC Radio, 999kHz. Free. TUESDAY IC Radio (999kHz). The best in hard Free. rock and not-so-hard rock music STOIC 7.00pm. including the featured album every SFSOC Libary Christian 'Into the Night'. Films, videos, chat, week with David Williams. Meeting I.OOpm. -Union B.I 5am. 'Countdown'. On all the televisions in Green Committee Room, Union Chemistry 231. See Steve Clark, the Halls of Residence. Building. Borrow books from our vast Christian Union. library, help plan future events. WEDNESDAY Guinness & Gossip 12.30pm. Members only. Sailing Club meeting above Stan's. SATURDAY Sailing 12.30pm. Lunch-Hour IC CathSoc Mass 12.30pm. Meet outside Southside. Concert 1,30pm. OpSoc Set Chemistry 231. Quiet and The Music Room, 53 Princes Gate. Building 9.00am. contemplation between lectures or IC Gay Okay 12.30pm. Imperial College Performers. Green Committee Room, Top Floor of Union Concert Hall. Learn to make exams. Food provided (50p). All the Union Building. Arabic Classes 1.30pm. paint. welcome. Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. Shotokan Boardsailing 12.30pm. Ski Club 12.30pm. Above Southside Bar. Meet for trip to Gliding Club Karate 10.00am. Regular meeting in Southside Lounge dry ski slope for lessons and Meeting 5.30pm. Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. to organise trips. £1. .recreational skiing. Bring gloves and Aero 254. Arrange trial flights, lifts to BUNAC 12.30pm. thick socks. Lasham, talks and then to the bar. Tang Soodo 4.00pm. JCR. Talk about working in USA or Orienteering Union Gym. Beginners welcome. £1 Canada by IC's BUNAC Golf Meeting I.OOpm. Training 5.30pm. members. representative. Sudbury. Regular weekly meeting. Union Gym. Social meeting held from Ski Club 12.45pm. Caving Club 6.30pm onwards. Above Southside Bar, sign up for Meeting I.OOpm. Coffee Tasting 6.00pm. SUNDAY lessons and recreational skiing. Union Snack Bar. Union SCR. The Wine Tasting Soc Wargames Meeting I.OOpm. OpSoc Set QT Soc Meeting I.OOpm. presents a coffee tasting, for a Senior Common Room. Building 10.30am. Southside Upper Lounge (or Pizza change. £1. Bar). Plot-hatching extravaganza! Union Concert Hall. Painting today. HAMSOC Meeting 1.15pm. STOIC 6.00pm. New members welcome. In the 'Scack' on third floor of Union Wargames 'Newsbreak'. Building. Speaker Meeting 1.15pm. Meeting I.OOpm. Judo 6.30pm. Read Theatre, Sherfield Building. Senior Common Room. Beginners Rock n Roil 2.15m. Union Gym. Sorry—no more Professor Ian Fells 'An Academic and Union Dining Hall. 80p. See Dance OpSoc Rehearsal 2.00pm. beginners. the Media'. Club. Union Concert Hall. Gay/Lesbian Group 7.30pm. Holy Qur'an Shotokan ULU Building, Malet Street. Mens Recitation 1.30pm. Karate 3.00pm. group room 3a, womens group room Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. MONDAY Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. 2e. Meet weekly for speakers and £1. Islamic Circle 5.30pm. booze. Prayer Room. See Islamic Society. Rock Soc Offbeat Practice 3.15pm. Martyn with a : Meeting 12.30pm. Union Dining Hall. 80p. See Dance Amnesty Meeting 5.30pm. 'y' Special 9.00pm. Southside Upper Lounge. Interested in Club. Brown Committee Room. Everyone IC Radio. All your favourite records any form of rock? Come along! for two spectacular hours. welcome. IC FilmSoc Film 7.00pm. Curry Soc 12.30pm. Mech Eng 220. 'Ferris Bueller's Day Wine Tasting 6.00pm. ICCAG Soup Run 9.15pm. Weekly meeting. Southside Upper Off, a story about skipping school Union SCR. More wines from around Weeks Basement Hall. Contact Liz Lounge. and living life to the full. 50p the world. £2. Warren (Chem Eng 2). members, £1 non-members. Parachute Club Meeting 12.30pm. STOIC 6.00pm. 'In and Around'. A preview of the Union Lower Lounge. See Max Hunt week's events in and around IC. von Herbing (Chairman).

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 13 L""T" ">"" FELIX . WELLSOC C&G MOTOR Drug Alert Moore events More rallies

The fact that you are reading this hope at present because so few people Patrick Moore, Hans Eysenck, The City & Guilds College Motor indicates that drug abuse at the very realise the enormous effect that their Michael J Fox and others will be Club returned to the roads after the least interests you and, I would hope, concern could have in affecting a appearing for the HG Wells Society Christmas break with the 'let's hope worries you. Possibly you know of cure. I would like to bring about the this term. it snows rally'. The organisers' pleas someone who has had problems with education of these friends so that they The Society is screening Back to the were answered as the 100 mile route drugs or maybe you have dabbled can help, in any way possible, a friend Future on February 1 in ME220 at through Oxforshire and yourself, or worse. Drug abuse is a in need. If anyone in this College 7.30pm. There will be a free raffle Buckinghamshire was liberally problem that is globally gaining would like to get involved in such a of goodies including dinner with a smothered with snow and ice. recognition and much is being done scheme please leave your name with celebrity. There was confusion at the finish to depose the drugs barons; there is Kathy in the Union Office and I shall On February 15 Dr Baker of the as organiser Duncan Royle calculated however, much to be done to help get in touch. Materials Department, will talk on the results neglecting a rule change those providing the market. I would like to stress that this offer 'Famous Disasters I Have Known'. and declared Tim Clark/Jon Stout There are many levels of drug is open to any person whether a Come and hear one of the' most winners, but after complaints the abuse occuring in this country's student, member of staff or otherwise. hysterical and entertaining lecturers result was revised and Paul Dent and educational institutions alone and Please help—the rewards will be in College. Paul Brooks Johnson clinched their unfortunately many 'victims' are at worth the effort. Hans Eysenck, famous author and third consecutive win of the season. present beyond hope simply because Thanks in anticipation, , expert in IQ will appear towards the They were going so well that on nobody, bar their intimate associates, Steve Mercer. end of term. several occasions they caught up with knows of their 'habit'. I say beyond Other events include Skirmish, the the course opening MG Midget of game that allows you to stalk around Simon Chamberlain. Second were forests taking pot shots at friends. Competition Secretary Tim Clark and Patrick Moore?.. .You will have to Club Captain Jon Stout in an MG come and see for yourself. Metro, who left the route on one occasion but quickly returned by doing a handbrake turn around the DANCE moving 2CV of Joe Public. The expert crew of Martin Squibbs and Martin Doble, whose extremely rapid pace was their downfall on the More dance last stage, were penalised two fails for breaking three quarters of the target With a new term beginning, the time. Dance Club have decided to launch Dent and Brooks Johnson lead the two new beginners classes so that, if championship with sixty points from by any chance you missed us at four rounds. Freshers' Fair, it will still be possible Round five of the championship is to learn the basic steps in Ballroom, the Econorun on Sunday February 7. Latin American and Rock 'n' Roll I'm beginning to get slightly it shut at eight. dancing from the very beginning. concerned about the Union's Snack I once made, what I thought was, The two new classes are Beginners Bar and its staff. I don't doubt that a polite inquiry as to when they were Ballroom on Monday evenings at 8pm PHOENIX they all work very hard and under planning to open. Instead of giving in the JCR and Beginners Rock 'n' the literary magazine of considerable pressure but is this any me a civil answer, the insulting man Roll on Wednesday afternoons at Imperial College Union excuse for them to open and close at at the cash till told me to come back 2.15pm in the UDH. requires new poems, anytime which suits them? I was later because he had no idea when Don't hesitate to come along and particularly annoyed this Monday they would be serving food. Is it any join in even if your coordination is photos, short stories when I found it once again shut until wonder that they're losing money? somewhat suspect and your idea of a and artwork. Please fifteen minutes after its opening time. good tango is a long, cool, fizzy On this point I'm going to have to send them to Liz I was even less impressed when Ian love you and leave you because I have drink. Howgate, our illustrious President, a stack of problem sheets to plough Holford, c/o FELIX. jumped the queue and took the last of through and a personal tutor breathing SCI Fl the main dish. I was not a happy down my neck. I'm sorry that I've person. The main dish always runs had to shorten my column this week out before I get to the serving place. by I need to get my degree as well. I would prefer to eat around seven May I just say a quick thank you More films ilATJOrJAL yfUUr.riT each night but there's never anything to everybody who has written me iFWtjK W JiOlL left by then. And I never know when letters of support this week. I am so Tuesday February 2, 7pm, ME220 the place is going to shut either. They glad that I am not alone in my £1 members, £1.50 rest of world should officially stay on until nine in thinking. # Grant Thornton As a lighthearted fling after Alien, we Charted Accountants %K& the evening, but I've frequentiy found 30th JANUARY 1988 present the heartrending story of two THE GREAT HALL lovers who can meet only briefly at IMPERIAL COLLEGE. EXHIBITION ROAD, dawn and dusk against a back ground LONDON. SW7 2AZ

P.S. Andy Bannister does not exist — c.j. of medieval swords, sorcery and evil. Doors Open 5 COD m Compe- irons 6 15? w Bar unl:! llp-r. Tickets 12 ZZ Also rememeber Picocon on Parking ava»aP:e Live Dene.-j'-a'.on Open compeMion Pijs lots C gene:a salting February 6.

14 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX Page

STOIC HAMSOC We need you! We also need you! In the past few years the Radio obtaining a radio amateur licence in Amateur Society at Imperial College the past, or think you may be (or HAMSoc) has suffered from a interested in amateur radio, why not falling membership level. This is come along to a Club meeting—held probably due to the fact that a licence on Wednesday afternoons at 1.15pm is needed to use amateur radio in the 'shack' (situated on the 3rd equipment, and no Radio Amateur Floor of the Union Buiding in Beit Examinations (which must be passed Quad between STOIC and Micro in order to qualify for a licence) have Club) where you can find out what been held in the College for some Amateur Radio is all about. HAMSoc time. will help all propsective candidates if Several people showed an interest they wish to take the exam (it is not in obtaining a licence at the end of last too difficult, honestly!) and will also year, the candidates taking took the welcome people who already hold exam at C&G Examination transmitting licences and people who Headquarters early last December. are interested in receiving (no licence Student Television of Imperial experience in the field of television. However, people who wish to take the is needed to 'listen in' on the amateur College, otherwise STOIC, is one of So if you are at all interested in any exam from now on can do so at bands). the three publications of Imperial aspect of television, why not drop in College. If you have thought of College Union. We aim to produce ito our studio? We can be found on the news and entertainment programmes top floor of the Union Building (turn for the students of Imperial College. left coming out of the lift). We have Last year we moved from the College meetings at the following times: Television Studio to a new studio of Monday, 12.45pm our own in the Union Building. Tuesday, 12.30pm We can offer experience in such Wednesday, 1.00pm jobs as camera operation, vision Firday, 12.45pm and 6.00pm mixing, sound mixing, editing, Our programme for the remainder lighting, as well as actually presenting of the term will be as follows: programmes, some of which are live. Tuesday, 12.45pm: Events We have a portable camera and programme, covering events in and recorder, which we use to film events around IC, plus film and theatre around College, such as Rag and reviews. events involving Imperial around Thursday 1.00pm and 6.00pm: AMNESTY London. 'Newsbreak', IC's own news At the moment we are trying to programme. increase our membership, to improve Friday 7.00pm: Late night movie Campaign for refugees and the standards of our programmes, and programme. to make them easier and more fun for STOJC does stand for Student everybody concerned. STOIC is not Television of Imeperial College—so just something you can write on your why not join in? asylum seekers CV—we offer real, genuine Over the next three months, the IC carried out by Al. Amnesty Group will be joining with Amnesty is concerned that WEIGHTS over 170 local Amnesty groups from restrictive legislation has made it all over the UK to publicise the plight more difficult for asylum seekers to of refugees and asylum seekers. They reach the UK, and that current Home Training for beginners will be organising public meetings, Office procedures appear to be lobbying their MPs and MEPs, and arbitary and unjust. Amnesty fears There will be beginners' weight increasing power for sportsmen and raising the issue in the media and the that, since March 1987, some training courses this term. The course the role of the mind in training press. refugees have been refused asylum is split into four one-hour sessions, sessions. The campaign, which began on and sent back

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 15 VOLLEYBALL FOOTBALL Force over Varsovia

Imperial College—3 when they built a solid lead against Varsovia—2 a weakening Imperial and rode out NHS Bashing 13-15, 9-15, 15-5, 15-9, 15-9 easy winners. An arrogant It is an important week for men's substitution by Varsovia at the start volleyball at Imperial. With the UAU of the third set, however, allowed- finals and the EVA Student Cup only Imperial to recover and start getting IC-9 a few weeks away, every match win their act together. With intelligent and London Hospitals—3 IC defence under a lot of pressure. A is important for morale and solid play from the likes of Neil the pitch was holding a lot of water goal mouth scramble led to London confidence. This week's fixture Bruce, and outstanding commitment and it was always going to make the Hospitals scoring a second. brought Varsovia, league leaders, to from Pavlos Protapapas, Imperial game a hard one. Two minutes from half-time IC South Kensington, albeit without their easily took the set, and Varsovia, The first goal came very early on equalised. finest spiker. Varsovia train at back to full strength on court looked in the game: Simon Cole beat a couple IC started the second half looking (National League First Division) less than happy. The final two sets of defenders and then shot from a different team and an early goal put Polonia, and the presence of some of were frantic affairs, with blistering outside the box. It looked as if IC IC in front. From this point on IC the Polonia squad was obvious on spikes being recovered from all over were going to get a hand full of goals dominated the game; they went on to court. Nevertheless, Imperial took an court on both sides, before the but London Hospitals quickly make the score 9-3. The goals came early lead of eight points to nothing consistent power of Walter Sextro and equalised from a corner. from Nigel Collier with four, Simon in the first set, only to see it brushed Vincent Lebeault won through. All in IC seemed to let the game slip and Cole and Adam Thomas with two and away by the powerful opposition. The all, this must be said to be a match London Hospitals started to put the Paul Olden with one. second set demonstrated why of good first division standard, which Varsovia were top of the division, bodes well for the campaign ahead. SAILING Disappointing Plain Sailing IC-l pattern as the first with IC again New College—3 player ran and slipped it passed the Continuing their recent run of winning 1st, 2nd and 5th. This proved IC started the game in good form, as stranded IC goalie. success, the IC sailing team to be the case for the rest of the day. if the Christmas period had not left In the second half New College overwhelmed Cambridge last In total ten races were sailed with IC too much of an impression. They managed to capitalise on their lead. Saturday. With good wind, for the winning every one, usually 1st and dominated the game for the first The ball was crossed from the left- first time this academic year, 2nd. twenty mintues but then they seemed hand side of the pitch only for it to confidence, before racing started, was Apostolos Leonidhopolous was to ease off and let New College get come off the head of an IC defender high. (Comma fixation!?—Sp. Ed.) easily the best helm, winning most of back into the game. and fall nicely in the path of an The first race set the scene for the the races, no doubt helped by the New College scored the first goal, awaiting New College player. day with IC dominating Cambridge extra coaching he received over which came after a corner from New IC made it 2-1 when Phil Ewart at the start and sailing into an Christmas, while consistent sailing by College. IC tried to play the offside managed to get a foot to the ball in unbeatable lead during the first leg. Bill Chard, despite undergoing some trap and failed. The ball was passed a goal mouth scramble, but New Aggressive tactics by Cambridge identity crises, ensured IC success. through the IC defence which was left College put the game beyond IC's forced a few IC errors, but the team Even the captain achieved a notable square on to which a New College reach when they made it 3-1. recovered to win 1st, 2nd and 5th (out victory, avoiding fellow team-mates of six boats). in the final race, and with a fair turn The second race followed the same of speed, finished first! JUDO Peel Power

Goldsmiths II—4 Ippon IC II—5 controlling the middle of the park. This extra effort was rewarded when Last weekend saw the Crystal Palace Later on Sunday, the area team With Captain Jezz Holland making Pip Peel found the net with a close National Centre packed with judo championship was won by Scotland his welcome return to the high flying range shot. With their tails up, IC players from 38 universities, polys for the eighth time in a row—not IC team, hopes were high of beating searched for a winner. This was and colleges for the BUSF/BSSF Judo surprising since they can chose title rivals Goldsmiths. The game provided when Rakesh Muthoo, Championships. In the individual players from 17 universities! South- started badly for IC when Goldsmiths playing one of his best games for IC, events on Saturday, London took a Eastern area was placed second, and scored after ten minutes. But they danced through Goldsmiths defence, silver and four bronze medals, with London third—no mean feat were soon back in the game when and curled the ball past the advancing one player being selected for the considering the strange geography of Guy Phiri grabbed the equaliser. keeper. IC's lead was consolidated British National Student Squad. On the area groupings. IC contributed Goldsmiths then regained their lead five minutes later when Pip Peel's 25- Sunday, London regained its title as three players to London's ten-man from a hotly disputed penalty. They yard, first time drive rocketed into the BUSF team champions (temporarily area team—Peter Swettenham, went 3-1 up when Chris Burton just net to give IC a 5-3 lead. IC then sat on loan to Oxford last year!), beating Jonathan Lean and Henry Young. failed to clear off the line. IC then back to play out the remaining time, Glasgow in an extremely close fought This was more than any other single started playing and pressure paid off but a rare mistake allowed Goldsmiths final. Peter Swettenham from IC was London college, reflecting the fact when Alan Glass converted IC's a fourth goal. This victory one of the two most successful that IC currently has the premiere second, after good work from Guy consolidates IC 2nds top of the table competitors in London's five man London college judo club. Watch this Phiri. After the change of ends, with position, and promotion is now a real team, winning four out of his five space for the resujts of the UL IC now playing downhill, the midfield possibility. fights. intercollegiate team championships. started working well as a solid unit, 16 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX An example of how not to submit a sports report VOLLEYBALL to FELIX (with apologies to Hockey Club)! UAU results

P W L F A Pts 1. Imperial College 7 7 0 21 6 14 2. Varsovia 7 6 1 20 5 13 3. VK Acton Impulse 6 4 2 14 10 10 4. South Thames Poly II 6 4 2 13 10 10 5. Homenmen II 5 2 3 8 11 7 6. Flying Arrows II 6 1 5 7 15 7 7. ULU 4 0 4 0 12 3 8. Etemit Wharf II 5 0 5 3 15 3 9. W London Inst of H E 2 0 2 4 6 2

The sports writing this week has been of a particularly poor standard. We will give a FELIX sweatshirt to the writer of the most amusing, apt and original sports report which we publish next week.

The deadline for reports is Monday lunchtime but we will still take results until the Wednesday evening before publication.

=3 Tonight in the Union Building Free prize casino -UDH, 10pm-2am OO Bands including: Chillun - Concert Hall, 8.45pm-9.30pm Stagefright - Concert Hall, 9.45pm-10.30pm Jim Jiminee - Concert Hall, 11pm-midnight |— Cheap bar between 8 and 10pm. OC Bar extension until 2am CO plus disco, videos, string quartet and jazz piano £3.50 (in advance from the Union Office & Snack Bar) or £4.00 (on the door) oo DOORS OPEN AT 8.00PM

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 17 ers A.V 'fan. first town in Britain to have its own credit card. It has three large specialist car showrooms for a population of Small Ads only 30,000. Nearby Prestbury has the second largest number of Rolls Royces per head in Britain (after Mayfair). Wilmslow is also excessively right-wing. The Gorman last police chief made national news when he explained ANNOUNCEMENTS that it was obvious which people in Wilmslow were Do you find Guru Meditation thieves—the ones with black skin. frustrating? Join Guru 'Mustaf House prices in Wilmslow are twice those in nearby Rajneesh's new Kamasutra Society. PS bring your mates. disgusts towns forcing people born there to move out as Manchester's yuppies move into the new Wimpey homes Join the clique! A few DocSoc shirts still available. T-shirts £5, sweatshirts springing up all over green belt land. £10. Contact Mark Taylor, DOC 2. In short Wilmslow comes second in naffness after the Dear Judith, Rifle & Pistol Club need more new For those who missed it, Teresse Gorman, MP for Kings Road. members. Come to Sports Centre any Billericky spoke in favour of the abolition of the Welfare Yours, lunchtime (12.30pm-2.00pm). State last week in College. Gorman advocates Rupert Clayton, Chem Eng I. If anyone would like to re-start the individualism, where personal freedom is achieved through Water Ski Club please meet in the Lounge above Southside Bar on Monday wealth alone, a regime found in the USA. Personally I at 12.30. Anyone just wanting to ski believe that such a system only encourages greed and come along too.

increases disparity between the rich and poor resulting Rugby 7-a-side competition by C&G in more crime and violence in society. Secondly, a system RFC and Fullers Beers at Harlington, No such thing Sunday March 6. All people wishing to based on profit can only be to the disadvantage of the less wealthy, strangled by costly insurance premiums. take part should sign up their team in the C&G Union Office asap. The talk itself, I found disgusting and the question-time Anyone interested in playing in a afterwards shocking. The majority of those present as bad publicity celebrity game of football please appeared to agree with Ms Gorman. Only three students contact B O'Spud, Physics.

out of about thirty offered any form of opposition. Can DramSoc need actors for this term's this be a true representation of IC? Dear Judith, production of The Physicist'. Contact P J Whetman, Mech Eng II. I wish to point out an inaccuracy in the 'UGM Sketch' DramSoc on 3531 or call at the on page three of last week's FELIX. I am quoted as Storeroom in the Union Building or contact Charles Robin, Biochem 'complaining about the Academic Affairs Committee'. I Pigeonholes. wasn't actually complaining about the Committee (of which Election for First Year Rep at the I am the Chairman) but certain Dep Reps who are members ArtSoc meeting on Feb 1 at 12.30pm of the Committee. These Dep Reps hadn't turned up to in Union SCR. Come and vote. a meeting specially organised so that they could pick up Urgently required —1 drummer, Rabbit rabbit supplies of the College questionnaire. As a result I have contact Alex Robinson, Mat Sci 1. had to chase up these Dep Reps so that they could pick College bands contact IC Radio for up supplies. I should point out that as Academic Affairs mega public exposure.

Officer I am responsible for Dep Reps action (or inaction Anyone with a good knowledge of rabbit rabbit in this case). an Amstrad PCW9512, please contact I hope this sets the record straight. Abby Amushila on 9421 or 589 9207 Room 214, for exchange of ideas. I Yours sincerely, would really appreciate it a million Dear Judith, Charles Brereton, Biochem 3. times. Alternatively you can contact me via pigeonholes in Met & Mat, Last week Phil Young asked where the name Echo and thanks—Abby. the Bunnymen came from. Years ago I was reliably informed that Echo was the name of their drum machine Guilds Shop now fully stocked with t-shirts, sweatshirts, scarves, sweaters before they obtained a human drummer. As for the and ties. Very cheap, see C&G Union Bunnymen, this I'm afraid shall continue to be a mystery. Have you seen Office, Mech Eng Level 3. Chas Jackson ACCOMMODATION

Single room required, anything considered. Please phone 969 8013 this man? anytime. To Let—1 person to share room with decent bloke in Earl's Court. Only Gloucester Road tube station, November 3 1987.1 am a £18.27 p/w after rebate. Phone 381 Wilmslow gets a Swiss student, aged 22. I broke my ankle on the steps 2270 after 6pm. leading to the station and was unable to walk. Fortunately, FOR SALE a young man assisted me to the tube and took me to Violin—Rumanian maker including Hammersmith and West London College from where I was bow and quality case, £200 ono. Lena, thumbs down taken to hospital. I should like to thank him for his Room 702A Mech Eng, Phone 6280. kindness, however the only information I have is that he 23" 531DB custom built 'Soens' was a student at Imperial College, studying engineering. competition cycle frame. Never used Dear Judith, He told me he was called Jan, his mother was Dutch and £120 ono. wheels—CX18 sprint rims on that his parents lived outside London. mavic sealed hubs—never used, only Having just collated Graham Messenger's letter in £50 ono. Contact Simon Nuttall via Civ FELIX, I am deeply disturbed to find that such a sane, If this brief description is recognised by the student Eng 2 or Flat 9 on 373 1968. rational and intelligent individual as Mr Messenger has concerned, please would he contact me at the following, PERSONAL not yet realised that Wilmslow (also my home town) is address: a naff place. Sylviane Roserens, Prize draw—Only I have the answer to the question: Did Dom get wet in The reasons for its naffness are mostly connected with 14 Victoria Grove, * Paris? The first correct anser drawn out it being a small section of South-east commuter-land London W8 5RN. of the S Mech Eng pigeonhole will win transplanted into North Cheshire. In its yuppiness it is Yours sincerely, a pack of Bicentenial Lifesavers. Answer revealed in next week's FELIX. beginning to rival the docklands of London. It was the Sylviane Roserens.

18 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX ers

I was given due warning. In the past people who disagree with him have been labelled 'bigots' and 'uninformed and Fazbender warning! If you're on the opinionated dross' (FELIX 783, 785). roads tonight watch out, 'cos he's What does surprise me is how Steven Mercer worked about. out that I had 'deliberately implied' that he supports Personal ambulance wanted to patrol infanticide. If he cares to read my letter he will see that the road to Capel Curig—apply to DR I was appealing to his abhorence of infanticide to get him Fazbender. Wrong end of to address the issue of abortion on demand up to birth Adam, the blonde flat-top Australian (NUS policy). If I implied anything it was that, like any would like to apologise to all those he offended, groped or hit on Thur Jan 21 decent person, he is against infanticide. The 'deliberate' when he was slightly under the part of his accusation is even more ridiculous. I would influence. the stick not accuse him of deliberately distorting my letter. Only Q. Who scored both of England's he knows his motives. goals in the World Cup semi-final Dear Judith, against Portugal in 1966? Yours, A. Bobby Charlton. 'Dear' indeed! You rotten, conniving heap of Matthew Soane, PATA Chairman. unprintable. I hereby accuse you of setting the whole thing Which former England football looks like a Physics lecturer? Bobby Charlton. up just so you could laugh at my face.

Q. Who scored 49 goals for England I knew it was too good to be true. Publish and be in 106 matches? damned. A. Bobby Charlton. Yours in disappointment, Q. Which 2nd year physicist looks Andrew Bannister. like a former England footballer? A. Brendan O'Spud. What does this

The Caped Avenger wishes to formally declare his intention to stand for the Union posts, all of them. letter mean?? Chas has been ditched for the second time in as many terms! Leonie, Leonie- please don't pee on The last ever me!

Ho Lee what??? Yes dear. Dear Judith, I am dumbfounded by certain accusations and name- At least Prof Haines had some hair! abortion letter calling (''some pervert") by 'Dracula J' in the latest Just when you thought it was safe Broadsheet. To suggest there is an illicit radio station to go out alone—Shark Soc is now Dear Judith, operational. For details contact Flat 9, ("Radio Bonk") or any kind of surveillance society 81 LG. After Steven Mercer's rather excitable attack on both besmirches Tizard Hall's squeaky clean image! It is myself and PATA in the Christmas edition of FELIX I obvious that 'Drac' is either writing from some second- Dear John, I don't suppose you'll need your fin anymore. can quite understand your decision to 'put an end' to pro- hand rumour or RCS has an infinite number of chimps and anti-abortion letters. I do think though that I should to churn out such rubbish ('Drac' article). Anyway, 100 Fed up with the first fountain show? Dayglo man has the sequel. be given a chance to put the record straight. metres MW is off most radios, 100 MHz is not! So get your facts right, 'Drac'. 'Secret' affair, Ian? Steven Mercer alleged that I had 'deliberately implied' that he supports infanticide. For this I was related to 'the Yours sincerely, Wot no small ads? Beit OM1. lowest scum of the earth' and PATA attacked. I cannot A Tizard resident Someone's got it in for Cosmic. really complain about his fanatical use of language since (name withheld by request) Colin's trying his luck—watch this space for developments.

Beware the baby dinosaur all you timid ewok types, her ferocity is well Organised by: known—ask the wrinkly one

I need have no fear of the (blue) »PM-1 2 plastic monkeys, as I have a real one to keep me warm and safe at night.

Nancy like a MARO. Et-Son of Cosmic Nancy.

Freddie Starr ate my MARO.

Beware—Picocon approacheth.

Picocon 6—the story continues

Picocon—a terminal experience DISCO Something is about to happen, with something wonderful—Picocon 6.

Picocon 6—the ultimate trip CHAMPAGNE COCKTAILS (£1)

Just try it, Bradshaw (BRPVLC). The Penthouse Club. Look, PK no oblique angles. Andy. TUE 9 EES The Penthouse Club is an equal opportunities organisation. Only women will be given preference OCQ (SHERFIELD) £ 1 = 50 (£2ondoor) Did Dom's wet dreams come true in Paris? Answers on a postcard to Mech Eng UG S pigeonholes. See.Dep Reps; | CU; RCSU; RCSA 303 Sherfield

FELIX Friday January 29th 1988 19 News No Tyler, no comment ULCAS recruitment Dave Tyler, City & Guilds Union 'Guilds is worth while', although President, announced his resignation badly run and poorly led. The University of London Careers on Wednesday because of the results. Most well known for his numerous Advisory Service has announced that of a questionnaire on Tuesday. He misdemenours last term, 2nd it will be holding its 16th London later withdrew his resignation, saying Lieutenant Tyler claims to have been Recruitment Fair from Wednesday that he would go on strike for a week. thinking of resigning for some time; June 29 to Friday July 1 1988. The Questionnaire deals with if he carries out his threat, and the Employers, graduates, under- various issues concerning College, results so far seem to point to a strong graduates and careers service Industrial Sponsorship and Careers possibility of at least 100 negative representatives from all over the and City & Guilds Union. In response replies. country are expected to attend the to the question 'Is Dave Tyler a good Fair. President?' a 2-1 majority of the 160 or so replies received so far has Staff support indicated a negative feeling. It seems Flowers to that 2nd Lieutenant Tyler took these Representatives of the IC ASTMS results to heart and resigned only to Union, representing technicians reconsider his option soon after. throughout the College, have Trout's out retire Dave Hudson, the editor of unanimously opposed the proposed Guildsheet felt that the results, closure of Central Stores. Union Welfare Office, Pippa Salmon Lord Flowers, ex-Rector of IC and concerning the now infamous, CCU A number of people within the resigned from her post on Tuesday. current Vice-Chancellor of the President were of little importance College are known to be concerned Ms Salmon stood down for academic University of London, will be retiring and possibly unconstructive. T think about the lack of consultation before reasons. Union President Ian on August 31 1989, it was announced it would be very sad if Dave Tyler this proposal was announced, and are Howgate commented 'I'm sad that this week. ended his Presidency by resigning worried that staff currently working Pippa has resigned. She hasn't done over this' he said. He went on to say: in Central Stores are being offered as much as some other officers, but 'One thing you always have to jobs now, before any discussions are I haven't given her as much support remember is that students are always completed. as I have other Union officers'. Mr Parson's very negative'. Howgate went on to encourage other Although he no longer intends to students to apply for the post and resign, 2nd Lieutenant Tyler did say BSH revisited pointed out that experience in the pearl that, if over 100 of the replies Union was not a prerequisite. He was received are negative, he will put the Bernard Sunley House in Evelyn particularly anxious for first years to matter of his self-deposition to vote Gardens is to be refurbished this term become involved. at the next Guilds or IC UGM, and its wardens will be clearing the whichever is the sooner. Although the attic of all articles after February 21. results were unfavourable for 2nd They have asked all former residents Lieutenant Tyler personally, he felt to reclaim their possessions before DebSoc win that the questionnaire results did seem this date because they want to 'avoid Liz Warren and Paul Kendall won the to indicate that a majority still feel the Linstead Hall experience'. DebSoc debating competition this week after successfully debating the motion: 'This House believes that free speech is paramount'. Guardian 25/1/88

Geoff Parsons, RSMU President and Keogh high jumper cleared 2.27m to win the event in the Pearl Assurance National Indoor Championships at Cosford last disappears weekend. He beat D Grant (2.25m) and W Caswell (2.15m). The painting of Lord Keogh which usually hangs up in the entrance of Falmouth Keogh Hall has disappeared Shan's Dodgy with a ransom note being left. College Sporting Tips . Security have assumed that this is a Rag stunt although the painting is inviolate and is the only painting of NAP: Young Snugfit— Lord Keogh in College. A notice has Saturday Cheltenham 1pm. been left in the space where the NB: Tom Caxton- painting usually hangs which states Friday Wincanton 1.45pm. Austhorpe Sunset- Postgraduate Prospectus Editor Alan Barnett proudly shows off the 1988 that unless it is returned soon, the Friday Doncaster 2.00pm. version which was published this month. The Prospectus is available to police will be contacted as it amounts all final year students who are considering a second degree at Imperial. to theft of College property. E/W Mrs Chris-Friday Ayr 1.45pm.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). Editor: Judith Hackney. Business Manager: Chris Martin. Copyright FELIX 1988 ISSN 1040-0711.

20 Friday January 29th 1988 FELIX