SURVIVING TO THRIVING MENTAL TOUGHNESS DR STEVE HARRIS Charles Darwin reputedly said that the strongest of the species will survive and the most adaptive will thrive. My research and experience confirm that improved mental toughness will provide you with a tailwind towards thriving. If you are already thriving, it will keep you moving ahead. 1 Published by Dr Steve Harris [email protected] www.steveharris.co.za Copyright © 2019 Steve Harris ISBN: 978-0-620-72116-5 Surviving to Thriving - Mental Toughness The 2013 hard cover edition titled Mental Toughness – Mastering Your Mind presented conclusions from my PhD combined with personal experiences. Since then I have released several revised, PDF editions adding new knowledge. This edition is titled: Surviving to Thriving - Mental Toughness 2 TABLE OF CONTENTS Foreword ....................................................................................... 4 Introduction ................................................................................... 5 1 Why Surviving to Thriving? .............................................. 6 2 Surviving to Thriving Guide............................................ 19 3 A definition of Mental Toughness ................................... 30 5 Concentration................................................................... 37 6 Composure ....................................................................... 54 7 Controlled Aggression ..................................................... 79 8 Confidence ....................................................................... 88 9 Calculated Risks ............................................................ 102 10 Competence.................................................................... 112 11 Commitment .................................................................. 123 References ............................................................................... 135 About the Author ..................................................................... 138 3 FOREWORD By Chester Williams I met Steve Harris more than 20 years ago when I was playing for the Springbok rugby team. He provided motivational, teamwork and mental toughness sessions. Thereafter, he represented the Springbok management on several tours in various roles. Since that first meeting, we have developed a close relationship. I value his role as a counsellor for many of my life and career development decisions and his commitment to social justice. I have a special regard for his teaching of mental and emotional skills – known as mental toughness. I am greatly appreciative of Steve’s role in helping me develop my mental toughness. I have had the good fortune of being a black South African rugby role model. However, I developed a concern that my involvement as a Springbok rugby player so early in the genesis of our democracy, and thereafter my marriage to someone who is outside what is generally accepted as my community, was ironically prejudicing me in some rugby circles and exacting a price on my ability to access national coaching jobs. This resulted in my accepting many, expedient, short-term appointments, overseas, with long periods away from my family. Through Steve’s guidance, I have transcended blaming thoughts and focussed on personal responsibility. I currently have an absorbing and exciting coaching appointment at UWC. With his assistance, I have retained my hope to coach South Africa, to this end I am growing my knowledge and skills to position myself favourably for that opportunity. If I am not successful, I will be consoled by the mind-altering experience my learning journey provided. Since our counselling sessions started, I have achieved a certificate and diploma in coaching science followed by a masters’ degree in sport management. I am currently contemplating enrolling in a PhD. This book highlights Steve’s knowledge and skills in mental toughness. It gives practical examples of how to manage and maximise this important aspect that drives performance. I encourage anyone who is interested in self-improvement and sport performance to read his book. In addition, his mental toughness input has contributed to my successes and, possibly more importantly, helped me manage the inevitable disappointments I have had thus far. In Steve’s presentations and workshops, he draws on insight gained through experience, learning, reading and ongoing research. I like the way he builds the content around the concepts of surviving to thriving and the ‘inches’ that lead us to success and significance. In this way he helps people make their lives a bit better than they were. Finally, at the risk of sounding like Steve’s sales department, I highly recommend his novel Impimpi – Black Anger, White Fear. I found it a real page-turner. Once I started reading, I could not put it down. As a bonus, I learnt so much about South Africa’s past from more perspectives. (RIP DEAR FRIEND) https://www.steveharris.co.za/chester-williams-funeral/ 4 INTRODUCTION “Mental toughness unlocks the potential for breaking through your mental ceiling.” This was the main conclusion from my PhD thesis. I used the Springbok rugby team as the target group to conduct research on mental toughness (Harris S. Mental Toughness: A sociological and psychological study of Springbok Rugby Players 2007). It was for the Springboks and now for my clients Benjamin Franklin wrote, “In this world nothing is certain, except death and taxes” (Franklin, 1789). I want to add a few to his list, like you can be certain that professional sport is tough and so is life in general. All of us experience tough situations ranging from relationship breakdowns, ill health, sport injuries to a loss of income. Some are exposed to a tsunami of misery. To cope and simultaneously enhance our performance we need mental and emotional skills. I am rediscovering how these are necessary for surviving setbacks, putting the effects of the drumbeats of doom into perspective and going from surviving to thriving. Your metaphoric tunnel to reach the richest veins of pay dirt Mental toughness is one of the most important skills needed in work, relationships and sport. As you become mentally tougher, it can become one of your competitive advantages by excavating a metaphoric mining tunnel to hit your richest veins of pay dirt. I teach mental toughness skills and my integrity is constantly challenged All of us have challenges and problems. I am no exception. In recent times, I have drawn extensively on the mental toughness skills I teach to manage mine. My involvement in sport had always been a feature of my life. However, an ageing body and excessive physical demands became a lethal combination that took its toll. Whilst mental toughness was a major contributor to my sport endeavours, I need it lately to accept and manage my physical entropy. I am redirecting intrinsic passion to new challenges, like writing, that do not keep returning me to an operating table. My college (www.etacollege.com) has been subjected to escalating costs, tough competitor activity, the Corona virus pandemic that stopped my students attending (fortunately, I had invested in online technology as part of my business strategy) and an increasingly onerous regulatory environment. Clem Sunter, prominent speaker and futurist, wrote in his book Flag Watching that an external investor once told him that foreign governments roll out the red carpet for business but in South Africa, they roll out the red tape (Sunter, 2015). I am drawing on mental toughness to manage and transcend these issues. People close to me have experienced unforeseen, dire challenges. I feel deeply affected by their ordeals accompanied by enormous, near debilitating sadness when considering their plight. At times, I have expressed frustration, but regain composure accompanied with regret when I reflect and, once again, realize my reality is not theirs and I am not faced with their ordeal. In these instances, their choices are much tougher than mine. My best option is to try to build bridges between our different realities and walk my mental toughness talk by providing compassion and contextual support. 5 1. WHY SURVIVING TO THRIVING? Sharpen the saw In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (1989), Stephen Covey uses the parable Sharpen the saw to illustrate his seventh habit. He explains it with a story of a woodcutter straining to saw down a tree. A young man watching asked, “What are you doing?” “Are you blind?” the woodcutter replied. “I’m cutting down this tree.” The young man was unabashed. “You look exhausted! Take a break. Sharpen the saw.” The woodcutter explained to the young man that he had been sawing for hours and did not have time to take a break. The young man pushed back. “If you sharpen the saw, you will cut down trees much faster.” The woodcutter said, “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw. I’m too busy sawing?” Covey uses “sharpen the saw” as a metaphor for improvement. I agree the obvious choice for someone doing the work and wants to introduce progress, is to sharpen the saw. However, there are always more possibilities. From a management perspective, you could choose to replace the saw with adapted equipment like a chain saw. Furthermore, there are times, when you, as a leader, should critically reflect on whether sawing down trees is the right thing for thriving? Isn’t it a better idea to plant trees rather than saw them down? The strongest will survive; the most adaptive will thrive Charles Darwin reputedly said the strongest