Sayings & Stuff
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F e r e n g I R u l e s O f A c q u i s i t i o n ? # RULE SOURCE 1 Once you have their money, you never give it back. (18) DS9: "The Nagus", "Heart of Stone" 2 The best deal is the one that brings the most profit. The 34th Rule (1999) (17) 2.1 Money is everything. (18) Strange New Worlds 9 (2006) (17) 3 Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. DS9: "The Maquis, Part II" DS9: "The Nagus"; ENT: "Acquisition" 6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. (1) 7 Keep your ears open. DS9: "In the Hands of the Prophets" 8 Small print leads to large risk. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. DS9: "The Storyteller" DS9: "Prophet Motive"; VOY: "False 10 Greed is eternal. Profits" 13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. (18) Legends of the Ferengi (17) 16 A deal is a deal. DS9: "Melora" (2) 17 A contract is a contract is a contract, but only between Ferengi. DS9: "Body Parts" 18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. DS9: "Heart of Stone" 19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 21 Never place friendship above profit. DS9: "Rules of Acquisition" DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"; VOY: 22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind. "False Profits" Nothing is more important than your health, except for your money. 23 ENT: "Acquisition" (18) 27 There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. DS9: "The Siege" (3) DS9: "Rules of Acquisition", "The 33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss. Dogs of War" (4) DS9: "Destiny", "The Siege of AR-558" 34 War is good for business. (5) TNG: "The Perfect Mate"; DS9: 35 Peace is good for business. "Destiny" (6) 40 She can touch your lobes, but never your money. (18) Legends of the Ferengi (17) 41 Profit is its own reward. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 44 Never confuse wisdom with luck. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 45 Expand or die. ENT: "Acquisition" 47 Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. DS9: "Rivals" 48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. DS9: "Rules of Acquisition" 52 Never ask when you can take. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 53 Never trust anybody taller than you. Twilight (17) 57 Good customers are as rare as money, treasure them. (18) DS9: "Armageddon Game" 58 There is no substitute for success. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 59 Free advice is seldom cheap. DS9: "Rules of Acquisition" 60 Keep your lies consistent. Legends of the Ferengi (17) DS9: "Rules of Acquisition", "Little 62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit. Green Men" 65 Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 74 Knowledge equals profit. VOY: "Inside Man" 75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of money. (18) DS9: "Civil Defense" F e r e n g I R u l e s O f A c q u i s i t i o n ? # RULE SOURCE Every once in a while, declare peace; It confuses the hell out of your 76 DS9: "The Homecoming" enemies. 79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 85 Never let the competition know what you're thinking. Legends of the Ferengi (17) Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your 89 Legends of the Ferengi (17) profits. DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs", "Profit and 94 Females and finances don't mix. Lace" VOY: "False Profits"; ENT: 95 Expand or die. "Acquisition" (7) 97 Enough, is never enough. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 98 Every man has his price. DS9: "In the Pale Moonlight" 99 Trust is the biggest liability of all. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 102 Nature decays, but money lasts forever. (18) DS9: "The Jem'Hadar" 103 Sleep can interfere with your lust for money. (18) DS9: "Rules of Acquisition" (8) 104 Faith moves mountains, of inventory. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 106 There is no honor in poverty. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth a sack. DS9: "Rivals" DS9: "Past Tense, Part I", "The 111 Treat people in your debt like family , exploit them. Darkness and the Light" 112 Never have Oo-mox with the boss's sister. DS9: "Playing God" 113 Always have sex with the boss. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 121 Everything is for sale, even friendship. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 123 Even a blind man can recognize the glow of money. (18) Legends of the Ferengi (17) 125 You can't make a deal if you're dead. DS9: "The Siege of AR-558" 139 Wives serve, brothers inherit. DS9: "Necessary Evil" 141 Only fools pay retail. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 142 Only fools sell wholesale. (See Rule #141) There's nothing wrong with charity, as long as it winds up in your 144 Legends of the Ferengi (17) pocket. 147 People love the bartender. Fearful Symmetry (17) 162 Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. Legends of the Ferengi (17) DS9: "Treachery, Faith and the Great 168 Whisper your way to success. River" 177 Know your enemies, but do business with them always. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 189 Let others keep their reputation; You keep their money. (18) Legends of the Ferengi (17) 190 Hear all, trust nothing. DS9: "Call to Arms" 192 Never cheat a Klingon, unless you can get away with it. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 193 It's never too late to fire the staff. Cathedral (17) It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in 194 DS9: "Whispers" your door. 202 The justification for profit is profit. Legends of the Ferengi (17) New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms; They can be 203 DS9: "Little Green Men" succulent, but sometimes they bite back. F e r e n g I R u l e s O f A c q u i s i t i o n ? # RULE SOURCE Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an 208 DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs" answer. Don't hesitate to step on them. DS9: 211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. "Bar Association" 214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach. DS9: "The Maquis, Part I" 217 You can't free a fish from water. DS9: "Past Tense, Part I" 218 Always know what you're buying. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 218.1 Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much. Malibu DS9: "Baby on Board" (17) 223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 229 Money lasts longer than lust. (18) DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs" 235 Duck; death is tall. Twilight (17) 236 You can't buy fate. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product. DS9: "Body Parts" (10) ll is better. Legends of the Ferengi 242 More is good. (17) 255 A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 263 Never let doubt interfere with your lust for money. (18) DS9: "Bar Association" 266 When in doubt, lie. Legends of the Ferengi (17) 267 If you believe it, they believe it. Star Trek Titan: Taking Wing (17) 284 Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. Legends of the Ferengi (17) DS9: "The Collaborator", "The Sound 285 No good deed ever goes unpunished. of Her Voice" 286 When Morn leaves, it's all over. DS9: "The House of Quark" After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them; That 299 VOY: "False Profits" (11) way, it's easier to exploit them next time. Not a real Rule, of course, but quoted 305 Always be considerate. by Quark.) Twilight (17) - A good lie is easier to believe than the truth. VOY: "Shattered" (15) - A man is only worth the sum of his possessions. ENT: "Acquisition" (9) - Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal. DS9: "The Abandoned" (12) - Exploitation begins at home. VOY: "False Profits" - If that's what's written, then that's what's written. DS9: "Favor the Bold" (16) - Money is money, but females are better. (18) DS9: "Life Support" (13) - Time, like money, is a highly limited commodity. (18) DS9: "Bar Association" - When no appropriate rule applies, make one up. (the unwritten rule) VOY: "False Profits" When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits , kill the - VOY: "False Profits" messenger. - Why ask, when you can take. DS9: "Babel" (14) F e r e n g I R u l e s O f A c q u i s i t i o n ? # RULE SOURCE As late as 2151 the rule was quoted as being slightly different. "Never allow family to stand in the way of profit" 1 (where profit replaces opportunity). (ENT: "Acquisition") 2 Legends of the Ferengi concludes Rule #16 with "...until a better one comes along." 3 Legends of the Ferengi concludes Rule #31 with "...insult something he cares about instead." 4 Brunt stated a variation of this Rule (without referring to it by number) with: "It's never too early to suck up to the boss".